Friendship is Card Games: Fallout: Equestria · 12:11pm March 31st
If ever there were a time to look at Kkat’s signature work, it would have been several weeks ago, when the Fallout decks came out, or possibly several years before that. Since this is the first hole in my schedule after those decks’ release, we’re looking at it now.
To be clear, this is not an exhaustive look at one of the fandom’s classics, just a brief overview of its characters, places, and moments as an excuse to use mechanics that will see little use elsewhere. (Well, other than Junk tokens. The canon Equestrian post-apocalypse gives me plenty of opportunities to use those thanks to Izzy Moonbow. 
) Believe me, I left a lot on the cutting room floor with this one. I make no promises, but I may revisit it in the future.
(This also means that any use of Outlaws of Thunder Junction mechanics will be delayed until next week. Yes, there are plenty of outlaws, crimes, and plots in the Equestrian Wasteland, but they’ll have to wait. To say nothing of the awkwardness of saddle in any variation this setting.)
Velvet Remedy, Idealist 1W
Legendary Creature — Unicorn Bard
Lifelink
At the beginning of each end step, if you gained life this turn, put a quest counter on Velvet.
Velvet can’t block unless it has two or more quest counters on it and can’t attack unless it has four or more quest counters on it.
4/4
Stable 2: In Perpetuity 1WW
Enchantment — Saga
(As this Saga enters and after your draw step, add a lore counter. Sacrifice after X.)
I — Each player exiles a creature they control.
II — Destroy all creatures.
III — Stable 2 gains “3: Put a lore counter on Stable 2. Any player may activate this ability.”
X — Return the exiled cards to the battlefield under their owners’ control. (X is ten.)
The Gardens of Equestria 2W
Legendary Enchantment
When The Gardens of Equestria enters the battlefield, each player shuffles their graveyard into their library and loses all rad counters.
Players can’t get counters.
The megaspell cleansed every mote of radiation from the country… which soon proved to be a problem in its own right.
Enclave Enforcer 3W
Creature — Pegasus Soldier
Flash
Flying
When Enclave Enforcer enters the battlefield, it deals 3 damage to target non-Pegasus creature that’s attacking or blocking.
The pegasi’s return to the surface was swift and brutal on every level.
3/1
Fluttershy’s Mass Revival 3WW
Legendary Sorcery
(You may cast a legendary sorcery only if you control a legendary creature or planeswalker.)
Return all creature cards in graveyards to the battlefield under their owners’ control.
Centuries ago, hundreds of saved lives paved the way for millions of lost ones.
Cloud Computing 2U
Sorcery
Draw a card for each Pegasus you control.
Far above the surface, the Enclave could continue developing magitechnology unimpeded by the strife of the Wasteland.
Soul-Numbing Monotony 2UU
Sorcery
Target player mills a card for each land they control.
Retrace (You may cast this spell from your graveyard by discarding a land card in addition to paying its other costs.)
“This wall needs a mural.”
—Littlepip, Pipbuck repairpony
Enclave Thunderhead 3U
Artifact — Vehicle
Flying
Enclave Thunderhead can block only creatures with flying.
Crew with Pegasus 2 (Tap any number of Pegasi you control with total power 2 or greater: This Vehicle becomes an artifact creature until end of turn.)
6/4
Lockpicker’s Delight 3U
Enchantment
When Lockpicker’s Delight enters the battlefield, put a loot counter on each artifact.
Each artifact enters the battlefield with a loot counter on it.
Whenever an artifact becomes tapped, remove a loot counter from it. If you do, draw a card.
Hyperprescience 4U
Sorcery
Proliferate, then scry X, where X is the greatest number of counters on you or a permanent you control. Draw three cards.
“Burning hoof means Littlepip’s watching.”
—Pinkie Pie, Minister of Morale
Cloudspreader Ghoul 1BB
Creature — Unicorn Zombie Mutant
Wither (This deals damage to creatures in the form of -1/-1 counters.)
Whenever a creature with a counter on it dies, proliferate. (Choose any number of permanents and/or players, then give each another counter of each kind already there.)
The Pink Cloud should have faded long ago.
2/2
Addicted 2B
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant opponent
At the beginning of enchanted player’s end step, that player loses 2 life unless they sacrificed a permanent this turn.
It’s always possible to have too much of a good thing.
Prophecy of Stellar Malice 3BB
Sorcery
Surveil 3, then draw three cards. You get three rad counters. (To surveil 3, look at the top three cards of your library. Put any number of them in your graveyard, then put the rest on top of your library in any order.)
To the zebras, the school at Crescent Moon Canyon was a sure sign of coming death.
Virtue of Sacrifice 3BB
Enchantment
Sacrifice a nonland, nontoken permanent: Draw two cards. Activate only once each turn.
The Good Fight 1B
Sorcery — Adventure
Return target creature or planeswalker card from your graveyard to your hand. (Then exile this card. You may cast the enchantment later from exile.)
Massacre at Arbu XBB
Sorcery
You may cast this spell as though it has flash if it targets a player who gained life this turn.
Creatures target player controls get -X/-X until end of turn.
“The Wasteland is hard on heroes.”
—DJ PON-3
Plume of Balefire 2R
Instant
Plume of Balefire deals 4 damage to target creature. That creature’s controller gets a number of rad counters equal to the amount of excess damage dealt to it this way.
Balefire ruined all of Equestria. A little more can ruin anyone’s day.
Library Raiders 4R
Creature — Pony Warrior
Whenever you attack with one or more creatures, discard up to that many cards, then draw a card for each card you discarded this way.
Golden Oak’s inventory now serves as fuel, target practice, and in truly dire straits, reading material.
5/4
Pyrelight, Balefire Phoenix 4R
Legendary Creature — Phoenix Mutant
Flying, haste
Whenever Pyrelight deals combat damage to a player, that player gets that many rad counters.
Whenever an opponent loses life from radiation, return Pyrelight from your graveyard to your hand.
3/3
Colorful Language 5R
Instant
Colorful Language deals 2 damage to any target for each color among permanents you control.
Littlepip’s already diverse profanity only grew more evocative as she traveled the Wasteland.
Hellhound Pack 5R
Creature — Dog Mutant Warrior
Menace, reach
Creatures blocking or blocked by Hellhound Pack can’t be the target of spells or abilities your opponents control.
Damage that would be dealt by Hellhound Pack can’t be prevented.
They tear through dirt and alicorns with equal efficiency.
5/5
Dirty Water Caravan 1G
Creature — Pony Zombie Citizen
All lands have “T: Add one mana of any color. You get a rad counter.”
“All these years later, and Equestria still relies on imported resources. I can only hope they’ve learned from our other mistakes.”
—Fluttershy, journal
1/3
Grafted Hardware 2G
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant player
Equipment enchanted player controls are Aura enchantments with enchant creature in addition to their other types. (They enter the battlefield attached to a creature of that player’s choice and are put into their owners’ graveyards when unattached.)
Killing Joke 3G
Creature — Plant Mutant
Flash
Deathtouch
In the wake of the war, the Everfree became even more of a deathtrap. Some blamed radiation. Others suspected it was just looking for an excuse.
1/5
Malicious Lignification 3G
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature, land, or planeswalker
Enchanted permanent is a colorless Forest land.
Whenever enchanted permanent becomes tapped, its controller gets two rad counters.
Most Ministry Mares died. Fluttershy had to watch the world they’d created.
Scion of Gummy 3GG
Creature — Crocodile Mutant
Trample
When Scion of Gummy enters the battlefield, each player gets two rad counters. Then put X +1/+1 counters on Scion of Gummy, where X is the greatest number of rad counters a player has.
The old wildlife sanctuary still does its job.
2/2
Alien Blaster 2
Artifact — Equipment
When Alien Blaster enters the battlefield, you get EEE (three energy counters).
Pay E: Equipped creature gains your choice of first strike, deathtouch, or trample until end of turn.
Equip 1
“Weapons from the stars yearn to kill.”
—Xerith
Memory Orb 3
Artifact
T: Add C. If you descended this turn, you may add one mana of any color instead. (You descended if a permanent card was put into your graveyard from anywhere.)
Threshold — T, Exile a nonland card from your graveyard: Copy the exiled card. You may cast the copy. Activate only if there are seven or more cards in your graveyard.
Party Time Mint-als 3
Artifact
T: Draw a card. Put an addiction counter on Party Time Mint-als.
Your maximum hand size is reduced by the number of addiction counters on Party Time Mint-als.
Anything that could reduce Pinkie Pie to a gibbering wreck should be taken sparingly.
Soulshard Statuette 3
Artifact — Bobblehead
Bobbleheads you control have indestructible.
Activated abilities of Bobbleheads you control cost 1 less to activate.
T: Add one mana of any color.
The Ministry Mares were always strongest together.
Battle Saddle 4
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature gets +3/+3.
Equip abilities that target equipped creature cost 2 less to activate.
Equip 2
The war provided many answers to the ergonomic challenge of “pony plus gun.”
Megaspell Matrix 5
Artifact
XXX, T, Exile Megaspell Matrix, Exile an instant or sorcery card with mana value X from your hand: Copy the exiled card ten times. You may cast any number of those copies without paying their mana costs. Activate only as a sorcery. X can’t be 0.
Like any tool, it is defined by the user’s will.
Fecund Bloatsprite UB
Creature — Pest Mutant
Flying
When Fecund Bloatsprite enters the battlefield, each player gets two rad counters.
Whenever you lose life from radiation, create a token that’s a copy of Fecund Bloatsprite.
2/1
Xenith, Pit Veteran RW
Legendary Creature — Zebra Monk
Haste
Prowess (Whenever you cast a noncreature spell, this creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn.)
Xenith has ward X, where X is its power.
Forged in the Pit. Refined through friendship.
2/2
Red Eye, Villain of the Piece RWB
Legendary Artifact Creature — Pony Advisor
Spells you cast have convoke.
Whenever you cast a spell, if Red Eye is untapped, put a quest counter on it for each creature that convoked that spell.
As long as Red Eye has ten or more quest counters on it, it has base power and toughness 10/10; has double strike, hexproof, and indestructible; and is a God.
2/3
Deadshot Calamity, Dashite URW
Legendary Creature — Pegasus Warrior
Flying
Whenever Calamity attacks, you get X E, where X is one plus the number of Equipment attached to Calamity.
Pay EE: Attach target Equipment to Calamity. (Control of the Equipment doesn’t change.)
3/2
Stable 3: Let’s Get Along 1WB
Enchantment — Saga
I — Create a 2/2 white Pony creature token
II — Create a 2/2 black Zebra creature token.
III — Each player chooses a creature of each color from among creatures they control, then sacrifices the rest.
The Black Book 1UB
Legendary Artifact
Indestructible
1UB, T, Exile a nontoken creature you control: Target artifact or enchantment you control without indestructible gains indestructible and the exiled card’s abilities for as long as that card remains exiled.
Immortality means time for infinite regret.
Ditzy Doo, Salesmare 1RW
Legendary Creature — Pegasus Zombie Citizen
Flying, vigilance
Whenever a player draws a card, that player creates a Junk token. (It’s an artifact with “T, Sacrifice this artifact: Exile the top card of your library. You may play that card this turn. Activate only as a sorcery.”)
Whenever an opponent sacrifices a non-Treasure artifact, you gain 1 life and create a Treasure token. (It’s an artifact with “T, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.”)
1/3
Celestia, Captive Soul 2WB
Legendary Artifact Creature — Spirit
Alicorn (This is also a Pony Pegasus Unicorn.)
Defender, indestructible
Whenever a player casts a spell, that player sacrifices a permanent for each other spell they’ve cast this turn.
“In my prison, all I can do is watch and listen until I cannot bear to watch any more.”
2/6
Homage, DJ PON-3 2UR
Legendary Creature — Unicorn Bard
Whenever a player casts an instant or sorcery spell that targets only a single creature you control, you may pay 3. If you do, copy that spell for each creature that player controls that the spell could target but doesn’t. Each copy targets a different one of those creatures.
1/5
Littlepip, Lightbringer WUBRG
Legendary Creature — Unicorn Scout
Whenever Littlepip or another legendary creature enters the battlefield under your control, put a quest counter on each legendary creature you control.
T, Remove X quest counters from among permanents you control: Search your library for a legendary permanent card with mana value X or less, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.
4/4
Sonic Radboom 3G(ub)
Sorcery
Destroy all artifact and enchantments. For each permanent destroyed this way, that permanent’s controller gets two rad counters.
Ditzy Doo burst with radiation and pegasus magic, blowing holes in both the sky and the Enclave’s infrastructure.
Stable 101: Augmentation 3UB
Enchantment — Saga
I — Choose target creature. For as long as you control Stable 101, you control that creature and it becomes an artifact in addition to its other types.
II — Put a +1/+1 counter on each artifact creature you control.
III — You may sacrifice an artifact creature. If you do, you draw X cards and gain X life, where X is that creature’s power.
Spike, the Watcher 3RWU
Legendary Creature — Dragon Advisor
Flying, trample
Spike has ward X, where X is the number of artifacts you control.
Artifacts you control have ward 1.
At the beginning of your end step, create a 1/1 colorless Robot artifact creature token with flying for each card you drew this turn.
6/6
Tales of Better Days 3GWU
Sorcery
For each card type, return up to one target card of that type from your graveyard to your hand.
Exile Tales of Better Days.
Spike was both an excellent host and Littlepip’s best source of pre-war history.
The Goddess of Unity 3BGU
Legendary Creature — Avatar Ooze Mutant
Alicorn; defender
2, Exile a creature card from your graveyard: Create a 3/3 Mutant creature token with alicorn and flying that’s your choice of black, green, or blue.
Pay 3 life: Target black Mutant you control phases out.
Whenever a green Mutant you control deals combat damage to a player, draw a card.
Blue Mutants you control can’t be blocked.
6/6
Steelhooves, First Ranger 4RWB
Legendary Artifact Creature — Pony Zombie Soldier
Double strike, vigilance, menace, trample, indestructible
Steelhooves attacks each combat if able.
Whenever Steelhooves attacks, each player sacrifices a permanent.
Two hundred years of combat experience and collateral damage.
5/5
Absolutely Everything
Legendary Land
T: Add C.
3, T: Note the name of target card in your graveyard with a name you didn’t note for lands named Absolutely Everything this game. Return that card to your hand.
Ditzy’s store lives up to its name.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Anything that isn't already equipped when Grafted Hardware enters the battlefield is promptly sent to the graveyard. There's a reason you're allowed to target opponents with this.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Sagas don't remove themselves until after their final chapter has fully resolved. You can sacrifice the creature you stole with Stable 101 at the last second so that you don't have to return it.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: If The Goddess of Unity finds a way to attack despite having defender (not as difficult as it sounds), they'll benefit from their own abilities. Likewise, they can phase themselves out even without doing that. (Minor spoiler: The Goddess' pronouns aren't they/them because they're nonbinary, but because they're literally four ponies)
These are all neat; you've still got it. That being said, it's a bit of a flavor fail to me that you can sacrifice Virtue of Sacrifice to itself to draw two.
5774428
The virtue of sacrifice calls on us to sacrifice whatever is needed in the service of others, including our virtues...
5774388
So, Grafted Hardware keeps the enchanted player from using more Equipment?
5774388
Personally, I was thinking of Warmonger's Chariot. The mental image of the Goddess salvaging one of Celestia's old sky chariots and hitching alicorns to the giant tank of I.M.P. amuses me deeply.
5774428 5774467
One of Littlepip's finest moments was recognizing that she has to step back and trust ponies to look after themselves, after all.
5774999
Per the reminder text, because the Equipment will have enchant creature as it enters the battlefield, it will enter attached to a creature of its controller's choice. This does mean that if they don't have any creatures, the Equipment has to enter attached to an opponent's creature. If there aren't creatures at all, the Equipment never actually enters the battlefield, either moving from the stack to the graveyard or staying where it is if it's anywhere else. See CR 303.4i. As Herald likes to say, it's a stupid complicated game, with or without the comma.