The Room Analysis: Part Four

00:29:22-00:42:37

When we last left off, Lisa was alone in her apartment after her mother exited the scene. As far as we know, Lisa is still in there when the camera cuts to the front door opening again. Except it’s not her mother who enters. No, it’s a couple of young people who we have never seen before this point in the movie. One has a book in her hands, and her boyfriend is carrying a box of chocolates. And just like the movie’s director, they only have sex on their minds. Who knows where Lisa disappeared to, but they have chosen Lisa and Johnny’s apartment to engage in their bedroom Olympics. Frankly, their performance doesn’t even warrant a participation trophy. We also get some very shaky and awkward dialogue from the guy about how chocolate is the symbol of love. If I was the girl in that scene, I’d take the chocolate and run just because of how stupid he sounds. And he looks even stupider when things really get going.

There’s another fade to transition the scenes, and it seems that this couple has lost track of the time as Lisa and Claudette walk in through the door. And Claudette utters the first logical sentence in this entire movie when she asks what we’re all thinking, “What are these characters doing here?”

This brings up a good point. If you’re going to introduce characters who are supposed to be important to the story (which we’re supposed to think these two characters are) then they should have been introduced at a much earlier point, and they should have had their relationships to the characters established at around the same time. Instead, they seem like a pair of comic relief characters who are a part of a running gag that was never established.

Judging by Lisa’s dialogue, these two weirdos do this all the time. And it seems that Claudette is already acquainted with one of them, because Lisa only introduces the guy as, ‘Michelle’s boyfriend,’ who we later learn is named Mike. That would imply that the woman with Mike is Michelle, but it would be a lot more conducive to the audience if Claudette were introduced to Michelle as well. Mike and Michelle then leave after the awkward introduction to Claudette

Once they’re settled in, Claudette reveals that she and Lisa had been shopping just before, even though neither of them is carrying a shopping bag. And because Lisa left the door open, Denny comes jogging into the apartment with his upper body flopping about like a Muppet without Jim Henson’s hand up its backside. Lisa really ought to consider locking the door once in a while. It seems that Claudette had never met Denny either, as Lisa has to introduce him to her as well.

For a second time, Claudette asks what we’re all thinking, “How many people come in and out of this apartment every day!?”

Once again, Denny’s come by to do something completely irrelevant to the story, simply asking to borrow some ingredients for something that he’s baking. Whatever it is, we never know. What we already know is that Johnny has a birthday party coming up. So maybe Denny is practicing how to make a cake for the big day? But we can’t even infer that from what is going on, based on the context of this scene. Denny leaves without retrieving any of his requested ingredients, so him coming by has been just as pointless as all the other times we’ve seen him. He also leaves without shutting the door, and Lisa walks over to the couch, meaning the door is probably open this whole time.

Finally, we learn what relation Denny has to Johnny and Lisa. He’s some orphaned kid who Johnny has been helping to support, and even got him an apartment when he turned eighteen. Such a good person, Johnny is. And we’re reminded how evil Lisa is, because Claudette reminds us that Lisa supposedly doesn’t love him anymore, even though she was just harping on about Johnny’s implied sainthood.

This ‘touching’ scene is interrupted when Mike comes barreling back in through the door that has apparently been closed after all, saying that he had forgotten a book. And even though he thinks he’s being sly, he reaches behind Claudette’s back and pulls out a pair of grey boxers, which Claudette snatches from him with the deftness of a master pickpocket. Mike quickly takes them back and rushes out the door, leaving everyone involved in the scene, (including the audience), confused and appalled by what had just happened. Especially considering that Mike was fully clothed when Lisa and Claudette came home earlier. But at least he shuts the door on his way out. Not like that little bastard, Denny.

Immediately after Mike’s departure, Claudette utters one of the most confusing lines in the movie, “If I were a burglar, you would be my best friend.”

Is this supposed to be in relation to the door never being locked? Whatever she means, Claudette has to do something else at the moment, and leaves Lisa slumping on her couch.

Cut to another longview of the San Francisco skyline, then to a shot of Denny dribbling a basketball to himself on a rooftop set with a poorly greenscreened background. Nearby, there is what is supposed to be the door that leads to the building interior, but it looks more like a toolshed made out of corrugated sheet metal that was stuck into a corner of the roof. Through that ramshackle prop steps a tall, muscular, very angry-looking man. Denny freezes when he sees this guy, who already knows his name. And Denny knows him. This scary guy is Chris-R. You might be thinking that this man’s name is unusual. It becomes even more unusual when you realize that it’s hyphenated, meaning that the ‘R’ isn’t an initial. It’s part of his name.

From what we can gather in the dialogue, Denny owes Chris-R some money. And probably a pretty substantial amount, given how impatient he seems. Come to think of it, the guy who plays Chris-R gives probably the best performance in the whole movie. And that’s saying something, since it’s from a guy who’s such a ham that he’s probably got ‘Hormel’ stamped somewhere on his body. Denny says that he can get the money. All he needs is five minutes. But Chris-R doesn’t have five minutes to wait, so he pulls a gun on Denny. If you look closely, you can see that it’s actually an airsoft gun.

As Denny is being grilled for money, Johnny and Mark come through the rooftop access just in time, being seen onscreen together for the first time after an entire half hour has passed, despite being best friends. This is also the first time we’ve seen Mark since he was seduced by Lisa. Good thing that he’s here, because he very easily disarms Chris-R after Johnny tackles him from behind. Lisa and Claudette also seem to have teleported into the scene, since we don’t see them arrive in any conventional way, and they’re already watching what’s going on with stone-faced terror. In only a matter of seconds, Chris-R is subdued and Johnny declares they take him to the police.

The danger has passed, and Lisa and Claudette rush to Denny’s aid to see if he’s okay. What happens next is a lot of screaming the same few lines over and over, where all we learn is that Denny bought drugs from Chris-R and didn’t pay him back. What he was doing with the drugs and why he bought them without being able to pay for them is beyond us, because it’s never elaborated. Not even when Johnny and Mark come back only a minute and twenty seconds later after they take Chris-R away. So, I guess the police station is very nearby. Or maybe they have their own personal cop on call. Whatever the case, Denny is very sorry, and Johnny decides that everyone has forgiven him. And by the grace of Johnny, everyone does.

Cut suddenly to Mark, alone in his apartment, talking on the phone with Lisa. Even though it’s much later than the last scene, given that it’s now nighttime, it seems like they had already hooked up because Mark tells Lisa that he just saw her. Johnny’s in the shower, so he doesn’t have a clue about what’s going on. Mostly, their conversation revolves around Lisa saying that Mark doesn’t care, and Mark insisting that he does care. We know because they repeat this information twice. They share more pointless dialogue, and Mark hangs up.

Fade to daytime on the rooftop, and we see Johnny step through the access door in what is regarded as another one of the most baffling moments in the whole movie. He’s wearing a bizarre clash of a black blazer (which is way too big for him) with white cargo pants and combat boots, and he’s holding a water bottle, which he angrily spikes to the ground as he rants, “Ah did nawt hit her! It z’nawt troo! It’s boolshit! Ah did nawt hit her! Ah did naaawwt! Oh, hai, Mawrk!”

There is a running joke in the community of ‘The Room’ fans regarding the correct spelling of that final, ‘I did not.’ Oftentimes when people type it as a quote, they will be corrected as to its spelling, such as suggesting that there’s an additional ‘w,’ or there’s a ‘u’ in there somewhere. One that I’ve heard is that there’s a silent ‘g’ at the beginning. Regardless, this scene makes no sense on many levels. Who told Johnny that he hit Lisa? When was he told? Why is he only now hearing about it, when it’s apparently days after the fact? Why does seeing Mark suddenly elevate his foul mood? And why in the hell has this point of Lisa lying about Johnny hitting her only being addressed now, when nobody but Lisa mentioned it.

It seems that Mark is taking Johnny’s bizarre mood swings very well, as he cheerfully greets Johnny back as if he hadn’t noticed him, and then asks him what’s up. He and Johnny talk about how Johnny never hit Lisa, and then Mark asks out of the blue if Johnny thinks women like to cheat like men do. Does this imply Mark thinks that cheating is something that guys just kind of casually do whenever they feel like it? Whatever the case, Johnny wonders why he asks. If this were a smartly written movie, Johnny would have been suspicious of Lisa cheating on him for a while, and Mark asking that question would make him suspicious of Mark as well. But this isn’t a smartly written movie, so Johnny answers that Lisa is loyal to him. But Mark ominously says that people are very strange these days. Does this mean that he thinks people cheating on their romances is a new phenomenon? How naive of him.

Mark then relates a story that has nothing to do with anything. How a guy he knew found out about his girlfriend cheating on him, then beat her up and put her in the hospital, which is specifically stated to be on Guerrero Street. Despite the horrible nature of the story, Johnny laughs like he was just told a corny joke. That ain’t cool, Johnny. It seems like he’s not really such a saint after all. Still, Johnny is happy to have Mark and Lisa both in his life, then counsels Mark about how he should have a girl of his own.

At this point, we’re supposed to think that Mark is giving in to Lisa’s temptations, because he muses that he probably already does. We are then hit with the stunning revelation that Mark has at one point been seeing a woman named Betty. However, Mark dumped her because they argued a lot, and she wasn’t any good in bed. To be frank, Mark sounds more like a douche than ever. And that’s in addition to being a spineless, weak-willed paramour for Lisa. And it gets worse when he summarizes women as being either too smart, too stupid, or just plain evil. Johnny remarks about what an ‘ayyyxpert’ Mark is, but Mark disagrees that he’s an expert on anything. And then they somehow get onto the topic of what is bothering Mark, as if they had been talking about that the whole time. Or are we supposed to think that there’s some kind of subtext going on, and that Johnny’s been suspicious of Mark this whole time after all? Mark leaves after a short argument about if he ‘has some secrets,’ and passes by Denny on his way out.

Mark had left his football that he had been holding this whole time, so that Johnny may play a casual game of catch with Denny over yet another conversation that has nothing to do with the story. Finally, Denny admits to Johnny that he might be in love with Lisa. Johnny gives some rant of non-advice, which ends with him saying, “Eef a lottuv peeble luvdeech owther, thee wowrld woold be uhbetter playse to liv.” We also learn that Denny is seeing a girl his own age named Elizabeth. Someone who we never see appear in this movie, whose name is never mentioned again, and whose existence was never even hinted at before. Problem solved! Denny is no longer in love with Lisa, and he and Johnny go get some lunch together.

And that’s the end of that particular segment of analysis.

Between the acting so wooden that you could whittle a desk from it, dialogue that would get you admitted to a mental institution if you repeated it in public, camerawork that looks like there was a monkey doing the photography with its tail, and the unbelievable amount of sex scenes in the first half hour, you’d think that this was amateur porn.

There is still no real story to speak of, and everything that happens seems to exist just to show us what a good person Johnny is. All we hear about is how much he cares for the people in his life and how he reached out to help some orphaned kid he didn’t know. And then we see how he rescues Denny from a violent thug and gives his friends relationship advice. Advice that no normal person who had ever been in a relationship would give, mind you. As it stands, this movie simply seems to exist as a tribute to the glory that is Johnny, who is very likely a self-insert of Tommy Wiseau himself.

On a deeper level, we can sort of get a glimpse of how Wiseau views the world. He seems to think that everything was simpler back in ye olden days when wives would never cheat on their husbands, and how people never bought drugs from random hoodlums. He also seems to believe that unless a woman is perfectly loyal to a man, waiting on his every need, then she’s actually an adulteress waiting to happen. Also, a person just has to be perceived as good in order to be a good person. Sure, people talk about how wonderful Johnny is, but we still don’t see any examples of him doing anything worthy of such praise. Sure, he jumped a dangerous criminal, but most people would probably do that as a default reaction to seeing their friend in danger. Thank god that most people never have to deal with such a situation, but the point is that Johnny just did what any of us would do in those circumstances.

One could argue that all of the information for the plot is being presented to us, and we’re just as dumb as the director probably thinks we are. However, there is already a right way to do things like this, such as in the films of David Lynch. In any of Lynch’s films, the information of what is going on is all presented to us right up front, and it’s not obfuscated by poor writing, pacing or editing. Instead, it’s presented to the audience in a way that allows us to interpret what is happening based on our perceptions of it. Because that’s the point of surrealism. ‘The Room’ is definitely surreal, but not on purpose. Because even when you are making something that is intentionally abstract, it still has to be coherent.

That being said, I’m done for the day. Tonight’s movie is ‘Mulholland Drive,’ which makes a hell of a lot more sense than this movie does.