My Silly Era

Hi all

A blog post? From Mushroom? Unheard of behavior.

So okay. Initially I wanted to try to find a way to say this that wasn't completely self-serving, but then I realized this is my blog and I'm in charge! So you all can just deal with it.

Lately, I have been enjoying a modicum of success around here. And that's very cool. It's cool to hear that other people really like your work, and it's extra cool to hear that you might possibly be fit to print. I would be crazy to complain about that, and I’m not! In fact, much of what you all have posted on my stories over the years has motivated me to pursue some very cool opportunities that I might not have gone after otherwise. That’s awesome.

However, also lately, I have been experiencing what I can only describe as debilitating anxiety when I try to write. Can’t get more than a few hundred words in before I shut down completely and have to give up, usually to go have a good sulk about how I can’t write anymore. It sucks. I don’t think there’s anyone to blame for that one but myself.

Anyway, this has been the case for the past few months of inactivity. Maybe you’ve noticed, and maybe you haven’t. I’ve published some old stuff just to keep things moving, but in reality I haven’t really done anything since Christmas. I’ve messed around with some ideas, written and rewritten and rewritten outlines for larger projects that are important to me… but it’s those big projects that keep scaring me and making me shut down. I wanted to have another story ready for Halloween, but trying to make that happen feels almost impossible, even with two and a half months to go. And I’ve been “working” on this story since February.

This is all to say that I think I need to make a change. I have been hyper-focused on creating flawless, incredible, life-changing works of fan-fiction (impossible goal), and that has been at the detriment of doing anything just for the heck of it. I rarely, if ever, participate in speedwrites anymore. I haven’t entered a site-wide contest in over a year. I feel like I’ve forgotten what it feels like to just write something - for myself, to fulfill a challenge, to get a stuck idea out of my head - and not care what the reception will be like.

So, consider this my official announcement: I’m entering my silly era. I’m done slaving over fics in an effort to create some perfect piece of art - there’s no such thing. I’m gonna start posting wacky oneshots and poetry and other assorted strangeness, and none of them are going to be very good, or perhaps even interesting at all to you. I’m also going to post blogs with stupid writing games in them, and if you want to play along consider it an open invitation. It’s not forever - I think doing this will eventually make me feel like I can write big again without the self-imposed pressure to make something perfect. I really hope it does! Until then, it will be full silly mode around here.

And, to my friends: sorry I haven’t been around lately. You all are awesome. Let’s be silly together sometime :)

Anywho. That is all.

Mush out.

Comments

[daOtterGuy]

Sounds good, mushireno! Do what you must even if that means being a silly goober.
If you need to talk/hash something out feel free to reach out, but make sure you're banger before moving forward.
Looking forward to your future projects even if they are silly :D!

[Ghost Mike]

While a part of me can't help but wonder if folks like myself are part of the problem, what with review spotlights where your two ultra serious, gloomy, depressing fics got the highest ratings over the lighter, sillier affairs, I completely get the difficulty and pressure that comes with wanting to craft quality and the weight of expectations. So while I'm sure the above will happen again as I read and review more of your back catalogue, rest assured, I fully applaud and support this decision.

I do also like silly fiction, so even if it takes skill and talent to make it not feel like just an amusing time waster, I'm sure, even just taking it easy, you'll produce some fine fics. Looking forward to them!

[The Red Parade]

reject perfection

embrace the silly

glub glub

[AuroraDawn]

Fuck yeah, get that silly bread, Mushroom! Can’t wait to see what you create :)

[ScarredVirtue]

Hooray!

I'm proud of you! Even though I prefer your dramatic works, what really matters is what YOU want. I can't wait to see you channel your inner Cheese Sandwich in this silly era!

[Zontan]

Oh Mush, I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been struggling. You’re awesome, and you should feel awesome, regardless of how much you do or do not write and/or its entirely subjective quality.

I’m sure we’ll love whatever you post, especially if it’s silly. And you know my DMs are always open if you need it. <3

[wishcometrue]

I've been struggling with similar thoughts and feelings for a couple of years now, so I'm excited for your silly era, and I hope it helps your brain stop being mean. Wishing you the best, Mush!

[Novelle Tale]

Yes let's goooo!!!

I had noticed your lack of presence over the last few months, but I had just figured it was life life-ing along. I'm sad to hear it's been hella rough with the brain, but I'm also happy to hear it if that makes sense? I am happy to now know so that I can help. ☺️💖

I know from my own experience with the anxiety (& the more specific writing anxiety) that having folks ask "how can I help?" can create it's own kind of pressure. So I shan't ask, but rather, inform! At minimum I shall send you Dank Memes, Neato Crafts, and Dope Songs.

Also--and I know this will probably sound like a platitude but I really, genuinely mean it: I love everything you write, because you wrote it. Your stories are great to me not because they are perfect, but because they are made by you, and they make me feel the gamut of human emotion. Your stories are a reflection and expression of you, with all your various facets, and that's what I really love that I get to experience. 💖

I am now gonna ramble a bit able my efforts for bettering my own mental headspace in the hopes it will help you a bit, but feel free to skip the rest if need be! :D All the most important stuff is up there. ☝️

I broke with tradition and made two... I wouldn't really call them New Year's "resolutions" so much as "decisions". I decided 2023 is the year of:

1.) Taking the time to really enjoy the things I enjoy.
2.) Not letting 'perfect' be the enemy of done

That second one is the whole reason I entered May Pairings, actually. 😂 I had more words, but perfect, enemy of done, yadda yadda... and I placed! Which was wild, because that story definitely didn't live up to my "perfect" when I submitted it.

I am really, REALLY looking forward to seeing the silly unfold, and to maybe getting to likewise partake in and/or facilitate it. 👀💯

[Aragon]

Few feelings are as frustrating as the one you're describing -- reaching that point of obsessiveness that you don't actually work on anything, because everything must be perfect, and nothing is good enough. The worst thing is that like, it's easy to consciously understand the situation ("oh, my standards have risen faster than my skills, so practicing is the way to balance that! I can just do an easy, sloppy first draft, and edit later!") but getting over it is hard as hell.

It takes actual discipline and bravery to do what you're going to do, and it is absolutely the best way to go around these things. Genuinely cool as fuck on your end, really. Best of luck, and I'm looking forward to your new output! Relaxed work is a joy to read.

[Loganberry]

I was going to try to think of something to write here, but tbh 5742320 has summed it all up already. Good for you!

[mushroompone]

5742320
5742325
5742381
I've spoken to a lot of the other folks in this thread one on one, but I wanted to say to all of you (and any other reviewers who might see this): you all do very cool, very hard work. Reading as much as you read, as thoughtfully as you read it, and putting forth honest opinions is hard!! I've done some reviewing (and I also grade a lot of papers lol) and it's very intellectually taxing. It can also be emotionally taxing when you do it in an environment like fimfic where the folks you're critiquing frequently read and respond to those reviews.

I certainly don't want any reviewers to read this and think they may be at fault for my feelings, or for anyone else's for that matter! Some of the things said specifically by the three of you has encouraged me to take some HUGE chances in my professional life. I am very thankful for the spotlights, the recommendations, and all of the kind words - you all have done very much for me. I just want to remember what it's like to take some chances and make disposable art again! I've been far too focused on permanence lately, and it's been detrimental to my ability to call something finished - even if it's just an outline. I hope you all stick around and get some joy out of the sillier, weirder, or more self-indulgent things I'll be posting soon :)

[Ice Star]

It's good to here from you again! I, for one, welcome the silly era.

[PresentPerfect]

I tell you what, I wouldn't have gotten half the things written that I have if not for silliness :B

despite everything, stay silly! :3

[TheLegendaryBillCipher]

Huzzah, let there be silly fluff!

[Loganberry]

5742391
It's very kind of you to say that, and it's very much appreciated. You certainly didn't need to, but I thank you for it all the same. I can't speak for anyone else, but I most definitely intend to stick around!

It can also be emotionally taxing when you do it in an environment like fimfic where the folks you're critiquing frequently read and respond to those reviews.

That's true, though I think I'd find it a good deal more so if I never got any feedback. One of the best things about Fimfiction's design is how easy it makes actual conversations -- although my long-standing preference to host my reviews off-site does mean that I lose some of that.

[6-D Pegasus]

I'm looking very forward to your silliness!

[Bicyclette]

praise the new era!

[Cold in Gardez]

However, also lately, I have been experiencing what I can only describe as debilitating anxiety when I try to write. Can’t get more than a few hundred words in before I shut down completely and have to give up, usually to go have a good sulk about how I can’t write anymore. It sucks. I don’t think there’s anyone to blame for that one but myself.

I have found that writing is a skill that decays with disuse -- in other words, it is like any other skill that humans may practice. We (or, at least, I) tend to think that writing is such an inherent part of us that that we simply can't get worse at it, but of course this isn't any more true for us that a pianist who goes months or years without touching a piano. But we're surprised by it anyway, and demoralized when we read our older stories and realize that we couldn't write them today.

But, and here's the bright side, we might be able to write them tomorrow. Or, you know, next month, or next year. Whenever we've managed to put in the work, flex those writing muscles, and get back into the habit of writing consistently. The old vocabulary seeps back into our minds, and the colorful phrases that had seemed to abandon us slowly come back into view.

I'm going through all this myself, having just finished my first ponyfic chapter in nearly 20 months. I'm feeling better about where I am with in my writing, but that comes from being honest with the fact that I have only gotten rusty because I stopped doing the work.

You'll get there too :) Looking forward to reading more.

[darkcyan]

Pretty much everything I want to say has already been said better, so I'll just reiterate that anxiety sucks, writing and otherwise, that even from our fairly minimal acquaintance you've always struck me as an awesome person, and that I'm really looking forward to your silly era, whatever it may bring!

I felt pretty creatively tapped out after I finished my most recent longfic (... in 2016) and kept pushing for a while, which didn't really work, then turned my attention to other things entirely for a while, which was a lot of fun but still didn't unstick me. What eventually did was actually speedwriting and QnS, I think in part because it is just so different from my old process (and because y'all are all great, of course!)

I hope your silly era does for you what QnS has done for me, or that it at least gives you some ideas about the next set of things to try. :)

[mushroompone]

5742471
Congrats on getting over the hump!! And thank you for the words of encouragement :)

[mushroompone]

5742479
Thank you, you're so kind!! I would have to say the same: I know we've only brushed past each other a couple of times, but you have been a wonderful addition to the QnS family as of late. It's always lovely to hear that someone else has found the server to be a helpful, uplifting place - it doesn't work for everyone, but it certainly pulled me out of an emotional rut back in the fall of 2020. It's been awesome having you around, and I hope you stay a while! :)

[Turbotune]

I... was really late to this, but hey, since you haven't posted any stories since this blog I suppose it's still relevent, right? Mister incredible author?

All in all, I as an amatuer reader can't add more than the talents before in this blog, but I can say that on the subject of writing stories like this, you said it best yourself quite a while ago in a review...

Sombra’s Midnight Star is a romance between Twilight and Sombra, wherein Twilight is the reincarnation of Sombra’s lover from an Equestria long past. It’s a lot of other things, too.

Opening Thoughts
Before I discovered MLP, I played an obscene amount of Wizard101. It was (and still is) an MMO intended for a younger crowd. It’s easy to learn, relatively quick to master, and makes use of a gratuitous amount of microtransactions.

It also has the perfect combination of a captivating world (kinda like Harry Potter, with schools of magic and such) and the opportunity to create and roleplay as a self-insert character. My character was named Sam Dragontalon, and I studied with the school of fire, and I thought I was so cool.

I tell you all of this because, way back in the day, Wizard101 was the very first time I wrote fanfiction. Some of my friends at school played, and I had some friends through the game. I hand wrote several chapters of “we are the chosen ones and we’re so so so awesome”-style self-insert fanfic starring a handful of my buddies. I shared it with them. We roleplayed as the very self-indulgent versions of ourselves from the fanfic. The ultimate recursive bliss.

It was… not good. The fanfic, that is. Even now, not having actually read a word of it in over a decade, I can say with complete confidence that it was not good. I was also using it as a way to get to spend way too much time with my middle school crush, so. Take from that what you will.

However! As bad as the final product was, I had a lot of fun writing it. I never intended to share it with the internet - only the friends I had written about. It was silly, pure wish-fulfillment, and not intended to stand up against any legitimate literature. At the time I actually was working on a story I took extremely seriously (though I’m sure the quality was about the same), so I can’t emphasize enough how much of a goofy romp this was. Pantsed to hell and back. Trope-y and sarcastic and just a blowout of everything I wouldn’t allow myself in my real story.

We here on fimfic have gotten to a point where our good stories are genuinely brilliant. Real works of art. We have review groups like this to dig into the artistic merit of fanfiction. I’ve read pieces on here that have brought me to tears, things that I’ve considered personally de-ponifying simply to show to my friends who aren’t a part of our community. And that’s all great. Wouldn’t trade it for the world. But I think, in the process of coming together and getting so good, we’ve forgotten our roots.

Fanfiction used to be outrageous.

Whether that was a product of the past or just a result of some of our ages when we first got into fanfic, we’ve all read and written some stuff that’s just pure, uncut stupid. And not in a bad way! In a really, really fun way! In a way that isn’t overly serious or caught up in reviews and accolades, and is only ever trying to be wish-fulfilling, epic, witty, and weird. In a way that gathers a crowd of loyal readers who shout wordlessly in the comments in a giant party.

I can’t review this story the same way I’ve reviewed others, because it’s absolutely the most traditional kind of fanfic. It’s not written for the reason books are written, or movies, or short stories. It’s written purely for fun. To build an audience of like-minded folks who hang on every update and laugh with it, not at it. It is a story that weaves an entire universe (and I mean an entire universe) just to make Sombra into the good guy, and to have him fall for the modern girl next door. It is a story that, despite its grandeur, gets caught up in the minutiae of day-to-day living. It is a story that wants to be everything at once. It is a story that appeals to the people who remember that early era of fanfiction, or perhaps are still living in it.

So, for the duration of this review, I’m going to try to inhabit that person. The person who wants to see Sombra fall for them in the most dramatic - and yet, most self-insert-y - way possible. Because, honestly, that’s who this story is written for.

Have fun writing, and we are glad to have your friendship and accompany here already.
Onward!