The Life and Times of Amber Spark! · 11:32pm Apr 28th, 2023
Hello, my long-lost friends!
So, you’re probably wondering what the flipping heck happened to me. After all, the last real post I did, aside from the money stuff and a Hearth’s Warming post, was apparently 82 weeks ago, in September of 2021.
That was a big moment for me. Albi and I got together, even as my life was falling apart. I had no idea what was in store for me in the coming year. Everything changed in 2022.
Here’s the life stuff I went through. We’ll get to the writing in a bit!
- My wife of sixteen years and I finally separated (though honestly, we’re still waiting for the divorce paperwork to finally go through the courts).
- I technically won a long, drawn-out battle with Blizzard Entertainment where I’d requested to be made a full-time remote employee. The only reason they finally capitulated was that I was diagnosed with PTSD from my time at Blizzard campus (for harassment and discrimination, along with just being an incredibly unhealthy place to work) and because in Slack, I openly talked about how, one day in Spring, I nearly took my own life because I felt so hopeless. Basically, if they didn’t give me remote, I could easily sue them under the American Disabilities Act.
- My ex, my daughters, and I ended up moving to the Pacific Northwest. Specifically the Portland area!
- I finally left Blizzard Entertainment and started working for Bungie, Inc on the Destiny 2 team!
Much more happened, of course. But those are just the big things. And as you can see, they’re pretty damn big. All of that was in Spring/Early Summer of 2022.
With all that chaos, I didn’t have the spoons to write. But the truth of the matter is I’ve had trouble writing since March of 2020. I mean, the last story I ended up publishing was just the first act of Clear Skies, which was a pony treatment of my favorite visual novel, Highway Blossoms.
And it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out the connection.
March 2020 is when I started HRT and finally started on my road to becoming Amber Spark.
At first, I thought I just couldn’t write my mature fics (yup, I have those). I just wasn’t interested anymore. Because my favorite thing to write was transformation. And since I was finally living that transformation… well, writing fantasies about that didn’t really appeal as much. Not to say I haven’t tried writing, just all focused on original fiction. In fact, a couple months ago, Albi and I worked for several days on retooling Stormhaven, a slice-of-life/drama/comedy story surrounding a young man who gets swapped into a girl’s body (gee, I wonder why I liked that concept). And while I’ll eventually come back to that, I don’t think that’s what I need to write right now.
I’ve never really thought about why I write. I mean, obviously, it was to cope and deal with the world around me. I’ve written about a lot of trauma and pain (The Tarnished Crown, Spectrum of Gray, plus, you know, the entire primary story of The Wavelengths Timeline). And I made no secret that a lot of it came from within me.
I think I loved Sunset Shimmer as a primary character because she had made some horrible choices in the past and eventually rose up to be a cherished heroine that everyone loved (or at least should! And by writing a different version of her story, I gave myself hope to think that I might do that very same thing. And the truth is, I did.
But like Sunset, I had to leave behind absolutely everything I ever knew to do it. I left behind much of my family, my job, my home for thirty years, and my wife… all in the pursuit of doing what I knew to be right. The difference between us is that Sunset originally did it for far more selfish reasons, believing she deserved power. I have done the same thing for what you could consider selfish reasons, too, but mine were because I believe I deserved to be happy.
And I am.
While there are a few rough spots happening right now, for the most part, I’m happier right now than I’ve ever been. I’ve successfully completed Facial Feminization Surgery, and I’m well on the way to a full recovery. (And I love how much softer my face looks! It's been eight weeks and I couldn't be happier!) And if my insurance finally decides to play ball, I’ll get my top and bottom surgery in June! Not only that, but my partner and I are moving in together (albeit temporarily, with the goal of them getting their own place). My relationship with my girls has never been better, and I’m doing wonderfully at my new job.
Yet, the idea of coming back and continuing Sunset’s journey just doesn’t have the same spark it once did. And for the most part, I think it’s because I finally surpassed where Sunset is in her journey. With the end of G4, my interest in writing cute cartoon pastel ponies has waned a great deal.
While I’d eventually love to edit and publish Sparks, which was to be the end of the “pre-show” arc for Sunset Shimmer in the Wavelengths Timeline with the return of Nightmare Moon, it’s not something I’m going to prioritize right now. After all, I originally wrote it right after I finished The Cloudsdale Report back in 2016. I also have this loose idea of writing the autobiography of the in-universe Amber Spark, who would tell the story of just what she was up to in the Wavelengths Timeline and actually provide answers to what is actually happening in that universe.
But right now, I’m focused on something else.
You see, Albi and I ended up watching RWBY together last year. It was actually during some of the worst times I had to endure. With the recent release of Volume 9 of RWBY, I found myself enthralled with the universe again. So much so that I decided to rewatch the series from the beginning. And that’s when it really got its hooks into me, especially the character of Penny Polendina (And I became a resolute Nuts and Dolts shipper). I was so charmed by this, that I began to hunt for fanfiction, only to realize that FimFiction had completely spoiled me for quality. There are a handful of masterpieces out there, but a lot of them are from authors who are early in their writing careers.
Well, I wanted more! So, I finally found something to write again. Yes, I’m writing fanfiction again, but this time, it’s about cute girls with massive weapons fighting evil monsters (well, my particular story isn’t, but you get the idea.)
I found my creative spark again!
Part of me wishes it had been for ponies, but I’m at the point in my life where I just want to write again. I want to feel the joy of creating something for myself and not worrying about huge continuity chains. But I’m also doing one of the things I do best: taking characters we know and love and casting them in a somewhat different setting. This story I’m working on is going to be fun, charming, have a little action, and a lot of bumbling cute idiots that will make you go “awww.”
Does this mean I’ll never come back to Pony? Nah. I’ll (hopefully) still be at EFNW this year (all of that was planned out long before the surgeries). I’m still the girlfriend of the greatest Sunset Shimmer writer of all time, Albi. Ponies still decorate all my walls, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I have a goal of trying to get some form of Sparks before the end of the year. The autobiography… I suspect it won’t happen. But I may publish a little something that finally answers people’s questions. In fact, if you have specific questions about Wavelengths you’d like answered, leave them in the comments. Maybe I’ll get through to that. Heck, maybe I could just write a few scene snippets based on the moments people want to see (and some of the scenes that I had already written a long time ago).
This is far from the end. It’s just the ending of one chapter and the beginning of another. But it doesn’t mean the story is forgotten.
Because here’s a fundamental truth: I never would have become Amber Spark without this community. Without the support and love of everyone I’ve met through FimFiction, various cons, and Discord. For so long, I was bound by the chains of evangelical Christianity. And eventually, I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t okay with saying that all my friends—who were some of the best people I knew—were going to hell because they were gay, lesbian, bi, pan, demi, trans, intersex, enby or something else entirely. You proved to me that life is filled with so much more than what my narrow dogmatic view allowed.
You are the people who freed me from those chains. Just by living. Just by being who you are. By accepting one another and opening up to one another.
My Little Pony taught me all of that and so much more. I am proud to be a fan of MLP. I’m proud to have written MLP. And I’m so proud to know every one of you.
With love,
Amber Spark
I am glad to see you happy! I may not speak often in your server, but you have always been an amazing person who deserves the best things in life!
And whatever you write, I am sure it will be amazing!
this is all great to hear :D
I posted a blog a little while ago, which you wouldn't have seen, about writing out of discontent. And how apparently now, I am feeling significantly less discontent with my life and have just completely stopped writing. I don't want to leave behind ponyfic writing, or any of the other creative things I've been doing over the last decade, but they just aren't happening, no matter how much I try. I've got one main hobby right now. I'm hoping
ifwhen Deltarune chapter 3 drops, it'll spur me to write something. But until then, just gotta do what I'm able, really.All of which is to say, I totally get it, glad things are going much better for you, and I'm really glad the FFS worked. :D
I'm happy for you Amber. I'm happy you're away from ActiBliz and with a better company. I'm happy you're so much more comfortable in your skin. And I'm happy that you're just feeling better.
Make sure you post some links to your non-Pony stuff when it's ready. I'd be happy to read it (even if I've never watched RWBY [the animation bothers my "uncanny valley sensitive" eyes]).
Yeah, a lot of people use art as an emotional outlet, and without that root, the inspiration dries up. Normally I'm disappointed when an author whose works I enjoy steps away, but in this case, I'm very happy for you!
Wonderful to hear from you, especially such positive news! I understand stepping away from pony given what inspired you to begin with it, and while I hope you do get back on the horse at some point, I understand if your muse sticks with the world of
It's Also a GunRemnant. Hope to see you at EFNW!5725384
As I mentioned in your blog, I too lost my writing spark after transitioning, and managed to get it back after getting into The Owl House.
Enough of us to be a pattern, apparently. If nothing else, it's certainly interesting.
I'm so glad you're finding that muse again Amber, and I hope to see you again at EFNW.
"I finally like who I am" -- that's such a huge thing!
Ever so many congrats, and hope you have a good time overall, but also lots of fun writing RWBY fanfic!
Yeah, that's, sadly quite accurate. Glad you're enjoying RWBY though.
Glad that you're back!
Happy to hear you have begun writing RWBY stuff. I am actually writing a RWBY fanfic myself. I admit, I am not as big a fan as I was (mainly due to certain questionable choices in writing done by CRWBY amd RT that sort of soured it for me), but I still like it somewhat. I'm just doing my own thing with it. And really, isn't that what fanfiction is for?
Also, while I'm not a HUGE Nuts and Dolts fan, I DO think they're very adorable. I'm even considering writing another RWBY fic later with that as a side pairing. No spoilers on the plot since it's still sorta in the planning stages.
Sad you're stepping away, but it's your choice. At least you're not leaving forever. More like maybe a while. Whenever you're ready to come back, we'll be ready for you.
Good luck with life and everything.
Very happy to hear all the positive news. We met briefly at EFNW years ago, and you’re a wonderful person and author. I wish nothing but the best for you and hope to see more of your writing, pony or otherwise, in the future.
Good. This is how it should always be.
I can say that I'm glad to have met you through this crazy thing we call a fandom. I wouldn't be me without the people I've met in it, either, and I can say for certain you're one of the prominent figures in that regard.
Keep being your realest self. That's the you we like the best.
I'm glad things are going so well now, it sounds like. :)
And good luck with the writing, and in general. :)
i'm glad you got your writing spark back, even if it's something outside of ponies. :)
For specific questions though...
Mainly I'd want to know about what would have happened in "Night On The Town" and what both the Everfree and Dawn arc would have been like (Generally! No details required lol). Because I'm a curious one I would also want to know more about Amber's story, but I know that is unlikely at this moment.
Wow, I'm so happy you are working at my favorite videogames! Just for your mental healt don't care too much for the haters and trollers inside the reddit/discors/and Bungie/Destiny blog post. Sometimes thay can be really cruel.
Can I ask what are u gonna work inside Bungie? 👀
What online profile can we find your RWBY fiction? Is it Archive of Our Own?