My Review of Ambulance (2022) · 11:28pm Jan 1st, 2023
Rating Scale:
12/10—a complete masterpiece; flawless and outstanding
11/10—Excellent, near-perfect film
10/10—the standard rating; awesome film with a couple of flaws
9/10—a wonderful film with several flaws
8/10–a great film with numerous flaws but not enough to ruin it
7/10—a fun and entertaining movie; not great but still enjoyable
6/10—a slightly above average film; it is something I might watch again
5/10—mediocre movie; not awful but not great either
4/10—a below average film; it could have been much better
3/10—a bad film; poorly written and poorly executed
2/10—a very bad movie; the few good things in the movie overshadowed by the bad things
1/10—a terrible movie; a total waste of time
0/10—a worthless piece of abomination; should have never been made
Greetings, everyone! This is Mr. J back with my first movie review for 2023! This evening, I will be reviewing Michael Bay’s latest film Ambulance of 2022! Since I ended the previous year with a Tim Burton movie, I might as well begin the new year with a Michael Bay movie because why not? Anyway, as I took the opportunity to watch this for the first time last night, I was hoping that this would be at the very least decent to watch. And honestly….it managed to be exactly that: decent. Knowing Michael Bay, he does his absolute best in providing people with bayhem, intense action, drama, and boom, boom, boom, baby. But yeah, this film is boom-tastic and all, but it suffers from a lot of issues that prevents it from being entirely enjoyable.
This is about a dedicated war veteran named Will Sharp who desperately tries to get enough money for his wife’s medical bills but with no success. Then he reunites with his adopted brother Danny Sharp, a professional bank robber; as the latter gives him an offer he can’t refuse, the former participates in a dangerous heist. However, it goes awry as the police force arrive, forcing the Sharp brothers to steal an ambulance with a rookie cop and an EMT as hostages. Now they must flee from the law as much as possible.
First off, what the hell is up with the dialogue? Did an edgy teenager write the script for this movie? Why does everyone have to behave like assholes in Bay’s films? Not every line was bad per se, but almost every line from certain characters felt like it was written by high schoolers. Even worse, the main characters kept needlessly repeating certain facts about themselves such as “He’s my brother! Yes, this is my brother. I’m not a doctor! I wasn’t trained for this, I’m no doctor! Hey, he saved your life! He saved that cop’s life!”
We get it! This proves that Michael Bay gives zero fucks about the attention span of his audience as if we aren’t mentally able to pick up what the characters are saying. Remember, show, don’t tell!
The acting, on the other hand, was great. Jake Gyllenhaal, Eiza González, and Yahya Abdul-Mateen II all did wonderfully for the respective roles they were given.
However, I find Gyllenhaal’s character hard to like because I have no clue what was the point of his arc. First, he comes off as likable, then becomes antagonistic, then tries to be sympathetic, and then becomes a jerk with daddy issues out of nowhere, and then attempts murder-suicide at the end before Will shoots him. What??? I mean, I can somewhat see what Bay was going for, but Danny made no sense at all. Will, however, made more sense to me because it was clear what he was aiming and why he wanted to do this.
As far as the story is concerned, it was wildly…strange yet fun to see unfold. Obviously, it isn’t exactly perfect due to the stupid dialogue and nonsensical characterization, but the action was still awesome to see. It’s honestly rare to see Michael Bay actually try something fresh and new and restrain himself from making too many explosions and product placement moments. Still, he couldn’t resist making odd shots with camera lens flare and using shaky camera. That never gets old.
But when it comes to the soundtrack—OH MY PRIMUS—it was so damn over the top and obnoxiously loud. It was epic and cool, yes, but it kept drowning out certain scenes and dialogue that demanded a change of music. It felt so out of place in my opinion, but I bet it’s a lot more bone-chilling in a movie theater.
So yeah, this movie is definitely decent to watch although I wouldn’t recommend it for those of you who aren’t into rated-R crime-thriller films. Therefore, I will rate it a solid 6/10! Can you believe that Bay used only one explosion in this? The man knows how to maintain self-control after all!
Peace!
I haven't seen this movie, although I have been surprised by the fact that this was Michael Bay's most well-received film in years.
Even now, I find it weird that Bay is gonna be directing a DC movie about Lobo, and it makes me wonder why Warner Bros. and DC wanted him to helm the project in the first place. Are they crazy?!