I'm Dreaming of a Purple Christmas 6: A Return To Form

Huh, six years already. Damn, but time flies.

You know, this started as just a fun thing where I was supposed to crap out something quick and RariTwi every Christmas as a new tradition. Somehow, I got into the mindset that I had to actually write a whole-ass Good Fic (TM) at the end of each year, which isn't really in the spirit of such a shitposty ritual. So instead, have a fun 1k thing that I'll be shoving into my short story collection in a few months when I remember to proofread it, which started with the whole "unicorn license" news story that's been going around and me thinking about ponies legally owning other ponies in Equestria.

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Her beloved princess was fretting again.

Even before they'd become lovers, Rarity had found Twilight an open book, and becoming royalty, becoming High Princess, hadn't changed that. Certainly an interesting disadvantage to have as a statesmare.

Regardless, it was something that Rarity took every advantage of. In this case, that meant being direct with her before events... spiraled. 

"Twilight, my darling dearest," she said, trotting up behind her marefriend placing a hoof on her shoulder. The newly-crowned High Princess was currently poring over a stack of legal documents that was far beyond Rarity's depth, though she did recognize some terms relating to foreign policy. "You've been at those dusty papers for hours. Are we in danger of being invaded by another nation?"

A second later, Twilight started at the touch, her head turning sharply to stare wide-eyed at Rarity. "Oh, hi, Rarity!" she said, her smile far too wide to be genuine. "Sorry, I didn't hear you come in."

"No worries, dear," Rarity replied. "So, will you tell me what's wrong, or do I have to tease it out of you," she added, pressing a kiss against her beloved's cheek.

Twilight blushed. "Nothing's wrong! Why do you think anything's wrong? Did I say something that implied that something was wrong or did you deduce it from my body language and tone?"

Rarity sighed. "Twilight, you've hardly spoken to me all day, and at dinner you kept trying to avoid eye contact with me. Normally, you are more than happy to explain the minutiae of whatever problem you're chipping away at, so I have to assume that this particular quandary is quite serious."

Bowing to her logic, Twilight sighed. "Maybe I should just put you in charge of dealing with the nobles."

Rarity laughed at that. "Darling, and here I thought you loved me! I assure you, I am much happier with my only official government position as that of being your paramour."

Twilight winced. "That's, uhh, that's the problem. I was looking through some of the old laws in the Meadowbrook Archives and it turns out that, well, according to the Second Unification Amendment, I, uhh..."

The poor princess' cheeks were getting quite red, and Rarity silently breathed a sigh of relief that they likely weren't in any imminent danger. Still... "Whatever you've discovered, I'm sure we can work through its consequences together," she assured her partner.

"I own you!" Twilight exclaimed, her entire face turning beet red as she did.

Rarity blinked. "Come again?"

"Legally, every citizen of Equestria is the property of the High Princess," Twilight clarified, looking very intently down at the floor. "It's an ancient, archaic law that probably was useful back then because it allowed Celestia to claim some kind of protection for her subjects that were traveling abroad."

"But now it's simply a horrific line in an outdated legal code," Rarity finished, letting out a giggle. "As much as many ponies would dream of being owned by you, you should have little trouble in repealing it." Well, that was easier than she had been expecting, though she really needed to have a talk with Twilight about communication. An embarrassingly-worded law was no reason to be so distant with her.

Except, Twilight didn't seem all that relaxed. "I'm definitely getting rid of that law," she said. "But reading over it made me realize that it didn't matter how it was worded." She shook her head. "I should've noticed it earlier, but it's been really crazy since I got crowned again. I've been a bad marefriend."

"Nonsense." Nopony was allowed to make such accusations against Rarity's marefriend, least of all said marefriend herself. "I won't hear such slander against my love. You've been every bit as attentive and loving despite the responsibilities of your new position."

"But I didn't even think about the position that I put you in," Twilight explained. "Rarity, I'm the absolute ruler of Equestria now. Even if I get rid of the property law, I still have full authority over all my citizens, including you."

"I see." Rarity paused for a moment. "In truth, I hadn't thought of that." An uncomfortable pit lodged itself in her stomach at that thought. "I do trust you with my life, as has been proven far too many times, and yet..."

Twilight nodded. "I'm really sorry that I put you into this position," she said solemnly, looking so  contrite that it was hard to imagine her ever abusing her power.

And yet... "A little discomfort is a small price to pay for Equestria having a worthy leader, and for me to possess her heart," Rarity declared. "There is little we can do about the situation at hoof."

"Actually, that's what I've been working on!" At that, Twilight brightened, a manic grin spreading out across her muzzle. "See, the problem is that you're a citizen of Equestria, and I have command over all citizens of Equestria. So, we can just fix the first part!"

Rarity abruptly found a stack of documents shoved into her face. "Darling, what are—?"

"I've drafted up some expatriation documents!" Twilight announced excitedly. "This will let you be a sovereign citizen of your own nation, unbeholden to my authority! We'll also have to give you diplomatic immunity and some land to back your claim. I think I can zone the area around Carousel—mmph!"

Was there a more elegant way to quiet Twilight than to kiss her soundly on the lips? Perhaps, but this was certainly the most pleasurable one for Rarity. "Twilight, sweetheart, I do love your thorough approach to problem-solving, but I also love having the right to free healthcare, access to public transportation, and the myriad other benefits and legal protections that come from being Equestrian."

"But what about the power imbalance?" Twilight asked.

"When I first chose to give my heart to you, you were a remarkable unicorn with absolutely no political power," Rarity said fondly. "And you have earned every new opportunity you have been given by proving yourself to be worthy of greater responsibility. I would trust you to have power over me more than any other pony in Equestria."

"Thanks." Twilight's smile was hesitant, and quickly turned back into a frown. "I still don't like that you don't have any recourse against me, though."

"What makes me so special?" Rarity countered, then added. "Well, besides my dazzling fashion sense and charming personality." She ignored Twilight's eye roll as she continued to speak. "Nopony in Equestria has any recourse against you if you rule against them, legally. At the very least, I can appeal to our friends or other ponies who have some standing with you, but the average pony has no such advantage."

"Huh. That's... huh." Twilight shook her head. "When you put it like that, the old system only really worked because of our absolute trust in Celestia. I'm not her, though, and it'll be a long time before I deserve to be treated like that."

"Then what will you do about it, Your Majesty?" Rarity challenged.

"Checks and balances," Twilight replied. "Some kind of accountability for me. I'll work with the legal scholars to figure something out." She smiled. "Thanks, Rarity. This is a way better solution than giving you your own country."

"It was quite a flattering offer, but I do believe we've found a better solution." Rarity set aside the stack of documents and wrapped her forelegs around Twilight. "Now, shall you make me yours, my princess?"

"Of course." Twilight's voice dropped low and sultry as she returned the embrace and pressed a kiss against Rarity's lips. "I guess it's probably for the best that I didn't go through with that anyways— the tax breaks that Carousel would've gotten were a bit ridiculous."

Rarity's eyes widened. "Tax breaks?"

"Well, not exactly a tax break, but since you'd be your own country, if you moved Carousel there, you wouldn't have to pay Equestria taxes," Twilight explained.

Rarity's heart leapt. "Perhaps I was a little too hasty..."

"Rarity!"

Comments

[SigmasonicX]

She smiled. "Thanks, Rarity. This is a way better solution than giving you your own country."

Great story