I'm Not Feeling Very Well · 4:49pm Nov 28th, 2022
I had a fifteen minute sobbing fit because I dropped a plate the other day. Well, it was awful, actually, I was almost done making dinner and ruined it because the core component was on that plate. But it wasn't just the food, so fuck it, I'm going to complain, and this is the only thing resembling a blog that I have left, so I'm going to do it here.
1. I have many regrets about the death of my aunt, and I'm exhausted by the role I'm playing settling her estate.
2. My leg fucking hurts all the time. The bone is fine, but the scar tissue and adhesion might be a problem for the rest of my life. I'm fairly active, and my leg always tires out way, way before the rest of me. After I do a big bit of work I'm often limping around for days or weeks afterwards. I hate it. Complaining to the doctor would only get me more PT, and... well. I do my best to do the stretches and exercises but those big scars stiffen up every night, and I have to stretch them out every morning.
3. I love writing and drawing, but I have way more ideas than I have time for in this life. Especially with life and my leg making me so tired. I feel like I should be able to just write and write. It's just typing for duck's sake. The ideas are all in my head. I should just be able to... keep typing. It's not that hard. Why does this make me tired?
4. Also I hate that I can't focus on one project at a time and finish them in a timely fashion, but this is related to the ADHD and so is something I can work on. Oh, but...
5. Having a demon of a time getting my meds. And an unsexy, generically evil demon, not the sexy Helluva Boss/Disgaea type. The effects of being off are subtle, but the fog is definitely coming back. Accompanied by the anxiety and depression the fog causes. OH! And I just realized I've forgotten to take any of my OTHER meds, including certain other essential ones. I'm sure I will immediately got get these, and not just transition into playing Splatoon when I'm done complaining.
6. Ooooh, that focus is fading. It's okay. Complaining isn't that fun.
Okay. I'm getting up. I'm taking my available meds. I'm practicing gratitude. Including for the pile of dogs I cried under when I broke that plate.
And I'm going to go try to get my other meds when I'm done with that, and not play Splatoon. As good as it is.
sorry to hear of your troubles CH :(
Hope you feel better!
This is a sentence I easily could have written this year.
And the first half is still true. :C
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5700548
Today sucked but I GOT MY MEDS. Even if it took two (additional) trips to the drug store and finally giving up being nice and going (polite) Karen on the pharmacist.
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Sorry for your loss. It sucks, right?
It may be that the gulfs shall wash us down
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles
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It does.
And unfortunately, it's turned my life around. :/
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That sounds ominous.
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No, for the better.
I'd rather have my aunt, though D: