Tests
Celestia wasn't exactly sure how she wanted to react to the sight of her student being held by her nemesis. Should she react with anger? No, that wouldn't do at all. She'd already promised Twilight she wouldn't hurt ethier of them, and getting mad would without a doubt lead to her hurting Queen Chrysalis, and as a result, Twilight.
So she couldn't afford to react with anger, check that off the list of ways she could react.
Could she react with suspision? Well, yes, she could. But accusing Queen Chrysalis of brain washing her student was a big risk; one that Celestia wasn't ready to take in case she was wrong.
Well, she could always react with caution and see where that went, it always worked with the nobles after all. Yes, that sounded about right, she'd be cautious, and try to not say or do something that would upset her precious student.
"So..." She paused to think of what she was going to say. "What's all this?"
Chrysalis' wings fluttered slightly when Twilight shifted in her grasp. "What does it look like?" Chrysalis snarked.
Celestia chose her words carefully. "It looks like two of my subjects have been having quite a pleasant time in each other's company."
"I'm not one of your subjects!" Growled Chrysalis.
The Princess of the Sun was very wise, living for over a thousand years would do that to you, and she knew that she would have to except this relationship eventually, so she might as well start now. "You're going to have to be if you plan to pursue a relationship with a princess."
"Oh?" Chrysalis questioned. "You'll have to do better than that if you want to find an easy way to seperate us."
Celestia sighed. "I already promised I wouldn't do anything to harm the both of you, and Twilight knows I always keep my promises."
Chrysalis looked down at the princess in her hooves. "Is she telling the truth?" She hissed in Twilight's ear.
"Yes." Twilight, who'd been silent since Celestia came downstairs, opting to let Chrysalis do most of the talking, spoke softly.
"Very well then," Chrysalis turned her full atention to Celestia after releasing Twilight and hopping off the bed and moving in front of Celestia. "but she still has to pass my test."
Celestia's ears perked up. "Test?" She asked.
"Oh yes."Chrysalis sauntered closer to Celestia. "It's quite an easy test, too bad I can't tell you anything about it."
Celestia closed her eyes when Chrysalis walked behind her, but didn't turn around lest she lose the Changeling Queen 's trust.
She forced herself not to flinch when she felt Chrysalis' jagged horn trace her back and sides, she was fairly certain what kind of test this was by now, and flinching would probably mean instant failure. The horn was brought over her neck and head, stopping once it reached the tip of her nose. Only once the horn had lifted away did she open her eyes.
Chrysalis was scrutenizing her every movment, and Celestia patiently awaited Chrysalis' judgement.
"Well?" She dared to ask when Chrysalis leaned back. "How did I do?"
The Changeling's eyes twinkled with mirth. "You failed."
Celestia recognized the joke for what it was, and decided not to play Chrysalis' little game. "Oh... That's too bad."
Chrysalis' eyes twitched. "That's all?"
Celestia tilted her head to the side. "That's all what?"
Chrysalis snarled. "That's all you have to say? I just told you that you failed!"
Chrysalis clearly didn't like losing, Celestia wold have to keep that in mind for the future. "What am to supposed to say? There's nothing I can do to change your mind."
"Gah!" Chrysalis shout in frustration. "Fine! You win! You passed! Are you happy now?!"
Celestia laughed. "I am actually, you should know better then to try to trick somepony who has to deal with Luna's pranks on a daily basis."
Chrysalis frowned. "How'd you know it was a joke?"
"You're not as good at hiding your amusement as you'd like to think, although I doubt anybody but Luna, Discord and I would be able to catch you, so don't feel too bad."
Chrysails slapped her tail against the floor. "Buck."
"Well, now that that's out of the way, how about we go upstairs and have some tea?" Celestia suggested.
They both looked at Twilight, who had gotten into a sitting position by now, waiting for her answer.
Twilight nodded in agreement, she was feeling quite parched at the moment.
The three walked upstairs in relative silence. Twilight and Chrysalis sat on one side of the room while Celestia went to the kitchen to fix up some tea for the three of them.
"So..." Celestia started when she came back into the room a few minutes later with some tea. "How exactly did this all begin?" She levitated two cups over to Twilight and Chrysalis, the last she took a small sip out of as she sat across from them.
Chrysalis and Twilight glanced at each other out of the corners of their eyes.
"Well, you see..."
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Other than that, well done! Glad to see it finished!
4134568 Only two mistakes? I didn't even proofread it. Yeah, now I have to work on Escaping Tartarus, which is gonna be as hard to finish as this was.
4134600 You just gotta commit, man.
Kind of rushed and ended kind of abruptly but overall it was a good story. You just don't see enough Chrylight stories on here.
Moar!!!!!!!SEQUAL!!!!!!!!
Dang what was chrysalis going for on her test. Trying to see the resolve celesta had. Anyway been a long while since the previous chapter. Anyway I bet Celestia will be surprised at how the two got together
sorry just imagined her shocked look and I know that she always keeps composure and rarely let's her guard down. But there's still shining and cadence to tell.
Good overall ending to a good story! Would have liked to have seen more, but that just goes to show that I liked what there was!
Nice to see you post to this again! I was worried this story was dead there for a bit...
A interessting Story.Thumb up, but a weak. With this ending, the story feel really rushed and a little unfinished.
Please, sequel?
4137506 I'm working on several other stories for this site and ff.net at the moment, maybe when I'm done with those if I can think up some ideas for one.
4137573 Don't worry ^^ I'll be waiting
4136202 Nah, I Just wasn't sure how I wanted Celestia to react is all. Thanks!
4135257 True. As well as the rest of her friends, including Spike. There is still more reactions to be had. I look forward to reading them, provided the author decides to write them.
4139116 My name's not "the author". I might once I'm finished with my other stories.
Cute, but it feels like too much of the romance was cut out for the mutual love to grow, and you spent too much time telling us rather than showing us. I like the premise, and the ending is sweet, but there's not enough story to actually make them feel close.
I want to, but I can't quite thumb it up.
I HATE THAT CLIFFHANGER ENDING!!!!
But I like the story well enough...
Extend it or make a sequel and I will be happy with you.
There's no sequel? Q_Q
4933377 If anything I'll just add extra chapters as I make them, which could take a while.
Twilicorn tag needed. -> (Chapter 9. Celestia talks about Chrysalis relaschionship with princess).
The development of Chrysalis and Twilight's relationship could have been flushed out a little bit more, but it's an otherwise enjoyable story. I'm not sure if I'm going to add it to my favorites, but I'm definitely giving it a thumbs up.
Could have been great. Failed miserably. Sry to put it so blunt.
First you have this glorious idea of the changelings having been Flutterponies which haven't got help from Celly or anyone.
Which would have been a perfect premise for her hate towards Equestria and Celly especially and would have been ideal working ground for a relationship with Twilight.
Then you introduce the reader to Chrysalis mindset in her initial pitiful condition only to completely ignore it as soon as Twilight appears, just to enforce a relationship.
Then you completely skip every bit of character-interaction that could have developed them, that could have shown the reader HOW they've been getting closer.
All the while ignoring everything you had set up in the beginning. Making Chrysalis playful and seemingly forget the deep-rooted hate she has harboured for over thousand years. What were you thinking?
You could have at least attributed her playfulness to her having become so bitter in her life and gradually returning to her old persona in times of delirium. Which wouldn't even have seemed forced as the Flutterponies were known to be very peaceful and loving creatures.
But that's not everything. Shortly before the end you insert a flashback which destroys the last part of immersion that could have been present, because it breaks with the flow of events by injection a retrospective. And then you let Celly go in and resolve all the tension of the 'forbidden' relationship with her all-mighty nod of approval. Completely shunning the reactions that her friends might have shown.
On Twilight's side you didn't really show how she thought about Chryssi and how she came to develop the same kind of feelings towards her.
You just decided to have her reciprocate Chrysi's feelings by 'Word of God' instead of having her first slowly build trust towards the changeling, then becoming her friend and seeing more in her than the monster of the wedding and finally beginning to 'like' her and her cocky attitude.
The story had it's own kind of flow and was definitely readable, I give you that much.
But sadly it's been extremely rushed and forced. And has given away tons of potential.
From how you started this story it could have become one of the most interesting changeling stories I know of.
And a ChryLight too.
It's rare that I give such a bad review, in fact I think I never have before. So I apologise for possibly having hurt you with it, as I'm sure you had put much work in it.
However I want to be honest. And my honest opinion is that this story had been very disappointing.
It was neither narratively good nor was it good content-wise.
Should you NOT have been put off by my critique, then I am sure you could do much better than that. Judging from the stories premise, you in fact are creative and capable of generating an interesting setting.
All the critique aside; I would be remiss were I to ignore the effort of writing a tale in and of itself.
As for this, your work, I want to thank you. Keep it up. Write new stories. I know you can do better than that.
5625686 Thank you for writing such a well thought out and long review, I appreciate it.
I won't deny I'm a terrible person and writer in general, this isn't news to me. I'm not good with sticking to character development and all that other nonsense that makes stories great. I prefer to stick to oneshots for precisely this reason, and that I don't screw them up as often.
I feel wonderful just knowing that so many people such as yourself liked the premise, even if (and I'll freely admit this) the rest of the story was utter crap.
I'm more of an idea person than a writer. I'll think up some random idea that hasn't been written about to my knowledge before and attempt to make it into something (usually failing). I'm glad you think I can do better than this story and while I'm sure you're correct about that, my attention span would like to disagree.
Until I get motivated enough to rewrite it this is what the story's going to look like.
As for writing more... Well I will eventually once I'm not as busy with other things. I hope you have a marvelous day.
Ok. Review time.
Premise is good.
Story starts off strong.
Then.....
The last half felt very rushed and lacked details.
Overall, it was a pleasant read
, but it's not going on my favorite list.
I liked it. Nobody seemed off and Celestia wasn't a tyrant. And I simply adore all sorts of Chryssie ships.
Some typos and stuff, but nothing major. Good job!
Cya
Raziel-chan
I like this story very much twilight and chrysalis togeather is a great couple keep up a good work update more soon. It is getting better and better.
Great idea, but the execution was pretty bad.
8954580
ohhkaay...
[Staff edit: NSFW removed]
8540063
Sonata: Of course it was - nopony was executed.
Adagio face-palmed silently.
Aria:Go back to sleep, Sonata...
2013
9506863
What?
9675611
Its a very 2013-ish story.
9675636
I completely agree.
Seeing as how this was finished back in 2014 I don't suppose there is an exceedingly distant chance that there's a sequel to this in the works?
10348103
I'd have to reread it to figure out what happened before I made a sequel, and if I did so I'd probably end up rewriting it instead.
Assuming I ever do get around to rewriting this, because I have been wanting to for a while, I will probably start a sequel or at the very least write a few new chapters for it.
aww but I don't get it though :(