Mechanism- A natural or established process by which something takes place or is brought about.
The light smell of beer accompanies the men who sit in a circular formation.
Some men are smoking, some men are nursing a cup of liquid regret.
A white man with uninteresting clothes speaks up, putting the Cuban (which everyone in the room doesn't comment on) on the ashtray that resides on the table in front of him.
"Alright guys, who's gonna be the first one to share?" Says the man. The room is silent for a short while.
"...They killed my mom three days ago..." Says the youngest of the men who are sitting together, he doesn't even look old enough to drink. He was nursing a pretty expensive looking Jack & Denial's in his hands.
"Hey man, we've all been through it man, God bless." Says a black man sitting right across from him.
The boy looks at him with narrowed eyes.
"Is this the same God that let my mother die!? Is this the same God that those paladins rant on about before they shove a knife though your gut!? Is this the same God that looks at us with disgust and lets his flying monkeys pick us and everyone we know and love off like its rabbit season!?" He screamed.
"Duck season" the black man retorts. Everyone looks at him, some with a smirk on their face, others face palming. He shrugged.
"Set himself up for it." The man says.
The boy stands up, obviously pissed, he wobbles a little bit due to the alcohol in his system.
"Son, just don't, if you can't even handle a little Jack, you can't handle me. Now sit down before you embarrass yourself, we all know what your feeling right now." The man says.
The boy takes another swig of the bottle of Jack & Denials before retorting, anyone could have stopped him really.
"Bullshiat! You dhon't knohw anyathing!" The boy screams. His slurred speech mirroring his mental state at the moment.
*FWOOSH!*
Suddenly, the boy isn't there, the bottle of whiskey is soon headed dangerously close to the black mans head, the boy instantly appeared next to him and was hellbent on clubbing the man with the glass bottle of poison.
"LAHTS SEE YUR GO-"
The man effortlessly grabs the bottle out of the drunk boy's hands before the boy even finishes his train wreck of a sentence. He moved his arm in just a way that the drunk's stomach was wide open, a quick jab to the stomach and the boy was down. He vomited on himself and stayed on the dirty, almost forest like, carpet floor in a fetal position, crying.
A truly pitiful sight.
The man looked at the boy for a second, and so did everyone else in the room...
This sight is one they all have seen, and experienced before in some point of their lives. The first time you lose someone to the paladins is almost always the hardest, and what this boy is experiencing a unfortunately natural part of a jumpers life.
The First Loss.
The boy quieted down after a couple minutes, he fell asleep in his own vomit. The same man who sent him to the ground was the very one who picked him up and put him in a guest room somewhere in the apartment.
After he was tucked in and somewhat cleaned up. One man followed.
"Why did you follow?" The black man asked.
"Can't let a stupid monkey like you get lost and start crapping all over my house now can I?" The man said.
"I'm not African you stupid stupid, I thought we covered this." The man said as he went toward the bathroom, in the room and started to fill a bucket with cold water.
"Boy, that doesn't sound racially insulting at all."
"Shut up Donny."
"....My names not Donny."
"Well if you where to act more like an upstanding citizen and not the fecal matter that you scrap off your boot when you walk a dog then maybe I would remember your name, huh Donny?"
"Shit, bro, shit. Plain and simple, didn't have add your fifty cent words to it."
"It's called 'an education' ever heard of it?"
"Who the hell wears boots when walking a dog?"
The bucket was full at this point.
"Tims, son, Tims."
"So I take it that getting the cotton beaten out of you pays well huh? Where's this so called 'education'?"
" MMA fighting does pay well, better than that little 9-5 cubicle that you sit in and sniff your own duck butter for 8 hours."
"Dude, that's gross."
"Want me to go into a more detailed insult? I have the education."
"No thanks bro, what the hell man?"
"Pay back for that little cotton jab."
"How did you get into MMA fighting in the first place?"
The man brought the bucket filled with ice cold water into the bedroom. The man's face grew distant.
"That's a story for inside the circle bro, not something I wanna tell twice." He looked towards the vomit layered mess on the bed.
"Lets wake sleeping beauty up, it's been a while since i've done this."
"Go ahead man, my favorite part is the reaction." 'Donny' says.
"How original." The black guy says.
*SPLASH!*
*GASP! CHOKE*
The formally unconscious boy violently rose form his inert spot on the bed.
"Wake up, Buttercup." 'Donny' says.
"I think that would be an insult to Buttercup."
"Shut up Lopez. Keep your secret obsession with the power puff girls out of this."
"Not my fault that I have a photographic memory, haven't watched the show for years and I still remember every single detail of it."
"So you admit that you jerk off to Bubbles getting it on with Mojo-jojo?" 'Donny' says.
"I could pound you, but your not worth the exertion." Lopez says.
"...That's what she said." 'Donny' says.
"I think 'he' would be more likely to say tha-" Lopez is interrupted.
"WHAT THE FU-" The drenched boy is interrupted.
"Son, two adults are having a conversation here, mind your manners." Lopez says.
"And what part of that conversation is considered 'adult'?"
"'Bubbles getting it on with Mojo-jojo'? You must have a sick mind if you don't consider that adult." 'Donny' says
"More like pedo fuel." Lopez says.
"It was directed at you." 'Donny' says.
"Your the one who said-" Lopez was interrupted...again.
"Oi! Fred, Sheila, stop bickering over there and get that drunk bugger over here so we can start this shite!" A thick British accent is heard.
"C'mon, Sir Reginald is getting angry. We should go to the circle." 'Donny' says.
"Be right there." Lopez says. 'Donny' walks off, leaving the boy and Lopez alone, Lopez takes the bottle of Jack and starts pouring it down the drain of the bathroom next to the room.
"HEY! That cost money!" The boy screamed.
"Did it?" Lopez counters. The boy stays silent.
"A'ight then." Lopez says. The bottle is empty seconds after, and before he throws it in the waste basket he looks at the boy. "This." he points at the bottle "at the rate your going will kill you before they do...we lost alot of good friends to Mr.Booze son, lets go."
"Venting..." Lopez said. He is surrounded by people with the same 'gift' he has.
"That's why you started MMA?" Said 'Donny' "I can actually understand that."
"Thanks Brent." Lopez said. Calling the man by his real name now. He continued on with his story.
"I'm know as 'Orgoth the Relentless' in the Octagon...yes I know the Yu-Gi-Oh card... a young fan called me that after a fight and it just stuck...It started when my dad was murdered by them... I went low, my folk spit up two years prior, and I had to live up in Vermont for a while with my mother...she never told me the reason they split but it's best to let sleeping dogs lie, so I never dug into it...I got money, got fighting experience, and at the time...a way to grieve. I would always picture my opponent as the person who killed my dad, I tore into them until they either surrendered or I knocked em out, hence the 'relentless'."
"Yo man I heard about you! Made a cool 500 on that victory you had with Shane 'the Duster' Dustman, you wrecked that dude!" Some one said.
"Thanks...he was a toughie, not what I expected with a name like that."
"I knew all those muscles weren't just for fondling little kids Lopez." Brent said.
"I can show you what they're for Brent."
"No thanks, I like eating solid food."
"It's something we all take for granted, now is it?" The same British accent from before said.
The group chuckled.
"Heh...anyway, things were good, every paladin that tried to take me on wore their ass for a hat, I was, and still am, in the money-"
"Let's hope someone doesn't hit you with a tomahawk then." Brent added.
"I've actually had that tried on me, this rookie paladin thought he finally grew a pair because he had a electric tomahawk, ended up knocking himself out with the pommel."
"You should have put emphasis on the word 'tried', Lopez." Brent said.
The whole group laughed at that one.
"Anyway...I was still angry at the paladins, God, who I didn't believe in at the time, and myself. I only lived for the thrill of the fight and the chances I would find the scumbag who killed my father...I was leading a path straight to satan's asshole in record time...but then...I met a guy."
"Super angry gay sex?" Brent added, some laughter was heard. Lopez just looked at him, deadpanning.
"I would love to meet you in the Octagon, sincerely, it's like on my top ten list of things to do. Your lucky that I have such a good lid on things, a lesser man would have torn you 7 new assholes by now." Lopez said.
"And that's why I hang out with you."
"...Continuing, he sat down next to me, I was at subway at the time, we ate, talked, and we had a good conversation. He offered me a chance to go to an address on Wednesday, and luckily I went, because I probably wouldn't be here if I didn't. Turns out he was a pastor. At first I was completely against it, but with a few nudges in the right direction, I eventually started to give it a try..."
"So what, did they try to feel you up like some choir boy or something?" Brent said.
"No...this wasn't a catholic church, not that it happens all the time, less than 1% of Catholic priests actually do that."
"Where did you learn that?" Brent asks.
"Special Victims Unit."
"Good show, learn any tricks of the trade?"
"Sometimes Brent..."
"I know 'pow, zoom, straight to the moon' I get it."
"Your impossible sometimes."
"Be lucky i'm a dude, if I was a chick, i'd probably be about 7 times worse."
"Make that 7000 times worse, and uglier, let's not forget that."
"Hurtful!"
"How's it feel?"
"Are you a sped?"
"I'll take that as 'not very good' then." Lopez cleared his throat. "Anyway...the people over there were amazingly kind and tolerant...they loved me for who I was, not for my money...or fame...or strength...they loved me because I WAS, because I was their friend, a lost soul who needed guidance, after three weeks I converted...It was the best decision I have ever made in my life. I had an entire community of people who loved and cared for me, an irreplaceable friend in both the pastor and Jesus...but also, my time their gave me the knowledge that I needed to have a leg up on the paladins, the paladins are just-"
"Selfish, self hating, hypocritical, contradicting abominations! You say that it is in the name of God that you are doing this...but I know the truth, I know the Bible...your nothing but PATHETIC creatures who feed off the 'imperfections' of others to blot out your own, every time you look in the mirror all you see is a dark black hole of putrid nothingness, every time you go on the street you hear men laugh and women sneer in disgust saying 'DEAR GOD! What is that thing!?' and it is no one's fault but your own! You have killed innocent men, women, and CHILDREN because of one discerning trait that they have, or who they know, by the measure you have judged you two shall be judged in that measure, your nothing but-"
"Ohhh. Sauce."
"Thank you Brent, now listen to the rest."
*ZAAAAAAAAAAAP!*
"GRAAAAAAAAAHH!" Lopez screams as he as pumped with the electricity.
"Looks like someone couldn't handle the heat."
"Shut up Brent."
"You done yet?" Says a white man. "Your father wasn't this talkative."
"Ohhh! What a twist!"
"Really Brent?"
Lopez tried to break free of his binds, put the electricity set him straight. He needed to save his energy so he could focus and figure out a plan.
"Awww, all those muscles, for what?"
"Punching you in the face if you don't shut up."
"So to get to me, you shed the blood of the innocent, to get to jumpers, you kill their friends and families...yet you say we are the monsters, you say that God, a perfect and loving being that knows everything about us and gave us life, wants you to destroy the very thing He created, who He gave these abilities to, and ALSO the lives of His humble..and loving followers."
"Double sauce."
"Again, thanks Brent, now can I finish the story?"
Lopez was bound with electrical wires, the church that saved his life... the people that showed him so much love and unconditional love, slaughtered by the groves and lying on the ground, they interrupted the Sunday service and started mowing down the people like they were targets in a round of duck hunt.
"Hate that dog."
"Shut up Brent and let me finish the recap Goddammit."
Yet the idiots in front of you didn't realize something...
"What?"
"I'm getting to that Brent, Jesus, your like a little kid."
"Pedo alert."
"Dammit Brent."
"So, Shawn Lopez, you alluded us for sometime, defeated every paladin that went after you...so since I have some...history with your family, they sent me...thank God-"
Lopez spit in his face. "Don't you DARE use the name of God in vain, you animal."
"OHHHHHH. Shit's getting real."
"When WASN'T it!? Let me finish the damn recap!"
The man slowly wiped the spit off of his face... he started kicking Lopez in the stomach.
"He mad."
"Oh yes, very."
"You WRETCH! I can you His holy name in anyway I want! He will bless me for wiping your disgusting hide off the face o the earth, just as He is happy that these-" He kicked a teenagers corpse...his name was Santiago..."warts off the face of His earth! I've had enough of this-"
"'I can you His holy name in anyway I want'? 'He will bless me for wiping your disgusting hide off the face o the earth'? This guy is a retard Lopez, how did he catch you? Caught you dropping a deuce on the shitter?"
"..."
"No way!"
"You kick like a girl, no wait, I know some girls who could kick harder than yo-AAAAAAGH- heh heh, that kind of tik-AAAAAAGH!"
"Look who's a bad ass, taking that juice like a man."
"Shaddap! Thank you though."
The man pulled out his black hunting knife and started polishing it.
"Time to die you-"
*SLAM*
"POLICE!"
"Well isn't that convenient."
"Yes it was Brent, yes it was."
"This 'God' dude must have a soft spot for ya."
"...Thanks Brent."
"Don't get all sappy on me nigga."
"And it's gone."
What he didn't count on was the fact that the pastor live-streamed the services... got it installed yesterday.
"WHAT!" The man says.
"The cops are busting your ass! Is it really that hard to figure out you jackwagon!?"
"You have your good moments Brent, I can tell you that."
"I try, now move along in the story Kunta Kinte."
"..."
'Now's my chance...' Lopez started concentrating, hard. Not trying to jump to a location, that would be impossible to do...
He just wanted to jump...rumors are that if you jump without a destination...well.
"You pulled that one out your ass, didn't you?"
"Rumors have to start somewhere bro."
"You can't say 'rumors are' with a rumor that only you know!"
"You know about it."
"Shut up Lopez."
"I'm the one narrating."
"...Finish the damn story."
"Oh no you don't...if i'm going down-"
"I've seen enough 2 star action movies to know where this is going. All this guy needs is a curly mustache and a top hat."
"Shut it!"
"With me!" He plunged the knife into Lopez's chest.
"And why aren't you a body bag?"
"I'M GETTING TO THAT!"
The knife never reached his heart, some thick hard...thing had had intercepted the blade.
"And that would be?"
"Before this all happened my pastor gave me one of his most prized possessions...a hard cover Bible that I put in my-"
"Titty flap."
"NO, Brent. Breast pocket, you dunce."
"What!?"
"How many times is this nigga gonna say what?"
"What?"
"In the butt."
"Damn it Brent...i've already said that."
The energy crackled around the jumpers body. The man couldn't get the knife out in time and...
"Wait for it..."
*THOOON!*
"And boom goes the dynamite."
"I really pity the fool that had to watch a movie with you."
"Going all Mr.T on me?"
"No, Brent, i'm just stating my view on something, and the words that I used bore an co-"
"You could have just said coincidence bro, or is that your 'education' showing?"
"It's possible."
"So...what happened after that?"
"Well bro...I landed in a forest, the knife survived, all my clothes were shredded."
Brent stood up.
"Well bro, have to go home, thanks for sharing that with me."
"Thanks for listening." Lopez said as a tear rolled down his dirty face.
The tree he was hugging didn't hug back.
His clothes were a ghost of their former selves, they were shredded, tattered, dirty, and had slight traces of vomit.
His dirty body was sore from being in the fetal position for so long, it was unbecoming of him. Even though the situation gave him a viable excuse to roll into a ball and cry.
But he knew that rolling around in the dirt wouldn't get anything important accomplished, the only thing it would accomplish though is the further drowning in the misery that he had stored inside him.
He pictured his house in his mind, more importantly, the punching bag he had installed for training...or when he wants to blow off some steam...
'A box of tissues and a picture of Bubbles would do better though.'
'Shut up Brent.'
No matter how hard he concentrated, he couldn't jump to his home.
But when he tried to jump to a patch of dirt in front of him.
*Fwoosh*
That worked.
'What did you do?'
'I think we both know what I did you stupid stupid.'
'Oh MEOW!'
'Just let me focus.'
He let go of 'Brent' and began to look around. He heard a sound of...hooves hitting the dirt floor not so far from him.
He followed the sound, expecting to find some people on horseback.
'Where the Kush? Cause whatever we're on, I want some more of that shit.'
But what he got though.
'JESUS CHRIST!'
'ON HORSEBACK! PREFERABLY THAT FLYING CHILD SEIZURE LAWSUIT!'
Were ponies...multicolored...
*rustle rustle*
"What was that?" Asked the purple unicorn, the five other ponies she was with had 'tagged along' to help her defeat the dreaded Mare in the Moon... well, she wasn't in the moon anymore.
Talking ponies...
"Must ah been tha wind sugarcube, we can't let this forest rustle us too badly now can we?" The orange regular pony said.
'Damn, her neck so red its orange.'
'Must you always insult people!?'
'These are talking ponies, not people.'
'Technicality!'
"Besides, I could totally take it on!" Said the brash rainbow-maned pegasus.
'Yeah skittles 'it' wants to take you to.'
'Dude, eww! That's a pony!'
'Does it think?'
'Yeah but-'
'Can it talk?'
'Yea-'
'Than you can shove a dick in it.'
'Your a perv, Brent.'
'You don't say?'
Behind the tree was a weird bipedal monkey-like creature, he was staring into space with a blank stare. He could easily escape, he was just...preoccupied at the moment.
'Lets follow them.'
'You ain't getting any rainbow poon Brent.'
'We'll see. By the way how high do you think someone would have to be to dream this up? Following six colorful pastel talking ponies into a forest?'
"...I'm following six colorful pastel ponies into a forest."
"Who said that?" Exclaimed the rainbow-maned pony.
'Dumbass'
*Fwoosh*
...And he was gone...for now.
There is some scribbling on the tree that Lopez hugged.
'Pastor Brent 'Donney' Summers: Like Jesus breaths in me, you will to... and your the only Brent I know that isn't a complete ass.'
"Did anypony hear that?" Rainbow said as the group where advancing into the Everfree forest. She knew that the forest had a reputation for the unnatural.
"Y-yeah...I heard that...if you don't mind me saying that is..." The timid, yellow pegasus said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Now, lets not get our tails in a knot cus of this, This forest, it ain't natural, thay say it doesn't work like the rest of equestria." Says the orange one.
Lopez was silently watching them from a tree.
'Seems pretty natural to me, whats so bad about this forest?'
'Don't know Brent.'
"Whats that suppose to mean?" Says the purple one.
'And apparently grape soda doesn't either.'
'Can it.'
The rainbow colored one started to creep up to them, trying to scare the yellow, pink, and white one.
"Nopony knows!"
'Wow, I'm quaking, bout to shit myself right now.'
'Quite Brent.'
Then...when she sealed the deal by jinxing the situation by saying 'nopony has ever come out' the ground benath them starts to fall apart.
'Huh, didn't see THAT coming. '
'Did you see that purple blob thing? Oh, and shut up.'
*Fwoosh*
Lopez jumped near the situation so he could see if anyone needed help. The yellow and rainbow one flew and safely got the pink and white one. The orange one bit down on a tree root, but the purple one was dangerously close to falling off a cliff. Before he 'jumped in' to save her. The orange one slid down and grabbed hold of her. The two fliers circled around and they were ready to catch the purple one, but she didn't let go.
'How ironic that this is the one time you SHOULD look down?'
'I don't think you should poke fun at a life-death situation.'
'Even if see does lose her grip she-'
The purple one let go.
'Leap of faith!'
'It isn't a leap as much as it is just letting go.'
The two ponies caught her.
'So the orange one is also a billy goat?'
'No, I could jump down like that too.'
' Not without falling on your ass.'
'I have coordination! You have to or else your gonna be eating floor in the cage.'
'While some big sweaty dude tries to dry hump you, or grind your face into dust and mix it into his Poweraid.'
'Dude, we have to follow them, I'd like to see you go five minutes in the Octagon.'
'What, like some 'Bully Beatdown' crap?'
'I actually participated in that, funnest match I ever fought.'
'You made the dude cry and vomit...three times.'
'He deserved it.'
'True.'
And they went along the forest again.
'Wait...how did she hold on with hooves? Dafuq?'
'Don't question the physics man, lets just roll with it.'
'There's that purple blog thing you mentioned earlier, where is it going?'
'Don't know... I got a bad feeling about that thing.'
'It's a flying purple blog thing that fly's around looking all sketchy like, of course it's gonna raise suspicion. Of course these ponies didn't notice the damn thing at all, their lucky they have such nice asses, cause I don't see anything else going for them at the moment.'
'Dude, stop being a degenerate and lets see if any danger is up.'
Lopez followed the ponies further into the forest, making sure to make as little noise as possible.
"Does anypony here have tha feeling were getting followed?" The orange one said.
Lopez stopped.
"Yeah, ever since I heard that voice a while back, I've had this feeling that somethings been tailing us."
"Maybe it's a new friend that would give us those candy apples Twilight was talking about!" Said the over energetic pink one.
'Someone needs to lay off the cocaine.'
'Oh shut up.'
"Pinkie I don't think-" The purple one started.
"GRAAAH!"
'Oh boy!'
'The hell?'
A giant...lion scorpion thing came out...
'It's pissed, like 'I'm gonna be beastin and feastin bout now' pissed.'
'You think they stand a chance?'
A white one buck the thing in the face.
'YES! EAT THAT!'
The thing just brushed it off and roared, she ran away.
'...And eat it he did,Brent.'
'Like a champ.'
The orange one tried to ride it.
'Oh the irony.'
'HA! A cowpony, I see what you did there Brent.'
'I know something else she could ride on...'
'Now you want the farmer girl? C'mon Brent calm your balls and let's help those po-'
"Wait...!"
The yellow one said and confronted the thing, it roared, she didn't flinch, and she took out a thorn from its paw, she started talking to it like it was a baby...because apparently it WAS.
'That thing is a baby!? Jesus Christ I wouldn't want to meet a full grown one.'
'Damn...that pony hair is...'
'It looks like her hair is trying to imitate 'The Scream'.'
They continued into the forest, and so did Lopez.
They want into a dark section of the forest filled with butt-ugly looking trees, where the pink one decided to sing a song and laugh the troubles away...
'Giggle at the G-'
'Goddammit Brent DO NOT get that song in my head.'
After that they met-
'GAYDAR GOING OFF! M-M-M-MAXIMUM!'
'I can't look...it's too much.'
'He's like a gay purple Lugia!'
'Be civil Brent.'
The white one ripped a scale from its body, wielding it like a sword...as much as you can hold a sword with your mouth.
'FINISH HIM!'
'Even though he's pretty flamboyant, I don't think a scale can end him.'
She cut her tail off and he...used it as his missing facial hair.
'And that's the only time something from a girls ass is going to be anywhere near him.'
Lopez snickered a little bit, and it didn't go unnoticed.
"Ah HA! I knew something was following us!" Said the rainbow one, but she kept quite so only the girls could hear it.
"What was that?" Said the purple pony.
"I don't know, but I know where it came from..." Rainbow pony said as she started to go closer to the source of the sound.
Meanwhile, in Lopez's head...
'Dammit Brent! They could have heard me!'
'But that was funny huh?'
'I admit, that was funny but-'
'Hey Lopez.'
'What?'
'Heads up.'
Lopez looked up to see the rainbow one flying towards him, she saw him and by the looks of it was going to ram into him and pin him down.
"NGF-!"
*Fwoosh!*
Lopez jumped at the nick of time into another tree ahead of the river the ponies stopped at.
*THONK!*
"OWW!" Rainbow pwn screamed as she rubbed her head, the tree she slammed into no worse for wear.
"Watch out for the tree Dash!" Pink pony said, giggling a little bit.
"A little late there Pinkie Pie!" Rainbow screamed
'Pinkie Pie? Dafuq? A pie made out of tiny fingers?'
'That...was close.'
"Rainbow Dash-"
'Called it.'
'No you didn't'
"-Why did you fly into that tree?" Said the purple one.
"Owww...Twilight! I saw it! It was...a monkey...thing! It had these weird hooves that split into five and it was hairless accept for it's head! And it just...POOFED away! Like, gone!" Said Rainbow Dash.
'Hey Lopez...'
'Yeah?'
'Wanna mess with them?'
'No.'
'Come on, por favor?'
'No'
'Por favor?'
'NO.'
'Por favor?'
'...NO!'
'Por favor?'
'...Alright...'
*Fwoosh*
"Rainbow, ya could have been imagining things, this forest DOES have a way ah-" the orange one started.
*Fwoosh*
The orange one felt around her head a little bit.
"Where's mah hat!?" She said.
*Snicker*
"Who did that!? Show yurself yah varmint!" She screamed.
Lopez was wearing his new stetson. Its actually a good fit on him.
'Heh heh heh, Love the new hat Lopez.'
"SEE! I told you something was following-" Dash started
*Fwoosh*
"Woah!" Dash's view suddenly got dark, a stetson now on her head.
"Dash, give me mah hat back this instant ya hear!" Orange said.
"Wasn't my fault Applejack! It's that weird monkey thing that's following us!"
"Ya really expect me to believe that a 'poofing' monkey stole mah hat and put it on yer head?"
"YES!"
Lopez couldn't hold it in. He started laughing, hard.
'Isn't it fun to mess with people?'
'Brent this isn't right!'
"See! The monkey is toying with us!" Rainbow flew over to the source of the laughter...
*Fwoosh*
*THONK!*
"DARN IT!" Dash said as she for the second time slammed her head on a tree.
The laughter still echo'd thought the forest.
"Dash...I think this thing can...teleport." Twilight said.
Silence... except the laughter that was dying out.
"'Poof away'" Twilight simplified.
"OH! I know what to name it then! 'Poof the Magical Monkey'!" Pinkie said.
'Huh...sounds like weed.'
'Maybe we should stop messing with them. Poof the Magical Monkey...i've been called worse.'
'Look there's a...building...really far away from here, wanna wait for them there since you don't wanna screw around anymore?'
*Fwoosh*
After a while the girls all caught up with 'Poof', the one called 'Applejack' got her hat back, and all was well.
'See those orbs that thing on the ground Lopez?'
'Yeah?'
'Do you think they have anything to do with these ponies?'
'Huh...maybe.'
Lopez was on the wall high above the crumbling castle. With no ceiling it made the perfect place to hide/observe.
The purple one known as 'Twilight' went to the stones and her horn lit up, then...
'There is that purple swooshy blob thing again!'
The blobs surrounded Twilight and then-
*Baow!*
She and the stones disappeared!
'Biter!'
Lopez saw a flash of light in another building next to the one he was on.
*Fwoosh*
When he looked down again he saw Twilight...and a new appearance.
'Woah, edgy as fu-'
'Quite Brent, I want to see this.'
Twilight started charging.
'She's kidding right?'
'Hope she is.'
Then when they were about to collide.
*Bao!*
She jumped right behind the black horse thing and straight towards the elements.
'MY NIGGA!'
'MY NIGGA!'
Lopez and Brent thought the exact same thing at the moment.
She pointed her head towards the stones and they began to shine.
The black thing turned into a tornado and flew towards the stones...like right in the middle of them.
She started to panic after Twilight got blown back....
But the stones didn't work.
The black bitch thing started laughing and curb stomped the stones into dust.
'This is bad.'
'Ya think?'
When all seemed lost the other ponies started coming into view...
After they all came, Twilight started speaking and the ponies started to float in the air.
Each of them started to get a necklace, and Twilight got a tiara (hint hint), when they did, a giant rainbow went towards the black horse...
But that would be too easy, now would it?
The black thing dodged the (very easily dodged) rainbow.
The ponies started to try again, but the black thing fired a beam at them, they had to break formation to dodge it.
'If one of them were to die, that rainbow thing would be useless.'
The Elements missed, and now there was absolutely now way to fire again, the time it would take to charge up the elements would be more than enough time for Nightmare Moon to at least take one of them out...
"Did you foals think we would just sit there and get hit!? Do you really think your princess is that dumb!?"
"Yeah." Said Rainbow Dash. She dodged a black ball that was shot at her...barely though.
"Well think again loyalty! Now, all of you are not worthy of our precious night! I give this gift to you..."
She started to charge up some nasty looking black lightning.
"ETERNAL DARKNESS!"
Something was heard flying though the air, when it got close enough, Nightmare jerked her head back.
*Ting!*
A strange black object bounced of her helm and went back into the air.
'They first day i'm here and I have to fight a demonic horse thing that can shoot lightning...'
'Don't worry Poof, we'll just have to keep moving, jumping, and distracting her until those ponies can charge up that beam thing.'
'My name's not Poof dammit!'
Lopez jumped right next to Nightmare and started to do a roundhouse kick.
Nightmare moved to block it but-
*Fwoosh!*
Lopez jumped behind her and kicked her in the back of the head.
"INSTANT TRANSMISSION ROUNDHOUSE KICK!" Screamed Pinkie while she was in the air.
'Eat your heart out Chuck Norris.'
'...'
Lopez was too focused in fighting Nightmare to respond to Brent's comment.
Nightmare stumbled back, her magic temporarily useless because of the severe blow to the head, if she hadn't worn her helm she would be on her ass right now.
Lopez tackled her to the ground and began one of the most effective moves in MMA.
The ground pound. Not to be confused with Mario viciously sitting on something. Like really, if you do it from high enough his ass will light on fire.
Anyway, he got a lot of hits in, Nightmare's anatomy was hindering her ability to recover from this slightly.
She eventually got a fore-hoof in the right position, but Lopez in his years of fighting saw this way before Nightmare even knew she could do it.
Lopez noted that after the kick to the head, she couldn't use her magic, and that her anatomy could be used to his advantage...
'Woah dude, and you told me to calm my balls, how are you planning to 'take advantage' of her anatomy, hmmm...?'
'To pound her....wait not like that.'
'Gotcha.'
He got off of Nightmare and looked to the other ponies, they were in the air, the elements were beginning to shine.
Nightmare, now able to use her magic again, shot a bolt of lightning at Lopez, she was so angry at him she failed to notice the elements almost ready to fire.
The lightning was erratic, sloppy, and laced with anger. Due to the fact that she was still hurting from those head blows...and she's pissed.
*Fwoosh*
Lopez had no trouble dodging it, but the lightning was so erratic it hit one of the ponies, ever so slightly.
"Eep!" Said the yellow pony.
It was enough to brake formation and make the ponies look over to her.
"Fluttershy! Are you alright!?" Said Rainbow. The pony now known as Fluttershy had her wing singed a bit, but overall it was okay.
Lopez looked at Nightmare, anger started to build, not only because of the fact that they had to start over again, but also the fact that one of the ponies got hurt.
"OH bitch it is ON!"
'LikeDonkey Kong.The relentless one makes a comeback!!'
Nightmares head violently got sent backwards by a kick to her chin.
"THIS IS WHERE THE REAL NIGHTMARE BEGINS! TIME FOR YOUR TURN WITH ORGOTH!"
"YOU HEATHEN!YOU DARE INSULT US! WE WILL USE YOUR SKULL AS A CHALICE!"
Oh... this is where it gets GOOD.
Get that popcorn ready.
Another shot of lightning was blasted towards him, but this time he took it, because he was right in front of the ponies...
This lightning didn't do that much damage for some reason...weird.
Still hurt though, but not like regular electricity...huh.
"Black horse blob thingy you a BITCH nigga~!"
"EXCUSE US!?"
*Fwoosh!*
Nightmare was tackled again by the jumper...but this time-
*FWOOOOSH!*
"LET'S SEE IF THOSE WINGS WORK...BITCH NIGGA~!"
Both Lopez AND Nightmare teleported!
...INTO THE SKY!
The wind was blowing, Nightmare was rattled severely because of the jump.
A kick to her gut only made it worse.
"YEAHHHHHH!...BITCH NIGGA~!"
*Punch*
*Kick*
*Punch*
*Punch*
*Kick*
*Kick*
"HAVING FUN!?"
'Everyone knows that fight type moves are super-effective on dark types.'
'LESS TALKING MORE PUNCHING!'
'How are we gonna slow down?'
'DON'T CARE! PUNCH TIME!'
While they were falling towards the ground, Lopez let a barrage of punches, kicks, and other moves on her.
"YA FEELING IT!? BITCH NIGGA~"
It was chaos, they were flipping, punching, tearing into each other while falling from the sky, Lopez had complete control.
He kicked her in the neck.
*Fwoosh*
He used the speed he was gaining to knee her in the face.
*Punch*
*Fwoosh*
He jumped above her and slammed the back of his leg into her head. A very effective axe kick.
Nightmare somewhat regained her bearings and opened her wings to fly, she couldn't land going at these speeds.
Lopez landed on her back and tried to stab her...
The knife shattered...
'What the!?'
*Fwoosh!*
They again were at the castle, and the elements were ready to go, but Nightmare shot ANOTHER bolt of lightning at them. Nightmare was really trying hard with the magic, those blows to the head causing her much strain when she used it.
'Spamming with the lightning, now are we?'
*FWOOSH!*
Lopez jumped directly into the lightning, but Nightmare was smart this time.
She didn't stop shooting lightning, a continuous stream of lightning was being poured out from her horn.
"WHY. DON'T. YOU. FRY!?"
In that moment she stopped shooting lightning to scream at him, and the damage to her head was preventing her from using anymore magic without a huge headache.
That was all Lopez needed.
*Fwoosh*
He jumped towards her and punched her in the face.
*Fwoosh*
And then a kick to her side.
*Fwoosh*
And then a sweep to her legs.
An endless barrage of punches, kicks and knee's and palms. You could barely see Lopez he was jumping so much in such short time spans.
'Stop doing this, your straining your body too much!'
'I can do this! They need more time! I don't think that I can stall her much longer, you saw that knife shatter!? I don't know why that's not me right now, we have to keep going!'
Nightmare was getting hit so many times at such short time spans she couldn't recover fast enough to mount a counter attack.
Twilights eyes began to open, they were pure white, the rainbow fired off.
'There's the rainbow! We can stop now!'
'No Brent, we can't! she'll just dodge it again! We have to wait till the last possible second!'
'Her magic is gone! You hit her about 18 times in the head remember!'
'I don't know what else she got up her sleeve!'
'Ponies don't have sleeves!'
'Metaphorically speaking!'
The rainbow was close.
Almost there...
Lopez's muscles start to bleed and cry out in pain.
Almost...
His knuckles started to bleed.
*punch*
*Kick*
*Judoooooooooooooooooooooooooo...Chop!*
Muscles were being torn apart.
*PUNCH IN THE FACE!*
It wasn't enough, the rainbow was so close, all he had to do was hold out. The constant damage from the magic lightning started to take it's toll.
Nightmare tried to run from the rainbow on foot...hoof? Anyway, she tried to, but Lopez, with almost all the strength he had left, jumped on her back and jumped both him, and her back toward the rainbow.
"GET OVER HERE!...YOU BITCH NIGGA~!"
Nightmare couldn't escape now.
*Fwoosh!*
Lopez jumped out of the rainbows. He dropped on the floor and started panting, hard. Black electricity sometimes surging though his body. He was spent, but he did his part.
The rainbow shot towards Nightmare and this time she didn't dodge.
It started to destroy the evil inside her, all the hate and bitterness that was festering inside her for one thousand years was eliminated.
It bathed her in the white purity of the elements.
All of the evil inside was being purified, turning her back into what she once was.
She was free of the evil that trapped and corrupted her.
About damn time.
"NOOOO-"
"OH...SHUT UP AND TAKE IT LIKE WHATEVER THE HELL YOU ARE!" Lopez said.
And after a while a smaller, less 'I'm about to rape your soul' looking winged horsey came out.
'Cute.'
'Shut up.' Lopez let out a breath. 'We...did it.'
'We did it! 'We did it! YEAH! Lo hicimos! We-'
'NO! If were gonna do a victory jingle, were NOT gonna do Goddamn Dora the Explorer!'
Lopez watched as a bright light appeared inside the castle, and the sun suddenly rise for some apparent reason. When the light dissipated...
Brent almost had a heart attack.
She was a white horse with wings and a horn. Her hair billowed and blew in the non-existent wind.
To sum her up:
'GIGGITY!'
'Calm down Brent.'
'CALM DOWN!? DO YOU EVEN SEE WHAT I AM RIGHT NOW!?'
'I do, but i'm too sore, tired, and possibly crippled to ogle her.'
She walked towards the pony who just tasted the rainbow, and felt it, and molested by it, until she was pure.
All of the ponies bowed to her.
Lopez could only manage a two fingered salute.
'...DAT ASS.'
'Brent, can you read the situation right now? She is royalty, we can't do crap, I can't jump, move, and I might have released my bowels, stop ogling, no WORSHIPING her, impressive or not, ass.'
'C'mon, look at it, SHE HAS A SUN ON HER ASS! NOT ONLY IS IT THE HOTTEST ASS IN THE LAND, EVERYTHING ORBITS AROUND IT, IT'S HUGE! IT'S THE MOST PROMINENT THING IN THE ROOM! Please bro, take a quick glance, with that photographic memory of yours, you can get every detail, every curve, every-'
'Dude, no, i'm not going to purposely stare at her ass just so you can get your rocks off. I don't care how bodacious, how plump, how curvy, or how amazing her ass is, i'm not going to-'
"Oh, are you the being who helped my little ponies defeat my sister?"
Lopez shook his head and looked up to see the white pony, whose ass was the main conversation piece between Lopez and Brent, her huge, expressive ass-
'No, what? DAMN IT BRENT!'
Eyes were boring into Lopez's tired ones, they were filled with a warmth and love that only a mother could give her child. She just had an aura saying 'everything gonna be all right.'
'No one, no one, NO ONE~! Can get in the way of what feeling~.'
'When the sun is going do-...that was clever, I must admit...Perv.'
'You know you want that sun to go down on you.'
"Sir, are you alright?" The white royal pony said.
"What?"
"You've been staring in space for the last two minutes after I asked you a question." She said, some concern on her face.
"Oh...sorry, kinda spaced out there, yes I-"
Some black electricity arched though him. He grunted.
Celestia's eyes grew wide in shock.
"Sorry about that, yeah, I helped stall the...whatever that thing was, so they could charge that super rainbow thing... uhhh."
"The Elements of Harmony." Sunbutt-
'BRENT!'
Whiter pony than the other white pony answered.
"Right, thanks, Ummm, could I get your name please? It's weird to address you as 'Whiter pony than the other white pony' in my mind."
She chuckled a little bit, her laughter was very soothing to hear.
"Of Course, my name is Celestia, I am one of the now two princesses of Equestria, I control the sun."
'Wait, back it up now'
"Wait, you control the sun? As it, fly up to it and push the sun into position everyday?"
Celestia laughed.
"No, SILLY! She uses magic!" Said Pinkie pie.
"...Huh, well that would make more sense I suppo-"
Another black arch of electricity. Another grunt of pain.
"Ah! Damn it...well, Celestia, my names-"
"Poof!" Said Pinkie.
"...What?"
"Your Poof the Magical Monkey! You play with ponies and steal there hats, only to give them to their friends, and you give candy apples to ponies too!"
Brent laughing his ass off can be heard by Lopez in his head.
"Ahh...Where did you...get this information exactly?" Lopez said, actually laughing a little bit because of the whole absurdity of the whole situation.
He was surrounded by magical talking ponies, after he helped defeat a rouge magical talking pony princess, WITH A MAGICAL SUPER RAINBOW ENERGY BEAM, and one them was saying that HE was a mischievous magical teleporting monkey who steals the hats of other magical talking ponies and gives said hats to the friends of that magical talking pony...and gives out free candy apples on occasion.
'Take a shot for every time the word 'magical' appears.'
'No, i'd be gone.'
He knew his sanity swallowed a primed pineapple grenade a long time ago, so he just went with it.
"Well...you got the teleporting part right." Lopez said.
"And the hat stealing part right..." Said Applejack.
Lopez started laughing, but his soreness nipped that in the bud pretty quickly.
"Ow, ow, ow...yeah, sorry, got bored of following you ponies, especially after that...lizard thing." Lopez shuddered.
"Your gaydar went off too?" Said Rainbow.
"Yeah, really badly, just..." He shuddered again. "Anyway, Applejack, at least you got your hat ba-"
Another black arch of lightning. Another grunt.
"That's getting annoying." He said.
"Are you alright?" A quite voice in the background said.
"*Sigh*...I don't know Fluttershy-"
"How do you know our names?" Rainbow asked, with a hint of suspicion in her voice.
"Remember? I followed you here, i'm very-"
"Why were you following us here?" Rainbow asked another question, this time she came closer to his face.
Celestia stopped her by surrounding Dash with a golden aura of magic.
"Don't touch him!" Both Twilight and Celestia said.
'Awww...'
'Can it Brent.'
Rainbow didn't argue, I was one thing for Twilight to say it, but Celestia herself? She knew her place.
"I apologize Rainbow, but his body has so much electricity in it that it could, and will kill anypony it touches at this point."
Lopez raised an eyebrow.
"I don't feel that much in me, the only thing I am now is VERY sore...I think im bleeding." He said.
"I suspect that since your...I can safely say, 'not from around here' that your body is naturally resistant to magic to some degree. I've been around for more than 5000 years, and i've never seen anything even remotely close to what you are."
"By the way darling, if I may be so bold, what are you and what are those ATROCIOUS rags you are wearing?" Said the white pony.
"Oh, i'm human..although some people may not think so...and as for the rags, they used to be clothes...but, lets just say that the circumstances of my arrival weren't that pleasant...I think, ummm..."
"Rarity my dear. Top level fasonista of Ponyvillie."
'PFFT! Ponyvillie!? Points for creativity!'
'...'
"So, what were the 'circumstances' of your-"
"ummm...excuse me."
"-arrival?" Asked a curious Twilight.
Lopez scratched his head a little bit.
'Brent?'
'Ummm...yeah?'
'Do you know what happened before we came to magical pony land?'
'What!? PFFFT! I know just as much as you do! Now about that ass-'
'Forget I asked you.'
Lopez couldn't hear the sigh of relieve that Brent exhaled.
"Ummm, i'm drawing a blank there Rarity, sorry."
"Oh, it's nothing dear, were all a tad forgetful-"
"Uummm...can I have your attention mister Poof..."
"Sometimes, now dear, I simply CANNOT let you go around our fair land with those DISH RAGS on you, we must bring you to the hospital post-haste to treat your wounds and so I can work my sorcellerie on a new outfit for you."
"Oh, okay, she brought my point up..."
'I know what OTHER magic you can do for me...'
'You...understood what she said, and now you like the 'high society' type?'
'Remember what I said a couple hours ago pertaining to this?'
'...Yes...don't repeat it.'
"Wait...I think I can stand."
Lopez tries to stand up, some ponies reach out to him to try to help, but they remember that they can't touch him.
"Princess, umm, if you don't mind me asking...how are we going to get him to Ponyvillie without inciting panic?" Fluttershy politely asked.
The princess looked at her with that warm smile she's perfected over the centuries.
"The ponies of Ponyvillie are expecting you six and me to come back, I will try my best to heal him, he should now be free of any electricity. That resistance he has i'm afraid works both ways, so healing magic won't be as effective. We will walk with him to Ponyvillie and announce that you six defeated Nightmare Moon, and even shown her the value of love and friendship , and that without this 'human' I believe, that you would have never been able to defeat her." Celestia explained.
She went up to Lopez, used a scanning spell to see how much electricity there is inside him, and exactly HOW resistant he is to magic.
'Hmmm...interesting.' She thought to herself.
"Excuse me...Poof?" Celestia asked.
Lopez shook his head.
"My real name is not Poof, it is Shawn, Shawn Lopez."
Pinkie gave him the puppy dog eyes.
'Wow...those eyes...they're so...expressive.'
'Can't resist, so cute.'
'IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!'
"But you can call me...Poof, if you want."
Pinkie jumped in joy. But then she gasped, and slammed her hoof into her face.
"I can't believe I forgot!"
"Ummm...what?" Lopez asked.
"A PARTY! I have to throw Poof a 'Welcome to Equestria thank you for helping us defeat Nightmare Moon' party! Oh it will be funaroony! There will be balloons, streamers, and candy apples! Because I KNOW how much you love those Poofy!"
'Poofy? I'm here less than a day and i'm already getting pet names.'
'Let's hope that not ALL your getting.'
'No Brent, not the time.'
'So, there is a pony plowing time?'
'Perv.'
'I know you want to feed Pinkie your king size snickers bar, imagine with all the candy she must eat how good she is with her mou-.'
'NOT THE TIME! LALALALALALA NOT LISTENING LALALALALA!'
"...Okay...but how are we going to get to this 'Ponyvillie'?"
'PFFT!'
'Very mature.'
Celestia recounted the plan with Lopez.
"Okay Lopez, i'm going to try some healing magic with ou-"
Celestia felt a tap on her shoulder.
"Umm, Sister?"
Celestia smiled and looked back to see her sister, she looked much younger now due to being released from the clutches of her own hate.
"Can we help you...He's hurt because of us and...we just want to help in anyway we can." Luna said.
'Not as hot as her sister, but she's a looker to.'
'Must you always do that?'
"Okay, my dear sister."
"Well, give me all ya got then, I'm ready." Said Lopez.
They both faced him and their horns started glowing. Lopez started glowing,he closed his eyes.
The room got really bright. Both Celestia and Luna were working on the assumption that he had an extreme resistance to magic.
After a minute of this, they stopped. They were both sweaty because of the amount of magic that they used to heal the injured human.
The rooms brightness died down, the sun was shining in the air, where it was supposed to be.
Lopez was still on the ground.
"Ummm...are you alright?" Fluttershy asked.
Lopez laid there for a second.
A small smile was made on his before before he suddenly flipped upright.
"ALRIGHT!? I FEEL AMAZING!" He screamed in joy.
To prove his point he did a back flip right then and there.
"I haven't felt this good in years!"
He looked at Luna.
*Fwoosh!*
He was suddenly right in front of her, before she could react he gave her the most crushing bear hug of crushing bear hugs.
"Thank you, thank you thank you!...I should probably stopped hugging you right now but thank you!"
He let go to meet a blushing Luna.
"Ummm, tis no trouble our friend-" Luna froze...she just called him 'friend'...her first friend in over 1000 years...and it's an alien.
"Well, for the millionth time, thank you, anything you want, you name it, I'll do it, least I can do for a friend."
Luna was at the point of tears, she couldn'r believe that this boy, who SHE hurt, who SHE so brutally insulted, just called her a friend after doing something that only erased the damage SHE had caused.
She couldn't take it anymore.
"Luna? What's the mat- OOF!" Lopez was surprised by a very powerful hug from Luna, she was crying into his chest. Lopez was confused, but he returned the hug, this only made Luna dig deeper into the hug, and cry even harder.
"Luna, I know I've only known you for a couple minutes, but what's wrong, why are you crying?"
Celestia was moved so much that tears were building up in her rose colored eyes. It warmed her heart that Luna made a friend so quickly, and bonus points for an ALIEN being it!
'Let's hope her hug session doesn't gore you through the chest.'
'Oh shut up Brent, were having a moment here.'
Celestia went up to them to say something probably yoda-like in wisdom, about how friendship can even make bonds between aliens and such.
"Don't think your getting out of this Celestia!"
But Lopez had other plans.
Lopez grabbed her and made her part of the ever growing hug. She was shocked for a second before she just went with it. Luna felt another presence in close proximity, she took her head off of Lopez's chest to see her sister there, she extended a fore hoof and wrapped it around Celestia.
"Thank you...for bringing us back...we're so sorry sister, the words that leave our mouth cannot even hope to express how glad we are..." Luna said. She looked up to Lopez.
'Her eye's...Lopez, as a man, right now it is your duty to make her stop crying.'
'I'll do my best'
'Plus a girl crying makes Mr.Happy not so happy.'
'Not needed.'
"I'm so sorry that I hu-" Lopez stopped her.
"Luna, I don't know what happened that made you like that, but all I know is that you, yes YOU, not that thing that corrupted you, is here, and she needs comfort. In my world there is a book, and in that book is a man named 'Hosea', his wife was always unfaithful to him, always courting other men because of their money...but he kept on loving her."
He had Luna's complete attention, as well as all the other ponies in the room.
"Why did he stay with her you wonder? Two words...selfless love."
Luna's deep teal eye's were boring into his nigger chocolate one's...
'Nigger chocolate!? What the hell Brent!?'
'Sorry, couldn't resist.'
"What your sister and these ponies have for you is just that Luna, they're love isn't dependent on another. Your back with them...and that's all that matters."
'Keep talking like that and you'll be plowing her full moon in no time.'
'Dude, moment here.'
Luna just smiled and sniffled a little bit before going back in the hug.
"That was beautiful Shawn." Celestia said some tears flowing down her beautiful face.
"Awwww." Pinkie said.
"There's room for more." Said lopez.
"YAY!" Pinkie didn't waste time, she jumped right in and SOMEHOW stretched her forelegs so that she wrapped them all in a hug.
"Come on girls! Don't be shy!" Said the living incarnation of cocaine.
'Brent...'
Said Pinkie Pie.
All the girls one by one came in for the hug.
First Twilight, then Applejack, then Rarity, then Fluttershy, who adorably asked permission to hug Lopez's back.
"Come on over ere Dash!" Said Applejack.
"*Sigh* Alright!" She smiled and flew over to the group getting the side of Lopez's back.
'Looks like someone forgot to turn off their swag.'
'I'll take that as a complement.'
'Now if only we could on the 'why' their all hugging you...'
'Your just jelly that you don't have this much swag.'
'Ohhh, comeback! I've taught you well.'
After about two minutes of epic hug time, they broke it off.
"Alrighty then, lets head back to Ponyvillie-"
'PFFT!'
'Really? Stop that, you've had your laugh.'
'C'mon 'Ponyvillie'!? It's like renaming Worcester 'Humantown', or 'Peopleburg'!'
"And introduce you to everypony Poof!" Said Pinkie.
They six ponies, two princesses, and one human started walking back to Ponyvillie.
Celestia told Lopez that maybe some other day she can personally tell him the story of her sister.
Said human was bouncing around and looking everywhere with a smile on his face. His peppy attitude was unexpected due to the amount of damage he recently acquired. He and Pinkie were actually having a very...interesting conversation after they found a fruit.
"Princess, why is he so...healthy?" Asked Twilight.
"Well, as it turns out, when I did my scan of his body, He only showed an extreme resistance to offensive type magic, but most of all, electricity, if Nightmare Moon used fire type magic, then he would probably be much more harmed then what we healed...of course I wanted to confirm this by using as much healing magic as I could."
"So, what can we be expecting of him for the time being?" Celestia chuckled.
"Healing magic, when somepony has too much of it, acts like a sugar high. Today, he will be happy, giddy bouncy, like Pinkie pie over there...but not even close."
Twilight nodded. "Okay, if it's alright princess, can he stay with me, I have SO many questions! A new species! That can use teleport WITHOUT using magic! This is the find of the century!" She squeed in delight.
"Remember Twilight, this isn't just some 'find', he is your friend, and soon to be a resident of Ponyvillie."
Lopez smacked his head for some reason.
"...I would like you to help him adjust to life in Ponyvillie...I think there might be something wrong with him on a deeper level, I don't know, something about how he's just taking this in stride...and the multiple times he's spaced out, like he's preoccupied with something. "
"Wait...your letting me stay in Ponyvillie!? How did you know I wanted to-"
"Call it a teachers intuition Twilight." She interrupted. Twilight hugged her mentor and friend, she gladly returned it.
"So, what are your thoughts about him?"
"He said he followed us, so maybe he had time to get used to seeing ponies...though I don't think that would be enough to actually prank us the way he did..." Celestia grew interested, especially when the word 'prank' is involved.
"What did he do?"
"He took Applejack's hat and put on Rainbow Dash, We didn't see him take it, or put it on Dash, that's when Pinkie made up the name 'Poof the Magical Monkey'." Twilight started laughing a little bit, recalling the memory.
"Speaking of Pinkie and 'Poof'." Celestia said.
Yeah, speaking of them...
"Mango!" Said Lopez.
"Manego!" Countered Pinkie.
"This!" He pointed to a mango that he found in the forest, how is a tropical fruit growing in a forest like this? "Is a mango! MAN-GO!"
"Nuh uh! It's CALLED a MANEGO, Silly!" Said Pinkie.
"Alright, say man."
"Man!"
"Now say go!"
"Go!"
"Now say Mango."
"Mango!"
"Good, good...now." He pointed to the fruit in his hand. "What is this?"
"It's a Manego!"
"NGFFFFFF- you know what? I'm just going to eat this."
"HERE COMES THE POPE HE'S BEEN BLESSING SOME APPLES!"
*Fwoosh*
Lopez teleports off of Applejack...with her hat.
"CONSARN IT!"
His final act of hallucinogenic fun was when he teleported on CELESTIA HERSELF and began bouncing on her back singing!
"HE IS THE MANGO, HE IS THE MANGO, HE'S THE MANGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! , HERE IS THE MANGO, HERE IS THE MANGO. HE'S THE MANGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
He was riding her with Applejacks hat on his head, he repeated the ENTIRE song again on her back. All while dancing, flailing his arms, doing 'the wave', you name it he was doing it on Celestia's back. Celestia didn't try to get him off, she was so shocked she just sat there.
Luna couldn't help but laugh at her sisters expense.
After his bit of fun he dropped off Celestia, completely asleep, Applejack had to carry him halfway though the trek back to Ponyville before he woke up.
"You ate the skin of the manego fruit, which looks almost exactly like a regular mango, but it's skin contains a hallucinogen that cause's...interesting results, most ponies just see flying mango's...but you..." Twilight stopped there.
"Went absolutely off the wall bonkers and started singing, dancing, and prancing like a drunk unicorn." Rainbow completed Twilight's recap of the situation.
"And ya stole mah hat again." Applejack said.
'That was the funnest trip i've ever experienced Lopez, 10 out of 10 bro.'
'What exactly did I do?'
'Oh i'll let them recap the whole thing for ya.'
"What...did I do?"
"You started bouncing and randomly teleporting while singing 'Mango'" Started Twilight.
"You poofed on my back and said something about pirates." Dash continued.
"You poofed into a tree and started singing again, not bad singing either!" Pinkie chained off Dash.
"You went on mah back an started spewing nonsense about this 'pope' pony blessing some apple's...and ya stole mah hat...again." Said Applejack.
"And then you had the absolute GALL to go onto the PRINCESSES back and ride her like you were some sort of uncouth rodeo pony!...no offense Applejack." Said Rarity.
Brent was, again, laughing his ass off.
"Ohhh...my bad. Sorry for...mounting you guys."
'I wouldn't be sorry for 'mounting' them.'
'Well that's you.'
"No worries Shawn, actually, your little...episode confirmed a suspicion of mine." Celestia said.
The group turned to her.
"Shawn, your body has an extreme resistance to offensive type magic, and electricity....but it is extremely susceptible to drugs, and other chemicals due to your different immune system...it's going to take awhile for your body to adapt to equestrian foods and other things, but after a while you won't notice it."
"Notice what?"
"You'll see."
"Look! We're almost there!" Exclaimed Pinkie.
The town was coming into view, ponies were crowding the streets, cheering because of the arrival of the sun. When the group came into view, they all froze and became silent in record time.
Shock, curiosity, and some looks of fear came there way as they laid their eyes on Lopez for the first time.
When the group came close enough, some ponies started to move away.
Celestia and Luna faced the crowd of confused ponies.
Two fillies went to put a ring of flowers on Luna, who was quite the whole trip back.
'Looks like she got...'leid''
'Cheesy.'
When the two fillies saw Lopez, they're cute not-so-little eyes widened, and they slowly flew towards him.
"What...are you mister?" They asked.
"Oh me? I'm-"
"Poof!" Interrupted Pinkie.
The fillies turned to her.
"Poof?"
"Yes! HEY EVERYPONY!"
The ponies of the town looked over to Pinkie, she bounced towards Lopez and pointed to him.
"This right here is Poof the Mischievous Magical Monkey!"
'My name gets longer every time she says it...'
'That's not the only thing that gets longer.'
'Oh ha ha.'
"Listen up! He gives away candy apples to good little fillies and colts! He goes 'poof!' and then you can't see him anymore, because he's gone! And when he gets a little pranky, or somepony's been a bad little pony, he takes away their hats and gives them to their friends! He helped us turn Nightmare Moon back into Princess Luna, and he gives REALLY good hugs!"
'...Well that's one way to introduce an alien.'
'Who is this girl's dealer? Does he infuse his cocaine with Red Bull and sugar? I want some of THAT shit.'
The townsfolk looked at him, the 'colts and fillies' looking at him with awe, and some actually moving closer to him to get a better look. The looks of fear on some of the ponies faces were gone completely. They had a look of happiness and good will now. Some looks of shock where still there, it's gonna take a while to get used to everything.
'One little sentence is all it took?'
'Now imagine how easy it will be to get some pony pu-'
"Hey...Mister Poof?"
"Huh?" Lopez got knocked out of that rather inappropriate comment from Brent.
It was a little filly, she had a nice yellow coat, red hair,a giant cute little bow in said hair, and HUGE orange eyes.
To sum her up:
'AWWWWWWWWWWWW! She's so cute!'
'...Her eyes take up more than half her face...and I completely agree with you Brent.'
"Yes, ummm..."
"Applebloom."
'Even her name is adorable!'
'Yes, Brent, she's heart-stoppingly adorable. I get it.'
"Applebloom, what a nice name, what is it?"
"Is what Pinkie said true? That your ah magical monkey that goes 'poof' and gives candy apples tah good little fillies and colts? Cus' ah've been doing all a mah homework and ah've been really good this week! Ah've done all mah chore's on time and didn't slack!" She said, those HUGE eyes boring into him, Lopez thought she was gonna shoot a death ray at him with how big her eyes got.
'...I think my heart just stopped.'
'This filly will be the death of me.'
"Pinkie likes to paraphrase."
"Parawhat?" She tilts her head in confusion.
'ARGH! I can't take anymore of this!'
'How can she almost incite a heart attack with just a head tilt!?'
"She likes to say things in her own words."
"Isn't she already saying things in her own words?"
"Well she likes to summarize things in her own way."
"So...is it true?"
'Were at an impasse bro, choose your next words wisely.'
"Hmmm..."
*Fwoosh*
Lopez was gone.
Applebloom stood there in shock, he was RIGHT there a second ago, where did he go?
"And now that Twilight will be staying here with the residents of Ponyvillie, I would like for you to meet another new resident of this fine town." Celestia looked over to see Lopez bending down and giving a filly a very good looking candy apple. "You may know him as 'Poof'"
He turned around when he heard his nickname.
*Fwoosh*
Suddenly he was right next to Celestia. Some of the ponies in the crowd eye's grew wide. Some murmurs from the crowd were heard.
'So it is true...'
'Did you see him giving Applebloom a candy apple?'
'Awww! I just bought this hat yesterday!'
"He will also be living in Ponyvillie, and I hope that you can show him the love, kindness, and tolerance that Equestria is known for, he will be living with Twilight Sparkle for the discernible future."
All the ponies cheered in glee.
Celestia and Luna departed towards a castle on a mountainside.
'Gonna have to visit that place...'
'Wanna have some more 'hug time' with Luna?'
'No...just wanna see the sights you know?'
'Don't worry I know exactly what you mean.*Cough* Celestia's ass *cough*'
'What?'
'Nothing.'
"Now, Ponyvillie, Who's up for a PARTY!" Pinkie screamed.
The town erupted into cheer's again.
'Wait, wait, wait, wait...so your gonna be the 'magical mischievous monkey that gives candy to good little ponies and takes the hats off bad ones, or when you feel like it'?'
'Apparently'
'Do you realize how SKETCHY that sounds? Your ass would be IN JAIL if we were back on earth, and you would get some glances if you gave a little girl a candy apple in public.'
'Hey I didn't come up with it! And the quicker these ponies get used to me, the better. Now, let's go party.'
The sound of a door opening was heard in the mostly dark room that housed the 'magical teleporting monkey.'
"Ahhhnnnn....whaaaat?" The 'magical teleporting monkey' groggily asked from under some blankets.
"You've been up here for almost the entire day Shawn, are you alright?" Twilight asked.
*Fwoosh*
*THUD!*
Lopez jumped right in front of Twilight...and on the floor. From the floor, he looked up at Twilight. She couldn't see his eyes because of his messy hair in the way. He was wearing a tank top and shorts given to him by Rarity.
He was a mess.
"Right...your body got too much healing magic...I'll just go then."
"No, it's...*yawn* alright, you wanted to talk to me about something?"
"Actually...yeah, I need advice from a neutral party."
Lopez flinched when the word 'party' was mentioned.
'That party...was bomb.'
'Uhhhh...'
"Are you alright?" Asked Twilight. Lopez waved her off.
"Just remembering that party we had last night."
"I still can't believe you drank an entire barrel of Sweet Apple Acres cider..."
"I still can't believe that either..."
"So...can you help me?"
"*Yawn* Of course."
*Fwoosh*
He was now on the bed.
"Come." He patted an empty spot next to the bed. "Sit."
'On what?'
'The bed, nothing else you perv.'
Twilight trotted over to the bed and sat down on the empty space, Lopez put the blanket over himself so that only his face was visible.
"So what do you need?"
Twilight sighed. "Princess Celestia gave me tickets to a special event called the 'Grand Galloping Gala' for me, and a guest...but all my friends want to go and they all have their own legitimate reasons...and I can't choose." Twilight slumped. "And now they're doing me favors all across Ponyvillie trying to sway my decision."
"Was that why I heard Fluttershy and a bunch of animals down in the library?"
"Yeah, she was cleaning everything, and then everypony started to try to do favors for me! I had to run across town with a hoard of ticket crazy ponies on my tail!"
"Hmmm..." Lopez rubbed his forehead and yawned. "Looks like you have a situation. Think of it like this, at least it didn't get worse."
"Twi! Ya still here!?" Yelled a voice from downstairs.
"...Was that Applejack?"
"...Yes. All of them are down there." Twilight started sulking again. Lopez lazily tried to put his hand on her back...but ended up with his entire face on it instead.
"Oops...missed." Lopez let out another yawn.
'Now if only you would move your head a little lower...'
'Keep it in your pants Brent.'
Twilight laughed a little bit, but the situation was still stressing her out.
"Your tense."
'How do you plan on 'reliving her stress' hmmm?'
'Not the way your thinking.'
"How did you figure that out?" Twilight said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"I can feel it on my face."
"Hope my back feels comfortable."
"It does, but back to the subject at hand, you don't want to single out one friend to go with you, right?"
Twilight nodded.
"And your Celestia's personal student, correct?"
She nodded again.
"Well, put two and two together, your the brains of the group."
Twilight brightened up after a second or two of thinking. She got off the bed and hugged Lopez.
"Thanks for the help, I think I know what to do know."
Twilight sniffed the air a little.
"You need a bath."
"I'll remember that little comment next time your wearing a hat, but yeah, your right I do."
Twilight smiled before leaving the room.
"Bye." She said.
"Meh." Was his eloquent response.
'Welp, up and at em Lopez, you need a bath you dirty bum.'
'Ahhhhh... but I don't wanna!'
'Do you want to smell like sweat and ass, for all the wrong reasons I might add, all day?'
'Nrrrg...fine...'
Lopez lazily got off the bed Twilight so generously let him use, and went towards the bathroom, which was downstairs to his perfect recollection. Instead of jumping though he just started walking, he saw the ponies cheering, laughing, and socializing.
Spike, who you met at the party, was holding what appears to be 6 golden pieces of paper.
They ponies moved towards the exit, and the pieces started floating away, one by one, from the baby dragon's hand.
"Awww, why don't I get a ticket?" Then, he BURPED a letter with two tickets in it.
'DAFU-you know what? I'm tired of saying that.'
'Just...roll with it.'
'I'm trying bro.'
"It says here 'and one for you, Spike and Shawn too.'"
He started prancing and jumping saying 'yes'. Until Applejack saw him, he tried to play it cool and make it look like he didn't want to go.
'Oldest trick in the book son.'
'Oh,youth.'
'We're still pretty young ya know.'
'I meant, 'still living with parents' youth...'
'You all right bro?'
'Yeah...I'm alright.'
"Hey, Shawn!" A voice knocked him out of his conversation with Brent. It was Applejack.
"Huh?"
"You want ta go with us tah get some food?" She asked.
"Sure, let me just get bathed and i'll join up with you, where ya eating?"
"Where eatin' at the 'Bannered Mare' There's a map on tha town hall ifin' you don't know how tha get there."
"Kay I'll be there."
Applejack waived him off and went outside. The ticket following him.
Lopez headed towards the bathroom, he noticed that the tub was HUGE, but the shower-head was not very high up. He had to bend down little to get water on his body.
He looked around to see some purple bottles of shampoo.
'Lavender Heat: A bold new smell for all you lonely mare's out there. Guaranteed to make stallions follow you all through your day...and all through the night too.'
-Subtle Seduction shampoo and body wash brands.
Lopez almost tripped in he bathtub he was laughing so hard, especially when he saw that they emphasized the word 'heat'.
"Subtle sedu-HAHAHAHAHAHA!" He didn't even finish reading the name of the company that owned the smell.
'Never knew Twilight wanted the d! Your chance to move in bro!'
'Wait...this isn't even opened yet...there's a note on the back.'
'Sometimes all a mare need's a good rutting to help with stress, I hope you consider using this Twilight, you seemed... deprived of what all mare's need from time to time. I know it help's me when my job becomes stressful.'
'-Princess Celestia.'
"...Celestia? Wow...didn't see that coming."
'I did, and I can prove it too.'
'Oh yeah, prove it then.'
'Have you noticed something...off about this town, proportionately wise?'
'I was too busy defying human anatomy by chugging that barrel of cider to notice.'
'To put it bluntly, this town is like a bag of Funions, all girls man, i've only seen like TWO guy ponies when we came here for the first time, you were too busy being 'Poof the candy giving monkey' to notice.'
'Actually, I did notice a lack of guy's...'
'Maybe we could visit Celestia and 'help her with her stress' I bet with our handy-dandy hands, we could make her scream in all sorts o-'
'Stop that!'
'Come on were in the shower. A quick wank won't hurt. Just imagine: Celestia bent over her throne with that GODLY ass, looking ba-'
'DUDE!'
'Your too easy...and apparently Celly is too.'
'Stop it ma-wait...'stallions follow you all through your day'...doesn't that remind you of something?'
"You got to wash your body the manly way! And the freshness will follow you all through your day!"
Brent and Lopez were singing in unison...Lopez, without realizing it started to use the 'Lavender Heat' shampoo and body wash.
"It's literally following you everywhere! This could actually be a fairly serious problem!"
He started dancing while lathering his body in the seductive shampoo/body wash.
"This is not good! Because he's probably ruining that person's body who he's operating ON~"
He started rinsing his hair and body.
"This is way more freshness than anyone expected! New Old Spice bar soap! Never leave your house AGAIN!"
He stepped out of the shower and got the new set of clothes. Another tank top and shorts...he likes that combonation alot, and he has the muscles to pull it off.
Lopez got out of the bathroom and decided to put his ticket away in the nightstand of the room Twilight let him borrow.
After he put on his clothes and shoe's that, again, Rarity made for him.
'I gotta find away to make it up to her.'
'Bend her over a sowing machine and fu-'
'Shut up.'
He came out of the library and jumped to the town hall. He memorized the map-
'Cheater.'
And then poof-damn it-jumped to the restaurants entrance, there were some fliers for the restaurant near the town map.
'A very clever way to advertise...'
Some stallions in the restaurant were giving him some VERY weird looks...
'Wait...are they checking me out?'
'Whoa bro, remember the last guy we heard about who had sex with a male horse?'
'...He died of a perforated colon...'
'Do you want to die of a perforated colon?'
'I'm not gay. Especially not for horse-cock. And besides, these ponies are not even close to the size of a horse from our world'
'Is that...a defense?'
'No.'
He looked around to see the six mares, and one dragon eating, laughing, and basically having a good time. Applejack noticed him.
"Hey Shawn! Over here." She said.
"Applejack! You do not yell in a restaurant, it is very rude!" Rarity scolded her.
"Oh hush now, do yall see anyone in here except for those...Stallions...that are looking at Shawn like he's the last piece of Granny Smith's Zap Apple pie?."
"Oh my." Rarity said when she saw it for herself.
They couldn't tell why he was getting such a positive response from all the stallions...
Until he got close enough.
"WOAH!" Rainbow moved her head back when she smelled the scent coming off Lopez.
"Hey, what's up...girls." He said when he came to the table. "Why are you staring at me like that?"
All the girls gave him a shocked gaze. Spike looked around the group in confusion.
"What? Is there something i'm missing?"
"Dear...do you know how you smell like?" Asked Rarity.
Lopez gave himself a quick whiff. His eye's widened.
"Woah, I smell like Laven-." He stopped his sentence right there...
Brent was laughing so hard Lopez thought he was gonna choke up a lung.
"Lavender Heat...Oh God damn it..."
Lopez had to sit down to take this all in.
"Please tell me...what exactly do I smell like?"
A waiter came up to him and gave him some food, it was a very expensive looking sandwich.
"I...didn't order anything."
"It's from the gentlestallion with the blue coat."
He looked back to see a blue stallion looking straight at him, his mouth was open and he was putting his hoof in and ou-
Lopez turned back.
'Wow I...the FIRST time a pony flirts with you...in a town filled with mares...is a stallion?'
'Why God...why?'
"Give him my...thanks."
The waiter left...but before he did, he brushed his short tail on his arm, and whispered in his ear.
"Mares aren't the only ones who like somepony on top of them..."and after that disturbing revelation he left. Before he was out of sight he looked back, and winked.
Lopez almost threw up.
"I'm actually quite jealous." Rarity said out of nowhere.
"What!? I'm almost to the point of physical sickness right now!"
"You have to see it from a mare's point of view."
"OH HELL NO, that's the view I'm avoiding at ALL costs, No one/pony going to get my booty!"
"Not like THAT. What I mean is that stallions are a rarity, even more than moi, in equestria. In fact, 80% of Equestria's population is female."
'Hallelujah!'
'Don't, just don't'
"If that were me that stallion was flirting-"
"Flirting!? HE, this entire restaurants male population is MOLESTING ME WITH THEIR EYES!"
"Oh calm down, anyways, if it were me that stallion was flirting with...lets just say he wouldn't be able to walk right for a couple days." Rainbow said.
'Me likey'
'Well too bad.'
"Come on Poof! Don't let a couple of fans make you frown, we're here to have fun!" Said Pinkie.
"*Sigh* I'll try..."
After some food, laughs...and some more flirting (Lopez came very close to vomiting when a stallion unexpectedly kissed him on the cheek and flew off.) they all went there separate ways.
Lopez wasted no time and jumped to his bed and proceeded to stay there. After a while Twilight came in the room.
"You alright?"
"That's the second time you asked me that question today..."
"Uumm...you said something about 'Lavender Heat' back at the restaurant, what did you mean."
Lopez made his face be visible.
"It was a shampoo gift from the Princess to you...I was...distracted by something and didn't notice myself using it."
"But...I don't get it...i've read about...those kinds of shampoo...but I've never read about it being THAT effective."
Lopez suddenly remembered something from the other day.
"Shawn, your body has an extreme resistance to offensive type magic, and electricity....but it is extremely susceptible to drugs, and other chemicals due to your different immune system...it's going to take awhile for your body to adapt to equestrian foods and other things, but after a while you won't notice it."
After the whole 'Lavender Heat' incident, Lopez had to stay in the library until Twilight found a way to take the scent off him without A. Getting the exact opposite problem with mares (Although Brent didn't mind...at all) or B. getting animals attracted to him (Doggy style with a manticore? Yeah, didn't think so).
Twilight finally found a 'scent neutralizing' spell and quickly preformed it on him. After a few whiffs the spell was conformed to be working, much to Twilights udder 'squee' face.
'Udder or utter? i've always been confused on that.'
'Udder is cow, utter is...utter.'
'Huh...'
After a while the ponies adapted to Lopez, they still gave him some looks, but they were either tourists, or complete nozzles.
Lopez got a job as a delivery boy and Twilight started her 'research' of him...but that is a story for another day.
Hey and...take a guess at what they called getting instant delivery mail from Lopez.
Take a guess...
...
...
Ya done guessing? Well, the town coined the term...monke-mail, you read right...monke-mail.
It would be insulting if it wasn't so...well...you just roll with these kinds of things.
Lopez, due to his job, got well antiquated with the ponies of Ponyvillie, and actually the 'foals and fillies' are especially nice to him...take a guess why.
If you haven't guessed why yet, here are the things Lopez buy's with his (impressive for a delivery boy) paycheck.
He bought some expensive gold fabric stuff for Rarity in return for the clothes she made for him.
A very old book collection for Twilight, he tried to get his own apartment, but with some expert debating skills (lecturing him for 4 hours on why it would be more beneficial for him to be of permanent residence in the library, puppy dog eyes, and an offer to just pay for some extensions to the library to better suit his...'differences'.) Twilight convinced him to stay.
He buys apples from Sweet Apple Acres by the bushel. Some candy and other candy apple making ingredients from Sugarcube Corner (you can see where i'm going with this.) and some brochures for hot vacation spots across Equestria...with pictures on them.
Do you really think jumpers pay traveling costs?
So, he fully embraced the 'Poof the magic monkey' bit Pinkie gave him and finally settled down in Ponyvillie (Twilight explained to him that the chances of him ever going back to earth in one piece and not accidentally messing up and making an multidimensional black hole that would destroy everything ever...and that in turn would piss God off...A LOT were about... 232,456,765,213,221...to .1. Plus he liked it here.)
And now he was just delivering his last package of the day. Ever since Stamp Glue-
'Who...the hell names their child 'Stamp Glue'?'
'Don't know bro.'
'What's next, a pony named 'Tax Exemption'?'
Saw his abilities and asked him if he wanted a job, deliveries have been going up, and that means profits going up, and that also means fellow employees getting higher pays, which got him even more popular with the ponies.
"Heys, Poofies!"
And speaking of fellow employees...
"Sup Derps." He said in response.
Derpy, which was actually what she preferred to be called instead of her real name, flew over to the jumper. Her adorable cross-eyed look meeting him.
'I wonder how she got those eyes...'
'Don't know bro, maybe she was born with it?'
'Or maybe she got plowed so hard her brain got all messed up.'
'Not likely.'
"Did you hear about-"
She was interrupted by the ground shaking suddenly.
"STAMPEDE!" Yelled Rainbow out of nowhere.
"Huh, things just got interesting..." Lopez said. He looked over to Derpy to see her bouncing up and down on the ground.
"Th-i-i-i-s i-i-i-s f-u-u-u-u-n!" She said.
Somewhere else Pinkie had to same idea.
'Now if only she could do that to you.'
'Heh, funny guy...'
Lopez looked around to see everypony running around like headless chickens.
'And now they lose their shit, damn, this is actually pretty hilarious. The only one who isn't panicking is Deprs and Pinkie.'
'Your right, it's kinda funny.'
One pony, 'Panic Stricken' if you recall, actually THREW HERSELF THROUGH HER WINDOW to get inside her house.
Lopez started laughing his ass off. When he calmed down he went to take a closer look...
'Cows?'
"Cows."
After a second Lopez shrugged and started falling backwards.
*Fwoosh*
Only to land on one of the stampeding cows back.
Applejack was on one of the cows back's too.
"Hey, AJ!"
Applejack looked to see Lopez chilling on the back of a cow.
"What in tarnation are you doing!?"
Lopez shrugged. "Chillin'."
He looked around to see the entire stampede "you got this?"
She nodded, "Yeah, ah do."
"Have fun."
"Arf!"
"Oh, hi Winona." Lopez greeted the dog.
"Ah would love to stay here an have ah conversation on tha back of ah cow but ah got tah move these ladies along! Bye!"
Applejack pulled out her lasso from outta nowhere, lasso'd the lead cow, and was off.
Mario would of done better.
'Huh, imagine Mario in this place. Be right up his alley.'
'Super Mario Bros: Pony World Portal.'
'Ha! You should pitch that Lopez.'
The cows started to turn, but Lopez still stayed on the random cows back, chilling.
'Got milk?'
Lopez laughed out loud and rolled his eyes.
'Wow.'
Before the cows stopped stampeding, Lopez decided to...well...fall asleep on the cow.
He missed the reason for why the cows stampeded in the first place.
When Applejack saw him fully asleep on the cow, she rolled her eyes and motioned Winona towards him.
She happily yipped and jumped on Lopezs chest, she began a barrage of licks to his face that could drown an ordinary man.
He started to stir and laugh. "Stop it...stop it that tickles!" He grabbed Winona by the sides and sat up straight on the cow, Winona happily barking in his arms.
"Ya fell asleep on Betsy." Applejack deadpanned.
Lopez rubbed the back of his head and gave a sheepish look in response to that.
"Oh...sorry Betsy." He apologized to the cow he was sleeping on.
"It's alright dear, your welcome to lay your head there anytime." The cow said.
'Talking cow...should have seen that coming.'
'I agree.'
"Thank you...I'll take you up on that offer one of these days...now if you'll excuse me...I have to punch out for the day. Bye."
*Fwoosh*
He was laying down on a couch, one that was located in the lounge of the post office he worked in, he stood up and took out his card, went to the thingy you use to punch out your card, and did just that.
Instead of jumping out of the post office, he decided to just walk out, sometimes it's good to just take everything in slowly.
"Hey, Poof." Said a voice from behind him.
He looked back to see a pegasus with a white coat, a darker white mane, and golden eyes. He had a envelop with wings for a cutie mark.
"Yo Ed, how's it going." Lopez responded.
His actual name is 'Express Delivery' but Lopez decided to call him Ed for short.
'Why can't names here actually be one instead of two words put together?'
'I wonder that sometimes too, Brent.'
"Did you hear? Pinkie Pie is throwing a party for Applejack, the mare who saved Ponyvillie!"
"Called it."
"Who didn't?"
Lopez and Ed both laughed.
"So Poof, where were ya? Stamp Glue has an extra special delivery for you."
"Fell asleep on the back of a stampeding cow, you should try it, very comfortable."
Ed just looked at him for a while before bursting into laughter.
"Of course YOU would fall asleep on the back of a stampeding cow. Anyway, Stamp Glue wants to see you."
"Do you know what the delivery is?"
Ed looked around to see if anyone was around, he waived his hoof towards him. Lopez got the hint and moved closer.
"They say it's a cake." He said. Lopez deadpanned.
"Why all the secrecy?" He said quietly.
"You didn't let me finish...they say it's a cake...for Princess Celestia." He whispered in Lopez's ear.
His eyebrows raised slightly. He forgave her a long time ago for that little 'prank' she pulled on him, and all the nightmares of stallions...well just use your imagination. When Twilight gave her the report of his bodies EXTREME reaction to equestrian substances, she personally came down to 'apologize' (half heartily saying 'sorry' while trying to withhold a torrent of laughter.) and when Luna told her about the...nightmares, she decided to offer a...way to repay him for the nightmare's that would leave them...both satisfied, Brent wanted to murder Lopez when he declined, especially when he said 'If you like it, then you should have put a ring on it'...'Whoa oh oh! Oh oh oh! Oh oh-
Moving on.
'I hate you Beyonce...'
'Oh hush.'
"Doesn't she have like, the best cooks ever in her palace?"
"Not this one, an upcoming cook by the name of...get ready for this...'Orgasmic Souffle'...he has made desserts so good that...well, they make you orgasm...HARD, just one bite."
Ed and Lopez looked at each other before bursting into laughter, even Brent.
"Orga- *choke* smic Sou-sou-sou-sou...BWAHAHAHAHA!" Lopez dropped and so did Ed.
'Forget about what I said about these names! His parents must have had a REALLY good knack for clairvoyance, because that is a REALLY weird name for a plumber!'
'I can see it now 'Orgasmic Souffle & son: Fits pipes, toilets, and all other plumbing needs...please don't let the name mislead you, my parents were very spiteful ponies...seriously, why?''
After a good minute of laughing so hard it hurt, Lopez and Ed said their goodbye's, and Lopez went to Stamp Glue to receive the information and package, even though he was off duty, Glue said that he would be payed good because the suddenness of this order.
He took the package and jumped to the specified place to drop off the 'ultimate orgasm cake'.
He was surprised to see an old face when he arrived...and she looked very different.
"Luna!? Is that...you?"
'Damn, it's like she went super saiyan!'
"Verily my friend, it is I." She said, she went up to him and gave him a hug, her face up to his neck because of her power up she had, her horn reaching to his forehead.
He returned the without question, he hasn't seen Luna since the whole Nightmare Moon incident.
"Luna, what happened? You look so...your mane is so...nightish...if that's a word." Luna giggled.
"This form is me to my full power...you fancy the change, do you not?" She said with a smirk.
"Uhhh...yeah, I mean, your beautiful and all...ummm."
'Smooth.'
'Be quite.'
Luna broke his talk with Brent with bump from her wing. "I am relieved to have found somepony-uh...someone that appreciates my company...all of the ponies I have had the pleasure to meet...cower and talk to me like I'm a wild beast about to eat their foals..."
'I'll let you eat my children...or at least what could be my future children.'
'Dude...just...*sigh*'
Lopez put his hand on Luna's shoulder, she responded by leaning on him, he didn't object, but he did blush a little.
'YES! It's finally happening! Hallelujah! PRAISE JESUS! HOSANNA IN THE HIGHEST!'
'...Breeeent! Stop it! Though I do agree with those last parts, but this is what friends do for each other!'
They stayed like that for a couple seconds before Luna moved away.
"My apologies, Shawn. But...it saddens me that my subjects fear me so...I understand their fear and why they act this way...but it still hurts."
"No worries Luna, It's what friends are for...trust me I know, with my kind of memory, and with Twilight constantly blathering on about friendship, it's kind of hard to not know these things."
Luna chuckled before nuzzling him.
'Boner alert!'
'...No Brent.'
'Are you sure?'
"Thank you, now, on to the delivery." She had a devilish smile on her face. "This will work nicely for our plans."
"What...are you going to do with this?"
Luna came closer towards him and whispered in his ear.
"Oh...uh huh...yeah I remember...oh...OH...OH! Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, yeah I see your point but...this cake, from what i've heard, is a powerful thing."
"Just because i've been locked in my moon for 1000 years doesn't mean I lost my edge...be sure for...quite the surprise when you return to Ponyvillie later this week. You should have seen me and her 2000 years ago...this is up there, but I guarantee you its not the worse...well...not until I...tweak it a little." She says.
'Oh...dis gon b gud.'
'Yes, yes it is.'
Luna and Lopez shared a hug before he turned around...Luna tried to get his attention.
"Shawn?"
He turned around.
"Yeah?"
"...Remember what you said to me when we were at the castle where I was brought back?"
"Yeah, any favor it's yours. Why do you ask?"
"Didn't my sister give you a ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala? I won't be attending this one, due to the fact that Equestria is still getting used to the idea of two sisters, and the whole 'Nightmare Moon' incident..."
'Is...she asking you on a date!?'
'I...I don't know! I thi-'
Luna's face grew dead serious.
"I need your help on something...something that has been left unattended for over 3000 years...I must finish something ...and I need your help."
'Well...that options out. Oh well.'
"What is it?" The jumper asked. Luna took a deep breath and looked at him.
"A long time ago...a horrible crime was committed...so horrible that it deserved my direct judgement...and I must deal with the ponies who dealt this crime...I will tell you more when we are on the night of the Gala."
'Ohhh...scandalous.'
"Okay Luna...I'll meet you then."
'It's a date!'
'Wait, what!?'
*Fwoosh!*
Lopez was gone, and Luna stared at the place where he just jumped.
"Could I bear the pain of...losing him if I..."
Luna stopped there, she sighed. She didn't need to worry about that, but she tried to find a way to distract herself.
She laid her eyes on the cake, and she smiled.
"Time to get back in the game...I must plan this thoroughly, wouldn't want this to come back to bite me. "
She levitated the cake and walked back into the castle.
After that whole business, Lopez had a pretty uneventful week, he slept (he actually took the cow on her offer and chilled on her back), worked, got poked and prodded by Twilight (She said she could spend an entire lifetime studying him, and that's something when it comes out of Twilight's mouth.)
Strangely, he hasn't seen Applejack that much, and when he goes down to the farm to buy some apples, Mac (who injured himself somehow) said she was busy apple-bucking.
'What do you think happened to Big Mac?'
'Probably just overworked himself.'
'Remember when Dash said at the Bannered Mare?'
'...No, even if they are seeing each other I don't think she would be strong enough to...'overtake' Mac...that guy is STRONG.'
The party celebrating Applejack was now ready and underway. Lopez was on the roof of the city hall, having fallen asleep there.
'How do you fall asleep on a roof?'
'By falling asleep on a roof.'
Twilight came up and-
'Why the hell does she need a 100 page speech?'
'It's Twilight bro, i'm surprised it's not longer...she actually practiced that speech on me...she had to wake me up three times.'
'I bet you could recite that speech with how many times she practiced it on you.'
'Word for word.'
"Welcome everypony-"
'Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.' Lopez thought as he spaced out, having heard, and memorized this speech around 5 times.
"A pony's, whose attributions to-"
'RAINBOW DASH! OUTTA F***ING NOWHERE!'
"Did you see-" She stopped when she heard Lopez's laughter on the roof. Everypony looked at him on top of the roof and wondered what was so funny.
After a while he calmed down and saw that the entire town was looking at him.
"S-s-sorry *snort* I just *snicker* Rainbow when you interrupted her...*exhale*."
*Fwoosh*
He jumped to the far side of the stage and sat on the floor.
"Kay i'm good, continue Dash."
The town just dismissed his antics and continued to watch Rainbow go on about how amazing an athlete Applejack is.
'She be neckin'.'
'Neckin OD.'
'...What just happened?'
'I think we had a ghetto moment.'
'I can feel my I.Q dropping.'
After she did this 'super happy face' Twilight pushed her off the stage. She tried to continue with the speech until-
'...How did she get under there?'
'She must have squeezed herself under the podium.'
'...Have you ever wondered if Pinkie's a jumper too?
'...Yeah actually.'
She said something completely irrelevant to the situation...then she said something about Applejack helping her around Sugarcube corner, and free samples.
Next, Fluttershy proved to be just an equal troll as the others by gently poking Twilight and then talking. When she was done Twilight tried to continue the speech...
Until Mayor Mare just...stood next to her...and smiled.
Yep, just a smile. Twilight gave up.
'She just came paper.'
Again the crowd looked at Lopez to see him again laughing his ass off, some of the ponies laughed with him, others rolled their eyes. Lopez calmed down after a while.
"Continue." He said.
The mayor bragged about Applejack some more then they opened the curtains to see that...
She wasn't there.
'...Huh.'
Spike was still cheering, making himself look like a dumbass, until he realized everypony, including Lopez, was watching him, then he calmed down.
After a few very awkward moments of silence, Applejacks voice rang out from the back, she looked like did an all nighter of COD.
She went up...with a cart full of apples for some reason, and proceeded to act like someone who just smoked ten pounds of weed.
'...Okay?'
After she, and Pinkie, 'woo'd' into the trophy for a while, (Pinkie convinced Lopez to 'woo' with them), she...dragged her trophy away.
'Welp, now I know these ponies have weed.'
'She's just tired man.'
"Yo, Twilight." Lopez said,
Twilight looked towards him.
"Yes?"
"I have to do my rounds, see If Applejack is alright, okay?"
She nodded.
*Fwoosh*
And he was gone.
He was at the punch-in machine when he heard a familiar voice.
"Yo, Poof!"
"Hey, Ed."
"Did you see Applejack whe- never-mind, you where right next to them...your weird."
'And you just noticed that?'
"...I'm a teleporting alien from another dimension that gives candy apples to ponies...and steals their hats on occasion, what part of that sentence constitutes 'normal'?"
Ed laughs.
"Your right, your a weirdo even if you don't try."
"Ha. Funny..."
Ed punched in and they both departed to do their rounds.
After the work day, Lopez was strolling around ponyvillie, when he saw Rainbow standing on a fence for some reason.
A filly poked his leg, he looked down to see Scootaloo with her purple helmet and scooter.
"Hey Scoots, what's happening?"
"Hi Poof, I just wanted to ask...can I have a candy apple? I really don't know how it works so..."
Lopez laughed "of course."
*Fwoosh*
"I'll never get used to that..." Scootaloo says.
He jumped to his room in Twi's library and got three candy apples from his stash.
'Pedo.'
'Be quite.'
*Fwoosh*
Scootaloo jumped when he 'poofed' right in front of her.
"These are for your friends Scoot's, don't eat them, or you'll be missing your helmet."
Scootaloo jumped and took the three candy apples.
"Thanks Poof!"
"No prob."
She zoomed away on her scooter.
He looked to see Rainbow and Applejack on this see-saw thing and what looked like a diving board.
"Yo! What up with the see-saw diving board thing?"
They looked over.
"Oh, hey Shawn, Applejack here is helping me with my newest trick! Wanna see, it's gonna be awesome!"
"Yessiree!..*yawn* awesome and such..." Applejack looked like she was gonna faint.
'How much you want to bet that this all goes hilariously wrong?'
'This looks like something from a 'Wild E. Coyote' cartoon.'
"Sure, i'm done with work, why not? Now...where to sit..."
Lopez looks at the 'diving board', he's seen enough loony tunes to know where this is going.
*Fwoosh*
He is now standing on the elevated platform. He sits down and waits for Applejack to come up.
"You sure you got this?" He asked.
"Hoh my...yeah...ah think ah do... ah have tah land on tha one on tha right, right?"
'Wait...there's only one.'
"Ummm-"
Lopez started, but Applejack jumped off, and veered way to the right.
She pancaked on the ground.
Lopez looked down from the diving board thing.
"You good?" Lopez asked.
After Rainbow corrected her and she peeled her face from the ground, she failed three more times.
She tried to just manually lift the see saw, but Rainbow was not amused. She let go and Rainbow got knocked down.
'Oh no.'
"Here ah go!"
'Here it comes.'
"Wait!"
*Fwoosh!*
That wasn't Lopez this time.
"APPLEJAAAAAAAaaaack..." Rainbow was sent flying...
'Just how dense are these ponies? She was launched like, OD.'
'Don't know...She's heading towards the library.'
*Fwoosh*
Lopez suddenly was sitting on the balcony of the library, he stood up to see Twilight reading book, big surprise. He decided to be troll and stand right behind Twilight's reading form.
"Hey Twi." He greeted her. She jumped.
"ACK!" She looked back to see Lopez smiling. "Don't scare me like that!"
Lopez laughed a little and walked in front of her.
"Sorry Twi, couldn't resist." He braced himself and held his hands out, like if he was about to catch something.
"What are you doing?"
Some screaming from the distance was heard. Rainbow was flying towards the library balcony, but before she had a harsh landing on the railing, Lopez caught her.
"OOF!...Thanks Shawn."
"No prob...want a candy apple?"
Rainbow snorted. "Thanks, but I don't think it would be healthy having another encounter with something apple related."
"Eh, can't argue with you there." Lopez put her down. and jumped to a nearby tree branch to catch some z's
"Applejack?" Twilight deadpanned.
"Yup."
Twilight left for for Sweet Apple Acre's. Rainbow flew over to Lopez and the branch he was occupying.
"Dude."
Lopez opened one eye.
"Yeah?"
"I ain't a egghead like Twilight but...I was always curious about something."
'Ohhh, what's she so 'curious' about?'
'Dude, quit it.'
"What are ya so curious about then?" He asked.
"How...does it work, your...'poofing'?"
He laughed.
"I haven't had to answer that in a while. Well, it's simple really, if I know what the place looks like, I can jump there."
Rainbow sported a look of confusion.
"Jump? Twi calls it 'teleporting' or some junk like that."
"Yeah, jump just sounds cooler."
"Agree with you there...so, anywhere?"
"Anywhere, anything, instantly."
"Wow, that sounded really cool, though not as cool as me, but its up there."
"Heh...well, if I know what the place looks like, I can go there, unlike Twilight, i'm not limited by distance, it exerts next to nothing on me, and I can do it instantly, don't have to charge up magic like Twi has to."
"Sounds boring after a while, you never have the journey to look forward to, I wouldn't be able to live without the feeling of flying."
"That's why, even though I know every nook and cranny of this town, it never gets boring to just walk places, in fact, one of my favorite things to do is just walk around the town, it can be surprising how many things we take for granted."
"Wait, you know every nook and cranny of Ponyvillie?"
"Rainbow, if you give me a piece of paper and a...thing to write with. I can draw Ponyvillie, every detail."
Rainbow went into the library, and sometime later she came back with a paper and quill in her hooves.
She dropped them onto his lap and pointed a hoof at him.
"Prove it."
"Oh, is that a challenge?"
"You bet your flank it is, I want to see this for myself."
"Okay Rainbow, wait, I have to get something to draw on."
"Don't worry I-"
*Fwoosh*
Rainbow was interrupted by Lopez suddenly not being there.
"Woah, never saw that up clo-."
*Fwoosh*
"Hey Dash! You still want to see me draw?"
She did a double take behind her to see Lopez sitting on a chair with a table in front of him. She flew towards him and looked over his shoulder as he began to draw...
Rainbows face slowly grew more shocked as the seconds went by, he was PERFECTLY drawing the buildings and the whole town, with such speed and detail.
'Now if only there was a case that a guy got laid because he can draw well.'
'*sigh*.'
After about 2 minutes, all of Ponyvillie was on that piece of paper.
"Now what I tell ya?" He said as he gave the paper to Rainbow. She stared at it before flying into the sky. After about 10 seconds she came back.
"It's perfect! Every-...that's...awesome, bro!"
"Glad you liked it."
"...Can you draw ponies too?" She asked.
"Yup."
"Can you draw me then?"
"What do you want to do in the picture?"
"Something that displays my total awesomeness!"
'Oh please.'
"Hmm...I know just the thing."
'Super sexy pose?'
'What do you think?'
"Alright...but I need some color, can capture your 'total awesomeness' with just black."
"I'll be back in 10 seconds flat, promise!"
She flew away. Lopez started to count the seconds out of boredom. And what do you know, Rainbow fulfilled her promise and came back with a couple of art supplies.
"Alright then, look away, don't spoil it for yourself."
She turned around. After a couple minutes of drawing Rainbow's, already little, patience was wearing thin.
"Done!"
She flew over to him and when she saw the picture she drew, she almost screamed in joy.
It was a picture of her in a wonder-bolts suit, flying with Spitfire, her fire-like trail and her rainbow trial were mixing in a corkscrew pattern, there was a mach cone around them making it look like they were just about to break the sound barrier.
"That's...that's...SO AWESOME!" She screamed, she made that face again and captured Lopez in a bone crushing hug. She was squealing like a fangirl while suffocating Lopez.
'Heh, heh, heh...now if only we can work on why she's squeal-'
'Yeah, I get it, okay?'
"Omigosh omigosh omigosh omigosh omigosh omigosh!" She started to jump in place.
She then abruptly ended the hug.
"You didn't see that, alright?" She said.
"See what?"
"Good."
She looked at the picture and smiled.
"How did you-"
"I heard you were a fan of the wonderbolts, so I figure, why not give you some more motivation?"
She put out her hoof.
"Thanks dude...that's awesome."
Lopez met her hoof with his fist.
"No prob."
Some Flapping was heard in the distance. Lopez and Rainbow looked around to see Express Delivery barreling towards Lopez, when he was close enough he put the brakes on and landed on the balcony.
"Shawn! The med *pant* poison *pant* need your *pant*."
"Woah dude, calm down, tell me whats wrong." Lopez said. He was worried, Ed only called him by his real name when something was going down.
Ed took a couple of deep breaths before talking again.
"There's a bad case of food poisoning down at Sugarcube Corner! Like, 60 ponies got it BAD! They need you over there to help transport medicine!"
"Got it."
He turned to Rainbow. "It's been fun, but duty calls."
'Heh, heh...duty.'
'...*sigh*, wow man.'
*Fwoosh*
When Express Delivery said it was bad...it was BAD. Ponies were bedridden and vomiting everywhere, with that cartoonish sickly green color on their faces.
"What happened?" Lopez asked to the closest nurse, Red Heart.
"Something went bad with some muffins down at Sugercube Corner. And we need your help to transport medication. Twilight just passed by here. She said something about Applejack."
'She's been pretty busy wreaking havoc today.'
'What's gotten into her?'
'Overdose?'
'No, dude.'
For the next couple hours or so, Lopez helps bring medicine to the sickly ponies. A couple times he had to dodge some vomit.
Then.
"STAMPEDE!" Rainbow screamed...again.
'This again?'
Lopez sighed, The ponies were all stable and all they needed was a little rest, so he went to take a closer look.
'Bunnies?'
Lopez face-palmed.
"Really?"
Everypony started to panic...again.
"Really!?"
When the bunnies came into the town, everypony was locked in their house...again.
And one of the flower child sisters or whatever fainted.
"OH COME ON! REALLY, THEY'RE BABY RABBITS! YOU GUYS ARE ACTING LIKE THEY'RE A HORDE OF RADIOACTIVE MANTICORES!"
The bunnies ransacked everything that was plant matter in the town, and after a while Fluttershy came to try to settle the bunnies down.
They were noming on EVERYTHING.
Lopez went over to Fluttershy to try and see if he could help. He wasn't Doctor Doolittle but he tried his best.
Twilight came around and, summarizing, said 'that's enough' and left.
'Way to see that we needed help and offer it, those friendship lessons are doing wonders...'
After a while of 'rabbit roundup' Twilight gave the proverbial 'Avengers Assemble' and said that Applejack needed help with her apple-bucking, saying that that is the reason that she caused so much chaos today.
So Lopez and the other's went towards her farm to help.
This is were Lopez's jumping shines.
After Lopez and Rainbow Dash teamed up to increase effectiveness, (and to see if they could get more apple's than Twilight and her cheating magic...well Lopez had a bit of an unfair advantage too but that's beside the point.). Things went along pretty quickly.
Her speed and his jumping got more apple's than even Twilight. Lopez, with a good placed roundhouse, or super-kick (sexy boy!), could knock all the apples out out of the trees.
'Because screw you logic.'
And since Dash didn't have too worry about bringing in the apples she knocked down, it was a perfect system.
Applejack came around with some Apple-juice-
'Big surprise.'
'Kinda obvious with her name being 'Applejack' and us being in an apple farm.'
"Man, that apple-bucking sure made me hungry!" Said Rainbow.
Spike came out with the poisonous batch of muffins, which everyone declined.
"Hey, I got an idea." said Lopez.
*Fwoosh*
The ponies stood there and waited for him to get back.
*Fwoosh*
Lopez came back with eight candy apples.
"One for everyone-."
"Pony." Applejack corrected.
"..Right, everypony."
He gave all of them a candy apple, and the all merrily ate the sugar coated fruit.
Lopez clapped his hands.
"Welp, I gotta hit the sack. I have a cow to find."
*Fwoosh*
"...He has a what?" Rainbow asked.
Twilight just shook her head and continued to write her report, until she noticed something. The girls and Spike started to snicker.
"Applejack?" Twilight said while snickering.
"Yes? What's so funny?"
Rainbow pointed to her head.
"You may wanna take a 'headcheck'."
Applejack raised her hoof up to her head...
To find that her hat is gone.
"SHAWN!"
A scream was heard by Betsy the Cow.
"Now who do you suppose is that?" She said as she was walking towards Ponyvillie.
Lopez just shrugged. He was relaxing on Betsy's back. They actually became pretty good friends.
"Sounds like somepony lost something..." Lopez said. He put Applejacks hat over his face to block out the light from the sun.
It was quite on top of Twilight's library, Lopez was in his usual spot, the sun was beaming down on the town with vigor.
'What ever happened to that thing Luna said she was going to do?'
'I don't know Brent, the more time passes the more planning she is doing...and the more planning she is doing...'
'The more awesome it will be, I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it.'
'What brought it up, the question you asked?'
'It's the sun, it's really hot today.'
'So it is.'
Lopez covers his face with the hat he was wearing...it wasn't Applejack's this time. It was bigger and more...showy than her brown stetson.
'Show-offy is more like it. At least her hat isn't full of hot air.'
'I'm still impressed by how Twilight handled that huge-ass bear thing.'
'You've been wearing that hat for over a week now.'
'It's a really cool hat, it's very comfortable, AND it's enchanted so that it never gets dirty, protects against rain, and always stays comfortable.'
'All you need is pointy ears and you'll look like an elf. Enchanted hat, and can teleport. All you need is a beard and a long robe. You can pass off as the dean of the College of Winterhold.'
'Skyrim...another thing I miss about earth.'
'Speaking of Skyrim, remember when Fluttershy went Dovahkiin on that dragon?'
Lopez laughed, remembering the sight. Tiny Fluttershy making a dragon about 100 times her size cry like a little kid getting a scolding.
'Good times.'
'Their lucky the dragon didn't breath fire, just...snorted at them.'
'And remember how happy Rarity was when I slipped her some jewels from the dragons stash?'
'Remember when you fell asleep on the dragons head?'
Lopez laughed again.
'Yeah...this hat is awesome.'
His, actually pleasant, conversation with Brent was cut short when he felt a drop of water hit his arm. He sat up and put Trixie's hat (or at least it used to be) on his head and looked up. The sky was very cloudy and it looked like it was going to be a massive downpour.
"Shawn!? Ya here? Ah need your help!" Said a familiar voice.
Lopez came out of the library's branches and looked down to see none other than Applejack.
"Oh! Hey AJ! What do ya need?"
"There's a real doozy of ah storm coming and we need tah bring down all tha loose branches. Can ya lend a helping hoof?"
Lopez just stares at her and holds out his hands.
"Oh...can ya lend a helping hand then?"
Lopez smiled.
"Of course i'll help you Applejack, now-"
*Fwoosh*
Lopez was lying on the ground next to Applejack.
"Where do we start?" He said right next to her, his arm supporting his head.
Applejack jumped a little.
"Ya gotta stop scarin' ponies like that! One day ya gonna get a buck to the face."
"Yeah yeah yadda yadda let's go."
While Lopez and Applejack were starting to bring down the loose branches in the trees, some pegasususususususus-
'Pegasi Brent pegasi.'
'But isn't pegasus's grammatically correct?'
'Yeah, but pegasusususususususususususus isn't.'
Were moving around and placing clouds like a jigsaw puzzle in the sky.
'That still amazes me.'
"So Shawn."
Lopez turns around when Applejack addresses him.
"Yeah?"
"...Ya'll still wearing Trixie's hat?"
"Yup, it's a good hat."
"Ya look ridiculous."
"On the contrary, I kinda like the new look...are you jealous?"
"Wha-what!?"
"I'm not taking your hat anymore, are you jealous?"
"That's just a bunch a hooey yur spouting."
Lopez laughs a little before continuing on the job, all was fine and well, until...
"Now what in tarnation is that frou-frou pony doing? Shawn, stay here, ah need to talk to this one."
The 'frou-frou pony' she was speaking about was none other than Rarity. She was, in Applejacks way of saying it, 'prettifying' (Actual word, go figure.) the loose branches. Lopez knows the one thing you don't do is try to calm down to arguing females, so he just let them deal with their business.
When the rain and lightning started to come down they ran off towards the library (Rarity making a show of it, as per the usual).
Lopez, instead of just jumping into the tree-house, just wanted to walk there, his hat (screw you Trixie) letting the rain gently slide down the rims. He put his hand out to feel the rain...
It was warm...
'...Remember when Papi and me would would go out into the aguacero* when I was little?...'
'Yeah I-...dude, are you crying?'
Brent was right, Lopez was crying, his warm tears wetting the ground below him that the rain could not. Lopez wiped his tears away.
'I'm sorry, I...was just remembering...my first time...'
A little boy was running through the halls at blistering speeds, the sound of rain was the most prominent sound in the tiny, humble home. The boy ran into the living room to see his father working on some papers that confused the daylights out of the boy, but the papers weren't the boys main concern right now.
"Papi! Papi! Mira afuera, hay una ducha de lluvia! ¿Podemos salir a la calle? Ha pasado un tiempo desde que salimos y jugó bajo la lluvia! (Papi! Look outside, there's a rain shower! Can we go outside? It's been awhile since we went out and played in the rain!)"
The aging man looked at the excited little boy, and then back to his papers.
"Hijo, tengo mucho trabajo que hacer, y tengo que conseguir estas formas de trabajo en la mañana. (Son, I have a lot of work to do, and I have to get these work forms in by tomorrow.)"
The boy came closer to his father.
"El pronóstico dice que va a estar lloviendo todo el día! Después de su hecho con esas formas, podemos salir a la calle? (The forecast said that it will be raining all day today! After your done with those forms, can we go outside?)"
The man smiled at his son.
"Por supuesto, mi muchacho, ya casi termino con estas formas, conseguir algo de ropa de natación y para cuando usted los consigue, yo estaré listo. (Of course my boy, I'm almost done with these forms, get some swimming clothes and by the time you get them on, i'll be done.)"
The boy ran to his room to get his swimming clothes ready. The water truck won't be coming in at least four days, so they can't waste any water for laundry, only when they needed it. Plus, the water barrels the boy's father put out would be filled today! It was a good day by the looks of it.
When the boy but on his green palm tree swimming trunks (with there own underwear as an added bonus) that his dad bought for him when they went to America for vacation that one time. He took of his shirt, and went back to see his father putting away some papers in a red folder.
"Papá, ¿has hecho? (Dad, are you done?)"
"Sí, hijo mío, déjame mi ropa de natación y vamos a estar fuera. (Yes my son, let me get my swimming clothes on and we'll be out.)"
The man went into his room for a while before coming out with some trunks and a tank top, but before he came back the son went to his room and brought out a super soaker that his father bought him a while back. The father son duo went out and started to soak in the rain.
When the fathers back was turned, the boy went up to his father and was about to soak him...
Until the father turned around and started blasting him with a water gun of his own.
"Ahhh! Papá, ¿cuándo te hiciste eso? Ni siquiera veo lo sacas! (Dad, when did you get that!? I didn't even see you take it out!)"
"Te conozco demasiado bien para que usted pueda simplemente dejar pasar la oportunidad de utilizar ese hijo ... Estás loco? ( I know you too well for you to just pass up the chance to use that son...you mad?)"
The father and son started their water war, having the time of their lives...
Blissfully unaware of the car barreling down the dirt road, the driver couldn't control the car because of the rain making the dirt road muddy, and slippery. It didn't help that said car was older then the man driving it, it was bound to fail one day or another.
The father saw the car, but it was too late for his son.
"Mi hijo! Cuidado con ese auto! (My son! Watch out for that car!)"
The son looked at the car, and his eyes widened, their was no way that he would be able to move out the way...
His short life flashed before his eyes.
Finding a turtle at the beach that went to in America.
Moving into the house they had now.
His mother moving to America to work for a green card.
Him and daddy having fun outside...
'Papá ... yo quiero a mi papá ... (Daddy...I want my daddy...)'
*FWOOSH!*
The car didn't hit him...it continued forward until it crashed in a very big hole filled with plants and greenery.
The father couldn't believe what just happened...his son...just dissa-
He felt something hugging him hard, he looked down to see his son crying in his arms. He slowly hugged his son to comfort him.
"OKAY!...Okay, i'll stay...but i'm not doing anything-"
"...Girly" Lopez said as Rarity was applying a 'rejuvenating' mud mask on him.
'For Twilight...for Twilight...'
'Every sperm cell in your body hates you right now...that's a lot of hate.'
"Oh Shawn, the art of keeping yourself looking FABULOUS extends to both sexes darling!"
She emphasized the word 'fabulous'...
'You better start making out soon...'
'Shut up dude, this is for Twi...damn it Twilight.'
"Now, lets work on that wonderful long hair you have! And I must say, that hat looks simply DIVINE on you Shawn, especially since you stole it from that degenerate...oh I won't even speak her name!"
"Your kidding me right? That hat makes him look ridiculous!" Applejack protested...with curlers in her hair.
'Yeah, the pot calling the kettle black.'
Rarity rolled her eyes. "Well obviously you would say that, your taste in head-ware is so...bland."
"It gets tha job done, keeps me cool, nothin' else needed in a hat."
"I can attest to that, i've worn that thing enough times to know it's comfortable." Lopez joked.
Rarity and Twilight laughed in recollection of when Lopez wore AJ's hat...the multiple times.
"At least ah don't have tha night sky on mah head."
"At least I have something on my head."
Applejack was confused about Lopez's comeback...until she felt around the top of her head...
Nothing there.
"What, where mah-"
*Snicker*
Applejack looked at the girls to see that they were eyeing her funny. When she looked at them, they couldn't hold it any longer and they both burst into laughter.
She looked at Lopez to see that her hat was placed on top of his, and he was smiling.
"What!? How-...when did you-"
"I have my ways."
"Yeah that's dandy and all, give me mah hat back!"
*Fwoosh*
Lopez jumped to the open second floor and stuck his tongue out.
"Ya gonna have to get it."
Applejack tried to get the hat back, but Lopez kept on jumping away from her.
*Fwoosh*
"Sorry."
*Fwoosh*
"Try again."
*Fwoosh*
"Your too slow!"
*Fwoosh*
"C'mon, you can do better!"
"Get back here!"
Rarity and Twilight were laughing considerably, it went on for about three more minutes.
"Okay Lopez, I think she's had enough." Twilight said.
"Aww, your no fun."
He jumped back to his original position and held out Applejacks hat, she quickly took it, and put it on her head.
Lopez's smile was instantly taken away when Rarity put Kiwi's on his face...and started to mess with his hair.
'I think your sperm cells are committing suicide.'
'...It wouldn't be a surprise.'
"He he! This is so fun! Makeovers: check!"
Everypony's hair went back to normal, and Lopez's hair was long, flowing and-
'When was the last time you had a hair cut?'
'I haven't had one since we came to equestria.'
'You look like a girl...or worse, you know that guy from Yu-Gi-Oh, oh whats his name...Pegasus?'
'Oh ha ha, I see what you did there. But long hair is the norm for guys here, so i'm sticking with it.'
Next was ghost stories.
Applejack 'told' one about the 'frisy ghost'.
Rarity 'told' one about the 'messy inconsiderate ghost' .
And Twilight actually told a ghost story that scared the crap out of Rarity and Applejack...
It was pretty weak...
Now time for a REAL scary story.
The lights were already out...perfect.
"Okay every...pony, gather up, if we humans are good at anything, it's literally scaring the crap outta others, this is not one for the faint of heart...do you want to hear it?"
The lantern was in his hands, and the ponies seemed scared, even before the story is told...this...was gonna be epic.
"Kay...now, what i'm about to tell you...is the story of...Slenderman."
*A few moments later.*
The ponies were starting to cry, but they kept still as Lopez told them the story.
"His main victims are children. They claim to have pictures of him with many cold case children who were never found again..."
He went closer to the ponies.
"When he chooses you to be his next victim, they slowly become insane, he stalks them, able to teleport, appear and disappears at will with no physical trace."
Even closer, he puts his hand over the lantern to make it seem like it's not working, the ponies are too scared to notice.
"You never see him move...you never look back, or your dead...they find children and many adults...impaled on tree branches in the very forest they were lost in."
Even closer...
"They say Slenderman is a jumper...one of my people that can teleport anywhere...instantly. When he's around...things like...say lanterns for example...fail."
Even closer. The ponies move back some. They're suspecting him...perfect.
"When he gets near you...your mind is his, you see static...and the last thing you ever see...is his blank white face."
Even closer... he makes the lantern 'malfunction' even more.
"And you want to know what he says to people before he takes them...the very last works you hear before you die?"
They nodded their heads no, they were white with fear.
"He says..."
*Fwoosh*
He jumps to the room, stands up and puts the white mask on.
"W-w-where did he go?" Applejack asked.
*Fwoosh*
"I-i-i don't know dear but...do you feel...something behind us?"
They all turn around to see...
"I already know you..."
The lightning illuminated Lopez's form, a white face looking down at the ponies.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
They huddled up and screamed for they're lives, crying and screaming.
Lopez jumped back to his room, brought the lantern back, and took off the mask. They were still screaming, but Lopez waited until they stopped.
He was smiling. "How was that for a ghost story?"
Applejack peeled herself off of the group and responded. "You...you nearly done gave me ah heart attack..."
Twilight was next. "Who...who could make up such a...horribly scary story?"
"Oh this is gonna be awesome, it's gonna have jelly and Pb y TODO and..." He rushed off to the kitchen.
"Ummm...excuse me Twilight?" Rarity asked. Twilight turned her head.
"Yes?"
"What was...that all about?"
Twilight laughed. "Oh he just really loves his cinnamon swirl brea-"
"TWI!" Lopez jumped right in front of her.
"Yes?"
Lopez was holding a bag.
"Is this...what I think it is?" He said, his voice brimming with excitement.
Twilight simply nodded.
"EEEEEE!" Lopez squealed in excitement...It was a very high pitched squeal.
*Fwoosh*
Applejack and Rarity just stared at the place Lopez once was.
"If your wondering why he's acting like that, it's because...in his words, I am 'his nigga', in his world that is a term for very close friends. We've been living together for a long time, so he acts the way he wants."
"YO! They're ready!" A voice was heard in the kitchen. Twilight clapped her hooves together.
"Oh I just LOVE the sandwiches he makes, c'mon girls, you haven't eaten until you eat this!" She went into the kitchen.
Rarity and AJ just stared at each other, shrugged, and went in the kitchen...
"Who ever thought of putting a mini croissant in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" Rarity asked, using a napkin to clean her face.
Applejack was eating her fifth sandwich, mercilessly nomming on it.
Face, meet plate, play nice.
"Dayum girl, you can eat...in fact all you ponies can out-eat me."
'Giggity.'
'Ha.'
"Applejack, can you at least try to eat like a lady? That sandwich isn't going to run away and join the circus." Rarity asked.
Applejack peeled her face off the plate.
"What? Yah said something?"
Rarity rolled her eyes. "Nevermind, it wasn't important."
After the eating was done...now...it was time for the highlight of every slumber party...
TRUTH OR DARE NIGGA'S!
*Ahem* excuse me.
"Alright let me start this out, girls, humans are masters at making other people do stupid and humiliating things for no absolute reason other than a laugh...and i've never been prouder to be one at this moment. Now!"
He pointed to Rarity.
"Truth or dare my nigga?"
Rarity heard the 'my nigga' and was actually somewhat flattered at the statement...if only she knew.
"Bet miss frou frou over here is to yellow bellied to take a dare." Applejack smugly said.
"Well! I'm no coward I assure you, Shawn darling, dare. And don't hold back."
'Oh dis gon b gud! hot make out session, hot make out session, HOT MAKE OUT SESSION!'
"Wait here!"
*Fwoosh!*
A few moments later.
*Fwoosh!*
"I dare you!"
He took something ou- oh sweet Lord...
"To put on this banana suit! Go outside...and dance...in the mud...and the dance is...the worm!"
Applejack and Twilight burst out laughing, and Rarity looked like someone just stepped on her blind quadruple amputee puppy in front of her.
"It's *snort* the rules Rarity!"
Rarity slowly put on the suit, walked ( trot, canter, whatever) to a nearby mud puddle....
She started to...ungulate (funny word) in the mud for about two minutes, while every-sentient-being (everypony just doesn't cut it in this situation) in the tree house was laughing their heads off.
When she came back, she was wet, muddy, in a banana suit, and her mane was all the way down...it was hilarious.
Rarity made Lopez...*shudder*...wear a dress and three foot high wig, and when Applejack opened her mouth...she got it too.
'Your sperm is going to make their own terrorist group at this point.'
'how the hell can people WALK in these thing-...I really hope that this isn't lead based make up...for Twi...oh...'
After that fiasco...it was time for a little...revenge.
'MORTAL PILLOW COMBAT!'
Applejack threw the first one to Rarity's face, and that led to an all out war between them...
They know not the utter schooling they were about to receive...
Rarity caught three pillows with her magic, and hurled them back towards Applejack...
'Interception!'
Lopez jumped right in front of them, did a triple roundhouse kick a la Tai Lung (I don't care if i'm spelling his name wrong) and deflected them.
'Since when can you go all Bruce Lee on people? That hardly seems realistic, I mean...isn't a triple roundhouse kick just a TINY bit overdoing it for a pillow fight?'
'*ahem*'
'Oh right...talking ponies that can do magic...continue.'
Lopez was going to have more fun...until he realized that Twilight was entombed in a mountain of pillows. In a daze she escaped her tomb and called it a night.
Lopez was in his room...he fell asleep as soon as he hit the bed...
Two beings are floating through a black region of emptiness, one of them solid, and stable...one of them transparent. They both have there eyes closed, while around them...
Are sets of eyes...
The floating eyes have a silhouetted body shape...some of the deformed or harmed in someway, they continue to stare at the two floating beings...
Where they going? None of them know, but the emotion in the eyes are all noticeable...
They're worried...
When one of them tried to make contact, the transparent figure would cloak the solid one...
The solid one opened his eyes...
Only to see an emotionless face, it's eyes where solid blue, like the deepest of the ocean...
They continued down the black...the solid one never knowing about the beings on the outside...
And the other doing it's best to make it stay that way...
The sound of a tree violating the windows personal space didn't even make Lopez stir in his sleep...
But the rain was starting to pour on his head...and everywhere else basically.
"....Mrrrrrrg..." Lopez groggily said.
He stood up, feeling something weird on his head, but being to drop dead tired to care.
He got out of his room to see Twilight and her friends doing something about a tree that decided to come late to the party.
*grunt*
The ponies looked at Lopez...and then burst out laughing for no apparent reason. Lopez raised an eyebrow at them until something blocked his line of sight...
It was a bird...
'FREEZE!'
'There is a bird on my head?'
'There is a birdon your head.'
'Why is there a bird on my head?'
"Why is there a bird on my my head...and what was up with the tree making itself at home in my room?"
"It ain't just a bird Shawn, it's ah nest." Applejack said.
"Uhhh i'm too tired for this..." Lopez gently placed the birds home on a table, and went back to sleep, blissful...blissful sleep.
""HACHOOOO!"
Or not...
When your mom says to always cover your head in a rain storm...listen to her.
