King Harkinian finds out that his Boi Link is a brony. After throwing a very unnecessary tantrum, he personally declares war on Equestria. Armed with the Triforce of Courage and his trusty Dinner Blaster, the King set's off on adventure of destruction and mayhem. Can the Main 6 or Shining Armor stop the mad monarch, or will Sombra and his new body and powers destroy them all? Dash Attack presents probably the first CD-I/MLP fan fiction anyone has ever made.
Note: Pretend that the CD-I characters lines are sentence mixed to insure maximum hilarity.
The King was busy drinking his wine wonder about - you guested it - what's for dinner. Has he did so, he gazed out the balcony window and looked out at his Kingdom. Being the sole monarch of the great Kingdom of Hyrule was not an easy job (In theory), for it was always under attack by the evil forces of Ganon. Lucky Time and time again, his proud kingdom was protected by his Boi Link, the Hero of Hyrule and Koridie. Never in all his years had the King met a warrior has brave has Link. It made him proud that he could be a fatherly figure to the Boi who time and time again had saved his Kingdom and his flat chested daughter Zelda, who he wished would be more like Link.
As the kings thoughts shifted from dinner to Link, he realied that he never properly thanked him for the last time he saved his miserable excuse for a daughter.
"Hm, I'm going to Check on Link" he said.
With that the King made his way to Link room to properly thank him. As the king approched his room he thought he heard voices coming from within. It sound almost like singing. The King paid no mind to this has he swift opened the door.
"Mah Boi, I just wanted to - OAAAAAAAAAAH"
The King stared in horror as he saw Link sitting on his Computer watching My Little Pony. Not only was his boy watching it, but he was sing along to the opening song.
"Big adventure, tons of fun, a beautiful heart, faithful and strong, sharing kindness it's an easy feet and magic makes it all -"
"Enough, Link what the Hell is the SHIP, this show is for girls."
"I know but it is so awesome, Pinkey Pie is Best Pony"
"Link you are a groan ass man, this is gay."
"No king you are gay."
This statement made the king utterly confused. How could LInk watch such a girly cartoon and have the nerd to question his sexuality. It mind boggled him to know end.
"I don't understand, how is this manly."
"Check it out, its easy"
Link exited the episode that he was currently watching and quickly brought up the first episode on Netflix. Wile most would be bronies had the patients to sit threw the whole episode, the king mind was imminently closed . After watching the first 20 seconds of the intro, The King took it upon himself to take Links laptop and throw it out the window.
In raged by the The Kings complete disrespect for his stuff and the great show, Link unsheathed his Smart Sword. Normal, his sword would have no effect on The King due to the fact that it can't hurt anyone friendly. The worst it could due to him was make him talk. However, because The King unfriendly behavior, the sword was now able to recognize hims as a foe.
"Time to die you shit head".
With that the king bolted out of the room with Link right on his tail flailing his sword.
"OAAAAAAAAAAH, Zelda, Help Me. Save Me. Protect Me".
As if on queue Zelda ran into the hall and separated the homicidal Link from her deranged father. Knowing very well that what ever transpired between these two was probably something random and idiotic.
"Link whats going on" shouted Zelda who was very annoyed at the two of them.
"The King grabbed my stuff" said Link.
"Father why'd you do that."
"Zelda, Link manliness is under attack by evil forces of ponies, I'm going to Equestria to save him." The king said while making random hand gestures
Zelda just stood there silently for about five minuets starring at the irrational man before her. Over the past years, her father had done many ridiculous things like building a gun that can shoot burgers and forcing people to eat his shit. Actually now that she thought about it, what he was doing right now wasn't even half as crazy as those things, but she knew if she didn't stop him now, thing were only going to get worse.
"Father can you even hear yourself talking right now? Please fauther I love but if you keep doing this crap you-"
"Enough My Ship Sails in the Morning, I wonder what's for Dinner."
"But Father-"
"Oh and before you say 'what if something happens to you', i'll be taking both the Triforce of Courage and my dinner blaster. If you don't hear from me in a mouth, said Morshu."
"Why the heck would I send for Morshu?" said Zelda who was now going along with the Kings stupid plan.
"Because Link is no longer cut out to be Mah Boi, until can restore the warrior in him, we are going to need the help of a new Hero. Also Morshu is funny."
"What about my @#%$ing computer." shouted Link who up until now had been left completely out of the conversation.
King lifted his finger proudly in the air and turned to face Link.
"After you help Duke Ontlet scrub all the floors in Hyrule, then we can talk about your computer, now if you excuse me I need to prepare my ship for war".
Before he left for his chambers, Zelda called out to her father one last time.
"Due you even know where Equestria is?"
"I'll cross that bridge when I get to it."
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Meanwhile in Equestria, Twilight was practicing a preemption spell premonition spells spells to help ponies gaze into the future wile meditating. Sitting im a circle she drew on the library floor, Twilight began to clear her mind. "I wonder whats taking the visions so long" she thought to herself. "The book said that they would come in at least an hour or so, and i've been sitting her for almost to. Ok, focus Twilight. Just clear your head of all-"
With that, her mind went silent, and for a beef moment this was the only thing she could see in her mind
AN: This has been a test of interest. Spelling has never been my strongest area so be free spot any grammar errors you may find with ought this story. Knowing me, there are bound to be quite a bit. Hopefully It won't discourage you all from reading future chapter winch will be properly proof read. Although no ponies were in this chapter, I promise they will show up next time.
I have reason to believe that all of Equestria may be in danger. While practicing a premonition spell, one that allowed me to see glimpses of future, a strange bipedal creature appeared before me. In my vision I saw him terrorize Canterlot with a weird device that shot cooked meat at every pony in his path. Although what I saw was extremely vague, his presence alone was enough to scare me to the point where I actually started to shiver. I've been doing further research as to who or what this creature may be. One of my books on alien beings briefly mentions a creature that matches the description of the one from my vision. I believe the book referred to them as humans, but that's about the only useful thing I was able to find. For the first time since I've been your student, I hope that I miscast the spell.
Your Student, Twilight Sparkle
Celestia read the letter over and over again. It had been almost 700 years since a human stepped foot into her country. After the last human and pony war, the two races had almost complacently forgotten about one another. Even her own memory was foggy. As the ruler of Equestria, and a demigod of ponykind, ponies had always been her number one concern. Keeping tabs on the 24 hour cycle of the sun and her own country made it almost impossible for her to keep tabs on other races in other continents.
However, the one thing she didn't forget about the human was race was their ability to adapt and evolve over time. Back when humans and ponies lived together, it was always the humans who were able to adapt to the harshness of the world. While her kind’s survival depends on the control over the natural world, the humans were able to endure all the hardships her kind had seldom faced. Because of their resilience and their technology, they were potentially very dangerous, but not out-right evil.
Celestia had always made sure never to judge another race based on the individual actions of a few. If she did, she would have melted the entire Changeling Empire using a solar flare from the sun years ago. Malevolent thoughts of revenge started to creep into Celestia’s head as she imagined all the changelings being burned alive by her divine light, but quickly pushed those thoughts away. She was above all that.... for now. Her thoughts shifted back to the man in Twilight’s letter and what kind of person he was. If only she knew.
---------
"Oaaaah" Cried the King in agony.
It had been five days since he set sail to find and destroy Equestria. During this time, he had sailed past Narnia, Oz, and Middle Earth with out the foggiest clue of where he was going. He had also refused to dock the ship until he had reached his destination. Now he was lost in the middle of the ocean with no more dinner, no sense of direction, and no hope of ever reaching his destination alive.
Luckily for the King, help was on its way. Knowing that her father would probably get lost looking for an outcry that existed on freaking television, Zelda had sent the wizard Gwonam to go save her father from his own stupidity. Using his magic carpet, Gwonam was able follow the King, but up until now was unable to keep up with him. Now that the King had slowed down due to starvation, he could finally aid his majesty on his quest. Swiftly he swooped in front of the King.
"Your majesty, look, I am here."
The King slowly lifted up his head to gaze up at his savior.
"You saved me" the King said excitedly.
-----------
After docking in Gamelon to replenish the starving ruler, the King and Gwonam argued about what their next course of action should be. Although Gwonam was sent to bring the King home, this was not his intent. After hearing that the King was sailing in search of Equestria, his interest had peaked. Although Zelda did not believe that such a place existed, Gwonam knew what she did not. For generations, his Koridian ancestors had told stories of a land full of magic and techno color horses. Over the years, he had been researching and charting the possible locations of Equestria using his magic map. Now with the wisdom of his majesty the King, he might be able fulfill his life long dream of finding Equestria.
Unfortunately, he soon learned that the King’s goals were drastically different from his.
"Those ponies corrupted Mah Boi, I must destroy them at all costs"
"But your majesty, think of all we can learn".
"Not you too, they are girly and stupid and must die.".
"Have you at least watched the first two episodes?"
"Why the @#!$ would I do that, I couldn't even last 20 seconds."
"But Rainbow Dash is Awesome".
"Is she a lesbian?"
The kings’ last question really got him mad. Gwonam was a diehard SoarinDash supporter, and hated how so many bronies pegged RD as a lesbian just because of her mane. It wasn't right. However, even he had to admit RainbowFire was an interesting paring, but that was beside the point. Despite his inner rage at the King, he kept his composure and responded.
"It is only fanon."
"Than I am not interested."
Just like all the others, he thought to himself. With that he got up from where he was sitting and flipped the King his middle finger.
"Squadala,&^%# off." He shouted as he started making his way back to his carpet.
At first the King was very upset to lose such an important ally, but immediately perked up when he saw what Gwonam had left behind while heaving his fandome tantrum. The King now had the map, and he knew exactly where he wished to go. When the room was empty, the only thing that could be heard is the sound of his famous laugh.
AN: Gwonam's opinion was a parody of myself and my SorinDash bias taken to the extreme. Please for the love of Celestia, don't read too much into it. That whole sequence was a joke and nothing more. I hoped you enjoyed this story and I hope you don't get mauled by a mob of angry shippers. Until Next time my friends. Now for the ending theme.
Shining Armor was very surprised when the Princess had called him back to Equestria. After Cadence was found to be the true heir to the Crystal Thrown, they took the throne of the Crystal Empire. In Equestrian society, anyone with the title prince or princess -with the exception of Celestia and Luna - was only a figure head. When he married Cadence, he never expected to inherit any real power. However, the return of the Empire changed all that. As much as he loved Equestria, he loved Cadence even more, and vowed to protect her and the Empire with his life.
Even though he was now the ruler of an entire Empire, Celestia had somehow convinced him to remain Equestria's captain of the guard. At the time it didn't really bother him. He new Equestria was in good hoofs with Twily and her friends there to protect it. He figured that if Celestia ever did call for his aid, it would be for something that even she herself was unsure about. For every task that she sent Twilight and her friends on, she new the outcome. Every dangerous task she ever sent them on was a task that she knew they could overcome. Besides the surprise changling invasion, Equestria had yet to face a threat in which Celestia herself was unsure of the outcome Now as he stood outside Celestia's thrown room, he wondered if he he himself could handle this new task.
He entered the throne room and saw the princess sitting there waiting for him. He began to bow but the Celestia raised a hoof and stopped him.
"I'm sorry but there is no time to be formal my dear captain, or should I say Emperor."
"Just captain is fine your highness, but please tell me what is going on. Why have I been called back on such short notice."
Celestia than went on to explain Twilight letter and the brief history of human and pony kind.
"As you can see," said Celestia, "Whoever this human is, his intentions seem hostile. The spell your sister cast's has a radius of about 25 miles. This means that the events from her vision will either occur in Ponyville or Canterlot. I highly doubdt that the vision occurred in Cloudsdale, and Canterlot is already well protected. However, Ponyville is completely defenselessness. I need you take a squad of my best Pegasus Knights and set up a barrier."
Just than a letter appeared in front of Celestia. She quickly grabbed it with her magic and undid the seal. When she finished reading, she immediately dropped the letter.
"Oh my Dad, he's already there!"
---------
24 hours early
After stealing Gwonam's map, the King decided that in order battle the sissy ponies, he was going to need the help. While in Gamelon he, got in contact with his old pale Solid Snake. Unfortunately Snake was busy with stealthier things to be of any help. However he did patch the king to the one person who would probably know more about his enemy than anyone else.
Now After two days of charting and singing You are a Pirate, the King spotted what he hoped would be the long sought after continent of Equestria. Smiling with glee, the king took out the codec and set his frequency to 141.12.
"Otacon, I think I found it."
"Based on my calculations King, I think you are correct. However, we won't know for sure until you come in contact with the inhabitants. Contact me as soon as you confirm that this is Equestria."
As the King began to dock his ship, he thought he saw something in the distance. At first he couldn't make out what he was seeing. A dark blue dot was bobbing up and down in the sky in the distance. As the object got closer, it began to take the shape of what looked like a phone booth or a port-a-potty. Then without warning, the object cashed into a nearby field that was very close to where the King had docked. With his Dinner Blaster at the ready, the King jumped onto dry land and ran towards the crash sight.
The blue phone booth - or the "Police Box" as it said on the top - lay in a crater on its side. From the wreckage emerged a light brown stallion with a dark brown mane. As the being caught his bearing he looked around the area before speaking. "Blimey I knew I should't have traveled to the Discord Era. Now all my coordinates are all wibbley wobbley."
The King took out his codec and called Otacon. "Otacon who is this."
"That's Dr Whovees. He is a background pony that the fans have named him for his resemblance to David Tennents Doctor Who"
"Is he basically the same character."
"Well, technically yes, but he is still a force to be recon with. Since the comparison was made, other ponies with the same cutie mark have appear threw out the show. All of which rebelling other incarnations of Dr.Who. In addition his pony got a large amount of the Dr.Who fans into to the fandom, and has even been recognized as an actual doctor by the BBC. King, be careful, his sonic screwdrivew can disable you Dinner Blaster."
The call ended and the King lept into action. While the Doctor was caching his bearings, the king fired a burger at him wile sliding down into the creator like a bad ass . The burger hit the Doctor right in the head, causing him to fall over and drop his screwdriver.
"What. was that a burger, who in the bloody hay shot that."
"I am the King of Hyrule and am going to destory this coutry and this gay ass show."
"Licence that great all but there demonic Unicorn horn locked up in the TARDIS and I need to make sure it isn't-"
"Enough, wear this."
The King took out a saddle from out of nowhere and placed it onto the Doctor. Then with out warning he jumped onto the doctor, causing him to crouch under the his massive weight.
"Now take me away to Ponyville"
"Get off of me! your making a huge mistake, if that horn is loose than -
The King wiped the Doctor with a whip he pulled from nowhere.
"Och, please have mercy on my back, I think your breaking it."
"After you take me to Ponyville, than we can talk about mercy."
As the Doctor began to move foward in the direction of Ponyville, he attempted to pick up the his screw driver with his teeth. Just before he could close his mouth the, King swiped it away form him
"Oah Boi, I can't wait to tell Morshu about this. He will be so @#&!ing jealous."
And so the King road the Doctor thew the fields and meadows across Equestria. Meanwhile, the TARDIS was leaking large amounts of time energy within. Normally when there was a leak, the energy would eventually go back into the TARDIS The energy was slowly being sucked up by a curvy black horn with a blood red tip.
"It's been almost a month," cried Zelda, "and still no word." She put her hands to her face for dramatic effect.
Impa came and put her hand on Zelda's back to comfort her.
"I'm certain he's alright, though I have been wrong before."
"No," said Link "That old King is no match for the Elements of Harmony."
"Link," said Zelda. "Go to your room, and go f@#k yourself."
"Great," said Link "I'll grab my dodongo."
As Link casually left the room, Zelda face palmed herself.
"Impa," said Zelda, "I think we waited long enough. We are going to Koridie. Morshu might be a greedy psychopath but he is probably our only hope at bringing my father back."
"Alright dear, I'll get the rupees. Something tell's me we are going to need a whole lot of them."
-------
The Doctor and the King rode all throughout the day and into the night. During this time, the King worked the Doctor to his core. After living so many years, nothing the Doctor could remember amounted to this much pain in his back. They rode for almost six hours, only stopping once for dinner- which he didn't get. Once the King finished, he made the Doctor ride for another 12 till the fat bastard fell asleep on him.
I'm going to need to regenerate after this I just know it. As much as I love this mane I guess it was about time for a new look. Maybe I'll end up as a pegasus this time. I've already been a Unicorn once so I know I am not limited to one race. No, I can't think about this now. Derpy would think a changeling hijacked the TARDIS if I turned into somepony else without her being there. Ok, I need to keep calm, I need to-
"Enough sleeping, its time to destroy Ponyville, now giddy up horsey"
"Oh bloody hay, your right outside the bloody town already."
"Hrmm?"
The King turned his head around to find that the Doctor was indeed correct. He was about forty feet away from the town. The King smiled as he gazed at his target. He knew next to nothing about the show, but from what Link had told him, most of the episodes took place here. If he could destroy the town, he would be one step closer to destroying Equestria. Once Equestria was gone, the show would be canceled and Links manliness would be saved.
He prepared himself for the battle to come by loading his Dinner Blaster with burgers. He then took out a cloth and began scrubbing the Triforce of Courage. Lastly, he secured the sonic screwdriver in the front pocket. He got up from the Doctors back and began his march to war.
"Time to make Snake proud." He said as he put on his disguise.
------------
Twilight stretched her hooves and yawned. As she got out of bed she made a quick glance at the calendar. It was January 8th, witch meant today was Tuesday. "Wait" she thought, "Tuesday! Oh no! Could today be the day my vision comes true. Crazy things always happen to me on Tuesdays. My tardy panic, the time travel fiasco, that one day I got an A- on a math quiz...."
She started to hyperventilate before smacking herself with her right foreleg. "Ok Twilight keep it together." she said out loud. "Its been almost a month since you had your vision checked, and so far nothing bad has happened. Remember what the Dr. Getwell said about breathing." She took a large deep breath and exhaled.
"Everything is going to be fine."
There was was a knock on the door.
"Oh, I wonder who that could be?"
She ran down the steps and opened the door with her horn. Outside there was a large cardboard box that was just as tall as she was. Twilight eyes began to sparkle at the sight of it. She wondered what could possibly be in it. Books, star gazing equipment, more books, a new shipment of quills and ink, even more books. The possibilities were endless.
"I better bring this inside." she said has a purple aurora began to take hold of the box. When she lifted the box, horror and surprise quickly took hold of her.
This was what she saw.
There he was, glasses and everything, with the creepiest smile on his face.
"Sneak attack!" yelled the creature as he lunged at her. The creature landed on Twilight who abruptly fainted from shock.
-------
From the corner of the staircase, Spike watched in terrified horror as Twilight was assaulted by the strange alien creature. After she fainted,the creature took unconscious Twilight and began duct tapping her to a nearby chair.
Oh geez I need to get help. But that thing is down their with Twilight. If only there was a way I could instantly send messages without leaving the safety of - Oh, right, I forgot. Derp. He face clawed and began to search for a quill and some paper.
After finding some, he wrote something down as fast as he could. When he was done, it read Help! Princess. Twilight is in trouble. A monster is in Ponyville. He sealed it up and blew on it. Within moments the paper was gone.
Just then a golden light, unlike anything he had seen before, enveloped him.
The light quickly transformed into a golden bubble that he was now trapped inside. As his prison floated upward he gazed at the monster that attacked Twilight. His right hand was stretched outward, revealing three golden triangles on the palm of his hand. The triangle closet to the left was glowing.
"I found Barney's long lost son." the monster stated. "I better get a reward for finding you."
-------
"Lamp Oil! Rope! Bombs! You want it? It's yours! So long has you have enough rupees." Said a very plump shopkeeper with was dressed like he was from Switzerland or something. (With apologies to any Swiss bronies from the author.)
"We're not interested in buying anything," shouted Zelda. "My father's gone off on another delusional crusade to find a country from a @#$ing television show for five year old girls.
"Ah why didn't you MMMMMMMM, say so, I got just what you need.
The fat man went to the back of his shop and came back with a bunch of different items.
"Pony DVDs! Toys! Swag! You want it? Its yours my-
"No, I don't want any of that stuff! Just find my father before he kills either himself or someone else."
"I will help my friend, so long as you have the rupees."
"While we're here can I please get a Fluttershy plushy?"
"Impa, not you too!" said a face palming Zelda.
--------
"So, who the hell did I just tie up." the King said to Otacon while talking into the codec."
"That would be Twilight Sparkle." replied Otacon. "She is the the main character of the show and an apprentice to Princess Celestia herself. She is also one of the six bearers of the Elements of Harmony."
"Do I really need to know all of this shit. This is a @#$@ing kids show. She can't be that dangerous."
"Oh King, you can't be any more wrong. She is one of the most powerful magic users next to the Princesses themselves. During A Canterlot Wedding Part 2 , she blew a wall made up of crystal and stone with a magic laser beam. Later on in the episode, her friend Pinkie Pie used her as a Gatling gun. What ever you do, don't let her or her friends get anywhere near the Elements of Har-"
"Dammit they are just girly ponies, I will be fine." He hung up on Otacon and turned his attention to the slumbering Twilight. "I'm going to put on this mask now"
--------
A Dark figure emerged from the TARDIS.
"At last I, King Sombra, have been reborn by this new energy. Now the Crystal Empire will be... - hang on. Something is not right."
He lifted a hoof to his face only to find that his foreleg no longer had any. Instead, he had a dark gray human hand with fur on it.
"Wait, no this can't be!"
He ran to the beach to stare at his reflection. As he ran, he noticed that he was only using two legs, making him panic even more. Luckily they still had hooves for feet. When he got to the beach he gazed at his new self. To his relief, his facial features remained mostly the same. His shadowy mane and his blood red horn were still there. He even still had his shadowy tail. However, he now had a humanoid body coated with dark grey fur. All of this revolted the dark king.
"Curses! the Time Lords' magic must have altered my regeneration spell. I have become a human-pony bastardization of my self. When I get my hooves or..... hands on him, there's going to be hell to pay. But first-," He looked down at himself and blushed, "I better conjure up some clothes. This situation is awkward enough."
Once Ponyville is ashes, Then We Can talk about Mercy
"Oh Boy, I can't wait to watch some ponies." cried Link as he turned his on TV and put on the Hub network. Within moments the episode began to play. To Links surprise, it was like nothing he had ever seen before. It began with Twilight opening her eyes.
-------
Twilight opened her eyes and glanced around the room. She noticed three things were wrong right away. First off, she was tied to a chair. Secondly, Spike was floating in giant glowing orb beside her. Lastly, a large creature wearing a giant metal mask and a winter coat was standing in her lobby.
"Who.... are you?"
insert bane voice here
"It doesn't matter who I am, what matters is my plan."
Twilight stared at him with a confused look on her face.
"Look I don't know what your planning but when Princess Celestia finds out-"
"Ah so you think royalty is your ally." Replied the the creature, "you were merely adopted by royalty. I was born into it? Molded into it? Why I didn't go to TGI Fridays until I was 21, and by then-"
"Uhhh! Please take off that ridiculous mask. It makes your voice sound terrible."
Twilight focused her magic into the mask and tried to pull it away from the creatures face. Unfortunately, she was still groggy form getting knocked unconscious, and lost her concentration. The straps holding the Bane Mask caused a slingshot effect. The mask smashed right into the kings face and he was sent falling onto the floor.
Insert King voice here
"OAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" cried the king as he fell butt first onto the floor. "Why you little HO, I'm going to attack you and make you eat my shit."
----------
After the King threatened Twilight, the episode faded to black and then the opening theme began.
Link just sat there in shock.
"How the @#$# did THE KING get on My Little Pony.
--------
Meanwhile at the Hub's broadcast studio, the staff was going ballistic.
"What the hell is this, I thought this episode was about Fluttershy hugging a Panda."
"It was supposed to be sir, somebody call Lauren. The show has been hijacked."
"Somebody get this episode off the air, if that man really makes Twilight eat his shit, the entire network will be ruined."
---------
Sombra immediately took care of his wardrobe malfunction by summoning the most regal clothes he could imagine. He now had some black pants to go with his black coat. Silver light silver armor now adorned his anthropomorphic chest. He summoned his black cape and adjusted it for his new form. Lastly, he summoned his crown, which was the only thing he didn't have to change or enchant. Now he was ready to exact revenge on the Doctor, and reclaim his long lost kingdom.
"If I'm going to take down this Time Lord, I'm going to need some help."
Sombra raise his hands in the air and shouted to the heavens. "By the powers of hatred and fear, I summon two black heart minions from beyond time and space. A surge of yellow time energy, mixed with his natural black and green hate magic, enveloped his horn. The sky grew dark and completely blocked out the sun. A large gaping hole appeared in the sky, and from it shot two red streaks of lighting. When the sky cleared, two beings stood before the dark anthro Unicorn.
"HELLO THERE! I am Dr.Rabbit! The World's only rabbit dentist."
"And i am I.M. Meen, The Most Powerful Magician In The World."
-------
"There is no way in Tardis I will ever do something so gross" shouted Twilight as she tried to undo the ropes with her magic.
"If you won't eat my shit, then I will just kill you, OHAHAAAAAAAA... HRM"
Just then, the door opened to reveal none other than Rainbow Dash.
"Hey egghead, Just thought I'd return that Daring Do book you lent me. Um. What exactly is that thing, and why are tied up to a chair."
The King looked at her and smiled.
"You must be the gay one Gwonam told me about."
Rainbow Dash's face went still for a moment. The room was in utter silence. Before the King even had time blinck, Rainbow charged him and gave him an uppercut to the face Street Fighter style. She began to relentlessly beat the crap out of the King with no sign of stopping.
"How dare you. Do you know how many times people have called me that?" She threw a right hoof into his face. "Thousands! Ever since Flight School. No Stallion at my school ever asked me out because they thought me and Fluttershy were tight." She followed with her left. "So what If I don't like girly things, so what if I have a rainbow mane, you have no right to say that."
As she was about to follow up with another punch, the king caught her hoof with his fist. Rainbow gazed into the kings eyes, which were now growing bright yellow. The King opened his palm and a DBZ like energy beam came out of his hand ans sent Rainbow Dash flying into the wall. Rainbow Dash shock her head and flew few inches off the ground
"You think a little light show is going to -".
Bam
"A larger burger hit her square in the chest and she was sent flying out of the window."
"Gay. Straight. I'm the guy with the Dinner Blaster." stated the the King.
"Why are you doing this?" Shouted Twilight.
The king turned around and pointed his gun at Twilight. "Because you corrupted Mah Boi, now he's no longer fit to be a True Warrior. Now eat shit for Dinner."
"Never!" shouted Twilight as a purple lighting shot out from her horn.
"Take a piece of this." retorted the King who threw away his burger launcher to repel Twilights lighting with that of the Triforce. The two beams of energy collided with each other, leaving the King and Twilight trapped in a battle of magic vs magic.
"This is just like DBZ." shouted the King.
"I don't understand half the stuff that comes out of your mouth." shouted Twilight.
"You are more whiny than Zelda."
-------
"Gosh, I can't wait to show you to all my friends." said Fluttershy as she walked into town with a baby panda riding on her back. "I bet Twilight will have some great books on how to take care of you. Her house should be....Oh my!"
Fluttershy gasped as she saw an injured Rainbow Dash lying on the ground. Lettuce, tomatoes, and ketchup covered her body. She ran to her dazed friend to find out what was wrong.
"Are you ok Rainbow Dash."
"That.... jerk.... has.... Twilight.... Get.... Applejack.... Tell her to kick his-" Rainbow Dash passed out before she could finish her sentence."
"Quick little guy, we got to get Applejack and find Twilight." she said as she began running in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres.
------
Meanwhile during a live stream chat on the internet
"What is up with this episode?"
"Isn't that the King from those crappy CD-I games?"
Sombra looked at the strange figures he had summoned with his newly acquired power. On the left stood a short anthropomorphic rabbit with purple fur and dentists clothing. On the right stood a tall gray haired human wearing strange clothing. Both of them had a look about them that would cause most parents keep their foals far away.
They look as revolting as me right now in this accursed bipedal form. I guess these creeps will have to do for now. "Alright listen up," shouted Sombra, "I have summoned you here to this realm to help me exact revenge on an alien time traveler. Once my vengeance has been fulfilled, we are going to march north to the Crystal Empire and reclaim my throne." And my precious staircase.
"What makes you think you can tell us what to do." shouted Meen.
Sombra's magic flared out from his demonic horn, and within moments the sun disappeared and the sky became pitch black,
"Well for starters I can do this." said the dark king who began to cackle like a mad stallion.
"Oh no!" shouted Dr.Rabbit as a large shadowy cloud swallowed him whole.
"Wretched book worm, do you know who your-" before Meen could finish his sentence, he two was swallowed whole by the shadowy mass of clouds.
Using the power of fear, the king brought each of the pedo's to their own personal hell. Dr.Rabbit was brought to a reality where everyone's teeth were rotten. I.M. Meen on the other hand was brought to a library filled with the most literate children he had ever encountered in his life. It made them both cringe.
Even after they begged for mercy, Sombra kept them under his spell, enjoying their cries of suffering as if it were music. When at last he became bored of there torment, he released them from their hell. The sky turned back to normal, and Celestia's sun reappeared as if it had never vanished.
"Now you know the power I am capable of." shouted Sombra angrily. I have summoned you two here from the vast reaches of time and space itself. With that in mind, you each have two choices. Either you can worship me as your new god and master, and help me achieve my goals for vengeance and power, or you can all rot within your worst fears for eternity." Sombra's began to form an evil grin; his fangs glistening as he did so. "The choice is all yours."
The two pedo's looked at each before looking back at Sombra. Soon, they began bowing to him.
"How could I not serve someone with such a bright and healthy smile." said Dr.Rabbit.
"I wish to become your apprentice in the dark arts master." said I.M Meen. "Together, we can destroy all the goody-goody bookworms in the world?"
"Good, now all we need is a mode of transportation, I sense the Doctors presence is at least a days walk on hoof."
"I think I can be of assistance master." replied Dr.Rabbit. Using two of his fingers, Rabbit made a loud whistling gesture. Within moments a magic hot-air balloon with the words Colgate written on it landed near by.
Sombra sighed, "I gess this will have to do for now."
And so the three villains got on the rainbow striped hot air balloon and flew toward the direction of the Time Lord.
-------
Back in Ponyville, the King and Twilight were still having their epic laser beam battle. They had been going at for about two minuets, but it felt like three whole episodes of DBZ.
Eventually, their magic began to build up in the center of the two beams. This caused the flow of magic to break and created a huge explosion. The explosion blew the library to pieces, and sent both of them flying in opposite directions. Ponies of all races watched as books, tree bark, and Spike rained down form the sky.
The chair that Twilight was tied to had completely shattered, and she was now laying on the ground with all four legs stretched out. The King on the other hand, was lying on his back on top of a destroyed flower stand. Both of them stood up and glared at each other. By this point, the two them royally despised one another.
"What in tar nation is going on."
They both turned around to face Applejack, who had a lasso on her back.
"Lookey here Mister. I don't know what you are or where you came from, but if you hurt mah friends, then your gonna get ya flank kicked."
"I didn't know there were rednecks on this show." replied the King.
"I know nothing about no show, but I think it's mighty offensive that ya judge a pony based on her accent. Yes it's true, I work a lot in the apple fields, and mah neck gets pretty red when I'm out in the sun all day, but there ain't nothing wrong with that. You see-"
"Enough! take this."
The King picked up his Dinner Blaster and shot three burgers at Applejack. Using her hind legs, she was able to buck each of the three sandwiches back at her opponent.
"OHAA SHIT!!!!" cried the King just as a burgers hit his square in the chest. He stumbled back and collapsed on the ground.
As the king lost consciousness, Spike's prison's disappeared. Both he and Applejack ran to help the injured Twilight.
"Are you alright sugar cube, ah hope that thing didn't hurt you to bad."
"I'll be alright, but we need to get word to Celestia before that creature wakes up."
"Don't worry Twilight." said Spike. "I sent her a letter before that thing wrapped me in that bubble."
"Twilly, your alright."
Twilight's face lit up like a Christmas tree when she saw her brother flying down to her on a pegasus drawn chariot along with an entire battalion of pegasus knights.
"Big Brother, what are you doing here?"
Shinning Armor stepped out of the chariot and ran over and hugged his sister.
"Apparently i'm still captain despite being both a Prince/Emperor of the Empire. Politics is weird and complicated Twilly, I gave up trying to understand it along time ago."
And so the King was sent to Pluto for his crimes against ponykind. Sombra and his goons died in a hot air balloon explosion and Friendship is magic remained on the air because no little kids were watching the episode. This is how the story would have ended if Dash Attack was a sadistic troll like the people who wrote the ending to AC III. Seriously, what was up with that crap. They better explain themselves when the DLC comes out. Anyway, here's what really happened.
Just than, a giant B-17 bomber came out of nowhere and started carpet bombing Ponyville, destorying coutless homes in the process. Twilight watched in horror as the plane lodged itself into the town hall. From the cockpit emerged Morshu with a bomb in one hand and Red Potion in the other.
"Sorry my little MMMMMMM ponies, but I can't let you take the King."
He uncorked the red potions and ran to the Kings body. Then he opened the Kings mouth and poured it down. The King opened his eyes and shouted, "You Saved Me".
"Zelda told me to bring you back, my King."
"I'll pay you double what she did if you help me destroy these sissy ponies once and for all."
"Deal."
--------
Meanwhile, in Paris France, two men watched the episode from the magic fire place. For the past four minutes they had watched the idiot king abuse, mock, and threaten the ponies they loved some much. Once, Morshu carpet bombed part of the town, they knew enough. The oldest of the two men stood up and looked towards his friend.
"Gaston, it's time we smite the wicked and plunge them into the fiery pit."
No major ponies were harmed during the making of this chapter. That includes ponies like Lyra and Bon Bon. However, many generic guards and background ponies were. The following chapter contains graphic food launching and bomb throwing.
"Fall back men, protect the civilians." shouted Shining Armor from within the safety of his purple bubble shield. Twilight, Applejack, and Spike watched in horror from within the shield.
Ponyville was in a state of Chaos. Burgers, magic, spears, and bombs were flying everywhere. Any soldier who wasn't fighting was trying to escort anypony they could away from the battle zones. Rainbow Dash, who was just waking up, was dragged off the battlefield by one of the guards.
"Ahhhh, I like colts dammit, that one time I was just drunk, I swear."
"Mam, that's good and all, but is now really the time,"
Her eyes shot up as she became fully alert. She looked up at the guard and scowled. "If you tell anyone about that I'll clobber you."
"If we weren't under attack I'd have you place under arrest for threatening an officer."
The King had set his Dinner Blaster into rapid fire mode, and was mowing down the guards with steak, burgers, and pizza. Morshu, was throwing lamp oil onto the guards, making them more vulnerable to his exploding bombs. He tossed a bomb at a nearby guard, but accidently threw it into one of the windows of Sugercube Corner.
"No," cried Pinkie Pie, "My Cupcakes Will Burn!" She watched in horror as the gingerbread bakery blew up from the inside, sending crackers and frosting in all direction.
Some of the local unicorns in the area tried to help with the fight, but none were powerful enough to harm the King.
"Shining Armor," cried Twilight, "did your bring the Elements of Harmony."
Her brother nodded as he focused all his mental energy into keeping his bubble shield intact. "They are in the chariot, but it's too dangerous to get them. You need to get out of town and get to safety."
"Big brother my friends are still here, I need to find them before they get hurt or worse."
"Don't ya worry about a thing captain; I'll make sure she stays safe. I swear on my element."
"And I swear on my dragon's code to protect Twilight at all costs, you can count on me sir."
"And I Pinkie promise" said Pinkie who had somehow gotten through the barrier. "What this King person is doing is illegal you know."
Shining Armor nodded his head. "When I release the shield, make a run for the elements, me and my men will stall as long as we can."
Spike hopped on Twilight’s back and the two mares turned to face the chariot
"Now run!" shouted Shining.
The shield disappeared and the girls ran for the chariot. While the king was focusing his fire on some airborne soldiers, Shinning Armor charged. As he ran he began shooting magical projectiles from his horn. His spells were strong enough to throw the King off balance and make him trip.
"OAHHHHHH!" cried the King as he fell forward onto the ground. While still on the ground, he turned to face his opponent and fired his gun.
"Eat this!"
The brave captain avoided the projectiles, not once losing sight of his target.
"You’re going to pay for what you did to my sister you bastard."
Just as Armor was about to impale the King with his own horn, the sneaky monarch summoned his own bubble shield with the Triforce. Luckily for Armor, his special talent didn't stop at just making shields. Just before he was about to collide horn first into the barrier, he charged his horn with enough magic to diffuse the shield. When his horn made contact, the shield started to dissipate. Without stopping he lowered his horn and aimed it at the Kings heart."
Before Armor could go for a killing blow, the King raised his hands and began shooting Sith lighting out from his fingertips.
"DINNNNEERR!!!!!!" he shouted "UNLIMITED DINNNNNNNERRRRR!!!!!!!"
Shining Armor was no match for the Kings movie reference, and his body began to go numb from the lighting. Before he passed out, he saw Pinkie Pie and Applejack pull the chariot containing the elements and his sister to safety. He had failed to defeat the King, but now his sister was safe.
-------------
Lauren Faust sat in the office of the president of Hasbro.
"We can't have kids exposed to this insanity, we need you to fix this or the show will have to be cancelled."
"I'm sorry sir, but from what you told me, the episode is being hijacked by another media source. There is nothing any of us in the real world can do about it."
"I don't understand Lauren."
"That man from the episode, I've seen him before, on YouTube, but I have no idea what he's from or who he is."
"This is insane, in all my years as president this has never happened before. Characters from other media don't just invade cartoon shows. Now we already got the episode off the air, but if this happens again, someone is libel to sue us. I want you working with the writing team and to make sure the next episode is age appropriate, or we will have to cancel Friendship is Magic.
----------
From the outskirts of town, Doctor Wooves watched the town of Ponyville burn. Had the King not broken his back, he would have gone to stop him. But, he was in excruciating pain, and the only thing he could do was watch helplessly as the town fell apart.
Had he been looking behind him, the doctor would have seen a giant rainbow hot air balloon floating towards him. The balloon landed and Sombra and his henchmen stepped out.
"Doctor, I have a fever and the only prescription is your death."
The Doctor turned around to face a bipedal King Sombra and two other creatures.
"Oh bloody hell!"
Sombra lifted the doctor with his magic and drew him closer to his face.
"Bloody hell is right good doctor, unless you can tell me why I look part human, and how I can change back."
The Doctor scratched his chin with his hoof as he thought about what could have caused this. When a theory came to him, his eyes were wide with fear.
"Oh no, I think I know what happened to you! But you’re not going to like it."
"You better pray to that witch Celestia that I do, or I will choke snap your neck just by thinking."
The doctor sighed. "Very well, here’s what I think happened. When the TARDIS crashed, time energy was leaking everywhere. Some of that energy must have copied DNA of to that King fellow who attacked me. After we left, you saw it appropriate to regenerate yourself, but only part left of you - your horn - was too weak. So, logically your horn took in whatever energy it could find to help you regenerate. When you absorbed the time energy, it gave you powers beyond your comprehension and understanding, but it also altered your regeneration. The Kings DNA is inside of you Sombra; I wouldn’t be surprised if parts of his personality started to -"
"OAHHHH, you piece of shit, I'm going to make you rub my Wii Wii for Dinner"
Sombra released the Doctor from his magical gasp and covered his mouth in his hands. What on Earth compelled him to say such a random and creepy thing? The situation was worse than he thought. Looking like an abomination was one thing, but this was ten times worse. Slowly he removed his hands from his mouth and began kicking the doctor using his right hoof.
"Fix this now and I might spare you. I have a new focus for my vengeance, but it was still your TARDIS that did this to me, so fix it."
Slam Slam Slam
"Och! I- Och- can't- Och- but stop kicking me and I'll tell you how to control your multiple personality disorder.
Sombra stopped his assaulted scowled. "Go on."
"Your split personality is temporary; it will get better once you learn how to control it. Just expect to say random things from time to time, it will pass. Now if you let me go, I can try and find a way to get you back on all four legs again, but you have to promise me that you will stop your mad crusade of enslaving everypony and getting revenge."
A sinister smile crept onto Sombra's face "After you scrub all the floors in the Empire, than we can talk about stopping, Mr.Meen take him away."
"Yes Lord Sombra." said Meen as he made a bowing gesture and took out his magic book and threw it at the doctor. The book opened and the Doctor was sucked into its pages. He was now trapped in the magical labyrinth of I.M. Meen, which was very scary and confusing.
Sombra looked at the burning town in front of him. He had a feeling that the human King was in that town causing mayhem. A man after my own heart. Nevertheless, I will make him pay for taking my form and stealing the joy I would have felt from such great power.
"I believe our enemy is in this town somewhere," stated Sombra, "You, Rabbit, set up trap so nopony leaves town. Meen, I want you to check on that farm in the distance. As for me," He raised his hands and summoned a magic sword that was as red as his horn. "I will search the town, in the morning. I wonder what's for Dinner."
He then left his henchman to go find dinner in the Everfree Forest. His henchmen just shrugged and went their separate ways.
----------
Meanwhile at Frollo's house, he and Gaston were preparing for war. Frollo sharpened his sword while trying to avoid contact with his fireplace. Lately, he had developed a lustful obsession for Rarity, and kept seeing images of her dancing in the flames. Not wanting to repeat his mistakes with Esmeralda, he kept his hormones under control and focused his attention on saving her. Gaston loaded his gun and began eating his eggs. As he did, he thought of Twilight and how much she reminded him of Bell. Maybe this time, she would fall in love with him after he saved her from the King.
When the two were ready a thought crossed Frollo's mind.
"How are we going to get to Equestria?"
Gaston rubbed his chin with his hands and pondered for a moment until a light bulb lit up on top of his head.
"I Know." he said.
Gaston took out his I-phone and called someone.
A few minutes later, a familiar robed figure came finally to Frollo's balcony on a magic carpet.
"We must hurry." said Gwonam, "It is written, only Gaston and Frollo can save Equestria"
"Do you know where it is." replied Frollo.
"Luckily I made a copy of my map; now let's go kick his ass."
For this part of the story, I decided to try something new. I decided to use YouTube to help me tell part of the story. I won't make a habit of doing this, but I thought it would be kind of funny. I also thought it would help people who are not familiar with the origins of one of the characters.
Twilight and Spike sat on the chariot being pulled by her two earth pony friends. From a distance, she saw that her brother was in trouble. Unfortunately there was nothing she could do to save him. The only thing she could do was pray that her brother could survive. Right now, she had to focus on protecting the elements and finding her three remaining friends.
From what Applejack had told her, Fluttershy was taking refuge at Sweet Apple Acres, so she should be safe for now. She also thought she saw Rainbow Dash being carried somewhere out of town by one of the guards. That left only one friend unaccounted for.
------------
Meanwhile at Carousel Boutique
"Unhand my gems you uncivilized brute." shouted Rarity, who was tied up to one of her own manikins
She watched in horror as Morshu ransacked her store and grabbed every gem he could get his large hands on, putting them in his large rupee wallet. As he did so, a loud CHING sound came from out of nowhere with each gem he touched.
"Sorry Rarity, but I need your MMMMMMM Rupees."
After stealing every gem he could from her private treasure chest, he began to toss and break all of Rarity's vases and pot's. As he did, gems would appear where the broken vases and pots landed.
"That's strange! Sweetie Bell must have put those there the last time she visited? Regardless, you can't just barge into a mare’s house and smash her pots."
Morshu picked up the Gems and turned his head toward Rarity. A creepy smirk crept on his face.
"Alright, I'll make you a deal. If you let me French kiss you, I'll leave."
Rarity gasped. "Absolutely not you fat ugly pig, I'd rather die in a fiery explosion before hold your hand, let alone kiss you."
"I can arrange that." He said as pulled a bomb out from under his green coat.
Just then, Twilight barged in horns blazing and shot Morshu in the chest before he had a chance to light the bomb. The shopkeeper fell onto the floor, causing the whole shop to shake from the impact of his fall. Twilight turned to face Rarity. Using her magic, she took control over a pair of scissors and freed her from the restraints.
"Are you ok Rarity?"
"I'm just off. That pervert wants to kiss me, and he destroyed my shop. Worst yet, he's taken all my gems and cut off part of my mane?
"Why would he do that?"
"Apparently it would have been worth a lot of money wherever he's from. I guess word of your fabulous work must have reached his homeland?"
"Are you gal's coming or what” shouted Applejack form outside, I think I hear that King fellows voice a few blocks away from here. We need to get to my farm and get Fluttershy and my family to safety."
"She's right Rarity, we have to find Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash in order to activate the elements."
Rarity’s eyes began to tear up as she started to cry
"But Twilight, that man destroyed all my fabrics and dresses. They are too damaged to repair. If I leave now, how can I prevent anything else from getting destroyed."
"Your never make things easy do you Rarity." Thought Twilight.
"If you don't leave right now I'm going to revive that man on the ground."
Suddenly Rarity bolted out the door and ran to the chariot. She jumped on and sat right next to Spike - who was now blushing tremendously.
Twilight sighed. "Three down, two to go." She said has she trotted out the door.
When she was gone, the seemingly unconscious Morshu uncorked some Water of Life and brought himself back to full health.
--------
At the edge of town, Rainbow and the guard who rescued her were trying to flee. When they got outside however, they both stopped themselves dead in their tracks. The outskirts of town hand become completely roped off by a wall of dental floss that covered almost the entire perimeter of Ponyville except Sweet Apple Acres and the Ever Free forest.
"Ma'am, are you conscious enough to fly?"
Rainbow Dash got up onto her hooves and looked at the guard. "This is nothing; my body has built up a slight immunity to these sorts of situations. I can fly just fine? Unfortunately I can't fly with you. You said Twilight and the others were still in that town with that judgmental jerk. I need to go save my friends and beat the living crap out of that jerk King. No one call's RD a lesbian and gets away with it." Even though they sort of do anyway, but one problem at a time.
The guard sighed. "Just be careful out there kid. It looks like I'm the only guard that made it out who isn't still fighting that freak. I need to get to Canterlot and ask the princess for reinforcements. I hope you find your friends. Also between you and me," He paused a moment to spread his wings majestically. "I wouldn't mind taking you out for drink in Cloudsdale when this is over."
Rainbow Dash blushed a bit, trying her best to hide it. She had an image to keep up after all. "I'll consider it, so long as you don't tell anyone about that one timer I spoke about earlier. I really was drunk on cider at the time, I swear."
"My lips are sealed Ms. Dash, now go find your friends."
She floated a few feet in the air and raised her hoof to salute the soldier. Then she sped off into the sky in order to spot her friends. As the guard watched the speeding Pegasus, a floppy eared dentist crept up behind him and injected him with antihistamine. His body became numb as the drug took hold of his body.
"Now let's have a look at your teeth." he said as he stretched out his glove. "Open wide!"
----------
Ignatius Mortimer Meen had been spying on the Apple family from the safety of an apple tree for a while now; waiting for his opportunity to snatch the little yellow goody goody with the red bow. As the sky began to get darker, so did the impatience of the wizard. While the elderly pony was asleep in her chair, both the filly, the stallion, the Pegasus, and the panda were alert and awake.
Why won't those goody goodies go into another room. They are beginning to annoy me
Suddenly, he heard the sound of hooves in the distance. While still holding on to the branch he turned his head and squinted. He could make out the shape of an incoming chariot. His curiosity got the best of him and he teleported himself closer. When he was close enough, his face lit up with rage.
"its mother f&%$king Twilight Sparkle," he said to himself. "That's the pony Norris won't shut up about. Apparently she is the biggest goody goody bookworm to have ever been seen on television."
His frown quickly turned into a smile as an insidious thought crept into his mind. "I bet she'd make a great addition to my labyrinth. HA HA HA HA HA!"
-------
"Pardon me fellas," said Applejack who began to slowdown as they approached the farm, "but did anyone hear that cackling just now. It sounded like a demented foal molester."
"How would you know what that sound like." said Rarity.
Before she could answer, she saw something pop out from behind a tree. "Cuz, there's one right in front of us."
Meen pointed his finger at the chariot and sent it flying into a tree. The impact caused both the ponies and the elements to fly in all directions.
"What's the matter ponies? Are your frightened and confused? Good! HA HA HA HA."
Twilight was the first pony to stand back up on all fours as the other struggled to get upright.
"Who are you? Are you with that dinner obsessed King or that fat pyromaniac."
"Don't worry little brat, that man is my enemy. I serve a far more powerful king, one that will help me obtain power beyond my wildest dreams."
"Well I'm not sure about that last part but it looks like we have a common enemy, so why the hay did you attack us just now?"
The magician laughed, "Well maybe after you watch this video, you'll be able to put two and two together."
By now everypony was up off the ground and standing right besides Twilight. They watched as the magician raised his hands and magical movie screen appeared before him and began to play a scene from an educational video game.
When the video finished, the four mares looked up at I.M. Meen.
"I don't get it." said Twilight "If you hate 'book worms' so much, why on earth do you go into libraries. Also, why would you kidnap children you don't like. This all sounds really fishy to me."
"It's that sort of over-thinking that got those brats from the video in trouble, now I'm going send you and your goody goody friends to my Labyrinth. Try reading this book worm."
Just as the magician was about to throw his book, he was tackled by a speeding Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash flared her wings back and skidded on the ground, using Meen as a make shift surf board. When the two finally came to a stop, Meen's purple coat was covered with dirt and grime. He clenched his fists in anger and scowled at the blue Pegasus that was standing on top of him.
"Ahhhhhhhh, retched pony, you ruined my beautiful coat, now you’re going to -"
Bonk
Rainbow Dash clobbered him with her right hoof and knocked him out cold. Afterwards, she turned to face her friends.
"Are you girl's ok?" she asked. "If this creep hurt you guys in any way I swear I'll."
"We’re fine Rainbow my dear," said Rarity, "But what about you? You look awful."
"Psss, I'm fine. It'll take more than a chunk of meat to bring down the fastest flyer in Equestria." she spread out her wings and flew over to Twilight.
"So judging by all the scattered jewelry, I'm guessing your trying to round everypony we can to blast that King jerk with the elements."
Twilight nodded, "That's right. But first I need to cast an ejection spell and free any of the poor souls that are trapped in this perverts book"
Her horn began to glow as she zapped the book with a spell. As soon as the beam made contact, the book opened up and out popped a brown Earth Pony.
"Blimey thanks a lot girls," replied the Earth Pony, "But I'm afraid we have to hurry. King Sombra has been resurrected, and he's out for revenge against that Harkinian fellow."
Twilight gasped. "What, that's not possible. Candace and the Crystal Ponies killed him months ago. How is that possible. And for that matter, who are you?
Oh boy I love it when they ask me that one.
"I'm The Doctor."
His Sword Won't Be Enough. (Guest Staring Phoenix Wright)
As Luna’s moon rose above ponyville, King Sombra rose from depths of the everfree. In one hand he carried his sword, and carried a manticore on his back with the other. He brought the fallen creature to his campsite and put beside the fireplace. Despite being born a herbivore, He had acquired a taste for meat when he began tampering with dark magic.
Has he prepared to sit down he turned to Tuned to Doctor Rabbit who was busy to torturing a pegasus guard by drilling his teeth.
“Please don’t drill any more. I brush my teeth teeth twice a day I swear”
“I’m afraid you forgot to brush your tongue and floss in the back. Now stay still... this could get messy.”
“Enough.” shouted Sombra who waved his hand against his will. “Rabbit, we will need him to talk if we are to plan our attack against this false king and the Equestrian dogs.”
“Yes, your highness.” said Dr. Rabbit as he let go of his prisoner who was tied up with dental floss.”
“I see you have barricaded the town like i've ordered. This is good news. However, I can’t help but notice that Meen is no longer with us.”
“He never came back from the farm.” replied the dentist.
“Then it’s time I call forth another being to survive me.
Sombra’s raised his hooves in the air has his horn began pulse with both dark magic and time energy.
“By the powers of hatred and fear, bring me someone with a creative mind and desire for destruction.” Like a before a giant hole appeared in the sky. This time, the moon was blocked out. From the hole emerged three streaks of ready lighting. They stuck the ground and created a large explosion. When the smoke cleared, three figure stood before Sombra. Two of the figures appeared to be made of metal. One of them was very tall with a chicken’s beak. The other was short and green with treadmills for legs. The third being was a plump man with a slightly bald head and extremely large mustache. The plump figure stepped forward toward Sombra.
“I am the great Dr. Ivo Robotnik, the most intelligent scientists in all of Mobius.”
Sombra smiled. “Welcome to my army doctor. We attack in the morning as planned. Why don’t you and your friends going me in the rabbit for some delicious Manticore?”
“I’m not hungry” the two doctors said in unison.
“More for me then.” Said sombra has he raised his sword and chopped off the manticore’s tail. “I don’t know about you, but I always find the poison to be the best part of the meal.”
-------------
“Hey Dash Attack. What the hell are you doing? First you leave me out of the last chapter. Then you ignored my story for more than a month. Now I don’t even know if this story is even about me anymore? This story is called King Harkinian goes to Equestria, not furry Sombra has Dinner. Get back to me already.”
At once your Majesty. But please leave the fourth wall breaking to Pinky Pie next time. You’re coming dangerously close to ripping off So you’ve grown wings. I know originality has never been your strong suit but try and keep things fresh for the viewers. Now where we? Ah yes!
-------------
The town of Ponyville was a complete and other mess. Most of Shining’s platoon had been either captured or killed. The ponies whose houses had not caught fire or been demolished hid in their basements. The only ponies who were lucky enough to get away were the pegasi, while the rest were left to fend for themselves.
In city hall, the king had made himself a wooden throne, using a very worn out Shining Armor as a footrest. Has he sat there, he got out his codec and tuned it to the right frequency.
Metal Gear Codec Beep.
“Father, where the hell are you,” shouted Zelda “Please tell me Morshu has talked some sense into you.”
“Zelda, me and Morshu have conquered Ponyville. Soon this entire land of pricy ponies will be completely wiped out and Link will stop acting like such a homo.”
“Father, Link’s always acted a little fruity even before this stupid pony fad. Besides, you've had your moment’s too.”
“Don’t talk s@#t about Mah Boi.” and what do you mean. I am am as straight as a light arrow.”
“Objection!” Boomed a loud voice has the the door's city hall flew open.
A tall man with spiky hair and a blue suit stood before the King with his right hand pointing straight at him.
"I'm sorry your majesty, but what you just said is clearly a contraction. In the YouTube video The Kings Secret, you made it abundantly clear that you like to experiment. I don't judge people sexual preferences past on their interest's, but what you did in that video does not make you "straight as a light arrow."
"Objection!" shouted the King. "Mr. Wright,that's just one video, out of hundreds. There is no continuity in YouTube Poop."
"While that may be true, but the fact that your willing to disregard those incarceration's of yourself is highly hypocritical. I have two very good friend's who are into that Steal Samari Show, and guess what. I don't think anyless of them.
Phoenix Wright tilted his head as a smug smile of over his face.
"So that that I've put your masculinity into questions, will please leave the people of Ponyville in -
Pow Pow Pow
Without warning the King took out a his Dinner Blaster and pelted Phoenix with hundreds of burger's The force of each impact was enough to send the poor defenceless defense attorney straight to Narnia.
"That's for not realising Investigation's 2 in Hyrule."
With the Phoenix out of the way he returned his attention back two Zelda.
"Sorry Zelda. Anyway, I've already come this far I've might as well see this threw. True warriors don't watch My Little Pony."
"Father, you need to get to come back home before Gwonam get's there and brings-
"Their the heathen king would dare defy not only our lord, but the will of the divine sisters themselves."
The King turned around to see Gwonam, Frollo, Gaston, and a fourth figure that stood directly behind the other three.
"I say we kill the King" shouted Gaston.
"That won't' be enough Gaston. We must cleanse his soul with the fire's of judgment."
"Your Majesty," respond Gwonam has he took out an AK-47 and hosted it into the air, "It's payback time bitch."
"You three make sure everypony else is alright. That old king is no match for me."
The fourth figure moved forward into view, causing the King open his mouth with shock. The figure stood with his signature green attire, but he no longer looked like his goofy self. With the Master Sword in his left hand, and I hylian shield in the right, he stared at the King with murder in his eyes."
"Link Mah Boi! What is the meaning of th-"
"Shut up King, you have destroyed my favorite show. Now I'm going to destroy you. And this time, I grabbed my stuff. I have three red potions, one fairy, and one green potion. I have 99 arrow's and Bombs. I also brought my hookshot, my hammer, my Gale Boomerang, and Pegasus boot's and the Triforce of Power. Now you better leave before I skyward strike you all the way to hell."
"Oh Link, we can talk about thi- OAHHHHH"
Link shot the King with a ice arrow and froze him in place before he could finish his sentence. However, the ice was no match for his majesties awesome power as he broke free. Using the Triforce of courage, the king called foth The Sword of Courage and made a dash towards Link.
"I will show you no Mercy Boi." cried the king has his sword made contact with links
"I'm gonna make you do the duck walk before I stab you with the sword! Cool, huh."
Meanwhile, Frollo and Gaston decided to see if they could find their special somponies and win their affection while Gwonam stained behind to watch the fight.
--------
Back on the farm the Doctor had just finished briefed the entire main six about what was going down.
"So you see, we need to find a way to stop Sombra and this King fellow before everything goes to hell."
"We'll be able to stop them. We have the element's with us. All we have to do is blast them both and everything will be alright."
Just then a swarm of swat bot's and badnicks came burst into the farm guns a blazing.
"Take cover everypony," shouted Twilight has she pushed the table and began firing magic at the oncoming onslaught.
"Granny, Apple Bloom, git your flank's into the cellar now! Big Mac, buck these confused thingamabobs.
Big Mac tied a black bandana around his head and nodded.
"Eeyup." He said he bucked a buzzbomber clear out the sky.
A fat man on a flying metal metal sphere came crashing it the room. "Kill them! Kill them all! If we destroy the element's Sombra will surling give me a PROMOTION."
Everypony including did there best to hold back the Robotnick hord.
The Doctor was able to disable them with easy using a makeshift sonic screw driver. It wasn't as powerful as the one the King stole from him, as it was made out of materials he found around the farm. That didn’t stop from short circuiting many a robot with the glowing work tool in his mouth.
As Twilight wile and Rarity blasted the robot's with magic, Rainbow Dash went head to head with the airborne Robotnick. The Eggman tried desperately to shoot her down, but she dodged every bullet and laser that came her way.
“Come one slow poke hit me. I’M WAITTINNGGG.”
No it can’t be. That’s impossible.
Rainbows words brought back painful memories from his past. Robotic psyche tried to deny it, but there was no question about it. She reminded him of someone. So one who had tormented him for years, driving him yank every hair from the top of his head.
The voice of his of his tormentor in his rang in his head.
Rainbow Dash looked at the mad sicentist with a look of confustion. He seemed be in some catatonic state.
“Wow, I think I just broke him with my awesomeness.”
She shrugged and went back to fighting the robots down below.
While AJ helped Big Mac with the bucking, Pinkie Pie pulled out a cupcake gatling gun and mowed down every robot in her path. Even Fluttershy was caught in the rage of battle, which gave her the strength she needed to rip, tear and smash any robotic that came between her.
Robotnick eventually go over his post traumatic blue speedster syndrome and began shouting orders to his remaining troops.
"Were losing the Battle." cried the mad scientist. “Retreat!”
A smoke bomb landed in the center of the room and blinded everypony. When they smoke cleared, Robotnick, the remaining band knicks, and the chest containing the element's were gone.
"Well look on the bright side," said Pinkie Pie, " At least things can't possibly get any worse."
Just then, two french men barged in from what was once the front door.
"Hello ladies", Said Gaston with a wide sinister smile on his face.
"Don't mind us," said a rape faced Frollo, "I am righteous man."
Gaston and Frollo try to seduce Rarity and Twilight.
Twilight backed away as Gaston leaned in close to her. "So Twilight, would you like to massage my feet. I know this place isn't as cozy as my rustic hunting lodge, but I it will suffice.
Twilight jerked in discust at Gaston's pervy suggestion. "Wait, What! Who are you?"
If you wan't my little friend "Lefou could sing you a wonderful song about me, but he's not here right now!"
Just than Lefou and rest of the drunks from Beauty and The Beast barged in and began to sing the Gaston Song.
No one's slick as Gaston No one's quick as Gaston No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
As Twilight and AppleJack tried to chase the strange assembly of newcomers out of the house, Frollo's eyes were transfixed upon Rarity. He reflected upon the hours he spent by his fire place (which can magically act as a computer) looking up naughty clop pictures in secret, longing to be with this mare. In his mind he saw this as the Lord giving him a second chance, so long as he didn't try and burn this one at the stake in an attempt to control his unbridled lust.
"My your as regal as Notre Dame herself." he said. "Quazy thinks I'm a weirdo for looking up porn of you, but what does he know? That bitch Esmeralda turned him down like she did me. But I know your different."
He placed his bony hands on Rarity's mane as he put on his signature "rape face"
Rarity slapped the zealot pervert with her hoof. "We're not even the same species darling." she shouted, causing Spike to slouch down in disappointment. "Plus what are you like, 65 or something?"
Frollo grabbed her. "Listen, here. If you show me love, the Lord won't see this as an act of bestiality and I won't have to go back to hell. Now you will french kiss me at once or I will have my soldiers burn down this farm."
"Honestly darling," replied Rarity. "Your really need to do something. I'm flattered that you like me, but burning things isn't going to get you laid."
Frollo turned to Gaston, still holding Rarity "I knew I should have slept with Panty. Gaston, how are things on your end."
Frollo answered his own question when he realized Twilight was electrocuting his friend.
"You witch!" cried Frollo as he drew his sword. "You will do Gaston or face fiery judgment."
"Um." shouted Rainbow Dash. "What about stopping that evil king dude that called me gay."
Gaston looked up. "Wait! That means AppleDash isn't canon. This is a disgrace!"
Gaston unbuttoned his vest and used his manly chest hair to repel Twlight's magic back at her. He walked over to Dash and pointed a finger.
"Listen here Dash." he said angrily. "The fannon consensus is that you are a fillyfooler, or a the very least are bi with a preference for mares. If your straight, all my favorite stories on FiM won't be cannon anymore. If you don't make love to Appledash right here, right now, I'm going to shoot Spike."
He raised his musket and pointed it at the Dragon, who was still sulking about Rarities earlier comment. "Go ahead, he said. There is nothing left for me." he said, eyes wanting.
"Easy there squirt!" said Gaston as he lifted the gun up in the air. "Trust me, my monster hunting days are over. This gun isn't even loaded."
To prove his point, Gaston fired his gun, only to have it go off and blow yet another hole in the already destroyed ceiling.
"Gaston you idiot." Frollo said as he pointed his bony ring finger at Gaston. "You could have killed someone or somepony."
"Oh, like you killed that poor women trying to protect her child. Jesus even I wasn't that evil of a villain!"
"You tried to have an innocent old man institutionalized in order to force his dauhter into marriage."
"You are such a hypocrite." yelled Gaston. "You killed tons's of gypsies off screen and tried to burn a girl alive just because she wouldn't have sex with you."
"Don't make me go supper sayin again." yelled Frollo. "Cause if you wan't to finish that last fight we had, be my guest."
"Everypony stop!" Screamed Doctor Whooves, who the author just remembered was in this story after such a long hiatus. "Listen, our kingdom is under attack by the evil forces of this King Harkininan. We don't need anymore drama from anymore random humans.
Just then the Hotel Mario and Gay Lugi burst in the room.
"Rainbow Dash." yelled Mario holding up a letter. "Look!"
Rainbow Dash flew over and grabbed the letter.
"It's says it's from some Dr.Rabbit. Fluttershy, did Angel get a dental degree or something."
"I'm not sure!" replied Fluttershy.
"Maybe Angel gets a dental degree in Season 4. But I think the writers would make a male Alicorn character happen."
Rainbow Dash shrugged off Pinkie Pies nonsense (assuming that this fic actually follows logic), and began to read the letter aloud.
Dear Peaky Fillyfooler,
The Children and I, have kidnapped that stallion you like. That stallion is now a permanent patient at one of my seven Rabbit Clinics, I dare you to locate him if you are able/
Rainbow Dash finished reading and grunted. "Sorry guys, but that nice guard pony needs my help."
"But Rainbow," yelled Twilight. "We need you to use the Elem..."
"Sorry, but I need to go save my friend." I'm sure you can defeat that king guy without me.
In a blink of an eye, Rainbow was gone, leaving Twilight with a frightened Apple Family, a time lord, two Italian plumbers, a group of drunken French men, and two arguing Disney Villains that wanted to do her and Rarity. All the while two evil kings were conspiring to destroy her home. Hell, one of them literally did destroy her home!
"What are we going to do?" yelled Fluttershy
Mario lifted his fingers, "If you need instructions on what do next, check out the enclosed instruction book."
