Hard, long, difficult -- take your pick. Any of those words could describe Derpy's day, delivering mail and packages to ponies. She patiently sits inside Mr. Calzone's restaurant awaiting her order. However, a mishap causes the mail mare's delectable deep dish pizza to go to the wrong pony with the recipient's beloved dessert pizza to her.
Derpy, with her oath pledged, sets off to deliver a pizza and claim hers with a bonus. A week's worth of free pizzas, it's probably worth a bit of trouble, right?
The dim light from the rose colored lamps, hanging close to the ceiling, gently illuminated the restaurant. Freshly made pizza could be smelled by everypony with Mr. Calzone’s Pizza Perfection establishment packed as usual. Customers patiently waited for their takeout near the pearl white counter in the lobby. The delivery pony slowly tapped his hoof on the ceramic tile floor, awaiting the orders to deliver. His only saving grace from the noisy lobby was the music coming from the compact player securely tucked into his saddlebag.
Derpy sat on the red sofa near the counter, patiently awaiting her order. Thoughts of kicking up her hooves on the couch at home, and relaxing with Dinky at her side after a long day were great. Today had been a rather long one. Hard being an appropriate word.
One delivery stuck in mare’s mind, having brought a rather large box to the Ponyville library. The thing weighed a ton, turning out to be a new, specialized mannequin for making dresses. The mail mare didn’t even have to look at her delivery book to know the item had been delivered to the wrong address. Lugging that thing across Ponyville to the correct recipient was a nightmare in the making. Thankfully, the Ponyville librarian, introducing herself as Twilight Sparkle, had no objections in taking the dress form to her hopeful fashionista friend at Carousel Boutique.
That seemed like the perfect break the mail mare needed, the large parcel being the last of her deliveries for the day.
“Always busy, I knew I should have ordered ahead,” the pony mumbled to herself in a frustrated tone. She kept promising herself to learn how to cook, and make dinner before she left the house. But it always ended in some disaster. “Next time, next time I WILL pre-make dinner before leaving the house… though Dinky said I shouldn’t try to cook anymore. Stupid aluminum foil, it should have handled the blow torch. I just wanted to melt the cheese a little for my Daisy cucumber sub!”
The hands on the clock slowly moved forward. Only ten minutes had gone by since the mail mare arrived at Mr. Calzone’s and placed her order, though it seemed like it was taking forever. Derpy found herself in a usual daze with the image of that perfect pizza entering her mind. A beautiful triple cheese, deep dish pizza with extra marinara sauce, topped with celery seed for added flavor. That perfect, wondrous sixteen inch pizza and its sublime texture, all for eight bits – “beautiful” is the only word the mail mare could use to describe it.
She closed her eyes, continuing to imagine the sight of that pizza and its perfection. Sitting on the couch in her home, eating it with Dinky as both of them watched their favorite program would be a good way to say goodbye to not so good day.
“Miss… umm, miss? You’re salivating,” said the royal guard in a polite, yet firm tone. Sitting next to the gray pony, he sheepishly grinned at her, guessing the mare was thinking about her order. Derpy opened her eyes, wiping the drool from her mouth. She smiled at the Canterlot Castle protector, quickly replying, “Sorry. I am just so hungry. I can’t wait to get my order.”
A quick sound of the counter’s bell interrupted the two before they could continue their conversation. Both listened carefully as the earth pony behind the counter announced the new orders that were done.
“Order UP! Number fifteen. Number sixteen. Here ya go!” the pony said in a loud, clear voice.
Derpy slowly stretched out her wings while the royal guard shifted his head from side to side, popping the crick in his neck. Both were eager to get their orders, but approached the counter in a polite manner.
“It’s on the house as usual. Make sure to give my regards to Princess Celestia.” The cashier smiled at the armored pegasus.
The pegasus stallion gave a gentle nod to the gray pony and attendant behind the counter before grabbing the box. Mr. Calzone’s door chime rang, but was easily drowned out by the noise of the lobby as the royal guard swiftly left for Canterlot Castle.
“Just one nibble, just one tiny little itsy-bitsy nibble shouldn’t hurt. I mean… I need my strength to get home after all. “Derpy giggled to herself.
The mail mare opened the cardboard box’s white lid, and then squinted at the object inside, believing she made a mistake. But it was impossible. That sweet smell could never be mistaken. It was one of Mr. Calzone’s premium dessert pizzas. A combination white chocolate and dark chocolate, topped with a drizzling of strawberry glaze.
“I didn’t ask for dessert!” the mail mare quickly shouted, the earth pony’s face growing cold as she heard those words. She turned to the gray pony with her hoof hovering over the register, just about to put the gray pony’s payment inside. Mr. Calzone’s perfect record was in jeopardy. Princess Celestia always had prompt deliveries.
The swinging door to the kitchen opened as the owner stepped out upon hearing the mail mare’s words. From behind the counter, the earth pony maintained her cold stare at the dessert pizza on the counter. The earth stallion owner spotted the order still there.
“Hey! You’re a mail pony right? You make deliveries?” the pony said in a deep, low voice, eyeing Derpy’s saddlebag. “I’ll give a week of free pizzas and your current order on the house if you deliver this to Princess Celestia, ASAP!”
Without hesitation, the mail mare faithfully recited her oath of delivery, dashed out the door, and flew into the sky. The promise of free pizzas for a week couldn’t be passed up, nor should it. However, Derpy quickly returned to the restaurant, giving Mr. Calzone an awkward grin before firmly securing the box on her back and flying off once more.
The owner placed his hoof over his face, shifting his head from side to side. “What have I done? I should have just apologized to Princess Celestia, could have avoided problems if I gave her two desserts next time.”
“O so gooey, cheesy and chewy. Deep dish, deep dish… “The pony merrily hummed to herself, singing a few verses under a quiet breath. She flew towards Canterlot, and closed her eyes to imagine those magnificent prizes for her hard work. Three if she counted her current pizza on the house. It would take thirty minutes to get to Canterlot Castle, luck prevailing. Yet the mail mare maintained her happy attitude, humming the melody she created as she continued her journey. “O so gooey and perfectly right, nothing better for a cold bitter night. Deep dish, deep dish.... “
With her eyes closed, the grey pony plowed through several clouds, letting out a quick sneeze. The cold weather never really agreed with her, only a few days passing since Nightmare Night. Derpy remembered she had packed a scarf, and landed on a nearby, undamaged, cloud. However, as the pony opened her saddlebag’s left pocket she found the scarf inside to be her thinnest one. It was only useful for early fall weather.
A chill wind blew across the mail mare’s light hued mane while she sat on top of the cloud, shivering. She held her hooves close to her mouth, repeatedly blowing hot breaths onto them. Thankfully, the pony found a thicker scarf inside the other pocket of her saddle back. Tenderly, and carefully, wrapped around a small letter.
“Thought it might get a bit chilly today and packed your thick scarf. Stay safe and warm. Love Dinky”
Derpy gave a slow, gentle smile towards the red scarf, her favorite scarf. She always liked the three snowflake shaped tassels on the end. The glitter, imbedded into the white fibers of the tassels, shined in the beautiful light of the full moon. It was urgent to deliver the dessert pizza as quickly as possible. But the dutiful mare couldn’t help marveling at the night sky, and the moon. She leaned back, putting her front hooves behind her.
“It really is a beautiful night. Maybe I should bring Dinky along next time. She always has fun watching the sunset from the clouds -- Huh? What the hay? Where’s the pizza box!”
The grey pony looked over the side of the cloud to see the pizza box rapidly falling to the ground; its white cover only visible due to the full moon’s light. A horrible image of the beautiful pie smashing on the hard ground bellow entered Derpy’s mind. Her happy thoughts of getting a free week’s worth of pizza rapidly dissipating faster than a pegasus pony destroying a cloud.
Derpy leaned back even further and calmly stretched out her hooves over her head, diving off the cloud. Each exercise had been expertly drilled into her from flight camp. The grey pegasus swiftly flew towards the pizza box, grabbing it before gracefully pulling out of the well executed maneuver.
“Why do these boxes always fall through clouds? I thought they would have made a cloud proof one by now. We have the magic. I saw those two earth ponies and that unicorn walking around in Cloudsdale that one time,” the pony grumbled to herself. Her pounding heart calmed as she opened the box, its contents safe. A familiar voice broke the calm silence of the night, interrupting the pony's train of thought.
“You know, if you collapse your wings another half inch or so in that power dive you can get more speed and stability."
The mail mare looked up to see Ponyville’s premier flyer following her.
“Heya Derpy.” Rainbow Dash said while she relaxed on her back, calmly flying above the grey pony. The sky blue pegasus turned around, ready to ask a question but quickly answered it herself after spotting Mr. Calzone’s Pizza Perfection insignia, stamped in red, on the box’s white cover.
“You gonna share some of that with me? I could use a late night snack.” The athletic pegasus grinned, causing the mail mare to suddenly stop and secure the pizza box. Derpy calmly floated in place as she promptly held out her hoof. She recited the oath of the delivery pony to Rainbow Dash, ending her speech by saying the pizza needed to be delivered “to Princess Celestia in Canterlot,” urgently and untouched.
“Hey Derpy, I got it. My friend Twilight has a great assistant that could get your pizza to Princess Celestia in ten seconds flat.” The sky blue pony reassuring her friend this idea would work. Derpy raised an eyebrow at the pegasus, remembering her tricks from flight camp. “Dash, come on. I know there’s no way a pizza can be delivered that quickly. Even at top speed it takes you nearly ten minutes to reach the gates of Canterlot Castle. It is my duty to deliver this pizza. I certainly won’t trust a unicorn to teleport this thing either. That incident in Ponyville with the unicorn and that banana… “
“Whoa! We promised never to speak of that again.” Rainbow Dash said, quickly interrupting the grey pegasus. “My friend said she was sorry for teaching a teleportation spell like that to another unicorn who hadn’t properly trained in magic. Anyways, this is completely different. I promise you. Better yet, I double Pinkie Pie promise you it is completely different.”
The mail mare slowly descended to the ground, carefully placing the pizza on a nearby rock. She listened to her sky blue pegasus friend as the mare detailed her accounts of seeing Spike, the faithful “dragon” assistant of Twilight Sparkle, sending letters to Celestia. It would be a cinch to send the dessert pizza this way, probably safer.
“It’s really simple. The little guy belches on a letter, and then ‘poof,’ the scroll is on its way. Spike’s trick is pretty nifty if you ask me. It should get that pizza there faster than by hoof. Though he does set the scroll on fire…”
Derpy’s eyes widened as she heard the word “fire," quickly imagining a dragon turning the dessert pizza to ash. She darted for the pizza box, secured it for travel, and wrapped her favorite scarf around her neck.
“NO! YOU’RE NOT DESTROYING MY CHANCE AT A WEEK’S WORTH OF FREE PIZZA!” the pony exclaimed, dashing into the night sky with her words echoing behind her.
Rainbow Dash fell onto the ground, laughing as her hooves twitched in the air. She could barely imagine the sight of the poor mail mare’s face if Spike actually tried to teleport the pizza to Celestia. However, the athletic pony realized that Derpy, at her current speed, might beat the record she held for traveling to Canterlot.
“Guess I’ll just have to set a new one later on.” Rainbow Dash happily smiled. The sky blue pegasus saw her mail mare friend vanish from sight, on a direct course for Canterlot. “Good luck to you Derpy Hooves. You’ll make it in time. I know it.”
Equestria’s brilliant moon gently illuminated everything below; its beauty and serenity carefully graced by the sound of serenading crickets in the nearby trees. Princess Luna’s magnificent work made this night perfect. There was no pony in Equestria who wouldn’t appreciate the scenery, except one.
Derpy’s hooves scraped along the ground, hovering just slightly above it, as she struggled to flap her wings. Moving forward at a moderately slow pace, the pony felt like some elderly pegasus on her morning stroll. Her hopes of gaining altitude had disappeared along with that seemingly boundless energy.
A calm stream passed beneath the pony as she lay on top of a small bridge, her legs and wings spread out.
“Pizza… need to deliver… pizza,” she said in an exhausted tone. The sound of the cricket’s gentle lullaby echoed lightly in the night air as the grey pegasus repeatedly struggled to find that lost energy. Her dutiful mind rejected the notion of giving up and fought to continue. But the pony’s tired body refused to obey her commands.
“Must deliver… must deliver pizza…” the mail mare said with one last breath, succumbing to the peaceful song of the night. She closed her weary eyes and slept on the cold wooden bridge. Her heartfelt words however, never went unheard as a passing pegasus neared her home.
“O my, let’s get you inside.”
A warm, gentle embrace greeted the grey pegasus, slowly opening her eyes to find a comfortable blanket covering her body; its hoof quilted butterfly pattern was barely visible in the moonlight that came from a nearby window. The pony fought to stay awake, but that wondrously soft, thick blanket soothed her to sleep. Not even that strange creature’s chaotic magic, raining down rhinos and elephants onto large pieces of bubble wrap containing explosive chocolate flavored liquid could wake her.
However, one sound, almost inaudible, pierced the air of the calm moment, reverberating in the pony’s ears. The sound horrified the tired mare and caused her to immediately open her eyes. She shoved the thick blanket off of her then dashed for the nearby door. The mail mare, wanting to be polite, slowly opened the door before darting down the steps to the main area of the cottage.
“THIEF!” she quickly bellowed. Her suspicions confirmed.
Derpy snatched the pizza box away from the white rabbit before it could take a slice. The bunny crossed its front paws and rapidly tapped its right hind leg on the ground, staring callously at the mare. Without hesitation, the pegasus gazed back at the animal with an equally terrifying gaze. She was ready to defend the contents of the box with whatever energy was left in her body.
“Angel? Angel is our guest awake?” a charming voice said in a quiet, polite tone. The yellow pegasus came from a side room and saw the two in their battle of wills. “Now Angel, be nice to our guest. It’s not nice to stare.”
“Hello, I’m Fluttershy. It’s a pleasure to meet you, miss… ” the shy mare’s words barely reached Derpy as she continued to stare at the rabbit. A small moment presented itself, allowing the grey pegasus to look inside the pizza box. She breathed a heavy sigh of relief after finding every slice in pristine condition. Not a single chocolate chip was out of place or touched.
The grey pegasus--taking a second to calm her frayed nerves--politely introduced herself to the animal loving pony.
“Did you bring me inside?” Derpy slightly grinned. Fluttershy quietly replied, “Yes. Well no, actually, it was me with the help from my friends. We found you collapsed on the little bridge that led to my home. You seemed very tired, so we brought you into my room. I’ve never seen a pony recover so quickly after trying some of my homemade soup. It’s only been seven minutes since you were brought inside.”
The dutiful mare felt a cold chill run up her spine after hearing the kind pony’s words. However, she wiped the sweat from her forehead, letting out a quick and quiet sigh, seeing the minute hand pointing at three. Only ten minutes total had passed since her collapse instead of an hour. She could still make the delivery on time and claim her reward.
“Won’t you stay for a late night snack? I could certainly use the company.” The yellow pegasus smiled, watching the grey pony about to leave. “I’m really sorry, but I must decline Fluttershy. I’m on an important mission right now. This dessert pizza needs to be delivered to…”
Derpy quickly turned to see the white rabbit happily sitting on her flank. Angel closed his eyes, heavily sniffing the wonderful aroma coming from the open pizza box. He gave a sinister stare towards the yellow pegasus after being removed from the grey pony’s back. The white rabbit maintained his deadly gaze as he turned towards the mail mare.
“Now now little bunny, this isn’t for you. It’s for….” being interrupted, yet again, the pony felt the rabbit standing on top of her light hued mane. Angel flung open the pizza box’s cover once more and tried to remove a slice as the grey pegasus held the pizza box above her head with her left hoof.
Fluttershy latched onto her bunny, and then promptly set him on the ground, gesturing towards the corner with her hoof. Angel gave the yellow pegasus a sorrowful, wide-eyed look as he repeatedly pointed to his mouth. The cucumber lettuce salad with a banana split chaser barely sedated the rabbit’s hunger. A slice--or several slices--of dessert pizza would do the trick in taming his appetite.
“Go play in the corner Angle bunny, I need to talk with our guest.” the yellow pegasus told her pet in a firm, yet kind tone. Derpy watched the pony calmly put her pet in the corner; it was anything but an “Angel” the more she looked at the shy mare’s white rabbit.
Resuming her train of thought, the dutiful mail mare promptly told the kind pony that she had to deliver the pizza to Princess Celestia and it was urgent.
“It’s great to help out a fellow pony. There’s no need for that,” Fluttershy said, refusing the pony’s bits as compensation for the hospitality. Derpy stretched out her wings, flexing them as she felt that lost energy returned. The grey pegasus thanked the animal loving pony for the kindness once more before heading outside, flying into the night sky to continue her journey. Though she couldn’t beat Rainbow Dash’s record, Derpy could still make it to Canterlot on time.
Only a few seconds had passed since the mail mare’s departure when a loud knock came from the front door of the cottage. Fluttershy found Derpy calmly standing at her doorstep, and then proceeded to the corner with the mail mare calmly behind her, showing the contents of the box to Angel. The white rabbit--giving a sheepish grin to both pegasi--produced the real dessert pizza box from his hiding place under the rug.
“Alright, time to get my pizza and get home to Dinky. No more side tracking,” the dutiful pony said, wrapping her favorite scarf around her neck. Derpy happily resumed humming her song under a quiet breath as as she flew into the night sky once more, heading for Canterlot Castle. “O so gooey, cheesy and chewy. O so gooey and perfectly right, nothing better for a cold bitter night. Deep Dish, Deep Dish… “
Derpy couldn’t help smiling on her nightly visits to Canterlot, taking Dinky whenever she could. Below the serene cloud she sat on, the street lamps gently illuminated the clean streets while the moon’s tender touch reflected off the polished domes of the castle’s rooftops: nothing could take away from the sight. All of it was beyond description, beyond perfection inside the secure walls of Equestria’s capital.
It took sixteen minutes to arrive at Canterlot. However, the grey pony had enough time to enjoy her surroundings. She had her favorite spot as usual; a large, single cloud that peacefully hovered above the bakery district.
“Muffins…“the pony drooled, quickly wiping her mouth. Mrs. Top’s muffin bakery sat next to her husband’s tea shop. The shop’s owner put fresh trays of muffins into the display window, facing Mane Street, during the early evening hours, always on cue. Their aroma majestically intermingled with Mr. Grey’s tea shop next door. That subtle, sophisticated smell of the fresh baked muffins was unique to Canterlot. However, the mail mare snapped out of her daze, and then slapped her left hoof with her right. “No! No Derpy, you have to deliver this dessert pizza to Princess Celestia. There’s more at stake here than just the owner’s reputation. Your free week of pizzas is on the line.”
The pony grumbled while she turned away from the muffin shop, flying towards the castle gate. Sadly, visiting hours for Canterlot Castle had ended two minutes ago and all guards are taught to remain vigilant in the face of adversity. A Canterlot Castle Protector must never bow to anything at anytime. For one earth stallion guard, this was his ultimate test as an innocent face greeted him. Derpy remembered the trick quite well after watching a filly unicorn use it on her big sister. The suave unicorn mare’s only response was to roll her eyes as she agreed to the little pony’s pleas to let her friends spend the night.
“Miss, you will have to move along. Vi-visi…” the guard struggled to clear his throat, turning to one side to let out a quick cough. “I’m sorry. The visiting hours for Canterlot Castle are now over. You… wi-will need to leave.”
The dutiful mail mare could sense the guard’s will slipping out of his control. Determination was always Derpy’s strong suit, and she quickly switched up her tactics. Closing her eyes and smiling at the guard, the mail mare sat peacefully in front of the earth stallion.
“Our visiting hours are over. I am very sorry miss, but you will need to leave,” said a stern voice. The unicorn guardian’s will remained strong as he calmly, and gently, levitated the grey pony into the air, facing her the opposite direction, and sitting her down. Derpy’s determination remained strong as she quickly turned around to face the guard once more. “Miss, I am truly sorry. However, you will need to leave or you will be forcibly removed from the castle grounds.”
It was futile. The mail mare saw the unicorn stallion’s strong, determined will in his eyes as he gestured with his royal blue hoof to leave. That determined attitude relented while a quick chill ran down Derpy’s back as she heard the unicorn stallion’s name as she flew to a nearby cloud. Also, understanding why her tactics didn’t work.
“Shining Armor, Sir! How were you able to deal with that mare?” the earth stallion said in a surprised tone. “No worries soldier. Some ponies can be particularly tricky. My sister was notorious for her mischievous tactics as a little filly. She tried several times to con me into doing her chores with those same innocent grins, smiles and sad-eyed looks.”
“Twily, you still owe me for that day I carried those heavy books home for you from the library,” the unicorn stallion murmured under a quiet breath, smirking as he finished.
“The battle had been lost but not the war.” The grey pony thought to herself while taking a seat on the nearby cloud. “Canterlot’s guards are always on guard. I could fly over the wall: no, that won’t work. The boss yelled at me the last time I did that. He’ll never let me heard the end of it. I’m just glad that unicorn stallion didn’t recognize me. I didn’t ruin Shining Armor’s romantic moment with his wife. Princess Cadence…”
The mail mare’s hushed voice went silent. Remembering “that” encounter, she began to blush. Though it happened a few days after the royal wedding, the event was still fresh in the grey pony’s mind. Thankfully, the light and peaceful image of the moon helped in calming her frayed nerves, allowing the dutiful equine to resume the prior train of thought. However, she remained unaware of the armored pegasus stallion below with the box secured to his back. Though the armored pegasus departed from Mr. Calzone’s restaurant a few minutes before the dutiful mail mare, it took the guard longer to reach Canterlot than normal. The stallion wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead, attributing the tired state to the new pegasus colt his wife had given birth to a few weeks ago.
“I’m off the clock, so it shouldn’t matter.” Derpy devilishly grinned, deciding to chance it. Paying careful attention to the patrols, the dutiful mare’s opening came. She finally did it. The mail mare was elated to be inside the Canterlot Gardens, and close to her goal.
A quick yelp greeted the mail mare.
“Ow, did I just hit a brick wall. “Derpy scratched her head. She reached forward with her front hooves – her eyes closed – struggling to understand what she hit. That weird texture was soft and cozy, yet had a strange firmness to it. The mail mare innocently blurted out, “I hope I didn’t knock anypony down. Though I have to say, that’s one well condition body.”
“I would hope so my little pony. It is necessary to maintain my figure. Was there something urgent you needed to ask me?” a voice said in a dignified, gentle tone.
A cold sense of dread overcame the grey pony as she opened her eyes. It was staring her right in the face, reflecting off of her eyes. The cutie mark of the sun had greeted the mail mare. Derpy suddenly realized that she had flown into Princess Celestia flank.
“What have I done?” she repeatedly questioned herself, those four words echoing within in the mare’s mind. Though she spaced out at times in the past, this was different. A picturesque scene greeted dutiful pony; wind gently blowing across the shrubs and trees in the Canterlot garden with ornate lampposts illuminating the smooth cobblestone pathways. The grey pegasus however, wasn’t staring at some painting in the Trottingham art gallery, run by monsieur trait de pinceau. Nor was she in one of her usual daydreams.
Though Derpy knew she had flown into the royal flank of Princess Celestia, her fortune was worse than that. Even the rude comment about its firmness paled in comparison. She touched it. The grey pegasus had touched the regal mare in an impolite manner. She felt her actions more befitting an elderly pony, an ancient mare that questioned the ripeness of a piece of fruit at a shady produce stand in the Ponyville shopping district.
“I-I… umm….” Struggling to clear her throat, the pony closed her eyes, trying to think of her “precious muffin” to calm her nerves; however, those thoughts her beloved Dinky wouldn’t work. The mail mare though she would be thrown into Canerlot Dungeon for just a month, in the best of circumstances. Perhaps some mercy would be granted.
Suddenly, a strange sensation came over the grey pegasus, her cheeks flushing. It was the same, unique, loving embrace that always greeted her whenever she hugged Dinky. Derpy opened her eyes to see the princess calmly sitting next to her on an ornate pillow. Princess Celestia had gently placed her wing over the dutiful mail mare; to the point the pony barely felt it.
“You appear to be in quite the rush. Why not take a second to calm your nerves my dear,” Princess Celestia said with a kind smile. “I rarely get visitors during my late nights off. It would be rather pleasant to have some company.”
A white porcelain cup, filled with Mr. Grey’s finest tea, floated in front of the confused grey pegasus.
“Why? Why is Princess Celestia so nice to me? I flew into her flank. I even touched…,” the dutiful mare’s thoughts froze. Though she had seen the princess before, this was her first time seeing the ruler of Equestria up-close. Derpy’s eyes fixated on her hooves while she let out an audible gulp. “I-I’m surprised she hasn’t ordered the guards to arrest me on the spot. Why?”
The grey pegasus steadied herself, humbly taking the cup of tea. As she slowly sipped it, the unusually appealing aromatic blend helped to clear the pony’s throat, while slowly relaxing her clenched muscles. For the dutiful mail mare, to have this feeling come from another pony, it was strange. But it wasn’t unwanted, causing Derpy to heartily grin at Princess Celestia.
“What do you think about Mr. Grey’s fine selection of tea, my little pony? Personally, between you and me, I hope his imports from Saddle Arabia arrive. I’ve heard they’ll be even better than this brew.”
After finishing her tea, and neatly placing the delicate cup on the nearby table, the happy pegasus smiled as she thanked the princess for the cup of tea.
“Pizza!”
“Pizza?” the regal mare asked while raising an eyebrow.
“Yes, Pizza!” the mail mare exclaimed, maintaining her cheery smile. Taking the box off of her back, the grey pegasus showed its contents to the royal pony. She felt content at successfully delivering on her oath. “Our orders got mixed up. Mr. Calzone sent me to personally deliver the order to you, Princess.”
Princess Celestia slowly levitated the box towards her. Scanning every inch of the deliciously delectable dessert inside, it was perfect; not a chocolate chip out of place. Just like the regal mare’s previous orders, it was simply perfection. “You performed quite admirably. Might I have your name?”
“Derpy Hooves, but most ponies just call me Derpy.” she heartily grinned. Firmly saluting the princess and closing her eyes, the dutiful mail mare said in a polite tone, “The oath of the mail mare shall always be fulfilled when pledged.”
As the pony prepared to recite her oath, a pegasus stallion, clad in armor, walked towards the group.
“O hey, it’s you from the restaurant.” Derpy said, opening her eyes after catching a whiff of her pizza. The guard, after properly greeting her highness, squinted at the pegasus for a second, replying, “Yes. I do remember you from Mr. Calzone’s establishment. Why are you here in Canterlot? For that matter, how did you get past the guards at the front gate and into the garden? It’s off limits to visitors after hours.”
As she tried to find the right words, the grey pegasus gave a sheepish grin towards the guard. Before the mail mare could speak, Princess Celestia put her wing over Derpy, pulling the dutiful pony closer. “There is no need to worry Lieutenant Cyclone. Derpy Hooves is my guest. I invited her to accompany me into the garden for some refreshments, so that both of us could marvel at my dear sister’s nightly work.”
Politely bowing to Princess Celestia, Lieutenant Cyclone put the box on the nearby table and left as quickly as he came, not wanting to question the regal mare’s words.
“Thanks Princess Celestia… I mean thank you, your highness.” Derpy bowed to the princess. “That was definitely a chaotic moment for me. I wasn’t sure what I would do. Please, if you will excuse me, I need to get back home. My ‘precious muffin’ is probably wondering what happened to me.”
“Have a pleasant trip my little pony. Be safe on your journey home to your daughter.” The regal mare chuckled, watching the grey pegasus secure the pizza box to her back. “I look forward to meeting your ‘precious muffin.’”
Waving goodbye to Princess Celestia, the grey pegasus flew towards Ponyville, content with her accomplishment. It seemed like a wild ride. However, the dutiful mail mare knew it wasn't over yet. With tonight’s adventure one for the books, there was no telling what would happen on her way home. Derpy knew the trip to Ponyville was still on the horizon. Yet the pegasus pondered Princess Celestia words, wondering what the regal mare meant by "looking forward to meeting her daughter."
“Tee hee... I did it. I did it!” the pony grinned at her accomplishment, mentally repeating the phrase to herself a few more times.
All that stood between the grey pegasus and Ponyville was a small flight home after her successful delivery. The calm sense of elation that washed over the dutiful mail mare was similar to the gracefully flowing wind over her wings while she flew through the night sky. Derpy’s determination had paid off. Even better, the mare couldn’t wait to get home to her “precious muffin,” to relax on the couch with Dinky, and tell the little unicorn filly what she experienced. Time was still on the mail mare’s side as it only took her forty minutes to deliver the pizza to Princess Celestia in Canterlot.
“Still can’t believe how nice Princess Celestia was to me, even after I ‘bumped’ into her. Hope the boss doesn’t find out. He would have my flank nailed to the wall with my mailbag draped over it.”
The horizon remained beautiful, brightened by the moon’s gentle glow. For Derpy, it was the clearest night she could have ever wanted. Ponyville’s silhouette materialized on that superb horizon in all its entirety and splendor.
“Five more minutes, I’m almost there. Just five more minutes, I can…”
The pony’s train of thought was interrupted by a faint sound. It shattered the night air as it caused the stunned pony to float in mid air for a second. Three voices came once more while the dutiful mail mare continued to listen, hearing a unison cry for help. Derpy found the voices memorable, but quite strange. They intermingled with one another to the point it sounded like one single pony. The grey pegasus honed in on the sounds origin after she turned her head, and, from behind, a lone cloud dashed by at a rapid pace.
“Ah told ya this was a stupid idea.” One voice quickly bellowed, another quick to follow it. “Hey, how was I supposed to know this wouldn’t work out Applebloom? You and Scootaloo should have come up with a better idea to earn our cutie marks.”
Derpy darted after the fillies as she saw the two of them standing atop their pegasus friend the cloud that flew by. The mail mare raised an eyebrow at the three fillies, amazed the little pegasus could maintain such a high rate of speed. It felt reminiscent of the time the grey pegasus tried to catch up with her athletic friend at flight camp. While fast, the little filly was nowhere near the speed of the sky blue pony. The grey pegasus caught up with the cloud, and brought it safely towards the ground, grabbing a quick breather.
“What in the wide world of Equestria were you three fillies thinkin?” a nervous voice came from a nearby shrub. “I told ya not to play around like that. Need I remind ya’ll of your foal learnins? Like only pegasi can stand on clouds? Apple Bloom, what if you or Sweetie Belle had fallen off of Scootaloo?”
The three fillies lowered their heads as they began to stare at the dirt road in front of them.
“You want to earn ur cutie marks, I understand that sugar cubes. But it takes time and patience. Also, I don’t think there’s ever been a pony that earned a mark for ‘cloud surfing’ at night, under a full moon.”
The hard working cowpony emerged from the foliage, and tipped her hat to the grey pegasus for the much needed assistance. “Sorry for the trouble they may have caused you. These three can be a rather difficult bunch -- aren’t you Rainbow’s friend from flight camp? Derpy wasn’t it?”
“Yes. Derpy Hooves, Ponyville mail mare at your service.” The grey pegasus heartily smiled at Applejack.
“Applejack, darling, I thought you were going to wait up for me. I don’t feel like getting my hooves dirty out here.” The suave unicorn rolled her eyes as she came upon the group, being careful not to dirty her mane as she came from the shrub. “What in Equestria is going on here? And why were you two girls standing on top of Scootaloo… like -- O for Clesestia’s sake. Did you two actually ride on her while she was on top of that cloud?”
The little fillies hung their heads as they said “yes” in a quiet, sighed tone.
“Sup Derpy?” the hopeful filly flier said, trying to divert attention away from her. “Hey, is it true that you and Rainbow pranked the head flight instructor? Ooo, oo, was Dash really the fastest in flight camp?”
“Scootaloo, I think it’s best to leave that matter alone for right now. Don’t you agree Applejack?” the unicorn quipped as she noticed the grey pegasus put her hoof over her face. “Though I don’t like to agree with you at times ‘fussity,’ ur probably right. We got a load of gems to get back to Rarity’s shop youngins. You all want your cut so pay for your props in the talent show this weekend, right?”
Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo perked up as they heard Applejack mention their reward. Though tonight was a bust, tomorrow was a prime opportunity to earn their marks, saving the giant squid, multi-tentacle hoof wrestling championship bout for their big show, the day after tomorrow.
“I must say, it’s rather fortunate that you happened along when you did Ms. Hooves. Is there anything we can do to repay you?” Rarity cheerily smiled. “That’s alright Rarity. I’m just glad the fillies were ok. I have my own precious muffin to look after.”
The inquisitive fillies noticed the pizza box that had been neatly placed on the ground by Derpy, and examined its contents. “Ooo, this looks delicious. Mind if we have a slice or two?”
The dutiful mail mare secured the pizza box to her back before she gently floated into the air, giving a sheepish grin to the three fillies.
“Sorry, but I need to get home. I haven't had dinner yet, nor has Dinky. I always try to make sure we have some family time around a good pizza at least once a week.”
Waving goodbye to the group, Derpy resumed her journey home towards Ponyville, oblivious to the conversation of the three fillies behind her.
“Say Apple Bloom. You know Dinky from class. Doesn’t Dr. Colgate say she has the healthiest smile out of all of our class?”
“Yea, I know what ur getting at Scoots. What u think Sweetie Belle?”
“Don’t look at me. I don’t know anything about teeth. Only thing I know for sure is we would not make it as Cutie Mark Crusader Dentists. It’s way too disgusting.”
“Why?” Derpy said to herself, that one word consuming the pegasus mare’s mind. Over and over again she questioned herself but to no avail. The rapid decent towards ponyville, the pizza box’s graceful slide towards the glass door of Mr. Calzone’s restaurant -- a tingle of electricity coursed throughout the pony’s body. As she wheezed and gasped, the diligent mail mare closed her eyes; Derpy’s happy, gleeful smile was quick to fade, much like her rapid decent after the pegasus pony opened her eyes and saw the dessert pizza inside the pizza box.
“Stupid. Stupid, stupid Derpy! How did you miss it…,” the pony said for a third time to herself in a hushed tone. The dutiful mail mare sat on the grey stony slab outside Mr. Calzone’s establishment, clutching her hooves around her body with her wings over her hooves and body. “How could I have – it could fill up Canterlot Castle with that odor. How could I have missed that smell?”
The pony’s body soon shivered as the once tolerable night air grew colder. Derpy’s tears glistened in the light of the full moon as the image of the pizza, reflecting off the glass door to Mr. Calzone’s restaurant, mocked her. Inside the box she grabbed from the table in the Canterlot Garden, where she sat peacefully with Princess Celestia, were those hopes of the special delivery.
“Why?!” the mare asked herself once more, her lower lip quivering as she struggled to form the words. “Why does this always happen to me? I try so hard. I try to make it work out. Why do I always fail?”
Just outside Mr. Calzone’s restaurant, the street-lamps’ gentle flames flickered, illuminating the pathway along Corset Road. Derpy curled her blond colored tail underneath her back hooves before she laid down on the cold stone slab after she unfolded her wings from around her body.
“Dinky, my precious muffin,” the pony whispered to herself as an image of Dinky, sitting at home alone, materialized in the mail mare’s mind.
With the pizza box secured once more, with a flimsy knot, Derpy wandered under the light of the full moon and the nearby streetlamps. The grey pony’s head remained low towards the ground as she made her way home; her hooves were like iron weights with each step she took. Every so often, the pony raised her head. She looked through the windows that faced the street and saw other ponies laugh, smile, and grin at one another. Those ponies being with ones they cherished.
“Mommy, this light shall guide you home whenever it gets dark,” Derpy remembered the unicorn filly’s words and her cheery smile. Those cold, relentless nights of Equestria couldn’t erase that memory from Derpy’s mind. Just like the many times she came home before, the grey pony could see the light turned on in her home by Dinky.
The drops refused to cease as Derpy imagined Dinky asleep on the couch, staying up late to see her come home. With the clock in her bag reading eight minutes until nine, it left precious little time to spend with her daughter. Despite the athletic pony’s jokes, the mail mare knew Rainbow Dash cheered her on in secret. The pony wanted her dutiful mail mare friend to make it towards Canterlot. Fluttershy’s intervention was welcomed. Twilight’s help at the library made things all the more possible for that day, taking the box to her friend’s shop. Princess Celestia’s kindness and affectionate, motherly demeanor made the night’s events all the more bearable.
“What’s the use?” Derpy said as she dropped to the ground, the flimsy knot undoing itself. While the pizza box slid off her back, the strap to the grey pony’s mail bag snapped. As she snatched it from around her neck, the pony stared at her bag before chucking it into the distance, “I don’t understand. I don’t understand it one flipping bit! I try so hard to make it all work out. The chief yells at me, I fail on a constant basis. I can’t seem to catch a break. If it weren’t for the kindness of Princess Cel--”
“So that’s it huh? The great and relentless Derpy Hooves gives up? Pfft, and here I thought you had me beat in the determination department.” A voice reverberated in the pony’s distraught mind. The grey pegasus mail mare closed her eyes and pressed her hooves against her ears. “You never felt the need to aspire to greatness. The one thing you had was determination. You had Guts. You had Gusto! You are like no pony else. I hate to admit it girl, but you even had me beat in that department. Now, and now you’re just going to throw it all away. You will throw everything away over one, stupid, miserable little delivery that didn’t make it?”
Derpy’s heavy eyes opened, her gaze greeted by a vacant street and a clear sky above. “Why should I continue? All I do is fail? Whatever, fine. I’ll get up and go home.”
The pony closed the lid to the pizza box, and then floated towards her mailbag. With a final sigh she grabbed the pouch, tied a fresh knot to fix the broken strap, and reached for the door handle after finding the bag had landed on the doorstep to her house.
“What do I tell Dinky? Can I tell her the truth?” Derpy said to herself while her right hoof quivered above the door knob.
“Mommy!” the excited filly said as she jumped towards the grey pegasus. “You should have told me a visitor was coming. I didn’t expect us to have a guest while you were away on a ‘special’ delivery.”
The pony gave a half-hearted smile at her daughter. “I’m sorry muffin. The delivery didn’t go as -- what visitor?”
“I hope I’m not intruding, Ms. Hooves. We had such a lovely time in the garden. I thought we might continue where we left off.”
“I had no idea that you knew Princess Celestia.” Dinky said in a polite tone.
“I’m… I’m sorry princess, I didn’t mean to…” Derpy said. Her hooves wobbled as she tried to think.
“It’s quite alright my dear.” The regal mare said while she used her wing to pull the grey pegasus aside. In a hushed tone, Princess Celestia said, “I was quite as surprised as you were when I opened the box on my table. I hope you don’t mind, but I took a slice for a bit of a snack. Your choice in toppings is quite unique. Though, I do prefer one layer of mozzarella with a bit of extra marinara sauce myself.”
“Princess Celestia said you would be home. I got worried since you ran later than usual.” Dinky said while she smiled at the two ponies.
While sadness was expected for any pony, Derpy was granted a reprieve. The pony’s halfhearted smile turned into a cheery one as that precious time came to the unicorn filly and her mother. Princess Celestia sat near the two ponies, giving a slight grin ever so often in the moments that passed. Though the moment was short for the three ponies, a brief twenty minutes, it remained blissful.
“Thankyou…” Derpy said with a quiet sigh, giving a grin as she hugged her daughter with her wing while they slept on the couch together.
“It’s alright my dear.” Princess Celestia said to the grey pegasus as she covered the two ponies with a nearby blanket. “Every pony needs a little assistance now and again. I’m just glad that I could give such assistance to you. If you will excuse me, I need to return to Canterlot.”
One night proved to be a rather wild ride for the dutiful mail mare, yet the next day proved even more of a surprise when Derpy awoke to see her mailbag on the counter. The knot was gone, and the strap was better than new. A faint glimmer came from an object inside the bag as light from the morning sun penetrated the nearby window, hitting the wax seal of a scroll.
“Mom? Is everything ok?” Dinky said while she rubbed her eyes. The filly hopped off the couch, and then levitated the letter towards herself. “Derpy Hooves, you are hereby charged with the duty of official courier of Canterlot documents and scroll--”
Derpy grabbed Dinky, placed the unicorn filly on her back, and then flew around the room. The mail mare's attempts to stifle her laughter were futile. It was a dream come. Though she loved delivering parcels, the dutiful mail mare hoped to be an officially recognized messenger for royalty. The best prize of all was earning five times what she earned now.
As the gleeful ponies came to the ground, a second scroll rolled out from inside the mailbag. Derpy nudged it over to her daughter to read as she saw “To Miss Dinky Hooves” on the scrolls outer face. The filly smiled while she took the scroll from her mother, and levitated it into the air for both of them to read.
“Ms. Dinky Hooves, your aptitude in the magical arts is quite a unique and rare gift. I, Princess Celestia, formally accept you into Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Here, you can hone your abilities even further.--”
Derpy continued to smile, but stopped as she saw the little unicorn pause while raising an eyebrow at the scroll. “What’s wrong? This is an auspicious occasion. We know how strong your magical talents are.”
“I know mom. It’s great. Not a lot of unicorns get to attend such a prestigious school. Won’t I have to leave you for Canterlot though? What about my friends and the other ponies here in Ponyville?” Dinky said before she raised her hoof to her mouth. “What about you? Canterlot is quite expensive too. I know you’ll make more money. Will it be enough? I want you to…”
“Whatever you want to do – my precious muffin – I will help you out in whatever way I can.” The dutiful mare said as she hugged her daughter with her wing. “If you don’t want to go, then I know in my heart Princess Celestia will understand. I want you to be happy. Also, I don’t think we have to reply right away. You can give it some time. Anyways, we need to get you ready for school. Ms. Cheerilee won’t be too happy with me if one of her ‘prized’ muffins is late.”
“Mom--” Dinky's voice trailed off while Derpy rubbed the unicorn filly's mane. “--Ok. I’ll get ready for school.”
As both ponies left the house, the scroll fell off the counter where it had been placed. Light from the morning sun penetrated the nearby window and illuminated the scroll's final contents. “--However, I have a student who resides in Ponyville that would be more than willing to take on a protégé of her own. Twilight Sparkle has natural gift in magic, and I believe she will be a superb teacher for you. She can help you hone your skills and magical aptitudes. My little pony, I wish you and your mother the best of luck. Sincerely Princess Celestia”
