In a world where dozens of bronies are becoming characters from My Little Pony, Walter Krimm finds himself foisted with the body of the Great and Powerful Trixie. Now a closet brony is stuck dealing with a character known for drawing attention.
Have you ever been forced into a position to be something you're not? I'm Walter Krimm, a closet brony during a time when keeping such a fact under wraps is quite difficult. Why? Because bronies all over the world are being turned into characters from the show. Now I'm stuck in the body of perhaps the most arrogant and boastful mare of them all: Trixie Lulamoon.
It took all my willpower not to type this in the third person.
I woke up to the beeping of my alarm clock. Confounded pile of junk, I thought for certain I had turned off the the alarm function. I slammed my fist on the noise maker without even bothering to open my eyes. The alarm stopped, and I contented myself to a few more minutes of rest. Or I would have, had I not felt a strange feeling as though I was actually fitting on my bed.
"The great and powerful Walter's feet usually hang out the side of the bed." How strange, my voice seemed strangely feminine, and in the third-person.
I opened my eyes and looked down on my body; it was covered in a quilt. However I noticed the the lump where my body was only extended about half way to the bottom of my bed. This was a curiosity as being a six foot, three inch man, that kind of dimensional framework should not have been. My legs felt as if they were fully extended.
I shifted my head again to look around my room. It was cozy, one small window in the corner, a television and PS3 along one wall, and my pet gecko's tank along the other.
"Hello Walter's reptilian friend," I said. Okay, now my voice definitely sounded feminine this time. I coughed, thinking that maybe a bubble had caught in my throat, and spoke again.
"Why does Walter sound like a woman?" It was final, something was very wrong.
I looked around again and sat up in my bed. Or tried to at least, I slumped onto my back and noticed a strand of white hair waving about the front of my face. Confound those parents of mine, just as I finished turning their hair grey, they did the same to me! I blew at the strand and looked at it, and then I noticed my nose.
My nose, where once it had been a fairly unobtrusive, pale white stub, was now a bulbous, blue proboscis. Perhaps bulbous was not the right word for it; it was longer and more curved. It also seemed to now encompass a much larger proportion of my face. I moved my mouth a bit and noticed the shifting of facial muscles.
That was enough of that. I kicked out at the blanket covering me and was met with an ineffectual bump rising over my body before it settled down again. Blast it all. I tried sitting up again, but it almost felt as though it wasn't the proper way to get up. I sighed and shifted onto my stomach, my arms and legs folding underneath me neatly. This made me widen my eyes; in this position I felt perfectly natural, and I could now realize that the proportions of my body had changed drastically.
I pushed off the bed with my arms and legs and as my blanket slid off... oh, oh my. My arms were slender, lithe, and a soft powered blue that was a highly pleasing shade to my eyes. Keeping perfectly still I looked down to my hands. Stumps. Where my hands were supposed to be I now had stumps! I carefully lifted up an arm to inspect this alien appendage. I was still able to move it around like an arm: twist, extend, rotate, raise above my head. The arm ended in a keratinous cap. Like a fingernail, or a hoof. I stomped my hoof down on the bed and looked back at the rest of my body.
I noticed a long line of white hair growing from the base of my neck, which was now quite long, (hair and neck both) that extended all the way to my head, or so I imagined. My whole body was covered in a soft blue fur. Out of my backside sprouted a silver white tail the same color as my hair, or was it mane? On my buttocks I then noticed a tattoo showing through the fur. It was a picture of a magic wand swirling through a cloud of shimmering dust. I looked at my back legs and for the most part they were like my arms.
I went back to staring at my bed's headrest. Okay, so I seemed to have turned into a pony. I looked upwards and gave a nod. If God existed I knew right then that he had played a good game. I had been a closet brony for well over a year. If this was an occurrence on divine providence, I had to give the Old Man credit for making my secret plainly visible to everyone around. It would have made the perfect punishment. Sighing, I turned around and looked over the edge of my bed. I cautiously reached out my right hoof and lowered my body; my hoof barely touched the ground. I got my other front hoof over the edge and began wiggling off of my bed. As I dragged myself across sheets over the edge, a pleasured shiver ran up my spine.
I lost my balance and slid forward the rest of the way, my back hooves landing on the ground. The occasion brought me to realize that there had been certain parts I had left unaccounted for. I looked between my front legs to between my hind legs. There were the neat folds of womanhood.
"So not only has the great and powerful Walter been transformed into pony, but a female pony no less," I said. Why was I talking in the third person?
I had to inspect myself. I walked up to the door and pushed it open and walked down the hallway. The motions came naturally to me. I walked into the exercise room and stood in front of the mirror. There standing in front of me was Trixie Lulamoon, great illusionist and rival to Twilight Sparkle. I had awoken in the body of a pony from My Little Pony: Friendship is magic.
I concentrated and spoke out. "I... am... Trixie," I concluded. At least I had managed to stop speaking in the third person. "I... am Walter Krimm: a human who for reasons unknown is now in the unicorn Trixie Lulamoon."
I looked at myself in the mirror. My head now only came up to about where my knees would have been as a human. I lay down and my hooves neatly folded underneath my body. I stood up again and turned around, looking towards the mirror over my shoulder. At least the long equine neck made examining myself much easier. I lifted my tail up and immediately blushed as I turned my head away.
Here I was, having never so much as been in the presence of a naked woman in my life. Now I found myself in the body of a mare; not quite analogous, I know. I was slightly intimidated, not frightened or horrified, more of a morbid fascination. I was glad that I hadn't grown too attached to my male human body. Having studied in the humanities, I knew that what made a human was their mind, their thoughts, emotions, volitions, and will. I could understand why some people would be enraged or terrified at the moral outrage of having themselves snatched away, but I did not feel this way.
Of course, this did not change the fact that somewhere in this house, my two parents, blissfully unaware that I was a brony, and now also a pony, were likely sleeping soundly. I turned around to the door, and there I saw the family pet, Glaucon.
Glaucon, my dog, was a golden Cocker Spaniel. After having met several spaniels before getting him, I was of the opinion that Cocker Spaniels were the best of all dogs. Kind, gentle, cuddly, but also energetic when it was required of them. It was an inside joke to myself that I had named my dog Glaucon, a fellow who was described as 'the best of men' by Socrates.
"Hello, best of dogs." I put on as wide a grin as possible. I was worried what Glaucon would do. I was no longer human. I was blue, four legged, didn't sound like myself, and I quite possibly, and most damnably, likely smelled different as well.
"WOOF!" Glaucon barked.
"Nononono! Don't bark Glaucon! It's me Walter," I implored.
"Woof." The bark was quieter this time and Glaucon tilted his head.
"Yes. Me Walter." I lifted hoof and pointed at myself.
Glaucon panted and walked up to me. Thank Celestia that the best of all dogs was able to tell friend from foe. Wait a second... Did I just thank Celestia? I was agnostic, believing in no faith over others, but it had become habit for me to say 'thank god' if things went fortuitously. I guess some... ponyisms I guess? Yes ponyisms... were making their way into my speech. Like the Conversion Bureau, fascinating series, mostly misanthropic, but it did inspire several wonderful stories.
Glaucon was sniffing all over me and I let the dog indulge; that was until his cold wet nose made contact with my flank. In reflex my back hoof shot out, pushed Glaucon away and he yelped. Fear took over and I ran back to my room. I turned around and used my head to shut the door. I listened carefully; I could hear Glaucon panting outside. I was now a proverbial prisoner in my own home.
"The Great and Powerful Trix--! I'm sorry Glaucon." The surprise had almost slipped me into third pony speech again.
I sighed dejectedly. I was going to have to tell my parents, but when? Soon obviously, though I think it would be best if I learned basic magic first. That way I'd at least be able to show them 'the full package' as it were. I looked over to my PS3, beside it lay the controller. Okay, just concentrate, and imagine that I'm lifting it up.
I concentrated, and flexed every muscle in my body, hoping to figure out how to get my horn to bend reality to my will. I strained my breath and extended a fore hoof.
*PPPPHHHH!*
Too much straining, I had just farted. Maybe I was going about this wrong. Instead of imagining myself picking up the controller, maybe I should imagine the magic itself doing the task. I focused on the image of an aura surrounding the controller, and lo and behold the small black device floated into the air. I set it back down. I went on to lift various objects, from my phone, to a chair, to my pillows and quilt. Satisfied that I had a firm grasp of telekinesis at least, I figured I would just relax and wait. I lifted myself onto my hind legs and set my fore hooves on the edge of the bed. I kicked back with my hind legs and pushed myself back into bed.
Without thinking I reached over to a corner of the quilt and grabbed it with my mouth. A quick tug and I was partially covered.
I lay down on the bed and looked over myself once again. I flexed various muscles, noting that the fairly toned flesh slid easily underneath my fur, cascading flows of gentle bumps moving about. I liked this new body; I could move things with my mind with this body. Not only this but it was fit, I had let my old human form slip, and was hardly athletic. With a new body, I could start with a clean slate.
And then something dawned on me, as a pony, I would very likely be herbivorous. I was not yet hungry, but I was going to miss steaks if this proved to be the case. Well, easier to maintain a healthy weight I supposed. I looked over to my laptop computer and opened it. I floated the entire desk over with the computer on top. I felt the beginning of a head ache form. Okay so I had just done something straining, good to know.
I pressed the power button with my horn and waited for the computer to boot up. It had been a week since I was online. I had left to relax, hoping that when I came back I would find that my one shot had been well received. I used my hoof to move the mouse around and used a bit of magic to type on the keyboard. My fan fiction had not been well received. Sighing, I went to Google and typed in 'brony' to see if something interesting had happened to the community at large. Of course this was something interesting, what happened to me. When my search came back my mouth hung open.
Bronies to Ponies, Great Travesty of our Time? Come now, we aren't that bad are we? I clicked on the link and my jaw made a valiant attempt at unhinging itself, packing its bags, and moving to Bermuda. I was reading how Lauren Faust, and various members of the Brony Community had mysteriously changed into ponies. I was not alone. I breathed out a sigh of relief.
This news was welcome, but it didn't help that I was a closet brony, someone, somepony, who was not what they seemed to be. I looked up again, well played Big Man Upstairs, well played. As I continued reading the article I learned that world leaders were gathering in a summit to address these issues. Did these ponies still have human rights? What was their legal status? As I approached the end of the article I looked at what some of the politicians that were going to be at the summit were saying.
President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran was claiming that there were no bronies in Iran, and was calling for the destruction of the nation of Equestria, also Israel, but that was less significant. In the US the two presidential candidates were arguing over the inclusion of amending the constitution to say that 'All men and mares were created equal'. Stephen Harper, Prime Minister of Canada, had made no comment, the opposition however was demanding that he address the issue. The Queen of England had issued an official apology for the deaths of horses in England since 1800. The Dalai Lama had called for all Buddhists to accept these strange events as a new variant of re-incarnation. The Pope was demanding that ponies all wear clothes for the sake of decency.
As I closed the window I thought that the last comment was significant. Pony or not, I still had my sensibilities, and needed to adorn myself. Suddenly Trixie's habit of wearing a cape made a large amount of sense.
I magicked open a drawer and floated out a few articles of clothing. Pants, my legs were too short. Socks, my hooves were too wide. I floated over a pair of green and black striped underpants, too ugly. I then moved on to a pair of blue jean shorts I had. The spacious bottom meant that my tail could still hang out and movement in my now four-legged anatomy would still be unrestricted. I floated the pair of shorts over to my bed and laid it down, I stepped in and used my magic to do up the fly. I looked back and noted approvingly that my silver-white tail was coming out of my left pant leg.
I sat down on my covered rump and looked at my chest. It was strange, a female body without the two objects that were so often associated with femininity. still, my blue fur did a good job of concealing any other features of myself and I decided to leave out the shirt part of my wardrobe. My pants slid down my back and I realized my waist was not large enough to keep them on securely.
I hopped off my bed to my closet and and opened it. I lifted out a belt with my magic and secured it around my waist in the pant loops that the shorts had. I looked over to my alarm clock, it read 9:27 AM. I could then hear footsteps upstairs.
"Glaucon! Breakfast!" I then heard my pet dog get up and walk upstairs. Loving as he was, Glacon still pursued the necessary things in life first.
That sounded like my mother, she was the other early riser in our family. This was good; I felt more comfortable informing her about my transformation first. I was momma's boy, or I suppose mare now, despite the prevalent features of my family life. It was my mother who worked, and my father who stayed at home. But I never did form any significant relationship with my dad. Thinking on it it was for the best, his disapproval had inclined me to continue doing well in my studies, to show him that I was good in at least one aspect. I dreaded what his reaction was going to be, even though for a long time I no longer cared for his opinion on matters pertaining to myself.
Just then I heard my mother call out to me. "Walter! Breakfast!"
Confound it, I was going to have to reveal myself, at least I had time to make sure it was on my terms.
I floated over a chair to my door and braced it shut. I didn't have much time before my mother--
"WALTER! BREAKFAST!"
... Before my mother, Greta Krimm, started demanding I come up for breakfast. I couldn't very well call out to her to answer, I had Trixie's voice now. I comforted myself knowing that somewhere in the world, some poor sod was likely going through a similar experience.
I cleared my throat and then tried to speak as lowly as I could. "Hi, mum." By the sun and moon, I sounded like one of those women who had a chip on their shoulder about men. There was no time to refine my voice to a modicum of what it once was. Stomping footsteps were coming down the stairs and towards my room.
A loud knocking came at the door. "Walter, come out! Breakfast is ready! Are you still asleep?"
"NO! I'm awake, don't come in here!" I called back, wincing as I strained my voice octaves lower than it usually was.
"Are you sick? You sound sick, do you want me to get a Tylenol?" my mother asked from outside my room.
"No, I'm not sick, I just..."
"Are you masturbating?" Jeez, now I knew it was my mother's side of the family that I got my bluntness from. "I'll just leave you alone, it's pancakes and sausage for breakfast by the way."
"Wait don't go!" I clapped (clopped?) my hooves to my mouth. I had done away with my fake voice. There was silence from the other side of the door.
"Walter..." my mother began. "Is there someone in there with you?"
"No, I have something I need to tell you but I really need to do it at my own pace, okay?" I called out through the door.
I moved to my bed and hopped back on, laying on a corner and trying to make myself as unassuming as possible. It was easily done and I called out again.
"Promise me you won't scream when you see me?" I called out.
"Why does your voice sound like that? Did something happen to you last night?" she questioned.
"I guess something did, but it will make sense once I explain everything." I used my magic to lift the chair away from the door. It opened slightly and I saw my mother enter my room.
She looked right at me and our eyes met. I smiled slightly to indicate myself. Her eyes widened.
"Who are you?" she asked.
"The Great and-! I mean, mom, it's me, your son, Walter, I've become... well... this." My mother fell to her knees and I was left worrying if she'd faint and hit her head on something.
"I don't... you look like one of those..." She began.
"Ponies from that children's show that my younger cousins watch, yes." I completed her sentence for her. I might as well have done this fast, like ripping off a band-aid, or pulling out a railroad spike out of one's leg. No point in dilly-dallying, I continued.
"The show is My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and, as I am sure you know, it has adult audiences as well. I am one of these adult members, bronies, some people call it. This morning I woke up like this, no idea how it happened." I looked at my mother and waited for her to talk.
"I heard something about this on Yahoo, but I just thought it was a joke." She said.
I shook my head. "Nope, it's real, near as I can tell."
My mother stood up again. "How are you handling this so well?"
"I got through my doubts about an hour ago, it's not so bad, sure, I'm shorter than a lot of midgets now, but..." I gestured to my horn with a hoof. "I'm a unicorn, and I'm able to perform magic, like this."
I concentrated on my alarm clock beside me and lifted it up, waved it around to make sure my mom noticed it, and set it back down.
"Why didn't you tell me you were a brony until this happened?" That question hurt a bit.
"I don't go insisting to know every single detail about your leisure time. In fact there are moments when I would prefer it if you remained silent on such matters. I guess I was just extending the same courtesy, no point in telling everypony my little hobby." Oh dear, I had just used another ponyism, hopefully that didn't worry her.
"So what now?"
"Now," I said, standing up. "We have breakfast, and tell dad."
"How do we go about it?" Mom asked.
"I suppose I should just get it over with quickly, or would you prefer to tell him a few things first?"
"I don't really know what I'd tell him, I don't know much about this show..."
"Would you like to see an episode? I look a great deal similar to one of the characters in it." She nodded.
With a glowing horn I set up my laptop to play "Boast Busters" on youtube. When the end credits my mother looked at me.
"You were rather prideful when you were younger. Trixie, huh." My mother was looking at the wall with a blank expression on her face.
I stood up again and walked towards her. She looked at me and smiled.
"What?" I asked.
"You're wearing shorts, but you're so small they're like a full set of pants."
"Yes well, I didn't want you to see me naked, least I could do."
"Come on, let's go tell dad."
I followed her through the basement and to the stairs where I stopped. The stairs were a varnished wood, and I was worried to slip, given the steep incline. I lifted one hoof to the step and my mother, already half way up, looked back at me. I lifted another hoof and pulled my self up onto the next step. I had once been able to take the steps two at a time, no longer. It was now more like climbing a ladder than a set of stairs, but I made it, and was standing by our house's kitchen. I walked to the living room next to it and laid myself down on the ground.
"Alright, you bring him over," I said.
My mother went back to her room to retrieve dad and I was left sitting on the floor. I shifted my legs out from underneath me and took in a sharp breath as the fly of my pants rubbed along my underside. Crud, I'd forgotten to put on underpants, and now the still cold metal zipper was driving me nutty. I waited, and tried to hold still, finally I gave up and stood. It had been five minutes since I had laid down. Mother was taking a long time.
"He's what?" I heard from the bedroom and immediate footsteps.
I rolled my eyes and waited to be noticed by my dad, Frederick Krimm. His eyes skipped over me, literally, he was looking to high up to see me.
"Ahem," I said, waiting for his eyes to lower over me.
"What are you?"
"Nice to see you too dad," I deadpanned, I wasn't in the mood for entertaining any delay in explaining the situation. "I have, for some reason, turned into Trixie Lulamoon, unicorn mare illusionist of the show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic." I waved a fore hoof in front of me and struck a pose.
Dad was staring at me. He opened his mouth to speak. "This was on the news."
"Mom told me something similar, perhaps you could turn on the television and we can all be informed of this situation?"
Without questioning my father walked over to where he kept the remotes and used one to turn on the TV.
The TV flicked on and my parents and I stood as we watched the news. The events which had unfolded, which involved the world as a whole, had apparently started a over a week ago. What was really impressive was that there were news stories still covering bronies who had become ponies even for such a dated event.
"It all began last Saturday," the newscaster on the television began, "when Lauren Faust, producer of the TV show 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic' transformed, for reasons not known by scientists, and not really cared about by anyone else, into the monarch of the show, Princess Celestia. Now, fans of the show, collectively known as 'Bronies' are turning into ponies themselves. Faust has requested that all the ‘main 6’ meet at an abandoned shoe factory in New York state."
"In other news, a new organization has been formed," the middle-aged TV man said, adopting a more serious tone. "The People Against Ponies Association, or PAPA, is now forming protests over what they call the mixing of realities."
"Oh come on!" I exclaimed. "One week and we already have some pseudo-human-liberation-front?"
"The group's main concern is adapting the new calendar, in which one week now contains three hundred and sixty five days," The news reporter continued.
"Oh, well, actually that kinda makes sense," I stated, thoroughly relieved that I would not have to worry about being attacked by angry humans, only envious or fan-coltish persons. Wait, was that a ponyism? Fie!
My father turned off the television at that point and sat down on the couch. His face was surprisingly neutral, then again, he always had rather unreadable features. My mother on the other hoof, darned ponyisms, simply turned around and looked at me with sorrowful eyes.
"Now, now mother, there is no reason for you to cry over Walter... I mean me. I still have my mind, plus a slightly different grammar and syntax, but I'm still the child you've raised," I said, trying to comfort her.
"Oh that's not it." She said. Beg pardon? "I just don't want to see my little baby go to New York, it's a long trip."
"Empty nest syndrome? Now? When the reality of the earth is at stake?" I asked incredulously. "I think I don't really have a choice in the matter, the functional equivalent of a demi-god just made a request for the main six to come to her, and let’s face it, they’re going to need all the help they can get.”
My dad spoke up at this time. "So the moment some stranger who got turned into a horse-"
"Pony," I corrected my father.
"Right, the moment this Faust asks you to come you decide to go running--"
"Galloping," I interjected.
"Would you stop that?" my dad asked in an irritated tone.
"Sorry, force of habit," I said. It was an old habit, I often interrupted others when speaking, often to finish their sentences, but this was not the case here.
"Apology accepted. So you just obey Faust after going on for years of not going to church with your mother." My father looked at me candidly.
I offered my retort. "Now that's not fair, this is hardly comparable-!"
"And now I'm going to be left with her nagging me to go instead." My father smiled
“Now that’s just cruel to toy with me like that.” I said, planting my own smile on my face.
“Well, it is settled; you’re going to be headed for New York. I’ll get you a bus ticket this afternoon,” my mother stated, lowering herself to a kneeling position. “But first, I need to go pick up your little sister from her sleepover.”
Ah, yes, my dearest sister, the little cherub who introduced me to My Little Pony, bless.
“That sounds like a good idea. I should say goodbye to her, and also tell her what has happened obviously,” I said, walking over a vent that was blowing hot air. “AIEH!” I yelped when a stream of air went to areas hitherto unknown by me.
“What’s wrong?” my mother asked.
“Nothing!” I squeaked, “but I uh... really need to just tend to a few things downstairs first, then I’ll be back up for breakfast.”
“Certainly,” my father said.
I headed towards the stairs and looked down, crud. I sat on my haunches and descended in a series of short controlled falls. When I reached the bottom I stood up and walked to my room. There I magicked off my improvised trousers and opened my underwear drawer. Too big, too big, not the right color, how would I get my tail in? Ahah! Just then I saw an older set of briefs with a set of holes in the back. Don’t judge me, they still do their job. I slipped on the undergarments and put my pants back on.
“Well, now that that is taken care of, I can have breakfast.” I returned upstairs and saw my father sitting at the table, he had already set it up for breakfast.
A large plate adorned with pancakes, syrup and… sausages. The prospect immediately made my stomach turn in protest. Shoving the feelings down I walked up to the chair. I placed my forehooves onto the chair and lifted myself up, kicking my hind legs in the air briefly, I struggled into the seat and turned myself around. My eyes immediately set on the sausages. The world just seems to be mocking that little detail isn’t it? I lifted up a fork with my magic and plunged it into the stack of pancakes and began eating with gusto, never once touching the sausages.
When I finished I hopped off my chair and walked towards to the living room. It was then that I heard the front door open, and the voice of my sister call out, “Daddy! I’m home!”
My little sister, Anna, stepped around a corner a few moments later. Her eyes immediately locked onto me, I was a sky-blue pony in sitting against a light brown carpet after all.
“You got me a pony toy!?” She asked as a bright smile spread across her face.
She ran towards me as I began to talk. “Now hold on, the Great and Powerful Tr-!” I was placed in the vice like grip of a child with a new toy as my sister wrapped her arms around my neck and chest. “Can’t… breath, lungs... not... that powerful!”
The arms released me and my sister gasped. “It talks?”
“Yes I do,” I replied.
“You’re Trixie!” she stated excitedly.
“Yes, I am. Well, not technically, I woke up this morning in Trixie’s body.” I looked at Anna to gauge her reaction.
“Are you Walter?”
She always was able to think one step ahead in a conversation. “Yes,” I said.
Immediately my sister started hugging me again. “I always wanted a pony!”
“Yes, and you also technically gained a sister like you were always bugging your mother and I about,” my father added at this point.
My sister drew herself away and looked at me. “How did it happen?”
“Woke up this morning, was four feet shorter, covered in blue fur, and had a horn. Honestly, I have absolutely no idea as to how this has happened, but it’s happening all across the world and well... I’m going to New York to find out what is going on.” I locked my sister into another hug as soon as I finished talking.
“I’m going to miss you,” she whimpered.
“I will too, I’m only leaving tomorrow though, so we have the day together at least.” We stood there for a few minutes. I noticed my mother joining my father on the couch out of the corner of my eye, but neither interrupted us.
Finally I worked the nerve to pull back. “So, want to help the great and powerful Walter pack?” I asked.
“Absolutely,” Anna answered. We went back down the stairs, well, Anna did; I shuffled down the stairs on my flank, it hurt a little, but it was better than falling head-over-hooves down to the basement.
I went to my room to gather supplies while Anna grabbed a suitcase for me. Let’s see, a few more pairs of underpants, more regular shorts, laptop... what else? I went the bathroom and grabbed some soap, and shampoo, and some conditioner, okay fine. I grabbed nearly every hygienic product I could think of. I honestly had no idea what my grooming requirements would be. I opened the cupboard below the sink and saw one of my mother’s... ‘pads’. I gulped and looked over myself. Was I going to need that? Or was I going to get used to the idea of very cold showers come next spring? I shuddered and grabbed two of the ‘lady things’ and marched back to my room.
Anna had brought the suitcase and set it on the floor beside my bed. I lifted my pile of supplies with my magic and stuffed it into the suitcase. Only having a few shorts for clothing made for a much more spacious compartment.
I spent the rest of the day with my family and getting more accustomed to my new body. when I fell asleep, I felt like the journey to New York was going to be uneventful, oh how wrong I was.
The next day my mother drove me to the bus station. On such short notice it was the best arrangement that could be made to get me to New York. I had packed my bags and given my sister and dad one last farewell before getting in the family sedan. Buckling myself into the car with my new body was interesting to say the least. I must have slid out of the seat belt five times on the way to the bus station.
I hopped out of the car eagerly when we arrived. My mother opened up the trunk and pulled out my suitcase. Grasping the handle with my magic, I dragged the relative monstrosity behind me, it was essentially taller than I was when placed in an upright position.
Reaching the automated doors to the bus terminal I turned around and waved goodbye to my mother and called out, “Don’t worry Walt- I will be back soon!”
I walked inside and glanced around, trying to find the ticket sales booth. It was difficult given my diminutive stature but after a few moments I finally glanced the booth through the proverbial forest of legs. I made my way to the booth and reared up on my hind hooves, setting my fore hooves on the desk. In front of me was a middle-aged, wrinkly, woman with her red hair coiled into a bun. She also had a mole on each of her temples, like the big ones with hairs coming out of them. At least they were symmetrical.
She looked at me up and down and then finally spoke, “New York I presume?”
“Yes please,” I answered.
She punched in a few numbers in the the terminal and then sighed, “$69.50, will that be cash, debit or credit?”
I opened up a compartment of my suitcase and levitated out my wallet. “Credit,” I answered, and the woman took the piece of plastic in her hand.
“All credit and debit card transactions require photo ID.” She extended her hand out. I floated out my drivers license and handed it over to it. She gave it a onceover and then spoke, “I’m afraid that your picture doesn’t match up.”
I rolled my eyes. “Really? I hadn’t noticed, maybe that has something to do with my having been turned into a pony recently, isn’t the point to get an address or something?”
“I’m afraid I can’t accept it... company policy, would you like to pay with cash?”
I opened up my wallet and looked at the contents, twenty, thirty, fourty, fifty, damn. I only had fifty-one dollars and sixty cents.
“Hehe, where’s the ATM?” I asked. The woman extended a baggy arm past my shoulder. “Ah, thank you.”
“Have a nice day.”
I walked over to the ATM and used it to withdraw fifty more dollars. I turned around just in time to see the ticket lady walking away from the desk. I trotted over and called out, “Excuse me miss?”
“Coffee break,” she said morosely.
“This is ridiculous!” I shouted, “First you refuse to accept Trixie’s credit card! Then you have the audacity to go on break just as she is about to purchase a ticket! Now I demand you service Trixie at once or I shall be force to—!”
“Any customer who threatens an employee is liable to litigation.” The woman stared at me.
“This is a moral outrage! The Great and Powerful Trixie demands to see your manager, simpleton!” I was now stomping my hooves about.
“Your license said you were named Walter.” The red-haired woman took a sip of her coffee.
“Ugh! Fine, you insufferable knave! I will find your manager, and when I do I will inform that simple-minded, gas-filled—!”
“Can I help you ‘mam?” a male voice behind me sounded.
I turned around and there was the manager, he even had a name tag that had ‘manager’ written on it.
“This clerk refuses to sell The Great and Powerful Trixie a bus ticket to New York! I demand that the sale be made now! I have to get to new york to figure out just what in Tartarus is going on.” I panted, my rage being spent. It was dawning on me that I had just referred to myself multiple times as Trixie. I looked at the manager to see what he was going to do after my rather in-character outburst.
He walked up to the clerk counter and told her, “Don’t sell her a ticket, I don’t want customers being repelled by that blowhard of a pony.”
“What?!” I screamed. “How could you dare refuse to sell me a ticket?”
“Econo-Bus maintains the right to refuse service to anyone, and that includes ponies, besides, if you’re Trixie then you’d probably get my busses crushed by some giant monster.” The manager grabbed my bag and pushed it towards me. “Out.”
“Wait? You’re a brony? You know who I am, or, rather what body I’m occupying? Surely you can sympathize with my situation?” I kneeled before him. Getting angry hadn’t worked, now maybe groveling would.
“Nope, my son is, useless wastrel. Now please leave ‘mam.” He pointed to the door and I grabbed my bag, sighing as I made my way out.
Outside I heard someone yelling, “What do you mean you can’t afford the gas? I have to get to New York so I can get out of this freaking body! Orange isn’t even my favorite color!”
I looked over and saw a thin, lanky, orange unicorn colt and on his flank was a... no, nonononono not that idiot.
“I told you, I used the last twenty bucks back in Austin! I’d still have money if you hadn’t insisted we go through every damn toll booth just to save time!” the man next to Snails responded.
“Dang it well... wait is that?” Snails looked at me and our eyes met. His eyes immediately lit up. “Trixie!” he yelled, and the orange colt was galloping towards me.
Before he reached me however, he tripped and did a somersault towards me, landing at my hooves. “Thank goodness you’re here Trixie! You can help us right?”
“It’s rude to ask for help without introducing yourself, and I am called Walter, not Trixie, even if I do use the name myself sometimes.” I looked down at the colt and he was... staring at me. A shiver of slight disgust ran up my spine.
The man who was accompanying Snails walked up to me and spoke, “I apologize for my brother, he goes a little crazy about anything to do with My Little Pony, especially, well, you.” He extended his hand towards me, it was tanned like the rest of his body, and he gave a broad smile.
“It’s okay, I simply wish he was more restrained,” I said, letting him grasp a hoof and shake it. “Did I hear correctly that you are both heading for New York?”
“Yes, but, oh where are my manners? I am Enrique, and this is my brother Pablo. As I was saying, we are trying to head for New York, but we’re low on gas and money, our mother kept calling to make sure I was feeding him alright, ‘your brother’s skin and bones again! Don’t let him starve!’” He shook his head. “Between meals and the price of gas, and the fact that my dad had borrowed my debit card, we barely made it here.”
“Well, I am trying to get to New York myself, money isn’t an issue, I just need someone to drive me.”
“Dice sí!” Pablo yelled.
“Hush brother,” Enrique said before turning back to me. “I think this is an acceptable arrangement.”
“Thank you, let’s find a gas station,” I answered. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Snails drooling slightly. “What?” I asked with a tone of irritation.
“Me encanta!”
Enrique and I sighed and shook our heads simultaneously. “It’s going to be a long trip.”
Ch. 6 It's A long way to Tipperary! ... I mean New York!
We were speeding down a highway that led us through Texas and eventually into Alabama. Well, not speeding actually, we were well within the speed limit. We did not want to be pulled over, as, given the configuration of my body and Pablo’s sitting with a seatbelt was highly unorthodox.
Even with the unorthodoxy, I still wished that Pablo, stuck in the body of Snails, also stuck to his side of the back seat. This was not to be the case however as the orange unicorn colt gradually migrated towards me.
“Can I help you? Or did you just want to breath on The Great and Powerful Walter’s withers?”
“Hola Trixie,” Pablo said. “Me llamo Snails, y a mi me mucho gusto tú.”
Hearing Snail’s voice tell me that he liked Trixie very much in Spanish was, for all accounts and purposes, very strange. I had watched of few episodes of My Little Pony in Spanish for practice, but all the same, this was by far the most daunting contradiction to my head canon ever. It was like listening to a cat bark.
“First of all, her... my name is Walter, and secondly, your name is Pablo.” I rolled my eyes as Pablo fawned over me. “Enrique can you get your brother to heel?” I asked of Pablo’s brother.
“Enrique, stop it, remember what I told you about respecting the personal space of women?” he responded.
Pablo looked down sullenly and shifted back to his side of the seat. The dejected unicorn put on the most pitiable face I had seen, if he had been entrapped in the body of Applebloom, I would have d’awwed right there.
I turned to Enrique and said, “Thank you, but technically its mare, although I would prefer person.”
“Pero- ahem, but you’re not a person,” Pablo interrupted, lifting his head and looking at me. “You’re The Great and Powerful Trixie!”
“No I am not! I just have her body. Trixie is a inglourious show-boater who just wants others to stroke her ego.” I looked at Pablo and did my best to give a look that portrayed the gravity of what I was saying. “I, on the other hand, have, until I went and sprouted a tail, attempted to be the most unassuming person I could. I was a closet brony for Celestia’s sake!”
I clapped my hooves to my mouth. It was another confounded ponyism. I was willing to allow the occasional third person into my speech, but I had standards, I was a performer. Wait, where did that come from? This was getting ridiculous, I needed some time to gather my thoughts.
“Enrique,” I began, “could you please pull over? I could use some fresh air.”
“SNNNUURGHK,” Enrique responded.
“Enrique? What was that? I couldn’t quite catch that.” I shifted my position and extended my neck to see if my driver was alright.
What I saw caused my gut to drop. Enrique was sitting there, head tilted to the side, thoroughly asleep.
“Haha, very funny Enrique wake up,” I demanded in a rather uncertain voice.
“CLUGH!” he responded.
Enrique shifted, turning the wheel, and sending the car off the road before Pablo or I could scream. The car was careening through the air towards a large, foul-looking bog. Just then, a large, green gummy bear appeared in the middle of the swampy terrain. We landed on it the vehicle bounced, flipped, and landed once more, but this time on its roof. Both Pablo and I were left to make fine impersonations of a face-planted wrestler as we fell out of our seats and onto the underside of the car roof.
“Ooooowwwww!” we both groaned.
I righted myself slowly, testing my neck to make sure it hadn’t broken in any important places. Come to think of it, all of my neck was important. All of me was important. When I was once again standing on my four hooves looked over to Pablo, he was laying there on his back, his tongue lolling out.
“Pablo, you alright?” I asked, prodding him with my hoof. When he didn’t respond I laid both my hooves on his chest and began shaking him vigorously. “Wake up you idiot!” I yelled.
“I am,” he answered, “awake, and now that you gave me a belly rub, I’m alright too.”
I retracted my hooves away from him immediately. Clever deviant, using me like that. Before I could express my utter disgust and disdain for him however, I heard a loud thump.
I turned around and there was Enrique, slumped on the ground and looking much smaller. I squeezed my way over to the front seat and saw that grey-green fur had sprouted on his face. His fingers had fused and were shortening. Hardened keratin began covering the stumps as his face elongated into a slight muzzle and his hair turned a shade of orange. I stepped back, the sight shook me to the core knowing that I had undergone a similar experience within the last few days. I could hear audible pops as vertebrae elongated his neck along with a creaking noise coming from his arms, now newly formed legs.
Enrique’s eyes fluttered open and he looked at me. “What the heck just happened?”
I gestured with my hoof to Pablo. “You became the Tweedle Dee to his Tweedle Dum,” I answered.
“Beg pardon?” He looked down on himself and groaned. “Ah crud, now how are we supposed to get to New York?”
“Why, you walk of course, just like I intended,” a voice replied.
“Who said that?” I yelped, noting the familiarity of the voice. I backed out of the open window and my rump bumped into something scaly. I turned around and there before me was Discord, God of Chaos, and perpetrator of my dehumanized, emasculated state.
“Oh, hello.” Discord grinned. “This is me, is that you Trixie? I do say, for somepony who claims to be great and powerful you do seem to be lacking in mental acuity. Don’t you realize ponies shouldn’t drive? They should hop or skip, or maybe float, given our present setting.” The draconequus gestured to the swamp around us and tapped his hoofed leg to the gigantic gummy bear we were standing on.
“You transformed Enrique while he was driving!” I yelled. “You ruined my plan to get to New York, and my name is Walter!”
“Ah yes, Vaudeville would love to see you. But I simply had to hold you up for a moment. I have come baring gifts!” With that Discord snapped his talons and beside me popped in Pablo and Enrique, now Snips and Snails. “First, your ever adoring retinue, and second...” Discord snapped his talons again and the car gave out a quacking sound. I turned around and there in its place was a blue cape and hat, adorned with silver and navy stars that glittered in the daylight. “A showpony should never be seen out of her proper attire.”
I shuddered as Discord traced my cheek with a talon. “Well, have to go now, big plans, expanding the basement, painting the study, ooooh, I think I’ll even read that Diskworld book I’ve heard so much about! Ta!” With that the mythical hodge-podge of mythical creatures faded into nothingness.
“Wait!” Enrique yelled, “how are we going to get back on the road! We can’t swim like this!”
In response a great big ceiling fan materialized over his head. It bonked his horn when it fell to the our soft candy island.
“That’s not a paddle!” Enrique shook his hoof at the sky.
“And you’re in a swamp, I think you can improvise a way of getting to back on the highway with it,” came back the disembodied voice of Discord.
“That doesn’t even make sense,” Pablo stated.
“God of Chaos, sense isn’t really his thing,” I answered. Staring at the fan I sighed, “Now to figure out how to use this to get back to shore.”
I looked around to assess the situation. I was in the middle of a swamp in Alabama, on top of a gigantic gummy bear summoned by Discord. With me were Enrique and Pablo, now inhabiting the bodies of Snips and Snails respectively. Lastly were my resources: one star-studded set of a cape and hat, and the bags that had been inside the overturned car, and a ceiling fan. The first and last items had been helpfully provided by everyone’s favorite disordered draconequus.
I stepped to the pile of supplies and fished around the disordered contents, hoping to find something I could use as a paddle. As I searched Pablo was helping Enrique learn to walk. The sugary gelatin assisted the effort by cushioning Enrique every time he fell.
“Laptop, no, ice scraper, why would we even need that this far south? Uggh! Nothing!” I shouted as I backed out of the car. “There is nothing here we can use as a paddle! And I don’t think I packed enough clothes to make a sail!”
“¿Tal vez tú puedes usar tu magia?” Pablo piped up.
“English please, something about magic?” I returned.
“He said,” Enrique offered, “‘maybe you can use your magic?’”
“The biggest thing I’ve been able to move was a desk back in my home,” I replied. Seating myself on our sugary island, I gestured to the gummy bear and the car. “This is a little bigger.”
Enrique wobbled up onto his four legs and walked over to the ceiling fan discord had left. “We could use this fan, push the gummy bear like an air boat.”
I pondered for a moment and lifted a hoof to my chin. “That might actually work,” I said. “Okay, Pablo, Enrique, stick the ceiling fan in place and I can spin the blade. But be careful, I don’t want your horns to be damaged. It would hardly do for my retinue to look bedraggled.” Oh dear, that last sentence should have stayed inside.
Pablo immediately complied while Enrique raised an eyebrow at me before going to stand beside his brother. The two of them braced the ceiling fan against the gummy bear and had it positioned so it was facing opposite of the highway about one hundred feet away. I focused my magic and began to imagine it spinning the fan blades. My horn glowed and a matching soft blue glow surrounded the fan. When it started spinning, I put more effort behind the spell and was pleased to see the blades turn faster. I scrunched my eyes to squeeze as much energy as I could when Enrique spoke out.
“Trixie...”
“Not now,” I interrupted, “I’m trying to get us back to the highway!”
“But you’re spinning the fan the wrong way!” he yelled in response.
I opened my eyes and looked around. I groaned when I saw that the highway was now a little smaller. “FUCK!” I yelled, trying to regain control of my magic and spin the fan the other way. It ground to a halt and then began spinning in correct direction. “Alright!” I called once the gummy bear started moving towards the highway.
The candy island floated slowly over the brackish water, I cast a quick glance backward and smiled as I began seeing individual scratches in the metal of the guard rail. Then the gummy bear bounced off the shore. “Oh come on! You were going too fast!” Enrique shouted. Soon we settled a dozen feet from shore.
I breathed in deeply, trying to gather myself. I failed and began stomping about, my hooves thumping the glucose ground beneath them. “Dang-blasted, foul-throated, thunder-humper!” I shouted, supressing my urge to delve into ear-singeing invectives.
“Trixie?” Pablo questioned.
“I’m Walter!” I screamed. “I’m Walter and I will be the one to accomplish this. ME! Not her! This is a problem, and its going to be my mind that solves it.” I huffed and started pacing. “Okay, its only a few dozen feet, maybe we could swim? But then all our stuff would be ruined. We can’t go to New York soaking in swamp juice! I would never stoop to that!”
I stopped in my tracks as grin formed on my face, a wonderful idea forming. I trotted back to the pile and retrieved one of the most useless items I could find, one of the maxi-pads I had packed before I had left home. I set it on the ground and looked at it. A few moments later I looked over at the side of the highway, then back at the pad. This time I imagined the hygienic product appearing in the ditch a dozen feet away. I felt a tension in my horn, like the resistance you feel when chopping a frozen vegetable. With a pop I looked back to the ditch and saw a little white package by the road.
“Perfect!” I announced, turning to Pablo and Enrique. The two fellow ponies were looking at me attentively. “Help me gather everything we’ll need,” I requested. “I think I might be able to teleport us the last little distance.”
A few minutes later we had decided on our supplies. It was mostly toiletries, food, our wallets, and one set of clothes apiece that we all stuffed into one bag. In addition was my laptop; it was my connection to what was going on in the rest of the world, and I would be damned if I was going to find myself in the middle of nowhere without it. As long as I could find some place with WiFi, I would be able to keep on top of events. With Discord prancing about making everypony’s lives difficult, that was going to become more important.
I focused my magic again and imagined it instantly transporting us to the highway. The spell came easier this time, and I felt a shifting of myself as I landed on the soft grass. The next instant a cutting headache arched through my horn. I panicked as I felt energy continue to drain from myself. I didn’t even have time to pronounce the first thought in my head, “Balls.”
***
“Ugh,” I moaned as my eyes fluttered open. “Last time I use the Trixie branch of FedEx.”
When my eyes fully opened I looked around, total blackness. I stood up with a start and cast my head every which way, terrified, was I blind?
“The Great and Powerful Trixie is not interested in shipping.”
I turned to the source and gave a sigh, which quickly developed into a gasp as I saw who had spoken. It was Trixie, the Trixie. Cap, cape, smug expression, she had it all. I looked down at my body and saw total blackness.
“So you don’t even let me see my body in my dreams, huh?” I asked.
Trixie looked confusedly at me, or perhaps through me.
“That is well within the Great and Powerful Trixie’s ability!” she announced after shaking her head.
“Right, how many fingers am I holding up?” I asked. I had a sense of self that told me I had fingers, and I directed them to raise up three.
“Ummmmm, four?” the blue unicorn offered.
“Wrong, you can’t see me either,” I answered.
“You are clearly lying to Trixie in an attempt to shore up your own woefully neglected pride in an instant of weakness.” She turned her head to the side and huffed.
“My weakness? It was your body that went and conked out the moment I teleported something a few dozen feet.” I kept my voice level. No point in escalating things beyond the truth.
“You overstepped our boundaries, and you paid the price, now you’re stuck here until her magical reserves recover,” Trixie replied.
“Like you did with your boasting about taking out an Ursa Major?” I retorted. I tilted my head slightly; it was odd, not seeing the movement in relation to my body, to any body in my possession.
“Exactly like that,” she responded.
I drew my head back and stated, “I never thought you would own up to that mistake.”
“And I never thought you were going to come out of the brony closet as quickly as you did,” she deadpanned, tilting her head as I had done previously.
“You... you knew... know about that?” My heart raced slightly. I had been keeping that little detail on the down low. It was something I wasn’t interested in addressing.
“Yes, you aren’t so different from myself. There’s a bit of a disconnect between what seems and what is. And now we’re rubbing off on each other.” Trixie stepped closer to me. “So, one being's unwarranted modesty with another’s unearned pride? Do you think you could allow this?” she asked.
“And be greater than the sum of our parts...” I drifted off, lowering myself to her. “So, when I wake up, you help me with magic, and I keep you from getting into a world of trouble?”
“And you have to start letting others call you Trixie, the Great and Powerful bit can be put aside until we thoroughly trounce Discord!” Trixie replied.
“Walter and Trixie, a showoff and a closet-brony, I like it!” I announced, reaching an invisible hand to her hoof.
When I felt my hand clasp it, her image faded. A few moments later white began seeping into my vision.
***
When the white became overwhelming my eyes snapped open to Snails' face inches from my own. His lips were puckered and his eyes were closed. Reflexively, I extended my fore-hooves, connecting with his muzzle and pushing him away with all haste.
“What they hell are you doing!” I yelled. “How dare you presume to assert yourself upon the Trixie! We are outraged!”
Pablo cowed his head. “Sorry! You had been asleep for hours, and I thought I saw you stop breathing!”
Enrique stepped down the ditch from the highway. “What is going on here?” he yelled.
I pointed a hoof at the orange colt in front of me. “This young buck tried to kiss us!”
Enrique stepped to Pablo and glowered. “Brother, I’ve told you a thousand times to respect... sorry for saying this Walter, women. Do you understand me brother?”
Pablo nodded. “Yes.”
“Anything you have to say to her... him?” Enrique pressed.
“I’m sorry Tri--”
“He wants to be called Walter,” Enrique interrupted.
“Actually we are quite fine with being referred to as Trixie,” I interjected. This caused both to look at me with puzzlement in their eyes.
“You are?” Enrique queried.
“¿Nosotros?” Pablo added.
“Yes, we are fine with being called Trixie,” I responded. “And you may also refer to us as she, or her, if you feel so inclined.”
“But that doesn’t answer my question,” Pablo said. “Why are you referring to yourself as ‘we’? Isn’t that something Luna does?”
“Uuuuummm, we’ve finally come to terms with our situation. Walter spoke in the first person, Trixie in the third. Taken together, we suppose that we end up with the royal ‘we’?” I glanced nervously at my two travelling partners.
This is just great, royal ‘we’? I though you said you wanted to cut back on the showboating? I pressed inside our mind.
Oh, don’t be such a bother, Trixie responded in our head, consider it good exercise for your confidence.
I sighed and looked at the two unicorn colts again.
“Well, as long as you don’t start calling me Snips,” Enrique requested.
I nodded to the dark green unicorn in answer.
“You can call me whatever you want Trixie!” Pablo responded excitedly.
“We think we’ll stick to calling you Pablo, and never touch us again,” I added.
I looked around at the sky and noticed it was night time. I cast a look at Enrique and asked, “What time is it?”
He shuffled through a pile of our stuff and took out a cell-phone. He examined it and then turned back to me. “Ten o’clock.”
“Well, there’s no sense in walking about in the dark. Might as well get some sleep. Are there any signs of a town, or a gas station, nearby?” In response to my question Enrique shook his head.
“That just leaves us with one thing then,” I announced, walking to the pile of our supplies. I pulled out Trixie’s hat and cape and put them on. When I saw Enrique staring at me I chuckled sheepishly. “What? I thought it looked nicer than the pair of shorts I was going around in!”
I awoke to the feeling of grass brushing against my face, and a rumble in my stomach. I got up and looked around. Enrique and Pablo were lying beside eachother, snoring softly. I walked over to our bags and searched for some food. I found a granola bar and opened it with my magic. I chewed tentatively and then swallowed the bit I had taken. It was sweet with the flavor of honey and cranberries.
I finished the bar and walked up to the side of the road and looked both ways before crossing. I stepped into the bushes and tended to some morning things and then hastily retreated back to my group. Thank goodness ponies were... clean-cut on such matters. I lay down with my hooves nestled below me. I rested my head on the ground and took a deep sniff. The grass smelled... good.
Don’t you dare! Trixie commanded.
Why not? I am in the body of a horse. Horses eat grass.
We are a pony! And Trixie has standards!
You have standards, I retorted. What about other ponies? The ones you agreed to let me help you be more agreeable with?
Well I... Think of how disgusting this grass is! It’s right beside a road! she responded.
That not a single car has driven by since we got here, relax, you’re a big mare, you can hand--
If you eat that grass she will do everything in her power to send off every possible signal to Pablo that you’re interested! Trixie yelled in my mind. I stopped with my mouth hanging over a tuft of grass.
Bullshit, you don’t have any control over my body! I thought.
How do you think you were able to learn to walk so quickly? she questioned. Magic? What about all those involuntary actions? The ear swivels, the tail twitches? You don’t know the half of these things. Trixie may be a master of illusion, but that just means she’s an expert at suggestion as well. Eat that grass and your pride is going to be shot to hell when Pablo tries to kiss you again with MY consent.
You’re sick! What is Snips, like ten in the show? He was still in school. Besides, it’s your body too. I lifted my head up and retched at the thought. I was once male, and might one day become so again, that made the prospect of a relationship... with anyone... feel wrong. That Trixie was suggesting engaging in a relationship with a colt just showed that she was a manipulative harlot.
You really think Snips and Snails weren’t held back a year? Or a half dozen, a full dozen years? All the more reason for you to not eat that grass, she answered.
I snorted in disgust and lifted myself off the ground. I went to the pile and retrieved another granola bar. “This isn’t over,” I muttered. “You’re going to have to become a little more agreeable. I was willing to start travelling all the way to New York when for all intents and purposes as a closet brony. I should probably still be barricaded in my room.”
Oh! Would you stop going on about ‘Closet Brony’ this and ‘I’m so scared of this’ that! You’re now occupying the body of the greatest showpony in all of Equestria! What was that phrase you hoo-a-mans...
“Humans,” I corrected.
Humans, right. What was the phrase that some of you hold close, ‘If you’ve got it, flaunt it?’
“Very well, but that is not going to extend to my plot!” I hissed.
Then keep us both happy. Show your talents once in awhile; the one’s you’re truly proud of. It’ll be good for you, and Trixie shall have her time in the limelight. If you don’t do that, you’ll know what it’s like to have ‘bad attention’.
“Just like when you were the center of attention after failing dismally in vanquishing the Ursa Minor,” I snorted.
You should be happy that I even know what bad attention is, having your memories to pick through has been informative.
Trixie? You used ‘I’.
Indeed she did, call it a sign of good things to come.
*****
We had been walking for hours along the highway, hoping to find a town where we could buy some supplies, get some rest, and find out what was going on in the world. I was dragging behind me our group’s bag. Pablo and Enrique were following behind me.
“I have to admit, I like that my feet aren’t aching at all from all this walking,” Enrique said, nodding satisfactorily as he looked at his brother.
“Sí, it is a nice benefit of having hooves. Remember nuestra abuela? Our grandmother? She was always going on and on about her arthritis.” I heard Pablo chuckle. “How are you doing Trixie? How are you doing with the bag?”
“We are doing fine thank you, though we do believe we should teach you both how to perform magic once we find a town,” I replied. The use of the royal ‘we’ was coming rather naturally. Trixie, did you ever use the royal ‘we’ prior to this?
If Trixie did, does it truly matter? she responded.
Yes it does, I replied. It would be nice to know if it’s me or you who is making this so easy.
You did start using it on your own initiative. I’m sure you can have a nice long discussion with whoever became Luna once we get to New York. I felt Trixie shift in my mind and focus on our surroundings. My my my, but there are a lot of swamps here.
I looked around and nodded, “Yeah, there are a lot of--”
Just then I noted a shiny green rectangle in the distance. “A sign! Thank Celestia! Faust! God! Flying Spaghetti Monster if you feel like it!” I broke into a swift trot and had to focus in order to not lose my magical grip on my bag or trip over myself.
When I was a few feet from the sign I looked up. “Gunterstown, next exit, half a mile,” I recited.
“Well, what are we waiting for?” Enrique gasped, catching up with his stubby legs. “Let’s get over there, then we can figure out what’s going on, call a cab to pick us up, then get the heck over to New York! Rapido, rapido!” The green colt started making his way down the road eagerly with his brother close behind.
*****
I had heard of the unwelcoming country backwaters of some towns that could be found throughout the country. As it turned out, Gunterstown was one of them. The first most noticeable feature of the town was a large community hall with paint peeling off the side of it. On the side of it were two water fountains. Over each of them words could be seen, outlined from having once been painted on the side of the building with bold, commanding letters. It had not been repainted for what looked like decades, but the fact that no one had bothered painting over them spoke worlds. Over one fountain was the faint outline of the word ‘whites’. Over the other was the pale tracing of the word ‘blacks’.
I winced, gulped and continued forward. A bit further into town was a diner; we stepped inside and were met with an unremarkable sight. Along the counter were several men with closely shorn haircuts and collared shirts. Each were digging into their meals until the bell on the door jingled. The men turned around and looked at us, giving a collective glare before they turned back to their food.
I gulped and ushered in Pablo and Enrique. We walked to the end of the counter, and I coughed at the waitress that was cleaning some dishes. She had light red hair and freckles, a slender build, and a dress-and-apron combo that heralded the days when the fountain signs on the community hall were freshly painted. Also wrinkles, the woman was clearly past her middle years and pushing sixty.
When she looked at me she gasped. “Oooooh mah goodness, yer one of them bronyfolk they’re talking about on the internet and news! We ain’t seen any o’ yer type here in Gunterstown before. Well, let me just be the first to welcome you to our town, not the most impressive thing, but very accommodating. Oh but where are mah manners! Mah name is Marietta, and you are?” she asked, offering a hand. I had to brace myself against the counter in order reach out a hoof to her hand. My little pony indeed.
“Trixie,” I offered, “and might we add that it is a pleasure to meet you. We have to ask though, do you serve anything without meat?”
“Absolutely! We have minestrone ready to serve soon as ya please.” She smiled broadly at me. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed one of the men look over and shake his head before opening a newspaper.
I turned to Pablo and Enrique and gave them an inquiring look. When they nodded I turned back to Marietta and smiled. “Minestrone sounds lovely, you have our thanks.”
The waitress brought us to a booth and served us some water. I brought out my laptop and turned it on. “Do you by any chance have a wireless network? I’ve been out of the loop news-wise for a little while and would like to catch up.”
Marietta nodded. “Network's unrestricted, it’s called ‘Maria_net’, should be easy to find.”
I began making the adjustments to connect to the internet and was soon looking over the news. “Okay, let’s see, seems like all the Mane Six are coming out of the woodwork. Lauren Faust is Celestia, Tara Strong became Luna. We also have Derpy and... hang on. I clicked on a link that showed a video of Pinkie Pie giving a speech somewhere in Oklahoma to loud cheers. My left eye twitched slightly.
And ponies call me a showboater? Humph!
I have to agree with you there Trixie, I replied in thought.
I was looking over other stories when the waitress came with three bowls of soup. After giving my thanks I began browsing again. “Reports of violence against ponies across the world, no reports yet of any deaths, sev--” I looked up to see Enrique staring down at his bowl. Pablo had his face dunked in his and was slurping loudly.
Ignoring the orange colt, I asked Enrique, “Prefer to learn how to use spoons again?” When he nodded, I continued. “Try to imagine not you picking up the spoon, but the magic itself.”
Enrique concentrated on the spoon and scowled at it, willing it to move. He was rewarded by the spoon flying upwards and clattering against the ceiling before falling back down again. I caught it in my own magical field and lowered it to the table slowly. “Try again,” I instructed.
Another bout of grimacing from Enrique was rewarded by the spoon being surrounded by a green aura. It lifted the spoon shakily and dipped into the soup and soon Enrique was eating at a steady pace.
I resumed examining the news. “South African Parliament holds emergency session regarding legal status of ponies and other Equestrian nationals... Italy issues invitation to ponies to emigrate, cites phrase ‘Italy is heaven for horses, and hell for women. England is heaven for women, and hell for horses.’” I rolled my eyes.
Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Enrique look up from his soup as I clicked to the next page of stories. What I saw on my monitor then was caused me to flinch as spew out a small spoonful of minestrone towards Enrique as he ejected the contents of his own mouth. The collective momentum of the fluids canceled eachother out and we were left relatively clean. I grabbed as many napkins as I could to absorb the mess and then looked over the news article again.
Attempt on Fluttershy’s Life, Investigation in Progress
I spun around the laptop to Pablo and Enrique and gestured with my hoof. In response Enrique pointed behind me. I turned around and saw that the same article was on the newspaper one of the men at the counter was reading. I lifted a few more napkins with my magic and dabbed at my cheeks.
“What is this? Attacking Fluttershy?” I hissed. “We have to get out of here!”
“Why?” Pablo questioned loudly.
“SH! Keep it down, just look at the story!”
The orange colt’s eyes scanned the article and slowly widened. “Yeah, I don’t think we’ll be very welcome in this town for long.”
Soon afterwards we paid for our meal and hastily left the establishment, continuing our way down the road on hoof.
“I can’t believe that of all the Mane Six, the first pony to be attacked by the People Against Ponies Association would be Fluttershy!” I exclaimed openly to the air and my two followers.
That’s the yellow one with the pink mane? Soft spoken and much too timid? Intimacy issues? Trixie asked, plucking through my mind.
Yes, yes, and really only in the fanon, I replied.
The one that bird made cry?
Yes, Gilda made Fluttershy cry, which puts you up as slightly better by having not done that, I responded.
I could feel Trixie moving about in my head. Get the map, the Trixie shall figure out the quickest way to New York.
That would be by finding an airport and flying, here. I opened up a pouch in the bag and lifted out a map, opening it up in front of me.
Let’s see, Alabama...
After a few minutes of Trixie scanning the map, I hit something hard through the map and fell over. I looked up and saw a large black sign with neon lettering. It read out: ‘Johnson’s Travel Agency’.
“Deus ex machina,” I pronounced.
Enrique’s head poked into my vision. “What are you talking about?” he questioned. “There were signs all over the place. I thought you were just following them.”
“Errr, of course!” I stated sheepishly as I stood up. “Right this way, time waits for nopony!”
I swiftly trotted to the small building. Inside the windows were various maps and pictures for various airlines, bus companies, and rail-lines. I used my magic to open the door and looked around. All along the sides were shelves holding travel brochures to plan vacations from Disney Land to Disney World, from Reno to Las Vegas, from New Jersey to just about any other place that wasn’t New Jersey. The walls were painted white and the fluorescent light clearly illuminated the soft linoleum below my hooves.
At the back of the room was a counter that would have reached waist height back when I was human, so about three feet. On the counter were two computers placed close to the center, with a second computer off to the left. Behind the counter was a door that led to the back rooms, from which I could hear a hurried scurrying about.
When I walked to the counter I lifted myself onto my back hooves and barely managed to poke my head over the top while still maintaining my balance. Thank goodness my hooves had some capacity to grip smooth surfaces. Enrique was looking over the brochures on the walls. I looked behind me to see Pablo staring at me, a smile spread over the orange colt’s muzzle when he saw I was looking at him. This caused me to shudder and blanch, and I felt my tail move between my legs and my ears pin back.
Thanks for the assist with those, I thought.
You are welcome, keep away from eating any grass and I’ll be sure to keep your body language as hostile to him as possible.
“Hello?” I called out to the rooms behind the desk. “We are looking for assistance in getting to New York!”
The shuffling stopped briefly and a loud thud sounded in the back. “DAMMIT!” shouted someone. A stomping sounded but soon became a quiet step as it approached the door. A tall, slim, clean-shaven, smiling, caucasian man in a business suit walked through the door into the main room. When his eyes set on me his smile vanished in an instant to become a scowl.
“Oh, it’s one of them types,” he declared.
“PAPA?” I asked flatly.
“My affiliations are nothing of your concern horse! Now go on git! Out of my establishment!” The man approached the edge of the counter and then saw Pablo and Enrique. His left eye twitched. “It’s a god-damn invasion! First the economy tanks! Then the calendar gets all screwed up! Now I can’t figure out how to organize flights for my customers! And to top it all off, little technicolor ponies start rampaging around.”
“Erm, what’s this about the calendar?” I asked timidly. In response both of his eyelids spasmed. The man stormed into the back room and then returned with a calendar. He shoved it violently into my muzzle.
“LOOK AT IT!” he screamed. I quickly scanned the paper, Saturday, Sunday, Marsday, Thorsday, Wagnesday. There was something off with this calendar.
I looked at the irate man and spoke. “This seems to be a gag calendar, the names are all wrong.”
“Exactly!” he yelled. “Every calendar on the planet has been changed to be like this, digital, paper, all of it! All because of you damned ponies and your crazy god of chaos Discworld or something.”
“First of all, it's Discord. Second, ponies do not worship Discord, nor are we in any way allied with him. For instance, he caused our friends and us to crash into a swamp a few miles out of town and stranded us on a gigantic gummy bear.” When the words left my mouth I realized I should have dropped that last clause.
“A gigantic gummy bear. Likely story. Now go!” The man pointed at the door.
At this point Pablo walked up and started spouting off. “Pero señor, necesitamos su ayuda. Piense en lo que haria Jesus.”
“What did he just call me?” the man asked.
Enrique responded, “He said: But sir, we need your help. Think of what Jesus would do.”
“THAT’S IT!” the irate travel agent bellowed. “I’m tired of all these pony-Catholic-immigrant types coming in here and ruining this fine country! Out now!”
“Now hold on a moment! We are perfectly willing to pay for your services in procuring transportation and your present attitude is--” The man walked away from the counter and into the back room. When he returned, he had a large baseball bat in his hand.
“OUT!” he demanded.
With that I finally decided to cut my losses and get out of there. Pablo followed close behind and Enrique shoved our bag back outside. We trotted down the road and panted wearily.
“Well, that is the last time we try to negotiate with PAPA. Come, Snips and Snails, we must get to New York another way!”
Enrique looked at me and coughed. “Care to repeat that?”
Realization dawned on what I had said. “Oh, our apologies, Pablo and Enrique.”
“Right,” the green colt said before nodding his head with a flat expression, “let’s get going.”
Ch. 9: If there is a God, He is of Chaos, And He Hates Me
“Yo veo con mi ojo pequeño, algo que es de color azul!” Pablo announced. I rolled my eyes and huffed.
“It’s Trixie, just like the last fifty times,” Enrique answered before starting his turn. “I spy with my little eye, something that is green!”
“A tree,” I answered. “Just like the other twelve times, but given the lack of variety, I don’t blame you. I spy with my little eye, something that is... disgusting.”
“The swamp?” Pablo offered.
I looked back and saw that Pablo was walking much too close to me—again. I gave the colt a once over before answering, “No.”
“The dirt, the ditch, the snail you just stepped on!”
I stepped back in disgust as I examined my hoof. Sure enough a crunched mollusk was smashed there. Before I could wipe off my hoof Pablo ran into my rump for the seventh time that day. I turned on him and pressed my face to his, barely taking the time to make sure I didn’t gore him with my horn.
“That’s it!” I shouted. “It’s you! You are disgusting! We were waiting for you to come to the conclusion yourself but it is clear we have to spell it out for you! We are not interested, in any way, shape or form, in engaging, be it temporarily, indefinitely, or for any length of time, with a relationship with you of any kind! We are in the body of what was once a man, and are now in the body of a mare. Both our psyches are simply repulsed at every one of your advances, suggestions, compliments, flatteries, and physical contacts!” I began walking forward and pushed him back across the road. “Now you stay behind your brother and do not come within so much as ten feet of us or we shall hit you so hard, when you wake up, your clothes will be out of style!”
Pablo backed up slightly of his own accord. His eyes were wide with fright. “But I’m not wearing any clothes,” he said with his head shaking.
“UGH! The order still stands, keep away from us! Now, and forever! There will be absolutely no condition under which I shall allow myself to come into close proximity with--”
BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!
I flinched and cowered to the ground as a bolt of lightning struck the road ahead as a torrential downpour began. Within a few seconds my mane was soaking wet and we ran to the side of the road. I sat underneath a tree and beside me sat Enrique, followed by... him. I glared at the lanky colt with a foul countenance. He avoided eye contact.
“Ten feet,” I recited, and Pablo scooted over another foot, placing him at four feet away from me. “Ten... feet,” I repeated forcefully. He shuffled over until he was barely under the shelter provided by the tree, but he was still only five feet away. I shuffled over to the opposite side of the shelter and sighed. Eight feet. Pablo began to reach a back hoof out into the rain when Enrique spoke.
“You’re not honestly going to force him out into the rain, are you?” he asked.
I scrunched up my face at the dilemma. Pablo was clearly doing all he could to respect the terms I had set out. But those were, under these conditions, unduly harsh. Worse yet if I went back on my decree he might take it as a sign that he could resume his fawning over me. I elected to remain silent. If Pablo truly wished to remain under the tree, I would not protest, but if he went the extra two feet to show he was sorry, I wouldn’t say anything either.
“Seriously? You’re cold. I don’t care what he does, I’m not letting my brother freeze in the rain.” Enrique gestured with a hoof to Pablo. “Come here hermano. if she tries to hit you, I’ll stop her.”
Pablo cautiously made his way back to his brother, casting glances at me to see if I moved in any aggressive manner. I turned my head to the side and stuck my nose in the air. When Pablo and Enrique were laying beside eachother I decided to lay down myself. The grass was slightly damp from the rain and tickled my belly somewhat.
I took a deep breath and... damn it my stomach growled. I looked down at the tempting treat and winced. I had walked for hours and we had finished the last of our food.
Go ahead.
My ears twitched and I lifted my head slightly. You’re okay with that? You won’t—
Thinking back on it I realize that the threat was mutually destructive. Besides, it’s hardly becoming for a show mare to have her gut rumbling should a performance come up.
Thanks, I thought as I lowered my mouth to the ground. I bit down and tore off a small portion of grass from the ground. I moved it around with my lips for a bit, testing it tentatively with my tongue for a few moments before bringing it into my mouth and chewing. It tasted surprisingly good. I chopped it up to equine taste buds and took another bite. If I had to compare it I might say that it was a bit like bread that had a little salt added, but stringy, pasta that had dried a little perhaps?
I had my fill and looked up. Enrique was staring dumbfoundedly at me while Pablo was busy trying out the grass by his hooves as well. Pablo sat up and bent his head to another patch of grass, which he promptly got his horn stuck in. I rolled my eyes as the orange unicorn tugged to free himself from the ground. Enrique eventually shook his head and summoned his magic around his brother’s tail.
As Enrique tugged to free his brother, I noticed the rain slowed to a gentle drizzle. I stood up and shook in order to get some of the water off of me. My mane flipped and flopped until it was a bedraggled mess that clung to my face. “Phhhhb!” I blew the mass of moistened fur with a sharp exhale and another toss of my head. I walked over to my two followers and took a breath.
“We should proceed in our grand endeavor to acquire transportation to ferry us to New York,” I announced before turning around and stocking off back the the road. My tail was sopping wet even from having been covered by my cape. A small rivulet of cold water flowed down my backside and continued downwards until it-- “Ah!” I yelped as the cold water touched me where the sun once did not shine. I proceeded to trip and faceplant into the ground.
“Oooowww,” I groaned as I tried standing up. I felt a tugging at my forehead. No, it was my horn. Confound it, I had my horn stuck in the ground. Okay, just... try to pull straight out, don’t bend. How do women stand being so sensitive down there?
First, good call on the not bending part, Trixie responded in my mind. Second, it’s not that sensitive, you’re overreacting to anything so much as getting close to you.
I braced my hooves on the ground and slowly applied more force as I pried my horn from the ground slowly. I am not overreacting, it is too sensitive!
Oooooohhhh no, Trixie tutted in my mind. You don’t know sensitive until you go through a spring and summer like this.
My eyes widened; suddenly I was aware of the highly compromising position I was in. I started pulling erratically, trying to free my head from the ground. No! No, nononononono! You lie, that’s the absolute last thing I need to worry about.
Relax, Trixie responded. It’s the middle of autumn, we’ve finally gotten Pablo to keep his distance, and Enrique isn’t interested.
“Grrrh!” I grunted at the ground. “And since when did you become the epitome of calm and serenity?”
Since I had the entirety of your mind to look at, she answered, still in my mind.
I noticed Enrique take an inquisitive step towards me. “Stay Away!” I yelled, and he sat down.
I finally managed to pry my face away from the ground. I sat on the ground and rubbed my horn with a hoof, knocking off a few pieces of dirt that had clung onto it. Taking a deep breath I turned my head to face Pablo and Enrique. “Alright, let us proceed.”
We soon returned to the road and gathered our one bag. After a few minutes of walking we crested the hill to see a gas station.
“At long last! A light at the end of this dark tunnel!” I exclaimed, bounding towards the gas station with Snips, Snails, and our collective luggage in tow. My hooves splashed in the puddles, spraying my fur with moisture, but I ignored it as I made my way to the door and opened it with my magic.
“Okay, now to see what’s happening in the real world.” I dragged the bag to a corner where I could see a power outlet. I unzipped the bag, lifted out my laptop, thankfully dry inside its case, and plugged it in. I turned it on and waited for it to boot up.
I looked back to the door to see Snips—Enrique—step inside with his brother. They walked over to the cashier that I had promptly ignored. I had a goal to accomplish, and she was unimportant to it. With my laptop booted, I lifted up a pen with my magic and used it to manipulate the keyboard. I opened up Google Chrome (thank god for an unsecured WiFi) and began searching for ways to get transportation out of Gunterstown. There was not much besides a bus station that only served locally and a private airport, and that was no good for getting to New York on my budget. Though I possessed a credit card that my parents usually paid, I had to solve my problem myself.
Is that what you consider me now? Well then I’ll just stop helping you out with magic. In that instant, the pen’s magic cut out and clattered against the keyboard.
Rolling my eyes, I grabbed the pen in my mouth and continued to work the laptop. “Albertville,” I muttered; it showed promise. I could probably find transportation there.
I glanced up to see Snails—dammit, Pablo—walking the aisles and gathering a few things, water bottles, Cheetos, essentials for walking across the deep south like bug repellent. Enrique was busy talking to the cashier; she had this foul look on her face like somepony had had accidentally kicked her fetlock. I resumed my browsing when a thought came to me: I should see if there were any other ponies in the area. Perhaps I could meet up with others, ponies whose only means of transportation hadn’t crashed into a swamp.
I typed up ‘Ponies Southern USA’ and hit search. I was immediately rewarded by all things, a Youtube video that already had over ten thousand views. I clicked the link and saw Zecora in a cut up hoodie, sleeping in a bus. In her mouth was some sort of pastry; it was white with black stripes running across it.
Okay, so we have Zecora somewhere... Ah, a link to her facebook page. I clicked on the link and was met with the page. On the page was a call for assistance.
If anyone is out there and can assist, I’ve found myself in a bit of a fix. I missed the last bus call, and stuck in a town quite small. If anyone can help nearby, a meetup would be worth a try.
Looking at a few more lines of information, I realized that she was in Gadsden, just South of where I was. I clicked to reply, and... A pox on all the houses! I needed to make an account. I moved my cursor over to create a new account. Well, my parents already knew I was a three foot tall creature of legend, might as well let the world know while I was at it. I entered in some crucial information, typed out my name as Trixie Lulamoon—no point in letting everyone know my name—and registered.
I returned to Zecora’s page and used the pen in my mouth to type my response.
Trixie Lulamoon here, writing from the outskirts of Gunterstown, and in the accompaniment of Snips and Snails. We noticed that you’re in need of assistance, just as we are. We propose that we bring our resources together so that we may be better able to reach New York. It would be best if we meet each other in Albertville, it is to the south of where we are, and to the north of where you are. We avidly await your response.
With the message typed out I sent it off and put my laptop to the side using my hooves.
Trixie, I thought, hoping to get her to listen. I’m sorry I called you a problem. I’m just really stressed out right now. There was an uncomfortable sliding sensation, like somepony was pulling a string through my brain. What had happened to me? I had handled the stress of waking up in a body that was completely foreign to me with relative ease, but now...
Trixie forgives you.
So you’ll help out with my magic again, I thought. When there was no answer, I tried lifting my laptop with magic, and succeeded.
I set the laptop back down again and stood up, grabbing my debit card. Walking to Pablo, I lifted out some of the items he had tucked underneath his front leg, allowing him to stop hobbling about. I walked up to the counter and deposited the items there.
“Good afternoon ma’am,” I said, floating the debit card to her while Pablo and Enrique worked to put the rest of the items on the counter.
“Would you like to apply for an Esso Gas Card?” she asked. She looked down at me over the counter.
“No, we don’t usually gas up at Esso.”
She swiped the debit card and printed out a receipt. She bagged the items and passed them down to me. I took what we had purchased, stuffed them into the suitcase, and checked my laptop once more. No response. Sighing, I shut it down and packed it up as well.
My ears twitched as I heard a strained grunt come from the back of the convenience story. I walked over before I heard Pablo yell.
“Ow! Mah teeth!”
Rounding the corner, I saw the orange unicorn colt nursing his mouth with a hoof beside the stallion’s washroom... Hold on, colt’s room.
The door had a usual knob, and I assumed Pablo had tried opening it with his mouth. I used my magic to turn the doorknob and let Pablo into the washroom. It was a bit like having to send my pet dog Glaucon outside to go pee.
I waited for a few minutes when a cracking sound came from the room, followed by the sound of running water.
“Help!”
I stood, opened the door, which I had left unlocked, and ran in to see the the toilet was broken and spewing water.
“What the hell did you do!?” I yelled.
I scrambled to see if there was a valve I could use to turn off the water. I saw the pipe that fed water into the toilet, and to my horror it was snapped out of the water tank. I twisted the valve, stopping the flow of water.
I sighed in irritation, only to have Pablo shake himself dry, covering my in water meant for the sewers.
I looked at him blankly.
“Please tell us the toilet broke before you went.”
He shifted uncomfortably on his hooves. “It broke before I was finished...”
I stepped out of the bathroom. Carefully placing my head on the wall, I vented.
“Why in all of Tartarus did we get stuck with a complete incompetent!”
Pablo stepped out of the room with a remorseful look on his face. “I’m sorry Trixie.”
I extended a hoof out to him. “Don’t be sorry, just don’t talk to us.”
“But I really want to make—”
“Dear Celestia in Canterlot Snails, if we turn around, and you’re still there... we... we can’t be held responsible for what we do!”
I heard hoofsteps move away from me, before the click of high heels approached. “We’ll clean it up, just the water hose that got disconnected. Can’t help with the water though,” I said to the clerk, who had begun tapping her foot on the floor.
I stepped into the bathroom, affixed the water hose, and stepped back out.
I looked back up at the clerk with the best pout I could. “Our apologies for the mess.”
She pointed at the gas station door, where Pablo and Enrique were sitting. “Get out now.”
Without another word, I obliged and exited the building, dragging my bag behind me. I walked into the renewed rainstorm, not caring about how wet I became in the downpour.
Becoming a pony had been a mixed bag for me, equal parts good and bad luck. I was being tossed about on the winds of fortune. Was there anything less great and powerful than that?
On that miles-long stretch of highway heading towards Albertville, I was glad that the sweltering heat of summer had largely passed, and that the recent rains had made the temperature even more tolerable. I craned my neck to the side, in equal parts to keep an eye on Enrique and Pablo as to see my own condition.
My cape rubbed uncomfortably against my side from having dried with some rigidity. There were also a few smears of mud on me from when I had laid on open grass, and fallen into it horn-first on occasion.
We must have looked a pitiable, or contemptible, sight, this motley crew of cartoon equines. Dozens of cars passed us. Many slowed down to look at us. One, a blue ford pickup truck, rolled down the window.
A boy, about eleven or twelve, stuck his head out of the window with a Big-Gulp clenched in his fist. He’d extended it out the window. “You look thirsty.” Soon a large hand wrapped around his shoulder and pulled him back into his seat, and the window rolled up before the truck sped off again.
After another hour, a red sedan carrying three too many teenage girls in the back seat—that is, three—slowed until it was keeping pace with us. The back window rolled down, and all three stuck their heads out eagerly, two clambering onto the lap of the other.
“Hey!” the bottom one, a red-head, protested, lightly smacking the side of one of the others. “Watch where you put your hands!”
“Woah,” the brunette said, her eyes wide as she looked at me in awe as though I was some Clydesdale. “Why would they be such colors?”
The final girl, a blonde, scrunched up her face. “Look at its nose and mouth, it’s all fucked up. How does it talk? Do they even talk? I heard they used to be human. I bet they can’t talk.”
The red-head pushed against the others again. “I said, hands off my chest!”
“Sorry,” Blonde answered, flinching her arm back.
“I think the blue one is the leader,” Brunette said. “It’s wearing clothes.” She ducked her head back into the car and soon came out with a can of Dr. Pepper. “Hey!” she yelled, making my ears twitch and my lip curl up in irritation. “Want a Dr. Pepper?”
I looked straight ahead, not bothering to answer. The girls whispered amongst themselves, coming to a conclusion from one experiment after a full minute of deliberation.
“Oh my gosh, they must not be able to talk. Can you talk?”
Don’t give them satisfaction, just ignore them, I pleaded mentally to my two travelling companions.
“Yeah!” Pablo yelled, trotting up to the three girls in the window.
Crap.
The girls all squealed, hurting my ears with the high pitched noise, before they moved on to excited screaming. It was like I had stepped into every crappy high school drama ever, of all time.
Brunette licked her lips, lowering the can of Dr. Pepper to Pablo’s orange muzzle. “Want a Dr. Pepper?”
“Uh huh.” Pablo nodded, gripping the tab in his teeth, he pulled, and was showered by an explosive spray of sugary liquid.
The girls broke into an even greater uproar as the window rolled up and the sedan sped away.
Pablo’s condition became similar to my own within the next five minutes, his coat sticky and gaining a covering of dust. A tear ran down his cheek, creating a clean line of fur through the dust.
I felt like an ass for it, but I needed to cement the message from before. “What did we learn?”
“Don’t accept soft drinks from strangers.” Snails looked down to the ground as he moped.
I hoped he would have said, ‘Keep your distance from girls,’ but I couldn’t fault him for coming to an equally valuable conclusion. I dropped it, pressed onwards, and lamented that I didn’t have a caravan.
***
Getting into Albertville, and finding the bus station, was an easy affair. It was a large building, mostly glass so people could see which busses had arrived, but it was surrounded by a concrete outer wall that even encompassed the parking lot. We stepped inside, and saw dozens of pairs of legs going about their business. A short stature meant that we could go by unnoticed for a time.
I beckoned Pablo and Enrique into a corner. In a hushed whisper, I told them, “Okay, we don’t see any sign of Zecora. She might not have gotten our message yet, or she might still be on her way here. We’ll check Facebook to see what it is, while you two can get cleaned up, and look for her in the rest of the station.”
Enrique nodded quickly. “Sure thing, Trixie; come on, brother!” They trotted down the terminal, weaving amidst all the people.
I brought out my laptop, turned it on, and thankfully found an unsecured wireless signal associated with the bus terminal. “Okay, Facebook.” I logged on, and found that Zecora had responded to my message.
“From my spot, that is not too far away, if I leave without delay. I’ll be reaching the bus stop soon, dear Lulamoon.”
Good, I thought, that just leaves me to get tickets, four will do. After packing up again, I stepped towards the ticket sales booth when I remembered what had happened previously. Glancing around, I saw an ATM with only a few people lined up in front of it.
Waiting for two minutes, I got to the machine and reared up on my hind legs, bracing my front hooves against the machine. Using my magic, I slipped in my back card and started to withdraw enough cash to purchase bus tickets.
“Hey! Who said you could cut in line?”
I swung my head around on my long neck, horn still glowing, to see a man with a mottled suede jacket, dark curly hair, and his mouth open, showing two prominent teeth. He looked a bit like Jerry Seinfeld. He flinched back—likely from witnessing my neck’s flexibility—gulped, and then put on a brave face as he planted his fists into his hips.
“I was in line before you,” he said.
I glanced to the side, still casting a spell to enter my PIN. “Apparently not,” I answered.
“Look lady, just because you’re some cartoon horse—”
“Pony,” I corrected, stalling for time as the machine took its merry time in giving my cash.
“Whatever you are,” he continued without missing a beat, “it doesn’t give you the right to cut in line.”
“And we’re insisting that we would never do such a thing,” I responded. Though we’d certainly have the right to. “I find it far more likely that you simply failed to notice us, not hard, considering your tiny eyes.” I heard the cash slide out of the machine. I grabbed it in all haste and lowered myself from the ATM. “Regardless, the machine is yours, good luck.”
I marched off quickly, when I heard from behind, “Out of twenties! How’s that possible?”
Close...
I got in line for tickets and waited until I was at the front of the line. I looked up at the sales clerk. She was masticating a large wad of gum, had tanned skin, and her hair was done up in a ponytail.
I lifted up the wad of cash, placed it on the desk, closed my eyes with a slight grin, and said, “Four tickets for New York, please.”
There was some more chewing, and then the girl answered in a surprisingly nasal voice for her age. “I’m sorry, but the company policy states that no animals are permitted on the bus unless there is proof that they are accompanying a disabled person.”
I looked up at the grating teenage girl behind the counter. A pink mass bulged from her mouth before it popped loudly.
“You can’t be serious,” I said, “Why would the bus company deny a paying customer?”
“I don’t know, I just work here.” Yes, that was actually her response. Of all the cliched answers from a service industry worker I could have received, I was given the most tired one of all.
“Alright, listen here!” I yelled. “We’ve been stuck like this for almost three days now! And every time we’ve tried to purchase something, or even just stand in one spot, we’ve been discriminated against. We might walk on four legs, be half your height, and have a horn sticking out of our head, but that does not excuse you to suddenly drop the constitution because it doesn’t suit you!”
“Hey, hey, hey! Let’s all take a chill pill and calm down!”
I spun around to see who had told me what to do. Years of being the general outcast had made me loathe the statement of complete and utter apathy on the part of my elders. It had been a process repeated many times. I would be teased on the playground, go to an adult—as I had always been told to—and be promptly told at all times to simply, ‘calm down’.
I scanned the crowd for who had spoken, and my eyes registered a white unicorn with an electric-blue mane and magenta shades hanging off her forehead. Beside her was a white earth pony with a pink mane, and still further back were two men, who from their gait and where they were looking, appeared to be focused on me. It was clear, I had met Vinyl Scratch and Nurse Redheart, but that was of minimal importance.
“Don’t tell us to calm down!” I shouted. My knees bent so I lowered to the ground, as though to charge, and pointed my horn at the upstart.
She tilted her head to the side before giving a shrug and stepping to a fighting stance, “Really now? I was hoping to be the voice of reason, but if you start charging at me, I’ll fight back!”
“Reason? Funny, because every time we’ve tried to use it, we’ve been denied services. We were even chased out of a travel agency by some crazy guy with a bat!” I shook my head before indicating the two humans behind her. “At least you’ve got people that others are willing to talk to without automatically wanting to spit in their face.”
Her face became red as she stepped closer to me and screamed, “You think you have it bad!? Just earlier today, I was almost killed! Even with my friends there! Instead of one guy with a bat, how about having to deal with four mental people who chase you through a superstore! Each armed with something very deadly! And not much longer after that, I was almost shot at by an armed gunman!”
Oh bullcrap, horse apples, and pony feathers! There was no way they had gotten into all that in just the short period of time, maybe to one of us, but that had already happened to Fluttershy.
“We sincerely doubt that any of that actually happened, we may have been dealt a bad hoof of cards, but we know that you just made that up to pump up your own grandeur to make yourself feel better when compared to us.” Shutting my eyes and turning my nose up, I pressed a hoof to my chest.
Vinyl gave a cocky smirk before saying, “Make myself feel better than you!? Bitch, please. Almost everyone in this room is better than you! At least I can back up my boasts with actual talent!”
That was it, if she wanted talent, she was going to get it. I took a few steps forward and began poking through my mind for some spell to show her up when—
“The both of you, enough of these threats, before you do something you regret,” a voice called frustratingly.
My head snapped in the direction of the voice. My left eye twitched, but I could make out a black-and-white striped figure in a black hoodie trotting towards us. Zecora. It would seem I was at a veritable nexus of ponies who could do nothing but try and make me take what I had been going through sitting down.
Turning back to Vinyl, I noticed she still had her eyes locked on the zebra. My horn glowed as I thought of the sweetest revenge for her slight on my honor. She was going to be spending the rest of the day cutting off an unending moustache.
Or I would have, had Zecora not pushed my head away from her, knocking my concentration off.
“This anger you have must quell, there is no need for spells.” She spoke in an annoyingly sage-like tone.
“Listen, mohawk-mare,” I hissed. “We don’t know who you think you are, but where we’re from, when two people have a disagreement, others know to stay out of the way like they know not to get between a Cerberus and its meal.”
I noticed Vinyl still had her eyes focused on Zecora before blurting out, “Zeccy?”
Zecora shook her head and squinted her eyes before she said with a sigh, “I do not believe those ends, have earned you many friends.”
“Zeccy!” Vinyl exclaimed in pure joy before pushing past Zecora’s hoof and embracing her.
Zecora looked back in shock from Vinyl's hug. I could have sworn her cheeks went slightly red before she said a single word “...Zeccy?”
“Oh, my, God!”
Turning my attention from the black and white hug-fest, I saw Pablo and Enrique amidst the mass of legs of people who had gathered to witness the spectacle of my amazing achievements.
“It’s, it’s, it’s!” Pablo stuttered, his spindly legs carrying him towards us. “Redheart!” His legs carried him towards the pony nurse so quickly, he may as well have teleported. “Me encanta!” Bowing his head to her hooves, he puckered his lips.
Redheart’s face began to turn red as she stood there, eyes darting back and forth, not sure what to do as she let out a nervous chuckle. She then turned to Vinyl mouthing the words, “Please help” to her.
I leaned over to the side as Vinyl spoke to Pablo and Redheart. Out of the corner of my mouth, I whispered to Enrique, “So, Pablo is a Redheart fan as well?”
“Hey there, pretty lady, I’m Enrique! But you can call me Rick if you want to...”
I turned to see Enrique rolling on his hooves, a silly smile on his face as he looked up at Zecora, his pudgy body shaking as he did so.
Zecora merely grinned sheepishly as she backed up slightly “Umm, why hello, little fellow?” she stopped when she backed into Vinyl “I am not sure I see, if theres somthing you need from me?”
Soon, Vinyl began to giggle as she said, “Look! Zecora’s black, white, and red all over!”
Oh God, why? This was turning out horribly. Hoping to calm things before we started into some garish display of public affection, I used my magic on Pablo’s tail to drag him away from Redheart.
“Terribly sorry, he can get a bit obsessive about ponies he likes.” Putting on a pained grin, I continued to pull Pablo back as he tried walking back to Redheart.
“So what’s it like?” Pablo asked. “Taking care of the patients I mean. It must get lonely, being there in the hospital with nobody but the sick?”
“Zecora, care to tell me about some of the things you see in the Everfree Forest? I’m sure you see all sorts of exciting things,” Enrique said.
My concentration lapsed in despair over the fact that Pablo’s usual handler was himself stricken by the love bug, and Pablo was able to zoom right back to being next to Redheart. He leaned over and pressed his neck against hers in a type of hug.
Before I had the chance to charge up my magic to pull Pablo and Enrique back again, the two humans behind Vinyl picked them up with the darker-haired one saying, “Someone, somewhere wants what you two have to offer, but it isn’t these two Romeo.”
“You have no idea how much we wish to have thought of saying that a day earlier, Mr...” I trailed off.
“Luis Bonilla, but just Luis will do,” said the man as he tucked Snips under one arm and extended the other for a hoof-to-fist bump.
“Trixie Lulamoon,” I replied, obliging the gesture by raising my hoof up and allowing him to bump his fist into it as he gave a simple smirk. “Though of course you’d already know that.”
“There they are!”
Setting my hoof back on the ground, I looked over to see the ticket sales woman pointing at us with her red-painted fingernail.
Beside her was a security guard with navy-blue pants and a grey shirt with ‘security’ helpfully stencilled on the shoulder. He was a fairly bulky man with tanned skin and a balding head, but he had a handgun holstered to his hip that he had a hand laying over.
“Gentlemen...” He paused, as if he was trying to figure out the best word choice for the situation. “Ponies?” That would do, a nice neutral term. “I’m’a gonna have to ask you to leave the bus station, right now.”
It was then that the blonde-haired human, still holding Snails, had stepped in front of the guard. “Sorry about that sir,” he said. “We were just leaving anyways.”
To emphasize the point, I side stepped to my bag and gripped it with my magic as most of the others did the same. When I reached the door, I cast a quick glance back to see Zecora looking amidst the crowd, including the guard. Her eyes were wide, as if overwhelmed by the attention that had focused on her, as all the others and I stepped off of center-stage.
Looking to my left, I saw Vinyl standing next to me, waving over at Zecora, “Hey, Zeccy! You coming or not!?”
With the others to my back, I took a moment to glare at the ticket lady. “Thirteenth amendment,” I hissed, before gesturing with my hoof first at my eyes and then at her.
Turning around, I followed the group out, led by Luis and the other man towards a silver Prius. I stopped outside one of the back doors before turning to the rest of the group. Zecora was the last to come to a stop, and looked to the group with what I guessed was hesitation, something just seemed... off.
When we approached the Prius, Luis suddenly said, “Oh! Before we depart, how about we get the formal introductions out of the way?” He then looked towards Zecora and myself, “Well, that is, if you want to travel with us, since I’m pretty sure we’re all going to the same place.”
“Vaudeville and Broadway,” I answered, before continuing. “We’re okay with all of you just calling us Trixie.” Pointing to Pablo and Enrique, I continued. “The orange one is Snails, or Pablo as he prefers, and with him is his brother, Enrique, or Snips.”
Luis pointed to himself, Vinyl, Redheart, and the other man while saying, “Well, my name is Luis Bonilla, but you can just call me Luis. Over here is Vinyl Scratch, or Gage. It doesn’t really matter to him what you decide to call her.”
I took note of the article shift from ‘him’ to ‘her’.
Luis continued. “Right here is Redheart, or Serah as she prefers. Finally, this here is Merille Robichaux, or just Merille.” Sounded like I was in the company of a couple of ragin’ Cajuns.
There was a pause for a moment as we looked at Zecora, “Oh! Right sorry, of course you mean me. My name with grace, is quite simply J...” She paused awkwardly for a moment as her face contorted “It’s Zecora,” she spoke very un-whimsically.
Okay... complete break with rhyming aside, the introductions were out of the way. There was then the matter of transportation. “So, you’ve got transportation? We have gas money if you need it,” I offered.
Vinyl started walking towards the car doors before saying, “Actually, we have that covered. We recently got around five-hundred bucks before we left Mississippi. Though, if you still want to chip in, that’d be great.”
As Luis and Merille began to adjust the back seats of the Prius to accommodate all of us, Serah had taken notice of the sky and said, “Hey, you all realize it’s getting late. I saw a Holiday Inn while we were coming here, how about we get a room there for the night?”
Zecora quickly nodded in agreement as she readjusted her pack. “Having rushed on hoof from town to town, I could certainly use a sit down.”
I gave an unrepentant yawn myself. “Ah, yes, we have wearied from travelling so much over the day.”
“Hey, when you say ‘we’, you mean you and the two dolts over there with the orange one close to Serah...again. Or is it like that outdated royal ‘we’ that I’ve seen this one guy use back at the Ren Fair?” Vinyl asked, raising an eyebrow at me.
Crud, he’d noticed that. “Yes,” I answered.
Vinyl opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by Luis, “Well, we have it set to fit everyone. Since I’m driving and Merille will be in the passenger seat, who’s sitting where?”
Serah was the first to speak up, “As far away from Snips and Snails as possible. I’m sure Zecora would agree with me.”
“I guess... that would be best.” Zecora nodded as she glanced back to the duo. “I’d rather not have another exchange. That last one was certainly strange.”
“Excellent!” I clopped my front hooves together. “They can stay in the trunk, we can take the folded seat, and you two can take the rest of the back seat!”
“So that means we’re set!” Vinyl said while adjusting her glasses, “Alright then, Dumb and Dumber, in the trunk you go! Oh, Trixie and Zeccy, I hope you don’t mind some J-Rock and Vocaloid tracks, as my MP3 player is hooked up to the car’s speakers.”
“I’ve never even heard of those genres,” I answered, “Is it like country?” I used my magic to open the car door and waited for Zecora and the others to hop in. As Pablo and Enrique clambered inside, I made certain to glare at them, and ensure they went into the trunk, it was open at the top, so they’d still get light and air, but it would allow for an appreciable degree of separation.
Luis and Merille loaded up our bags in with Pablo and Enrique, and then went to the front seats.
I finally entered the vehicle myself, and lay down in the opening, my flank part way into the trunk. I tucked my hooves underneath my body. Vinyl lay in front of me. To the right was Serah and Zecora.
“Well Trix, J-Rock and Vocaloid will just have to be something I need to show you then.” Vinyl said while adjusting herself in a comfortable position.
I noticed Merille’s hand flip a switch on the console. My ears were met with... to call it music would be an insult. It was more of a missing link, some long-forgotten ancestor to guitars that should have been led into a dark alley-way and beaten over the head. It was the half-way point between noise and sound.
My ears folded against my head as I turned up a lip in disapproval. I lowered my head, and felt the vibrations of the engine come to life through my jaw. I allowed myself a brief pleasure at the background noise that muffled the music.
I focused on the conversation that unfolded among the others as I closed my eyes, resting them from the difficulty of the day’s travels.
There was humming beside me from who I guessed was Redheart before Vinyl spoke up, “Hey Zeccy. I see you like the song. Pretty upbeat, right?”
“Hmm?” she hummed, “Oh yes this music I absolutely adore, but I don’t think I’ve heard of this artist before.”
I heard a slight laugh from Vinyl, “Well, that’s because Hatsune Miku is first of all, really popular in Japan. Second of all, Miku isn’t even real.”
“I’m not quite sure I understand,” Zecora questioned “is it some sort of made-up band?”
“Actually, it’s a synthesized voice. Using a real life voice as a base, and then synthesizing it to make a whole new sound!” Vinyl exclaimed with glee. “Most of the time, they use a character to represent the voice. In this case, an anime character.”
“I didn’t think that a voice could be made that way, into such a sort of musical array,” Zecora pondered out loud.
“Speaking of anime...” Vinyl had paused for a bit before continuing, “I’m assuming you’re a Naruto fan? Or at least a fan of Gaara?”
There was a pause before Zecora finally spoke up again “Oh, yes Gaara is one of my favorites of the show. I’ve only enjoyed certain anime’s although...” She paused for a moment, “But enough of me, what of you? What sort of things do you like to do?”
“Well, before becoming Vinyl, my life was kind of boring. I was a hardcore role-playing gamer. When I wasn’t working a dead-end job, I mainly played stuff like Skyrim or listened to music. If I wasn’t doing that, I usually was at a friend’s house.”
Okay, so I had a music buff and an anime fan. I flicked my ears so they faced towards the trunk, to focus on Pablo and Enrique.
“I can’t believe I am in the same vehicle as Redheart! I am so excited!” said Pablo, before an excited giggle resounded through my ears.
“Forget that!” hissed Enrique. “We’re with Zecora, honestly, how cool is that.”
Honestly, I thought it was better back when the orange one was obsessing over me.
“So...” Enrique started, “do you think Nurse Redheart was a nurse before all this?”
Pablo responded, “All I know is that she has my heart!”
I suddenly heard Vinyl jump in the conversation between Pablo and Enrique, “Actually, she was a nurse before becoming Redheart. Quite the coincidence, isn’t it?”
Oh dear, how much of that conversation had Vinyl heard? Scratch that, how much had Redheart and Zecora heard?
“Doy gracias a dios!” Pablo yelled. Seriously? Thanking god that your waifu was a nurse before she got morphed into pony?
“Hey, Trixie, do you have any idea what Snails just said?” questioned Vinyl.
“Nothing overly important, I’m sure.” I lifted my head to glance out the window, before facing the others again. “So I suppose you want to know who I was before all this?”
Vinyl lifted a hoof to her chin, “Well it would be interesting to find out, but if you don’t want to share it with us, I won’t press the issue.”
Zecora’s ears perked up when she looked at me. “It would be interesting to share, if you wouldn't mind much or care.”
“Alright,” I said, “University student, I was taking this fall off in order to get familiar with a few things I should have looked up when I was younger.” I pondered for a moment how readily speaking in the first person when relating to before all this happened. I craned my neck towards the back. “Pablo, Enrique, you interested in telling us what you did before we met?”
“I worked at a power sub-station,” Enrique answered, “patrolled it at night to make sure nothing went wrong. As for my brother, he was in Junior High.”
“That... explains quite a bit actually.” I turned my head back to the others.
While we were all conversing amongst each other, Luis had turned towards us and said, “Hey, I’m not sure about you guys, but I’m really hungry. How about we stop at a diner and get us a quick bite to eat?”
There was a quick squeak from Zecora, “Oh uh, well if thats best I’m unsure, my funds are somewhat insecure...”
“No problem,” I responded. “We can cover the meal for tonight.” I wiggled my shoulders to work out a crick in my shoulders. “What do you see, Luis?”
Luis looked to his right and said, “Well, there’s a little place called Rosie’s Diner. How about there?”
“If there is no disagreement.” I looked at all the others in the front of the car before scooting back to look at Pablo and Enrique. When I saw that none of them had a problem with it, I nodded. “Alright Luis, Rosie’s it is.”
The human pulled into the parking lot and soon we all clambered out. We entered the diner. There was a steel counter along the length of it with red-upholstered stools in front of it, and plenty of booths with the same upholstery.
One of the waitresses approached us, asking how many people were in our group. Luis had told the woman that there was a total of eight people and that we would like to be seated in adjacent tables. We were soon set at the window seats in the middle of the diner.
Zecora and Redheart sat at one booth, and were soon joined by Pablo and Enrique, who sat across from them. Zecora and Redheart looked at each other and smiled sheepishly, before hopping out of their seats and coming to join Vinyl and I.
Pablo stood up to jump out of the booth, but was stopped when Merille stood in front of him. “Hey, let’s talk, us four, ‘kay?” They did so, and I was left with these three other mares.
The waitress soon handed us the menu, and I opened up mine with magic, inspecting what was available. As I turned to the pasta section, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Zecora was sneaking a glance in my direction but quickly returning her eyes back to her own menu she had flipped open on the table.
Looking over the menu, I decided on my meal choice. I set the menu down and took a deep breath. “Vegetarian pasta for us, we suppose. We’d risk meatballs, but we didn’t really enjoy the prospect of sausages for my first breakfast... As for the drink, ice tea please.”
Vinyl was the next to order, “What she said, and a diet coke.”
Zecora glanced up at the waitress, “I guess a salad will do for me, along with umm... uhh sweet tea?”
The waitress nodded, then inclined her head to Redheart, or Serah, as she preferred. Serah didn’t really bother looking at the menu. “I’ll just take a salad as well. With a glass of water.”
Scribbling down the last of the order, the waitress headed to the kitchen.
I brought my front legs onto the table and braced my hooves against each other. Without looking at her, I said to Vinyl, “We suppose you are owed an apology.”
Vinyl looked over to me and rubbed a hoof on the back of her head, “Ditto. We did get way too out of hand... er well, hoof now, I guess.”
“Agreed,” I replied.
The waitress came back with our drinks, sweet tea for Zecora, ice tea for me, diet coke for Vinyl, and water for Serah.
I looked up at the ceiling for a moment when I heard a gasp, then the clink of glass on the table. “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry!”
“Ayyai!” I yelped as some water dripped onto me and the clanking startled me. My horn glowed around the napkin dispenser, and pulled out a dozen or so napkins, pressing them to the puddle. I lifted out another napkin and pressed it to my fur to soak up the last few drops which had reached me. Redheart’s glass was on its side, the contents poured out onto the table.
With that out of the way, I turned to Redheart. “You ask for the refill; we’d probably be rejected.”
Redheart gave a silent nod before picking up the now empty glass with her mouth and walked off. Not long after she walked off, Vinyl turned to me and asked, “You know, we’ll probably be travelling with each other’s company for a while. How about we take the time to get to know each other better?”
I nodded, and saw Redheart return, full glass in mouth, and the waitress in tow, our meals balanced on her arms. Setting us up, the waitress smiled at us, then went to the other booth. “I’ll get your meals in just a minute,” she said to Luis, Merille, Pablo, and Enrique.
“Very well, we shall start. We woke up like this two days ago, and began our travel to New York since yesterday. That was when we met with...” I tilted my head to the other booth and nodded towards the others. “Them. Enrique was still human, but halfway through the trip he fell asleep at the wheel, crashed the car, and turned into a pony.” When I said it like that, it almost seemed comedic. “Then we had to march through some backwater town, contacted Zecora, and the rest...” I leaned back in my seat. “Is history.” I wasted little time in grasping my fork with my magic and eating my pasta.
Vinyl raised an eyebrow at me, “Is there a reason that Enrique fell asleep at the wheel? Was he narcoleptic or something? Or does becoming a pony suddenly make someone sleepy?”
“Were we to hazard a guess,” I responded between to wads of noodles in my mouth, “we would say that it was the latter. Particularly considering that just after, Discord showed up.”
Vinyl, who was drinking her diet coke, suddenly spat out the drink right into my direction, “Discord!? He’s here!?”
Lifting out another napkin, I dabbed at my face as Zecora’s ears perked up.
“Well, here in the relative sense, we suppose, here on Earth,” I answered. “He’s in all likelihood responsible for this whole mess, unless some poor sod woke up as him and couldn’t handle it.” I finished cleaning my face, and turned to Zecora. “What about you? Anything else to make the musical blowhard spoil my cape some more?” I asked in a total deadpan.
Zecora turned to face me after a distracted glance “Oh me?” She asked before waving her hoof, “Well, there is not that much at all to say. I woke up like this the other day. I only set off this morning, by bus; I’ll admit it was boring.”
Vinyl continued to wipe the remains of her drink after her spit take. “I guess it’s my turn. Well, to begin, before I became Vinyl this morning, I had actually just graduated from high school, and was working a dead-end job as a cashier. I became Vinyl this morning, actually.” He liked to go over the fact that he had become Vinyl. “The two humans behind me, lifelong friends who helped since this crazy adventure began. I ran into Serah here at Wal-Mart this morning, only to be chased out by that crazy extremist group against ponies. I was in Mississippi when I was caught up in a gas station holdup and was in a laser tag tournament that I lost in. Also, I actually met Zecora on Facebook then. Then we got lost and by chance, met you guys at the station.”
“Right,” I said, not bothering to press for details on the holdup. I doubted the story’s authenticity.
Vinyl looked back down at her plate of food and said, “I remember how you basically called BS on my story back at the station when arguing, but I’m dead serious. In fact, if you want me to, I could show you the news report that was made on it.”
“I’ll wait for the security footage to show up on Spike TV one of these days,” I answered.
“Well, I guess it’s my turn now.” Redheart giggled a bit, “I worked at a local hospital back in Louisiana. I was more of a paperwork person, but I did see a patient or two now and again. It was actually pretty early in the morning when I became Nurse Redheart, as Vinyl had stated. So, from the hospital, I travelled on hoof to Wal-Mart, since I didn’t have a car. It was Vinyl who came across me in the Pharmacy section, and well... You know the rest from Vinyl.”
I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Zecora was glancing at the fork the waitress had placed in front of her with a perplexed look before she turned back to her salad. It was obvious what was going through her mind.
Taking the initiative, I used my magic to lift up the fork with my magic. I pierced a few leaves of salad, and then held it aloft in front of Zecora’s mouth.
She glanced at the fork surrounded in the light blue aura before glancing back to me. “Oh, um thank you,” she spoke sheepishly before taking a bite. She must have thought that was pretty embarrassing.
A chuckle was heard from Vinyl as she looked over in our direction, “... Gallons of shipping fuel right there.”
I was about to smack her, but then Redheart tapped her on the shoulder. When she looked back at Redheart, Vinyl’s expression immediately dropped as she got the hint.
“Sometimes, I really hate you Karma...”
I smirked as Vinyl lifted Redheart’s fork and helped with her salad.
“Gracias!” I heard Pablo declare, before the sound of his muzzle slapping into whatever dish he ordered.
“Oh hermano,” Enrique whispered, but I still caught it.
Looking over to the pair of white mares, spearing a few more salad leaves for Zecora, and preparing some more pasta on my own fork, I said, “If that’s what happens to you for teasing us, imagine what we had to do to get that guy.”
Vinyl chuckled at the statement before noticing that her drink was already empty. “Damn. My drink is empty already. Need a refill.”
Zecora stared at the empty cup as Vinyl placed it back on the table before she pulled it back over to herself. “I don't think there’s need for distress,” she commented as she placed her hoof on top of the lid, “It just requires a bit of finesse.” The sound of ice in liquid being shaken suddenly returned to the cup. Zecora tilted her head, and her eyes widened at the sight of what she had done.
Vinyl looked at Zecora with utter shock as a squee was heard from her. “Zecora, I now officially love you forever!”
“What was that about shipping fuel again?” I interjected. Lifting up my cup of ice tea, which was getting low itself, I shook it in front of Zecora. “Don’t suppose you could fill it up with Bailey’s?”
Vinyl crossed her hooves over her chest in an irritated gesture before laughing, “Oh shut up Trixie.”
Zecora chuckled hesitantly as she looked at me, “Oh.. uhh well I suppose its worth a try,” She said quietly as she took the cup and put her hoof over it. There was no sound this time though as she looked back to it dejectedly “Or... well... fie.”
Sighing, I floated the glass back to myself and suckled on an ice cube. Well... guess meeting three kindred souls was all The Great and Powerful Trixie could spare in the luck department for the night.
The rest of the meal passed uneventfully, and soon we were all once again piled into the Prius, Pablo and Enrique still in the trunk.
“I don’t know about you guys, but that was one of the best meals I had in a long while!” said Vinyl while cleaning her teeth with a toothpick.
“Indeed,” I said, “we had become quite famished from the day’s exertions. It was quite refreshing, some incidents aside.”
“Again,” Serah said apologetically, “Sorry for spilling my drink all over the table.”
“Your apology is suitable,” I replied.
“I’m still sorry for not being very skilled, it would’ve easy to get your cups refilled.” Zecora inclined her head to Serah and me, then sighed.
“And I’m sorry for not respecting you as a person, Zecora,” said Enrique.
“Yeah, what Enrique said, but to Nurse Red—Serah,” said Pablo.
Serah gave a sincere smile and said, “Apology accepted. Just don’t go doing that again. Okay?”
There was some whispering in the trunk, then Pablo asked, “Never again?” I turned my head to stare daggers at him, and he cowered. “Okay,” he said.
Well, that was certainly a lot of apologizing going on, it was certainly a good thing that I had nothing to say sorry for.
It was then that Luis had turned into the parking lot for a local Holiday Inn. “Hey, we’re here. Merille and I will go in and pay for all eight of us, then we’ll come back and help everyone with their stuff.”
I opened the door with a quick spell once the car came to a complete stop, and we got out of the car. Looking over to Luis and Merille as the headed for the lobby. “Two rooms!” I called.
Luis looked back over to me and gave a quick nod before heading inside the lobby.
“Wait.” Vinyl wondered, “Why would we need to get two... OH! Now I get why!”
“Correct, this isn’t Europe,” I said. “Don’t need four folks piling into the same bed. Eight into one prius is quite enough. The question remains, who goes to which room?”
Snips and Snails ground their hooves into the pavement, looking at it intently. “We’ll stick to one room,” they said.
I sneaked a quick glance to the lobby, from which Luis and Merille were coming back to us, Merille twirling two sets of key’s on his finger. “Got the rooms, right beside each other as well,” Merille said. He stopped by one door as Luis grabbed our bags from the trunk.
Merille opened the first door and held it open as Luis dragged my bag into the room. The process was repeated for the belongings of Zecora and Vinyl. They didn’t even have to ask which room we were taking. I looked over to Pablo and Enrique, guessing that the four of them had come to an agreement prior to brief trip to the motel.
Luis rubbed his shoulder as he walked up to Merille, “Care to handle your bag and mine?” he asked. Merille nodded, handing him the keys, then heading to the car while Luis opened the other door. He held it open, and Pablo and Enrique stepped inside as Merille brought his own bags.
I walked over to the other room and poked my head inside, spying the two colts. “Anything either of you are going to need from the suitcase?” I asked.
Enrique shook his head. “No, we’ll be fine, thanks for asking though.”
I nodded and trotted over to the other room, where Vinyl, Zecora, and Serah had already entered.
It was your usual setup for a motel room. Two double beds with a night stand between them on the right side of the room, and the bathroom past that. On the left side of the room there was, from closest to the door to farthest, a desk with a chair and phone, a dresser with a television on it, and a table with a coffee maker on it. The carpet was a light brown, no doubt to hide dirt, if the feeling on my hooves was anything to go by. The walls were painted beige, and the window was covered with a dark forest green set of curtains.
Vinyl quickly turned to us and said excitedly, “Alrighty then! How about this, me and Zeccy got dibs on the bed next to the window, while Trix and Serah get the other bed!”
I looked over at Serah, then nodded. “Very well.” I walked past her to the bed. “Just... no drinking in bed... please.” She looked at me while chuckling nervously.
To my left I could see my bag nestled underneath the table with the coffee maker. I hopped up onto the bed, and lay on my side on the spot closest to the wall, and consequently furthest from the night stand. I heaved a sigh. I was finally some place I could rest after a day’s hard journey. It was a vast improvement to sleeping in a literal ditch with no shelter.
Vinyl sat down on her side of the other bed before inspecting her glasses. “You know,” she said, “We’re all going to the same place, yet none of us even know our reasonings behind it. We could have all just stayed put and not do anything, yet here we are. So, I just gotta ask, what’s your reasoning for going on this trip?”
“And leave solving this situation to that foolish filly, Twilight Sparkle?” I said, shutting my eyes and turning my nose to the air. “Please, Trixie does not leave such things to chance.”
Zecora took a moment before she finally spoke up. “I don’t know if I have a part to play.” She looked idly at the rings on her foreleg. “I just want to know why I became this way. How this form I had come to obtain, and what must be done to go back again.”
I looked to Serah as she pulled herself up onto the bed and sat at the foot of it.
“What about you, Serah? Sounded to me like you just ended up being dragged along by Vinyl.” I didn’t even bother lifting my head from the mattress. It was just so comfortable.
She shrugged and said, “Well, I before I met Vinyl, I was in a position where I had almost nowhere to go... And I when I told her that I was curious about the whole New York situation, she offered to let me go with them. So, with nothing else to do, I took up on that offer.”
“Y tú, Vinyl?” I asked. “What made you decide to travel across the country?”
Vinyl had laid down on the bed and said, “To get some answers to my questions. ‘Why was it me that transformed?’ ‘Why into Vinyl Scratch of all ponies?’ and ‘How the hell do I change back, if I can at all?’” It was then that I heard Vinyl’s ringtone for her cell phone.
She took a quick look at it. “Sorry... But I have to take this call.” Hopping out of her bed, phone floating along beside her, she left the room.
I looked down at myself, and realized an important detail from my travels. I was positively filthy. Wincing, I thought to myself, A show mare shouldn’t allow herself to be in such a dreadful state any longer than is needed. I rolled to the edge of the bed, then a got off.
Walking past Serah at the foot of the bed, I looked up at her. “I need to freshen myself up, in case Vinyl asks when she gets back.”
With that I rounded the corner and walked into the bathroom.
I stepped into the room’s bathroom suite and looked around. The bright fluorescent lights lit up the room quite nicely. The hotel room was like the other two dozen or so I had occupied in my life. I levitated my hat and cape off and set them to the side. I lifted the toilet seat and went to the toilet. No, I’m not telling you the details. Why? Because a magician never reveals their secrets.
With that piece of business done I turned to the bath. Looking at it I knew that it would never have been suitable for a full grown human to actually bathe in, too tight. But I clambered into the tub and was quite pleased to see I could enjoy a full soak bath with no difficulty at all. By god it had been months since I had an actual bath, only showers, frequent as they were. I summoned my magic and turned the tub handle.
A cascade of water flowed out and a few cold drops splashed against my face. A small, cold puddle made me withdraw my hooves for a moment until the bathwater was much warmer. The water pounded into the porcelain in a thunderous cacophony in which I couldn’t hear anything that was going on outside.
I dunked my head underneath the flow of water and let it soak into my mane and wash out over my neck. The feeling of the water pushing against my scalp was like a masseuse relieving all my stress for the day.
I turned off the flow lay comfortably within the tub. I swished my front hooves for a moment before smiling. It was too good. I heaved a great big sigh as I let my head sink into the water, my eyelids growing heavy.
My eyes snapped open as I realized something: I’d forgotten to get a bar of soap or any shampoo from the bathroom counter. I looked over to it, then remembered I could just float anything I need over to myself. I did so, and grabbed one of those tiny bars of soap, and the shampoo bottle, bringing them over to myself.
Getting the soap and shampoo was one thing. Figuring out where to apply each was a tad more complicated. I was covered in fur, but I still had my distinctive mane and tail. Deciding that clean was clean, I opted to empty the shampoo bottle over my back. I floated over a cloth, wetted it in the water, and used it to knead the shampoo into my coat. Fairly soon, my cornflower blue fur was streaked with white suds and bubbles. I rolled onto my back to rinse it off, then repeated the process for my neck and chest. Cleaned up, I opted to stay in the tub and bask in the warmth. I earned it. Travelling all day from that backwater hick town of Ponyville to Manehattan...
I blinked, processing the thought that had just come across my mind.
Ponyville to Manehattan. I hadn’t travelled there.
Trixie! I thought.
Hmmm? Trixie is enjoying this too much. Could you be a dear and leave her alone?
Our memories are bleeding together, becoming one incoherent whole. I’m pretty sure the importance of this trumps whatever pleasure you're gaining from this faux spa treatment, I responded.
Ridiculous, Trixie has never had problems with her memories since she was a little... b-filly! Little filly in Hou... Houst-Baltimare!
Trixie, enough with the lying, our deal with compartmentalizing isn’t working. What’s happening? I asked.
Trixie does not need to answer you!
So you’re just going to ignore the problem? Great, just great, two personalities were fusing, and one of them was a complete and total jerk. Hold on... I had been acting rather strangely, stuffing Snips and Snails in the trunk, yelling at Snips, insulting Vinyl. I had been the one acting like a great and powerful bitch!
I sat there, staring at the bath faucet and contemplating this. Our memories were mixing to the point that I had barely been able to keep tabs on it. I slid deeper into the tub and pouted. “This is it, it’s impossible to solve this...” I frowned and bared my teeth. “No, that is something Trixie would say...” I looked down and stared at my hooves. “And something I would say... But... I need to be better than both of them. I need to be strong to make it through this.” I stood up in the bathtub, horn glowing as I opened the drain. “I can do this! I can make it to New York and help save the world! I can speak in the first-person!”
I shut my mouth and looked to the door, not wishing to be listened to as I monologued. I may not be the man I was, I may not even be the mare I am, but I shall be great and powerful! I’ll be such no matter what the world throws at— “Wahah!” I slipped in the tub, dashing my head against the porcelain.
"Oww."
I floated a towel to myself and dried off. I had to use two towels because off all the water my mane and tail still held. Climbing out of the tub, I looked at my cape and hat. They were still dirty, but I could clean them before we got to New York for my greatest performance yet. I opened the door and stepped back into the room.
Zecora and Redheart were both sitting on the floor at the foot of one bed. Judging from the mound of covers beside Zecora, Vinyl was already asleep. I walked over to Zecora and Redheart.
“Girls!” I whispered. “You have got to try having a bath! You can actually fit in the tub given how small we are!”
“Really? Those tubs were notorious for always being tiny!” Serah whispered with glee.
“I have to agree, they dont look quite comfy.” Zecora smirked while she she glanced back to the bathroom door.
“I know, but think about it! We’re tiny too now. Might as well take advantage of it.” I threw my hooves in the air.
Serah raised an eyebrow at me before giggling, “Wait, you can actually talk in first-person?”
“Well I have to say that it quite a surprise,” Zecora laughed hesitantly as she got up, “you’ve only spoke in third from what I’ve surmised.”
“Remember the saying that Einstein did his best thinking in the bathtub?” I asked, and they nodded. “Let’s just say I’ve had a bit of a revelation... But I think it’d be better if I told you all at once, tomorrow, when the musical blowhard is awake.”
Serah gave a worried glance over to where Vinyl was laying, “Yeah. When she wakes up.”
Zecora shifted as she got up from Serah’s spot, “I agree, but as for me, I believe its time for some rest.” She took a moment to size up Vinyl’s bed before she hopped onto it and hid herself under the covers.
I jumped up onto the other bed, and Redheart soon followed, burying herself in the covers.
“Before we go to sleep, I have to warn you about something, Serah,” I said.
She looked at me with wonder, “What is it Trixie?”
“When I’m asleep, sometimes I kick... It was before all this happened so I don’t know if that’s true. Just a forewarning.” I used my magic to pull the covers over myself as I lay on my side, facing the wall.
I closed my eyes, and adjusted my head on my pillow. “Good night.”
***
Opening my eyes, I saw a massive grey blotch. I shook my head, clearing my vision. I looked down to see that I was standing. My head darted back up, examining an immense granite boulder contrasting against a clear blue sky. Embedded in the side of it was a mining pick, the iron head jammed in a solid eight inches.
It made no sense at all, I had fallen asleep in a motel surrounded by ponies that wanted to spill things on me.
"Ah crud, a lucid dream." I turned about, looking up and down the quarry. "Alright, where's the bear that usually attacks me in this?"
"Stop messing around and help harvest the rocks!" The shout was accompanied by a sharp pain on the back of my head.
"Ow!" I glanced behind me. A cream earth pony with a thick brown mustache and mane scowled at me.
Returning my attention to the rock and pick, I focused my magic on the handle. I tugged, I pulled and I strained to remove the pick. Sweat beaded down my right temple and dripped onto my clenched teeth as I stepped closer, willing the tool to obey me.
Reaching the pick, I wrapped my front hooves around the handle, and pulled. Grey faded into the edges of my vision as the pick shifted, then flew out of its place, spinning into the sky. I smirked in triumph as I watched the trajectory of the mining pick spin end-over-end... right into another boulder, where it remained lodged.
"Well, I've had worse lucid dreams before." I then heard sniffing and growling behind me. "Ah crud... bears."
I was surrounded, that simplified the problem. A circle of diamond dogs gathered around me in a tight circle, their jaundice eyes leering at me as their leader approached me with a strange hood. Netting stretched across a bamboo frame in a rough head-shape, and attached to a birch-bark funnel.
He brought the hood over my face, twisting and jerking it, which caused my fur to chafe.
“Is this the worst the diamond dogs can come up with?” I asked defiantly. “Silly headgear?”
Another diamond dog approached with a thick burlap sack that roiled, bulged, and buzzed. My eyes widened, and the dog upturned the sack so the opening lay over the hole, and downpour of enraged bees fell into the hood, trapped with my face.
“No! Not the bees! Oh god not the bees!” I hollered.
As the insidious insects gathered around the base of my horn, prepared to sting, I bucked in a vain attempt to remove the hood, and a jolt shot up my hind legs.
“OW!” My eyes snapped open and I fell backwards onto—”Oof!”—carpet. Damn dreams, so vivid.
I was stuck between the bed and the wall when I heard Zecora moan. “Oh... sorry for being so avowed, but could you try not to be so loud?”
I scrunched up my back and shuffled across the floor like a caterpillar, too constricted to flip over onto my hooves. I managed to get the maneuvering room I needed to stand. My head poked out from behind the bed, and I blinked the last of the sleep from my eyes as I gazed around. Redheart was lying on the floor, while Zecora stood beside her, both staring at me.
“Where are... Oh...” I dropped my half-formed question from the depths of sleep and stuck my chin in the air as I walked out from behind the bed to stand beside Redheart. “A mare needs her morning exercises to keep up a brisk blood flow for a hard day’s journey.”
Redheart finally stood up from her huddled position as she began to make our bed. “Trixie... Did you happen to kick me in your sleep?”
I tilted my head. Great, even in a different body I still managed to blast someone off a bed. “Ah...” I said, horn glowing to retrieve my hat and cape. “So that was why it felt so real when I kicked that bear off of me.” My two faithful companions—my cape and hat—fastened themselves to me as I offered my apology. “I did warn you that I might kick in bed.”
Redheart glanced over from her making the bed with a raised eyebrow at me. “First you’re screaming about bees, then a bear? Just what kind of dream were you having?”
I shut my eyes briefly. “For an expert in magic, the mind must be considered a training ground, one of constant danger to guard against, much like the real world.” I walked past Redheart and Zecora. “You would do well to learn that.”
Once Redheart had finally finished making the bed neat again, she walked towards the door. “I’m going to see if the others are awake yet. The sooner we leave from here, the better.”
With the mention of travel, I turned my attention to the one roommate unaccounted for, looking to the white and blue lump of a DJ as Zecora approached. Zecora nudged Vinyl then shook her head when the white unicorn obstinately remained unconscious.
As soon as Redheart approached the door, it swung open, almost hitting her in the face. She quickly jumped out of the way, revealing Merille as he walked inside the room. “Hey, everyone else is up already. We were wondering if you wanted to come get some breakfast with us.”
“Constant danger,” I whispered at Redheart’s near face-smashing encounter.
Cutting in after Merille uttered the word “breakfast,” Vinyl jumped out of bed with a huge grin on her face. “Breakfast! So, where we going? Waffle House? IHOP?”
“Gah!” Zecora fumbled about on the bed and jumped, falling over the side. Zecora shook her head again as she righted herself and looked back up to Vinyl. “I’m glad you are now awake, but must every morning start with a headache?”
Vinyl put a hoof to her chin as she looked at all of us. “Hey... I just got a great idea. How about we start taking pictures while we’re on this road trip! Breakfast can wait a bit.”
Zecora mimed Vinyl’s thinking posture with a hoof to her chin. Her eyes grew distant for a moment. “Pictures of all of all four of us?” she said. “I guess its not too much of a fuss.”
Great, a photo-op?
Redheart clopped her hooves together. “That sounds like a fun idea! It isn’t often that someone goes across the country.”
“I have journeyed across the country plenty of times,” I said, “though I suppose a record of our exploits would do no harm.”
Vinyl pointed her hoof at Merille, “You got your phone with you, right?” He nodded as she continued, “Could you take a photo of us four sitting on the bed?”
Redheart giggled a bit as she happily climbed up on the bed, back legs kicking for a few moments as she pulled herself up from the edge.
“So, if I may?” Zecora asked sheepishly as she hopped back onto the bed. “Is this spot ok?” Redheart simply nodded and grinned.
“On the bed?” I asked. The same bed that Vinyl had been sleeping on? I raised a hoof and scrunched up my face.
In a moment, I was encased in a magical field! Vinyl’s! Violation! Impertinence! I was dragged up next to the incredibly rude unicorn. “Yes, on the bed!” The grip faded, and I was left to drop onto the bed.
“Aye!” I yipped as I bounced onto the mattress. The indignity. Moved about like a foal trying to disobey their mother. Dragged by the ear to father. A cold churning in my chest pushed itself into my face.
Vinyl threw a hoof over my shoulder. “Come on, Trixie, smile for the camera!”
There was a quick flash as Merille snapped the picture. He took a quick look at it and said, “It came out good, but for some reason, the colors of the room changed to blue.” He flipped the phone over to show us, and, true to the human’s word, the colors of the picture were quite different from that of the actual room.
I didn’t have time to occupy myself with that kind of issue. I had just been humiliated by that disk jockey. Carried by magic! Why didn’t she just cast an age spell, swaddle me in diapers and get it over with!?
“Well, we are all travelling to New York to stop Discord, maybe he thought such a simple parlour trick would frighten us?” I said curtly, resisting the urge to smack Vinyl as I pulled myself out of her grip and hopped off the bed.
“Now,” Vinyl said as she got off the bed... Stay away from me. Calm thoughts, calm thoughts. “With that out of the way, how’s about we get some food?” Vinyl suggested.
The thought of breakfast did have a calming affect on my agitation.
“Hmmm...” I smacked my lips together. “Breakfast does sound like an amazing idea right now.” I stretched, yawned, then tensed as I glanced over at the empty night stand. “What time is it? The clock appears to be missing.”
Everyone else looked at to where the clock once was. Vinyl just shrugged it off and said, “That’s weird. Oh well. I’m too hungry to care.”
Zecora performed a doubletake at Vinyl as she made that observation. Was I missing something from their interactions? “Hmm.? Don't you recall? The changes you installed....” Zecora trailed off to stare at the white unicorn giving her an equally strange look.
The DJ continued to give Zecora a confused look. “What are you talking about? I don’t know how to install anything unless it deals with a computer.” She then began to laugh a bit, “You must have had one odd dream.”
Dreams, so many messed up dreams. Maybe Discord had decided to pay us a little visit. I wondered if Pablo and Enrique, Snails and Snips respectively, had an equally troubled night.
“Oh....” Zecora smiled with squinted and rubbed the back of my head that screamed she was recovering from a screw up. “I guess that’s easier to accept. I... might have broken it as I slept...” She proposed.
The Zebra and the Wubmaster were clearly attempting to keep something from me. But clearly Zecora was the weaker of the two. If I was to get the information between them, she would be the one to crack. I just needed to wait for an opportunity.
Vinyl laughed a bit and said, “Wow Zeccy, I had no idea you would break things as you sleep. Anyway, let’s get some breakfast. I’m starving!”
It wasn't long afterwards that we found ourselves packing our things and making our way back to Luis’ Prius. I moved with all haste and watched as Enrique and Pablo were put back in the trunk. I hopped in without a word, and waited.
Luis asked, “You all ready to go? We’re going to head over to the nearby Waffle House.”
“I am prepared!” I shouted. “Onward, driver!”
A mere two traffic lights held us from our destination, and soon we were parked in front of the small diner. The word ‘slummy’ came to mind when looking at the exterior of the Waffle House. A few streaks of spray paint on the dumpsters beside it coupled with the partially burnt out sign of “affle Ho se” directed my desires to get in and out of the place with all the speed I could.
I opened the door—with magic for cleanliness—and walked in ahead of the others.
If the outside of the place was pitiful, the inside was evocative of the inside of a sewer. The smell of grease suffused the air, the walls had a layer of dust caked onto greasy walls, the lights were half burnt up, and all around me, the intense glare of judging eyes from the patrons bored into me as I approached the counter and reared up, my head not even making it over the edge.
“Ahem.”
When no one answered, I floated my hat above the counter and waved it at one of the cashiers. “Excuse me, I’d like to order some food.”
A few seconds later, I was rewarded with a drawl. “Uh, Sure ma’am. Is the others behind you with you as well?”
“Yes, they are,” I answered. “I’ll have a double waffle and some apple juice.”
The moment I was finished, Vinyl was beside me, overly pleased to once again be violating my personal space. She had a sly, knowing smile, and was her tail wagging? “Cheese omelette, with toast and hash browns! And some good ol’ fashioned OJ as my drink!”
As I withdrew from the counter, Vinyl took a quick look behind her to Zecora, still standing in the doorway, and soon the zebra was dragged to the cashier in a magical grip. As Zecora struggled to get her bearings and order something I chose a booth and slotted myself in it. I pined over the humiliation, and the lumpy seat.
I was shortly joined by Enrique and Pablo, both seeming to be acclimating to their bodies of Snips and Snails respectively as they hopped into the seats across from me. I pressed myself against the cushion as Luis scooted into the booth beside me.
As I twirled around a fork I passively glanced over to Enrique and Pablo, their green and orange faces matching each other in self-pitying boredom.
“So,” I said, gathering their attention as I continued to spin my fork in a lazy circle. Even Luis seemed captured by the sight for a moment. “I take it the two of you had a good long chat with Merille and Luis yesterday?”
Pablo nodded, his lanky neck bobbing his head up and down before he spoke. “Uh huh, I’m sorry I got carried away with Redheart.” Luis raised an eyebrow, and Pablo, thankfully displaying an increment more social awareness than his pony persona, corrected. “Oh, uh, Serah I mean.”
“Si,” said Enrique, “and I am sorry about not thinking about my advances on Zecora... Still wish I knew her real name so I could give a good apology.”
The conversation was put on a brief hiatus as a waiter brought us our food. Waffles, pancakes, or anything else, and all of it slathered in... Oh lord, if I thought the smell of grease was unsettling when it was simply a feature of the background, having that plateful of death—both in the form of heart attacks and the animals killed for it—was nothing short of traumatic. Why did Vinyl bring us here? I wasn’t judgemental, goodness knows I’d loved bacon in the past, but there was a time and a place for everything. Stuck in the body of a herbivore was not cooperative to the idea of meat.
“Hey, if you don’t want it, I’ll take the meat.” offered Luis as he saw the looks on our faces.
“Ah, thank you,” I said, pushing my plate over to him as he speared strips of fried pig onto his fork.
As he took the meat from Snips and Snails’ plates, I dug into my waffle and chewed the fluffy batter pensively.
“So yeah,” Enrique said, fumbling with his fork to slide a piece of egg to the edge of his plate before gobbling it down. “Any idea why Zecora is acting so strange?”
Luis began to ponder out loud, “It seems very out of character for someone like Zecora to be so... timid. Either that’s just the personality of the person who became Zecora, it could also be that she’s hiding something, or even just the worst identity crisis ever.”
“And let’s be honest,” I said, “she is a zebra, there must be a reason no pony usually trusts them.” Not to mention she’s hiding something from me with that marehandling psychopath, Vinyl.
It was then that a thin man walked through the door. In most circumstances I would have ignored such an event, but the instant he came in his eyes locked on me, narrowed, and then he stepped backwards, keeping eye contact until he left the building. Creepy.
“WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR!?” My fork clattered against my plate in response to Vinyl’s outburst.
Twisting my body and rearing onto my hind legs, I peeked over the edge of the booth, looking at Merille’s hair, now a rather appealing shade of navy blue. I nodded at the color and smiled. “Excellent choice in hair color if I do say so myself,” I said, pointing at my own immaculate cornflower blue coat.
My compliment was trailed with a comment from Enrique. “El Discord ha llegado para ti!”
Discord has come for you. The pieces fell into place, and my smile fell off my face. “We need to go,” I said. “Now.”
Vinyl, clearly not caring about the situation, protested through a wad of food. “But I’m still eating here!”
My horn glowed as I jumped out of my booth seat. I levitated Pablo behind me, not wanting to waste time in leaving. I glared at Vinyl. “Now!”
Vinyl groaned a bit as she took the food in a magic grip. Not the dishes, just the food, and hopped out of the booth. At least we were going.
Zecora stared at me, mouth slightly agape. “But it's barely even noon,” she asked lightly. “Why must we leave so soon?”
Merille took a quick look at his reflection in the window, and immediately started to freak out. “What the... WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!? We’re definitely leaving. Now that I’m turning into Sonic the Hedgehog.” He was close, yet off by a mile at the same time.
Zecora’s hooves shot to her ears in response to Merille’s cry. “Ok, ok we’ll go,” she mumbled. “Just please, enough yelling though.”
I walked to the door, trying to keep my poise and stoicism as the top traits anyone would use to describe me. Neck lined up at one-hundred-thirty degree angle from the ground, chin up, walking, not trotting, but with a slight bounce in the step, and lastly, tail perked up, the cape handling coverage.
Pablo turned in my magical grip, and his eyes widened as he looked at what I assumed was Merille. “Madre de dios...”
“Pablo, not helping,” I hissed.
Realizing that wouldn’t help, I tried giving a serene grin to all the people in the Waffle House staring at the spectacle. “Hello, good morning, wonderfully humid this morning, isn’t it?” Reaching the door, I put Snips on the ground before bracing my hooves against the door and pushing it open. I held the door with one hoof, using the other to wave the others out the portal.
Things were looking good, creepy thin man hadn’t come back in, and Merille hadn’t fallen unconscious to transform in front of perhaps the least ideal crowd: hung over white trash.
A terrifying thought occurred to me then. What if Merille didn’t fall asleep for his coming transformation, which I assumed his hair color change was the beginning of. What if we just walked out into the parking lot and he keeled over as his legs snapped and stretched and fused in front of the whole world? What if the world began to think we were infectious? I imagined soldiers in rubber suits surrounding us with flame throwers, ready to stop the spread.
“The car! It’s being vandalized by thugs!”
Well that isn’t so bad, I thought, before the statement fully registered with me.
My attention was quickly directed to the Prius that was alone on the side of the parking lot as I heard the sound of glass being shattered. I gulped as I stared at the situation that had befallen it.
There were five masked men relieving their pent up anger on our car, including the thin man from earlier. One cracked a steel bat right into the driver side window, taking a moment to grab out what looked like the car’s GPS. One of them turned towards us, eyes burning beneath red letters stitched to a hat.
PAPA
One of the humans, even skinnier than the one who had entered the Waffle House went slack-jawed as his eyes passed over us. “Holy! You weren’t kidding! It’s a swarm of them! A pack!”
“Uh...” Pablo stepped forward, tail swishing over his snail cutie mark as he held a hoof to his chin. “Actually, we’re more of a herd?”
By all forces above, below, and sideways I did not just hear that.
The PAPA goon stepped forward, leaning down towards Snails. Not wanting a fan—however romantically presumptuous in days past—to get hurt, I yanked on his tail with my magic, pulling him away as the thug’s hands grazed the edge of his muzzle.
I floated Pablo to my side, scowling at the PAPA thug. “Hands off the crazed fanboy!”
Suddenly Vinyl, who had been standing between Zecora and the main group of delinquents, took off towards one of the thugs, taking one of the attackers off guard and knocking him to the ground. “You fuckers are gonna pay for messing up my friend’s car!”
This better be awesome, I thought.
Her success was quickly put short as another PAPA caught the DJ midstep and immediately threw her against the Prius. “I’m okay...” she right before one of the thug’s bat rolled off the top of the car and conked her on the head. “Less okay...”
Eh, the blowhard gets beat up, I can stand behind that.
“Vinyl!” Zecora called out, wobbling on her hooves before bounding for the DJ. She didn't get far however as the thug Vinyl had knocked over got back onto his feet.
“Just where do you think you’re—Oof!” He didn't get a chance to say anything else as Zecora spun on her front hooves and bucked, catching him square in the gut. The man keeled over to the cement with a grunt. A second buck came almost as quickly as the first to his head, knocking the would be thief to the ground.
“Shit, the bitch got Markus?” One of his friends said as he picked up the bat that had landed by the unconscious DJ.
My focus on Zecora’s matchup was torn when the PAPA goon closest to Enrique, Pablo, and myself stood to his full height... He must have been a good solid six feet, five inches.
“Goodness,” I said, “what do your parents feed you? You’re way too big!”
He reached into his pocket and I tensed, reflexively gripping Pablo in my magic. The man’s hand pulled out, and he held a set of keys in his fist, the points poking out from between his knuckles.
Enrique whispered, “What do we do?”
“Ummm... Remember the episode ‘Boast Busters’?” I asked.
“Yes?”
“Good... because I am about to do exactly what everypony but Twilight did when the Ursa Minor came to town.”
“What?” he asked as the thug took a step forward.
“Run!” I shouted, before bolting to the left and galloping as fast as I could with Pablo floating close behind me, and Enrique galloping with me. We dispersed from the others and weaved our way amongst sedans, minivans, and far too many pickup trucks to count. I could hear rubber pounding the pavement behind us. I could practically smell anger pluming in pungent clouds from our pursuer.
We cornered an SUV to see that Zecora had been knocked down to the ground by two remaining thugs.
“We’ve gotta help her!” Enrique panted.
“No time, crazy person on tail!” I replied, starting to feel weary from running and carrying Pablo.
“Fine, I’ll help her myself!” Enrique charged ahead, towards one of the PAPA goons just as he was about to stomp Zecora. “Ataco!” he yelled, launching himself into the small of the human’s back. I turned around another vehicle, hearing Enrique shout out, “I’ll show you how to help a friend.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a green blur sail over a red Mazda and back out of sight in a maze of parked cars.
“Buen ejemplo, hermano!” shouted Pablo.
Reminded of the burden I was dragging with me, awareness that I was lagging clutched at my mind. I put more effort into my legs, trying to get away from a person who was trying use a key like a sword, or maybe just a key that unlocks ponies’ deaths when stuck in them enough times.
“Pablo!” I gasped. “Do... something!”
I turned another corner, right into a pothole, and flipped head over tail as momentum tried snapping my leg. I landed in a heap beside Pablo, next to a silver hatchback Toyota. The human rounded the corner, moseying towards us before coming to a stop and smiling.
“Pablo, help!” I whispered.
“I can’t!” he whispered back. “I can’t even do magic!”
I huffed. “That episode, Snails lit up an entire cave with his magic! You can do this!”
“I...” Pablo shushed as the human’s legs tensed.
The man charged, fist raised and ready to wail upon us.
A yellow glow surrounded the hatchback’s trunk door, and it flew open, catching the PAPA thug in the chin, and forcibly turned his wild rush into a flip. He slammed face first into the pavement.
I got to my hooves, then helped Pablo stand up. “Good job,” I said. The beaming smile of pride from the young colt was cut short by my next statement. “Don’t tell the others about this.” The others!
We made it to the others at a trot. Blinking sweat from my eyes, I blurted out. “Whew, okay, I got one! You look like—Woah!”
A man bolted past me, sprinting like a crazed demon was after him. I blinked a few more times, seeing Zecora surrounded by three thugs, sprawled on the ground clutching injuries of their own.
“You could... use... some help?” I said. Dang, I have to say that if secretive plotting Zecora goes hoof in hoof with Kung Fu Super-Zen flank kicking, I can deal with that.
Not much longer, Merille and Luis also returned. Luis gave us a quick gesture to the Prius and said, “We got the car ready to go. Redheart’s looking over Vinyl’s injury. Just pile in the back seat, we don't have time to put everyone where they’re supposed to be.”
After we all quickly piled into the car, positioning ourselves amongst the torn cushions, Luis almost floored it as we left the Waffle House, though it took a few tries. The thugs had clearly done a number on the car judging from the moan and whine of the engine.
Snails pressed right up to me, looking at the leg that had tripped on the pothole. “Is there a chip?” I asked. “I need to know if there’s a chip. What about my horn? If I damaged my horn protecting you...” I turned to Redheart, who was still tending to Vinyl. “Is it alright?”
Redheart took a quick once-over at Trixie and said, “Yes. You’re alright. I can tell just by looking at you.”
Vinyl, who had been silent, finally spoke up. “Could you can it, Trixie? My head’s already hurting as it is.”
That was not what I needed to hear.
“No talent you said. Hmph!” I averted my gaze from Vinyl. “Went charging into a fight and got knocked out instantly!”
I prepared myself to listen to her inarticulate excuses and eventual apology, but then I heard Merille say. “Something’s really bothering my rump. I just can’t seem to get comfortable.” I looked over to the human. He shifted left and right, his face contorting into a pained expression with each movement. “God damn. Did those guys mess up the seats that bad?”
“It was totally awesome!” Snails yelled, no doubt reveling in my heroics as he pressed towards Vinyl and Redheart. “The PAPA hit you like ‘Busch!’ Then Zecora was like ‘Dios es mio!’ but then she totally kicked their flanks!”
He must have had quite the view while I had been floating him about.
Zecora’s cheeks flushed red. “All I did was a buck, it was just simple luck.” She gazed out the window, looking surprisingly uncertain for a zebra that had frightened a human into running away as quickly as that thug had.
“Really man this is very aggravating. I...” Merille said, “have a tail now...”
Horseapples and pony feathers. “What!? That’s impossible, you’re awake!” I yelled.
Merille simply held up a fluff of his tail to show it to the group. “It’s Discord. You think he’d have a set of rules to go by? Ever thought he’s doing this just to fuck with us?”
I stared. My brain, certain my eyes were giving faulty reports, filed a complaint. My eyes in turn decided that the abuses of being called a liar warranted a grievance be made with the union of sensory organs. My ears, unwilling to abide with not causing their own trouble, attempted to pirouette on the top of my head. Lastly, my mouth, no doubt still flustered from having meat hoisted in front of it for breakfast earlier, joined in.
“It’s a-a... It’s a—it’s a—it’s a...” Tail. Long, fine, thick, navy blue hair sprouting from a dock... I was disturbed, horrified and... couldn't look away.
A chuckle from Vinyl cut through the haze of my mind. “So, Merille caught a case of the pony, eh? Not really all that surprising to be honest. I kinda saw it coming.”
Right, console the person. “Well, it could be worse,” I said.
“How could this become any worse?” Zecora asked the magician quickly. “It’s starting to look more like a curse...”
“No, a curse would be turning into short, white, and Little-Miss-Can’t-Fight here,” I replied, pointing a hoof at Vinyl. There was a choking sound from the engine as Luis pulled to into a parking lot. I winced. “Or that could happen.”
Luis put both hands on his forehead in frustration. “Looks like she’s dead. Guess we have no choice but to ask for help. If it wasn’t for those damn vandals, we’d be halfway to Tennessee by now.”
“What!?” came a simultaneous exclamation from both Vinyl and Redheart. Apparently the math of baseball bat plus engine equals no ride confused them.
Vinyl, who nearly lunged from her seat, climbed over to face Luis, “So you mean we’re stuck here!?” She pointed her hoof out of the window. “Here!? At a run-down bar?”
I joined Zecora in staring out a smashed window. Lined up in front were choppers and Harley Davidson’s. The walls were a yellow-stained stucco and the trim a homely shade of brown.
“Can't you try starting it up again?” questioned Zecora, looking to Luis as though he had just stopped in front of a set of gallows. “Surely we can't stop at this bikers’ den.”
The only way out of hell was through it. Seeing no point in delaying things, I squeezed past Zecora and opened the door, hopping out into the dusty gravel of the parking lot. “Come on, one of us needs to call for a tow truck or taxi.”
Luis stepped out of the Prius before pulling a cell phone out of his pocket, “No worries. I’ll just make the call for a tow truck.”
He held the phone to his ear as he waited for a few moments. Not much longer later, he held the phone away from his ear as he turned towards us. “Damn. No signal.”
Zecora sighed and then joined me outside the vehicle. “This may be hard to construe, but what is it you plan to do?” she asked, following me.
“Well,” said I, “We’ll just have to hope there’s a phone...” I pointed to the bar, gulping for a moment. “In there.”
“Hey Merille! Don’t go in just yet!” I looked up to see Luis take a half step to the bar. I looked to the entrance to see the door swinging shut.
I acquainted my face with my hoof and sighed. “Alright, we need to get this done soon.” Trotting towards the door, I gave a few instructions to the others. “Luis, Zecora, find Merille while I get a phone. Redheart, make sure Vinyl doesn’t hurt herself anymore.”
Gravel crunched under slow moving hooves. I spun around and looked at the two colts. “You two,” I said to them. They perked up, listening attentively. “Keep watch.”
Both the brothers ears visibly drooped at my command. It kind of hurt putting them down like that, but the fewer ponies in danger the better. They slunked back to Vinyl and Redheart’s side by the broken down car. Turning once more, I opened the door, stepped in, and allowed Luis and Zecora to file in after me.
My ears pinned against my head as they were stung by the overly loud chords of ACDC’s ‘Highway to Hell’. As the door swung close I waited for my eyes to adjust the the red lighting that suffused the place from the bulbs hanging off the stucco ceiling. Wood rafters criss-crossed overhead. The place smelled of men who had spent too long drinking in the same leather jackets. In front of me was a series of three billiard tables, to the left were a number of dining tables, and to the right a bar. I took a gamble, and headed to the right.
“I’ll find a phone,” I said. “You two find Merille, he’s changing, and who knows what he’s going to try doing if he panics.”
Weaving my way around a horde of leather-chapped legs, many the size of tree trunks, I reached the bar, and looked up at the television. The news anchor’s voice was drowned out by the music, but the title at the bottom spoke plenty loud enough.“My Little Pony Pandemic Reaches Estimated Over 1000 Documented Cases”.
Not seeing the phone in any obvious spots, I turned to the waitress behind the bar, only to find that her attention was occupied by Snips and Snails, my personal entourage of Enrique and Pablo.
“You both look smaller than the ponies on the tube,” the waitress said, leaning against bar. “You sure you’re of age?”
“Are you of age?” Pablo retorted.
I trotted out from behind the waitress’ legs and scowled at the two of them. “I told you both to stay with Vinyl and the others!” I hissed.
“Oh Jeez!” The waitress skipped back a step, nearly tripping over my flank.
“Pablo came in here looking for a drink, and I came after him!” Enrique exclaimed. “And then when we found the waitress, I tried asking for the phone, while Pablo... Well, our parents insist that he does not drink until he is of age.”
“So you are too young to drink!” The waitress put a balled up fist in the crook of her hip. “Well out, all three of you,” she said.
“Hold on, I’m old enough to drink,” I said, “and I just want to use the phone. You have one?”
The waitress opened her mouth to answer, but a bellow from the other side of the biker club stopped her.
“What are you doing you little shit!?”
I poked my head out from behind the bar, joining Enrique and Pablo in a conjoined gaze of morbid curiosity. Across the way, Merille had his hand stuffed in a pie tin. In turn, a livid and burly biker had the offending arm in a deathgrip. The biker reached over with his other hand, gripping Merille by the shirt.
“That pie was mine, then you waltz in here and steal it!?” the biker roared. “I’mma show you what happens to idiots who come in here unwelcome.”
Merille struggled against the biker, his tail flagging from side to side until the biker ripped off his shirt. Taking a step back, Merille unwittingly dumbfounded the entire crowd when two technicolor baby blue wings flared out in a display of dominance.
For a few silent moments, the pega-man held the bikers to inaction as they tried to get a grasp on the situation. I was likewise stunned, left with only enough cognizance to become aware of the line of bikers at the bar that were leaning on their seats to switch their looks from Merille to Enrique, Pablo and myself.
“Those freaks are trying to take over!” the biker across the club yelled. He threw a haymaker punch at Merille, who ducked underneath it. The biker, inebriated as he was, failed to compensate for the dodge, and decked another biker behind Merille square in the jaw.
Pablo started to make for the door just as the club erupted into a fight fueled by booze and the bad choices of man, pony, and man-pony alike.
However, Pablo was stopped by an oak of a man stepping in front of him. Looking up to the man’s visibly enraged face, time slowed as he bent his neck, cracking it as he stood there in the sea of writhing and flailing limbs.
The timbers of his arms and hands balled into fists.
Wasting no time, I grabbed a beer pitcher on the bar and dashed it across his face. The liquid gold sloshed out and formed a puddle underneath him, tripping him from the loss of friction as he tried to recover from the blow and sending him toppling over to the ground.
Pablo looked over his shoulder to me.
“We’re even, run!” I yelled, sending him packing.
“Even?” Enrique asked.
“Not important!” I yelled, giving him a push start before breaking into a gallop.
The door just ahead, I magicked it open as Pablo and Enrique skidded to a halt in front of it. Seeing it open, they tried to kick off the ground as a biker fell, they launched, clipping the biker, and tumbled out as I galloped out behind them.
The others were all there, with Vinyl and Redheart standing near a van, along with two bikers.
I saw Merille, still shirtless, and in the full light of day, vaguely smurf-like due to his changed color. “What were you thinking!?” I yelled at him. “You just plunked us right into the middle of a bar brawl!”
Before Merille could even have a chance to respond, we heard a loud banging sound as one of the bikers hit the van with a pipe to get our attention. “I hope you know you’ve just been green-lighted. You know what that means?” He said in a menacing tone.
Before he could say another word, his buddy standing next to him punched him in the face. As the biker fell down in one punch, his buddy gave a thumbs up to Vinyl. Apparently Vinyl had a penchant for gaining friends in low places.
Vinyl hopped over the downed biker and looked up to the other one. “Thanks George. Now, how about helping us with getting out of here?”
The biker shook his head and reached into his pocket. “No, I gotta stay here and try to keep them from following right away.” He pulled out a set of keys and tossed them to Vinyl, who caught them in a field of magic.
Vinyl looked at Luis with a huge grin on her face and tossed the keys to him, “I’ll tell you all the story later, but for now, we need you to drive as fast as possible.”
Luis slid the door to the van open, and we clambered inside, grateful for the extra room that it provided. As Luis turned the key in the ignition, bringing the engine to a roaring start, the biker yelled out. “Go, little ponies! This is no place for you.”
Panting, I reared up and looked out the back window of the van as the bar shrank into the distance, with no sign of the bikers taking pursuit immediately. Ears folding down, I sat beside Pablo and Enrique near the front of the van.
“Pablo, Enrique,” I said, catching their attention. “We have got to be the luckiest, dumbest, most pitiful ponies to have ever made it through a situation like this day.” I took a final gulp of air, my heart coming to a rest from the veritable roller coaster that had started since the Waffle House. Pablo had managed to save both our hides back at the Waffle House, and Enrique had gone to help Zecora when I was too busy saving my own skin. “We’re in this together. Sorry for having been a jerk at times?”
I extended a hoof to them, glancing out of the corner of my eye to see the others too preoccupied to notice my gesture.
The two colts held out their hooves and smiled. “Sorry for when we've been annoying?” they said in unison.
Not long after, we heard Luis say, “Hey guys, looks like we’re getting one more surprise today. Looks like we now finally know who the hell Merille became.”
We all looked over the seat and found what was once Merille. Fast-asleep in the passenger seat, his pants were way too baggy for him, and his shoes lay on the floor of the van. His skin was now covered with blue coat, lighter than even my own. He was also the same size of the rest of us ponies. Sure enough, sitting in the passenger seat was now a pegasus pony who looked very familiar.
“Uhhh...” Snails worked his jaw for a moment, no doubt contemplating the situation for all it was worth, I knew I was. “Soarin?”
