Only When There Are Explosives.
Do Cats And Snow Mix?
Sane Marbles
“Twilight? Spike? Anyone?”
The echo of her own hoofsteps was the only response Sunset Shimmer received as she trotted down the halls of the Castle of Friendship. Winter break had seemed like the perfect time to pop through the portal back to Equestria for a surprise visit with Twilight, however the apparent lack of Twilight was imposing a bit of an issue with that plan.
Sunset barely managed to suppress a shiver. Every other time that she had visited, the castle had felt bright, warm, and cheery. Today however, it was cold – and somehow the crystal castle felt dim.
“Hello?” Sunset tried again as she continued searching the castle. Actually, it wasn’t so much as the lack of Twilight, but the complete lack of anyone that was disrupting her–
CRASH
“Twilight? Spike?” Sunset called out, galloped down the hall. She rounded the corner and turned toward the dark kitchen.
There was a tall shadowy bipedal figure that was silhouetted by the warm light pouring out of the open fridge. The bipedal figure was much too tall to be Spike. It was in fact, about the right height to be a hu-. Sunset’s rump hit the floor, her momentum sent her sliding past the threshold and into the kitchen. It couldn’t possibly be one. She was still on this side of the mirror portal, right? Her horn ignited, magic lashed out and struck the light switch.
The lights flickered on and illuminated the bipedal feline. Her brain froze and crashed. Sunset’s brain managed to recover quickly with a fast reboot followed by an attempt to dredge up any info about cats from back when she still lived in Equestria.
Undaunted, the feline closed the fridge and turned around to face her with a sandwich in – eyes were able to complete a quick scan of the cat while the brain continued searching – his ha- no, paw. The mental search quickly concluded with a single result, Abyssinian.
“Hello there, pony,” a slight smile slipped its way across the feline’s face. “Come here for a snack?”
“Err, what? Wait, who are you? Twilight didn’t mention having anyone else staying here.”
“The name’s Capper Dapperpaws,” he responded. “I was only planning on spending a week here – figured it would be interesting to experience not only a winter that has snow but also a pony town while I was in Equestria. Twilight insisted that I extend it and stay at least until Hearth's Warming. What’s your name, little pony?”
“Sunset. Have you seen Twilight or Spike around here?”
“Nope. Twilight left a few days ago. She got called on one of those friendship map missions. Spike went along with her.”
“Oh,” Sunset tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice. Just because her friend wasn’t home was no reason to be rude to one of Twilight’s guests. “So, you’re here on a bit of a vacation then?”
“Not quite. Originally, Princess Twilight asked me to lead a lesson at her school of friendship on Abyssinian culture.
Never having given one before, I decided to use my own experiences as inspiration. One of the few things I can recall about school from back when I was a kitten, was just how boring it was. Naturally, somecat as cool as me couldn’t possibly give some dull lecture for a lesson. I’d heard that Twilight’s School of Friendship is all for doing things unconventionally, so it seemed perfect to take this opportunity to introduce the students to the coolest part of Abyssinian culture.
Alas, upon reviewing my proposed lesson plans …” Capper let out a huff. “Twilight wanted to know about my licenses to own or transport or use or whatnot.
Apparently Twilight does not consider ‘I am a cat’ to be sufficient in that regard for some reason. I have no idea why though. Why, there is not a single house or building in Abyssinia that does not have a stockpile of it. As young kittens, we are taught how to play with it – and are allowed to play with them with practically no supervision! It was even us, Abyssinians, that invented it no less.”
“I’m not sure why Twilight had such a, um, response to …,” she tentatively put forth, “balls of yarn?”
“Yarn? Balls of yarn? Hmmm, I do suppose all that about it being common and kittens using them and such does all stand true about yarn as well – though I’m not sure about us inventing them – that probably was the sheep that did that …” Capper shook his head.
“Alas, I’m talking about our greatest invention. It absolutely revolutionized the integral part of cat culture – destruction. Of course we still enjoy a good old traditional method of smashing, just like the yaks do, it doesn’t quite hold a candle to the destruction that can be achieved with explosives.
I’ve been a bit of a loss on what to do with all of the explosives that I brought with me. I hadn’t planned on shipping any back with me, but I suppose I’ll have to.”
The lack of Twilight had put a kink in Sunset’s surprise visit, but now… “I think I might just have an idea that can help you out with that.”
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“Why does Twilight have clothes that are for bipeds?”
“It’s for for, ahh … it’s uh … um … for – it’s for guests! Twilight likes to be ready for all kinds of guests and friends that might be visiting.”
“I suppose that makes sense for the princess of friendship to be ready for different species.” Capper held up the solid black shiny jumpsuit appraisingly. “Looks a bit small, but I think it should fit. At least vinyl is waterproof.”
“Yup. It should keep us warm and dry while we get it all set up.”
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“Can you pass back the wrench please?”
“Sure thing! Mind grabbing another pound of potassium chlorate while you are over there?”
“At the rate we’re going I think we are just going to make it in time before the snow starts. I never thought that ponies having scheduled weather would be so helpful before.”
“Yeah, it’s nice to know exactly what and when the weather will be. Was it supposed to be two or three percent sulfur?”
“Three – and don’t forget to add about a half ounce of calcium carbonate as well.”
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Sunset and Capper crouched low in a snow bunker that they had built on one of the upper balconies of the castle, the perfect position for the two creatures to watch for unsuspecting ponies. Their tight black vinyl jumpsuits, that kept them dry and warm, were now also utilizing the black color to help blend into the shadows inside their bunker – away from the eyes of any passing ponies.
“Here comes our first target,” Capper nudged Sunset, pointing out at a green stallion wearing a battered hat that was approaching the castle. He picked up a board covered with switches, each with a corresponding number scribbled above. His paw hovered over the switch labeled as number 10 as the stallion paused to read a small sign in the snow–
Flick
BOOM
A small mound of snow was launched up into the air and arced over and …
WHUMP
… landed right on top of the green pony.
“Direct hit!”
“Oh! We got a pegasus at 3 o’clock. Ready on number 13? And … now!”
Flick
BOOM
WHUMP
A mare with a dark orchid coat was trotting past.
Flick
Boom
PLOP
The pile of snow fell well short of the target. “I knew I didn’t add enough potassium chlorate to that one,” Sunset lamented.
“Probably for the best. I don’t think it would have ended well for us if we had actually hit that target.”
A trio of passing fillies had stopped to watch the fun from a distance.
Flick
BOOM
WAP SPLAT POP WHOOSH WAP PLOP WHIZZ
The explosion ignited behind the ammo dump of premade snowballs to send forth a blizzard of snow ammo that quickly scored several hits on the fillies that were now realizing that there were no safe areas for spectators.
“Oh look, here comes another group of unsuspecting victims.”