Happy Accidents
Crash!
Derpy Hooves, a proud mailmare of Ponyville, looked up at the bombastic clattering of noise. The workroom floor for sorting and preparing the daily rounds was typically a quiet buzz of concentration, shattered like a brick through five sheets of glass. Turning, she flapped over to find poor Express Run was lying beneath the heavy rack of an incoming mail trolley. His head and right wing were out of sight, and he wasn’t making noise.
“Oh, no!” Derpy hooves close, looking beneath the trolley and checking that the wheels weren’t stopped atop Express’s wing. Looking up, a panicked clerk had her face buried in her hooves, wailing, unhelpful. Standing tall as the floor supervisor did their rounds along the other side of the floor, unaware, Derpy drew in long breath. She tapped the small badge labeled ‘Safety Captain’ that hung from her uniform.
Pointing to two nearby mail ponies, still standing in their route cases and gawking, she ordered them forward. “Hopes, Dreams, pull him out slowly from this side. Don’t try to lift him yet.” As Express came into view, Derpy sighed. One of the white wings Express was so proud of was in bad shape, but his head was intact. “I’ve seen worse.” Derpy bent down and checked his pulse. “Gosh, I’ve probably caused worse.”
Finally, the supervisor, a tall, dark pile of pony droppings named Junk Mail flounced over. “What is the meaning of this!” He looked down at Express, and his brown bur lighted to a nearly dirty blonde. “Alright, get him up! Nopony is allowed to go home early today. Not on Hearth’s Warming Eve. Too much to do!” He clopped his hooves together like it would produce a magical spell that would heal his tool’s–employee’s wing.
Derpy scowled as Hopes slowly helped Express sit up and spoke to him softly. Staring at her boss, she blew out a heavy puff of air. “You can’t let him go out there, Junk. The mail might be life, but that’s not supposed to be literal.”
Junk Mail snorted, and was about to rebuke her, but was interrupted by a voice from behind them.
“No, I’m fine.” Express Mail stood despite the stern gazes of his coworkers. “I’m not gonna be able to fly, but I can at least do something local.” He winced as his wing twitched, many feathers bent at weird angles.
Like a seeping pile of refuse, Junk Mail turned to Derpy. “Alright, you’re so concerned, you can swap and do his delivery to Applelousa today. If you’re not back by sunset, I’ll be writing you up for unapproved overtime.”
“Go choke on a bagel.” Derpy Hooves glared as her definitely not-superior sat his huge ass back at his desk. With an effort, she looked at Express, the scowl melting off her face like warm butter on a muffin. “Express, don’t push yourself. If you want to leave right now and get checked out, nopony here will complain about doing your overtime.” There was a little grumbling from the cluster of ponies around them, but not a peep otherwise. “Okay, they’ll complain a little, but stuff happens… speaking of which.”
Finally, there was a squeak. “I’m sooo sorry.” The timid squeak of a mare came from behind the card where she’d been hiding. “Celestia, I can’t… I just started, and I turned the corner and I didn’t see him and–” The mare came out from hiding: her coat was a lovely deep purple, her face hiding behind a sky-blue mane. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
Hopes, an older grey pegasus that was still sticking close to Express started to speak, “You’ve done enough, you–”
Express poked him hard in the side with a hoof. “You know, maybe you can come help me load and sort my new route, maybe take a lunch together later?”
There was a squeak from the mare, her badge listing her name as Lily Pad. “Oh, umm…” She looked at Express from between her lovely bangs. “Sure. I think that’d be nice.” The pair of them walked out towards the wagon loading area.
Derpy shook her head. “Lucky stallion, dang.” She turned as Hopes and Dreams gave her their best hay-pie grins. “Guess she’s not gay after all.”
Hopes gave her a hoof bump. “Not everypony can appreciate the sleekness of a mare’s form, Derps. Lemme know if you have that lonely pang on Hearth’s Warming night.” He waggled his eyebrows at her, and Derpy swatted him on the flank hard enough to get a yelp.
“That’d be a cold day in Tartarus. Now, since I swapped with Express, I better go check my load…”
The volume was ridiculous. One-hundred and thirty packages, along with the assortment of cards and ads, and a trip that would take her at least five hours just to get there.
“There’s no way I get home before seven tonight… I’m going to have to find a sitter for Dinky.” From the next wagon over, Hopes put in his two bits.
“Good. Bucking. Luck.” He checked over a small frog-shaped package for its address before giving it a hop into its proper bin. “It’s Hearth’s Warming. If there is even anypony available, that’ll cost you two hooves and a salt block.”
Derpy groaned, smacking her forehead against the wooden pegasus wagon. “So what do I do with Dinky?” She stopped, her hoof in the air for a moment while she seriously contemplated something. “Ugh, you would consider–”
“Nope, gonna go see an old flame of mine in the Everfree.” Hopes did a little hop, smiling as he sorted another package. “Dangerous, wild and unpredictable. Just the way I like it.”
Derpy’s mind screeched to a halt so fast it gave her a migraine. “The mare, or the forest?”
There was a pause. “Yes.” Another pause. “And stripes are such a turn on. That, and all fun-time treats.”
“You know what, some things are better off not known.” Derpy sighed, “What do you think I should do, then?”
There was no pause this time. Hopes gave her a little wink. “Just take her with you.”
“No way.”
“Yaaaaay!” Little blonde locks waved in the air as Derpy pulled the wagon into position. The long-distance enchanted wagon was strapped to her with a thick leather harness, jingling bells chiming the season’s cheer. The unicorn mare in charge of checking for the safety of vehicles waved her horn over it once, then nodded. She raised a magical gem and began to climb to the front to install the power source into the front panel.
“Oh! Oh! Let me do it!” Dinky waved her little hooves in the air. Pweaaaase!!” The unicorn, Stern Study, raised her eyebrow.
“Come on, Stern. It’s Hearth’s Warming.” Derpy gave Stern her best ‘I’ll make it up to you’ smile, which was rewarded with an eye-roll.
Sitting in the center seat, Stern pulled the filly into her lap and helped her insert the diamond shaped stone into the diamond shaped hole.
“See, so easy a filly could do it!” Dinky teased Stern, who actually smiled for once. Together, they both turned the stone and the wagon came to life, hovering a few feet into the air.
Hopping down, Stern gave Derpy a salute. “Safe travels and swift deliveries.”
“No letter undelivered. No package unsent.” It was their little ritual. The storm door opened and let in, well, the storm. Strapped in tight, Dinky giggled as little snowflakes landed on her snoot. The storm was only a light flurry, but would still make this much less pleasant.
“Buckled and bundled up?” Derpy called behind her, glancing at her brave little filly.
“Yes, Post Mommy!”
Derpy did not wince in embarrassment as Stern raised an eyebrow. Children are a treasure.
“Let’s go!”
With a rapid running flap, they were off into the wild white world.
“Ooooh~”
The strength of a foal’s holiday spirit was nearly as good as a bonfire against the chill, which is good because lighting a fire on the wagon was against safety procedures.
“Jingle Bells! Twilight Smells! Lu-na laid an egg!” There was silent moment before little hooves tapped against Derpy’s bubble butt. “Mooomy! It’s your turn!”
Said mommy was beating her wings steadily, goggles strapped tight as she gave her absolute best. Still, children must be appeased.
“Mail Mobile lost a wheel and Discord got away!” Derpy took a shallow breath of icy cold air before she joined in the inevitable laughter.
The sky before them was a heavy overcast, bearing down on them like a cotton blanket in every direction. Her wings angled left twenty five degrees, and they missed the tip of a rocky formation that carved through the whiteout like a knife. Looking back, she cracked a smile as the most special snowflake in the world melted her heart even more.
Dinky Doo held her hoof in the air, the rider’s harness stretching as she snagged a bit of cloud and pulled it back down. A quick swirl of her tongue later, and she had either the fluffiest cotton candy ever, or a weight-loss ice cream cone. Grinning, she took a bite, savoring every nonexistent bite. Then she asked the question.
“Are we there yet!” The yell was still nearly lost in the wind.
Derpy tried not to roll the carriage as she rolled her eyes, difficult, but her self control had increased significantly since she became a mother. Still, a response was required, it was a law that carried the penalty of the unsilent treatment.
“Soon, little Dinky Doo~” Ditzy cooed, wings coming down stronger, pulling them up above the clouds. “I need to verify our heading and distance.” Except the clouds didn’t seem to end, and after two minutes of hard flapping, her wings started to feel the freezer burn of winter work. “Ugh–” They dropped a few meters as she stopped straining.
“What’s wrong, Mommy!” Dinky was a brave filly. Some might cry, not little Dinky Doo. The clop of her hooves on the front panel of the wagon made Derpy blink in thought.
“Hit the button that says ‘Emergency Cloud Clearance’, Dinky. It’s the one that–”
A loud click sent a shiver down Derpy’s spine. “Was it the blue button, love?”
“Uhhh, no, it was bright red, and says, uh…” Her gulp was audible amid the flurry of the storm like the snap of a pencil in an empty hallway. “Whoops.”
Derpy Hooves could immediately feel the gravity aid in the wagon begin to fail, her wings flinging out to bring down in the best controlled dive she could.
“I’m sorry, Mommy!” Dinky cried. “I don’t know what went wrong!”
A glistening tear fell from Derpy’s eye. “Just like Mommy.”
In the end, they came down onto the snow-covered earth with only a few bumps. This was not Derpy’s twelfth rodeo, after all. After the sliding was over and Dinky was done squeeing with more excitement than the last Wonderbolt’s performance, Derpy disengaged her harness to assess the damages.
Dinky jumped off the top of the wagon and plopped right into the snow, vanishing and leaving the shape of a very silly filly in the snow. After a moment, she poked her head out and stuck out her bottom lip.
“I’m sowwy, Mommy. The button told me to do it.”
Derpy snorted, hopping up to inspect the front panel herself. “Which button, Sweetie?” She looked down and discovered that the emergency discharge button had been pressed, and their power crystal had been ejected. Luckily, the compass still worked.
“The muffin button, of course!” Dinky jumped up, and giggled. Derpy caught her and snuggled the snow off her daughter’s mane.
“There’s no such thing, Dinky. Mommy would know about it if there was.” She flicked a switch beneath the front panel, causing the wheels to eject and snow blades to pop out. Dinky levitated the wheels up and dropped them into the back. “Thanks, my little helper. Now, just make sure we stay on a west heading. Mommy needs to get back down there.”
With a salute between them, Derpy reengaged the harness and pulled them with nothing more than grit, gristle and motherly love. It was at least fifty kilometers to go, and the wind was still whipping at them, making Derpy neigh in defiance.
The journey was long. The snow was never ceasing. The songs… also never ceasing.
“Eighty-five boxes of gifts in the back, Eight-five boxes of gifts!” Ditzy could be stopped.
“Take one down, pass it around…” Derpy was breathing hard. Her wings could have done charades as bricks quite well.
“Eighty-four boxes of gifts in the back!” Ditzy continued, opening her mouth to start the next verse when something caught Derpy’s eye.
“Oh, thank Celestia, Luna, and Cadance’s illegitimate father.” The glimpse of a fire could be seen about a hundred meters out, just barely a spark in the swirling snows.
“What’s ill-leg-jetamet?” Ditzy scratched her head as she looked around.
“It’s like that time you tried sugar-free candy from the dentist.” The sound of Ditzy fake gagging brought a warm chuckle to Derpy’s cold chest. When they’d gotten a bit closer to the light of the fire, shapes of small, oddly shaped snow mounds could be made out. “Oh, wait, those are teepees!”
Her voice must have got the attention of somepony, because a cluster of shapes moved out to meet them. It took a few minutes until they were close enough to be in speaking range. The group of four was the first to speak, cloaked in hooded cloth.
“Ho, there! Challenging this weather with such a load! Horns and hooves, come friend. The strong of heart always have a place at our fire.” The voice was deep, strong, to the point that the wind cleared a path as he spoke. The buffalo’s horns peeked out from the cloak, his strong muscles nearly ripping the cloth as they flexed in greeting.
Derpy’s smile was huge as Dinky joined her in greeting, “Hoi!” Dinky jumped down and landed on Derpy’s back with a plomp. Derpy continued speaking as they moved closer, the wagon draggin’ more than Spike after a O&O binge. “Neither rain, nor snow, nor gloom of night!”
“Shall keep this Mommy from making ponies happy!” Dinky followed, causing a round of laughter to ripple through them. They were contentedly silent as they closed the distance to the camp.
A small figure came out to meet them, throwing off her hood with a flick. Orange fur and dark eyes twinkled as they came. A small flock of feathers stuck out from a band around her head. “Ho, ponies! I am acting chief, Little–”
“Strongheart!” Dinky interrupted as she did a little spin, then jumped twice her own height. “Apple Bloom told me about you!”
Little Strongheart sighed as her chest seemed to deflate a bit. “Yes, well… Come on, get warm by the fire. Our tribe welcomes you.”
The fire was bright, sizzling the snow flakes into wisps of nothing. Several buffalo lay around the fire, some with skewers of dried fruit, others just chatting like a typical summer’s day. The wagon was stopped just outside the cluster of teepees, the pair of buffalo gives Derpy a helping hoof out of the harness straps.
Little Strongheart stood in front of the fire, her shadow looming large as the flames danced. “Now, tell me what happened.” She stomped a hoof into the snow, her eyes narrowed.
Derpy and Dinky cocked their heads in unison, but it was Dinky that found her words first. “Wait, you’re chief now? But you’re soo wittle.”
The steam coming off Little Strongheart’s ears could have melted the entirety of Ponyville, given time. A couple of Buffalo laughed and stamped their hooves.
“My father isn’t–” She was interrupted again, this time by one of her companions.
“He’s in meditation for the great joining!”
The look Strongheart gave him would have been lethal on a more mature face. “Quiet, Sun Grazer. I’m the chief right now. Let me explain it.” She sighed and picked up where he left off. “So, yeah, he’s in the largest teepee, and has to stay in seclusion until the sun fully sets. I’m to care for the tribe in his stead.”
“Oh! That sounds neat!’ Dinky seemed to be leading the conversation, and Derpy just shrugged as she did a great job of it. “We’re here to bring Hearth’s Warming presents and mail to Appy-loosa, ‘xcept I hit the wrong button.”
The buffalo scratched their heads, some shrugging as Derpy snuggled her filly against her chest.
“We got caught in the downdraft of a strange pressure in the sky. I’ve never seen it so thick and heavy.” Derpy shook her head and looked to Little Strongheart, whose eyes blinked several times.
“Ah, well, about that.” Chief Strongheart kicked a little snow about. “First, you are going in the right direction, you have about 20 kilometers to go, due North-West. I have to apologize, though, the storm is probably our fault.”
“Um, what?” Derpy smiled and gave thanks as she was handed a stick of charred dried carrot. “I know I’m a derp sometimes, but, again–what?”
There was a chorus of chuckles as Chief Strongheart explained further, “So, I think Dad could explain it better, but that’ll have to wait. Look, just…” she trailed off, then her focus snapped back up to Derpy and their mail wagon. “We’ll help you haul that to town, just wait until we’re done. You look like you need rest anyway.”
“Mommy could keep going for like, a bajillion more hours. She’s instoppable!” Derpy snorted, and buzzed her lips into Dinky’s ear, making the filly squirm like a frosty worm.
“We’d love to stay for a bit, if you’ll have us. Gotta take my mandated lunch break anyway.” Again, more head scratches and coughs. She munched on a skewer of food, taking a long breath and enjoying the warmth of fire and friends.
“So, what were you hoping for on Hearth’s Warming!” The only one around that didn’t have a clueless expression on their face was Little Strongheart.
She gave a wave to everyone, then gestured to the pair of cuddled ponies. “It’s a pony thing. They give gifts on the morrow to celebrate the joining of their three great tribes, and the conquering of a great evil.” The buffalo made noises of approval, a few stomping their hooves. “We buffalo have a similar joining of tribes on this night, to pass the stories of knowledge down from far before.”
Dinky, of course, had the best comment. “Ah, but I don’t like history class.”
Derpy smacked her head, crunching snow against her fur. “I’d love to see it, if that’s allowed.”
There was a round of whispers, grunts and stomps, from which Chief Strongheart interpreted a group consensus. She stood tall, a crack of thunder from above emphasizing her confidence.
“Ho, you are friends, Derpy Hooves and Dinky Hooves. We would share our fire and our stories, so that they might strengthen you as they do us.” There was a collective ‘ho” from the group followed by a crack of horns and snorts.
They settled down to a low murmur as time passed, Dinky falling asleep after munching down on a good portion of buffalo chow. Then the air seemed to become charged. A heavy stomp came before the swish of cloth.
Dinky stirred, then her eyes shot wide as she beheld the majesty before her. Derpy held her daughter close, lost for words as she beheld a force of nature.
Because there he was: Chief Thunderhoof, standing taller than a mountain, sturdy and unmovable, with fur of charcoal and horns of black oak. Every step evaporated the snow beneath it as he approached the fire. His eyes could have been endless inkwells as he drew breath, the fire blazing higher and lower in time with his rhythm. He didn’t even look at the two ponies whose jaws were wide-open.
The entire tribe began a low chant, a vocalized hum that shook the air itself, ratting Derpy and Dinky’s bones. The snow stopped falling on the camp all at once, and when Derpy looked up, she saw snowflakes frozen in midair. Little Strongheart stood with her father, waiting, watching as the rest of the tribe sang low, with unmoving certainty.
Finally, it came, the voice to shake the world.
“Hear us! Fire! Sky! Earth! Water! Hear our tribes as we join with you. Grant us the wisdom of seasons past. Grant the teachings of old, so that the young might grow to give thanks back for all that is provided.” As he spoke, his voice as sonorous as a rainbow boom in a broom closet, the clouds fell even further, swirling around the fire. It was reminiscent of how hurricanes picked up water, but in reverse.
“Our tribe, our history, I now entrust to my daughter Little Strongheart, so that she might grow even stronger than I. We give our thanks, our spirits, and our songs.” The swirl of clouds sucked in against the flame as Dinky held tight to her mommy. There was a booming sound that scared both ponies, but when they opened their eyes, the storm was gone, the clouds had vanished, and the land was clear of snow for as far as they could see.
“W-what was that?” Both mother and daughter were in sync with that question as Chief Thunderhooves turned to his daughter. She stood, somehow taller, filled with more life and glowing to Derpy’s eyes in the sunset’s grace.
“This is our tradition, brave ponies. Thank you for sharing in it with us.” The buffalo cheered and stomped, laughing and smiling as they began to dance.
Then there was a loud crash. The mail wagon slammed into the ground behind them, having been lifted high into the air during the wild ceremony. The sled runners shattered, the axles and frame cracked, and finally, worst of all, gifts and sacks of mail spilled from the back.
“Oh, the horror!” Derpy passed out, barely caught by little Dinky.
“Mommy? Mommy!?”
When Derpy awoke, it was to the jostling of boxes and bags against her coat. She groaned, looking out to see a herd of buffalo with Dinky in the lead, She was riding atop Chief Thunderhooves, Little Strongheart next to them with a goofy smile on her face. The sun had set, and the lanterns of the town were lit. A lot of ponies had come out into the snow, staring at the odd sight.
“Hoi! It’s the mail that never fails!” Dinky was yelling her little heart out, bless her. Appaloosa was sprawled out in front of them as Derpy stood. The wagon was a barely held together mess, being actually carried by several buffalo.
"Hey, everypony!” Derpy managed a weak wave, her daughter turning to beam up at her. “Happy Hearth’s Warming, sorry for the delay in service. I’m sure to have stern words with whoever scheduled my flight path, I assure you.”
Dinky hopped up and up and up to snuggle her mommy. “Can I give out the pres-I mean, packages?”
Derpy blew out a long puff of air. “Tell you what, you can call out the name. Sit down and float a package up, one at a time.” Derpy opened a bag and smiled at the top package. It floated up and into Derpy’s grasp.
Little Dinky squeaked with joy as she read it out loud, “Little Strongheart, from Apple Bloom and friends."