The life and times of a pony, determined to uphold the law.
It is said that in times of danger, heroes will come together to face the rising tide of evil, and fight back to preserve the light. These heroes can come from the strangest of places.
This is the story of one such hero. Although he appears to be Hitch Trailblazer, you may be surprised to learn his true origins...
Part of the Rebirth of Magic continuity. Tags will be updated as the story continues.
It is said that in times of danger, heroes will come together to face the rising tide of evil, and fight back to preserve the light. These heroes can come from the strangest of places.
This is the story of one such hero. Although he appears to be Hitch Trailblazer, you may be surprised to learn his true origins...
Good morning, Maretime Bay! All seems to be in order. The litter is in the trash cans, the ground isn't littered with garbage, there are no violations in sight, the streetcar seems to be running properly, and there are no pegasi outside of their flight lanes- hey! You there! No levitating goods off stands before you've bought it!
Ugh. Shoplifting has become such a problem since magic returned. Unicorns have a habit of just picking the produce up and walking off.
Oh? I didn't see you there. You want to talk? Sure thing. There's a table over there we can use, so let's sit at it. I think I can spare the time from my duties.
Perfect. The chairs are well sprung, aren't they? I should probably ask Pipp how pegasi make them this way.
Now, whilst we wait for our coffee, what was it you wanted to talk about?
Oh, I see. Yeah, that time was pretty wild. I remember it pretty well. It pushed me pretty far out of my comfort zone, but those chaotic times got started in a rather mundane way. You see, I didn't start out around here.
You'll probably have already heard that story if you've spoken to some of the other ponies around here. But that's not a problem. My story begins rather differently to the ones they will tell you, though it does have some resemblance to Misty I'll admit. The story begins on a hot night in the South far from here.
I was on vacation whilst travelling across the region in a hire car. Cars are rather like those truck things you'll find in Zephyr Heights. The region wasn't one I knew hugely well. It was rather flat, but also quite isolated and a bit dull, to be honest. Having said that, my frame of reference was the Rocky Mountains, so anything else would probably look quite dull by comparison. I rolled along, the streets and black tarmac rolling underneath the tyres as I rolled along at speed. The highways were reasonably well kept here, unlike the rollercoaster rides you'll encounter in some states.
I should probably add I was one of those things called a human back then. I'd suggest you talk to Sunny if you want to learn more about those, but I can see she's already deep in conversation with somepony else. I only hope she remembers to check if they're actually listening this time.
Back to my story. The road surface was pretty packed with cars, but we were still moving along efficiently and smoothly as the cars were propelled along by the desire to get home and out of the heat. There was air conditioning in the car, but the heat hit you like a brick wall the second you stepped out of the car. This wasn't fun, and if I didn't have to stop between now and my hotel in Richmond it would be quite nice.
The miles continued to roll past, until I spotted new road signs which gave me a clue as to where I was. I was passing by Charlottesville, Virginia. That's Thomas Jeffersons' old place. If you can ever get the chance to dimension hop I'd advise visiting Monticello. Interesting and fascinating place. There's a university there as well. Also an interesting place to visit.
Anyway, I continued to navigate through as the traffic continued to build. Quite a lot of traffic was joining which was starting to cause tailbacks as we drove along.
Suddenly, I spotted a rather odd car joining the road. The thing that sticks out to me was the odd vanity plates it had. A lot of people, to use the term, had vanity plates in that part of the world, but the name was very strange. I won't disclose what it is now as it'll make more sense to mention it later on, but safe to say the car really stood out.
And the driver was driving very erratically. I'm talking borderline drunk erratically. He was being blasted by horns, but seemed not to be paying attention. This would soon prove to be serious.
He seemingly hadn't seen a car in front of him, and slammed into it. This caused the car he had crashed into to spin out of control and flip into another lane of traffic. This caused another car to swerve and collide with other vehicles.
Before long vehicles were colliding at a frequency I had never thought was possible. The cars were crashing and being hurled about. A tanker tried to stop, but tipped over and blocked the highway. The impact caused its tank to crack, leaking fuel across the road. More road vehicles slammed into each other, further blocking the road and making it impossible to turn away.
I tried to bring the car to a stop, but it was too late. My car smashed into the wreckage, crumpling like matchwood against the wall of metal in front. Other vehicles slammed into the mess, causing a large crash and connected pileup.
I had prayed that I would never get caught in one of these. But it seemed this was my end. I was wedged in by the wreckage and the airbag, and an attempt to move only brought searing pain. I had broken several critical bones, and even worse was to come.
A large explosion roared in front, which I realised meant the end was nigh. The tanker's load had ignited, and the wall of flames was moving towards us! It looked like this was the end of the road for me.
Then, suddenly, everything stopped moving. I glanced about in confusion. "What?"
A voice cut through the chaos. "Your story does not end here!" it said. The voice was curiously female. "Take his place!"
I had no idea what this meant, but if it meant escaping a horrible death I would happily take it. The thing quickly got to work, and boy was it weird.
I soon lost any real sensation in my feet, but then again my nerve endings were so mangled it was hard to tell if they would detect anything correctly. I could feel other things, though. My legs seemed to invert from their correct posture, even as the bones were knit back together and set to not being broken.
The world also seemed to be getting larger around me, which was an interesting development. This was pulling my legs up out of the footwell, and several items of clothing fell off as this happened. In my borderline delusion state, I saw no feet, but hooves!
I was probably hallucinating. The brain does weird things when it's caught in stressful situations.
My chest shifted in size to be noticably larger as the cracked ribs knit themselves back together, not looking particularly human anymore. The chest, that is. This was an... interesting development. I would need to file a report about it at some point.
The process that seemed to have done strange things to most of my biology then did the same to my arms. I had view of them this time, and I could clearly see my hands morphing into what looked like a pair of... hooves?
I could only conclude this was some sort of dying dream. Bones continued to be repaired and nervous channels restored as my arms flipped to a different configuration and my shoulders were reconfigured for what was probably quadrapedal movement.
That, I guess, left my face. My eyes were brown before then, so that meant that there was one fewer thing to swap around. I got plenty of clues as to the other things, though. My face was being stretched, or so it felt as my nose and mouth were squashed into a single unit. I also felt my teeth flattening and my mouth getting a much thicker tongue. This would make talking difficult.
My hair turned green and spread down the back of my very long neck, meaning I now looked like an anime character. Two ears popped out of the top of my head as what could only be a tail appeared out of my butt, followed by a wave of orange and white fur across my entire body.
As I took in what had just happened, I saw the flames once more. I had to act fast, and so turned with my back towards the nearest door and kicked it open, the door coming flying off its hinges. I then charged for the nearest bank and up into the neighbouring forest to escape from the accident.
I stopped there, panting, not really having a proper chance to examine myself. Whatever had done this was, shall we say, unconventional in their approach, but I also wanted to thank them.
They'd saved my life.
The exhaustion finally caught up to me, and I collapsed in amongst the trees, finally letting sleep claim my mind.
The voice was extremely distant in my mind as my vision slowly began to return. I could see some small pinpricks of different things in my mind as I looked about the world in front of me. It seemed alien yet familiar somehow. It was clearly taking a while for my brain to wake back up, so I got ready to move forward if need be. I glanced about again, and tried to say something.
"Clearly I took a nap," I said, realising my voice was deeper than normal. And American, to boot. After a bit longer, things stopped being horriby out of focus, and I was finally able to focus on the things I needed to focus on whilst I was in this place. So I was on the coastline? I could handle that. I'd been to seaside settlements before, and could handle life there.
After a while, everything finally cleared up. I appeared to be in a seaside town consisting of various multi story buildings, each painted a different colour and some decked with iron railings. A set of tracks ran through the cobbled streets, and the street stretched away down the road and coastline, eventually vanishing into the distance. A large tower sat at one end, and a factory like building sat at the other.
So it seemed I was in Maretime Bay somehow. No worries. I'd just need to wait for my brain to wake up again and I'd probably be back in my hotel room safe and warm and safe from the horrors of the outside world.
"Sheriff Hitch? Are you feeling alright?" the voice asked again, sounding quite concerned and urgent in her speech.
This snapped me back to attention. I glanced about and finally spotted something. I saw a spec of orange fur as I glanced about, and looked down to confirm this.
Yep. Still a pony. A pony apparently in Maretime Bay.
Bugger.
Though, oddly enough, I seemed to be missing most of my gear, which was a nuisance. How was I supposed to carry out my duties as sheriff if I lacked any of my equipment or useful tools? This was annoying.
Having said all that, maybe I should be greatful. Whomever had been watching me that lonely night in Virginia had given me a second shot at life. Admittedly, it was a second shot at life as a pony in a children's cartoon, but beggars really can't be choosers when you're about to be burned to death. Besides, in a peaceful place like Maretime Bay, law enforcement can hardly be that difficult, right?
I looked over to the pony (assuming it was a pony who had spoken- and seeing as this is G5 Equestria you have a one in three chance of being correct) and immediately saw who it was. It was Dahlia, who owned a local flower shop.
I finally got around to answering her question. "Yes, I'm fine. Just resting my eyes, that's all. Thanks for the concern, Dahlia."
Dahlia nodded. "It looked like you were out for quite a while. You see, I wanted to ask you something. Two things, actually."
This interested me. Maybe this would let me learn more about how interpersonal relations work in the world. The film rather skimmed over that. "Sure thing, go ahead."
Dahlia nodded. "Firstly, what's going to be done about the unicorn?"
I looked closer. "The unicorn?" I suspected she was probably referring to Izzy, but I didn't know when I was, so wanted a bit of a clarification. "Which unicorn?"
"The one that attacked Maretime Bay earlier," Dahlia replied. "And that crackpot Sunny helped her escape. Last I saw of them the unicorn was luring her away from Maretime Bay, probably so she can fry her brain where nopony can see her!"
Oh, so we're in that era. Well, there goes my hopes of a peaceful time in Maretime Bay. I seemed to have arrived a ways into the film, and this rather threw a spanner in the works, so to speak. I nodded. "Ah. Thanks for refreshing my memory, Dahlia. Don't you worry. The fugitives will be caught and will both face justice. The arm of the universe is long, but it bends towards justice."
I rather had to say that. The citizens would get rather suspicious if I started spouting reunification platitudes seeing as the Earth Pony legal system was rather built around preserving the climate of fear and denying the other races basic rights. Anyway, it's all better now. On top of that, I couldn't really set off without knowing these streets better.
"It's always good to see a sheriff who will uphold the law," Dahlia replied. "Hopefully you won't let your personal friendships get in the way."
"Justice knows no favourites," I replied. I was fully aware Hitch shows nepotism in the film, but this was hardly here or there. "So, what was the other thing you wanted to ask about?"
Dahlia passed me a letter. "I got this letter from somepony. It was in my letterbox earlier, and I'm pretty certain it's meant to go somewhere else."
I took a look at the letter, and glanced at it in confusion. What an odd letter to be getting out here, based solely on the address.
Donut Lord 1991 Naka Way Green Hills, MT 0214-2020
Looks like the transdimensional post got lost again, I thought to myself. "Thank you, Dahlia. I'll ensure this gets to the right per- uh, pony. Was there anything else?"
"No, Hitch," Dahlia replied. "You have a nice night."
"Thank you, though I suspect with all the chaos happening around here it won't be a quiet one at all," I replied, and made my way down the street.
Maretime Bay looked completely different at night. The only light came from the moon and the street lamps which glowed like beacons of hope in the middle of nowhere. The spots between the light made some navigation difficult. In many ways it reminded me of being in New Orleans. As did the humidity. I could see how Sunny was able to support herself on selling smoothies. She must have sold out most days.
I whistled a tune to myself as I walked along the absurdly wide streets, and finally found the police station. I pushed open the door to find Sprout already there at his desk, seemingly intoxicated based on the way he was slumped. Drinking on the job. Not a good sign. As per the film, the notice on his desk was spelled incorrectly. It's 'uty' in deputy, not 'ooty'. That doesn't even make sense.
I put the letter away in an evidence box, and then pulled on my bandolier and badge, before packing a supply bag.
"Err, what are you doing?" Sprout asked.
I turned to him. "Considering the earlier disturbance, there is now a problem. The justice is out of balance, and I must correct it. I'm going after Sunny and that unicorn and bringing them back to Maretime Bay."
Sprout blinked. "You cannot be serious. Wander straight into the lands of the unicorns and pegasuses? What if they fry your brain? Or you get eaten?"
This did raise an obvious question in my mind. Presumably clues must have been left behind for Hitch to follow. "I'll cross those bridges when I come to them. Besides, you cannot stop the beat of the long march of justice. I turned to the door and prepared to set off. "Hopefully there'll be no buses either. And one more thing, Sprout."
"Yes, boss?" Sprout asked, adjusting stuff on his desk to create the illusion he had more work than he already had.
"Try not to start a war whilst I'm away, OK?" I said.
"Understood," Sprout replied. His eyes looked sincere, alongside the buildings I could inexplicably see in his eyes. That was weird.
I stepped outside the door and looked up into the night sky. "Sunny, Sunny, Sunny, Sunny. You think you've escaped? Well, think again." I paused. "I will not eat! I will not sleep! Well, maybe a quick nap and a snack if I can't find you in the next few hours." I took the opportunity to check my supplies were properly secured on my back. "But after that, nothing will stop me! I'll follow you wherever you go. Whether harshest deserts, the coldest tundras, no trail too dangerous, no clue too small. The past matters not! It's justice. The law is blind, and the long arm of the law bends towards a just resolution."
I decided to head to my sleeping quarters in order to rest in preparation for what would probably be a very long journey for me. I had to be in tip top shape in order to perform at my highest level, after all. The world cared not for excuses, and based on the film I'd have some very challenging terrain to cover.
Ah well. All in a day's work for the employees of Maretime Five-0.
The next morning dawned upon Maretime Bay, and I checked all of my gear was in the correct order and shape. I was, after all, heading into the unknown. The maps were a big shaky on what bits of geography were mapped and which were not, and I had to admit I could see why. If any of the behaviour in the film was anything to go by, the earth ponies were too scared to travel into pegasus and unicorn territory to map it out correctly, hence why the map had vague observations such as 'forest probably here' and 'possibly a cliff there'. Not that either the pegasi or unicorns would probably let them in. The impression I got was that all three races were in a state of cold war, simply waiting for one of the others to push to proverbial button, so to speak.
I trotted through the streets of Maretime Bay, soaking it up for what would be the last time in a long while. It certainly did look different in the morning light, and getting to see all these places in a different light was quite an interesting experience for one such as me, who had only seen what the film makers had chosen to show me on screen.
I reached the end of town and was out into open countryside, and passed by the lighthouse standing tall on the cliffside. This sentinel had appeared in a lot of the town's marketing, I had noticed, and apparently it was one of the oldest structures in Maretime Bay. Hopefully Sprout wouldn't knock it over this time. The home at the bottom also seemed to have been hastily evacuated, as the door was sloppily locked and some curtains were still open. Clearly Sunny and Izzy had left in a hurry. I turned away from the lighthouse and back onto the road, well worn with traffic flowing back and forth through the older times between earth pony settlements.
Yes, I said 'settlements'. I can only assume the budget for the TV show didn't cover showing multiple towns and cities within it, so focusing on one settlement for each race was a good choice based on budget.
As I continued trotting, I passed by the Maretime Bay sign. YOU ARE NOW LEAVING MARETIME BAY, the sign said. WE HOPE YOU RETURN SOON.
"Talk about a clingy sign," I said to myself. I was also technically outside of my jurisdiction now, as my ability to arrest criminals was bound inside the city limits, but that didn't matter. I was ultimately more concerned for Sunny's safety than anything else. Bringing her back home would ensure she didn't get herself killed on this mission of hers. She may be idealistic, but she frequently lacks common sense and charges into problems without considering the consequences.
After looking back on the town for what would be the last time in a long while, I finally got on my way on my journey towards Zephyr Heights, as I assumed that was where they were going.
The only issue is that the road, well, ran out at one point. It just stopped abruptly in the middle of nowhere, and this left me confused. Why would a road just stop in the middle of nowhere? Did the builders run out of money? Was it cancelled owing to tensions with the other races?
I shook my head and continued on my way, trying to plot a course based on the map. My knowledge of the geography of this new Equestria was shaky, to say the least. It was quite hard to figure out where anything was in relation to anything else as this map probably wasn't in scale.
All I knew was that I was nowhere near the coastline, and I continued to make my way through open fields and green pastures. The emptiness of the place disturbed me a little. These would once have been places bustling with life, where ponies played and other creatures happily exchanged kind words and greetings. In theory. But now it was all empty.
To say it was eery would be an understatement. What in Equestria happened to them, and how did we end up where we are, going from a peaceful utopia to effectively a cold war scenario?
Many aspects of this didn't really make sense to me, but I suspected I was missing information somewhere down the line. That thought gave me an idea, actually, as I trotted along through the countryside.
What if I was dead?
This may seem like a crazy thought, but hear me out. Back in the human world, many years ago, there was a TV show called Ashes to Ashes, which focused on the exploits of policemen in 1980s London. However, the show had one crazy ending; it turned out all of the main characters were dead, and this setting was merely the afterlife, a sort of heaven if that's a concept to ponies.
Wait. ZBS had a similar show about the Palace Guard? I must give that a watch if EPBS is broadcasting it. Otherwise I can ask to borrow Pipp's streaming platform for a bit.
Anyway, this took me to thinking for a bit. Perhaps I didn't survive the car crash after all. Perhaps I truly was dead, and everything I was witnessing was either a dying dream or failing that Equestria was some sort of afterlife for the dearly departed of the human world. That would explain why so many aspects of Equestrian life echoed the human world, I guess.
However, I was uncomfortable with that theory, and so decided to try following a different line of reasoning as I trotted along the ground, sensing the world soaking up the light. For such a grim world it was bright. In the grim brightness of the far future there is only pony, I guess.
Props if you spot the reference, by the way.
Soon, the landscape I was travelling over began to change. The flat plains began to give way to trees and forest, and I plunged right in. I had seen no signage saying I had left the UEPS, so I had to still be in earth pony territory, right?
The forest went on for quite a while, and seemed barely tamed as I walked along, slowing my progress to avoid tripping on things. The distinct lake of crystals suggested this wasn't Bridlewood, and whomever lived in here probably persisted off logging or some similar industry.
Imagine my surprise at what came next. Instead of a small village, a fairly large town appeared, carved out of the forest. It was a settlement that largely consisted of brick buildings, and had a firm sense of permanence to it. The streets were laid out in perfect grid patterns. This was sensible, as it appealed to my sense of order and logic. Deeper into the town, the buildings became larger and more developed. The largest notable structure stemmed off to the left, as it towered over the skyline. It had large structures and a towering tower, with cables and wheels attached to it. Behind it was another, and beyond that were huge numbers of storage lines filled with wagons of some sort.
This looked to be some sort of mining settlement, and as I looked to my right I saw what looked like sort of machine shop. It was very large, and seemed to still be running even though the light was fading. My best guess was that the night shift in the mine was now at work, and the day shift had returned soundly to their beds.
Speaking of beds, I needed somewhere to rest my own head. I had been travelling now for an entire day, and this meant that I needed to find somewhere to sleep, as I didn't fancy my chances roughing it in the wilds of this forest.
Nearby was an inn, so I went to it. The structure seemed quite nicely kept, with a bar, several tables, and an interior which sent a sense of a home rather than just a place to sleep. I went over to the bar, and the bartender trotted over. "Good evening," she said. "How can I help you this evening?"
"I am but a traveller, in need of rest," I said. "Are there any rooms available?"
"Yes, and for reasonable rates too," she replied. "One night or two?"
I decided to stay for two, just in case. After all, you never know what might happen in a town like this. "Two, please."
She rang this up, and it was a good thing I had remembered to bring Earth Pony Dollars and Cents. That was interesting. I know one episode of Make your Mark implies each tribe has their own currency, but seeing it in action was interesting, to say the least.
After a refreshing meal, I made my way to the room, which was nice. I then laid down and decided to go to sleep, ready for whatever tomorrow might throw at me.
I had often heard that beds in taverns varied from very nice to incredibly bad. At least this place had a mattress, rather than a series of ropes to pull together which needed to be done in order to prevent you from falling to the floor. Incidentally, this is where the saying 'sleep tight' comes from. Another example of the meanings of sayings we use without really thinking.
Anyway, I must comment on the sleep. It had been surprisingly relaxing, and as I awoke, my alarm going off next to me, I certainly felt extremely refreshed. That night had certainly cleared my aches and pains from the previous day and refreshed my mind ready for another day of what might be another long journey.
I rolled out of the bed and landed on the wooden floor below me, being careful not to get splinters in my hooves. I then headed out of the room and into the bathroom, which was reasonably well equipped for a bathroom of its type. I headed into it, and got ready to shower for the next day of action.
At least the plumbing works. I had read before going to bed that some of these mining towns had supply problems with their water, and it was a relief to be able to wash properly. I sighed again and went out of the room to dry myself with a towel, before applying the same process to my mane. A quick glance behind revealed my tail might be a challenge to do, as it was rather awkwardly placed behind me. It took a bit of wrangling with the towel, sure, but sooner or later I was able to get it cleaned up and dry. It would hardly do to have me dripping water all over the place, would it?
I pulled my bandolier and other equipment back on, and headed out of the room, locking the door behind me with the supplied key. I made my way downstairs to discover breakfast was being served, and already several ponies had gathered downstairs for this very meal.
The room provided for breakfast was extremely reasonable, all things considered. It was the same one I had entered into the previous day, and now light was flooding in through the windows, properly illuminating the space ahead of me. The tables were clearly spaced at a convenient interval to allow for dancing, and the bar was at one side. I took a seat and waited for a bit.
And waited. And waited.
Another pony trotted past. "You must be from outside of town," she said.
"What makes you think that?" I asked.
She pointed to a sign. Please order at the bar.
"Oh," I said, feeling rather silly. I got up and collected a menu to place my order. To speed up ordering, each combination had a number, so you simply stated the number you wanted rather than having to describe the meal in question. More places should do this, as it makes things more efficient.
Once I had placed my order, I then returned to a table, and observed a conversation going on between a group of older ponies. It seemed to be related to local news, and as I heard them speaking I couldn't help but notice a phrase being used over and over again- the lost miners.
This piqued my interest, so I quickly went over to the group. "Excuse me, gentleponies, but I couldn't help but overhear what you were saying. As you can probably see I work in law enforcement, so finding missing ponies is part of the job description."
One of them looked over, adjusting his flat cap. "You're not from round here, are you?" he asked.
"No sir. I'm on my way to the edge of the country to collect a bounty, and I'm staying here for a bit."
Another chimed up. "In which case, welcome to Hope Hollow."
Hope Hollow? Well, the place sure has changed a lot since Rainbow Roadtrip if a rural village settlement has turned into an enormous mining town. I nodded. "Well, it seems nice based on what I've seen so far."
Another pointed out of the window. "This town is dependant on the Pit, which is managed by the NEPCB. Seeing as you're not from here, I'll assume you don't know what that stands for. That's the National Earth Pony Coal Board, which manages the mines in Earth Pony territory."
"Thanks for the info," I replied. I had some vague familiarity with the coal mining industry- some of my ancestors back in the human world had worked in the South Wales coalfields- so this felt at once strange and oddly familier. "Now, about these missing miners. I'd like to help."
Another then spoke up. "There's a group of workers who mysteriously vanished underground a few days ago, and nopony can account for them. They haven't been seen, and the local management seem apathetic at best to go and look for them."
"What about local police?" I asked.
"They're in the company pocket," said the second to speak to me. "We wouldn't trust them to switch the pipes in a boiler round, let alone conduct an actual investigation into a group of missing ponies. But you're not from here. You're not in their pocket."
"That's correct, I'm from Maretime Bay," I replied.
"Went there on a holiday once," said a figure who was yet to speak. "Remember when they used to do special trains there?"
"Anyway," said the third, "will you look into this for us?"
"Yes," I said, "I will. There are a handful of things I will need, though. I'll need plans of the mine and the region, so I can plan my investigation properly."
"Well, Bob's your uncle!" said one. "I'll get the map to you as soon as possible, Mr..."
"Hitch."
They headed away towards the general store. That was an interesting moment. It makes sense a phrase like 'Bob's your uncle' exists over here, seeing as there's a pony in Maretime Bay called Rob. He's the one with the fedora.
I had looked at the map, and what they said checked out. The tunnel system was enormous, and radiated out in every direction under the earth. It had to add up to at least several hundred miles of tunnels and supply shafts. How in Equestria was a pony supposed to monitor it all? Presumably they had basic things like carbon monoxide checkers and other useful scrubbers to prevent problems, but this seemed otherwise to be quite poorly designed. Presumably there wasn't the resources to fully upgrade the place.
Based on the information I had gathered, I chose to take the southern entrance into the mine. The place had two separate winding houses, one for each end, as this minimised the amount of walking needed to be done underground to reach your seam. This was going to be a tough one, as I hadn't been underground in years. And most certainly not in this body either. I made my way out of the tavern and across the road, heading for the mine.
I showed the inspector on the gate my badge, and he let me through, seeing I was law enforcement. I trotted deeper into the region, I saw the surface buildings and operations were already running. Locomotives were propelling trucks about to be loaded with coal, presumably to be shipped off to other parts of earth pony territory. Large dispensers were dropping coal into trucks in numerous different grades. Clearly they had coal washers here too.
As I made my way round the area, moving past road vehicles and surface workers going about their business, I passed by one of the shifts that was heading out. They were absolutely covered in coal dust, and as I walked past them some of the dust fell off and transferred onto me.
Safe to say, when I entered the equipment room I looked like a miner. This made the next bit of the job easier, as the personnel simply assumed I was part of the workforce.
In that room, I collected my essential supplies. These consisted of a set of overalls, a helmet, a gas mask (to counter the toxic gases underground) and a geiger counter (these were supplied as standard). This may seem a strange selection of equipment, but trust me that last one would come in handy later in my journey.
A forepony helped me fit the gear and ensure it was correctly secured, and it was soon time for my mining adventure to commence. I joined a line of workers preparing to head in, and heard a series of bells informing me the winding gear was in action, and to expect the cage soon.
Before long it rattled into position, and as one group of ponies disembarked with a coal bin my group entered another one. The door was secured in place in front of us.
"Going down!" shouted the operator. "Good luck, lads!"
He rang the bells and we began to descend into the very bowels of Equis.
After several minutes of travel, the cage I was in finally reached the bottom, and we were in the depths of the mine. I stepped out of the cage with the others and looked around me. Tunnels snaked away in both directions and ran along following the coal seams.
"Welcome back, boys," said a figure standing nearby. He looked to be some form of administrator. "I know this isn't your first rodeo underground, but remember; safety first. There's carbon monoxide down here, so don't go anywhere without your safety lamp or head torch. No exposed flames, so that means no smoking. And always stay in pairs, and keep your gas mask on. I know the gear is bulky and uncomfortable, but it will save your life in the event of an accident. Best of luck to all of you."
The groups of ponies trotted off in different directions, and I consulted my map again. The electric light near the administrator was the only thing cutting through the gloom, and I knew I had to focus on it. My studies had revealed that the trapped miners had apparently been in Sector 5, which according to the signage was to the left.
"You must be new," said the administrator. "Which sector are you assigned to?"
"Sector 5," I replied.
"To your left and straight down the tunnel," the administrator replied. "This place may seem confusing at first, but it gets easier to find your way around the longer you spend down here."
I nodded. "Thanks." I turned to the left, and then set off on my way through the tunnels.
The tunnels must have been a few miles under the ground, as it was very claustrophobic. If you don't like tight spaces, don't go down a coal mine. Not only that, the tunnels in this sector were poorly lit. There was an electric light every 200 yards or so, which meant long patches of darkness.
I passed by a group of miners heading back, and they glanced to me. "Enjoy your time underground," said one.
"If I can ever see where I'm going," I replied.
"Ah, a newbie," he said. "Still, you have it easy compared to us. Back when I started we didn't have lights in the tunnels. We only had portable electric lamps. And these lamps were the only thing to cut through the darkness. Down here the blackness is so intense that if the lights go out you can't tell if your eyes are closed or not."
That must be what the miners who are trapped are going through, I thought to myself. "Thanks for the tip," I replied. "I'll try not to get lost."
"Very good. The foremare doesn't like to be kept waiting," the miner said. "And remember; she decides your wages as she counts how much coal you pull out. Annoy her, and... well, let's just say some creative accounting might occur."
Great. So it's that kind of industry. "Again, thanks for the warning," I said, and was on my way.
As I continued on, the mine began to look increasingly problematic. The lights only being placed every 200 yards or so meant I was dependant on my helmet lamp and breathing gear to move about. Not only was the very limited light making it hard to read the map, it also caused other problems. My ability to look at things was limited by the gas mask, as it severely restricted my vision in all directions. The bottled air would also presumably be limited in amount, so I had to avoid exerting myself too hard.
I turned another corner and spotted more signage directing miners to individual sections of the coalface. That was another thing about this place. Not only was it dark, it was incredibly noisy. Machines were roaring in the distance, presumably designed to break up rocks and other useless items into coal, ready to be shipped to the surface.
I continued to calmly trot along the pathway, looking about for other things to find and try to locate. This place was giving me the creeps. The sooner I found the lost miners and got out of here, the better. I continued to make my way along the tunnels as best I could with the light I had.
It was then I noticed something that correlated between the map and the tunnel numbers, as I entered into a large, circular cavern. The tunnels split off the central cavern like the spokes on a wheel, presumably to make accessing them easier for personnel in a hurry.
Each of the tunnels was numbered in order from one to ten. Ten tunnels from this hub. Simple, but easy to remember. I made my way over to the tunnel list and noticed that one of the tunnels was marked as blocked. This was probably the one I wanted, so I made my way down it.
The light had previously been pretty bad. But here the lighting conditions changed from bad to simply nonexistant. The lights just... stopped. The only thing illuminating the gloom was the glow from my helmet lamp, and even that was pretty bad, as I had to slow down to avoid tripping on things. If I broke a leg down here it would probably be game over. I could radio for help, but I had no idea how good horse medicine was in this world, seeing as characters seem to be able to survive major falls without serious injuries.
But I wasn't ready to take that risk. I continued slowly down the tunnel, getting a bit concerned when I began to hear a slow drip.
Is that water? I thought to myself. I had heard horror stories of coal miners working in deep pits of water in tunnels when the pumps had failed, and even worse of entire caverns flooding. I didn't know which was worse- drowning down here, or choking on carbon monoxide after a leak or explosion. Best be careful and make sure I don't set either off.
When I was partway into the tunnel, I found more evidence that I found disheartening. The tunnel did the same thing as the lights and simply stopped. The roof seemed to have come down, and a series of rocks marked where the collapse had happened.
It seemed as though there'd been a cave-in or a tunnel collapse, which blocked the access to the lower end of this tunnel off from the rest of the system. I had to head another way round to get down this tunnel, and the dripping wasn't slowing down. If anything, it seemed to be intensifying.
I soon found another way round, as when I had turned I saw a large map on the wall. This map had the tunnel network for the region fully mapped out, and it revealed something interesting. Each section of tunnel had a crosscut coming out of it. There was one right before the collapse, roughly about where I was standing now, and it connected across to another tunnel. There was another one further up, so hopefully I could bypass the blockage and make my way into another section of the tunnel higher up.
I made my way into this crosscut, noticing again the lack of light or smooth ground. It would probably have cost too much to put something like wooden boards down to walk on. Imagine if a place like this had to be evacuated in the event of an accident? Hopefully there were more ways to escape than just the main shaft. If not, then getting out would be extremely hard.
I passed by a room called SAFETY SHELTER. I looked inside, and saw it was stocked full of provisions and supplies a miner might need in the even of an accident. Good thinking, building those in. I then continued on my way, turning to the left to access the main tunnel once again.
I made my way along and soon found myself standing before another crosscut, which would presumably lead me back to the correct tunnel and hopefully the lost miners. I quickly shone the helmet lamp down, and spotted something on the ground.
Water was pooling quite deep inside the crosscut. This indicated the pumping systems were malfunctioning, or were never installed at all. Either way, it was going to make forward progress slower.
I checked my boots were properly secured before making my way in, trotting slowly down the pathway and making my way towards the end of the tunnel. The gloom seemed to be even more oppressive than before, like a thick blanket that sticks to you- only this blanket was of no comfort to me. I couldn't fathom what working down here in an environment like this for years would be like. I'd been in here an hour at best, and already I just wanted to return to the surface.
I was about to move forward when suddenly I was knocked to the side. I hit the ground, yelping in surprise, and looked up.
Into the face of another miner, a pickaxe about to swing.
I rolled out of the way as the axe came swinging down, crashing into the place where I had just been. "What the Hell?" I muttered under my breath, trying to get back onto my feet- err, hooves. "Who are you?" I asked. "What do you want?"
My mysterious assailant didn't reply, instead simply swinging again at my rough location. Quite how anypony was supposed to fight down here with these gas masks on I had no idea, as they severely restrict your vision and hearing. And remembering that ponies in this world seem to be able to hear pins dropping from miles away, it left me deeply concerned.
Anyway, I had to somewhow win the fight against this lunatic who seemed to have gone a bit axe crazy. I waited for them to swing again, and then propelled my entire body weight into them, knocking them back and to the ground with a bang. There was a thud as they collided with the ground and some of their equipment got knocked loose.
I also made sure to confiscate their pickaxe in order to ensure they couldn't get up to any funny business. "That's quite enough of that," I said. "Who are you? Who sent you?"
The figure just looked up at me, seemingly confused. "Wh- where am I?" they asked. The voice confirmed them to be a mare.
"Excuse me?" I asked.
"How did I get underground?" she asked. "I can't remember coming down here at all!"
"What's the last thing you remember?" I asked, trying to jog her memory as best I could.
"I was in my home, preparing for the day shift, and then I heard somepony knock at the door. I headed for it to answer it, and the next thing I know I'm fully kitted out and talking to you. What in Equestria happened to me inbetween?"
This mare was clearly hurting. Lost, scared, and confused- exactly what I'd been when I'd first ended up in this world. "Look. I'm not an enemy. I'm gonna help you out here, and get you to the surface. But first I need your help."
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"There are some miners trapped underground near here, but the tunnel sections appear to have collapsed and I can't navigate them. How well do you know the tunnels down here?"
"It's my sector, so I know them fairly well." There was a pause. "I think I'll help you out. Follow me."
Well, that was surprisingly easy. What surprised me more was that we'd been able to have a comprehensible conversation in all of this heavy equipment. I guess that's another mystery solved on that front. I set my headlamp to be running in the forward position, and I followed my assailant turned ally as we headed deeper into the maze of tunnels underneath Hope Hollow.
The darkness continued to be oppressive and strange. Even though I'd been underground for what felt like hours my eyes still hadn't adjusted, which was probably due to a lack of ambient light sources.
I remembered what the ponies I had met at the tavern had said about local events, and I figured getting caught up on local happenings would be very useful. "So, has anything strange been happening around here lately?" I asked.
The mare started to speak, without turning back to look back at me. "The Coal Board will never admit it, but this place has seen some problems recently. These include the usual hazards of life underground, such as carbon monoxide, but the world also has other problems around here."
"Such as?"
"Quite the detective, aren't we?" she said, clearly unaware I was actually a Sheriff. "There have been unexplained shakings and odd underground activity. One group of workers narrowly escaped a flood of what turned out to be glitter. Nopony was able to figure that one out, as the last glitter seam down here was mined out years ago."
That did sound very strange. "Any other strange things going on?"
"Well, in one of the tunnels we found a strange golden machine which appeared to generate some form of light. We assumed it was some sort of entertainment device miners had used in the past, but the mechanics couldn't figure out how it worked. It seemed to follow no known rules of engineering or machinery."
No wonder they couldn't figure it out. If they were alluding to the Rainbow Generator, that needed magic to work- something this world completely lacked. "How strange. What was the Coal Board's response?"
"They've been suppressing any bad news for a while now," my new ally replied. "They control the local papers and the police are in their pocket, so that bit can be hard. Having said that the pay's good, and it's the only real employer around here. I can't afford to leave with what I have, so this work is my ticket to life in Fillydelphia or Trottingham, with hopefully a College degree inbetween."
She couldn't have known it, but that wasn't too different to the aspirations I'd had before being turned into an equine had spared me a horrible death. "I know the feeling," I said absent mindedly.
My ally then began to speak again. "As bad as things can be around here, we do need this stuff. Black gold is the main source of Earth Pony electrical power. And it can't be the authorities that are doing this." She stopped as we looked round a turn. "No. I reckon that the unicorns are behind this."
"What makes you think that?" I asked.
"We're within striking distance of Unicorn territory," the mare answered. "They could easily get here with half a day's gallop, do some sabotage, and then head back home without being noticed."
Half a day. I knew my top speed was about 20 miles per hour, so that would put us about 10 miles from the border. "What makes you think unicorns specifically."
"Isn't it obvious? They're sore losers after we kicked their flanks at the Battle of Thunder Bay, and have wanted revenge ever since."
Thunder Bay? This was news to me. Was this the 'epic battle' Sprout alludes to in the movie's prologue? "Thunder Bay? As you can probably tell I'm not from around here, so I may know the battle under a different name."
"Well, they do teach this in history class," the mare answered, sounding somewhat annoyed. "But sure, I'll tell the story. It all began after the Great Peace was established, and the world began to fracture. The truth is, harmony was nothing but a joke. The unicorns and pegasi secretly hated us. They looked down on us as their country bumpkin relatives, as we were far better at growing food and working heavy industry than they were. We also had the finest army on the planet, so their jealousy only continued to grow.
"Eventually, they allied to invade us and steal our food and coal and iron ore. The war was a long and difficult struggle for our independence against the imperialist Pegasi and cruelty of the Unicorns. But at the Battle of Thunder Bay we conclusively defeated them, and drove them back to their own lands." She fell silent for a moment. "It was a struggle that carried a heavy cost. But we emerged from it an independent, free, and democratic nation. Ever since, we've been on the watch for our enemies and whether they're gearing up to finish the job. If they do come back, we'll kick their flanks again."
That certainly explained a lot about why Earth Ponies thought the way they did before reunification. But something in me suspected that this wasn't the entire truth to the situation. Given how closely worked propaganda was into their society, I suspected the history was skewed somewhat. "I've never seen any of the other tribes," I admitted.
"Nopony around here has seen a unicorn or a pegasus for centuries," the mare answered. "But if they send their forces, we're ready. If they send a column of a thousand, we have ample trees to hang them from."
That got dark quickly. But I stayed quiet as she continued. "But I doubt the pegasi are gearing up for an attack. They're probably too busy eating each other. But what do you expect of cannibals, eh?"
Seems that was a belief held by both unicorns and Earth Ponies, then. I sighed, quietly to avoid being heard. I had to be careful what I said, as if my knowledge of human history was anything to go by earth ponies who expressed sentiments that went against the status quo quickly met a sticky end.
"If I ever encounter one," I said, "I'll be careful." Of course, I knew that was a certainty. Given I was chasing a unicorn to Zephyr Heights, where pegasi live, I'd definitely encounter them.
We reached another junction, and sure enough it was another flooded section of tunnel. How would we get around this one?
It seemed after that we struck lucky, because after turning a few more corners we found the trapped miners. Another access path around the side brought us to a loose wall of rock, and then once me and my new ally had opened up the path with some tools and a small bit of brute force, we were at last into the chamber where they were.
One of them glanced up at us. "Rescue's here, boys!" he called. "They found us at last!"
The other miners dropped whatever they had been doing and got up, clearly keen to return to the surface. I know I would be, if I had been trapped underground for some time.
I took a look around the chamber they were in. Apart from the collapsed walls on each side that prevented entry or exit to the chamber, it seemed surprisingly intact and livable. Tools were discarded all over the place, and the miners were now busy picking them up and preparing them for movement out of the facility.
I did another sweep of the interior and found some other interesting artefacts from the mining operation. Including a newspaper with a date on it. I glanced closely at it, but not knowing the date today was proving to be a bit of a drawback. It meant that, amongst other things, I couldn't figure out what or how long these miners had been trapped underground for.
So I turned to ask them as they moved into the next set of tunnels. "I don't mean to sound rude, but how did you guys survive down here for so long?"
One of them glanced over to me. "We had reasonable rations, and made sure to share to ensure we had enough," she replied, as we walked along. "One thing you learn down here is that food needs to be saved carefully so it can make the best impact during the day."
I nodded. "What did you do for air? I know gas masks filter out gasses, hence the name, but what about when there's no air to be found?"
"There we got very lucky," said another. "We just happened to be trapped in an air pocket, which gave us plenty of breathable air until you guys found us. It wasn't fun being stuck underground for so long in the dark, but I will say that I am very glad to be out of that mess now."
Truth be told I was relieved too. It meant that I could leave this mine, return to the surface, report to the other ponies that the lost miners had been found, turn in the quest, and get some XP for it. Hopefully. Does Equestria have Experience Points?
It's a game analogy, in case you're wondering. As we continued to walk down the corridors and tunnels underground, the exit gradually approached. This was a large group, so there was no way we would all fit into the cage at the same time. It looked like we'd all be taking turns.
The town of Hope Hollow celebrated the safe return of the miners. There were vast tables laid out in the streets clearly for a street party, and the community turned out in droves to see them marching through the streets as though they had just come home from a war. I suppose they had, of a sorts, but some of it still felt a bit odd. Leading the parade through the town was the Hope Hollow Colliery Brass Band, playing a sort of marching tune that sounded somewhat familiar. Let's say that back in the old world it would have led to people commenting on whether to expect the Spanish Inquisition or what constituted an argument.
I got invited to the street party, of course. The ponies who had sent me on this quest invited me to their table as a way of saying thank you for all I had done. Whilst I will admit it was quite the honour, and I was certainly enjoying the atmosphere produced by the scenario, there were still a lot of nagging doubts within my mind as the merriment unfolded around me.
As a fresh plate of food was passed around, my thought turned to the worker who had attacked me, who was sitting opposite me. She seemed, in all regards, a completely normal mare, albeit a slightly scruffy one, who was happily engaging in conversation with the others. Which made what had happened underground even stranger, to say the least. What had been controlling her when she had attacked me, and how did she not recall any of what had happened between leaving her house and the time I spoke to her?
Who was responsible for that?
I had to find out and fast.
As the brass band switched to a new and jaunty tune, I noticed the tables being suddenly moved. "What's going on?" I asked.
One of the older ponies glanced over. "It's time for a street dance, Hitch!" he said. "It's a tradition to temporarily fill the space with dancing, as it helps clear the appetite for the desert later on!"
Oh no. I had no idea how good I'd be at this. Or even how pony dancing worked. I mean, figuring out quadruped forward motion was hard enough. How would I cope with having to manage four limbs in this situation?
The mare I had met turned to me. "Come on, Hitch!" she said. "Shake loost, bust a hoof! Show me your pony moves!"
If that was supposed to be a reference I didn't get it at all. Also, why did she feel the need to clarify 'pony moves'? I knew that in G4 almost every dance was prefixed with 'pony', but at least there they had numerous races buzzing about the continent. I'd seen nothing but ponies so far.
Still, I did my best out there in the streets. It was fun enough, once you got used to it. I only fell over twice!
Once the festivities were over, I made my way away from the streets lined with house and found my way to the local office of the mine manager. I had borrowed the tavern typewrighter for a bit, and had typed out a series of information points that I believed that the officer on duty would find useful.
I stopped and knocked on the door.
"Enter!" said the voice on the other end,
I pushed the door open to see a worker sitting behind a desk. He glanced up and saw me. "Ah! It's the visiting police pony," he said to his fellows, who all looked over to me.
I stepped forward and placed my report upon the desk. "This," I said, "is my safety report for your mine, or rather outlining all of the various problems I spotted whilst looking for the trapped miners. I noticed a lot of violations. These included, but are not limited to, poorly maintained tunnels, badly equipped lighting, and a lack of adequate hiding spots in the events of a mine collapse. This is, quite frankly, not up to code, and it needs addressing. You guys got lucky that no miners died in that collapse. You may not get lucky next time."
The pony on the desk looked at the report and nodded. "We'll get to work on it," he replied, with a tone of voice that implied he saw a lot of these reports. Safety clearly wasn't a concern around here.
"You'd better," I said. "There'll be a spot inspection at some point, and if these changes haven't been started you'll be in trouble."
There was a nod. "Very well." There was a pause. "So, what's next for you? Will you be returning to Maretime Bay, or heading elsewhere?"
I sighed. "I can't quite return home just yet. I have a bounty to collect from the edge of earth pony territory, and I shall not rest until it is collected. Well, obviously I need to sleep."
"Thank you for your help," another pony said. "Without you we may never have found them."
"I hope you know what to improve for the future," I replied, and then exited. As I closed the door, it started to rain, and I glanced around myself to see the flames of a steel mill burning high into the sky. The mine continued to dominate the landscape around me.
I walked down the streets towards the tavern, the rain slowly picking up. I felt a degree of ambivalence, despite this world being my heritage. Equestria had been a stunning place, and although I understood why this was being done- power and fuel, of course- it was still a bit saddening to see such a beautiful place being torn up for the resources under the ground.
I guess I finally understood how those who rediscovered Erebor felt when they first arrived. I pushed my way in through the door of the tavern and made my way to the fire, which was roaring in the hearth.
As I warmed myself, I glanced out of a window. "Sunny," I whispered. "Where can you be now?"
I was soon back on my way the next morning. The early morning light was beginning to pierce the treetops, and I knew that this meant I had to start on my way again. Who knew how much time had passed in this place and the regions around it whilst I'd been here.
I headed down to the bar and made sure to pay my bill in full before setting off into town. The landscape around me was buried in this curious glow that was produced by the sun in its current position. Whereas last night when I had headed back to the tavern to spend the rest of the night the landscape had looked almost threatening and ominous to my sight thanks to the darkness, now it looked more positive and friendly thanks to the light pouring in from the other side of the world.
The sun seemed to be doing pretty well for itself seeing as it was moving by itself, no magical energies propelling it along )or so I thought). That had always been one of the big complaints about this generation of the show. Well, there's a pretty simple answer to that question of how do the sun and move move by themselves. Physics is the answer to that one, as it seems to be for a lot of other things in this world.
But enough of that. I had to continue on my journey, and find my friends. I made my way through the lands, the landscape slowly shifting from green lands to something that resembled scrubland and other ruins. Odd bits and things stuck out of the ground in places, and indicated various leftovers of numerous lost civilisations and other places. Based on my knowledge of maps I suspected it was unlikely this was where the Neighyptians had hung out, and Cloudsdale had always been on the move in the skies, so for it to have a definite place was a nonsensical concept to begin with. No wonder the pegasi moved operations to Zephyr Heights after the magic vanished. Without the ability to walk on cloud a city made of clouds would quickly become about as useful as a chocolate teapot. No wonder they went for having solid land underneath their hooves.
I continued onwards, seeing more wrecks of military equipment and other items poking out of the ground. Armour, helmets, some weapons, and even some vehicles that just been left here and never recovered. It made we wonder what else could be out here, just lost in the land. Ancient artefacts? Weapons of incredible power? A statue of a bug queen, a small wing horse, and a four legged thing with arms?
Odlly specific, I know. But imagine of those three got loose again in our day and age. Scary thought, huh?
I continued deeply on my way into the depths of the unknown, and made my way around the lands, trees and bushes punctuating the landscape as I continued to approach pegasus territory.
On my journey, I ran into something very odd, which although it would pale in comparison to the other oddities I would encounter on my journeys across G5 Equestria, I found that it stood out enough in my memory to warrant some attention that day.
I came across a group of prospectors, excitedly looking at the ground. "I found it first!" shouted one.
"No, I did!" said another. "You know the story; wherever you find ancient equipment, riches shall surely follow you!"
"No, it was I who found it first!" said a third, producing a gun in the process.
I charged in before anything got too heated. "Now, let's not do anything silly, shall we?" I said, looking at each of them in turn and making a point of showing them my badge. "Now then, what do we have here?"
They all began talking at once. "One at a time," I said. "One line of enquiry at a time. Otherwise we'll end up in a mess and won't know who said what."
The prospectors nodded at me, and then one of them turned his attention to the art of speaking. Which is pretty much a given around here; imagine how most humans would freak out at the thought of talking horses!
"My friends and I were digging for coal or oil out in the badlands when, at this very spot, we came across this." He invited me forward and pointed to the object currently sitting on the floor before him.
My eyes widened when I saw it. How had this survived given what happened to Nightmare Moon in the second episode of Friendship is Magic? "It could be a potential artefact," I said. "Possibly one with magical power. It's not safe to keep it out here. I shall take it to safety in earth pony lands where it cannot be tampered with."
One of the prospectors nodded, then snorted. "You should consider yourself lucky you aren't surrounded by unicorns right now!" he laughed. "Otherwise they'd be bing bonging all over the place! It's a miracle they manage to leave their houses, no less launch an invasion of our land!"
The others joined in laughing about it, and I had just gotten another example of how deeply embedded into earth pony culture this sort of prejudice was. It unnerved me a bit to hear it being thrown about so casually, but then again I had to try and blend in with the society.
I secured the helmet amongst my equipment and prepared to head out on my way across the land. "Well, glad to help out," I said. "Best of business to you three, and happy prospecting."
"Thank you!" said another. "May you blaze many trails, Sheriff Hitch!"
Hilarious. Seems they somehow figured out my surname from the badge. Clever folks, if so. I needed to push on, however, and I soon left the area and continued to trek further north through these desolate lands, shattered by the effects of years of war.
As I continued towards the border, I suddenly heard a loud rumbling noise nearby. I dashed into a nearby bush and hid to wait out the loud rumbling noises coming from nearby. It continued, and was soon joined by the sound of marching hooves locked in step.
I stuck my head over the bush to see something I hadn't expected to see. Passing me was some sort of tank column with infantry support. The heavy treads rumbled and caused the ground to shake. The infantry were presumably there to assist against the effects of enemy infantry.
But the designs surprised me. The tanks looked oddly British- I'd seen a machine similar to these in a museum collection once- so to see them out here was pretty surreal.
"Patrol duties out here sometimes make you wish for rain," said one of the soldiers, glancing about across the terrain.
"Tell me about it," said his fellow. "But at least we've got the tanks to cover us. Considering how old a design it is, it's impressive the Crusader IIIs are still frontline work, eh?"
I ducked out of cover as I watched them pass, and then headed again for the next section of landscape. I hadn't seen a sign telling me I was in pegasus territory, so that was interesting to say the least. It seemed the pegasi were actively probing our territory, which whilst not technically an invasion is still legally quite dodgy.
I continued past the scene and across more land. I passed a small military outpost with a selection of smaller vehicles and other soldiers watching the landscape. I clearly had walked into a blind spot as they didn't see me. I continued onwards, determined to get to Zephyr Heights no matter the cost to myself or others.
At last, I reached the border. A massive pair of border fences stood there, with gates to allow troops in and out. It seemed to be two sets of fences running in parallel, blocked off by tank traps and iron bars welded together. Every hundred feet or so was a bunker, though the one closest to me seemed to be empty at the moment. Was there something similar blocking off unicorn and earth pony territory? I snuck to one side and then spotted a tunnel beneath the walls.
I dived into it and began to climb through, when I suddenly noticed something else- there had been a gap in the fence. I dug my way back out, walked into the fence, and then slid through to the other side of the fences. There was a notice sitting there to greet me- YOU ARE NOW ENTERING THE PEGASUS EMPIRE. UNICORNS AND EARTH PONIES KEEP OUT.
I turned my head, and spotted a similar sign on the other side. YOU ARE NOW ENTERING THE UNITED EARTH PONY STATES. UNICORNS AND PEGASI KEEP OUT.
Presumably they just made one sign to save money. I headed through into the next area of land. From what I'd seen so far, this might just be one of the most heavily militarised borders on the planet.
I was in another land. And I had to move carefully to avoid getting into danger.
Back in the human world, there was a painting I recall seeing many times both in media and briefly the real thing when I was visiting an art gallery in the United States. The image depicted technology developed by humanity making its way across a desolate and empty landscape. Trains, wagon trains, that sort of thing. Humanity had used these things to expand across the North American content.
Above that was a spirit floating above the landscape like a Maretime Bay Day balloon, representing progress. The symbolism is, I believe, obvious; human progress is bringing civilisation to a completely empty land (setting aside for a moment that people already lived in the West).
Why am I telling you this, I imagine you're wondering. Well, it felt like I was walking through a version of it, only for all of the peaceful elements to be stripped out and replaced in their entirety by militarised one. As I made my way further north, based on all the signage, I spotted that there was huge amounts of military equipment pooled near the border. Tanks and othered armoured vehicles sat ready for deployment, and other equipment was placed nearby. Troops were on guard or drilling nearby, which increased the chances of me being spotted by the enemy. I ducked into a ditch to evade a patrol that marched past, fully counting that I had been unbelievably lucky to this point. I had to be careful, though. The world was a dangerous place, and I had to move carefully.
I looked above to spot another potential threat. The familiar beat of chopper blades started as a set of choppers flew overhead, presumably on patrol for intruders. "How big is their military budget?" I asked myself, before moving on.
I made it about five feet before ducking into cover again to avoid a set of light recon vehicles rolling over me. Obviously they didn't or else I wouldn't be telling you this story. I hid once more underneath something else as more soldiers moved past. I hadn't seen anywhere near this much equipment on the earth pony side. Maybe the bulk of the earth pony military strength was in places I hadn't gone or was largely focused against the unicorns.
A sign informed me that, after another few hours of travel, I still had 50 miles to go to Zephyr Heights. I had evaded the heavily fortified border, but there were the civilians to deal with, and that bit was going to be the tough part. I knew my luck wouldn't hold out forever, and eventually somepony would find me. My objective was simply to extend that time as much as I could before I was found.
I walked into a small town called Marionsburg, which was not long after I saw the 50 mile sign. The sun was setting now, and there was no chance of me making the trip to Zephyr Heights today, and I knew that I had to stop and ensure I was well rested for what would probably be a difficult journey.
I needed to turn my attention to my appearance. I currently stood out like a sore thumb. Seeing actual pegasi for the first time drove home how distinctive they looked. Their wings were a lot bigger than I had imagined, and covered almost the entirely of their sides from the joints that held the wings on to their flanks, covering over the cutie mark. There were also some slight differences in facial physiology, but otherwise it was clear to anypony observing that earth ponies and pegasi had a common genetic ancestor.
I guess it's clear now how similar we truly are. But I had little time to reflect on that. I needed to find some supplies to produce a disguise that would fool the pegasi and allow me to continue on my journey to save Sunny from whatever she was doing and her own self destructive behaviour.
Luck had been on my side so far, and I soon found it in the form of some supplies lying about. It seemed somepony had recently received a package from the pegasus equivalent of Amazon based on the amount of cardboard lying about on the ground, as well as a pair of scissors. I suspected I was nowhere as good at using scissors as Izzy, and I'm not sure how ponies would manipulate them with a pair of hooves rather than hands.
But still, I got to work, calmly cutting the cardboard up into different shapes to form the various fake appendages I'd be attaching to myself. It took quite a bit of work that day, but eventually things that somewhat resembled a pair of wings took shape on the ground before me. A bit of blue glue and some tubing to strengthen them and they looked and felt surprisingly convincing.
The only problem was they looked like cardboard. I'd noticed that wings were the same colour as the fur, so I had to rectify that quickly. I grabbed some leftover markers and other useful colour generating materials to add some orange colour to the wing components, which soon looked pretty good if I do say so myself. I had attached them into place using a pair of guide chords which firmly held the objects in place with a sufficient degree of strength, yet allowed them to bounce up and down realistically.
My face needed some work, so I found a moustache and stuck it on my face. It was a different colour to the rest of my face, but in the circumstances I doubted anypony would notice. It's more common than you might think for facial hair to be a different colour than the rest of the fur. Weird, huh?
Anyway, my disguise was ready for use, and I stepped back into the streets of the town and made my way to the local tavern, which the sign told me was called The Dragon's Head. Of course, this is before Sparky was born, so there are no dragons right now.
The interior was pretty nice. Upon entering, one saw a small noticeboard of local things that were going on. Tables were set to one side near the windows, and further back was the bar. A pair of ponies, presumably working as mixers and bartenders, were at work sliding pints and similar beverages up and down the counter top. I sat back and found a table, with a rather large pegasus stallion sitting there. As I did, I glanced in the display for the jukebox. The tracks were all southern rock classics; Suspicious Minds by Elvis Parsley, Sweet Home Froggy Bottom by Fretlock and the Thunderizers, and a rendition of Free Bird recorded by somepony called Ruby Sparkle, to name three. I relaxed in my chair and glanced up at the ceiling fans roaring round and round.
"You new in town, boy?" the stallion asked. I glanced up to him to see him looking intently at me.
"Yes, just passing through," I replied.
The stallion smiled. "Nice place, isn't it? A good place to settle down after a life like mine." He paused. "After years of fighting on the frontlines and makin' money on the side, it's nice to have a place to retire to and just live out my days on my old bones."
That was another thing I noticed about this world. Ponies were a lot less reserved than I was expecting, which made collecting information easier.
Just then, a newsflash came across the screen, with two news reporters sitting behind a desk. "And fresh news just in!" said one, a male based on his voice. "Next week marks the beginning of the final stage of the Royal Celebration with the Party at the Palace. And still no news on the status of the prisoners who were revealed on the media a few hours ago. Care to take up the story Dazzle?"
"Right you are Skye," said his colleague, presumably Dazzle. "Panic ran through the streets when we learned an earth pony and a unicorn were in our fair city. Luckily, our city security are keeping a tight eye and good focus trained on them."
An image from their news flashed up on the screen, showing Sunny and Izzy. So they were in Zephyr Heights! I was very close to rescuing them now. I had to move fast.
"Crazy times, eh?" said the stallion, as he took to the tablet and ordered a drink before passing it to me. I punched in an order for some food and a drink, before putting it back. I'd already noticed how much more heavily tech dependant pegasus space was. It really was a quantum leap compared to earth pony lands.
"Sure are. Earth ponies and unicorns in the capital? Whatever next?"
The stallion nodded. "You remind me of somepony I knew a long time ago. Same sort of idealistic smile and eager look behind the eyes. You'll do well here, Mr... I don't believe you told me your name."
I had to think of something fast. "Brent Macklin."
Another song came on, and the pony leaned in. "Say, Brent. What's an 'Alabama'?"
I left the tavern early in the morning, and set off on my journey, remembering to attach my fake pegasus wings to my sides before leaving. When I'd paid my tab, there was a spirited group of performers on the stage, singing something about a bog in a valley. I didn't see my friend from last night anywhere, so he was probably just asleep or had also set off on his journey. I felt relieved to nearly at the end of my journey. Although I would probably be able to make the journey to Zephyr Heights, I was still following at a reasonable pace. And knowing that Sunny and Izzy were in, in all likelihood, in the custody of the authorities made my life easier. All I needed to do was locate the prison and bust them out- before moving both of them to a jail elsewhere.
I continued on my way across the landscape, noticing the land slowly becoming more and more rocky as I went along, feeling somewhat like I was making my way into a desert. I know there is grass pretty close to the climb to Zephyr Heights in the movie, but they may have made their approach from a different direction, as the grass here was very short and clearly adapted for a low water environment.
This caused me to question something. From what I'd seen this land wasn't exactly suitable for growing food, although I was only in the southern section of the country. Therefore, it's entirely possible that they grow their food further north, although based on comments I heard in the earth pony lands suggested that the UEPS were the breadbasket of Equestria. Perhaps the pegasi were having food shortages, which was why they invaded? Untold numbers of wars have been fought over food, after all.
I kept on going as the land continued to change and move about me. The ground began to climb below me as I got closer and closer to the capital. Although a road led me up to the city, I spotted another route that I could take up to the top of this mountain.
Ahead of me was a canyon that was shrouded in mist and darkness. I had acquired a torch on my troubles and switched it on, but it struggled to make a dent in the dark. I made my way into the canyon and walked down it, slowly I'll admit, but still I made some remarkable progress into the tunnel. I walked along the path and then stopped when a solid wall stopped me.
I knew where I was. This was where Sunny and Izzy meet Zipp in the movie. I had to start a climb, though hopefully no pegasus would be hopping about behind me and causing me to panic. I climbed the landscape and looked about for some clue as to high up I was.
It was tough going, even with my stamina. Hitch clearly worked out, but even if this was putting some strain on my ability to move upwards.
I finally arrived atop an outcrop, and looked around me with a smile. I had made it at last. After untold amounts of travel, I was here in Zephyr Heights! I looked around me for a trace of anything that might be useful to me and enable me to complete my mission to rescue my fellow earth pony.
My nose looked about for any clues. I soon found something. Some scents implied that two ponies had been standing here, and another two approach them at speed from the direction of the city. Another set jump backward off a cliff and down into the mist below.
So, clearly a scuffle had occurred here, but without any physical evidence I couldn't make any further progress. I continued to look about, and I was hunting for any other clues. Physical evidence, more objects, that sort of thing that would help me figure out who the assailants were. For all I knew, the pegasi here were intercepting an escaped criminal who had escaped from justice.
I continued to check around, until at last I found something that could qualify as useful in my search. I sat back and smiled at what I'd found.
It was a white feather. I picked it up and sniffed it, peering at is closely. "Pegasus, definitely," I said to myself. "What a find. Only one pegasus regularly leaps around in these parts and has white fur and feathers. By process of elimination, this feather belongs to Zipp Storm." Although I had detected a slightly odd scent on it which felt out of place in Equestria, reminding me more of freezing lakes from another land, I now knew what had happened. This was where Sunny and Izzy had been captured a few days ago.
I knew I'd already said the speech earlier, but I couldn't resist doing it again. "Sunny, Sunny, Sunny, Sunny. You think you've escaped? Well, think again." I paused. "I will not eat! I will not sleep! Well, maybe a quick nap and a snack if I can't find you in the next few hours." I took the opportunity to check my supplies were properly secured on my back once more, as it would be annoying to lose them this close to the resolution of my journey. "But after that, nothing will stop me! I'll follow you wherever you go. Whether harshest deserts, the coldest tundras, no trail too dangerous, no clue too small. The past matters not! It's justice. The law is blind, and the long arm of the law bends towards a just resolution."
When I had first said those words, I had no clue of the adventures ahead of me. And the decisions that I made during the next stage of my journey would determine my chances of success in this new city. And little did I know it at the time, but my actions in the next week would have a profound affect on the future of Equestria.
I stepped into Zephyr Heights for the first time, and I was blown away as I made my way along the streets and thoroughfares of that fine city. White marble, steel, and golden and bronze plate stretched as high into the sky as you can imagine. The sun shone and gleamed on the terrain, keeping it bright and glorious. It was as if Faust herself was smiling on the city.
Wait, what did I say?
I continued to look about, soaking up the hustle and bustle around me. Ponies headed back and forth with heavy loads of shopping. Small electric trucks rumbled around moving goods about. Sky transports flew overhead, moving ponies about the city. The loud horns from below indicated some form of rail network, or a tramway at the very least. Above it all, a twin engines aircraft lifted off over the city, the twin turbofans roaring as it climbed into the sky.
It seemed the pegasi had found all sorts of clever ways around their inability to fly. I gotta hand it to them, they seemed pretty ingenious. I continued to wander the streets of the city, looking for more clues as to how to find my charges.
I sat below a large fountain of several pegasi, and below the statue sat two signs, proclaiming this was where Zephyrina Storm and Pipp Petals got their cutie marks. I had no idea why that was an achievement worth noting. Probably put up to appeal to the Queen's enormous narcissism.
Now then, you're probably asking 'Hitch, why didn't you just go direct to the prison and break open the doors?' Well, there's a very simple reason for that. Two reasons, actually. The first was that I had no idea where they were being held. Zephyr Heights probably had multiple jails (most cities do), and I had no way of knowing which one they were in. And the second reason was that the jails probably had heavy security surrounding them (any city worth its salt has an effective police force), so just one pony trying to get them out was a crazy idea.
But I knew when I would encounter them. As I walked past a stand covered in sunglasses endorsed by this Pipp Petals pony, I formulated my grand plan. The news report yesterday had said the Party in the Palace was next week, and if things were proceeding as they were in the movie I'd encounter them there. The only thing I would need to do is pretend to be a pegasus for a week.
No big deal. I can cosplay as another species for a week. Another species from another species from the one I was born at. This entire scenario was positively Kafkaesque in its absurdity.
So I spent an entire week undercover as a pegasus in this city, making sure to learn local customs, history, and modes of behaviour typical to the region. Shopping was not on the cards, but luckily I'm resourceful. I quickly figured out how to get ready meals out of machines and also borrowed a microwave that somepony had thrown out to cook them in.
I was, overall, pretty confident my plan would work. And so, that fateful evening, I made my way to the palace. My mission was set. My duty was clear. Justice would be served.
The night of the big event had finally arrived, and at last I could complete my mission and bring Sunny home safe. You might be wondering how I survived on my own without any apparent lodging, but that one's easy to explain. You see, I'm pretty used to sleeping rough, and as such had made a back alley my home, along with taking a temporary position at a food delivery firm (think DeliverHooves that we have in Earth Pony land) that paid in cash (meaning I didn't have to go through with the whole ordeal of giving financial details). It also paid daily, which made buying food quite easy. They must have pretty poor employment checks or be quite desperate if they were willing to take me on without doing any analysis on who I claimed to be.
But anyway, enough talking about that from me. I hardly imagine you want me to point out every single oddity or rule breach or else we'd be here all day. The event was finally here, and I knew sneaking in would be an option- I'd had to do a delivery of McWing's earlier on to the Princess. Or one of the princesses. I don't know which one as the order didn't say. Though to be honest I don't really see Pipp as a chicken pony. That's probably more Zipp's thing.
Anyway, I made my way into the palace, and was soon clambering up some steps into the main chamber. The place was pretty incredible. The walls were painted white and seemed to shine with their own energy. The walls were also lined in gold, with surfaces polished so finely you could inspect your appearance in them. I took the opportunity to check my moustache and wings were set correctly before moving on.
I could hear cheering from the main room, suggesting I was a fairly late arrival. I suspected my watch was a bit slow, based on the palace clocks I'd seen, but this was a perfect opportunity to sneak backstage and find Sunny, in the place I suspected she would be.
I stopped behind a pillar when I saw a guard standing there, talking on his phone. "Hey honey. Sorry I'm running a bit late, but I had to fill in for a colleague at the palace. I'll try to be home as soon as I can."
Whilst he had been talking, I noticed a door opening and closing behind him. That was very odd. Almost as if they were trying to escape from somewhere without being spotted. Very odd indeed. When the guard was distracted I snuck past him and to the next door along, before patiently waiting for the door to open. If I had predicted the path at all accurately (which I often do), whomever was moving from door to door would be there next. And hopefully I'd be able to intercept them.
I stopped in front of the door, and watched as it opened. Standing on the other side was a pony who, before that point, I had only seen from the other side of a screen.
Sunny Starscout's eyes widened in surprise as she saw me standing there, the purple irises betraying a moment of shock. "Oh no..."
Really? All this time apart and that's the first thing she thinks to say? Give me a break. I spoke as authoritatively as I could whilst glaring at her. "Sunny Starscout, Izzy Moonbow, you are under arre-"
I hadn't finished my sentence before Sunny closed the door again. Talk about rude. I waited a moment before opening the door again and charging in.
The limited light made seeing where I was going difficult, but I saw an orange mare and a purple unicorn running off into the crowd. "You two stop right there!"
Suddenly, my eyes were drawn towards a nearby set of lights, and I followed them in the hope they would give me a clue as to the features of the room. I continued to look about, hunting for clues.
Suddenly, a figure flew through the scene, a pink mare with white fluffy wings and a singing voice to rival an angel. She briefly looked my way and winked, almost as if she had acknowledged me.
I was utterly enthralled. I'd seen a lot of stunning stuff in my time, including here, but I thought it then and there. She was, put simply, the most beautiful mare I'd ever seen. I still get goosebumps just thinking about that moment. Not sure what the original Hitch would have thought about finding a pegasus attractive, but who said I had to play by his story, huh?
I shook my head, as I had a job to do. I set off into the crowd, following Sunny as she was the priority target. Despite my superior training and excellent muscles, she was giving me quite the workout. Not that I minded. It'd only make putting her in hoofcuffs more satisfying.
I rolled through the party, avoiding all sorts of ponies and trying to keep my disguise intact. I then spotted Sunny sliding under a table. No doubt to try and throw me off the scent. Well, two can play at that game, Sunny. I dropped down and slid underneath it myself to reach her, but suddenly a gaggle of pegasi stopped right where I was going. I had to stop and wait. "Oh come on!"
Once they had cleared, Sunny was nowhere to be seen. She'd given me the slip! I continued to move slowly, briefly spotting Izzy and Zipp interacting, before suddenly spotting Cloudpuff. He seemed oddly docile upon seeing me, given his hostility at this point in the film, so I used that to my advantage when I spotted Sunny and gave chase.
She then spotted me. "Oh shit, here he comes! RUN!" She then ran off with Izzy in tow.
Wait a moment. Did Sunny just... swear?
I know mild curse words like 'crap' are allowed in PG rated films, but I'm pretty certain 'shit' will get you an automatic PG-13 or 12A. Unfortunately, they had vanished into the darkness before I had a chance to ponder this properly, so I was surprised when I was stopped in front of Cloudpuff again. "Uh... hey there, little guy!"
Cloudpuff looked up at me, and switched from attack mode to being quite friendly, with the closest approximation to a smile on his face a dog can probably muster. That was, at least, reassuring. I'd had enough encounters with aggressive dogs in my life to not want to face it here.
Suddenly, the sound system above me began playing up, and the lights began to flicker faster than a Pink Floyd Concert. Pink Floyd were a rock band known for heavy use of psychedelic lighting in their concerts. It was all very reminiscent of the Filli Vanilli scandal, which was not a thing I thought I would ever say.
I hadn't had much time to process what was going on when the lights moved from the air and down to me! I had no clue why that had happened, but I couldn't just stand there and look awkward. Sometimes, you have to try your best and simply muddle through. And that is exactly what I did.
"Uhhh... Throwin' up, find a glove/ Fly around, up above/ Doin' stuff that I love/ You're like, "Why?", I'm like, "What?"
I'll be the first to admit my freestyling isn't great. But I had to stick something in the gap or else it would have been very awkwardly silent. Lots and lots of very, very confused pegasi were looking right at me, and for some reason a TV camera had stopped in front of me as well, so I simply kept going with my awful improvised rap.
"Crisp and dry, eat some mud/ Glowing up, lovey-dove..."
I briefly heard Pipp speaking from nearby. "What is happening?"
Then suddenly, everything turned into utter chaos. The sound system played up again and Pipp was being hauled around the room at high speed, like some sort of thrill ride gone hideously wrong. I tried to use this as a chance to exit, but then spotted Sunny and Izzy trying to leave! Oh no you don't.
"Stop right there!" I bellowed, just as Pipp went flying past behind me and pulled my wings off. The cardboard bounced along the floor and ground to a stop.
"He's an Earth Pony!" said a crowd member. "How did he get in here?"
Gee, took you guys a long time to work it out. Guess my disguise was quite good. But what happened next provided me with a perfect cover. Soldiers began to flood into the room, and I took the distraction they were creating as a perfect moment to get moving.
I dashed for the exit Sunny and Izzy had used, keen to get those two back to Maretime Bay as quickly as possible. If all things went well, my mission was almost over, and easy times would be mine again.
I charged through the streets of this alien city, trying once more to get my bearings. Look, I know I said I had lived here for a week, moonlighting as a pegasus. But that was a smaller bit of the city, trying to stay undercover as best I could. I had only learned the street layouts that led the way I had come. After all, I had no reason to think I'd be going the other way. Get in, arrest Sunny, drag her back to Maretime Bay (kicking and screaming if I had to), life goes back to normal, or as normal as it could be considering the crazy train my life has turned into.
I stopped when I heard voices coming from round a nearby bend, and looked around it to try and establish what was going on there.
I recognised the two of them pretty quickly. Sunny and Izzy. Partners in crime. No doubt celebrating their succesful theft. Well, not on my books. I may not have had jurisdiction in Zephyr Heights, and Izzy may have been a citizen of another country, but this was for both their own goods.
I saw my chance to strike when Izzy spoke up again. "I think we lost them!" she said, clearly thinking she was in the clear.
I then stepped out of the gloom and looked at both of them, quickly shooting Sunny a glare before switching my attention back to both of them. "No you didn't."
Sunny looked legitimately baffled. "Hitch? What are you doing here?"
"Taking you back to Maretime Bay," I replied. "You'd best come quietly too, Izzy." If they attempted to protest that they hadn't done anything, I could always use the litany of broken rules alluded to by the film as a reasonable excuse for an arrest. I'd left the warrant back at the station, but I could show it to them when we got back to Maretime Bay. Sometimes being a cop is so handy, you know?
Izzy then spoke up. "What happens if I come loudly?"
What? What was that supposed to mean? I coughed, before addressing her directly. She was really starting to get on my nerves with how bouncy and upbeat she was being. "You know what I mean. We're stuck in the middle of a city which seems to be at war and actively hates us. We're in a right mess."
The enormity of those words sat in my mind for a moment. It was a sitatuation I had never been in before, and had sincerely hoped I would never be in, and yet here I was, stuck in that very situation, alongside others whose only common attribute to me was that they were in the same boat as well. Boy was this turning out to be a weird day.
Sunny spoke to me, looking desperate. "Please, you have to let us go. What we have is vitally important to the future of the world!"
Before I could say anything else, there was a loud crash from a nearby dumpster. I looked over, expecting to see a security guard, but instead my jaw dropped when I saw who it was.
It was a blue unicorn with green and blue in her mane and tail, done up rather like dreadlocks. "I've... got... the... crown!" she panted, clearly out of breath.
We're still in the movie, right? That means before Make your Mark released.
So what in the world was Misty doing here?
"Where's Zipp?" Izzy asked, temporarily shaking me out of my thoughts. It was only then I noticed that Zipp wasn't there. Wasn't she supposed to be passive aggressive with me and then deliver a sarcastic quip? If she's not here, how's that supposed to work?
"She stayed back to stop the guards from capturing me," Misty replied. "The army's hunting the princesses."
Just then, Pipp arrived, just as she did in the film, and hoo boy did she look a mess. She also had a crystal. But didn't Misty just say she had the crystal, or the crown with the crystal in it?
This day was beginning to give me a headache.
They argued for a bit before a broadcast suddenly came on Pipp's phone, from a shadowy looking guy.
OK. Looks like I somehow ended up in a much darker version of the G5 universe than I'd thought possible. The coup in the film had just resulted in the Queen being put in a prison cell and the authorities eventually reinstating her, not this Stalin lookalike taking office and effectively creating a military dictatorship!
I was now even more confused than I had thought possible, which may explain why I was suddenly shaken out of my thoughts when I heard Pipp speak again. "We have to go back! We can't just leave mom and Zipp with those pigs! Who knows what they'll do to them!"
"We can't!" Sunny suddenly said. Wait, I'm sorry, who put you in charge, Sunny?
"And why is that?" Pipp asked, looking like she wanted to throttle Sunny then and there. I didn't really blame her, to be honest. Whilst obvious killing somebody else is illegal, apart from under certain circumstances, Sunny had truly made a mess of everything that was going on here.
"We can bring back magic, but we need the crystal." Sunny was being weirdly calm for the circumstances. Something else was clearly going on. It was almost as if she had knowledge she logically shouldn't have. "We get magic back, we save your folks. Deal?"
Misty then spoke. "Uh, guys? Soldiers over there! We can't go back!"
I looked over to see growing numbers of lights and ponies building up in the street. Right, that defeats my plan to just head back to Maretime Bay and get this over with.
Pipp seemed annoyed, but otherwise acknowledged the situation. "Fine! I know a way out. Follow me."
As we set off, I sighed and followed the others. Seemed that, against my will, I was stuck on the crazy train with a one way ticket to complete and utter havoc.
I hate my life sometimes.
As we continued to trek across the terrain, I was unhappy. I was being dragged along against my will through this crazy land by two crazy ponies who seemingly had no concept of asking others what they wanted.
I trotted along near the back, trying to ensure the others were keeping up. Misty was in front of me, and Pipp had dropped back to walk in line with me. She seemed annoyed.
No, that's not doing it justice. She looked to be absolutely furious, and was resisting the urge to go on a murderous rampage (though I thoroughly doubted she'd get very far- she didn't look all that muscular).
"Nice to see somepony else is annoyed," she said, the first thing she had said the whole day.
I glanced over. "What the buck are we even doing here?" I asked, rhetorically more than anything else. "Maretime Bay was all we needed. Now here we are roaming across fields and up and down mountains, with absolutely no clue where we're going, all whilst a madpony is plotting to blow up the world and we're looking for a crystal that probably doesn't even exist!" Of course, I knew it did exist, but I couldn't admit that to Pipp. She'd think I was also crazy, and she'd clearly been through enough for one day.
She looked over at me. "It was meant to be the best show of my career," she grumbled. "Now the world's gone to Tatarus, and it's all because of those three idiots. I intend to give them a piece of mind, and hopefully they'll have the appetite for it."
I watched the scene unfold. OK, I did not expect 'piece of my mind' to result in Pipp smacking Misty. I didn't see all too much of Sunny and Izzy treating Misty, but boy did that look painful. If Pipp's hooves are indeed fitted with metal shoes, that would make quite the mess.
I hung back as Izzy bounced back in my direction. "Not a happy camper, are we?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?" I replied.
Izzy failed to spot my sarcasm. "Well, we're in an exciting new place, and look there! Some stuff from G4!" She then bounded away just as suddenly as she'd arrived.
What did she just say?
How would Izzy even know what G4 is? Only Sunny knows that the previous Generation of the show even existed, thousands of years ago!
Either this was just some writer above in the clouds inserting fourth wall humour for some unseen audience, or maybe it was something more?
Perhaps I wasn't alone in this world. What if there were other human turned ponies around I hadn't met yet?
This was all getting too bizarre for words. Izzy having knowledge she shouldn't, Misty being around, nopony following the script and randomly goofing off...
That night, I had stayed outdoors instead of going in my tent, and had taken the opportunity to speak to Pipp about how she had acted earlier. I did understand her frustration given the chaos that seemed to be erupting across the country, and the fact her life had been utterly messed up by whatever had happened in the throne room (I still wasn't entirely up to speed on how that plan of there's had been working), it still didn't justify violence. Especially given none of this was Misty's fault, and instead I suspected was a consequence of something else that was going on behind the scenes.
But still, I had to investigate. I left the campfire and stopped. There was a sound coming from the blue tent!
I walked over and stopped to listen. There was distinct sobbing audible in the tent. Whomever was in it was clearly in distress over something, and I had to help them. I was about to knock, but then realised that knocking on canvas probably wasn't going to work. At best it would move some fabric around and at worst it would knock the tent over.
So I stood by the side and waited for a moment for the sobbing to slow a bit. Then I spoke. "Misty? Are you OK?"
"Go away," Misty replied. She sounded really torn up over something.
So I tried again. "You're not going to help yourself by shutting yourself off. I know how you feel."
There was a brief moment of silence, and then the tent was opened. Moments later, Misty wriggled her way out of the space in front and stood up. She looked a mess, and not in a good way. Her mane was all over the place, and her muzzle was wet- wet and stained from her tears. Some were still leaking out of her eyes, and as a consequence of her emotional state her eyes were red and quite puffy.
They weren't the only thing that was puffy. Her cheek (the one which Pipp had hit) was still red and inflamed, even after the application of numerous ice packs to try and remove the worst of the swelling.
I looked into her eyes. "Misty, I want to help," I said. I mean, what sort of monster wouldn't want to help somepony in their moment of distress?
Misty looked at me, seemingly baffled by this statement. "How could you possibly understand me?" she asked. Oh, you have no idea.
I suspected she wasn't from here either given that Misty was only introduced after the events of the movie, and yet here she was regardless. It was time for a change of pace, time to try a risky strategy, if you will. If this didn't work, it'd be the loony bin for me.
So I spoke the four words that threatened to turn her world upside down.
"I'm not from here."
Misty blinked, and stared in surprise, and then countered with a question of her own that answered all of my own questions. "You mean, as in, 'human'?"
I nodded, getting the point across. Her reply implied she was a human too. "Yes. And I can tell from your face that you aren't either, considering your speech patterns and other points you're making. And seeing as I heard you crying, it only seems you're hurting."
As we walked over to the fire, I continued talking to her, passing her a hot drink that would help her with the cold of the night wind that howled over the hills. "I asked Sunny if I could borrow some of her hot drinks, and she agreed. We're worried about you, Misty. I heard what Pipp did- I had a word with her about it, and she's here."
Upon hearing her name, Pipp glanced up. Her facial expression indicated guilt- I'm not surprised to be honest, as in moments of anger we often do or say things we later regret. She then spoke to Misty. "Misty, I apologise for what I did. Yes, I was frustrated, but it doesn't justify taking my anger out on you. I really am sorry."
Now for the moment of truth. Would Misty forgive her, or lose her temper, or do something possibly worse?
The three words she said put all my fears to rest. "I forgive you." Good on you, Misty!
Now that all had made up with one another, we sat around the campfire, our faces illuminated by the gentle flames and the ambient noise amplified by the crackling of the fire. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to say something profound, and so I did.
I placed my foreleg around Misty's shoulder and began to speak. "At the end of the day, we're all outcasts in a way. We are here, stuck in a world not meant to house us, never designed for our needs and hopes and desires. And yet, here we are. We have each other as a support group to survive in the harshest of times. When empires fall, we're still there. When horrendous regimes mistreat their own people, we're still here. When the darkness is thick and it seems the sun will never rise, we're still here. The simple fact is that we've always been here. And we will always be here, as long as the world exists."
Maybe I should have majored in philosophy instead. Or were my own personality and Hitch's starting to blur together? Maybe. I could puzzle it all out tomorrow.
I'm sorry to say the next day didn't go as well as I'd hoped it would.
I had decided to temporarily take over navigation as Sunny seemed to be leading us round in circles. It probably didn't help we didn't have a map. And therefore had no idea where we were going. Having said that, the map I'd used to navigate to Zephyr Heights had been about as much use as a chocolate teapot, Clearly cartography is a skill they need to teach more in this world.
I tried leading them through another route- but this didn't work out as we simply ended up back where we started. Yeah, maybe it's best we let Sunny and Izzy navigate, as they seem to know what is where around here. Considering Izzy is from Bridlewood, it makes sense to let her lead us there.
That evening brought all sorts of crazy revelations. Trying to squeeze all of us round a single campfire in the rocky outcrop proved to be more than a little challenging, so I attempted to build a separate fire and light it. Emphasis on 'attempted'.
"Come on, Hitch! Sit with us!" Misty called to me.
"Alright," I said. I came and sat down next to the fire, and looked at them. "At least knowing that there are other people in my situation makes things a little easier on me. Possibly not on you guys, but it's comforting to know I'm not alone." I'd admitted to not being originally a pony earlier in the walk, just in case that remark didn't make a lot of sense.
I'd already had my suspicions about Izzy from yesterday, but her talking about being comfortable in her own skin and how being Izzy was the best thing that had happened to her confirmed to me that she was also from my old world. That just left one major questions.
Was Sunny from there as well?
Suddenly, Izzy spoke up again. "How can we when so much has gone wrong? How is there any hope left?"
Sunny glanced up, and began to speak again. "I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. Do you remember the old stories?"
Izzy perked up, and her eyes widened as if in recognition. "Which ones?"
Sunny then began to speak once more, her voice taking on a familiar rhythm. "The old stories we used to be told as kids, or foals I guess. The nes that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened?" Sunny paused, presumably to give us a chance to digest the meaning in the words. "But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Izzy, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something."
"What was that?" Izzy asked.
"That there’s some good in this world, Izzy… and it’s worth fighting for.”
I knew that quote very well. That's from Lord of the Rings, which doesn't exist in this world (the equivalent series around here is the Chronicles of Chevalia, which is an amusing pun as Cheval is Prench for horse). I looked over. "Did you just quote Lord of the Rings?"
The next morning arrived, and we were busy working on the plan for the next stage of our journey. Having said that, we did have breakfast first, and I have to admit (as somepony who doesn't consider themselves a particular camping type) I was coping with roughing it a little better than I thought I would. But what a crazy adventure this was turning out to be. Trips through old mines and collapsed tunnels, structures with no purpose, dodging guards at a party, and now wandering across old terrain looking for a bunch of crystals.
Sure puts that car crash back in Virginia into perspective, doesn't it? My life was certainly going off in all sorts of weird directions as it rolled along.
But anyway, I soon learned why Sunny had done this- she and Pipp had a bit of an argument the previous day, though that might be a somewhat innacurate description as from what I heard it mostly consisted of Pipp yelling in Sunny's face. To make up for the trouble she had caused, Sunny had decided to make her favourite weekend breakfast- pancakes, butter, and maple syrup from Outingdale's (apparently Outingdale's was a restaurant- I wasn't in Zephyr Heights for long enough to properly establish where everything was, and the sort of temp job I was working meant that high end establishments were out of the question for food). Question is, how had Sunny gotten the syrup in the first place? Had Zipp popped out and bought it for her? An Earth Pony wandering around in the streets of Zephyr Heights would have caused panic if nothing else.
Anyway, we were all pretty full after that was said and done (and eaten), and sure enough our attention was quickly turned to the map, which had quickly appeared on a table which had appeared from nowhere. How is Izzy able to produce things from nowhere? I really have to ask her how she does it.
Anyway, we were soon looking at the map. Safe to say it was a lot more detailed than the vague map I'd been using earlier, so I have no idea where Sunny got it from. Are pegasi better cartographers than Earth Ponies? I guess it makes sense, given planes and all that.
Anyway anyway, we were looking at the map, and it seemed there were two major routes we could take to get to Bridlewood. One cut through a gorge, and the other was rather different. So I outlined this to the others. "The map gives us two options. One route takes us through Ghastly Gorge whilst another takes us over the mountains. Based on the scale of this map, the route over the mountains and into the next valley is shorter."
Sunny, however, had other ideas. "The Ghastly Gorge route is considerably better layed out, and has fewer changes of altitude."
Based on what we saw with that broadcast earlier in Zephyr Heights, time was of the essence. We didn't have time to waste dawdling through canyons and over mountain ranges, we had to get to Bridlewood, and fast. For all we knew the pegasi had already sent planes to bomb the area to smithereens, and if Sunny really did want that crystal she needed to hurry up.
I made this point clear in what I said next. "But my route is faster because the journey is shorter. Frankly, we've wasted enough time already, and we need to speed up."
What Pipp said next surprised me. "I second that. I haven't had a shower in a while, and need a wash. I'm probably starting to smell." Well, you rather than me, princess. You know, because she's a literal princess, and I'm not using the word sarcastically to describe a mare who seems to think they're above others.
You know what, never mind. This explanation isn't working.
Neither of us could agree on a route, and we decided to split up as a result. Sunny and Izzy headed off towards Ghastly Gorge whilst myself and Pipp descended into the next valley via a mountain range. Misty had mysteriously vanished (no pun intended), and that meant none of us had any clue where she was. She had appeared as suddenly as she had vanished.
Which is to say, very suddenly.
Anyway, we continued to press on over the mountains. Even in my shape, I was feeling a little woozy thanks to the altitude, and was glad when we began our descent into the next valley.
It was what came next that surprised me, though. And trust me, it was in no way pretty.
It began with us entering a forest, the first I had been in for a long time. Were we in Bridlewood already? If so, that was quicker than I thought it was going to be.
I soon realised I was wrong, though. For one, we hadn't seen any of the KEEP OUT signs that festooned the exterior of Bridlewood forest itself, and the sky was less forboding that it seemed to be over Bridlewood. There would also have been some noise as well to keep my ears focused on.
That wasn't what was attracting my attention, though. It wasn't noise.
It was the complete lack of it.
No splashing of water. No rustling of trees. No birdsong. Not even twigs and branches being trampled underfoot by hooves. There was no sound whatsoever, apart from myself and Pipp's hooves and our breathing.
Pipp suddenly spoke, which made me jump. "Hitch, this place is creepy. And not the good kind of creepy."
This... baffled me, to say the least. "Is there a good kind of creepy?"
Yes!" she said. "The type with fun scares, not the overwhelming sense of dread and with no clue as to what happened here!" Oh. I'd forgotten she was into spooky stuff.
Before I could interject, the geiger counter I had picked up at the mine suddenly went off, producing the familiar crackling noise anypony who knows anything about nuclear investigations would know. I raised my hoof to stop us, and then looked at the display on the device.
The reading wasn't promising, to be honest. "This is bad."
"What's happening?" Pipp asked. Presumably she had a lack of familiarity with nuclear stuff.
"Radiation reading," I replied. "It's coming back as 7mSv."
"What's that?" Pipp asked. Yeah, it might be a good idea if I stopped talking in jargon for a moment.
"Millisieverts," I answered. It wasn't a great reading, but it also wasn't terrible. Nontheless, I was taking no chances, and pulled two of the radiation suits I'd borrowed from the mine out of a bag. "Put this on. No arguing."
Pipp nodded, and within a few moments we were fully fitted into radiation suits and gas masks. Conversation was by two way radio, and we each had an air tank so we could draw on that if needed.
Pipp was a bit surprised as to how I had this sort of kit on me. There wasn't enough time to explain, so I quickly mentioned the gear would help to filter out the radioactive particles. At worst we'd get a level equal to a chest X-Ray.
So we continued on our way, deeper into the forest. We passed the ruins of an old checkpoint, presumably manned a long time ago but long since fallen into disrepair. The sign warned us to keep out. On reflection this might not have been the best of routes to take, but there wasn't much of a choice given we had now committed to this route. Turning back and going the other way would have wasted even more time. Besides, the gear would keep us safe.
"Something tells me we're not supposed to go in," Pipp said suddenly, the first words exchanged between us in quite a while. Truth be told, I was getting the same sense as well, but it was a bit late to be turning back now.
"If we turn back now we'll have wasted a whole day," I replied. I was scared too, but sometimes we have to be brave to set a good example to others. "We need to keep going. Use the geiger counter I gave you and avoid the spots with high levels. We should be safe."
We proceeded deeper into the area, moving round the fallen signs and into another dark area. The pathway seemed to be climbing through a sea of dead trees and warped landscapes, seemingly reshaped by something otherworldly. Which seems like an odd observation for me to be making considering where I was originally from, but sometimes you do have to roll with the punches and get through things as best you can.
At last the hill came to an end, and I looked down upon an empty valley, still with no sound. Not even birdsong.
Seemingly as if the birds know to stay away.
"How can we be here?" Pipp suddenly asked.
I looked over. "Where?"
It was then I saw it, deep within the mists. A place I hoped had remained on the other side of the dimensions.
The structure down below was a large, long, concrete building, which seemed to stretch away from us for a great distance and then some. The structure itself was also sitting there, as if long since abandoned. Chunks of stuff were sitting all around it, as if they had been thrown about into the air like a child throws toys out of a pram.
Part of it also seemed to have masses of concrete slabs sitting over a portion of the structure, almost as if the place had been covered up for some reason.
As for why the place looked familiar to me, well... there's a place back in my old world where a nasty accident happened, and something very dangerous was released into the air. As a result, the building was covered over and the entire area evacuated to protect civilians. Nobody can live there anymore, and it's set to stay that way for thousands of years.
And that building down below closely resembled it in more ways than one.
Pipp suddenly spoke again, which was enough to shake me out of my thoughts. "Does that building not look familiar to you?"
Of course it looked familiar to me. I'd seen enough pictures of the building it reminded me of to fully understand what I was seeing. "I guess to a degree it does. But how can the Chernobyl nuclear plant be here in Equestria?"
Did they even have nuclear energy in Equestria? That was an interesting thought I will admit, but to actually consider whether it was a possibility is part of the puzzle of figuring out this place. This Equestria was similar to one I knew from the film and yet so different in other ways. Was this a parallel G5 where things went a bit different? Or was this always lurking in the background, waiting for the other characters to find it? Or rather, the people writing the show to reveal it to the viewers?
So far, this whole journey was giving me quite a serious existencial crisis. But I knew we had to keep pushing on. I had said earlier that we couldn't afford to constantly keep stopping, so I knew then and there we had to keep going no matter what. This land may be dark, but if we could bring a bit of light into the lives of those who lived here it would be worth the price it may cost us on the ground.
Pipp then spoke up again, and what she said was pretty wise. "Come on, Hitch. We need to stay focused and continue through here. We started, so we might as well finish." Not bad for an airhead, huh? Or, at least at the time I thought she was something of a vapid pony considering the tantrum she threw over her phone running out of battery.
I nodded. "Agreed. I'm guessing we'll be walking through pony Pripyat next."
So, we began our journey down the slope and towards this strange town. It was completely abandoned, as stated earlier, but the area still had this odd, lived in quality to it. The landscape was a mess, and the pathway down was filled with graveyards on the side of the road. These graves had clearly been filled a long time ago, occupied by bodies long since deceased and no longer able to tell their stories.
The fact there were so many of them was quite unsettling. What had happened here to produce such a high death toll?
After some more walking, we stopped at the bottom of the hill and came to a large sign. It, too, was also old and weather beaten with age, but unlike the earlier one was remarkably intact, and still perfectly legible as well.
WELCOME TO GOLDEN HILLS
HOME OF THE UFUR EXPERIMENTAL ENERGY PROGRAM
TO A BETTER FUTURE FOR ALL UNICORNS.
I shrugged my shoulders. "Sure seems that didn't end well for them," I said. "Come on. There's a street this way."
As we made our way deeper into the town, I still could not shake off the suspicion that, somehow, we were being watched despite their being nopony there. We were surrounded by crumbling buildings, some of which had trees and plants growing in them, precisely as they should not have been.
Eventually, we reached some sort of memorial in front of the large building we had seen.
THIS MEMORIAL STANDS TO THE HEROES OF GOLDEN VALLEY, WHO CONTAINED THE AFTERMATH OF THE MAYONNAISE BLAST OF 986.
THEIR NAMES LIVE FOREVER IN THE PAGES OF HISTORY.
Pipp glanced to me. "So this is why unicorns fear the word mayonnaise! It was the cause of a disaster!"
"That was not what I was expecting," I said. "Based on something Izzy said unicorns find mayo toxic, so there's probably a double meaning there." I glanced about, and then suddenly saw a pathway climbing out of the valley. That was probably the right way to go. "There's a path going that way."
Pipp didn't seem convinced, but the longer we stayed down here the greater the chance something would find us, and we began to head away. Unfortunately, the pathway was leading us directly toward the reactor building, which I had not anticipated.
The pathway became more cracked under our hooves as plants had pushed through some of the concrete as they reached out for the sun, trying to live in this increasingly desolate world around us. The landscape was pretty stark in contrast to all the cheerfulness we had seen earlier.
But then the ground seemed to shake, and all was suddenly very dark. I vaguely recall Pipp speaking, and some dark shapes moving about, but beyond that I can't recall very much.
When I did regain consciousness, I noticed Pipp was calling over to me. "I'm OK, Pipp!" I said, and quickly trotted over to ensure she herself was OK. "I'm getting a reading of 3.6. Not great, not terrible."
Another cookie if you spot the reference, by the way.
"Are we inside the plant?" Pipp asked. It was only then I began to particularly notice we were in some sort of strange room, with machines on the walls and on consoles bolted to the floor.
Suddenly, a machine flickered into life, and an image appeared on the screen of some human. "Of course you are, you vapid airhead," he said. "A demon in disguise wouldn't know that, would they?"
Oh, great. It's that guy, the one the internet likes laughing at. He's one to be calling Pipp an airhead given his own memory is foggy enough.
Pipp was annoyed. Not that I blame her. "You take that back! I am not vapid! And I'm not an airhead!"
He then turned his attention to me. "Just keep telling yourself that, Rarity clone. The same goes to the diet Fluttershy over there."
"Hitch and Fluttershy actually don't have particularly similar personalities," I said. "Both can talk to animals, but one is a confident local leader whilst the other can be, well, shy." Really? Using these arguments still? I appreciate the commitment to recycling but give us something new to work with!
It was then we learned where we were. This place was a power plant that had suffered a critical leak from mayo exposure, and this had resulted in chaos for the ponies who lived here. No wonder the unicorns had cut it off.
But it was something else this guy said that caught my attention. "The other one keeps meddling in the world and constantly revives the characters, no matter how many of them I seem to kill. Hopefully this time I can permanently finish them off before they can replace them yet again."
What? This was weird. Was that the origin of the female voice who had spoken to me in the car crash all those days ago? Was this part of a greater purpose?
I didn't have much more chance to think about it before the feed shut off, and Pipp pulled me back to my senses as we tried to escape this decaying building.
Luckily, we did escape, and once we were well out of the contamination zone we removed the suits and got on our way. But I couldn't help but feel something had profoundly changed. Pipp seemed to have lost the hostility she had towards us. Seems life or death situations are really good bonding exercises.
When we linked up with the others, an even bigger surprise awaited me. The others were there, for sure, but so was Sprout, who was with Misty! I hadn't seen him since my journey had begun all the way back in Maretime Bay, so what was he doing here now?
These questions would have to wait. Until then, we had the challenge of figuring out where to go from here. The obvious point to start was Izzy's house, which was within the forest.
Well, whatever was inside that forest couldn't be worse than radiation alley, right? There was only one way to find out as we entered the place, seeking whatever was inside.
