Ponies of G4 and G5 unite in absolute mayhem and whatever nonsense the writer feels like creating that day.
What would happen if the ponies of G4 and G5 interacted? Without obvious flaws within the space-time continuum of course. Probably chaos, nonsense, and comedy.
This is just a collection of very short stories or events that happen with the large cast and crews of both generations. Do not expect long entries or for the physics of G5 being with G4 to be addressed, this is entirely for fun. Just enjoy some random events featuring our favorite little ponies.
Credit to Doodle-Mark for the cover.
1/4/2023, 4/9/2023, 9/18/2023, 11/23/2023, 4/21/2024: Featured box!
The First Chapter With Lots of Entries, Because I need 1,000 Words to Post
Twilight Sparkle was resting on her throne, reading the newspaper and drinking from a smoothie. One particular article caught her eye, as she turned to the pony next to her with a look of confusion.
“A berry attack?” She asked.
Sunny Starscout sipped on her own smoothie for a moment before answering. “That happens more often than you would think.”
~~~
Sunny continued looking around the castle throne room as she consumed her smoothie. “So, this is Canterlot at its prime?”
“After Chrysalis, Tirek, and Cozy Glow blew it up, and the Storm King before that? Yes, we’ve got things looking a lot better around here,” Twilight answered.
“Villains just come in and try to blow up the throne room often?” Sunny asked.
“Probably every other week.”
~~~
Queen Chrysalis slammed down the door to the throne room of Canterlot, horn glowing at the ready to blast her hated nemesis, Twilight Sparkle. “Prepare to be destroyed, Twilight Sparkle!” the vengeful queen shouted. “Your doom has arrived!”
Twilight, Sunny, and Spike all stared at her in a bit of confusion, with Spike sipping from some tea in quiet observation. Sunny swiftly perked up though. “That’s Queen Chrysalis?”
Twilight groaned. “Yeah, that’s her.”
“Isn’t she supposed to be stone, though?” Sunny asked in confusion.
“It’s a long story.”
Chrysalis roared in anger. “Enough! This time you will fall, and my revenge shall come at-” Chrysalis was swiftly cut off by a laser beam to the face from Twilight, who had gone back to reading her newspaper. The Changeling dropped unconscious on the floor as Spike sighed and hauled her out of the room.
Sunny watched in awe. “Is it really that easy?”
Twilight looked up from her paper. “After dealing with her for eight seasons and multiple comic book arcs, I’ve gotten plenty of experience.”
~~~
“We’re out of kettlecorn!” Rainbow screamed in despair as she exited the castle’s kitchen and entered the dining area.
“Misty did it,” Discord said nonchalantly.
“But I just got here!” Dash whined. Discord merely pointed to a table over, where Misty was eagerly consuming the last pieces of kettlecorn in a happy frenzy of deliciousness. “How does she go through it so fast?”
“I don’t know,” Discord said. “But in her time, it’s a rule that if you want to eat any of it, you have to beat Misty to the bowl.”
~~~
“You’re out of chips, Applejack,” Discord said as he took the last of her chips away.
“But ah just got started!”
“And you already lost,” Discord countered. “Now shoo, the big ponies are playing.”
Applejack grumbled and left the table as the others continued their poker game. “The Element of Honesty really just should not play poker,” Rarity said.
“You mean she wasn’t trying to lose on purpose?” Izzy looked up in surprise.
~~~
“For the last time, Tirek, do you call or fold?” Discord growled. Rarity and Izzy had already folded.
“I call,” Tirek snarled, slamming down four 7s and a joker.
Discord countered by calmly placing a royal flush onto the table and swiping all of Tirek’s chips with a chuckle. Tirek let out a growl, only to be shushed by Rarity. “Do calm down Tirek, it’s not like we’re playing for money.”
“If I still had my powers, I would blast you all to ash right now!” the centaur lord bellowed.
“Well you don’t, you’re chained to the table anyway because none of us trust you, and you’re out of chips. Goodnight,” Discord said.
Discord then blasted Tirek back to stone.
~~~
“Alright you two,” Rarity began, looking at both Discord and Izzy suspiciously. “Which one of you is responsible for that hat?”
Rarity pointed towards the newly transformed statue of Tirek still at the table, now with a pointed hat on top reading “DUNCE.”
“Don’t get mad at us,” Discord said. “He deserves it.”
“I can’t say I disagree, but I still want to know who did it.”
“Why?” Izzy asked with a look of confusion.
“So I can tell them to add a mustache,” Rarity said.
~~~
“So you can turn yourself on fire when you get mad?” Izzy asked in amazement.
“Yeah, it’s called turning into a Nirik. I try to keep calm about it though, because I obviously don’t need to burn down anything, especially when I’m giving lectures at Twilight’s school in Canterlot. So sometimes if I’m getting frustrated I go outside to the balcony at my classroom and look at the big sky for a minute and think about the world and ponies and culture and singing! Oh, lots of singing. You know, I like singing,” Autumn Blaze said.
Twilight and Spike watched from a distance as Izzy and Autumn Blaze proceeded to go on long tangents about everything from the economy to musical numbers to the jinxies to how many Kirin it would take to replace a lightbulb over the course of several hours.
Ultimately, Izzy and Autumn Blaze agreed that it would take 5 Kirin, plus 2 more to hold the ladder.
~~~
“And this is the Wonderbolts training facility,” Rainbow Dash said with a grin. Scootaloo looked about in awe despite this being a regular visit for her, while Zipp absorbed the sights with a smile.
“So this is where you all fly around doing loops and running into trash cans?” Zipp asked smugly.
“No, it is not,” Rainbow responded. “Where did Pipp and Glory go?”
Just then, Zipp felt a vibration and paused to check her phone. “It’s another image from Pipp.”
“What’s she doing now?” Scootaloo asked.
Rainbow Dash suddenly gasped and took the phone from Zipp. “They’re taking SELFIES with Spitfire!”
~~~
Rarity looked at the destruction. Chaos and devastation reigned supreme in the area. Peace and harmony were nothing but a fleeting memory as flame burst forth and consumed all that was good in Rarity’s world. Nothing but smoke and ash floated about Rarity, heralding the end of her peace and quiet.
Oh and Pipp taking a picture of the destruction as well, but that’s not important right now.
Amidst it all sat the source of the malicious happenings, in their pure evil. Rarity looked down at the evildoer with anger in her eyes, ready to strike down the vile creature who dared disturb her perfect order and harmony.
“You are banned from making breakfast,” Rarity said to Sweetie Belle.
~~~
“This is the worst game of Trivia Trot ever,” Applejack complained.
“Well you may say that, but I’ve been finding it rather entertaining,” Discord said. He was sitting in the audience section munching on popcorn. “Maybe if you miss another question on apples we’ll all laugh at you again!”
“Shut up Discord,” Applejack said.
“It would be better if they weren’t lucky enough to get paired together,” Zipp grumbled as Spike flipped yet another point onto an opposing team.
“Well, we’ll take them out in the next category, whatever it is!” Rainbow Dash confidently said as she slammed her hooves into the desk and earned a glare from Zipp.
“No you won’t!” Discord heckled from the audience.
“Shut up, Discord!” Rainbow yelled.
Granny Smith pulled out a slip of paper and checked the category. “History of Equestria!” she announced.
Mass groaning could be heard from the majority of the contestants, beaten out only by hysterical laughter from the audience watching and extreme cheering from one team. Pinkie Pie and Discord were both gasping for air from the laughter.
“Now we’re just giving them the Trot for free!” Applejack cried out.
“Of all the things,” Zipp muttered. “Why did we have to have the terrible luck of Twilight and Sunny being a team?”
Twilight and Sunny both squealed with delight. “Ooh!” Twilight squeaked out with glee. “We can talk about Starswirl the Bearded, and the founding of Equestria!”
“Or Clover the Clever, and maybe even Gusty the Great!” Sunny added. The two were practically bouncing as they started listing off topics to each other. By now, both Discord and Pipp were filming the Trot as the audience continued to cackle loudly at the despair of the other players.
“We’re doomed,” Rainbow Dash said as she slowly fluttered down to the table in defeat.
~~~
Twilight Sparkle and Sunny Starscout proudly exited Hayburger holding their trophies. They had absolutely walloped their competition, scoring a destructive 84 points, while in contrast second place of Maud and Mudbriar only brought in 22. The other teams failed to even top 10 points.
“That was so fun!” Sunny exclaimed. “Thank you so much for introducing it to me, I’ve got to bring this to Maretime Bay!”
“No problem!” Twilight said. “It was great that we got paired together. Usually Pinkie is my go-to teammate ideally, but she wanted a break today so it worked out perfectly!”
Pipp and Discord were also pleased with their hauls, having successfully recorded the events in full and safely gotten their data in the can. “This is going to get SO MANY hooftaps,” Pipp said as she uploaded it to YouHoof. Discord meanwhile was converting his to DVD.
“This was the most fun I’ve had since the poker game,” Discord chuckled as he generated another disk.
The door to the bank burst open as Pinkie Pie came out cartwheeling down the stairs with 17 sacks of cash and armed with a joy buzzer. Autumn Blaze and Izzy were also there, armed with, you guessed it, more joy buzzers.
The break in came surprisingly easy, as Izzy instantly picked the lock to the bank’s front door. Apparently she just knew how to make keys from scratch, a frightening skill to have on hoof.
After that Autumn Blaze melted the vault door open. What it lacked in grace and poise was made up for in efficiency.
~~~
Twilight Sparkle and 15 royal guards surrounded the trio of bandits as the princess gave her orders. “Stand down Pinkie Pie!” she shouted. “We have you surrounded!”
“NEVER!” Pinkie responded, instantly taking out a guard with a joy buzzer. He collapsed on the spot, despite the fact he was only hit with a very small number of volts.
After that, Twilight Sparkle was unable to deliver orders due to the trio’s incessant talking drowning out all noise in the area. As such, Twilight herself got nailed by a joy buzzer blow from Autumn Blaze and the trio escaped the blockade to raid a Hayburger.
~~~
Twilight flew after her targets in a grand pursuit, determined to not let her targets escape the long arm of the law. The laws she made, after all. She was the ruler of Equestria. But Pinkie Pie and her cohorts were fast, not to mention tricky. And to make things worse, they had the power of Hayburger on their side. However, Twilight countered by magically floating a massive steel bar in front of the trio to block their paths, which was conveniently sitting at a nearby construction site in Canterlot. Pleased with this change of events, Twilight quickly began to trap the three in place with a barricade made out of whatever she could find in the area, swiftly trapping the three in a dome of debris. Soon, they were entirely covered up for justice to prevail.
Autumn Blaze just instantly melted through it, and the trio escaped without difficulty while singing about the power of laughter.
~~~
“And… CUT!” Discord shouted from behind a camera. “Great take, everypony!”
Twilight Sparkle walked over to Discord as he removed the reels from his camera. “I thought this was supposed to be an adaptation of Robin Hoof,” she said.
“It is!” Discord instantly replied. “Just in a more modern setting and with 3 Robin Hoofs instead of one.”
“Robin Hoof didn’t light things on fire!”
“I’m sure he would have if he could,” Discord reasoned. “He wasn’t a Kirin. Speaking of, great work on that, Autumn!”
“Thanks boss!” Autumn Blaze could be heard from afar. She was a bit busy telling stories to some of the other filmmakers though, so she didn’t come over.
“You’re just mad because your character is the villain,” Discord said.
“No I’m not!” Twilight answered instantly. “It’s just that this whole film is nonsense! They’re using joy buzzers!”
“Look, if Pinkie Pie is playing Robin Hoof, or one of them anyway, do you really expect things to be normal?”
“You’re the director, I never expected this to be normal,” Twilight countered. “I just expect there to be some semblance of similarity to the source material.”
“But there is!” Discord protested.
“How?”
“They’re robbing the rich!” Discord answered like it was the most obvious thing ever.
“Then why did they also rob the Hayburger?” Twilight challenged.
The doors to the bowling alley opened up and in came Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, Seashell, Peach Fizz, Glory, and Princess Luna. After Luna hoofed over the required bits for 7 bowlers and greeted the cashier, (which wasn’t as bad as you would think, retirement didn’t put a stop to Luna’s enormous supply of bits) they all prepared for a round of bowling. Or total destruction, depending on who’s turn it was.
“Thank you for inviting us along,” Seashell said to the Crusaders and Luna, with nods and smiles from the other two Pippsqueaks.
“Anytime! This is gonna be fun,” Apple Bloom said.
“I do have one question,” Peach Fizz piped up.
“What seems to be the matter?” Luna asked.
“The cashier called you ‘Screeching Comet,’ what does that mean?” Peach Fizz asked.
Luna let out a short laugh. “That’s what they call me around here at the alley. The Crusaders and I frequently come here to play, and regulars have a tendency to get names or titles to refer to them here.”
“So why do they call you ‘Screeching Comet?’” Glory pondered.
“You’ll find out soon enough,” Luna said with a soft smile.
“Our names aren’t quite as flattering as Princess Luna’s,” Sweetie Belle admitted with a sheepish grin. “They call me ‘Gutter Belle.’”
“Ah’m ‘Bowler Bloom.’”
Scootaloo looked like she didn’t want to say hers in immense embarrassment.
“They call me several things,” she finally admitted.
“Like what?” Glory asked curiously.
“‘Wrecking Ball,’ ‘The Destroyer,’ and the most popular one is ‘The Grim Reaper.’”
The Pippsqueaks simply looked at each other in concern.
~~~
Soon enough, the game was going underway pretty well into the first frame. True to their titles, Sweetie Belle rolled a gutter ball and Scootaloo had nearly performed extreme property damage after she pretty much turned the bowling ball into a cannon ball.
Thankfully, Princess Luna managed to stop it before anything extreme could happen.
The other bowlers weren’t masters, but far less terrible. Peach Fizz, Seashell, and Apple Bloom all secured good scores, with Glory raking in a spare.
All eyes were on Princess Luna though when she gracefully placed a 20 pound bowling ball in front of the lane and lifted it magically. The Crusaders seemed pretty used to this by now and watched with a smile, while the Pippsqueaks watched in awe.
With a glow, the ball suddenly rocketed forward with a blue tail of energy trailing it, smashing into the pins and rather easily securing a strike. Turns out that when you magically control the stars in the sky every night, bowling is a pretty easy game.
Cheering instantly burst forth, as the Pippsqueaks, being new to this event in particular, broke forth into wild applause.
~~~
The rest of the game followed a similar pattern. Scootaloo nearly caused severe injury to a few ponies, were it not for the intervention of Luna each time she would have likely been banned from the alley again.
Sweetie Belle managed to get 10 pins knocked over by the end of the game.
Apple Bloom, Seashell, and Peach Fizz all scored pretty good games, and Glory broke 200 hundred points and recognition at the alley as “Glory the Great.”
Princess Luna rolled a perfect game for the 28th time in a row.
Lord Tirek had the attention of the other villains next to him at the local “Villain’s Camping Trip: Down With Twilight.” Apparently it was time for spooky stories.
“Cozy Glow crept through the corridor, ready to unleash untold devastation and doom upon all Equestria,” Tirek said, continuing his story.
“Why do I have to be the character in the spooky story?” Cozy asked, sounding a bit scared.
“Don’t question the decisions of the storyteller!” Tirek glared at the Pegasus child.
“Why not?”
Tirek facepalmed. “Just let me continue the story. Anyway, Cozy thought she heard a hoofstep behind her. She quickly checked to make sure it was alright, and nopony was there.”
The other villains breathed a sigh of relief, with King Sombra wiping some sweat off his face.
“So she moved forward, ready to destroy all of Equestria in a glorious fashion. Everything was coming together perfectly, just like she had planned. But then…”
“WHAT? DON’T YOU LEAVE US IN SUSPENSE, TIREK!” Chrysalis roared.
“But then she heard something again, another hoofstep. She checked again, and nopony was there. But then she turned… AND THE HEROES ATTACKED!”
Sombra, Cozy, and Chrysalis all screamed in absolute terror when Tirek revealed that Twilight Sparkle had set up a perfectly planned ambush on Cozy Glow in the story, complete with making her have to fill out an essay on friendship. Chrysalis came close to passing out. But Tirek continued.
“And then, just when it seemed her punishment was over, Twilight revealed she had one more surprise in store for Cozy. AND THEN PINKIE PIE CAME IN!”
The other villains screamed again, except this time, out of nowhere, Pinkie Pie popped out of a nearby bush. “Hi everypony!” she said happily and completely devoid of ill intent.
The screaming instantly hit an all time peak. “EVERYONE SCRAM!” Tirek bellowed in terror as the villains made a run for it. Chrysalis actually did pass out.
Cozy ran into a tree flying away in a blind panic and also got knocked out.
Pinkie looked around innocently at the mayhem before her. “Huh, guess they thought we were playing hide and seek,” she thought to herself. She then sat down at the fire to make smores.
~~~
“So your mom got you to do things you regret as well?” Diamond Tiara asked.
“Yeah, it wasn’t the best time ever,” Sprout answered. He had been invited over to tea.
“My mom lectured me a lot about social standings and I bullied my friends a lot,” Diamond admitted. “But they forgave me, and I helped them rebuild the school playground.”
“My mom drilled negative ideas about other ponies into my head, to the point I nearly started a war.”
It took a second for Diamond Tiara to process that one.
“But they forgave me, and I get along with everypony just fine now,” Sprout added. “May I have some more tea please?”
Diamond Tiara needed a moment to ponder everything she had just learned. And she thought she had done some bad things!
But Discord and Starlight Glimmer had as well, and they were heroes now. No sense in bringing up the past against Sprout, it wasn’t like she was one to talk.
“Of course,” Diamond Tiara said, as she filled Sprout’s teacup with a smile. “Have you read any good books lately?”
~~~
Many various ponies from both time periods were gathered at a pretty large display, where two unicorns were announcing merchandise.
“Behold, Equestria! Check out this rare, one of a kind artwork you can only find here, right now!” Flim shouted to the crowd of excited ponies.
“That’s right, act now to get these rare one of a kind pieces of art made by some of the most famous artists in Equestria!” Flam yelled as well, continuing to build excitement from the audience.
“This is your chance to claim artistic history few have ever had the chance to say they could own!” Flim added.
A hoof raised in the crowd as a yellow Earth Pony with a pink mane and a green bow in both her mane and tail stepped forward. “Excuse me?” the Earth Pony, Posey, asked.
“You in the front! You look like you could use one of these rare artworks! What do you think? Isn’t it a steal?” Flam asked, hoping for a sale.
Posey’s face swiftly darkened, however. “Are you aware that the artwork you are selling is fake?” she asked.
That was a bad sign, someone had caught on. Not like that would stop Flim and Flam from trying, though. “Nonsense!” Flim said. “We found these pieces of art and had them verified, they are all completely the real deal!”
“Then why is Tree Hugger looking the wrong way in that painting?” Posey asked as she pointed towards one of the paintings.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Flam countered. “This is exactly the way the painting is supposed to look!”
“Are you aware,” Posey said, her voice getting more aggressive and also concerningly confident, “that you are trying to scam the curator of Maritime Bay’s art museum with forged art?”
Red alert and game over. Flim’s and Flam’s faces instantly turned into ones of horror, as they quickly attempted to pack their things and escape. “Sorry folks! Looks like there have been a few complications to business!” Flim yelled.
~~~
Posey was faster than they expected. Flim and Flam hadn’t even gotten 2 yards away before they were tied up in an abundance of vines and plants. The museum curator looked at the two unicorns in agitation. “Now come on!” Flim said in desperation. “I’m sure we can work out a deal?”
“Hitch!” Posey shouted. “Come arrest these two con-ponies!”
Hitch quickly ran over to the scene of activity, with a large crowd of ponies standing around watching the scene. “What seems to be the matter here?” Hitch asked.
“These two are attempting to sell forgeries of paintings,” Posey explained, pointing to the fake art.
Hitch looked at the paintings on display carefully. “Say Posey,” he said. “Aren’t a few of the actual paintings on display at your museum?”
Flim and Flam’s jaws dropped.
Suffice to say, Flim and Flam went to jail, Hitch got to write some of the most clear-cut police records of his life, and Posey’s museum got a boost in visitors after word spread about the event, much to her delight.
Minuette stared at her friend with a smirk, trying not to laugh as best she could. Twinkleshine was suffering from the same circumstances, and could feel her sides aching.
The two had before them a wide variety of tools, ranging from a hammer to a few screwdrivers, and were trying to decide which one to utilize to solve their current humorous dilemma.
“We could try the hammer,” Twinkleshine suggested.
“Absolutely not,” a third voice in the room quickly said. Minuette also nodded in agreement.
“Wrench?” Minuette asked.
“No,” the third figure said.
“Well we need to do something, and we can’t really solve this if you reject everything we suggest,” Twinkleshine noted.
“How did this even happen to you again?” Minuette asked.
“Just get my head out of this stupid beaker,” Lemon Hearts groaned.
~~~
King Sombra silently approached the Crystal Heart undetected. Those foolish ponies always had such poor security. He had managed to get past the guards so easily and silently.
Alright, he had knocked both of the guards out cold. Practically the same thing, right?
The dark king approached his victory ever so quietly. “These ponies have made their security even worse than last time,” he thought to himself as he crawled forward. Soon enough he reached his target, the legendary Crystal Heart itself.
Unstoppable power right at his hooves. He’d start by blasting Princess Cadance to dust, and then the rest of her family and Twilight Sparkle, of course.
He reached forward to grab the Crystal Heart, filled with delight as he grabbed it.
Only for it to instantly disappear and be revealed as an illusion spell. And he had also touched a laser grid Hitch installed for the Crystal Empire.
The room instantly began flashing with red lights as an anti-magic field quickly sprung up. A recording with the voice of Twilight Sparkle quickly began to play throughout the room.
“RED ALERT! SOMEPONY IS ATTEMPTING TO STEAL THE CRYSTAL HEART!” it shouted. “Or, they were trying and clearly fell for that illusion spell we set up. Great idea on that, Discord.”
“Thank you, Twilight,” Discord said in the recording. “I just can’t wait to see the buffoon’s face in the security camera footage being made as this recording plays. I bet they feel so dumb!” He then laughed hysterically.
“I’m sure Pinkie Pie will bring popcorn,” Twilight noted. “Anyway, whoever you are, nice try on trying to steal the Crystal Heart. See you in a second!” The recording then shut off as the real Twilight Sparkle and her friends teleported into the room, clearly unaffected by her own anti-magic field.
“Laser grids never fail,” Hitch said with a grin. “Didn’t think I’d be using them on a dark dethroned king from the past, but this just gives further evidence at how perfect they are.”
Pinkie Pie and Izzy then elbow dropped Sombra from the ceiling while screaming about cupcakes and glitter at the top of their lungs.
~~~
Sombra growled deeply as Discord continued to taunt him.
“That was the sorriest attempt at a stealth heist I have ever seen in the many eons I have been in Equestria,” Discord laughed. “You didn’t even bother to stop and consider that maybe we’d have cast an illusion spell after your last attempted takeover? Priceless!” He then fell over, rolling about laughing again.
It didn’t help that Sombra was currently stuck in a cell in Canterlot, complete with another magic nullifier. Twilight had ensured the area was comfortable and accommodating, but she wasn’t about to just let him waltz out for free. It didn’t even come with a massage chair.
“I honestly thought you’d at least think of the possibility we’d set a trap,” Twilight added, walking into the room as Discord was taunting. “But nope! You walked right into it.”
Discord proceeded to magically spawn a dunce hat onto Sombra.
“This is why we leave all the stealth to Misty,” Discord continued. “Now there’s a unicorn who can actually pull off a stealth mission without instantly failing! And she’s the one who gets paranoid in the middle of operations!”
“That’s true,” Twilight agreed. “I’ve looked over the success and failure ratios of her missions, and they significantly outclass your attempts by a sizable margin.”
“Plus she’s nicer,” Discord added, with Twilight nodding in agreement. “Very enjoyable opponent for a match of checkers, and you should see her when she finds the bowl of kettlecorn!”
“Silence! I will not accept this humiliation!” Sombra roared from within his cell.
Discord and Twilight gave him a look of surprise before bursting into laughter again.
“So let me get this straight,” Discord said. “You emerged from a parallel dimension where everything looks stupid to our own and stole the Element of Magic.”
“Yes, Discord,” Sunset Shimmer answered. She was out visiting Equestria for a bit.
“One of the most powerful items in the entire multiverse, I might add,” Discord noted. “One of the few things capable of putting the brakes on even me. All that power at your hooves. Or fingertips. You get what I mean.”
“Yes, I know how powerful the Element of Magic is,” Sunset responded. She was beginning to look embarrassed.
“And then you managed to wrangle it out of Twilight Sparkle’s grasp again, partially by threatening and kidnapping a very close friend of mine,” Discord added. His voice got a bit ominous there.
“That’s correct,” Sunset answered.
“All of that effort, just to brainwash a bunch of high school students to go to battle and usurp Celestia,” Discord said. Sunset was beginning to blush heavily.
“Yes,” Sunset managed to say.
Discord burst into laughter and slammed his fists onto the table. “That is without a doubt the DUMBEST evil plan I have ever heard,” Discord said. “Did it not occur to you that even without the Elements, Celestia would have absolutely no difficulty beating the daylights out of your army? And then she wouldn’t have much trouble dealing with you?”
“Discord, can we move on?” Sunset asked. Her face was now buried into the table.
“Even Sprout’s evil attack was better,” Discord continued, completely ignoring Sunset’s plea for mercy. “At least he could have actually done some damage, you would have failed the second you got out the mirror!”
Discord then spawned a dunce hat on Sunset’s head.
He then got back in his seat and looked at the rest of the ponies around him, all there for the “Reformed Villain Weekly Get-Together.” Sipping his tea, he ceased his brutal attack on Sunset and allowed her to drop the subject. “Now then,” he asked. “Who’s next?”
~~~
“A frontal attack on Canterlot? Yes, Fluttershy told me all about it at our tea, Tempest. Or do you go by Fizzlepop now?” Discord asked.
“Tempest, thank you,” Tempest answered. “And yes, I led a direct and effective frontal assault on the capital. We turned all the princesses barring Twilight Sparkle to stone and imprisoned everypony else.”
“It’s not an experience I look back on pleasantly,” Starlight Glimmer noted, as she and Trixie shot a short glare at the commander. “The accommodations were merciless.”
“It’s an attack I’ve heard of from history,” Sprout added. “Only the Guardians of Harmony and Spike escaped.”
“That seems a bit extreme,” Discord noted, giving Tempest a look of surprise.
“It’s in the past now,” Tempest answered. “The Storm King betrayed me and Twilight saved my life. I owe her greatly for that.”
“I think all of us owe Twilight,” Starlight countered.
“Says the personal student,” Sunset responded with a grin. “But that’s true.”
“I’d say I owe Fluttershy more than Twilight, but the thing with Tirek did happen,” Discord considered. “I’ll accept that point.”
“Do I count? Different time period and all that,” Sprout asked.
“Nah, you’re fine there,” Starlight answered with a wave of her hoof.
“Trixie doesn’t want to say it, but she supposes Twilight has helped some in the past with the Alicorn Amulet. A little,” Trixie grumbled.
“Wait a minute,” Discord suddenly said with urgency. “Only the Guardians of Harmony and Spike escaped?”
“That’s what the history books say,” Sprout said with a shrug.
“That’s correct,” Tempest answered. “All the others were imprisoned.”
“That means…” the dots suddenly connected for the Draconequus. “You IMPRISONED THE CRUSADERS!?” He suddenly burst up from his chair in a rage.
“Yeah, she did,” Starlight said. “Saw them in a cage nearby mine.”
“Nopony gets to hurt those kids!” Discord roared as his paw and claw exploded into blue flame. He then jumped over the table at Tempest with a terrifying expression.
“Stop him!” Sunset shouted as all the ponies quickly tried to calm Discord down.
~~~
Tempest was now stuck with a dunce hat as well. Discord had insisted on the punishment for locking away the children he cared so much about, though he had calmed down after that.
“Well, we’ve gotten story exchanging done,” Starlight said after sitting back down. “Did everypony have fun?”
Everyone nodded in approval, barring Tempest, who just mumbled in the affirmative.
“Well, I’m glad we all had fun!” Starlight chirped. “Welcome to the group, Sprout, and we’ll all get back together next week!”
“What’s happening next week?” Sprout asked.
Trixie produced a list from her hat, checking the scheduled events. “It says next week is game night,” she answered. “Discord refuses to say what he’s got planned though.”
Most of the figures there grumbled, there was no telling what sort of mania Discord would unleash.
“But for now, I hereby declare this meeting adjourned!” Starlight declared, just as Twilight Sparkle walked into the room.
“Can I have my throne room back now?” she asked.
“No!” Discord and Trixie both shouted with smug grins on their faces.
The long, multi car carriage pulled to a stop in front of a crowded theater. In an instant, the door burst open as Discord emerged, waving to the crowd excitedly. Shortly after, Pinkie Pie, Izzy, Twilight, Autumn Blaze, and Fluttershy also emerged, mostly looking excited. They were instantly swarmed by reporters from all over Equestria.
“Mr. Discord,” one reporter asked, “can you tell us how you feel about the success of your film, ‘Robin Hoof x 3?’”
“I’m absolutely delighted with the success,” Discord responded. “Getting Twilight Sparkle to play the villain was one of the best decisions I have ever made, you would not believe how quickly she memorized all of her lines!”
Twilight just rolled her eyes but smiled.
“Do you have plans for a sequel?” One of the reporters asked.
“I plan to make a trilogy, actually,” Discord answered. “All of my actors signed on for one within their contracts.”
“We did?” Autumn Blaze and Izzy both asked in surprise.
Twilight just looked around in mild shock. “Am I the only one who actually reads these things?”
~~~
Soon the group was piled into the theater, and several of their friends were there as well. As is the custom in Equestria, this did mean the instantaneous generation of mayhem and chaos, much to Discord’s delight.
Twilight, to her credit, behaved. She only critiqued the film twice to mention how unrealistic it was for her character to be fooled by one of Izzy’s disguises, but was quickly shushed by the rest of the theater’s audience.
Autumn Blaze’s mouth had to be zipped shut with a zipper spell, though they returned her to normal after the film was over.
Pinkie Pie and Izzy Moonbow were unusually well mannered, and watched the film without incident.
Applejack later had to fork 20 bits over to Rarity after losing a bet on how well behaved Pinkie and Izzy would be.
After Iron Will took away Vinyl Scratch’s DJ booth, (she was playing too loudly and nobody could hear the film) and Sweetie Belle was banned from singing along with the movie during Autumn Blaze’s musical number, it was a relatively calm experience.
~~~
Blue magic enveloped one of the pawns as Rarity moved her chess piece two spaces forwards. “I wouldn’t have taken you for a chess player, Tirek,” she said.
Tirek quickly placed a bishop elsewhere on the board as he continued to duel against the fashionista. “Chess is a game of wits, strategy, and cunning, of course I enjoy it. I’ll have you know I never lose against Chrysalis and Sombra.”
Tirek’s bishop was swiftly captured by one of Rarity’s rooks, much to his agitation. “How well does Cozy Glow do?” Rarity asked. “She has a rook for a Cutie Mark, I’d imagine she must have some skill in the game.”
“You’d be surprised,” Tirek answered. “She has promise, but she is still a filly. She’s got a better fight in her than Chrysalis and Sombra but still falls for some classic traps. She’ll be dangerous in time though, provided she doesn’t get turned to stone again.”
“Which she probably will,” Discord noted from the side. “Along with the rest of you.”
Tirek growled in Discord’s direction before stopping to move his queen towards Rarity’s knight. “Is Sombra still in prison after that pathetic excuse of a break-in?” he asked.
“Yep, he’s still stuck there. I gave him a bottle of glitter today,” Izzy answered, also from the side.
“Of course he is. That fool,” Tirek responded. “He should have known there would be a trap.”
“It was a pretty well hidden trap though,” Izzy did note.
“Who cares? He still fell for it. There’s a reason I’m the smart one, do you see any of the others being able to play chess against you?”
“Checkmate,” Rarity suddenly cut in. She magically placed her knight in a position that outright prevented Tirek’s king from going anywhere, and also just out of the queen’s range. “I believe that makes three games for me, and none for you.”
Tirek roared in a rage and attempted to throw the table, but Discord instantly turned him back to stone.
“He is a very poor loser,” Discord said in disdain.
Minuette opened the door to her home to answer whoever it was knocking. “Hello?” she asked.
“Minuette!” an excited voice quickly answered. Unsurprisingly, it was Pinkie Pie, wielding a piece of paper around in a rush of delight. “Look!” Pinkie promptly slapped the paper right into Minuette’s face.
After magically removing the source of her sight obstruction, Minuette paused to read it over. “Hmm,” she said. “Donut Joe’s is having a sale on double chocolate donuts with sprinkles, today only.” A moment later she gasped as realization set in on her.
“Do you know what this means?” Pinkie asked with a giant grin on her face.
A giant grin quickly appeared on Minuette’s face as well. “It means all the double chocolate donuts with sprinkles we want!”
“That’s right!” Pinkie answered. “What do you say? Wanna head over there and eat donuts right now?”
After Minuette wisely remembered to shut her door, the two ponies instantly transformed into blurs of motion as they rushed to Donut Joe’s with a triumphant shout of delicious victory.
In his shop, Donut Joe heard the two coming. He quickly looked over to his supply of donuts, realizing he was about to run out of them at a rapid pace.
“Oh no,” was all he could utter.
~~~
“Now that Sweetie Belle is finally done singing,” Discord said, “we can finally pick out what movie we want to watch tonight.”
“What are the options?” Zipp asked from the back with her hoof raised.
“I was about to get to that,” Discord grumbled. “Don’t be so impatient.” He then produced two large screens that were currently blank. “So tonight’s options are ‘Space Wars,’” Discord pointed as the first screen lit up with the title. “Or we can watch ‘Lord of the Things.’ Or at least the first part of the trilogy. Sort of a long term endeavor with that one.”
A decently intense debate swiftly began over which film to watch. Being very much focused on action, Rainbow Dash and Applejack were quick to support Space Wars. Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pipp on the other hand wanted Lord of the Things, which they found to be a more pleasant and beautiful universe, and countered that Lord of the Things also had action. Various ponies wound up joining the two sides, alliances were made and broken, and soon it seemed all the time for the get-together would be used arguing instead of picking a film.
Or it would have, but Twilight Sparkle pulled rank 2 minutes into the argument and selected Lord of the Things, claiming that Space Wars had “outlandish scientific flaws.”
~~~
Soon all that could be heard in the room was the munching of popcorn (Pinkie Pie was sure to make enough to counteract Misty’s voracious popcorn appetite.) and the film. And various ponies (and Spike and Discord) making comments throughout.
After the jokes about how Pinkie Pie would make an excellent dwarf with all her rock farming died down, comments were generally a bit more random throughout.
“No Sweetie Belle,” Rarity said. “I am not making you a cloak that turns you invisible.”
“Why did he use the One Thing on top of the fortress?” Rainbow Dash grumbled. “He KNEW the ghosts could still see him!”
“No Sweetie Belle,” Rarity said. “You may not have a whip made out of fire.”
“Can you turn up the volume!?” Zipp shouted from the back.
“Am I the only one here who actually read the books?” Twilight asked.
“I read them!” Pinkie Pie answered.
“No Sweetie Belle,” Rarity said. “You may not have a sword that glows when Zombie Ponies are around.”
~~~
Rarity walked into Sugarcube Corner with a smile, as Pinkie Pie came out from the kitchen to greet her. “Hello Pinkie!” Rarity said pleasantly.
“Hey Rarity!” Pinkie responded, taking off her baker’s hat. “Are you here to pick up Sweetie Belle?”
“That’s correct,” Rarity answered. “Are her cooking and baking lessons going well?”
“You bet!” Pinkie chirped. “She only burned the toast to liquid once this time! And the juice was edible!”
Rarity let out a small sigh, but did mentally admit to herself it was legitimate progress. “That’s… thrilling,” she said.
Smoke suddenly began pouring out of the kitchen as Rarity and Pinkie stared at it in horror. “Sweetie Belle!” Pinkie yelled as she rushed into the kitchen. “I told you to only put the cookies at 375 degrees! What did you put them at?”
Rarity could only put a hoof to her face and groan when she heard the answer of 500.
~~~
The fire was put out without incident, though a batch of cookies was rather effectively destroyed. Applejack herself said that it was “the sorriest display of cookie baking I ever laid my eyes on.”
Zipp called it “a crime against baking,” and was going to interrogate Sweetie Belle for attempted arson before Rarity cut her off.
Pinkie was a bit more encouraging though. “Don’t worry Sweetie Belle!” she said. “Next time I’ll show you how to use an oven!” She then paused for a moment. “Again,” she added.
“Perhaps we should work on something a bit safer, Miss Pie,” Rarity suggested.
“Great idea!” Pinkie agreed. “Maybe next time I’ll teach her how to use a freezer. We don’t need a repeat of the popsicle incident.”
Rainbow Dash groaned and bonked her head into her seat in frustration. “Why does this have to take so long?” she groaned.
“Honestly darling, do calm down. It’s only a few hours until we arrive at Canterlot,” Rarity answered. Rainbow, Rarity, and a few others were riding the Friendship Express to Canterlot to attend a Buckball game.
“But that’s forever!” Rainbow complained, as Rarity just rolled her eyes and went back to reading her book. “Why can’t we just teleport there?”
“Some of us enjoy the train ride, Rainbow, and not all of us can teleport so many ponies so far. Twilight’s not here, after all,” Rarity countered.
“Who here actually enjoys a train ride?” Rainbow asked.
Sunny, Discord, Rarity, Fluttershy, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Pipp all looked up from their various activities to glare at her.
Rainbow slumped back into her seat in defeat.
“Also,” Discord added, “I think Pinkie Pie and Izzy enjoy it as well. I would ask them, but last I heard they’re on the roof.”
“Of course they are.”
~~~
Octavia fumed and snapped her conductor’s baton in half.
The orchestra and other performers swiftly became terribly silent in terror as they watched Octavia march towards Vinyl Scratch and her booth.
“Vinyl, I have given you 3 chances so far,” Octavia growled. “Sweetie Belle needs to practice her singing, and the entire orchestra needs to be ready to perform for the Ponyville Music Festival. I was nice and let you come to the rehearsal, and all you’ve done is rudely cut off our practice multiple times now with your ‘wubs.’”
Most of the orchestra nodded in agreement with frowns.
“This is your last chance, Vinyl,” Octavia continued, slamming her front hooves onto the stand to further drive home her point. “If you cut us off with your wubbing one more time, I will take my cello, and slam it over your head. And then you will pay for the new cello I will inevitably need. Do you understand, Vinyl?” Impressively, Octavia’s voice did not raise a single time, though the stoicness of the statement made it questionable if she was bluffing.
Vinyl just gave a sheepish smile and shrugged.
Octavia calmly walked back to her stand. “Sweetie Belle,” she said, “would you pass me another baton?” Sweetie Belle obediently did so, and with a raise of her baton, the music was soon continuing.
Roughly 2 minutes into the rehearsal though, Sweetie Belle and the entire orchestra were cut off from a very high note by the booming sound of a subwoofer playing dubstep. Sweetie Belle fell over from the surprise.
Rather than snap her baton again, Octavia simply marched over towards her cello and lifted it up, before marching towards Vinyl. Realizing what was about to happen, the orchestra quickly took various actions.
None dared to watch the inevitable destruction. Minuette shielded Sweetie Belle’s eyes while closing her own. Pinkie Pie jumped off stage, and Lyra just froze stock still in place with her eyes slammed shut.
What they all heard though, was the sound of dubstep being cut off and what sounded like a cello being slammed into a unicorn’s head. When they all looked up, sure enough, cello fragments were scattered everywhere, with Vinyl out cold at her booth. Octavia was back at her stand, with her baton.
“I’ll have her clean up the mess later,” Octavia said. “Seeing as we won’t have any more interruptions, shall we continue?”
The rest of the rehearsal went on without incident.
~~~
Rarity grumbled as she magically dragged a stammering Applejack through Ponyville by the tail, back towards Sweet Apple Acres. It was a humiliating scene, a seamstress having to drag an apple farmer back home due to her being unable to walk.
Fortunately, most of the townsfolk were understanding, and conveniently made way for Rarity to come through or wishing her a nice evening. Applejack clearly wasn’t recovering anytime soon.
Carrot Top soon rushed up to Rarity from behind, clearly short on breath. Applejack was still uttering nonsense. “I’m so sorry, Rarity!” Carrot Top said. “Applejack said this wasn’t going to be a problem for her anymore.”
“Darling,” Rarity answered, “don’t you apologize. It’s just business, and you and I both know how the Apples can be about this sort of thing.”
Carrot Top couldn’t really refute that. “Still, is there anything I can do to help?”
“Well, if you could help me get her back home, that would do the trick. Granny Smith will understand the situation once we get there.”
Carrot Top conveniently propped up Applejack off the ground, making it where Rarity could move along without having to drag the farmer through the dirt. Soon enough the two were making good progress.
Shortly after, Pipp flew down with her phone, clearly taking pictures of pretty much anything that caught her interest. Upon landing though, she noticed the dazed farmer as well, it wasn’t exactly a normal sight.
Pipp looked up at Rarity and Carrot Top in confusion. “What happened to her?” she asked.
Rarity just answered with a blank expression. “Carrot Top beat her in market sales today, and she’s not taking it well,” she answered.
Pipp just took a picture of Applejack in response.
~~~
Twilight Sparkle looked at the smoldering ash within her classroom at the School for Gifted Unicorns. The fire had been safely put out without incident, though some cleaning and sweeping would need to be done. A few good spells would be able to effectively deal with the burn and scorch marks though, Twilight figured she could call Minuette and Twinkleshine in to assist. There were benefits to having close friends in Canterlot instead of exclusively in Ponyville, after all.
Sunny walked into the room, quickly donning a look of concern. “What happened here?” she asked. “It looks like somepony had a barbecue with the seating arrangements.”
Twilight shrugged. “Professor Autumn was giving a lesson to her class.”
Sunny’s face quickly shifted to one of understanding. “What did they say this time?”
“One of the students said standup comedy was a waste of time.”
~~~
Starlight Glimmer looked at the Student Six with a sharp glare, the kind you give as a principal about to drop the hammer on a student who goofed.
Sunburst and Trixie were also glaring. It wasn’t a pretty sight, having all 3 heads of the School of Friendship looking like they were about to give a lecture. 5 of the students had the expression of knowing they were in for it, barring Ocellus, who looked confused and likely to pass out from terror at any moment.
Starlight began by turning towards Ocellus. “Ocellus,” Starlight started, “why are you even here?”
“Counsellor Trixie told us all to come to the office,” Ocellus stammered.
Starlight facedesked. “You’re not always included by association, Ocellus,” Starlight responded. “You were literally reading when it happened.”
“So I’m not in trouble?”
“No,” Starlight answered. “You can go and continue reading your books.”
Ocellus quickly changed from a look of fear to one of relief as she waltzed out of the professor’s office, closing the door behind her.
The atmosphere in the room seemed to grow colder as the trio running the school turned towards the remaining students. “Now for the rest of you,” Starlight said in a much more menacing voice.
Numerous sheets of paper began floating behind her, labeled “extra assignment.”
~~~
After a 20 minute lecture and numerous instructions on how to properly complete the extra homework, the Student 6 (minus Ocellus) were just about free to go. However, just when it seemed Starlight was done, Trixie suddenly revealed her own mountain of paper.
“And on top of all that,” Trixie said with a bit of a vengeful smirk, “the Great and Powerful Counsellor Trixie wants you all to write ‘I’m sorry for spraying graffiti all over Counsellor Trixie’s office’ 200 times each. And you will also clean my office.”
The students groaned.
~~~
Sunburst rolled his dice and moved his dragon across the board, placing it on its proper space and drawing a card. “Fantastic!” Sunburst said with a grin. “I get to advance all the way to Fillydelphia!” With that, Sunburst placed his piece at Fillydelphia, all the way on the other side of the board. With that he gave Starlight the dice. “Your turn.”
Starlight’s dragon had been stuck in the pit for 7 straight turns. With a glum face she rolled the dice, and checked the results. “Still stuck,” she said.
~~~
Hitch looked through the comic book he had been reading before setting it down. “That was an alright issue, I suppose,” he said.
“I prefer issue #57, but #56 is fine enough,” Spike answered.
Trixie grumbled as she felt something under her hat vibrate. Magically removing it from her headwear, Trixie silenced the ringing banana and put it to her face.
“Hello Discord,” Trixie said.
Trixie rolled her eyes as the caller spoke to her.
“You’re the only one who has this number,” Trixie explained. “And the only one besides myself to call with a banana, I might add. It’s kind of obvious it would be you.”
~~~
“Yes, Pinkie Pie would likely use a banana phone if you gave her one,” Trixie said. “Izzy would as well.”
Trixie’s face turned to one of surprise as Discord continued talking. “A 4-way banana phone group call? What for?”
Trixie grumbled as she heard the response.
“If you make another fruit pun, Trixie will hang up on you.”
~~~
“Special effects manager for Robin Hoof 2?” Trixie said in surprise. “Trixie is intrigued. Would I get to prank Twilight Sparkle?”
Trixie’s face darkened into a malicious grin as she heard the response.
“Send Trixie the contract.”
~~~
Trixie was now seated at her desk within her office looking over the contract, still speaking to Discord over the banana.
“Yes, Trixie got the contract just fine. Everything seems to be in order, Trixie will be special effects manager for Robin Hoof 2 and all that. Let me read the fine print before I sign.”
Trixie smirked as she heard Discord’s response.
“You really think Trixie wouldn’t read the fine print for some of your clauses? It might have worked on some of the others, but you do not pull that off on a magician, Discord. Yes, I have already found THAT clause. Send me a revised contract without the pranks and we’ll continue talking.”
Trixie smugly watched the contract vanish as a new one appeared.
~~~
Trixie read the new contract down to the detail, even checking for any invisible ink.
“I see that the pranks are gone, and you’ve also doubled the original payment plan. Not surprising, you can literally just generate Bits with a snap of your paw. Everything appears to be in order now, even the back of the contract is clear. Trixie agrees to the terms.”
Trixie signed the contract and watched as it vanished, obviously to wherever Discord was.
The dark smirk returned to Trixie’s face.
“Now then, what ideas do you have for pranking Twilight on the set?”
~~~
By now, Trixie and Discord had finished laying their plans to humiliate Twilight Sparkle and were now making idle conversation.
“Yes, Trixie got her office cleaned by the students after the graffiti incident,” Trixie said. “Still waiting for the 200 apologies though.”
Trixie nodded as Discord gave his response.
“Agreed, it was a very poor prank. If you’re going to do something like that, don’t try to do it to somepony who’s made a career out of deception and trickery. It’s also very hard to wash, so it’s a huge relief Starlight agreed to having them clean it all off.”
Trixie listened to Discord again as he spoke.
“Yes, the security cameras you installed in the office also helped a lot. Thank you again for those. Can you pop by sometime soon and reset the invisibility spell? Trixie doesn’t need that wearing off.”
Discord gave a reply.
“Next week will work just fine. Just pop by during lunch hour and I’ll let you take care of things.”
~~~
“No, Starlight is absolutely helpless on the road,” Trixie said. “She bankrupted our trip to Saddle Arabia less than 2 minutes into Somnambula.”
Trixie’s eyes widened.
“No, this is the first Trixie is hearing about it,” she answered. “When did plans start being formed for a group camping trip?”
Trixie nodded as Discord gave the details.
“Just yesterday? Alright, that makes sense. Who all is going?”
Trixie’s eyes widened again.
“That’s a pretty large gathering,” she said. “Yes, Trixie will gladly come along. Somepony will need to bring some sense about traveling.”
Trixie listened as Discord asked a question.
“Yes, she really is that bad,” Trixie answered. “She used up almost all of the Bits on a falafel, Discord. A falafel.”
~~~
“Excellent, Trixie will prepare for the camping trip later,” Trixie said as she magically marked a date on her calendar. “I’ll make sure to tell Starlight and Sunburst that I’ll be coming along as well, just in case they don’t know Twilight put me on the list.”
Trixie nodded as Discord spoke.
“Yes, that should be everything. I’ll see you soon to reset the spell on my cameras, will you do me a favor and let me know in advance if you do give Pinkie or Izzy a banana phone?”
Trixie listened as Discord answered.
“Thank you. Well, the Great and Powerful Trixie needs to be getting back to work now, I’m sure you have chaos to spread somewhere anyway.”
Trixie listened as Discord confirmed that.
“Alright, Trixie will talk to you soon, goodbye Discord.”
Trixie listened as Discord gave his own goodbye, before the call ended.
Trixie then put the banana back in her hat and got to work tidying her office a bit.
The whole gang was back together for another movie night, now back to continue watching “Lord of the Things.”
“You know, I’ve been thinking,” Zipp said. “Is it just me, or does the Lord of the Things actually seem really similar to King Sombra?”
This raised some general mumbling and discourse throughout the group. “They do seem a bit similar,” Twilight admitted. “Perhaps the Lord of the Things is based off of Sombra?”
“There’s no way that could be the case,” Rainbow Dash said rather confidently.
“Why’s that?” Applejack asked.
“Because the Lord of the Things is supposed to be brilliant! Isn’t one of the things he’s well known for is how he managed to trick everyone in the world multiple times?” Rainbow asked.
“Yes, that’s correct,” Twilight said. She wasn’t about to be caught not knowing any sort of trivia on a book series, after all.
“Then there’s no similarity! Sombra fell for that ridiculous fake Crystal Heart trap of all things, he’s way too dumb to be similar!” Rainbow explained.
“Hey, that trap was not ridiculous!” Twilight sputtered.
“My point still stands,” Rainbow declared.
~~~
King Sombra woke up from his sleep in a fright. He was still stuck in his jail cell in Canterlot, having not managed to break out yet. And yet, something was bothering him immensely.
It felt like someone, somewhere, had just insulted him. But he wasn’t quite sure.
~~~
“Now then, both teams are set, correct?” Applejack asked.
“You got it! We’re so going to destroy you!” Rainbow Dash boasted.
Applejack and Rainbow Dash had set up a no-holds-barred paintball war with 2 teams of 4. After some strategizing, Rainbow Dash had recruited Zipp, Thunderlane, and Soarin’, while Applejack had recruited Big Mac, Braeburn, and Autumn Blaze to her team.
“Now the rules are simple,” Applejack explained. “You can fight anywhere in Ponyville, but no exiting the town. If you see an opposing player, you are free to blast them however you wish. If Rarity starts complaining about the mess, ignore her.”
All the players nodded in the affirmative, and soon enough mayhem descended upon Ponyville.
~~~
Rarity was calmly sewing a dress in her boutique, humming a quiet tune to herself. It was a pleasant, quiet day after all. There was no rush on orders, Sweetie Belle had slept in long enough for Rarity to be the one to make breakfast, and no evil forces had risen from Tartarus to make mayhem descend on Ponyville.
Then she heard a splatting noise on one of her boutique windows.
This took Rarity by surprise, and she briefly paused her sewing to see what the source of the interruption was. Rarity magically opened her front door to see if anypony was there. “Hello? Anypony there?” she asked.
But her eyes quickly widened in terror when she saw Applejack and Rainbow Dash trying to blast each other in her yard.
“It’s Rarity!” Rarity suddenly heard Applejack yell. That wasn’t good, they had noticed her.
“Get her!” Rainbow Dash shouted. Rarity barely slammed her door shut in time to not get blasted by numerous paintballs, furiously hearing her door get coated in paint.
“I would have preferred a force rising up from Tartarus to make mayhem descend on Ponyville,” she quietly grumbled to herself.
~~~
Rarity was now under siege in her own boutique, listening as paintball after paintball slammed into her home. The windows were covered in paint, and Rarity figured the rest of her house wasn’t much better off.
She admittedly wasn’t surprised that Applejack and Rainbow Dash would call a truce to bother her, she was an easy target for such a messy sport after all. “Still, this just won’t do,” she reasoned. “I certainly can’t focus on my sewing with that noise hammering my home, and I’d rather my boutique didn’t become abstract art. What to do?” she pondered.
Then she remembered one of the perks of being a unicorn.
“Oh that’s right,” she figured. “Twilight taught me that portal spell.” Being a close friend of the most powerful spellcaster had its perks, like learning more difficult spells like portals. Hiding herself away from the windows to ensure she wasn’t seen escaping, Rarity promptly teleported to Ponyville.
Which was also covered in paint.
~~~
Rarity looked around at the town, which really had been turned into abstract art. “I take it they’ve been playing here as well,” Rarity commented to Carrot Top, who was nearby Rarity’s exit point.
“Yeah, it wasn’t pretty,” Carrot Top confirmed. “How am I supposed to properly sell carrots when my stall is covered in purple spots?”
It wasn’t much better throughout a good chunk of the town. The Flower Trio had suffered casualties on several bouquets, Sugarcube Corner was largely covered in green, and Barnyard Bargains was bright pink.
“Did they get every single building in town?” Rarity asked Carrot Top.
“Just about,” Carrot Top answered. “With the exception of Quills and Sofas, anyway.”
“Why didn’t they touch Quills and Sofas?” Rarity asked.
“Braeburn shot the front door lime green and the second the first paintball connected, Davenport came out and slammed him with a sofa,” Carrot Top explained.
Rarity paused for a moment to process this. “Do you ever think that perhaps incidents like this are why most of Equestria sees our fine little town as maybe a bit on the strange side?” Rarity asked.
“It’s a possibility,” Carrot Top admitted.
~~~
Numerous ponies were surveying the paint covered town. Amidst the general grumbling and ponies attempting to haggle the price on the sofa that was used to slam Braeburn, the general question was how exactly to handle the situation.
After the suggestion to hit them with more sofas was rather quickly shot down by Nurse Redheart, Pinkie Pie piped up with her own idea. “I say we blast them with our own paint weapons!” she suggested.
“That would be an amusing way to handle the situation, Pinkie, but there’s one small problem,” Roseluck noted. “We don’t have any paint launchers.”
This was met with general agreement, barring from Button Mash, who had the latest model of paint launcher.
“Not a problem!” Pinkie Pie explained, as she produced a customized paint launcher from a hole in a tree. She happily hoofed it to Rarity with a sincere grin.
“Pinkie, darling, don’t tell me you’ve been stashing light pink paintball launchers all over town,” Rarity said.
“Of course!” Pinkie said. “I have paintball launchers hidden all over town, in case of paintball launcher emergencies,” Pinkie Pie explained.
Within 2 minutes, the entire town was armed.
“I suppose we’re going to war then,” Rarity yielded.
~~~
Applejack and Rainbow Dash’s truce had just come to an end as they continued attacking each other. Rarity unfortunately had not come out of the boutique, so it was back to the regular game. However, after a few minutes, Applejack noticed a minor problem.
“Alright, who’s shooting everypony light pink?” she asked. “I don’t recall either team having light pink ammunition.”
“It’s not me!” Rainbow Dash said. “I thought it was Big Mac!”
“Nope,” Big Mac said.
“Then who is it?” Applejack pondered.
“That would be us, darlings,” a bush said. Then light pink paint emerged from the bush and splattered onto Rainbow Dash.
Light pink paint began pouring in from all directions, as the citizens of Ponyville attacked the two teams. Out of trees, from the sky, from within bushes, Pinkie Pie even nailed Zipp from Rarity’s mail slot.
The two teams attempted to fight back, but it was no use. They were far too outnumbered to stand a chance, and could only face the inevitable as they got slammed by pink paint.
“I think we may have made them mad,” Rainbow Dash said as Carrot Top scored a hit on her mane.
“Ya think?” Applejack said.
~~~
“And finally,” Rarity addressed the defeated players. “We expect you to clean up the messes you made around town.”
This was met with general grumbling and moans from the 8 defeated players, who had been granted some level of mercy and were being washed off. Fortunately, all the paint was easily washable and had no time to dry at all, so it wasn’t difficult.
“Next time you all want to play these games, can we expect you to do it out of town?” Rarity asked.
Rainbow Dash and Applejack nodded in affirmation, pleasing Rarity and the rest of the town.
~~~
Fortunately, the punishment really wasn’t all that severe as it might sound. A few rain clouds later, and everything was washed away. A few bits did have to be spent to make up for the Flower Trio’s losses, but after that everything was back to normal. An hour after the cleaning was done, some of the ponies were relaxing at Sugarcube Corner after the day of activity.
“You know, next time some force rises up from Tarturus to make mayhem descend on Ponyville, maybe we should just cover them with paint,” Rainbow Dash pondered.
“I seriously doubt that would be quite as effective on Lord Tirek as it was on us, Rainbow,” Applejack pointed out.
“Oh come on, he would hate it if we turned him pink!” Rainbow shouted. “It would totally drive him crazy.”
Applejack stopped to ponder the possibilities of a light pink Lord Tirek, or a lime green Cozy Glow, or maybe even a yellow Queen Chrysalis.
Starlight Glimmer looked over the documents in front of her with great detail. “I see you got a new mane color,” she said.
“That’s right,” the pony in front of her, Misty, said in response.
“Completely reformed?”
“Yes, I’m done working for Opaline,” Misty answered.
“Even got a Cutie Mark. Congratulations on that, by the way,” Starlight added.
“Thank you!”
“No problem. Well, everything here seems to be in order.” With that, Starlight turned towards the others sitting around the table. “All in favor of allowing Misty Brightdawn to join us at the Reformed Villain Weekly Get-Together, say ‘Aye.’”
“AYE!” came the resounding response.
“Then it’s settled!” Starlight said with a beaming smile. “Welcome to the club, Misty. We meet every Wednesday.”
Misty sat in her new seat at the table, now part of her first time in the Reformed Villain Weekly Get-Together. So far, it was going pretty well, Discord hadn’t placed a dunce cap on her or anything. This was significantly better than Tempest Shadow, who was still stuck wearing hers from last time.
“I can’t be blamed if I accidentally placed it with a magical lock to her head that will only come off after the next meeting,” Discord had explained. The others just rolled their eyes.
“So, what do we do here at the get-togethers?” Misty asked.
“We mainly just discuss whatever we feel like discussing that week, maybe play a game or something,” Sunset Shimmer answered.
“What sorts of games?” Misty found herself wondering.
“Usually it’s cards, or Ogres and Oubliettes,” Sunset explained. “Speaking of which, Discord, I roll to smite Grogar the Dark with my gleaming broadsword.”
Discord rolled the dice, and the entire table spent a moment staring at the dice landing inconveniently on a “1.”
Trixie burst into laughter as Sunset grumbled.
“Bad news, Sunset,” Discord said, reading from the gamemaster’s book. “You completely bungled your attack, leaving yourself wide open. Grogar the Dark scores a direct hit on you with the Mace of Shadows, knocking you across the room. The good news is, your defense stat was high enough to survive the hit, though you took a ton of damage.”
Sunset shrugged. “I suppose it could have been worse, could have knocked me out entirely.”
“Still,” Tempest Shadow reasoned, “Grogar is knocking us around without any issues. You just got sent across the room, Sprout got shot by the Bow of Despair and is paralyzed for another turn, Starlight’s got to keep her shield up protecting Misty so she can heal the party, and my character is too slow to dodge the Mace of Shadows. We’re completely outclassed, and our entire party is… Wait a minute, where’s Trixie?”
“Trixie rolls to steal Grogar’s Bell while he’s distracted fighting the others,” Trixie suddenly said with a confident grin.
Trixie rolled a 17, which combined with her high stealth stat and the fact that Grogar was distracted whacking Sunset with the Mace of Shadows and being distracted by the fact she survived, was enough to steal the bell.
“Grogar the Dark’s powers are completely sealed away, leaving him powerless to oppose you any further. On top of that, Misty’s healing spell finishes charging and the party is back to full health. And there’s a chest full of bits in the center of the room now,” Discord said, finishing giving the rundown on the events of Trixie’s roll.
Everyone except Trixie and Discord took a moment to process this turn of events. “How long were you planning to do that?” Starlight suddenly asked.
“Trixie got the idea after Sprout was shot with the Bow of Despair, I figured he’d be too distracted to notice. Sunset managing to survive the Mace of Shadows was just the best opening available.”
“And I’m back at full health now, so this works out nicely,” Sunset said, with her old frown now being replaced with a very wide smile. “Best boss fight we’ve had since we defeated the Flories.”
“The Flories were the first boss of this campaign,” Discord pointed out.
“It's not my fault the bosses have been so hard,” Sunset countered. “It’s been a tough campaign.”
After Sunset and Tempest were done detonating the lost city of Tambelon to put an end to Grogar for good, the party went back to Canterlot (In the game.) to rest and recuperate. Fortunately for them, while their boss fights tended to be rough, they saved their bits well, so there was plenty of budget to stay at an inn.
Discord raised an eyebrow. “Are you all going to hijack the inn’s music again?”
Sunset scoffed. “Please, Discord. We have skills and priorities at the inn, we’re not going to waste our time bothering the inn with low grade music like that dumb bard does.”
“Then what are you planning to do?” Discord asked.
“Kick the bard out and let the inn listen to some actual good music.”
“You arrive at the inn, and before Sunset even asks, yes there’s a bard there. But it’s not the usual one, this one is a pink Earth Pony with a lute. She has a great big smile on her face and is singing all sorts of happy songs about smiling and candy and stuff,” Discord said.
“Wait a minute,” Starlight noted, “that sounds like Pinkie Pie. Have you been operating a multiple session game with more players than just us?”
Discord rolled his eyes and continued. “There’s also a purple alicorn there, she’s at the counter reading a book.”
“Discord, are you operating a game elsewhere?” Starlight asked, her voice growing more suspicious.
Elsewhere, at Fluttershy’s cottage, Discord and some ponies sat around a table with their own game of Ogres and Oubliettes set up.
“Yes, the party of ponies has noticed you, Twilight. They look very surprised to see you there. What do you do?”
Twilight smiled.
“The purple Alicorn turns and fires a laser at Tempest Shadow,” Discord said bluntly.
“She WHAT!?” Tempest roared, almost jumping onto the table.
Tempest was too slow to dodge the laser, and Twilight blasted her across the room with great ease. Some other ponies suddenly jumped into the fray, and Sprout was also quickly knocked out after the nearby bard, who was obviously Pinkie Pie, slammed him with her lute.
Sunset, Starlight, and Trixie were faster though, and managed to successfully brace for battle without being ambushed while Misty hung back to prepare a healing spell. A white unicorn with a rapier was soon clashing blades with Sunset, while Twilight and Starlight fired lasers at each other.
Trixie and Pinkie got distracted and went over to the corner to sing some songs.
“And there’s a blue unicorn in the back with a red mane charging up a spell,” Discord said.
“That’s got to be Misty,” Twilight Sparkle noted. “Healing spell, if I had to guess. Have they noticed Fluttershy hiding behind the counter yet?”
“No,” Discord answered.
“Good, that means she can charge up a maximum healing spell if we need it,” Rarity said. “Though with Sprout already down and Tempest’s speed so low, I think we should be fine.” Rarity looked over at Pinkie. “And while Pinkie isn’t exactly helping us, at least Trixie’s not trading blows. Is the trap almost ready?”
“Indeed, it is,” a nearby Earth Pony replied.
“Sunset Shimmer is clobbered over the head by an Earth Pony wielding a giant cello,” Discord read from the book. “Sorry Sunset, you’re knocked out.”
“WHAT!?” Sunset roared, now also getting annoyed. “Where did that even come from?”
Discord looked over the book. “She’s invested a good number of points into stealth.”
“They’re going to wipe our entire party!” Starlight growled. “Except for Trixie over there, singing showtunes.”
“I cast a lightning spell on Twilight!” Tempest shouted.
“Tempest Shadow fires a lightning spell towards Twilight,” Discord said.
Everyone just looked at Fluttershy, simply waiting.
“I, um, cast Magic Mirror,” Fluttershy responded.
Discord rolled the dice.
“A Magic Mirror shows up, and it successfully reverses the entire strike. Tempest gets knocked out,” Discord said, not even looking surprised by this point.
“That spell is locked to healer class!” Starlight said. “How did they get a Magic Mirror?”
“Fluttershy’s hiding behind the counter,” Sunset said simply. “We should have guessed she’d be here. She’s probably charging a pretty high-level healing spell as well.”
“And both Rarity and Octavia are rapidly approaching Starlight,” Discord added. “Weapons are drawn. Or instruments, in the latter’s case.”
“How did they even get this high leveled?” Tempest questioned. “Misty’s not going to heal up in time at this rate.”
“We really only have one option,” Starlight muttered sadly.
“Starlight surrenders unconditionally,” Discord smirks. “Are you going to wipe the party or accept it?”
Twilight smiled again. “Of course, we accept their surrender. Our condition is that they surrender the bell to be destroyed so that its evil magic does not infect anypony. We all know they would have used it to enhance their stats.”
“That’s all they want?” Starlight said, surprised.
“It would have given us some good stat boosts,” Tempest countered.
“But we don’t have much choice,” Sunset noted. “They are about to wipe our party, Misty is not beating Fluttershy in a healing race right now, and Trixie’s the only one here without damage. We give up the Bell or get wiped.”
“Sorry I couldn't get the spell active fast enough,” Misty said sincerely.
“Don’t worry about it,” Starlight said with a wave of her hoof. “We’ll have to give them the bell.”
“They hand over the bell,” Discord says.
“I destroy it,” Twilight Sparkle said simply.
Twilight’s roll was high enough given her stats, and soon enough an ancient evil was annihilated to the not so fitting sound of Pinkie and Trixie singing in the back of the room. Sunset Shimmer would later call it one of the most ironic parts of the session.
“And then they buy you lunch after Fluttershy heals your entire party,” Discord said. “Pinkie Pie said something about a party.”
“So, they nearly wiped us out, just for the bell?” Sprout grumbled.
“I guess they just didn’t want us getting corrupted by it, they thought we’d use it for a stat boost and turn evil,” Starlight reasoned.
“We would never do that, would we?” Sunset questioned.
The whole room went silent as Discord just smirked.
“We’d totally do that,” Sunset said.
“Let’s just enjoy the lunch,” Trixie responded.
And so, the two parties settled in for a meal at the inn, ready to continue their adventures together another day.
The stunned Rainbow Dash lay collapsed nearby the cliff face she had just crashed into. Naturally, she had fallen down by now, but was still recovering from the impact. Reading Daring Do in the middle of a stunt probably wasn’t her brightest move. But on the bright side, nopony was around to see her like this.
Just then, Rainbow Dash’s ears perked up as she heard the voice of Apple Bloom approaching, through a megaphone. “Coming up next on our sightseeing tour of Ponyville, we have this bench that one of our town residents sits on a lot in a really funny way. She’s not here right now, so there’s unfortunately not a photo op.”
The groans of disappointment were rather concerning.
Apple Bloom then continued. “Nearby the bench you might notice Rainbow Dash over here, collapsed on the ground next to a cliff she probably just crashed into. No worries, she’ll be fine soon and flying again, this happens all the time. Especially when she’s reading, which judging from the copy of ‘Daring Do and the Dial of Destiny’ nearby, I would guess was happening.”
Rainbow Dash just glared silently at Apple Bloom, who was now smirking at her darkly.
“Yes, photos are allowed!” Apple Bloom shouted through her megaphone, and Rainbow Dash was instantly blinded by multiple camera flashes.
Nurse Redheart just stared blankly at Rainbow Dash. “Didn’t I tell you to stop reading while you flew?”
“Maybe,” Rainbow Dash grumbled.
“Well, I mean it. Stop reading while you fly. This happens every time, and at this rate we might as well keep a room reserved for you at all times.”
Rainbow Dash perked up at that. “Can we call it the Rainbow Dash Room?”
“No.”
Nurse Redheart ultimately opted to go through the regular physical checks on Rainbow Dash just to be safe. While sticking a thermometer into Dash’s mouth, she struck up some conversation. “So, how was your fifth reading of ‘Dial of Destiny’ before you crashed?”
Upon having the thermometer removed, (There was no fever.) Dash responded. “It was awesome! Daring Do was trapped in the dark caverns beneath Somnambula by Ahouizotl, and in order to escape, she grabbed a rope and jumped over a gorge!”
Redheart raised an eyebrow. “A.K. Yearling’s a pegasus. Never understood that part of the story.”
Rainbow Dash raised her own eyebrow. “Wait, have you read it?”
“After the seventh time having to treat you after a crash and listening to you discuss them, I decided to check them out. Plus, I needed something to do for my overnight shifts at the reception desk.”
“No way. You read Daring Do!? That is so awesome!” Rainbow Dash shouted, almost hovering above the table before Redheart pulled her back down.
“I slightly prefer Shadow Spade, but I can certainly see the appeal of Daring Do,” Redheart replied. “Makes for a very good series of stories, I’d say ‘Daring Do and the Forbidden City of Clouds’ was my personal favorite.”
Redheart continued her medical checks while Dash asked more questions. “Say, did you hear about the next book coming out soon? ‘Daring Do and the Masked Thief of Marapore?’”
“I already have it reserved over at Canterlot’s bookstore.”
Rainbow Dash paused for a moment. “Reserved? Why didn’t I ever think of that?”
“Probably all the bumps into the cliff.”
“How is Shadow Spade anyway? A perspective that’s not from Rarity would be interesting,” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Definitely not a series I’d see you enjoying,” Redheart responded as she wrote down some notes on a clipboard. “I like them myself, but they wouldn’t particularly appeal to you. Much too slow and not enough action.”
“So, they’re good, but probably not something for me,” Rainbow Dash concluded.
“Unless reading as Shadow Spade follows a masked individual around a department store for two hours only to learn it was a decoy and nothing comes from it sounds interesting to you.”
“Yeah, I don’t think I’d like that,” Rainbow said.
“Probably not,” Redheart agreed. “Even I thought that sequence should have been revised.”
“Well, that’s everything, Rainbow Dash!” Redheart said with a smile. “You handled that bump better than usual, everything looks fine. You’re good to go!”
“Sweet!” Rainbow shouted, launching off the table with excitement. “I don’t have to stay or anything?”
“Nope! You’re all set this time; I’ll just check you out at the desk.”
“Can I still have a lollipop?”
Nurse Redheart rolled her eyes. “Of course, Rainbow. Take a lollipop.”
Redheart finished checking Rainbow Dash out at the desk. “And that’s everything! Just remember to do what I told you this time and don’t read while you fly,” Redheart added with a sterner voice than usual.
“Alright, I’ll try to keep that in mind,” Dash conceded. “I suppose I can’t fly more often if I’m stuck in the hospital all the time.”
“Exactly,” Redheart agreed, now back to her smile. “Just read your books at home.”
“Okay, I’ll work on it. Next time I wind up back here for whatever reason though, can we talk about books again?”
“Of course,” Redheart laughed. “I’ll be looking forward to it.”
Carrot Top opened the door at the sound of knocking. She was about to ask how she could help them, when she saw it was the Flim Flam Brothers at the door. Before she could even begin speaking, they automatically launched into one of their speeches.
“Hello there, local pony! We couldn’t help but notice that you might be in need of help with your interior!” Flim started.
“You haven’t even been inside my house-” Carrot Top was saying, before Flam cut her off.
“But worry no more, because we are here to solve your problem! We here at the FlimFlamFurniture Company have pledged to help ponies like you get the interior design they deserve!”
“We just purchased a new couch last month, so thank you, but we’re fine-” Carrot Top attempted again.
But alas, by now Flim and Flam had begun singing some sort of song about furniture. Carrot Top just shut the door and went off to find her husband before the song was over.
Carrot Top could hear Flim and Flam launching into their second verse, somehow oblivious to the fact that she had closed the door in their faces, when she poked her head into the study where Written Script was working. “Script, those con ponies are back again,” she said simply. “Could you come help me out with that? I thought maybe a tax-pony might scare them off.”
That got Script’s attention. “Didn’t they roll through town a while ago with a pyramid scheme?” Carrot Top nodded in response. “What’s their angle this time?”
“Furniture company,” Carrot Top answered. “I told them we didn’t need anything, but they ignored me and just started singing again. They’re currently on the second verse.”
Written Script rolled his eyes and got up from his desk where he was writing. “I suppose it’s better than the pyramid scheme, at least.”
Written Script and Carrot Top both poked their heads out the front door just in time for Flim and Flam to finish the third verse. Only to start their fourth. “What are they even singing about?” Script whispered to Carrot Top.
“I think this one’s about interior design methods or something. Either that or color theory? They lost me a few lines ago.”
Fortunately, the song abruptly stopped when Flam noticed Written Script at the door. “Hey, wait a minute! You’re that tax-pony!” he shouted.
“I’m glad you remember,” Script responded with a bit of a dark chuckle. “What brings you here?”
The two brothers could clearly be seen getting a bit worried. “Oh well, you see, we were just out selling some furniture like any good sales ponies do, that’s all,” Flim answered.
“With proper legal channels for the company you made?” Written Script bit back.
“Company? Of course not, this is largely freelance and not-”
“FlimFlamFurniture Company?” Carrot Top countered, silently taking enjoyment from cutting them off for once.
“You did properly have all the right records and documents handled, right?” Script added.
“Um, excuse us for one moment,” Flam said nervously, as he and his brother huddled. Carrot Top and Written Script just watched with noticeable smirks growing.
“Flim you buffoon, I thought you said you scouted out our targets!” Flam whispered.
“I did! I thought this house was safe to sell to,” Flim said in defense.
“Well, you clearly did a poor job, because now we’re stuck dealing with the worst sort of house imaginable! One that has both a tax collector, and a small business owner who runs her stand…” Flam had to gag at the very thought, “LEGALLY!”
“Are you two done yet?” Carrot Top asked. The tone of entertainment was unmistakable in her voice.
“Of course!” Flim responded. “We, after careful consideration, decided to give the both of you a deal that-”
“Do you two have the forms or not?” Script cut in. “We’re not purchasing anything today.”
“Well then,” Flam said. “It appears there’s not much left for us to do here, let’s go Flim!”
“Let’s go, Flam!” his brother said in response.
The two then took off as fast as possible from the Script residence.
“They do know they just ran off in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres, right?” Carrot Top pondered.
“Probably not,” Written Script answered.
After a moment of awkward silence, Carrot Top spoke up again. “Well, that was oddly enjoyable. Now what?”
“Lunch?” Script suggested.
“That sounds good to me,” Carrot Top agreed. “I hear Hayburger is running a special.”
The pair then trotted off to Hayburger, presumably to enjoy whatever that special was they were running at the time.
Flim and Flam were later arrested again for illegally running a business that did not exist and for fraudulent business practices.
In Which the Fourth Wall is Annihilated Beyond Repair
Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and Starlight Glimmer were all relaxing in the library at Canterlot Castle, reading. It was a fine day, with events like the Running of the Leaves not too far off, and the temperature was pleasant.
Twilight yawned and stretched before repositioning to read some more. “I heard the newest chapter of Make Your Mark released today,” she mumbled.
“Are we allowed to mention that here?” Starlight asked.
Discord suddenly phased through one of the bookshelves, entering the area. “When did we ever care about continuity and timelines around here?” he laughed.
“Well yes, he’s not wrong,” Twilight pointed out. “If I can mention the comic books in the first chapter of this… whatever it is, I’m sure we can mention the shows. Even if they are supposed to take place after we’re long dead.”
“Except for me!” Discord laughed.
“Except for him,” Twilight conceded.
“Well I suppose I can’t argue with that,” Starlight conceded. “I thought the new episodes were pretty good, myself. I particularly liked the episode where-”
Starlight was sharply cut off by the sound of Rainbow Dash screaming and flying out of the room as fast as possible, much to Twilight and Starlight’s surprise, and Discord’s amusement.
“What’s up with her?” Twilight asked.
“She hasn’t finished the chapter yet,” Discord explained. “I doubt she wants spoilers.”
“The winner is Bill Cipher,” the host announced, before the credits began to roll.
Twilight, Rainbow, Pinkie, and Discord all just sat on the couch in Fluttershy’s house, staring at the screen.
“Bad call,” Rainbow Dash said bluntly.
“Now be polite Rainbow, we don’t want Fluttershy to hear you,” Discord countered. After a moment, he did add, “I would absolutely win, though.”
“It is what it is, I suppose,” Twilight commented. “We lose these things almost all the time.”
“Speak for yourself. I won mine,” Dash countered with a smirk.
“And I uh… Did I win or lose? Some sort of tie? Inconclusive result?” Pinkie Pie pondered.
“For simplicity’s sake I’d just say yours was a tie,” Twilight answered.
“Well on the bright side, if they ever make Starlight fight that equality blood bending guy, that’ll be an easy win for us,” Discord noted.
“Thank you for the vote of confidence!” Starlight shouted from the other room.
Twilight snorted. “That’s not even a fair fight.”
“So, that puts us at 1 win, 2 losses, and whatever that was with Pinkie Pie,” Rainbow Dash tallied. “I guess there’s always next time?”
“In fairness, I got put up against a character from one of the most overpowered mediums in fiction, a fight that I was never going to win,” Twilight countered. “Especially since they just had her come back and beat Phoenix of all characters.”
“Should she have really beaten Phoenix?” Pinkie pondered.
“No,” the others all responded simultaneously.
Pinkie Pie just shrugged. “Oh well, it’s all for fun at the end of the day.”
The room remained largely quiet as the four continued watching their show, having switched to some other episode where an ice king was being destroyed by the Lord of the Things. Then Discord broke the silence.
“Do you ever stop and realize that with the statistics they gave me in my episode and the stats they’ve gotten in their franchise’s last episode, Rainbow Dash would beat that blue hedgehog that collects gold rings?” he asked.
Discord got multiple strange looks from the others, with Starlight even popping her head into the room in confusion. Twilight just continued watching the show neutrally. “Yeah,” she said bluntly.
Discord, Rarity, and Lord Tirek were back around the chess board as Rarity and Tirek went for another round.
“I see the glittery purple unicorn isn’t joining us this evening,” Tirek noted as he moved a pawn forwards.
“That’s correct,” Rarity answered. “New chapter of Make Your Mark and all that.”
“Oh right, right,” Tirek said. “I’d imagine they’re still getting used to the process. You don’t expect your villain to attack you with real lasers all that often in this world.”
“Let alone destroy your library,” Discord added.
“Twilight Sparkle had friendship crystal insurance, I don’t want to hear anymore complaining about that,” Tirek grumbled.
“Any guesses on what will happen in this chapter?” Rarity asked. “I’ll probably start it this evening.”
“Alphabittle turns out to be-”
“Something that wasn’t spoiled in the previews, thank you,” Discord cut Tirek off.
“Fine, fine…” Tirek growled.
“What do you mean you haven’t watched the new chapter yet?” Lyra Heartstrings said in surprise to Octavia. “Everypony’s talking about it!”
“I know, and that’s fine,” Octavia responded. “I am simply going to watch one episode an evening so I can take my time and savor each episode. Rather than just pile through it all and be done in a single sitting.”
“Why?”
“Didn’t I just explain that?”
“Well, I suppose that’s fine,” Lyra yielded. “But you’re going to have a great time! I especially loved the part where-”
Octavia just gave Lyra a glare.
“Oh. Right. Sorry,” Lyra said sheepishly.
“Quite alright, Lyra,” Octavia responded. “Just please don’t do that again.”
“Okay, I won’t,” Lyra responded. “I still have to watch the last episode myself, going to be great!”
“Oh, the last episode?” Cherry Berry asked, trotting up to Lyra and Octavia, complete with her flight attire. “It was really good! I liked where Izzy revealed she’s actually a space alien from the distant planet-”
Lyra ran off screaming, while Cherry Berry just watched her with a huge smirk and Octavia stood silently with a neutral expression.
“That was a fake spoiler, wasn’t it?” Octavia asked.
“Haven’t even started the chapter,” Cherry Berry answered.
Twilight furiously marched into the kitchen where her friends were all waiting for her, looking confused, concerned, or possibly both. The princess took up a scroll in her magic, and began to read. “As of today, there’s a new rule concerning Canterlot’s royal kitchen,” she announced. “Rainbow Dash is to not be allowed any further than the dining room for eating, and is to be expressly removed from the kitchens on sight. She is, effective immediately, banned from the premises.”
With that, Rainbow Dash was marched out of the room by some guards, while Twilight magically updated the “Banned From the Kitchen List” to include Rainbow Dash, upping the number of banned figures to 3. The previous inductees were Sweetie Belle, who was only allowed in to grab snacks and was not allowed to cook anything ever, and Discord, who was allowed in under Fluttershy’s supervision.
With that, Sunny raised a hoof in confusion. “So, what exactly did she do to get banned?”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
Apple Bloom was leading another sightseeing tour through Ponyville, as she had become well practiced in doing. “Coming up next on our tour, we have Lyra Heartstrings sitting on a bench in a really weird way, a staple of our tours. Photo op!”
At that, a surprising number of cameras began to flash, as Lyra smiled and posed for the cameras. Somehow she found the attention to her odd behavior to be exciting, which didn’t surprise Apple Bloom at all. Plus, she got royalties for posing as a highlight of the paid tours.
Continuing the tour, Apple Bloom soon led the group towards a nearby cliff face, where Rainbow Dash was on the ground again. Upon seeing this, and the nearby Daring Do novel laying on the ground, Apple Bloom groaned and began to shout through the megaphone, “tour’s on break, everypony! We’ll continue shortly after these messages.”
At that, Pinkie Pie suddenly appeared and distracted the group with a live commercial about Sugarcube Corner.
Apple Bloom gently tapped Rainbow Dash’s side as she began to whisper. “Rainbow Dash, I thought we told you to stop reading those books while you flew!”
“And I have! I only read every so often now while I fly,” Rainbow Dash grumbled as she began to stir.
“Well at the rate you’re going, I’m going to have to make the ‘Downed Dash’ a full-time photo op, and I doubt you want that. Now then, do you need me to take you to Nurse Redheart?”
“Nah, I’m good this time,” Rainbow Dash answered, managing to get back up without issue and hover. “Would I get royalties if I was part of the tour?”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Let me see if I have this right,” Pinkie Pie said, sounding a little bit more serious than usual. “You borrowed a balloon from Cherry Berry so that we could fly to the Crystal Empire instead of taking the train and hone your balloon flying skills.”
“That’s right.”
“And you have a map that shows you which way to go, so we won't get lost.”
“Of course I do!”
“And you left the map in your sock drawer back home?”
“Well I have to store it somewhere, or else I would lose it. How can I fly a balloon if I don’t know which way I’m going?”
“But you left the map back at home in your sock drawer, right?” Pinkie asked.
“Yep, that way I would know where it is!”
“That’s all well and good, but do you know which way the Crystal Empire is?”
“No, that’s why I have a map.”
“Which you left in your sock drawer.”
“Of course!”
Pinkie Pie face hoofed. “Minty, we’re lost.”
By now Minty had come to understand the gravity of her blunder, though she remained optimistic. Fortunately Pinkie Pie, being Pinkie Pie, stayed relatively cheerful as well, even if she wasn’t pleased with the situation.
Discord had also appeared in the balloon, claiming he had “sensed some excellent chaos and simply had to drop by.” He was now sitting in the corner eating popcorn while Minty steered the balloon in what was probably the wrong direction. Fortunately, the weather was good, so there was no significant danger from the flight. After quite a while, the trio spotted some population appearing in the distance, to Minty’s satisfaction. “See, I told you we wouldn’t need the map!” she giggled.
“That’s Manehattan,” Discord responded.
As it turned out, while Minty had the sense of direction of a Parasprite, she had at least gotten enough practice with balloons to land one without toppling any buildings, much to Pinkie’s relief and Discord’s disappointment. By now they had found a little dessert shop, where Minty was enjoying some chocolate chip mint ice cream, (obviously.) Discord was drinking from a rather large glass of chocolate milk, and Pinkie Pie was eating everything that was on the menu.
“So, what’s the game plan once we’re all done here, anyway?” Discord asked.
“Well, I was thinking I might ask you super nicely to get us back to Ponyville once we’re done playing around here,” Pinkie explained. “We’ll just have to go to the Crystal Empire some other day.”
“It has been a little while since I visited Manehattan, I suppose I can make that arrangement,” Discord agreed. “I can start with that ice skating rink I’ve been meaning to try.”
However, the sound of delighted munching soon distracted the two, as they turned to see that Minty was happily consuming yet another thing of mint ice cream. And it was even bigger this time.
Discord smirked. “I’m starting to see why you two are friends.”
Discord had completely taken over the skating rink, barring the suspiciously sentient snowponies that were also running around the area and bombarding each other with snowballs. “He’s pretty good at skating,” Minty complimented, as Discord pulled off a triple axel without falling over, an impressive feat given his bizarre proportions. “Do you think he practices often?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if he did. Probably has a way to do so in his dimension,” Pinkie said, while dodging a snowball that one of the snowponies had launched at her. Minty was not so fortunate, and got nailed in the face by a snowball that knocked her across the rink.
At that, a snowpony dressed up as a referee penalized her for “illegal rink obstruction,” and booted her to the penalty box even though they weren't playing hockey.
Pinkie Pie and Minty waited by the hot air balloon for Discord, with both decked out in t-shirts that read, “I love Manehattan.” Minty had also bought a coffee mug. There had been a party at Rarity For You, where they managed to pick up the shirts on a discount, and Pinkie had promised to inform Rarity that her shop was doing well. Now all that remained was waiting for Discord to return to the balloon to take them home.
“What do you suppose is keeping him?” Minty pondered.
“He’ll be along soon enough,” Pinkie responded. “He’s likely just pulling a final prank or grabbing a postcard for Fluttershy.”
Sure enough, Discord soon returned with a bucket of red paint, and a pleased look on his face. “I’m here!” he announced proudly. “Just had to stop and make sure I painted the town red,” he explained.
A rimshot could promptly be heard.
“Did you get postcards as well?” Pinkie asked, looking amused by the joke.
“Naturally,” Discord replied, dropping a mountain of postcards into the balloon. “I plan to mail most of them to Applejack individually to see how many envelopes she opens before giving up. But that’s for later, let’s be on our way before the mayor realizes I vandalized town hall.”
With that, Discord snapped his claws, and the trio was back in Ponyville.
The trio cheerfully walked through the streets of Ponyville, satisfied with their day’s adventure. The balloon had been safely returned to Cherry Berry, and they had made it back in time for dinner. Discord had already mailed off all of the postcards to Applejack, and was sure to have them all signed with his name as well so she knew it was him. “I’m certain Twilight will have me remove the paint from Manehattan’s town hall tomorrow, so this will make for a nice consolation later,” he chuckled sinisterly.
“Well, that was fun!” Pinkie said happily, bouncing alongside her friends. “Want to do it again for the Crystal Empire sometime?”
“Sounds fun!” Minty replied. “And next time, I’ll bring the map for sure!”
“Then it’s settled!” Discord announced. “And when we do, I’ll paint Cadance’s entire castle red as well. It’s good to maintain some consistency, at least with political buildings and what color you paint them.”
“You know Twilight will have you clean it off, right?”
“It will be worth it to see the look on her face.”
Opaline slowly awoke as light began to shine around her. She couldn’t quite remember what had happened, but it wasn’t pleasant. She was just about to terminate that pesky pest Sunny Starscout as well, but then there was singing, and she forgot what happened then. “Where am I?” she shouted out, as most villains do when they’re confused about where they are.
“You’re dead,” a voice said ominously behind her. “Or something like that, I’m not sure.” The source of the voice soon appeared in the area, revealing himself to be none other than Discord.
“Not possible,” Opaline scoffed. “I am the Fire Alicorn! Far too powerful to be defeated by anypony in Equestria, let alone killed. Even you will tremble before me!”
Discord just rolled his eyes. “I somehow doubt that, on the count of you being here of all places.
“And where is ‘here,’ exactly?”
“This is the Void Where Dead Villains Go Until Hasbro Needs Them Again For Continuity Or Fan Interest,” Discord laughed. “For simplicity’s sake, you can call it the VWDVGUHNTAFCOFI, which is the title I prefer. It’s where downed villains find themselves after dying until they inevitably come back for dramatic value or the like.”
“That sounds dumb,” Opaline responded.
“Just like you,” Discord replied.
“Well, it’s not all bad,” Opaline decided. “If you’re here, that means you’re out of the picture as well. It will be all the easier to conquer Equestria with you out of the way.”
Discord laughed. “No, no, I’m not dead. I’m Discord, after all. I just thought I’d pay a visit. Not often a villain gets killed by a tree, after all.”
“Seriously? That’s how I went out?”
“Afraid so,” Discord guffawed. “Well, I’d best be on my way. It’s time for tea with Fluttershy. Try to get along with the other inmates.”
“Anypony that I would recognize?”
“Not particularly, no. Most of them are from the 1980s. I’ll see you later when you inevitably come back in some way. Try not to take too long.”
Starlight Glimmer groaned as she turned on the faculty microphone. “Hello, yes, good morning, School of Friendship,” she said with all the enthusiasm of a chimera stuck in a tree. “We’ve been getting reports that one of our students has been illegally utilizing the school fountain as a swimming pool, and has been splashing numerous students, resulting in great discomfort, ruined outfits, supplies, and causing general disgruntlement. We won’t name names, but it starts with a ‘silver’ and ends with a ‘stream.’ You know who you are. Please refrain from doing this again, or else I will have no choice but to convert that entire section of the school into a restricted area exclusively used for flying kites. Thank you, and have a wonderful day!”
Starlight shut off the microphone and went to get some coffee.
“Alright, so as we all know, Lickety Split bungled it for all of us once again,” Gusty grumbled, as half of the currently gathered group paused to glare at the aforementioned perpetrator of the bungling, “and now we need to figure out what to do about the flooded basement. Any ideas?”
Shady began to raise her hoof.
“Any ideas that aren’t from Shady, please,” Gusty quickly added. “We don’t need any ideas like ‘give up and cry’ or something like that.”
Shady lowered her hoof quietly.
“Draining the basement would be the logical solution,” Wind Whistler pointed out.
“Well I agree that getting rid of the water would be nice, unless we wanted to convert the basement into a swimming pool.”
Fizzy’s face lit up like a Christmas tree.
“Fizzy, no. That was a joke. We’re not doing that,” Gusty said, immediately shutting Fizzy down.
Fizzy’s face darkened with disappointment.
“I’ll see what we can do about fixing up the pool at Paradise Estate, though.”
Fizzy’s face lit up again.
“But as I was saying, we don’t have a way to drain the water right now.”
“We could always just go into Canterlot and buy a pump,” Wind Whistler countered.
“And that’s why Wind Whistler makes the ideas,” Gusty replied. “Alright, everyone, we move. Let’s go find a pump.” She turned to glare at Lickety Split again. “You’re paying for it.”
“Well, that train ride could have gone worse,” Wind Whistler said, trotting into the streets of Canterlot.
“Could have gone better, too,” Gusty countered. “I half thought we’d have to ban Heart Throb from singing.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Wind Whistler replied. “She wasn’t even flat.”
“No, just loud.”
“Well, let’s go do what we came here for!” Fizzy exclaimed, bounding excitedly towards her friends. “The sooner we get the basement drained, the sooner we can ask the Bushwoolies to also fix the pool!” The twinkle-eyed unicorn was off like a shot, getting distracted every so often but largely looking for the item of interest.
“Should we be worried about her?” Wind Whistler asked.
“Naw, she’ll be fine. I’m more worried about Shady.”
“I probably shouldn’t come along, I’ll probably get lost in Canterlot and never find the way back to the train on time!” Shady groaned, trotting up alongside her friends.
“That is absurd,” Wind Whistler replied. “We’ll all be traveling together, and several of us are pegasi. The odds of you getting lost and us not finding you in time to make the train home are miniscule, to say the least.”
“But what if it rains, and none of you can fly through it to find me?”
Gusty just facehoofed. “You see what I mean?”
“I seriously doubt there will be a downpour strong enough to keep us down. Need I remind you of North Star’s flight through the dark shadows of Tambelon of all places?”
“Yes, but North Star’s not here.”
“She’s got you there, Wind Whistler.”
“I’ve kept up with North Star just fine in the past, and I’m quite sure Heart Throb and I will be able to go through any kind of storm here in Canterlot. And besides, it’s a sunny day, and there is not not a cloud in the sky.”
“But what if there’s a tornado?” Shady worried.
“Alright, that’s enough,” Gusty grunted, magically generating a small tornado of her own to carry Shady about. The irony was not lost on her, and she smirked while doing it. “We’re going to go find that pump, and we’re going to look for as long as it takes to do so.”
“But what if there isn’t a pump here?”
“I FOUND A PUMP!” Fizzy shouted excitedly from across the street. Sure enough, there was a brand-new pump on display in the window of a repair store, and Fizzy’s eyes were somehow gleaming more so than usual.
Gusty just smirked at Shady.
“I suppose that also works,” Shady admitted, allowing a small smile of her own to form.
Soon enough, the pump was purchased, and the ponies made good on their word and made Lickety Split pay for it, much to her irritation. The train ride also went without any significant issues, with its passengers now in higher spirits, and even Shady was spotted looking cheerful.
But of course, there still remained the problem of draining the basement. After Wind Whistler and Heart Throb successfully had the pump downstairs, Gusty began pumping while Fizzy cheered her on.
“Go Gusty!” Fizzy shouted, once again bouncing in place like an excited child. “You’ve got this!”
“Thank you, Fizzy,” Gusty said, unsure if she should be annoyed or amused.
This process of pumping and cheering proceeded for half an hour, with Gusty becoming a bit winded and Fizzy not losing any energy at all. In fact, she was now generating bubbles from her horn and incorporating them into the little show of cheering she had going. At that point, Gusty decided to take the energy to her advantage.
“You know Fizzy, why don’t you take a turn at the pump?” Gusty asked, silently taking note of the thousands of bubbles beginning to fill the area.
“Okay!” Fizzy replied cheerfully, and thus the twinkle-eyed pony began pumping.
Perhaps not shockingly, the basement was fully drained in less than five minutes. Lickety Split was banned from going down into the basement by herself, Shady was actually positive for the rest of the day, and Gusty made good on her word and had the Bushwoolies fix the swimming pool, much to Fizzy’s immense delight.
“I fold,” Chrysalis said calmly, placing her cards down on the table. The villains were playing poker, except for Sombra, who was still in prison after the incident with the fake Crystal Heart.
“Call,” Cozy Glow replied.
“Call,” Tirek added, as the two put down their cards. Tirek beat Cozy’s straight with a flush, chuckling darkly as he swiped away some of her chips.
“HOW!?” Cozy roared, as menacing sounding as an evil pony child could possibly be. “You’ve won almost every round!”
“I’ve been practicing,” Tirek responded evenly. “As much as those little ponies and Discord can be annoying, they’re better competition than the two of you put together. Now deal the cards.”
Spike stared at the excessively long list rolling all the way down one of Canterlot Palace’s hallways. “Uh, Twilight? What are you doing now?”
“Oh, hi Spike! I’m just making a list of all the things we’ll need to pack on our list with the others. You can never be too prepared!”
“I’m all for that, Twilight, but why would you need to bring this much stuff? It’s just a trip over the weekend. Not like Discord can’t grab anything we may possibly forget, anyway.”
Twilight looked up from her list in surprise, pondering this idea. “Huh, I guess you’re right!” However, a moment later, she continued, “still, it doesn’t hurt to be ready just in case! I want this trip to go as smoothly as possible!”
Twilight then started rambling about how many bungee cords she ought to pack while Spike watched with a calm neutrality that he saved specifically for these moments. “The real question isn’t if we’ll be ready for the campground, it’s if the campground will be ready for us.”
“Sunset gets tripped by a Furbob. Roll for defense,” Discord announced. The Weekly Reformed Villains Get-Together was going again, which meant more Ogres and Oubliettes. Sunset Shimmer rolled her dice, before staring at the 16 that came up.
“Well, that shouldn’t be too bad,” Sunset said calmly.
“Sunset takes 10 damage points, but the Furbob also tripped her next to what is apparently a Sphere of Annihilation disguised as a tree stump. You’re dead, Sunset. Consider yourself lucky Misty set a respawn location a few minutes ago.” He then paused to look over the guide again. “How did that even get into the Enchanted Forest?”
“You tell me, you made this campaign,” Sunset audibly grumbled as she looked over her sheet to figure out her respawn.
“Sunset finally rejoins the party, after a bizarre fifteen minutes of being lost and tripping over another Furbob. Welcome back, Sunset.”
“Thank you, Discord,” Sunset replied, having calmed down a little bit with her adventure over. “Still a bit annoying that I died on a stupid tree stump, but I suppose it happens.”
“Took you long enough,” Tempest said. “We lost precious time because you tripped over a Furbob. One of the strangest ways I’ve seen anypony go out in this game.”
“That’s saying a lot considering I made this campaign,” Discord noted smugly. “I’ll have to up my game.”
“It’s not my fault it was a Sphere of Annihilation,” Sunset shot back.
“Not my fault you tripped,” Tempest retorted.
“Discord, I shove Tempest into the tree stump.”
Tempest Shadow botched her defense roll, to Discord’s great amusement and Sunset’s satisfaction. She would have made it back to the party in less than fifteen minutes, but she tripped on a Furbob on the way there and got lost for half an hour while the others played touch hoofball in the game.
Rainbow Dash napped lazily on her cloud. Just the perfect time to get some sleep, and there wasn’t a single pegasus in the sky around her. Truly the ideal opportunity.
Then the sound of helicopter blades started being noisy below her. That was new.
Rainbow Dash looked down from her cloud to see Pinkie Pie and Cherry Berry both ascending into the sky, despite the fact that they were both Earth Ponies, in their helicopters. Soon enough, they reached Rainbow Dash’s level, the noise of which made sleep outright impossible.
“Hi, Dashie!” Pinkie Pie shouted happily, oblivious to her friend’s ruined efforts to sleep. “We updated our helicopters!”
“They look exactly the same as before,” Rainbow Dash pointed out.
“Well, yes, but if you look closer, you’ll notice we applied a new coat of pink on them both! Now they’re even better!”
Cherry Berry nodded in agreement, clearly pleased with the situation herself.
“How does that make them better?”
“Silly Dashie, having more pink in the sky always makes things better! You know that. Why don’t you take a nap, Cherry Berry and I will fly our helicopters over the park instead!”
And with that, the two pink ponies were gone, driving their helicopters away to ruin any sense of quiet in the park instead of at Rainbow’s cloud, leaving the pony just somewhat confused.
“The skies have never been the same ever since those two decided to cooperate on their flight plan,” Rainbow mused to herself. “But at least they’re respectful to ponies who want to take naps. Speaking of…”
