Come-Ons
"So, you're sure this is gonna work?"
Still wearing her sunglasses, Rainbow Dash flashed her trademark winning smile. "Trust me, Sunset. I use these lines all the time."
Poring over the large stack of flashcards, Sunset's brow furrowed. "Well, thanks for helping me memorize them, at least." After putting the cards down, Sunset glanced over at her friend from across the library's most clean table. "It's just… Some of these seem a little… Obscure? Like, if I really think about it, I can understand the metaphors, but for someone who's not in on it from the start—"
"Sunset, Sunset. Please." While she put her dirty soccer cleats on the library's now least-clean table, Dash explained, "I use these lines all the time."
"Well, if you say so."
With a thumbs-up and another one of those dazzling smiles, Dash kicked back and chillaxed. Grass and mud from the rain-drenched soccer field scattered across the table. As Sunset wiped the mess away, she couldn't help but look through the cards yet again…
"Are you sure though?" Sunset raised an eyebrow. "I mean, don't you think some of these seem kinda disrespectful?"
"Sunset, c'mon. Gimme a little credit, okay? I use these lines all the time. Hell, I came up with most of 'em, and I promise you, if they were disrespectful, they would never work, unless they were like, really respectful." Yawning, Dash took off her cleats and rubbed her stained socks on the table. Across the library, one of the librarians opened her mouth to admonish her, but Dash had already flipped her off with both hands.
Focused on the cards, Sunset ignored both the scene and the stench. "I just… I dunno. Maybe for other girls, but Wally's so… delicate, y'know? It wasn't that long ago that she was in the psych ward, and she only got away from her family a few months ago too…" She sighed. "She's just really sensitive, is all. The last thing I wanna be is another person who hurts her."
"Sensitive, huh?" Dash chuckled. "In my experience, it's the quiet ones who like to be… you know…" Cracking her knuckles, Dash finished with a smirk, "Smacked around a li'l bit!"
"...What."
"Yeah, you can get all rough with her and she'd probably like it! Lots of chicks like a bad girl, right?" Smacking her gum, Dash concluded with a wide sweeping of her long fingernails, "Endorphins and shit, you don't know!"
Sunset's eyelid twitched. "You do know why she had to get away from her family, right?"
Leaning forward, Dash said over the top of her sunglasses. "Hey, all I'm saying is that I use." She smacked the table. "These lines." Again. "All the time." On the third smack, she pushed her sunglasses back up and laughed. "Maybe give ol' Dashie some credit, huh? You're not exactly racking up a body count yourself, Sunset! How many people have you hooked up with?"
"None! That's why I came to you in the first place!"
"Look, all I'm saying is that pain makes ya feel good," Dash replied with her typical razor-sharp wit. "There's a thin red line between pain and pleasure, and if you wanna give your girl a good time, maybe you oughta give her a chance to cut loose."
"I…" Rubbing her temples, Sunset groaned. "...Cannot even begin to tell you all the problems with that statement."
"Okay, fine. Play it classic. And lame." Dash snorted. "Get all dolled up, scoot up next to her on the couch, put your arm around her, blah blah blah… But when you do… Just trust the expert." Gesturing to herself, Dash declared, "Remember: I use. These lines. ALL THE TIME."
"How often do they work?"
Without warning, Rainbow Dash jolted upright. Torn from her comfy display, she scooped the flashcards out of Sunset's hands, threw them in her bag, and pointed at her cell phone. "Ooops, I just got a call from some totally hot bitches, I better take it goodluckwithyourgirlfriendorwhateverbye!"
Once the dust cleared, Sunset repeated, "'Some totally hot bitches?' Wow." She beamed with excitement. "These must really work!"
Once Sunset Shimmer arrived home at the apartment she shared with Wallflower Blush, she discreetly set her plan in motion. While her girlfriend was occupied with setting up the television and picking a movie for them to watch, Sunset changed out of her street clothes into a more… appropriate outfit. Nothing too crazy, just a little red number she had saved for such a special occasion tucked away under her usual cozy hoodie. Paired with a spritz of perfume and some other finishing touches, Sunset was ready to make her move.
"Hey, you…" Sunset sauntered back into the living room. She sat down beside Wallflower, then pulled her close with an arm around her waist in one smooth, fluid movement.
"Hi…" With the world's cutest smile, Wallflower settled in against her girlfriend's touch. "You look nice," she said, before her eyes returned to the screen. "So, I was thinking maybe we could watch that musical I told you about? The one I had us listen to a few weeks ago?"
"Hmm, that sounds nice." Sunset kissed Wallflower's cheek. "But…" She lowered both her eyelids and her voice. "I had something else in mind for tonight, maybe…"
"Oh? What's that? Maybe that new fantasy series?"
"Mmm, no, not a show… I was thinking…" Sunset held back a toothy grin. Dash was right… this was easy once she got in the right mindset. Now just to seal the deal. "Maybe instead, I could… pet your panty hamster."
"What're you talking about? I haven't had a hamster since I was a kid."
"No, Wally—"
"He was so cute…" Looking out the window near the TV, Wallflower said in a wistful tone, "His name was Mister Fluffy. He was my first pet, and my only friend." Her voice grew quieter. "I was always super nice to him, b-but he would always bite me…" As she trailed off, Wallflower started choking up. "Wh-why wouldn't he love me? Why was I never good enough—?!"
Quickly shaking her head, Sunset cut in again. "N-no, Wally, I mean…" Plastering a smirk, she clarified, "I wanna taste your pink taco."
"O-oh, I didn't get those. I got the orange ones." As if she was being scolded, Wallflower looked away. "Y'know, at Taco Bell? There's one left in the fridge if you want. I think they're Doritos flavored."
"Wally… I'm trying to say I wanna, y'know…" Sunset wiggled her eyebrows. "Explore your lady garden?"
"It's kinda late to visit the garden, isn't it?" Wiping at her eyes, Wallflower added, "We can go tomorrow though. I guess I do have some bushes I need to trim."
"Uhhh…" Sunset's brain hiccuped. Shit, Dash had made this sound so easy! If only she still had those flashcards…
"Sunset? Are you okay?"
After a moment, Sunset blurted, "I wanna part your meat curtains!"
Wallflower blinked. "I thought you were a vegetarian?" Her eyes lit up. "Wait, does this mean you'll finally try pepperoni pizza?"
Again, Sunset shook her head. A desperate edge crept into her voice. "I wanna have breakfast in bed!"
Seeming more confused than aroused, Wally tilted her head. "But I thought you ate while you were out? That's why I got the Taco Bell…"
"I mean—I want to sample your hot box!"
"Hey, you know I don't do drugs!" Wally crossed her arms. "Did Trixie try to sell you weed again? I swear, I'll—!"
"No! Wally, please!" By this point, Sunset was on the verge of tears. "I—I want to take a ride through your love tunnel!"
With a sweet smile, Wallflower replied, "Aw, I wish you'd told me sooner."
For a split second, Sunset's hopes rekindled… until her girlfriend finished her sentence. "The fair left town last week, silly. Next time, though!"
Almost in a sob, Sunset shot back, "Wally, I want you to pop my cherry!"
"Oh gosh, were those maraschinos in the fridge yours? I finished them off before you got home, but… But I can go get more tomorrow if you want!" Curling into herself, Wallflower muttered, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to eat them all. They're just really good, and I had a really hard therapy session… We talked about how scary the hospital was, and how I really don't wanna go back, and once I got home I realized we didn't have any chocolate and I really wanted something sweet and you weren't home yet and there was a really loud car outside and—!"
"Wally!" Not as gentle as she could have been, Sunset placed her hands on her girlfriend's shaking shoulders. "It's okay! I don't even care about the stupid cherries! I just—I want—" Mind reeling, Sunset wailed, "I wanna dip my fingers in your honey pot!"
In an instant, Wallflower's demeanor shifted from despair back to utter perplexion. "What? I don't have a honey pot. At least… I don't think I do?" Wallflower tapped her chin. "Doesn't your friend Fluttershy keep bees? She probably has a honey pot, so why don't you try hers if you're h—"
"NO!" Sunset's voice cracked. "Wally! Please! Just listen to me!" Throwing her hands in the air, she asked, "Don't you wanna try my peaches and cream?!"
"That sounds really yummy, but I already ate all those cherries, sorry. I don't wanna get a tummy ache."
"No! Wally, I wanna give you lip service!"
"B-but…" Sniffling, Wallflower looked down at the floor. "But I thought you said people were finally noticing me…"
"I-I mean…" After a frustrated cry, Sunset tried yet again. "I wanna go pearl-diving with you, Wally!"
Perking up, Wallflower said after a moment, "Well… I'm always down to rewatch Steven Universe." She giggled. "And I'm glad you remembered Pearl is my favorite character!"
"Yeah, mine too—wait, no!"
"Wait, do you not like Pearl? But she's so inspiring!"
"I mean…!" Mere seconds away from literally tearing her hair out, Sunset took a deep breath. As she exhaled, she attempted as sexily as possible, "I want to look into your… whispering eye."
"Is that some kind of magic thing?" A skeptical eyebrow and wary gaze followed. "I told you, I don't want anything more to do with that stuff! It's dangerous, Sunset!" Wallflower sighed, then shook her head. "I know it's your heritage, but—"
"No, no, no!" Though Wallflower flinched at the outburst, Sunset couldn't stop herself from pleading her final lines in both rising tone and volume. "I wanna get on my knees for you, Wally! I wanna worship at your altar! I wanna speak in tongues!"
"...Are you sure this isn't some kind of occult thing?"
"VAGINA!" Sunset screeched, waving her arms wildly. "I wanna touch your vagina, Wallflower!" Red-faced, tears streaming down her cheeks, Sunset cried, "As in sex! Sexual intercourse?! Touching each other's vaginas? And BOOBS?!"
In the ensuing silence of her final, desperate, crystal-clear plea, Sunset ultimately caught her breath, scrambled for a semblance of composure, and, hoping she hadn't completely destroyed her relationship, glanced up at her girlfriend…
…Who had already stripped down and was breathing even heavier than Sunset.
Sunset Shimmer didn't have time to speak before she was the victim of a lesbian pounce.