What do you do when a group of multiverse traveling heroes offers you a job to join them? You pop the bottle, grab a M1911, and say yes to that shit
It was the day of the wedding, and everything went horribly wrong.
First, it was found that the Cadance what was about to be married wasn't real. Now, Canterlot was under attack from changelings. Whelp, now it's time to go ahead and defeat them with the power of LOV- ... What was that? It's not the power of love this time? We have some treasure hunters this time? ... ... I see...
Well, we have to fix this description, don't we?
This time, we have guns, portals, and multiverse shenanigans! We have SPARTANS, Dragonbornes, Illegal treasure hunters! We have starships, planet-killers, and even jet fighters! This time, we have humans and ponies, killers and princesses, we even have zombies and monsters galore! This time, we don't even have a coherent plotline! ... ... What was that...? We DO have a plotline? ... The 'no plotline is in the sequel? ... Wait, we already got approved for a sequel? ... Huh, alright. WELL, ladies and gentlemen, we seem to actually have a plotline this time! *Lights a single firecracker in celebration because we don't have the budget for a decent celebration*
So buckle up, dweebs, because for the next five-and-a-half years I'm about to strap you into a multiverse rocket and hot-wire that bulls*** to the goddamn MOON on chapters that depending on my mood and how many shots of coffee I take will be from ten-thousand words to just under 500! LET'S DO THIS S***!
(AN: Alright, let's clear something up. This is, in essence, a giant mix of random franchises in the REAL WORLD. I know the trope of having characters pop into random fanfiction has already been done [Sunset's Isekai is a good example of this] This is instead of using actual franchises from the real world that we live in instead, like Uncharted, Halo, Fallout, etc)
(AN Again: Although, later on, I was going to write a fanfiction where Twilight and her group end up bouncing around random fanfiction as well, so if you want, leave your fanfiction in the comments, and I will have them explore it)
I knew I shouldn't have gone looking through that Castle...
It was, hilariously, The Dovahkiin's idea to start with. After saving Skyrim from Alduin and becoming the 'Hero of the Land', he would often go across Tamriel, searching for more bosses to fight and more Norse sites to loot. In one of these sites, he found an orb that would, if used, supposedly bring about the end of the world—Or turn the moon into cheese, translation was rocky. However, this didn't deter the Dovahkiin, who used it and ended up getting sucked into a solid white room. After about 20 mins of waiting, another person fell in, a large green metal man wielding a very powerful bow with a small blue lady in his palm. As they talked, he found his name to be Chief and the blue lady Cortana.
After a few more people fell through portals, a blocky human, a soldier that looked akin to the Chief—Albeit with more demon blood on him), a treasure hunter, and a cloaked white figure with a hidden blade. After they all gathered together to talk it out, Cortana eventually deduced that they each found the same orb that brought them here. After a full hour of walking, they found what looked to be a hotel lobby, with an infinity bar to the left, a group of dorms to the right, and a room full of portals to their respective worlds. The Dovahkiin got them that they were supposed to be a group of explorers to other worlds, and as a person from each world came into their group, their series of portals would open. Everyone scoffed at this until a small red plumber popped out through the sky, and his group of portals lit up.
With this, The Dovahkiin gathered them around a round table, so they can discuss how to go about this. They eventually formed a Group—Name to be discussed later—that would go out and explore, protect, and generally do random stuff in general.
This was over 20 years ago. Their Group had grown immensely, with over 200 members and thousands of portals to be explored. The original 7 became the de facto leaders of their Group and handled everything as needed. While some opted to stay for a while in their pocket dimension (Steve said if he met another zombie he would just light this entire place with TNT), others sought the adventure of these new portals, especially one treasure hunter in particular...
Nathan Drake was not an idle man. Out of the Core 7 members of his Group, he was often the one most active and usually took the charge of exploring all the new worlds. He had managed to find his home portal, and bring over his brother, Sully, Elena, and their daughter to his new Group, and usually, they tolerated his random excursions—Sully was especially fine when he showed him the infinity stash of beer and wine. One day, he was exploring the backwoods of Scotland, digging through old castles, when he found a new one not seen before.
"Well, it's not every day you see a full city-castle on the side of a mountain."
This mountain, Mount Canterhorn, was very well known to the locals. However, no one had ever tried to explore it before. The dense fog from London would rise up and make its way here, making it impossible to see and very dangerous to climb it. Couple that with almost daily rockslides, and you had a one-way ticket to the Great Beyond if you tried to climb it. However, Nathan wasn't deterred. Working with the Eagle Vision he learned from his cloaked buddy, he had skillfully dodged every falling rock through the fog, and eventually broke through the clouds, only to find a previously-undiscovered location. With this in mind, he set up a temporary portal, took his brother and Sully, and brought them to the top.
"You can say that again kid."
"How do we get inside though?"
The problem with entering this castle was clear. The immediate entrance was blocked by a rock slide. The mountain it was hanging on was so steep and so wet,It seemed that there was a waterfall on the side of the mountain that it was unclimbable.
"Wait, kid, there, do you see it?"
Nathan brought up his binoculars and saw what Sully was pointing to. It seemed that on the side of the wall that was hanging out, a blasted out hole was formed, likely through some explosive going off. Above that was one of the towers of the castle, its roof blew up. Nodding to each other, they began to climb the castle walls, before shimmying their way across and entering the inner courtyard. They then took out their grappling hooks and slowly climbed the wall of the tower, before entering the inner room.
"Wow, this place is in need of a cleanup."
It looked like a bar fight happened. Broken tables, smashed bottles, and clothes strew about. As they flicked on their flashlights, Sam pointed his at a hanging pennant, "Look".
It seemed to be the crest of the castle, a Sun and a moon, in a yin and yang style shape. "That must be the crest of whoever owned this castle, though it's not one that I remember in the books." As Sully and Sam continued walking, Nathan pulled out his notebook, then drew the crest and some note on the side.
"Hey kid, look 'er." As Nathan's head looked up, Sully pointed to a notebook on the table. It looked to be a journal, yielding the same symbol as the crest. Sam took some pictures of it, before slowly opening the journal and reading the first page, "Property of Her Highness of the Moon, Princess Luna."
"Luna? Doesn't sound like any princess I heard about."
"Sam, you and I should stay here and keep looking around this room. Nate, you can start looking downstairs for more clues as to what this place is."
"Can do Sully." As Sam and Sully began reading the journal, Nathan began his descent down the tower. When he reached the ground floor, he found himself in a dimly lit corridor. Valuing light over preservation, he began smashing the dusty windows to let in the Summer light. As he continued, he found himself at a crossroad. There were two ways, 'Throne Room' and 'Church'. He was about to start his way down the route through the throne room when he slipped on something and fell. "Ow! The fuck was that?"
As he stood up and dusted himself off, he shone his flashlight on the ground to see what he slipped on. Bones?
Bones, and lots of them as well. He found more of them and saw that they lead all the way to the Church. As he began to sift through the bones, he came across the head of one of them. "Well I'll be, it's a fucking horse skull."
"Alright Nate, let's think about this," He began to talk to himself, "You managed to climb a previously unclimbable mountain, found an undiscovered castle and crest. You took your friend and brother, left them in the study of an unknown princess, and now you find horse bones that lead to a Church..."
"Well," He began, "Can't be worse than Mars and The Marine." He began to walk down the corridor, finding all sorts of odds-and-ends on the corpses while following the path. "Guard armor by the looks of it, suits, dresses, and is this solid gold?!?!" He picked up a purse on one of the corpses, opened it, and found what looked to be solid gold coins, 18 karat, 1 inch in diameter, and the inscription reads 'In Celestia we trust'. Who the hell is Celestia?
He pocketed the coins, before continuing on his way. At the end of the corridor, he found what looked to be the main chapel. As he looked around, he found more horse skeletons in the pews, some in suits and dresses. In the middle, he found a wedding gown, a groom's suit, and the skeletons of a large horse with wings and a horn.
"Aw damn, the unlucky guy was getting married, I should tell Su-WAIT, WINGS AND HORNS??" He spun around, making sure to rub his eyes to prove he wasn't hallucinating. "Holy shit, it has wings and horns. I better tell Sam and Sully." Snapping a few pictures to prove he wasn't lying or going insane, he began to run back to Sam and Sully. He slammed the door open, shushed his brother, and proceeded to show them the pictures he found.
"Well, I'll be damned, it's a fucking Alicorn."
"You know these things, Sully?" Sam asked with a raised eyebrow.
"They're mythological, said to be a mix of a pegasus and a unicorn," Sully explained.
"Oh, well that makes sense."
"Sense? SENSE?!?! How can you two believe that this makes sense?" Nathan exasperated.
"Kid, you've been to a world with demons, a 2D cartoon world, and a world where everything is made of blocks. How are you surprised?"
"Because all of those things were at least human! Steve barely resembles a human, and Mario is just a short human. This is a fucking horse!?!?!"
"...eh, I'll give you that."
"...anyways, what did you two find in this journal?"
"Well, we were just about to call you about that. Apparently, this place is a city called Canterlot, and the two leaders of it were Princess Luna and Princess Celestia."
"However," Sam began, "according to the journal, something happened to the Princesses and their subjects during a wedding, and all of them died in it."
"Yeah, I saw it. The church had hundreds of skeletons of these horses running from something."
"Wait kid, look at this," Sully held up the journal. "It's the last journal entry, looks to be dated the day of this wedding:
7/11 Princess Cadence and Shining Armour's wedding
To the reader of this entry, I have no time to explain what transpired here, the screams of my subjects are slowly coming closer, and I must defend them to the best of my ability. I will head to the Throne Room with my sister, and we shall try to defeat the foul beast that struck today, though I fear it may be in vain.
The Element Bearers are dead, killed in the defense of the city. With it, our most powerful source of defense is gone. Without them, there is little hope in defeating the enemy. If you read this, take my journal, and take the orb I have in my drawer, and bring them to the Throne Room. There, utter the spell I have written, and all will be explained.
After re-reading the journal seven-times over, Nathan walked over to the Princesses drawer and took out the orb mentioned. "Huh, it's the exact same one that brought me to The Group."
"Kid, you're not actually going to try this, are you?"
"Well, yeah. I've already fought demons, an alien alliance hell-bent on killing Humanity, and a teleporting-dragon. Doing stuff with magic is like second-fiddle to what I have done."
"I think we should at least check it out Sully," Sam said approvingly.
"Alright then, but if this blows up in our faces, I'm high-tailing it outta here."
The three men nodded, before taking the journal, the orb, and making their way downstairs. They continued down the hallway, taking a right to the Throne Room, and occasionally having to stop Sully from taking anymore 'souvenirs' ("Sully, they're corpses! Don't disrespect the dead!") and eventually made their way to the Throne Room. What they found shocked them to the very core. "Jesus Christ, what happened here?!?!"
It looked like a massacre. Pony skeletons piled on both sides of the Throne Room. In the middle, a huge scorch wave was the only remnant of what seemed to be a very chaotic and explosive battle. There were guard bodies everywhere, scorch marks and blast marks scarring their bones. In the middle of the scorch, the wave held three more alicorn bodies. one looks disfigured, like ash. It held signs of necrotic disfiguration, with its bones being a harsh black shade. Next to it stood another alicorn body. In stark contrast to the other body, this once maintained a regal white color. Its body held in pristine light with a sense of formality to it.
"Look, there's another body at the door." Sully pointed to another alicorn body at the doors of the Throne Room. Much like the 2nd body, this one was also clean, it's midnight blue clearly evident in the summer light. It gave off a sense akin to the first body, with its dark color and imposing armor, but also carried with it a sense of regality akin to the second body.
"So," Sam began, "We're now in the Throne Room. What are we supposed to do?"
"Well," Nathan answered, "we're supposed to utter this spell that's written on the journal." Pulling out Luna's journal, he began to read off what was written.
Ph'nglui yaah ot n'ghftyar, Y' ah'r'luh ghostly mgn'ghft l' fahf n'gha'agl “In the name of the night, I cast the ghostly light upon this tomb”
As Nate finished reading off the incantation, a midnight blue swirl began to pick up around them. It swirled above the room, slowly gathering in size. After reaching its largest position, it began to collapse upon itself until it exploded in a shower of light. When the dust settled, the three men coughed out the smoke and shone their flashlights at the ground where the light was.
"Well..." Nate began.
"It's a blue pony," Sam finished for him. "A fucking blue pony."
"Alicorn."
"What?" Sam remarked.
The blue alicorn stood, dusted itself off, then cleared its throat. "Alicorn. I am an alicorn, good sir. Not a pony."
"Sully, language!" Nathan berated him, "don't make us look like fools in front of a Princess!"
"I'm with Sully, Nate," Sam began, "what the hell just happened?" Before the two brothers could get into a skirmish over proper manners and language, Sully pushed himself between them.
"Guys!" Sully started, "Don't start this in front of the lady!"
Suddenly remembering why they were even here in the first place, both Drake brothers turned their heads to find Princess Luna standing there, curious eyes affixed to them. She began to trot to them- "Ah buck!"
Luna suddenly did a double-take, before falling on her flanks and wincing in pain. Seeing this, Sully and Nathan rushed over while Sam got a first-aid kit. "Mrs. Luna, are you alright?" Nathan asked.
"I am fine Sir Nathan," Luna responded, her voice laced with pain, "It seems not all of my wounds have healed from my fight with Queen Chrysalis when you resurrected me." To prove her point, she brought her hoof up to show that one of her hooves was broken, and a long gash ran the length of her hooves. “Alas, it seems thy sword wielding changeling I fought before I died managed to get me fiRST!’ She winced in pain again when she tried to move it.
Sam came over to inspect the wound. “One second ma’am, it seems the sword cut a line straight down your veins, and there seems to be a piece of the sword embedded in your arm,” He points to a bit of a sword blade stuck in the pony equivalent of the wrist. “One sec, I took a medic class a few weeks ago.” He turned around, and pulled out a medic bag, before coming back to Luna. He first took a elastic band and wrapped it around the area above her elbow -“Need to stop the blood flow before I pull out the blade.”- Then, once he was sure that the blood circulation was stopped, he disinfected the open gash, then using some tweezers, he slowly pried out the sword blade shard, before taking some gauze and alcohol and applying it to her hooves, before applying a torquenet for good measure.
"Thank you, Sir Samuel," Luna said, moving her hoove to see if she can use it properly, "It seems that the blade attack Queen Chrysalis sent after my sister had hit me as well" Nathans mind started putting some pieces together, If she was the ruler of this kingdom with her sister, but her name isn't on the coins I found...
"Excuse me," Nathan cut her off, "Was your sister Princess Celestia?"
Luna nodded, "Why yes, how did you know?"
Nathan pulled out one of the coins he looted from the bodies, "I found these coins on the corpses of some horses—‘Ponies,’ Luna muttered under her breath—and it said 'In Celestia we Trust.' " He flipped a coin to Luna, who caught it with her magic.
"Very nice, although I will have to ask you to stop touching the corpses of my...deceased subjects now."
"As is the courtesy," Nate replied, shooting a glance at Sully, who began whistling nonchalantly.
"Now," Luna began, her horn charging up to show a slideshow full of pictures of Equestria, "what do you wish to know of my world?"
“Well, we can leave the finer details for later,” Nathan began, “So why don’t you just begin by telling us of your leadership?”
“Very well,” She began, “I am Princess Luna, Princess of the Moon and of the Night. My sister, as you know, was Princess Celestia, Princess of the Day and of the Sun. Together, we ruled in tandem the country of Equestria.”
Off to the side, and Luna began to explain Parliament and Cadence, he made a note, Matriarchy-We haven’t had one of those in awhile.
The throne room was now devoid of half of its occupants. Nathan had skipped out at the first-hour mark when he learned of the Royal Library and asked to go there and pick up some books. Sully had skipped out about an hour after that when Luna made an off-hand comment about how the wine in the castle was probably aged for Millennials and opted to find that instead, and Sam?
"But that's scientifically impossible!" Sam exclaimed, a notebook in his hand with equations written all over it. "The energy needed to move the Moon is almost FORTY-MILLION times what the energy output of Earth is, so how can you move it??"
Luna deadpanned with one word, "Magic."
"But that still doesn't make sense!" Sam exclaimed, "I cannot believe that a single Equine body can house enough energy to move a celestial body!"
"But," Luna replied, "You believe that your fellow 'Doom Guy' has gone to hell and back and used demon energy. You also believe that your friend 'Master Chief' has somehow survived the equivalent of several nuclear strikes on his position, so is it that far off to believe I could have raised the moon?"
Sam opened his mouth to respond, but then closed it, thought about it for a few minutes, then sighed. "Yeah, I guess you have a point."
As the two began to talk once more, an automatic bell signaled that it was the hour once more. Luna looked up, then her eyes widened in shock before darting back and forth. Sam, of course, had noticed.
"What is it, Princess Luna?" He said in alarm. She began pacing back and forth, muttering to herself. Sam could only make out about 3 things: 'no time', 'Shimmer', 'Twilight', before reeling his head back and Luna's head snapped up and she teleported our other 2 explorers back to the throne room. Nathan had seemed to be in the middle of a book, with about 5 more in his satchel, while Sully had been downing a bottle at the time, and had ended up choking on the thing.
"There is no time!" Luna yelled in the Canterlot Voice, before stopping to notice that her wings began dissolving into dust. "Argh! The spell is beginning to wear off! I have no time to explain what is currently happening, so I'll just tell you what I need you to do." She levitated the orb that Nathan had found in her room and handed it to Sam. "Sir Samuel, I need you to do something crucial. I'm going to give you a scroll," she said, producing said scroll and handing it to him. "This is a dimensional scroll, it will send you to the dimension and time I need you to be in," As she said this, her wings fully dissolved, and her flank began to dissolve as well.
"This will send you to about 3 days before the Wedding. I will need you to show this scroll to past me, she will check the magic and find that what you are saying is true. Should you get to this point, ask her to contact me 3 days into the future and I will tell her what needs to be done then and watch out for the green flame, they aren't who you think they are. Hurry, the time is running out!" Luna yelled before her body was split in two, and she dissolved into nothing more than ash and bones. The 3 adventurers looked at each other, then at the scroll, then at Luna.
it was Sully that broke the ice, "What the fuck just happened?"
Nathan blinked.
Sam blinked.
Sully downed a bottle of wine, and blinked.
None of the 3 adventures made a move. All 3 were still trying to process what just happened in front of them. Nathan began to think back to his adventure with the El Dorado treasure, and silently prayed he wouldn’t turn around to see a spanish inquisitor behind him.
Sam began to process whether or not this thing was an airborne virus and if they needed to leave.
Sully was downing his flask of Scotch.
After looking at each other awkwardly, then at the scroll which Sam put on Luna's Throne, Nathan began, "Soo..."
"So?" Sully replied.
"Are we going to do it?"
'What do you mean 'it' kid?"
"Follow Luna's request," Sam finished for him, before grabbing the scroll and his bag, "And my answer? I say we go for it."
"But kid," Sully began "We didn't even know this girl for barely a day. How can you just straight up trust her with whatever she's saying?"
"Because," Nathan replied, also packing his bag, "she was literally pleading with us to go do what she's asking, how can you deny a girl's request like that?"
"I can when I barely even know the girl."
"Yeah, but we're explorers," Sam replied, double-checking that his gun was loaded "It's kinda what we do when we're given obscure evidence to do something."
"...fine. But let the record show that if we die, I blame you."
"Duly noted." Nathan replied, before grabbing the scroll, "Everyone hold on tight." He said, before activating the scroll.
Nathan could barely explain the sensation he felt when he used Luna’s scroll. He had used portals before, it was the primary method of travel as well as the only method of travel between dimensions with the Group, however, this teleportation-and time travel-method Luna used was unlike anything he ever experienced. The moment he touched it, he began to dissolve and was sucked into the scroll. He couldn’t breathe, move, or do anything else besides watch. He felt transparent as if he was in reality but yet nothing could touch him. His head felt soft as he zoomed through what seems like several different universes. When he got to one in particular, he started slowing down, before coming to a planet, and a very specific castle. He began to speed up, as feelings began to creep up through his toes, and through his legs. When it reached his head, he finally was able to think clearly and see...he was on the roof.
He fell, crashing on the ornamental rug beneath him. His head hit the side of a fireplace, and he vaguely felt the slickness of blood snaking through his hair. He pulled himself up, before finding the wound and disinfecting it, and wrapping some bandages around the affected area. Finding the bleeding stopped, he pulled himself up further and analyzed the area around him.
To the left of him, Sam KO'd himself on a coffee table edge, luckily not bashing his head hard enough to cause bleeding. Further up, Nathan could hear the distinct sound of Sully groaning, and he flipped around to see that the older man had fallen on top of a suit of armor, "Goddamnit, my head feels like I've gotten off on six shots of Chardonnay."
His head clearing up, Nathan pulled himself up and grabbed the end of the table. He slumped over it, before seeing that his bag was on the opposite side of the room. As he lunged for it, he saw it was enveloped in a Navy Blue Aura, before it floated over to his hands, "What the fuck...?"
"Ahem." He turned around, seeing through blurred vision a blob of dark blue. He rubbed his eyes, letting them clear up, before settling down and noticing who the creature was. "Hello, my name is-"
Sam’s first thought when he opened his eyes was What the fuck just happened? He sat up, eyes blurry, shoulder’s sore, and absolutely no idea how he got there. He vaguely remembered they were talking to an alicorn named Princess Luna, but everything seemed to blur together after that point. As he continued blinking and clearing his eyes, he began to see more clearly and tried to sit up.
The first thing he noticed was that it was dark. Like very dark. It took him a minute before he realized that there was a pair of tinted sunglasses on his head. He slowly brought a hand to his face to take them off, before quickly slipping them back on when he realized how bright the room was when he took them off, “Augh!”
“Woah, Sam, slow down.” To his left, he could make out Nathan’s voice. “You knocked yourself out exiting the teleportation.” He offered Sam a drink, which he took in earnest, before continuing. “No permanent damage, but your eyes kept staring at the fireplace for a solid minute so we had to make sure you didn’t burn your eyes out.”
“I’ll be fine, Nate,” Sam chuckled. “It’s like those ‘staring at a lightbulb for 3 minutes’ things that Cortana did to test us or something.” After double-checking to make sure that his eyes were okay, he slowly pulled off the glasses and let his eyes adjust to the surroundings.
He immediately found that he was in what looked to be a medical room. He couldn't hear the tell-tale sign of doctors muttering incomprehensibly that would show he was in a hospital, but could easily see that there were medical supplies and machines all around him. He tried to get out of bed but was stopped by some braces on his legs.
“Oh yeah,” Nate spoke, seeing him trying to get out of bed, “Apparently, you suffered the most injuries between me, Sully, and you. Sully landed on some armor stand, and I landed next to the fireplace, but you crashed straight through a coffee table.”
“First stuck in a Panama jail for 15 years, then nearly died finding one of the world's oldest pirate treasures, then handicapped because I crashed through a table.” Sam chuckled to himself. “Maybe I should have taken up that offer to become a professor in Chicago instead.”
“Yeah, but where’s the fun in that?” Sam chuckled as well. “C’mon, Sully’s with the princess, and I don’t trust keeping him with her for any longer than I have to.” Nathan hoisted his older brother over his shoulder with surprising ease, then they both stumbled their way to the living room.
Sam was prepared to see a drunken scene entering the room, but surprisingly, that was not the case. Sitting in the middle looked to be Princess Luna, the same look she had when they resurrected her earlier. Opposite of her was Sully, a cigar in his mouth as always, and between them was a chessboard of all things. “Checkmate,” Sully muttered.
“What!” Luna yelled, “How art thou possible?!”
“David and Goliath move,” Sam called out. When he noticed the puzzled look of Luna, he elaborated, “You moved your king in between your pawns to get away from his rook, but you set yourself up to a diagonal checkmate by his pawn.” He pointed to the pawn that Sully had his fingers on.
“Ah, a king defeated by the lowest piece, a true David and Goliath move,” Luna acknowledged, before cleaning the board and extending her hoof to Sully, who took it in earnest, “Good game, Sir Sullivan.”
“Now, if you two don’t mind,” Sully called, getting the attention of the two brothers, “Sit down so we can explain to Luna why we just crashed into her living room. I don’t think she’s taking kindly to being beaten in chess 4 times in a row.”
“Hah, be grateful you were not playing my sister, Sir Sullivan,” Luna replied, “She would have wiped you faster than you may say ‘What the buck.’ ” When the group of adventurers took their seats, Luna began. “Sir Sullivan had chosen to make light on some of the aspects of why you came into my house, but I would like to hear more from you two.”
“So, where would you like to begin, your majesty?” Sam asked, flexing his leg to a better position.
“Let’s suppose at the top. Sullivan made light you talked to me already, and that is how you know my name, despite not being of this world. Yet how did you know me then?”
“Your future self, ma’am,” Sam answered.
Luna’s eyebrows rose, “Elaborate.”
“We were climbing a mountain, your majesty,” Sully replied, “When we came across what looked to be that castle up there,” Sully pointed to the castle on the horizon of the window.
“Canterlot Castle?” Luna said.
“Yes, ma’am,” Nathan interjected, “Where we came from, it was run-down, and severely damaged. From what we can tell, a wedding happened, but then an attack stopped it and killed everyone in attendance.”
“Wedding?” Luna mumbled, Nathan and Sam nodded, “That can’t be, the only wedding ever hosted at Canterlot Castle was…” Her eyes widened, “No!”
Luna immediately jumped out of her chair, knocking over the chess pieces in the process, “The wedding, was the mare in question an alicorn?”
“Mare?” Nathan asked, brows furrowing.
“The name of a female pony,” Sully answered, “And yes, your majesty, it was an alicorn.”
“For an ex-con, you do know a lot about equines, Sully,” Sam said, eyebrows raised.
“I studied to go undercover as a horse breeder in a scam I did a few years back,” Sully answered. “Anyways, your majesty, what’s so bad about this wedding?”
“...The only wedding to ever be hosted at Canterlot Castle,” Luna began somberly, “Is to be the one between the alicorn princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Captain Shining Armor of the Royal Guard, in three days!” Luna shouted.
“Three days?” Sam asked, “That's the time that Luna sent us back from the ‘end of Equestria’ or something.”
He watched as incredulous eyes locked onto him, “Oh, the wedding is the event, isn’t it?” He facepalmed.
With haste, Luna looked at Nate, “Sir Nathan, did future me tell you anything else?”
“Um, yeah.” Nate opened his bag and took out the teleportation scroll. “This was the teleportation scroll that future you wrote.” He handed the scroll to Luna, “She told us to give it to you, in case you didn’t believe us, to prove we aren’t lying, and then said for you to contact her three days in the future.”
Luna cast some spells on the scroll, then nodded, “This indeed was touched with my magic. Give me one second.” With a nod to the guard at the door, he closed it, then Luna began. With a grunt, she channeled magic onto the mirror above the fireplace. It levitated, before glowing a milky blue.
“Woah, what was that?” Nate asked.
“This,” Luna motioned to the mirror, “is a scrying mirror. It allows me to look at any place in Equestria, and talk with anybody with a mirror as well, similar to those ‘p-owns’ that Sir Sullivan had shown me.”
“With a little time magic,” She gestured to the mirror again, “This would allow me to look at the past and present as well. In theory, this would allow me to talk to future me, should she still have her scrying mirror as well.”
Luna then created a magic shield bubble between her and the treasure hunters, “This is for your own safety, as the ‘little magic’ I mentioned is enough to level a city if used improperly.” With a grunt of concentration, she shot a beam at the mirror. It shuddered and began vibrating. Within ten seconds, it looked like it was made of pure light, with light beams shooting out of cracks in the mirror, “Oh dear. GUARDS!”
Quickly, Luna called her guards, who lined up and added their magic to the shield spell, while Luna cast another shield spell around the mirror. Everyone believed that the mirror was going to blow up before a blast of light came out of it. When the light dimmed, they saw that the mirror, miraculously, still was in one piece.
“Guards!” Luna called to her guards, who lined up and saluted her, “Do not mention anything that transpires today to anyone outside your ranks, okay?” With a nod, the guards exited the room and closed the door. “Do not worry about them,” Luna said in response to Nate’s shocked look, “They are more disciplined than the Royal Guard or the Solar Guard, I have trust they won’t speak of what they saw.”
With a quick wave, Luna channeled her magic into the portal. On it, a holographic calendar showed she was accessing a scrying mirror in Canterlot Castle, three days into the future. With that, the mirror did some swirls, before it refocused into a room resembling what Nate, Sully, and Sam remembered as Luna’s room in the castle. When the mirror focused, they saw Princess Luna was in a duel with a changeling. The opening of the mirror seemed to have made a noise, as the changeling looked behind him to see what it was, before Luna’s sword was driven through his heart, green changeling blood spewing out.
“Hello, future me,” Luna called out.
“Hello, past me,” Future-Luna called out. Before Luna could say anything, her future self cut her off, “I know you have questions, I did as well, I mean, I’m your future self, I had this conversation already, and remember exactly what I’m supposed to talk about.” With that, Future Luna’s horn glowed, and an image of an alicorn not unlike the changeling Nate just saw, popped up. “Do you remember Queen Chrysalis?”
Luna nodded, “She took Princess Cadence hostage and left her in the caves below, and is masquerading as her in Canterlot Castle. On the wedding day, she is to let down the barrier Shining Armor has, and invade with her army.” This elicited a gasp from Luna and the treasure hunters.
“How is that possible?” Luna asked, “Does sister not have a spell to track where Cadence was all the time? Also, how does she let down the barrier, I thought only Shining Armor can do that?”
“She did,” Future Luna nodded, “But Chrysalis altered the spell to track her instead of the real Cadence. As for Shining Armor, she cast a mind-control spell on him to get him to do her bidding.”
“That is terrible!” Luna shouted, “And what of the Elements of Harmony? Shouldn’t Twilight and her friends have stopped them?”
Future Luna shook her head softly, “Twilight has left her friend group to die.” This elicited more of a shock from Luna, “During the wedding preparation, Twilight noticed that Cadence acted more off than she remembers, however when she tried to bring it up, her friends shrugged her off in favor of preparing for the wedding. It supposedly came to a head when she crashed the wedding rehearsal to bring attention to it, however, our sister didn’t believe her and banished her to the caves below. When she found an exit out with Cadence, the invasion had already begun. Instead of helping her friends, however, she decided to leave them as revenge for not listening to her. Last we saw of her, she went to the catacombs, however, we cannot find her.”
A *bang* came from Future Luna’s door, to which she raised her sword. “As far as I remember, that is all I’m supposed to tell you. Good luck!” Before Luna could say anything, the mirror was closed on the other end as Future Luna’s door came crashing down.
With heavy breathing, Luna faced Sam, Nate, and Sully, “Well, that just happened.”
As Luna paced her living room floor, the treasure hunters tried to busy themselves by playing poker. “Call,” Sully announced, before placing his cards face down and adding the last three cards, “Three of a kind,” He grinned as he flipped his cards over to show he had two 7’s, with one in the middle.
“Straight,” Nate announced, setting his cards to show 5, 6, with a 7, 8, and a 9 in the middle
Sam grinned, “Straight as well,” before showing he had a 10, and a jack.
“Goddamnit!” Nate yelled, as Sam laughed and took the pot.
“Right, that’s it.” Luna announced, pulling the adventuring trio out of their gambling state, as they both looked at her. “It seems, based on future me being there, I must be at Canterlot Castle as well during the fight in three days.” She turned to the adventuring group. “I must prepare my guards for the fight, but then that leaves you three.”
“Well, what do you suggest we do, your majesty?” Sam asked, Luna nodded, before casting a healing spell, speeding up Sam’s recovery of his leg. He pulled the cast off, then flexed his leg to make sure it still worked.
“I shall send you to the castle early. I need you to watch over Twilight while I am not there yet. You will need to supervise the wedding preparation as well, to make sure Chrysalis doesn’t do anything bad.”
She then cast another spell on the three, “This spell will give you the appearance of a pony to anyone that you don’t give permission to see the real you. This will allow you to run and walk as your normal selves, but won’t attract any suspicion. Do you understand what I am asking of you?”
Sam and Sully agreed while Nate raised his hand.
“Yes, Sir Nathan?” Luna asked.
“This is a wedding, correct?”
“Yes, what do you mean by it?” Luna asked with a raised eyebrow
He cleared his throat, then grinned, “We’re going to need some suits.”
“You know, in the movies, sneaking into a highly guarded city on top of a train looks so easy.”
“Yeah kid, tell that to my sore ass.”
Sully, Nate, and Sam curled up in their bags, trying not to get hit by the sacks of potatoes above them. When they heard back from Luna’s future self about what needed to be done, they worked with haste to get the trio in. Being one of the largest events in Equestria history, security was tight around the capital. The last time Luna checked, a big impenetrable pink shield surrounded Canterlot. Flying above it, watching every section of it, was no less than 5 battalions of Pegasus guards. The main entrance to pass the walls was managed by some of Celestia’s personal guards, with another battalion of Royal guards behind the wall to come in at a moment’s notice.
Each potential entry was searched 3 times by three different unicorns, and all belongings of theirs dumped and riffled through before being returned. Each entry was denied access except if they could show proof of residence for Canterlot, or if they had an invitation. Entrance by carriage was impossible as well, as they were subjected to the same search, and the carriage was forced to be parked outside the walls until their owners came back and left.
Due to Luna needing her guards to train and prepare for what will surely be their doom, she was unable to help them gain entrance into the capitol grounds. Fortunately, some of her guards who were about to go back for leave were able to help them. They threw the adventuring trio into some potato sacks and piled them in the very bottom of the transport car.
“HALT!” A voice shouted. Due to not being recognized by the trio, it seemed to be one of the search guards assigned to the capitol entrance. “State your name, the reason of entrance, and any possessions you are bringing in.”
“Sir!” One of the Lunar guards shouted, “Corporal Dusk, of Her Majesty of the Night Princess Luna’s Lunar guard, accompanied by Private Eventide and Private Moonlight! We are on leave back to the capitol, and due to convenience, was attached as the guards for this train shipment. This shipment includes 300 ears of corn, 300 heads of cabbage, and 300 kilograms of potatoes, SIR!”
As Dusk shouted the items off, a Solar guard poked through the items in the car. He eventually came to the potatoes, and as expected, used magic to scan the entire pile.
Now, if he had actually decided to look through the bags one by one, he would have come upon the irregular shapes of the humans in the potato sacks, foiling their plans. However, he didn’t. Thanks to some ‘top-of-the-line’ spell writing, he used a new spell that allows him to scan the area and detect anything shaped irregularly. Now, this spell would have given off the 3 humans, but Luna gave them a trick up their sleeve. Thanks to some research that took them the better part of yesterday, they found that lead lining was capable of shielding from the spell. With this, they sewed lead padding into their potato sacks and were thrown in.
“Private Sunspot!” The commanding officer called, “Is there anything in there?”
“No sir!” The guard replied, “All seems to be well with this shipment!”
“Good!” The sound of quill tips scratching and a *Ktch* sound indicated the shipment manifest was signed, and they felt the train lurch forward into the city. They held for another ten minutes before they pulled into their stop. They felt the familiar sign of magic as the bags above them were lifted up and out, and when the sounds of porters and waiters left the car, they were pulled out of the pile, and brought around, before having their bags opened to the sight of the Lunar Guards. Each man clambered out of their bag and faced the guards.
“Alright, here’s the stop.” The Corporal told them. “We’ll give you a distraction, and you guys slip past the guards into the main city.”
“What about you guys?” Nate asked, “What do you do when we're done?”
“Officially,” the Private known as Eventide said, “We’re supposedly going to go on leave. Actuality?”
“We have to prepare for the incoming invasion,” Moonlight stepped up. “We’ve been ordered to map out and prepare exit points into the catacombs and directions of them for any would-be survivors, then we have to prepare for the spellcasting.”
“What spellcasting?” Sam asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Since your report mentioned that Princess Luna, Princess Celestia, and Princess Cadence would, unfortunately… ‘not make it’, we’ve been ordered to prepare a spell that Princess Luna created.” Eventide spoke.
“With the spell,” Corporal Dusk continued, “The rise and set of the Sun and Moon will continue even if the Princesses are to die. This will ensure any survivors live should no-one be capable of raising or lowering the sun themselves.”
“Well, alright then,” Sully spoke, already lighting a cigar in between his lips, “I suppose we have to get going now, correct?”
“Yes,” Moonlight said, “But one more thing.” He charged his horn and sent a spell beam to the trio. “This spell makes it so anyone that doesn’t have your consent to see will only see you like a pony.”
The three of them looked around, noticing each of them. Sully had a Titanium-colored mane running down his head, with a slight gunslinger mustache on his muzzle. He looked like a workhorse, having rough skin and looking several years older than his compatriots. He bore a cigar and paper on his flank, with his cutie mark supposedly meaning a sign of a businessman, though nobody ought to know what he meant by ‘business’.
Sam had the smoothest skin out of the three of them, though that is an overstatement. The years he spent in the Panama jail gave him rough patches of skin, some from courtyard fights, some from the unforgiving concrete floor in his jail cell. He bore an auburn-colored mane, with a patchy beard and mustache (Think Arthur Morgan from RDR2). He bore on his flank a book overlaying a rap sheet, which was interpreted as research outside of the law. He had a horn on him to symbolize a unicorn.
Out of the three of them, Nate looked the youngest. He had tougher and rougher skin than his older brother, brought on by years of treasure hunting and evading mercenaries. He looked like a show pony in a rough accident. He had a deep brown mane (Darker than his brother) with the same, yet less noticeable, beard and mustache as his older brother. He had a journal on top of a map for a cutie mark, which indicated his affinity for expiration and treasure hunting. Living up to his ability to parkour, he had a pair of wings to act as a pegasus.
“Alright. We best be on our way not,” Dusk said, “We have to create your distraction now.”
Using some pre-planned teleport magic, they teleported sacks of potatoes to replace the ones they smuggled the three in, before faking one of them falling out of the car and sending the rest of them tumbling.
“May the Moon guide you three,” Eventide told them, “GUARDS! WE HAVE A PROBLEM!”
As the Solar Guards watching the door went to help clean up the mess, and figure out why the train car’s door latch ‘failed’, Sully, Sam, and Nate slipped into the train station. Inside, there was a mess of porters wheeling bags around, servants preparing dinnerware, and assistants shouting orders from one side to the other.
“Jesus Christ, it looks like the kitchen of a Michelin Restaurant here.” Sully quipped.
“That’s because it probably should be,” Sam noted, “This is the Palace kitchen.” He pointed to the seal of the princesses hanging on the wall
“The Palace!?!” Sully said, a little too loudly. “I thought this was a cargo station.”
“Guys, no time for that,” Sam said, ushering them out of the sight of ponies who were giving them side-eyes. “We can debate why we are directly in the palace later, we first have to get disguises.”
The three nodded at that, and they began making their way through the station. In every location, they sped ever so slightly past onlookers, who chalked them up to ponies who were hurrying to their jobs. After all, this was Equestria, who would try and sneak into the Palace?
They eventually made it into the changing room. Before they did anything, Sam used some levitation magic to distract the manager on duty, before writing their names on the list of people meant to be on duty for the wedding.
Now, to any other new pony, this would have been difficult, but the spell used on them helped them with that. For Sully, who was an Earth Pony, he was given more stamina and more strength. For Sam, the unicorn, all he had to do was think up of the spell he wanted, and it would automatically do its job, though he will still feel the fatigue with doing the spell. For Nate, it worked like Sam’s horn, in which he merely had to think of flying, and it would work with him.
As Sam wrote their names on the list, Nate and Sully grabbed the uniforms they needed, before tossing Sam his uniform and entering separate changing rooms. When they walked out, they each wore a different suit for their different races. Sully had a navy blue suit, to denote his grounded jobs. Affixed to him was his nametag, Cash Grab. Nate had a light blue suit, with holes cut out of it to give space for his pegasus wings. He had his nametag on his chest, Ruins Walker. Like his partners, Sam also had a suit, though he had a solid white one instead. Affixed to his collar instead of his chest was his nametag, Legal Signing.
“Legal Signing, Cash Grab, Ruins Walker! Will Legal Signing, Cash Grab, and Ruins Walker please make it to the front of the loading bay?” An announcement sounded over the entire station, though this seemed to unfaze the servants having to rush through the station to bring items in on time.
“Alright, guys. Let’s see how well we take our acting class.” Nate said, before walking over to the loading bay, Sam and Nate followed behind him. They all moved at a fast trot, intending to just act like another pony in the masses and not stand out of the crowd. It’s like what Rusty said in Oceans 11, He’s got to like you, then forget you the moment you leave his sight.
When they all got to the front of the station, the manager walked up to them. “Ah, there you three are!”
“Yes sir,” Nate said, trying not to look suspicious. “We’re ready to do our job.”
“Yeah, we’re sorry about that,” the manager said, rubbing the back of his head. “We don’t know how we missed you three, but it doesn’t matter.” They all looked incredulously at that, they were that trusting?
He levitated a checklist over from a nearby stand. “Alright, here’s the rub.”
He pointed to Sully first, “You, Cash Grab. We need you to help Dame Applejack with the catering that’s been consistently breaking down.”
He pointed at Sam next, “You, Legal Signing. Dame Rarity requires your assistance in finishing the dress of the bride.”
He lastly pointed at Nate, “You, Ruins Walker. Dame Pinkie Pie needs your help preparing the entertainment for the Reception, and the Wedding itself.”
As the manager walked out, the three of them looked at each other.
“Alright, first,” Nate began, “Do we all remember who the Dames/Elements actually looked like?”
“I have some photos here, from Princess Luna’s home,” Sully said, before fishing out some photos of the Elements and passing their respective cards out.
“Alright then,” Sam said, “We all have two days to study the Elements, and what we have to do to help them, and after that is showtime.”
Nate and Sully nodded, “Alright, we have our jobs. Let's get to them.” Each of them walked off, following the signs to their respective jobs.
Please note, I haven’t watched A Canterlot Wedding in several months, and I don’t want to watch it because it is my most hated episode out of all of them for the sheer idiocracy of the Mane 5 in it. So, I’m going to BS about half of it.
Sully
“You know, kid, when you first told me of the multiverse, I thought you had gone bananas,” Sully muttered to himself as he walked in through the castle. Unlike Canterlot Castle in the future, this one was very much better kept, and without any battle marks to boot. Ironically, this was the first ruin he walked through that didn’t have traps or curses to kill him.
After taking some more twists and turns around the corridors, he eventually came upon a room labeled ‘Kitchen’. Inside, a scene was starting to grow,
“So, how do you like them fritters, Princess?” A pony with a southern drawl said, not acknowledging Sully Entering the kitchen. She seemed to be talking to one of the princesses of the castle.
“It’s...alright so say the least Apple...jack?” The princess said with uncertainty, though Sully noted that this was not picked up by the southerner.
“Well, shucks, thanks for that then compliment, princess!” The pony walked to the back of the kitchen and pulled out a bag of apple fritters. “Here. you can have some for the road ‘case you feeling a mite hungry.” She tossed the bag of fritters to the princess, who caught them with her magic.
“Well, thank you Dame Applejack, but I must be going now!” The pony said with an insincere smile. When Applejack turned around to continue cooking, the pony tossed the fritters in the nearest garbage can and walked out, bumping into Sully on the way.
“Oof! What where you're going, you oaf!” She said with a rude tone.
“I’m sorry ma’am, I didn’t-” Sully began, though he was cut off by the princess.
“Stop! It’s Princess Candance, and you will not talk back to me that way!” She said with a huff, before walking out of the kitchen.
“Jeez, what got her boots in a twist?” Sully grumbled.
“Oh, the princess?” Applejack said, looking up from her cooking. “Pre-wedding jitters, she ought to be fine.”
“Never met a girl that acted so off on their wedding day,” Sully mused, “Though come to think of it, I’ve only ever gone to one wedding and it was my best friends so I’m biased.”
“Well, let me introduce myself,” The pony said, sticking her hand out. “My name’s Applejack, and yours?”
Sully stuck out his hand, “Cash Grab, ma’am.”
“Cash Grab?” Applejack mused, going back to her cooking. “How’d you get a name like that? And, pass the brown sugar will yah?”
Sully grabbed the bag, and walked over to her, “Well, it’s thanks to my pappy. He worked as a stockbroker, and since I was destined to follow in his footsteps, everyone assumed I’d be the same old thing when I grew up.” He looked at the book and poured the correct amount out of the bag.
“Ah, know whatchu mean,” Applejack said, motioning Sully to start stirring the batter. “I know a girl in my town, her name meant the same thing since everyone thought she would be the same stuck-up as her father,”
Sully began stirring the batter, “Ah, I get it, parents that rich?”
“Yep, richest in the town, actually.” Applejack said with a growl, “You know, funny story about her father…”
Sam
Sam walked up to one of the towers of the castle. According to some servers he asked on the way, this was where Rarity was supposed to be designing the dress of the Princess. (Seriously, who designs their dress the night before the wedding?)
As he walked up the stairwell of the tower, he stopped just short of entering the room, about to knock on the door, when he began to hear a conversation brewing inside.
“This dress is..okay, Rarity.” A voice came from inside. “But I was hoping for a longer train, and more beads.” He heard footsteps coming from inside.
“And these dresses, you expect my bridesmaids to wear these?” The voice said in a stern tone.
“I think it looks nice.” One voice quipped up.
“Yeah, the dress looks perfect on me!” Another voice shot up.
‘Whatever! I don’t like them, so you won’t wear them!” The original voice said in a more angry tone. “Make them in lighter colors! And for Celestia’s sake, don’t make them in pink!” Then, footsteps began coming closer and closer to the door.
Sam had just enough time to duck behind the door and cast an invisibility spell before the door swung open, and a series of footsteps walked out of the door. Inside, he could hear two voices conversing.
“See! She’s so stuck up! She just demanded you to change it, just like that!”
“Oh, don’t worry about me, darling, I’m perfectly fine with fixing the dresses!”
“Yeah, but she didn’t have to be so rude about it. She’s acting like Princess Demandypants!”
“Oh, hush, darling, I’m sure it will all be okay in the end! Pre-wedding jitters and all!”
“...yeah right, pre-wedding jitters.” The first girl grumbled, before walking out of the room. When she stepped out of earshot, Sam walked into the room.
“Hello there, Dame Rarity!” Sam announced himself.
“Ah! No need to use my full title, good sir!” Rarity said with some shock, stopping her work to come over and shake his hoof. “Rarity is quite all right to be used!”
“Well, then, I guess hello there Rarity!” Sam took her hoof, “My name is Legal Signing, ready to help you out!”
“Well, such a gentlecolt!” Rarity said with a grin, “Well, if you would like to help me, get some of that cyan fabric over there, and bring some of that red wine near it as well.”
“I’ll oblige you on the fabric, ma’am,” Sam said, walking over to the fabric and lifting some of it off. “But I’m afraid to say I’m a married man ma’am.”
“Ah, such a shame,” Rarity said with a pout, “All of the good-looking ones are already taken.”
Sam stopped, thought about it for a minute, “Well, when I said married, I never meant another pony ma’am.” He shot back with his own grin.
“Oh, pray tell?” Rarity said, lifting the fabric into the machine.
“Well, I’ve actually been married to my job,” Sam said, beginning to run the fabric through while levitating the bottle of wine and two glasses over, “But, I feel like I should settle down now. Got enough cash to live life twice over.”
“Oh, and what was your job, my good sir?”
“Eh, I was the guy that got permission to explore old ruins and find treasure buried underneath.” He poured out the wine. “It fell to my brother to explore them, though I did occasionally join him.”
“Really now?” She said with a grin, stopping the machine and levitating her glass over her lips, “You got any stories to tell?”
“Oh, like you wouldn’t believe…”
No I didn’t forget Nate, you’ll understand why next chapter
The next morning, all three of the treasure hunters met up in the Great Hall adjacent to the Wedding Hall. Each of them bought something from their assignments, Sully an Apple Pie, Nate some party favors, and Sam?
“Hey, Sam,” Sully asked with a grin, “Was she that good?”
“That and more,” Sam said with a dopey grin on his face. He had a small light spot on his pants, with a faint lipstick kiss on his muzzle. He reeked of alcohol.
“Jesus, Sam, next time clean up after you bed a girl, will you?” Nate said, trying to fan out the smell of the sex and alcohol from the room.
“Alright, after we meet the Elements one last time after the rehearsal, we have to go over the game plan for tomorrow.” Sam began, wiping off the lipstick mark from his face.
“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Nate said with a grin, “I got us covered on that.”
“Nate…?” Sully began, but he was cut off by a loud *BANG* from the Wedding Hall. A few moments later, Princess Cadence ran out, and the door shut behind her
“What was that?” Sam asked, then he put his ear up to the door. He could hear sobbing, and angry shouting from the other side.
Nate put his ear up as well. He, however, couldn’t hear much of the conversation out of the groom shouting, and the girl Rarity had talked to yesterday was crying. They reeled back when the door swung open, and the majority of the procession walked out, save for one girl inside the Hall crying.
The three men approached their respective partners. “Hey, Applejack, do you know what that was all about?” Sully asked her.
Applejack shook her head with a scowl, “I dunno. We was having a decent rehearsal when Twi alluvia sudden barged into the hall.”
Rarity spoke up, “She claimed that Princess Cadance was an imposter! An imposter, mind you! Such useless drivel!” All of the Uncharted folks winced at that, knowing the truth of the matter.
“Yeah! And then that there Shining Armour started going off on her!” Applejack said, “Said she shouldn’t show her face at all at the weddin’ tomorrow.”
“I mean, good riddance, am I right?” Pinkie hopped up to them, “Seriously, it’s the Princesses happiest day tomorrow, and she’s like ‘you’re a FFFF AAAA KKKK EEEE?” Pinkie said with her eyes wide.
When she calmed down, they all looked at the treasure hunters, “Anyways, would you like to come to join us tomorrow?” Pinkie said with a smile.
“What?” Nate asked with a raised eyebrow. “Well, each of us was allowed a plus one to the wedding,” Rarity spoke, “And we wanted to thank you three for helping us out preparing for the wedding.”
All of them looked at each other with wide eyes. They thought they would have to sneak into the wedding, now they’re being handed invites?
“Yeah, we’d love to!” Sully said with a smile.
“Alright, then darlings!” Rarity said with a grin, “I guess we should get ready for tomorrow, right?”
They all said goodnight to each other, then headed for their chambers.
The day of the wedding
“...and then by the power vested in me, I declare you Husband and-”
“HOLD IT!” A cry came from the door. It was battered down, and a very angry Luna, disheveled Cadance, and a VERY pissed-off Twilight barged into the Wedding Hall.
“Why, thou dearest sister, I am stopping you from making a grave mistake.” Luna retorted.
“Now what in Sam Hill is going on here, Twilight?!” Rainbow yelled at the frazzled unicorn.
“What is going on, my friend,” Twilight said with malice, “Is that’s not the real Cadence.” She pointed her hoof towards the Cadence at the altar.
“W-Why do you insist on such lies…” The fake Cadence sobbed, tears rolling down her cheeks to garner sympathy, “I just wanted to h-have a nice wedding.”
“Because it’s not YOUR WEDDING!” A voice roared from behind Luna. She sidestepped to let another Cadence through, this one looking significantly more frazzled and worn-down. The fake Cadence looked shocked for a moment, before a flash of inspiration caught her eye, and she began her lying voice.
“So now you work with the enemy, Princess Luna?” She shot back with a bite.
“Princess Cadence, whatever do you mean, darling?” Rarity asked, shooting Twilight an annoyed look.
“She’s working with a changeling!” She pointed an accusing hoof, to which all of the gasped at that, Luna and Twilight for the lie, and Celestia and the Element Bearers for the supposed betrayal. “They want to replace me with her so that they can take over Equestria!”
“Luna/Twilight, how could you!” Celestia and the Element Bearers screamed at the two before Dash went ahead to try and sucker-punch Twilight. However, she instead crashed face-first into a barrier erected by Luna. Almost immediately, the shield was surrounded by Royal Guards.
“You’re lucky, dear sister, that my guards have already been dispatched to take preparations for the Changeling attack.” Luna said with a growl.
“Changeling attack? You’re the one attacking Cadence and calling her a fake!” Celestia shot back.
“No!” Twilight retorted, “You’re the one that fell for these changelings lies instead of trying to find the truth yourself!”
“You’re the one who’s trying to ruin this dear’s wedding, Twilight!” Rarity replied, “You should be ashamed of yourself, darling!”
“Typical,” Cadence grumbled, “Some imposter sprinkles a few lies and half-baked promises, and you all went to it like moths to a light.”
Suddenly, the doors to the wedding hall burst open. In flew Eventide, Moonlight, and Dusk, all with their weapons drawn and pointed towards their former Solar comrades.
“Corporal! Privates! What are you doing!?” Shining called out. While under Cadence’s spell, he was still the Captain of the Guard, and thus he had his ceremonial wedding sword drawn and aimed at his sister.
“We are doing our sworn duty, Captain,” Moonlight shot back, “And protecting the princess and the Element Bearer, your sister, as we swore to!”
“Treason!” He shouted, “Those mares are no princess of Equestria, and she is no Element Bearer, nor my sister!”
While she knew that her brother was under the imposter's spell, the words that came from her own brother's mouth still stung, and Twilight shed a tear at her brother, rescinding her as his sister.
“Enough of this petty squabbling!” Celestia called out. “Luna, you may have attempted to attack a princess of Equestria, yet you are horribly inadequate in your force. How do you suppose that you and your three guards can stand against the might of a full Solar Platoon?” She sneered.
“Ugh, as always, my dear sister,” Luna drew out a sigh, “You are incorrect in your observations.” She began to pace behind the bubble, “You may believe I only have 3 guards protecting me, yet I also have some of the greatest heroes as well protecting me and Cadence, as well as your former student.”
“Oh yeah, and who are these supposed ‘heroes’ that you have found?” Rainbow sneered, “There are no other heroes in Equestria besides the Elements since the Pillars of Equestria disappeared centuries ago!”
“Now now, my dear Bearer,” Luna said with a smirk, “Who said that they were from Equestria?”
“Wha-” Rainbow began, before she was bashed in the head with the butt of a gun. She swirled around in pain, before her eyes began working again, and she stared down the barrel of an AK-47.
During this time, Nate, Sam, and Sully were preparing for their inevitable reveal. Sam had slowly drawn himself away from the crowd and levitated over several guns he saw Nate had hidden away under the pews of the wedding hall, and passed them over to his friends. When the time came, they all bashed their ‘dates’ in the head, before rushing over and forming a circle around the shield and pointing their guns at the guards.
“Legal! Whatever is the meaning of this?” Rarity asked, Fluttershy nursing the wound on top of her head.
“Sorry ma’am,” Sam said with a smirk, “I’m just not into socialites.”
“Cash Grab! Wut n’ tarnation ya doin’??” Applejack also asked, rubbing the sore spot on her head.
“To be honest, Dame,” Sully deadpanned, “Your fritters were too bland.”
“Luna, are these your…’heroes’?” Celestia stifled a laugh, “They look like inebriated businessmen stallions.”
“Well, if by business, you mean treasure hunting across the globe, blowing up ancient cities because of curses or other Merc corporations, nearly dying twice and being betrayed by my own business partner, then I guess businessmen are correct.” Nate shot back.
“Though,” he smirked, “I don’t necessarily count us as ‘stallion’ per se,” He said, before shouting “Now!”
At once, the glamour magic surrounding the three stallions dissipated, and left three bi-pedal creatures waving what can be amounted to hand cannons by the ponies in front of the shield bubble. Taken aback by the surprise, even fake Cadence herself tripped backwards in the reveal.
Before any of the guards or the Bearers can do anything, Sam shot a bullet at Celestia’s leg, and she shrieked in pain before toppling backwards and barely missing her head from hitting the edge of the altar. The Solar Guards, so shocked at the quick disposal of their goddess, dropped their weapons in recoil and fear. “What the hell…” One of them muttered.
“I just put a 7.62 in your goddess leg, and she fell over like a house of cards,” Sam shouted, kicking away all of the weapons of the guards, “Do you want to test what I can do if I set this thing to fully automatic and hold the trigger?” ‘ “So, it is both Treason and collusion with the enemy, huh Luna?” Celestia grumbled out, trying to treat the bullet still lodged in her leg. “I will hang you from the top of Canterlot Palace when I get my hooves on you three.”
“Now, your highness,” Nate stopped her, “We don’t want to do anything rash, now do we?” He left one arm on his gun, and moved the other one to his back pocket, where he pulled out an odd-looking object. It seemed to have a small metal item sticking out from on top of it, and it looked like one large trigger, with no barrel.
“Kid, please don’t tell me you rigged this entire place to go up in flames…” Sully grumbled, aiming his gun at the Element Bearers, who were too scared or too wounded to go against the man armed with a weapon that took out the Princess herself.
“Oh, now Sully,” Nate chuckled, “That’s not the one to blow this place up.” He holstered the detonator, and pulled out another one, “Now this one on the other hand....”
“You wouldn’t dare!” Celestia shrieked, the immense pain in her leg the one thing stopping her from trying to cast the full might of the Sun power on them.
“Oh, please, I don’t plan on doing it,” Nate retorted, “I’ve blown up enough mythical cities for a lifetime. But if any of them try…” Nate emphasized this by pulling first pressure, before he holstered the thing as the guards and citizens shrieked. He smirked, shooting a knowing glance to Pinkie Pie, who had a look of horror on her face…
“Wow, Ruins Walker, you’re a natural doing this!” Pinkie exclaimed, bouncing around as she strung streamers around the perimeter for the Wedding. Hovering above her, Nate was decorating the chandelier, and covertly placing some small packages that he rigged last night on the roof as well.
“Thanks’, ma’am,” Nate called out, placing the last of the bombs on the roof, before he was accosted by Pinkie, who was floating with a group of balloons tied to her backside.
“So, what are you rigging?” She casted a knowing look at the stallion, who had a shocked look on her face. “Don’t worry! I’ve also made party bombs as well!” She giggled, as Nate gave a half-hearted chuckle.
“Yeah, party bombs....” He chuckled once more, before one of the bombs he placed lost its stickiness and fell to the floor, going off in a blinding light and eliciting a shriek from Pinkie Pie.
“Miss Pinkie!” Nate called out, flying to the mare, who’s balloons popped and who fell to the floor, “Are you okay?”
“Superrificc!” She laughed, “Those are the best compact fireworks I’ve ever seen!”
“...Yeah, fireworks for the afterparty!” Nate continued the trick, thanking the god that Pinkie did not catch on, and that the metal oxide tank didn’t go off properly. As he swept the bomb casing away, we can see that there was a labeling on the side of the casing,
‘Brimstone Charge; Property of Jordan ‘Thermite’ Trace’
“...So, you’re the one that broke into the R6 Headquarters last week?” Sam breathed. In the entire life of The Group, they never successfully broke into Rainbow Headquarters, on how well protected the location and how many operators they had on standby. Plus the fact that they stole jammers from The Group, causing anyone trying to enter to end up right in line with their targeting systems.. Sam himself tried to break in one time, only to pass out from Smoke’s gas and wake up an hour later in a Cell made of Surya walls. He only got out because Rainbow wanted the plans to Chief’s handgun, and they was willing to trade for him back.
“Yeah, pretty easy when you find a way to counteract IQ’s Electronics Detector.” He grinned, before he heard tentative steps and whipped his gun around to see a Solar Guard private reaching for his spear. To dissuade anyone else from reaching for their weapon, he shot the private in the leg, causing him to yell in pain. “Anyone here a doctor?” He shouted to the crowd, wherein one Mare and Stallion spoke up. “Go, treat him now and move him out.” The two rushed forward, the Mare applying pressure, while the Stallion levitated him out of the standoff.
“Now, who else wants to try me…?” Nate challenged them, keeping his finger on the trigger. The two groups stood in a standoff, the ponies unable to do anything against such weapons, and the treasure hunters not willing to fire upon innocent ponies. Suddenly, a small giggle came from the front of the hall. Then, it escalated, becoming a chortle, a full-on maniacal laugh. All the ponies attending turned around to see the scene before them, and all of them collectively gasped.
“Kid talk to me, what are we dealing with,” Sully questioned, his gaze not moving away from the farm pony he had become acquainted with not 24 hours ago.
“Sully, we have larger fish to fry than them.” Sam called out, swiveling his friend around to make them face the scene growing. In front of them, Cadence was laughing maniacally, her head tilted backwards in a depraved mad-mare way. She stopped her laugh to address the ponies staring her way.
“What the buck…” Celestia swore.
“Oh, Princess,” She grinned, facing the princess, “You have no idea how much fun I had doing this, did you?” She gave a toothy grin, “It was so easy to get all of you wrapped around my finger, it took three people from another dimension to catch me!”
“And the one mare that even had an inkling as to who I really was,” She said, pointing a hoof to Twilight, “Was abandoned by ALL OF HER FRIENDS! AHAHAH!” She laughed, as the realization of the truth dawned upon Celestia and the Element Bearers, who dared a glance to Twilight, who did not return it, though she didn’t need to, for her body betrayed all her emotions.
Her eyes were hardened, and tired. They could see several hours’ worth of bags under them, and she remained stoic and ramrod straight. She looked tired, angered, pissed off, and quite honestly annoyed at her friends the few times she made eye contact with them.
Suddenly, the entire room burst into a sickly green light. In place of where the imposter Cadence was, a rune circle passed through the mare. Her pastel skin gave way to a deep green and black skin, rough and riddled with holes. Her muzzle and eyes hardened and sharpened, giving off a maniacal grin. Her horn, so perfect and smooth, became jagged and crooked, hardening in a darkened color. On her back, two pale green skins rose out of her back, giving a distorted impression of wings. “No…” Celestia breathed out. The princess scrambled backwards, banging her head on her throne when she tripped on her still-bent leg. She looked up, and the former Cadence stared back at her. It smiled. “Wh-what are you?” She questioned.
“Me?” The thing smiled, before blasting a spell at Celestia, causing her legs to lock up and for her to go as stiff as a board. “I’m the mare that was able to swindle my way into this wedding,” One step forward, “I’m the mare who was able to make the Element’s of Harmony betray their best friend,” One more forward, and the impostor was on top of Celestia.
“I’m the mare that made you betray your student.” She gloated with maniacal laughter. With the situation dawning upon her, Celestia dared a glance at her st-former student. She had to remind herself that she renounced her at the rehearsal yesterday. When their eyes met, Celestia recoiled at the fury that was in them. Her eyes casted a look of both disapproval and anger at Celestia and made her heart break. She could only remember one time that someone gave her that look. That look, so fueled by fury and supposed betrayal, before they and the amber-colored pony they belonged to stepped through the portal, never to be seen again.
Then, the impostor rose into the air above everyone else. She spread out her wings and continued her laugh of supposed victory.
“Wait,” Rarity began, “if she,” she pointed a hoof towards the Cadence next to Twilight, “is in fact the real Cadence, then who is she?” She let out a small whimper at the end, raising a hoof towards the still laughing impostor.
“She,” Cadence replied with malice, “is Queen Chrysalis, the actual changeling in this room. They feed off the love of ponies, and considerably weaken them due to it.”
“What type of ‘love’ are we talking about?” Rainbow Dash sniggered, before having a hoof jammed into her ribcage.
“Rainbow Dash,” Applejack cautioned. She nodded over to Twilight inside Luna’s shield, who had a look that would have deterred even the devil himself from coming at her.
“The next time you crack a joke like that, Rainbow, I’m going to crack your wings into PIECES!” She roared.
Said roar, however, was overshadowed by the sudden bang of energy that came from Celestia. Both mares spun around to see that the Solar Princess had shot up, wincing in pain, before firing a bolt of concentrated fire at the back of Chrysalis, who was still in her monologue. Taken by surprise, the corrupted alicorn only bothered to look at her captive when she heard the snap of the bolt, and by then the projectile already hit her head.
Suddenly, it was Celestia who had the upper hand. Much like how the books of old portrayed her, she used her magic to snap her leg into place, grunting in pain as the bullet that Sam fired into her fell out of her leg, before drawing her ceremonial sword and advancing to Chrysalis. As she drew her sword, however, a *clang* echoed, and her sword was barred from advancing by another.
Celestia gasped in shock as Captain Armor had halted her advance, his eyes looking lazy and out-of-it. “Do not approach the Queen.” He said in a monotonous voice.
“Shining Armor, what are you doing!!” Celestia called out to him, attempting to sidestep him as he skillfully blocked her every move. “I order you to move!”
“I take no orders from you, imposter.” He droned on in a monotonous voice, “I only follow the orders of my Queen.”
“He takes no orders from you, Equestrian spawn.” Chrysalis sneered, hoisting herself up and going to Shining’s side. “Countless hours of my magic use on him means that he is completely devoted to me and my word.” She sneered once more, than barked out a laugh.
“And now, Equestria will fall to me and my Changeling army!” She made a broad gesture to the windows outside. In keeping with the trope of pony ignorance, many of them never bothered to look at the outside, and only now did they realize the ENTIRE CHANGELING ARMY that was battering down on their cities shield.
“Your army won’t get through Shining’s shield,” Celestia sneered, “That shield is the strongest one this nation has ever conjured.”
“Maybe so,” Chrysalis shot back, “But what stopping Shining himself from dropping the shield?”
All ponies looked on in horror as Chrysalis turned to Shining, still raising his sword up to Celestia. “Oh dear, will you be ever so kind as to let down your shield?”
“As you command, my Queen.” Shining droned, before he casted a spell, and the sound of shattering glass began.
Outside, the shield had no more magic holding it up, making it little more than just glass. Coupled with the intense bombardment of Chrysalis’s army, it was trivially easy for the shield to fall. Ponies outside screamed in horror as thousands of jagged pieces of glass fell on them like shrapnel.
Then, the buzzing came, as thousands of Changelings began to swarm on Canterlot. In the streets, cries of horror and sorrow can be heard as guard were easily outnumbered about 20-1. The cities defenses fell like paper, and Canterlot began to burn.
While this happened, the Mane 6 and the Treasure Hunters looked at each other. While they still had their differences about each other, and one side was clearly willing and able to kill the other, they all came to a mutual agreement that dying to a bunch of Changeling was not really a ideal idea.
