Worst(Best) Day Ever
Only a few hours had gone by, the first day on the job… The young man behind the counter was bored. It’s not as if the guy was expecting a particularly busy day, but ever since he clocked in for his shift not one single customer came through the door. Which all the more made it feel awkward having him stand behind a desk, in a rather uncomfortable uniform, and the only other notable feature being a name tag on the left side.
On one hand, it was kind of a good thing. He had the whole building to himself for the most part, meaning there are many ways he could imagine as a means to pass the time (Being his job was pretty basic). Not to mention, his half hour break rewarded him enough time to chill in the break room. But otherwise, he was looking at fifty years before he finally makes enough to work off his debit and pay off all his loans. Not that there weren’t any other jobs, just none that he liked were hiring so… Here he was.
“Excuse me?”
A voice jolted the man to life, as if he were half-asleep. Stirring himself, he notices someone acknowledging before him. Of course, the last person he’d expect to see was some girl who appeared to still be in high school. But the way he figured, least he had something to do.
“I would like to make a withdrawal,” The girl continued.
“Same to you,” The man replied.
The girl looked confused; only then did the man realize his mistake. That was pretty much his problem: He sees a pretty girl right in front of him, don’t matter if she were young or, well ‘older’, and the first thing that pops out of his mouth is usually something stupid or perverted… Or both. Then again, he wasn’t much of a ‘social interaction’ kind of guy more like a ‘straight to business’ person.
“Hmm… My apologies for that,” The man said, clearing his throat. “What I meant to say is… I’ll need some identification please.”
“Wow, that was a bad comeback,” He thought, to himself.
The girl smiled, then reached into her bag to grab something. That left the man just enough time to ‘study’ the customer right in front of him, from head to toe. He wouldn’t want to say this out loud, unless he’d look really dumb, but this lady was not too shabby.
“I think this should be enough,” The girl replied.
The man reached down to collect what the girl slid onto the desk. But then when his eyes caught sight of it… He pulled back, as his eyes widen. There on the desk was a pistol or to be specific a Glock 9Mm. What a high school girl was doing with a gun, he did not want to know. Then again, given all the crazy stuff on the media nowadays… This girl was packing.
“Uh… Sorry miss, but that’s a ‘gun’. We unfortunately don’t accept guns. I’m going to need some ‘valid’ form of identification like a driver’s license or a passport or—”
“What’s the holdup, Adagio?”
“Adagio?” The man thought.
The person who called out happened to enter the building next. Another high school aged girl, only with a different skin tone and hair color, her face giving off a more ‘innocent’ appearance. In her hand, firmly gripped, is a wooden baseball bat. How she could walk through the street with that bat and not look a tad suspicious? This girl probably wasn’t very sharp… But she did look cute.
“Sorry, miss… I was just telling your friend I can’t permit a withdrawal without a form of id—”
The man stopped mid-sentence, as if all the pieces were suddenly coming together. He looked at the two girls before him very, very closely. The girl asking for the withdrawal was notable for that poofy hairstyle that a luminous vivid orange with brilliant yellow streaks. While the ditzy girl with the baseball bat had light arctic blue hair with moderate Persian blue stripes, tied into a ponytail. He had seen these particular girls all over the news, the shenanigans that occurred during the ‘Battle of the Bands’.
“The Dazzlings!” The man realized, mentally.
It all dawned on the man at the counter: There was Adagio, the mastermind behind all the plans. With that stylish attire, the attitude, and a rather ‘curvy’ appearance, she could clearly seduce anyone she pleases, man or woman. Then there was Sonata, the blue-haired girl, who he never pictured as being a bad girl. She either seemed ‘too nice’ or was just that one member of the trio that just ‘exists’. Of course, he couldn’t deny she is cute, and yet he—
“Wait!” The man thought, his eyes searching. “Where’s the other one?”
“Jeez, that took forever!” The third girl muttered, coming in. “They were persistent; about as dumb as bricks!”
Yep, there she was: Aria, the most aggressive of the gang. The kind of woman who didn’t seem to care much for anything, yet she’ll do the job because… Well, she never has anything better to do. He tried to think of a rather witty remark about her but given that permanent cross look on her face… Yeah, even this guy wouldn’t risk his manhood on Aria.
“What’s taking so long, Adagio?” Aria continued. “Having trouble already?”
That last remark came off as rather sarcastic and Adagio, the leader of the two girls behind her, did not seem very pleased.
“It’s taking this long because ‘apparently’ this guy is as dense as Sonata!” She answered, annoyed.
“Hooray!” Sonata cheered, realizing. “Hey…”
But Adagio did not have the energy to reward Sonata with a response. Instead, she just turns back to the man, one hand on the loaded gun… At least, he hoped it wasn’t loaded.
“Do you realize we’re here to rob you?” Adagio asked, rhetorically.
It was then he realized what was happening to him: The Dazzlings, the gun, the baseball bat, the request for a withdrawal… The man threw his hands in the air frantically.
“Please don’t shoot me!” He yelled, panicking. “I have a wife and a kid!”
“Really?” Sonata asked, genuinely confused. “You don’t look that old.”
“… Okay, I lied! I don’t have a family; I don’t even have kids. Just as well, I don’t really have any friends… Well there is my pet bird, but… Look, I don’t think anyone would even notice if I were gone. But my pet would, he’d be sad if I didn’t come home, keep it company…”
As the man rambled on, as if stalling for time, the trio looked at each other. Judging by their expressions, they didn’t seem like the type to actually shoot the man. But who was he to take chances? Aria would probably want to hurt him; he’d bet his life savings she’d make the first move. Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, he didn’t have to wait long.
“Sir, shut up!” Adagio interrupts, calmly. “Look… I’m not going to shoot you. I’d rather not kill people, not today. Even if what you say is utter bull. Just… Hand over the cash and we’ll be on our way.”
“Um… Well…” The man stuttered, nervously. “I probably would… If I could… There’s just one ‘teeny’ little problem…”
“… Go on,” Adagio urged.
“You see… I can’t exactly… Hand you the money beca…Aah!”
The man was cut off due to the tight grip around the neck collar. Just as he expected, Aria took a more aggressive approach on the poor guy.
“Don’t think we won’t hurt you just because she said so!” Aria spat, acknowledging Adagio. “We can take it back just… As… Easily!”
The man was too scared to reward that with a reply, like he just went through the ‘scared straight’ program. If there’s one thing he knew, unlike her leader, Aria was not known for her patience. All he did was nod reluctantly, as if to imply he’ll follow their requests.
A few minutes later, the man lead the women to the back end of the building, where most of the ‘stuff’ was stored. All he could do was hope he knew what he was doing.
“So, where is it?” Aria demanded. “Take it out!”
“Okay, okay!” The man answered, waving off. “Just… Give me a moment. It’s just back here.”
Using a key that was given to him by management, though don’t ask why because even he did not know, he finds a shelf that held some important contents. Unlocking the drawer, he opens it ajar and slides a hand inside. He proceeds to take out several cases, carefully laying them onto the table. Adagio proceeds to grab one, opens the lid, and peers inside.
“The hell?!” Adagio shouted, eyebrow raised. “Is this yogurt? What are you trying to do? Be a comedian?!”
The man knew he needed to act fast, but there was no point in stalling anymore.
“O-Of course not,” The man answered, shaking his head. “As I was trying to say earlier… Oh, how do I put this…? This is… A sperm bank.”
The girls were silent for a moment, all while the man paused with a slightly awkward, nervous look on his face. As if he was sharing a possibly embarrassing secret and it just so happened what his job happened to be.
“A… Sperm… Bank?” Adagio asked, slowly.
“Yeah…” The man slowly nodded. “See, these lockers are the employees… Contents if you will… But, if you girls are still interested, I can keep bringing them out.”
Neither of the girls responded right away, the whole room was completely silent. They just turned to each other, then searched the entire area around them. He could tell by the expression on their faces, mainly from Adagio and Aria, that they were in complete shock. A few seconds had gone by and not one said a word.
“Are… You… Kidding…?” Adagio finally said.
“How…?” Aria added, baffled.
“Yeah… Weird,” Sonata said, clueless.
Angered, Adagio turned toward Sonata and slapped her upside the head.
“Sonata, you absolute moron!” Adagio yelled. “I told you to find a bank! A MONEY bank!”
Sonata rubbed her head, massaging the side that got smacked and a big handprint was left.
“I did!” Sonata argued, pulling out an ad. “It had the word ‘bank’, so I assumed this was the correct place. Hehe, sorry girls.”
Aria also smacked her head upside the head, making Sonata moan. She then grabs her by the back of the collar, holding her so they were eye level.
“You had one job, Sonata!” Aria yelled. “Just one… Freaking… Job!”
“In hindsight, I shouldn’t have left the task to any of you…” Adagio mumbled. “Now the cops will be here shortly and ironically we haven’t even stolen anything!”
“Well, except maybe my heart,” The man replied, under his breath.
“What did you just say?” Adagio asked, turning to him.
“I, uh… I was merely saying… Wouldn’t you like to understand part of what makes this place work?”
The girls turned to each other, then back toward the man. He actually had no idea what he was doing exactly nor did he had this planned. But again, his stupid mouth got him further in this pickle.
“Go on…” Aria said, threateningly.
“Well, you see…” The man continued, sweating a bit. “I can’t help but notice that you girls seem ‘tense’. It must have been pretty hard. Losing the ‘Battle of the Bands’ to a bunch of high school girls, your singing career spiraling, public enemy number one… It’s got to be rough. It must be no wonder why you must be so desperate if you were looking to rob a bank… A money bank, that is.”
“Well, we were hoping to get enough money to buy our own van,” Sonata replied. “Maybe even a food truck that sells tacos—”
“We’re NOT buying a taco truck!” Aria yelled.
“Phooey!”
“And we’re supposed to believe you have a solution, because…?” Adagio emphasized.
“Well… I mean it’s not like you can take out your frustration on me, I’m just the counter guy looking for an honest day’s pay. Nothing really exciting here till you three show up. But since I’ve got nothing for you and the cops could show at any time…”
Adagio put a finger on the man’s mouth, stopping him before he can finish. Adagio proceeds to look at the man from head-to-toe. After a moment’s thought, a malicious grin forms across her face.
“You know girls… Maybe there ‘is’ something here we can collect,” Adagio said. “Sonata, how’s about we make this up with some… Play time?”
“Ooh! I love play time!” Sonata replied, giddly.
“Aria… Shut the doors; this won’t be a peep show.”
Aria turns toward the door then back to the man. She doesn’t give much of an expression, though one eyebrow is raised.
“Eh… I’ve had worse…” Aria replied, with little enthusiasm.
The man watched nervously as two of the girls proceed to surround him. All while Aria makes her way to the door, closes it all the way, and it seems his fate is sealed.
<>
The sirens rang off outside of the building, eventually the police were able to storm inside into the Sperm Bank. After receiving a tip about three suspicious characters approaching the sperm bank, a large troop worked their way inside searching for the suspects. Their search takes them to the back of the building, pausing for a moment. One of the officers presses an ear against the door, listening for a sound. He could hear some faint breathing, and he turns to the others making a silent nod and adding a signal.
WHAM! The door is kicked opened as shouts of ‘Police freeze!’ are heard, the officers drawing their guns. Only when they got inside, they stumbled upon a rather awkward sight.
Lying on the ground, surrounded by scattered cases of the sperm donations, all that was in that room was the young man. His clothes were a bit disheveled like they were roughed up, his name tag was practically ripped and tossed aside, his hair was ruffled out of shape, and there were plenty of marks indicating he was roughed up. And yet… The man had a funny expression, a smile stretching across his cheek, his face covered in three different shades of lipstick.
But there was no trace of The Dazzlings, as if they’ve just disappeared long before the cops even arrived. They may not have gotten what they initially came for, but the young man lying down knew… They did get something, and he experienced it for… Gosh knows how long. It was the oddest situation he had ever been in; one he won’t forget yet find it hard to explain to the police as they examined him. All that mattered was that one thought across his mind:
“Best first day… Ever!”