Twist, Cheerilee and Vinyl Scratch Adventure in Manehatten
Written for Speed Fics R Us at Trotcon 2019 in approximately 45 minutes. Written longhand in blue pen, which will be represented by the basic font, and purple crayon, which will look like this.
Prompt was "Cheerilee", "Vinyl Scratch" and "Manehatten". Twist was originally in the prompt, but they are cowards and replaced her with Vinyl Scratch for some reason.
I haven't thought about the original for years. Any continuity or lack thereof to prior canon is purely coincidental.
The conflict between Pepsiman® and Santa had been unexpectedly brutal on the Equestrian landscape. Bodies littered the fields—satisfied bodies, nourished with the sweet effervescence of cola blasts that had missed their marks. Ponies bloated with sugar water plead for mercy and soap, as the sticky feeling sunk its way deep into their bones.
Twist knew there was no way Santa could have kept his filthy coke-drinking avatar alive through that last blast. Though this form was destroyed, Santa would surely recover his full strength in time for x-mas. (Since there is no santa, you can't say christmas outside of parentheses.) So no one could be mad at Twist for anything. And nothing bad happened as a consequence of her love of Pepsi® products. Twist cracked open a bottle of the finest Crystal Pepsi® from Pepsiman®'s abs, and they cheeresed and made a laugh. "Cheers!" the ponies laughed.
This of course made Cheerilee appear, as she cannot abide by fun or joy remaining inviolate. She smashed Twist's Pepsi®-flavored Crystal® drink bottle against Pepsiman®'s rock-hard inner thighs. Pepsi® cannot harm Pepsiman®, however, and Pepsiman® giggled as he raised his meaty human??? fist to squish the insolent horse into some raw pepsi® mash, and brew up a new batch of the good stuff.
Just then, there was a record-scratch noise. Vinyl Scratch was now there, and thus the core elements of this story were forever bound to their fate.
yo this is Lil Ugly Mane and this is my subconscious. Welcome. You may know me as a songster but know that my pursuits are as varied as my beats and bars. I have used my considerable sets of expertise to capture the human city of New York City, to become a test market for my new drink, Lil Uglyade. My new city is New Ugly Manehatten
"Alack," Pepsiman® shouted. "I feel a disturbing."
"Alack?" Cheerilee questioned. "What kind of antiquarian is so shimmery shiny?"
There was no time to answer. The horses were off on a Pepsi® stream, the most delicious form of transportation. Their eyes widened as their horse world became dull and actual.
"Oh no," Vinyl Scratch groaned, "I knew I should have loosened Octavia's cage this morning..." Her pony body returned to its true form, and promptly sought a pile of cardboard boxes from which to play WofW™ and eat plain frozen cheese pizzas, and eventually poop those pizzas from her normal human butt, hopefully into a normal human toilet.
Twist giggled. She had heard those rumors. Some humans discover more potent truths.
The shimmering skyline of the human city of Manhatten burned their horsey corneas, but Pepsiman® handed Twist a sweet pair of shades, because she was cool, but let Cheerilee's corneas burn, because she was wack. "Aaah, my eyes!" Cheerilee screamed, to the amusement of all, "I'm blind!"
"Good," Twist rejoined, "then you won't have to watcth me drink and lathiviouthly enjoy thith ithe-cold Pepthi®."
Pepsiman® gave a thums up. "Something seems wrong" Pepsiman® said. "Be on high alert."
The very first thing they noticed in the city was the utter lack of anything delicious to drink. Not even Dr Pepper, which was basically barely passable. In fact, the only thing there was to drink was something called Liluglyade.
Twist had misgivings.
Pepsiman® hissed harshly.
Cheerilee is garbage and therefore took a sip. She turned monochrome instantly, turning to face the group. word up, she emanated, Y'all can call me the lil ugly mane. The lil ugly mane said, providing their own punctuation. By distracting themselves with their petty squabble, pepsi and coke have left a power vacuum for me to fill, he smirked, and winked at the reader. And fill it I will. Cheerily-cum-LilUglyMane levitated in the air, sprouting tentacles of dope lyricism. Now for my monologue-cum-rap confession!
"Not so thirsty!", yelled Pepsiman®. "I will end you first!"
The battle was over in two intervals of Planck-time.
In the first, Pepsiman® squished Cheerilee into paste like he was going to do a while ago.
In the second, he brewed her paste into two glasses of Pepsi® Twist® Cheery® flavor drink. The glasses were already iced from how cool Pepsiman® was. Twist drank the liquid, and for the first time in her life, finally felt true satisfaction. She nuzzled against Pepsiman®'s diamond-like bicep. "I love Pepthi®, Pepthiman®."
"I don't love. I am a living can."
Pepsiman® nonetheless gave his #1 pony Twist a quick hug, because she needed one. "If you ever need me, just slurp." He lowered his hand to send her back to horsey-land.
"Wait, one latht thing," Twist said, "What about Vinyl?"
Twist returned to her world a bit frazzled, her head full of sugar and spice.
"Wow, that thure was thome crathy adventhure!"
Twist plopped down on her pony couch.
"Hmm... Thomething feelth off... It'th almotht like... it feels like thtory padding..."
Suddenly, she felt a hoof on her shoulder. "Padding with you sounds lovely, Twist."
It was Silver Spoon. That intriguing mare. How had she gotten into Twist's house without a key?
"Your mom gave me a key to your house."
"Thilver, what do you want? Can't you thee I'm trying to relax after a Pepthi®-filled day?"
"Easy there Twisty. I just came over to share something with you," Silver Spoon said, moving around to the front of the couch. "I think you'll find this very... alluring."
"Out with it, you thathparilla-thucking thuccubuth!" Twist spat right in Silver Spoon's cornea.
"Wow, what the heck, ow! Jeez! Nevermind, Twist. You're crazy. I was gonna give you a big horse kiss but nevermind now!"
"Good riddanthe," Twist said, before making out with her Pepsi®.
