1.0 - Prologue: The Call

There was a green hill.

There was a green hill, in a land so far away. Even time itself forgot its exact location. I floated there many years ago, lost in a sea of infinity; barely alive as I washed ashore. I struggled to breathe, and there she was.

Her face.

Her beautiful face.

More beautiful than words can describe. A face that had hope, laughter, happiness, and so much more.

Floating on the night breeze.

As I watch her on the night sky, I see a pattern that stirs something in the back of my mind. I reach for it... but I pull away at the last second. I don't want to go yet.

I follow her voice

I float among those stars; laughing, euphoric, free from all care. It feels like an eternity, yet so much longer. Floating away, towards that green hill.

^_"Konrad."

We float in the wind, careless of the world around. There is light, but we can't see it; we don't care. There are screams, but we can't hear them; we don't care. There is pain, but we can't feel it; we don't care.

"Konrad."

On our way to that green hill, we stop. We don't know why, but we are scared. Something is coming. Something terrifying. Even the devil would be afraid. We look at each other; even without a coherent face, we can sense the fear in each other's eyes.

"Konrad."

The world turns red. We start to panic; terror spreads through both of us. I look around, and I see a red nothingness; soaked with fear. I look back towards her face, and I see horror. I see her, but in so much pain; everything being stripped away. It permeates my soul with absolute terror, beyond anything I can describe. So much fear, so much death, so much pain...

"DEL'TEC NARR, A'BASSA!"
[ASM: Wake Up, Knucklehead!]

A high pitch scream filled the room. Where it anyone else, Ka would have thought it originated from a little girl that decided to be cliche when something scary arrived. But as it stood, there was only one person he could think of that could make a scream that high-pitched. And that was despite the fact he had quite a baritone voice.

After a moment, silence had returned.

"Seriously," Ka sighed as he shook his head, "You need to be better about getting woken up in the middle of a nightmare. I mean, even my shriek isn't that high-pitched..."

"Nor is it the first time you've heard it," a slightly shaky copy of his voice replied, "But I'm pretty sure you let out yours MUCH more than I do."

Ka lifted a finger to respond, only to put it down when he realized that he didn't have a rebuttal to that.

After a moment of silence, the voice spoke up:

"Ka," the voice asked inquisitively, "Why am I on the ceiling?"

Ka, who was looking at the now-empty bed in front of him, turned to look up towards the ceiling. It was there he saw him; the one and only Konrad. Time traveler, serious child, and base pattern for himself. He sighed at the sight before him, before taking a deep breath in preparation for his micro-belittlement.

"Because you forgot to change back to your normal form again. Not that I can blame you, given the fact that you were basically running for the equivalent of 2 marathons non-stop while carrying that child. Speaking of which, she's fine. I patched her up and dropped her off at her home. They give their thanks, as well as a small bottle of Tesellion Brandy. I also parked the TARDIS in Bekka De Narr, so no need to worry about those Graffiti artists. Speaking of which, what did you ever do to piss them off, anyway?"

"Maybe it was because I replaced their spray paint cans with air horns?" Konrad replied with a meek, but devilish smile.

"That would explain those newspapers. But how do you even accomplish that?" Ka muttered to himself.

"Um, Ka..." Konrad began to ask as he looked down (or was it up since he was on the ceiling?, "How... do I, um... get down? Wait, why am I even still on the ceiling?"

"I took precautions ever since the last time when you SERIOUSLY MESSED UP YOUR BACK AND I HAD TO DO THAT SPINAL REALIGNMENT SURGERY," Ka finished with a slightly accusatory tone. "I retrofitted your bed to be able to properly absorb a fall from the ceiling without inflicting serious harm no matter how you fell. I mean seriously, why did you choose this mattress? I get that it feels wonderful, but it isn't designed to safely absorb the inertia from a fall. Then again, what am I saying? It's a bed, not a safety net. Anyway, as to why you are still up there, I put some grab straps so I could have a conversation with you in one of your few vulnerable positions. You get very grabby when you are startled awake. It's also one of the few times it's easy to get straight answers from you. Plus, Sanny thinks you're cute when you're clinging onto the ceiling with a horrified look on your face."

"Of course she would..." Konrad muttered as looked at his hands, realizing just how tightly he was gripping the straps; his knuckles were turning white. As he slowly relaxed his hands and released the straps, he fell back towards the bed. True to his word, the absorption system made the impact almost unnoticeable. While Ka was known to play the occasional trick, he would never joke around when it came to life or limb (figuratively or literally).

"Anyways, which nightmare was it this time?" Ka asked.

As he sat up, Konrad remained silent for a moment before he responded quietly, saying only two words: "Green Hill."

"I see..." Ka responded quietly. After a moment, he started to say something, only to be cut off by Konrad.

"I know what you're going to say, Ka. You're going to say that I need to let go of the past, that I need to let go of her. Do you think I haven't tried? Do you know how hard it is..."

Ka put a finger on his lips, shushing him. "Actually, that wasn't what I was going to say. At this point, I've kinda just given up on giving you that talk. I was going to explain why I woke you up."

"By the way, your timing on that was impeccable," Konrad interrupted. "You woke me up right before the worst part."

"...Anyway, there are two reasons why I woke you up. The first and main reason was that you have been asleep for the past 18 hours. Seriously, when was the last time you slept?"

"I sleep every night, what are you talking about?" Konrad said with a sheepish look on his face.

"That's not what I mean," Ka sighed. "When was the last time you slept slept? As in dreamt?"

"23 days..."

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"23 days."

Ka whistled. "No wonder you why you were so kaput. You normally go 7 and can barely last 10 without proper sleep. Just because your body is resting does not mean your mind is. What was the first thing you learned in Mental Stability Training?"

"Sleep is the most important necessity that is often overlooked," Konrad responded timidly.

Ka nodded. "Anyway, I would continue to lecture you, but there are... more pressing matters at hand..."

"Meaning?"

"Sanny is in the kitchen... making breakfast..."

Konrad's eyes widened immediately. "Oh, cra..."

Before he could finish, a loud explosion rang through the halls of the TARDIS. Multiple alarms started to go off, ranging from fire to depressurization and everything in between.

"Goddammit," Ka muttered under his breath.

Konrad took a deep breath.

"SANNNNNYYYYYYYYYYY!!!"

The kitchen was destroyed

It wasn't like the last times, either. It was completely gone.

"Welp, there goes the last of our repair resources." Konrad sighed. "I'll have to put in an order for more. Also, we now need more food as it has all mysteriously disappeared."

"I wonder where it all went," Ka responded, turning his head to eye Sanny with a suspicious look.

Sanny looked down, trying to hide her face. But despite her best efforts, Konrad was still able to pick up her trademark I-Know-I-REALLY-Screwed-Up-But-Don't-You-Dare-Try-And-Belittle-Me look.

"What did you even do, Sanny?" Konrad asked her, somewhat flabbergasted. "You managed to destroy the entire kitchen. It looks like the site of a terrorist bombing."

Sanny sighed, before looking up: "Well, I was kinda bored, so I decided to try and make you breakfast. I was thinking a classic: scrambled eggs and sausage. I put the sausage in the deep fryer..."

Konrad interrupted her: "You normally make sausage in a frying pan, not a deep fryer, Sanny," he said as he buried his head in his hands. "It sounds like you are trying to make carnival food or something. Though to be fair, deep-fried sausages don't sound bad. I'm just not sure if they would be good. I would have to try them to be sure. But seeing as that won't be happening for a while..."

"Are you two trying to give me a heart attack with your attempts to raise your cholesterol?" Ka groaned, trying his best to keep his composure.

Sanny chuckled for a moment, fulfilling her schadenfreude with Ka's anguish, before continuing. "So, yeah, I put the sausages in the deep fryer. They popped a bit but weren't too bad. Ever since my last time in the kitchen..."

"Where you burned off all your hair and I had to treat your head for second-degree burns?" Ka interrupted.

Sanny shot him an angry look, before continuing. "Yeah, ever since then, I've kinda sworn off using the stove to cook anything. So I decided to try cooking the eggs in the microwave since it's the proper way to cook those burritos. The egg kinda... exploded..."

"And since eggs by themselves wouldn't destroy the kitchen, you Sannied it," Konrad interrupted.

Sanny looked at Konrad with a bewildered look. "Sannied?"

"Konrad and I came up with a term for what happens when you get enamored by something," Ka explained.

Sanny stared at them with a blank look on her face. After a moment, she shook her head and returned to her story.

"Anyway, you know what my life was like before I came here; explosives were kind of my thing. Well, it was more fire, but explosives were also good fun. So I decided to see what else I could explode in there. I've heard that C4 was an explosive..."

"Yup, she Sannied it," Konrad muttered. "Wait, what? Where did you even get C4?"

"Remember that riot on Ottowa Solstice?" Ka answered. "But that C4 block was massive. How did that even fit in the microwave?"

"Well, it was kind of a tight fit.." Sanny responded, "...but after some shoving, I managed to get it in there. I set the timer for 6 minutes then just stepped back. Next thing I know, I woke up to Ka treating me."

"...Well, that would explain why it looks like a terrorist bombing; it basically was," Konrad sighed.

"But, wait," Ka interrupted, "C4 is normally inert to microwave radiation. How did it get set off?"

Sanny thought for a moment. "Well, there was this round thing with a large red crystal on it..."

"She left the detonator in," Konrad said, burying his face in his hands. "And, of course, the detonator was a class 721482; the ones that are set off by specific patterns of microwave radiation. Just like the startup pattern on this specific model of microwave..."

"Why did you leave it in there?" Ka asked, "You know you aren't supposed to put metal in the microwave."

"I thought it was a part of it, but not the thing that actually set it off," Sanny replied innocently. "I thought it was like some peace gift in case a cease-fire was called so that all the work getting it to the place wouldn't be for nothing and they wouldn't need a designated person..."

Ka promptly started banging his head into the wall.

"Sanny, can we talk elsewhere?" Konrad asked her. "I have a feeling that Ka is going to be a while before he finishes."

Sanny looked at Konrad, who was leaning on the main console and staring into space. Her head was a blender of emotions. What was he going to do? Would he lock her in her room? Would he banish her from the TARDIS? Would he condemn her...

"Sanny. Stop."

"Huh?" Sanny looked up at Konrad, who was looking at her with a worried look.

"I might not be Helastar, Sanny, but I can tell you're starting to Sanny-ify this whole situation. It's not healthy to think about the worst-case scenario all the time.

Sanny stood there for a moment, mulling over her options. The logical part of her brain was running through possible responses. If she started yelling to defend herself, it would probably turn into a shouting match; Konrad was known far and wide for his voice. If she stayed silent, Konrad would probably start becoming increasingly frustrated. If she stormed off, he would probably chase her; demanding to get an answer out of her. If she…

The irrational part of her brain was sick and tired with the logical’s stalling, so it decided to take action.

She sank to her knees and began to cry.

It wasn’t the noisy, attention-grabbing kind of cry that you might expect from a toddler. No. It was a silent cry. She barely even made a sound. The only thing that showed she was crying was the fact that her eyes were starting to drip.

She didn’t even know why she decided to start crying. All she knew was that the minuscule part of her brain dedicated to logic was hysterical.

“Are you insane?!?!?!” the tiny little voice in her head started yelling out. You’ve gone and blown any chance you might have had to save yourself!

She could care less about what would happen. She just wanted to cry.

Through her bleary eyes, she made out the shadow of Konrad kneeling down in front of her. And then he did something no part of her brain could have predicted.

He hugged her.

He held her with a soft firmness that prompted her to return the hug. And she didn’t want to let go. Because this hug made her feel something that she had rarely felt before.

She felt safe.

She didn’t know how long he held her there, letting her cry into his shirt (though his shirt was starting to get quite damp). But it felt like she had just let out every pain of hers; every sadness, every fear, every regret.

As she cleared her eyes, she looked up to his face. It wore a gentle smile, something which she didn’t really see Konrad having. He always seemed so… upbeat. So immature. So childish. To see him so caring; kindness literally radiating from his body (was that a caretaker thing?); it felt wrong.

Not that she cared much right now.

“You better now?” Konrad spoke up softly. Sanny wasn’t expecting him to act this way. This was an entire side of him Sanny had never seen. No, that wasn't true. She had seen it before, but it was never this prevalent and she had taken it for granted.

After pondering his question for a moment, she slowly nodded her head.

Konrad helped her to her feet and brought her to one of the benches surrounding the main console. They were… surprisingly comfortable. Actually, she had never sat in any of the chairs surrounding the main console. Though given the fact she spent most of her time in the core room, this was excusable.

She sat there for a few minutes, debating whether she should speak up first. Then again, what would she even say? This was foreign territory for her; she had never exposed her emotions like this before. So, she decided to wait for Konrad to speak up.

She didn’t have to wait long.

“Do you know why you started crying?” he asked her gently.

Sanny didn’t even know where to begin, so she just shrugged.

“Was it because you were scared of what I might do due to recent events?"

She instinctively wanted to say yes. All she wanted to do was to cut this conversation short as quickly as possible. She wanted to just run away and hide, especially when she was as vulnerable as she was right now.

But something just nagged at her. Something she wanted to know. Hell, she didn't know what was bothering her. The Paranelli were... astonishing to her. She grew up believing that in order to survive, you had to be strong. No matter how tough things were; however much pain you had to endure, you had to keep a strong appearance. To do otherwise was a death sentence. But the Paranelli didn't have the same problem with predators that they had. Sure, they occasionally had enemies, but nothing that threatened them on a day to day basis.

They were the opposite, really. Excessive strength was frowned upon; it often indicated that the person was not someone you would want to be associated with. Weakness, on the other hand, was encouraged. It was better to explore your weaknesses; understand why they are your weaknesses and build around them. Sometimes weaknesses could be turned into strengths. Other times they told you your limits.

And it wasn't just the Paranelli. Even the Arianoks, a species that was just as much a dragon as she used to be (if not even more so). They had the legend of the Abbasaul; how the weakest of the herd often became the strongest of leaders. Maybe even he, the mate of whom she cared so...

"Sanny?"

Konrad's voice snapped her back to reality. And after considerable thought, she slowly shook her head.

She was pretty sure that wasn't it. At least, mostly...

Konrad looked at her for a moment; she could have sworn she saw actual recognition in his eyes (she would seriously have to talk to Helastar about Caretaker abilities again).

"Was it because you felt useless?"

...

Damn.

How did he do that? How was he able to find out the problem on the second try? Wasn't the saying 'Third time's the charm'? She was the nail, and he just hit her on the head with a jackhammer. It didn't even seem right. And yet it made perfect sense.

And as she began to think about it, she started to realize just how accurate he was. It went back to before she even came on board; watching helplessly as her mother shuddered out her last breath from a disease she couldn't prevent. A disease someone else had to save her from. And ever since then, she was helpless where her life took her. Cooking had been her last hope, and it seemed she couldn't even do something as basic as that anymore.

The least she could do was work out a nod as the tears started to flow down her face once more.

She had never cried this much before. Back home in her... original form, she couldn't even cry.

And as she sat there, letting out her sadness for a second time, she began to see something in him that she didn't see before. It was beyond just recognition of her pain.

It was understanding.

He knew what her pain felt like. He knew what she was going through.

And the Caretaker part of him probably just made that understanding even stronger. Maybe this is why people liked the Semi-Dragon Counselors so much; they could understand what other therapists couldn't.

It just came at the cost of having no secrets.

And as Konrad held her there, he said something that surprised her, and yet expected at the same time.

"I'm sorry."

As she looked into his eyes, she saw something she did not expect. It was... like a tendril. A link, rather, of emotion. Stretching from his heart to hers. Well, she didn't see it in the traditional sense of the word. And yet she did. It was strange.

Is this what it's like to be a Caretaker?

She had heard from Helastar that Caretakers can sometimes share their abilities, consciously or not. He probably didn't even realize he was doing it.

But the link didn't just let him see her emotions. It also worked the other way. And even though she couldn't differentiate much of what she saw, she could see his mood, his emotions; hell, she could even hear his heartbeat...

Wait, no. That was just Ka banging his head against the wall. Was he okay?

And while she couldn't make out much, she could make out one thing very clearly.

He felt guilt. A guilt that was consuming him. It was almost overwhelming everything else.

It was strange. The shared Caretaker abilities allowed her to see how this guilt was formed. It was just a worry for her for a while. But when she began to cry not too long ago, it started to evolve into guilt; guilt and/or failure to help her.

But there was more. Something that couldn't be seen over that link. So she asked The Question™:

"Why?"

Konrad tilted his head in confusion.

Sanny sighed. He really was oblivious sometimes, wasn't he?

"Why am I worth it to you? What about me makes you care so much?"

Konrad was silent for a moment; staring off into space for what felt like an eternity to Sanny (AKA 28 thumps of Ka's head) before he finally responded.

"Sanny, the two of us have had to deal with nearly identical circumstances. We both lost what we called our lives due to a disease that might as well have been created by Garratatt Bassell. We've both had our lives transformed by a civilization greater than what we could have imagined at the time. And we both are prisoners to what gave us our new lives."

Konrad paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. In that moment, Sanny noticed that a lot happened in his head. A lot of information got put in storage while much more was pulled forth and processed. Sanny was actually kind of impressed at the speed and efficiency of this process; much more streamlined than what her mind felt like half the time. It was probably a necessary trait of Time Travellers; you often have to create cover stories on the fly with little background information and build off of them even when new information contradicts what you have built so far.

Konrad looked at Sanny with a slightly concerned gaze. "I'm bleeding, aren't I?"

Sanny, understanding the context thanks to the link, nodded her head.

Konrad closed his eyes; concentrating. And after a few seconds, the abilities seemed to fade away.

Sanny was kind of disappointed; she like seeing how his train of thought worked. But she also understood that he had some memories that he didn't like to remember, let alone let anyone else see. You can induce memories to resurface through a link like that, and not having training with these abilities can lead to some... unfortunate incidents.

"Anyway, where was I? Right," Konrad muttered to himself before he continued.

"It can take a while to find your place, Sanny. It most certainly did for me, however that's a story for a different time. I know you want to feel like you have a place, but you can't have a place if you don't even know what you are and are not good at. Take some time; slowly approach things before you dive into the deep end. Because while I encourage you to explore, I'd rather not have to clean up another mess of this magnitude. Okay?"

Sanny took a deep breath; processing everything that was just said before she nodded in acknowledgment.

"Now with all that said, I think it's only fair to say that you are hereby banned from the kitchen without our express consent and supervision."

Sanny pouted. "Do I have to be?"

Konrad's expression firmed up. "No action is free from consequences, Sanny. Some actions just have positive consequences as opposed to negative ones."

"Can I at least have a rice cooker and a blow torch?"

Konrad chuckled. "Okay, Sanny. You can have a rice cooker and a blow torch. Because despite being completely inept in the kitchen, you somehow make the best frozen burritos with those two items. How you manage that is beyond the abilities of my comprehension. But if we have another incident, then you will have to give up one of those items."

"I presume you are referring to the blow torch?"

"What? No. I was referring to the rice cooker. You and electricity is a dangerous combination. I honestly trust you enough with a blow torch given the fact that you used to work with what was essentially a scaled-up, magnesium-based version on a daily basis. But I still am unable to fathom how you were able to give your scalp second-degree burns with an induction cooker."

Sanny sighed. "You're never going to let me live that down, are you?"

"Worry about Ka more than me. I have other things I won't let you live down."

Sanny chuckled. He was back to his normal, chaotic self. Had it not been for the last half hour or so, she would never have expected him to be so caring. Now, she realized that he just chose not to care unless he needed to. And those Caretaker abilities of his helped refine that decision down to a near-perfect level.

As she thought about what had just happened, things went quiet. Abnormally so. She couldn't figure it out at first, but then it clicked.

"Um, Konrad?"

"Hm?"

"I think Ka has finally stopped."

...

"You're right, and it's about damn time as well. I just hope he hasn't given himself an aneurysm or something. He really doesn't know when to stop sometimes."

"Back to reality, we go?" Sanny poked.

"Along with the horrors that await us," he poked back.

The two of them walked back to the unfortunate scene that was the kitchen.

"You know," Ka said as he turned to face them, "I never understood why some people self-inflict harm on themselves when they struggled to understand something. Then I met Sanny..."

"And now you can't stop," Konrad finished.

"Understatement of the year," Ka snorted. "I think I might actually indulge in that bottle of Tesellion Brandy."

"Do let me enjoy it to the fullest with you, Ka."

"As long as you switch back to your normal form."

"Oh, right. I got wrapped up in the fact that the kitchen kinda disappeared. Before I forget..."

Konrad trailed off as he started sifting through the menus on his watch. After a moment, he activated something.

A blue glow enveloped his body. While not too much of his physical appearance change, his muscles seemed to lose the tone they had. As the glow faded, Konrad took a deep breath...

And promptly started wheezing.

"I think we should move back to the Main Console," Sanny interrupted. "That breathing doesn't sound healthy."

"Agreed. I would have warned you about changing here if you didn't insist on jumping the gun all the time," Ka scolded.

Konrad was too focused on breathing.

Once the three of them got to the main console, Ka grabbed an inhaler, which Konrad graciously took. After his breathing calmed down, Sanny asked him a question:

"I've never understood, why do you insist on going around in an imperfect body every day when you could easily just have a body that just works all the time?"

"It's a couple of things, Sanny," Konrad responded. "Perfection is imperfect. If I were in perfect health all the time, I could blow my cover. People tend to get suspicious of the person who never gets sick or has any ailments. Having a condition that affects you enough to mildly hinder your day-to-day activities without preventing you from doing your job efficiently is one of the greatest covers you can have. After all, what god would want an imperfect body?"

"Hold on, you two," Ka interrupted, "I'm getting a call from Dispatch. I'll take the call and let you two continue your conversation, okay?"

Konrad nodded, prompting Ka to disappear in order to take the call privately. Being an AI had its perks sometimes.

Sanny frowned a bit.

"I thought you hated being thought of as a god."

"I do, Sanny. That's another reason why I add imperfections to by forms. It reminds me that I am alive, even though I've lived a damn long time. It's easy to forget that when you essentially live forever. Having imperfections reminds you that you can be just as fallible as everyone else. It's why so many time travelers choose a minor ailment that they apply to almost all their BSPS forms; not only is it a reminder, it is a signature feature. It shows everyone that they are able to do their job despite having an obstacle. As they say, Improvise, adapt, overcome."

As Konrad finished, Ka reappeared.

"So what'sour assignment this time, Ka?"

Ka thought for a moment; still running through all the information he had been given.

"Well, dispatch decided to give us a hella doozy of an assignment."

"Define 'hella doozy'."

"Well..." Ka pulled up the assignment details on the main console.

Konrad skimmed through the information; there was a lot to process.

"Ka, who sent me this assignment?"

"Galdrovonni."

"Remind me to whip his ass when I next see him for giving me an absolute demon of an assignment."

"Noted."

"Sanny, you better sit down and help us. There's a lot to go through."

Sanny, who had been quiet for the most part, simply nodded. She was still processing everything that happened today.

How could this day get any more interesting? Sanny thought as she pulled up some of the information to start sorting.

...

Aaaaand I spoke too soon.

Author's Notes:

Note: While this story generally avoids strong language, some UL translations will include some harsher language. These words will be partially obscured by a spoiler blackout.

Definitions:

ASM: Approximate Similar Meaning; used following UL translations as most words/phrases have no direct translation.

CDT: Closest Direct Translation; sometimes used following ASMs to give the closest word-for-word translation. Often, they are... confusing.

To Sanny: to take even the mildest situation and immediately go to the extreme end of what could happen/go wrong (In case you weren't able to figure that out).

Cultural Index:

1: Garratatt Bassell was a bit of a psychotic, sadistic, narcissistic (etc) scientist who had a love of making diseases designed to torture individuals beyond belief. He was also a nightmare to work with; most of the other Setran couldn't tolerate him (which is saying something, given the Setran are notorious for being... nasty most of the time). But by far his most known creation was the affectionately-named Setran Spear of Death (despite looking more like a small Particle Cannon than a spear). There are cruel weapons, and then there is the F-WoW list (Forbidden Weapons of War). The SSoD is second place on that list.

1.1 - I'm sorry, I have to be a WHAT?

View Online

“Just how bad is it?” Konrad asked Ka, who was currently at the main console, analyzing the information that Dispatch sent over.

“Well… um....” Ka hesitated for a moment. “Mostly I’m trying to figure out if the anomaly would only be rated in the upper-80s or if it would break the 90-mark.”

Even though Konrad maintained a neutral face, Ka knew very damn well that he was probably either freaking out or thinking something along the lines of ‘Not again’.

“Going by the face you are giving right now, I presume that we won’t get lucky and be able to land in the eye this time,” Konrad guessed, knowing what the answer was likely to be before Ka responded.

“Yup.”

Well, that's just great, Konrad thought, sighing audibly. “So, what’s the time frame we're looking…”

“I finished with those calculations you asked for, Ka,” Sanny said as she walked into the main control room, interrupting Konrad’s question. She had just finished running some TARDIS wear estimates, which Ka decided to have her do early ever since she blew up the kitchen.

"Ah, thanks Sanny," Ka took the data chip and plugged it into the main console, standing still as he processed the data on it.

"We were in the middle of a briefing, Sanny," Konrad turned to Sanny and gave her an annoyed look. "Couldn't this have waited?"

Sanny looked over at Ka, who was currently muttering and subtly manipulating the console; though this was more of a visual representation of what he was doing. "Sorry. Ka was kinda insistent on getting the info right away; said something about it being relevant to upcoming events." She looked at Konrad and shrugged; neither of them knew what he meant by that.

"I swear, he is such a Te'neic de bal'dass sometimes..." Konrad muttered under his breath.
[No Translation Available]

"Oy!" Ka yelled over towards Konrad, seeming to have finished processing the information. "Did I give you permission to swear?"

Konrad stared at Ka with a serious face for a moment, before bursting into laughter.

"Ta'rei shei de'narr?" Konrad managed to gasp out between breaths.
[ASM: How are you in any position to judge me?] [CDT: Try judge me? No U.]

Ka could only shake his head. "Anyway, back to what we were discussing. Where were we again?"

Konrad spoke up: "I was just about to ask you the time frame we are looking at once we land,"

"Oh, right," Ka, now remembering where they were, pulled up the relevant info on the console. "It looks like the range we are looking at is..." Ka's eyes popped, "...5 months to 67 years? For this level of an anomaly?"

Sanny's mouth went agape. "That's..."

"Actually really good, all things considered," Konrad cut her off.

"Huh?" Sanny looked at him with confusion.

"Oh, right," Konrad internally facepalmed, "I keep forgetting you are kinda new here, Sanny. 5 months to 67 years is actually an amazing time frame for this kind of temporal anomaly; the typical date range is what, 20 years to 10,000?"

"18 to 12,810," Ka corrected.

"Thank you, Mr. Dictionary," Konrad shot an annoyed look at Ka before continuing. "But anyways, a time frame this short is going to make for an easy mission. At least, I hope."

Sanny sighed. "Sorry. I'm still not used to..."

"The time frames we regularly deal with?" Konrad finished, earning a nod from her. "You joined us fairly recently; I don't expect you to wrap your head around these numbers; it isn't even your job. You just get to sit back, relax, and make sure that all of reality doesn't implode."

"Now that we've finished this discussion, can we get back to the matter at hand?" Ka asked somewhat impatiently as he rapidly tapped his foot on the ground.

"Y'all ready?" Ka asked in his trademark 'I like to pretend that I work on a farm' voice.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Sanny said over the intercom. "I still haven't gotten used to this job."

"You're not alone in that, Sanny," both Konrad and Ka muttered simultaneously.

"Are we going to need to move to the control room?" Konrad asked Ka, who was looking over some kind of data that Konrad couldn't make out.

Ka shook his head. "I don't think so. We should be able to manage from the console up here. Despite being a class 89 anomaly, it is surprisingly gentle on the border. So much so that it will be easy enough to fly in and lock down the TARDIS without much issue. It might be a bit bumpier than if we flew from the control room, but that's kinda a given."

Konrad nodded his head. He was preoccupied; the last time he had an assignment of this caliper was back with Ketronel Base. But then again, the past is the past.

He leaned on the console, taking a deep breath to prepare preparing himself. A moment of zen...

"Okay y'all, let's do this!" Konrad shouted out; reverting to his normal chaotic self.

"Here we go..." Ka said before he disappeared; he had to do this as it required all his processing power in order to run the TARDIS.

Konrad started to manipulate the holographic controls of the console, sending the TARDIS off into the wonderful realm of multiple temporal dimensions. It was a pretty average day in what some refer to as the Space-Time vortex (though this was a highly inaccurate description); a few blips here and there but mostly stable.

Then again, Bekka De Narr was one of the most stable universes on this side of the Reality Hurricane, which was why it was often used as a pit stop for time travelers. While they originally wanted to go back to Vetraheil, Konrad was concerned if the TARDIS was flight worthy. And after a call to dispatch, they agreed that it probably wasn't a good idea to fly back to Vetraheil given the state of the kitchen. So they sent a team out with supplies.

While they might have patched things up so the TARDIS was flight-worthy, the kitchen still lay in shambles. Thankfully, they brought a lot of frozen burritos with the resupply at his request. While they weren't the most nutritious of foods nor did they provide much variety, they happened to be the only thing Sanny was good at making. Actually, she somehow managed to make them perfectly every time. And this was despite her using a rice cooker and blow torch.

While the repairs were underway, Konrad got the idea to ask the resupply team (while Sanny was nearby) if they had "brought along any salsa; preferably something that would explode in your mouth. Ka and the resupply team started laughing their heads off. Sanny, with her face all crimson, looked for a corner to curl up and hide in.

He smiled as he thought about that moment (maybe he would turn all this into one of his ~~dreaded by those involved~~ sagas), before returning his concentration to the task at hand.

Konrad warmed up the Tellaride circuit in preparation for the universe jump. Even though Ka did most of the work, it was still up to him to fly the damn thing right as they transitioned between universes. Ending up outside of universes was never a fun experience; every cadet has experienced this as they learned to use the system. Even the Quantum Neutralizer couldn't protect them from the effects of being outside of time and space.

As he activated the circuit, he felt his body vibrate slightly as the quantum signatures changed. One of the advantages of having an exceptionally high Quantum Fluidity Rating (QFR) was that you didn't have to make as many universe jumps since your body can handle much greater quantum differences. Average QFRs could only make jumps of about a third of what Konrad typically did.

"And off we go to U1182M-0012," Konrad spoke out loud to no one in particular. "Only 18 more jumps to go..."

"Aaaaannnd, one last jump," Konrad muttered to himself as he activated the circuit for a final time. There wasn't as noticeable a difference jumping this time like there was with the other jumps, only a minuscule vibration; so unnoticeable that if you didn't know what you were looking for you would have easily mistaken it for the engines. But Konrad was very attuned as a time traveler; trained to notice even the smallest details (though this sometimes meant he missed the big picture). 18 of the 19 jumps were only to get to U1182D-0018; the closest stable universe to their destination. When you are dealing with high-level temporal anomalies, it is wise to make as little of a transition as possible when entering the universe. Being over-zealous can lead to unintended consequences.

"Okay, now we are in the right universe," Konrad muttered to himself as he looked over the initial statistics for this universe.

After looking at the data for a bit, he frowned.

"That's odd," Konrad started scrutinizing the data further. "This universe looks fine. I don't see what Dispatch was so worrRRRRIIIEEEE..." Konrad was shocked at the level of Timeline Displacement after tuning the scanners (the scanners have to be tuned to each specific universe, and he forgot to do it before he left due to being engrossed with the kitchen). "No wonder Dispatch sent us; we've got Redline^[1] occurring."

"Yeah, I kinda noticed that," Ka's voice came over the intercom; now that they were in the right universe, he had the processing power to talk while he flew. "Anyway, the closest point we can get is at 1B6-0291. Everything past that is too unstable."

“1B6-0291, roger that,” Konrad confirmed, before setting the temporal navigator to the appropriate coordinates. “How close location-wise can we get to the anomaly?”

“We’ll be landing somewhere within a 20-mile radius of it; that’s the best I can do,” Ka responded. “Not ideal, but not horrible.”

“Fair enough,” Konrad shrugged before starting the surprisingly non-linear path to their destination.

Navigating a timeline is never an easy task, even on the best of days. Some have equated it to being dropped off in the middle of a corn maze that is constantly shifting. Navigating a Redline scenario is like trying to fly an airplane into the Pacific Ocean to find lost treasure; technically possible, but unless you have a LOT of training and the right equipment, it is a guaranteed disaster.

So why in the bloody hell am I using the main console instead of the control room? Konrad thought to himself.

He positioned the temporal path, set the destination, aaannnnd...

No dice.

Konrad was frustrated. He should have been at the correct landing coordinates hours ago. But every time he got close, something decided to be an ass and yeet him away from the landing coordinates; each time ending up further than the last.

Sanny was probably getting bored.

Ka was noticeably pissed.

“You know…” Ka spoke as if he was gritting his teeth, even though there weren’t any teeth to grit, “...if you simply moved to the control room, we would be there already.”

And just like that, any hope of Konrad moving to the control room was lost.

“Meh,” he responded nonchalantly, “I’m lazy; the control room is like what, 700 feet away? I don’t want to walk that far. Plus, I like a challenge. And you did say we should be able to do everything from the main console.”

If Ka were physically there, he would have punched Konrad in the face. But as that wasn’t an option, he would have to suffice with muttering swears in UL.

Konrad paid no heed to them.

Sanny chuckled over the intercom. “I swear, your antics will keep me entertained for millennia. But Konrad, if you don’t land soon, I swear I will drag your ass into the control room to land this thing.”

Konrad put up his hands in defeat. If there is one thing Sanny was known for, it was following through on her threats. “Okay, okay. I’ll do what I can.”

So with great conviction, Konrad tried to land the TARDIS from the console. But after an hour, nill progress had been made. And true to her word, Sanny dragged Konrad’s ass down to the control room.

Literally.

In true Sanny fashion, she grabbed his arms, pulled down his pants to expose his tender bottom, and dragged it on the ground from the main console to the control room. While Konrad struggled at first, he eventually submitted to what he referred to as “The Sanny Way.”

3 minutes after he arrived in the control room, the TARDIS was landed, locked, and on cooldown.

When Ka appeared, he was laughing his head.

“That,” Ka managed between his fits of laughter, “was pure gold. Tarlon is going to love this.”

Konrad sighed. “Then I shall prepare my corner to fade out of existence when he hears about it.”

Tarlon was a fellow time traveler, who graduated the same year as Konrad. He was also one of his best friends, which mandated that he have a collection of everything embarrassing or cringe about him that he could get his hands on. While Konrad had his own collection on him, it was nowhere NEAR as extensive as his.

“Anyway,” Sanny blurted out; interrupting their schisms, “We DO have a job to do. Just because we’re going to be here for a long time doesn’t mean we should just put everything off until the last second."

The two of them sighed, knowing she was right. “Very well, mother,” they both muttered under their breaths.

Sanny raised an eyebrow, then took a deep breath.

It was going to be a long day…

The three of them moved to the main console as they began their preparations. Mostly, this involved gathering as much information about the universe as they could, though other smaller tasks (such as gear checks) were also performed. But as it stood, they were having difficulty doing their standard info gathering. Mostly because they couldn't build a timeline map.

Timeline maps contained almost everything you needed to know about any given universe, including cultural norms, history, and much more. But they were almost impossible to generate in a redline scenario, so a common backup was a PURRS (Present Universe Records and Registry Search). But for some reason, Error 56-221C (Unable to locate media) kept popping up. This only happened if the civilization did not keep any records (though this is extremely unlikely) or if something was blocking them from receiving the location of any written media.

Needless to say, Konrad was getting frustrated.

"You know Ka, I would really appreciate having some background info before diving in. Things never seem to go well when I have to work with no background information and I always end up caught in the middle of a marital dispute."

Ka sighed. "That happened ONCE. I don't give you the right information and that happens... ONCE."

"Ooooo. Is this another story I haven't heard?" Sanny piped up.

Konrad chuckled. "That is a story for another time, Sanny."

Sanny pouted.

"Hey, don't give him that look," Ka piped up. "You were the one who said we shouldn't dilly-dally."

Sanny shot Ka a dirty look.

"Moving on..." Konrad sighed, "...where do we go from here?"

"Well, I'm still trying to make heads or tails of all this gibberish that we got when we tried to generate a timeline map," Ka said as he shifted his focus back to the task at hand. "I'm trying to get at least something basic, but that might take a while. I need a baseline to even begin to reconstruct anything worthwhile."

"So the best thing for me to do right now is to go out and find a library or something?"

"That would make this job a lot easier."

Konrad sat for a moment as he went over the information they were able to gather.

"You said that we are parked on a mountain that's on the outskirts of a small town, right?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Would me just going out with an LBSR^[2] help before I actually begin interacting with people?"

Ka thought about that for a moment. "Actually, yes. That should be enough to get me the names of everyone and maybe a few personal timelines. I won't be able to match any of those names to actual people, but I'll be able to look them up."

"Enough that I won't be flying blind?"

"Hopefully. But if you want any useful amount of cultural information, you'll need to find a library."

"I'll fetch the BLSR," Sanny piped up. "I don't seem to be of much use right now."

"Thanks, Sanny," Ka called out, his head still buried in his work.

"Look at me; completely useless when it comes to anything important."

Ka didn't hear what Sanny mumbled, but Konrad did. He thought back to their earlier conversation; how scared Sanny looked. And he realized that she had been like this from the moment she stepped on the TARDIS.

"Konrad?" Ka called out, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Right, might as well figure out what we're dealing with outside." He moved his immediate concerns back to the present, making a mental note to address this with her later.

Konrad made his way over to the door and opened it. But on the other side was something he didn't expect.

He blinked.

He blinked again.

"Well, um," Ka said, trying to find the right word to describe what was outside, "that's very... vibrant."

"The word I would have used is high-contrast," Konrad said as he rubbed his eyes.

And they were only looking at trees.

"Is the whole world going to look like this?" Konrad turned to ask Ka.

"Your guess is as good as mine. Sunglasses?"

"Definitely."

Ka tossed a pair of sunglasses over to Konrad, who graciously put them on.

As Konrad was putting on his sunglasses, Ka noticed something he glanced over before.

Oh, no...

"KONRAD, WAIT..."

Were he a half-second earlier, he would have stopped him before his hand crossed the threshold of the TARDIS. But as that didn't happen, Konrad's hand crossed that threshold.

A loud electric crack was heard as Konrad shrieked and yanked his hand back from the threshold. He began to mutter a couple of soothing words to his hand as he cradled it like a baby dragon.

Sanny, who happened to walk back in precisely at that moment, found the whole thing rather amusing.

"You good?" she called out, snickering at his babyishness.

"Dentosie Depardan, Kendora!"^[3] Konrad swore rather loudly. "Would it have KILLED you to figure out if this universe had a QFL BEFORE I tried going outside?
[ASM: Oh, for fuck's sake, Ka!] [CDT: None.]

"What's a QFL?"

Ka sighed. Apparently, he had to lecture two people today. "A QFL is a Quantum Form Lock, Sanny. And no, you haven't encountered them before. The basic idea is this: some universes for one reason or another really don't like certain kinds of creatures existing in them. In this case, humanoids will have a really hard time trying to stay in their current form."

Ka then turned to Konrad: "As for you, I was busy with other things. Maybe you should ask before charging into battle, Jel'tandro."^[4]

"Well, then. What creature does Konrad have to become in order to walk outside?" Sanny asked, hoping to actually move things along and keep things from devolving into a swearing match.

"Yes, that would be nice to know, Ka."

Ka turned to the display, sorting through the information on it. "Well, on the plus side, that interaction does give me enough information as to the current forms of the local residents. Apparently you have to..." Ka trailed off as he realized what Konrad would have to be.

"Well, Ka?"

Sanny walked over to the display. She took one look before she covered her mouth to suppress a guffaw.

"Why am I scared all of a sudden?"

"Well, um..." Ka stumbled over his words, "...you see, um, this isn't, uh, like anything we've come across in the past. You see, um... nevermind. Just see for yourself."

Ka swung the display over to Konrad's view.

He blinked.

He blinked again.

He checked the specs to make sure Ka wasn't screwing around with him.

"Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me."

Konrad was less than enthusiastic.

He had been many different creatures. From Dragons to sentient rodents, he thought he had seen it all.

But reality has this thing where it likes to take your expectations and yeet them out the window.

On one hand, he got to experience a new form that no one else had. Bragging rights were a big thing among time travelers.

On the other ~~hand~~HOOF, he had to be a horse. Wait, no. A pony.

A multicolored pony.

He was not looking forward to the hooves.

Sanny chuckled at Konrad's predicament. She was having fun messing around with the BSPS form creating tool and changing the colors of his fur/mane to some horrendously clashing colors. All this fun was at Konrad's expense, of course.

"Sanny, I'm trying to be serious right now."

"Oh, lighten up," Sanny teased. "It's not like we have to be anywhere for the next several years."

"Says the mare who was insistent on getting us to start on the preparations."

"Touché."

...

"Wait, mare?"

"Konrad's working on his local slang. It's... extensively weird."

"Aaaaand this year's award for understatement of the decade goes to Karalis Amalo."

"Everyone, clop your hooves!" Sanny yelled out with sarcastic enthusiasm.

Ka chuckled at their immaturity.

Konrad, on the other hand, had a dead serious look on his face.

"Um, Sanny, I would avoid using that term around other ponies."

Both Sanny and Ka looked at him confused.

"Do I seriously have to explain it to you two? Konrad sighed under his breath. "Since neither of you have started reading the language guide that ULMMT generated, 'Clop' is slang for... self-pleasure. In that sense.

Both Ka and Konrad caught a glimpse of Sanny's face turning deep crimson as she ran off.

"Well, that was awkward," Ka stated rather nonchalantly.

Konrad sighed as he continued working on creating his form.

A heavy silence had descended on the Main Console.

Who better to break it than Tarlon.

"I SWEAR TO GOD IMMA KILL YOU ONE OF THESE DAYS FOR CHOOSING THAT RINGTONE, KA!" Konrad yelled out, jamming his hands over his ears.

"But Tarlon likes it..." Ka pouted, putting on his most innocent face.

"HE ALSO LIKES TO SHOVE LIP BALM UP WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE. NOW ANSWER THE CALL AND END MY SUFFERING."

"Okay, okay. Stop yelling. You'll hurt your eardrums."

Konrad just gritted his teeth.

"Hey, what took so long? Tarlon fell asleep."

Sure enough, behind Li (Tarlon's TARDIS AI), Tarlon looked to be sound asleep.

"Drama Queen."

"Why do you have to betray me like that, Sanny?" Tarlon pouted as he stood up, now obvious that he was faking being asleep.

"When did you get here, Sanny?" Konrad asked. "Weren't you hiding in shame?"

"I was, at least until SOMEONE decided to nearly give me an aneurysm from the ringtone volume."

Li sighed.

"Ka, I'm going to say this once: unless you want to blow out everyone's eardrums from the volume level, turn it down to a 2. Nyan cat is bad enough without it being turned up loud enough that even I could hear it."

Tarlon frowned. "Wait, you could hear it too?"

"As much as you can taste my sarcasm," Li smirked.

"I thought we were friends, Li," Ka called out. "Aren't we supposed to cover for each other?"

Everyone else turned to look at Ka with a 'What are you talking about' face.

Li kept a straight face. "Who said we were friends? Especially after that Teriyaki fiasco?"

Ka promptly fainted.

Everyone else looked at each other; all with one thing on their mind.

"Drama King."

"Well, with that out of the way," Tarlon said as he shook his head, "We are actually here on official business."

Konrad stared at him with a blank face.

I know, it's weird," Li piped up. "He never does official business officially."

"Just like how Ka never does Drama dramatically," Sanny added.

"Have respect for the burn victim y'all!"

Everyone else knew exactly what to say.

"No."

"Fine, fine. Be like that," Ka muttered as he resumed what he was previously doing.

"Anyway, what official business are you on, Tarlon?" Konrad was actually curious about what this was.

"Dispatch sent me to check in with you. It is standard procedure after all. It just didn't happen last time because we were in the middle of a war."

"Right, I forgot about that. It's been an eventful day. Do you have the data packet ready, Ka?"

"Well, everything we were able to gather," Ka replied. "This universe isn't very cooperative in regards to our attempts at data collection. The timeline map is spitting out a lot of junk."

"Did you try a PURRS?"

"No, Li," Ka sighed indignantly, "We never thought about doing literally the second most useful thing in information gathering. And it's not like we kept on getting error 56-221C. No, we must be complete dumbasses who can't cook frozen burritos."

"Sarcasm aside," Konrad interrupted, "It's rather annoying. We were able to piece together some information, but it's not a lot. I'm planning on running out to find a library so we can run the PURRS."

"Well, good luck with that," Tarlon muttered as he started reading through the information Ka sent over. "Wait, a QFL for advanced quadrupedic equines? What does that even mean?"

"Well, assuming I set up everything correctly, it means... this."

As Konrad finished his statement, he activated the Change circuit on the BSPS. A blue glow enveloped his body as his biological form started to get rearranged to his new form. Prominent equine features started to appear. His face, neck, ears, and hair all began to elongate while most of his prominent externalities, such as his hands, disappeared. And as the blue glow died down, the details of his new form started to become visible. His fur was a light brown-gray, with his mane a dual-tone green. Were there any other ponies to compare them to, you would notice that he was marginally taller than average. And adorning his hindquarters in the form of a cutie mark was the symbol of the time traveler.

Sanny and Ka stood there taking in his new form.

Tarlon was actually somewhat impressed.

"That is not like any horse I have seen before."

Konrad facehooved. "First off, Li, it's pony. Second, what part about 'advanced quardrupedic equines' would make you think that this form would be even remotely like normal horses?"

Li shrugged.

Better than Ka at least...

"Well, then," Tarlon piped up, "It is time I took my leave. I do have official business to do. I'll be nearby if you need help."

"Tarlon, when did you become so serious?"

"Well, you're also kinda cute, Konrad."

Li, seeing the red start to creep onto Konrad's cheeks, cut off the call. He was a bit more reasonable with these things.

"Tarlon, it's strange to see you act so formally. However, if you continue things like... that, then I will insist that you maintain a professional demeanor all the time."

Tarlon sighed. It was a bit of an over-the-line remark, especially since Konrad had a... less than pleasant history with that sort of thing. He made a note to apologize to him later.

"You're right, Li. But for now, let's get this information to dispatch and move on to our next assignment. Who is that again?"

"Gage Vatan."

"Oh, the Mela'tossa."
[ASM: Know-it-all]

Konrad took a deep breath.

Sanny, of course, only asked the most important questions.

"How can you blush through fur?"

"Well, how am I supposed to know?" Konrad snapped. "Go ask Ka once he does his full report on the physiology of this species."

Sanny was not expecting him to be so forceful in his response and reeled back slightly.

"Sanny," Ka said, almost making it sound like an order, "Go modify the bag the LBSR is in to be more easily carried by a horse. I believe you will be looking for something similar to a saddlebag."

Sanny, seeing the You-Really-Should-Get-Out-Of-Here face Ka was making, quietly left.

After checking the console to make sure Sanny was out of earshot, Ka finally spoke.

"Let me guess, Tarlon was being... insensitive."

"Por'bal de Car'sho Les'sai, that's what he was," Konrad managed through gritted teeth. "He should have known better."
[ASM: Beyond insensitive.] [CDT: A bitch of astronomical porportions]

"Ok, this is what's going to happen. First, off to your room. Nothing good EVER happens when you go out on a mission in a compromised state like this. The mission is hereby postponed until you've calmed down. While that is likely to only take a couple of hours, I WILL scrub the mission if you don't. And no, that is not up for debate. I have specific orders from dispatch regarding how to handle situations like this."

Konrad could only nod.

"Finally, while I'm sure you'd already do this, please apologize to Sanny once you've calmed down. I don't think you intended to be so harsh with her."

The anger in Konrad had subsided, replaced by sadness/anxiety as it always did. He never stayed angry for very long. This, however, stayed much longer than his anger.

Konrad took a deep breath before walking off to his room.

Ka, after checking to make sure Sanny wasn't eavesdropping, left the console to find her. While he didn't want her to hear this conversation, he still felt he should explain what happened.

Thankfully for everyone (especially the mid-level dispatch operator that would have inevitably gotten the call if he didn't get better), Konrad was back to normal... well, operating at a functional level anyway.

As he made his final preparations, he said very little. Aside from apologizing to Sanny when he picked up the LBSR (which Sanny showed him how to set it up and operate with hooves), there wasn't much that needed to be said.

Ka was watching him closely. While Ka knew he was still very much capable in this mindset, he was always cautious. It unnerved him to see his usual boisterous self become quiet and reserved. He knew he would return to his standard self by tomorrow, but he was still cautious. He didn't want another Diamond's Landing on his hands.

Konrad knew that the best thing for him to do was to get out of the TARDIS as soon as possible. It was easier to recover from events like these if you had something to occupy your mind. And devolving into a blubbering mess would not be a good idea by any means on a mission of this level.

The only one who could even begin to help him was Helastar. But she was back at Ketronel Base and not likely to be able to make it here in any short amount of time.

Ketronel...

No, stop. We are not thinking about her. We aren't thinking about the war, or all the pain it caused, or...

Thankfully, his thoughts were interrupted by the fact he tripped.

Damn rock...

He re-absorbed himself in simply trying to walk on an uneven surface. He was still a good half-mile from the observation site. And while it was (thankfully) mostly flat, he was still learning how to properly walk.

Thankfully there isn't anybodyPONY around for a good few miles.

About an hour later, he made it to the ledge where he was told to set up the LBSR.

Even after being shown how to assemble it with hooves, it still took him nearly half an hour to get it set up. Hands would have shortened that to 5 minutes, but that was a moot point.

Changing the holographic interface on his watch was interesting. It kept wanting to default to his standard configuration, but that was made for hands, not hooves. But after a bit of persuasion, it finally adapted to something useable. Now it was just a matter of using it to a point where it would refine itself to something natural.

Once that was done, he was able to connect to the LBSR and start the pre-programmed survey program.

30 minutes to kill...

New universes always took longer to survey. Especially those that didn't conform to the usual standards. half an hour was about average, though it might be longer. He would know in about 10 minutes once it had gathered enough info to give a full estimate.

So as he left the BLSR to do its thing, he pulled out what was essentially a telescope with a high-density image sensor attached to it. He would have preferred his binoculars, but those were not designed for equine eyes.

The eyes on this form were... weird. They weren't the standard front-facing eyes of a predator, nor were they the side-facing eyes of prey. They were... somewhere in between. They could focus forward for most situations, but could also move independently to gain a wider field of view. Depth perception became almost non-existent when this was done, but it was still occasionally useful. Good to have the ability to check if there was someone behind you. But as that wasn't needed most of the time...

Konrad snapped back to what he was doing. He zoomed in on the town that was in the valley below him; a small, quaint town. Its quaintness only ruined by the fact there was a giant purple castle sitting on the edge of town. It was made of a blue and purple crystal; the design seemed to revolve around a star. Probably the owner's cutie mark, if the flags were any indication.

Either the owner has a hell of an ego or someone important lives there. Or both, maybe. Either way, that symbol was probably what the mark on their hindquarters was, so those were probably fairly unique. I think it was called a cutie mark?

While he was too far away to make out any of the more minor details, he was able to see that the residents were, in fact, generally ponies. So at least Ka wasn't trying to pull his leg by getting him to change into a rarer species like he sometimes likes to do.

As he continued looking, he noticed that there seemed to be three denominations of pony types: standard ponies, pegasi, and unicorns.

Why are there unicorns? Horns seem kinda pointless. And those wings look way too small to...

His train of thought was interrupted as he more closely examined what the ponies he was focusing on were doing.

Well, it wasn't so much what they were doing. It was how they were doing it.

The duo seemed to be a house repair company. But the pegasus seemed to be breaking every law of aerodynamics, zipping about like inertia didn't exist. And the unicorn had a glow around their horn, accompanied by a similar glow around a levitated object.

Wait, that looks like magic...

Konrad was interrupted by the BLSR pinging him to let him know the exact estimate of how long it would take to do the full survey.

3 Hours, 14 Minutes Remaining

And judging by the time frame of the BLSR, this isn't a type of magic we've come across before...

Konrad, not in the mood to talk, sent a message to Ka.

Looks like we've got a new form of magic. BLSR is going to take 3 hours to finish. Better get the Tsekolvi bracelets. Oh, and it's hella beautiful out here.

Konrad sighed as he sent the message. It was incredibly beautiful out here. A bit oversaturated, yes. But still beautiful.

Wait, did that pegasus just move that cloud?

Konrad decided he should put away the telescope. This reminded him to raise the low-level perception filter over the BLSR. It was enough to keep it unnoticed at a distance without interfering too much with the BLSR. However, he could crank it up at a moment's notice if necessary.

Aside from setting a perimeter to alert him if anypony got close, there was nothing else to do except wait.

And wait.

With so much time to kill, he decided to do something he hadn't done in a long time.

He decided to take a nap.

It wasn't something he indulged in too much. But nothing more could be reasonably done until the BLSR was finished. He didn't want to go into town without a reasonable backstory, so he might as well indulge himself.

He didn't often nap just for the sake of napping. Even when he slept, he generally was conscious and catching up on paperwork. He only truly slept and let his mind wander every 7ish days.

Napping was a commodity.

But as he sat on that ledge, he felt calm. While he wasn't one for the sun, everything around him seemed to calm him down. The midday sun, the wind rushing through the pine trees, the occasional chirp of birds in the distance. Everything was relaxing. No...

Everything was harmonious.

And as he slowly drifted off to sleep, he could only think one thing:

"Ne'mo necon, sha'parei hass?"
[ASM: Could this be a memory that lasts beyond lives?] [CDT: Possibly maybe, a forever memory?]

If only he knew then just how much of an impact this mission would have on him.

Author's Notes:

Chapter Notes:
AI have full names and abbreviations. Ka is an abbreviation of Karalis Amalo. Li is an abbreviation of Lorem Ipsum. Why Li chose that name is beyond most people.

Most AIs, while based off of living consciousnesses (the process is known as imprinting), develop in a very unique manner. Ka is imprinted of Konrad, while Li is imprinted off Jerald Polnaski, the leading expert on dragon physiology.

And in case you were wondering, Li's preferred form is based on a South Asian/Indian ethnicity. He also likes to speak in an Indian accent unless speaking in UL. UL has immense subtlety between syllables, meaning most accents render spoken UL undecipherable.

[1]: Redline is a phenomenon where a timeline becomes so unstable, it can no longer hold coherency past a certain point. Reline typically occurs when a fixed point is altered.

[2]: LBSR stands for Landscape and Biome Schematic Recorder. Does exactly what it says on the tin.

[3]: Kendora is one of Ka's 3 names in UL. Names in UL are often associated with a story/well know fact about the individual. Kendora is a UL Compound of Ken'mel'ta; meaning unbelievable circumstance, and Remadora; meaning soldering iron. Konrad was never brave enough to ask how he got it, though it is one of his favorites to use.

[4]: One of Konrad's 7 names in UL. This one is a UL compound of Jel'Namai, meaning hyperactive, and Kortandro, meaning bouncy ball.

1.2 - Well, that was close

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It was rare for him to dream such pleasant dreams.

He didn't even remember what he was dreaming about. Dreams tend to be like that.

All he remembered was happiness.

And the proximity alarm going off.

And harmo...

Wait, Proximity Alarm?!?

Konrad's consciousness suddenly kicked into full gear, bringing him out of his peaceful slumber.

He immediately opened the holographic display on his watch, trying to figure out if there was a threat of being discovered.

And considering that whomever it was happened to be heading straight for him up the mountainous trails, that would have to be a hard yes.

How the hell did they get so close without the alarm tripping? Wait, new form of magic. Everything still needs time to adjust...

Brain, stop. We have an immediate issue.

Once he stopped trying to analyze everything, he quickly opened up a communications channel to Ka via Psycho-Net.^[1]

"Ka, I'm going to need a history in about 5 minutes."

Ka grumbled. "Let me guess: you slept in and didn't see someone coming. And I'm not able to get you a good backstory ready until you get that PURRS done.

"First off, sweetie, you were the one complaining I never got enough sleep. Second, I set a perimeter, but new magic screwed with the sensors. Third, PURRS ain't going to happen anytime soon, so you'll have to make do with what you have. You should have some amount of LBSR data, so work with that. Finally, it doesn't need to be verifiable yet. It just needs to have enough integrity to pass a normal citizen. Four minutes."

"Ok, I'll start working on it. You may have to stall if I don't have something ready in time," Ka sighed as he started sifting through all the information he now had access to from the limited LBSR data he had. "Did you remember to increase the perception filter on the LBSR?"

"Thank you for reminding me," Konrad acknowledged as he cranked up the level on the perception filter. "Be sure to remind me to turn it down."

Ka mumbled something as he got to work. Konrad, on the other hand, was busy creating an open-ended backstory.

Scootaloo was having one of those days.

She wasn't a filly anymore; she had her cutie mark, a job (albeit a fairly mediocre one), and her own house.

But she was feeling lonely.

Her fellow Cutie Mark Crusaders had their own things to deal with; Apple Bloom was off visiting her family down in Appleloosa and Sweetie Bell was hauled off by Rarity to attend a cooking class. Especially after last time, she hoped that Sweetie would learn how to not destroy every kitchen she walked into.

Though she'll probably just blow up the classroom and get kicked out. She can cook about as well as Rainbow can handle mushy stuff.

She sighed. Rainbow Dash had her own business to attend to; another one of the shows the Wonderbolts put on. She didn't remember where it was, not did she particularly care.

She was alone.

In some ways, she always had been. A child of an orphanage, she never had parents to speak of. Rainbow was the closest thing she had to family.

It was a secret no one else knew.

And she hated it.

She hated having to grow up before she was ready.

But more than anything, she hated the fact that everyone still treated her like a filly.

She was a grown mare for Celestia's sake! She had her own house, her own job, her own bank account. She could sign any legal document. Hell, she could even drink if she wanted to.

Even her own friends still acted as if they were all fillies., and it frustrated her.

She stopped walking and took a deep breath; settling the bubbling frustration in her and looked around her.

She was back on this mountain. The same one she had climbed many times prior. All with one goal:

To scream.

It was where she went to let out all her frustrations. A place where no one else could hear her; a place where she could be alone.

A place where she could be herself.

She sighed. What do I even want? I don't want to be treated like a foal. And yet, I despise the fact that I'm not one.

...

Who am I, even?

As she made her way around the last switchback that brought her to the outlook she came to whenever she needed to vent.

She wasn't expecting somepony else to be sitting up here.

She stopped for a moment; he wasn't anypony she had seen around town; she would have remembered a mane like that. And given the gear around him, she assumed he was probably an explorer or something similar.

What was she going to do? She could either try to start a conversation with him, or she could just go home and return another day.

You know what? Screw it. It's not like I have anything else better to do, anyways.

As she slowly approached him, she was able to pick up more of his details. His mane was a dual-tone green; rather unusual, especially for a stallion. He also seemed to be ever-so-slightly larger than most ponies. While no Big Mac, it was noticeable up close.

And then there was the cutie mark.

It was made of several concentric blue circles, each interconnected with curved lines, and a red dot in the middle.

What does that even mean.

She glanced at his other gear. She didn't see anything special about it; it seemed fairly typical for an explorer.

She focused back on the stallion in front of her. And after overcoming some of the adrenaline that was coursing through her veins, she spoke up.

"Um, hi."

His muscles briefly tensed up, obvious she had startled him. Maybe he thought that he was alone up here as well.

"Oh, um, hello. Where did you come from? I didn't think there was anyone else around."

"I came up the only path to this outlook. You really didn't see me from the clear vantage point you're sitting at?"

"Would it be a crime if I said no?" he replied sheepishly?

"...I guess not. You did seem fairly lost in thought."

...

"Anyway, where are my manners? My name's Konrad. I'm.. an explorer I guess?"

"That's an... interesting name..." Scootaloo said, tilting her head in curiosity.

"Yeah, I get that a lot. What about you?"

"Scootaloo."

"That's a nice name."

...

"Well, this is awkward."

"Right? Like what are you supposed to talk about once you've exhausted the pleasantries? I mean, unless you want to talk about the weather."

Scootaloo chuckled. "It's not like there would be much point in that topic, anyway, since it's controlled by the pegasi."

"Well, to be fair, it isn't everywhere."

"Really?" She sat down beside him on the ledge, looking out towards Ponyvile. This was news to her.

Konrad nodded. "Some towns don't have many pegasi living in or near them, so they just have to deal with whatever weather they are given. Some remote coastal towns have to occasionally deal with storms with 100mph gusts. Good luck going outside in those."

Scootaloo just looked at him in awe.

"Heh, I remember one pegasus tried. They ended up crashing into the side of the house I was staying at. That was quite the storm."

Scootaloo could only sigh.

"You really haven't been outside this town much, have you?"

She slowly shook her head.

"Been here your whole life?"

"I've been to the Crystal Empire a couple of times," she replied softly. "But for the most part, I've stayed here in Ponyville.

Konrad frowned. He seemed to be analyzing her a bit, and it was... slightly unsettling. Like he knew her secrets.

"23"

"Huh?" Scootaloo tilted her head in confusion.

"Huh? Oh, sorry. Lost in a memory."

...

"So why did you come up here?"

"I'll tell you if you tell me why." She quipped back. "There is only one way get up here; I've checked. Aside from the small meadow up here, there's nothing of interest. What purpose does you coming up here serve you?"

It was Konrad's turn to frown; turning to look off into the distance.

"I had a... bad experience once."

"What do you mean by 'bad experience'?"

Konrad paused. "I'd... rather not talk about it."

"Figures..."

"What do you mean by that?"

"What do you think?" she grumbled. "Isn't it obvious?" I'm a FILLY, and fillies aren't old enough to hear about Grown-Up things."

"What? That's not what it is at all."

"Then WHAT is it?"

"Let me try to put it into context;" Konrad sighed. "Say, for a moment, that your parents died in a tragic accident..."

Scootaloo flinched. Hard.

"...and, say, for a moment..." Konrad stopped as he saw Scootaloo. "Oh, gosh. Sorry, I didn't intend to hit so close to home."

Scootaloo could only stare somberly at the ground.

"Anyway, the point still stands. Is that something you want to be talking about to every stranger you meet?"

"I... I guess not."

Konrad took a deep breath. "Suffice it to say, what happened isn't something I'm generally comfortable talking about. The short version is this: once, I didn't check out a town before I entered it. I ended up getting caught up in a... unpleasant circumstance. And since that happened early on, I've kinda been afraid to just waltz into a town without making sure nothing... bad is happening."

Scootaloo slowly nodded; still looking at the ground.

And then there was silence.

It was... weird. It was like Konrad knew a lot more about her than he was letting on. That, or he was very perceptive.

Maybe both?

Regardless, she just wanted to think right now. A lot just happened for her emotionally, and she needed time to process it all.

And so for the next 10 minutes, the two of them just sat there, looking out towards Ponyville.

"You never answered my question, why do you come up here?" Konrad asked, finally breaking the silence between them.

Scootaloo sighed. "I guess because I want to be alone."

Konrad nodded. "That's fair. Judging by our earlier conversation, the town can get... aggravating at times."

"To put it one way, I guess."

...

"So how long do you plan on staying up here?"

"Maybe a few more hours. My anxiety still needs a little more time to satiate."

"Well, I have to get back to town. I have a job, and the bills aren't going to pay themselves."

"Well, good luck with that."

Scootaloo got up and started to make her way towards the trail. But before she started down it, she stopped.

"Will I see you again?"

Konrad turned his head around, smirking. "You make it sound like I'm going on a dangerous mission."

"Well, you made it sound like it was for you."

"True. I'll probably come down into town later today, so maybe we'll bump into each other then."

"Oh, and thanks."

"Huh?"

"It was nice to just talk to somepony," Scootaloo sighed. "I don't get to do that much these days."

Konrad nodded, then turned back towards Ponyville; losing himself in thought.

And with that, Scootaloo made her way back down the trail.

As soon as Scootaloo was out of sight, Konrad collapsed to the ground and started panting heavily.

"You know, I cannot begin to fathom just how LUCKY you are..."

Konrad groaned. Having to listen to Ka while also interacting with Scootaloo was incredibly tiring. Now he had to listen to him complain about how things went.

Then again, he didn't have to do too much in regards to Scootlaoo as he was able to redirect the conversation to be about her, and less about him.

"...I mean, seriously. You just HAD to pick at random the individual who's background perfectly matches what you had set up. AND is presumed missing, but not confirmed dead. Like, what could go wrong if luck carried you that far?"

"Maybe the fact that I accidentally spoke out loud when you asked me to pick a number between 1 and 62?" Konrad groaned.

"Ha, ha. That would be the day... wait, you're serious?"

"What do you think?" Konrad deadpanned.

"...I swear to God. Shamrocks would be jealous of you. Now just wait, you'll find a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow."

"What can I say? Maybe I just have a certain charm with the world."

Konrad smirked as he heard a loud thump on the other end of the call. It was times like this he wished the call wasn't set to audio-only. Unless...

"Sanny, you there?"

"Already grabbed the recording," she giggled. "And by the way, LBSR."

"Huh? Oh, right..."

Such was the nature of perception filters; at high enough levels, there was no good way to easily counteract them in the moment. Even operators of perception filters weren't immune to its effects.

It was always a delicate balancing act; keeping it too low wouldn't be effective, but turn it up too high and people might forget everything about that moment, occasionally leading to blank spots in their memory. Those weren't good as people started to question themselves and/or retrace their steps.

They also interfere with some tech, such as the LBSR. While a low-level filter wouldn't make a significant difference, high levels could severely impact its operation.

While it wasn't a super strong perception filter, it was high enough that Konrad could almost swear he heard the LBSR sigh with relief when he turned it back down to where it was.

And so, the day continued on without any other interruptions. Konrad worked through the timeline of the individual he was pretending to be.

Well, he's definitely dead. So standard procedure is going to apply. At least, standard for me.

He continued to work on the details of his backstory until the LBSR chimed that it was finished. Once it was, he packed it up and made his way to the TARDIS to drop it off and pick up a few other things.

Then it was off to town he went; making his way down the winding mountain trail. While crossing the meadow wasn't a problem anymore, this would be something else entirely.

"Why is it so hard for you to walk? I mean, for real. You've been a quadruped many other times. But damn, Boi, you trippin'."

That's it. Konrad was officially going to smack Ka when he got back. He could tolerate the constant belittlement, but he would not stand for gangsta speak.

...

Scratch that. He couldn't stand. Period. Also, how in the bloody hell could he hear the 'I' in 'Boi'?

"Well, this is the first time I've had HOOVES," Konrad quipped back as he regained his balance; doing his best to not fall off the side of the steep trail he was walking down. "Not having extra appendages on my extremities makes it a lot more difficult to balance properly while walking over uneven terrain."

"Do you need a hand?"

Konrad took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. Punching at the air where the holographic call to Ka and Sanny was would accomplish nothing...

Wait...

"Hey Sanny," Konrad called out to her, "Could you do me a favor?"

"Hm?"

"Remember Simplar Madronis?"

Sanny looked at Konrad, then looked at Ka, then back to Konrad, and so forth for nearly a minute.

"Is this what you really want to..."

"Yes," Konrad interrupted her before she could finish.

Sanny was quiet for a moment.

"Ok," she said, rather upbeat.

"What in the hell are you twoooo..." Ka trailed off as he saw Sanny's face. "Oh, no."

"Have fun, Ka," Konrad said with a stoic face.^[2]

"Please tell me you at least told her to not use fruit punch anymore, right?" Ka looked at Konrad with pleading eyes.

Konrad just looked at him.

"Right?"

Konrad maintained his stoic face as he slowly moved his hoof over to the end call button.

"Hello?" Ka called out as Konrad closed the call.

"Oh, no..." Ka muttered as he turned to face Sanny, who was now holding a large bag of red powder.

"OH YEAH"

It was in this moment Ka made a stark realization:

If you want to be a Kera mos'liin to Konrad, be doubly sure he doesn't have a favor to pull with Sanny.
[ASM/CDT: Lil' bitch-ass]

And never again would he be able to look at Kool-Aid without checking over his shoulder to make sure Sanny wasn't around.

Konrad, on the other hoof, wasn't thinking about the hell Ka was going through right now. Nor did he care, to be honest. While he might have been feeling really petty, he knew Sanny wouldn't abuse the power he had bestowed upon her.

Would it leave a lasting impression? Most definitely. But Ka was a big AI, now. He could handle the Fruit Punch.

Why am I making him sound like my child? I mean, technically, yes. But still... Crap. I actually gotta focus on not falling right now. Reminisce about Ka later; you won't be able to if you fall.

And so, as Konrad made his way down that mountainous path, he found himself returning to the other events of this day. And as he concentrated on not falling over, he prepared himself for the inevitable chaos that he would find in this small town called Ponyville.

The sun was getting low in the sky, so he would probably have to stay here in this town. He would have to figure out how to acquire local currency, but that problem could wait until pebbles weren't an issue.

1.3 - This Castle Makes No Sense

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Author's Notes:

Well, I didn't anticipate this chapter to be delayed so damn long. Then again, I didn't really anticipate this chapter to begin with, so...

I've never had a clear idea of what was going to happen in town. Combined with the fact I'm going insane stuck in this house and have a laptop that broke again, I've just decided to skip it. For now, I've had to borrow a laptop from my friend. But as we are sharing it and he has virtual classes, I don't get it as much as I would like. And as my handwriting is both slow and unreadable, well, this chapter is a bit shorter than the other ones.

Seras has been busy with his Zoom classes. And while he has time to do proofreading, he doesn't have the time nor do we have the means to have the same kind of talks as we did for the other chapters.

What happens in town isn't really important, anyway. So I've just decided to remove it. Maybe I'll make it a bonus chapter later.

But for now, I need to move the story along. Hopefully the next chapter won't take nearly as damn long as I now have some idea on what's going to happen...

It had been 2 hours.

Seriously, getting down the mountain was the easy part.

And then Pinkie happened.

He still had a headache.

But it was a moot point; now he knew where the library was. Apparently, the old one got blown up and it now resided in the castle.

The only problem was that the sun was low on the horizon. He had maybe an hour, tops, before it was dark. And he didn't even remotely trust himself to walk back up the path in the dead of night. And since the PURRS took a few good hours to run...

Eh, screw it. Maybe I can just sleep in the library.

It wasn't his brightest plan.

Then again, when have any of his plans ever been? Or have even gone to plan?

The castle was bigger on the inside.

The floorplan made no sense.

Somehow he got to the 5th floor after going in a broom closet.

Konrad would have been confused were it not for the fact that he already has to deal with something much more complicated on a daily basis. Namely, his TARDIS.

If anything, his TARDIS was worse. At least this castle didn't use 5-dimensional spacial stacks. Those are what give people headaches. This castle was closer to a compressed space. Those are much easier and less headache-inducing than 5DSS.

But as he stood there looking down the hallway, a singular thought came to his mind:

"...Great. I'm lost."

It wasn't that he didn't know where he was. He knew exactly where he was and how to get to the main entrance, kitchen, lab, swimming pool, and basically everywhere else.

He just didn't know where the library was.

I've literally searched this entire castle. How does the Library continue to elude me?

Also, how have I not run into anyone el...

He never finished that thought. Why you might ask?

Well, to put it simply, universes are strange. Some have said they have some level of consciousness, though no intelligence. Universes regularly change small aspects of their existence to make sure time flows smoothly. While the universe and its timeline are separate, they are ingrained in each other's survival. And as such, they will make small concessions here and there to make sure everything flows smoothly.

People moving between universes is generally not an issue, not unless they break something. But while time travelers generally do their job, they can get... bored sometimes. And that leads to them pushing their luck.

Konrad's luck was already pushed pretty hard that day; Ka can attest as much. And this universe likes to toy around a little more than others. Ka will discover this soon enough.

Now, you didn't come here for the lesson on temporal mechanics, so to summarize:

It was as if the universe was miffed at his current state of being, despite his intentions to help it.

Because at that specific moment where he thought that specific thought, he walked straight into purple fur.

All that time with Celestia; all those lessons. After everything she had been through, there was one fact about becoming a Princess of Equestria she was not prepared for:

Being a Princess sucked.

This chapter on dragon courtship was interesting. Females are almost always the dominant one when courting. Once they have chosen a mate, they will show them their hoard. To do so is a sign of them wanting to become a part of theirs. Didn't Ember show Spike hers? I may have to talk with him later about that. Anyway, next chapter...

It wasn't so much the bureaucracy, the security, or even the "nobility" that she had to deal with every day (though Prince Blueblood came in a very close second. How did Celestia and Luna put up with him every day?).

Zebras are very polygamous due to the simple fact the gender ratio is... 10 mares per stallion? No wonder they have such a strong instinct to court. Stallions are so rare that a chance to obtain a mate may be a mare's only one. Maybe that's why Zecora... moving on...

No, it was the simple fact everypony else thought of her as more than just a pony; borderline a god.

Hippogriffs were very... tribal about courting until fairly recently. Probably because Celestia gave them an earful about how immorally they treated stallions...

God of friendship? She might be the princess of that, but a god she was most definitely not. Gods were supposed to be perfect, and her history of friendships was anything but that.

That's surprising. Griffins are actually surprisingly civil when it comes to courting. Even discounting more recent events, they would share food, sleep together, even hunt with their partner. Not sure how I feel about hunting, but I understand their biology somewhat dictates they do so... Oh!

That did get her thinking, what would she even be the god of? What defined her?

I have heard the section on ponies is... biased. I wonder how bad it is...

The god of books? Maybe, but to be fair she was already that before her ascension.

Ok. That is NOT even how friendship between ponies works. I'm not even going to look at what he wrote on courting as you apparently were eating some unknown wild plant while writing this.

God of quesadillas? She'd rather die.

I can see why this book is good reading material on everything EXCEPT pony customs. No wonder nopony even so much as wanted to be your friend, let alone date you...

Dating.

One thing she had never had even remote success with. Never even managed to arrange one.

Might as well be the god of the friendzone...

No book in any library could give an Alicorn advice on romance (and she had checked. This book was essentially her last-ditch effort/research project). Cadence was only so much help. Nopony was able to get past the 'Princess' part.

Then there's the immortality...

She hadn't even considered her immortality until recently. Everyone she knew; her friends, family, even her pets, would eventually die and be lost to time.

The god of time?

I'd rather be the god of quesadillas than...

"Tempting fate, even unintentionally, is a bad idea. Especially in a moody universe. I tried it once. Now I will forever be known as the god of lip balm.
Cadets, whatever you do, never tempt fate if you can.
Konrad, stop snickering and pour me another drink. And put away the Burt's Bees."

This is a transcript of a recording by Konrad of Tarlon during the Unofficial Graduation Afterparty of the Time Traveller Cadets, Year 85L161-91B-6484. Any Cultural References or UL Statements have been translated to the best ability of ULMMT.

Konrad shook his head, trying to reorient himself (as well as clear the fur from his nose). Tarlon would be proud of his ability to tempt fate; it couldn't have been a coincidence that he ran into someone just as he was thinking that there was no one around. Speaking of which...

The unicorn that he just ran into was purple, marginally bigger than him, and... had wings? He would have to figure that out sooner or later; probably a genetic mutation or something. She was also female and carrying a book in her magic. Good, that meant that the PURRS would work. He was getting worried that there wasn't a library and the locals were just trolling him.

Glancing at her flank, her cutie mark resembled that of what was everywhere on this building, so she was probably the owner of this place.

Just my luck...

But before his mind could analyze any further, she spoke up:

"Oh, I'm sorry. I got lost in a book again. It's not the first time I've run into somepony."

Poltie apology, so probably means she doesn't have much of an ego and is relatively modest. Great, that means she's important. Universe, please know I hate you.

"Anyway, why are you on the 8th floor? This is mostly guest rooms, which don't get much use anyway. And Celestia generally notifies me if she is sending someone over. So..."

"Huh?" For once, Konrad's mind was lagging about 5 seconds behind. But it caught up soon enough, and he shook his head again to clear his mind. "Oh, sorry. I was looking for the library."

There was an uncomfortable silence before she sighed a response.

"Seriously?"

The Silence of the Time Traveler

by Nolamancy

1.0 - Prologue: The Call

1.1 - I'm sorry, I have to be a WHAT?

1.2 - Well, that was close

1.3 - This Castle Makes No Sense