An ambitious stallion by the name of Hoofman Li wants to create a band. Already being in one, he, and three others, split off and create their own.
So, this is the rewrite, I wonder how this will turn out.
Anyways, Hoofman Li, Sam Trotman, Diccon Lyre, and Matej Setnic are in a band called Demoniac. However, they want to start their own, they split off and create StallionForce, which would go on to become the most popular power metal band in Equestria.
StallionForce would not be without its troubles, with a revolving door lineup and popularity pannings. Will they make it through?
“We have been Demoniac, and thank you for quite the bucking night!” Says Lindsay Dawson, lead vocalist and main bassist of Demoniac, while brushing his long, brown mane out of his eyes. His gray coat matches his hat that he had on. He takes his sunglasses off and says,”We shall go!”
Heading backstage, Hoofman Li joins him, he is a unicorn with a long, black mane, a tan coat, and some slited eyes. “I’m tired of singing these lyrics we don’t mean, everypony mistakes us for nazis, we’re not.”
“Hey, Demoniac has been fairly successful, plus, it’s pretty cool...” Diccon Lyre says, while flying in the air. His mane is a vicious shade of red, his coat is green, and he has a slight goatee.
“Fairly successful in what sense of the word?” Says Sam Trotman, holding a glass of hard cider,”We’re just a famous local band, it’s not like anypony will miss us.” He is a clean-shaven unicorn, and red with a long, black mane.
“We’re... alright,” Matej Setnic finally says, his mane is long and flame orange. His eyes appeared slightly sunken.
“Be our guest, Demoniac has never held a lineup for a year,” says Lindsay,”what’s one more?”
“All in favor of starting our own band, say aye,” Hoofman says.
Sam, Diccon, and Matej raise their hooves and say,”Aye!”
“Missing four might be a bit extreme, so why don’t we just split up?” Lindsay says.
“Sure, I’ll keep in touch, I’m just so happy I have another band to take a part in!” Diccon says.
“So, who’s on what?” Hoofman asks.
“Drums,” says Matej.
“Bass,” says Diccon.
“Guitar!” Yells Hoofman and Sam simultaneously.
“Wait, you both want to play guitar?” Lindsay says.
“How... will that work?” Matej says quietly.
After a long, hard moment of thinking, Hoofman comes up with an idea,”We’ll have two guitarists! We’ll trade off between rhythm and lead. After all, I want to stick with Sam here.”
“Great, where are we going to discuss the need for a vocalist?” Sam states.
“My house, in about an hour, sound alright?”
“I’ll be there,” Sam says.
Sam knocks on Hoofman’s door, and Hoofman answers. Surveying the room around him, Sam notices a typewriter, and amp, and an electric guitar.
“Hey Sam, we’re here on business, how do we suppose we get a vocalist?”
“Don’t think we’re still not friends Hoofman, we’ve been in Demoniac for 3 years together.”
“I know, but we really need to discuss our new band.” Hoofman said.
“Let’s see, ideas, ideas, hold on, Hoofman, do you know how much a newspaper ad costs?”
“About 50 bits, why?”
“Well, we have a binary typewriter, and we have a good sum of bits, so we can make an ad.”
“Sure, let’s post it, I’ll do it later, but since I don’t want to waste an entire minute here, we should do something.”
Sam got out some hard cider,”How about we talk?”
After talking, Sam and Hoofman returned to their homes, a couple days later, they got a reply from somepony called ‘ZP Theart’. He clarified that his name was actually ZP. They agreed to meet at the New London Cafè. Soon, they arrive.
“I’ll just have a cup of coffee,” Hoofman tells the waitress.
“As will I,” says Sam.
“I wonder when ZP will get here, we agreed to meet 10 minutes ago.”
“Perhaps he had better things to do?” Sam asks.
“Maybe...” Hoofman says.
Just then, a pony waring a trenchcoat and sunglasses walks in. He requests the table with Sam and Hoofman.
“So you’re ZP?” Hoofman asks.
“Gee, inconspicuous much?” Sam snarks.
“Yes, I am ZP,” ZP says.
“May I ask why you’re wearing a trenchcoat and glasses?” Hoofman asks.
“Do you have a legion of fans you’re hiding from?” Sam says.
“Well, I’m from South Africa...”
“So you’re a zebra,” Sam states bluntly.
“Exactly, and there’s more speicieist ponies here than I’d like to admit.”
“Luckily, we don’t give a damn, care to show us what you look like?” Hoofman says.
“Only if we’re in private, also, in case you haven’t garnered, I’d like to be the vocalist for your band, what’s its name by the way?”
Hoofman cringes at the statement,”We don’t have one.”
“That’s fine.”
The waitress comes up to the table and gives Sam and Hoofman their drinks,”Here are your drinks sirs, and may I ask why that pony is wearing a trenchcoat and sunglasses?”
“It’s a long story, do you want to hear it?” Hoofman asks with a smirk.
“I’m sure I have time, it can’t be that long.”
“You see, way back when I was a little bitty boy, living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement...” Hoofman starts.
The waitress, having heard that song before, promptly left.
“So, do you guys even have a band setup?” ZP asks.
“Hau, not quite yet,” Hoofman says,”we do have two guitarists, a drummer, and a bassist, you should complete the lineup.”
“Very well, I will keep in touch, I hope you make a great band.”
Hoofman was trotting around Sam’s house,”What should we call this thing, all the good names are taken! What’s a good name for a power metal band?”
“Beats me.”
“To top it off, we got a letter from Matej saying he wanted to persue his studies in Czechoslovakia, whatever the buck that means!”
“Perhaps he just wanted to, you know, actually get some education instead of starting a black metal band at 14 who got told off for appearing pro-nazi?”
“You did that!” Hoofman says.
Sam facehoofs.
“Look, we’ll send out another ad in the paper looking for a drummer, and maybe they’ll have an idea.”
Hoofman agrees, after all, they had to get somewhere.
“What kind of a bucking name is ‘Didier Almounzi’?” Hoofman asks, walking towards the New London Café.
“A Prench one,” Sam responds dryly.
“We’ll just meet him at the New London Cafè, hopefully he won’t show up in disguise.” Hoofman says.
When they arrive at the café, Hoofman walks up to the cashier.
“Oh, you’re Hoofman Li and Sam Trotman, we got a big fan of Demoniac who rolled through here he was some Prench ‘Didier Almounzi’,” she says.
“Will you direct us to his table?” Hoofman asks.
“Sure right over there,” she says, pointing a hoof at a gray earth pony with a long brown mane. He’s glacing at his watch as if they’re incredibly late.
Hoofman and Sam trot over to Didier and take a seat. When the waitress comes by to take their order, Hoofman orders a coffee, and Sam orders a hard cider.
The silence is awkward when all of the sudden, Didier breaks it,”We’re here on business, my claim, plain and simple is that I want to join your band.”
“We know this Didier, we need a drummer.”
“I know, and I will provide, I also have someone else.”
“For what? We don’t need any other ponies in our band,” Hoofman says, with Sam coughing quietly at the mention of the band being all ponies.
“A keyboardist, Steve Williams, I’m here on his behalf.”
“The more the merrier right?” Hoofman says.
“Also, Steve is heavily specieist, so, keep that in mind.”
Hoofman and Sam cringe. “Well, as long as you want the spot, you can have it, Steve can too.”
Hoofman and Sam leave the café after receiving their drinks,”We’re bucking screwed, aren’t we?” Hoofman says.
“You don’t say,” Sam replies.
With a full group under their belts, Hoofman and Sam go on to rent a studio. After finding a medium-sized studio to play in, they send letter to all of the members, asking to meet at the studio to record their first demo. They'd be something yet.
StallionForce is standing around waiting on ZP Theart to arrive in the studio. Hoofman had used his Demoniac bits to rent a studio. Diccon was lounging in a chair, sitting straight up for some reason, and ferociously strumming his bass. Didier and Steve talk about funny things they’ve seen that day, they were obviously good friends. Meanwhile, Sam and Hoofman agreed to throw in some odd effects with their playing and trying to find out what to tune their guitars to.
Suddenly, ZP barges in. His trenchcoat is off, as is his sunglasses. He is white with yellow stripes and a messy mane. In an incredibly hoarse voice, he shouts,”Who’s ready to bucking rock!”
The first thing anypony hears is an object landing on the ground. Hoofman turns around to see what it was, and Steve had dropped his keyboard. “What the bucking hell is that?” He asks.
Hoofman and Sam laugh nervously, earning themselves a dirty glace from Dider.
“You said there would be no other species in the band.” He says.
“You also said there were no speciesist ponies here.” ZP says.
“Well, you see, when we created this band ZP, there weren’t any. He was a recent addition to the cast.” Hoofman says.
“Hey,” says Diccon,”what’s going on? It sounds fun!”
The band glaces at each other, it was almost assuredly not fun. There’s an awkward silence, suddenly, Steve stomps out of the studio. Right before he leaves, he says,”I will be leaving this band for a month. If that bucking zebra is not gone by then, I’ll be leaving the band permanently, and starting a new one. Preferably with no zebras!”
“Yeah, great fun.” Sam snarks at Diccon.
“Seriously, two months into PonyHeart, and we already have internal tensions. Demoniac wasn’t like this at all!” Hoofman says.
“I’ll point out that Demoniac went through several lineup changes in 6 years, and you’re concerned about one keyboardist. Let’s get a new one and get signed to a label so we can create a demo,” Sam says. “After all, ZP’s staying in this band!”
A month later, StallionForce’s fruitless search for a keyboardist leads Steve back to the studio. He takes one look at ZP and leaves. ”Look, if you need a keyboardist I’ll go get one,” he says, staying as far away from ZP as possible,”there’s a few fill-in keyboardists for Bon Jovi that aren’t speciesist.” With that, he leaves to go find a keyboardist.
“Well,” Hoofman says,”at least he’s trying to help.”
“Spectacular job he’s doing after leaving the band for a month.” Sam snarks.
A week on, and Steve comes into the studio with another keyboardist.
“Bon Jovi hired a 19 year old keyboard sessionist, and his name’s Vadim Pruzhanov. Take him and I will go start my own band!” Steve says, leaving for the last time.
“Name’s Vadim,” says Vadim, he’s a blue pegasus with a long red mane. He has a keyboard strapped across his back, and his mane is currently covering his face.
“Nice to meet you mate,” says Sam.
Vadim humbly sets his keyboard up, and he says,”Shall we play?”
“We would Vadim, except the problem is we can’t. We don’t have a label.” Hoofman says.
ZP decides to come in right then,”Hey everypony,” he yells,”let’s bucking rock!”
Vadim brushes his hair out of his face,”So this is the zebra Steve told me about. He seems like he’s a little hoarse.”
Sam cringes at Vadim’s unintentional pun.
“Yeah, I’ll get my range back once we start playing.” ZP says,”Name’s ZP Theart by the way.”
They shake hooves, and Vadim is introduced to everypony. Didier is completely angry, so he says as little to Vadim as possible.
“About recording, I’m waiting for something fun,” Diccon says, lying on the floor.
“Let me just see what record companies I can get in contact with,” Hoofman says.
Hoofman sends out letter to just about every record company he knows, murmuring to himself,”Please bucking work, please bucking work.” Finally, he gets a notice from a company known as Noise Records, who agree to listen to a demo of PonyHeart’s. Hoofman sits up in celebration,Shí!He thinks.
The next day, Hoofman rents out the studio. He sees Sam drinking a bunch of hard cider.
“What the hell are you doing?” Hoofman asks forcefully.
“Drinking hard cider,” Sam says.
“Watch how much you drink, you could become an alcoholic,” Hoofman says.
Sam waves it off,”I’ll be fine.”
“I do not forsee any problems happening in the band’s future from this.” Didier says sarcastically.
Suddenly, Diccon flies in,”Anypony seen ZP?” He asks.
“Why are you always flying?” Hoofman asks.
“Well, first off, this shag carpet is 4 decades too old, I don’t like touching it.”
Hoofman stomps his hoof down on the carpet,”Seems fine,” he says.
“Are we seriously so bored waiting on ZP, we’re discussing the shag carpet in the studio? I saw ZP outside smoking a cigarette,” Sam says.
Diccon flies out, and a couple minutes later, ZP trots in.
“Do we have a record label?” ZP asks.
“We do, we can record! PonyHeart is about to go bucking wild!” Hoofman shouts.
Didier shoots him a dirty look.”We’re inside,” he snarks.
“When did you become so cold? Not cool!” Diccon says.
“Maybe Hoofman and Sam lying to me about having no other species in the band.”
“Could you stay for one album please?” Vadim begs.
“One, bucking, album.”
Hoofman turns around,”As I was saying, we need to record. ZP, I know you smoke, is your range still there?”
“It will be in a little while,” he says hoarsely.
“First things first, the record label wants a demo.” Hoofman says,”Sam, since you were 14, you’ve been writing songs. Could you perhaps transfer that skill to PonyHeart?”
Sam whips out a piece of paper and a quill pen. He starts scribbling down some chords.”What’s the band’s genre, Hoofman?”
“I’m thinking guitar-driven power metal. Not the Scorpions power metal, but more along the lines of Stratovarius power metal.”
“I know how well you can shred because I was in Demoniac with you for 3 years. So, I’ll have this song done in a little while.”
“He’s enthusiastic, isn’t he?” ZP says.
“About writing songs and playing guitar yes. As a frontman, ZP, I think you should practice being like that on stage.” Hoofman replies.
ZP nods, and proceeds to view a book on the techniques of guitar while Sam writes. Eventually, Sam finally gets the song finished.
“Took ya long enough,” Didier says.
“Do you even know how to write a song?” Sam counters back,”Anyways, I’ve got our first song here, Valley of the Damned!”
Hoofman sees that this is a warmup,”Everypony ready to prove their skills?” He asks.
PonyHeart nods, and they go on to rock out. When the solo happens, despite the repetitive nature of it, it is long. Whenever Hoofman or Sam screw up, Vadim helps them overlook the music and fix their mistakes.
“Any other songs?” Sam asks.
“Yeah, one based on Revelations, I love that book!” Diccon says.
“How about some key songs for my playing?” Vadim asks.
“A ballad, possibly?” Asks ZP.
Sam nods at all this,”I’ll have the songs with me tomorrow.”
The next day, Sam trots over to PonyHeart’s recording studio. He sees ZP outside smoking again.
“Just get the hell in there,” he says, and ZP obliges.
Sam trots in and sees everypony is already there. Vadim is providing elevator music while they all wait. “Very funny,” Sam murmurs.
“I’ve got our songs!” Sam says.
Everypony hops up and runs towards Sam,”What are they? Are they fun? What will I be playing?” Diccon asks.
“Could you ask any more?” Sam snarks.
He then notices that Didier is doing absolutely nothing, he’s just sitting behind his black drumset and giving Hoofman the stink eye.
“So, our songs here are simple, Revelations, to accommodate Diccon’s wish of a song based off Revelation. I had to read that whole bucking book last night, luckily, I have hard cider to keep me awake. Next, Disciples of Canterlot for Vadim, we need an acoustic guitar or two for that one. Finally, we have a ballad, Starfire.” Sam says.
Hoofman looks at Sam worriedly after he mentions that he has hard cider to keep him awake. Sam passes out some copies of the songs to everypony and they look over them.
“I have one complaint about Disciples of Canterlot,” ZP says.
“The drum part is a bucking boring piece of shit,” Didier butts in.
“Actually, I was simply concerned on where we were going to find acoustic guitars,” ZP finishes.
“Let’s buy them, finish this demo and album, and set them ablaze,” Didier says with an indifferent eye roll.
“We are not setting the guitars ablaze, what if we need them for a later song?” Hoofman asks.
“We’re bucking PonyHeart, the power metal band from ’Britain’, will we really need bucking acoustic guitars?” Didier shoots back.
Hoofman groans in exasperation,”Qūqū, maybe. Besides, those things are like 1000 bits, why would we waste them?”
“Because they’re pieces of shit!” Didier yells.
“Who spit in his breakfast?” Sam says.
Hoofman sighs,”Could we just get to the songs?”
“I’m with ya Hoofman,” ZP says.
“Let’s start with Starfire,” Sam says.
“At least that drum part is actually unique,” Didier mumbles.
Hoofman tunes his guitar, then realizes he needs an acoustic.
“Let’s go to the nearest music store and get a piano and acoustic guitars.” Hoofman says.
The band walks toward a music shop, Didier doesn’t come because he thinks this entire trip is a waste of time. They walk into the store and immediately get a good look at the selection of guitars and pianos. After they pick out their two acoustics and their piano, Hoofman telekinetically takes the instruments to the cashier. The cashier is a middle aged stallion listening to a System of a Pony album wearing a hat. He notices the band and takes off his sunglasses.”You’re a metal band right?” He says.
“Yeah mate,” Sam says,”what gave it away, the kong hair?”
The cashier nods,”May I ask what a metal band like you has to do with two acoustic guitars and a piano? Shouldn’t you be checking out guitars and 5-string basses? May I intrest you in a keytar?”
Vadim lights up at that last one,”That sounds incredibly cool!” He says.
“Well,” says Sam simultaneously,”we’re not here to buck spiders, but these instruments will be used in a song of ours.”
“So, no keytar, dammit,” says Vadim.
“Why do you guys even have a 19-year old playing in your band anyways?” The cashier asks.
“That’s none of your concern, we had a speciesism debate, and we ended up with Bon Jovi’s session keyboardist,” Hoofman says.
“Man, Bon Jovi, that band rocks.” Says the cashier,”Anyways, back on topic, those instruments will be 2500 bits.”
Hoofman drops the instruments with an audible clatter,”Can I take out a loan?”
The cashier had not given Hoofman a loan, but he did give him a couple momths to pay off his debt, and Hoofman accepted. The band walks into their studio with the instruments.
“I do have to tell you,” Sam says as they’re entering,”I liked that pony’s look.”
Upon entering, Hoofman releases the instruments with a sigh,”Those were hard to carry!”
Didier hits the snare drum several times in succession,”You’ve got to be bucking kidding me! You got a piano too, a bucking piano!”
“It’s for Starfire,” Sam says.
“Fine! Let’s just record the bucking song, and get this over with.”
“The bassline seems like great fun!” Diccon says.
“I’ll be happy to sing for you guys,” ZP says.
Vadim takes his place behind the piano, and plays the opening chords.
Hoofman adds some distortion to his guitar and politely waits.
When PonyHeart gets to the solo, Hoofman looks to realize nothing is written for him. He quickly improvises a soulful solo to fit with the song.
After the song ends, Sam stomps his feet,”Shred! That’s why I wrote nothing for you, because you’re a god when it comes to improvising solos!”
“I’d prefer you call me ‘Hoofman’ Sam.”
“ZP, those vocals were awesome, Diccon’s bassline was great, and Vadim is the best keyboardist I’ve seen. This is a great band, I’m not leaving!”
“Yeah,” quips Didier,”a band that lies about species and drives my friend away from them.”
ZP cringes,”Come on, stop it, I’m a zebra, I think like a pony!”
Sam sees all this fighting going on and says,”Let’s do Revelations shall we?”
“Fine, buck this,” Didier says as he gets behind the drumset again.
They start the song, Hoofman and Sam dual-guitar the intro. While Diccon plays a very fast bassline, Didier starts on the rolls that open the song. When they hit the first verse, Hoofman and Sam play a very thrash-esque riff while ZP sings the lyrics partaining to the apocalypse. After the first chorus ends, Vadim plays a keyboard fill. Around three minutes into the recording, Didier gets something pretty colse to a drum solo. Hoofman and Sam play some notes in the background. Then they hit the solo, it takes a few tries, but that gets finished. At the end, Didier gets another drum solo consisting of heavy tom usage and a lot of double bass pedal.
“That was great everypony!” Sam says.”I didn’t know you could play that well, Vadim.”
“I didn’t either,” Vadim admits.
We shall move on to Disciples of Canterlot next, right now we all get a break.”
Didier audibly groans while Hoofman and Sam talk to each other. ZP takes down a book on hair metal and starts reading it with interest.
“Now tell me, is Guns N’ Roses a good band?” He says,”Or Skid Row?”
“Guns N’ Roses has been crap since Slash left,” Hoofman says. “Skid Row’s a bit too soft for my liking, I listen to Rock and Roll like Magïchead and Metal like Metallicolt. Why the heck do I even have a book on hair metal?”
“Livin’ on a Prayer is incredibly fun on bass though,” Diccon says, flying.”That song came out right as I was getting my first bass, at 14, and that Slippery When Wet album was all the rage. So, I decided to take a hoof...” Laughing at his bass joke, he continues,”At some of the songs off that album. Livin’ on a Prayer was the talk of bassists.”
“You think everything’s fun, except walking,” Hoofman says.”Is there a moment when you’re not flying?”
“I prefer to get a vantage point over other ponies.”
ZP continues reading his book, from right to left due to his ethnicity.”Van Hooflen seems pretty cool.”
“That’s not how you read a book,” Vadim says, then trots up to ZP and shows him how to read an English book.
“By the way, Didier, you alright?” Hoofman says, then turns to see him smashing his head on the crash cymbal.
“Honestly, Didier has two states, angry and angrier, it’s not like he’s happy,” Sam snarks.
“Hair metal seems like a pretty cool genre,” ZP says, putting the book back up.
“Shall we perform Disciples of Canterlot now?” Hoofman asks.
“Yeah, let’s do that,” ZP says.
“Now, if you excuse me, I have to focus. This one requires a lot of instrument switching, which I’ll do with my magic.” Hoofman says.
The band starts the song, which starts with a very complicated guitar riff. After the first verse ends, Vadim plays a little bit of a keyboard fill. Eventually, they get to the interesting part, Diccon plays some tapping on his bass. Using this gateway, Hoofman quickly swaps his and Sam’s guitars with the acoustic ones telekinetically. He then points at Vadim signaling to amplify his playing. The outro result sounds a little like elevator music. When Vadim finishes, Hoofman telekinetically switches Sam’s guitar with his normal blue electronic one. They play a solo filled with acoustic guitar palm-muting. Diccon plays another bass fill and Hoofman swaps out his acoustic for an electric, then they go to finish the song.
Right after the recording’s swapped off, Didier says,”So that’s what the bucking acoustics were for, be happy to never use them again.”
“I just got an idea! Let’s send these 4 songs to Noise Records and create a demo for Valley of the Damned!” Vadim says.
“Great idea, how the hell will we figure out how to promote that we’re releasing an album?” Sam asks.
“We’ll go on tour! After all, touring’s fun!” Diccon says ashe does a flip in midair.
“Watch out! Don’t hit the lighting,” ZP says.
“I have to go on bucking tour with you guys?” Didier groans.
“Yep, serves you right,” Sam says.
“Great, Vadim, send these to Noise Records,” Hoofman says.
Vadim obliges.
A couple weeks layer, they get the notice that Noise Records approves of their songs. They gather at the studio and discuss plans for the tour.
“I think we should get Halford and Stratovarius to tour with us,” says ZP.
The band agrees this is a good idea and decides to call them up. They’d be going on tour soon.
The next day, ZP says he was able to get Halford and Stratovarius.
“They just want to know where to start touring with us,” he says.
“How about nowhere?” Didier says. Everypony ignores him.
“Of course we’ll start in Britain, out band is based here after all!” Hoofman says.
The next day, ZP says he got them to start in Oxford, Britain. The band excitedly cheers and prepares to go on tour. As they load up the touring coach, a variant of a taxi that’s larger, Diccon is still flying.
“I’m sorry Diccon, but you’re not flying all on tour.” Hoorman says.
Diccon sighs and lands, loading his bass onto the coach. They hop inside.
“I know this is going to be plenty of fun,” Diccon says.
“Great fun,” Didier says dryly while looking out the window to the bustling cityscape outside.
“It’s going to be as fun as a crocodile attack with Didier here,” Sam snarks.
“Guys, the tour is what you make it, let’s enjoy it while it lasts,” Vadim says.
Eventually, they get to the stadium. Rob Halford is there to greet them.
“Hey PonyHeart, Stratovarius is also here, do you think you could go first?”
The band nods, and sets their instruments up. When the time arrives, they walk out and there’s about three ponies there. PonyHeart gets their instruments set up, and decide to go as they are.
“So, we’re PonyHeart, Halford and Stratovarius are here too, and we have, ummm, four songs for you today.”
Sam audibly facehoofed at ZP,”He doesn’t know how to coax a crowd does he? Great frontman we hired,” Sam whispers to Hoofman.
The excuse for a crowd is whispering too,”They could only hire a zebra, not an actual pony?”
A bead of sweat drops down ZP’s face, he decides he has to get his act together.”I’m ZP Theart. Who’s ready to bucking rock!” ZP wrenches the mic out of the stand and kicks the stand down.”We’re going to play four songs you ponies likely have never heard before! We’re here to promote our album, Valley of the Damned. First things first, the title track, Valley of the Damned!”
The band, not expecting this, realized every other song required a unique setup. So they played Valley of the Damned, a bit clumsily, as they hadn’t practiced.
“That was PonyHeart! Our next song will be Revelations! I hope you are bucking ready!” ZP shouts.
The band plays Revelations, and Hoofman flips the lights off.
“Vadim, I need you to sing Starfire.” Herman takes the piano and moves it towrds him.”We need to get everything ready for Disciples of Canterlot.”
The band takes a trip backstage, and Hoofman flips on the lights. Vadim is seated at the piano, sliding his hooves across it to perform a glissando.
“I’ll be performing Starfire, I hope everypony enjoys, and I apologize in case I screw up.”
He plays some chords and starts singing Starfire, for a teenager, his voice is great. The audience is interested by this change, and wonders where the rest of the band went. They had gathered a small crowd who were curious what all the noise was about. Vadim performs a watered-down version of Starfire, excluding guitars and drums. Eventually, ZP comes back on stage.
“That was Starfire! Vadim was great as he always is. Next up, we have a song we really want to perform, Disciples of Canterlot!”
The band starts up the song, and despite the occasional clumsiness, it’s really good. For the jazzy part, Diccon plays his bass fill, and Hoofman telekinetically gives him and Sam acoustic guitars. They play the acoustics well. After it is over, ZP says,”That was all everypony! You can really bucking rock! We have a couple guest artists, and we’d like to show you them. Please welcome, Halford!”
PonyHeart heads backstage and Halford takes their place on stage. Hoofman says,”Everypony, we need to have a setlist for this and practice more. I think it’s good as-is, but we still need the practice.”
“All I felt was boredom, incredible boredom,” Didier says.
“Music not good enough?” Sam says,”Next thing you know, you’ll be slipping hard cider into my morning coffee to make me an alcoholic.”
Didier chuckles.
“That wasn’t very good,” ZP says.
“Thank you Captain Obvious.” Sam snarks.
“Where’s that fun tour I wanted?” Diccon says.
“We’ll get over it eventually, everything will be fine,” Vadim says.
“Anyways, where’s our next destination?” Hoofman asks.
“Prance maybe, we could get some fans there.”
The band agrees and sits and listens to the music going on in the background.
PonyHeart hops into the touring coach.”We’ll be going to Paris, Prance next,” Hoofman says.
Halford and Stratovarius agree to meet them there, and PonyHeart hops into the coach for a long ride.
Diccon stares bored outside of the window.”Are we there yet?” He asks.
“No, Diccon, not since you asked 30 minutes ago.” Sam says.
“We’re gonna go insane on these long rides.” Diccon strums his bass.
“Already there,” Didier says.
The coach heads onto P20, precisely 2 hours into the route.
“What the hell will we do for 4 hours?” Didier says.
“I have no clue, but we should stop by a hotel when we get to Paris so we can rest up before out next concert.” Hoofman says.
3 hours later, PonyHeart stops by a convenience store to get some dinner. They pick up some food, and Didier leaves the shop with a case of hard cider.
“I don’t want to know what you’e doing with that, do I?” Hoofman asks.
“No, and you definitely shouldn’t.” Didier fills up a few flasks with it.
PonyHeart gets back on the road.
An hour later, they hit Paris. They check into a hotel with free breakfast, and decide to unwind for the night.
The room is very unassuming, containing just two beds, PonyHeart ordered 3 different rooms for the 6 members of the band. Hoofman and Sam get put together.
“I pity whoever got placed with Didier, they must hate it.” Sam unpacks his guitar. “Say, Hoofman, want to have a jam session?”
“What should we play?” Hoofman asks.
“Whiplash, that’s a good one.” Sam tunes his guitar like a bass.
“How will we play it? The song is partially driven by Hesher’s bassline.”
Sam dirches his pick and starts playing the bassline. Hoofman sees exactly what he’s doing, and starts to playing the guitar part.
After they finish, Hoofman asks,”What was that for.”
“Well, it’s practice, also, I brought no books. I was bored.”
Hoofman nods,”Let’s wait for tomorrow, then we’ll see what happens.”
The next day came up, and they sat down to eat breakfast.
“Didier, pass me some coffee,” Sam says.
“How do you want me to give you it?” Didier asks, getting out a flask of hard cider.
“Slide it down the table, also, Didier, why the heck do you sound happy?”
“Just giving this PonyHeart thing another try.” Didier fills up a coffee and adds hard cider.
Hoofman takes a minute to observe the room, there are ponies talking at various tables around the room. They are either getting their food, or sitting down. Around the room are various art pieces hanging on the walls. Hoofman turns to Sam.”Nice place, isn’t it?” Hoofman asks.
“I hadn’t noticed, this coffee also tastes funny. I like it, but it’s so weird. Didier, what did you put in this?”
“Just some 50 Proof hard cider, two creams, and a sugar.”
“Another one please, also, you shouldn’t say your secret plan out loud.” Sam turns towards Hoofman,”The bugger actually did it.”
Hoofman was more worried about the fact that Sam wanted more spiked coffee than the fact Didier actually did it. Sam received another spiked coffee and drank it. Didier was talking to ZP about Hair Metal, and giving him headphones to listen to it, seemed innocuous. He was also looking at Diccon like he woild be great outside of the band.
Hoofman was a little worried about these things, but they weren’t too bad. He’d just have to wait for tonight’s show.
PonyHeart trots up on stage. Hoofman realizes that the band didn’t practice, so they would deliver a poor show.
They perform the same song lineup they performed last time, after it is over, ZP says,”Thank you every bucking one of you ponies! Enjoy the other two bands we have lined up for you!”
They head backstage, and ZP turns to the band.”I wonder how long this tour will go on?”
PonyHeart continues touring. Their next stop is in Japone.
“This tour hasn’t turned out to be horrible!” ZP says.
“You’re right!” Herman says.
Didier grunts.
They hit the road for an extended period of time as they head to Japone.
When the reach Japone, with some helpful ferry usage, they quickly book a gig at a large stage.
That night, the band plays their usual set, and the few pony crowd loves it. The band has learned how to practice, and they have done so.
“Thank you Japone! We will be back!” ZP says.
The band heads backstage, where they talk for awhile.
“We should hold another concert in Oxford, we can conclude the tour there,” Hoofman says.
The band notifies Halford and Stratovarius of the idea, so they agree. Therefore, PonyHeart heads towards the touring coach for a really long trip.
“I can’t believe I have to suffer with you guys for a whole ‘nother album,” Didier grumbles, kicking up some dirt.
“I was wondering where Didier went, glad you’re okay,” Sam says.
They get in the touring coach, and the band sits around the inside.
“We really need a bigger touring coach,” Hoofman says.
“You know what, when ponies start coming to our concerts, I’ll totally do it,” Sam says.
“I’m sure ponies will come to our concerts, we just need to look on the brighter side,” Diccon says.
“Shut the buck up with your optimism shit! I hope you fall from the sky, you can’t seem to land!” Didier snaps, pointing his hoof at Diccon.
“That’s just low,” ZP says.
Vadim trots over to comfort Diccon.
The band settles into the long ride, with Didier complaining the whole way.
Finally, the band reaches Oxford, and Sam has just about had it with Didier’s constant insults.
“Why don’t you shut up! Stop insulting everypony on board!” Sam shouts.
“Says the pony who likes his coffee spiked,” Didier fires back.
Sam has nothing to say to that one.
“Guys, we’re at Oxford, let’s just get a bucking crowd, and put on a bucking show.” Hoofman points his hoof at Didier and Sam.
The ponies hop out of the touring coach. PonyHeart heads up to the stage. They were ready to put on a show.
“Welcome everypony to PonyHeart’s concert! We have four songs for you, along with Halford and Stratovarius! I hope you enjoy, because we sure as hell will.” ZP points to everypony but Didier,”Valley of the Damned!
“We will start with the title track, Valley of the Damned, and we hope you enjoy!”
The band plays Valley of the Damned, Diccon situating himself in the air as usual. The get through, having found out the meaning of practicing at their hotel stops.
“Could you stomp your hooves for that bucking performance?” ZP starts stomping his hooves, and the audience obliges. Word-of-mouth had gotten them somewhere, they wouldn’t be selling out stadiums but at least they were making some money.
“Next up, we’ll be playing Revelations, hope everypony brought their Celestial Bibles, because Revelation is the basis of this song! Take it away Didier!”
The song starts, and the band plays it. After that’s over, Hoofman plunges the stage into darkness.
“Starfire’s next everypony. Vadim, we need you out there singing. I’ll position the piano.” Hoofman does exactly that. Positioning the piano on stage,”Get out there Vadim.”
Vadim takes out to the stage, and Hoofman turns on the lights, albeit dimly.
“Hello everypony, you might not’ve noticed me jamming out on the keys, as nopony cares about that. However, I’m here to perform you a song. A little ditty we call Starfire.”
Vadim peforms his glissando, brushes his mane out of his face, and starts up the song. He performs an acoustic version of the tune, and sings it himself. After the song is over, PonyHeart takes a trip up onstage.
“That was our keyboardist! Stomp your hooves for him, we’re about to perform our last song for tonight Disciples of Canterlot!”
The band starts, Hoofman performing the required instrument swaps. The audience loves it.
“We are PonyHeart! Let’s hear it for our guitarists Hoofman Li and Sam Trotman! Our keyboardist Vadim Pruzhonov, our bassist Diccon Lyre, our drummer Didier Almounzi, and of course, me on lead vocals ZP Theart!”
The audience begins to stomp their hooves, but nopony notices Didier throw a drumstick at an airborne Diccon. It nicks him right in the wing. Before you know it, the stage is filled with a terrible,”OUCH!”
Diccon is lying on the stage, his wing is bent at a funny angle, and he’s clutching his right foreleg in pain.
“What the hell did you do that for Didier? All I wanted was to have a fun tour with 5 ponies, and you prevented me from having that! I think I broke my leg!”
“So the whole optimism thing was a façade, that’s all I wanted to know. You’re much more likeable this way.” Didier stands up from his seat.
The audience gasps.
“No, the optimism thing was not a façade, I really love this band, and all I wanted was a fun time. Thank you Didier, for breaking me, figuratively and literally!”
“That was downright dirty, Didier, you’re fired!” Hoofman shouts.
“You can’t fire me, I quit! I’ll join the band Steve set up without any zebras in the band.” Didier tosses his drumsticks on the snare and they fall to the stage with a clatter. He trots off-stage.
“We’ll see what we can do about Diccon, sorry everypony, here’s to hoping Halford will raise your spirits. Sorry you had to see that,” Vadim says. The band heads backstage, and notifies Halford it’s finally their time.
“What will we do, we need a new drummer and bassist. This band will get nowhere!” Hoofman hangs his head in sadness.
“Hoofman, no band ever had a completely clean track record. No pain, no gain,” Sam says.
Hoofman looks up,”Here’s to hoping.”
Chapter Six: Dude, We’re Getting the Band Back Together!
PonyHeart return from their tour and go back to their studio. Meanwhile, ZP lingers outside.
“Diccon was a nice stallion, it’s such a shame he’s out of commission.” Vadim says, setting up his keyboard again.
“I’m never gonna do that,” Sam states,”I’m sticking with you guys, and I know it’s going to get tough, but I’ll pull through.”
“So, first order of buisness,” Hoofman says,”we get a new bassist and drummer, secondly, we expand the demo to 9 songs and release an album.”
“Well, you see, Noise would have to approve of it. We also have no producer here that I know of, so we have no clue what they’d do with the songs when they accepted them.” Sam leans his guitar on an amp.
Though Vadim says nothing, he shifts his eyes, indicating that he produces.
ZP trots in, his voice hoarser than ever. “I wish I could help, but I don’t know any ponies that play bass and drums.”
“Let’s just write out an ad for a bassist and drummer.” Hoofman heads over to the typewriter to type.
A while later, PonyHeart having not met up for a while due to them having no reason to, Hoofman gets some responses. He writes a letter to everypony telling them where to meet him, including the other two that he received responses from. A couple days later, they meet up.
“OK, I got two ponies, I notified them to meet us here,” Hoofman says.
“Nice, let’s hope we don’t get a sociopath, not like that’s ever happened before,” Sam snarks.
With everypony taking various positions around the room, they get their first arrival.
A white earth pony steps in. He has reasonable girth, and a long brown mane. Which is, of course, concealed by a blue backwards cap, which poorly hides his receding hairline.
“Are you the bassist? You look like a bassist,” Sam says.
“Actually,” the newcomer says,”I’m the drummer, my name is Dave Macintosh. I met the bassist out there, he’s a little insufferable. I am in the right place correct?”
“You see three ponies with guitars, a keybord, and long manes, and you immediately don’t think we’re a Metal band?” Sam asks.
“Right, looks like I was a little stupid, which one of you is the lead singer by the way?” Dave walks further into the room.
“Actually, he’s standing in the shadows, don’t judge, or we deny your spot.” Hoofman goads towards ZP to step out.
ZP anxiously steps into the light.
“He’s the lead singer,” Hoofman says.
“Nice mohawk,” Dave says.
ZP sheepishly smiles when the next stallion walks in. He is a tan unicorn with a long blond mane. He has a pair of glasses that sit haphazardly on his nose, and a goatee.
“Dave patted me on the back when I got in here, had to find my glasses, and Celestia knows I’m blind as a parasprite without them...” he trails off, mumbling.
“So you’re the bassist,” Hoofman says,”what’s your name?”
“I’m Adrian Lambert, PhD. I picked up bass about 15 years ago and quickly learned how to not use a pick as I played to Prog. Metal like Dream Projector. I attempted to play for Biomech, but this is truely my first band, and I am honored to be here.”
“Dear Celestia Adrian, we asked for a name, not a novel.” Sam snarks,”Anyways, welcome, both of you to PonyHeart!”
“That’s a shitty name,” Dave says.
“Yeah, there’s no meaning behind it, it’s just a generic Power Metal name. I prefer my bands to have significant meanings behind them.” Adrian says, fixing his glasses.
“What better do you have?” Hoofman asks.
“StallionForce, it sounds cooler, and I’d much prefer it, Dave says.
“Plus, it also signifies the constant struggle we stallions have in this Matriarchal society, and that as stallions we must force our way to the top.”
The room goes silent for a moment, when Sam whispers,”That’s bullshit.”
“Complete bullshit,” concedes Hoofman.
“See what I told you?” Dave says.
“Anyways, welcome to StallionForce, we are going to record some albums. Just, we might want to wait a few weeks or so.” Hoofman says.
