A "deconstructed" Ice Age crossover. My own unique take on what it means to be a crossover. I’m going to try to capture the essence of Ice Age’s surreal humor and the absurdity of its situations, while also basing this FanFic's plot on the concept of one of the animated shorts from the Ice Age franchise, rather than simply merging the stories.
Also, this FanFic is a flattering parody of Austraeoh by Imploding Colon. This means that it will be a very long, ongoing, and possibly never-ending series of short chapters focused on one single character.
Applejack grunted in exertion as she pulled the heavy plow across the field. The Sun was hot that day, but Applejack had her hat to keep the Sun out of her eyes and off of her head and neck. It was times like this when Applejack really appreciated her hat.
As for why Applejack was pulling the plow when it was usually her older brother Big Macintosh who performed this task, it was simply because he had gone and pulled a muscle hoisting up a rock-climbing wall for the Cutie Mark Crusader’s Cutie Mark Day Camp. This left Applejack as the only one who could get this plowing done, and she planned on doing just that.
However, Applejack work was interrupted by a loud clang as the metal plow struck something.
“Dang-nabbit,” Applejack said in frustration, and she quickly unhitched herself from the plow. She then walked around to see what the plow had collided against.
She looked down at the spot where the blade of the plow had cut deep into the deep, rich earth. Then she dug at the spot with her hoof a bit, muttering to herself on how annoying this whole situation was. Suddenly, a flash of green light burst out of the spot, temporarily blinding her and causing her to stumble backwards.
“Great horny toads!” she cried out as she blinked her eyes excessively, waiting for her sight to return. Once her vision came back, she looked warily at the spot, panting slightly when she saw the strange green glow that was reflected off of the metal plow.
Applejack gulped nervously, fighting the urge to back far away from the light, as she knew that she needed to know exactly what was on her farm as soon as possible. She couldn’t risk leaving whatever it was alone for a single moment.
Applejack cautiously stepped closer and closer to the light, then looked down into the hole she had dug. She could see what looked like a metallic handle coming out of the top of a metal object that seemed to be mostly buried, although the green light still shone up through the cracks.
“Alright,” Applejack said tensely, “Ah guess Ah better see what we got here.”
Steeling herself, Applejack bent down and grabbed the metal handle with her teeth. She gave three sharp tugs, making the third one extra-long, and the entire object slid right out of the hole.
Applejack backed up and set the metal object down in front of her. She stared at it in surprise, as it was unlike anything she had ever seen before.
It was an egg-shaped object, about the size of an ordinary bucket. It was metallic gray, except for the bottom part, which was like a lantern that continued to glow with that eerie green light. It stood on a very short tripod, made up of stubby legs which also glowed green. What could be assumed was the front of the object were a pair of windows that displayed the current year and time in glowing numbers. A golden watch was also imbedded into the object, as well as a red button. There was also a keypad with buttons numbered from 0 to 9 on the left side of it, and on top of it was what Applejack had thought was a handle, although it appeared to be a kind of retractable cover that seemingly was meant to shield a pair of round antenna-like objects that stuck out of a hole in the top.
Applejack gave the device a good looking over, then remarked, “How in the hay did a crazy lookin’ clock get buried in mah farm?”
Applejack leaned in closer to the device and frowned. “Who in the hay would even want a crazy lookin’ clock like this?” she said as she tapped it with a forehoof. As she did this, she pressed the red button in front with her forehoof without really thinking.
Immediately, the numbers on the front of the device began to change randomly, much to Applejack’s confusion. She huffed and remarked “Huh. The dang thing’s broken too. Wonder if Twilight and Starlight might get a kick outta trying to fix it.”
Just then, one of the round antennas on the device started to sparkle and glow with what looked like bluish-white magic. This caught Applejack’s interest, and she stared at in curiosity at first, only to quickly back away from it, as she was quite familiar with what magic could do.
Just as she was about two yards away from it, the device shot out a bolt of lightning in her direction.
Applejack yelped and threw herself flat onto the ground, covering her face with her forehooves. She lay there for a moment, and then she carefully uncovered her face to see that the device had was now still and quiet.
“Whoa, nelly,” Applejack remarked breathlessly as she got up slowly, “Talk about a close call.” She raised her right foreleg to wipe her brow, only to suddenly notice that something was missing. She touched the top of her head, and only found her mane.
“Where did-?” Applejack said as she looked around, searching the surrounding area for her hat. When she couldn’t find her iconic headgear, it didn’t take her long to come to the obvious conclusion.
Applejack snorted and scraped the ground with her right forehoof as she glared at the odd device with rage and hate. “You no-good, ugly piece of junk!” she shouted, and she charged at the device, knocking it over and standing over it.
“Ah’m gonna turn ya into scrap!” she shouted as she reared up onto her hind legs. Towering over it, Applejack brought both forelegs down hard onto the front of the device. However, her left forehoof also happened to press the button, and the device emitted another bolt of lightning. This bolt struck Applejack square in the chest, and both she and the device immediately vanished without a trace.
There was a flash of light as Applejack suddenly reappeared in a dense, green forest.
“Huh!? What in tarnation?” Applejack said as she looked around at her unfamiliar surroundings.
“How did Ah-?” Applejack stammered out, but was interrupted when she caught something in the corner of her eye as she was looking around. Stepping off of the device, she turned around and saw her hat lying on the ground about two yards away from her.
Calming down slightly, Applejack smiled and said, “Whew! Boy, howdy.”
She trotted over to her hat and swiftly placed it back on her head.
“Well, that’s one problem solved,” she remarked, then she looked around at the surrounding trees and said, “Now, where the hay am-?”
An arrow suddenly whizzed right past Applejack’s nose and thudded hard into a nearby tree, scaring her into silence.
Applejack stood wide eyed for a moment, then quickly turned to glare angrily in the direction the arrow came from and shouted into the woods, “You oughta be more careful!”
A reply came in the form of another arrow thudding into the ground right next to Applejack’s right forehoof.
Applejack yelped as she quickly pivoted to her left and backed away from the second arrow, only to yelp again as she felt another arrow brush against her rump as it whizzed by. This spurred her to immediately start running.
“What’d Ah do?! What did Ah do?!” she shouted out in desperation to her unseen assailants as dodged and weaved around trees, arrows either sticking in the trees or in the ground right behind her. A full volley of arrows landing right in front of her caused her to drift and skid in a semicircle, her hooves kicking up dirt as she did so, and run back the way she came.
Applejack saw the device that got her into her current predicament, and with a frustrated groan, she grabbed the top of it in her teeth as she ran by, still conscious of the arrows being fired at her.
Applejack galloped through the woods, jumping to the side to avoid trees, until she came to a large bush up ahead of her. She jumped and tore through it without a second thought, coming out the other side and landing in a large, wooden bowl like structure.
Applejack carefully got up on her hooves and got a better look at what she had landed in. She could see a large wooden structure, and when she looked down, she could see a large rope coiled around a drum. At that moment, she could identify the structure as a catapult.
Then, without any warning, the catapult launched, sending Applejack and the device flying high into the air.
Applejack cried out in terror as she flailed her limbs and looked over at the hard, rocky, barren ground she was headed for. The device was tumbling through the air in front of her, and she quickly pulled it close with her forehooves and quickly pressed the buttons on the side keypad as well as the red front button in panic.
“Send me back, send me back, please send me back!” she begged the device as jabbed the button repeatedly.
The device emitted an arc of electricity that struck Applejack’s hat, causing it to vanish.
Applejack looked up at where the brim of her heat used to be disbelief, and then resumed slamming her hooves on the different buttons as she shouted, “Me too! Send me too! Please!”
Another arc of electricity came out and connected with Applejack’s body, causing her and the device to vanish as well.
In a semidesert environment, where the land was flat and the plant life consisted of shrubs, cacti, and the occasional tree, Applejack and her mysterious devious flashed into existence, and flew straight into a large boulder.
Applejack was sprawled out against the side of the rock for a moment, until she finally peeled off and landed flat on her back on the dry ground, the device laying on its side next to her and no worse for wears.
Applejack groaned as she slowly opened her eyes. She blinked, and she realized that her hat lay upon the top of the huge rock.
Applejack stood up and looked around quickly, and gave a sigh of relief. “Thank Celestia. No one around to bother me here,” she said gratefully. She then focused her attention on her hat, which was currently out of reach, the boulder being no less than three times her height.
Applejack blew her blond mane out of her eyes and put on a confident grin. “Huh. That’s no problem,” she said as she backed up a few feet. She then ran forward towards the rock and jumped, only to hit the rock about two feet from the top.
“Ow,” she moaned as she fell back to ground. But she quickly got back up and ran several yards away from the boulder. She then turned and eyed her hat atop the massive rock. She crouched down low and scrapped the ground with her right forehoof.
“This ain’t even a challenge for a rodeo pony,” she said confidentially, and then she broke out into a full gallop towards the boulder. Then when she got within a yard of the boulder, she put all the strength she had into all four of her legs, and made a might jump upwards and forwards.
Applejack had a proud smile on her face as she performed her jump, but that smile fell when she saw herself going about a foot too high. She sailed right over her hat, and ended up dropping down into a small and narrow gap between the boulder and second boulder behind it.
“Aw, nuts,” Applejack said as she lay upside-down within the gap, with piles of smaller rocks in front and back of her, preventing her from simply falling out. She looked upwards between her hind legs and sighed, “Well, Ah ought to be strong enough to climb outta this.”
Applejack then pressed each of her back hooves against their corresponding sides of the gap. She then pushed her forehooves against the big rocks on either of her and slowly lifted her body upwards. It was tough going, as she had to carefully walk her back hooves up the sides of the gap as she pushed up with her forehooves. But, eventually, she managed to reach the top, where she hooked her legs against the ledges on either side of her.
Applejack took a deep breath, and the pulled the rest of her body up with all the strength she had in her hind legs. She placed her front hooves solidly on the top of the boulder where her hat was, while she quickly moved her back hooves to the other boulder. She then quickly snatched up her hat with her teeth, and tossed it into the air. She got up on her hindlegs just in time to have her hat land right back on her head.
Applejack nodded contentedly, and was about to drop down back on all fours when one of her hooves slipped on the smooth rock. This caused Applejack to lose her balance, and she fell backwards off of the boulder, and off the side of the cliff the boulder was resting on and into a deep ravine.
Applejack yelled fearfully as she fell down several feet, but her descent was suddenly stopped by several vines that stretched across the ravine.
Applejack breathed heavily, her eyes still wide with panic. She calmed down a bit and actually reclined on the tangle of vines as she said with a relieved smile, “Whooeee! What a break.”
The vines then snapped back upward like rubber bands, launching Applejack back up and out of the ravine, over the rocks, and right back down on the device. Applejack plopped down on the ground next to it, and let out a moan before it zapped her, her hat, and itself away.
Applejack suddenly found herself feeling very cold. Her eyes widened when she realized that she was lying in snow in. She got up quickly and shivered as she looked around. She could see a frozen lake in front of her, as well as snow covered evergreen trees all around.
“Ah was just in the desert. Now Ah’m in the snow?” Applejack remarked aloud, subconsciously moving her tail closer to her flank to keep as warm as possible, “Ah hope Ah don’t catch my death of cold ‘cause of thi- thi- thi-.”
Applejack found herself unable to speak due to the sneeze that was coming on. She closed her eyes, brought her back, and let it out.
“A-CHOO!”
The motion of Applejack’s head sent her hat flying off her head. It landed on the frozen lake and slid a few feet out and away from her on the ice.
Applejack stared after it, gaping for a moment, and then she facehoofed hard.
With a frustrated grunt, Applejack walked onto the ice, only for her hooves to immediately slip on its surface. Applejack spread her legs wide to hold her balance, and the carefully took a step forward with her front right hoof. It immediately slipped all over the ice, sending Applejack into a panic that led her to fall down flat on her stomach.
“Alright, fine. Walking’s out,” Applejack muttered. She then pushed herself fully onto the ice and used swimming motion to move forward, occasionally kicking with her back legs to keep her going. Soon enough, she had just about reached her hat.
“Yeah,” Applejack said in satisfaction as her hat got within mouth reach. She bit the brim of it, only to suddenly feel another twitch in her nose. Applejack tried to fight back the sneeze, but it was a losing battle. Eventually, it came out.
“A-CHOOO!”
Applejack’s sneeze sent the hat sliding out to the very center of the frozen lake.
Furious, Applejack stood back up on the ice and hopped forward. This sent her sliding straight towards her hat. However, the speed at which she was going caused her to slide right by it before she could grab it.
Undaunted, Applejack drifted in a semicircle and leaned towards her hat. Just as it looked like she was about to slide by it again, she stretched her neck out to it and managed to bite its brim. However, this sent Applejack into an out of control spin that resulted in the hat flying out of her mouth, only to land right onto of the device.
Applejack eventually stopped spinning, winding up reared up on her hind legs. She looked over and saw the hat on top of the round machine, only to get zapped away by it in the very next second.
“Oh, here Ah come!” Applejack said determinedly as she dropped back on all fours and charged across the ice towards the machine, the ice making her move faster as she went.
Right before Applejack even reached solid ground, the machine zapped Applejack, and she and it vanished.
Applejack was still running when she reappeared, and her eyes widened when she saw only blue sky ahead of her. She quickly brought her fast-moving legs to a halt, skidding forward right towards the edge of a cliff.
She yelped as her forehooves slid over the side of the cliff just as she brought herself to a stop. “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” she cried out as she flailed her forelegs backwards to keep her momentum from carrying her forward and over the edge. The sight of the tiny evergreen trees at the far off bottom struck terror into her heart.
Soon, she was able to bring her forehooves back onto solid ground, and she breathed a sigh of relief. She turned and saw that the now familiar basketball sized machine was sitting on the edge of the cliff to her right. Applejack leaned over and calmly picked it up with her mouth, holding it by the handle-like part on top. She then slowly backed away from the edge of the cliff.
After taking a few steps, she noticed from the sound her hooves were making that the ground suddenly became much harder. She took a glance down and saw that she was now standing on a black road that seemed similar to the paved streets in Manehatten.
Applejack’s thoughts were interrupted when a loud horn sounded to her right. She turned quickly and saw a huge vehicle hauling a trailer with a load of logs barreling straight towards her.
With only seconds to react, Applejack quickly pivoted on her hind legs, rearing up and hopping backwards to get out of the truck’s path, all while still holding the device in her mouth.
Applejack winced as the side of the vehicle ran by her. Part of it actually made contact with her belly, and it sheared a bit of her orange fur off. A bit of that fur floated upwards, and then gently landed on Applejack’s nose.
Applejack bit hard on the makeshift handle as she felt the tickle on her nose. After about two seconds, Applejack let out a muffled sneeze that was just strong enough to cause her too loose her balance in her two-legged stance. She immediately stumbled backwards, unable to fall forward as the added weight of the device prevented her from changing her backwards direction. After three more steps, Applejack fell backwards and off the side of the cliff.
Applejack finally let go of the device to let out a scream, her hat floating off as well as she fell from the frighteningly high cliff.
“Hey, wait a minute!” Applejack shouted as a thought came to her, and she quickly jabbed her hoof at the device’s red button. In a flash, she, the device, and her hat were gone.
Applejack reappeared a mere few feet above the ground, and landed forehooves first with a solid thud that sent a shockwave throughout her entire frame. She stood in a forehoof stand for a moment, and then her back half fell back down, putting her in a normal standing position.
“Ain’t as bad as it coulda’ been,” Applejack remarked as she breathed in and out heavily, “Ah ain’t applesauce. . .”
She then felt her hat float down back onto her head, and she couldn’t help but look up and smile at it. “Heh. Ah guess things are finally lookin’ up for me.”
Applejack suddenly heard the sound of a nearby train whistle. She turned around and saw the train the whistle belonged to a good distance away. At this point, Applejack realized that she was standing on railroad tracks. Although she didn’t recognize the train that was coming at all. Nor did she recognize her desert surroundings.
Applejack blinked, and said, “Huh. Well, at least Ah got time to move this time ‘round.”
Applejack went to take a step off of the tracks and towards the device that had landed off the tracks and nearby to her left, but found that she couldn’t lift her left forehoof. She looked down and saw that when she had landed, her left forehoof had struck the wooden back of the track with such force that it punched a hole through it, and was now stuck in it.
“Aw, horse apples. Not this again,” Applejack groaned, and she pulled her left foreleg with all her might in an attempt to wrench it free. After this yielded no results, Applejack looked back at the train, and saw that it was moving at a rather swift pace and would reach her rather soon.
“Augh! Fine,” Applejack said in annoyance, and she reached out with her right forehoof towards the machine’s red button. However, her annoyance turned into despair when she saw that she couldn’t reach it. Applejack stretched out her foreleg as far as she could, only to find that the button was about two inches too far for her to reach.
Applejack’s eyes widened when she heard the train whistle again, and it was getting closer. “Oh no, oh no, oh no, please!” Applejack stammered as she tried in vain to free her left hoof again.
“Let’s try this,” she said to herself hurriedly as she turned her body around so she was facing away from the device, and then stuck out her right hindleg towards the machine, trying to blindly find the button with her back hoof.
A smile spread across her face as she felt her hoof press the button. There was a flash of light, and Applejack felt her hat disappear.
“AW, COME ON!” Applejack shouted, right before sticking out her right hindleg again with a furious grimace on her face. She kicked outwards, and she could feel and hear her hoof knock the device over.
“NOOOO!” Applejack shouted in horror, and her heart pounded as she could hear the sound of the steam locomotive getting within a few yards of her. She strained her back and legs as she lurched backwards and brought her back hoof down onto the device.
Applejack and the device were zapped away, and the train thundered past.
Applejack opened her eyes, and saw that all she could for miles around were great big hills of snow. In addition, all she could hear was the sound of the howling wind of the blizzard buffeting her.
“Ah’ll take it,” Applejack said with relief and gratitude, appreciative of the lack of imminent danger. She brought a foreleg up to her face to shield it from the fast drifting snow. She took a good look around, and spotted her hat a few feet away, having been blown off a bit by the wind before it was partially buried by the snow.
Applejack picked it up, shook the snow off of it, and put it back on her head.
“Huh. Kinda feels too easy, this one,” Applejack remarked suspiciously. However, she quickly abandoned the thought and turned to walk back to the device. “Well, Ah can’t stay out here like this. Ah guess Ah just gotta keep tryin’.”
Then, Applejack felt like she was hit by a wall. She forcibly pushed backwards the howling wind, which had suddenly gotten much stronger.
“Dang. . .nabbit!” Applejack grunted as she struggled to remain standing. She opened her eyes and saw the green glow of the device through the blizzard. She gritted her teeth and forced herself to take a step forward, the snow being blown by the harsh wind making it rather tough going. However, Applejack persisted, moving her front right leg and back left leg forward, then her front left leg and back right leg forward, digging her hooves into the snow as deep as she could in order pull herself forward.
Eventually, the device was in reach, and Applejack reached out with her left forehoof to press the button. However, the wind forced her hoof back, and Applejack grimaced as she felt the wind seemingly tug on her tail as it caught the powerful air currents. Applejack reached out with both of her forehooves in desperation, right before the breeze flipped her over and sent her sprawling to the snow-covered ground on her now freezing back.
With her teeth still clenched, Applejack ground out, “Oh, yer not keepin’ me here, ya hear!”
She rolled over onto her stomach and slowly crawled forwards, digging her forehooves into the snow in order to drag herself forward. Eventually, she was within reach of the machine once again.
“Alright,” Applejack said while in her crawling position, then she took a deep breath, and quickly pushed herself up onto her hooves. She shifted all her weight forwards, extending her right forehoof towards the red button as she did so. “Yes,” she said as she brought her hoof towards the button.
There was a loud whoosh of the wind, and what felt like an icy wall flew right into her. When it passed, everything was dead silent, and Applejack found herself unable to move. She could see that her extended hoof was completely covered in a thick, icy frost. She soon realized that she completely encased in the frost from head to tail.
“Aw, nuts,” she mumbled, her voice muffled by the white frost covering her face.
Applejack’s eyes then focused on the red button just inches away from her frozen hoof. Applejack jerked her frost encased body forward. This caused her to tip forward a bit. Applejack repeated the motion, and she tipped forward a bit more. Her heart leapt when the tip of her hoof touched the red button, but then she tipped backwards again.
With a loud grunt, Applejack forced herself forward with a mighty heave of her muscles, and her frozen form tipped forwards, landing her forehoof right on the red button. With a flash, she and the device were gone.
Applejack and the device reappeared, and Applejack’s frozen form fell sideways and landed on the ground. The landing caused cracks to form on the frost around her, and Applejack quickly began to move her body in order to widen those cracks. She spread her legs apart, and the frozen coating shattered, allowing Applejack to let out a sigh of relief and lay down on her side to relax for a moment.
“Woo, doggie, that was more frustrating than frightening,” Applejack remarked as she laid there. Then she stood up and looked around to see that she was standing inside an iron cage. It was also rather dark, due to the cage being inside a large tent. The only light available was that coming between the bottom of the tent and the ground.
Applejack huffed as she leered at the bars surrounding her and said, “Well, ain’t that just the-.”
Applejack’s comment was cut off by the low growling coming from behind her. She slowly turned to look, and saw a huge lion slowing rising to its feet. It fixed his eyes on Applejack and ran its tongue across his lips.
Applejack gave a forced, toothy smile to the lion, and then quickly pulled the machine in close to her. She then waved to the lion and said, “Sorry partner. Ah ain’t on the menu today.”
Applejack then quickly pressed the device’s red button, only to have nothing happen. Applejack looked at the machine in concern and pressed the button a few more times. The lion’s fierce growling caused her to refocus her attention on it, and she kept her eyes on the beast as she began pressing buttons on the device’s keypad with her right forehoof.
The lion scraped the ground with a forepaw, and then began to stalk his was towards Applejack.
Applejack jabbed her forehoof harder into the buttons as sweat ran down her head, unable to look away from the lion as it crouched down into a pouncing position. The lion let out a roar and sprang, and Applejack cried out terror as she pushed the device’s red button again, resulting in her and the device vanishing right when the lion’s claws were a centimeter from her face.
Applejack was still screaming when she reappeared in a very flat area. Her cries died down as she turned and looked out at the wide-open spaces that seemed to contain nothing but a few small plants and rocks.
Applejack closed her mouth, and then let out a sigh of blissful relief as she practically melted to the ground. She lay on her stomach, nearly hyperventilating after the close call she had just experienced. However, her moment of respite was interrupted by the smell of something burning. She sniffed a few times, and then stood up to sniff the air some more.
Eventually, she turned around and bore witness to a massive wild brushfire that filled the sky with black smoke.
“Ah think Ah better git. . .” Applejack said slowly as she tentatively took a step backwards, then turned around and ran. However, she skidded to a halt after about a second, and ran back to grab the top of the device with her mouth. Then she turned back to resume he flight.
Applejack suddenly became aware of how hot the air around her was, and how the fire seemed to be spreading all around her as glowing embers rained from the sky. Shrubs and grasses burst into flames all around her, as if trying to close in on her and put a stop to her escape.
Applejack looked ahead of her, and she spotted a wide ravine that stretched far off into either direction, making the very idea of going around it impossible, especially in the midst of the fire.
Applejack heart sank for the briefest of moments, but then she saw that there was no fire on the other side of the ravine. Biting down on the device’s metal top, Applejack steeled herself as she put on an extra burst of speed. Her hooves pounded over the dry land as the roaring sound of the fire behind her and on either side of her echoed through her ears.
Applejack reached the very edge of the ravine, and she jumped.
She stretched out her forelegs as she sailed towards the other side of the gap.
“OOOF!” Applejack let out as her belly collided with the side of the cliff, and her forelegs held onto the ledge. The impact caused Applejack to open her mouth and lose her grip on the device, which bounced and rolled onto the other side, stopping a few inches away and laying on its back with the glowing numbers and red button facing the sky.
“Whew,” Applejack said softly, and she opened her eyes to see that her hat had also come off of her head from the force of the impact, and now lay right next to the strange device.
“Uhh. . .” Applejack said in an unsure voice as she hung onto the ledge by her forehooves, looking back and forth between the device and her hat. Eventually, she cut her eyes at the device, and then quickly reached out with her forelegs and brought her forehooves on the brim of her hat, grinning as she did so.
At that moment, Applejack noticed that her forehooves were slipping backwards a little bit. She kicked her hindlegs forward in an attempt to brace herself against the side of the ravine, but found that her backhooves couldn’t reach it.
Applejack pressed her forehooves down hard on the brim of her hat, only to have her hooves slip backward again.
“Uh-oh,” Applejack said with wide eyes. Then she slipped right off of the side of the cliff, crying out all the way as she fell down into the ravine, turning in mid-air as she fell, until she landed face flat onto the bottom.
Applejack lay there for a moment, vividly reminded of the time she had tried to help Rainbow Dash with a trick while she had been overworked from trying to handle Applebuck Season all by herself. Then, she shakily got up to her hooves and looked upward, sighing as she said, “Now Ah gotta climb up there, don’t Ah. ‘Course Ah do, what else am Ah supposed to do? Maybe stop talking to mahself and get climbing? Boy, howdy. . .”
Applejack looked down, and quickly scooped her hat off of the ground and placed it on her head. She then walked with determination towards the side of the ravine, where there was a pile of rocks and boulders. Applejack nodded and jumped onto one of the boulders, and then climbed up the rock pile, digging her hooves into the spaces between the rocks in order to get to the top.
Applejack then turned to her right to see a steep looking slope up the side of the ravine. “Well, that’s better,” Applejack remarked as she walked up the slope. However, when she got halfway up the slope, she felt her hooves slipping in the dirt.
“Ungh!” Applejack groaned as she tried to dig her hooves into the slope, only to slide back down rather quickly.
“Oh, hay with it!” Applejack shouted as she dropped onto her stomach and dug her back hooves into the ground. She then pushed herself up the slope with all her strength, eventually coming to a landing that was close to the top. There was a rather large boulder nearby, and Applejack quickly stood up on her hindlegs and grabbed the top of the boulder with her front hooves with the intention of climbing onto it.
Fear then struck Applejack’s heart as she felt the boulder start to roll backwards. She quickly stepped sideways and landed back on all fours, watching as the boulder rolled off of the side of the ledge and fell down into the ravine.
The boulder fell down towards a large dead tree at the bottom, landing in the branches, which caught the boulder like a cup. The trunk bent from the weight, and then sprang upwards, launching the boulder upwards.
Applejack watched in awe as the boulder sprang up and down, over and over again. She then noticed that the boulder easily reached the top of the ravine.
“Yes,” Applejack said as she smiled and lowered the brim of her hat.
Applejack bent her knees, and carefully watched the boulder go up and down a few more times. Then, as the boulder fell down below and landed back in the tree, Applejack jumped out. Her hooves were caught by the rising boulder, and Applejack found herself elevated up and out of the ravine.
“WOO-HOO!” Applejack shouted as she jumped off of the boulder and onto the ground. She wiped sweat off of her brow and said, “Heh. Ah still got it!”
Applejack saw that the device was nearby, and walked over to it, taking a moment to examine the jumble of numbers it displayed. However, the moment was interrupted by a large shadow that covered her. She looked up, and her eyes widened when she saw that the boulder had been sprung extra high into the air, and was now coming down straight towards her.
Applejack yelped and quickly pressed the red button, and she and the machine were gone right before the boulder landed.
Suddenly appearing in a new location, Applejack quickly turned her head in all directions to check out her new surroundings. Panic overtook her for a moment when she realized that all she could see around her was the distant horizon, but the feeling of solid wood under her hooves got her to calm down a bit. She then slowly and more calmly studied her surroundings, and found that she was standing on the very center of a very long rope bridge that must have been about 120 yards long.
Applejack chanced a glance downwards through the wooden slats she was standing on, and gulped as her heart pounded from the dizzying drop down to the sharp rocks below at the bottom of the wide canyon.
“Whoa,” was all Applejack could say at first as she stared downward at the distant ground. She then jerked her head back up and shot a sideways glance to the machine sitting next to her, it’s bottom section still glowing green.
“Ah don’t know if Ah oughta count this as bad luck. . .” Applejack remarked as her eyes briefly glanced downward for the fraction of a second. “. . . Or the danged greatest luck ever,” Applejack concluded as she raised her hind right hoof and tapped it on the wooden slat it rested on.
Applejack heard a loud snap as her hind right leg fell downwards, and she yelped as her other three legs bent at the knee. Crouched down in the uncomfortable position, Applejack said nervously, “This was bad luck.”
She then slowly turned around to see that one of the wooden slats behind her had broken in half. Applejack gulped. Immediately, all of the wooden planks either broke in half, came detached from one side and just hung from one of the ropes, or fell off of the rope bridge entirely in a domino-like succession.
Applejack stared blankly and blinked before remarking breathlessly, “Definitely bad luck. Very bad luck. That’s all Ah’ve been getting, hasn’t it?”
Applejack then turned to look ahead of her, and saw, to her relief, that the other half of the bridge was intact. Applejack breathed in and out slowly and said to herself, “Alright. Ah can do this. Just. . . get across this thing quickly.”
She slowly moved her back right hoof to the slat her back left hoof was resting on, and then carefully reached over and grabbed the device with her mouth, once again holding it by its top with her teeth. She then took a careful step forward, wincing at the creaking sound the wooden board made.
Applejack looked out at the remaining 60 or so yards ahead of her in longsuffering. However, she quickly breathed out through her nose and took another step, this time moving her right legs in unison. She repeated this with her left legs, making sure that each hoof was on its own board, so as to keep her weight spread out.
“Why musht mushcle weigh more than fat?” Applejack said through her clenched teeth as she continued her slow journey, the creaking sound of the wooden boards wracking her nerves.
Anxious to get the ordeal over with, Applejack began taking slightly longer strides, and soon got within 30 yards of the end of the bridge. However, a loud crack suddenly came right underneath her, and when she looked down, she watched as the wood underneath her started to split. Applejack looked out in disbelief as the split raced across the bridge ahead of her, dividing all of the wooden slats in half.
At that moment, Applejack noticed that the wood was still supporting her weight, and saw that the crack that had split all of the planks in half wasn’t deep enough to run all the way through. In spite of all this, Applejack was afraid to move another muscle. But then, Applejack suddenly remembered the Sisterhooves Social where she had started out racing with Sweetie Belle. Applejack recalled how Sweetie Belle had hopped right across the mud pit without falling in.
Applejack closed her eyes and nodded her head, filled with fear as the reality of what she had to do sunk in.
“No choice,” she said through her clenched teeth, while she silently cursed the device she was holding with said teeth. Then, she opened her eyes, looked straight ahead, and hopped forward, moving all four of her hooves close together before she landed on the next plank. Right when she landed, she immediately hopped again, which was very fortunate, as the plank immediately broke in half right after she left it.
Applejack tried to block out the sounds of snapping wood behind her as she hopped onwards. Every board she landed on broke and fell away right after she hopped off of it, and Applejack did not want to think about it as she daintily hopped onward. Rather, she focused on how hopping allowed her to go much more quickly, as she was skipping over three or four boards with each hop.
Applejack was soon within 5 yards of the end of the bridge and firm, solid ground. She eagerly looked towards her goal, smiling around the piece of metal in her mouth as her eyes were filled with hope. However, this all prevented her from noticing the pointy bit of wood sticking out of the wooden slat ahead of her. Her front right hoof landed right on top of it, and the pointy splinter stuck right into the soft inner part of the hoof.
Applejack neighed out in pain, sending the device out the remaining distance and onto solid ground, where it bounced a few times before coming to a rest on its glowing green tripod legs. Applejack reared up on her hind legs and kicked her forelegs in reflex. Applejack gasped and breathed heavily as she saw the splinter in her hoof. She quickly pulled it out with her teeth and spat it away, sighing in relief. However, her facial expression became horrified as she began aware of her current situation.
Applejack gulped for what felt like the umpteenth time to her by now, and muttered, “Maybe. . . if Ah stayed up like this. . .” Applejack pulled in her forelegs close to her chest, and then carefully put her left hind leg forward. “. . . and Ah step really slowly. . .” Applejack said as she put her hoof down as lightly as she could onto the wooden plank.
The moment her hoof touched the wood, there was a loud crack, and the entire remainder of the bridge split in half, sending all of the wooden planks down to the distant, sharp rock-strewn floor of the canyon.
Applejack screamed loudly as she jumped up and flailed out all four of her legs. She fell for about half a second before all four of her outstretched hooves grabbed onto the ropes that were all that remained of the bridge. Her left hooves caught the left rope, and her right hooves caught the right rope. She was hanging with her legs spread out over the deep canyon, with only the old ropes from the rope bridge keeping her from plunging downwards towards the sharp rocks below.
Wide eyed and panic stricken, Applejack stammered out “Ah got bad luck, Ah had a bad idea, an’ AH DON’T CARE!” Applejack’s demeanor suddenly took a complete 180, a look of angry on her face. She took a quick look at her hooves on either side of her before focusing on the solid ground up ahead of her.
“Ah ain’t gonna fall here, an’ that’s the truth!” she shouted, and she wrapped her hooves around the ropes like she was hoof wrestling four Rainbow Dashes at once. She then climbed forward on the ropes, putting all her focus in maintaining her iron grip on the ropes.
After a great deal of exertion, Applejack finally made it to the wooden posts that the ropes were tied to. With a final grunt, Applejack sprung off of the ropes and propelled herself upwards. She actually managed to flip once before landing solidly on firm ground on all four hooves.
Applejack panted as she took a look around her. The destroyed bridge still hung behind her across the canyon, and before her was a green, lush forest. However, what captivated Applejack the most was the ground beneath her hooves. She stomped her hooves into the earth a few times to make sure that it was really there.
“Ah made it,” Applejack said through her panting, but then her eyes widened as she suddenly realized something. “Hey. . . Ah actually made it through that!” she exclaimed. Applejack chuckled nervously, but then this became full out laugh as she turned to look at the bridge and said, “That’s right! Ah don’t believe it! But Ah did it! HA!”
Applejack pointed her right forehoof at the bridge and chasm and shouted gleefully, “How do ya like this apple, huh?!”
Applejack then turned around and did a happy skipping trot forwards, still laughing as she did so. Then she twirled around and began bucking behind her in victory.
However, her celebrations were cut short when she felt her hooves connect with something. Applejack turned her head and saw that in her joy, she hadn’t noticed the strange device, and had kicked the red button by mistake.
“Aw, nuts,” Applejack said with a look of despair on her face as she saw one of the device’s antenna’s start to build up energy.
She quickly turned and ran towards the forest, but the machine zapped her in the rear, causing both her and itself to vanish.
Applejack and the device reappeared within a room, and the pony was still running forward at the time. Applejack could see a wall in front of her, but it was only a second before she smacked into it face first.
Applejack’s vision spun, her eyes rolling in circles as she staggered around dizzily. She weakly reached out with her right foreleg for something to support herself. Her hoof landed on the end of a heavy barbell that lay on a nearby bench press, and her hoof struck down hard on the end of it. This caused the whole barbell to tip upwards and over, the long bar landing on her back and forcing her down on her stomach. The barbell then rolled forward a bit, stopping over her neck area as she lay on the floor.
“Ungh. What?” Applejack said groggily as she blinked her eyes several times. The dizziness had finally passed, and now she could take a better look at her surroundings. From what she could see, it was clear that she was inside a gym of some kind. However, it seemed to be completely empty at the moment.
Applejack then brought her attention back to the barbell on top of her. She tried to get up, but the bar, held down by the massive weights on either end, had her pinned down good. Applejack grumbled as she rolled over onto her back, and now the bar was under her chin. She then put her forehooves under the bar and pushed upwards with all her might, but the awkward position she was in rendered her unable to use her full strength to lift the weight that was holding her down.
“Aw, now this ain’t right,” Applejack complained as she let her forelegs fall down on either side of her. She stared up at the electric lights in the ceiling for a moment as she tried to think of a way out of her current predicament. She sighed as she tapped her right back hoof on the ground in thought.
Eventually, she came up with the idea of trying to roll the barbell off of her. She used her forelegs to push the barbell forward. However, the bar was too low to make it over her body and legs. She then tried to roll the barbell over her head, turning her head profile to let it get past her chin. This didn’t work either, as the bar ended up pushing uncomfortably against her face.
“Ow,” she moaned as she gently rubbed her face with her right fetlock. Suddenly, something caught her eye. There were a couple of slant boards nearby, all in a row.
A smile spread across Applejack’s face as the answer came to her. Using her hind legs, she crawled on her back while also rolling the barbell along with her. She moved backwards towards two of slant boards, and saw with delight that they were just the right distance apart. She then crawled backwards, using the two slant boards like ramps to move the barbell upwards.
Applejack gritted her teeth as she rolled and pushed the heavy barbell up behind her with her forehooves. She groaned in exertion as she finally managed to roll it over and past her head. Her forelegs were bent out over her head as she held the barbell up behind her with all her might. Then, after counting to three in her head, Applejack gave the barbell a mighty push, and then did a quick backflip to avoid it as it came rolling back down the slant boards.
Applejack landed back on all four hooves just in time to see the barbell crash into a stack of dumbbells with a loud clang. Applejack panted as she watched the barbell come apart, the weight rolling for a few feet before falling down like coins.
“Heh-heh! Weren’t that a show of strength!” Applejack said as she began to feel proud of herself for getting out of that minor predicament. She jogged in place for a moment as she stretched out the crick in her neck, and then turned around and pranced away from the pile of weights, her eyes closed in pride.
However, when Applejack felt the sensation of not moving forward, she opened her eyes and saw that she had stepped onto a large treadmill that adequately suited a pony of her size. The treadmill had started to move the moment she set hoof on it, and it was going rather quickly.
“Whoops,” Applejack said as she noticed the brisk pace at which the treadmill was moving. She looked up at the controls in front of her, and moaned. “Aw, sucks. More buttons and gizmos?” she said miserably.
The console of the treadmill had several rectangular buttons with various symbols on them, which were all arranged around a large red button in the middle. Seeing how none of the buttons were labeled, and not trusting the red button at all, Applejack decided to simply not touch anything.
“This ain’t really all that bad,” Applejack remarked as she jogged along, only slightly nervous, “It’ll probably stop on its own or something before too long.”
Immediately after saying this, the treadmill’s control panel emitted a loud beep, and Applejack could feel the treadmill increase in speed.
She gulped as she began to canter quickly along. Now getting more nervous, Applejack looked left and right, starting to wonder if maybe she could just jump off of the machine and hope she didn’t break anything.
The machine then let out another beep, and now Applejack was forced to go into a full gallop in order to keep up with the machine.
Panting heavily, Applejack stared at the wide array of buttons, trying to make sense of the symbols. Her eyes eventually fell upon a button that had what looked like a back arrow on it, and she put on a quick burst of speed to get close enough to the console, and hit the button with her nose.
To Applejack’s horror, not only did the treadmill not slow down, but then it began to move upwards at an angle, eventually stopping at 30 degrees.
Applejack’s eyes were wide as she pushed herself to keep going, while also realizing that she wouldn’t be able to keep it up for much longer. Her eyes drifted towards the red button on the control panel, and she knew she had no choice.
“Dang it, dang it, dang it, dang it,” Applejack repeated aloud as she gave it one final push to practically leap up the inclined treadmill to hit the red button with her nose.
The treadmill stopped immediately, sending Applejack straight into the panel, which bent slightly and pushed her backwards. The momentum threw Applejack several feet away from the machine and back first into the wall.
Applejack slid down the side of the wall, her hat laying on the ground a few feet in front of her, having come off due to the force of the impact. Applejack sat on her rear for a moment, breathing in and out loud and fast in order to catch her breath. Eventually, her breathing returned to normal, and she let out a long sigh of relief.
Applejack reached out to her hat, only to see it disappear in a flash of green light. Her eyes widened, and she turned to her right to see the strange, round device that was the cause of all her troubles. She had forgotten about it for the moment, but soon realized that she must have struck it with a hoof when the treadmill had bounced her back.
Applejack gaped at the device as it lay on its back, rocking back and forth gently as it had rolled a bit after it fell over. Then, Applejack shot it a nasty look, and then slammed her right forehoof down hard on it.
Applejack found herself standing next to the device in a wide, rocky valley with mountains all around her in the distance. In spite of how tense she had been, she couldn’t help but pause for a moment and take in the surrounding beauty of the distant, bluish mountains.
She moved herself in a semicircle, smiling as she took in the full panoramic view, until she turned around enough to notice the fence made of metal cables that seemed to go on for miles in either direction. The fences posts also all had blinking red lights on top of them. But what really caught her attention was her hat, which lay a few feet away on the other side of the fence.
Applejack looked both ways, and was satisfied that there didn’t seem to be anyone or anything around. “Well, this oughta be quick,” she remarked as she walked over to the fence. She then reared up onto her hind legs and brought her forelegs down onto the top of the fence to pull herself over.
The moment she touched the fence, Applejack felt like her forelegs were being poked by hundreds of pins and needles, and she cried out as she was forcefully thrown back onto her rump.
“Holy hayseed!” Applejack shouted, and she held up her forelegs and studied them to make sure they were okay. She then brought her attention back to the obstacle in front of her. “What in the hay kinda fence is this?” Applejack said as she stared at the fence inquisitively.
Applejack shook her head after a few seconds and quickly got back up on her hooves. “Ya know what? Fine. Ah’m not wasting time over this. No touching the fence? Fine. Ah won’t touch the fence,” Applejack said impatiently as she walked away from the fence.
Once she was a good distance away from it, Applejack turned around, rocked back and forth on her hooves, and then ran forward. Using her rodeo experience, she jumped at just the right moment and sailed over the fence.
Bolts of lightning snaked out from the fence and arced right towards Applejack’s body. Applejack was thrown backwards again, this time landing flat on her back.
“Uh. . . wha?” was Applejack could say, her entire body tingling as he legs stuck out at odd angles. Her tail was laid out in front of her, towards the fence. Another bolt of electricity shot out from the fence and struck the tip of Applejack’s blonde tail. The bolt ran right through her, causing her muscles to act of their own and flip Applejack up into the air. She landed flat on her stomach, her legs twitching a bit before relaxing and falling flat on the ground.
Applejack lay sprawled out on the ground for a moment, her mouth hanging open as she tried to figure out what had just happened to her.
Applejack carefully dragged herself forward, and slowly slid her left forehoof underneath the fence. When nothing happened, she smiled, and quickly began digging at the ground beneath the fence with her forehooves. Soon, she had created a deep trench that ran underneath the painful device.
Applejack practically hugged the ground as she laid as flat as she possibly could. Then, she carefully pulled herself forward with her forehooves, sliding down into the trench, under the fence, and out on the other side.
Satisfied that she was clear, Applejack laughed and got up onto her hooves. “Woo-eee! How do ya like that?!” she said, smirking at the fence behind her. She then gleeful picked up her hat with her mouth, her tail swinging with delight. However, her newfound excitement caused her tail to swing a bit too far out, and the end of lightly touched the fence’s electrified wiring.
Applejack felt completely paralyzed as each and every single hair on her body stood out straight. Her eye lids snapped open and her eyes bulged out, and she could feel the electric current running through her clenched teeth.
Applejack was suddenly jerked up onto her hind legs, and her forelegs jerked out from her as her whole body began to tremble. Then, without warning, Applejack was thrown straight up into the air. About eight seconds later, Applejack fell back down, landing face flat in the dirt.
Applejack slowly lifted her face off of the ground, panting shallowly as sparks ran across her body and down her legs, popping when they reached her hooves. Applejack let out a quiet cough as she tried to move her legs to stand up. Her knees wouldn’t bend, but she managed to bend her hips and shoulders to get her back up on her hooves.
Realizing her hat was no longer in her mouth, Applejack stiffly moved her head left and right to look around. Then, she staggered around in a circle to look behind her. By the time she had turned 180 degrees, she could she her hat floating down to the ground over on the side of the fence she originally was on. Her hat landed right on top of the round time keeping device, and was immediately zapped by it and disappeared.
Applejack’s bottom lip trembled a bit, but before she could say or do anything, her nose twitched and sparked a bit. This caused Applejack to let out a sneeze, and out of her nose came a large arc of electricity that struck a metal box on one of the fence posts. There was a loud popping sound, and the metal box sparked and started emitting smoke. Then, all of the red lights on the fence posts went out.
Applejack gasped as she felt her knees unlock, and she nearly fell over. Regaining her balance, Applejack took a look at the fence, now completely unlit. She carefully stepped towards it, raised her left forehoof, and quickly touched one of its metal cables. When nothing happened, Applejack didn’t waste a second climbing over the fence and rushing towards the device.
“Ah can take whatever gets thrown at me!” Applejack said determinedly as she pressed the red button, vanishing with the device in a flash.
After the flash, Applejack quickly whirled around to take in her new surroundings. She seemed to be in a cavern dimly lit by torches on the walls. Before her stood a wide pit filled with hollow wooden posts that were all randomly spaced from each other in a staggered pattern. However, all of the posts were between 2 to 3 feet away from each other, and all of them were about as wide as one of her hooves. Far out in the middle of the pit, hanging on one of the posts, was her hat.
“Ah got this, too,” Applejack said defiantly, and quickly leapt forward onto the wooden poles, immediately landing with each of her four hooves on one of them. The round time keeping device was left on the edge of the pit.
Applejack had to pause as she stood with her limbs slightly spread out across the wooden posts. She also notices that the posts all had a little give to them, and were wobbling slightly under her weight.
Applejack eyed a nearby post in front of her and slightly to her left, and then swiftly moved her front left leg forward to it while moving her back left leg to the post her front leg had previously occupied. She then looked over at where her hat was, a quickly planned out her path across the veritable forest of hollow wooden posts. She then found a post to her right, and proceeded to step forward with her right legs in a similar manner.
“Ah can keep this up,” Applejack said as she kept moving forward, slowly and steadily, watching her hooves carefully as she traverse over the darkness below her. She looked up and saw that she had slightly veered to the left, putting her off course a bit.
“Hmm,” Applejack said to herself, and she eyed two poles to her right that were rather close to one another. Smiling, Applejack lifted up her forelegs and pivoted to the right, letting her forehooves fall onto the two poles.
Immediately, the poles snapped, causing Applejack to cry out and rear back up on her hind legs. She stood with her rear hooves each on a pole, panting heavily as she tried to mentally clam herself after the near fall. Then, a cracking sound caused her ears to twitch. She could feel the poles that she was standing on begin to bend, buckle, and break.
Applejack looked ahead of her and spotted out another pair of poles. “Ah. . . got this,” she said breathlessly, and then, gathering up her courage, she pulled her forelegs in close to her chest and jumped forward.
She landed on the next pair of poles, and she held her forelegs out as she felt the poles wobble from her landing. Eventually, the wobbling stopped and Applejack was able to find her balance. She sighed in relief, pulling her forelegs back in, only for the pole her back left hoof was standing on to snap.
“Woah!” Applejack shouted as she found herself balanced on only one leg. She took a quick glance down out of reflex, and her heart pounded when she saw the blackness below her. “No, no, no!” she cried out as panic overtook her, and she quickly hopped forward on her right back hoof to the next pole she could she. She did this a second time, then a third, and then a fourth. After that, the pole her hat was hanging on was right in front of her.
Applejack swung her left back leg, catching her hat with her hoof and tossing it upwards, where it then landed right back onto her head.
Applejack stood wobbling slightly as she stopped to catch her breath again. As she stood on one leg with the rest of her legs outstretched, she looked up at her hat with wide eyed amazement. Then she carefully lowered her body, resting her other three hooves on nearby poles.
Applejack breathed a sigh of relief as she let her body relax. She then chuckled and said, “Heh. Like Ah said. Ah got this.”
Applejack then moved around on the nearby poles, shifting the positions of her hooves so that she could turn her body completely around so that she was facing the solid ground where she had left the machine. As she was planning her route back, Applejack suddenly noticed a hissing sound coming from somewhere. The sound also seemed to be accompanied by a low whistling noise. Before she could put any thought into the strange sounds, however, Applejack suddenly noticed that her front left hoof was getting rather warm.
Unnerved by this, Applejack lifted up the hoof and question and took a close look at it. Immediately after, a plume of flames shot out from the pole the hoof had been resting on a second ago.
Applejack’s face was terrified, and the terror increased when she felt warmth from underneath her front right hoof.
Applejack immediately got up on her hind legs again as more flames shot out in front of her. When the flames dies down, Applejack immediately walked forward, as she could already feel her back hooves heat up a bit too.
Applejack quickly walked forward across the poles, determined to get across before she was blocked off by the flames. However, a pole she would’ve placed her left back hoof on suddenly spat out flames, nearly causing Applejack to fall backward. The heat of the flames behind her motivated Applejack to regain her balance, and she turned herself on her right hoof to the right and hopped across sever more poles before more fire burst out in front of her.
Applejack twisted her body to the left, towards the ledge where the mysterious machine still sat, glowing with its green light to illuminate the dim cavern. Before Applejack could hop forwards again, another plume of fire seemed to almost graze her rear. Applejack shouted as she half hopped, half fell forwards. She reached out with her forelegs, and Applejack suddenly found herself standing on her front legs with her hind legs and tails up in the air.
Not wanting to stop for anything, Applejack briskly walked forwards on her front legs, moving from pole to pole, desperately trying to land her forehooves square on each pole. Fire spurted out of the poles behind her and all around as she got close and close to solid ground.
There was soon only one pole left between Applejack and solid ground. However, this pole shot out flames right before she could land her right forehoof on it. Applejack cried out as she wobbled on her left foreleg in her upside-down position.
“Somepony turn these darn things off!” Applejack cried out in desperation.
Immediately, all of the plumes of fire ceased.
Applejack blinked, still balanced in her precarious position, but amazed. “Huh? That worked?” she wondered aloud.
The pole in front of her suddenly spat out of a puff of smoke that floated into Applejack’s face. Her eyes watered, and her nose began to twitch.
“Oh no. . . oh no. . .Please no- ACHOO!”
Applejack’s body shuddered from the sneeze, but she remained shakily balanced on her left foreleg.
Applejack opened her eyes, a look of relief on her face. “Oh, thank Celestia,” she whispered gratefully.
Then the pole she was balanced on snapped, sending Applejack plummeting down screaming. She screamed and flailed her limbs for a long moment, only to stop when she noticed that she didn’t seem to be falling anymore. Applejack lay on her back for a moment, staring up at the torch lit chamber above. Then she sat up on her haunches and looked around her. It quickly became clear that the pit was no more than six feet deep, but the bottom and sides of the pit were made of dark, black rock, making it appear to be much deeper than it truly was.
Applejack was dumbfounded for a moment, then growled with rage and quickly got up on her hooves. She ran over to the side of the pit and smacked her head against it, shouting, “YOU! DUMB! STUPID! PONY!”
Suddenly, something landed on Applejack’s head. She stopped smacking her head against the wall and turned to see that it was the strange device. It had been knocked off the edge by the vibrations of Applejack’s head banging. Applejack quickly noticed that the device had been triggered, and before she could even make a remark, it zapped her; and she and it vanished.
Applejack stood in shock after the flash she reappeared in faded. She immediately recognized her current location as the capital city of Equestria, Canterlot. However, it was difficult for her to enjoy the sight for sore eyes due to horrible experience her ears were going through.
All she could hear was a mixture of buzzing and explosions, and when she looked up and around her, she quickly noticed black, emaciated Changelings buzzing through the sky, occasionally firing a beam of green magic down to the ground below.
Applejack backed up slowly as she took in the dreadful scene, her eyes wide with horror as she tried to take it all in.
“No. . . it can’t be true,” Applejack said in despair, “Canterlot gettin’ invaded by Changelings? Again?”
“There’s one more to go!” a voice cried from behind her.
Applejack’s ears perked up as she recognized the voice as that of Twilight Sparkle. She smiled and turned around eagerly, but her joy turned to shock as she saw not only Twilight, but all of her best friends surrounded by downed Changelings they had taken out, and it truly was all of Twilight’s best friends, as another Applejack was standing there as well.
The other Applejack stepped forward from the group and adjusted her hat, smiling cockily as she said to her five best friends, “Leave it to me, ya’ll! Ah’ll take this last wedding crasher on myself!”
Applejack’s eyes widened as the familiarity of the whole situation began to dawn on her. “Wedding crasher. . .” she echoed in shock as it all suddenly began to click.
“Stop repeatin’ everythin’ me and mah friends say!” Past Applejack shouted angrily, “Now stand still and lemme buck your block off for ruinin’ this royal weddin’ shindig!”
Past AJ charged at Applejack with the intention of headbutting her, but Applejack quickly jumped out of the way and ran. However, she was stopped when Past AJ bit her tail and pulled hard.
“Urk! Sorry fer all those times, RD,” Applejack groaned out from the feeling of having her tail tugged. She was then pulled backwards with a sharp jerk, and then tossed to one side, where she landed on her right side.
Past AJ ran over and raised up her forehooves to stomp on Applejack, but Applejack rotated her body so her hindlegs struck Past AJ’s hindlegs with a sweeping kick. This knocked Past AJ to the ground, and Applejack used this opportunity to get up and jump over her opponent. This turned out to be a mistake, because during the jump, Past AJ reached out with her forelegs and grabbed Applejack around her midsection.
Surprised but still determined to escape, Applejack used her forward momentum to reach the ground with her forehooves. She then pushed her body up and over into a flip, carrying Past AJ with her. Applejack got up into forehoof stand, then let herself fall back so that she hit the ground with Past AJ underneath her.
Past AJ grunted in pain from the impact and let go of Applejack out of reflex. Applejack got up and ran, but was immediately kicked in the rear by both of Past AJ back hooves. This sent Applejack flying forward, flipping over as she flew, and straight into a wall of one of the surrounding buildings.
Applejack hung upside-down and with her limbs spread eagled against the wall, stuck in an imprint created by her impact. She cracked her eyes open, and they went wide when they saw Past AJ charging towards her with a fierce look in her eyes.
Applejack screamed and closed her eyes when she saw Past AJ turn in mid run to buck her in the face. The was a loud crash, but Applejack felt no pain. She opened her eyes and saw to her amazement that Past AJ’s back hooves had missed her face, and were now stuck in the wall on either side of her head.
“Grr! Dang nabbit!” Past AJ said as she tried to pull her hooves free.
Applejack blinked her eyes as she breaths came in and out fast and shallow. At that moment, the green glow of the device that had brought her to this infamous place and time caught her eye. Applejack could see the device was a quick jog away, so with a mighty heave, she wrenched her body free from the impression in the wall. Her back hooves ended up stomping on Past AJ back, and she flipped off of her and quickly ran towards the device.
However, Applejack’s stomp also pushed Past AJ forward slightly. This was enough to free her hooves from the wall, and Past AJ resumed her chase, now more determined than ever to catch Applejack.
Applejack made it to the round machine and desperately pressed the keypad a few times. “How about sending me sometime after all of this over?” she suggested gently to the machine.
Before she even knew what was happening, Applejack was suddenly bowled over by Past AJ. She soon found herself pinned down with Past AJ on top of her, who scowled down at her and said, “Ya think yer clever, doncha?”
Applejack shook her head quickly, all the while noticing the machine was within hoof reach to her left. She reached out with her left forehoof as Past AJ began slapping her across the face with her right forehoof.
Slap!
“Ya Changelings played us like fiddles!”
Slap!
“Ya made me ditch Twilight!”
Slap!
“Ah worked my tail off making that cake fer yer ugly queen!”
Applejack eyes widened as Past AJ reared up on her hind legs to stomp with both of her forehooves. Applejack turned and made one last desperate reach to the time machine with her left forehoof. Her hoof hit the red button, and the machine zapped her. Applejack vanished along with the machine right before Past AJ’s forehooves could make contact.
Applejack gasped loudly as she reappeared, staring up at the starry night sky through the tropical trees above her. Applejack let out a sigh of relief and smiled as she let her body relax a bit, lying comfortably on her back.
However, Applejack’s moment of peace was interrupted by loud snoring that seemed to come from all around her. Unsettled by this, Applejack lifted her head slightly and moved her forelegs to see in front of her. Sleeping soundly right in front of her was a rather large timberwolf.
“Whoa, nelly,” Applejack said nervously as she quickly crawled backwards. She was quickly halted by a puff of hot breath on the back of her neck, and she rolled over to see another sleeping timberwolf.
Blinking her wide eyes, Applejack looked all around her, and found that she was practically surrounded by a large pack of sleeping predatory wooden wolves. She quickly brought her attention back to the bucket sized time machine she had inadvertently crawled away from.
“Ah shoulda stayed still,” Applejack mumbled softly, filled with anxious fear. She then slowly got up on her hooves and turned towards the device. She then slowly took a step towards it. The sound of leaves crunching caused Applejack to freeze, and her eyes darted around anxiously to check on the surrounding creatures.
Satisfied that no harm was done, Applejack turned to look down at the ground before her. The jungle floor was strewn with twigs and leaves. She scanned for any bare enough patches, and carefully, yet awkwardly, stepped forward. She stretched her back as she reached her right forehoof out towards a distant patch of bare ground.
Just as she completed the step, Applejack heard both grunting and sniffling behind her. She craned her neck to see that the tip of her tail was gently brushing against the nose of the timberwolf behind her, and beast was beginning to stir.
Applejack let out a soft whinny of fear and quickly pushed up off of the ground and spun around on her right hind leg. This moved her tail off of the timberwolf’s nose, but the beast’s nose was still twitching.
Applejack clenched her teeth nervously as she carefully put her right forehoof on the timberwolf’s nose. She pressed down gently and watched as the creature slowly began to settle down. Before long, it was breathing softly and dozing, allowing Applejack to pull her hoof away and breathe a sigh of relief.
Applejack then spun away from the timberwolf and let her forehooves fall to the ground. There was a loud crunching snap when her forehooves landed down hard on a twig and a pile of leaves. Applejack quickly lifted her forehooves back up, but quickly saw that every timberwolf had its head raised and was staring right at her with their glowing green eyes.
“Aw, why do Ah even bother!?” Applejack shouted frusteratedly, and she dashed straight towards the time machine. Unfortunately, one of the timberwolves pounced on her before she could reach it.
Applejack lay pinned down by the creature, unable to do anything but watch as it growled lowly at her and studied her with its evil looking eyes. The timberwolf raised it’s right forepaw and stuck out a claw. It then lightly touched Applejack’s left cheek, much to her displeasure, and gently traced a line down her face and neck, and across her chest. The timberwolf then sniffed its claw, and then licked it. Applejack was sure she could see a look of pleasure on the beast’s face as it let out a growl that sounded almost like a laugh.
Just as Applejack felt ready to scream, she suddenly heard more growling to her left. Both she and the timberwolf on top of her turned to look, and they saw one of the other timberwolves sniffing the round, green glowing device. As it sniffed away at it, its nose touched the red button, and one of the rounded antennas began to sparkle and build up energy.
Applejack gasped, and she quickly kicked out with her hindlegs, striking the timberwolf holding her down in its stomach and knocking him clear off of her. “That’s mah ride!” she cried out as she got up on her hooves and ran towards the device.
Applejack headbutted the timberwolf next to the time machine and stood in front of it with an eager grin on her face. The machine’s antenna zapped away her hat, leaving Applejack standing with a smile, which slowly changed into stunned look.
There was a loud snap, and Applejack cried out and turned to see that one of the timberwolves and snapped its jaws on her tail. She tugged her tail out through the beast’s teeth, and immediately noticed that the red scrunchy that held the end of her tail together was gone.
Applejack narrowed her eyes as her face went into a furious frown. She let out a loud primal neigh and swiftly roundhouse bucked the timberwolf with both of her hindlegs, sending it flying into the trunk of a nearby tree. Another timberwolf pounced at her, but Applejack turned and bucked as if she were bucking an apple tree, and the timberwolf was knocked back in an arc and shattered when it hit the ground. Two timberwolves charged Applejack at once, causing her to let out a snort before doing a backflip that resulted in her hindlegs striking the two wooden monsters under their chins with so much force that their heads flew clean off. Their bodies fell to pieces as another one ran forward and lunged at Applejack.
Applejack snorted loudly as reared up on her hind legs to catch the lunging beast. It grabbed her forehooves with its paws and tried to push the pony down. It let out a loud growl, but Applejack growled just as furiously, if not more so, in response as she pushed back with all her strength. She kicked the beast in its stomach as hard as she could with her right foreleg. The force of the blow was so strong that it shattered the timberwolf instantly, allowing Applejack to land back down on all fours and catch her breath, as any remaining timberwolves had already fled from the fierce mare.
“Breathe in . . ” Applejack said calmly right before doing so. “. . .Breathe out,” she added, and did so.
Still frowning, but feeling a bit more relaxed, Applejack walked over to the timberwolf she had roundhouse bucked. It was still conscious as it lay against the tree, and it appeared to be trying to roll off of the trunk and onto its stomach. Applejack quickly reared up on her hind legs and then stomped on the creature’s stomach with her two front hooves. The timberwolf coughed up the red scrunchy right before falling to pieces like the others.
Applejack put the scrunchy back on the end of her tail and said to the jungle at large, “That’s what yer get when ya mess with Bucky Magillicutty and Kicks McGee!”
Applejack then walked over to the device and stared at it long and hard.
Finally, she sighed in resignation and pressed the red button, and she and the device disappeared in a flash.
When Applejack reappeared, she was shocked to find herself face to face with a huge wall of ice towering above her. She quickly got over her shock when she noticed her hat hanging from a protrusion in the glacier a few yards above her.
Applejack promptly trotted closer to the ice wall, and seeing that her hat was hanging far too high for her to reach, turned around and gave the wall a sharp buck with her left hindleg. The vibration that ran through the ice caused her hat to fall off from where it was hanging, and it landed safely back on Applejack’s head.
Applejack closed her eyes and nodded, and took a step forward, only to be held back. She opened her eyes and turned her head to look behind her. She saw that the hoof she had used to buck the glacier was now stuck about an inch deep within the ice.
Applejack rolled her eyes and remarked, “Well, this ain’t surprising, really.” She then pulled her left leg forward as she took several determined steps forward with her forelegs, lowering her head as she put all her strength in pulling free. Much to Applejack’s surprise, her left hind hoof popped out after a couple of seconds, and she fell down flat on her stomach onto the ice below her.
Applejack blinked as she lay there, and said, “Huh? That it?”
She then immediately felt icy water being poured onto her left flank. She cried out from the chill and got up to her hooves, turning around to see water pouring out of the hole her hoof had made in the glacier.
“Uh. . . oops?” Applejack said as she stared at the leak warily. She then slowly turned towards the time machine, which was only a few steps away on the wide ledge sticking out from the glacier that she and it were currently standing on. She chuckled a bit as she took a careful step forward. “Well, Ah guess Ah’d best skedaddle-.”
The moment Applejack took the step, a loud groaning echoed all around, and she could swear she felt the entire glacier shudder.
Applejack cried out in fear and quickly turned and ran towards the wall of ice. She fell onto her rear and slid forward with her right hindleg extended. She slid into the wall, jamming her right hind hoof into the hole, stopping the flow of water.
Applejack’s ears twitched as she heard the groaning slowly die down along with the shuddering. She gave a sigh of relief, only to be surprised a second spurt of water popped out of the glacier, making another hoof-sized hole to the left of the first one. Without really thinking, Applejack quickly jammed her left hind hoof into the second hole. Immediately after that, another hole squirted out water from a spot above the first two holes. Applejack immediately pushed her body upwards with her right foreleg and plugged that hole with her left forehoof. Then, another hole opened up to the right of that, and she quickly jammed her right forehoof into it.
Throughout the whole business, Applejack had a look of stubborn determination on her face. However, after all her hooves were plugged into the ice, a look of foreboding replaced her determined look as she said, “Aw nuts, Ah plum didn’t think this dang thing through, did Ah?”
The groaning from earlier returned, this time louder than ever. Applejack then felt a strong pressure building behind her hooves. Then, Applejack’s ears stood up when she heard the sound of cracking ice. After that, without any real warning, the entire section of glacier Applejack was plugged into exploded with a huge gush of water, sending Applejack flying out into the air.
Applejack didn’t have time to scream before she was carried by the gush of water all the way down to the icy ground at the base of the glacier. The water flowed out in all directions to seek its level, leaving Applejack slightly chilled but no worse for wear.
Applejack gasped for breath as she got back up on her hooves. She shook the water out of her coat and quickly wrung out her hat. After placing it back on her head, Applejack looked around and said slowly, “Okay. . .”
Suddenly, she heard the sound of something smacking into the ground behind her. She turned around fast and saw that it was the time machine, which had also been washed off of the ledge by the water. The device had hit the ground with so much force that it actually punched itself a few inches into the ice. Then, with a loud snap, a crack snaked across the ground from the hole the device made, and then raced up the side of the glacier.
Applejack watched owlishly as the crack went all the way to the top of the glacier, sending bits of ice flying up into the air. Then, a massive chunk of the glacier broke free and began to slide forward.
Applejack stared with her mouth hanging open for a moment, then she ran towards the device and tried to hit the button. She quickly found that the machine was too deep in the ice for her to reach the button, so Applejack grabbed the top of the device with her mouth and pulled. She tugged as hard as she could, the approaching ice wall heavy on her mind. She kept pulling it while running backwards, trying to get traction with her hooves on the ice, until the machine finally popped out, sending Applejack sprawling on her back. Applejack cried out at the sight of the massive ice wall, and immediately grabbed the machine in her mouth again as she got up, turned, and ran.
Massive ice spikes crashing down right behind her spurred her onward faster, and she quickly created distance between herself and the ice wall. However, Applejack was forced to skid to a halt when she saw a second ice wall approaching from the direction she was headed.
She immediately turned right and ran at full speed. She could hear the two ice walls collide behind her, and they were quickly closing in on her. However, Applejack could see the end a few yards ahead of her, so she tossed the time machine out ahead of her, and then dove forward, propelling herself out from between the walls of ice and over the side of the mountain.
“Woooah!” Applejack cried out as fell, waving her forelegs as she approached the mountainside underneath her. She made contact, and slid down the slope until she hit ramp-like rock. Applejack flipped once before bouncing down the mountain the rest of the way, eventually landing on her stomach after four bounces.
Applejack laid still for a moment, and then closed her eyes and pressed her right cheek into the ground. She seemed to embrace the earth as she breathed in and out calmly. However, she was interrupted when the time machine suddenly fell down on her head and landed a few inches in front of her.
Applejack opened her eyes slowly and saw that the machine’s antenna was starting to glow.
“Can’t you let a gal catch her breath?” she moaned as she closed her eyes again, right before the machine zapped her, causing both of them to vanish.
Applejack appeared with a flash, this time landing on her hooves atop of a metal panel with buttons and switches on it. She looked around to see that she was currently in a large, round room which was surrounded by a wide window. She could see nothing but stars against what appeared to be a black night sky.
Slightly confused, Applejack went to take a step forward, but paused when she felt something turn and click underneath her left forehoof. She lifted her leg and saw a round button with the word “gravity” printed on it. In the center of the button, “0.0” was flashing.
Applejack tried to make sense of it, only to suddenly find herself slowly floating upwards off of the control panel.
“Wha-wha-whoa!” she cried out as she kicked her legs panickily. However, this only caused her to tumble in mid-air as she continued to float. The time machine floated away from her, but she didn’t notice because her hat had already floated off her head and was moving away from her as well.
“No, no, no, get back here!” Applejack shouted as she attempted to grab her hat with her hooves. However, this only pushed her hat further away from her, and caused Applejack to tumble even more.
“This. . . ain’t. . . fun. . .” Applejack moaned as flipped around in mid-air. However, while upside-down, she spotted the button that her hoof had touched earlier.
Applejack used a swimming motion to move herself downwards. “Okay. . . Ah just gotta . . . undo what Ah did,” Applejack said between strokes. Then she reached out with her right forehoof and placed it onto a button. She then made a twisting motion with her hoof, turning the button to what she hoped was the right way.
In an instant, Applejack fell back down onto the control panel rather unceremoniously. Her hat fluttered down to the near the center of the circular room, right next to where the time machine had landed.
Applejack smiled with relief and quickly hopped off the panel to go claim her hat. However, as she did so, her back right hoof bumped the button, causing it to spin and increase value of the number on it.
Applejack took only two steps before she found herself forced down flat with an incredible force. Unable to speak, Applejack lay there feeling like her entire family was stacked on top of her.
Applejack spread her forelegs wide, and tried to push upwards with her forehooves. It was all in vain, as the force holding her down prevented her from even peeling her chin off of the smooth floor. With teeth clenched, Applejack pushed herself forward with her hind legs, her belly and face dragging against the floor, slowing crawling her way towards the hat and machine.
Eventually, both objects were in reach, and Applejack, with great effort to overcome the downward force, reached out to her hat with her right forehoof. However, she paused midway as common sense suddenly rose up in her mind. In spite of her crushing situation, Applejack’s eyes were bright and aware as she sorted out her priorities.
So, Applejack yielded to the force and let her right foreleg fall down hard onto the ground, her hoof making a loud clack as it hit the floor. She winced in pain, and then reached towards the time machine with her left forehoof. She let out a loud grunt as she landed her hoof right onto the machine’s red button.
Applejack let out a sigh of relief as she hoped the ordeal would be over soon. However, her hoof suddenly slid off of the machine, and started to roll. Applejack’s leg landed flat and outstretched on the floor, right in the path of the machine. It then rolled right over her leg, causing Applejack to let out a cry of pain. The Earth Pony farmer’s body was strong, so no real damage was done, but it most certainly hurt.
Applejack’s heart quickened when she saw the round machine roll in a wide circular path, which then straightened out, resulting in the machine rolling right towards her.
“No. No,” was all Applejack could say from her flattened position, and she tried to shift her body to crawl away. But even as she did this, she knew that she’d never be able to get out of the way in time. She had only managed to complete a quarter turn, and the rolling machine was less than a yard away. She tried looking away from it, but she could still see it approaching out of the corner of her eye.
During all this, the devices antennas were building up power. Just when it was an inch away from right side of Applejack’s body, it zapped both her and the nearby hat, and the room was completely empty once again.
Applejack appeared in mid-air, and promptly fell downward. Her senses were slightly scrambled from having the downward force suddenly taken off of her, combined with the sensation of falling. So, she showed no reaction to her descent, only letting out a grunt when she punched through the thick canopy of tree branches below her. She fell down into the forest, rolling and falling simultaneously as she dropped through tangled vines. The plant life did end up slowing her descent down a bit, resulting in her landing on all four hooves with a solid, yet non-damaging, thud.
Applejack huffed and puffed as she shook the cobwebs out of her head. She blinked her eyes and looked to her left and right anxiously. Then she looked ahead of her and spotted her hat on the ground a few feet away.
Applejack stood breathing fast and shallow breaths for a moment, and then quickly stepped forward. She was immediately held back by something that she felt wrapped around her midsection. She turned her head to look behind her, and she saw that during her fall, a thick tangle of vines had wrapped around her barrel. The green rope made a V-shape as each end went upwards into the trees, with Applejack in the middle of it.
“Just vines,” Applejack remarked as she looked behind her on both sides. She then tried to crane her neck backwards in an attempt to bite at one of the vines holding her, but all it got her was a pain in her neck.
“Doggone it,” Applejack muttered to herself as she rubbed her neck with her front right fetlock. She then planted her all her hooves firmly on the ground, and then leaned forward in an attempt to pull free. She dug here forehooves into the ground while she tried to push herself forward by walking with her back hooves. The triangular shape of the vines that held her was strong, and it although the vines stretched a bit, they only let her move forward about a yard.
Frustrated, Applejack started bucking wildly, but had to stop when she felt all four of her hooves leave the ground.
“Wha- whoa!” Applejack cried out as the vines suddenly contracted, carrying her up a few inches off the ground. “No no no, not this again! Put me down!” she said in a panic while trying to reach the ground with her hooves. The vines that held her sprung her up and down, only allowing her hooves to get about half an inch towards the ground before springing her back up several inches, again and again.
“You’re teasin’ me!” Applejack said furiously as she slowly bobbed up and down, but then her anger faded into sadness as she closed her eyes and hung her head, saying miserably, “Everything teasin’ me. All of it. Every single darned thing.”
Applejack remained that way, eyes closed and head down in dejection, for a few minutes. Then she noticed that she was bobbing up and down anymore, and that she could feel the ground beneath her hooves again.
Applejack opened her eyes and lifted her head up, and her eyes fixated on her hat on the ground in front of her, seemingly out of her reach.
Applejack stomped her right forehoof and shouted, “Ah ain’t gonna let myself get beaten by some ol’ vines, or Ah ain’t an Apple!”
The stubborn farm pony then twisted her body to the left and to the right, pulling herself forward with her front hooves with all her strength each time. The vines stretched and strained from each tug, but still held fast.
She then threw herself backwards, and then broke into a sudden forward galloping charge towards her hat. The vines naturally held her in place at first. Then, the vines pulled her backwards, but Applejack merely leaned backwards into it. Like an ice archer’s bow, the vines sprung Applejack forward. She also pushed off of the ground with her hooves to push herself forward into the launch.
Applejack smiled as she was sent right over her hat, which she then promptly grabbed with her teeth. However, the vines were now like a rubber band, and they snapped her backwards with even more force than what had been used to send her forwards.
Applejack kept her teeth clenched on her hat as she was snapped back so hard that the vines broke where they were wrapped around her midsection. This flung her into a big tree, and Applejack winced when her back struck the trunk.
Applejack slid down the trunk of the tree, and she felt her rump rest on something cold and round. The odd yet familiar sounds told her that it was the time machine, and Applejack simply closed her eyes and waited as the device powered up and zapped her and her hat away with it.
Applejack felt herself being pelted with heavy rain as she reappeared. She opened her eyes and looked around at the surrounding forest. She got up onto her hooves, and then looked up at the stormy sky and said loudly over the pounding rain, “Is this what ponies mean by ‘when it rains, it pours?”
Thunder boomed in response, and Applejack sighed as she pulled the brim of her hat over her face to shield it from the rain. She then stomped angrily in the muddy ground beneath her in frustration, and then went to turn towards the time machine.
Applejack quickly discovered that her angry stomping was a mistake, as the ground she was standing on was so muddy that all four of her hooves were now stuck deep in the mud.
“Dang it,” Applejack muttered as she tried to pull her front right forehoof out of the mud. When the mud seemed to only tighten around her hoof, she growled and exclaimed, “Why do Ah keep getting stuck in places when all Ah wanna do is leave!”
With a tug fueled by frustration, Applejack managed to pull her front right forehoof out of the mud. Applejack sighed in relief, giving the smallest of smiles, but then the sound of something rushing fast came to her ears. Applejack looked ahead of her, and she suddenly noticed that she was standing in an empty river, with its foliage strewn banks on either side of her. Then, Applejack spotted a terrifying flash flood approaching from less than a mile away.
Applejack stood with her front right foreleg raised slightly, breathing heavily as she stared blankly at the rapidly approaching flood. She then swung her entire body to her left as she pulled up with her front left leg with all her might. There was a loud pop as her front left hoof popped out of the thick mud, and Applejack found herself standing up on her hind legs.
“Come on, come on, just two more!” Applejack shouted to herself as she tried to lift her right hind leg out of the mud, flailing her forelegs wildly as she stared down at the hoof she was trying to free. Applejack took another look at the approaching flood, and this led her to bring both her forelegs down to awkwardly grab onto her right hind leg.
She gave several desperate tugs, and her right hind hoof finally slid out of the thick mud.
Applejack smiled giddily as she stood up on one hind leg. “Yee-haw! Only one more to-,” Applejack’s excitement faded and her smile fell as looked down on the leg she was shakily standing on. “Uh. . . wait, how am Ah gonna-.”
The sound of roaring water caused Applejack to look back up just as the wall of flood waters crashed into her.
Applejack was tossed and spun wildly through the fast-moving water, until she was finally flung out into the air. She opened her eyes and saw that she had been washed right over the side of a waterfall, and the bottom was several yards straight down.
Applejack cried out as she began to fall, but seeing that it wasn’t that much further than the average high-dive, she quickly forced herself to calm down and went into a diving position.
Applejack closed her eyes as she braced herself for the splashdown, only to be taken completely by surprise when she felt the blunt impact of solid rock. Her eyes snapped open as she beheld the large bolder at the waterfall’s bottom, on which she had the misfortune of landing on.
Her hind legs were stuck straight up, and her forelegs were spread eagled, keeping her balanced in her awkward, upside-down position. Her tail swung back and forth like a limp pendulum as her body gave the occasional twitch.
“Ouch,” Applejack groaned out as she felt the pain and stiffness in the muscles in her back. She then gave a sorrowful pout and said, “Ah can’t move. . .”
Applejack then noticed the familiar green glow coming from her right. She looked in the direction and saw the time machine floating nearby. The bottom half of the device had gotten caught behind some smaller rocks just below the surface of the water, preventing it from being carried away by the rushing river fueled by the waterfall just behind the pony.
Applejack was unable to move her forelegs due to her locked muscles and odd position. She let out a groan as she began vigorously kicking her forelegs while shifting her body to her right. Eventually, she was able to throw off her balance enough so that she fell sideways, her body landing right on top of the machine.
The was a flash, and Applejack and the device were both gone.
When Applejack and the time machine reappeared in the now familiar green flash, she let out a shaky breath that caused her pained body to slide off of the egg shaped machine, also causing to roll away from her a bit.
With her back stiff and aching, and her legs feeling quite sore, Applejack still found herself unable to move much at all, not that she had any desire to at the moment. She simply laid on the dirt ground, shutting her eyes and moaning miserably, "Somepony. . .help me. . ."
STOMP!
The orange pony was suddenly stepped on by a large, brown, furry, hoof-like foot. The foot completely covered Applejack, and pushed her down a few inches into the ground. When the animal lifted its foot, Applejack was laying on her stomach spread eagle within a large crater-like footprint, a dazed expression on her face from the sudden impact. She looked up at the creature as it walked onward. It appeared to be a brown, furry elephant-like animal with huge tusks and small ears.
Applejack narrowed her eyes at the creature and said coldly, "Thanks a lot."
Stomp!
Applejack felt the breath get knocked out of her as a slightly smaller, tan, leathery, three-toed stumpy foot stepped right onto her back. Applejack watched as the rhinoceros-like creature stepped off of her and continued onward without so much as a second glance, then she shakily raised a forehoof in its direction. "Hey," she called out weakly.
STOMP!
A slightly smaller foot from a slightly smaller furry elephant stomped on her, landing on the front half of her body and causing her hind legs and tail to stick up slightly. After it stepped off, Applejack shakily lifted the brim of her hat off of her eyes as her hind legs and tail flopped down.
"No more stomps, please?" she pleaded.
Squawk!
A fat, grey bird with a orange-pink, curved beak jumped onto Applejack's back, sprang off and continued on its way.
Applejack sighed grateful and said in spite of her aching back, "Thank Celestia."
Stomp!
Applejack's eyes widened as a slightly smaller, yellow, three-toed foot stomped her right in the center of her back. As it walked onward, it was revealed to be a yellow, giraffe-like creature with a large belly and a small elephant-like nose.
Applejack gave a frustrated shout and quickly rolled herself over to one side. She then laid on her stomach, breathing heavily, when she suddenly realized something. She carefully got up onto her hooves and stood up. She stretched her back a bit, and smiled.
"Boy howdy, Ah feel great!" she cheered happily. She then waved at the giraffe-like creature and called out, "Thanks for yer help, tall critter! That was just what mah back needed!"
The creature didn't turn around, or acknowledge Applejack's thanks in any way. However, Applejack just shrugged and took a look around. There seemed to be an incredibly long line of strange looking creatures, all headed in one direction. Applejack then looked over the time machine, with its familiar green glow.
"Well, this ain't mah home, so. . ." Applejack said to herself as she thought it over, then she steeled her resolve and said, "Ah, phooey! Ah don't give up fer nothin'!"
She then bravely pressed the red button, and both she and the machine were gone again.
Applejack was lying on her back when she finally managed to open her eyes. The bright sunlight caused her to squint, but her eyes quickly adjusted to the light and she managed to make out her new surroundings.
She felt soft grass on her back, and slowly breathed in an out as she continued to lay there.
“Finally, Ah get ta catch mah breath,” Applejack said softly as spread herself eagled on the grass.
Applejack stared up at the sky for a bit, then she raised her head a bit to see what was in front of her. Her eyes widened a bit when she beheld a large apple tree loaded with ripe fruit.
“Aww, hay yeah!” Applejack shouted, breaking into a smile of relief and joy. She practically flipped up onto her hooves, and that action made the hunger within her all the more prominent. However, seeing the apple tree in front of her made Applejack gladly welcome the hunger.
Now in high spirits, Applejack let out a chuckle and pranced in place a little bit in her excitement. “Boy, howdy! At last, somethings going right for me.”
Then Applejack felt her right hind hoof hit something. She stopped in mid prance, and she turned around to see the time machine shaking a bit from being hit by her hoof. The antenna on top was starting to build up power and the numbers on it were changing rapidly.
“DANG IT, NO!” Applejack shouted at the machine in both terror and fury, and she swift bite the top of the antenna and then slung the whole device on to the ground, hard. Then she got up on her hind legs and repeatedly shouted at the top of her lungs, “NO MORE!” With every shout, she put everything she had into stomping her forehooves into the device, channeling all her earth pony strength into each blow.
After several hard stomps, Applejack finally stopped seeing red and looked down at the result of her rage. The device now looked like a smashed metal egg, with the screen that showed the numbers shattered into pieces, and a tangle of loose wires and cracked pieces of green plastic partially sheltered by what was left of the metal shell. The antennas on top were bent, and the green light on the underside was no longer glowing.
Applejack stared at the broken time machine for a moment, then she laughed and pranced victoriously around the smashed remains of the device. “YEE-HAW! How do ya like me, now!” Applejack cheered. Then she stopped her prancing in order to focus on the nearby apple tree. She quickly trotted over to it, smiling wildly as she thought of how sweet the fruit would taste after all she’d been through.
Applejack got within bucking distance of the tree, and swiftly turned around and said, “Ah’ll find a way back home one way or ‘nother. But right now, Ah’d say Ah’m happy right where Ah am.”
Then, Applejack gave the tree a good hard buck.
BONG!
The reverberations shot through Applejack’s entire body, from her back hooves to her very teeth. Applejack fell clumsily face flat as the aftershocks shook her to the core. Eventually, the vibrations died down enough for Applejack to slowly raise her head and say, “Wha-?”
Applejack blinked her eyes, and she slowly got up and turned around to take a closer look at the apple tree. She slowly raised her right forehoof and knocked on the tree’s trunk twice. The ringing sound told her that the tree was actually a very accurate and realistic looking metal sculpture.
Applejack frowned and said bitterly, “Well, ain’t that a buck to the head. . . but why in the hay would anypony-?”
Applejack’s voice trailed off when she spotted part of a plaque a quarter of the way around the side of the trunk from where she was standing. Applejack took a few steps around the tree sculpture in order to get a look at the plaque, which read plainly, “Here stood the last apple tree.”
Applejack stared blankly at plaque for a while. Eventually, she dropped down into a sitting position, still staring blankly at the plaque.
“Well, Ah’ll be. . .” Applejack said in a near emotionless voice, “Ah actually did it. Ah actually disproved the old saying, ‘it could always be worse.’ Ah actually reached the point where things honestly and truly couldn’t be worse. ‘Cause right now, there ain’t no possible way that Ah could be worse off-.”
There was a loud zap, and Applejack suddenly could no longer feel her hat on her head. She turned around quickly to see that the bent antenna on top of the broken time machine was sparking, and the machine’s green light was blinking on and off. Then, the remains of the machine emitted a flurry of sparks, and completely collapsed further into smaller bits that sparked a few times before going cold and silent.
Applejack gaped at the machine, and then without warning jumped up onto her hind legs and grabbed onto the metal tree with her fore legs. “WHY!?” she cried out in anguish, and then she began to bang her head repeatedly against the metal trunk.
Rúmcierr- Applejack Travels through Space and Time
By Matthais Unidostres
A flash of light and strange sound coming from behind her caused Applejack to stop banging her head on the metal tree trunk and turn around. A glowing, spherical portal had suddenly appeared, and out of it fell Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer, along with Spike who was riding on Twilight’s back while munching on an apple of all things.
“Ah! There you are, Applejack!” Twilight called out in a voice filled with relief.
Spike swallowed his mouthful of apple and said, “Good thing we got you on the first try. Twilight was already going starting to go bonkers, and you’ve only been gone about a day and a half!”
Starlight held up Applejack’s hat with her magic and said, “It certainly was a big break for us when your hat just appeared on top of the Cutie Map.”
“Home,” Applejack said as she still held onto to tree, eyes wide and breathing heavy.
Starlight continued, “Twilight and I took a look at it, and thanks to our mutual experience with time travel spells, we quickly noticed the chrono-based energy clinging to it.”
“Home,” Applejack said again.
Starlight still went on, “Then all we had to do was triangulate your-.”
“Home! Home! Take me home, please!” Applejack shouted as she fell backwards and collapsed flat on her back.
“Starlight!” Twilight shouted in annoyance.
“Sorry, sorry! I know, I was monologuing!” Starlight said in embarrassment, and she quickly levitated the hat back onto to Applejack’s head. “Alright, Applejack. Let’s get you home,” Starlight said with a smile.
Starlight and Twilight powered up their horns, and the portal reopened. The three ponies and the dragon were lifted up into it, and the portal quickly vanished without a trace.
A short time later, a chocolate brown unicorn with black hair and wearing glasses and a white lab coat ran to the scene carrying a handheld device with his magic.
“I know I detected a time bases anomaly back in the lab,” he said to himself, then he looked around the base of the statue and said, “But whatever it was, it’s completely-.”
The unicorn scientist’s jaw dropped, as well as his device, when he spotted something in the grass. It was the core of the apple that Spike had been munching on. Between the yelling of the mares and the wild whooshing of the portal, Spike had lost hold of it and left it behind.
The scientist carefully lifted the apple core up with his magic and studied it closely, his eyes wide in disbelief. “An actual apple core. . . with seeds intact!” he said breathlessly, then he let out a wild cheer and ran back in the direction of his laboratory shouted, “Woo-hoo! Looks like they’re gonna have to tear down that statue!”
Applejack and the machine flashed back into existence several meters above a shingled roof.
She took a quick glance down below her and said, "Dang it." She then fell straight down, landing face down onto the roof so hard that her hat popped off and floated down after the machine. Applejack then began sliding down the slanted side of the shingled surface. She grunted and ow'ed again and again in rapid succession as she slid down the rough, bumpy slope. She eventually reached the edge, and let herself fall off the side of the roof and land on the ground in a heap.
Applejack stood back up slowly, her eyes spinning and her vision doubled, and up ahead of her was the machine, complete with her hat resting on top of it. Applejack shook off her dizziness, and immediately balked and stepped back as she fully took in the complete scene in front of her.
The machine, and her hat, was sitting on the very edge of a considerably long wooden cantilever. The long wooden beam, around 4 yards long, was wide enough for Applejack to comfortably cross with no issue. However, what truly gave Applejack pause were the large amount of signs posted all over the edge the cantilever extended out from. Various Xs, stop signs, and skull and crossbones symbols sent a pretty obvious message to the pony.
Applejack's eyes took in the various warning signs before her, and yet her eyes constantly went back to her hat atop the hated machine resting on the end of the cantilever. Her stubbornness began to quickly resurface as she looked down the plank, and she walked over to the edge for a closer look.
Applejack looked down over the edge, and her pupils shrank a bit when she found that she couldn't even see the ground due to all the clouds below. Then she looked to the side, and her nerve returned slightly when she saw how thick the wooden cantilever was. It wasn't a plank as much as it was a sturdy looking slab of wood.
Applejack backed up from the edge and tapped a forehoof onto the anchored end of the cantilever. "Shoot, Ah ain't nearly as heavy as Big Mac," she said as her gaze looked down the length of the sky high path towards the two needed items, "And Ah ain't afraid of heights."
Out of reflex, Applejack reached a forehoof up to adjust the brim of her hat, only to realize that she wasn't wearing it and frown as she put her hoof back down and stepped out onto the cantilever. She lowered her body slightly and took another slower step, talking quietly to herself, "Just walkin' in a straight line. Nothin' to walkin' a straight line. Ah've seen newborn calves walk straight lines."
After a second slow step, Applejack suddenly felt the entire cantilever shift downwards about an inch.
"Eenope!" she said with wide eyes as she hopped backwards. She fought to catch her breath and calm her heart, but then her eyes caught sight of the machine, with her hat still on it, sliding a bit closer to the very edge of the cantilever.
Applejack blinked and looked from side to side nervously. Then she peered down to her left to the seemingly endless fall below her, still masked by clouds.
"Ah'd never get it back. . .Ah'd never get home," Applejack said to herself as she slowly lifted her head back up to look towards the goal. She sniffled a bit and shut her eyes tightly. She forcibly choked back a near sob, then opened her eyes and breathed in and out softly and slowly. Applejack then looked down at her forehooves, and she carefully slid her right forehoof forward, making sure not to lift it off of the wooden beam. She then did the same with her left forehoof, her ears perked up to take note of the subtle creaking of the wood. Once her forehooves were moved, Applejack carefuly began to slide her back hooves forward, while at the same time turning her body bit by bit until she was standing sideways on the cantilever.
Applejack breathed through her nose as her mouth was held in a frown of concentration, her eyes darting back and forth as she began to slowly slide all four of her hooves as close together as she could. Then, once she had achieved this, Applejack carefully walked sideways, gently lifting the hooves on her left side up and over, then moving her right hooves after them.
After a painstaking few minutes, Applejack was nearly at the very end of the cantilever. She paused when the machine and hat were approximately within leg's reach, give or take a few inches, and stared down at the wooden beam she was standing on. When she saw the wide open nothing below her, the platform she was standing seemed to become all the more smaller.
Applejack quickly lifted her head back up and turned back towards the machine nearby. "Woo, doggie," she remarked breathlessly, "Well, Ah know enough about levers and such that getting any closer to edge would be a no-no. So, Ah guess here's the moment of truth."
Applejack steeled herself, her body perpendicular to the cantilever, the hat and machine directly to her left, and her left foreleg raised slightly for the pivotal moment.
"Alrighty," she said to herself, "So. . .hat or button?"
Applejack stood weighing her options for a moment. Then she took a quick glance down and gave a quick nod. "Button. Sure as hay, the button. Of dang course, the button."
Applejack slowly swung her left foreleg further to her left and reached out towards the red button on the machine. Much to her displeasure, the button was just ever so slightly out of reach. Applejack carefully leaned her body to the left, her right hooves raising slightly off the beam as she strained to reach the button. Balancing on one hoof, Applejack extended herself as far as she dared until her left forehoof finally reached and pressed the red button.
Applejack could see the green energy building underneath her hat, and in the next moment, there was green flash and both her hat and the machine were gone.
Applejack stood alone on the edge of the cantilever, staring at where the two sought after objects once were.
"HUH!?" she suddenly shouted, only to immediately shove her left forehoof into her mouth for some irrational fear that her voice would cause the cantilever to fall. However, this action only threw off her balance, and Applejack ended up falling sideways down onto the very edge of the cantilever. Applejack immediately panicked, crying out and kicking her hind legs, which ended up going over the side and leaving Applejack hanging on for dear life by her forelegs. Applejack felt the structure wobble violently, and a look of grief overtook her face as she said, "Aw, nuts."
The cantilever buckled like it had been some kind of lever being pulled, going down a full 90 degrees and leaving Applejack suspended right above the great heights below.
Applejack was hugging the wooden beam as hard as she could, and she called out desperately to the mountain town nearby, "HELP! GET ME OFF OF THIS DANG THING!"
Then, something quite unexpected happened. The cantilever suddenly popped back up to its original position. However, it happened so fast and with such great force that it only ended up flinging Applejack upwards and into the distance, away from the mountain top town.
Applejack was shouting and flailing her hooves wildly as she went up in a high arc, and then quickly began falling downwards towards the obscured ground below.
"NOOOOOOOOO! This ain't fair! It ain't fair, ya hear me! Ah deserve a fair an honest chance to get back home!" she shouted as she fell down in a steep arc.
Then, there was a flash, and both her hat and the machine appeared before her.
Applejack gaped at what just happened, then she looked upon the round device with loathing and said, "Fine. You win. Do what you want to me. Hurt me. Just don't kill me."
As the pony and two inanimate objects fell towards the clouds below, Applejack gently pushed the red button again with her right forehoof, and the machine zapped her hat away.
"Don't kill me!" Applejack demanded as she hit the button again, and this time the machine cause both itself and the pony to disappear.
