Keepsakes
It would be sudden; it would be swift.
Sunset Shimmer's eyes surveyed the regal splendor of her chambers, the room she had known since she was a foal.
It would be release; It would be unexpected.
She eyed the opulent embroidery of the deep red curtains shrouding her quarters. With a tremulous hoof she pulled one back, exposing the grounds of the Royal Castle, swimming in their own splendour. Soft lights danced in the synthetic moonlight which evening had brought about, scintillating in her peripherals. The rain fell gently, reflecting the myriads of colour she bore witness to.
It would be escape. Escape and regret.
Turning before the image could be further emblazoned on her fragile mind, she looked around the remnants of her room, for it could barely be called hers any longer, beginning to pace around the centre.
There was still so much to do, so much to pack.
Her two small saddlebags sat on the edge of her four post bed, already half full.
So much she would have to leave behind.
Sunset stifled a sniffle as she trotted to her bedside table, resolute in her decision. With a brush of her horn's energy, the topmost drawer of the table flew open. She pensively bit her lip. Sunset wasn't sure why her magic was acting so erratic; she had mastered telekinetic object manipulation in early infancy, this should be child's play.
Perhaps she was still a child, even now.
Sunset shrugged the errant thought off, reaching out with her magic and lifting the contents of the drawer to eye level. So much was discarded: Various letters, a broach she might never wear again, an engraved locket, a slew of other miscellaneous--
Sunset skipped gaily through the halls of Princess Celestia's castle. Her happiness knew no bounds. For years and years she had begged, and for just as long her parents had told her no, but the day had finally come!
Mum and Dad had been warming up to her place in Celestia's castle more and more over the last four years, and now they were finally allowing her to spend Hearth's Warming with her favourite teacher. Sunset was giddy, she was elated beyond compare.
She was also nervous.
Sunset was sure that Celestia would have prepared her a wonderful gift, as she did every year, and Sunset was hardly sure hers would make the cut. Worry plagued the mind of the eight-year old as she tore through the castle, but it was counterbalanced by her joy.
She didn't know why, but she had expected Hearth's Warming to be a more magnificent affair in the castle. When she arrived at the throne room, she found Celestia to be absent, which puzzled her. After frantically asking a dozen attendants at once, she discovered that Celestia had in fact opted to take a day away from her duties today!
Sunset decided that it must be a special thing she does on Hearth's Warming, and that's why the sun rises so late. If she was excited before, she was doubly so now. She ran to Celestia's chambers, knowing the way by heart, and found herself ardently thudding her hoof against the old wood within seconds.
"Enter!" sounded the voice Sunset had come to adore over the past few years. She couldn't help but notice how jovial and upbeat the princess sounded this morning, she might have been half as keen to open presents as Sunset.
When she did come in, Celestia was sat upon her favourite rug, a Saddle Arabian import, faux-yak, Sunset remembered. She hopped into the room, glancing this way and that, trying to deduce where her prize hid. When she saw nothing, and Celestia offered no direction, her ears flattened. She looked up to Celestia, eyes shining. "C-Celestia? Did you not get me a present this year?
With this, Celestia smiled. "Lift up the rug."
Sunset raised one of her little eyebrows. "But you're sat on it! How can I lift it up?"
Celestia said nothing, but touched her own horn, causing Sunset to mirror the motion.
A second later, she caught on. "But you're too big! I mean, I'm only a little pony, how can I lift you up?"
Celestia's gaze grew stern, but Sunset knew it was playful. "Now, Sunset, you know it isn't polite to speak of a mare in that way! I've taught you better," her smile widened, "In fact... I was going to get off the rug to make it a little easier for you, but instead..." she suddenly yawned, stretching her limbs, "I think I'll take a little nap." She moved to lay down, closing both eyes and smiling in contentment. A few moments later, she opened one eye, and said out of the corner of her muzzle: "But I know an eager filly like you won't let that stop you. I guess if you really, really want your present, you know what to do!"
Slowly, a defiant smirk grew across Sunset's muzzle. "So it's a challenge, huh?!"
Celestia dismissively waved a hoof. "Shh, shh... No talk, sleepy time no--whoaa!" Celestia slid to the floor --one side of the rug leaning up at a seventy degree angle-- and landed squarely on her rump "Oof!" she winced, patting at her sore plot as she stood up.
Sunset caught a sudden case of the giggles, the glow fading from her horn. "That was fun! Can we do it again please, Celestia? Huh?!"
"Maybe for you," Celestia muttered, before breaking out in a fresh wave of musical laughter. "Do you really want to do it again, or do you want to find your prize?"
These words had great effect on Sunset. In her impatience, she teleported to the floor where the rug had just lay, searching every inch of carpet, snout so close to the floor that she had to scrunch up her muzzle to prevent herself from sneezing. When she was doubly sure that she had scoured every inch of ground, she turned to Celestia, hurt painted across her face. "Hey, what gives?"
"What gives indeed," Celestia chortled, "Would you like a hint?"
"No!" Sunset shouted, indignant. Her head tilted, and she put on her most sheepish smile. "...Maybe?"
"I never said to look on the floor under the rug, merely to lift it."
"You-You did?" A jolt of electricity passed through Sunset, and she jumped in place. "You did!" Quick as a flash, Sunset dived into the rug, wrestling it into a suitable position without the use of her magic. A minute or so into her search, she found a small note. "Hey," she started, "What's this?" she gave it a cursory glance, and her tone became petulant. "This is a pretty lame present, Celestia."
"...Did you try actually reading it?"
Sunset hadn't read it. She emerged from the mess of rug, looking like a golden sun atop a furry brown mountain, and proceeded to scan the note. "Check behind your neck?" she read aloud, slowly reaching behind her. When her hoof made contact with a thin and cold metal chain, she jumped in surprise. "What is it? What is it?!"
Celestia merely laughed, levitating a mirror before Sunset.
Sunset wasn't ready for the tears. Apparently, Celestia wasn't either.
A million questions jumped into Sunset's mind, and she struggled to choke them out. "Wh-when did you... How did you? Where did you find this?"
"I had to employ a very old spell, one I thought had been lost." Celestia answered, trotting up to Sunset and gently embracing her. "I was able to restore it to its previous condition, but with one small change."
Sunset looked up, perplexed. "But... How is it possible? I destroyed this necklace the first time I tried to make fire, I remember! It was melted into nothing, and now it looks brand new!" She turned it over in the mirror, looking for signs of alteration. "And you said there was a, uhh, change?"
"Open it," Celestia smiled, softly nuzzling her forehead.
Sunset opened the locket. On one side, there sat a picture of her and her grandma, a picture she thought she had lost along with the necklace nearly a year ago. On the other, there was an equally small picture of her and Celestia, taken just a few months ago. Beautifully scratched into the metal on the inside of the locket were the words: 'To my Sunset, on a day so cold you make my heart warm. Happy Hearth's Warming, Celestia.'
Sunset suddenly and without warning nuzzled Celestia's coat hard, breathing in her warmth. "Th-thank you so much... It's the best thing ever..." she sniffled between her muffled words, but Celestia allowed the tears to fall on her coat.
"Anything for such a wonderful filly," Celestia softly laid a kiss on Sunset's forehead, before withdrawing.
When Sunset had finally calmed down, she looked to Celestia once more, curious. "Hey, Celestia?"
"Yes, Sunset?"
"Do you always take the day off on Hearth's Warming?"
Celestia chose her next words slowly. "I used to take this holiday once a year to exchange gifts, but I'm afraid I've not had anyone to do so with... Not for a very long time." Her next smile was more sanguine than usual, as if she had just washed away something sour. "But you've already given me the best Hearth's Warming in centuries, and you've only been here ten minutes! Come, Sunset, this is going to be the best day ever, I swear it."
Sunset lifted a hoof, clutching her locket against her chest as she shut it, smiling all the while.
Sunset blinked back a few tears, reluctantly stepping over to the bin, where the scrunched up necklace sat in isolation. It bore no rust, it looked just as new as the day Celestia had presented it to her, inexplicably fixed. She opened it, pausing to admire her late grandmother, considering how the years had been kind to her picture, at least. The thought tugged at her lips, and she soon found herself pushing back a melancholic smile.
Eventually, her eyes traveled to the other picture inside, and the smile was torn from her face. She retraced the familiar words --although she already knew them by heart-- reading them once, twice, as many times as it took for them to be blurred and obscured by the mark of fresh tears.
Had she forgotten? Changed her mind? After so many years spent at her side, had this message been nothing but a lie? Sunset grasped the necklace once more, its touch the same as she had always remembered. The message would be everlasting, it would sit there unmarred by wear or damage until the end of time. The sentiment was already gone.
After a moment's hesitation, she deposited the locket in her saddlebag, setting back to the task at hoof.
She just needed to pack, that was all. Pack up and leave, she could leave the thinking for afterwards. She had thought long enough to decide this was the best course of action, the only course of action. She wouldn't allow further consideration to halt her any longer, her mind was made up.
Then why did she stand so still?
Shaking her head, Sunset opened the door to her bathroom, haphazardly lifting objects in her magic and throwing them into her saddlebags. She grabbed anything she thought she might need, and a few things she probably didn't. She had no intention of making any more decisions.
Unfortunately, her magic fell victim to another lapse in quality, and an item fell to the floor of her tiled bathroom, making a light clang. Focusing her vision on the source of the noise, Sunset saw a small, innocuous hairbrush.
She levitated it to her person, studying it as she rotated it before her. Sure enough, small wisps of her mane still clung to it, ready to be ripped away forever and flushed out of sight.
Sunset gripped the brush firmly in her magic, running it through her mane as she had so many times. Soon enough, she was met with a knot. She tugged against it, willing it to leave and allow things to return to normal, but it refused to budge no matter which angle she tried to assault it from.
Celestia's smile made Sunset's heart jump, her veins pumping as the ecstasy took hold. It was such a simple and common thing to behold, Celestia's smile, but it often felt like the princess had one saved especially for Sunset, one that would put shame to any standard of equine beauty, one that could soften the heart of the strongest creature.
It was in her twelfth year that Sunset began to notice the ethereal beauty of Celestia's smile, and in her sixteenth that she realised the quality of her other assets. Her spectral mane, resplendent with magnificence and a powerful energy, her pristine hooves, always clad in the shiniest, most stunning horseshoes, her toned hind legs, leading up to--
Sunset fought back a blush, reminding herself to not check out the princess where she might see her. If Celestia was to find out that she had this fixation, this obsession, then all would be ruined. Her life would be over. Sunset wasn't prepared to throw away the best thing that ever happened to her over a juvenile infatuation.
And that's all it really was, a crush. Even in her young mind, Sunset was sure of that. There was no way she was really attracted to the princess, she was just going through a phase, as young mares often do. It would be foolish to think anything else, and that's what she would tell herself until it faded, and she never had to have such thoughts again.
Then why didn't it fade? Sunset's thoughts were interrupted by the flash of a small purple filly teleporting into the room, her eyes contemplative.
"Hmm," the filly began, rubbing her head, "I'd approximate that jump to have been around three hundred metres! My best yet!" She bounced in place, giddy with her achievement.
Instantly, Celestia's attention snapped away from Sunset and straight to Twilight, her face lit up in joy. "That's excellent, Twilight, I'm very proud of you. You really are a wonderful student, you know that?"
Twilight bashfully rubbed one hoof against another. "Ah, gee, thanks, Princess Celestia. I'm only doing what you teach me!"
"That and so much more. You have no idea how proud you make me."
Sunset looked between the two of them, noticing their dynamic. There was the filly, in need of guidance, and Celestia to happily and lovingly provide it without question. She gave her patience, affection, and a caring smile always.
She gave her Sunset's smile. It was the exact same.
Biting her lip to keep herself from huffing in frustration, Sunset drew for her nearby brush, slowly combing it through her hair. The repetitive motion helped to calm her thoughts.
As she brushed and brushed, she had a strange thought, an idea. Initially, she dismissed it, but as she stood there adjusting her mane, watching the two laugh and smile in isolation, she decided against her better nature to put it into action.
Her magic worked to restyle her mane, looking for a style that would accentuate her natural beauty most. She experimented with a few styles in a nearby mirror, but Celestia and Twilight were so occupied with their merriment that they scarcely noticed her absence. When she had found one that pleased her, she worked it through her mane, magically applied a shimmering effect to her eyes, and reentered the room.
"Hey, Twilight!" she called, hoping to only get the filly's attention. Luckily, she was the only one who turned. "Try and teleport all the way around the castle in the fewest jumps you can! My record was nine at your age, see if you can beat that!"
Twilight pranced around in place, eager to conquer her new challenge. "Okay! I don't know if I'll win, but I'll try my best!"
Sunset’s smile appeared as enthusiastic as it was utterly fake. "Now hold on there, shorty! Make sure you take a break halfway through, for at least two minutes. You need some time to recover your strength, after all!"
"Okay!" Twilight beamed, "I'll try now!" A purple flash signaled her departure.
Celestia turned to face Sunset, her expression quizzical, although it soon changed as she beheld her.
Sunset felt Celestia's eyes linger on her momentarily, and she truly reveled in the attention. "Well, this is a change."
"Oh no," Sunset whispered. She had planned to get Twilight out of the room, and to draw Celestia's attention, but she still didn't have a clue what to say to her. Thinking on her hooves, she decided that while Celestia's response to her appearance hadn't been positive, it hadn't been negative either, and opted to press forwards with a soft, innocent advance.
"Well, do you like it?" Sunset asked, batting her enhanced eyelids for effect.
Princess Celestia suddenly coughed. "L-Like it?"
"Well of course, Celestia, I did do it for you, after all." Sunset stated matter-of-factly.
Celestia put a hoof to her chin, an action as foreign to Sunset as her impending spluttering. "Ah, well-Erm..." Suddenly, her eyes brightened in realisation. "Why yes, I adore it!"
Sunset's heart might have actually skipped a beat. "R-r-really?! You do?!" She wasn't prepared for this, she had expected a noncommittal glance at best and now Princess Celestia was saying--
"It's an excellent attempt at transmogrification, I'm very impressed! Tell me, is the enchantment on your eyes constant, or are you maintaining the spell as we speak?" Celestia craned her neck forwards in interest, regarding each of her eyes one at a time.
"...What?" Sunset blurted.
"I said, is it a constant enchantment or--"
"Nonono, I know what you said," Sunset breathed, waving a hoof, "I heard you quite clearly."
"Then what is the problem, Sunset?"
For what felt like minutes, there was silence. Sunset sighed. "...Did you even notice that I styled my mane?"
Again, Celestia coughed. "Oh," she cleared her throat, "Oh yes, your mane! It looks, ah... Different from last time..." suddenly, she raised a hoof skyward, "Good!" she shouted with little warning, "It looks, erm, good."
Sunset scowled at her teacher. "I'm just going to assume you didn't notice."
Celestia's eyes widened. "No, Sunset, I..." she bit on her lip, "That wasn't what I was saying at all. I just, I think what I'm trying to say here is that--"
Flash!
Celestia instantly turned. "Twilight! You're back!" she panted.
"Seven!" Twilight shouted out triumphantly.
Sunset grit her teeth as she brushed her mane back down to its normal state, removing the enchantment from her eyes with a pinch of her magic.
Sunset ripped through the clump, but that only seemed to make things worse. Why did it hurt so much?
Growling, she gave up, tearing the brush from her hair and throwing it into her saddlebags. There was no use anyway; the rain was sure to ruin her mane.
Sunset willed herself not to cry. She knew she had to be strong now, to show weakness would be the first step to staying longer, to perpetuating her torment.
Instead, she chose to smile. Through the many conflicting emotions that day four years ago had brought with it, from the brevity of her exhilaration to the suddenness of Twilight's interruption, a number often sounded in her mind, forcing her to laugh.
Sunset had never had a personal record for teleportation at any age, she had merely invented an excuse to get the filly out of the picture for a few moments, one she thought almost impossible to beat. Of course, Twilight exceeded everyone's expectations yet again. It was no wonder that Celestia admired her so.
Sunset had spent many years trying to understand her attraction to Celestia, from where it had stemmed, and how great it really was. She had made just as much effort to rationalise it, to not dismiss it as a crazy thought.
Every attempt thus far had failed miserably.
She knew the attraction was beyond physical, Sunset wasn't so easily allured. No, it went deeper. Perhaps it was her ambition, her drive to seek the impossible that drew her to Celestia. Only she stood at the pinnacle of all creation, and she was sure many ponies had once desired her, but had she relented?
In the past, maybe, but she had had no suitor for as long as Sunset knew, and she had told herself so often that if there was anyone that was worthy of Celestia's affection, if there was anyone who truly understood the princess, it was her.
Then why couldn't she make head nor tail of her actions?
Of course, with age, Sunset's advances had become more blatant, but each time they were met with little to no response. After wrestling with the notion of whether Celestia was oblivious, or just wasn't interested in her, Sunset had reluctantly settled for the latter.
As the years passed, it began to show more evidently. Celestia's concerns were with her newest prodigy, Twilight Sparkle.
Now, Twilight received the private lessons, the tutelage, the guidance, and above all, the love and affection that Sunset sorely missed from her younger years.
Was it a natural part of growing up? Was Celestia fickle and subject to changes in interest? Did she just not care about her any more? All Sunset knew was that over the last few years, the last two especially, Celestia had began to grow more and more distant. Their conversations no longer consisted of great stories from the alicorn's past, long tirades about historic politics, nor private conversations about their secret desires and aspirations.
Sunset was sure she hadn't heard all the stories, they were ceaseless. Likewise, she was certain she hadn't heard the last of Celestia's political ramblings, and she was adamant that there was at least one secret desire she had never had the courage to directly broach with Celestia.
And she knew she never would. With a burst of magic she began to throw random objects and trinkets alike into her saddlebags, paying no attention to what she might have left behind, she concluded that it no longer mattered. All of it had value in its own way, yet none of it really did.
As soon as her bags were full she levitated them onto her flanks, stretching under the new weight. They were heavy on her, she would find it difficult to leave. They might weigh her down, but she would not let her possessions --the only things she had-- anchor her here any longer. She refused to spend her life chasing a hopeless dream when so many years had already been wasted in its pursuit.
To think that Sunset could have joined the ranks of the grand magi at her age was almost laughable now. Perhaps once, she had possessed the innate ability to make such an achievement, one no mare or stallion her age had ever come close to accomplishing. Now, she had let her abilities slip. The idea of even trying to compete with the highest level wizards in Equestria made her nervous, yet she knew that but two years ago she would have been suited to best them. If only Celestia hadn't neglected her so.
Sunset often wondered if Twilight showed more promise than her, and that was why Celestia always had time for her. That revelation would sting, and she would resent Twilight for it, but she would not blame her. She would not allow her anger to seep out as it had threatened to in the past. No, if that was the case, however much it might hurt, it would still be better than the alternative, one she could scarcely bear to think of.
What if Celestia just preferred Twilight? Found her to better company, less oppositional and explosive? Maybe that was it. Maybe Twilight wasn't just the better learner, but the better pony, the one Celestia cared for most.
At this moment, the door knocked. Sunset hadn't expected such a thing to happen, but it hardly worried her. She levitated her saddlebags into the corner of the room, quickly wiping her face and clearing her throat before opening the door a crack, revealing Twilight Sparkle.
The filly was about twelve now, and she carried this air of false maturity, but in regards to magical talent she had grown exponentially. Still, she was a child at heart. "Sunset?" she began, a puzzled look on her face, "I've been having some trouble with Rhythler's Terrible Tome of Confuzzling Conundrums, and I was hoping you could help me?"
Sunset tried to choke back an oncoming sob, she was half successful. "Y-Yeah," she squeaked, "Come in."
She opened the door wider, allowing Twilight to step through. It didn't take her long to notice the state of her room. "Why is it so barren in here, Sunset?" Further inspection revealed the saddlebags. "Are you... Are you leaving?"
Sunset shut the door behind her but otherwise said nothing. Meanwhile, Twilight trotted up to the bags to get a closer look. "Bit bag, personal possessions, toothbrush... You are leaving!" Suddenly, Twilight's expression grew harrowed and confused. "Why are you leaving?! Did something happen?"
Sunset knew she had to say something. She'd have no choice but to make an excuse now, she couldn't have Twilight alerting Celestia, she couldn't face her again. "Twilight, I..." she squeezed her eyes shut, "I need to go away for a while. I need you to let me go so I can be by myself for a while," she forced a smile, "Can you be a good filly and do that for me?"
Twilight chewed on her lip, looking up at Sunset, her eyes glossy. "But why? I don't understand, why do you have to leave?"
Sunset struggled not to sigh aloud. "It's grown up pony business, Twilight. I'm sure you'll understand when you're older. But please, right now you have to respect thi--"
"No!" Twilight shouted, dissatisfied, "I'm old enough to hear it. That's what adults always say when they think I'm too young to hear something just because of my age, but I'm not a little kid! I can handle it, just tell me!"
"Twilight, please, just trust me on this--"
"Tell me or I won't let you go! I-I-I'll tell Celestia, and she'll come and find you!"
Sunset briefly shivered, struggling to hold back a wave of emotion. "Please don't tell Celestia, Twilight. Tell whoever you like, but don't tell her."
"Why not?!"
Sunset glanced around the room, she could see little harm now. "You really wanna know?"
Twilight nodded impatiently.
Sunset drew in a long breath, looking away for a time. "Celestia's the one I'm running from."
For a long while, Twilight just gaped at her. So long, in fact, that Sunset considered taking the opportunity to leave, but she eventually found words, and they were by no means calm. "Wh-Why would you run away from Celestia?! She's always been there for us, she's taught us and protected us, and you... You want to turn your back on her? Without even saying goodbye?! Why are you being so selfish?" A moment, and Twilight bowed her head. "Would you even have said goodbye to me?"
Sunset rubbed at her eyes with a hoof, struggling to retain her composure. When she looked at Twilight she saw a hurt little filly, somepony she almost regarded as a sister, but in the back of her mind she also saw the catalyst to everything that had gone wrong. It hurt to look at her that way, but after so long, so much favouritism, it had grown apparent. Sunset lifted Twilight's head so she was facing her. "I don't want to be doing this, okay? But I have to, there's nothing left for me here."
Twilight shook her head even as Sunset held it in a hoof. "N-no you don't, and yes there is! You're just scared, you're scared and you're running away, that's all!"
Sunset felt her voice begin to rise; as much as she tried to keep down the bile of her anger, it couldn't be helped, it needed a target. "You don't know what you're talking about! You'd never understand my perspective, even if you tried!"
"Why, because I'm a child?" Twilight demanded.
"No, because you're the child! You're Princess Celestia's golden child, and all I am is the last project! I'm obsolete, Twilight, and you're the one pony in Canterlot-In the world that she pays any attention to..." Sunset removed her hoof from Twilight's chin, nauseous from the contact. "And now... Now I'm nothing to her. She doesn't notice me anymore, doesn't see me how she used to, see me how I want her to so desperately..."
Twilight slowly began to well up, her eyes swimming. When she spoke, it was in a squeak. "Are you saying that I... I stole Celestia from you?"
Sunset said nothing; Sunset didn't move.
The first tear broke the dam, trickling down Twilight's face. "How could you think that? I-It's not t-true, is it?"
"You live your life comfortably sat on the bubble Celestia put you on... I know what that's like, I used to sit there too." Sunset felt around her neck, finding nothing. "But it doesn't look like there was space for two."
"But I don't want Celestia all to myself," Twilight protested.
"It's not your choice. And trust me, once I'm gone, she'll be all yours. Just promise me something, Twilight. When I am gone, and you grow under the princess as I did, pray she doesn't find someone else, pray you aren't replaced too." She leaned down and briefly nuzzled the filly, but Twilight drew back.
"Celestia wouldn't do that..." Twilight looked up with a determined gaze, her tears receding. "You're wrong, Sunset. She loves us both, and we love her too!"
"It's not the same. I don't love her the same way that you do."
"Yes you do! I know you do, so why would you say something like that?"
"Because I love her more than that, okay?! I want to be with her but I know I can't, I know she has no interest in me, she's made that clear. And the thing is, she wasn't even brave about it. You wanna know what she did? She spent years building me up, just so she could spend the same amount of time chipping away at me, deconstructing me, waving her new prize right in front of my face."
Sunset continued, her voice a strained mewl. "It's horrible... I mean, honestly, if she had just told me as soon as I started developing signs, m-maybe sat me down and had a conversation with me, things wouldn't have spiraled out of control like this... But she didn't care, she didn't want to help me, she just wanted to spend time with her Twilight."
Twilight moved to put a hoof on Sunset's back. "Sunset, I--"
Sunset instinctively backed away, grabbing her saddlebags in her magic. Tears were freely streaming down her face. "I need to go... Need to go. I--"
"Sunset, please, just listen to me, I promise we can fix this."
"Too late..." she whispered in the ghost of a voice, affixing her saddlebags to her flanks. "It's too late. I'll-I'll miss the train. I need to go, now."
"Sunset, please, Celestia--"
Sunset looked up at Twilight, cutting her words off. She looked at her, disheveled and broken, her face vacant and forlorn as she briefly managed to halt her tears. "Goodbye, Twilight Sparkle. You'll always be the success that I never was... I'll always remember you for that, I promise."
With a bright blue flash, she was gone.
Sunset trudged through the steadily building torrent of rain, leaving the castle grounds behind her. She had planned for her jump to take her further, but her magic wasn't acting as she wanted it to. It was late in the evening now, ponies no longer littered the streets what with the time and the weather. The silence was pervasive, and it could only be drowned out with the patter sounding on the cobblestones before her.
She had made the right choice. She said she was going to leave, and she had gone through with it. Part of her wished that she hadn't had to see Twilight before she left, but she was glad for the closure, the opportunity to fare her well. Sunset might have been jealous, but she bore Twilight no ill will, she hoped for her to succeed.
She never got that opportunity with Celestia. She had thought it out so many times, planned to do just what she was now, but eventually she would lose her nerve and carry on pretending. Somewhere along the way, that filter was lost, and as she looked back at the steadily fading castle, she had to wonder how her nigh omniscient teacher never realised what was eating her. Did she really pay that little attention?
With that thought in mind, Sunset pressed on. What good is a love that not only goes ignored and unrequited, but not even acknowledged? How did Celestia forget about her after so little time? She would be happier with her gone, surely, she would be relieved to not have to put up with her any longer. She played with the idea of Celestia asking her to leave of her own volition, she wondered just how much further down the line it might have been. The thought sparked new woe in her, and she halted, shaking from her hooves to her withers.
She imagined Celestia asking her to leave, calling her a failure, telling her she deserved to be alone. The thought brought her a strange comfort, and a lukewarm smile appeared on her muzzle. Even that, even to be rejected by the princess, just to be acknowledged by her in some small way, that was what she yearned for above all else, that was what she sat up at night dreaming of.
Sunset was stagnant. Something about her last thought had stuck her in place, and she couldn't bring her legs to move forwards. At her mind's insistence, she indulged it further.
Was the real crime Celestia's inaction, or her own cowardice? Was there any small possibility that she in fact wasn't aware of Sunset's feelings? Sunset thought that over the years she had made it more than clear just what she thought of the princess, but perhaps their gap in age made such things difficult for her to judge? Could she simply been unaware all this time, and that was the explanation Sunset sought?
Sunset brushed the silly thought away. No, even if she was unaware, it was no reason for her to so blatantly ignore her for all these years, all the years since Twilight became her new prized student. There was no reasoning with that. She looked into the sky, past the rain and up to the rain clouds dousing the mountain. It would be winter soon.
Sunset found it funny how the creation of a few nimbostrati could herald the arrival of a new season, a new holiday. It all felt so forced, so artificial. She began to wonder just what she could consider to be real any more. Maybe it was all a lie, tailored especially for her.
What is a season, anyway? A change from cold to warm, or warm to cold, Sunset supposed. It was by no means natural, but it felt that way. Change was necessary, change was good. Life would germinate and bloom in spring, be vibrant in summer, begin to fall in autumn and be dead by winter. Celestia's machinations had surely driven her heart to winter, where it laid barren and untouched.
The clouds gave Sunset clarity. It may appear to be nature, but she was the one in control. She was the master of her own fate, and as such she had chosen her future, there was nothing else to it.
Despite that, she couldn't help but feel that just because ponies could control the weather, that didn't mean she personally could control anything. Sunset couldn't control the rain any more than she could control the sun, nor the pony running through the far off mist behind her.
The pony that she could now tell was frantically shouting her name.
Sunset knew the voice, but she refused to believe it. No, her eyes must have been playing tricks on her, her ears too, she couldn't trust her senses. She was so blinded by her desire for simple happiness that she couldn't see the obvious truth standing right in front of her. The rain, the darkness, and the Princess of the Sun.
This time, Sunset did stop to look, she could hardly help it. Sunset had known Celestia for as long as she could remember, and in that time, she had been surprised many times, but this was her first time bearing witness to the spectacle that was Celestia running.
She sprinted forwards with purpose, quickly crossing the distance, repeating Sunset's name all the while. Sunset was anchored in place, she didn't know what to say, what to do. Her mind told her to move but her legs screamed in protest, she was affixed by the surrealness of the moment, she had no hold over her body.
When Celestia arrived before her, she spoke between pants. "Sunset! I-I heard... I heard that you were--" she bowed her head slightly, sucking in a long breath and flushing her lungs. "Don't go. Please. Please do not go."
The novelty of the situation quickly wore off; Sunset's stunned silence gave way to anger. "And what does it matter to you?" she spat, her blue eyes glacial.
Celestia’s mane reflected the lamplight, small specks of rain caught in its otherworldly net. If Sunset could have emptied every one of her tears into that blanket, it might be twice as covered, but now was the time to be strong.
The rain seemed to weigh down her mane, in fact. It didn’t seem to float as freely as usual nor as effortlessly. “Wh-what kind of question is that?” she stammered, “Why would I ever wish for you to leave? Your place is always here, as long as you want to be here, and nothing will ever change that.”
Sunset scowled. She hadn’t expected herself to be so angry when faced with Celestia, her visage alone was usually enough to reduce Sunset to putty, but this time would be different. This time, there would be no hiding, no excuses. “Have you not made it clear enough already?” she asked, hurt ripping her voice, “Have you not shown me time and time again that you would rather ignore me and cast me to one side than embrace me?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Sunset, I have always tried my utmost to be here for you, always I have--”
“Until what?!” Sunset shouted, “Until your next protege came along? Until you found someone with more potential, with more quality, someone to love more?” She jabbed a hoof at Celestia. “You don’t know how it feels! You don’t know what it’s like to be cast aside, to live in the shadow of another.”
Slowly, a snarl crossed Celestia’s muzzle. “Sunset, please, I understand that you must be angry, but you can explain to me rather than attacking--”
Dodging the point, excuses. How pathetic. “You don’t know, do you? You’ve never known. You’ve always held the top spot, you’ve always been number one, and what happens to us little ponies beneath you? You build us up, you fill us with dreams of glory and happiness, and then you tear it away as we’re forced to live in the shadow of another.”
“Please,” Celestia stammered, trembling in the rain, “Just let me explai--”
“For years I’ve sat by your side, I’ve been loyal to you, I’ve looked for your approval, I’ve strived to be the best I could be, but I’ve been shunned! Shunned and rejected! And not once have you approached me, not once have you asked me how I feel, not once have you--”
“Well maybe if you had told me the problem in the first place, I could have helped you, Lu--!” Celestia stopped herself, taking a few steps backwards, blinking rapidly as she shook her head. “No. Nonono... “ A small and sudden sniff, and she looked at Sunset once more. “Sunset. I’m sorry, I-I don’t think I’m being very clear right now.” She bowed her head, rain splashing on the back of her head and running down to her snout.
Sunset’s explosive anger snagged there. She allowed the sheet of rage clouding her vision to dissipate, eyeing Celestia with mild confusion. “What did you call me?”
“I…” Celestia shook her head once more, “I said ‘Luna’.”
Sunset cocked her head, her eyes wide. “As in, the Luna? Your sister? Why?”
When Celestia spoke, her eyes leaked fiercely.“She and I once had a very similar conversation, before she… Before I lost her,” Celestia wiped her eyes with the side of her hoof, “I’m sorry, this is all very reminiscent… I’ve-I’ve dealt with a lot of loss in my life, so many ponies have come and gone, and I don’t think I’m ready… I don’t want you to leave yet, Sunset Shimmer. Please, I beg you reconsider.”
This was all a lot for Sunset to handle, but her heart insisted she not be worn down so easily, not be so forgiving. Her teacher was upset, so what? Did it make up for years of neglect? She may feel hurt now, but Sunset had been hurting for years, and it was all her fault. “When you were with your sister, and everything that happened happened, would you have reconsidered? When you looked her in the eye and you banished her, would you have changed your mind in that moment?”
“I…” Celestia halted, standing tall. “I am going to tell you something that I have never told another pony. Not even Luna knew. When Luna became Nightmare, before we fought, I,” she shifted in place, seemingly uncomfortable, “I considered joining her. I could feel the same desire as Luna’s in my own heart, the one that allowed her to become Nightmare Moon, I could feel it inside me too. It lamented the loss of my sister, it would have done anything to save her, no matter the cost. It was a coin toss. If she had attacked me any later, I might have taken her side and done anything to win her over, with no thought of the consequences.”
“But you didn’t,” Sunset stated, “You beat her, and you saved Equestria.”
“And spent the millennium painfully and decisively alone.” Celestia nodded. “And that’s the price I must pay. The price for not saving my sister, the price for almost allowing myself to become the thing I eventually fought to banish. Now, every attempt at happiness is fleeting at best. I blink, and the thing, place, or pony I love is either gone or permanently changed. There are no constants, everything is transient.”
“But you still remember, don’t you?” Sunset smiled, it was a bittersweet thing. When Celestia slowly nodded, she pressed on. “Even if some things can’t last forever, those things burn bright in your mind long after they’ve expired, right?”
“Yes, you are correct. I still remember all of it, so, so vividly. It’s almost unreal how lucid my memories are.”
“And when I’m gone, how will you remember me?”
“I will… I will request that your locket be returned to me. It is selfish, I know, but I would wish to see your memory forever preserved in that image.”
“Would you force me to stay?”
Celestia appeared to be truly hurt. “No!” her voice cracked, “Never. Sunset, I will always hold you dearly in my heart, you are one of the most brilliant ponies I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, but I know I cannot force you to stay.”
“And if I was to stay, would you finally acknowledge me?”
“Sunset…” Celestia sighed.
“Please let us be serious now. Completely honest,” Sunset took a deep breath, if she was about to leave regardless, what harm could she do now? “You know how attracted I am to you, yes?”
Celestia coughed, hard. “Sunset, you have to understand, I--”
“You know about my feelings, yes or no?” she pressed.
Celestia’s brow straightened. “Yes, Sunset, I have known for a good while now.”
“Then why…” Sunset felt the emotion beginning to creep into her tone, “Why have you said nothing all these years?”
“Because I couldn’t, I honestly, truly couldn’t.” Celestia seemed to bite back a sob. “When I first realised that your feelings for me weren’t exactly chaste, I was alarmed, I was shocked, I didn’t know what to do. I instinctively put distance between us, hoping they would fade.”
Sunset felt her voice raise on its own. “But that didn’t work, did it?”
Celestia’s ears folded back, her eyes were filled with guilt and regret. When she spoke, her voice was half of Sunset’s size. “It didn’t work for either of us.”
Sunset froze, her eyes huge. Her ears twitched, her stomach backflipped, her mind raced. She felt so confused and conflicted, she had no clue how to formulate a response, and as such proceeded to produce an unintelligible babble of made up syllables, the first being ‘buh?’.
“I know it’s a lot to take in, but ever since I knew of your affection toward me and its amorous nature, I couldn’t help but be intrigued… Intrigue led to fascination. Fascination led to me,” she stopped, pushing back a sad laugh, “Laying in bed at night staring at the ceiling like a young mare, picturing this very moment. I only hoped it hadn’t been under these circumstances.” A beat, she smiled. “The rain is a nice touch though.”
Sunset covered her mouth with her hoof, but she couldn’t help it. Before she knew it, she was stood in the middle of the street -drenched in rain-- almost keeling over in laughter.
Celestia habitually raised an eyebrow at her display. “W-Was it something I said?”
“N-no, it’s just-heheheh-for all the years I’ve thought of this moment, I always thought I would be the one telling you how loved up I was, not the other way around… Ironic, huh?”
Celestia nodded, before turning to her side, staring at the far off castle through the surrounding mist. “I thought that if I had told you, I would eventually be forced to drive you away, you would not wish to grow old as I remained the same mare.”
Sunset took a bold step forwards, Celestia didn’t flinch. Shaking, she placed a hoof on her muzzle. “Celestia… I don’t care about any of that. I really don’t. For years I’ve sought after you, for so long I’ve wanted to know what it would feel like to be with you, to give it a real shot.” she put a little pressure on Celestia’s muzzle, coaxing her into fixing her attention on Sunset. “I know that you’ll outlive me, but I want my memory to be the one that means the most to you, the one that matters when all else is gone, the one that sees you through when you’ve nothing else to turn to. I’ve always wanted to make that impact on you, but I suppose when Twilight came into the picture, I felt she was doing it for me.”
Celestia frowned against Sunset’s hoof. “I hate that I have given you this impression, through my own cowardice and inaction no less. Twilight Sparkle means a lot to me, I look at her as a niece in a way, but you will always be the first and only to make my heart warm. First, it was with companionship, your adorable nature and your tendency to question everything… Then, as you began to age, it was your more, ahem, ladylike attributes, coupled with the traits I have been lucky enough to see grow in you for as long as I have known you. You have become a truly beautiful mare, inside and out.”
Slowly, Sunset began to stroke the side of Celestia’s face, moving up the side of her drenched coat, pulling her closer. She wrapped a hoof around her soaked mane, feeling the moisture radiating from her coat’s warmth, as if the sun itself burnt inside her. How could such a powerful princess be so flawed, so vulnerable? She had laid her heart bare for Sunset, and asked nothing in return. She said she wouldn’t force her to stay, she wouldn’t blame her for leaving, she wouldn’t--
Sunset felt a soft pair of lips press against her cheek, causing her to look up in wonder. Tears still seeped from Celestia’s eyes, but her smile was so warm, so inviting, she was surprised the rain hadn’t evaporated under its radiance. Leaning forwards, Sunset moved to return the gesture, a small kiss on the cheek. It was demure, it was unassuming, it was timid, but it was what she had the courage for.
Princess Celestia intercepted her, making contact with her lips for the first time. Sixteen years of history flashed before Sunset in that single tender moment, every memory of Celestia’s captivating smile and iridescent mane were driven to the surface as she fell into a deep and affectionate kiss, a sharing of their mutual trust and respect, a representation of their longing to finally communicate with one another, to lay their feelings bare as they displayed their affection in the rainy streets, an exhibition of love for anyone brave enough to bear witness.
Celestia was the first to pull away, her breath coming and going swiftly. Sunset wasn’t in any better of a state. It wasn’t that they had expended much energy during their kiss, it was the rush of emotion they had felt, the anxiety, the release.
After a veritable eternity of silence, Sunset spoke up. “So… That was, uhh, something, huh?”
Celestia elected to hide behind her mane. “Uhh, yes! Definitely,” a cough, “Something.”
“You haven’t just given me a cold, have you?” Sunset blurted, laughing at her own brash comment.
“A cold?” Celestia repeated?
“The coughing.”
“Oh! I’m sorry, it’s a nervous habit, I’ve never been able to kick it,” Celestia laughed, rubbing the back of her neck with a hoof, “But in answer to your question,” she continued, eyes downcast “That was the best kiss I’ve had in a very long time. Maybe not in delivery,” she winked, “But the emotion was certainly there, and your emotion, your passion is what has always made you stand out, my Sunset.”
Sunset almost instinctively summoned the locket from her soaked saddlebag. “...Your Sunset?” she choked out.
“If you’ll be mine?” Celestia answered, gazing at her with soft eyes, “I mean, I know we still have a lot to talk out, and I realise there is a very large issue here in need of reparation, that I’ve managed to upset you to the point that you wished to leave because of my own inaction and stupidity, but I’m truly hoping that given some time, and considerable effort on my part, we’ll be able to mfff!--”
Sunset shut her up with another kiss. Laughing, she withdrew. “Has anyone ever told you that you think too much, Princess?”
“That’s rich coming from you,” she snarked, “It’s not like your overthinking didn’t contribute to this, is it?”
“Hardly!” Sunset laughed. It felt good to laugh again. She felt liberated, almost. “So, are we actually going to try and you know, err, be a thing?”
Celestia giggled despite herself. “Yes, Sunset, that is what we’re going to do.”
“And did you want to maybe try being a thing, you know, out of the freezing rain?” she smiled sheepishly.
“Yes, you do make a point.” Celestia hummed softly, and suddenly, her eyes lit up. “When was the last time we went to Donut Joe’s?”
Sunset’s face lit up. “Not since my seventeenth birthday!” she laughed. “You do like a bit of the sweet stuff every now and then, don’t you, Celestia?”
“Well it’s not like I can get away with it in the castle, what with those attendants fussing over me and--Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?!”
“Oh nothing,” Sunset smirked, beginning to saunter off in the direction of Donut Joe’s, swaying from side to side as she walked. Celestia briskly matched her pace, her face penitent and childish. “By the way,” Sunset continued, “Are we going to tell other ponies?”
“You think I’d be ashamed to share our choices with the world?” Celestia asked incredulously.
“Well, no, but we’ve not really made any decisions yet, and--”
“And when we have, we’ll be ready to share. Honestly, I do worry a little about how the public may react, it has been so long since I held a relationship…”
“Well hey, if anyone does cause a fuss, just go all princessly on them! Throw them in the dungeons, off with their heads! They’ll soon shut up after that.”
Celestia gave her a look of mock surprise. “And to think you could match me in power one day. No, Sunset, we will not be beheading our poor subjects for opposing our potential union, what a horrible thing to say,” Celestia let loose a playful smirk, softly nuzzling her companion, “If, however, I catch any of those ponies looking at your flanks from any point henceforth, suffice to say that I’ll have somepony sharpening the axe in minutes.”
“Celestia!” Sunset exclaimed, almost tripping in shock.
“Heheh, sounds a lot worse when I say it, doesn’t it?” she winked.
Together, the pair walked down the rural cobbles, searching for somewhere to seek shelter, eat their fill, and share in each other's company away from too many prying eyes.
If anyone were to look at them now, they would see not only two of the most powerful and important mages in Equestria, but two very confused ponies, joint together in a synchronised motion, hoping to find some semblance of understanding of just what laid ahead for them.