Kal has seen a lot in his time adventuring across the various lands of Norrath. Met a few interesting ladies. Survived a world-shattering cataclysm. Once, he even borrowed a necklace from a god. Who wants it back. Now. Oops?
A powerful magical artifact has been lost in the vastness of interplanar space, and its creator is a bit miffed. The fact that it seems to be damaged probably doesn't have anything to do with it. The fact that he is a literal god, and his power seems to be leaking through it might, though.
The additional fact that the rest of the pantheon has flatly forbidden him to go after it himself out of fear of sparking an interplanar war with whatever local gods rule the area and might sense his presence almost definitely does.
But he knows just the cheeky mortal to send on a retrieval mission.
*Crossover with Norrath, the setting for the EverQuest games (you know, the one that started the whole MMORPG genre?) *sex tag for innuendo and suggestive jokes only. This story will not result in the clippety-clop of little half-elven hooves galloping around Ponyville. Unless my druid is significantly freakier than I realized...
Consider this a rough draft. When I actually get some free time, the first couple chapters are going to be reoutlined, rewritten, reorganized, and replaced. It was the first thing I'd written in 10-12 years; had to blow the rust off. And boy was there a lot of it! (This message will go away after that occurs)
Askr the Lost was in a rare and spectacular fury. I didn't know an elf could turn that shade of purple.
Without, you know, being a dark elf.
"You dare!"
Eeeyup. I'm gonna die. Word of advice: never piss off the personal prophet of a god. You can't kill them. And if they don't forget you and your friends after you save their napping deity's geriatric keester from being offed by a usurper and they decide to celebrate by disappearing on vacation for five hundred years, then I know they'll never forget when you piss them off.
"Askr. It was just a necklace. It's not like Karana needed it to be able to go on Rainkeeping, or anything. He's a god."
Were those... thunder clouds forming around Askr's fists?
"And besides, he said I could ask for anything. You wouldn't blast a guy for taking a god at his word, would you?"
KRA-KOWWW!!!
Blinking furiously, I try to clear my eyes of tears and the searing purple streak where the lightning bolt had crackled past my face.
"And if he did need it he could have asked for it back, any time!"
"You lost the Amulet of the Rain!" Time to duck again.
KRA-KOWWW!!!
"You try keeping track of every magical doodad you've ever collected when the world is literally being hammered into pieces by falling bits of exploding moon!"
"You... Aaarrgghh!!!"
KRA-KOWWW!!!
"ENOUGH, ASKR."
Was that...?
"Yes, milord."
Enter Karana, God of Storms. He may be a geezer, but he knows how to make an appearance. That bit with forming his body out of swirling clouds? Totally awesome.
"RETURN TO THE BASTION, ASKR. WE HAVE VISITORS. AGAIN."
Making his voice out of bursts of thunder? Completely radical.
"I AM SURPRISED TO SEE YOU STILL ALIVE, MORTAL."
Even the flickering lightning that served to highlight his hair and beard was cool.
"Rainkeeper." I kneel. What? I'm not stupid. Rule one of the Adventurer's Guide to the Planes: don't mouth off to gods. Especially not the one that granted you magic to begin with. Not that many folks get to meet them face to face in this day and age―well, until recently.
"Rise, Kalamadea."
I look up to see an apparently-average old man gazing around curiously. Mundane flesh and blood. Bushy white beard. Oh, good, I'll still have my hearing at the end of the day. I was starting to get a little worried.
"Tell me, where is your brother?"
I wince at that. More than four hundred years still wasn't long enough. "Dead. As it turns out, wood elves and half elves have different lifespans."
"Ah. I'm sorry. I did tell Tunare that would cause problems, back when she decided the first animals she'd made weren't interesting enough to fully represent Life."
Oh no, geezer alarm. Don't let him get started on another story about how he was around for Creation. Subject change!
"I'm sorry about the Amulet. It was in my house on the Butcherblock coast. The town was washed out to sea after a piece of the moon crashed offshore."
Karana's eyes narrow, glowing ominously.
"It's not there, mortal. The explosion of the Luclin Nexus caused enough damage to the weave for the impact to send the Amulet flying across the planes, to a realm beyond our pantheon's borders. I can just barely sense it, damaged and leaking my divine essence.
"And I need you to go find it before it causes a war with the local deities." Oh, crap.
"Urrgh. Did anyone get the name of the dragon that hit me?" Kal sat up.
And promptly lay back down again, wincing as his hand found the lump on his head. "I'm going to guess I struck out last night."
"Again." Cracked eyes found the leafy canopy overhead. Focusing a little effort into a healing spell, Kal risked sitting up again, more slowly.
"Not too bad; should be right as rain in a few hou―why am I naked?"
A quick scan of the forest glade revealed nobody else present, no sign of his clothing, weapons, or other equipment. "Great prank guys. Come on out.
"Any time now?
"Someone's getting hot sauce in their ale when I get back to town." Pausing to look around again, Kal scratched his head. "I know the Faydark Forest is larger than it used to be, but with all the time spent here, you'd think I'd at least have some idea where I am."
It was definitely still the Faydark. The giant trees and riotous growth were the giveaways: even the haunted Kithicore forest didn't grow like this. Only the home of the elves had this much raw Growth magic coursing through it.
"Great. Naked and alone in the largest, wildest forest on Faydwer. Well, at last I don't have to embarrass myself if I come across anyone." Focusing on another spell, Kal crouched over, arching his back as magic rippled across his form in a wave of coruscating sparks, leaving in its wake the thick, gray fur, even pointier ears, and jaunty grin of a wolf. "And Sai always said I spent too much time with this spell."
Flexing his paws to free them of the final tingle from the change, Kal turned, and loped into the underbrush to find a landmark.
"Where in Norrath am I?"
Kal sat staring across the chasm at the ruined castle before him.
"It's not Castle Mistmoore; even if the style is right, that's in the middle of the Loping Plains to the south. Crushbone Keep is east, in the mountains. Stinking of orcs. No forest around either. How in the name of Tunare's tears does an entire castle go unnoticed by every elf to ever map the forest?"
Ears pinned back, Kal took a deep breath and turned resolutely away as he tried to spot anything familiar in the distance. Without a bat wing to cast a levitate spell, there was no way he was getting across to the castle to get higher above the trees. It was a pity whoever'd built the thing hadn't built the bridge out of something longer-lasting than rope. "Easier to replace after a siege, I guess.
"This can't be the Faydark."
The lack of either mountains or ocean to the north made that clear.
"Which means this isn't... Norrath." Crap.
"And I need you to go find it before it causes a war with the local deities."
Kal dropped flat and yelped at the sudden memory of being struck by divine lightning. Looked around cautiously. No glowering storm god in sight.
"Okay, I remember, big guy. Next time, don't drop me on my head." Rising to his feet, Kal shuddered once, and turned north.
No coastline to follow back to parts known, but that smoky haze above the trees probably meant a village of some sort. He could find his bearings there. Or get eaten by orcs. Growling slightly, he focused on another spell, blurring his outline so an onlooker could not see where his coat ended and the brush began, and got moving.
"A day. If I make good time, I won't need to eat conjured rations." Grimacing in distaste, Kal headed for the trees again. Better hungry than that.
A melodious voice floated through the trees at the edge of the Everfree Forest. Flitting vibrantly from branch to bush, through clearings and over a meandering little stream, a yellow pegasus went about her morning routine, checking on all the animals who made their homes near hers.
"Mister Racoon, good morning. How's the paw? What's that, Missus Racoon? He was out climbing all night? For shame, Mister Raccoon! You know you'll only make it hurt worse if you don't take it easy!
"Lil Finch! Have some breakfast. I know, getting kicked out of the nest is unpleasant, but growing up is for the best, you'll see. You might even be somefinch important someday!
"Oh, hello, Warblage. You're keeping Lil Finch company, today? That's so kind of you! You girls have fun."
Humming happily to herself, the pegasus continued her morning rounds. Foxes, sparrows, opossums, chipmunks, and dozens of other little critters squeaked, chirped, yipped, or chittered greetings as she delivered breakfast or checked on bandages. Even a great brown bear looked up and knuckled his forehead pleasantly at her as she passed by.
"Don't forget your massage appointment at four, today, Harry!"
Nodding and grumbling good-naturedly, the bear settled back to his morning nap.
Finishing with her animal friends, the pegasus shifted her now empty basket and began filling it with flowers and wild salad greens, that for some reason always tasted better fresh from the forest.
"Yelp!"
The pegasus looked up from her basket at the abrupt cry of pain, followed by a raucous chattering that echoed through the forest, suddenly appearing smaller than she had moments before.
"Is... is somepony out there?"
Again the raucous chattering. This time, she saw the acorn fly through the air.
"Yelp!"
Her attention was drawn to a―dog?―as it whimpered softly and rubbed its nose with a paw.
"Mister Squirrel? Oh, Mister Squirrel, how could you! That's not very nice. Stalking me? What do you mean? Oh, no, I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding."
"Ohmigosh, you can talk! I mean, all the animals talk to me, but you talk with words! A talking dog!"
Kal flinched as the yellow pegasus leapt at him, hooves outstretched, and looked up in astonishment as she―that voice made it a she, for sure―proceeded to pet him from neck to flank with a forehoof.
"Are you hurt? Are you hungry? Would you like some tea? I'm sorry for Mister Squirrel; he gets very protective of me out here. Sometimes monsters from deeper in the forest try to eat me before they realize I'm a friend. He probably didn't see you very well."
Kal struggled to his feet, trying to make sense of the mare in front of him and what was going on.
"I'm... fine... please stop... the petting." That was not dignified, he thought. Since when does getting kicked by a horse feel so good?
"Oh, my! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you!" The pegasus drew back almost as quickly as she had leapt forward, seeming to shrink in on herself as her muzzle turned slightly pink.
"I'm not offended, just... confused. I've never met a talking pegasus before." Kal shook himself to straighten out the fur ruffled by the sudden petting.
"But... but all pegasi talk!"
"Not where I'm from. Horses of any type don't talk, they just eat grass, poop, pull carts, and get ridden by adventurers."
The pegasus blushed furiously at that. Ridden by...? "Oh dear. No talking ponies at all?"
"But," Kal smiled, "I'm happy to meet one. My name is Kalamadea. I know it's a mouthful, so most folks just call me Kal. I'd dismiss the wolf form spell and greet you in my proper form, but someone seems to have made off with all my clothes." He chuckled ruefully and rubbed the backside of his head with a forepaw, then stared in amazement as the pegasus seemed to shrink again.
"Hey, are you alright?"
"I'm fine, thank you. I'm... Fluttershy.
"What was that?"
"I'm Fluttershy."
"I'm sorry. Something seems to be wrong with the enhanced hearing part of my transformation spell." Kal moved closer and poked the pegasus with his nose. "One more time?"
"I'm Fluttershy." This time, he was able to make out the words in the barely-audible squeak.
"Did I say something wrong?" Kal sat back, still struggling to understand the sudden change in Fluttershy's demeanor.
"I'm sorry. You just surprised me. I'm trying to be less shy with other ponies, but until you said you were using a spell, I thought you were a... you said wolf? But timber wolves are made of wood... " Fluttershy tilted her head, still a little withdrawn.
"Timber wolves. Made of wood. Not even I would have come up with that pun." Kal groaned and lay down with his paws over his face. This seemed to encourage Fluttershy a bit.
"So if you're not a wolf, and you've never seen a talking pony before... what are you?" She rose to her hooves again, and took an uncertain step forward.
"I'm an elf. A wood elf. No, we're not made of wood. We walk on two legs, tend to live in the forests, and our magic is usually tied to nature in some way."
"I think I've heard of something like that. Lyra―one of the ponies in town―is always talking about two-legged creatures called, I think, hummins? She says they had no fur and couldn't use magic."
"Humans. They're taller, uglier, shorter-lived, and they very definitely can use magic, if not with my style and aplomb." He sat up and posed with his nose in the air.
Fluttershy giggled slightly, at that. "Oh, I shouldn't laugh. That wasn't a nice thing to say."
"The truth can be funny, even when it isn't nice." It was Kal's turn to chuckle as his stomach butted into the conversation. "Um. Did you mention food a little bit ago?"
"And then he spoke, and he was so cute, Twilight, I couldn't stop myself. I just had to pet his fluffy little sides," Fluttershy bubbled.
"I think it's great that you made a new friend, Fluttershy. But..." Twilight Sparkle hesitated. "You said he looked like a timber wolf, just not made out of wood?"
"Yes! But he didn't seem to believe me when I told him how strange that was. And then he told me he was using a spell to look like that." She wilted, but continued. "I almost ran away when I realized he wasn't really an animal."
"A spell?" Twilight perked up at that, pointedly not-noticing her friend's momentary embarrassment. "To look like something nopony's ever imagined? I have to meet this... elf," she said, lingering over the strange name. "What other magic does he know?"
"I don't know. I fed him a bunch of Pinkie's Secret Surprise Ultra Double Choco-mazing Awesome Muffins of Frosty Doom, and he fell asleep on my couch before we could talk more. He really seemed to like those."
TWILIGHT!
"Well, at least―"
TWILIGHT!
"What was―"
"TWILIGHT!"
CRASH!
The whole library rumbled as a blue streak crashed through the window.
"Twilight! Fluttershy's in trouble! There's a monster asleep in her house! It's teeth and belly are huge! And I think it swallowed her whole!"
"Hi, Rainbow Dash." Fluttershy raised a hoof.
"Hi, Flutters. Twi! We gotta rescue―FLUTTERSHY!" Rainbow swept her up in a hug. "I thought you were eaten!"
"That was just Kal. He really liked Pinkie's muffins." Fluttershy nuzzled Rainbow reassuringly. "Um. Could you put me down, please? If that's okay with you."
"What? Oh, sorry." Rainbow let go of her friend and sat back on her haunches with a small laugh. "Just glad you're not monster chow."
"Were you looking for me, Rainbow?"
"Yeah, Pinkie said she gave you the last batch of her new experimental―hey! Did he eat all of them?" Rainbow laid her ears back in sorrow. "Everypony who tried one said they were the most radical thing she's ever invented."
"Mmmrrrh. Strangest. Dream. Ever." Kal sat up slowly, blinking sleep from his eyes.
"Oh, good, you're awake. I wanted you to meet everypony."
Not a dream? Kal looked around the room, vision still blurry. "Uhm. Fluttershy, why does it look like a rainbow exploded in this room?"
"Hah! Because the Rainbow is here," a brash voice replied.
Shaking his head, Kal managed to focus on the speaker, a violently colorful pegasus. "You're as bright as a fae drake."
"Dragons are awesome. I'll take it. Name's Rainbow Dash." She stuck a hoof out, expectantly.
Kal tilted his head, then tapped it with a forepaw. "Kal."
"Kal, I wanted you to meet everypony. These are my friends," Fluttershy said, gesturing around the room with a wing.
"Welcome to Ponyville! I'm Pinkie!" A pink pony bounced up and down on the coffee table. "I brought more muffins!"
"Ah'm Applejack. Got any apple-related issues, ah'm yer pony." A bright orange pony in an overly large hat nodded from one side.
I'm going to go blind.
"Anypony who can make Fluttershy that excited about meeting somepony new is a pleasure to meet, darling. I'm Rarity." A relatively normal-looking white unicorn perched demurely on the sofa. Normal, if you overlook the violet mane and tail styled like a cascading waterfall.
A purple blur popped up in front of him, and Kal jerked back and focused on the purple unicorn nose-to-muzzle with him.
"I'm Twilight Sparkle. Fluttershy tells me you look like this because of an illusion spell? How did you come up with this appearance? The idea of making a timberwolf out of flesh and blood is so strange! I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it. She says you're something called an elf? Can we see what you really look like? What other―" She cut off as a grey paw rested on her nose, eyes crossed to stare at it.
"No, transformation spell. I didn't. Not really. Good thing you can see it, then. Yes. Not until I find some clothes." Kal smirked. "You remind me of a mage I once knew. She got like that anytime someone brought a new book to the Library of New Tanaan."
Twilight blushed and sat back. "I like learning about new things."
"Don't mind her. She's always like that when something new shows up in town."
Kal looked down at the small purple and green lizard that had addressed him from the floor. "Ahnok, dovah, ahrk pruzah grind."
"What was that? I'm Spike."
"Ahnok, dovah, ahrk pruzah grind," Kal repeated. "I said, 'hello, dragon, and well met.' In draconic." The common tongue exists here, but a dragon doesn't speak draconic?
"Can you teach me?" Twilight, Spike, and Fluttershy all looked at each other and giggled at having spoken at the same time.
"This is the first I've heard of dragons having a different language." Spike scratched his head.
"And where did you learn it? Even Princess Celestia never mentioned dragons having their own language," Twilight continued.
"Darlings, please pardon the interruption, but I do believe there is a more important crisis here. Kal, you said you are in need of clothing?" Rarity's gaze was locked on the wolf, starry-eyed.
