Based on "Mary Poppins". Twilights plays Mary Cloppins for the Ponyville Players Spring Musical. Spring edition of my "Seasonal Plays" series.
The spring edition of my “Seasonal Plays” series. Twilight has taken on the role of the magical nanny in the Ponyville Players Spring Musical “Mary Cloppins”. The musical does, however, become a big-star production with some actors from out of town.
Ponyville was teeming with life, now more so than before. The tiny town was bursting at the seams with out-of-town visitors, all thanks to Twilight’s starring role as Mary Cloppins.
The Ponyville Players decided to perform Mary Cloppins for this year’s Spring Musical. Rarity proved to be an excellent actress for the magical nanny, but she didn’t have time to both act and make costumes, so she chose the costumes. After all, one had to look fabulous in show business. After a consensus, the ponies asked Twilight to play Mary Cloppins. With some reluctance, she took the lead role while Rainbow Dash assumed the role of director. When all the ponies heard that Twilight was the leading mare, they were ecstatic and made a big fuss about it. But Twilight wasn’t the only celebrity to play a big role.
Shining Armor and Princess Cadance were visiting Twilight when they heard about the musical. For the fun of it, they auditioned for the roles of Mr. and Mrs. Flanks. Seeing how they were the perfect couple to play the Flanks, every pony agreed to assign them the roles. When word got out that two of the princesses were acting in the small-town production, the musical garnered national attention and drew many visitors, pony and creature alike, to Ponyville around opening night. The Ponyville Players were surprised to get RSVPs from celebrities and other ponies and creatures. They were worried that there wasn’t going to be enough room to house all of the attendees. Discord had a solution: he made the theater bigger on the inside.
As expected, hundreds of attendees marched into the theater and took their seats. Spike peeked through the curtains and gulped at the sheer number of ponies and beasts in the auditorium. Sure, Mary Cloppins was a beloved play in Equestria, but to have the Princess of Friendship play the lead role would make it all the more unique.
Spike drew back from the curtains and said, “There sure are a lot of people here tonight.”
Rarity was applying powder on Matilda, who was playing Ellen – one of the Flanks’ servants. The unicorn said to Spike, “Why, of course. Having Twilight as Mary Cloppins and Princess Cadance as Mrs. Flanks is sure to bring in crowds.”
Discord said as he filed his nails, “Well, if you ask me, there would be bigger crowds if I was the lead.”
Spike said, “Uh, Discord? You can’t play a female. Besides, you’re Uncle Albert…and our lead special effects…guy.”
Discord rolled his eyes and groaned. He was displeased that he got a minor role this time, but at least he was given the job of doing special effects as compensation. He was glad that he would get to use his magic more…and not just for floating. A few times, he went all-out with the SFX. As a result, his antics nearly threatened the ponies’ lives. He knew what happened when he pulled some stunts and was framed for others while performing for The Singing Stallion. He did not want to get kicked out again, so he took it easy with the SFX.
Pinkie just looked out the curtains and remarked when she drew back, “Yowza! That’s a lot of people out there! I’m gonna have to throw a bigger impromptu after-show soiree now!”
Applejack chuckled, “No need to go overboard, Pinkie. Besides, I’ve got to handle the refreshments. Starlight can help ya with the party after the show.”
Starlight Glimmer was a powerful unicorn who had founded a village where cutie marks were all the same. After the Mane Six thwarted her, she plotted revenge against them and traveled back in time to disrupt the Sonic Rainboom responsible for the girls’ cutie marks. Twilight eventually got through to her and offered to become her friend. After Starlight went back with Twilight to the correct timeline, the alicorn made Starlight her pupil. She was now living with Twilight in the Castle of Friendship as her student.
On another part of the stage, Twilight was shaking nervously. Shining Armor said, “Whoa! Chill, Twilight! It’s just a big audience.” Cadance, who was holding their daughter Flurry Heart, ruffled her wing to give him a sort of irritated jab.
Twilight said, “Yeah, a big audience who’s expecting me to make a knock-out performance! The whole production rests on me!”
Cadance said, “Twilight, that’s not true. A performance depends on every pony doing their part. Besides, it wouldn’t be Mary Cloppins without the rest of the cast and crew.”
Shining Armor put his hoof on his sister’s shoulder and told her, “We all got your back, Twilight. Don’t worry.”
Flurry Heart gurgled as if she was agreeing with her dad.
Twilight smiled, “Thank you, guys. Now let’s put on a show!”
When Shining Armor left for the dressing room, he came across Flash Sentry. He told him, “Hey, Flash! Ready for the performance of your life?”
Flash was a little nervous, but he remembered his training and thought of the performance as facing danger. He had to keep on a brave face. He told Shining Armor, “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
The white stallion said to him, “I know you’ll do great.”
As Shining Armor’s insistence, Flash had auditioned for the play. He was surprised when he received the role of Bert, the jack-of-all-trades. After news of the play made it a nationwide event, Flash considered dropping out, but since Twilight would be by his side, he felt like he could brave anything. Besides, he didn’t want to disappoint the princess whose castle he was now protecting.
Celestia and Luna were in the audience, seated in the newly-created theater box meant for them. Luna looked at the audience and remarked, “Look at this audience, Celie. And to think, it was supposed to be a small-town production.”
Her older sister nodded and smiled, “Yes, but I have every bit of confidence that the audience will love it.”
The audience waited with anticipation as the overture began to play. When the curtains opened, the scenery depicting Trottingham in Edspurian times was revealed. Everypony liked Discord’s artwork for Dragon on the Hearth so much that he was asked to paint the scenery for Mary Cloppins. Needless to say, the audience oohed and ahhed at such a spectacle. Discord couldn’t have been prouder of his work. The scenery for the opening rolled from right to left as the music played.
Just as Twilight, now wearing her Mary Cloppins outfit, floated onstage on a cloud, the chorus sang, “Chim chiminy, chim chiminy…Chim chim cheree…A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be…Chim chiminy, chim chiminy…Chim chim cheroo…Good luck will rub off when he shakes hands with you…Chim chiminy chim chim cheree…Chim cher…Rum diddly-diddly-diddly-rum diddle-die…Rum diddly-diddly-diddly rum diddle-die…”
As the instrumental part of the overture resumed playing, Twilight pretended to put on makeup while catching her props from falling off the cloud. The lights then blackened as the music continued. When the overture ended, the light returned to reveal Flash with a crowd of ponies. He had an array of instruments on him and played them as cheerfully as he could. Although he didn’t look like it, he was a little nervous performing this part right, especially since he had to practice with Pinkie when it came to being a one-pony band. He could remember flubbing up time and time again until he got the hang of it. He now hoped he wouldn’t mess up on opening night.
Thankfully, he managed to carry the one-pony band act all the way through. As soon as he was done, he said to the extras playing the crowd, “All right, fillies and colts, comical poems suitable for the occasion, extemporized and thought up before your very eyes. All right, here we go.”
He then began to sing, “Room here for everyone gathered around…” He lifted his cap towards Big Mac, who played the constable. Flash said to him, “The constable’s responstable. Now, how does that sound?” He jingled his hooves around before he sang to a pony, “Hello, Miss Lark, I got one for you…” He said, “Miss Lark likes to walk in the park with Andrew.”
Winona, who played Andrew, barked on cue.
Flash tipped his cap towards her and said, “Hello, Andrew.” He went to another pony and sang, “Ah, Mrs. Cory, a story for you…” He then said, “Your daughters were shorter than you…but they grew.”
The mares behind the elderly pony chuckled. The rest of the crowd then laughed.
Flash played his instruments as he shimmied over to another mare. He sang, “Dear Miss Persimmons…” When shreds of paper began blowing gently onto the stage, Flash acted as if his attention was diverted to the strange occurrence.
The mare asked, “Yes?”
Flash sang wistfully, “Wind’s in the east…Mist coming in…Like something is brewing…About to begin…Can’t say what it is or what lies in store…But I feel what’s to happen…all happened before…”
When Winona barked, Flash said, “I’m sorry. Where was I?” He then began playing his instruments and dancing around again. He honked his horn with his head five times and then smacked his face with a cymbal. Thankfully, it was a plastic cymbal, and offstage, DJ Pon-3 played the sound effect for a cymbal crashing. When he lowered the cymbal from his face, he pretended to look dazed. The crowd on stage and the audience laughed and clapped.
He bowed and then held out his cap, saying, “Thank you, one and all, for your kind support.” After he obtained some bits from the extras as they left, he turned to the audience and said, “Oh, it’s you! Hello! Number 17 Cherry Tree Lane, you say? All right. Come with me.”
The scenery rolled along as Flash pretended to trot down the street, instruments clanking and banging on his back. He told the audience, “This here’s Cherry Tree Lane. Nice little spot, you might say. Number 17’s just down a bit.”
Discord, who was watching from the sidelines, rubbed his hands and chuckled mischievously, “I believe that’s my cue.”
With a flick of Discord’s fingers, the set for Admiral Hoof’s house rolled from stage left to stage right rapidly. Hayseed Turnip Truck, who was playing Mr. Bittacle, shrieked as he held on for dear life. Twilight admonished Discord, “Discord!”
The spirit shrugged, “What? I was just having a bit fun.”
When he snapped his fingers again, the set rolled back towards Flash and stopped. Hayseed Turnip Truck shivered as he held on to the railing.
Flash then told the audience, “Now, this imposing edifice that first greets the eye is the home of Admiral Hoof, late of Her Majesty’s Navy. Likes his house shipshape, he does, shipshape and Briscolt fashion at all times.”
By the time Flash had finished his sentence, Hayseed had calmed down enough to blow the whistle. Doctor Hooves, who played Admiral Hoof, emerged from the door on the “roof” and walked up to the wheel.
He then asked Hayseed, “Time gun ready?”
The bucktooth Earth pony replied, “Ready and charged, sir.”
The Doctor took out his watch and said, “Three minutes and six seconds.”
“Aye aye, sir.”
Flash told the audience, “What he’s famous for is punctuality. The whole world takes its time from Greencinch. But Greencinch, they say, takes its time from Admiral Hoof.” He then called up to the Doctor, “What cheer, Admiral?”
The Doctor replied, “Good afternoon to you, young colt. Where are you bound?”
“Number 17. Got some parties here in tow who want to see it.”
The Doctor told Hayseed, “Enter that in the log.”
Hayseed nodded, “Aye aye, sir.”
The Doctor then told Flash, “A word of advice, young colt: storm signals are up at Number 17. Bit of heavy weather brewing there.”
Flash tipped his cap and said, “Thank you, sir. Keep an eye skinned.”
As the set for Admiral Hoof’s house rolled slowly to stage right this time, the scenery rolled to show the Flanks’ house.
Flash then told the audience, “Here we are. Number 17 Cherry Tree Lane. Residence of George Flanks, Esquire.” When there was shouting from offstage, Flash said, “Hello, hello, hello. The Admiral’s right. Heavy weather brewing at Number 17, and no mistake.”
When the curtains closed, voices could be heard. Granny Smith’s voice shouted, “Leave her alone!”
Matilda’s muffled voice cried, “Quiet!”
“I’ll show ya. Dontcha be tryin’ to stop that consarned pony!”
When the curtains parted again, Flash was gone and the scenery of the Flanks’ main hall replaced the street scenery. Granny Smith and Matilda marched through the kitchen door as they pretended to quarrel. The audience was baffled that the two characters were speaking in accents that weren’t Trottish. Granny Smith and Matilda had tried to speak with a Trottish accent, but since it proved to be too difficult for them, the lines had to be re-written to better suit their accents.
Granny Smith ranted, “Let her go, that’s what I say, an’ good riddance! I done never liked her from tha moment she set hoof in that there door!”
Matilda argued, “But who gets stuck with the children with no nanny in the house? Me, that’s who!”
“Her an’ her high an’ mighty ways! An’ that face of hers would stop a coal barge, no doubt.”
Ms. Harshwhinny trotted down the stairs and said, “Indeed, Mrs. Tail! I wouldn’t stay in this house another minute, not if you heaped me with all the jewels in Equestria.”
Matilda ran towards the door and blocked it as she cried, “No, no, Gaitie Nanna, don’t go!”
Harshwhinny ordered, “Stand away from that door, my girl!”
Matilda protested, “But what am I going to tell the master about the children?”
“It’s no concern of mine. Those little ponies have run away from me for the last time.”
As Harshwhinny tried to push Matilda out of the way, the donkey said, “They must be somewhere. Did you look around the zoo in the park? You know how Jane and Michael are. Oh! You don’t think the lion could’ve gotten them, do you? You know how fond they were of hanging around the cage.”
Harshwhinny said, “I’ve said my say, and that’s all I’ll say. I’m done with this house forever.”
Granny Smith said sarcastically as she headed for the kitchen door, “Well, whoop-de-doo! An’ don’t stumble on tha way out, dearie.”
Matilda protested as Harshwhinny resumed trying to push her, “Now, now, Gaitie Nanna!” The two froze when they heard singing offstage. “Mrs. Flanks! She’s home!” She opened the door and let a dancing and singing Cadance in the hall.
Cadance said cheerfully as she set her scarf and sashes on the vanity, “Good evening, Gaitie Nanna, Ellen. We had the most glorious meeting! Mrs. Whitbuck-Gallop chained herself to the wheel of the prime minister’s carriage. You should’ve been there.”
Harshwhinny said, “Mrs. Flanks, I would like a word with you.”
Cadance continued, “And Mrs. Gaitslie, she was carried off to prison, singing and scattering pamphlets all the way!”
“I’m glad you’re home, madam. I’ve always given the best that’s in me-“
“Oh, thank you, Gaitie Nanna. I always knew you were one of us.” Cadance started singing, “We’re clearly soldiers in petticoats…and dauntless crusaders for the mares’ votes…Though we adore colts individually…We agree that as a group they’re rather stupid…”
Harshwhinny said, “Mrs. Flanks…”
Cadance continued singing, “Cast off the shackles of yesterday…Shoulder to shoulder into the fray…Our daughters’ daughters will adore us…And they’ll sing in grateful chorus…Well done, Sister Suffragette…”
As Cadance ascended the stairs, Harshwhinny said, “Be that as it may, I do not wish to offend, but I…”
The alicorn sang again, “From Kensingtrot to Billingsgait, one hears the restless cries…From every corner of the land…All you mares, arise! Political equality and equal rights with colts…Take heart, for Mrs. Flankhurst has been clapped in irons once more…”
She trekked down the stairs as she sang, “No more the meek and mild subservients we…” She then took the sashes from the vanity and put one on Matilda as she continued, “We’re fighting for our rights militantly…Never you fear!”
Harshwhinny said as the princess put a sash on her, “If I may have a word, Mrs. Flanks.”
Cadance sang, “So…”
She, Granny Smith, and Matilda sang as they marched through the hall, “Cast off the shackles of yesterday…”
Harshwhinny said, “Mrs. Flanks!”
“And shoulder to shoulder into the fray…”
Cadance sang as she wrapped her wings around Granny and Matilda, “Our daughters’ daughters will adore us…”
All three then sang, “And they’ll sing in grateful chorus…Well done! Well done! Well done, Sister Suffragette!”
Harshwhinny then said, “I suppose you’re quite done now?”
Cadance smiled sheepishly as she straightened her dress, “Yes. What is it, Gaitie Nanna?”
“Mrs. Flanks, I have something to say to you.”
Cadance asked as she looked around, “Wait, where are the children?”
Harshwhinny said as she took off the sash, “The children, madam, to be precise, are not here. They’ve disappeared again.”
“Gaitie Nanna, this is really too careless of you. Doesn’t it make the third time this week?”
“The fourth, madam. And I for one have had my fill of it. I’m not one to speak ill of the children…”
“When do you expect them home?”
“I really couldn’t say. And now if you’d be good enough to compute my wages, I’ll…”
“Oh, gracious, Gaitie Nanna, you’re not leaving? What will Mr. Flanks say? He won’t be very happy to come home and find the children missing.” She took off her sash and Granny did the same. Cadance then said to Matilda, “Ellen, put these things away. You know how the cause infuriates Mr. Flanks.”
Matilda said as she walked towards the kitchen door, “Yes, ma’am.”
Cadance said to Harshwhinny, “Gaitie Nanna, I beseech you. Please reconsider. Think of the children. Think of Mr. Flanks. He was just beginning to get used to you.”
When Matilda shut the kitchen door, she looked at the fake clock and shouted, “Posts, everyone!” She, Cadance, and Granny Smith raced to grab hold of fragile and delicate things.
Backstage, Twilight told Discord, “Now, remember: not too hard this time.”
Discord chuckled, “Oh, Twilight. You can trust me. There won’t be damage…much.”
Doctor Hooves’ voice rang out from offstage, “Four, three, two, one…Fire!”
When DJ Pon-3 played the sound effect for cannon fire, Discord immediately stomped his tail on the ground. The whole theater shook and everyone in it felt it. It only lasted a couple of seconds, though, and nothing was wrecked. The delicate things on stage, however, were moving and the three actresses scrambled to put everything back in its place.
As soon as everything was back in perfect order, Cadance went to Harshwhinny and said, “Gaitie Nanna, I do beseech you…”
Harshwhinny said, “My wages, if you please.”
The curtains closed and opened again to the street scenery. Shining Armor walked from stage right to Admiral Hoof’s house. He called up to Doctor Hooves, “You’re a bit early tonight, aren’t you, Admiral?”
The Doctor told him, “Nonsense. Right on the dot, as usual. How are things in the world of finance?”
“Never better. Money’s sound, credit rates are moving up, up, up, and the Trottish pound is the admiration of the world.”
“Good colt.”
“How do things look from where you stand?”
“Bit chancy, I’d say. The wind’s coming up and the glass is falling. Don’t like the look of it.”
“Good, good, good.”
When Shining Armor began to walk past the house, the Doctor continued, “Flanks, I shouldn’t wonder if you weren’t steering into a nasty piece of weather.” As the house rolled offstage, he shouted, “Flanks! Do you hear me?!”
Harshwhinny then appeared from stage left with a bag and bumped into Shining Armor. The prince said, “Hello, Gaitie Nanna.”
She marched past him and harrumphed, “Hmph!”
Shining Armor acted as if he didn’t notice her behavior and remarked, “You have a very pretty hat.”
As the music to the next song played, the lights darkened for a bit before lighting up again to reveal the main hall with the foyer now included.
Shining Armor opened the door on stage left and began to sing, “I feel a surge of deep satisfaction…” He gave his cap, gloves, and cane to Matilda as he continued, “Much as a king who is a noble steed...” He thanked her before singing, “When I return from daily strife to hearth and wife….How pleasant is the life I lead…”
Cadance said as he kissed her on the cheek, “Dear, it’s about the children…”
He brushed her off, saying, “Yes, yes, yes.” He sang as he entered the foyer, “I run my home precisely on schedule…At 6:01, I march through my door…My slippers, cherries, and robe are due at 6:02…Consistent is the life I lead…”
Cadance ran into the foyer and said urgently, “George, they’re missing!”
“Splendid, splendid.” He then sang, “It’s grand to be a gentlecolt in 1910…Celestia’s ruling…The age is golden…I’m the lord of my castle…The sovereign, the liege…I treat my subjects, servants, children, wife…with a firm but gentle hoof…Noblesse oblige…”
When he sat down, he finished, “It’s 6:03, and the heirs to my dominion…are scrubbed and tubbed and adequately fed…And so I’ll pat them on the head and send them off to bed…Ah, lordly is the life I lead…” He then asked Cadance, “Winifred, where are the children?”
She answered sadly, “They’re not here, dear.”
“What? Well, of course they’re here! Where else would they be?”
“I don’t know, George.”
“You don’t know?”
“Well, they’re missing. Gaitie Nanna has looked everywhere.”
Shining Armor rose from his chair and marched towards the hall, saying, “Very well. I’ll deal with this at once.” He grabbed some paper and began to write. He said, “’To the police station. This is George Flanks.’”
Cadance insisted, “I don’t think we need to bother the police, dear. The facts of the matter…”
“Please don’t try to cloud the issue with facts. One fact and fact alone is crystal clear: Gaitie Nanna’s faltered at her post. She’s let the family down. And I shall bring her to book…Oh. She’s left us, hasn’t she?”
“Yes, dear. Only just.”
Shining Armor turned his attention back to the paper and said to himself, “’This letter is of great urgency.’” The doorbell then rang and Cadance went to answer the door. Shining Armor said as it happened, “’Please send a policecolt immediately.’”
Cadance said as she opened the door to reveal Big Mac, “The policecolt’s here, George!”
Shining Armor glanced up at the ponies and crumpled up the paper as he said, “Well, that was fast. Come in, Constable. Come in.”
Big Mac said as he stepped through the doorway, “Thank you, Flanks. While doing my duties on the other side of the park, I noticed some valuables that had gone astray. I believe they’re yours.”
“Valuables?”
Big Mac then spoke behind the doorway, “Come on, now. Come on.”
Sweetie Belle and Pipsqueak then sheepishly appeared from the doorway. Cadance breathed a sigh of relief, “Jane! Michael!”
Shining Armor said sternly, “Winifred, please don’t be emotional.”
Big Mac said, “Oh, I wouldn’t be too hard on ‘em, Flanks. They’ve had a long, weary walk today.”
The unicorn said to the kids, “Children, come here at once.” When the two approached him, Shining Armor asked, “Well?”
Sweetie Belle said, “I’m sorry we lost Gaitie Nanna, Father.”
Pipsqueak added, “You see, it was windy…”
“And the kite was too strong for us.”
Big Mac said, “In a manner of speaking, it was the kite that ran away, not the kids.”
Shining Armor said to the stallion, “Thank you, Constable. I think I can manage this.”
Sweetie Belle said, “Actually, it wasn’t a very good kite. We made it ourselves.”
Pipsqueak suggested, “Perhaps if you helped us make one…”
Big Mac said, “Ah, that’s the ticket. Kites are slippery things. Why, only last week with my own kids…”
Shining Armor said, “I’m very grateful to you, Constable, for returning the children. And I’m sure that if you go to the kitchen, Cook will find you a plate of something.”
Big Mac said, “Thank you. I’ll return to my duties now.”
Sweetie Belle said, “Thank you, Constable.”
Big Mac said before he exited stage left, “Good night, little lady. Good night, ma’am. Good night, Flanks.” He muttered to himself as Cadance closed the door.
Cadance said to her husband, “I’m awfully sorry about this, George. I’ll expect you’ll want to discuss it.”
Shining Armor said, “I would indeed. Ellen, take Jane and Michael upstairs right away.”
Matilda appeared from the kitchen door and said, “Yes, sir.” As Shining Armor went into the foyer, Matilda ushered the kids upstairs and muttered, “I knew it. When all’s said and done, who bears the brunt of everything around here? Me, that’s who! They don’t want an honest, hard-workin’ girl around here. They need a zookeeper.”
When the curtains closed again, there was a flash behind them. They parted again to show the foyer and the royal couple in new costumes. Cadance said, “I’m sorry, dear, but when I chose Gaitie Nanna, I thought she would be firm with the children. She looked so solemn and fractious.”
Shining Armor said in a stern tone, “Winifred, never confuse efficiency with a liver complaint.”
“I’ll try to do better next time.”
“Next time? You’ve engaged six nannies in the last four months! And they’ve all been unqualified disasters.”
“I quite agree.”
“Choosing a nanny for the children is an important and delicate task. It requires insight, balanced judgment, and an ability to read character. Under the circumstances, I think it might be apropos to take it upon myself to choose the next pony.”
“Oh, would you, George?”
“The way to find a proper nanny is to go about it in a proper fashion. I’ll put an advertisement in The Times. Take this down, please.”
“Yes, of course, dear.”
When Cadance grabbed a paper and quill, Shining Armor said, “Wanted. Uh, no, required. Nanny: firm, respectable, no nonsense.” He began to sing, “A Trottish nanny must be a general…The future empire lies within her hooves…And so the pony that we need to mold the breed is a nanny who can make smart moves…” He asked Cadance, “Are you getting this, Winifred?”
She answered, “Oh, yes, dear. Every word.”
Shining Armor continued to sing, “A Trottish bank is run with precision…A Trottish home requires nothing less…Tradition, discipline, and rules must be the tools…Without them: disorder, catastrophe, anarchy…In short, you have a crazy mess…”
When she was done writing, Cadance said, “Splendid, George! Inspirational. The Times will be so pleased.”
Sweetie Belle and Pipsqueak, who were now in robes, stood at the entrance to the foyer and the young filly said, “Father?”
Shining Armor asked, “Yes?”
“We’ve discussed everything, and we’re very sorry about what we did today.”
“I should certainly think so.”
“It was wrong to run away from Gaitie Nanna.”
“It was indeed.”
“And we want to get on with the new nanny.”
“Very sensible. I’ll be glad to have your help in the matter.”
“We thought you would. That’s why we wrote this advertisement.”
“Advertisement? For what?”
“For the new nanny.”
Shining Armor said in disbelief, “You wrote an advert-”
Cadance interrupted, “George, I think we should listen.”
Sweetie Belle reminded, “You said you wanted our help.”
Shining Armor sputtered, “But, but…Oh, all right.”
Sweetie Belle read from the paper she held with her magic, “’Wanted: a nanny for two adorable children.’”
The stallion muttered, “Adorable – well, that’s debatable, I must say.”
Sweetie Belle then sang, “If you want this choice position…have a cheery disposition…Rosy cheeks, no warts…”
Pipsqueak said, “That’s the part I put in.”
Sweetie Belle continued to sing, “Play games, all sorts…You must be kind…You must be witty…Very sweet and fairly pretty…Take us on outings….Give us treats…Sing songs, bring sweets…Never be cross or cruel…Never give us castor oil or gruel…Love us as a son and daughter…and never smell of barley water…”
“I put that in, too.”
“If you won’t scold and dominate us, we will never give you cause to hate us…We won’t hide your spectacles so you can’t see…Put toads in your bed or pepper in your tea…Hurry, Nanny…Many thanks, Sincerely…”
The kids both sang, “Jane and Michael Flanks…”
Shining Armor said in a disinterested tone, “Thank you. Very interesting. And now I think we’ve had quite enough of this nonsense. Please return to the nursery.”
Sweetie Belle left the paper on the desk and she and Pip pretended to dejectedly leave the foyer.
Cadance grabbed the paper with her magic and said, “They were only trying to help. They’re just children.”
Her husband grabbed the paper with his magic and said, “I know they’re just children, Winifred.” He continued as he ripped it up near the fireplace, “I only congratulate myself for stepping in and taking a hoof. ‘Play games, sing songs, give treats.’ Ridiculous.” After he threw the shreds into the fireplace, he grabbed a piece of paper and said, “There’s no question in my mind whatsoever. Now is the time for action.”
He took a quill and wrote as he said, “’To The Times. This is George Flanks of 17 Cherry Tree Lane. I wish to place an advertisement in your column.’”
As Shining Armor continued to write, Discord - who was offstage - flicked his finger and sent the shreds of paper floating up the fireplace. The curtains then closed.
The curtains opened again to reveal the dining room set. Shining Armor and Cadance sat at the table while Matilda entered from stage right. She remarked, “There’s a fair queue of nannies outside, sir. Should I show them in?”
Shining Armor rose from his seat and took out his pocket watch as he said, “Ellen, I said 8:00, and 8:00 it shall well be. You see? 12 seconds to go. Ten, nine, eight…”
Cadance said, “Posts!” She ran out of her seat as she said, “Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one!”
When DJ Pon-3 played the cannon sound effect again, Discord stomped his tail simultaneously and the whole theater shook. Shining Armor pretended to look unfazed while he “drank” from his teacup.
When the shaking stopped, Shining Armor said, “Ellen, it is now 8:00.”
After she pushed the piano back with her rump, Matilda panted, “Yes, sir.”
Shining Armor went to a swaying mirror and straightened his outfit as he swayed with it. He said as he did this, “I have told you time and time again, Ellen, I dislike being hurried into things.”
The curtains closed once more and opened again to reveal Sweetie Belle and Pipsqueak on a window set. A crowd of extras made up a long line below the kids.
Sweetie said, “I don’t understand. They’re not what we advertised for at all.”
Just then, Discord summoned a wind that blew gently onto the stage and gradually grew. He was careful not to let it get out of control and blow the ponies into who-knows-where. He manipulated the wind to lift the nanny extras in amusing ways while carrying them safely to stage right.
When all of the extras were gone, Sweetie Belle pointed to something in front of her and cried, “Michael, look!”
The audience looked behind them and saw Twilight descending from the lighting platform. She flapped her wings as slowly and gracefully as possible while trying to avoid hitting any of the attendees.
Pipsqueak remarked, “Perhaps it’s a changeling.”
Sweetie Belle admonished him, “Of course not. Changelings have holes.”
Twilight then flew over the fence to the window set and landed before the door.
Sweetie Belle smiled, “It’s her. It’s the pony. She’s answered our advertisement.”
Pipsqueak added, “Rosy cheeks and everything.”
When the alicorn rang the doorbell, Matilda answered the door. The donkey said robotically, “You may come in one at a time.”
Twilight said as she went through the door, “Thank you.”
Matilda looked all around, pretending to be amazed that there were no more nannies. When she closed the door, the curtains closed as well. When they opened again, the main hall set was dark while the foyer was lit up.
Shining Armor was writing some papers when Twilight said, “You are the father of Jane and Michael Flanks, are you not?” When he looked up, he didn’t respond. She asked again, “I said, you are the father of Jane and Michael Flanks?”
The unicorn pretended to sound flabbergasted as he said, “Well, well yes, of course. I mean…you brought your references, I presume. May I see them?”
Twilight said, “Oh, I make it a point never to give references. A very old-fashioned idea, to my mind.”
Shining Armor said as he grabbed a quill with his magic, “Is that so? We’ll have to see about that, then, won’t we?”
Twilight said as she set down her bag and pulled out a piece of paper, “Now then, the qualifications.” She said as she held the paper with her magic, “Item one: ‘A cheery disposition’. I am never angry. Item two: ‘Rosy cheeks’. Obviously.”
Shining Armor then looked at the paper in shock. He pretended to realize that it was the same letter he tore up. He walked over to her as she said, “Item three: ‘Play games, all sorts’. Well, I’m sure the children will find my games extremely diverting.”
He asked, “May I? This paper, where did you get it from? I thought I tore it up.”
She said as he went over to the fireplace, “Excuse me. Item four: ‘You must be kind’. I am kind, but extremely firm.” She looked up to Shining Armor and asked, “Have you lost something?”
Shining Armor then rammed the back of his head against the fireplace. He was thankful that the prop was made of wood, but he gave a yelp just to act like it hurt.
Backstage, Discord muttered a response to Twilight’s question, “Only his mind.” He snickered at his own answer.
Shining Armor turned to Twilight and pretended to sputter, “Yes…That paper, you see. I thought that I…”
She asked, “You are George Flanks, are you not?”
“What?”
“And you did advertise for a nanny, did you not?”
Shining Armor acted like he was distracted with the fireplace and said absentmindedly, “George Flanks.”
Twilight said, “Very well, then.”
She pretended to look at her brother in concern as he muttered, “I tore it up, turned it over, tore it up again, and threw it in there.”
She asked, “I beg your pardon, are you ill?”
Shining Armor put a hoof to his head and said, “I hope not.”
He walked over to Twilight as she said, “Now, about my wages. The reference here is very obscure.”
“We must be very clear on that point, mustn’t we?”
“Yes, we must indeed.”
“I’ll require every second Tuesday off.”
“Every Tuesday…” He then went over to the fireplace again and pretended to search for something.
Twilight said as she walked over to him, “On second thought, I think a trial period would be wise.” When she got to the fireplace, she peered into it for a few moments before facing her brother. She told him, “I’ll give you one week. I’ll know by then.” She went to the doorway to the main hall and grabbed her bag with her magic. She said to Shining Armor, “I’ll see the children now. Thank you.”
The lights dimmed in the foyer while the main hall was lit up. Pipsqueak and Sweetie Belle were peeking through the railing as Twilight flew up to them. The kids drew back from the railing until they hit a wall behind them.
Twilight told Pip, “Close your mouth please, Michael. We are not a codfish.”
Pip closed his mouth in response.
Twilight was about to ascend the next flight of stairs before she turned to the kids and said, “Well, don’t stand there staring. Best hoof forward. Spit spot!”
When she and the kids walked up the second flight, the lights dimmed in the main hall and the foyer was lit up again. Shining Armor was leaning in the fireplace again and Cadance came in from stage right. She noticed what her husband was doing and asked, “George?”
Shining Armor rammed his head against the fireplace again and yelped for emphasis.
Cadance asked, “George, what on earth are you doing? I thought you were interviewing nannies.”
Shining Armor said as he sat down, “I was, I was!”
“You mean you’ve chosen one already?”
“Yes, it’s done, it’s all done.”
“Well, where is she?”
“What? She’s in the nursery, of course. I mean, I put her to work straight away.”
“How clever of you! I would have messed up the whole thing. Tell me, is she everything that we’d hoped she’d be?”
“Well, it all happened very quickly. I mean, I…”
“Will she be firm? Will she give commands? Will she mold our young breed?”
Shining Armor turned to his wife and put her hooves in his. He said to her, “You know, Winifred, I think she will.” He chuckled, “I think she will.”
“In that case, perhaps you’d better tell Ellen to dismiss the others.”
Shining Armor said as she turned to exit behind the curtain on the foyer set, “The others? Oh, yes. Ellen?”
Just as Cadance disappeared behind the set curtain, Matilda emerged from it and asked, “Yes, sir?”
Shining Armor ordered, “Tell the other applicants they may go. The position has been filled.”
“The others, sir?”
“Yes, the others.” As Matilda exited stage left, he muttered, “How many nannies doe she think we need in the house?”
When the curtains closed, the set for the nursery was quickly being prepped.
Discord walked up the Twilight and the kids and set a present down in front of them.
Pipsqueak asked, “A present? But it’s not Hearth’s Warming. Or my birthday, for that matter.”
Discord smirked mischievously, “Appearances can be deceiving, Squeakers. Besides, I’ve always wanted to try this.”
When he conjured up a detonator box and a wire connecting to the gift, Twilight grew concerned. She asked in a worried tone, “Discord, what are you-“
KA-BOOM!
Luckily, the explosion only resulted in strewing toys and clothes across the set. Discord was very glad that he got to make a huge mess without getting in trouble. The curtains opened again to reveal Twilight and the kids almost fazed by the swift explosion.
When she regained her senses, Sweetie Belle told Twilight, “I’m afraid the nursery isn’t very tidy.”
Twilight said as she looked around, “It is rather like a bear pit, isn’t it?”
As the trio walked to the part of the set meant to be Mary Cloppins’ room, Sweetie remarked, “That’s a funny bag you got.”
The alicorn answered, “Carpet.”
“You mean to carry carpets in?”
“No. Made of.”
When they entered Mary Cloppins’ room, Sweetie said, “This is your room, and there’s a lovely view of the park.”
When Twilight set the bag down on the table, she inspected the room and said, “Well, it’s not exactly Canterlot Castle.” She slid a hoof across a corner of the mantle and inspected her glove. “Still, it’s clean.” She then smiled, “Yes, I think it will be quite suitable.” She took off her hat as she said, “Just needs a touch here and there.” She opened the bag and said, “Well, first things first. I always say, the place to hang a hat is on a hat stand.”
Discord chuckled on the sidelines, “Ooh-hoo! I believe this is where I come in.”
He slowly slid his finger upwards as Twilight grabbed a hat stand out of the bag and pulled it out. Pip and Sweetie pretended to look stunned, but the truth was that they couldn’t get enough of all of the wonderful stunts Discord did. As Twilight put the hat stand - and her hat with it - in a corner, the kids looked inside the bag. After the alicorn put her scarf on the hat stand, she went to a mirror to check herself.
When she saw that the mirror was too small, she exclaimed, “Ah! This will never do!”
Discord smiled offstage, “Here we go again.”
This time, as Twilight reached into the bag, Discord outstretched his hands and raised them as if he was lifting something. Twilight then pulled out a mirror from the bag, saying, “I prefer seeing all of my face at the same time.”
Pipsqueak remarked, “But there was nothing in it.”
After she put the mirror up on the wall, Twilight straightened her mane while she said, “Never judge things by their appearance.”
On the sidelines, Discord smirked to Fluttershy, “How true does she think it actually is?”
Twilight heard his snide remark, but she just focused on her acting. She turned to the kids and continued, “Even carpetbags. I’m sure I never do.”
She went to the bag and once again, Discord had to use his magic to lift the house plant into view.
Pip went underneath the table to check the underside while Twilight said, “A thing of beauty is a joy forever.” She put the house plant on a dresser and said, “A little more light, perhaps.”
When she looked into the bag and lit up her horn, Discord singsonged, “And up we go.”
He pretended as if he has pulling on a rod and lifted his arms up. Twilight shrieked when the lamp suddenly moved up from the bag and caught her by surprise. Fortunately, she managed to keep levitating the lamp, but she knew who was to blame for such tomfoolery.
As she put the lamp next to the plant, Pip told Sweetie Belle, “We’d better keep an eye on this one. She’s tricky.”
Sweetie Belle disagreed, “She’s wonderful.”
Twilight said after she put the lamp in the corner, “Much better!” She went to the bag again and said, “Now, let me see.”
Discord had only used his tricks to conjure the bigger items from the bag, but since Twilight was going to be pulling out smaller stuff now, he didn’t feel the need to use his magic. Twilight pulled out slippers and a hoofheld mirror before she pretended to dig into the bag.
She said, “That’s funny. I always carry it with me. It must be here somewhere.”
As Twilight pulled out a jacket from the bag and put it on the bedpost, Sweetie asked, “What?”
“My tape measure.”
“What do you want it for?”
“I want to see how you two measure up.” She stomped her hind hoof in frustration before putting her fore hoof in the bag. She pretended to dig deeper and deeper until her face was buried in the bag. There was a microphone inside the bag so the audience could hear her lines. She said, “Well, that’s the funniest thing I ever saw. I know it’s down here somewhere.”
Pip went under the table again to check the underside.
Twilight chortled, “Here it is.” She then pulled out a tape measure and said, “Good. Come along, then. Quickly.” She and the kids went to the bed and she said, “Head up, Michael. Don’t slouch.”
Pip stood up straight as she took his measurement. She read the measurement and said, “Just as I thought. Extremely stubborn and suspicious.”
Sweetie Belle giggled as Pip protested, “I am not!”
Twilight said, “See for yourself.”
Pip took the tape measure and pretended to read it. He said while pretending to squint his eyes, “Extremely stubborn and susp…”
Twilight said as she took the tape measure back, “Suspicious.” She stretched the tape measure for Sweetie Belle and said, “Now you, Jane.” Sweetie Belle stood up straight as Twilight pretended to take her measurement. Twilight then looked at the measurement and said, “Rather inclined to giggle. Doesn’t put things away.”
Pip chuckled at that and then asked Twilight, “How about you?”
Twilight smiled and told the kids, “Very well. Hold this for me.” She used her magic to hold one end of the measure while Sweetie pulled the other down to the ground. Twilight took the measure and said, “As I expected. ‘Mary Cloppins. Practically perfect in every way.’”
Sweetie Belle beamed, “Mary Cloppins! Is that your name? It’s lovely.”
Twilight smiled, “Thank you. I’ve always liked it.” She said as she took off her belt, “Now, shall we get on with it?”
Sweetie asked, “Get on with what?”
Twilight asked as she took off her jacket, “In your advertisement, did you not specifically request to play games?”
“Oh, yes!”
“Very well, then. Our first game is called ‘Well Begun Is Half Done’.”
Pip said, “I don’t like the sound of that.”
Twilight specified as she put on an apron, “Otherwise entitled, ‘Let’s Tidy Up the Nursery’.”
Pip told Sweetie Belle as Twilight went back to the nursery, “I told you she was tricky.”
Twilight turned back towards the kids and stared at them for a moment. She then asked, “Shall we begin?”
Sweetie asked with uncertainty, “It is a game, isn’t it, Mary Cloppins?”
“Well, it depends on your point of view. You see, in every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun, and snap! The job’s a game.” She then began to sing, “And every task you undertake becomes a piece of cake…A lark, a spree…It’s very clear to see…that a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down…The medicine go down, medicine go down…Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down…in a most delightful way…”
She heard chirping and went to a window. She sang, “A robin feathering his nest has very little time to rest…while gathering his bits of twine and twig…Though quite intent in his pursuit, he has a merry tune to toot…He knows a song will move the job along...”
When Twilight leaned through the window, Fluttershy told the robin in her hoof backstage, “Okay, little guy. Go to Twilight.”
The robin flew to Twilight and the alicorn held out her hoof to hold him. The bird tweeted musical notes as Twilight withdrew into the nursery again. She then sang, “For a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down…The medicine go down, medicine go down…Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down…in a most delightful way…”
She leaned out the window again so the robin could return to Fluttershy backstage. Once Twilight closed the curtain on the window, she whistled a tune as she went over to the beds. She used her magic to levitate the clothes off the beds, fold them, and put them in the drawer. She then used her magic to grab the hats, but offstage, Discord snapped his fingers to tidy up the beds and the pictures on the walls. Sweetie Belle lit up her horn, but since she hadn’t mastered putting stuff away in detail, Discord lent her a helping hand from backstage by flicking his finger and perfectly arranging the toys in the dollhouse while Sweetie just lifted them onto each “floor”. He then closed the dollhouse as a nice gesture.
Twilight rearranged the clothes and shoes near a dresser next to the dollhouse. Pip pretended to try to magically get the books off the floor, but to no avail. Twilight then used her magic to straighten the pictures on another wall and put a set of clothes in the drawer. Discord then animated a jack-in-the-box and made it look like it told the other toys to straighten up. While Pip acted like he was still trying to get the books off the floor, Sweetie used her magic to lift the blocks and hold them to form the words “MARY CLOPPINS”. The audience gushed at the display before Sweetie tossed the blocks into a toy bin.
When Sweetie lit up her horn again, Discord flicked his finger and set the tea table and the doll seated at it in perfect order – much to his dismay.
Twilight went to the guest room and sang as she got her jacket and other stuff for the outing scene, “The honeybees that fetch the nectar from the flowers to the comb…never tire of ever buzzing to and fro…” She set her things in front of the mirror and sang as she put her hat on, “Because they take a little nip from every flower that they sip…”
Usually, another pony would act as Mary Cloppins’ reflection, but every pony in the cast and crew was glad they had Discord make Twilight’s own reflection sing individually. That made him feel proud to be useful.
Twilight sang, “And hence…”
The reflection sang, “And hence…”
“They find…”
“They find…”
Both sang, “Their task is not a grind…”
Discord muttered to himself, “You know what? Let’s spice things up a little.”
He snapped his fingers and the reflection of Twilight vocalized as the alicorn tried to put on her jacket. Twilight noticed this and fumed, knowing Discord was behind it.
When the reflection finished vocalizing, Twilight said in an annoyed tone, “Cheeky.”
As Twilight exited the guest room, the reflection stuck her tongue out at her before disappearing. To Discord’s delight, the audience laughed at that. Twilight didn’t see what made the attendees laugh, but she decided to let it be.
Twilight told the kids in the nursery, “Don’t be all day about it, please.”
When Sweetie Belle lit up her horn, Discord opened the toy bin and made the toy soldiers march up the blocks into it. After all of the soldiers got inside, the blocks followed suit before Discord used his magic to close the lid. Sweetie then levitated the hats off the ground and put them in the closet. When Pip pretended to give up in frustration, he stomped his hoof. Discord then levitated the books into Pip’s arms to make it look like Pip’s stomp did that.
Discord groaned, “Okay, I’m getting bored now. Let’s have some fun, shall we?”
Fluttershy softly protested, “Discord, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
Discord scoffed playfully, “Oh, come on, Flutters. I promise nopony will get hurt.”
He snapped his fingers and the wagon in the nursery ran into Pip and rolled him into a closet, which then closed on him. Twilight watched in shock as everything started going haywire onstage. Since she couldn’t glare at Discord offstage, she could only gaze at the commotion before her. The audience, of course, was confused, but they thought the whole thing was part of the show and laughed.
Pip repeatedly tried to get out of the closet, but with each attempt, the doors would shut on him. He cried out, “Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!”
Twilight said while trying to be in-character, “Well, that was very…Thank you, now…”
She tried to choose her words carefully so Discord would know when to stop while she would make it sound like Mary Cloppins was speaking to the objects. However, the hullabaloo didn’t stop. Other ponies would’ve been concerned about it and think that something was wrong with Discord. Twilight knew better, though. If something was wrong with Discord, everything would’ve spiraled out of control. Since the racket was still as “tame” as when it started, she knew the spirit of chaos was just messing with her.
She then shouted, “When you’ve quite finished!”
Discord knew she meant business, so as quickly as he snapped his fingers, the objects became inanimate again.
Twilight nodded to the objects, “Thank you.”
Discord knew those words were meant for him, but he couldn’t resist making the doors on the nightstand move a bit just to tease her.
The alicorn went to a closet and got out the kids’ hats and coats. “That will be quite sufficient. Hats and coats, please.” She said as Sweetie got on her coat, “It’s time for our outing in the park.”
Pip said as he walked up to the girls, “I don’t want an outing. I want to tidy up the nursery again.”
Twilight said as she put on Pip’s coat for him, “Enough is as good as a feast. Come along, please.” She then told the kids, “Let me look at you. Well, you’re not as well turned-out as I’d like. Still, there’s time. There’s time. Spit spot! And off we go.”
When they danced around the nursery for a bit, Twilight whistled as the kids sang, “For a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down…The medicine go down, medicine go down… Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down…in the most delightful way…”
Just as the music was reaching its end, Twilight and the kids went out the set door and the curtains closed.
When the curtains reopened, the scenery had changed to that of the park’s and ponies wandered about. The pigeons were also meandering around the stage. With some training from Fluttershy, the birds did not stray from the stage. Flash Sentry was crouching down, drawing on a canvas the audience couldn’t see.
As the extras left the stage, Flash began singing, “Chim chiminy, chim chiminy…Chim chim cheroo…I do what I like and I like…what I do…” He looked up at the audience and said, “Hello, art lovers.” He sang as he stood up, “Today, I’m a screever and as you can see…A screever’s an artist…” He slid the staff across one of his chalk drawings before he skipped upstage and sang, “...of highest degree…And it’s all my own work from my own memory…”
He admitted to the audience, “Well, not Royal Academy, I suppose. Still, they’re better than a hoof in the eye, aren’t they?” He danced over either side of the canvas as he sang, “Chim chiminy, chim chiminy…Chim chim cheroo…I draw what I like and I like what I drew…” He drew along the border on one of his drawings and then sang, “No remuneration do I ask of you…” He kneeled beside the canvas and sang, “…but my cap would be glad of a copper or two…” He set his cap down as he finished, “My cap would be glad of a copper or two…”
Just then, Twilight and the kids came onstage, but Flash pretended that he didn’t notice them. Twilight then stood over the canvas so her shadow fit nicely within the “frame” of a panel on the canvas.
Flash said without looking up, “Wait! Don’t move.” He carefully drew the outline of Twilight’s head, but he had done it so many times that he could practically draw it from memory. He said, “Don’t move a muscle. Stay right where you are. I’d know that silhouette anywhere!” He looked up at Twilight and cried happily, “Mary Cloppins!”
Twilight smiled, “It’s nice to see you again, Bert. I think you know Jane and Michael.”
“Well, I’ve seen them here and about.” He then asked the kids, “Chasing a kite last time, weren’t you?”
Sweetie Belle said, “Mary Cloppins is taking us to the park.”
Flash acted as if he was bemused to hear that. “To the park? Not if I know Mary Cloppins. Other nannies take children to the park. When you’re with Mary Cloppins, suddenly you’re in places you’ve never dreamed of. And quick as you can say ‘Bob’s your uncle’, the most unusual things begin to happen.”
Twilight said, “I’m sure I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about.”
“Well, it’s not my place to say, but what she’s probably got in mind is a jolly holiday somewhere or other.” He took Pipsqueak’s hoof and helped him over the canvas while Sweetie Belle jumped over it. Flash was originally supposed to take Sweetie’s hoof and Pip would follow suit, but since the young colt was too small, the roles had to be reversed in this situation. Flash pointed to one of the drawings and said, “Something along these lines, I shouldn’t be surprised. Punting on the Trampes. That’s always good if you like an outing. Here we go.”
He held the staff and placed the rubber end on the ground. As he acted like he was rowing with it a couple of times, he made a gurgling sound before he uttered, “Sknxx! Pop!”
He went to the upstage end of the canvas and said, “The circus. How about a fun-filled circus? Lions and tigers.”
Discord smirked offstage, “And bears. Oh, my.”
Flash continued, “World-famous artistes performing death-defying feats of dexterity and skill before your very eyes.” He sounded out a fanfare as he stood up and held the staff horizontally. He imitated circus music as he pretended to walk across a high-wire with some difficulty. When he pretended he made it across, he shouted, “Ta-da!”
Pipsqueak laughed as Twilight clapped in a semi-amused way.
Sweetie pointed to a drawing and said, “Oh, that’s lovely. If you please, I’d like to go there.”
Flash and Pip leaned over the drawing and the Pegasus said, “Beautiful, isn’t it? A typical Trottish countryside as done by a true and loving hoof. Though you can’t see it, there’s a little country fair down that road and over the hill.”
Pip said, “I don’t see any road.”
Flash said as he pulled a piece of chalk from his costume, “What? No road?” As he drew a path on the drawing, he said, “Just wants a bit of something here…” He pulled out a black piece of chalk and continued, “…and a bit of something there.” When he finished drawing the road, he said, “There. A country road suitable for travel and high adventure.”
Pip asked Twilight, “Please, may we go, Mary Cloppins? Please?”
Sweetie said, “It’s such a lovely place. Don’t you think it’s lovely, Mary Cloppins?”
When Twilight looked away from the group, Flash goaded, “Now’s the time, Mary Cloppins. No one’s looking.”
The kids begged in unison, “Please, Mary Cloppins. Please!”
Twilight said, “I have no intention of making a spectacle of myself, thank you.”
Flash said, “All right, I’ll do it myself.”
Twilight quickly faced Flash and asked, “Do what?”
“Bit of magic.”
Pip asked, “A bit of magic?”
Flash said, “It’s easy. Let’s see…You think.” He put a hoof to his head and the kids copied him. “You wink.” He winked and the kids followed suit.
He continued, “You do a double blink.” All three blinked twice. He then took the kids’ hooves and said, “You close your eyes and jump.” When they jumped onto the drawing, nothing happened.
When Flash opened his eyes and pretended to look around in confusion, Sweetie asked, “Is something supposed to happen?”
Twilight shouted, “Bert, what utter nonsense!” She then sighed and went over to the trio. She told them, “Why do you always complicate things that are really quite simple? Give me your hoof, please, Michael. Don’t slouch.” When she took Pip’s hoof, she said, “One, two…”
At that moment, all four of them jumped onto the drawing. The moment they landed, Discord created a bright flash and a cloud of colored chalk. When the dust began to settle, the scenery had changed to that of the drawing and the four ponies’ outfits were now lovely suits and dresses. The audience was surprised by the new change to the scene and its quickness of timing. Of all the stunts Discord had suggested during rehearsals of the play, this was his favorite.
Sometimes during rehearsals, the cast members would cough if the chalk cloud was too large. Ever since they started performing this scene, the four ponies onstage always had to wipe the chalk dust off their clothes.
As soon as they were done cleaning themselves off, Flash complimented, “Mary Cloppins, you look beautiful.” No matter how many times he rehearsed the scene with Twilight, he never grew tired of her in her white gown.
Twilight walked past Flash to show off and smiled quite genuinely, “Do you really think so?”
“Cross my heart, you do. Like the day I met you.”
“You look fine too, Bert.”
Pip asked, “I thought you said there was a fair.”
Flash pointed stage right and said as musical chimes began playing, “So I did. Down the road and behind the hill, remember?”
Sweetie Belle said as she and Pip ran stage right, “Come on! I hear the merry-go-round.”
Flash said to the kids as they disappeared, “Tell them Bert sent you.”
Twilight said, “Don’t fall and smudge the drawing.”
The two of them then faced stage left and locked hooves. Flash sang as they skipped together, “Is it a glorious day…Right as a morning in May…I feel like I could fly…”
Flash flapped his wings in joyous glee until Twilight brought him down and said, “Now, Bert. None of your larking about.”
“Have you ever seen the grass so green? Or a bluer sky…” He locked hooves with her again and skipped together as the scenery rolled leftwards. “Oh, it’s a jolly holiday with Mary…Mary makes your heart so light…”
“You haven’t changed a bit, have you?”
Discord magically made the lights and background grayish as Flash sang, “When the day is gray and ordinary…” The draconequus then restored the scenery and lights back to normal when Flash sang, “Mary makes the sun shine bright…”
Twilight acted modest, “Oh, honestly!”
Once they locked hooves and skipped again, Flash sang, “Oh, happiness is blooming all around her…The daffodils are smiling at the dove…When Mary holds your hoof, you feel so grand…Your heart starts beating like a big brass band…” He then pretended to start hitting himself in the head with his cane. He acted dazed with each “hit”.
Twilight chuckled, “You are lightheaded.”
Flash sang as he held her hoof while on his hind legs, “It’s a jolly holiday with Mary…” When he stood up on his fours again, he sang, “No wonder that it’s Mary that we love…”
Just then, a stone wall rolled onstage and farm animals followed behind it. Twilight flew onto the staircase in between the set wall. When she sat down on a step, she took Flash by the hoof and pretended to lift him over the wall. Flash then used his wings to fly quickly over the wall and landed among the animals. Fluttershy had trained them to act startled the moment Flash flew over the wall. As soon as the commotion died down, Flash tapped his cane against his hind hoof and gestured for the animals to sing. As Discord had done for Dragon on the Hearth, he gave the animals the ability to speak – or in this case, sing.
The ram sang, “Oh, it’s a jolly holiday with Mary…”
The lambs sang as they leapt in time, “Mary makes your heart so light…”
The bull sang, “When the day is gray and ordinary…”
The cow sang, “Mooo-ary makes the sun shine bright…”
The geese sang, “Oh, happiness is blooming all around her…”
The pig sang, “The daffodils are smiling at the dove…” When the pig oinked twice, Flash pretended to look at it in surprise.
All of the farm animals sang as Flash and Twilight went across the stage, “When Mary holds your hoof, you feel so grand…Your heart starts beating like a big brass band…” The bull then kicked a metal tub four times. “It’s a jolly holiday with Mary…No wonder that it’s Mary that we love…”
The animals and the stone wall soon went stage right and disappeared behind the curtain. A gate soon rolled up to Flash and Twilight and the Pegasus opened the gate for her. He then twirled her parasol before closing it up and setting it beside his cane. He bowed before her and she pretended to blush before taking his hoof. They danced toward stage left and then Flash twirled Twilight around. She flew up in the air during the twirl before landing again.
When the ponies disappeared behind the curtain, Discord made the parasol and the cane come to life and fly into the air. He then made it look like they were dancing in mid-air as the background rolled to the left. Usually, wires or unicorn magic were required, but it still amazed the audience all the same that none of those aids were used. Flash and Twilight then came onto the stage again by walking backwards to make it look like the items were catching up to them. The ponies pretended not to take notice of the objects and continued dancing.
Flash and Twilight then stopped when two deer raced past them. This surprised the audience that they were real deer since ponies usually had to dress up like them. However, the Mane Six used their friendship with the deer from the Everfree Forest to their advantage by convincing them to act onstage for one scene. The bunnies and squirrels came up to Flash and Twilight and the ponies petted and played with them. Flash then scooped up some “flowers” and gave them to Twilight. Usually, unicorn magic had to be used to make the petals fly like butterflies. But it wasn’t the case this time. When Twilight pretended to sniff at the flowers, dozens of actual butterflies flew away. Discord chuckled from offstage when he saw that the audience could not stop gaping at the endless spectacles.
He then used his magic to allow water to passively flow onto the stage with two turtles. Again, this surprised the audience. Twilight and Flash then trotted up to the water and grabbed their items when they flew up to the ponies. The turtles swam up to the ponies as if they were offering to give them a ride. Flash and Twilight locked hooves and stepped onto the turtles’ backs while flapping their wings gently to alleviate their weight on the creatures.
Fluttershy fretted, “Oh! I hope the turtles won’t get hurt.”
Discord told her, “Relax, Flutters. They’re hardy creatures. Why do you think they have shells?” He chuckled at his own joke.
By that time, the turtles had taken the ponies to the other edge of the water. Flash grabbed Twilight’s hoof and lifted her onto the stage floor.
The alicorn looked at the turtles and said, “Thank you.”
One turtle said as he and his companion waved, “Our pleasure, Mary Cloppins.” When they dived underwater, Discord gently pushed the water to stage right and kept it there as the bridge set rolled on the stage.
Twilight and Flash walked up on the bridge as she sang, “Oh, it’s a jolly holiday with you, Bert…Gentlecolts like you are few…”
Flash said, “A vanishing breed, that’s me.”
Discord had diverted some of the water to flow under the bridge and Fluttershy ushered the swans to swim on the makeshift stream.
Twilight sang, “Though you’re just a diamond in the rough, Bert…Underneath, your blood is blue…”
Flash told her, “Common knowledge.”
“You’d never think of pressing your advantage…Forbearance is the hallmark of your creed…”
“True.”
“A lady needn’t fear when you are near…Your sweet gentility is crystal clear…Oh, it’s a jolly holiday with you, Bert…A jolly, jolly holiday with you…”
Honestly, both Flash and Twilight loved doing the scene together. Even though they were just acting, it seemed like their feelings towards one another were genuine. They couldn’t help but almost fawn over the other when they acted it out.
Discord then pushed back the bridge set and the water to make way for the restaurant set. The background rolled once more to reveal a willow tree and a lagoon beside it.
After Flash and Twilight sat down at the table, Flash called out, “Waiter! Waiter?”
Offstage, Fluttershy ushered the lead penguin, “Go on, little guy. That’s your cue.”
When the lead penguin waddled through the double doors, he clapped his flippers together. The other penguins slid up to the double doors and grabbed their props as they emerged onto the stage. However, they were testy with Discord, since he gave them a difficult time during rehearsals. One of them saw the chance to trip Discord and slid underneath him. When Discord fell onto the floor, a crack could be heard.
He cried out, “Yowww!”
Fluttershy gasped, “Goodness! Are you all right?”
He groaned, “No, I’m not! That darn penguin threw out my back!”
“Oh, don’t worry! I know just what to do to help you.”
When she rolled him on his stomach, he said, “Uh, Flutters? I don’t think now would be a good time for chiropractice .”
“I do this whenever Harry has a bad back, so it should work with you.”
Discord nervously asked, “Fluttershy, what are you doing? Fluttershy?” When it looked like she was about to strike him, he cried, “Flutters!”
The actors onstage looked towards the double doors and the music stopped when they all heard a “YAAAAGGGGHHH!”
Flash rose from his seat and sheepishly told Twilight, “I’ll go see if there’s any trouble in the kitchen. Why don’t you order the food for us?” As the scene went on without him, he opened the double doors and asked, “Is everything okay here?”
Discord moaned in delight, “It couldn’t be better, Flashy.”
Fluttershy explained as she rubbed his back, “One of the penguins tripped Discord and made him break his back. I’m going to have a serious talk with him.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to just send him to the coldest part of the South Pole?” When Fluttershy glared at him, he sheepishly chuckled, “What? I was just kidding.”
Flash then backed out of the double doors and walked back to the table as a penguin said, “Anything for you, Mary Cloppins.”
Another fawned, “You’re our favorite pony.”
Flash said as he sat down, “Right you are.” He then sang, “It’s true that Mavis and Sybil have ways that are winning…And Prudence and Gwendolyn set your heart spinning…Phoebe’s delightful, Maude is disarming…”
Flash sang, “Convivial company time and again…” Twilight acted as if she was displeased with what she was hearing and sighed in agitation. Flash continued singing, “Dorcas and Phyllis and Glynis are sorts, I’ll agree they’re three jolly good sports…But cream of the crop…Tip of the top…”
He and the penguins all finished, “It’s Mary Cloppins and there we stop…”
Twilight chuckled and gave him a warm smile that made Flash’s heart race every time he saw it. It always gave him the energy to dance with the penguins. The audience had always enjoyed this sequence, but now even more so with actual penguins dancing with Flash.
After a few minutes of dancing, Flash and the penguins sang, “When Mary holds your hoof, you feel so grand…Your heart starts beating like a big brass band…It’s a jolly holiday with Mary…No wonder that it’s Mary that we love…No wonder that it’s Mary that we love…No wonder that it’s Mary that we lo-o-o-o-o-o-ove…”
When the music ended, Twilight clapped enthusiastically as the audience clapped and cheered with her. The music resumed as soon as most of the commotion died down. Flash and the penguins danced a little more before he used his cane to lift them onto the table. The first three bowed before Twilight and jumped off the table. The last gestured for her to come close to him. When she angled her cheek towards him, he kissed her there. The penguin then jumped off the table in glee and acted as if he was gloating to his friends. Ever after one of them smacked the lovestruck penguin’s face, he just shrugged in happiness.
Twilight rose from her seat, opened her parasol, and danced with Flash as they gently flew into the air. The penguins also danced around them. The curtains closed fifteen seconds into the dancing. Musical chimes then began to play and the curtains opened again to reveal a merry-go-round. Pipsqueak rode on a griffin, Flash rode on a yak, Sweetie Belle rode on a deer, and Twilight rode on a mermare.
The kids kept shouting, “Yahoo!”
Sweetie Belle then marveled, “Our own private merry-go-round.”
Flash nodded, “Very nice. Very nice, indeed…”
In fact, he and the other cast members were impressed by how the merry-go-round turned out after Discord volunteered to help make it. When it was finished, it was much livelier than they had expected, with splashes of colors and new animals.
Flash then laid his back against the yak’s hump and continued, “…if you don’t want to go anywhere.”
Twilight said with a smirk on her face, “Who says we’re not going anywhere?” She turned to the booth inside the merry-go-round and said, “Oh, guard!”
Nearly every time the scene was rehearsed, Flash thought that he was being requested. Opening night was no exception. He mentally cursed himself as soon as he had turned his head towards Twilight. Thankfully, no one in the audience thought it was odd.
The shutter opened and Spike - who was running the merry-go-round - said, “Righto, Mary Cloppins.”
As soon as Spike pulled a fake lever, Twilight said, “Thank you.”
Discord then magically made the animals float off the merry-go-round and bob up and down on the stage in a straight line. The merry-go-round itself moved stage right to make it look like the animals and their riders were moving.
Spike said as he disappeared behind the curtain, “They’re off! It’s Mary Cloppins leading by two lengths. Jane is second by a length. Michael third…”
The background also moved from left to right to create the illusion that the actors were moving. The audience oohed and awed at such a sight.
Pip said as he and his griffin went past Sweetie, “My griffin is the fastest.”
Sweetie ushered for her deer to move faster while Flash told his yak, “Do you hear that, pal? Do you want to put up with that?” He moved his hoof forward in a circling motion and Discord made the yak go faster. Flash said, “That’s the ticket!” He told Pipsqueak, “Come on, buddy. Is that the best you can do?”
Pip told his griffin as he and Flash moved past Twilight, “Hurry up, boy. Hurry up!”
Twilight admonished, “Not so fast, please. Michael! Now really, Bert. You’re as bad as the children.”
Flash apologized to Twilight, “Sorry.” He held his hoof in front of Pip’s griffin and said, “Whoa, boy! Whoa! Easy, boy. Whoa. Whoa.”
When the colts skidded to a stop, Twilight and Sweetie went up to them as Flash said, “Just a bit of high spirits, Mary Cloppins.”
Twilight said, “Please control yourself. We are not on a racecourse.”
Just then, a colt in racer attire ran by them as he panted, “Oh, no! I’m going to be late!”
Twilight said before she ushered her mermare forward, “Follow me, please.”
The ponies rode on their animals until a racetrack slid onstage and the scenery rolled to reveal the setting of the racetrack. Twilight and the others joined in on the racing and trailed behind the herd of running horses that had just appeared from stage left. Twilight and her mermare rode through the waves of stallions effortlessly and soon found herself behind two racers who were at the front.
She asked the stallions sweetly, “Oh, racers? Would you be so kind as to let me pass?”
The yellow stallion complied, “Certainly, ma’am.”
She said as she went past them, “Thank you.”
The racers tipped their hats as the yellow colt said, “Not at all, ma’am.” The stallions then looked at each in confusion.
When Twilight crossed the finish line, DJ Pon-3 played the sound effect for cheering. The alicorn then got off her mermare and a herd of extras playing a crowd swarmed around her, congratulating her.
One stallion gave her a bouquet of roses and she smiled, “Oh. Oh, how nice.”
When the extras clapped, Pip, Sweetie, and Flash waved their candied apples in the air as they kept shouting, “Hooray!”
An actor playing a photographer then said, “Hold still now. Watch for the dickie bird.” When Twilight posed for the picture, the camera flashed.
A crowd of reporters surrounded Twilight and one of them asked, “How does it feel, Mary Cloppins, winning the race?”
Twilight pretended to act modest, “Oh, well, I…”
Another reporter asked, “Gaining fame and fortune?”
Twilight said, “Yes…”
A third reporter asked, “Having your picture taken for the newspaper?”
The alicorn answered, “Oh, naturally, I’m delighted.”
A fourth reporter then said, “Besides having your extreme good looks, if I may say so.”
Twilight tilted her head in modesty and chuckled, “Well, I wouldn’t go…”
The third reporter said, “There probably aren’t words to describe your emotions.”
Twilight held her hoof out and said to the actors playing the reporters, “Now, now, now, now, gentlecolts, please. On the contrary, there’s a very good word.” She then asked Flash, “Am I right, Bert?”
Flash said, “Tell them what it is.”
Twilight said as she took of her hat, “Right!” She sang as she put her hat on the mermare, “I-i-i-i-i-it’s supercalifragilisticexpialidocious…Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious…If you say it loud enough, you’ll always sound precocious…”
The crowd of extras sang with Twilight, “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious…”
Twilight then vocalized, “Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay…Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay…”
Most of the Ponytones and two extras played the band. Thankfully, Fluttershy took Big Mac’s place. They all sang, “Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay…Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay…”
Flash jumped down from the fence he and the kids were sitting on and gave his candied apple to Pip. He then walked over to Twilight as he sang, “Because I was afraid to speak when I was just a lad, my father gave my nose a tweak and told me I was bad…But then one day, I learned a word that saved my aching nose…”
Both he and Twilight sang, “The biggest word you ever heard and this is how it goes…”
They and the extras all sang as the couple danced, “Oh, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious…Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious…If you say it loud enough, you’ll always sound precocious…Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious…Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay…Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay…”
When she and Flash pulled apart, she and the band sang as the latter group edged downstage, “Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay…Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay…”
Twilight sang when she was next to the kids, “He traveled all around the world, and everywhere he went…He’d use his word and all would say ‘There goes a clever gent’…”
Flash sang, “When dukes and maharajahs passed the time of day with me…” He continued to sing as he and Twilight met in the center, “…I’d say my special word and then they’d ask me out to tea…”
The two both sang as they resumed dancing, “Oh, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious…Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious…If you say it loud enough, you’ll always sound precocious…Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious…Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay…Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay…”
The band vocalized the last two verses as Twilight told Flash, “You know, you can say it backwards, which is dociousaliexpiisticfragilcalirupus. But that’s going too far, don’t you think?”
Flash agreed, “Indubitably.”
Offstage, Discord held his head as he dramatized being confused, “So many tongue-twisting fancy words! Will they ever stop?!”
Twilight sang, “So when the cat has got your tongue, there’s no need for dismay…Just summon up this word and then you’ve got a lot to say…But better use it carefully or it could change your life…”
A short colt playing the drummer said, “For example…”
The alicorn turned to him and asked, “Yes?”
“One night, I said it to me girl, and now me girl’s me wife.” Torch Song pretended to hit the colt with her tambourine while DJ Pon-3 played the sound effect for the instrument. The colt added, “Oh! And a lovely thing she is, too.” He chuckled before he sang, “She’s…”
As soon as the music ended, the unseen Pegasi above the stage kicked the loaded storm clouds beneath their hooves. Lightning cracked just above the actors and thunder rumbled. As much as he hated doing it to his scenery, Discord made the background slowly drip away.
Twilight opened her parasol and called to the kids, “Jane! Michael!” Immediately, the kids went to Flash and Twilight as she said, “Stay close now.”
The four ponies waited as a foggy screen rolled down in front of them. After there was a soft flash behind the screen, it rolled up again to reveal the foursome in their now-wet outing attire. Discord made sure that the park background wouldn’t wash away with the rain, but he didn’t do the same with the canvas.
Twilight pretended to have pity towards Flash as she said, “Oh, Bert, all your fine drawings.”
Flash said, “Well, there’s more where they came from. In the meantime, I’m changing businesses. This is lovely hot-chestnut weather.”
Twilight said as she ushered the kids stage right, “Come along, children.” She turned to Flash and said, “Bye, Bert.”
Flash waved to her as he said, “Bye-bye.”
Sweetie said to Flash, “Bye, Bert. Bye.”
Flash said to the kids, “Bye, Jane and Michael.” As soon as Twilight and the kids left, Flash sang, “Chim chiminy, chim chiminy…Chim chim cheroo…La dum, da da dum, da da da da dum…” He kept humming as the curtains closed.
When the curtains parted again, Twilight and the kids were in the nursery with their wet costumes hanging by the hearth.
Pip shouted, “No, no, I won’t take your nasty medicine!”
Sweetie asked as Twilight handed the kids spoons, “Do we have to, Mary Cloppins?”
Twilight said as she opened the bottle, “Ponies who get their hooves wet must learn to take their medicine.”
Early on during the rehearsals, Discord disliked the idea of the liquid being just plain water while the actors had to pretend they were tasting something else. Thus, he suggested that the water would be different colors when it would be poured into each pony’s spoon. This way, he explained, it could actually taste like their favorite flavors. Needless to say, it pleased the cast and crew and they decided to give this new addition a chance.
As Twilight poured into Pip’s spoon, he protested, “I don’t want it. I’m not gonna –“
Sweetie pretended to shriek when the liquid being poured into her spoon was purple this time. When Twilight poured the liquid into her own spoon, it came out golden-brown.
The kids sipped their liquids and Sweetie remarked, “Grape! Delicious!”
Pip beamed, “Cherry! Mmm!”
Twilight sipped from her spoon and said, “Apple cider. Quite satisfactory.” As she put the bottle down on the table, the kids climbed into bed.
Sweetie Belle asked, “Mary Cloppins, you won’t ever leave us, will you?”
Twilight said as she tucked the filly in, “Do you have a handkerchief under your pillow?”
After Sweetie nodded, Twilight went to tuck Pip in. He asked, “Will you stay if we promise to be good?”
When the alicorn turned off the lamp, Sweetie sat up in her bed and asked, “What would we do without you?”
Twilight turned to her and said as she pretended to turn down the lights, “I shall stay until the wind changes.”
Pip asked, “But, Mary Cloppins, how long will that be?”
The alicorn said as she checked the clothes by the hearth, “Quiet, please. It’s time to go to sleep.”
Sweetie differed, “Oh, we couldn’t possibly go to sleep! So many wonderful things have happened today.”
Twilight said in mock nonchalance, “Did they?”
“Yes! When we jumped into Bert’s chalk picture…”
Pip added, “And we rode the merry-go-round, and all the animals jumped off, and…”
“And we all went riding in the countryside!”
The kids leapt in bed while shouting with excitement as Twilight sat in a chair. She asked them, “Really?”
Sweetie said, “Mary Cloppins, don’t you remember? You won the horse race!”
“A respectable pony like me in a horse race? How dare you suggest such a thing.”
Pip said, “But I saw you do it!”
Twilight pretended to warn him, “Now, not another word, or I’ll have to summon a policecolt. Is that clear?”
“It did happen! I saw it!”
“Go to sleep.”
“No, I don’t want to go to sleep.”
Sweetie said, “Mary Cloppins, we’re too excited!”
Twilight shrugged, “Very well, suit yourselves.” She then began to sing, “Stay awake…Don’t rest your head…Don’t lie down upon your bed…while the moon drifts in the skies…Stay awake…Don’t close your eyes…Though the world is fast asleep…though your pillow’s soft and deep…you’re not sleepy as you seem…
“Stay awake…Don’t nod and dream…Stay awake…Don’t nod and dream…”
By the time her song was finished, the kids acted like they were sleeping in their beds. The curtains then closed on the scene.
The patrons in the lobby and the auditorium were excitedly chattering about the play. New things had been added into the production and needless to say, they were blown away by it all. Discord chuckled behind the curtain, “You should see the looks on their faces! Priceless!”
Rainbow Dash agreed, “Yep. And none of it would’ve been possible without you, big guy.”
Pinkie Pie jumped up and down, “Yeah! Without you, I don’t think we would be having a big hit so far!”
Discord was truly amazed to be complimented. He breathed, “Oh, my…Are you saying that the audience likes my special effects?”
RD winked, “To a T.”
The draconequus was filled with pride and happiness. He then said, “Well, then, it looks like I have to up the ante for the rest of the show.”
The Pegasus stopped him, “Uh, I wouldn’t go that far, Discord.”
Discord pouted and humphed, “Hmph! Spoilsport.”
Flash was out in the lobby when he grabbed a drink from Applejack.
He said, “Thanks, Applejack.”
AJ nodded, “No problem, Flash. You did really great out there. Keep it up!”
When Flash was backstage again, he smiled at the sight of Twilight playing with her infant niece. After Cadance took her baby, the Pegasus went up to Twilight and said, “You sure are lucky to be an aunt, Twilight.”
She chuckled, “Trust me – it wasn’t easy the first time I met her.”
“Yep. But thankfully, we were able to fix it and save the Empire. Anyway, great job acting as Bert so far. You’re really taking this in stride.”
“Well, it may seem that way, but not really. I’m always nervous I’m going to mess up and ruin the performance.”
“Believe it or not, Flash, I feel that way, too. I’m supposed to be the Princess of Friendship. Taking on the beloved role of Mary Cloppins puts a lot more pressure on me than usual.”
“Gee. I never thought you had a lot of weight on your shoulders. Kind of makes me glad I’m there to help you out.”
“I really appreciate it, Flash. Thank you.” As he was about to leave, Twilight stopped him, “Oh, wait! I want to give you something. If you wouldn’t be able to sleep because of it, I might as well give it to you now. Besides, you might need it for the next scene you’re in.”
Flash was absolutely stunned when Twilight gave him a kiss on the lips. He didn’t say another word until he got to his dressing room. He then shouted gleefully, “Yes! Woo-hoo! Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes! I’m so in love, I’m so in love, I’m so in love! Weeeee!”
Discord, who was hearing this through the door, fist-pumped and whispered, “Yes! I knew it!”
As soon as the attendees were all seated and quiet again, the curtains opened. Cadance was in the dining room putting fake flowers in the vase next to the mirror. When Matilda went up to her, the princess smiled, “It’s a lovely, lovely morning, Ellen.”
Matilda agreed, “Indeed it is, ma’am.”
“Have you put the spoiled eggs in my carryall?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“After our meeting at the Albert Hall, we’re all going to Downy Street to throw things at the prime minister.” Both of them laughed as the alicorn put the last flower in the vase. When Matilda left for the kitchen door, Cadance turned stage right to see her husband walking into the dining room. She said to him, “Oh, how distinguished you look this morning, George.”
Shining Armor had to keep from smiling at his wife’s compliment. True, she complimented him nearly every day, but he had to pretend to be flabbergasted by the good mood. He asked, “What’s all that horrible caterwauling in the kitchen?”
Cadance said as she put a flower on her beloved’s costume, “It’s Cook singing.”
“Cook singing? What wrong with her?”
“She’s as happy as a cricket.” When they sat down at the table, she continued, “As a matter of fact, since you hired Mary Cloppins, the most extraordinary thing seems to have come over the household.”
Shining Armor said in an unenthusiastic tone, “Is that so?”
“Take Ellen, for instance. She hasn’t broken a dish all morning.”
Backstage, Discord was tempted to break a dish just for the fun of it, but the ponies had warned him against it.
Shining Armor said, “Really? Well, that is extraordinary.”
Cadance said, “And another thing. She and Cook usually fight like cats and dogs, but today…”
Granny Smith then opened the kitchen door and said, “Let me hold tha door for ya, Ellen dearie.”
Matilda smiled as she walked past Granny while holding a platter, “Thanks ever so much, Cook.”
Shining Armor pretended to be surprised when Matilda started vocalizing. When she set the platter down, he ordered, “Ellen, stop making that offensive noise!” DJ Pon-3 then played the sound effect of birds chirruping. “And shut the window! That bird’s giving me a headache.”
Matilda nodded, “Yes, sir.” When she set the platter next to the vase, she went to the window and shouted towards backstage, “Quiet! You’re giving the master a headache.” When the chirping stopped, Matilda closed the window.
Cadance told her husband, “I’m so sorry you’re not feeling well this morning, George.”
Shining Armor retorted, “Who said I’m not feeling well? I’m fit as a fiddle. I just don’t understand why everyone’s so confoundedly cheerful!”
Sweetie Belle and Pipsqueak then walked in from stage right while singing, “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious…Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious…”
Pip gave Cadance a bouquet of yellow flowers while Shining Armor facehoofed. As the kids continued singing, Cadance smiled, “How lovely. Thank you, my darling.”
The kids walked up to the kitchen door as it opened and they, Matilda, and Granny Smith all sang, “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious…Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious…”
Unfortunately for Granny Smith, she still couldn’t get the – as she put it – “consarned word”. Luckily, with three other voices singing it, the audience hardly noticed Granny’s mistake.
Shining Armor ordered, “Stop, stop, stop!”
Sweetie Belle and Pip ran up to the prince as the filly said, “Good morning, Father.”
Shining Armor said in a disinterested tone, “Good morning.”
“Mary Cloppins taught us the most wonderful word.”
Pip sang excitedly, “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious…”
Shining Armor asked, “What on earth are you talking about? Supercali…Super…Or whatever the darn thing is.”
Sweetie explained, “It’s something to say when you don’t know what to say.”
“Yes, well, I always know what to say. Go on, hurry along, please.”
“Yes, Father.”
Both of the kids sang as they exited stage right, “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious…”
Shining Armor asked Cadance, “Winifred, will you be good enough to explain this crazy hullabaloo?”
She said, “I don’t think there’s anything to explain, do you? It’s obvious that you’re out of sorts this morning. The children just came in to make you feel better.”
“I should like to make one thing quite clear, once and for all: I am not out of sorts. I am in a perfectly equable mood. I do not require being made to feel better!”
“But you’re always saying that you wanted a cheerful and pleasant household.”
“Winifred, I should like to a make a slight differentiation between the word cheerful and just plain giddy irresponsibility.”
Cadance looked at the fake clock behind her, which said 8:00. She said to her husband, “Excuse me, dear.” She then shouted as she rose from her seat, “Post, everyone, please!”
Shining Armor also rose from his chair and went into the foyer when the lights there lit up. He said as he walked up to a bust on a stand, “I have no objection to anyone being cheerful or pleasant. But I do expect a certain decorum. I can tell you one thing, Winifred. I don’t propose standing idly by and letting that pony Mary Cloppins undermine the discipline –“
On cue, the whole theater shook and the cannon sound effect could be heard. Shining Armor fell flat on his flank and the piano rolled up to him, compressing his chest momentarily.
When the piano slid a few inches away from him, Shining Armor continued, “There’s something odd – I must say extremely odd – about the behavior of this household since that pony arrived. And I want you to know that I’ve noticed it!”
Cadance, who pretended to struggle holding two vases with her magic, said, “Yes, dear.”
Shining Armor then played a few discordant keys on the piano. After he pushed back the piano with his magic, he said as he rose up, “One thing more.”
Cadance said as she placed the vases back where they belonged, “Yes, dear?”
He then walked up to his wife and said, “I suggest you have this piano repaired. When I sit down to an instrument, I like to have it in tune.”
Cadance said as he walked towards the hat stand near stage right, “But, George, you don’t play.”
Shining Armor pretended to snap at her, “Madam, that is entirely beside the point!”
As soon as he put on his hat and exited stage right, the curtains closed.
Backstage, Twilight said to Discord, “That shake was quite convincing, although it was bit stronger than usual.”
Discord shrugged mischievously, “What can I say? I love to put on a show.”
Rainbow muttered, “No kidding.”
When the curtains parted again, the background was now of Cherry Tree Lane and Twilight and the kids appeared from stage left.
Twilight pretended to read from a list and said, “Now, let me see. First, we must go to the piano tuner’s. And then go to Mrs. Cory’s shop for some gingerbread.”
Sweetie smiled, “Mmm, gingerbread!”
“And then we go to the farmer’s, I think, for a nice bale of hay and a pint of strawberries.”
Doctor Hooves shouted down from the boat dangling on the side of the house set, “Ahoy, there! Ahoy! Good day to you!”
“Good morning, Admiral.”
As Hayseed Turnip Truck pretended to wash the window with a mop, Doctor Hooves asked, “Michael, what fine adventure are we out upon today? Going to fight the Hottentrots? Dig for buried treasure?”
Pip answered, “We’re going to buy some food.”
“Very good! Proceed at flank speed.”
Pip saluted, “Aye aye, sir.”
Doctor Hooves said to Hayseed, “Let’s put our backs into it, lad. More spit and polish, that’s what’s wanted around here.”
Just then, Winona ran from stage left and barked at Twilight and the kids. Pip exclaimed, “It’s Andrew!”
Twilight went up to Winona and said, “Not so fast, please. I can’t understand a word you’re saying.” When Winona barked twice, Twilight remarked, “Again?” Winona barked in affirmation. “Oh, the poor soul!”
Winona continued to bark while the kids looked at her and Twilight in confusion. On cue, Winona faked a sneeze.
Twilight said, “Bless you.” After Winona barked some more, Twilight said, “Well, yes, of course. There’s not a moment to lose. I’ll go straight away. And thank you very much.”
As soon as the alicorn began to follow Winona stage left, Sweetie asked, “What did he say?”
“He said, ‘You’re welcome.’”
Sweetie asked as she and Pip followed Twilight, “What else did he say?”
Pip said, “I don’t think he said anything.”
Twilight said to Pip, “You know best, as usual.”
“I thought we were going to buy some food.”
“There’s been a change of plan. Come along, please. Don’t straggle.”
The curtains closed again. After almost a minute, they opened to reveal Flash in a hallway with a major part of the stage on the left darkened. He opened the fake door and ushered Twilight and the kids in.
Twilight said, “Oh, Bert, I’m glad you’re here.”
Flash said, “I came over the moment I heard.”
“Well, how is he?” When she heard Discord’s over-dramatized moaning, she had to muster every bit of strength to keep from face-hoofing.
Flash told her, “I’ve never seen him as bad as this, and that’s the truth.”
Twilight whispered to him, “You’re telling me.”
When she drew near a door, Flash asked, “How about them? It’s contagious, you know.”
Sweetie asked, “Will we get spots?”
Twilight answered, “Oh, highly unlikely.”
When she opened the door, the hallway became dark and the room beside it became lit up. Discord was floating close to the unseen rafters and laughing raucously as he read a joke book.
Twilight groaned, “Oh, Uncle Albert!”
Discord smiled as he put the joke book in his vest, “Oh, bless me! Bless my soul! It’s Mary Cloppins! I’m delight…” He laughed before he finished, “I’m delighted to see you, Mary.”
“Uncle Albert, you promised.”
Discord said as he was laughing, “Oh, I know, I…But I tried. Really, I did, my dear. I…” He laughed again. “But I so enjoy laughing, you know? And when…”
He laughed once more before he continued, “And when I start, it’s all up with the…” He laughed again before he said, “That’s what happens to me. Ha-ha-ha! I love to laugh! Oh, my goodness! I can’t help it. You can see that.”
He laughed before he said, “I just like laughing, that’s all. It’s good for the soul, you know.”
Twilight also ad-libbed, “That’s what you say.” When the kids then began to laugh, Twilight admonished, “Jane, don’t you dare! You’ll only make him worse. It’s really quite serious.”
Flash said, “Yes, whatever you do, keep a straight face. Last time, it took us three days to get him down.” Flash chuckled at that.
Discord began to sing, “I love to laugh…Ha-ha-ha-ha! Loud and long and clear…I love to laugh…Ha-ha-ha-ha! It’s getting worse every year…Ha-ha!
“The more I laugh…Ha-ha-ha! The more I fill with glee…”
When Flash laughed loudly, Twilight said to him, “You’re no help at all.”
Discord continued singing, “The more the glee…Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee! The more I’m a merrier me…” As Flash laughed, Discord smiled, “It’s embarrassing. Ha!” He then sang, “The more I’m a merrier me…”
When the draconequus laughed, Flash and the kids chuckled with him.
Twilight sang, “Some ponies laugh through their noses…sounding something like this…” She then did a mock giggle and said, “Dreadful!” When Discord hissed while he was laughing, Twilight sang, “Some ponies laugh through their teeth, goodness sakes…hissing and fizzing like snakes…” When she hissed/laughed back at him, Discord acted like he took offense, which he probably did. Twilight then said, “Not at all attractive to my way of thinking.”
Flash sang, “Some laugh too fast…” After he giggled rapidly, he sang, “Some only blast…” He let out a big “HA!” before he sang, “Others, they twitter like birds…” He then giggled like a bird chirping.
Twilight said, “You know, you’re as bad as he is.”
“Then there’s that kind that can’t make up their mind…” He did an assortment of different laughs.
Discord sang, “When things strike me as funny, I can’t hide it inside and squeak…” He squeaked before he sang, “As the squeakelers do…Heh-heh…I’ve got to let go-o-o…with a ho-ho-ho-ho…”
As Discord laughed, Flash thought of the kiss Twilight gave him and suddenly felt light on air. He laughed uncontrollably as he floated up to Discord with no use of his wings at all.
Discord then sang, “…and laugh…Ha-ha-ha-ha! Too…” When he grabbed Flash, he said, “How nice! I was hoping you’d turn up.”
They both laughed and then Flash said, “Turn up!”
“We always have such a jolly time.”
He and Flash both sang as they danced and laughed in mid-air, “We love to laugh…Ha-ha-ha-ha! Loud and long and clear…Oh-ho-ho-ho! We love to laugh…Ha-ha-ha-ha! So everypony can hear…Ha-ha! The more you laugh…”
The kids were about to float up when Twilight caught them with her magic. She told them, “Whoops, don’t you two start. Come back down here.”
Discord and Flash both sang, “The more you fill with glee…Ha-ha-ha-ha! The more the glee…Ha-ha-ha-ha! The more we’re a merrier we…”
As the guys both laughed, the kids floated up towards them.
Discord said as he shook their hooves, “Oh, welcome, children! Welcome! Make yourselves comfortable.”
Flash said, “That’s right. Pull up a chair.”
They all laughed at that.
Twilight chastised, “I must say, you’re a sight, all of you!”
Flash said, “Speaking of sight, it reminds me of my brother. He’s got a nice cushy job in a watch factory.”
Discord asked, “In a watch factory? What does he do?”
Flash chuckled, “He stands around all day and makes faces!” He and Discord both laughed.
When Twilight saw the foursome floating around carelessly, she said, “Such behavior! It’s the most disgraceful sight I’ve ever seen, or my name isn’t Mary Cloppins.”
Flash stopped what he was doing and assumed a pensive pose. “Speaking of names, I know a colt with a wooden leg named Smith.”
Discord asked, “What’s the name of his other leg?” When the others laughed with him, he chuckled, “Wasn’t that funny? What’s the name of his other…”
Twilight looked at her pocket watch and said, “Now then, children, it’s time for tea. I will not have my schedule interrupted.”
Discord ad-libbed, “No, really. She can’t.” Flash and the kids, along with the audience, laughed with him. After the laughter died down, he said, “Oh, please stay. Look, I have a splendid tea all ready for you.”
“And it’s getting cold.”
“Well, I had hoped that maybe, that you would just, that…” But in actuality, Discord used his magic to lift the table up to the floating actors. Of course, he acted as if he made no effort at all. “Splendid! Thank you very much!” He said to Flash and the kids, “Keep your feet back. Mind the bread and butter. Now, watch it, children.”
Flash said, “I knew she could pull it off. And a proper tea it is, too.”
Discord whispered, “Even though it was mostly just me.”
Twilight said, “Next thing, I suppose, you’ll want me to pour it out.” She then sighed, “Oh, well. If I must, I must.” She thought of the happiness she felt when she kissed Flash. Even though she kept a straight face, she floated up to the foursome. “If you’ll just stop behaving like a pack of laughing hyenas!” She cleared her throat as she grabbed a cup full of sugar cubes. “Two lumps, Uncle Albert?”
Discord said, “Yes, please.”
As Twilight put two cubes in Discord’s teacup, she asked Flash, “Bert?”
Flash refused, “No, thank you, no sugar for me.”
Sweetie said as Twilight pretended to pour milk, “I’m so glad you came. It wouldn’t be any fun without you.”
Twilight said, “Here, and you may pour some milk for Michael and yourself.”
Flash told Discord, “Nice weather we’re having this time of year, don’t you think?”
The draconequus said, “Oh, yes. Speaking of weather…The other day when it was so cold, a friend of mine went to buy some long underwear. The shopkeeper said to him, ‘How long do you want it?’ And my friend said, ‘Well, from about fall to spring.’”
He, Flash, and the kids all laughed at that as did the audience.
Twilight admonished, “Jane! Control yourself! Children, will you please sit up properly at the table?” She said to Discord as she handed him his teacup, “Your tea, Uncle Albert.”
Discord said as he grabbed it, “Oh, thank you, my dear. I’m having such a good time. I wish that you could all stay up here all the time.”
Pip said, “We’ll jolly well have to. There’s no way to get down.”
Discord differed, “Oh, no, there is a way.” Twilight flashed a grin behind her teacup as he continued, “Frankly, I don’t like to mention it, because you have to think of something sad.”
Twilight said, “Then do get on with it, please.”
Discord crossed his arms in a pensive pose and said, “Let me see…I’ve got the very thing. Yesterday, when the lady next door answered the bell, there was a colt there. And the colt said to the lady, ‘I’m terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat.’”
The actors started to descend from the table as Sweetie said, “Oh, that’s sad.”
Pip agreed, “The poor cat.”
Discord said, “And then the colt said, ‘I’d like to replace your cat.’ And the lady said, ‘That’s all right with me, but how are you at catching mice?’”
Twilight gave an agitated expression while the others laughed and rose up to the table again.
Discord shrugged while smiling, “Well, you know, I started out sad. I try, really I do. But, but everything ends up so hilarious, I can’t…Heh-heh-heh! I can’t help…”
After the others laughed with Discord, Twilight said, “That will be quite enough of that!” She pulled out her pocket watch and said, “It’s time to go home.”
She and the actors descended to the floor as Sweetie said, “Oh, that is sad.”
Pip said simultaneously, “Oh, no!”
Discord said, “Oh, that’s sad. That’s the saddest thing I ever heard.”
When the other actors landed, Twilight – already on her hooves and at the door – said to the kids, “Come along, children. Spit spot!”
Discord made his voice quiver, “Must you really go?” He whimpered to Flash, “You know, ponies come to see me all the time, you know.” He pulled out his handkerchief, which he had laced with crying powder to make his weeping more convincing, as he said in a faux broken voice, “And we have such a lovely time, and then they have to go home. And I’m very, very sad about the whole thing.”
Pip said, “Don’t worry. We’ll come back soon.”
Sweetie said as she and Pip exited the door, “We had a lovely time.”
Twilight asked Flash, “Keep an eye on Uncle Albert, will you, Bert?”
Flash said, “I’ll sit with him for a while.”
“Thank you. Come on.”
After Twilight and the kids disappeared, Flash said to a weeping Discord, “Uncle Albert, I got a good joke I saved for such an occasion. Would you like to hear it?”
Discord sniffled, “I’d be so grateful.”
“All right. Well, it’s about my grandpa, see? One night he had a nightmare, he did. He was so scared that he chewed his pillow to bits. To bits. The next morning, I say, ‘How do you feel, Grandpa?’ He says, ‘Oh, not bad. A little down in the mouth.’” He chuckled as Discord wailed. The Pegasus told him, “Yeah, I always say there’s nothing like a good joke.”
Discord sobbed, “No. And that was nothing like a good joke! That…”
As he continued crying, Flash pretended to cry with him. The curtains then closed on the pair and reopened half a minute later to the main hallway of the Flanks’ house. The kids waited on the bottom steps of the stairs until Shining Armor walked through the door and shut it in a huff.
Sweetie said as she and Pip ran up to the stallion, “Oh, Father, we’re so glad you’re home!”
Pip asked, “Want to hear a joke?”
“We had the most wonderful afternoon with Mary Cloppins.”
“Speaking of afternoons, the joke goes like this: I know a colt with a wooden leg named Smith.”
Shining Armor said in a weary tone, “Smith? We don’t know anyone called Smith.”
Pip continued, “And there was a second chap, and the second chap says, ‘What’s the name of his other leg?’”
Sweetie Belle told Shining Armor, “And we had a lovely tea party on the ceiling!”
Shining Armor sighed, “Oh, children, please be quiet.”
“Mary Cloppins says if we’re good, she’ll take us there again.”
He then looked up to see his sister walking down the stairs. “Oh, Mary Cloppins said that, did she?” He asked the kids, “Will you please return to your room?” As the kids went up the stairs, Shining Armor asked Twilight, “Mary Cloppins, will you be kind enough to come with me?”
Twilight flew over the railing and landed on the floor as she said, “As you wish.”
Her brother told her as he put his hat on a peg next to a mirror, “Mary Cloppins, I very much regret what I must say to you.”
As the hallway darkened, the foyer became lit up and Cadance walked up to Shining Armor. She said, “Good evening, George. Is anything the matter?”
Her husband told her, “I’m afraid there is.”
“I’d love to stay, but I have to dress for my rally in Hoofstead.”
“Winifred, it is my wish that you be present!”
“Oh, yes, George, of course.”
As Cadance sat down, Shining Armor stood in front of the fireplace as he said, “Mary Cloppins, I must confess I am extremely disappointed in you. I don’t deny that I am partially responsible for allowing the children to spend their days on worthless frivolity to the exclusion of all else. But it is high time they learned the seriousness of life!”
Cadance said, “But, George, they’re only children.”
“Precisely. And in the light of what has happened…”
“George, are you certain you know what you’re doing?”
Shining Armor said, “I believe I do, Winifred.” He then sang, “A Trottish bank is run with precision…A Trottish home requires nothing less…Tradition, discipline, and rules must be the tools…Without them, disorder, chaos, moral disintegration…In short, you have a crazy mess…”
Twilight said, “I quite agree.”
“The children must be molded, shaped, and taught that life’s a looming battle to be face and fought...” He said, “In short, I am disturbed to hear my children talking about popping in and out of chalk pavement pictures, consorting with racehorses, riding through the countryside…Okay, well, I don’t mind that quite so much. At any rate, it’s recreational. But tea parties on the ceiling?! I ask you! Having tea parties on the ceiling and highly questionable outings of every other kind!”
He sang, “If they must go on outings, these outings ought to be fraught with purpose…Yes, and practicality…These silly words like…” He pretended to struggle saying the word, “Superca…Super…Superca…”
“Yes, well done. You said it.” He then sang, “And popping through pictures…have little use…fulfill no basic need…They’ve got to learn the honest truth…Despite their youth, they must learn…”
Twilight sang, “About the life you lead…”
Her brother nodded, “Exactly.”
“They must feel the thrill of totting up a balanced book…A thousand ciphers neatly in a row…”
“That’s right.”
“When gazing at a graph that shows the profit’s up…their little cup of joy should overflow…”
“Precisely!”
“It’s time they learned to walk in your hoofsteps…”
“My hoofsteps.”
“To tread your straight and narrow path with pride…”
“With pride.”
“Tomorrow, just as you suggest, pressed and dressed, Jane and Michael will be at your side…”
Shining Armor smiled, “Great! You hit the nail right on the…” His smile faded just as he pretended to realize what just happened. “At my side? Where are we going?”
“To the bank, of course, exactly as you proposed.”
“I proposed?”
“Of course. Now, if you’ll excuse me, tomorrow’s an important day for the children. I will see they have a proper night’s sleep. Good night.” She then exited the foyer.
Shining Armor just stood there being flabbergasted before he went to his wife. “Winifred, did I say that I was going to take the children to the bank?”
Cadance answered, “It certainly sounded that way, dear.”
“And why not? It’s a great idea! Just the medicine they need for all this nonsensical, sugary female thinking they get around here all day long. Right. Good idea. Right. Good idea. Right.”
It almost cracked Cadance up because it reminded her of how crazy her husband acted after Flurry Heart was born. The curtains closed on the scene and then reopened to the nursery. Sweetie Belle and Pip ran up to Twilight as she entered the fake door on stage right.
Sweetie said, “Mary Cloppins, we won’t let you go!”
Twilight asked, “Go? What on earth are you talking about?”
Pip asked, “Didn’t you get sacked?”
The alicorn said, “Sacked?! Certainly not! I am never sacked!”
Sweetie smiled, “Oh, Mary Cloppins!”
Pip shouted happily as they hopped around Twilight, “Hurray, hurray, hurray!”
Twilight said, “Neither am I a maypole. Please stop spinning around me.” The audience chuckled at that.
When the kids stopped jumping around the alicorn, he said, “But…”
“Goat butt, birds fly, and children who are going on an outing with their father must get some sleep.”
Discord – who recovered from the effects of the crying powder – remarked offstage, “Way to sum it up.”
Twilight said as she ushered the kids to the beds, “Come along, please.”
Sweetie asked before she climbed into her bed, “An outing with Father?”
“Yes.”
Pip said as he and Sweetie jumped onto their beds, “I don’t believe it.”
Sweetie remarked, “He’s never taken us on an outing before.”
“He’s never taken us anywhere.”
“However did you manage it?”
Twilight asked after she tucked the kids in, “Manage what?”
Sweetie said, “You must’ve put the idea in his head somehow.”
The alicorn pretended to act indignant as she said, “What an impertinent thing to say! Me putting ideas into ponies’ heads? Really!”
“Where’s he taking us?”
“To the bank.”
Sweetie said to Pip, “Oh, Michael, the city! And we’ll see all the sights, and Father can point them out to us.”
“Well, most things he can.” She went over to the entryway to the guest room as she said, “But sometimes a pony we love, through no fault of his own, can’t see past the end of his nose.” She dipped into the entryway and Discord handed her a snow globe. To her surprise, it was a snow globe that featured a small figurine of Discord in a chaotic wonderland. She hissed, “Discord!”
Discord shrugged mischievously, “What? I think we should advertise this during the show and then sell more afterwards.”
“Well, now may not be the best time to-“
They then heard Sweetie ask, “Twi – I mean, Mary Cloppins? What do you mean by ‘past the end of his nose’?”
Discord grumbled as he switched snow globes, “Oh, fine, here.”
Twilight said, “Thank you.” She then backed out of the doorway and went to the kids. She sheepishly ad-libbed, “I must’ve packed more stuff than I thought I had.” She cleared her throat and continued, “So, anyway, sometimes a little thing can be quite important.”
When she sat on Sweetie’s bed, Pip exclaimed, “Oh, look! The cathedral.”
Sweetie said, “Father passes that every day. He sees that.”
Twilight then sang, “Early each day to the steps of St. Stall’s…the little old bird pony comes…”
Discord snickered at the verse every time it was sung on account of thinking of a hybrid between a pony and a bird. Fluttershy then nudged him to make him stop giggling.
Twilight continued to sing, “In her own special way…to the ponies, she calls…Come buy my bags full of crumbs…” She then shook the globe as she sang, “Come feed the little birds…Show them you care…and you’ll be glad if you do…Their young ones are hungry…Their nests are so bare…All it takes is tuppence from you…
“Feed the birds…Tuppence a bag…Tuppence, tuppence…Tuppence a bag…Feed the birds…That’s what she cries while overhead, her birds fill the skies…All around the cathedral, the saints and apostles look down as she sells her wares…Although you can’t see it, you know they are smiling each time someone shows that he cares…
“Though her words are simple and few, listen, listen…She’s calling to you…Feed the birds…Tuppence a bag…Tuppence, tuppence…Tuppence a bag…”
As the unseen choir vocalized, Sweetie and Pip pretended to drift off to sleep. Meanwhile, many members of the audience were crying softly from the beauty of the song and the message of the words. Even Fluttershy was crying from the song. Though Discord wasn’t deeply touched by the song as she was, he kindly dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief, thankfully not the one laced with crying powder.
When the vocalizing died down, Twilight finished singing, “Though her words are simple and few, listen, listen…She’s calling to you…Feed the birds…Tuppence a bag…Tuppence, tuppence…Tuppence a bag…”
The curtains then closed as the song ended. The audience clapped with such vigor at how beautiful the song was. But regardless of the circumstances, they probably would’ve done so anyway.
When the curtains opened again, the scenery was that of the city and Shining Armor and the kids appeared from stage left. He told the children, “Now remember that a bank is a quiet and decorous place, so we must be on our best behavior.”
Pip said, “But I thought it was your bank.”
“Yes, well, I’m one of the younger officers, so in a sense it is, sort of.”
Sweetie stopped and cried, “Michael, look!”
When the others stopped, an elderly pony dressed in ratty attire rolled onto the stage via a stair set. Fluttershy had also trained the birds to surround the bird pony and feed off the crumbs.
Pip shouted, “It’s her!”
Shining Armor asked, “Who? It’s who?”
Sweetie explained, “The bird pony. Just where Mary Cloppins said she would be. You do see her, don’t you, Father?”
“Well, of course I can see her. Do you think I can’t see past the end of my nose?”
Discord giggled backstage at the irony of the line.
Pip said, “Listen, Father, she’s saying it.”
The bird pony then uttered, “Feed the birds. Tuppence a bag.”
Shining Armor said, “Well, of course she’s saying it. What else would she be saying?”
Sweetie asked as she and Pip faced the prince, “Please, may we feed the birds?”
“Whatever for?”
Pip said, “I have tuppence from my money box.”
Sweetie asked, “Just this once, please?”
Shining Armor said, “Waste your money on a lot of ragamuffin birds? Certainly not.”
“But Mary Cloppins…”
“I am not interested in what Mary Cloppins says. Nor do I wish to keep hearing her name for the remainder of the day. Now come along!”
Pip argued, “But it’s my tuppence!”
Before the young colt could go near the bird pony, Shining Armor ordered, “Michael, I will not permit you to throw your money away!” The kids always hated it when Shining Armor shouted like that, even though it was supposed to be acting. “When we get to the bank, I will show you what may be done with your tuppence. And I think you’ll find it extremely interesting.”
When the kids followed Shining Armor stage right, the curtains closed again. The curtains opened again to the scenery of a bank. While the extras were playing bank tellers and customers, Shining Armor and the kids walked through a set of double doors and made their way to the far end of stage right, which was mostly empty. As they approached there, a group of actors playing the bank directors appeared from behind the curtain.
Martingale, who played Mr. Donks Jr., said to Shining Armor, “Hello, Flanks. What’s all this about?”
Shining Armor explained, “These are my children, Mr. Donks.”
“Well, so I assumed. But why are they here?”
“They wish to open an account, sir.”
“Oh, indeed?”
“Yes.”
Martingale then asked Pip, “And just how much money do you have, young colt?”
Pip held out his bits as he said, “Tuppence. But I want it to feed the birds.”
Shining Armor tried to shush him, but then a voice asked, “Tuppence?”
It was then that Cranky Doodle Donkey slowly walked onstage with a cane. He said, “Tuppence? Exactly how I started.”
Shining Armor whispered to the kids, “That’s the chairman of the bank, the elder Mr. Donks. A giant in the world of finance.”
Pip asked, “A giant?” He was again shushed by Shining Armor.
Martingale said to Cranky in a loud voice, “Uh, Father, these are Flanks’s children. They want to open an account.”
Cranky said, “Oh, they do, do they? Terrific, terrific. We can always use…” He tripped for a bit and quietly cursed, “Darn this cane.” He continued in his normal voice, “…use more money to put to work for the bank, can’t we?” He walked over to the kids and said, “So, you have tuppence? May I see it?”
Pip protested, “No. I want it to feed the birds.”
“Fiddlesticks, colt! Feed the birds and what have you got? Fat birds! But…”
Cranky began to sing, “If you invest your tuppence…wisely in the bank…safe and sound…Soon that tuppence safely invested in the bank…will com-pound…And you’ll achieve that sense of conquest…as your affluence expands…In the hooves of the di-rectors…who invest*Kaff!* …as propriety*Cough! Cough!* …demands *Cough! Hack!*…”
Shining Armor asked, “May I, sir?”
“Go ahead, Flanks.”
“You see, Michael, you’ll be part of…” He then sang, “Railways through Africolt!”
“Exactly!”
“Dams across the Neigh-le!”
“The ships. Tell them about the ships.”
“Fleets of ocean greyhounds!”
“More, tell them more!”
“Majestic self-amortizing canals!”
“Oh, it fires the imagination!”
“Plantations of ripening tea...All from…”
The stallions and Cranky then sang, “Tuppence prudently, thriftily, frugally invested in the…”
Cranky sang, “To be specific…”
The adults all sang, “In the Donks, Roans, Mousely, Grubs Fidelity Fiduciary Bank…”
Cranky then pounded his cane as the others – sans Shining Armor and the children – walked around and nodded to each other in time. He then turned to Pip and said, “Very well, young colt. Give me the money.”
Pip resisted, “No, I won’t! I want it to feed the birds.”
The donkey turned to the prince and asked, “Flanks?
Shining Armor said to Pip, “Yes, sir. Now, Michael…” He sang, “When you deposit tuppence in a bank account…”
“Go on!”
“Soon, you’ll see…”
“Tell them more!”
“That it blooms into credit of a generous amount…Semiannually…”
The adults all sang, “And you’ll achieve that sense of stature…as your influence expands…to the high financial strata…that established credit now commands…”
Cranky sang as the adults closed in on the kids, “You can purchase first and second trust deeds…Think of the foreclosures! Bonds, chattels, dividends, shares…”
A stallion sang, “Bankruptcies…”
A second sang, “Debtor sales…”
A third sang, “Opportunities…”
Martingale sang, “All manner of private enterprise…”
The first sang, “Shipyards…”
The second sang, “The mercantile…”
The third sang, “Collieries…”
Martingale sang, “Tanneries…”
Shining Armor sang, “Corporations…”
Cranky sang, “Amalgamations…”
All of the adults sang as the kids hit the wall behind them, “Banks!”
Cranky then said, “While stand the banks of Trottingham…the country stands.” When he was about to fall over, the stallions grabbed him. He continued, “When fall the banks of Trottingham, the country falls!” When he was falling backwards, the adults grabbed him again. Shining Armor said to Pip, “You see, Michael? All for the lack of…”
The stallions and Cranky sang, “Tuppence…Patiently, cautiously, trustingly invested in the…” Pip slowly opened his hoof as the adults sang, “To be specific, in the Donks, Roans, Mousely, Grubs Fidelity Fiduciary Bank!”
Cranky immediately grabbed the bits from Pip and said, “Welcome to our happy family of investors.”
Pip shouted as he struggled to grab the bits from Cranky, “Give it back! Gimme back my money!”
Shining Armor said, “Michael, behave!”
“Give it to me!”
As the stallions clamored to stop the struggle, which Sweetie now just joined, Shining Armor ordered, “Michael, behave! Jane! Jane!”
Pip still shouted, “Gimme back my money!”
“Jane! Michael! Michael! Michael!”
“Gimme back my money!”
“Michael!”
The extras playing the bank tellers and customers soon turned their heads to the scene. One mare said, “There’s something wrong. The bank won’t give someone their money!”
Another mare with her said, “Well, I’m going to get mine!” She turned to the stallion playing a bank teller and demanded, “Come along, young colt! Every penny!”
The first mare agreed, “And mine, too!”
A stallion noticed this and told the pony in the booth, “And give me mine, too!”
Soon, ponies began to scramble onstage and went to the booths. A stallion told a bank teller, “Stop all payments! Stop all payments!”
Even though the bank tellers closed their booths, ponies still scrambled towards them. Discord chuckled offstage, “Ooh, hoo, hoo! This is delectable chaos. I never grow tired of this scene.”
Just then, Pip grabbed the bits back from Cranky and he and Sweetie ran into the frenzied crowd.
Shining Armor shouted, “Children, come back here!”
Cranky shouted, “Stop those kids!”
“Jane! Michael!”
When they ran stage left, the curtains closed. They then reopened to the scenery of an alleyway. The kids ran from stage left and stopped at center stage.
Sweetie panted, “Are we safe?”
Pip panted, “For now. Come on, we need to get home.”
“But…How do we get there?”
A soot-covered stallion then appeared from stage right and said, “I believe I can help you with that.”
The kids shrieked and then Pip asked, “Who are you?”
“Well, who do you think? It’s your old friend!”
Sweetie smiled, “Bert, it’s you!”
Flash tipped his cap as he said, “In the flesh and at your service.”
Pip remarked, “You’re filthy!”
“Oh, perhaps a smudge or two.” He pulled out a handkerchief and wiped the soot from his face. “It so happens that today, I’m a chimney sweep.”
Sweetie’s eyes glistened as she said, “Oh, Bert, we’re so frightened.”
“Now, now, don’t think that. I’ll take care of you like I was your own father. Now, who’s after you?”
“Father is.”
“What?”
Pip explained, “He brought us to see his bank.”
Sweetie said, “I don’t know what we did, but it must’ve been something awful.”
“He sent the police after us, and the army and everything.”
“Michael, don’t exaggerate.”
Flash said, “Well, now, there must be some mistake. Your dad’s a fine gentlecolt, and he loves you!”
Sweetie sniffled, “I don’t think so. You should’ve seen the look on his face.”
Pip’s voice broke, “He doesn’t like us at all.”
Flash said, “Well, now that doesn’t seem likely, does it?”
The filly said, “It’s true.”
“Let’s sit down.” As the ponies sat down, Flash said, “You know, begging your pardon, but the one my heart goes out to is your father. There he is in that cold, heartless bank day after day, hemmed in by mounds of cold, heartless money. I don’t like to see any living thing caged up.”
Sweetie pretended to cry, “Father…in a cage?”
“They make cages in all sizes and shapes, you know. Bank-shaped some of them, carpets and all.”
“Father’s not in trouble. We are.”
“Oh, sure about that, are you?” When Sweetie nodded tearfully, Flash said, “Look at it this way. You’ve got your mother to look after you. And Mary Cloppins and Constable Jones and me. Who looks after your father? Tell me that.
“When something terrible happens, what does he do? Fends for himself, he does. Who does he tell about it? No one! Doesn’t talk about his troubles at home. He just pushes on at his job, uncomplaining and alone and silent.”
Pip protested, “He’s not very silent!”
Sweetie chastised, “Michael, be quiet.” She asked Flash, “Bert, do you think Father really needs our help?”
Flash answered, “Well, it’s not my place to say.” As they stood up, he continued, “I only observe that a father can always do with a bit of help. Come on, I’ll take you home.”
The curtains closed and opened again to the scenery of Cherry Tree Lane. The music started as Flash and the children skipped from stage right.
The Pegasus began to sing, “Chim chiminy, chim chiminy…Chim chim cheree…A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be…Chim chiminy, chim chiminy…Chim chim cheroo…” He continued to sing as he shook hooves with a random pony, “Good luck will rub off when I shake hands with you…Or blow me a kiss…” When a passing mare blew him a kiss, he caught it with his hoof. “And that’s lucky, too…
“Now as the ladder of life has been strung…you might think a sweep’s on the bottommost rung…Though I spend my time in the ashes and smoke…in this whole wide world, there’s no happier bloke…Chim chiminy, chim chiminy…Chim chim cheree…A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be…Chim chiminy, chim chiminy…Chim chim cheroo…Good luck will rub off when I shake hands with you…”
He and the kids then sang, “Chim chiminy, chim chiminy…Chim chim cheree…A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be…Chim chiminy, chim chiminy…Chim chim cheroo…Good luck will rub off when I shake hands with you…”
Sweetie Belle ran up and rang the doorbell. Flash then said, “Well, I’ll be getting along now.”
Sweetie pleaded, “Oh, please stay till Father comes home. He’ll feel much better if you shake hooves with him.”
The door opened and Matilda leaned out. She then turned behind her and said, “It’s the children, ma’am.”
Cadance then walked into view and said, “I thought they were with their father. You haven’t been running off again, have you? You know how terribly it upsets me.”
Flash said, “Oh, they haven’t exactly been running away, ma’am. They have had a bit of a fright, though. They need someone to look after them.”
“Oh, of course! Mary Cloppins will.” Her smiled faded when she pretended to realize, “Oh, no, it’s her day off!” She asked Matilda, “Ellen, I wonder if you would…”
The donkey answered, “No, ma’am. I haven’t done my brasses yet.”
“Well, will you ask Mrs. Tail?”
“Not for a hundred bits, ma’am. It’s baking day, and you know how Cook is!”
Cadance turned to Flash and asked, “What about you, sir? You’ve been so kind looking after the children.”
Flash said, “Me, ma’am? I-I-I have to be moving along. The mayor’s got a stopped-up chimney.”
“Chimney. How clever of you to know. Our drawing room chimney’s in the most awful condition. Smokes incessantly.” Before Flash could say anything, Cadance said, “Thank you so much!”
“But…”
Cadance said as she ran past him and the kids, “Besides, it’ll amuse the children.
“The mayor’s gonna be terribly put out.”
She turned to them and said, “Oh, thank you so much. I do appreciate it. I must hurry. Our gallant ladies in prison are waiting for me to lead them in song!” She said as she ran stage right, “Goodbye, my darlings! See you soon!”
The curtains closed once more and opened again to the foyer, where the furniture was now covered in white sheets.
Flash sang as the kids covered up a chair and table, “I choose my bristles with pride, yes, I do…A broom for the shaft and brush for the flue…”
He leaned into the fireplace as Sweetie said, “Oh, it’s awfully dark and gloomy up there.”
Flash said, “There now – you see how wrong ponies can be? That there is what you might call a doorway to a place of enchantment.” He then sang, “Up where the smoke is all billowed and curled…’Tween pavement and stars is the chimney-sweep world…When there’s hardly no day, nor hardly no night…there’s things half in shadow...and halfway in light…On the rooftops of this town…Oh, what a sight…”
Sweetie said, “I wish we could go up there.”
Pip agreed, “So do I! I like chimneys.”
Flash said, “Oh, yeah! A chimney is a wondrous thing.” He then put his brush up the fireplace as he said, “She’s built tall right up there on the roof. When the wind is just right, it blows across her top and draws the smoke right up the flue. Here. Feel the pull on the end of that brush.” When Pip grabbed the brush, Flash continued, “It’s like you’ve got a whale on the end of the line, isn’t it?”
Twilight then walked into the foyer and warned, “Michael, be careful. You never know what may happen around a fireplace.”
Backstage, Discord waved his arm upwards in a quick motion. In that moment, Pip flew up the fireplace.
Twilight groaned, “Oh, great!”
Offstage, Pip just rocketed out of the pipe connected to the fireplace and was heading for the rafters. He yelled as he scrambled in mid-air.
Fluttershy gasped, “Discord, he’s too high!”
Discord said as he got ready to fly up, “Don’t worry, Flutters! I got him!”
He then zipped into the air at a rapid speed and quickly grabbed Pip. He tumbled in mid-air for a few moments before Discord finally floated again.
Pip chuckled, “That was fun!”
Discord gave Fluttershy a smug look, which conveyed his message that a little danger and chaos could be fun sometimes.
Onstage, Sweetie shouted up the fireplace, “Michael! Michael, come back down here! Michael! Michael, where are you?”
Flash said to Twilight as he walked over to her, “Well, that’s a bit awkward, I must say.”
Twilight admonished, “Bert, I’ll thank you to stop putting ideas in their heads!”
With an upwards wave of Discord’s lion paw, Sweetie Belle then flew up the fireplace. Twilight and Flash saw this and the alicorn said, “There goes the other one!”
Flash asked, “Should I go after them?”
“Well, we can’t have them gallivanting up there like kangaroos, can we?”
As Flash and Twilight were exchanging lines, Sweetie quickly shot up the pipe backstage. Before she could fall down to the floor, a very light yellow aura enveloped her. She looked down to see Flurry Heart giggling in Fluttershy’s arm.
Discord said as he grabbed Sweetie, “Thank you, Flurs. I’ll have to repay you someday. How about making you my apprentice?”
Fluttershy scolded, “Discord!”
Discord chuckled, “What? I was only joking! But still…”
Just before the curtains opened again, a trap door was opened to make way for a pit. After Twilight, Flash, and the kids had sooty powder applied on them, Sweetie Belle and Pip went to the front of the stage. Discord, who was in the pit behind the rooftop set, grabbed for Twilight and held her in a T-pose.
Twilight told him, “Okay, Discord. Don’t throw me higher than you have to.”
Discord chuckled, “Oh, come now, Twilight. You know I love making a fool out of you.” When she glared at him, he said in defeat, “All right.”
When the curtains parted, Sweetie Belle put her hoof on Pip’s shoulder and said, “Michael, don’t be frightened. Everything’s going…”
She was soon interrupted by a puff of smoke from the chimney set. Immediately afterwards, Discord launched Twilight into the air. While she was spreading her wings, Flash joined the draconequus in the pit.
When the Pegasus held his broom upwards, Discord said, “Careful, don’t hit me in the eye.”
Flash said, “I have never hit you in the eye all the times we rehearsed this scene.”
“Well, that doesn’t keep me from worrying.”
Twilight – who had just landed on the stage - then said to the kids, “Will you put your things on at once?”
Just after she said her line, Discord launched Flash into the air. Flash then flapped his wings and said as he landed, “There you are! I thought you’d left us.”
Sweetie said ashamedly, “We didn’t mean to.”
“Well, no harm done. Truth is, this is what you might call a fortuitous circumstance.” He pointed stage left and said, “Look there. A trackless jungle just waiting to be explored.” He turned to Twilight and asked, “Why not, Mary Cloppins?”
Sweetie pleaded, “Oh, please, Mary Cloppins?”
Pip said, “Please!”
Twilight sighed, “Oh, well. If we must, we must.” She took out her compact mirror and dabbed more sooty powder on her face. She then said, “Fall in.” As the other three formed a line, Twilight cleared her throat, “Look lively, look lively. Jump to it, jump to it! Get in line.”
She then shouted, “Atte-e-e-ention! A-slo-o-o-ope arms!” The trio held their brooms over their shoulders and Twilight said, “Aro-o-o-o-ound turn!” Flash and the kids faced stage left as Twilight marched to the front of the line. She then ordered, “Qui-i-ick march!”
The actors pretended to march as the background of the chimneys rolled towards stage right. A DFE chimney prop then rolled onstage with the help of Discord’s magic. Pip came up to it and shouted into it, “Hello, there!”
Discord held a similar chimney prop offstage and said, “Sorry to do this to you, Squeakers.”
As Discord blew into his prop, Pip’s face got covered in sooty powder. Flash chuckled as he wiped the colt’s face, “It’s just good, clean soot, Michael.” He then asked Twilight, “This is as far as we go, right?”
The alicorn responded, “Not at all.”
The ponies continued to march stage left until they got to a “smoking” chimney. Twilight used her magic to poke her umbrella into the smoke while blowing at it. Discord used his tricks once again to make a staircase out of the smoke. Originally, an actual staircase was going to be used, but at Discord’s behest, the smoke itself would provide the staircase. The actors were unsure about walking on it at first in fear that they would just fall onto the stage. However, they learned that it was completely safe.
The actors then walked up the smoke staircase and climbed onto an overlook that rolled onstage.
Flash then told the ponies, “What did I tell you? There’s the whole world at your hooves. And who gets to see it but the birds, the stars, and the chimney sweeps?”
The audience gasped when the scenery of Trottingham changed from sunset to night before their eyes. They had expected another background to replace the one before it, but Discord had a trick up his sleeve. He smiled offstage at the audience’s sheer amazement.
Twilight then said, “It’s very nice, but we should all get out of the night air. Follow me, please.”
The ponies climbed onto a smoky cloud and it slowly descended onto the stage floor. A spotlight then lit on the actors as the rest of the stage went dark. Discord then grabbed the background and spun it until it was of the rooftops. He also moved many props of chimneys onstage with his magic.
As he did so, Twilight sang, “Chim chiminy, chim chiminy…Chim chim cheree…When you’re with a sweep, you’re in glad company…”
Flash sang, “Nowhere is there a more happier crew…”
Both sang, “Than those who sing chim chim cheree, chim cheroo…”
A chimney then rose onto the stage and the ponies landed on the floor as the smoke cloud disappeared into the prop.
The couple then sang, “Chim chiminy chim chim…Cheree chim cheroo…”
Many stallions playing chimney sweeps popped out of the chimney props as they shouted, “Cheroo! Cheroo! Cheroo! Cheroo! Cheroo! Cheroo!”
Flash excitedly said, “It’s all my pals!” He threw his broom on the floor and said to the extras, “Step in time! Step in time!”
Some Pegasi then flew out from the props, but Discord used his magic to make sure the unicorns and Earth ponies did, too. The sweeps all said as they jumped and/or flew out from the props, “Step in time! Step in time! Step in time!”
“Step in time!” Flash sang as he and the sweeps began to dance, “Step in time, step in time…Come on, buddies, step in time!”
The sweeps and Flash then sang, “Step in time! Step in time, step in time…Step in time, step in time…Never need a reason, never need a rhyme, we step in time, we step in time!”
Flash shouted, “Kick your hooves up!”
He and the sweeps sang as they and Flash did so, “Kick your hooves up, step in time…Kick your hooves up, step in time…Never need a reason, never need a rhyme, kick your hooves up, step in time!”
“Round the chimney!”
“Round the chimney, step in time….Round the chimney, step in time…Never need a reason, never need a rhyme, round the chimney we step in time!”
“Flap like a birdie!”
“Flap like a birdie, step in time…Flap like a birdie, step in time…Never need a reason, never need a rhyme, flap like a birdie…in time!”
“Up on the railing!”
“Up on the railing, step in time…Up on the railing, step in time…Never need a reason, never need a rhyme, up on the railing, step in time…”
“Over the rooftops!”
“Over the rooftops, step in time…Over the rooftops, step in time…Never need a reason, never need a rhy-y-y-y-yme…Step in time! Over the rooftops, over the rooftops!”
“Link your elbows!”
“Link your elbows, step in time…Link your elbows, step in time…Link your elbows, link your elbows, link your elbo-o-o-o-ows!”
While the sweeps were dancing in a swirl-like pattern, one of them took Flash by the hoof and swung him with the others. The front row patrons gasped when Flash flew over them for a moment. He made as soft a landing as possible near the chimney where Twilight and the kids were.
The sweeps then sang, “Step in time, step in time…Step in time, step in time…Never need a reason, never need a rhyme, you step in time, you step in time!”
Flash rejoined the sweeps and danced with them for a couple of minutes. He then went up to Twilight and said, “Mary Cloppins, step in time!”
She and Flash then danced as the sweeps danced and pounded their brooms in time. Twilight then danced with a few other sweeps before she gave a few moves by herself. When she danced one way, the others followed suit. She then twirled into the air and the other sweeps copied her while giving flattering remarks. She twirled again for a longer period of time and the others did the same.
Twilight twirled once more, but this time, Discord spun her with his magic. He had pointed out during rehearsals that using the wings would be considered cheating, so he decided to spin her rapidly in the air. Twilight didn’t particularly like this scene on account of how nauseous she almost felt each time. Even when she landed on the floor again, she had to act like she wasn’t dizzy and sat on the chimney prop.
The sweeps then swarmed her, pleading for her to pull the stunt again. When she held out her hoof in refusal, the sweeps resumed dancing. Flash joined them after a minute or two. After some more dancing, Admiral Hoof’s house rolled in from stage left and Doctor Hooves was looking through his telescope.
Hooves then shouted, “We’re being attacked by Hottentrots!”
Hayseed Turnip Truck agreed, “Aye aye, sir.”
“Cheeky devils! Give them what for! Empty the shot lockers!”
“Aye aye, sir!”
As Hayseed put ammo in the cannon, Doctor Hooves told him, “Move along, Mr. Bittacle. Handsomely now. Teach the beggars a lesson.”
Hayseed then held the linstock and said, “Gun ready, sir.”
“Stand by. Fire!”
Discord insisted on using actual fireworks, but he was met with rejection. Not wanting to take “no” as an answer, he replaced the empty cans with magical fireworks. When the cannon fired, fireworks flew and blew up on the stage and over the audience, but all at a safe distance. This shocked the audience, but it caught the actors off-guard, especially when the fireworks were unpredictable, much like the spirit of chaos who suggested using them in the first place. The sweeps all ran in frenzy across the stage, narrowly missing some fireworks left and right. Offstage, Discord was laughing his head off at the amusement and mayhem of it all.
Fluttershy shouted among the loud noise, “Discord, stop it! You’re going to hurt somepony!”
He replied in an amused tone, “Oh, relax, Flutters! No one’s going to get hurt! I’ll stop when the sweeps reach the chimney.”
Just then, they heard one sweep say, “Hey, fellas! Let’s go in that chimney!”
Discord smiled, “See?”
When he snapped his fingers, the fireworks died as the curtains closed. As the stagehooves were changing the sets, Twilight then marched up to Discord in a huff and said, “Discord! I know you were behind the fireworks!”
Discord shrugged happily, “What can I say? I like spicing up the show a bit. And besides, shouldn’t you get ready for the next scene?” He gave a sly grin.
Twilight sighed agitatedly, knowing he was right. When the curtains opened again, the sweeps were all coming down the fireplace and tumbling into the foyer. When they began dancing, Granny Smith entered from behind the set curtain and screamed, “Aah! They’re at it again!”
The sweeps sang as they swarmed her, “They’re at it again, step in time…At it again, step in time…” As the kids tumbled out of the fireplace, the sweeps continued to sing, “They’re at it again, step in time!”
After Twilight and Flash entered through the fireplace, Matilda ran onstage as she shouted, “Ow!”
The sweeps sang as they danced with her, “Ow, step in time…Ow, step in time…Never need a reason, never need a rhyme…Step in time!”
The main hallway then lit up and Cadance was at the door. She asked, “Oh, Ellen, when you have a second…”
The sweeps sang, “Votes for the mares, step in time…Votes for the mares, step in time…”
Cadance tried to protest as they lifted her up for a few moments, “Oh, no, really, not at the moment.”
“Votes for the mares!”
Cadance then cheered, “Votes for the mares!”
Discord chortled offstage, “Oh-ho, this is simply too much fun! I really must join them!” He turned into a taupe stallion and went onstage to join the sweeps.
Fluttershy shouted, “Discord!”
Flurry Heart then flew by her as the baby cried, “Wheee!”
Fluttershy shouted in a more panicked tone, “Flurry Heart!”
Suddenly, Shining Armor knocked into her and both fell to the floor. Luckily, the audience didn’t notice it amidst the sea of dancing actors.
Fluttershy quietly apologized, “I’m so sorry.”
Shining Armor whispered, “It’s okay, Fluttershy. Just grab Flurry Heart, but be discreet.”
She nodded, “Got it.”
When she dipped into the crowd of chimney sweeps, Shining Armor stood up and pretended to be shocked at the scene.
Matilda shouted as she danced with a sweep, “It’s the master!”
The sweeps sang, “It’s the master, step in time…It’s the master, step in time…”
Shining Armor stumbled amidst the crowd as he repeated in surprise, “What’s all this? What’s all this?”
The sweeps copied his words as they sang, “What’s all this? What’s all this? What’s all this? It’s the master, step in time…”
“What’s all this? What’s all this?”
“Kick your hooves up, kick your hooves up…”
Twilight then turned to Flash on the stairs and said, “Bert.”
Flash whistled to his pals just as Fluttershy grabbed Flurry Heart. Discord grabbed her and said, “Come on, my dear. Time to get going!”
After a few sweeps shook Shining Armor’s hoof and exited stage left, Discord followed suit. Pip then did the same thing, but before he could leave the stage, Shining Armor held him back and removed his cap.
Pip said, “Good luck, guv’nor.”
As the rest of the sweeps were exiting stage left, Discord chortled as he turned back into his regular self, “Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I tell you, I haven’t had this much fun since the Grand Galloping Gala!” When Fluttershy ignored him and walked away, he muttered in confusion, “Fluttershy?”
After the music stopped, Sweetie Belle said to Shining Armor, “Oh, Father, every one of those sweeps shook your hoof. You’re going to be the luckiest pony in the world!”
Discord didn’t seem to think so about himself.
Twilight ushered the kids, “Come along, children. Spit spot.”
Shining Armor turned towards the stairs and angrily said, “Just a moment, Mary Cloppins. What is the meaning of this outrage?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Will you be good enough to explain all of this?”
“First of all, I would like to make one thing quite clear.”
“Yes?”
Twilight then said smugly, “I never explain anything.”
As she and the kids walked upstairs, Shining Armor went into the foyer with Flash Sentry. As soon as the hallway went dark, a piece of paper hit Shining Armor in the head. Discord’s aim was a little off on account of Fluttershy being upset with him.
Shining Armor took the paper and opened it, reading aloud, “’To George Flanks. This is Mr. Donks, Sr.’” His eyes widened and he pretended to be shocked as he continued, “’We want you at the bank at 9:00 sharp without fail. The matter is darn serious and we regret this course of action. After all, you’ve been with us a good many years as was your father before you. Do not be late.’”
Flash winced, “Ooh. Not exactly an encouraging letter, I must say.”
Shining Armor said nothing as he leaned over the fireplace. He then said, “A colt has dreams…of walking with giants. To carve his niche…in the edifice of time.” He sang, “Before the mortar of his zeal has a chance to congeal…” He said, “The cup is dashed from his lips! The flame is snuffed a-borning. He’s brought to ruin in his prime.”
Flash said to him, “Life can be that harsh, governor, and that’s the truth.”
“You know what I think? It’s that pony Mary Cloppins. From the moment she stepped into this house, things began to happen to me!”
“Mary Cloppins?”
“Yes! Yes, of course.” Shining Armor sang, “My world was calm…well-ordered, exemplary…Then came this pony with chaos in her wake…And now my life’s ambitions go with one fell blow…It’s quite a bitter pill to take…”
The prince then said, “It’s that Cloppins pony! She did it!”
Flash smiled, “I know the very pony you mean. Mary Cloppins. She’s the one who sings…” He then sang, “A spoonful of sugar…That is all it takes…It changes bread and water into tea and cakes…”
Shining Armor said, “You see? That’s exactly what I mean! Changing bread and water into tea and cakes! No wonder everything’s loopy around here.”
“A spoonful of sugar goes a long, long way…Have yourself a healthy helping every day…” He then said to the white stallion, “A healthy helping of trouble, if you ask me.”
“Do you know what she did? I realize now. She tricked me into taking Jane and Michael to the bank. That’s how all the trouble started.”
“Tricked you into taking the children on an outing?”
“Yes.”
“Outrageous! A colt with all the important things you have to do. Shameful! You’re a colt of high position. Esteemed by your peers.” Flash sang, “And when your little ones are crying, you don’t have time to dry their tears…and see their grateful little faces smiling up at you…because their dad, he always knows just what to do…”
Shining Armor said nervously, “Well, I mean, look, I don’t think I…”
“Like you say, governor.” He sang, “You’ve got to grind, grind, grind at that grindstone…though childhood slips like sand through a sieve…And all too soon they’ve up and grown…and then they’ve flown…and it’s too late for you to give…Just that spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down…The medicine go down, medicine go down…”
Flash said as he put on his cap and grabbed his broom, “Well, goodbye, governor. Sorry to have troubled you.” He whistled as he exited stage left.
Shining Armor sat down in a covered chair and then Sweetie and Pip entered the foyer. Sweetie said, “Father?” As the kids walked up to the prince, she continued, “We’re sorry about the tuppence. We didn’t know it would cause you so much trouble.”
The stallion remained silent as Pip put some bits in his hoof. The colt told him, “Here, Father. You can have the tuppence.”
The kids then headed towards the doorway at stage right. Sweetie then looked back and asked, “Will that make everything all right?”
Shining Armor looked up from the bits and said, “Thank you.”
When the curtains closed and music began to play, the kids decided to listen in on a conversation that Twilight, Fluttershy, and Discord were having.
Discord said, “Oh, come on! I want to know what I did wrong! I was only trying to liven up the performance!”
Twilight said, “The performance would’ve done just fine without actual fireworks!”
Fluttershy said, “You were being very naughty, Discord. Somepony could’ve been hurt.”
Discord sputtered, “But I still kept the light show at a safe distance! I can assure you, the audience is just fine.”
Twilight asked angrily, “Is that all you care about? Just the audience?”
“Yes! No! What I mean to say is that everypony was looking forward to this show! Do you think I would just let it drag on without being enticing?”
“You’re not the star, Discord.”
Fluttershy said, “We let you use your magic to do the special effects. I thought you were happy to do that.”
Discord said, “And I’m grateful for that, Fluttershy. I’m really happy I get to use special effects for this show.”
Twilight said, “But you tried to steal the spotlight by going onstage during the dance scene.”
“I wasn’t trying to steal anything! It was delicious chaos and I couldn’t help myself! I just had to be a part of that.” He sighed agitatedly, “Why would you ponies understand what makes me happy? You’re not even looking out for me at all. Here I am, trying to make the show better, and yet you tell me that I almost hurt ponies because of what I do. I’m not the spirit of chaos for nothing.”
When he walked away from the ponies, the kids couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. They walked up to Twilight and Fluttershy and Sweetie asked, “Can we go to the concession stand?”
Twilight nodded and Fluttershy said, “Come on. I’ll take you there.”
As Fluttershy ushered the kids to the exit, Rainbow told the stagehooves, “All right, everypony. Places.”
When the music ended, the curtains opened again to reveal the bank directors at a long table. DJ Pon-3 played the sound effect for a door knocking.
Cranky said, “Come in.” When Shining Armor entered timidly from stage left, the donkey told him, “Take your hat off, Flanks.” Shining Armor did as he was told and held his hat at his chest as he walked up to the table. He then said, “Good evening, gentlemen.”
When there was silence, Cranky said to Martingale, “Well, get on with it. Go on.”
The stallion complied, “Yes, Father.” He rose from his chair and told Shining Armor, “Many moons ago, an official of this bank unwisely loaned a large sum of money to finance a shipment of tea to Griffonstone. Do you know what happened?”
Shining Armor nodded, “Yes, sir. I think I do. As the train arrived at the station, a party of griffons, dressed as hippogriffs, boarded the locomotive, behaved very rudely, and threw all the tea into the Celestial Sea. This made the tea unsuitable for drinking, even for griffons.” He chuckled weakly until he saw the grim faces of the directors.
Martingale said, “Exactly. The loan was defaulted. Panic ensued within these walls. There was a run on the bank!”
Cranky said, “From that time until now, there hasn’t been a run on this here bank. Today, a run was caused by the disgraceful conduct of your son.” He gave the prince a fake stinkeye as he said, “Do you deny it?”
Shining Armor responded, “I do not deny it, sir. And I will be only too glad to assume responsibility for my son.”
Cranky poked his cane at Martingale and said, “What are you waiting for? Get on with it!”
Martingale said, “Yes, Father.” He then went over to Shining Armor, took his red carnation, and used his magic to rip it apart. After he put the torn flower back on the prince’s lapel, Martingale took Shining Armor’s umbrella and turned it inside-out. Finally, he took the stallion’s hat and punched a hole into it. After he put it on Shining Armor’s head, Martingale returned to his seat.
Cranky said, “Well, do you have anything to say, Flanks?”
Shining Armor replied as he nervously dug his hoof into his costume, “Well, sir, they do say that when there’s nothing to say, all you can say…” He then pulled out the bits Pip gave him.
“Confound it, Flanks! I said, do you have anything to say?”
Shining Armor then chuckled, “Just one word, sir.”
“Yes?”
“Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!” He laughed as soon as he said the word.
“What?”
Shining Armor laughed, “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Mary Cloppins was right. It’s extraordinary. It does make you feel better!” He gave another laugh.
Cranky said gruffly, “What are you talking about, colt? There’s no such word.”
“Oh, yeah. It is a word. A very good word, actually. Do you know what there’s no such thing as? It turns out, with due respect, when all is said and done, that there’s no such thing as you!”
Cranky shouted, “Impertinence!”
Shining Armor walked up to Cranky and said, “Speaking of impertinence, would you like to hear a really great joke? A real snapper!”
“Joke? Snapper?”
“Yes. There are these two wonderful young people, Jane and Michael. And they meet one day on the street, and Jane says to Michael, ‘I know a colt with a wooden leg named Smith.’ And Michael says, ‘Really? What’s the name of his other leg?’” He burst out laughing.
Cranky said, “The colt’s gone mad. Call the guard!”
“Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. I’m feeling better all the time!”
Martingale shielded Cranky as he warned Shining Armor, “Flanks, don’t you dare strike my father!”
Shining Armor used his magic to hold the bits as he said, “There’s the tuppence. The wonderful, fateful, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious tuppence.” He then put the coins in Cranky’s hoof. “Guard it well. Goodbye!”
As the prince turned to leave, Cranky asked, “Flanks, where are you going?”
The stallion turned to him and said happily, “I don’t know. I might pop through a chalk pavement picture and go for an outing in the country. Or I might seize an animal off a merry-go-round and win the Derby! Or I might just fly a kite! Only Cloppins would know!”
“Cloppins?”
“My nanny. She’s the one who sings that ridiculous song.” He sang as he skipped stage left, “A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down…The medicine go down, the medicine go down…”
As soon as Shining Armor left the stage, Martingale remarked, “Mad as a March hare.”
Cranky muttered to himself, “A wooden leg named Smith…A wooden leg named Smith…A wooden le-“ When he pretended to realize the punch line, he gave a wheezy laughter.
Offstage, Twilight said, “Okay, Discord. This is your cue.”
Discord cracked his fingers and said in a cheerful manner, “I’m ready as I’ll ever be, thanks to these considerate children.” He embraced the kids on either side of him as he continued, “If they hadn’t given me treats from the concession stand, I still would’ve been down in the dumps.” He then said, “All right. Here we go.”
He lifted Cranky up in the air as Martingale said, “Father? Father! Father, come down!” When the donkey did somersaults in mid-air, Martingale broke down into fake sobs, “Daddy! Daddy, come back!”
The curtains opened once more to the guest room as Twilight was putting the potted plant into the bag. Of course, Discord had now enchanted the bag to make the items put into it disappear until the next performance.
Pip said sadly, “She doesn’t care what happens to us.”
Sweetie explained, “She only promised to stay till the wind changed.” She asked Twilight, “Isn’t that right, Mary Cloppins?”
Twilight requested, “Will you bring me my hat stand, please?”
As the kids grabbed the hat stand, Sweetie asked, “Mary Cloppins, don’t you love us?”
When the hat stand was brought over, Twilight grabbed it with her magic. She said as she put it in the bag, “And what would happen to me, may I ask, if I loved all the children I said goodbye to?”
Just then, they heard Shining Armor shout cheerfully, “Jane! Michael!”
Twilight said as she put some books in the bag, “Your father’s calling you.”
Pip said, “It doesn’t sound like Father.”
Once again, Shining Armor’s voice shouted, “Jane! Michael!”
Twilight urged the kids, “Go on. Spit spot!”
Before the kids exited via stage right, they turned to Twilight. Pip asked sadly, “You won’t go, Mary Cloppins, will you?”
“Go on.”
As the kids went through the set door on stage right, the curtains closed. This time, Shining Armor, Cadance, Granny Smith, and Matilda all appeared at the small section of the stage not concealed by the curtains. When the kids appeared from stage right, the prince showed them the mended kite.
Pip cried as he and Sweetie Belle ran up to them, “He mended it!” They inspected the kite as he continued, “It’s wonderful!”
Sweetie asked, “How did you manage it?”
Shining Armor sang, “With tuppence for paper and strings…you can have your own set of wings…With your hooves on the ground, you’re a bird in flight…with your hoof holding tight to the string of your kite…Oh, oh, oh…” He sang as he and the others danced in circles, “Let’s go fly a kite…up to the highest height…Let’s go fly a kite and send it soaring…up through the atmosphere…up where the air is clear…Oh, let’s go-o-o fly a kite!”
Cadance then grabbed her sash from far stage right and said, “A proper kite needs a proper tail, don’t you think?” She then tied the sash to the kite.
When the curtains opened, it revealed Flash and the extras flying kites. To the audience’s amazement, the kites were actually flying, thanks to Discord’s manipulation offstage. He chuckled once more at the audience’s reaction.
When Granny Smith and Matilda left the stage, the actors playing the Flanks skipped towards the kite-flying crowd as they sang, “Let’s go fly a kite…up to the highest height…Let’s go fly a kite and send it soaring…up through the atmosphere…up where the air is clear…Oh, let’s go-o-o fly a kite!”
Flash handed out kites to some extras as he sang, “When you send it flying up there…All at once you’re lighter than air…You can dance on the breeze over houses and trees…with your hoof holding tight to the string of your kite…”
As the chorus vocalized, Pip shouted as Shining Armor held his kite, “Now!”
When Shining Armor launched it into the air, Discord made sure that it flew higher than any of the other kites onstage. The chorus then sang, “Let’s go fly a kite…up to the highest height…Let’s go fly a kite and send it soaring…”
Discord then made the bank directors’ kites dash from stage left with a gust of wind. The actors playing the directors all shouted, “Whoa!” Thankfully, they came to a stop near the royal couple and the kids.
As soon as Martingale caught his breath, he told Shining Armor, “Oh, there you are, Flanks. I want to congratulate you. Very funny bit of humor. ‘Wooden leg named Smith.’ Or Jones, whatever it was. Father died laughing.”
Shining Armor apologized, “Oh, I’m so sorry, sir.”
“Oh, don’t be. There’s nothing to be sorry about.” He went over to the prince and said, “Never seen him happier in his life.” He used his magic to pin his carnation on Shining Armor’s lapel and continued, “He left an opening for a new partner. Congratulations.”
As Martingale went back to flying his kite, Shining Armor smiled, “Thank you, sir. Thank you very much.”
Twilight then appeared from stage right as the chorus sang, “Up through the atmosphere…up where the air is clear…Oh, let’s go-o-o-o-o-o fly a kite!”
As Twilight watched the happy scene, Discord’s head appeared in place of the parrot’s on the umbrella handle. He wanted to do that instead of letting a voice-over talk for the parrot. He humphed, “That’s gratitude for you. Didn’t even say goodbye.”
Twilight said, “No, they didn’t.”
“Look at them. You know, they think more of their father than they do of you.”
“That’s as it should be.”
“Well, don’t you care?”
“Practically perfect ponies never permit sentiment to muddle their thinking.”
“Is that so? Well, I’ll tell you one thing, Mary Cloppins – you don’t fool me a bit.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes, really. I know exactly how you feel about these children. And if you think I’m going to keep my mouth shut any longer, I-“
Twilight then covered Discord’s mouth and said, “That will be quite enough of that, thank you.”
When Discord’s head vanished from the umbrella handle, Twilight spread her wings and flew slowly off the stage and over the audience. Flash turned to see her and said, “Goodbye, Mary Cloppins. Don’t stay away too long.”
After Twilight glanced back to Flash and smiled at him, she flew to the lighting platform. The curtains then closed and opened again moments later to the end music. The extras came onstage and bowed first. Winona followed suit, and then the Ponytones, the bank directors, Big Mac, Cranky Doodle Donkey, Discord, Granny Smith and Matilda, Shining Armor and Cadance, Sweetie Belle and Pip, and Flash Sentry. The audience and cast members gave a big round of applause as Twilight swooped down to the stage and bowed before the attendees. The cast then gave a bow to the audience.
Twilight then spoke into the microphone, “Thank you, everypony, for coming to tonight’s performance. I admit that it was a little unorthodox than you expected, but none of it would’ve been possible without our lead special effects pony.” She then smirked, “Or should I say ‘draconequus’?” She gestured towards the cast and said, “Please give a warm round of applause to the one and only…Discord!”
Discord walked downstage and grabbed the microphone from Twilight as the audience cheered and clapped for him. He said in a genuinely touched tone, “Thank you, one and all. You know, it’s so nice to be appreciated for my talents.” He then muttered as he eyed Twilight, “Even though it takes longer for some ponies to see that.”
The audience chuckled at that.
He then spoke to the patrons, “But perhaps they have good reason to. After all, I did wreak havoc all across Equestria twice. But let’s just say that I wouldn’t be the draconequus I am today if it weren’t for this sweet lemon drop…” He grabbed Fluttershy in his lion arm. “…and these crazy kids and their friends.” He grabbed Sweetie Belle and Pipsqueak with his tail. “Honestly, what would I do without them? Probably back in stone.”
He gave a chuckle before he finished, “Well, before I start rambling off like I’m giving an awards speech, let me just say thank you to everypony who made my contribution possible. Oh, and of course, the play.”
The audience chuckled again.
“I hope this was a spectacular night for you all! Oh, and for our future performances, expect crackling fireworks again.”
The rest of the cast members gave nervous looks when he said that.
“Thank you once again for such a gleeful reception of our show! Toodles!” He gave a laugh as the curtains closed for the final time and the audience members clapped and cheered.