I Have No Dick and I Must Cum
Tom sat in the rock quarry outside Ponyville he’d called home since the Discord Incident, the same incident that had given the huge boulder a small semblance of sentience. The sun cast long shadows among his fellow stones, and for the hundredth thousandth time Tom cursed the fact that none of his fellow stones had a mind of their own.
Life for a rock with a consciousness could be rough, particularly because he had no one to talk to. He couldn’t really talk anyway, what with having no mouth and all. But it would have been nice to have the option. Pinkie Pie would sometimes visit him and act like she could hear what he was thinking, but he was fairly certain she was just pretending.
But now, as had often been the case these past few months, his thoughts of Pinkie Pie brought thoughts of her sister.
The instant his non-existent eyes had fallen on the grey mare with the prodigious strength, Tom had felt the kind of passionate love he had felt only once before. While others of her species might think Maud’s outer demeanor was quiet and reserved, Tom saw something more.
Tom saw another rock.
He saw patience and reservation, he saw contemplation and strength.
He saw her plump and swaying breasts as she pummeled one of his fellow boulders to gravel. He saw her immaculate rear end. He saw the muscles in her arms and legs, powerful but not massive. He saw her taut stomach, her perfectly groomed tail and mane, and her hard set lips that practically begged to be kissed.
Uh oh.
Tom felt arousal flood his nerves that did not exist. His imaginary blood rushed to parts of his anatomy that he simply did not have. He knew there was only one solution to this issue.
Tom would have to masturbate.
Wind blew against a small rock perched precariously on the rim of the quarry. The rock nudged, then toppled down the stone floor. Gravity aided in the creation of more and more momentum as it rolled down the hill. Faster and faster. The ground leveled out, the rock shot forward..
…and struck Tom on what he imagined was his back.
Oh yes, this would do just fine.
Gravity exerted its hold on the boulder at last and Tom started to slide down the steep incline that led to the deepest parts of the quarry.
The friction began on the bottom of his form, right where he imagined his groin would be. As the force on him grew stronger and stronger and he moved faster and faster, the pleasurable sensations began to rush through him in earnest.
He imagined Maud was pushing against his lower half, her nimble and strong fists pounding away at his structure, molding and shaping him.
He saw the slightest trace of a smile on her face.
Tom’s path brought him directly onto a large rock that forced him sideways. He tilted and crashed on where he imagined his face would be. He imagined it was Maud’s breasts pushing against him as she hugged him tightly against her. The added friction on his lower part was her own womanhood grinding against him, finding pleasure in a huge inanimate object like only she could. She said nothing, didn’t even moan, but her panting breaths gave away how much pleasure she was getting, how much Tom was giving her.
Tom could feel his near ending as the ramp began to even out. He imagined Maud’s pace increasing as she worked towards her ultimate goal. He imagined her right at the peak of finishing and caressing the side of his stone exterior with a tongue as soft as silk, softness he would never truly know because he did not know what feeling was. He imagined her lips next to where his ear would be and her single, panted words during their lovemaking.
“You’re so hard.”
Tom came just as another large rock struck him. His forward momentum tossed him briefly into the air and he felt weightless as his orgasm tore through nothing at all because there was nothing for the orgasm to tear through. A spray of gravel rained onto the ground, painting it with the fruits of his labors.
Tom hit the ground roughly, rolled a few more feet, then finally stilled. Miraculously, he ended up in his usual sitting position. He took in his new surroundings while resting in an imaginary afterglow. He was now in the very deepest part of the quarry, the part that nopony even came to anymore. There were no gems to harvest here nor proper stones with which to build.
He was more alone than ever.
And so, as he had done at the end of every previous masturbation session, Tom began to cry.
But not really.
He had no tear ducts.
Or eyes.
Because he was a rock.
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“Pinkie Pie, why did you drag me all the way down here?”
Pinkie rolled her eyes at her sister’s monotone. “I told you, silly; there’s somepony I want you to meet.”
Maud dragged her hand across the smooth limestone of the wall as she passed. “And this somepony lives in the deepest part of the Ponyville quarry?”
“Well, not always. He moved quite recently, you see.”
“I don’t see.”
“You will.”
The sisters Pie finally arrived at their destination. Pinkie Pie did a cartwheel and gestured at who she had brought Maud to meet. “Ta dah!”
Maud stared at the huge boulder in front of her. She took in the form, the consistency, the weathered cracks and layers of dust.
She blushed as her breath caught in her throat.
“Maud.” Pinkie wrapped her arm around her big sister and pushed her forward. “I’d like you to meet Tom.”
Maud lifted a hand and touched it to Tom’s surface. “Hi Tom. I like rocks.”
And Tom’s imaginary heart filled with joy.