Soft Glow
I found myself staring at my own front door, trying to lock down the negative feelings that had been building inside of me.
Decision: I'm not going to bring any of that inside with me. That's final. Starry's been through enough, lately, without my adding to it.
Determining that I wouldn't let myself harm Starry was one thing; living by it was another. I had to break the news to her, somehow, and it was hard to think of a way to do that without being negative.
I need to put a positive spin on this, somehow. Who needs them anyway, right? I still have Starry. We still have our crystal flower business! I can just put twice as much effort into that.
I focused on the positive side of that, imagining our business growing, expanding our operations, starting exports to other cities. I imagined the streets of Canterlot glowing with our flowers this Hearth's Warming. I inhaled deeply, and let out a long, gentle sigh, and then pushed the door open. Starry's voice drifted out to me, and I immediately felt so much more at ease.
“Honey, is that you? Welcome home – oh, jeez, you're soaked! I should really fix that awning tomorrow, I'm sorry!”
Starry had come into the room mid-sentence, and was now levitating a towel in her distinctive green magical aura, padding me dry from a few feet away. I set the umbrella I had been carrying down to the side, smirking at her. We had been promising each other to fix that stupid awning on our front porch for months, but neither of us had the time; it just poured water right on the person in front of the door, and even the umbrella couldn't keep me from getting wet.
Well… perhaps I'll have time, now. That's a good thing.
“I'm alright, sweetie. Sorry I'm a little late, I got held back for a bit. How was business today?”
Stargazer stared at me piercingly as I spoke. She was always so intent; it could be unnerving, but I found it comforting. She never ignored or missed what was on my mind, even what went unspoken. She had a coat of deep green, except her mottled dark-blue hooves, and a bright, sky-blue mane, but it was her piercing orange eyes that always caught my attention.
“Business… was fine,” she said slowly, gaze unbroken, “but you seem uncomfortable… is everything alright?”
I shuffled uncomfortably. There was never any point in hiding things from her, and I didn't really want to – but I knew she would think it was her fault, and that made me hesitate.
Just say it.
“I… the university is letting me go.”
Starry slowly closed her eyes, letting out a pained sigh.
“Of course. One of the only things you had left...”
“Sweetie, it's okay. They-”
“It's not okay! It's not just this; how many things have you lost because of me? Your family barely speaks to you, and most of your friends-”
“Starry, listen to me. If they weren't willing to stand by me, then I didn't lose anything.”
“You can't say this doesn't hurt you, Astra! Not even you could pretend for that long.”
“Of course it hurts! It hurts to find out that my relationships with those people, my standing with the university – it hurts to find out that was all so fragile. But their cowardice costs me nothing, Starry.”
Stargazer just shook her head gently, her eyes glistening.
“I had hoped things would work, but… they're not. We said we would work past it when your parents started snubbing you, but this… I remember the way you talked about going back to teaching, Astra. How can you say this doesn't cost you anything?”
I found myself standing taller, even as my eyes started to sting. In a way, saying it out loud had helped me to really accept it.
“I loved teaching, Starry, but it was a comfortable job. All of my friends… even my family, it was all comfortable. I imagined that it was more than that, and what's painful is learning I was wrong; that the people around me didn't have a shred of the loyalty I had to them.”
I marched across the room as I spoke, marshaling my confidence, until I was right in front of her. I realized I was smiling without meaning to – a kind of lopsided expression, and I'm sure it didn't match the tears I felt too well, but I pressed a hoof gently to Starry's chest and spoke with a level tone.
“What we have isn't comfortable. It's not about complacency. What we have is right. I think… living comfortably, like that, was no real life at all. It hurts to let go, but it would hurt more to stay, now. I don't want to stay there, teaching, with those people, if they aren't willing to stand by me. You know I thought of them as comrades; if they don't feel the same way, then I need to find people who do.”
Starry just smiled gently, closing her eyes and lifting my hoof to her cheek, nuzzling it slightly.
“Mm. You know, you sound just like Keko-Akkita.”
I could help but laugh.
“Keko? A warrior?”
Starry just snorted, still nuzzling my hoof.
“A commander, actually. He used to try to encourage nymphs to consider becoming warriors – always talking about camaraderie and all. I mean, a lot of the caste leaders talked about it, but his speeches stood out. I didn't really go out for all of that – part of why I became a Feeder.”
I suppressed a giggle. She looked so cute nuzzling against my hoof like a cat, you would never guess that she was actually a changeling Infiltrator, highly skilled at carrying out dangerous missions by herself for months or years at a time.
“You know, if that's such a big deal in the hive, maybe I should go teach there.”
She giggled, but then paused, she slowly opened her eyes, looking up at me seriously.
“You aren't just joking, are you?”
“I… kind of meant it as a joke, at first, but… why not? Ponies and changelings need to get along better – and plenty of changelings have come to Equestria on the exchange program, but I don't think any ponies go to the hive. Maybe we could change that – or at least, I could teach the nymphs there a whole branch of history they don't know about!”
I found myself staring off into space as I spoke, considering it. I collected myself and looked back to Starry, only to find her with a goofy smile, shaking her head at me gently in amusement.
“I don't think I'll ever get over how you bounce back from things.”
“Oh, is that why you married me? I thought you just really liked the color blue.”
I stuck my tongue out at her playfully, eliciting an extra giggle.
“Astra, you know that, even if you get permission from Celestia, and are under her protection… this will be dangerous.”
I grinned back at her.
“Sure. But this is a chance to make a real difference… you know, Cooke always went on about how the big thing that brings peace between nations is cross-settling, different peoples living in each others' nations. We… might have a lot of disagreements, but he isn't wrong. You keep saying that things would be different if nymphs were taught about Equestria...”
Stargazer nodded, her expression becoming serious.
“An Equestrian historian over there… that would make a big difference. I'm just worried that somelings will want to get rid of us…”
I shuffled uneasily, considering the real ramifications of my idea. I'd have to go live in a scary, foreign place, maybe full of hostile people, all to try to do what I thought was right.
Just like Starry, when she came here.
“I'd be lying if I said it wasn't scary. But I'm not going to be daunted by that – that's just more reason to do it. Other ponies will find their courage if someone goes first. Besides, I know you haven't been entirely satisfied just being a florist.”
Stargazer moved to object, and then closed her mouth and glanced away.
“I'm happy with you, I'm happy here…”
“But you saw yourself as doing more than just selling flowers, right?”
Starry nodded weakly, ashamed.
“You've got to stop being embarrassed about being unhappy, Starry. It's okay. And hey, this way, you can live up to that 'changeling ambassador' title, right?”
Starry scoffed, pulling me into a hug.
“… Okay. I'll ask Celestia about it, but promise me we'll only go through with this if it's safe. I can't lose you.”
I snuggled into her, before breaking free and looking her in the eye.
“Alright. It's agreed, then. That's what we'll do.”
I smiled at her smugly, and then turned on my hooves, smacking her playfully across the nose with my tail as I sauntered across the room. As I reached the door, I glanced back at her.
“Besides, maybe now I can live up to this rising star on my flank.”
I smacked my cutie mark while sticking my tongue out at her, and then strode out of the room. I heard her facehoof and muffled laughter from the living room.