Let Love Steal In, Disguised as Friendship
RAINBOW DASH
Rainbow tried to be still, but it was difficult. The brush Rarity had found was cold. She felt the light chill pass her coat and touch her bare skin. It tickled, too—though, she wouldn’t dare say so. Yet, though she could stay still as a statue, she could not keep a smile from her face.
“Now, you are quite sure that you can’t remember the actual designs?” Rarity asked for perhaps the fifteenth time. Her eyes were narrowed; her brows were furrowed. “Because as much enjoyment as I derive from the creative process,” she said, cracking a smile, “I would hate to impinge on something cultural.”
“Nope, don’t remember,” Rainbow lied happily. “It’s not that weird for ponies to make it up as they go, so you’re fine.”
“If you say so,” Rarity said. She continued, starting to hum.
Rainbow listened to her song, wanting to hum along but also wanting to listen. She was not being honest, but somehow did not feel bad about twisting the truth. I’m the element of loyalty, not honesty, she thought, wanting to laugh but not wanting to give away the game.
Actually she knew only one of the patterns, and it was the simplest one she’d ever seen. But it was boring. It would bore Rarity, and it would bore her. The last thing she needed on the eve of battle was disappointment. Drink and be merry, for tomorrow they died. Or tonight. She wasn’t sure. She reflected that she would actually probably be very alright with maybe just a ton of wine. Wine was not her favorite drink. But, wine had one characteristic that elevated it above all other spirits: Rarity liked it.
It was amazing what the threat of imminent, gruesome death could do for a clouded mind.
“So. Do you feel like a warrior out of the tales? A dashing pegasus knight, hm?” Rarity laughed. Rainbow heard silver bells. “I’m afraid I know far less of your tribe than I should, Rainbow. I cry your pardon, dear.”
“Eh, it’s okay. I’m not that big on history, really. I mean, sometimes I am. When it’s cool,” she added. “Thanks for doing this.”
“It’s nothing. Actually, it’s something, and in a situation like this, something to do is far better than nothing to do. The mind needs occupations, Rainbow. A Lady thrives on the art of being busy without being harried.” Rarity stopped briefly, humming before nodding to herself. “Don’t speak for a moment. I need to do your face. Just a bit, don’t worry. Just a bit on your cheeks here…”
Rainbow obeyed. The magic-held brush lapped at her face like a great wet tongue, and the image almost wrung a chuckle out of her.
“You know,” Rarity continued, a bit more softly, “I’ve been meaning to say something for a while.”
Rainbow’s heart skipped a beat. Or two. She blinked rapidly, trying to contain her feelings, trying to bottle them up tight. Don’t make a fool of yourself, Rainbow. This is not the time. You need to focus. And not on her. Anything else. This is not the time.
“I’m glad that it was you and Fluttershy who accompanied me to the Empire. Specifically, I am very glad that it was you, Rainbow. I know I’ve been difficult at times,” she said, frowning as the brush did its work. “I know I can be a bit of prima donna. I get caught up in foolish things more often than I would like. I’m not a fighter, like you. I can fight—combat is something you learn on the road in such a world! But it’s not who I am, not really. It’s only a mask or a hat that I put on. Without you, I’m not sure I would have managed to keep that mask on at all.”
The brush left her face, and Rainbow answered. “I’m glad I came too. With you. I mean, no matter who I would have gone with, we’re all friends, but… I’m bad at words.”
“I wouldn’t say so. Regardless, I can be patient. We have all the time in the world.”
“Not really,” Rainbow said, grimacing.
“Perhaps. I think we have all the time we need. Some things take no time at all. Some take lifetimes, and those things I feel at peace about.”
Rainbow swallowed. The brush moved from her chest and shoulders to her flanks, and she shivered at its touch.
“I don’t understand that,” Rainbow said but without much force or conviction. There was silence as Rarity worked out her design in care and gentleness. The brush danced on her coat. It was not the short, thin coat of her youth. The encroaching cold had changed even small things, just as it had pushed them to the ends of the earth in search of help. Pegasi may not feel the cold’s bite, but even they could suffer in the elements eventually.
Rainbow pursed her lips. “You know… I’ve only worn the medicamen once. I mean, not counting now.”
“Is that what it’s called?” Rarity asked. She had moved out of Rainbow’s eyesight, hovering at her side, closer to her flank. Rainbow tried not to think about that.
“Yeah. Medicamen.”
“And you’ve worn it before, hm? Tell me about it,” Rarity asked.
“Well, it was a long time ago. It’s pretty common, right when you become an adult, to wear it as a sort of… uh…”
“Coming of age?” Rarity offered from somewhere behind her.
It wasn’t really that long ago. But more than ever, Rainbow felt young in Rarity’s presence. She was beautiful, really. More mature than Rainbow, older--but not in a bad way! Just… a different way. She didn’t know. Thinking was hard. But she knew it was a good thing, and she felt somehow lesser. She hated feeling lesser.
“Yeah! That. I was pretty stoked, honestly. I went back to Cloudsdale. Dad was still around then. Though, he was pretty sick.” She paused. “He made it, though. I always appreciated that. He toughed it out, and he gave me the medicamen.”
“That was good of him. You’ve not spoken of him much,” Rarity said.
“I loved my dad. He was great. But it hurts, you know? It still hurts. I mean, he died a long time ago. I should move on. I have moved on! I don’t get so… broken up about it anymore.”
“It is not a sin to love one’s parents. Even when they are long gone. Especially then,” Rarity remarked. She stopped painting for a moment.
“Rarity, are you afraid? About dying, I mean.” Rainbow hadn’t meant to ask. She had never meant to. But she could not stop at that. “Like, not abstractly sometime, eventually. Like right now. In a few hours.”
“I am very frightened,” Rarity said, evenly. As if she wasn’t at all.
“Yeah, you sound like you’re quiverin’ in your horseshoes.”
“Sorry. I am frightened, Dash. It’s just… I have to keep it together.” Rarity sighed. They were silent for a moment.
“You called me Dash.” Rainbow grinned like an idiot.
“Oh? I did, didn’t I?”
“You don’t, usually.”
“I do like the sound of it. Dash. It’s delightful.” Rainbow could almost hear her smiling. “Dash, I certainly do not wish to die. I would like to live. In fact, I would like to live and make it home. I wish for my friends to be safe and whole and sane, and I wish the same for myself. I’ll take two out of three even. I’m flexible, you could say.”
“One would hope.”
“Hm?”
“Nothing,” Rainbow said. “I’m jittery. Jumpy. Ready to go. Or something, I don’t know—how do you act so calm?”
“I really have no idea. I think I’m just in shock, perhaps.” Rarity laughed and continued painting. “I’m almost done, by the way. You’ll have to wait a bit for it to really dry well. I’ve some spells that should help with that.”
“Thanks again. How’s it looking?” Rainbow asked. She tried to imagine herself but couldn’t. It had just been too long since she’d worn the paint. Come to think of it, she had trouble remembering much of that night. All she had was a collection of images. Her smiling father. Starlight. The cold feeling of a brush. Someone speaking monotonous pegas.
“You look fantastic. More so than usual,” Rarity said. She came back into Rainbow’s line of sight, the brush between her lips, smiling in a way that was different than before. It was less guarded. At least, Rainbow thought that it was less guarded.
“Thought you were using magic,” Rainbow said. She wanted to make some quip about Rarity’s comment on her beauty, make some sort of reply that would impress her. Mostly she just felt embarrassed. In a good way, perhaps, but still embarrassed.
“I was,” Rarity answered after picking the brush back up with her magic, freeing her mouth. “I wanted to finish the last bit that way. A bit more of a personal touch. You, ah, don’t mind? I hope not.”
“Nope.”
“Well, good.” Rarity put a hoof to her chin and hummed. Slowly, almost meditatively, she circled Rainbow.
Rainbow, for her part ,spent most of this time straining for glimpses of Rarity.
“At any length, I seem to avoided any serious errors. I’m a bit rusty with a paintbrush, but not so much that I’ve made a fool out of either of us. Top marks, me.” She chuckled. “Though, I am sorry I couldn’t give you a more traditional look.”
“It’s fine. It’s fine. Doesn’t matter. The action is what matters,” Rainbow said with a smirk, not that Rarity could see it from back towards her flank.
In truth, Rainbow had not shown Rarity the one design she knew, because she wanted to see what Rarity would do on her own. She missed the old Rarity and the old life. Rainbow Dash the weatherpony and Rarity the dressmaker. Creating and building and sewing and kicking the clouds into submission, side by side but not together, all as a part of a larger spinning wheel of life. She missed it. And if she could have a bit of that again, for a moment… if she could pretend once more to be the old Dash, then that was alright. The old Dash with her quips and her lusty looks at the busy unicorn’s flanks and the half-mocking bellyaching about having to be a model. When modeling for Rarity was the worst and most agonizing thing she could imagine ever possibly happening.
Rarity returned and sat before Rainbow, smiling in a gentle, contemplative sort of way.
“You know what I remembered just now?” she asked.
“The boutique? Me modelling for you?” Rainbow offered. That was what she had thought of, with every brush stroke. At the time, modelling had been a pain. Boring. There was flying to be done, clouds to be kicked, Wonderbolts to be tried out for--and she had never really looked around her, had she? But now she couldn’t stop looking around her. Maybe she wasn’t so young.
“Yes, actually. I’m glad we were in one accord! That exactly.”
“I miss it,” Rainbow blurted.
“I know you do.”
“I… hold up. What?”
“I had a feeling. Just this spark of intuition. Do you really not know how to paint the medicamen?” Rarity hummed. “You see, I know you, Rainbow. You’re not the most observant pony, yes, I know that. But dear, you are quite intelligent and you can be awfully sharp when you’re excited. And I think you would be excited about this. I know you would have been.”
Caught. “Uh… I…” Rainbow shrugged. “Yeah, I do. But the only pattern I know sucks,” she said, and it was no lie. It was kind of lame. “I wanted you to do something that you made up. Hey, if I’m gonna get painted up for my funeral, I might as well have it done by the best.”
“Don’t say it like that,” Rarity said. “If anything, I want this to be a reason for you not to be crushed like an insect, thank you very much.”
“I’ll try, Rares,” Rainbow said. “Sorry, I just wanted to be able to see what you would do. I just felt like it was important. I mean, it’s not. I know.”
Rarity just sat and smiled at her. “You know, you’re beautiful, Rainbow Dash.”
Rainbow started.
“You really are,” Rarity continued. “Just stunning. Like something out of an old tale, and yet so down to earth, in only the strictest metaphoric sense, of course! I cannot believe that I ever thought of you as anything but dear to me.”
“I… Thanks.”
“No, thank you. Also,” she added, scooting closer, “do try not to move too much, would you? And be still for a moment; I need to apply my sealing spells.” Her horn glowed. Her eyes closed. “Rainbow, please don’t talk of dying. You think I have a nice facade of calm at the moment, but if you talk much more of such a thing, I am going to lose that calm very quickly. I can’t bear it. I really simply cannot bear to think of that. I’m not sure what I do would do and where I would go if you left me alone.” Her horn lost its glow, and her eyes opened. She seemed… Rainbow didn’t know the word. Not confused, and something other than flustered. “I’m sorry. You know I’m prone to strange histrionics. It’s the edge of battle, dear, it really is, making me say all of that.”
Rarity closed her eyes again and continued weaving her spell. “You know, when I was a much more foolish me, I wanted to be a princess so badly? You remember how I dreamt of marrying a prince. Well, I can safely say Shining Armor is not my type, but I think that the pressures of being married to an authority figure may not have been what I was expe—”
She did not finish her sentence. In fact, the thought itself was probably lost for all time, because at that very moment, Rainbow did something that was amazingly, incredibly, world-shatteringly stupid.
Rainbow kissed her full on the lips. Not lightly. Not playfully. Earnestly. It was the kind of kiss that screamed that she was afraid. That she was going to die and it was horrible only now to reveal herself but she could not bear to go into the dark without trying. It was desperate.
She was almost overwhelmed. Rainbow had thought about this before, but in the end, hadn’t she always shied away? Hadn’t she always tried to distract herself. When she admired her friend’s beauty, her body, her eyes, her mane, her voice—she could pass this off as aesthetic appreciation, even base sexual appreciation. But a kiss like this could not be passed of as these things. It could not be hidden behind a joke. Her lips were soft, as Rainbow had imagined they would. Rarity was good, just as Rainbow had dared to imagine she would be in dreams. Rainbow loved the taste of her, the feeling of yielding softness, the temptation to sink and sink until she was overwhelmed in pleasant haze. This was new, wonderfully new. She had kissed mares before. She had kissed a few stallions. But none of them were like this. None of them were close.
And then she pulled away, weak in the knees.
They stared at each other, both wide eyes, both with open, gaping mouths. Rainbow’s heart hammered in her chest, furious, frightened. She had made a mistake. It was ruined. Rarity would be furious. How dare she do this? How dare Rainbow presume? Like she could just roll the whole universe into a tight little ball and play with it like a child, just stop time for her stupid lusts and her asinine childish fantasies. She was an idiot. She was stupid, and she was going to die, and she was going to die knowing that Rarity’s feelings about her were disgust. That here, before ponies were about to die, she would choose this moment. Rarity would think of her as shallow, wanting nothing but sex or false comfort before something that was too terrible.
Rainbow trembled. She opened her mouth, closed it, tried again. To her horror, she felt an old ache, and knew she was going to tear up. She hated it. She hated everything. Covering it up was the only option. “Rarity, I’m sorry. I… Look, I just… Please, let’s—”
Rarity stepped back to her. She closed the gap in a fell motion, fluid and forceful like the ocean at high tide. Her eyes were blue electric arcing fire, unstoppable, swift.
Rarity kissed her passionately, almost violently, pressing against her, pushing her back. Rainbow’s wings flared in shock. Her knees were weak. Her body was electric, like a storm. Like a song.
Rarity pulled away, staring right into her eyes. “Shh.”
“But I just…”
“Sh.” Rarity looked around hastily, and only now did Rainbow see her blush. “Oh dear. For once, I am glad for the distraction of… well, you know. Let’s the two of us find somewhere to go. To talk.”
Rarity smiled at her, and Rainbow’s heart melted. The battle, the war paint, the city, the snow—it all fell away in an instant, and somehow Rainbow felt as if they were alone already, under the shade of a beech tree in the warm waving grass.
They walked the deserted streets. Minutes passed, but to Rainbow, it seemed like an hour crawled by. Her heart had not slowed at all. Her legs still felt weak. She had been in relationships. She had shared kisses. She had even fooled around but never gone far. She had walked side by side with a lot of ponies and never felt as terrified and equally as joyful in the same moments.
But, at last, they came to a little square shared by several upper-scale apartment buildings. The grass lived, even through the frost, and somewhere in the back of Rainbow’s mind, she knew it must be magic at work.
And Rarity stopped leading her and turned. She smiled again. Rainbow smiled back, blindly, happily, forgetting even her trepidation. This was unreal. It wasn’t happening. Battle had been real or felt real. Death had been a real threat. Everything had seemed grounded and solid, but suddenly she was dreaming, and that was alright. She would wake up later.
“Rainbow. I… Oh dear. I hadn’t imagined it like this.”
“Imagined what?” Rainbow asked. Her mouth seemed to work on its own. Her brain floated on surreal seas.
“This sort of confession. I mean, I knew I was being obvious.”
“Obvious? Rares, I’m lost. I knew that I was obvious.”
Rarity stared at her and then laughed. After she recovered, she began again. “Is this… Do you mean this? If it is simply a case of battlefield nerves, of the fear of death, of a deep companionship you’re turning to in crisis, tell me. Because it would not destroy me. It wouldn’t. It really wouldn’t. Because I care for you. I love you, honestly and wholeheartedly. I would do that for you.”
Rainbow blinked. “No. No, it’s not. Gods. I thought you might think this. I was afraid you would. But it’s not, Rares, it’s not like that at all. I love you. I do! What I feel, what I want is as close to what I think love is as I know. I’m not as good at this kind of thing. So I know you must think I’m clueless. Maybe I am. But I like you a lot. I think I love you. I know I just want to go wherever you go, and I don’t want you to leave me behind. I don’t want to leave you behind.”
Rarity was quiet. She stroked Rainbow’s cheek softly, and Rainbow imagined for a moment she could feel her face burn with excited shame.
“Might I kiss you again?”
“If I say ‘hell yeah,’ would you still want to?”
Rarity did so. It was not quite as forceful, but it was not yielding and soft. It was Rainbow who yielded.
They parted. “I’ve wanted to do that for awhile.” A pause. Rarity continued. “I really would like to do it again.”
“I won’t stop you.”
“I know you won’t. You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“Yes.” Rainbow nodded. She tried to look serious. Whatever the hell that looked like.
“I hoped… I’ve hoped for sometime, Rainbow. I dreamed—literally, even. But I never dared believe it might be true, that you would ever want me. I assumed it was just desire or loneliness that twisted everything in my mind, trying to give me false clues, little red herrings along the way.”
“Well… it didn’t. I’m here. I like you a lot. I want to… be with you,” Rainbow finished lamely. “This is the worst way I could have done this.”
“Nonsense. I’m not really sure it could have gone any other way. This was never going to be graceful, Rainbow.”
“Even with you involved?”
“Especially with me involved. Darling, in private, I am a far more messier individual than my friends believe.” She laughed like silver beat to fragile thinness, in lines, in beautiful designs.
Rainbow looked away. “I kind of figured I was too—I don’t know—flighty for you. I mean, you’ve had coltfriends before, and I know you’ve played with mares, but I guess I wasn’t sure, and even then, they were all beautiful, and I’m kind of all muscle and feathers and—”
“And you’re gorgeous. I’ve told you several times, you know. You always forget.” Rarity tsked but smiled. She sat in the grass and gestured. Rainbow awkwardly sat about a hoof’s length away, unsure. She was not shy, and she was cautious about only a few things.
“I’m… I mean, I don’t exactly have a lot of experience with this. I’ve never felt like this. I don’t even know what it is. I could be crazy for all I know,” she said and tried to laugh. “I just really… ah, screw it.”
She scooted closer and nuzzled under Rarity’s chin. She felt stupid, and warm, and happy, and confused.
“This is amazing, really. You, I, a war to end all wars, a grand Empire and its beautiful, ancient city. I couldn’t have written a more perfect scene.”
“I could’ve. This is about as cliché as it gets, Rarity. The whole ‘we might die tomorrow so let’s do the sex’ bit is so cliché. Even I know that.”
“Ah, but you said that was not your angle, Rainbow Dash,” Rarity purred. It made Rainbow shiver. “And do you think that would happen?”
Rainbow thought about saying that she wouldn’t be opposed, but decided that not thinking before acting had gotten her into this mess. Not that it was a bad thing. “Probably not. You’re too dignified, and I’m an awkward virgin. Kind of. It’s just too cliché.”
“Are you really?” Rarity asked.
Rainbow felt something moving through her mane. It was like a brush, but more fine, more controlled. It touched her coat, and she knew it was magic in an instant, like soft griffon’s claws.
“Yeah. I am. I played around when Ponyville was still a thing, but I never really went that far. I was nervous about it. It’s big, you know? So invasive, so awkward. I’m all about preserving my cool, and I just couldn’t let myself do something with somepony that was going to make them see as… well, not that.”
Rarity hummed. “That’s a strange thing to say. As if making love could do such a thing.”
“I saw you do this to Fluttershy once. Twilight too.”
“With magic? Yes. It’s calming—for me and for them. It makes me happy. Do you not like it?”
She did like it. She felt warm. She felt, despite everything, safe and sound. She nodded slightly. “I like it.”
“Good.”
“What do we do now? I mean, I know what I want to do. But that’s hormones. It’s now. What do we do later? Do we have time to be…”
“Girlfriends?”
“Yeah.”
“I like that word myself. Marefriend, girlfriend, my most special one. Different shades. Do you like it?”
“Yeah.” She shifted a bit.
“Would you like to be that?”
“I think so.” Soft. A grumble almost. “Yes.” An admission. Or a revision. Either way.
“I would like that also. You’re right—on the edge of battle, we’re caught up in the drama and the adrenaline. We will have to be slower about this. But I think that won’t be so bad. We’ll have to talk. A lot of talking.”
“I don’t mind talking.”
Rarity kissed her mane. “I don’t mind it either. I wouldn’t mind talking at all. Lots of it. I want to know you. I already do, of course, but I want to know you more. Deeper. To be able to know what you are and what you feel by touch or sight. That’s madness, I know, but I still want it.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
Rarity kissed her mane again. “Darling, do you think we’re going to die?”
“No.”
“Really?” She asked again. Her voice was soft. It did not change. It did not grow louder. It was like smoke, blowing but never vanquished, like the haze of incense. She smelled like incense, the kind offered to mysterious gods. Rainbow felt almost dizzy.
“Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t want to. I want to make it, and I want to talk to you. I want to kiss you again and be marefriends and walk and go home together.”
“You don’t have to wait for at least one of those things,” Rarity said quietly. She shifted her weight back and tilted Rainbow’s face up.
At once, Rainbow felt that she was no longer on equal footing. In the air, on the ground, in all things Rainbow had striven for dominance. To be on top of the world, or at least on her way there. But here she felt lesser, not in quality but in form. But not in form--she could not describe it. There was a vocabulary she lacked. So she spoke.
“I’m usually in charge,” Rainbow said, smirking. “It’s weird to not feel in charge.”
“It’s not about that,” Rarity said quietly. Perhaps quickly, as well.
“I know.” Rainbow kissed her. It was sweet.
“I don’t want to go back,” Rarity murmured.
Rainbow sighed. “Can we stay here for a while?”
“Of course. There’s time enough for that. The city’s been evacuated. This neighborhood is empty, and the closest soldiers are a blocks away. We won’t be bothered for at least a while.”
They didn’t talk for some time after that. They communicated solely through kisses. Some were isolated, small, soft. Some were long, drawn out, strung together like waves lapping at a shore happy to be born away. Each one was different. They worked out their salvation in fear and trembling and with careful kisses. They held one another in turn. They spoke not a word, because they did not need to. Because they were both afraid and they both knew that when night came it would really all be over, wouldn’t it? All of it. Kissing, talking, living, walking. They would not share another round of wine in beautiful state chambers. They would not trudge through the snow. They would be nothing but ash.
They got up and walked. They walked through the empty apartment buildings, seeing the doors left hanging open, the tell-tale sign of abandonment: left behind toys, an overturned luggage crate, somepony’s lost coinpurse. They left the memories to be washed out in the rain, to be covered in the snow that would come after the magic had faded, and found that the lobby of one of the buildings was open. They sought refuge inside, away from the cold, and were soon lying on the couch. They said little. Rainbow was afraid that she would make a fool of herself, but mostly, she knew that it did not matter. She no longer felt afraid. She felt sad. She felt like there was something left undone. She wanted something. There was an ache in her chest that would not be filled and she did not understand it enough to fill it.
“Rarity?”
“Yes, dear?”
“Why would you like me?” Her voice cracked again. She had to stop doing that.
“You’re brave. You’re beautiful. You can keep up with me, surpass me, and I can give chase. Rainbow, in case you haven’t noticed, you’re a spectacular example of a mare.”
“I have been told that a few times. Just maybe I’ve heard someone say something like that.”
“You’re also a braggart. I find it endearing sometimes. Sometimes.” Rarity laughed. “I think I first realized it when we were lost in the snowdrift. When you saved me, Rainbow. You were so brave. I would have died, but you did not lose your nerve.”
Rainbow blinked. “I was panicking, Rares. You were… I don’t know. Messed up. Crazy. You rambled about seeing extra ponies, and you were going to pass out. I kept poking you and talking to you, trying to keep you awake. I was so scared.”
“But you kept going. You saved me, Rainbow.”
Rainbow blushed, feeling put on the spot. “It… I… Thanks, I guess. Thanks. I remember being in the little snowcave we dug, wrapped around you, with Flutters on the other side, both of us trying to keep you warm. And I think I wanted to kiss you then, so you would know I was there and that you were alright… and then you got warmer, and you started breathing normally. Fluttershy passed out, and, well… I mean, it’s kind of a moot point now, but I kissed your mane. I was just so relieved. You were gonna be alright.”
“It is a moot point now,” Rarity responded with soft laughter. “You are precious, Rainbow.”
Rainbow snorted.
“If we live, you’ll still want me, then? Even if I get nasty scars or lose a wing or something like that?”
“Do try not to lose a wing. You love to fly. It would break both of our hearts.”
Dash shivered and pulled a face. “Gods, I’d rather die.”
“Don’t do that either. Yes, I would still want you. I love how you look. I think you’re beautiful. But a scar would not steal that away. Not even several.”
“Good.”
“Confidant again, I see.” Rarity kissed her nose.
Love was a strange word. It communicated a lot, and yet it also left a lot unsaid and uncommunicated. Rainbow thought, in a flash, that it was so much like an arrow. Or fire. It filled the air but left something empty in its wake. It could not fill all emptiness. At least, when she heard it, she still felt a sort of sucking emptiness right below her chest. Nerves. Lots of nerves. She tried to ignore them, and predictably failed.
Rainbow smirked. “Hey, it pays to make sure.” She settled into a more easy, calmer smile. “Honestly, I’m kinda torn. I hate being awkward and unsure. But I also hate being sure and then looking like an ass, you know?”
“Oh, I do.”
“I don’t know how to be.” She said it almost like an accusation, with a grimace.
“Don’t be either exclusively. Don’t think about that. Just enjoy this time. I enjoy you. It sounds so presumptuous, but enjoy me.”
“I do,” Rainbow said, a bit too vehemently. “Think they’ll find us?”
“I suspect we’ll know when the time is right.”
Rarity shivered against her, and it occurred to Rainbow that she would feel the brunt of the winter cold. Rainbow unfolded one wing and blanketed Rarity, shielding her as best she could. She hugged Rarity tighter, trying to give even just a bit of her natural defense.
“Wish I had a blanket. I forget you guys don’t like the cold. I mean, I don’t either, but still.”
“I feel a bit warmer,” Rarity said, unconvincingly.
“Right.” A pause.
That emptiness would not go away. Yet, she felt happy. She felt confused. She was full of feelings, and so she could bear a bit of whatever it was that gnawed at her. She could bear it. Uncertainty? Ironic, as she was uncertain even of what it was she felt. Perhaps a bit. Disbelief, even. That could be it. This was fast. An hour, at the utmost. Probably less.
It was only natural to doubt something that you had thought about for weeks, had hoped and prayed for for weeks, and received almost effortlessly. But Rainbow hated doubting ponies. She hated it. And at last, she supposed that the emptiness she felt was doubt. She doubted Rarity, here in this moment. But she didn’t want to. It wasn’t right to doubt her. She was beautiful, perfect, kind. Generous. And Rarity was loyal. It wasn’t just the way that the stupid Elements of Whatever had defined her. She had always defined herself that way.
So when she doubted, it hurt her. She couldn’t see inside Rarity’s mind. She wanted to know. She wanted to be sure. But she couldn’t understand Rarity, because she wasn’t Rarity.
Wasn’t Loyalty just Generosity, militant and personal? She could understand that. Rainbow sighed. That wasn’t really the point, but somehow it made her feel better. Crazy.
“Rarity, can I ask you a question?”
“I think we’re far beyond permission at this point.”
“I know you aren’t a virgin,” Rainbow began, as awkwardly as possible. As soon as it was out of her mouth, she knew it was a stupid thing to say.
“That’s not a question, Dash. I am not.”
“You don’t care if I am?” Dash pressed. “That I haven’t really gone that far?”
“No, not particularly. That doesn’t bother me at all. I’m not after your experience, you silly fool.” She smiled up at Rainbow. “I’m in for you. Perhaps I have been for awhile.”
“Would you hit me if I said I kind of don’t want to die that way?” she said quickly.
Rarity smacked her chest lightly. “Yes.”
Rainbow laughed nervously. “Sorry. That was lame. But… God. I have no idea. This is usually where I peel off like a bird about to hit a window.” She took a deep breath and looked down at Rarity, whose eyes were suddenly very focused, very sharp. She swallowed. But that little emptiness in her chest ached. She felt suddenly lonely. She felt suddenly warm, all over her body. She knew what arousal was like. She recognized it as it happened, but there was something else, something that hurt.
“You want to? Because we may die?”
“Yes. I mean, no. Geeze. Rares, I don’t know. Maybe it’s just because I’m a pegasus and we’re horny?” Another light smack. “Yeah, I know. Sorry. I feel lonely. I feel kind of stupid,” she added, deciding to take the plunge. Go all the way. Be honest. A warrior was honest with herself. “I should have told you sooner. A few days ago, even. That would have been so much better, but now it’s all happening so fast because I kind of blew it.”
“I helped you along that path. I daresay we share that load equally.”
“Probably. A little of it is that I don’t want to die without having had… sex one time. You know,” she said, suddenly smiling. “Dad always told me a warrior was honest?”
“A wise stallion.”
“A good one. I’m trying to be honest here. Even if that’s not my thing. I want something. I want to have something of you when I’m out there. Something I can hold on to. That may not make sense, but—”
Rarity kissed her. It happened rather quickly. One minute, they were side by side, and the next, Rainbow found herself on her back, her wings pinned neatly under her, her hooves spread. Rarity looked down at her with eyes that glittered like diamonds in the cavernous darkness of the abandoned lobby. “So you want this, then? Somepony experienced?” Rainbow could see her grinning even in the low light. She felt that suddenly the air was charged with something that was dangerous but full of promise. Something weighty, something pregnant with meaning she had missed.
“I just want you,” she said, knowing how lame it sounded. But it was true. To tie herself to somepony, to be able to say that of anything, that it was hers.
Rarity leaned in and nibbled at her neck, and to her own surprise, Rainbow let out a high, keening moan. She clamped her teeth together, appalled.
“My. I did not expect that.”
“Shut up.”
“Come now. I liked it.”
Rainbow groaned in dismay. Mild, but still real dismay. Great. Way to lose what remained of her dignity, her cool.
“So you do want this. My gift to you. Or your gift to me.” Rarity stroked her face. She stroked her stomach and her flanks, down her legs, feeling every bit of them. “It astounds me that you’ve never seemed to understand just how amazingly you were formed. How brave your spirit is. It takes a lot of courage to risk this. Any of it.”
“Or a lot of, uh, being dumb.”
“Or that.” Rarity bit Rainbow’s shoulder lightly and was rewarded with a tiny groan. She moved back to kiss Rainbow and then smiled down at her. “Well, I agree, as it happens. I want this too. I want you to leave me something, something I can take with me however long I can. But this is a promise, Rainbow Dash. Do you hear me?”
Her hooves wandered. Her horn flared, and Rainbow felt playful feelers move downwards, downwards.
“A promise?” she managed, eyes wide.
“You’re going to come back to me. In one piece. Safe, sound, sane. And if you lose a wing, I will break the other one,” she said, but she grinned like a predator, and Rainbow Dash loved it.
There is a kind of abandonment that comes at the strangest times. A sort of madness falls over the mind when it rides out on the boundaries between the quick and the dead.
Rainbow felt this madness. She knew Rarity did too.
Rarity kissed her, pushing her back against the couch with a sort of violence that could only drive Rainbow deeper into madness. There was a lot of blind passion. A lot of fear. She felt no tenderness because there was no space for tenderness on the knife’s point. Her loins were hot. Her chest felt warm. Rarity’s hindleg was between her own, and suddenly Rarity was moving, as if she were trying to bury Rainbow Dash in the worn-out cushions.
Rainbow gasped, breaking the kiss in shock as Rarity’s soft, furred leg rubbed along her sex. Rainbow worked by instinct. She pushed back, trying to ride the motion, desperate to press herself to Rarity. She felt Rarity’s sex on her own leg, felt how warm it was. Her fur was matted with sticky moisture and she could smell it and she was movement and nothing else, no thought, no words. She whimpered, needy.
She had fooled around, played at intimacy with mare and stallion alike. It had been fun. It had felt good. It had been shallow and short. She had felt excitement and arousal before. She had dampened her thighs with an aching emptiness, but this was beyond anything she had felt. She had never lost herself to something.
Rainbow threw her head back, and Rarity nibbled on her neck, kissed her roughly, from her chin to her chest. Rainbow’s wings tried fluttered beneath her, pinned by an aggressive, hungry Rarity.
She wanted more, she wanted something beyond what she had done before.
“Rare…” she tried to speak, but her body shook. It was nerves. It was the feeling of Rarity’s hoof holding her down. It was the sudden tingling as Rarity’s magic spread her folds, teased her clitoris, massaged her thighs. It did everything and anything, all at once.
“Hm?” Rarity paused, and then kissed her lightly. “What was that?”
“I’ve…” Rainbow had to catch her breath. “I’ve done this before.”
“I thought you were inexperienced,” Rarity purred. She ran a hoof over Rainbow’s chest softly. The softness was patience, a great patience that knew it had time and world enough, because either way it would be rewarded soon. Very soon. To Rainbow, who was feigning or feeling confidence at all points, this was astounding. Her own body was shaking. Her lungs grasped at the hair like a drowning mare. She felt like she had just dropped down on the couch after a marathon.
“I am,” she said, chest heaving, eyes wide. “I am. But… I… I’ve done… I mean.”
Rarity kissed her. “You’ve not gone farther than that,” she finished. “Than this.”
“No.”
Rarity smiled at her. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Rainbow knew her face was scarlet. Normally she hated that. She hated losing her composure. But she just could not bring herself to care.
“Scoot up,” Rarity said. Rainbow saw now that Rarity’s face was flushed, just like her own. Sweat had dampened her hair and face. Had the room always been this hot and humid? She didn’t know.
Rainbow Dash scooted up the couch awkwardly, suddenly unsure. What were they doing? What was she doing? This was so fast. It was just so sudden.
Rarity looked at her.
“I… Um,” Rainbow managed, eloquently.
“Would you like to stop?” Rarity asked. “Am I moving too fast?” Her voice was like velvet. “We can go slower, Rainbow. We have enough time for that.”
“No!” She replied, a little too loudly. She couldn’t bear this at any other speed. “I’m good. I’m really, really good. I just… I don’t know what to do with, uh, my hooves?”
And Rarity laughed. She leaned in and kissed Rainbow again, more firmly this time. “Nothing,” she replied, “not right now. You’ll know in a bit.” Rarity drew away, and the look on her face was to Rainbow almost godlike. It compelled her. It glowed with something she was beginning to understand. “Nothing except… try not to keep quiet, would you? I daresay I enjoy hearing you…”
Rarity kissed her lips, her cheek, her neck, her chest. She worked her way down. It seemed to be unbearably slow for Rainbow. She felt something like anxiety, but not the kind she felt before a shot or before a nasty fall. Like a dizzy, breathless waiting, thats’ what it was.
Rarity kissed around the insides of her thigh and Rainbow thought she was going to die waiting. She squirmed, but felt Rarity’s hooves on her chest and on her leg, pushing but only lightly. Not restraining so much as assuring. Rainbow felt warm now, warm in a way that was not so much physical.
And then Rarity’s tongue was on her, running along the surface of her vagina, stopping at her clitoris and teasing it. Rainbow groaned quietly. It was different from a hoof--her own or somepony else’s. It was softer, warmer, better. She wanted to squirm, or say something, but she couldn’t.
Rarity continued, going from the edges of her opening up to her clit and back again, equally dividing her time. Rainbow gently placed both hooves on her head, but soon she was not gentle, trying to keep Rarity there. Her legs tried to lock around the unicorn’s head, tried to keep her close as if Rainbow could draw her inward and closer forever.
Rarity switched, her tongue staying on Rainbow’s clit, and then Rainbow felt the familiar tingle of Rarity’s magic rubbing softly at her opening and she felt breathless again. She looked down. Rarity was looking up at her, wiping her mouth with a hoof. Her hair was a mess, her eyes indescribable. They seemed to ask if Rainbow was fine, did she like it, was she happy, was she ready--and Rainbow nodded. “Don’t stop,” she said, needlessly. Rarity did not stop. She continued, feeling and licking and kissing, and Dash began to lose track of time.
The magic seemed soft at first, but it grew more solid, and Rainbow felt it began to enter her. At first, she panicked. It hurt. Not a lot. It was not blotted out by the pleasure Rarity gave her, but the edge was taken off of it. She grunted, shocked, but then Rarity was kissing her lips again, making soft, sighing noises. Comforting noises. Her lips tasted strange, acidic, somewhere between sweet and sharp. She smelled of arousal--Rainbow’s own, all over her lips.
And Rainbow relaxed. Rarity’s magic plunged deeper, and she felt every single inch of it and she wanted to cry out as it edged slowly, slowly as far as it would go. She did cry out.
Rainbow kissed her more fiercely than before now, and placed herself on top of Rainbow, so that they almost met above her exploring magical touch. The magic began to retract, and even the emptiness felt good, and then it was back. Rarity began to grind against Rainbow in time with its movement. Her eyes looked up to the ceiling, past it into the invisible heavens, like a penitent at prayer. Her mouth fell open. Her mane fell on her shoulders and over her face. Rainbow would have been entranced had she not been overtaken.
They moved together. Rarity’s magic kept going strong. She felt her own sex against Rarity’s and every time they touched she felt another jolt, like a lightning bolt in a storm that would not stop.
Rarity let out a groan that was long and low. “Stars, Rainbow... “ She looked down at her, and Rainbow saw that she was not alone in her trembling, in her awkward, frantic excitement. Rarity shook. Her legs shook even as she bucked into Rainbow. “You’re beautiful,” she said, panting.
They continued. It felt like they continued for hours. Rarity would drive her to the point of climax and then find someway to hold it off. They changed position, Rainbow pinned, her tongue on Rarity while Rarity’s was on her; Rainbow on top, facing away, staring up at the dark, shadowed ceiling as Rarity used her hooves to bring her shaking towards climax. Her teeth and lips and tongue on Rainbow’s shoulders, on the base of her wings, on her sides, on her neck.
Rainbow came. She cried out once, twice, and then was silent, her legs shaking. She felt wet. She felt exhausted. She felt strung out, even, as she shook over Rarity’s hoof and felt Rarity’s teeth on her shoulders, and then a kiss. Rarity held her as her body shook, as wave after wave of orgasm scattered her sense of self.
And as it died down, Rainbow turned on her. She was desperate to share, desperate to repay. Rarity had done so much. She loved her. She knew that now, and had all along. But now it was sure, clear as crystal. She was the one pushing Rarity down into the cushions now, going straight for her crotch. Her tongue moved quickly, without skill but with plenty of eagerness. She tasted Rarity--it was somewhere between sweet and strange, the same taste of her own. Rarity hummed and Rainbow felt her head enclosed as Rarity’s legs instinctively gripped her. She felt hooves on her head, ruffling her mane, pressing her against Rarity’s warm, pulsing sex, and she continued.
And Rarity took her by surprised, finishing. Rainbow could feel it under her tongue, and she was amazed. Unsure, she continued, but after a moment, Rarity pulled her back up into a kiss and pressed herself to Rainbow. Rainbow felt the wet of her, the way she shook, and she recognized it. They were locked together in the darkness, in a long flurry of kisses.
RARITY
Rainbow Dash panted. Rarity could feel how her chest heaved beneath her, and she shifted to give it space. Idly, she kissed the matted, sweat-soaked fur. Once again, she tasted Rainbow Dash. She had forgotten the taste of love. How strange. It had been such a long time.
“Oh, gods. Stars. Light. The Hells below Tartarus,” Rainbow said hoarsely.
Rarity was giddy herself. She smiled and snuggled.
Eventually, when Dash’s breath was normal, she moved up to kiss her gently and they lay in the dark and waited.
She did not know how much time passed. She did not care. She actively wished not to know. Time was not her friend, not today. Not now.
“They’ll be sending a search party soon,” Rainbow said.
“I think not. We’re only two ponies.”
“Right.”
More silence. A few soft kisses. Soft, idle, comfortable caresses. It was amazing what a simple act could do. It was not simple. She reminded herself of this even as she knew that it was, indeed, simple. It was both. She did not understand it. It was not a thing one understood.
“So,” Rainbow said again after the long pause. “A promise?”
“I meant it. That was not just hormones talking, Rainbow Dash. No more talk of death. We’re living. You’re living. You’re going to fly, and I’m going to use every ounce of my magic, and we’re getting out of here. We’ll carry Fluttershy all the way to Canterlot if we have to.”
“Aw, hell, what am I gonna tell her?”
“I think she won’t be even a little surprised.”
Rainbow laughed. “Probably not. I never could get what I was feeling deep down past her.”
Rarity sighed. “The sun’s not peeking through the blinds anymore.”
“I guess not,” Rainbow answered.
Rarity kissed her lover’s—what a strange word!—chest, her shoulders, her cheek. She did not want to go. She felt like she could not. But she did. She rose, stretching, yawning. In truth, she perhaps paraded a bit, showed off. Why not? Whyever not, in such a world, in such a place, where nothing was in place and thus nothing was out of place?
“Come, Rainbow. I want to walk a bit before the fire’s upon us.”
Grumbling, Rainbow rose and stretched her legs and wings. Rarity watched those toned, fine legs, admired those strong wings.
They left the lobby and walked the streets again. It was the edge of night. The sun had retreated to a final fortress. The night that would not pass was coming. She looked out and thought, for the briefest of moments, that it was like the end of the world.