Can one who was made to bring forth war and chaos live in a world of peace and harmony? Can anyone truly escape their past?
When you aren't even truly natural, can you find happiness? When you are made for war, can you bring peace? Follow Caith as he ventures into Equestria,meets heroes from across the multiverse, an faces off against great evils, bringing peace to equestria! SALT THE WOUND! :P P.S: Multiple franchise crossover, now going through a reboot!
I looked to Jack and the five vault hunters I had come to think of first as friends, but now as Villains and maniacs. “Test subject Caith, reporting for duty.”
Jack was talking over the echonet to Moxxi as I said this "Mox, I don't know about thi- wait WHAT?!"
I looked to him, my pale rose colored eyes burning with determination "I said, let me reboot the eye, you guys go find the vault, I am through dealing with these ass hats and am especially done dealing with you Jack, you egotistical bastard, after this is all over, don't expect me to take your bull crap anymore, you killed four innocents in cold blood, and you six." I looked to the C14P-TP, the enforcer, the Gladiator, the Law Bringer, the baroness, and the Doppelganger, who held me back as I tried to save Gladstone and his companions "You did nothing to stop him, you disgust me." I turned my back on them and walked to the reboot console. "I will activate it once you leave the station, go."
The entire group looked to me in shock, Wilhelm even pulling out his caustic shotgun he looted a few minutes previously "You little shit! I thought you were our ally!"
I looked to them sadly "I was, but then you all were swept up in Jacks madness. Now go."
Nisha looked to Wilhelm and then to me, tears in her eyes "Okay... goodbye, Caith."
I heard the fast travel send them off and looked to the reflection of myself in the destroyer’s eyes. I was wearing a Grey duster shimmering with a strange energy appearing and disappearing on my body, with various strange markings and words forming and disappearing on the smooth material, the words were old, even I couldn’t understand them, but the one thing that I noticed in the pattern of the words was that they all gave me the feeling of war, of rage… It was these words that I focused
I was also wearing black cargo pants. I looked to my hand to find it wrapped in fire, to which I was well used to by now, as well as my strangely demonic wings made of fire and brimstone. "From one monster to another, I'm sorry this happened to you..."
I focused and created a fireball, firing it from my hand into the air, it went on a little bit before exploding in a massive burst of hellfire. I then reached around and grabbed what felt like a large handle and pulled out my buzzaxe, its blade wrapped in fire and the back of the axe having a Skag skull attached to it, smoke emanating from the eyes and mouth. I then heard a whooshing sound as two doors appeared on either side of me, one ahead, and another behind. “I’ll never go back…” I activated the reboot sequence and saw a massive hole open up to my right and was sucked into the one ahead....
When I came to, I was in some sort of Tavern. A thin, fit looking younger looking irish gentleman in a red business suit and black shoes, with a fedora neatly placed on his head. He was sitting back in a wooden chair, his sleeves rolled up, and a chaos star tattooed on the back and front of each hand. A cane leaned against the wall next to him, with strange markings running down it, etched into the bark, and shining as if it was waxed quite recently. A dragon skull was adorning the top of the cane, and fire and red crystal filled the interior of the skull. The Irish gentleman looked to me and grinned “Well hello there, Caith! Good to see yah!”
I looked to him cautiously, my life teaching me that anyone who knows my name without me telling them is more than likely dangerous. As I shifted my stance, the man laughed “Oh, no need to be on edge, I’m a friend! Well, more like a meddlesome old man, but still, I wish to help you.”
I nodded slowly, still wary of this strange being. I do not think he was a human, as he seemed to know what I was thinking before-
“Yes, yes, I’m omniscient, gets pretty damn annoying really, you have no idea how much a pain in the ass it is to know every possibility in the dimension you are in, and in fact see them all at once, layered over each other. Makes it hard to see what’s in the now, really.” he then grabbed at thin air over the table, pulling out a pint of alchohol. Smelled like whiskey, guy must have a damn high tolerance. “Well what would you expect? I AM a god.”
I sighed in frustration. “Will you stop that?”
The man chuckled “What? Reading your mind? Fine, But let me answer some obvious questions. One: I am named Raphael Zmatok. Two: I am a being of Chaos, not anarchy, so I am the good side of change. And three: What I am offering you is a second chance at life.”
I looked to him with a brow raised “I suppose that there is a catch?”
Raphael shook his head amusedly “No, no catch, just live life as you see fit. I have every confidence that you will do the right thing.”
“So… say I was to say yes… where would I go?” I could not afford to go to a new world without knowing anything about it.
Raphael smiled mischievously “Now where would the fun in that be? I’ll just give you a hint, you know the world very well.”
I sighed and nodded, sensing I would not get any more information from him “I guess I’m in…”
Raphael nodded and smiled, tossing out a miniature door that turned full sized mid flight and opened when it landed, I shrugged and walked through, immediately blacking out as the door shut behind me.
???
As I came to, I realised I was in a large poster bed, tucked in under some soft sheets and my head on a pillow, i looked around and saw someone was in bed with me, I spent all of two seconds in shock before I mentally shouted ‘Damn you Raphael!’ I looked over again to see it was not a human, but an anthropomorphic equine, an alicorn specifically, so I was in Equestria...wait… this was an ALICORN… A WHITE alicorn… Goddamnit it’s Celestia.
Just then, Celestia rolled over and saw me I shushed her desperately "It's okay, I won't hurt-" aaaaaand that's when she promptly screamed for her guards while punching me in the face. I leapt from the bed and to the door, keeping it shut with one hand as I turned to her to explain myself. Instead, I found a fireball striking me in the face and engulfing me in –harmless- fire. I willed the flames out “You done? Can I explain myself now?” Celestia used her magic to throw me aside in her panic before gasping and turning to me as the guards entered the room, spears ready to gouge my freaking heart out.
I looked to them in a deadpan “Go ahead, kill the monster… who cares if it can talk?”
The guards looked to me in shock “You can speak Equestrian?”
“Eeyup.”
The guards were awestruck as Shining stepped forward, I realized it was Shining due to his mane and eyes, not his uniform, as he was but a lowly guard, I must have come here earlier in the timeline than when the show started “How did you learn?”
“Who knows, I was born talking. So… Mama, Dada, Gun, yeah, it’s all pretty basic.”
Shining Armor looked to me curiously “What’s a gun?”
“It’s like a compact bow that shoots hunks of copper lined lead faster than the speed of sound, we have recently made guns that shoot explosives and pyrotechnics as well.”
Shining shuddered “You… don’t have any of those, do you?”
I smiled warmly at them “No, I DO, however, have a means of self defense.” I willed myself aflame and then willed the flames out, shocking the ponies around me. “I also have this baby.” I pulled out my buzzaxe and showed it to them, making them leap back in fear. “Don’t worry, I won’t use it on an innocent, I swear on my life.”
Celestia eyed me warily, undoubtedly because of my poor first impression “Those teeth… are you, by chance, carnivorous?”
“Eenope.”
Shining raised an eyebrow suspiciously “What are you then?”
I smiled a toothy grin. “I am omnivorous, I can eat meat, fruit and veggies, but while I need a high concentration of protein in my diet, I can live without meat, and if you are asking my species, I am a human.”
Celestia nodded “Okay, where do you come from?”
“A giant glass tube in a cloning facility, where I was tested on and almost driven mad every day, and anyone I became friends with was killed.” I paused before smiling “Oh, wait, you mean what planet? The giant war zone Pandora, where every day is a fight for survival, be it from the skags, who eat everything in sight, to the bandits, who kill anyone who is not a fellow bandit, and being a bandit is no guarantee even then that you won't be killed by your fellow bandits. I am quite happy to be rid of them, truth be told and before you ask, I cannot explain my wings.”
Both Shining and Celestia looked to me in shock “H-how did you survive such a terrible place?!”
I sighed “When someone tried to kill me, I’d kill them instead.”
Celestia blanched “You…killed others?”
I nodded “Eeyup, only people who tried to kill me though.”
Shining nodded “You said you are a clone, who was the original?”
“I am actually a clone of two people, Brick the Berserker, who is so strong he can punch people hard enough to reduce them to red mist, and some poor soul owned by Hyperion named Krieg, I have all their potential abilities combined, and given the training to be the ultimate soldier. I refused to kill for the Atlas Corporation though, so they just turned me into a glorified lab rat.” I explained
Celly paled even further as she realized what I had lived through, I never could understand how their coats could change color… “How long were you tested on?”
“Five years, I was trained for twelve.”
Celestia looked pensive for a moment before looking to me “There has been rising need of monster hunters in Equestria, and you seem to be perfectly suited to the job. Would you like to become a protector of my ponies?”
“I would love to, but I have two requests.” I responded
Celestia raised an eyebrow “Oh?”
“Yes, I want a place to live, and a family.”
Celly looked puzzled “A family? I can easily give you a home, but why a family?”
I looked away embarrassedly “I… I have always wanted one…”
Celly nodded “I see. Come with me, I’ll see what I can do, I was about to raise the sun anyway.”
Shining raised his hand “Princess, why don’t you have my family take him in? My mom has wanted another child.”
Celly smiled at Shining “That’s right, let’s go see your family.”
We made our way to Twilights home, us talking about my life in Atlas's possession as Celly raised the sun
Celestia gasped, “So this Vernie character was a self aware machine who worked for the Crimson Lance, and he would free clones he was ordered to kill?”
“Eeyup.”
Shining was also intrigued, judging by his facial expression “And he was your only friend in there?”
“Eeyup, and before you ask, yes, Atlas found out about Vernie, and got rid of him, who knows where he is now.”
Celly stopped “We are here, let me speak to Twilights Mother, you go and wait over by that tree.”
I nodded and went to the tree by her house, it was a healthy looking willow tree, well tended and loved, I sat at it’s trunk and sighed happily as Celestia talked to the ponies that must have been her mother and father, after a few moments I saw a younger, smaller Twilight run out the front door, straight to me. She was by no means a filly, but she was what looked like a teenager. “Are you the new creature that wants to be in my family?”
“Yes, I would love to be in your family, tell me, how old are you?”
Twilight smiled at me “I’m fifteen years old! My brother is nineteen! How old are you?”
“I am seventeen, and I am going to be a monster hunter.”
Twilight gasped “But that job is sooo dangerous! And you are the only hooman in Equestria!”
I laughed “Ponies deserve a protector from the monsters of the world, and who better than the most dangerous human alive, in this or any world?”
Twilight thought a moment, then nodded “That makes sense, hay, what is your name?”
“I am Caith it is… Scoltish, I guess, for War.” I said after I realized that there were no Scottish men in this world, and that ponies use horse puns in their naming of places and cultures.
Twilight looked curiously to me “Why are you named that?”
“I was made to fight as a soldier in an army, having a soldier who can beat anyone and is named after war would make for good PR.”
Twilight nodded “Um…excuse me, but why do you have such scary wings?”
I shrugged “I have no idea, I was born with them, same thing with my fire powers, apparently Brick had a fire artifact equipped when he got copied… maybe that’s why?”
Twilight nodded pensively as her parents then came over to me “So, you want a family?”
I nodded “Yes, I want people I can turn to when my luck sours, and to have people that will do so when that happens for them… to…” I looked away embarrassedly “to have someone who actually cares for me, and that I can care for as well…”
They looked to me and smiled “Welcome to the family, son.”
I looked to my mom and dad, crying happily. “Thank you, I have always wished for this…”
I then went to Celestia and hugged her “Thank you…”
Celestia smiled and wrapped me in her wings “Your welcome, my little human…”
7 years later
I was sitting next to Twily as she read a book I knew all too well, it was the book she read when she discovered Nightmare Moons return. It had been seven years since I came to this world and both me and Shining have been promoted to captains of our outfits, I am the captain of the monster hunters, and Shining Armor is the captain of the Royal guard. I have learned several things that neither Krieg nor Brick could do, such as my ‘Firestepping’, where I turn into flame and fly over to where I will myself to go, basically phasewalking. I can also control whether or not if my flames hurt others, lastly, I can go fully psychotic whenever I wish, and I completely double in size when I do so, unlike a Badass Psycho, on the downside, I discovered that my speech skills degrade when I get this way.
Twily finally finished reading aloud and got up “Caith, I’m going to do some research, I’ll see you later.”
I smiled and firestepped over to her side “Don’t think you’ll be rid of me so soon, baby sis, I said I was hanging out with you today and that’s that, you’re stuck with me.”
Twily giggled and kept on walking “Don’t you have work today?”
I grinned as I matched her pace while walking backwards, my arms behind my head “Eenope, I’ve got the week off for slaying that pack of Timberwolves that was terrorizing Manehattan.”
Twily nodded “You are the perfect match for timberwolves, what with your flames and all. Speaking of warmth, You know, I’ve gotta say, you’ve really warmed up to ponies over the years, maybe you should get a marefriend, hmm?”
I blushed and stammered “D-don’t be ridiculous! W-what mare would be interested in me?”
Twily laughed “I know a few.” She laughed as I rolled my eyes doubtfully
We made it to the library in record time as we talked, I opened the door for Twily “After you, mademoiselle.” She walked in and I followed suit, as she looked for the book on the mare in the moon Spike walked in.
“Hey Twilight, hey uncle Caith, what are you up to?”
I smiled as I firestepped over to where I remember Spike got the book from the show and grabbed the book on the Mare in the Moon “Twily is looking for the book I have in my hands, like she has been for the last half hour.”
Twily turned to me and twitched her eye “You knew where that was?!”
“Eenope, I just guessed.” I firestepped over to her and handed her the book. After she sent the letter and basically got a letter from Celly saying to get a life, we got in a chariot going to ponyville, and I honestly couldn’t believe I was going to meet the rest of the elements of harmony!
“I can’t believe Celestia is just ignoring this blatant threat to Equestria!” Twily fumed as the chariot landed
“I think she might be doing what she thinks is best for you, little sis.” I smiled as I saw Pinkie approach us “Hey, why don’t you talk to the Pink mare coming behind you?"
Twily turned to Pinkie Pie and attempted to speak to her, only getting out a nervous “Hello, I’m Twilight and-” before Pinkie gasped and ran off.
I turned to Twily “I bet you eighty bits she is planning you a party.”
Twily looked to me ludicrously before smiling “I bet you a hundred she is just plain crazy and there is no party.”
Spike raised his claw “I bet twenty on Twilights side.”
“Okay, if there IS a party, you both owe me a total of two hundred bits.”
Twily nodded and shook my hand “Deal!” We kept on walking until we made it to AJ’s orchard, where we found AJ bucking the apples out of trees. Twily walked to AJ and cleared her throat “Hello, I’m Twilight Sparkle and-”
AJ looked to Twily and shook hands with her rapidly “Well Howdy doo there Twah’! Ah’m jes’ pleased as punch ta have y’all here, so what brings y’all here?”
Twily’s hand was shaking after AJ released her and Spike helped her stop her hand “I’m here to oversee the summer sun celebration, here specifically to check the food preparations for the celebration.”
AJ gestured to me “What about you, partner?”
I grinned and shook her hand hard enough to daze her like she did Twily “I’m here to keep Twily company and hunt monsters.”
AJ Gasped “Y’all are a Monster Hunter? Hoowee that’s right impressive!”
I smiled “Thank you, now how are those food preparations? Me and my sister here have to check the rest of the preparations as well.”
AJ grinned “How’s about I shows y’all?” She ran to a triangle and rang it with her spoon “Soup’s on everypony!”
A stampede of ponies swept us up and deposited us at a table laden with apple pastries, AJ then began to list off all sorts of apple foods and types, which also seemed to be represented by Apple family members, she then tried to give Twily a pastry by shoving it in her mouth but I gently put a hand on her hand, mouthing ‘not yet’ AJ got the message. “Say hi to Twalight sparkle an’ Caith! Shoot, I think yer practically part of the family already!”
Twily smiled uncomfortably “Thanks, but I really have to get going.”
Applebloom looked up to Twily sadly “You aren’t going to stay for brunch?”
I kneeled down and looked to AppleBloom, prepared fully to say no, but… then I looked at her puppy dog eyes and lost every shred of resolve, SHE’S JUST SO CUTE! “Okay, we’ll stay and eat.”
Twily shot daggers at me with her eyes “Hey, look at those puppy dog eyes and try saying no.”
Twily looked to Applebloom, tried saying no, sighed, then turned to me “I see your point…”
We each took a bite of an apple pastry, me eating a fritter and her eating a piece of pie, we then looked to each other so fast we cracked our necks loudly, then looked back to the food and dug in voraciously…
[After the feast]
“Oooh… my stomach…” I groaned as I finished barfing in a bush, Spike and Twily were puking in the same bush next to me “Well, at least the bush gets to digest delicious apples, maybe it’ll turn into an apple bush...”
Spike and me then helped Twily up as we made our way to the town square, where RD tackled Twily into the mud. Twily groaned as she got up “Owww…. What happened?”
I pointed to RD casually “She tackled you into the mud by accident, don’t hold it against her, she was going really freaking fast.”
RD looked to me in shock “What the hay are you?”
“I am a Monster Hunter, name’s Caith, and I am the big brother of the mare you tackled into the mud, don’t worry, she’s tough.” I walked over to Twily and helped her up. “You okay Twily?”
Twily shook her head clear of cobwebs, spraying mud all over me, to which I firestepped over to Twily’s other side so as to get the mud off of me, making RD freak the heck out
“WHAT IN THE NAME OF SPITFIRE’S SOARIN’S HOT FLANK WAS THAT?!”
I smiled “That was my special skill, firestepping. It let’s me basically teleport, except I turn into fire and fly where I want to go, and can control who the flames hurt.”
As expected, RD smirked after calming down a bit. “That’s pretty cool, not as cool as me, but still.”
Twily rolled her eyes as I pointed to her “Hey, skittles, mind cleaning up my little sis?”
RD laughed “My name isn’t skittles, it’s Rainbow Dash, and sure, hold on!” She flew off, returning a few moments later with a raincloud, which she bounced on to release a torrent of rain unto my beloved sister. This, of course while cleaning her off, left her dripping wet. “Oh! Hold on, I can fix it!” She flew around Twily in a tornado “There you go! My patented Rainblow dry!” We looked to Twily to find that she had a mane style quite similar to that of Pinkie Pies “*snrk* Bwahaha!” Spike and RD began to roll on the floor laughing, tears threading their eyes. Twily and I rolled our eyes as the two of them got back up “You’re a laugh Twilight Sparkle! I can’t wait to hang out again!”
Twily stammered as RD flew off, I looked to her and smiled warmly “Let’s go Twily, we have to go to our next stop.”
Twily sighed and nodded “Okay, BBBFF, let’s go…”
She led me to the town hall, where Spike gasped “Beautiful…”
Twily nodded “Yes, the decorations are stunning!”
Spike shook his head, steering Twily’s head towards Rarity “Not the decorations, her!”
I sighed and walked up to Rarity with Twily and Spike at my side, she was talking to herself about the décor “Oh, this just looks spectacular! But… there’s something missing…”
I saw the ribbon that she needed and firestepped over to it, I then firestepped over to Rarity and tapped her on the back of the head “Excuse me, but is this what you are looking for madam?”
Rarity turned to me and gasped “Darling, what are those… those RAGS you are wearing?”
I smiled “These are the only clothes I have that stay on and don’t burn when I firestep.” Rarity looked confusedly at me “Here, let me show you.” I firestepped over to in front of Twily “See my dilemma? Now, my sister needs to speak to you.”
I stepped out from in front of Twily and Rarity screamed in horror as she saw her mane “Why Darling! What ever happened to your couture?”
Twily looked confused for a moment “Oh, you mean my mane? Long story, but everything here looks fine, so I’ll just get out of your hair.”
Rarity looked to Twily sadly “My hair? But Darling, what about YOUR hair? Come with me, I’ll help you out.”
Twily tried to free herself as Spike floated after them and I followed to Carousel boutique, when I entered, Rarity had somehow already fixed Twilys mane, most likely using magic of some sort. She was now looking to me as she got ready a dress for Twily “So, tell me about yourself.”
I smiled “Well, my name is Caith, I’m a Monster Hunter, I am Twilight Sparkle’s adoptive big brother, and my weapon of choice is the buzzaxe, magical element focus is fire, anything I am missing, madam? If not, may you tell me of yourself?”
Rarity smiled “Gracious me, what a gentlecolt! My name is Rarity, I have a little sister named Sweetie Bell, I work at the boutique you are currently standing in, I am neutrally centered in my magic,like most unicorns, and I do not use weapons.” She then found the gown she was looking for and turned to Twily, putting the dress on her and tightening the straps on her dress “How about you, hmm? Anything you want to discuss, how about where you two are from?” Damn… she doesn’t even notice Spike…that’s cold…
Twily gasped as she struggled for air “I’m… from… Canterlot…”
Rarity gasped as she released Twily from the unintentional stranglehold “Oh! I’ve always wanted to go to Canterlot, the fashion, the sophistication, the grace!”
I sighed disgustedly “The snobs.”
Rarity looked to me a moment “Excuse me?”
“Excluding a choice few, most of the ponies in Canterlot are snobbish pricks who honestly don’t deserve your fashions. Especially that eggsucker Prince Blueblood.” I looked to Twilight to see her leaving in a hurry “I’ll tell you why this is true after the Summer Sun Celebration, okay?” I firestepped out the open window and down the road, right next to Twily as she walked down the road to find Fluttershy conducting her birds, as Twily was about to speak I shushed her “Spike, go tell her a pony and a rare creature are here to see her.”
Spike nodded and walked over to Flutters, who eeped and turned around to see Spike before he said his piece and Flutters nervously came our way, she saw me and began running faster than Pinkie on a quadruple sugar high “Oh my goodness! I-I’ve never seen a pet like this before! What’s his name?”
At this last comment she had turned to Twily, I cleared my throat “Excuse me, but my name is Caith, and I am a full-fledged Equestrian Citizen, not a pet.”
Flutters blushed “Oh, I-I’m so sorry…”
I smiled warmly “Don’t worry, I’ve gotten a thick skin against insults, as long as you are nice to my little sister I am fine.”
Flutters gasped “You have a little sister? Oh, she must be so cute!”
I laughed “She’s only younger than me by two years, but she’s the cutest little unicorn you could ever meet, I’m adopted you see, she’s right here.”
I gestured to Twily and Flutters hid behind her mane, Twily walked to Flutters and smiled warmly “Hello, I’m Twilight Sparkle, who are you? You’re birds were extraordinary!”
“I…I’m Fluttershy” She was so scared she could barely speak, it was so adorable.
I smiled at Flutters and turned to Twily “Her name is Fluttershy, I’m going to assume her special talent is animal care, and I think she will need time to get used to us before she opens up, she seems quite shy.”
Twilight nodded and we turned to leave, but I felt a tug on my pantleg “C-could I come with you?”
I smiled and nodded, we walked to Golden Oaks Library with me, Spike, and Fluttershy talking the whole way, I managed to get Twily to add her piece here and there. When we eventually got to Golden Oaks I opened the door for my three friends and walked in. I found that the room was pitch black, I calmly waited as Twily looked for the lightswitch, the lights turning on quickly as all of ponyville jumped out “Surprise!”
Pinkie then ran up to Twily “DidIsurpriseyouIhopeIsurprisedyouhowdoyoulikethewelcomepartyIplannedthispartyforyouwhenIsawyouintownsquareIknewIneversawyoubeforeandthatmeansyoumustbenewwhichmeansyoumustbelonelyanditstinksbeinglonelysoIthrewyouthispartysoyoucouldmakesomefriendsbuttheauthormadeyououtofcharacterduetoCaithbeingyourbigbrotherandmakingyounicersoyoubeatmetoitandalreadymadesome!” Twily was ignoring Pinkie as she poured herself a drink, which I knew to be hot sauce, a massive part of me wanted to save her from the spiciness of her beverage, but I knew I should not interfere in this point of their getting to know each other, I was pushing it with Flutters meeting with Twily. I sat by the door as Twily drank the hot sauce and she ran up the stairs with tears in her eyes. Pinkie smiled “D’aaw, she’s so happy she's crying!" Pinkie then saw me and gasped “OhmygoshIorgottoplanapartyforyou!”
I smiled “No worries, you doing all this for my baby sis is plenty.”
Pinkie looked unconvinced “B-but… I have to throw you a party…” Her hair was beginning to flatten out, which I remembered to be a BAD sign.
I quickly sprung to action, doing the first thing that came to mind “Tell you what, go out with me some time and I’ll call it even.”…wat... HOLY BALLS OF FIRE DID I JUST ASK A MARE OUT?!
Pinkie blushed as her hair poofed up even fluffier than before “Y-you want to… d-date me?” No going back now… might as well go all in.
I swallowed hard and calmed myself before nodding “Yes, I would love to, but I thought I was asking you?”
Pinkie giggled and hugged me “I’d love to go out with you; you seem super-de-duper nice!”
I smiled as Twily came down and Pinkie detached herself from me, bouncing over to the rest of the girls and telling them what just happened, RD and AJ looked to me in shock as Rarity swooned, Flutters just said “Oh…My…”
Twily must have overheard Pinkie as she ran over to me “What are you doing?! You just met that mare and you started courting her!”
I rose my eyebrow in amusement “What, are you jealous I have a special somepony, Twily? If that is the case, I am certain you could find yourself a coltfriend, heck, you could probably have your own herd if you wanted. And what happened to you saying I should get a marefriend? Or are you mad you and Spike owe me those 200 bits?”
Twilight blushed and stammered; eventually Spike came to us, wearing a lampshade that I know not the origin of as a hat “Hey guys, it’s time for the summer sun celebration!”
I took 200 bits each from Twily and Spike before I opened the door and held it for the partygoers, I firestepped to the town hall just in time for Twily to burst out the front doors and run to the Library, to which I firestepped right back, I entered the Library and waited for Twily to come in, when she came and put Spike to bed I opened the window so RD could get in without making a mess. Twily was searching frantically as the rest of the girls came in. “Elements of Harmony, Elements of Harmony! Where is that book?!”
RD got in Twily’s face after she came in “Just what ARE the elements of harmony, hmm? And how did you know about Nightmare moon? What are you, a spy?”
I stepped in between Twily and RD “No, she read it in a book, heard of one, or are you too obsessed with being a mindless jock to have learned to read?”
RD looked at me in pure fury “Why I ought to! Put ‘em up!”
I smiled “No thanks, I’d rather not beat the snot out of a mare.” Okay, I’ll be honest, I really don’t like people smack talking Twily, and RD’s show offish ways just rub me the wrong way.
Pinkie looked to me in surprise “Why are you being such a meanie pants? You were so nice during the party!”
I calmly turned from RD to Pinkie “I apologize, but I do not appreciate ponies bullying my baby sister, somepony messes with her, they mess with me.”
RD looked to me a moment “T-that’s actually pretty cool… for a jerk.”
I smiled “That’s quite alright, I’m completely pleasant unless if you mess with those I hold dear, and you have every right to dislike me currently.”
I walked to the door and waited for Pinkie to give Twily the book, once this transpired, Twily opened the book and began reading, it was all quite familiar, until she got to the end “…Hey! There’s a note! And it’s to you, Caith!” I curiously walked over to Twily and took the note, it was on old, crinkled paper.
‘Dear Caith
True strength is when one holds on to their beliefs, and protects those dear to them, even when the world around them is crumbling at its very foundation and it would be easier to just let it all burn around you. You are strong; never forget that. An old ally from home is coming to assist you in your time of need.
See you soon; a friend.’
I smiled “Seems an old friend is coming to see me soon… let’s go save Equestria, hmm?”
Twily smiled and nodded to me “Let’s go Caith!”
Pinkie and AJ blocked the door “Hold on there! We’re coming too, y’hear?”
Twily piped up to argue, but I touched her shoulder and shook my head “Safety in numbers, young Twilight.” Twily huffed and went to the forest, me and the girls following close behind, I kept going at a calm pace until I heard something I should NOT of been hearing here, the low growl of Diamond Dogs “Girls, get back, we’ve got trouble.”
The girls got behind me as five D-dogs came out of the brush; they were larger than me by two heads, and were heavily armored. “Lookee here boys, a couple of nice young mares! Let’s bring ‘em to the Alpha for a sweet reward, maybe he’ll even let us join in on the fun!” Twily whimpered and backed up even further as the one closest to me laughed, unaware of the rage he was filling me with, and the danger he was in. “ Forget you guys, I’m having my fun with the purple one!”
I felt my rage reach its peak as I unleashed my inner beast and took out my Buzzaxe and rushed the D-dogs “The Voices Said Empty,” I reached the middle of the group and swung my axe horizontally, beheading two of them with ease “Hollow,” I grabbed another two and smashed their heads together, creating a crimson explosion of gore and fear “ AND THUD!”I grabbed the last survivor by the legs and flung him into the air, sending a fireball barreling into his chest cavity, making him explode into flaming meat chunks, which fell down to the ground.
I saw the alpha coming out of a cave in the distance and growled hatefully “Come to me, wrath sponge! I shall consume your heart of darkness and bleed out the light! Because I! AM! WAR!” I ran at the alpha and tackled him, then threw him at the feet of my friends before firestepping on top of him and grabbing his head, forcing him to look at my sister and friends, who had fearful, disgusted looks on their faces “NEVER FLASH A SASSY EYE AT MY LITTLE PONIES, OR I’LL KILL YOU ALL AT THE CROSSROADS OF MY MIND!”
The alpha nodded quickly “Yes, yes! I’ll leave ponyville alone! Just please don’t kill me!”
“THE PACK MUST BE STILL AS THE JELLIED FANTASIES OF MY WASTED YOUTH!”
“Yes, yes! The whole pack will back off!”
I grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and marched to his cave before tossing him rump first into his cave, I then firestepped over to the girls and reverted to normal, again thankful that my duster and cargo pants were able to grow and shrink with me as I calmed myself down “Well, that was… unpleasant.”
Rarity looked sick as RD just stood there, Twily eventually broke the silence “D-does that happen every time you fight?”
I frowned “No, only when I deem it necessary, their version of ‘fun’ is torturing and raping ponies, the younger the better, hearing them planning to do that to my friends and family… that was intolerable, they deserved no mercy.” I saw the look of fear and mistrust in my friends eyes, and the fear in Twily’s… I could swear my heart broke right then… I looked to the general direction of the castle and began walking “…We should keep going…”
We made our way to a cliff and RD began to talk, but I was too depressed to listen to her, suddenly, the ground gave out beneath us and I slid to the edge and fell off, I firestepped safely to the ground, looking up to find Twily dangling from a ledge I frantically looked to either side of me to find two all too familiar pegasi “RD! FLUTTERS! CATCH TWILY!” Twily fell down right as my airborne allies flew to her aid, catching her in midair and taking her gently to the ground, I ran to Twily and hugged her “Are you okay? How many fingers am I holding up?”
As I held up three fingers Twily stood there dumbstruck “Y-you saved me… again…”
I nodded slowly as RD and Flutters helped the rest of the mares down “You are my baby sister, it is my job to keep you safe,” I looked to everypony and sighed “Look, I’m sorry you all had to see me like that, it’s something that was hardwired into my brain and I can’t fix it. I do not regret killing those mutts, however, as they had obvious practice with torture, I could smell blood on them…”
Rarity smiled at me “Darling, I think I speak for all of us when I say that while your methods were… unnapealing, you did what needed to be done.”
Pinkie jumped at me and wrapped me up in a hug “Yeah! You were just trying to protect us!”
RD nodded “That’s right! While it was kinda gross, it was also pretty awesome how you just beat down on those bad guys.”
Flutters smiled at me shyly “ You had the best intentions, I just wish we could of solved the problem without violence…”
AJ nodded “Shoot, I heard what those varmints were gonna do to us, Ah’d’ve dun’ wupped ‘em mahself!”
I finally looked back to Twily, who was back on the ground and looking up at me “I… I guess you are doing all this for us…l-let’s keep going…”
We kept going until we heard another growl, this one decidedly more feline. I saw a manticore approach as the girls tensed for combat, excluding Flutters. I stepped between the girls and the manticore, my arms outstretched “Wait, let Flutters deal with this.”
They all looked to me incredulously as Flutters went to the manticore, RD even flew up into my face “Are you nuts?! That thing will eat her alive!”
I smiled knowingly “Oh, don’t worry, I know she’s got this handled.”
“Now now, I know something’s wrong, just tell me what’s bothering you.” The manticore seemed to pout and hold out its paw to her, showing a ‘splinter’ the size of a large branch…ouch. “Oh, you poor baby, here, let me take care of that. Now, this may hurt a bit, just hold on.” She ripped the thorn out and the manticore roared in her face before licking her appreciatively.
I smiled and walked up to the manticore and petted its mane “Attaboy, thanks for trusting flutters here.” The manticore purred and pushed against my hand with its head “Tell you what, if you want I’ll give you a home just meet me when I call you, that okay?” The manticore nodded happily and licked my cheek “Now, how about a name? What about… Dougan?” Dougan nodded happily as I stood up. “Good, I’ll see you later, we’ve got to go now, okay?” Dougan nodded and let Fluttershy and I go as we made our way onwards.
Twilight stopped Flutters and me “How did you two know it had a splinter in its paw?”
Fluttershy smiled “Oh, I didn’t, we just all need a little kindness sometimes.”
Twily looked to me now. “How about you?”
I smiled “I’m a Monster Hunter, it’s part of my job to case my prey, and it was limping on the paw that had the giant hunk of wood in it.”
Twily blushed as she realized how obvious it was “Oh…right.”
I smirked “Don’t worry, let’s get going, we’ve still got a ways to go.”
Twily nodded and we made our way once again, as we walked Rarity began to complain “Ugh, my eyes could use a rest from all of this icky muck!” Just then, all light vanished from the forest “…I wasn’t being serious!”
I began to tune them out until I heard the girls all begin screaming in terror, I looked around to see faces on trees, they looked quite humorous actually, and Pinkie seemed to notice this, as she began to laugh at the trees Twilight looked to Pinkie in shock “Pinkie! What are you doing?!”
Pinkie giggled “Oh girls, don’t you see? When I was a-“
Just then, time stopped and Raphael appeared in front of me “You’ve heard this enough times to know what happens. I’m just going to skip it.” He took out what looked like a tv remote and fast forwarded the world around me, reality blurring until he disappeared and I was walking with the girls.
Pinkie huffed as we kept on walking, muttering under her breath “Meanie pants Raphie… skipping my song…” Pinkie sighed and kept walking as we made our way to a raging river.
Twily looked exasperatedly to me after recovering from being weirded out by Pinkie “Why are there so many things in our way?”
I smiled at my sister “Because life is a constant struggle? I don’t know, maybe there is some douchebag in control of our world who thinks this is funny.”
A rock the size of a football then clocked me in the head and knocked me into the shallows of the river and Pinkie pulled me out “Raphie! If I can’t break the fourth wall, neither can you!”
… nothing more happened
Pinkie smiled “Thank you!”
I just stood there in wonder at the one sided conversation, I then shook my head and got up to walk to the other girls with Pinkie at my side, I found that they had already met the sea serpent, who will now be referred to as Steven Magnet, had just had his moustache by Rarities tail hair…gross, that must smell like ass. Steven made his body a bridge for Twily and our friends, “Please, allow me!” as they hopped across, I firestepped to the other side of the river, getting bone dry in the process.
We made our way to the collapsed bridge and Twily almost fell down the cliff face, I quickly pulled her up as RD laughed “What’s with you and falling off of cliffs today?”
Twily sighed as Pinkie looked for another way across, not finding any “What now?”
RD flared her wings “Duh.” She flew over to the other side.
I firestepped right next to RD and took out my buzzaxe “You tie the ropes, I’ll stand guard.”
RD nodded and got to work as the Shadowbolts materialized in a dark fog, I stood stock still as they approached RD, not of my own free will, but from…something in the air… my mind was getting fuzzy… I couldn’t… think straight… I saw RD shake her head as if to say no, and then the Shadowbolts began to close in on us, I tried to raise my weapon, but I was greatly weakened by whatever this fog was doing to me. I tried to fight off the effects, only to fall to my knees, it looked like I was going to die here… Goodbye Twily, Pinkie, girls…
Just then I saw a familiar figure rush through the fog and slice through the Shadowbolts, turning them into a purple cloud of mist that flew into the castle, the fog and its effect on me gone in a flash. I stood up to find Vernie staring at me “Greetings Caith, it is good to see you again.”
I grinned “Vernie, I thought it was you who our friend was bringing here.”
I looked down to see he was equipped with a Katana that was made of the same metal his white chassis was, with black lines designed to look like veins going along the back of the blade. The metal was named, after Dr. Albertson, who invented the metal, the vain bastard. Vernie was a chalk white colored android with a perfect sphere for a head and a camera shutter as an eye, he had a humanoid build complemented by a balanced stance and quick, graceful movements.
Vernie nodded “I assume this friend sent you a letter as you awoke in a field of strange, chiming flowers that was located in an albertonium chest lined with chrome?”
I shook my head “Nope, mine was in a book I found seven years after being sucked in here by a giant eyeball, by the way,what did you name the katana?”
Vernie smiled, which basically constituted him projecting an emote smily face “ I named her little death god.”
RD looked confusedly to Vernie as the rest of the girls came across the bridge “Hey, Caith who’s this guy?”
I smiled and put an arm on Vernies shoulder and looked RD in the eyes “This is Vernie, my best friend from my younger years.”
Twily gasped “THIS IS VERNIE?!” She ran to Vernie and hugged him “Oh thankyouthankyouthankyou! You saved Caith’s life!” She broke the hug and looked to the girls with a blush “Sorry… it’s just that Caith told me about vernie all the time… anyway, let’s go! We have to get the Elements of Harmony!”
I smiled as the girls, Vernie and I walked to the front door, Vernie opened one end of the door and I the other as the girls walked in and us after them, and we found Twily was telling the girls to go as she tried to activate the Elements of Harmony. We left with them to wait on Twily until we heard her scream, we quickly ran into the tower that held Twily, the girls close on our heels. I saw Twilight look to us and a spark went off in her eyes; she smiled as she turned to Nightmare Moon “No, the Elements live on, in my friends!” The shards of the Elements of Harmony rose from the ground and orbited around the girls. “Applejack, who eased my worry with her words of truth represents Honesty!” AJ’s shards converged on her and formed an orange apple shaped gem with a green stem. “Fluttershy, who tamed the wild manticore and soothed its wounds represents Kindness!” Flutters eeped as the shards converged, forming a pink butterfly gem. “Pinkie Pie, who banished our fears by making us laugh represents Laughter!” Pinkie giggled as her shards converged, forming a blue balloon gem. “Rarity, who soothed a woeful serpent with a meaningful gift represents Generosity!” Rarity just stood there as the shards converged on her and formed a diamond shaped azure gem “And Rainbow Dash, who denied her heart’s desire in favor of her friends represents Loyalty!” they then fired their rainbow beam at Nightmare Moon, and We expected that to be that, but she dodged it!
Nightmare Moon laughed “Did you really expect me to stay still for that? How Foalish!”
I thought quickly, focusing on Nightmare moon with all my might, my eyes becoming red and demonic as I spoke out instinctively “Ruptor coronam chao!” Right as I sent the spell Nightmare Moons way, she sent a spell towards the girls, I leapt in its path and prepped another spell “chao clypeus!” I turned to the girls as my first spell hit Nightmare Moon, disorienting her as if she had a concussion. “QUICK! USE THE ELEMENTS!” I watched as the girls eliminated Luna’s alter ego and fell next to Vernie as the rainbow beam washed over him and felt…weak… I used… too much magic…couldn’t stand up… felt… so tired… Pinkie...running to me…sleep…
I woke up to the sound of beeping, I must be in a hospital…I opened my eyes to see Twily and the girls were talking with Vernie. I could only catch brief blurbs of the conversation “Caith…etter...ease…im…”it sounded like Twily… why was she talking about me? I was right here. I tried to get up and found that I was very light headed; I fell back and looked to my side to see starswirl the bearded was at my bedside.
He smiled “Vernie already woke up, Caith, The girls are worried about you.” His voice was gravelly and rough, yet it was full of care and kindness. “I think you should let them know you are up, don’t you? Now… I’m sorry to say I can’t stay long, paradoxes and all that, time isn’t as wibbly wobbly here as it is in other realities…Oh, and keep an eye out for more humans in equestrian, I think you could use their help.” He waved his wand, which was clasped in a hand wrapped in a chain that held pocket watches set to different time zones and had a small blue box at its end, the clocks began spinning rapidly and then stopped at the same spot at the exact same time as the blue box whirred and disappeared along with the rest of the chain, and then Starswirl himself was gone from the room, leaving only a single chain link the size of a thimble.
I looked to the girls and struggled to get up again, this time fighting through the fog in my mind and standing up, I looked down to see I was still wearing my clothes thankfully, and my buzzaxe was at my bedside, I put it in its sheathe and put the link in my pocket as I walked over to the door to my hospital room. “Hey girls, what’s up?” Twilight and Pinkie glomped me as the others went to my side Twilight and pinkie were talking together so fast that I could not even understand them “Girls, GIRLS! One at a time!”
Pinkie Pie, obviously, spoke first “We were so worried! I mean, you just wouldn’t wake up and, and *Sniff* Waaugh!” she began crying as Twily teared up as well, I was stunned at how worried for me these mares I just met were. Twily too… I mean… they saw what I could do!
“Why do you all care so much about me? I’m a monster…You saw what I could do” Within seconds of that last word exiting my lips Pinkie slapped me hard in the face “Don’t ever say that! You saved our lives TWICE! No monster would do that! What I saw was a brave, caring hero!”
Twilight looked to me sadly “I’m so sorry… I can’t believe I thought you would actually hurt me…” She hugged me as well and the hug held for a few moments before we broke it up.
“Well… uh…” I had no idea how to respond to this information.
Luckily, Some stranger looked to me and smiled “I think we’ve overwhelmed him, he is unaccustomed to anyone but me, and I assume Twilight, saying such things.”
I looked to the stranger for a moment, he wore a red gi with Japanese script on the back, he had pale white skin and blue eyes that seemed to glow… wait “Vernie?”
The man nodded “Yes Caith, it’s me.”
I looked to him in shock “B-but… how?”
Vernie smiled “I was affected by the elements of harmony, they affected you too… I scanned you Caith… you are no longer a clone, you are one hundred percent your own person.”
I was flabbergasted “Y-you mean… I am…Not Krieg OR Brick?”
Vernie smiled and shook his head “No, you are Caith Sparkle, no more, no less.”
I then remembered something at the same time as Pinkie and blushed deeply as she smiled bashfully “So… um… you wanna go out on that date? I can treat you to anywhere…”
Pinkie smiled even wider “I’d actually love a picnic! I know a nice place, and Author told me that you were waking up today, so I prepared a picnic basket.”
[GOD DAMMIT PINKIE! WHY MUST YOU ALERT MY CHARACTERS TO MY EXISTANCE?!]
{WHY, DAMN YOU!?}
Pinkie giggled “Cause I’m a jerk!” she said sassily…I am so confused… Did I just hear a voice? Pinkie took my hand and ran with me to the most beautiful hilltop view I have ever seen, it was sunset, and the sky was awash with hues of red, pink, and orange. There was a blanket and picnic basket under the lone tree at its peak.
I sat down next to Pinkie and was blushing like mad “So… you wanna talk about anything?”
Pinkie thought a moment “Hmmm… How about…what you like about me? I mean you totally caught me off guard with asking me out like that.” She then blushed herself while waving her hands “N-not that I mind! I think you’re really cute, a-and-” she sighed “I’ll stop talking now…”
I smiled “Thank you, well, let’s see… You’re drop dead gorgeous; you’d throw a welcome party for someone you just met, your rambunctious energy is infectious, aaaand I love peppy mares.”
Pinkie smiled bashfully “Wow, so you pretty much like everything about me huh?”
I laughed “Yeah, pretty much! So…” I opened the picnic basket and handed her a red velvet cupcake with chocolate frosting before getting myself one and taking a bite “Man, this is delicious! Anyway, what do you like about me?”
Pinkie blushed and fidgeted in place “Well, you’re really handsome, you’re super nice, and… I kinda think it’s super hot you can protect me if anything bad ever happens…” She ate her cupcake and started on some apple cider and a sandwich, as did I.
I smiled and hugged her “Thanks; I think you’re pretty hot too.”
Pinkie kissed my cheek “Thanks for saving me…”
I smiled and kissed her back “No problem…” I looked into the basket we’ve been eating from all this time and it was empty. “Wow, um… OH! Since we’ve had our picnic, you want to go meet Dougan again? I don’t know how long I’ve been out cold, but he’s probably worried.”
Pinkie smiled and nodded “I’d love to! That big old softie must be lonely, I mean, it’s been a whole day since you told him you’d call him!”
I frowned “I’ve been out a whole day?”
Pinkie nodded regretfully “Yeah, the weird pony Twily called Starswirl said it was because you had ‘awoken to your potential’, and had been using so much magic that day already, apparently you used up your magic reserves.” She then started walking towards the Everfree and I followed suit.
I pounded my fist in my palm “Oh… so that’s why I was so tired!” I then smiled as we reached the Everfree Border “Dougan! Here boy!” I whistled and heard a large creature bounding towards us, I tensed in preparation to protect Pinkie, but relaxed as I saw a familiar big bundle of badassery bounded our way and tackled me to the floor, licking me lovingly. “Alright boy, I get it! How about we go for a walk, hmm? Maybe find a cave or somewhere to stay.”
Pinkie looked to me in confusion “Why are you going to stay in a cave, Caithy?”
I blushed and looked away “I…I’m used to hard floors, I had to sleep in caves when I hunted monsters…” Dougan looked uncomfortably to me and meowed
“Don’t worry buddy, I’d never hurt you, I only hurt monsters that decide to hurt ponies.” I patted his head and he rubbed against me “Besides, people will freak out if they see a Manticore around town, no offence, but ponies are easy to panic.” Pinkie put a palm on her hip “I do NOT panic easily!”
I deadpanned as I pointed behind her “Look, a snake.”
Pinkie shrieked and leapt into my arms, then looked where I pointed before glaring at me “This proves nothing.”
I grinned “Au contraire, mi amore” I set her down “it proves everything.”
Pinkie giggled and stuck her tongue out at me as a cloud of smoke floated down to me and materialized as a note
Dear Caith;
Please help me! I’m being mobbed by Gala maddened ponies!
Sincerely; Twilight Sparkle
P.S: PLEASE HURRY!
I looked apologetically to Pinkie “I’ll continue our date momentarily, be riiight back.” I mounted Dougan and rode off to save my sister, we travelled through the town with ease, Dougan leaping from rooftop to rooftop with no problem before we landed right between Spike, Twily and a mob of avarice laced ponies, I calmly raised my hand “Who here knows Twilight Sparkle on a personal level?” No one raised their hands “Hmm? None of you ever got to know her? So why are you all mobbing her for favors? You’d have to be quite a little asshole to do that.”
A huge stallion who frankly made Bulk Biceps look wimpy, whom I ironically later learned was Bulk Biceps father, walked up to me threateningly, the mob of ponies parting as he walked through them “Who you calling an asshole?!”
I looked up to the massive stallion that stood an entire foot taller than me and calmly responded “You, and all of your buddies back there who are trying to extort tickets from my SISTER, seriously, the fuck is your deal?”
Bulk Biceps senior tried to punch me as I firestepped behind him, leaping up and roundhouse kicking him in the back of the head, thus knocking him out cold. I then looked to the crowd “Anyone else wanna be a dumbass? I could sick Dougan on you.” Dougan then began growling lowly as he approached the crowd “Heel boy.”
The crowd dispersed quickly as Pinkie skipped over to me “Hey, Twily! How’s the whole ticket thing going?”
Twily’s eye twitched “How’d you know about that!?”
Pinkie giggled “The author told me!”
{*Falls to knees dramatically* FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU-}
Pinkie pulled out some chocolate “Fudge?”
{-UUUUUUUUCKING SHIIIIII-}
Pinkie pulled out a shirt with a picture of me on it that said ‘team Caith’ much to my disturbance, with a troll smile on “Shirts?”
{-IIIIIIIITTTEEEERRRR HOOOOOO-}
Pinkie giggled and pointed to Twily’s head “Horn?”
{-OOOOLEEEES!!!}
[Better?]
{...Yes.}
Twily ignored the randomness of Pinkie while I checked her for a fever, as she was acting extra loopy and walked inside to find the rest of the mane six in her home, seems I left the window open…hehe…
Twilight broke down “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I just can’t decide!”
The girls looked to each other guiltily as AJ came forward “We’re sorry, Sugarcube, we shouldn’t have pressured y’all like we did… If it means anything, I don’t want the ticket anymore…”
Pinkie nodded “Me neither!”
Flutters smiled “Same for me…”
Rarity sighed “That goes for me as well, I’m sorry…”
RD whooped “Yeah! That means the ticket is mine!” Everyone glared at Dashie “Actually, I haven’t perfected the tricks I want to show the Wonderbolts, so… I’ll take a pass on the tickets.”
Twilight smiled, doubtlessly touched by their kindness as she had Spike send the tickets back to Celestia, who as we all know is a massive Troll and planned this all along, immediately sent a reply with tickets for everyone, including two for me, who had already gotten one as payment for my last job, I then wondered what I’d do with the extra ticket as I remembered Vernie had never been to a party before, I decided to go see him about it “Hey, girls?” Everyone turned to look at me “Any of you know where Vernie is?”
Pinkie nodded “Yup! He’s down the street at Vinyl Scratch’s club looking at a poster!”
{GODDAMIT PINKIE! DON’T FORCE US TO PLACE CHARACTERS AND SCENES!}
[You know, you're kind of annoying.]
I swear I’m hearing a voice… it’s faint… but…really annoying...
[See? even he agrees with me- oh shit!]
{…Shit… he can hear us now… SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO THE FOURTH WALL?! T-T}
Pinkie frowned “Sorry, author…” I sighed and smiled, guessing Pinkie must be rubbing off on me. I walked down the street to Vernie to find him looking at a poster of… oh my god a human DJ?!
“His concert is tomorrow, dear Faust…” I sighed “What the fucking hell, man…”
Vernie looked to me “It seems the walls between realities are getting weaker, this… DJ R3MN4NT person seems to be one of us, I have asked around, and it seems he is a mentor and lover to a mare named DJ PON-3.”
I nodded “Hmm… we should go to this concert, maybe we can enlist his assistance, Starswirl informed me of the situation. Apparently an Eldritch Abomination is coming to Equestria.”
“…” I stood there silently for a total of five minutes “WHAAAAT!? He didn’t tell me that!”
Vernie nodded “Yes, I assumed he did not tell you, I deemed it necessary to give you a day to recuperate.”
I was panicking “Do you have an IDEA what that means?! Those things can kill entire cities in a single night! Some of them are lethal just to HEAR!”
Vernie nodded “I am aware of this, which is why this R3MN4NT character will be useful to us, as his music may cancel out that effect.”
I then realized Vernie was right and sighed “Okay, let’s go see him tomorrow…”
Vernie shook his head “No need, he’s right behind you.”
I quickly turned around to see a man about as tall as me wearing a mouse skull helmet lined with glowsticks, a red hoodie with a smiling cow skull logo on the front, a pair of camo cargo pants, and red and white sneakers. He looked to me calmly, or… I assumed he was, I couldn’t see through the full head helmet “Yeah, sure, I’ll help ya,” he spoke with a New Yorkers accent and had a voice that was clearly being modulated, as it sounded like he was talking through a machine “If that thing’s for real, Vinyl and Tavi could die, and I’m not about to let my girlfriend and her best friend die on me.”
I nodded uncomfortably “Well, I’ll see how you can handle yourself in a fight after your concert, Right now, I think I’ll take Dougan home.” I whistled and Dougan came to me nigh instantly
R3MN4NT smiled “Oh, and since we’ll be working together, call me RJ.”
I nodded and rode off into the everfree, after finding a cave and starting a fire, I rested against Dougan and went to sleep with him curled around me...
I woke up to Dougan licking me, so I opened my eyes to see Dougan pointing his snout at the caves mouth, I looked in that direction to see it was morning, I then smiled and patted Dougans head lovingly “Good boy, Dougan.” I then went to the caves mouth with Dougan close behind me, and saw the beautiful morning, birds chirping, sunrise, the works.
I walked Dougan into town and waved at the townsfolk on my way to Sugarcube corner, when I reached there, Pinkie was out front talking with Fluttershy as a herd of cows began stampeding into town I looked quickly to my faithful pet, whose instincts were warring with him not to attack the cows to protect his master “Dougan! Go to the cave!” Dougan nodded and ran back home while I set up a wall of fire to stop the cows from entering Ponyville, knowing full well that AJ had it handled, but making it so that the ponies didn’t KNOW I knew. As AJ handled the situation I gradually lowered the fire wall to walk over to Pinkie “So, how’d you sleep?”
Pinkie smiled “Great, thanks for asking! And thanks for helping AJ save us!” she excitedly kissed me on the lips and I blushed, she tasted like chocolate frosting…
“Th-that was my first kiss…” I looked nervously to the ground, blushing intensely
Pinkie giggled “That was mine too! I’m happy it was with someone as nice as you.”
I smiled, my blush deepening “D’aaw shucks…”
Pinkie grinned and waved goodbye as AJ walked off, most likely to start her Applebucking, I then remembered RJ’s concert was today and went to Vinyls house to Find Vernie conversing with RJ “…elieve that is plausible, but I will need to discuss it with Caith.”
I raised an eyebrow “Discuss what?”
RJ looked to me “Hey, I need a chain to arm myself with if I’m going to go fight alongside you guys, Last thing I want is to hold you guys back.”
I nodded “Yeah? So?”
RJ laughed “So, I heard you got a special chain link from Starswirl, I’d like to make a chain using that metal.”
“Oh yeah, that link I had found on the floor when he phased out. Sure, but why?” I was unsure what use a single chain link could be…
RJ did a doubletake “Seriously!? That dude invented Malachite!”
I looked quizzically “Malachite?”
Vernie began to clarify “It is apparently the strongest metal in equestria, it also has immense magical power. Upon inspecting my blade, it is made of the metal in question, it was also folded twenty times and enchanted to not only give me power over electricity, but make me the only person who can wield this blade and grant me the ability to move in a fashion similar to your firestepping, except utilizing electricity. It also seems that your buzzaxe blade had turned into Malachite temporarily while you were in what shall be referred to as an ‘awoken’ state” I looked to Vernie in awe “How do you know all of this?!”
Vernie smiled “Easy, I went to the library and studied with Twilight Sparkle, her company was quite enjoyable.”
I looked to Vernie with a wry smile “Oh? You enjoy her company? Mayhaps you like her… a little more?”
I saw Twilight behind Vernie holding a letter in her hand as Vernie began to answer me, a blush actually forming on his face “W-well… she is quite attractive, but… while I may be in a man’s body, I am still but a machine, being in a relationship with her will most likely bring her naught but pain, as my emotions are all artificial.”
Twilight cleared her throat at that moment and Vernie quickly turned around to see Twilight, who handed him the letter shyly “U-umm… I wrote this for you…” Twilight then teleported away, leaving a very flustered Vernie, and both me and RJ laughing our asses off. Vernie glared at me “That was not a kind thing to do.” After I stopped Rolling on the Floor Laughing, I handed RJ the link as Vinyl came out of the house
“Yo, teach, whassup?”
RJ took off his helmet, unveiling his shaggy brown hair and green eyes, as well as his iron skull earrings. He then held Vinyl close and kissed her deeply on the lips “Just talking with some friends, love, then I’m going to pay the blacksmith a visit and get ready for my concert, oh, and Vernie? Good luck with that Twilight chick.”
Vinyl nodded before smiling at me and Vernie “So, you’re friends of RJs, huh? Cool, guy could use a life outside of the music and me!” She hugged us and went to the directon of the town square.
Vernie then opened the letter and read it silently, his face flushing deeply at the end of the letter “I… I will talk to her later…” I then looked to Vernie and smiled “Wanna spar? Just like the old days, maybe it’ll help you think.”
Vernie nodded, then paused “I think we should check up on AppleJack first, I saw her brother get injured the other day, and I am quite certain that AppleJack cannot do this on her own.”
I nodded and we headed to Sweet Apple Acres, I noticed that the orchard was halfway harvested as we walked in on an argument between Twily and AJ, Vernie blinked “It seems that the issue has been resolved, our interference was unnecessary.” He then looked to Twily and blushed “…But… perhaps it was a good thing we came here.” He walked to Twilight and they talked, I respected my friends’ privacy and did not listen in on his conversation, which ended in Twily kissing him on the lips.
{Transitions again!}
We made our way to a clearing in the White Tail Wood and took out our weapons, both of us stepping to each other and forming a pillar of fire and lightning, at which we materialized at the top before we began to fall, I formed a massive fireball while Vernie became a lightning bolt. I landed first and struck his bolt with the blunt of my axe, knocking his materialized body into a large tree. I then blasted a fireball at him, only for him to slice it neatly in half with his katana, the flames materializing as hunks of red crystal that fell to the ground “I forgot to mention, Malachite can turn elemental magic into crystal.”
I nodded “Well, it seems we are at a stalemate, how about we go see RJ’s concert?”
Vernie nodded and went with me to the town square, which was set up like a huge stage with lights and mics, but… no DJ gear… RJ came on the stage and the ponies all screamed with thrill. He then began making typing motions in the air and an ethereal mist flowed from him as music began to sound.
Just as the music ended, a massive creature that was at least ten feet tall and made of roots, vines and various fungi erupted from the earth, and began shambling towards the ponies, I acted quickly, knowing that the Reavers were not to be taken lightly, and burned him to a cinder, only for three more to spring from the earth, one near Vinyl, RJ saw this and leapt in the way of a certainly fatal strike, only for there to be a bright flash of light as the Reavers were scared back off, I then went to their holes and burned the root system they made to travel here as they tried to escape as Vernie zapstepped through them. RJ sighed “Well, this was an eventful night.”
Vernie and I were cleaning up the mess from the Reaver attack when I laughed “Who’d of thought that RJ was from a world with magic even more powerful than Equestrias? I mean, he blew that reaver apart with frickin sound waves!”
Vernie looked to me with a deadpan expression “You can control, generate, and become fire, not to mention double in size. I am supernaturally agile, can solidify fire, and am capable of slicing an engine block in half with my katana. I do not consider any of this power that originated from Equestria, nor those we already had, to be inferior.”
I blushed “Heheh…yeah… I guess we are pretty powerful…”
Vernie sighed “How can a few brutish creatures like that cause so much damage? This is obscene.”
I laughed “Y’know, it wasn’t all the Reavers that did this damage, hell; it was mostly the panicking ponies!”
Pinkie was helping me clean up while RJ fretted over Vinyl as they walked home, their portion of the cleanup already more than complete, and Twily was helping Vernie with cleanup as well, so we were near finished “Yeah! What’s wrong with these ponies?”
I looked to pinkie and pointed at her shoulder “Look, a big hairy spider.”
Pinkie screamed before stopping, dropping, and rolling on the ground to get rid of the imaginary spider, I then chuckled as she realized that there was in fact no spider and glared at me “Meanie!! And I was going to cook you a heroes dinner too!”
I pouted “Guess I’ll just have to cook something for both of us, how does veggie stew sound?”
Pinkie licked her lips and nodded “Mmm-mmm! That sounds super yummy!”
Vernie laughed “You two are like a married couple.”
I blushed and slugged him one in the arm before returning to work…
Pinkie laughed as we were walking to her home, where we agreed I’d stay the night in the guest room, only after some serious bargaining on pinkies part “Oh, Authors! What’s with you two and references?”
{… don’t make me have Caith lose his pants, I will do it! Hell, I’ll even make YOU have a wardrobe malfunction as well!}
[Do it and I beat you senseless]
Pinkie clammed up with a blush on her face the intensity of a small sun before I decided to change the topic, ignoring the annoying murmuring in the back of my head “Sooo…. I get to sleep on the floor, right?”
{hmm… maybe you’d like that?}
[*Raises fists*]
{OKAY NEVERMIND!}
I shook my head "I swear I heard a voice…"
Pinkie looked to me and smiled “Eeyup! I… I was wondering… would you like to watch a movie or something? M-maybe snuggle?” I blushed and nodded as I opened the door for Pinkie, entering after her and making my way to the kitchen, making some veggie stew with potatoes, carrots, corn, celery, and a special ingredient, a blend of spices that brings out the flavor of any food you taste that I had developed during my Atlas Mess Hall duties. After the soup started to simmer, I walked into the upstairs bed room of sugarcube corner to find Pinkie dressing, she shouted and I ran down the stairs with my face positively aflame with shame.
Pinkie came down a few moments later in a beautiful gown that accentuated her curves and natural beauty to an almost supernatural degree, I blushed and stammered, incapable of forming any real form of sentence as Pinkie blushed and sat me down before she snuggled up next to me, her arms wrapped around me in a gentle embrace. “I-I’m sorry I shouted… that was just a big surprise…”
I swallowed “Y-Yeah…sorry about that…” I sat there with Pinkie for what felt like an instant before the timer for the soup was going off and I got up again “Be right back, love.” I went and set us both up some trays and got out a music Disc I prepared for my next date with Pinkie, I put it in the player and sat next to her and smiled tenderly as the disk started to play…
I was on the screen with a nervous smile on my face “H-hey, Pinks, I-it’s me C-caith… I picked out this song because it really shows how I feel about you…, h-here goes…h-hope you enjoy…” the screen faded to black as music began to fill the room
Pinkie listened to the song in shock, and then looked to me with tears in her eyes before hugging me and kissing me passionately on the lips; we kept kissing until we were breathless and sitting leaned against each other, then caught my breath at the same time as her and began feeding her the soup in the way that lovey dovey couples do, I never understood why they did this before, but… it made sense now… it felt right to be sharing everything I could with this mare,and I realized that I was head over heels in love with her. “Pinkie… I love you, so, so much…”
Pinkie nuzzled up against me affectionately and sighed contently “I love you twice back…” she frowned and twiddled her fingers cutely “Um… if you don’t mind, could we sleep next to each other tonight?”
I smiled and nodded “I’d sleep on even the softest bed for you…” we ate our food and made our way to Pinkies bedroom, where we simply got in bed and cuddled with each other until we fell asleep.
{*Sniff* so beautiful!}
[SHUT UP GEORGE! GO TO YOUR CORNER OR I’LL GET THE CATTLE PROD!]
I woke up next morning to find Pinkie dressed up in pranksters gear and was filled with a deep dread “P-pinkie? Are you going to see Dashie?” Pinkie nodded happily “Yep! Wanna come with?”
I remembered how Gilda treated Pinkie and felt a knot of anger form in my stomach “Yeah, I’ll come with.” I wasn’t going to let it fly this time; I would NOT let Gilda bully my friends! I walked with Pinkie to Dashies house and called out “OI! DASHIE! WAKE UP!”
Instead of Dashie greeting us, we were treated to a jump scare ala griffon as Gilda suddenly peered at us Dashie smiled “Hey, Caith, hey Pinkie, how you guys doing? Oh, This is my Griffon Friend, Gilda. Gilda this is my gal pal Pinkie and her boyfriend Caith, he’s a monster Hunter!”
‘That reminds me, my vacation is nearly up… whelp, gotta take another rough job then’ I thought as I held a hand out to Gilda “The pleasure is entirely mine.”
Gilda smiled “Huh, this guys pretty cool!”
I then broke the handshake “Hey, Dahie, how about you show us some of your new tricks?”
Dashie grinned “I thought you’d never ask!” She flew up high and began doing aerial maneuvers as Pinkie oohed and aahed distractedly. I then pulled Gilda aside and growled to her “Listen, pidgeon brain, I know how you treat ponies that ain’t Dashie, and I’m warning you” I lighted my fist aflame in front of her face “I’ll feed you to my manticore, Kentucky fried style, capiche?”
Gilda gulped and nodded in understanding as I walked to Pinkie “Hey, I gotta go get a hunting job to extend my vacation, I’ll be back in about four days.”
Pinkie frowned worriedly but nodded as I whistled and Dougan came bounding to my side from the direction of the Everfree forest, I mounted him and rode off to the nearest bounty board, seeing that there were three requests for the same area, apparently a Lich had woken up and set up a legion of minions, there was a mission for his zombie horde, his troupe of Gargoyle warriors, and the big rot sack himself, and it seems they were holed up in the Royal Pony Sisters castle “Ready Dougan?”
Dougan growled excitedly, happy to be reunited with me and eager to assist me in the hunt.
We rode to the castle with no problems until we started to smell the stench of Dark magic on the air, smelled like rot and sulphur. I shouted a command and Dougan leapt airward just in time to dodge a green fireball ‘hehe, if this is a Fire Lich, this is going to be too easy!’ I saw a pair of gargoyles charging us from the skies and firestepped towards them, grabbing one by the wings and pile driving it into the ground below after tomahawking my axe into the smaller ones face, the piledriven one reduced to rubble as I firestepped over to the falling one and retrieved my axe from its stone skull and decapitated a zombie while releasing the beast “LET THE BAD HEADS ROLL! FALLEN AND FOES ALIKE FEAR MY FLAMING FEASTERS MEAT SPOON!” The Lich hissed and all of the Gargoyles started dive-bombing me in an attempt to overwhelm me, I let them all pile on before melting them with my flames.
The Lich growled “Youu willlll pay for thiiiisssss!” I laughed and tomahawked him in the face before firestepping behind him and tearing off his head before forcing a fireball down his throat, which exploded, causing a shower of blood and guts, killing the trash as well. We rode our way back and found the town empty; however, it was as if the entire town had been abandoned. ‘Wait, I see someone!’ I saw two figures in the town square, one was what looked like some sort of heavy armored soldier, and another was a familiar Zebra mare that I realized must be Zecorah, I saw them walk into the forest and went along with them silently, using my wings to fly above the poison joke and thus not be affected, Dougan, however, was rolling in the blue flowers like a high stoner, as this stuff had a similar effect on manticores that catnip had on cats. I traveled to Zecoras hut before the soldier took out his rifle, spun around, and shot me with a blue cube like projectile, oh, god! It felt like I was being experimented on all over again! The red hot agony sent me sprawling on the floor and I blacked out…
{we could do a cliffhanger, buuut we are too nice ;P}
I woke up to find myself in a bed made of animal furs, I saw that the soldier had taken off his helmet, unveiling his long blonde hair, red cat like eyes, and stubbly beard, but the biggest feature I noticed about him was… he was a human. “Sorry for shooting you, thought you were one of those damn ‘goyles trying to hurt Zecorah.”
I groaned as I got up, noticing the cauldron and Zecorah readying what looked like a potion, it smelled like cherries. The man laid me back down “Now listen here, dumbass, you got shot by a holorifle, not only that, but you got shot by ME with a holorifle, you’re lucky to be alive! So lie down and wait for the stimpack-I means healing potion to be ready and stop being stupid.”
Zecorah chuckled “That’s his way of saying he’s sorry for shooting you, and he hopes my potion helps.”
The human blushed hotly “Be quiet, you’re lucky I love you…”
Zecorah smiled and kissed the human on the lips “Oh, I should probably tell you, this is my husband Maddix Kane, he appeared in zebrica after something called a transportalponder broke and sent him to my world, he taught me many ways of survival and how to brew healing potions, not to mention how not to speak in rhyme.”
Maddix Laughed “Yeah, that was freaking annoying, remember that time I got you to say orange?”
Zecorah scowled “I couldn’t talk for THREE DAYS!”
Maddix kissed her again, this was really making me miss Pinkie… “You gotta admit it was funny, now come on, let’s heal this idiot so we can figure out why he was following us.”
I sighed and drank the potion right as the mane six broke into the hut and saw me, Pinkie, in a word, went ballistic, running up to Maddix and disarming him before punching him in the face hard enough to break his nose “HOW DARE YOU?! HOW DARE YOU HURT CAITH?! I SHUOLD GRIND YOU UP INTO CUPCAKES AND FEED YOU TO DOUGAN WHEN HE’S HIGH!” Pinkie actually had ME scared, and she was being protective of me, I can’t even imagine what Maddix was feeling.
{Hold me, I’m scared!}
[NO! GOD NO! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!]
{Ow! Watch it with the cattleprod, you hit me!}
[I KNOW! NOW GET AWAY OR I’LL DO IT AGAIN!]
Maddix mumbled out “I thought he was a ‘goyle… trying to hurt my wife…”
Pinkie kept ranting until I managed to get to her and hug her “I-it’s all right, they patched me up, I’m all better…”
Pinkie then nuzzled up against me and cried “I-I was s-so worried ab-bout you!”
I shook my head and saw everyone looking concernedly to me, Pinkie in particular was looking especially nervous. Maddix, however, looked pissed “So these ponies are being Racist dicks to my wife?” He walked to the cauldron and pulled out a bowl, filling it with the red potion in question that reminded me of insta-health vials and handing it to me “Drink up, then get out, if you ponies are going to judge my wife on her race, then I want nothing to do with any of you pricks.”
Zecora raised an inquisitive eyebrow “I believe it is my choice as much as yours who stays in our home, and I also believe they were about to help us clear my name.”
Maddix sighed and nodded, putting back on his helmet to hide his blush “Sorry for snapping at you like that… I get kind of heated when it involves my wife…”
Twily nodded “That is an admiral trait, to be protective of those you love. Anyway, we have another matter to take care of, right?” I then noticed that Twilights horn wasn’t all floppy like she should have been when under the effects of poison joke “Hey, how come none of you are being pranked by the plant right now?”
Twily blushed “Vernie showed me the cure in a book…”
I smiled knowingly at her, fully aware of both of the reasons behind her blushing as Maddix cleared his throat “Hey, can we get back on the topic of getting those ponies to stop avoiding me and my wife like the plague?” He paused “Actually, something’s been bugging me, how come you were following us?” As he said this, he turned to me.
I blushed as I realized I was topless and Pinkie could see me half naked and quickly redressed.
{Your welcome, Pinkie}
[You really love awkward situations, don’t you?]
{Yes, yes I do.}
[*ZAP!* ]
{OW! Knock it off with the cattle prod already!}
I cleared my throat “I was just returning from my latest hunting job to find that the town was practically deserted, excluding you two, so I followed you to see what was up.”
Maddix nodded slowly “Ok… but why were you so stealthy about it?”
I laughed “You looked ready to kill anything that even looked at your wife the wrong way, and I never enter a fight I don’t know the chances of winning.”
Maddix huffed amusedly “Lotta good that did you.”
Zecora smacked Maddix on the shoulder, eliciting a loud clang “Hey, be nice!”
Maddix rubbed the back of his head “Umm… s-sorry…you shouldn’t have followed us like that…”
Zecora smiled and kissed Maddix on the rim of the helmet “There, now was that so hard?”
Pinkie was still paralyzed, a massive blush on her face “M-m-marry?”
Zecora smiled “I’m sorry that my husband made things so awkward, he really does mean well.”
I was getting a little hurt by Pinkies reaction to my confession by the time Maddix walked over to pinkie and shouted in her ear “HEEEY! SNAP OUT OF IT!”
Pinkie then came to her senses and looked shyly to me, her hands behind her back and her face flushed “I…I really like you Caith… b-but… I…”
{Brain fuckery in 3…2…1…}
“I don’t think I deserve a stallion as great as you…” she had tears in her eyes as she said this
{BOOOM!}
[…I swear I will knock your ass out if you keep screwing with Pinkie, only I get to do that!]
I was dumbstruck as she continued after staring red hot death at the roof “I-I mean…look at me! All I’m good at is throwing ponies parties and making sweets! I am not GOOD enough, Caith! I-”
I firestepped over to her and wrapped her up in a hug “Don’t you say that! Don’t you ever DARE say that to me!” I grabbed her hands gently in my own “You are the most amazing mare I have ever met in my life. Read my lips: I! LOVE! YOU! Understand? Now we can talk about this after we go to the town and straighten things out for Zecora, okay?”
Pinkie nodded and walked to the door and opened it, her eyes still watering as Maddix and I lead the group on the way to ponyville, only to find a diamond dog. I tensed and went for my buzzaxe, only to notice something was off, this dog was a child, little more than a pup, and there was only one there... I looked to Pinkie and Twily, who were to my left, they were looking concernedly to the pup. AJ raised an eyebrow "What the hay is she doing here? Doesn’t she have a family?" Maddix sighed "She must be a runt, Diamond dogs abandon those that they find weak... hey, who's that?"
Maddix pointed to Dougan, who was carrying a large fish to the pup, who yipped appreciatively and hugged him, I slowly walked over to them after quietly instructing my friends to hide in the brush, not wanting to scare the pup. When I reached them I cleared my throat and the pup huddled behind Dougan and whimpered "The m-mad one! D-death bringer, p-please don't hurt me!"
Dougan frowned and looked at her as if to say, “Don't worry, he won't hurt you.”
The pup cautiously stepped out from behind Dougan and approached me, flinching as I crouched down to her level "What is your name?"
She was a female who looked to be about Apple blooms age, she looked strikingly similar to the medium sized dog from the episode 'a dog and pony show', except her eyes were a cerulean blue, her coat a cute blonde, and her vest over a white undershirt that seemed to be made from a sheet, she also had a scar over her left eye and looked scared, as if expecting me to attack her at any moment "I-I am Scruff..."
I smiled warmly "Well Scruff, it is a pleasure to meet you." I shook her pawed hand, and she smiled as well, her fear abating for but a moment before returning full force as she started sniffing.
Scruff looked to me uncertainly "I...I smell another's scent on you... w-where are the others?"
I smiled warmly "I had them hide in the brush so that they wouldn't scare you." I waved to them and gestured for them to come over, as they approached Pinkie bounced over to us with a smile "Hiya! I'm Pinkie Pie and you've met my coltfriend Caith!"
Scruff smiled a shy, warm smile at me and pinks "Yes, he's really nice..." she looked to Dougan and gratefully took the fish, eating it on the spot, judging from her malnourished frame, this was the first meal she had in a long time "Th-thank you for the food... I-I'll get out of your hair n-now..."
I held up a hand "Hold up, just where do you think you're going?"
Scruff stammered "A-away..."
I shook my head "Nope, you are staying with me at my place."
Twily frowned "What place? You don't have a house."
I smiled I held out a hand and let flames dance across my palm and let the smoke rise from my hand, materializing as a sack of bits and falling into my now extinguished hand "From Celestia, for my job hunting the fire Lich and his lackies."I opened the sack and showed it to Twily "Bout enough to buy two houses. Now," I turned to Scruff "Would you like to help me choose a house? I'll give you a room of your own, and a nice soft bed."
Scruff smiled and nodded before hugging me "Thank you! Thank you so much!"
I raised my hand "But, there is one minor detail we must go over, you have to go to school, I will not let a child who lives with me not get a good education."
Scruff nodded eagerly "I love learning!"
I then looked to Maddix and smiled "Now let's take care of the whole 'Ponies are scared of your wife' deal." We made our way to the town hall and knocked on Mayor Mare's door, she came out and I smiled to her "Let's talk..."
{[TRANSITIONS!]}
{Jinx!}
[God damn you…]
We discussed Zecoras situation with ease after explaining that the ponies were being racist towards Zecora and hiding whenever she came to town. Apparently, she had no idea the townsponies were doing this as she goes on a monthly trip to canterlot to discuss ponyvilles minutia with Celestia , and Zecora apparently only comes to Ponyville once a month, around the same time. “- so it’s settled, Zecora will have full access to ponyvilles stores and anyone who refuses her service for being a Zebra, or just not being a pony in general, will be fined for discrimination.”
Maddix nodded “And, if anyone talks shit about her, I get to beat the crap out of them.” Mayor Mare sweatdropped “Ummm…. No, you get to challenge them to a duel, and if they say yes, or plain out attack you, you may fight them.”
Maddix shrugged “Meh, same difference.”
Mayor Mare smiled at Zecora “You can meet Celestia yourself tomorrow for the finalization of this new law for Ponyville.” As the mayor talked the rules of their deal out I looked to Scruff, who was playing with Dougan in front of the mayors window, she was currently rubbing his belly, and judging from his blissed out face, he REALLY enjoyed it. “Hey, Mayor, do you have any available houses in ponyville? I need a large yard, and at least two bedrooms.”
Mayor Mare nodded and looked out the window to see Scruff and Dougan, she then smiled warmly to me “You know, I’ve got a good house right down the street from sugarcube corner, used to belong to some guy named Donut Joe, but he moved to Canterlot last month, it’s got all you asked for and an extra bedroom, plus it’s really well priced.”
I nodded “Scruff and I will check it out after, thank you.”
Mayor Mare smiled even more warmly “You know, I’ve got some adoption papers, if you’d like...”
I thought a moment before nodding “Yeah, I’ll take a set.” Pinkie was blushing and staring intently at me for some reason, this continued for an uncomfortable period of time while the rest of the mane six talked with Zecora and Maddix, I took Pinkie to the side and looked her in the eyes “Okay, Pinks, tell me what’s going on. First, you start saying that you aren’t good enough for me and crying, and then you stare at me for an entire three minutes without even blinking.”
Pinkie looks down to the ground and mumbles under her breath “…”
I gently tilted her head up by the chin, unaware of the girls watching me “I can’t hear you, Pinks, don’t worry, I won’t judge…”
Pinkie sighed and wiped tears from her eyes “I…I think I’m in love with you… and it scares me, Caith… I can’t bear the thought of losing you… every time you go out on a hunt you could never come back… I… I… I don’t know how I’d deal with you not being in my life…”
I sighed “You know… I wish I could, but… I swore that I’d protect ponies from monsters until Celestia herself pardoned me from my duties… and I could never face you if I broke my word…”
{Oooh! Drama!}
[*ZAP* *CRACK* *POW*]
{…}
[Sorry, Pinkie, I’ve knocked out my… eccentric friend, so… go for broke, as they say.]
Pinkie nodded and took a deep breath “Will you… will you let me move in with you? W-when you get a place? E-even if you can’t quit… I want to spend as much time as possible with you…”
I went weak at the knees and had to steady myself on the table “Y-yes, sure…”
Pinkie gasped and hugged me “Thank you! I can’t wait to tell the Cakes the good news!”
I then realized that I have not yet met the Cakes and looked to her in false confusion “The Cakes?”
Pinkie nodded “Yep! They are my Aunt and Uncle on my mother’s side! We had a date at their house a few days ago, while they were out for a bakers convention.”
I nodded appreciatively for the explanation “Say, you think Scruff would like a cupcake? I know dogs can’t have chocolate, but vanilla or red velvet should be okay, right?” at this I turned to Twily, who smiled at me.
“Actually, Diamond dogs can safely eat chocolate, and their favorite food is gems, usually. So if you want to make her an extra special treat, you should dig up and clean some gems.”
I nodded and walked out front with Pinkie while Maddix and Zecora went home to prepare for the Mayors speech, I found Vernie talking with RJ and Vinyl as Scruff played with Dougan, Vernie saw me and smiled “Hello, Caith, it has been awhile, I assume you have knowledge of the young Diamond dog girl calling you her father?”
Scruff heard Vernie and stopped before running to me “I-I’m sorry… I couldn’t help but overhear you were going to a-adopt m-me… p-p-please don’t be mad…”
I laughed “Why would I ever be mad at you? You told someone what you though was happening, and guess what?” Scruff looked expectantly to me, almost scared of what I was going to say “All you have to do is write your name on the dotted line at the bottom, and I have to write my name at the top, and I’ll be your daddy.”
Scruff looked like she had just been offered the Holy Grail as she eagerly grabbed the paper and wrote her name, I then followed suit and went to the mayor’s office to turn it in, giving Pinkie a kiss as I walked back out. “So, Scruff, what would you like for your adoption day treat? A Cupcake or a Gem?”
Scruff bounced excitedly “I want a Cupcake! A chocolate one papa!” she blushed “I-If that’s okay…”
I laughed happily and nodded as we waved goodbye to Vernie, Maddix and the girls and started to walk to Sugar Cube Corner… I could not help but notice Vernie went to Twilight before they walked together toward the Library…hmm…
{Transitions!}
[Gah! How’d you come to so fast!?]
{... the same reason Pinkie exists?}
[Shut up! It’s too early! Back to the story!]
When we made it to SCC we were laughing amongst ourselves at how Dougan got a fly stuck in his nose and sneezed all over a filly I knew to be Diamond Tiara, who was until then bullying Scruff and wearing all our nerves thin “Man, it’s a good thing Dougan did that, or else I’d of sonic blasted that filly to Empire City!”
We left Dougan outside and he took a nap under the shade of a tree as we went in, to which I was surprised by two things; one, There were three VERY PISSED ponies looking straight at me, and two, one of those ponies were Maud Pie, who normally didn’t show up until season four. Pinkie was oblivious to their Death glares aimed towards me, and bounced over to Maud “Hey, big sis! What are you doing here?”
Maud looked to Pinkie carefully “I’m here to talk my sister out of moving in with a complete stranger, like you said you were going to in your letter.”
The Cakes nodded and Mr. Cake spoke up “That’s right, you barely know this, this THING!”
I was, in a word, PISSED OFF, but I kept my cool, if not for me, for my daughter and my girlfriend “Why?” Mr. Cake looked to me sharply “What?”
I looked him dead in the eyes “I said, why? Why are you judging me because of my appearance, my race, my abilities? What have I done besides be an absolute Gentleman to Pinkie Pie?”
Maud actually looked to Mr. Cake at this “My only complaint was that she had only known him for a few days, you seem to have a problem with what he is.”
Mr. Cake looked uncertainly around until he saw his wife giving him the stink eye “Well… haven’t you heard the stories of how he slaughters anything that gets in his way? Of how he killed five whole dragons armed with nothing but the clothes on his back, an axe, and a torch? This guy is a monster, plain and simple!”
I tensed as Scruff looked up to me, then angrily to Mr. Cake “Hey! My daddy fights to protect people! Not to hurt them! How DARE you talk about him like that when YOU barely even KNOW him?!”
Pinkie nodded and took my hand “I don’t care what you think of my decisions, I LOVE him, and I don’t care if his job is dangerous! He actually treats me like a mare, not just some pair of breasts and thighs like those plotfaces you’ve set up with me to try to get a cheap deal on bakery ingredients!”
Maud raised an eyebrow inquisitively at Mr. Cake, who was flabbergasted “Pinkie, I’ve never tried to use you like that, I just thought that you’d get along with them well, as they had similar interests…”
Pinkie sighed “I…I know…I just lashed out… I just really like Caith… I love him even… I’ve never felt this way about someone before…”
Maud nodded “Well… does he have a house yet?”
Pinkie shook her head “No, he was going to after getting Scruff a Cupcake…” she looked to Mr. and Mrs. Cake “If it’s okay with you, could I make her a special one?”
The cakes nodded and let pinkie into the kitchen and looked apologetically to me “We’re sorry… we… we shouldn’t of listened to the stories…”
I smiled , thankful for their remorse “I forgive you, after all, most of them are just skewed versions of the truth, I actually took on six dragons, their was no torch, and it was to save the city of Las Pegasus.”
Mr.Cake looked to me in shock “B-but How!? Their bodies were burnt to crisps!”
I laughed “You think a torch would do that?” I held out a hand and generated a fireball, which I juggled before swallowing and burping a puff of smoke.
To this, Maud raised a hoof, I pointed to her and she spoke her peace “So, have you ever fought a Stone Ogre?”
I shook my head “No, Celestia has a peace treaty with the Forge King Dravidium, which forbids Ogres from threatening ponies directly, in return, we give them any Garnets we mine from the earth and keep Dragons from eating them, I actually fought dragons on two occasions for the Stone Ogres.”
We kept talking until Pinkie came out with a sapphire cupcake, similar to the one Spike got on his birthday, which Scruff eagerly ate “Daddy, I’d like to meet a Stone Ogre someday.”
I laughed “You know, I should go on a trip over there pretty soon, Celestia is due to meet Dravidium in about a months’ time, I’ll see if I can bring you with me as a royal guest, I’m sure Dravidium would love to meet you.” Scruff smiled at this as I picked her up and put her on my shoulders, I then walked to Mr. Cake and smiled “No hard feelings?”
Mr. Cake looked to me in surpsise “Why would I have hard feelings with YOU? I was the one who was in the wrong…”
I frowned “Hey, you were just looking out for pinks, I can’t hold that against you. Hell, if I had a kid- wait I DO have one now!- If Scruff was going out with some guy I thought could hurt her, I’d act the exact same way.”
I extended my hand to Mr. Cake and we shook as he smiled “No hard feelings.”
I nodded and turned to Maud “I hope I can come to be a man that you will trust with Pinkie, and I also hope we can come to be friends.”
Maud nodded “Yeah, sure.”
I nodded and shook her hand before walking out with Scruff still on my shoulders (I had to duck so she wouldn’t hit her head) and Pinkie staying behind to pack her things and patch things up with the cakes and Maud. I mounted Dougan and put Scruff in front of me “Hold on tight Scruff!” we rode to the house Donut Joe owned and saw it had a… very appropriate address… “1251 sprinkle way… I hope we don’t get Diabetes from living here…”
Dougan sniffed around happily and digging a hole in the yard “…He’s acting more like a dog than a cat…” Scruff nodded as we climbed off and walked inside to find the place was fully furnished, with a deluxe kitchen and three bedrooms, plus a pair of bathrooms, a living room, a basement and attic, and… strangely enough a family room with an Irish commando in i-HOLY SHIT SOMEONE BROKE INTO MY HOUSE! AND HE’S HUMAN!
{Real bright one you’ve got here, John!}
[Go stuff yourself, George.]
The commando took out an envelope before I could draw my buzzaxe and held it out to me “The Forge king sent me to give ye a message.” I noticed he had a distinctive Irish accent, and upon further inspection, I noticed he was wearing Camouflage Cargo pants and a black undershirt. With a pair of Dog Tags around his neck, a pair of metal gauntlets that went up just past his elbows and a pair of metal boots that went over his knees. He had blue eyes and pale white skin, with a messy mop of unruly red hair that was much shorter than mine. He cleared his throat “Oi, Lad, ye gonna take the letter, or are we going to stare at each other all day?”
I smiled “Sorry, but I’m straight, now let’s see that letter, hmm?”
The commando smiled and handed it to me “Mind reading it fast, lad? I wanna get going. Oh, and some weird old stallion asked me to give ye this letter, said it was important.” He handed me the letter, which I quickly opened and read, the letter went as follows ‘I was wrong, the creature that is coming is so much more than an eldritch abomination, it is as if millions of malignant souls have been fused into a single, new entity… it is a mighty foe, and will come with the dark chill of winter…Beware The Darkness…’
I paled ‘something MORE than an Eldritch Abomination?!’
{…John, do you know about this?}
[Oh my god…it…it can’t be!]
{John? John, what’s wrong?}
[I’ve gotta check something, George, keep an eye on the story!]
{Got it covered, brother}
Donal took the letter from me and read it before looking concernedly to me “Hmm… lad, I think ye’ll need my help for this, and some more fighters at our backs wouldn’t hurt.”
I nodded and read the letter from Dravidium aloud, as Stone Ogre manners dictate “Dearest Salamanderion; I have learned that you are searching out fellow humans and as luck would have it, we (As in my brother Griswell and Myself) have had one under our employ since last month. We apologize for the wait, but he has had to assist us in the securing of a Diamond Dog warren, which we now have named New Dravus. We have decided to leave the human Donal McKoy in your service, we hope that-”
Donal interrupted “Oi! I wasn’t told I’d be stayin’ with ye! I don’t want to stay in a town full of racist horse people!”
Scruff looked worriedly to me “Do you think anyone from the warren will come to ponyville? I don’t like big elder d-d-dogs…”
I looked to Donal, then to Scruff “I won’t let anyone harm you…Now, Donal, we are going to go to white tail woods and I am going to spar with you, then you are going to meet my friends, understand?”
Donal gruffly nodded before pointing to the letter “Better read the rest of it boyo, King Dravey said it was important ye read it all.”
I nodded and resumed reading aloud “-you find his service useful, but be advised, he does not deal well with chickens. Lastly, we will be attending the Grand Galloping Gala this year, and hope to be seeing you there.”
I looked to Donal in confusion “What the hell is your problem with Chickens?”
Donal blushed “They bloody hate me…attack me on goddamn sight…”
“Bwahahaha! You serious!?” I fell on my ass laughing alongside Scruff and smiled at her before tussling her hair “Okay, let’s go and spar, Scruff, you want to come with?”
Scruff smiled and nodded “Yes, daddy, I’d love to!”
Donal nodded gruffly and went with me to the door as Pinkie and Maude arrived “Hey Caith! Where are you going?"
I pointed to Donal “I’m going to spar with him, Scruff is coming too, you want to come with?”
Pinkie nodded “Just let me drop off my things inside!”
Maud looked to Donal, who shuffled uncomfortably "Lass, yer starin' at me..."
Maud blushed "You smell like sedimentary..."
Pinkie looked between the two of them and smiled before whispering in my ear "She likes him! I've never seen her this excited to meet someone!"
I looked to Donal, who was shuffling and blushing as Maud intruded on his personal space "Lass, I am right flattered, but..."
Maud smiled and turned around, her tail flicking his nose as she sashayed to the door "My name's Maud, I'm Pinkie's sister."
Donal looked to me in a flabbergasted fashion "What's wrong with that mare?!"
Pinkie looked to me and smiled "Go on, I'll catch up!"
I nodded and waited by my house with Scruff and Donal, seeing that Dougan had made a burrow and was sleeping peacefully, I smiled and walked over to him to stroke his mane, which resulted in a loud purring. Donal smiled “Takes a brave man to tame a Manticore, lad, I think we’ll get along just fine.”
Dougan woke up and looked sleepily to me before smiling and licking my hand “Hey, boy, how you doing? Wanna watch me spar with our new friend here?” Dougan looked confusedly to me before looking behind me to find Dougan, then turning back to me and shaking his head, going back to sleep.
Pinkie then came out and smiled at me before kissing me on the lips… she tasted like frosting and strawberries… “Let’s go Caith!”
I blushed and barely made out an affirmative nod before we made our way to White Tail Woods, finding Maddix and Zecora along the way, they were apparently gathering potion ingredients but agreed to watch the sparring match.
Donal looked to Maddix, who calmly sat on a log by his wife “What’s with the tin dummy?”
Maddix took out his holorifle and calmly shot at the ground near Donal’s feet “Who you calling dummy, ya glorified alcoholic?”
Donal stepped back quickly, avoiding the hard light projectile “Jesus Christ! What the bloody hell’s wrong with ye?!”
Maud looked ready to kill Maddix, but I firestepped over to her and put a calming hand on her shoulder before I walked between them and held out my hands “Now girls, your both pretty, but didn’t we come here for a brawl?”
Donal and Maddix huffed “Bloody metal git…/Damn boozehound…”
They then looked angrily to each other before I calmly smacked them both upside the back of the head “Now knock it off, or I’ll light your hair on fire!” The two quickly clammed up and went to their spots, Maddix sitting on the log, and Donal standing opposite me, inching away from Maud “Now, can we please just fight?”
Donal nodded and got into a balanced combat stance, while I drew my buzzaxe in one hand and a fireball in the other. Pinkie Pie came between us with a checkered flag “FIGHT!” The second Pinkie was back to a safe distance I found a hunk of rock flying at me, which I barely dodged before the ground beneath me began to shake, I looked to Donal and saw he was holding out a hand to me, or, more specifically, to the ground at my feet.
I flew into the air just before the ground beneath me erupted with sharp, jagged rocks, which would of severely wounded me had I not been airborne, as it was, one of the stones struck me in the wing and sent me spiraling to the ground below, I quickly recovered and chucked a fireball at Donal, only for him to raise a wall of soil that blocked it before the stones surrounding me turned into airborne sand, obscuring my vision, I released a swirling vortex of fire around me that turned the sand to glass right as Donal let loose with a flying roundhouse kick at my head, shattering the glass and knocking me backwards as I blocked it. “Damn, you’re tough, for a human.”
Donal laughed “I ain’t no human, boyo, I’m a conduit!” he then tried to hit me with another rock, but I grabbed it from midair and crushed it in my hand. “Ye aint half bad yerself, boyo. Tell me, what exactly are ye?”
I smiled “Me? I, my good friend…” I grabbed him and firestepped us a mile in the air before pile driving him into the very earth he used against me “AM WAR!” Donal smiled as he sunk into the earth and left me sitting in a crater like an idiot, sensing the battle was not yet over, I firestepped out of the crater only to find a massive stone suit the size of a Stone Ogre rising from where he sank into the soil " Now let's get SERIOUS!" As he said this, I felt the earth beneath me give and I fell due to my injured wing. Just as this happened, Donal began chucking boulders at me like softballs, I leapt from stone to stone until I was out of the hole as Donal laughed “Don’t think it’ll be that easy lad!”
I laughed as well “Wouldn’t dream of it!” I leapt up as Donal tried to slam me into the ground and sliced off his stone hand before running along the limb and slamming my axe down on his helmet, producing a large crack before I was knocked off of him and sent into a tree, his hand already reforming as the crack sealed. I then held out my hand to Donal and shouted “gunaar gol pusaas!” a blast of red energy hit the stone suit, reducing it to dust as I flung a fireball at him, making it burst before hitting him so he was coated in flame.
Donal began screaming “FIRE! FIIIRE! IT BURNS! OH, GOD IT BLOODY BURNS!” he jumped up and ran for a nearby stream before jumping in. I then calmly walked up to him and held my buzzaxe right next to his throat "Do you yield, Donal?"
Donal smiled and nodded, his burns disappearing as he absorbed the dirt around him "Aye lad, I yield."
I jumped off of the stone armor as it dematerialized and returned to the soil from whence it came, and Pinkie ran to me, tackling me in a hug with Scruff joining a few seconds after her, Scruff smiled "You are so strong, daddy!"
Pinkie Pie giggled "You sure showed him!" She then looked to Donal and squeed nervously "Sorry..."
Donal laughed “No problem lass, yer hubby was right quick on his feet, I’m proud to call him me boss.”
Donal laughed and patted my back "Ah, lad, ye haven't asked her hand yet?"
I blushed and nodded before I looked to Scruff with a smile and taking her to meet my friends with Donal, Pinkie, and Maud following close behind as Maddix and Zecora went back to gathering ingredients after handing us both a healing potion, which we promptly chugged to heal ourselves, we walked to Fluttershy's cottage, finding her to be tending to Angel Bunny, who had a sore stomach from eating a bad carrot "Now Angel, you'll have to take this medicine if you want to get better."
Angel smacked Fluttershy's hand and face before turning away from her and huffing
Dougan growled and walked over to Angel bunny before pointing to the pill with his stinger as if to say "Take the damn pill, bitch!"
Donal saw Fluttershy and smiled "Top o' the mornin to ye lass! My name is Donal Mckoy, what's yours?"
Fluttershy eeped and hid behind her mane "M-my name is F-Fluttershy..."
Donal tilted his head "Eh? Gonna have to speak up lass."
I smiled "Her name is Fluttershy, she's the animal caretaker of ponyville."
Fluttershy blushed and nodded "Y-yes... I take care of the animals..." she looked to Angel, who had already taken his pill upon Dougans insistance "Th-thank you Dougan..."
Dougan purred and nuzzled Fluttershy before walking back to my side
Scruff looked to Fluttershy curiously "Daddy, can I be that ponies friend?"
I looked curiously to Scruff and nodded before she walked slowly over to Fluttershy and smiled "I'm going to be your friend, so you don't have to be shy!"
Fluttershy smiled and bent down "Are you Scruff? I've heard about you from the cakes."
Scruffs face soured, as if she had just tasted something extremely bitter "Yeah... they were mean to daddy... I don't like them."
I frowned "Scruff, they were just looking out for Pinkie, we can't hold that against them."
Scruff sighed and nodded "I know daddy... but... I think it will take a while for me to forgive them..."
Fluttershy looked to Scruff uncertainly "Um... I would be glad to be your friend," she turned to me and saw Maud "O-oh... w-who is this?"
Pinkie smiled "This is my sister Maud Pie!" she then whispered to her, making her blush "Oh...my..."
Maud waved "Hi." she then went to Donal and smiled "So, would you like to go out? I'd love to see what kinds of rocks you can control." Donal sighed and rubbed the back of his head "Y'know what? Fine, Let's go meet those friends of Caith’s first though, I don’t break me word." He left with Maud and we waved goodbye to Flutters, even Dougan, who wagged his stinger in the air before following us to the ground below Dashies house, I firestepped up to her window and shouted into her house “OI! Dashy! UP AND AT ‘EM!”
I heard a crashing noise and out flew RD, looking scared as hell “Who in the bucking name of Celestia’s everloving name screamed in my window!” I coughed to get her attention, making her turn to me angrily “What the hay is your problem?!”
I made a contemplative gesture “Well, I’m in love with a pink pony that is almost my antithesis, I have serious anger issues, and I HATE needles and canned spinach, but those are the only problems I can think of.” I then pounded my fist in my open palm as if I just realized something “Oh! But what I wanted was for you to meet my… I guess you’d call him a bodyguard? His name is Donal Mckoy and he is a powerful being called a conduit, who I guess control the earth around them?”
As we landed in front of them, Donal smiled and shook RD’s hand. “Dia duit , láir Rainbow.” RD looked to him in confusion while I smiled at having another Gaelic man on my side. Donal laughed “I said, ‘hello, rainbow mare’ and conduits don’t JUST control the ground around them, some can control fire, others can control smoke, or neon, one especially powerful one could even control electricity… he’s dead now, though.” He looked as if he wished that was not the case, as if he would give anything for that to not be true… I decided to ask him about that later.
Just then Scruff shivered coldly, I looked to her in concern “S-sorry daddy… I-I’m just c-c-cold…”
I looked to scruff in concern and felt her forehead, she was absolutely frigid! “Hey, Dashy, mind going to get a blanket or something for Scruff here? She’s freezing her poor little tail off, I think some hot cocoa is in order when we get home.”
Pinkie, upon hearing that scruff was cold, picked her up and held her close “Here, stay close and stay warm…”
I smiled tenderly as Dashie flew off and returned with a wonderbolts blanket, which she draped over Scruff as my daughter snuggled up close to Pinkie happily “Y-you’re warm…”
Pinkie smiled warmly and held her close as she began to sing a lullaby…
“Somn , copii , somn Tatăl tău are tendința de oi Mama ta scutură copacul dreamland Și din ea se încadrează vise dulci pentru tine Somn , copii , somn Somn , copii , somn
Somn , copii , somn Vale nostru cabana este profund Mic miel este pe verde Cu fleece zăpadă atât de moale și curată Somn , copii , somn Somn , copii , somn”
{That was Romanian, if you were wondering, fair readers!}
Scruff was fast asleep as we reached Rarities, I barely even noticed that we had started walking, I was just so enraptured by Pinkies singing… it was NOTHING like the smile song, or any of the other cheery, upbeat songs. This was tender, loving, like a song a mother would sing to her child…, I hadn’t even noticed, but at some time during the song I had started to cry. I quickly wiped my eyes and opened the door for Pinkie and Scruff as Maud and Donal followed them through, I looked to Dougan, who was next to me the whole time and smiled “I WILL protect her.”
Dougan nodded and sat by the entrance as I walked in, finding Rarity fawning over Scruff “Oh, she is simply precious! I MUST make her an ensemble!” she then saw that she was wearing little more than ill fitting rags to protect her from the elements of this particularly chilly spring evening.
I looked to her in worry “How long will it take you to make her something warm to wear, Rarity?”
Rarity looked to me and smiled “I’ll have something whipped up for her within the hour, darling! Maybe you can tell me about canterlot while I work?”
I nodded “Just let me make my daughter comfortable.” I then pressed my hand against her forehead again “ jaaril dii kiir nol krah.” after I finished speaking, a light pink aura flowed from my hand and into scruff, making her shivering stop and her body fall into a relaxed position in Pinkies arms.
Donal looked to me in shock “Okay, what the bloody hell was that?! First ye blast me suit ta dust, now ye warm up yer daughter with weird pink energy!?”
Maud and Pinkie looked to each other, then to me in curiosity “Caith, what did you do? You did it before, with Nightmare Moon, it feels…” She looked for the words to describe it “… powerful…”
I frowned “I used a spell in ancient draconic… I don’t like using it as I detest the dragons of old, they were cruel, unloving beings, nothing at all like Spike, or even the wild dragons of the badlands… I said ‘protect my child from cold’ in the Dovahzul, or Dragon Language.”
[George, I’m back, we need to reach Caith somehow, or else we’re all screwed…]
{John! Tell me what’s happening NOW!}
[It’s the Umbra Pader…]
{Wha…WHAT!? HE’S BACK!?}
[Yes, and our only hope is right there, that is why we were tasked as the story keepers, don’t you see? We HAVE to work together!]
{John? Wh-what are you talking about?}
[we have to reach him.]
{Okay, um… talk to him through the dreaming?}
[No, not strong enough of a link, we need to physically assist him. We need Dravidium.]
{ARE YOU INSANE!? I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE CRAZY ONE!}
[No… that is what scares me…]
I walked in back with Rarity as Scruff slept atop Pinkies shoulder, I was getting steadily more concerned as Pinkie looked very pale, but every time I asked her what was wrong, she’d just brush it off as nothing or say she was fine. Rarity then began working as I sat in a chair at the wall, studying Pinkie. “So, Darling, tell me… what is the scoop on Canterlot? Why shouldn’t I do business there?”
I sighed “Well, they are mostly snobbish pricks who’d sell you out in an instant to gain more favor with their superiors.”
Rarity frowned sadly “Truly? Well…then it seems I won’t be going to Canterlot then after all…”
I shook my head “No, some Ponies, like Fancy Pants, Fluer De Lis, and Sapphire Shores are actually good ponies, I’ll refer them to you, if you want.”
Rarity smiled and nodded before hugging me, I could hear Scruff waking up slowly “I’d like that very much, now shoo! Your daughter needs you.”
I nodded with a smile before heading back to the main room to find Scruff looking around the room sleepily as Donal and Maude chatted with RD. She saw me and smiled before nuzzling back into Pinkies shoulder and giving Pinkie a hug. Needless to say, my heart melted at the sight. “So, Pinkie, how you doing?”
Pinkie sighed and smiled sadly at me “I’m just scared I’ll lose you…”
I laughed “That will never happen.”
Pinkie smiled again, this time genuinely as Rarity came out with an adorable little parka lined with what looked like fluffy cotton. Pinkie gently shook Scruff and she looked up to see her warm clothing and she smiled in pure exuberant joy before running to Rarity and hugging her, thanking her repeatedly and excitedly. I laughed and walked to Scruff, helping her get on the parka, we then waved goodbye to RD and Rarity as we walked away from the boutique. “So, how about we go see AJ next?”
Scruff looked to me in curiosity “Who is AJ Daddy?”
I smiled “AJ is Applejack, the nice orange mare you met earlier.”
Pinkie then looked to me curiously “Hey, Caith? Could you say something in dragon?”
I thought a moment and nodded “hi los brit, Zu'u lokaal hi.” A pink flash occurred and a feeling of purest love filled the air, making both me and Pinkie blush.
Maud looked to me curiously, or… as curiously as she could manage with her monotone face “What did you just say?”
I blushed “I called her beautiful and said I love her…”
Pinkie blushed and kissed me on the cheek as we reached Sweet Apple Acres, making Scruff smile and Maude look at Donal hopefully, he did not kiss her, but DID hug her, maybe those two will actually go out on a date? Anyway, we walked into Sweet Apple Acres and AJ looked to Donal and smiled “Well Howdy partner! Y’all a farmer? I jes get that feel of a farmer from yah.”
Donal smiled “Potato farmer, born and raised, grew up to be a demolitions expert in Vegas, then I was called to Seattle for work that... I'd rather not speak of.”
AJ smiled “Ah’m an apple farmer, mahself, hey, would y’all like ta have some apples?”
Donal shook his head “Nah, they look WAY too sweet for me, I don’t have much of a sweet tooth.”
AJ nodded in understanding “Y’all like sour food then? We got some Granny Smith’s as well.”
An elderly green pony, whom I remembered was Granny Smith, looked around “Yes? Who’s there?”
AJ laughed “Naw, Granny, ah was talking ‘bout the apples!”
Granny Smith smiled “Oh, well that’s fine then…” she then sat back down and went to sleep.
I smiled at Scruff, who was hiding behind my leg as Applebloom drew near “Sis? Who’s that?”
AJ looked at my leg and saw Scruff “Aaw, this must be yer daughter, right Caith?”
I nodded and smiled at Scruff before picking her up and gently tickling her, making her laugh uncontrollably “NO MERCY!”
Scruff struggled uselessly before my tickle barrage. “D-daddy! Stop! It t-tickles!”
I set her down as tears escaped her eyes and saw to it that Applebloom was introduced properly. “Aplebloom, this is Scruff, my daughter. Scruff, this is Applebloom, youngest of the Ponyville branch of the Apple Family.”
Applebloom smiled at me and Scruff, whom smiled back shyly before AppleBloom ran to me and took Scruffs hand and taking her off to play, I smiled and followed them, sitting and playing along with their imaginative games and laughing as they did. I looked to AJ and Donal to see they were fighting. I pardoned myself from them to see they were arguing over who’s crop was better. Donal was the louder of the two “I’m telling ye lass, it’s potatoes! Potatoes are the ultimate foodstuff!”
AJ huffed “And I’m telling y’all that those potatoes are good for nothing but fuel for a fire!”
Donal snarled “At least me potatoes don’t taste like bloody worm bait!”
AJ gasped “Y’all take that back you no good varmint!”
Donal laughed “Make me! Oi challenge ye to a cook off!”
I sighed “This is going to be a pain…”
Pinkie nodded “Eeyup. It is.”
I looked on in confusion as Pinkie brought out two sets of cooking equipment and set them up “Where did you get that from?”
Pinkie smiled “I have cooking equipment stashed all over Equestria, in case of cooking emergencies!”
I laughed and watched as AJ and Donal began to cook…
It’s been a half an hour and Donal was already about fifteen dishes ahead of AJ, who was sweating extensively Applebloom and Scruff were watching with interest as I sat with them and Pinkie “Who do you want to win, Scruff?”
I looked to her in confusion "Uncle Donal?"
Scruff nodded "He feels like an uncle, like he could be your brother, I can't explain it, but it just feels right to say it, I got the same feeling from the scary blonde man."
Scruff smiled at me and giggled “Silly daddy, of course I want Uncle Donal to win!”
I hugged her with one arm and had my other around Pinkie, who nuzzled me lovingly, I looked to Pinkie and smiled “Zu'u lokaal hi, Hi naram zuk brit naal getiid…”
Pinkie tilted her head and smiled curiously “What does that mean?”
I looked her lovingly in the eyes “I said I love you, and you grow more beautiful by the moment…” I then kissed her cheek and looked to Donal and AJ, who had finished their bake off and had Donal crowned as the winner.
Donal smiled “So, ye gonna listen ta me now?”
AJ sighed and nodded “Sure Partner, I’ll listen to ya.”
Donal nodded “Well, first ye should set up an irrigation system, save water by getting more bang fer yer bucket.” He laughed at his -frankly horrible- pun as we simply groaned in disdain for his sense of humor as he continued “Two, ye don’t seem ta fertilize any of yer fields, even though ye got pigs and crops aplenty ta supply it.”
AJ looked to Donal in a curious manner “What the hay is fertilizing?”
Donal facepalmed and sighed "This is going ta take a bloody long while..."
{An hour later, Really? I get she’d take a while to learn, with how stubborn she can be, but STILL, AN ENTIRE FREAKING HOUR?!}
[Hey, we gotta work with what we’re given.]
{Yeah, but-}
[*zap!* shut up and help me get this message to Dravidium.]
{OW! REALLY?! THE CATTLE PROD AGAIN?!}
[Yes, now get to work]
After Donal finished his lecture, we went to the bakery where Twilight SHOULD be checking the baked goods for Princess Celestias royal visit. I opened the door for Pinkie and Scruff to find Fluttershy holding a Parasprite, from the way she was looking at it; she was entranced by its deceitful cuteness…this was going to suck… I’ve had to handle these pests before, the more they eat the more there are of them. And if I went about this wrong Flutters would hate my guts, damn…
I was about to pull out my buzzaxe to kill the pest when Pinkie put her hand on my chest and shook her head before whispering “I’ll handle it, okay?”
Pinkie walked off toward an instrument store as I walked with Donal to Twilight “Um… Twily? I’d like to introduce you to Donal McKoy, my personal bodyguard.”
Twilight gasped and smiled “Does this mean you are finally retiring!?”
Donal shook his head “Nah lass, I’m jes’ a bit of protection sent by Dravidium ta keep yer brother safe.”
I looked to him curiously “Wait… how do you know about Twily being my sister?”
Donal smiled “I’m contractually obligated not ta tell ye, Boyo, as the information as ta how is confidential.”
I frowned, looking Donal in the eyes “Okay… but if my friends safety depends on you breaking that contract, you had best break it.”
Donal nodded and I went to my house with Scruff “Well, Scruff, I think we’ve had a long day, how about a nap?”
Scruff yawned and nodded “Yes please daddy…I’m sleepy…”
I picked her up and carried her to her bedroom, tucking her into bed as I got ready for bed myself, taking off my duster, setting my buzzaxe at my bedside and setting my alarm clock for half an hour later…
I woke up to the sound of someone knocking at the door , I sleepily called out “Coming… jusht a shecond…” and redressed, sheathing my buzzaxe at my back and walking to the door to my room to find Pinkie panting profusely “Pinkie? What’s wrong?”
Pinkie took a deep breath and I prepared to listen as best I could “IneedyouandScrufftohelpmefindinstruments!”
I nodded and went upstairs to get Scruff, opening her door and walking to her bedside before gently shaking her awake“Scruff, sweety. Time to get up.”
Scruff sat up slowly and rubbed her eyes sleepily “I had such a nice dream daddy… you and Pinkie were my parents and we went to the park and played on the swings…”
I smiled and hugged Scruff, making sure Pinkie wasn’t there before I whispered to her “Hey, you may not have Pinkie as a mommy yet, but I’m working on it, okay?” Scruff smiled and nodded before getting her clothes back on “That reminds me, I need to get you some pajamas for the winter.” Scruff smiled even wider before hugging me and walked out to Dougans Yard, I say Dougans Yard because it’s the part of the house that functions like his room. I walked out front with an extremely excited Pinkie and saw that Ponyville was under attack by a swarm of Parasprites “DAMN IT! I KNEW I SHOULD OF FRIED THESE FLYING PESTS!”
Dougan was up and distracting the Parasprites as best he could, pissing off swarms of them and making them attack him as he ran all over town, keeping the environmental damage to a minimum, I hope he ends up all right…
Pinkie looked around and grabbed my hand and Scruffs “Ineedabanjoakazooandatuba!”
I nodded and looked to Scruff “You get the banjo, I’ll get the Tuba.”
Scruff nodded and ran towards froggy bottom bog, where the hillponies live, I smiled at how clever my daughter was and ran to the home of Vinyl Scratch and RJ, who were fighting off the Parasprites with wubs. “Haha! Take that you little thieves!” RJ seemed really pissed off, heating up his wrist chain and slashing through them with ease, I looked to RJ and grabbed him “Do you know where a Tuba is?!” RJ nodded “Yeah, my friend Tavi next door has one, she collects orchestral instruments, wait, why?”
I was already firestepping over to Tavis house to find Vernie was fighting the Parasprites there, reducing them to charred carcasses with his electric blade “Vernie, I don’t have time to explain but I need a Tuba!” Vernie noded and took the Tuba that was in a case by the entryway and handed it to me as I ran to Twily’s for Spikes kazoo, on the way I saw the Parasprites had Dougan outnumbered and were biting him all over, I held out my hand to him and shouted “Reimokur, drem, tul!”The Parasprites froze in the air as I ran to him, mounting him and riding him to the Golden Oaks Library…
When we reached the Library Pinkie and Scruff were already there, and Spike had handed over the kazoo to Pinkie. Pinkie saw my Tuba and smiled gratefully before taking it from me “Okay… let’s hope this works!” Pinkie began to play and the Parasprites all followed her to the everfree forest, she stopped at its border and continued to play, making them go into the woods and out of sight, right as the girls ran up to us and promptly freaked out, I sighed and shouted again “Stiildus, nahlon, gir!” I then gestured to Pinkie, who smiled and explained how we had basically saved the day...
I walked to my house and found a letter from Dravidium at my doorstep, It said ‘read immediately’ on the front, so I read it aloud as stone ogre etiquette dictates “Dear Salamanderion, I have been alerted to the existence of two more people who may help you, please come to New Dravus at once.”
I was boarding the train to New Dravus and bidding my goodbyes to Twilight and the girls, I had Twily babysit Scruff, wanted her to meet her Aunt, and was taking Donal and Pinkie with me, both at their insistence. I saw Scruff waving goodbye from the window while riding on Twilights shoulders. “Goodbye, Daddy! Come back soon!”
I smiled and waved to my daughter as the train puffed away, clicking and clacking down the track. I turned to Pinkie and frowned “You do realize that if things get dangerous, I am having Donal here send you to ponyville first and help me out second, right?” Pinkie sighed “Yeah, I thought you’d say that, but here’s the thing, Caithy, I can handle myself!” At this I raised my eyebrow doubtfully, to which Pinkie frowned and pulled out a whip and pulled me to her with it before holding me to the ground “What do you think of my skills now, Caithy?”
I smiled and laughed “I think I’m even further in love with you than before, but still, if it turns out we are fighting a full grown Dragon, or some sort of demigod like being, I’m having Donal take you home.”
Pinkie pouted and sat on my back, after awhile of waiting and realizing she wasn’t going to get off I firestepped out from under her and rematerialized by Donal, laughing as Pinkie fell backwards onto her rump with a loud thud. She looked to me and pouted even more “That wasn’t funny…”
I smiled and walked over to Pinkie as we entered a long tunnel, taking us deep into the innards of the beast that was Equestria “Sorry, it was just the look on your face was cute.”
Pinkie smiled bashfully and kissed me on the cheek as Donal fake gagged “Heads up, we’re almost there.”
Pinkie looked to Donal “Really? I had no idea there was a Diamond Dog Warren so close to our village.”
Donal and I nodded grimly, speaking in unison “They rarely ever do…”
Pinkie looked to me curiously “What do you mean?”
I looked sadly to the ground “Ponies that are being targeted by Diamond Dogs for enslavement.”
Pinkie looked to me in surprise “Diamond Dogs do that?”
{They are almost here, are you ready?}
[Born ready]
I nodded as I saw light come in through the windows and saw the city of New Dravus in the distance. It was a brilliant construction of an underground Civilization… multicolored glowing stone used as the ceiling to imitate the night sky, sprawling buildings reaching up from the distant floor of the cavern, and at its center, a glowing spire crackling with magical energy that I knew from my visits to similar encampments acted as the exact opposite of a lightning rod; instead of drawing the magical energy and storing it, it generated it and filled the entire cavern with purple mana, making it glow with an almost ethereal light, even making parts of the cavern buoyant, making it necessary to chain them to anchors on the ground below. Pinkie gasped, undoubtedly overwhelmed by culture shock “It… it’s beautiful…”
Donal grunted. “Ye should see the capitol of Dravidiums Empire, it makes this look right bland in comparison.”
Pinkie looked to Donal curiously “What makes it so much better?”
Donal laughed “Lass, the proof is saturatin’ the air around us, see how the mana’s only one color?” Pinkie nodded “Well, add about five more colors and ye’ve got the bloody capitol, tha’s five times the magical energy. It’s a bloody honor on this outpost fer the king ta be here.” Pinkie gasped “I can’t imagine a place with more magic than this… it feels almost like when I used the Elements of Harmony, but more wild and crazy cuckoo loco!”
Donal nodded “Dravidium studied the Elements back when Celly had em. They seem to be pure mana, and have been designed by an ancient being, older than Celly herself. Even Dravidium, who saw the birth of the first Draqonequus and the sealing of the last of the species, does nae come close to the Elements Age. They seem ta be programmed tae only work fer those who have the right traits in em, like a fingerprint fer yer soul.”
I nodded in agreement as we reached the center of the outpost, right next to the spire “Dravidium is supposed to meet us here, right?”
Donal nodded and pressed his hand to the wall of the spire, making a doorway appear from where he touched “Follow me.” We did as he said and followed him to a teleportation circle, he standed at attention as King Dravidium materialized.
A giant among even his people, whom averaged on the height of 15 feet tall by five feet wide, Dravidium wore a cross between a blacksmiths apron and warriors armor, with a metal helmet I knew to be designed to keep his head as hot as possible, due to the fact that Stone Ogres brains are more functional when heated, the smoke from the heating venting via two pipes resembling demon horns. I bowed to Dravidium and gestured to Pinkie to do the same, once we bowed, Dravidium spoke to us “Tell me, have you ever heard of a man named Jericho?”
I looked to Dravidium in confusion “Who?”
Dravidium sighed “I was hoping that Celestia would have had made this public knowledge… but alas, I have given up trying to understand her motives.”
Donal nodded “In me opinion, all mares be right mad.”
I laughed as Pinkie took on an offended look “True, but you gotta love ‘em.”
Pinkie smacked me playfully up the back of my head “You are so, so… Gugh!”
I laughed and looked to Dravidium “You were saying?”
Dravidium nodded “He is the reason we have the peace meetings. The reason the Stone Ogres and Ponies are not currently at war… the reason me and Celestia, hell… all of Equis are still alive.”
I looked to Dravidium curiously “Why are you telling us this?”
Dravidium sighed sadly “Because he died saving us from the dark being that you are going to have to fight…”
{Dad…}
[It’s okay, George, I’m here.]
{Wha…why?}
[ Because we are brothers, and we have to stick together, listen, if this goes wrong… I just want you to know that I’m proud to have known you.]
{… I am… I’m proud to have known you as well.}
I looked to Dravidium and stood back up “What happened?”
Dravidium sighed “Well, first you should know, the Umbra Pader is pure evil, he seeks to bathe all of reality in darkness, to bend all living things to his will or break them trying, and him and Jericho were bitter enemies, each one the antithesis of the other.” I nodded and waited for him to continue, Pinkie eating popcorn off to my side. “Jericho met us, and befriended the both of us. Giving us a reason to get along, we actually came to have an understanding… we made peace and studied magic together with Jericho. Well, to be more specific, we learned from him.” Dravidium sighed “But then He came…” Dravidium shuddered “His power corrupted anyone who opposed him into willing pawns… he fed off of the darkness in our hearts. Jericho had no option but to make a magical weapon the likes of which no one in Equis has ever seen, rivaling even the balefire megabomb spell in sheer power,” He then turned to Donal “From what I understand, the magic in this weapon acted similar to the Ray Sphere, except you size up the device to be the size of Pluto from your dimension, and it comes without the… unfortunate casualties…”
Donal paled “I-it gave him that kind of power?!”
Dravidium nodded “He became a god, with power that would put Discord to shame, and set out to banish the Umbra Pader, whom had already corrupted Sombra into serving him, and had begun corrupting Luna in the dream realm… he defeated the Umbra Pader after five days of combat and banished him to a separate dimension, but it came at a great price, his body was destroyed by the power running through it, and his spirit split into two beings, John of Order, and George of Chaos.”
[Here it comes.]
{Let’s do this!}
Dravidium pulled out a strange diamond shaped puzzle-like stone, with pieces that would remove themselves only to rotate and reinsert themselves at different points. “This is the weapon he had made, it now contains both of his split selves, I have a feeling you have been hearing them?"
I gasped "They are the voices I had been hearing?! I just thought I was going nuts!"
Dravidium chuckled heartily "No... they have been heard for the first time in millennia. They need you, and your friends that you have made. John, George, why don't you say hello?"
Two orbs of energy came out of the artifact, one an energetic, crackling electric red, the other a soothing, luminescent opaque blue. The red orb ran flew into my face in an excited manner "HI! I'M GEORGE!
The blue orb generated a blue cattleprod and zapped the red orb "Calm, the fuck, down." It then dragged the pulsing orb away, I guess he was twitching, now that I was thinking about it... The orb then laughed gently "What my... excitable brother was trying to say was that we need your help, the Umbra Pader has awoken and is trying to make his way out of the pocket dimension our father sealed him in. We are going to fuse our beings with this artifact, which we then humbluy ask you insert into one of the eye sockets in the skull on your buzzaxe."
I nodded thoughtfully "And... what happens then?"
John sighed sadly "We will fade... becoming naught but mystical energy that will empower you. We will bring the last element of order into play in our dying moments, and then... we can finally rest..."
George bobbed up and down in what I assume was a nod "We are tired... we have been watching over this world, doing what our father would of wanted for a VERY long time... we just want to stop... and with this, we can do both, helping our dad and ending our suffering..."
I stood there, dumbstruck. Pinkies hair deflated and Donal became stone faced, I eventually found my voice "What will happen to me and my friends?"
John dimmed "The Elements of Harmony and the Elements of Order shall become linked again, and the other Elements of Order will manifest as well, Strength and Benevolence already have their hosts, but Valor, Law, Honor, and Knowledge... We know not who will become their hosts. You... we only know that you will become capable of harming the Umbra Pader, as well as the other elements, both Order and Harmony."
I looked to John curiously "Linked? What do you mean?"
John sighed, how did he even do that? He had no lungs... nor a diaphragm... "The Elements will be capable of firing off a singular blast, as well as empowering your attacks greatly."
I nodded and took the artifact in my hand before looking to the two orbs "You sure about this?"
The two orbs flickered and bobbed in what I assumed was a nod, I then placed the artifact in the left eye socket of my buzzaxes skull, and gasped as an overwhelming power flooded my body and a blue and orange portal opened up, a British looking individual with black hair and a bored face walked out of it, I was incapable of getting a better look at him before I heard a massive roar "DRAGON!"
