The life and times of Derring Do and Ahuizota from marriage and beyond
It's been almost eleven months since the event at the Ancient Mareyan Sun Temple. Ahuizota and Derring Do are settling into the life of a family, ready to raise their kid. There's still much for the young couple to learn, and it can only be taught with time.
They just cross fingers and feathers and hope they don't screw it up.
Hoo, boy. Where do I even start? These past few weeks have left me completely exhausted. Picking flowers, finding friends, choosing ponies and locations… Why are pony weddings so complicated? I mean, back in my tribe we just set up some flowers for the ceremony and make the food for the feast. Good thing Derring and I decided to have a small wedding, though it certainly doesn’t feel like it. Then again, Spade did tell me about celebrity weddings and how big those can get. Yeesh.
Anyways, all the effort is leading up to the big day which is coming soon. Let me tell you, it is not easy finding a dress when your belly gets slightly bigger each day. I’m tempted to forget it all and go with the traditional tribal bride wear of just some floral rings and crown, but Silver Spade did find me a really beautiful dress that fits me. Plus, I don’t have that many dresses, or clothes for that matter. She said it was her duty as Maid of Honor to help me make this wedding work.
Hold on… Sorry, I had to eat again. We had some salmon in the freezer and I needed to cook the whole thing. It worries me though, every time I get a craving and give in to it. I’m slowly turning into a balloon and losing my slim curves. I wonder if Derring will still like me? Great, now I need to get some comfort ice cream. Maybe I should cuddle with Derring and have him feed it to me.
Your tired friend,
Ahuizota
*****
“Just… a little bit… more!” Silver Spade grunted out as she tried to pull on her dress, “I shouldn’t have eaten that Baklava cheesecake last night. I swear, that whole thing went straight to my flanks.”
“But it was so delicious though!” Ahuizota said as her dress was fitting on rather snugly, despite having to suck in her belly a tiny bit to connect the clasp. It was a beautiful thing, said to be an Elusive Exclusive, and it was worth every bit. The dress itself draped over her body and flowed down like a jungle river. The fabric was an jungle green with gold trimmings and a web of rainforest flowers. Her very pregnant belly was accentuated instead of hidden, but as a symbol of her fertility rather than excess weight. If Ahuizota remembered correctly, the baby would be due soon, possibly in the next week or so. All the more reason and rush to get married. “And don’t worry, you still look fine to me. Besides, I’m the pregnant one here. No one’s going to notice if you put on a little weight.”
“Nnngh… there! Ha!” Silver Spade cried out in triumph, “I’m not fat! Ha, ha, ha!” she started a little victory dance until one of the buttons popped loose and embedded itself into the wall. Luckily, Ahuizota was too preoccupied to notice and she quickly discarded the forsaken thing. “Well, I suppose you’re right. I’m still going to lay off the cake at the reception. Celestia knows how many calories are in that thing.”
“Enough to feed the baby and give Derring energy tonight, that’s for sure.” Both of them chuckled at that. Ahuizota kept staring at her dress, looking down and at the mirror, almost as if it would disappear if she looked away.
“Something on your mind?” Silver asked, noticing her friend’s disposition. It would not do if the bride wasn’t content on her big day.
Ahuizota broke out of her trance, “Hm? Oh, nothing. It’s just… This is really happening, isn’t it? Even before the Sun Temple, I had dreamt of this day, to be wed to Derring, and now that it’s here...”
“It feels like a dream?” Silver finished, “I could throw a rock at you if you want to make sure it’s real.”
“Tempting, but I don’t think you would want to be the one to explain why his bride-to-be is in a coma because of a boulder.” Ahuizota spared her a glance and grin, “No, the only thing left is to count down the seconds until it happens.”
“Eh, sounds boring.” Silver turned to leave, “I’m going to see if the stylist is here yet. Be back soon!” The door closed shut and Ahuizota was left alone with her thoughts, at least for a few more minutes until the door opened again to reveal her future mother-in-law.
“Oooh, there’s my future daughter!” She squeaked out giddily, “Are you feeling well? Do you need me to get you anything? How’s the baby?”
Ahuizota grabbed Sweet Memory’s shoulders to keep her still, “I’m fine, no, and the baby hasn’t been kicking too much today, so I guess it’s sleeping right now. You sound like you’re the one getting married here instead of me.”
“Sorry dear, it’s just that moments like these make me so ecstatic” Sweet said happily, “These are the times when memories are truly made between ponies, the kind that should be cherished and remembered forever. Plus, I can’t wait to put these pictures in the family album!” Her wings fluttered, briefly lifting her off the ground in excitement. “My young Derring is finally getting married and having kids, with a beautiful marefriend no less! It just warms my heart like you wouldn’t believe. Maybe one day you’ll understand, but that’s far into the future and will come eventually.”
“Well the future can’t come soon enough.” Ahuizota huffed, “I just want to get this over with so I can just spend the Day with Derring. The stress of it all is killing me!”
Sweet Memories nodded, “I understand. My wedding day was no less frantic than this one, but then I wasn’t carrying either.” She walked over and soothingly embraced the bride, “Just relax. I’m sure it will be fine. Think about what Derring could be doing right now.”
“Probably all relaxed about this whole thing. I doubt anything I’ve thrown at him in past years could be more stressful than this to him.”
*****
“Is this really necessary?” Derring asked.
“YES!” His friends chorused.
“I’m just saying, my suit is gonna get wrinkled from this.” Derring responded with a shrug.
“Derring, you know I have a spell for that,” Mile Thatch said, “And this is the only way to keep you from messing up our hard work”
Derring rolled his eyes, “But did you have to use cast iron chains? Some rope would have been enough.”
“Yeah, until we turn our backs on you.” Another commented and the room burst into laughter.
“Seriously, guys. I think I’m losing feeling in my wings. Also, I may need to pee soon.” Derring said, hoping one of them would give him some mercy.
“No need to worry, my friend.” Sallah, a camel, said, “We can find a way to help relieve your bladder when necessary. For now, you will have to suffer until your wedding is fully prepared.”
Derring sighed, “You guys suck. I just want to see if Ahui is doing alright, that’s all.”
“Time for love-love later, Dr. Do!” A young changeling said, bounding up to the bound pegasus, “Besides, you already make enough for huge hive!” His horn glowing a bit to catch the energy in the air.
“And you don’t need any more than that, Small Ball.” Derring said, trying to scooch away from the ever hungry changeling. Thankfully, the changeling was pulled away by Sallah who gave him an understanding smile.
“Derring, your new wife shouldn’t have to deliver her child until at least next week. Be at ease, my friend, at least for today.” He gave Derring a pat on the back.
Derring hung his head, “Fine. I’m just worried that the wedding stress on her will harm the baby. Can somepony just ask if she’s doing fine?” he pleaded.
“Can do, Dr. Do!” Small Ball saluted him and scurried out the door to the other end of the chapel. After he left, some of the others filed out to go check on the preparations, leaving Derring alone with his ‘captors’ until it was time to stand at the altar.
*****
The guests had all arrived, having received the invitations from Derring’s ditzy mailmare cousin weeks prior.There were a lot of ponies and creatures of all shapes and sizes who Derring had befriended since his adventures first began. Derring watched with amusement as they made their small talk amongst each other. A Saddle Arabian scholar trying to convince a Diamond Dog geologist on coffee versus energy drinks. His changeling buddies trying (and failing) to be inconspicuous about drinking the love in the air. His mother was chatting up the rest of the family, her hooves hardly staying still and a camera around her neck. Just trying to remember every event he shared with everyone in the room was an intoxicating dose of nostalgia.
‘I could be out in the field right now. Making more friends and finding new treasures. But I wouldn’t trade this moment for all the findings in the world.’ The sound of the organ jolted Derring and the room grew quiet as all eyes turned to the back. The doors opened by magic and the flower fillies came through first, throwing passion flower petals down the aisle. Then came the bridesmaids with Silver Spade leading them. Derring was impressed by how it was the cleanest he had ever seen her. Once they were in position, Ahuizota appeared, and blew everyone away.
She looked like Nature incarnate after the final touches were put upon her. A long train of exotic jungle flowers woven in with thread vines almost seamlessly was pulled behind her. No one could tell where the dress ended and the train began. A crown of gilded flowers rested upon her head like an unspoken queen of the jungle. Much like one, she stepped gracefully up the aisle, her tail hand holding her bouquet by her side. Upon reaching the altar, she glanced at Derring and whispered, “Dear, you wings.”
Derring snapped out of his trance and saw that his wings were starting to spread on their own. A snicker off to the side told him that Silver had noticed as well. He reigned them in and took his spot next to her. “You look beautiful.”
“And you look quite dashing.”
“This wedding can’t be over soon enough.” Ahuizota chuckled. “Even the baby agrees on that.” she said as the officiant began his speech.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Derring Do and Ahuizota in matrimony….” He continued his speech, much like any marriage, and then asked the loving couple to say their vows.
“I, Derring Do, take you, Ahuizota, to be my wife and the mother of our child. I promise to love and cherish you every day as if it were our last. I will respect, support, and encourage you in times of trial and triumph. I will hold you and never let go, even after death has taken us. You will never be alone again in your endeavors, this I promise you.”
“I, Ahuizota,” She paused to blink the tears from her eyes, “take you, Derring Do, to be my husband and the father of our child. I promise to love and be with you every day, to the end. I will follow you to the ends of the world if I must and come Tartarus or tsunamis, you won’t lose me that easily. You will always be proud of me, this I promise you.”
“Bring forth the rings.” the officiant said. Small Ball, in his little tuxedo, pranced up the steps, holding the pillow in his magic. Derring picked up a thin gold band coupled with a golden primary feather on a platinum chain, and placed it over Ahuizota’s head, letting it settle on her neck. Ahuizota took the other ring necklace, this one with a small sapphire figurine, and put it around Derring’s neck. Their eyes met and they smiled happily as they awaited the officiant’s next words.
“By the power vested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.” He had to back out of the way as Ahuizota nearly tackled Derring and pulled him into a fierce kiss. Everyone broke out into cheers and catcalls, and Sweet Memories clicked her camera trying to catch every millisecond of the kiss. The changelings dropped all pretenses and tried to gather as much of the overflowing love as possible. Over in the bridesmaid section, Silver Spade was trying to get some errant dust out of her eye and was definitely not crying, no sir.
After what felt like an eternity, they broke the kiss. “Did you eat the salmon I was saving for tomorrow night?” Derring whispered in her ear.
“I was hungry and the baby wouldn’t stop kicking.” Ahuizota whispered back with a blush on her face.
“You’re too adorable. C’mon, the day isn’t over yet.” They left the altar and led the way to the next room where tables and a dance floor were set up. One corner held a large pile of wedding gifts, filled with jewelry, baby items, and some more intimate products among others things. In the center of all the tables was a five tier cake in the shape of a very familiar obelisk and rings. As far as most of the guests knew, it was just looked like another ancient artifact.
“So that’s why Silver wanted to know about Sun Temple.” Derring said. “She definitely got the details down.”
“Let’s just hope that’s all she got.” Ahuizota looked around at the other guests settling into their seats, “I’d rather not have a huge orgy at our wedding.”
“I don’t think the changelings would mind.” Derring winced in pain when his new wife socked him in the ribs. “I was kidding!”
Ahuizota shook her head in amusement as she led the way to their seats. Once everyone was seated Derring began the toast, thanking all who came and supported them. A few made their own remarks, causing laughter, blushes, or both all around.
"Call me if you need an extra for your role plays, Derring!" Silver Spade shouted, causing the couple to go red while most of the room chuckled
"Never change, Silver. Never change." Derring said.
When the toasts were made, Derring and Ahuizota got up and approached the cake. Taking the knife in hand and hoof, they cut out the first slice from the top. After many samples at the local bakery, they had decided on a marble cake. Now, while Ahuizota was told about pony weddings from friends and family, Silver Spade had neglected to tell her about one certain tradition.
"Hey, Ahui." Derring said, holding his cake on one hoof, "You have something on your face."
"What?! Where?" She patted her cheeks for the offending stain. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"Hold on. It's right..." SPLAT "There." He grinned mischievously at the smear of cake across her muzzle. The guests started cheering for the groom and bride cake fight. Derring leaned forward and licked a bit of frosting off her nose. “Gotcha.”
Ahuizota gave him a blank stare and slowly licked some of the frosting away, not breaking eye contact. Behind her, her tail hand grabbed the cake knife and sliced off the top tier of the cake.
Derring noticed what she was doing and held up his hooves, “N-Now, Ahui, let’s talk about this. You don’t have to go that far.” But he was drowned out by the cheering of the crowd.
And so, Ahuizota grabbed the remains of the top tier and smashed it into Derring’s face, knocking him over. She broke a grin. “Gotcha.” she said before taking him with a cake smeared kiss. After they cleaned up and everyone got their piece of cake, the food was served and what a feast it was. Dishes from all over the world adorned the tables. A buffet line of Maredeterranean and South Equestrian entrees, some Mid East desserts, and much more for everyone. Much of it was eaten, no one commented on Ahuizota’s plate out of politeness and understanding, but most of them saved some room for the drinks later.
Behind the DJ’s stand stood an orange earth pony mare with a curly brown mane and tail, wearing a cowpony poncho and hat. She grabbed the microphone in her hoof and spoke, “Alright everypony! Now that we’ve filled our bellies, how about we work that off with some dancing? I’m your MC tonight, Cheese Panini! Let’s start things off with our lovely newlyweds!” Derring got up and led Ahuizota onto the dance floor. He remembered the lessons he and Ahui had to take before this. She was so cute when she missed a step.
“Let’s start this off slow.” Cheese said, hitting a button. Music streamed through the speakers and across the air. The happy couple took their first step when the vocals began, leaning into each other. They swung out and in, turning slowly with the beat. Derring stared deep into Ahuizota’s eyes, not breaking away for any of the movements. He shifted himself forward and held her with his wings, guiding her through the next few steps. “We finally made it.” he said.
“Yes. Yes we did.” Ahuizota said. “All that’s left now is the baby.”
“Don’t forget the honeymoon after this. We still need to consummate this marriage.”
Ahuizota smirked. “I think we both know we did that months ago, but sure. Doctor said it was safe to do it. Just be gentle.”
“I always am.” Derring had his signature cocky grin on his face. Ahuizota just rolled her eyes and leaned in, resting her head on his shoulder for the rest of the song.
“I love you, Derring.”
“I love you, Ahuizota.”
The rest of the night proceeded like any other reception. There was dancing, drinking, much merrymaking. Ahuizota couldn’t dance during the more energetic songs, but she did enjoy watching Derring make a dancing fool of himself instead. Silver Spade was having a blast talking with the other guests, swapping stories of their respective adventures with Derring and regrets for no more in the foreseeable future. Ahuizota did notice her and a couple of the changelings slipping away to one of the empty rooms, slightly drunk. Small Ball was getting a lot of affectionate love from the ladies of the room, hugging him because he was small and cute. Sweet Memories took pictures of as much of it as she could, sometimes roping her husband into helping her get the perfect shot. Ahuizota stopped eating the cake when she noticed quite a few of the guests were getting together and ended up leaving in the same fashion. But everyone had fun and that was all that mattered on this day.
“Bucking alarm clock.” Ahuizota muttered, “I wish you didn’t need it.”
“Yeah, but I do need to get to the museum to help with the exhibit.” Derring groaned out, “That means I have to be up and early to be there.” He started to get up, but was stopped by a blue tail wrapping around and yanking him back into its owner’s embrace.
“Nuuu. I want five more minutes of snuggles.” Ahuizota said, tightening her grip.
“Fine, but only because you’re so cute.” Derring relented. After the allotted time passed, and then some, Derring tried wriggling out of her grasp, but to no avail, “Ahui… I really need to go to work.”
“You shall not escape my snuggles!” Ahuizota cried.
Derring smiled, “I didn’t want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice.” He flexed his wings and targeted her weak spots. In an instant Ahuizota let go as she became racked with laughter. Derring was relentless as he tickled her into submission. While she was down, he sped across the room and grabbed his gear.
“You… cheater!” Ahuizota gasped out between laughs. She couldn’t get a proper control of herself until Derring was galloping down the stairs.
“Sorry, Ahui. I’ll make it up to you later!” he shouted back, and the sound of the front door closing signaled his departure.
“Oh you will.” Ahuizota said to herself. She stretched out, much like a cat before getting up as well to start her day. The weight of the baby put such a strain on her back, but it wasn’t long now. With each passing day, even during the honeymoon, she was prepared to get herself to the hospital when the contractions started. Recently, there were a few false starts, so Derring tried to stay home as much as possible, but he still needed to go to the museum.
Once she was all stretched out, Ahuizota went downstairs to make herself a light breakfast. She opened the fridge and found a box on the shelf. “Derring forgot his lunch again.” she said to herself, “I swear, sometimes I don’t even know how he beat my schemes.” Ahuizota made her breakfast and then left the house with Derring’s lunch in her tail hand.
Luckily for her, the museum wasn’t too far to walk to, but Ahuizota managed to snag a cab and ride the rest of the way. “Don’t hurt yourself!” the cab puller said before galloping down the road. The people of the town were quite nice to each other. One ramp later and Ahuizota soon found herself inside the museum. She could tell why Derring loved to work here. It was no Smithstallion, but it still went to great lengths to show off the displays of history, a good portion of which that Derring brought in from his adventures.
“Hey, Ahuizota. What brings you by?” The reception mare, Bell Ringer, asked. “I hope you didn’t walk all the way from your house.” She, like most ponies who worked in the museum, was a close friend of Derring and was one of the bridesmaids at the wedding.
“Derring forgot his lunch.” Ahuizota gave her tail a shake, rattling the box.
Bell raised an eyebrow. “Again?”
“Yep.”
“It’s amazing how he’s kept his head on straight all these years.” Bell said, “Sometimes I wonder if he does it on purpose just as an excuse to bring you here.”
Ahuizota giggled, “I know, right? Still, he needs to eat if he’s going to be carrying my pregnant butt to the hospital.”
“How is it coming along, by the way?” Bell said, leaning over the desk for a better look.
With a shrug, Ahuizota replied, “A few false alarms recently, but it’s coming soon.”
“That’s good.” Bell said, “Well, take it from somepony who’s popped out a few foals. It’s going to feel like Tartarus, but it will be so worth it when you hold him, or her.”
“I’ll try to keep that in mind.” Ahuizota said, “Anyways, I need to find Derring.” She turned and headed down one of the hallways.
“Try not to distract him too much!” Bell called out after her, grinning when Ahuizota nearly scurried out of the room. She was not going to let them live down the time she nearly walked in on them in Derring’s office.
Ahuizota weaved and waddled her way through the patron crowds until she reached the office rooms. She found Derring's room and opened the door to find her husband staring intently at some papers. His desk was in the far corner, facing slightly away from the door. It seemed he hadn't noticed her arrival yet. Ahuizota quietly shut the door and crept forward across the wooden floor until she was right behind him. "You can't escape my snuggles!" She then grabbed a startled Derring and brought him close for some nuzzling.
"Ah! What-? Ahui, what are you doing here? You should be resting at home!" Derring said, worried about her current state.
"Derring, I know you mean well, but I'm not some fragile doll." Ahuizota said, then gave him a kiss. "Besides, you should remember to bring your lunch more often." She dropped the box lunch onto Derring's desk where there was space.
"It's simply the curse of being an archaeologist. We're so caught up in the past, we forget about our future meals." Derring said, returning the nuzzling. “I was going to get it when I got back to the house to check on you.”
“Sure” Ahuizota said, unconvinced. “So what are you working on this time? Another treasure map or something?”
“No, just trying to write my adventures into a foal’s book.” Derring shuffled the papers around until it was in a neat stack half a hoof high, “I haven’t really written more than field reports and academic papers before, so I’m kinda playing this by ear.” He gave a snort, “The editor is probably going to butcher me when they read this.”
“Aww, is widdle Derry scared of the big, mean editor? Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.” Ahuizota said with a giggle.
“Ha ha, you’re hilarious.” Derring said, though his tone indicated otherwise. He hopped out of the chair and started for the door, “Well, I better get this sent of-Whoa!” He slipped and landed on his muzzle.
“Crap! Was I leaking again?” Ahuizota said as she helped him up. “Sorry! I thought I had emptied them last night.”
Derring rubbed his sore muzzle and looked down at the puddle he slipped in. “Um...Ahui? I don’t think that’s milk.” It was a clear, almost water-like fluid that stained the ground. Both sets of eyes trailed up the spill to the source and they came to the same conclusion.
The water broke.
Ahuizota started to breath heavily. “The baby’s coming...Derring, the baby’s coming!” She said as she grabbed him by the vest and shook him like a doll. "I'm not ready to be a parent yet!"
“Calm down.” Derring said, spreading his wings out reassuringly despite his own rising panic, “Remember the breathing exercises. Stay here, I’ll go get help.” He shot out the door and into the lobby, almost crashing into the reception desk.
“Something wrong, Derring?” Bell asked.
“Call the hospital, now! My wife’s water just broke in my office!” He said urgently. Bell’s eyes widened and she grabbed the phone while Derring rushed back to his office. He found Ahuizota right where he left her, still trying to maintain her breathing. “Don’t worry, the hospital is on the way.” he said.
"They better!" Ahuizota said, "This baby is more than ready to be born." She gave a cry of pain as another wave of contractions came over her. "Derring, it huuuurts! Why does it hurt so much? This is not the joys of childbirth I was told about! This is the exact opposite of joy!"
“Come on, Ahui. You gotta be strong, okay?" Derring said. “Just try to get comfortable.” He did his best to clean up the mess, but he wasn’t a unicorn and so made a note to get a janitor on it before they left.
It wasn’t long before the unicorn nurses burst through the door. They levitated Ahuizota onto the gurney they brought and rushed her out. Derring had to flap his wings a few times just to keep up with them.
"Don't worry, ma'am. You're going to be fine." One of the nurses said in a calm, professional tone as she lifted the gurney into the ambulance. "Just try to relax, and this will be over soon."
"Relax?! I'm about to push a baby the size of a small watermelon out an even smaller hole, and you want me to relax?!" Ahui cried out. "You can take your 'relax' and-" The doors slammed shut, muffling her shouting.
The other nurse turned to Derring. "We'll take her from here. I suggest taking this moment to gather any family or personal items while we set her up with the doctors." He scribbled a note on a pad, then tore it off and gave it to Derring. "Give this to the front desk and they'll let you through." He then hopped in front of the vehicle and pulled it away down the street, sirens blaring.
As much as Derring wanted to follow them, the nurse was right. If Ahuizota was going to be in the hospital for a while, she was going to be comfortable. Derring rushed back to his office and quickly called his parents, informing them of the situation. After that, he flew home, but not before informing the janitor about the mess.
Derring and Ahuizota had been preparing for this moment for weeks and so all Derring had to do was grab the very bulky saddlebags by the door and take off with all the majesty of a turkey. That’s what Derring thought he looked like the first time, though Ahui ‘convinced’ him he was certainly a stallion that night. He flew through the air along the well practiced route to the hospital and landed in front of the doors. Trotting up to the receptionist, Derring hoofed over the note and was directed to the room his wife was in. “I’m here!” Derring said when he reached the room. “I’m not too late, am I?” He set the bags down near the door.
Ahuizota was dressed up in a medical gown and laying on her back on the hospital bed. She had a pained look on her face that relaxed slightly when Derring arrived. “No, I haven’t gone into labor yet.” she said, patting her rounded belly. “But it won’t be long now. Doctor thinks that it will happen very soon. Ah!” She winced again as the contractions kicked in for another round. The pegasus nurse in the room, who had been reading a clipboard silently when Derring came in, made various checks upon Ahuizota’s body while Derring came up and put a hoof on his wife’s shoulder.
“Is she ready?” He asked the nurse.
The nurse took another peek under the sheets. “Just about ready. The cervix is almost wide enough for true labor.”
"Don't worry, Ahui. Everything will be just fine." Derring said.
Ahuizota grunted in pain. "Easy for you to say. You're not about to give birth." She let loose another cry of pain from a fresh wave of contractions. "Doc, this baby wants out now!"
"Well, lucky for you, because now you're fully dilated." The nurse said before quickly trotting to the door and yelling for the doctor. A moment later, a large griffon hen in a white coat appeared through the door. Derring recognized her as Mallory Magpie, the doctor they’ve usually seen when it came to the pregnancy.
“Ah, here we go! Time to bring new life into the world, eh?” she said before placing herself at the foot of the bed. “Now, start pushing!”
Ahuizota screamed. “Fuck! It hurts! Everything hurts! Derring, if I live through this, I’m going to murder you!”
Derring jerked back in surprise at the hostility and leaned over to the nurse. “I heard stories, but is it always this bad?”
“Nah, this is par for the course.” he said with a shrug as he wrote something down. “I think the worst we had was the minotaur construction worker. Almost thought she was a sailor with the curses she used. It’s rather entertaining to see how creative they can get.”
“Derring, I’m going to fuck you with a cactus and the only lube you’ll get is itching powder, then I’m going to superglue it in there!” Ahuizota screamed out.
“Ooh! Haven’t heard that one in a while, though the lube variant is new. That puts ‘cactus’ threats at twenty now.”
Ignoring the comments, Derring returned to his wife’s side. “Come on, Ahui. You gotta push through it!” he said supportively.
“I’m gonna push you through a Celestia-damned meat grinder!” she yelled in his face, causing him to leap away. Her face was twisted in rage and agony, teeth bared and all, as she tried to get the baby out of her.
“That’s it, dear.” Dr. Magpie said, “I can see the baby’s head now. Keep pushing!”
“What do you think I’m doing?!” Ahuizota practically roared out.
“I think you’re being overdramatic. Just clench those muscles and push that baby out!”
“Yeah, no need to be a baby about it.” The nurse said, “Eh?” The joking grin on his face was wiped off by the murderous glares of the two females.
“How many times have I told you not to use that joke?” Mallory asked. “I thought I taught you better than that.”
Ahuizota took a deep breath. “After I kill Derring, you’re next.” She gave out another pained scream as she pushed once more. “How much more?” she asked the doctor, sobbing from the pain.
“Still a ways to go. Keep going. You’re doing great!”
Derring, after building up the courage, left his spot on the ceiling and settled next to his wife. “Ahui, listen to me. You gotta be strong, okay? You and I have both been in extreme situations. This is almost nothing compared to that. All you need to do is push. Push as hard as you can!” He held her hand in his hoof and tried not to wince when she gripped it to the point of almost breaking it.
Panting, Ahuizota turned to look at him, distracting her from the pain. “Derring,...hah...you better...hnnng!...give me...hah...all the massages....hnnnnng!...for a month! Hah...”
“Everything and more.” Derring replied, and then kissed her forehead. Ahuizota found a new strength inside her and pushed with all her might. It felt like forever, but when the strength left her and the fatigue began to set in, she heard something beautiful.
It was the sound of a baby’s cry.
Ahuizota lifted her head up to see Dr. Magpie holding an infant in her gloved claws. “Congratulations, it’s a girl!”
The next hour was a blur to Ahuizota. There was the cleaning up, the cord cutting, and other various procedures to ensure the health of the mother and child. But it was done. Her new daughter was now resting in her arms, all bundled up in a blanket. She was a big baby, with her father’s forehooves and wings, and the rest belonging to her mother, even the tail. The eyes were glimpsed during the checkups, but they also were from her mother. Her coat was an ash-like brown-grey and her belly and wingtips a steel blue. She was just beautiful.
“What will we name her?” Derring asked from his bedside chair, staring at the bundle of joy. He was exhausted because he parents came in shortly after the birth. His mom was scolding him about giving her barely any time to pack and see the baby being born. Then he had to keep her from setting up a whole studio to photograph the baby, only convincing her to leave when promising an entire afternoon with the child.
“We agreed that I would choose the name after the trouble I went through for her.” Ahuizota said, “How about ‘Yaocihuatl’, after my mother?”
“Yaocihuatl.” Derring said, testing the word on his lips. “If she’s anything like her mother, it’d be a fitting name.”
Ahuizota smiled. “Yes, my little warrior girl. Welcome to the world, Yaocihuatl.”
It was quiet. Too quiet. Perfectly quiet. A sound that new parents yearn for.
"Waaaaaaaaahhhaaaaaaaaaa!"
Across the hall, the proud parents groan as they, once again, were torn away from the sleep they were so close to reaching. "Derring, can you...?" Ahuizota asked, feebly gesturing to the door.
"On it." The tired pegasus yawned and fumbled out of bed before trudging over to the baby’s room. Said baby was lying on her back in her crib, wailing like a banshee. Derring gently pulled her out and rocked her. "Calm down, daddy's here now." After a minute, little Yaocihuatl softened her cries to whimpers.
Derring sighed in relief as the noise went down. The bags under his eyes were a testament of how little sleep he had in the past few days since they came home from the hospital. "Scared of the dark? No, my little girl isn't scared of anything." He said. "She just wants to take over the world like her mommy. What's her diabolical plan? Making sure the only people who can stop her are too tired to do it by keeping them up all night. Yes it is, and she is doing great so far. All that's missing is the jungle cats."
Derring giggled to himself as he continued figuring out his foal's evil plan. "But like her momma, she made a miscalculation. She didn't realize that somepony needs to change her diaper eventually." He took a whiff and cringed in disgust.
"A big miscalculation indeed." He put his daughter down on the nearby table and proceeded to change her diaper. "The one time I wish I was a unicorn." He said, grumbling. He managed to remove the diaper and put on a fresh one with his hooves, with little mouth contact. Contrary to popular belief, wings were not as functional as hands. The diaper was disposed of and a now clean baby just stared at him sleepily.
"Your plan has been foiled...for now." Derring placed Yaocihuatl back in her crib and kissed her forehead. "Dream up some adventures tonight." He left the room and returned to bed.
"Dirty diaper?" Ahuizota asked, muffled by the pillows.
"Yep." Derring said as he slipped between the sheets, snuggling up to his wife. Once he was close, he felt her tail hand search its way between his legs. He became especially concerned when he felt her claws extend. "Uh, Ahui?"
"You made a miscalculation as well." She said, wrapping her arms around his body, restraining him with ease. "Forgetting to close the door when making fun of me in front of my daughter." She practically purred out. "Maybe I should foil your plan for future foals?" She traced a claw down the side of his face before working her magic on Derring.
His last words before he went down were "Not the face! Not the face!"
*****
A few days later found little Yaocihuatl gurgling with happiness as her grandma Memories played with her hoofies and toes. “This little piddy went to market, this little piddy went home…” Sweet Memories cooed at her grandchild. Beside her, flopped on the couch from exhaustion were her son and daughter-in-law.
“Thanks for coming over on short notice, Mom.” Derring said. “Kid’s been running us ragged.”
“Oh come now, Derry-Berry.” Sweet Memories said. “It’s no trouble at all. You get a break and I get to visit my adorable granddaughter and spoil her rotten. Everypony wins.” She leaned down to blow a raspberry on Yaoci’s belly causing her to giggle and squeal in delight.
“Don’t worry about that. Little tyke tyrant is already rotten to the core. She’ll take over the world by the time she earns her cutie mark.” Derring said jokingly.
“She’ll make her momma proud one day.” Ahuizota said, joining the conversation. “Just have to find her an arch-nemesis and let the rest work out on its own.”
Derring laughed. “I reserve the right to beat off any colts and arch-nemesii with a stick. A very pointy stick. Maybe two pointy sticks.”
“Just save a few for me, dear.” Ahuizota leaned over and gave him a quick nuzzle.
At that moment, little Yaocihuatl began to cry. Ahuizota sighed. “Derring can you get one of the bottle’s from the fridge?” He nodded and got up to get it.
Sweet Memories picked up the foal and rocked her. “You’re not going to breast feed her?” she asked.
Ahuizota’s ears pinned back. “I tried it a few times, but Yaocihuatl has a bad habit of being greedy. She’s not afraid to scratch when there’s nothing to drink. Plus, I’m too comfy right now.” She snuggled deeper into her spot as Derring returned with bottle in wing.
“One growth tonic for the child tyrant.” he said, placing the bottle next to the baby before jumping back on the couch. It wasn’t long until Yaoci noticed the revered drink and pounced on it (more like an adorable stretch until her grandma gave it to her). Keeping an eye on the baby, Derring said to Ahuizota, “At what point do you want to go for another? When she walks, talks, or plundered a village or two?”
Ahuizota lazily swatted at him. “Let’s wait until the first one and then we’ll talk.” she said, half-glaring at him. “Besides, I don’t think I’ll have the energy for another tyrant tyke.”
“Says you. The next one could take after me and uphold justice! Be a paragon saint.”
His mother just laughed. “Ha! This coming from the one who almost collapsed his entire school thinking there was buried treasure under it!”
Derring shot her a glare. “In my defense, I had legit proof! I just didn’t dig deep enough. Also, I got caught by the teacher.” he said while his wife cackled in glee.
“I think,” Ahuizota said, getting her laughter under control, “between the two of us, our foal is going to be a little tartarus-raiser.” Below her, said foal was on her back trying to suck the last of the milk dry from her bottle.
*****
Little Yaocihuatl sat in her high chair, awaiting the noms her parents would bring. She gurgled happily as her mother returned and sat in front of her.
“Alright Yaoci, I have your food here." Ahuizota said, opening the jar of baby food and spooning it out. "Here comes the airship! Whoosh!"
Out of sight, Derring watched as his wife mimicked their child eating the food, almost like some monkeys do. "Looks like broccoli this time. If Yaoci is anything like me, then 3…2…1…" SPLAT! "That's what I thought."
Back in the kitchen, Ahuizota had a forced smile while her daughter giggled at her new hat. She tried not to scream as the food seeped into her fur. "Now I know why Derring didn't want to do this." She swore a to get back at him for not telling her this would happen.
It took a few more jars and not a few towels before the feeding was finished. Later that night, Derring slid into bed with his wife and whispered in her ear. “Hey, Ahui. Feel like doing something special tonight?”
“What?”
Derring pulled out some whipped cream. “Food play.” he said with a shit eating grin.
He slept outside that night after learning how far his wife could chuck him out the window.
*****
“You sure you’ll be fine?” Derring asked for the third time as he put on his coat. Elsewhere, Ahuizota was scurrying about to finish some last minute things before their date tonight.
“Relax!” Silver Spade said. “Trust me, I can handle the kid while you two have a night on the town. Seriously, you guys need it.” She had stopped by yesterday and saw the frantic, worn out mess they were. The kid was really putting them through the wringer.
“I know, I know, but I’m a dad now. It’s my job to worry. I mean, have you taken care of a foal before?”
Silver rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’ve had to babysit my nephew a couple times. It won’t be that hard.”
Derring gave her a pointed look. “Your nephew is an earth pony who sleeps and moves like a rock. Yaoci is a pegasus hybrid with enough energy to burn a forest.”
“Hey,” Silver held up her hooves, “If the kid gets a bit rowdy, I’ll just levitate her for a while. Maybe stick her to the ceiling.” She said, then quickly added when Derring glared at her, “I’m kidding! Kidding! Maybe to the window, or to the wall.”
A facehoof was her only response for Ahuizota quickly reached the door. “C’mon, Derring. We’re going to be late!” With a whip of her tail, she grabbed her husband by the hoof and yanked him out the door.
Silver followed up to the doorstep and called out. “Don’t worry, I have the list of stuff to do that you gave me!” It wasn’t long before they were out of earshot. Chuckling, she turned back to the tyke sitting on the living room floor, trying to chew her way out of her bouncing chair. The sight of the little girl slobbering over herself was too much, forcing an ‘aawww’ out of Silver.
“Derring must be losing his touch if you’re giving him so much trouble. This’ll be a piece of cake. Now what did the list say again?” She quickly brought the list up to her face in her magic. “Hmm, ‘Keep her entertained’ That’s easy. ‘Use the food on the top shelf first’ Ok. ‘If she starts crying, use the milk in the fridge’ uh huh. ‘Keep an eye on her. Seriously. By the time you read this, she’s probably out of her chair’ Wait, what?”
True to the words, little Yaocihuatl had already slipped out of the chair and was crawling for the kitchen. But she fell short of her goal when she was suddenly levitated into the air. Not that she minded at all if the laughing was any indication, for it allowed her to flap her wings a few times before she came face-to-face with her caretaker.
“Well, that’s one thing you got from your dad.” Silver said to her, even though the baby didn’t understand and tried to boop her with her tail hand. “Yep, she’s gonna be a troublemaker when she grows up. The only question is who she takes after more in that regard.” She nuzzled the baby’s stomach, causing her to giggle. “Ten bits says it’s her mother’s side.”
In the next ten minutes, she just hoped that they never had another foal.
*****
Derring was excited for this day. It was a day any proud pegasus parent wanted to do with their flighty foals. Today was the day that Yaocihuatl wanted to learn to fly. She was certainly older now, a little over three years which was usually the time that a foals wings were strong enough to carry them short distances.
He stood with his daughter in front of his bedroom window. This was to ensure that she didn’t think it was okay to try to jump out her own window. Not that she probably couldn’t get past the triple child proof locks, but it was still important nonetheless.
“Who's ready to fly today?” Derring asked, “ Are you ready, Yaocihuatl?”
Yaocihuatl did a happy little dance in place and yelled out as loud and cute as she could. “Yay! Fly! Fly!”
Derring stared at her with mock seriousness. “You sound ready, but are you super serious? You have to be super serious to fly.”
She responded with her best at attention stance, though it was broken with her occasional giggles. “Soup ceweal, Dada.”
“Okay, you got me. Now first, we have to make sure your wings are ready.” Derring spread one of his wings. “See how my feathers are all smooth? That helps you fly. Show me your wings, Yaocihuatl.”
The tiny tyrant spread her wings, showing more than a few ruffled feathers from playing around the house.
“Hmm, it seems like either I haven't preened you in a while or somepony likes to get a little rough with her wings.” Derring said before pulling his daughter close and showing her how to keep her feathers straight. He surely didn't have any ulterior tickle based motives.
“Dada, no! Stop it!” Yaocihuatl said amidst her laughing. She squealed when Derring managed to sneak in a raspberry on the way to her other wing.
“Alright alright. I'm done now.” He said, letting her retreat back to her spot, out of tickle reach. “Now the next thing we have to do is flap our wings. Can you do that for me? Flap your wings.” He demonstrated his words to show her.
“Flap!” Yaocihuatl said as she tried to copy his movements. It took a few tries before she could follow it naturally.
“That’s great! Now we’re ready. Today, I want to show you how to glide. Stay here and watch me.” Derring said, stepping up to the window sill. He had taken his daughter on night flights when she didn’t want to sleep, so she should know how to do it, somewhere in her cute, little, clever brain of hers. Stepping off the window, he opened his wings to glide to the ground. Upon touching it, he looked back to see Yaocihuatl watching from the window with wide eyes full of wonder. After making sure the cloud padding he placed beforehoof was still strong enough, he called up to her.
“Now it’s your turn, Yaoci! Jump and glide! I’ll catch you.” he said.
Peeking over the edge of the sill, Yaoci stared at the drop and backed away. “Too high, Dada! No fly!”
His Dad senses going off, Derring flew back up to the window. “Don’t worry, Yaoci. Daddy’s here. I won’t let you fall.” Once she had calmed down enough, Derring held out his hooves. “Just fly to me. You can do that. Keep looking at me.”
Yaocihuatl approached the window sill again, this time only glancing at the drop before locking her eyes on her flying father. She crouched into pouncing position, wiggling her tiny tush before making the leap with wings flapping as hard as they could.
“You’re doing great!” Derring said, keeping just out of reach so she could keep flying. “Almost there!” He finally caught her when her wings were starting to tire out.
“You did it!” he said, hugging and swinging Yaocihuatl around in a circle. “You’re such a big girl!”
“Dada! I fly! I fly! Wheee! Pbbfffft!” Yaocihuatl waved her hands in the air, mimicking her wings. “Again! Again!”
Derring laughed at the adorable sight as he flew back to the ground. “You want to try again? Okay, but after we have lunch. Mom will get mad if we don’t eat.”
“Mooom! Daaaad! C’mon! We’re gonna miss all the candy!” Yaocihuatl said as she paced near the door. This was it. This was the year she would strike out on her own. She was going to hit all the big houses this year with her friends. The ones with the nice ponies who give out the most candy that she wasn’t going to get if her parents weren’t so slow! She tugged at her costume for the fifth time to make sure it was on right, especially around the wings. This time, she went as a mummy since last year’s vampire costume pulled off the fake blood a little too well for her parents' taste.
“Sorry, Yaoci. You’re father kept distracting me.” Ahuizota said as she descended the stairs. She had the idea of themed costumes since Yaocihuatl was old enough to get candy, and thus was dressed like Hapsheepsut, that one pharaoh lady from really long ago. She had the gold bands, makeup, and clothes to look like her.
“To be fair, you do look ravishing.” Derring Do said, bumping his flank against hers. He himself was dressed as some warrior in similar clothes. He was going to go as King Tut, until Yaocihuatl kept calling him King “Butt” because he kept bumping into things. She didn’t get dessert that night, but it was still funny.
Yaoci wondered if dad ever got clothes from tombs for them to wear. The tombs and her parent’s closet both had old people’s clothes in it. He did get that nice crown from the cat-combs of Prance that he let her wear once. She’d have to ask him at bedtime.
“Can we go now?” Yaocihuatl rolled her eyes at her parent’s stalling and opened the door. She grabbed her bag in her mouth and took off down the street, her costume making a spooky contrail behind her. Her mom yelled something about it, but she couldn’t hear her over the sound of an amazing night ahead.
The sun had just set, leaving the air matching the leaves strewn about the streets and hanging from the trees. A couple ponies were walking around lighting up the Nightmare Night lights, waving at the groups of families headed for the festivities. Giggles and screams filled the air, letting all know of the spooky fun that awaits them.
Yaocihuatl bounded past them all to find the spot she would meet her friends at. She soon found them hanging around the dunk tanks trying to get their mean math teacher, Mr. Sawshank, to fall into the water.
“Ha! That the best you can do?” He shouted at the kids throwing the balls, “You’d have better luck trying to get good grades in my class!”
“Hey guys, sorry I’m late.” Yaocihuatl said. “My parents were taking forever. Did you get him yet?”
“Almost…” Airsoft said. He threw his ball up in the air and gave a spinning kick to it with the help of his wings. The ball flew towards the target but missed it by a foot. He threw his hooves in the air. “Aw, come on! That was my signature kick!”
"You sure the sun wasn't in your eyes?" Mr. Sawshank asked, cackling again. Good teacher, terrible personality.
“Let me try.” Yaocihuatl picked up one of the balls and threw it. Like the others before, it swung wide of its target.
“You couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn!” Their teacher said, but Yaocihuatl ignored him and threw another ball, missing again.
Like her friends, Yaocihuatl wasn’t fond of him either, but right now she was more focused on how she missed an easy target. Being part predator, her mother was trying to develop her hunting instincts and that meant catching a moving target (usually Dad) with any method. So far she was pretty accurate though not nearly as good as Mom.
"You see it too?" The unicorn filly to her left asked.
"Yeah, I think he's cheating, Tails."
Steam Tail, or Tails as her friends call her, was one of the super science-y foals in the class. With the help of her magic, she could figure out most of the homework in a minute or two. Right now, she was scribbling some math stuff in the dirt with a stick. It was a little tricky with her alien costume in the way.
"According to my calculations, one of us should have hit him by now." She said. "I bet he's using some trick like the questions he gives us."
"He would do that." Yaocihuatl said. She continued to observe the other players until she spoke again. "I think I have an idea. I just need a boost. Hey Airsoft!"
The colt in the ninja garb jerked his head as he threw another miss. "What?"
"Time to put those ninja skills to work." Yaocihuatl grabbed him, making him curl up, and chucked him as hard as she could with the help of Steam Tail's magic at the target.
Everyone watched as the colt sailed through the air and landed butt first on the target. The look on Mr. Sawshanks face turned to horror as the seat dropped out from underneath, sending him into the water. A wave of cheer erupted from the audience upon seeing his fate play out.
Not wanting to stick around and await their teacher's wrath, Yaocihuatl and her friends bolted from the scene. They found themselves still giggling in the food area of the carnival.
"He's gonna be so mad next class." Steam Tails said, adjusting her costume.
"It was worth it." Yaocihuatl said before biting into a caramel apple she picked up a minute.
"But why'd you have to throw me?" Airsoft asked.
Yaocihuatl shrugged. "I had a hunch he was cheating by using a spell to make the balls miss. Didn't think you'd actually dunk him."
"I think he used some sort of magnet in the target and then filled the balls with magnets so when they got close they would be repelled!" Steam Tails said, only to be met with blank stares.
Airsoft just rolled his eyes. "Crazy fillies."
"Whatever. Now come on, we have a lot of houses to hit up tonight." Yaocihuatl said. She picked up her bag in her tail hand and led the way to the first street.
Just as they had planned a week before, the three of them played Nightmare Night pinball, bouncing from house to house and collecting candy and screams at each stop. Along the way, they met several other friends who joined in their path to goodies, ghouls, and glory.
"I got some Geeks."
"Trade you my Andromedas for those Slippyhooves."
"Aw, I can't eat these with my braces."
"Think we should go TP that tree?"
"I got a rock."
"Do think Nightmare Moon will think our pumpkin patch is the best in the world?"
The group of pirates, monsters, ninjas, and more made their merry way down the last street of the night when the scariest thing appeared before them.
"Hey, runts! Where do you think you're going?"
The school bullies. Rex, Red Rover's older brother, and his two toadies, T-bone and Toadstool. The three of them terrorized children on a daily basis, and by the look of the bag in Toadstool's magic, today was no exception.
"Don't you know you gotta pay a toll to go through here?" Rex said. As a diamond dog, he stood well over the heads of the foals, and combined with his teeth and claws made for a fearsome enemy. Already, most of the group was quaking in their hooves.
"What toll?" Yaocihuatl asked, "Besides, we don't got bits for a toll." She puffed her chest out and tried to make herself look bigger, like her mother said to do.
Rex bent down, narrowing his eyes at the challenger. "My toll, and I never said anything about bits. Now fork over the candy or I'll give you something to scream about." He motioned for Toadstool to open the bag. It looked like they weren't the first victims.
The more scared foals stepped up first to drop their bounty in, tears in their eyes when they scurried back. The ones who had some defiance were cured of that by T-bone's arm flex.
Yaocihuatl was the last to give in. She stood stock still, candy bag gripped in her tail hand like a vise. It was a futile gesture as she faced two diamond dogs and a unicorn who were all bigger than her.
"C'mon filly, drop the goods and scram." Toadstool said. "Yeah, that's it. Right in the b-oof!" His words were cut short by the sudden candy-bag-turned-mace in the face. It broke his magic hold on the bag, causing it to fall and some of the contents to scatter. He tried to retaliate, but only received another blow for his efforts. A solid blow to his chest and he was down for the night.
Everyone was stunned by the display. The foals gazed in equal parts of fear and hope at the rebellion the bullies hadn’t anticipated. Yaocihuatl hopped off of Toadstool and bared her fangs at the other two with a hiss. A challenge between predators, which broke them out of their stupor.
“You’ll pay for that, you little brat!” Rex said, lunging at Yaocihuatl.
She grit her teeth and leaped, claws outstretched. Like the times she practiced with Mom and her cats, Yaocihuatl flew over Rex’s head and used her back hooves to push him into the dirt. With her impromptu springboard, she launched herself at the last one, ready to scratch his face out. However, Yaocihuatl didn’t account for T-Bone’s faster reflexes and much longer reach when she found herself held in place by his meaty paws.
“Bad kitty.” He said, his voice sounding almost too big for his body. “Nap time now.” He began to squeeze his prey.
“Signature kick!” A voice shouted, followed by the sound of something hard colliding very fast with something soft.
All Yaocihuatl could see was the diamond dog’s face turn from menacing to comical surprise as he let go of her to grab more important things. She flapped her wings and looked down to see Airsoft pulling his leg out from under the huge dog.
“You okay?” he asked.
“I’m fine.” Yaocihuatl glided back down in front of Rex’s face as he pulled it out of the ground. After he finished coughing up dirt, she swiped her claws across his face, leaving faint lines.
“That’s for trying to take our candy.” Another swipe, opposite claw. “That’s for stealing all the rest of the candy.”
Rex howled in pain, though Yaocihuatl didn’t think she hurt him that bad and that he was a big baby. Enraged now, he searched for someone to take it out on. His eyes locked onto Airsoft, whose leg was still trapped under T-Bone’s chest.
The orange colt looked up in time to see Rex’s hungry, angry eyes fixated upon him before leaping forward. He screamed in terror, trying harder to escape, but to no avail as the jaws inched closer through the air.
“Bad doggie!”
Before Rex could reach him, a large, white mass collided with him mid-air and sending him sprawling. Rex only had a second before the same mass flew again and landed on his face, putting him to sleep for a while.
“Now play dead. Good boy!” Steam Tail said, her magic dissipating from holding the heavy loot bag.
The group of foals who stood transfixed by the amazing display of bravery all cheered when the last bully went down.
“He’s gonna be really mad when he wakes up.” Steam Tail said.
“Yeah, let’s grab the loot and run.” Yaocihuatl said. “Dibs on first pick.”
“Hey!” Airsoft said. “But I saved you!”
“My claws, my win, my pick. Besides, I started the fight. You’re lucky I’m sharing.” Yaocihuatl said, brushing her claws clean. “Now help me carry this thing. It’s heavy.”
The foals grabbed the loot and scurried off into the night, eager to hit the last few houses to make up for lost time. The rest of the night went without trouble and so the foals ended up dividing their combined loot in the town square.
“My first pick will be…” Yaocihuatl said, “The whole bag! Bwahahahahaha! The fighting queen demands tribute!”
“I’ll tribute my hoof if you don’t cough up the candy.” Airsoft said, though he wasn’t serious.
“Yeah, my alien body requires the power of sugar!” Steam Tail waved her costume around, standing on her hind legs for height.
“Relax, I’m kidding.” Yaocihuatl said, calming the other silly protests. “No, but seriously, I want those licorice whips. Dad won’t let me play with his whip.”
In the end, Yaocihuatl bounded to the meeting point she and her parents agreed on with full candy bag in tow. Once they were in sight, she creeped up on them before pouncing onto dad’s back with a ferocious yell.
“Oh, hey Yaoci. Have a good night?” Derring asked the wrapped up predator that appeared out of nowhere. It was obvious he was terrified by the attack.
“Certainly looks like it by the looks of that bag.” Ahuizota said, peeking into the dropped bag.
“It was awesome!” Yaocihuatl said, changing her tactics to a not-a-hug stranglehold. “Me and my friends went everywhere! We even fought off scary monsters that tried to take our candy!”
“Really? Did these ‘monsters’ by any chance hurt my little warrior?” Ahuizota asked.
“Nah, they were more scared of me.”
“I’ve no doubt about it. Now come on. It’s late and you have chores in the morning.” Ahuizota said, leading the way back home.
“Awww.”
“Also, you have to pay candy taxes.” Derring said, smiling at his attacker.
“Hey!”
“That’s how bribery works, sweetie. You pay us and we look away. Also, I want the Three Royal Guards.”
Yaocihutl frowned. “Fine…Why do you have a bunch of leaves in your costume?”
*****
Earlier
“You know, we did promise not to follow her this year. She should be fine.”
“We’re not following her, dear. We’re shadowing her. There’s a difference. I’m not about to let some crazy pony do something when we’re not around.”
“Fine. But no interfering unless it’s an emergency.”
“Deal.”
…
…
“You know, there is a lot of screaming going on.”
“Yes, Derring, and I hope none of it’s from Yaoci.”
“I mean, I’m just noticing a lot of things going on. The night sky, your sexy costume, the low chance of other ponies seeing us...we could put in a few screams of our own.”
“You got enough touching before we left, Derring.”
“It has been a while since we’ve had time to ourselves.”
“I know, and I’d love to, but I just want to make sure Yaoci will be fine.”
“I’ll take a rain check on it then.”
…
…
“Really? A toll?”
“I bet that pup wouldn’t last a second against Rajah. Though the big one might, but he might be compensating for his lack of brains.”
“You’re not bringing your cats to school again.”
“One time!”
“You’re still getting looks from the other parents.”
“Yeah, well they can go- Wait, it’s Yaoci’s turn. Yeah! Right in the face!”
“As much as I don’t like your idea of training, I have to admit it has its uses.”
“Eat dirt, scumbag!”
“Oh no. Dear, I think you should wait a few more seconds. Oh, one of her friends jumped in.”
“Good thing, because I was about to tear him a new one.”
“Wow, they really work well together.”
“Oho! Claw his face off!”
“I’m beginning to wonder who she takes after more.”
“Aw, it’s over.”
“Yes, and so is our job. We’re going to have to talk about the survival teachings.”
“You’re no fun. Guess I’ll have to distract you with something, but what could I use?”
“You are terrible.”
“And you love me for it.”
“I do, but save it for later. We have to meet her soon and collect our dues.”
It was a silent morning when the sun rose. Light reflected off the snow the weather team had pulled in the night before, creating an air of stillness throughout the town. Nothing dared break the silence nor fresh powder, especially on this day.
But it was not to last as the light finally shone through the window of one filly’s room. Said filly grumbled under the unwelcome barrage, sinking deeper into her blankets.
“No, you won’t win this time, hero.” she said. “My monkey army will defeat you.” With a yawn, she rolled over for good measure, only to find herself landing on the floor.
“Ahh! You think you can stop me?!” Yaocihuatl, now fully awake, jumped back onto her bed and attacked her pillow. “Take that! And that and- wait, this isn’t a battlefield. Where am I? What happened to my army of darkness?” The gears in her head slowly turned as she looked around her room until it finally clicked in.
“Aww, it was just a dream.” She said, pouting. “I was so close to ruling the world that time! Then I would have all the toys and candy ever made! Stupid sun. Dumb heroes.” She looked at her mess of a bed, how it was fitted out with the latest in camping and staying up late technology.
“Why do I have my flashlight and candy in bed? Mom said that’s how you get ants.” Yaocihuatl asked herself. It took her tired mind a few seconds to make the connection. Once she did, she gasped.
“Omigosh! It’s Hearth’s Warming! Santa Hooves came last night!” She paused after her last words before throwing up her hands. “Oh come on! I missed seeing him again!” She glared at the wrappers that littered her bed.
“Dumb candy, not keeping me up to see him.” she said before leaping off the bed and bounding over to her parent’s room.
Judging by the rise and fall of the covers, they were still asleep. Not for much longer. Yaocihuatl leaped up, using her wings to boost her onto the bed before bouncing up and down while shouting, “Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! It’s Hearth’s Warming! C’mon, Mom and Dad! We have presents to open!
The lumpy mass shifted under her, trying to buck her off, but Yaocihuatl stayed on. Eventually, the two massive heads of her parents rose from the comfy depths of the covers and stared at her with tired eyes.
“Is that so?” Mom said, punctuated with a yawn. “Guess we better get up then.”
“Hey, Yaoci, how about you go wake up Auntie Silver?” Dad asked. “Mom and I need to do some power cuddles before we can get up.” He got two very different looks from the two females.
“Power cuddles?” Yaoci asked. “Does that make you get up faster?”
Mom had a weird smile on her face. “Yes, dear. We’ll get up really quick after some power cuddles, but it takes a bit. How about you also get some breakfast too? Make sure Auntie Silver doesn’t eat all the cereal again.”
Yaocihuatl gasped before running out of the room yelling, “Not my Cursed Amulets!” When she reached the top of the stairs she leaped and glided her way down to the couch where Aunt Silver Spade slumbered. The snores she produced sounded like a rockslide or a troll’s grumbling. Perched above her prey, Yaocihuatl approached the beast in the best way she knew how.
“Auntie, wake up.” she said, booping the beast’s nose over and over. All that earned her was a grumble and shift in her Aunt’s sleeping form. However, giving up isn't what tiny tyrant terrors do.
“Hmm, looks like this calls for plan B.” Yaocihuatl said. Using her small size and expert cuddle skills, she squeezed in between her aunt and the couch. Once she was in position, Yaocihuatl pushed with all her terrible might. It took several tries until her aunt dropped like a rock off the couch edge, still sleeping like one too.
Once she caught her breath, Yaocihuatl said to herself, “Phase one is complete. Now to start phase two.” One trip to the kitchen later, she hovered over her aunt’s head with a glass of cold water in hand. However, right before she could do the dastardly deed, a sleepy eye opened and stared at her.
“Do it and Santa’s windigos will take your presents.” Aunt Silver said, her voice dull, but still able to hold the threat behind her words.
Yaocihuatl gulped and offered the glass. “Uh, you want some water?”
“Nice save, kid.” Aunt Silver stretched herself like a cat as she got up off the floor. “Where's mom and dad? Figured they'd be up if you were.”
“Daddy said they needed to do power cuddles to get up. Momma said it helps them get up faster and that we should make breakfast.” Yaocihuatl said, oblivious to the blush on her aunt’s face. “What're power cuddles? Are they different from regular cuddles? Do they give you superpowers? Oh! Does it make you stronger?”
Aunt Silver scrunched her face for a moment before answering. “Well, you see, being an adult is hard, but being a parent is very draining. Power cuddles help them recharge their parenting batteries. They'll need it if they want to keep you out of trouble.” She gave her niece a small noogie. “You'll understand when you get older. For now, let's get some grub before we tear our gifts open.”
“Oh! I want waffles! With berries! And bacon!” Yaocihuatl said, bounding ahead to get the ingredients.
When Derring and Ahuizota finally came down, they found their daughter putting the last plate of food on the table and Silver Spade starting to clean up their mess. The table was set with stacks of waffles, a large bowl of berries, some scrambled eggs, both hay and regular bacon, and a tall pitcher of juice.
“Yaoci, did you help make this?” Derring asked as he sat down. “It looks great.”
“Auntie Silver let me use the waffle iron and I didn’t set the fridge on fire this time!” she said with a beaming smile. “Also, I made sure not to put eggshells in the eggs!”
“It’s certainly easier with supervision, that’s for sure.” Silver said as she put the last mixing bowl in the sink. “She still needs to not make a huge mess when mixing, but otherwise she did pretty good.”
“Well, I for one am hungry. Power cuddles work up an appetite.” Ahuizota said, already piling food on her plate.
“Hey! Don’t hog all the waffles!” Yaocihuatl said. She jumped into her chair and tried to fight her mom for the dwindling stack of fluffy waffles. It was a bit one sided until her dad jumped in to sabotage the enemy’s supply. Auntie Silver just laughed and just went for the other food piles instead.
The food war continued for a few minutes before settling down and everyone consuming the food until there was little left. Once the plates were put away, they all sat around the tree. Auntie Silver was on the chair and Mom and Dad took the couch. Yaocihuatl was scampering about the wrapped ruins of the living room jungle, looking for the best treasure. She grabbed a few labeled boxes, careful not to trigger the ruin’s collapse and jumped out.
“These four first!” she said, presenting the presents to the others.
“Alright, let’s see what we got.” Auntie Silver levitated the presents to their respective receiver and thus began the opening.
Yaocihuatl shredded through the wrapping paper and almost through the box itself when she saw the label on it. “Omigosh! Norf swords!” She lifted out a pair of foam swords as long as her forelegs with a grin a mile wide. “Now I can really kick Airsoft’s butt next time he tries to ambush me!”
“Really, Silver?” Dad said, pulling out a huge whip. “Why am I not surprised?”
“Hey, what makes you think I didn’t buy it for you to go on adventures with?” Auntie Silver asked as she pulled out a gem studded scarf. She also had that smile on her face like when Yaocihuatl ate a bunch of cookies before dinner and tried to deny it to mom, who always knew what she did somehow..
“I’m sure we can find a use for it, dear.” Mom said before smooching Dad. “I can think of a few.”
The morning went of with the pile of wrapped gifts disappearing by noon, leaving only a crater of paper in its place. Yaocihuatl was excited by not only the foam swords, but the action figure set, adventurer’s hat, and snowboard out of the rest of her gifts. Dad had gotten some books and Mom got a bunch of pretty jewelry. Auntie Silver had some fancy bottles and ‘trash books’ that she seemed happy with.
As the adults cleaned up, Yaocihuatl played with her new lieutenant, a skeleton pony plush named Arial. She was laying out battle plans for her next friend attack next to the tree, using her swords as pointers.
“Alright, Arial. I think I got it this time. If we head out soon enough, we could build a fort near the school and make a tunnel system so when Airsoft tries to attack the fort...BAM!” She slammed her sword on the map. “We’ll be right behind him with snowballs in hand. All you have to do is lure him in and this’ll work like a charm.”
The skele-pony plush provided a toothy grin in response.
Yaocihuatl rolled her eyes. “He’s not going to see the rice because it’s white and the snow is white! You don’t even know how to cook rice!” Groaning in frustration, she headed for the kitchen. “All this planning makes me hungry.”
“Like mother, like daughter.” Dad said, who came back in from throwing the trash out. “What does my little tyrant’s tummy want now? Revenge?”
“No, daddy. It’s too cold for that.” Yaocihuatl said with a giggle. “I know we already had breakfast, but can I get an eldritch summoning?”
“Sure, one plate of eggs coming right up.” Dad pulled out the skillet and eggs and got to cooking. After the eggs were cracked, he looked over and asked, “Is something wrong, Yaoci?”
“Huh? N-no, not really. Why?”
“You look like you missed out on something. What’s wrong? Did you not get a toy you wanted?” he asked.
“It’s not that, daddy. It’s just…” she trailed off into vague gestures and grunts.
“Well, what does,” Dad tried to copy the gestures and grunts, “mean? Are you a zombie now?”
“No, daddy!” Yaocihuatl said, trying not to smile. “I mean, I felt like someone’s been missing for a while.”
“Missing, hm?” Dad took on a serious voice now, abandoning the eggs to sit across from her. “What does this missing person feel like? Is it a ghost?”
“No, it’s more like somepony in our family.” she said. “Like somepony to play with besides my friends, but still around. Somepony to make evil schemes with and eat cookies and milk! I tried wishing for them to come around on Hearth’s Warming, but they didn’t show up.” She looked up to see her Dad smiling. “You know what I’m talking about?”
“As a matter of fact, I do. I think you want a little brother or sister.” he said.
Yaocihuatl’s eyes lit up. “Yes! That’s it!” She then looked past his shoulder. “Uh, dad? The summoning is burning.”
“Uh-oh!” Dad quickly pulled the eggs off onto a plate and put it in front of his daughter who tore into it with gusto. While she ate, he slipped out for a while and returned with his wife a minute later.
“Yaoci, do you want to tell Mom what you told me?” Dad said, a silly grin on his face as opposed to Mom’s confused one.
Finishing her eggs with a burp, she shouted out. “I want a little brother!” Following up with cute smile number three.
After the initial shock wore off, Mom raised an eyebrow. “A brother?”
“Yeah! I want a brother so I can take over the world with him as my sidekick! Any hero or villain needs a sidekick.” Yaocihuatl said as if it was the most obvious thing.
Mom glanced at Dad, then asked, “Why a brother? Why not a sister?”
“Because then she might be prettier than me or something and then we’ll have to fight over the same colt or whatever and end up never talking again! She might even try to betray me to my enemies because she got kissed by the hero or she’s jealous because I’m better than her.” Yaoci said. A future tyrant had to know these things after all.
Mom and Dad were stunned by the amount of detail in her explanation. So much, that they told Yaocihuatl to take Auntie Silver to the movies and park while they talked about a new brother. It was fine with her. After all, it meant that Yaocihuatl could scout out the perfect fort spot for her attack and with Auntie Silver’s help, dig the tunnels.
*****
“Well...that was detailed.”
“She’s certainly a smart cookie. She’ll take the world by storm someday.”
“Indeed. It seems like I lost that bet. You and your ‘female intuition’. I definitely thought she would want a sister. At least I get a stallion around the house. Maybe he’ll balance Yaoci out.”
“Uh-huh. Anyways, you lost and you know what that means.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll get the costumes, your Highness.”
“Oh, and bring the whip, my delicious love slave.”
