Wand, rocks and balloons

by Fou

First published

What happened when Trixie worked at the rock farm?...

Maud and Trixie, a strangle couple slowly learning to know each other at the rock farm. Pinkie Pie joined them, happy to witness this cute pairing. But, as days passed, they are going to learn things are always a little more complicated than what they seem...


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“I’m going to use a teleportation spell,” said Maud.

“This is too risky,” grunted Trixie.

“Life is full of risks,” replied Maud. Then she rolled the two dice. And got a six.

Pinkie Pie raised her forelegs and shouted while Trixie only raised her eyebrows. Of course, not a single emotion crossed Maud’s face. She took her token and put it on the other side of the board.

“You won another medal!” exclaimed Pinkie, taking a little golden medal-shaped rock from a jar and giving it to her sister. “We can do it!” Maud took a close look at the rock and put it with a bunch of other ones next to Trixie.

They were playing an old game named by Pinkie Pie “The Amazing Test of the Royal Guards”. In fact, all of this game had been invented by the Pie sisters when they were younger. Pinkie Pie was always saying the best games were the ones where everypony won together, and that’s how this game had been elaborated: every player was a royal guard, having to work with the others to win fifteen medals in ten turns. It was so good that Trixie was sure it couldn’t have been Pinkie Pie who made it. She had probably been shooting random ideas while her sisters Marble and Limestone had written the rules, and Maud had cut rocks to make all the equipment.

Trixie took a look at the rain hitting the window before rolling the dice. The thing she feared the most had happened: she was going on a green square. She took a card, read it and immediately said “Trixie won’t do it.”

“What is it?” Pinkie Pie asked.

Act like a cat for twenty seconds. This is humiliating. Trixie has her pride.”

Before putting down the card, Trixie noticed Maud was staring at her with great intensity. She was still unsure if she really understood what Maud wanted to say when she looked at her like that, or if she was imagining it. However, she saw a little glare and translated it by Do the cat. Please please please, I want to see you doing the cat so much. Do it, Trixie, this will make my day and my entire life. All things considered, she was probably dreaming up a little bit.

“Meow?” ventured Trixie.

Maud didn’t move a muscle. Trixie tried harder. “Meow meow meooow?”

She was going to look at Pinkie Pie to check if she wasn’t making fun of her when Trixie felt a cold and dusty hoof rubbing her neck.

“Pretty kitty,” said Maud.

Trixie turned beet red, captivated once again by Maud’s intense stare and trying desperately to find how to react. She stammered “M-Maud…”

“Kitty cats don’t talk,” interrupted Maud. She started caressing her back and Trixie shivered.


“Cats purr when they are pleased!” muttered Pinkie, who was always happy to put her oar in. Somepony else could have been really embarrassed, but she loved seeing happy ponies and watching two ponies cuddling was part of it.

Maud slowly lowered her hoof and Trixie tried in vain to do another meow, paralyzed by her embarrassment.

“That’s enough! Trixie did an astonishing imitation!”

Pinkie was taking a medal for Trixie, but Maud stopped her.

“No. She talked. Cats don’t talk.”

“Are you serious?!” Trixie groused. “I deserve it!”

“No, you don’t.”

“You stupid airhead twerp! Give me that medal!”

“It’s still raining and the sun is setting. I should take the rocks to the silo now.”

The abrupt change of subject left Trixie speechless for a few seconds before she blustered “Fine! But don’t expect Trixie to come with you!”

This was the reason they were all playing together during the day instead of working: it was raining cats and dogs. Every chores of the day had been achieved except for the last one, bringing all the smashed rocks to the silo. Of course, this was always Maud’s job, she just needed a few journeys when it would have required more than a dozen for an ordinary pony.

“Would you like me to come with you?” asked Pinkie Pie who didn’t want her sister to feel lonely, working under the rain.

“Please cook the dinner,” replied Maud as she put on her dark hooded cape. “It won’t take long.”

“Maybe Trixie could reconsider going with you if you apologized to her,” said Trixie, trying to seem as disinterested as possible.

“You should be the one apologizing,” replied Maud as she was leaving. “Insulting ponies when you don’t know what to reply is really immature.”

“I… Go to Tartarus, Maud!”

“That’s what I’m saying.”

Maud closed the door, leaving Trixie mad with rage and Pinkie feeling a little uncomfortable.

The cookbooks in the Pie’s house didn’t have any recipe you could have thought as fun. Pinkie Pie loved to cook with her mother when she was younger, and she had gradually learned how to put sugar, butter or chocolate in the confection without anyone noticing. Thus, for every savorless dish listed in these books, she knew how to make it more delicious without you even understanding why. You were also going to gain twenty pounds without understanding why.

This evening, she was going to make an eggplant gratin and a crème brûlée. It was hard to bake sweet things because she knew her sister wasn’t really into it. Each time, Trixie had noticed it and suggested to take Maud’s part, to avoid wasting food. The truth was Trixie had become addicted to Pinkie’s cooking, but would have never accepted to admit it.

Speaking of Trixie, she was still sulking at the table, repeating over and over that Maud was an idiot.

“Do you want to help me cook?” asked Pinkie Pie, ready to improve a new song about how baking helps you to feel happier.

“No,” answered Trixie coldly. “Cooking makes your hooves dirty. Trixie won’t stoop to it.”

“Really?” replied Pinkie who didn’t want to give up so easily. “Then, what did you eat when you were travelling all over Equestria in your caravan?”


Pinkie Pie would have given so much to hear Trixie speaking about the time she was a travelling magician. She had tried several times to make Trixie talk about it, but she stayed as silent as a grave.

“I see”, smiled Pinkie while she put an apron, humming her song.

“Your sister is an idiot,” said Trixie. “Everything’s easy for her, she’s always calm. She could have apologized to Trixie before leaving.”

“I don’t think so,’ said Pinkie as she was taking the gratin she had made in the afternoon out of the fridge . “She seemed really irked when she left home. She wouldn’t have given a lecture to you otherwise.”

“Seriously? And how was I supposed to guess that? She’s an idiot.” Trixie posed, looking at a little crack on the wall. “I can’t believe you are sisters.”

Pinkie turned on the oven and adjusted it. “I sure can!”

“You are complete opposites. Look at you two. She’s the most unflappable mare Trixie has ever seen. You’re a happy fool, a live wire. How can you get along?”

Pinkie put the gratin in the oven. “We’re sisters!”

“You can’t be happy with someone only because of yours family ties.”

“Sometimes you can.”

Trixie turned back. Pinkie Pie was still smiling and humming, the tone of her voice was as joyful as ever, but she could have sworn she heard a little something in her voice she wasn’t used to.

“I said sometimes!” laughed Pinkie.

“What do you mean?” asked Trixie.

“I don’t mean anything other than what I said. I don’t really like innuendoes.”

“Has she ever been mean to you?”

“Oh, no. We already had little quarrels of course, but nothing big. She’s really protective. In fact, she can be a little bit too protective with other ones.”

“Other ones?”

“Her lovers.”

“Oh. Did she have a lot of other lovers before me? Not that I really care of course, but—”

“Yes. A lot.”

“Alright, I do care. I shouldn’t have asked this.” Trixie bit her lips. In fact, Maud was such an amazing lover that it wasn’t such a surprise. “She’s not really sociable. You wouldn’t really expect this from her.”

“When she has a sorrow of love, she isolates herself from the rest of the world. Her rock passion isn’t a really common hobby.” Pinkie Pie hesitated, and came closer to Trixie. Always smiling. “When she’s in love, she’s madly in love. And when she has doubts about her lover, I know she can become a little… violent. She never did anything wrong to you, did she?”

Trixie stuttered. Although Pinkie didn’t lose her happy tone at any moment, you could feel she was really serious. Trixie replied. “O-Of course not. Trixie wouldn’t let anyone do anything to her.”

“Good. I know you are a good mare, Trixie. When you are insulting ponies, it’s just a way to reassure yourself. But when Maud says mean things, it can be really harsh. I’ve already seen her being really narcissistic with the ones she loved. You’re a strong mare, Trixie. But please pinkie promise me you will tell me if she’s becoming like this.”

“Why did you stay with us at the farm, Pinkie?”

Pinkie didn’t reply. But she kept smiling in the silence.

“Is it because… you want to protect me from your sister?”

“I won’t always be there, Trixie. “

The door opened, and the racket made by the rain went in with Maud. She was soaking wet. She looked at Pinkie and Trixie who were side by side.

“Are you becoming friends?” asked Maud.

“We're getting there!” replied Pinkie while she helped Maud to take off her cape. “She still hasn’t laughed at one of my jokes!”

“It smells good,” noticed Maud.

“Dinner is almost ready! You can sit down.”

Maud came closer to Trixie and looked at her in the eyes. As intensely as she always did.

“Maybe…” muttered Trixie, “Maybe Trixie’s apologizing a little bit.”

“Then, maybe I’m apologizing too. A little bit.”

Maud put her foreleg around Trixie’s neck and kissed her on the cheek. Trixie closed her eyes. She could feel the amazing strength inside Maud’s foreleg. A strength which could break her neck anytime. But she also felt the soft pressure of Maud’s lips. And she heard the humming of Pinkie Pie as she took the gratin out of the oven. Pinkie’s words came back to her mind. These disturbing things she had said about her own sister, but always smiling. Maud was giving her a second kiss. And it seemed to her she finally understood what these sisters had in common. The blank face and the smile were masks. And no one ever knew what was hiding behind them.

The Kiss Book - Prologue

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The Kiss Book
written by Kumquat and The Volcano Mare


Hello, future me! This paragraph must be deleted in the final version of this book, but I want to be sure I won’t forget to CHANGE THE NAMES!! Maudie is shy and Trixie doesn’t know we’re writing this (maybe I’ll talk to her about it later, when we become a little closer).

But for now, I prefer to keep our real names to make it easier to write.

I don’t really know what pen name I could take — there are too many words I like! Maud said I should call her The Volcano Mare, that’s sooo cool! But I have absolutely no idea for Trixie… Maybe it needs awesome in it. With a few words she really likes to use. The Awesome Everypony Is An Idiot Except Maudie Who Is An Idiot Too But Only Sometimes.

Anyway, let’s write a real prologue.

All the kisses written in this book are real kisses. They’ve been kissed by Volcano Mare, a professional kisser, with The Awesome E.I.A.I.E.M.W.H.I.A.I.T.B.O.S. (alright, this is too long), an expert in being teased, kissed, and complaining because she’s too shy to admit she loves it.

I, Kumquat, will be the one telling you about all these kisses. I will have witnessed some of them, and some others will have been told to me by Volcano Mare. Have fun reading about them!


The Kiss Book - 01 - Clapping Door

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This one needs the help of an assistant

Every breakfast I cook has to be the breakfast of your life. And that’s the same for everything I make for my friends. This morning, I had prepared a lot of waffles with strawberries, blueberries and maple syrup. And when I say a lot, I’m not joking — you can’t imagine how much Trixie was able to eat. Every time, she yelled “You made too much food!” and devoured everything to the last crumb. And, about Maud, have you ever seen she can’t help slightly licking her lips when she’s enjoying her meal? I don’t usually brag, but I sure have!

When breakfast was over (it was generally when Trixie burped like Applebloom would have, hid herself from embarrassment and said it was time to go working), I said I was in hurry because the shop I had to go closed its doors at 10 am. I feared that Trixie would tell me no shop has ever done that, but she was still occupied restraining another burp and didn’t say anything.

I was already in the entrance when I heard Maud talking to her. “This is going to be a long day. Please clean the table, I’ll go to the shed to bring you some tools.”

“Cleaning the table?” groaned Trixie as I was discreetly closing the door. “This is supposed to be your sister’s job!”

“She left.”

“Trixie won’t work more for anything in exchange! What will be her reward?”

My ear was pressed against the door, but I couldn’t hear anything more. I guessed my sister was doing her Maud teasing: getting closer really really slowly to Trixie until they seem to breathe the same air, and then…

“I changed my mind. We’ll see if I’ll change it again when I return.”

“That… That’s blackmail!!” yelled Trixie.

“No. When you’re blackmailing somepony, you usually send him a little part of the hostage to make him think twice about it.”

I heard a really short and soft kiss.

“There. Now, that’s blackmail.”

I quickly moved away from the door as Maud was stepping outside, Trixie calling her all the names under the sun. Maud closed the door, we looked at each other and, in perfect sisters’ unison, we waited a few seconds and eavesdropped from behind the door. Trixie was still cursing while she looked for the cleaning products in the chests of drawers. “You’re so stupid, Maud! What do you think I am? A slave? A toy?” She sighed. “Aw, Maudie… I wish you could hug me hard and —“

I would really like to relate to you what she said next, but Maud drew me back a little to make clear that what Trixie was saying right now was more her business than mine. She finally let me go.

“… because you’re an idiot.”

We could now hear the sound of a rag rubbed on the table. Maud waited a bit more, then looked at me. It was my turn. She moved away as I opened the door, the sound of the rag stopped immediately. I came in the dining room and saw a hidden disappointment on Trixie’s face.

“What are you doing here?”

“Silly me! I forgot my purse!” I looked at the rag she was holding with her magic. “Are you planning to clean the table?”

She gave a faint scowl. “Trixie already did it!”

“Really? I don’t think Maud would think you did it. See you later.”

I took my purse from a drawer and left Trixie alone. Outside, Maud gave me a quick nod meaning well played and we eavesdropped again. Of course, Trixie was now insulting me, rubbing harder the table.

“There!” she said. “That’s better than a well-done job, that’s a Trixie job!” She waited. “Come on, Maudie… Trixie wants her kiss… Come on… Trixie gives you three seconds… One, two…”

Maud looked at me again and I pushed the door.

“Hello again, Trixie!”

Oh Celestia, the look she gave me!

“I should take a coat, it might rain.”

I turned back to the coat rack, and Trixie threw it right in my face with her magic.

“I think you should hurry now!” she yelled at me.

I hesitated before saying the following, but Maud had asked me to do so. “And I think you should clean the table… Before our next meal…”

“What?! This table is cleaner than Celestia’s flank after a meeting with her court!”

“I don’t think Maud would agree…”

I ran off before Trixie could react. Maud nodded to me again, but I whispered “I’m not doing it a third time.”

“You are,” she said.

“She’s going to kill me!”

“Business risk.”


“Alright, I get it. Count to thirty and go.”

Maud went away in the farm, leaving me alone. I didn’t have anymore to press my ear again the door to hear the rubbing, and Trixie groaning it would be the cleanest table the world had ever seen. I forgot to count. When I realized it, I quickly opened the door and went in. Maybe too early.

I didn’t know Trixie eyes could be that big. I stepped back and stammered “I forgot what I… had to forgot…”

In fact, I could see twice Trixie’s murderous look, as she had a perfect reflection of herself in the table. She started getting closer to me, and I honestly don’t know what would have happened next if she didn’t hear a voice saying “That’s good cleaning.”

Trixie slowly turned back to Maud, her eyes filled with anger and incomprehension.

“Back door,” Maud said.

Trixie jumped on Maud like a tiger. I think you guess what happened next.