Imagine my surprise at finding such an early Hearth's Warming gift waiting for me on my doorstep this morning. A most darling little partridge in the cutest little pear tree I've ever seen... oh Spike, what a charming and original gift! I can only imagine that you got the little bird from Fluttershy. I wonder how long you two have been in cahoots over this. You have no idea how his singing alleviates my stress when dealing with all these holiday work orders.
You'll be pleased to know that Sweetie Belle has already taken to the little fellow and named him Tweety. Isn't that just the most adorable thing you've ever heard?
Spike, this act of kindness will not be forgotten. It has simply reminded me of what a kind and loving friend you are. Expect a very special package under the tree from me this year.
Whatever did I do to deserve such a caring and wonderful friend as you?
More gifts for me, and still more than a week to Hearth's Warming... oh Spike, you are simply too much. The two turtle doves were surely Fluttershy's suggestion. She must have know that little Tweety would be lonely in this big home of mine when Sweetie Belle and myself are out.
Sweetie Belle has named the turtle doves Chirp and Dale, by the way. I don't get it either.
Not to look a gift horse... er, dragon in the mouth, but when you decided to give me these birds you did take my cat into consideration, right? Opal is controlling herself for the most part, but I am noticing a rather manic glint in her eye each time one of our new babies sings. Oh well, she'll learn.
Once again I am in awe of your generosity. Thank you again, my little Spikey-Wikey.
Tell me; what am I supposed to do with these three Prench hens? You know I abhor the outdoors and all manner of field work. I suppose you thought I would enjoy a steady supply of fresh eggs... in which case you'd be right. So in that case, I will thank you for this latest gift. Admittedly, it was a bit of a hassle hiring Applejack to build me a coop in the backyard, but Sweetie Belle assures me that she will assume the responsibility of bringing in the eggs and feeding the hens.
She has named the hens Larry, Feathery, and Moe by the way. I have no idea where she's getting these names.
As to the other birds you've given me, I've noticed that Chirp and Dale are treating Tweety strangely. They seem to be avoiding him, distancing themselves from him. Ah well, no worries. I'm sure it will be fine. Thank you again for the gifts, Spikey, but believe me; you have been generous enough.
I admit that the four colly birds are a step up from the hens, but even then the house is becoming quite noisy with all this bird song. It makes it very hard to concentrate on my work, you understand.
It appears that Tweety has gotten lost somewhere in the house and Sweetie Belle has been so distraught that she hasn't even had time to name our new arrivals. I'm sure the little dear will show up eventually, unless... Oh, I hesitate to think...
Opal has been looking more content than usual today...
No, my wittle kitty witty would never do such a thing.
Spike, please; no more birds. The seven I have now will suffice for quite a while. You have shown your admiration more than enough for the season. I don't deserve any more gifts.
How in Equestria did you ever afford such beautiful golden rings? And five of them... truth be told I'm not sure what to do with the fifth.
Oh! I'll pass it along to Sweetie Belle. It will help her get over the loss of poor little Tweety. Yes, it appears my darling Opal made a meal of the little partridge. She coughed up a familiar feather last night... right in front of Sweetie Belle. My innocent baby sister has now declared vengeance against my cat in the name of a bird.
What a strange Hearth's Warming...
Opal seems to not care, and what's more seems to be paying more attention to Chirp and Dale. I must keep an eye on her.
In any case, while I love these rings, I must insist that you give me no more gifts this year. You've done more than enough.
Spike, the hens were too much. I told you that. Did you listen?
No.
You sent me geese.
Six of them. And all of them won't stop laying eggs. I don't even like goose eggs. I suppose I can sell them for supplies...
Applejack can't make it over until after Hearth's Warming so I had no choice but to put the geese in the guest room. I would ask Fluttershy to watch them but I don't want to impose.
Spike, I cannot say this enough; STOP SENDING ME GIFTS. PLEASE. I'm getting backlogged in my orders for the holiday because I can't focus with all this bird noise. Plus I stumbled across Sweetie Belle hog-tying Opal and doing her best to levitate a hammer over my little kitty's head. The poor dear was so frightened that she coughed up a few feathers as she ran away.
They were not Tweety's color.
I had been wondering why Chirp looked so blue.
Spike, this has gone far enough. I will talk about this with you face to face after Hearth's Warming.
There are broken goose eggs all over my house and I suspect that has something to do with the arcane ritual Sweetie Belle was performing in my room. She mentioned it had something to do with “visiting the wrath of the Old Ones upon the Devourer of Innocents.” It was hard paying attention as the colly birds won't stop singing ever since Chirp vanished.
It's almost as if they're afraid I'll forget there are four of them. Spike, I'm going to write this as large as I can.
STOP.
STOP BEING GENEROUS.
STOP GIVING ME THINGS.
STOP.
WITH.
THE.
BIRDS.
I trust I've made my point.
Believe me, I will be having a word with Twilight once I'm caught up on my work. Fluttershy too. Why does she keep giving you these animals?
...Thank you for the rather random gift of the eight bottles of milk.
I'm not sure why you'd send them (delivered by eight different milk-mares. Each of whom expected a tip) but the milk is quite refreshing after I had to yell at Sweetie Belle last night.
I wasn't yelling at her because I was angry, you understand. I had to yell to be heard over all the BIRDS. The three colly birds have now been joined by the geese and swans and it just never STOPS. As to why I was yelling at my... precocious younger sibling, it was because I caught her dangling my poor little Opal by her tail over a circle and star drawn in goose egg yolk on the kitchen floor.
Luckily Opal's gained a few pounds in the last few days and the rope snapped before Sweetie Belle could figure out how to levitate that knife.
I do not care how you managed to get all ten of the Leaping Lords acrobatic group to come all the way from Saddle Arabia so they could perform daring jumps over my house at all hours of the day.
I just want them gone.
And the dancers too.
And the Leaping Lords crushed the hen house.
And the colly bird is hiding in my mane.
And Sweetie Belle is talking to some imaginary friend she calls 'Azatoth the Unknowable.'
And I'm starting to think I never want to see you again.
I came to this decision after the eleven members of Equestria's Royal Piping League began to play, their melodies joining the chorus of swans and geese in my house along with the yowling cat trying to catch something in my mane.
I hate you SO MUCH.
I never want to see you again.
I will be campaigning to Princess Celestia to have you banished to the moon.
I will pledge my entire life to Twilight in exchange for her dropping you into the nearest volcano.
After I send this letter off, I will be going to Sweetie Belle and asking what it will take to send Azatoth after you.
But don't worry; you're still getting a Hearth's Warming gift from me. Do you recall the fire ruby? The one you gave me on your birthday? The one you were so torn up about having to give up?
It is our duty here at the offices of Pro Bono and Sons to inform you that you are being sued by one Rarity of Ponyville.
Miss Rarity evidently had a complete breakdown following the arrival of twelve drummers drumming on her front yard and was quickly checked into a mental health facility. After regaining her faculties, Miss Rarity contacted our office with her intentions of bringing legal action upon you.
We advise coordinating with your fellow defendant, Miss Fluttershy of Ponyville, in order to save on legal costs.
While the exact amount Miss Rarity is seeking has not been decided as of yet, it will encompass, but will not be limited to, the following charges;
-Severe damage to property.
-Animal upkeep.
-Psychological evaluation of a minor (Miss Sweetie Belle)
Additionally, Miss Rarity is blaming you for the recent passing of her beloved cat Opalescence, whose body was discovered hovering in the air above Miss Sweetie Belle's head. We look forward to seeing you in court.
