A less serious HIE fic (rated T for cartoon violence, crude humor) There won't be any supervillians or the like in this story. The story is focused mostly on comidy.
A human enters Equestria. And now he will stop at something to get back home. which is good because he has no Idea what he is doing. He even admits it.
I’ve never written a fan fiction before but after reading several HiE fics ( I think that’s what the kids call them “fics”) I've been motivated to wright my own train wreak of a fan fiction. That aside the many of the HiE authors said they found it natural to write theirs so if figured why not take the easy way out.
I am far from an expert when it comes to grammar, but I will try to avoid lazy grammar like “how R U” if you no wut I mean. But do expect lazy writing like “one thing led to another”.Okay I’m done joking lets get this over with. But do expect lazy writing like “one thing led to another”
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I was walking home from work one day. I work at a near by... on second thought you probably don't even care where I work, and its not even important to the story so lets skip that piece of personal information.
Anyway a sci-fy like portal comes out of nowhere. Now I know jumping into random wormholes is a terrible idea as you probably end up dead. But when the portal comes at you at million miles per hour you don't really have a choice. So I went through the portal before I knew what hit me.
The next thing I knew I was at the bottom of some freezing river. When I reached the surface I managed to grab a vine. I took the opportunity to take in my surroundings.
Lets see trees, rock, mountains, castle on the side of one of the mountains. Not promising seeing as I don't live anywhere near mountains. I thought to myself. Okay what else, look like a waterfall just down stream, and there’s something yellow floating this way.
“HELP SOMEPONY HELP!” The yellow something yelled
On that mark I let my heroic instincts take over. I waited for the right moment to swim out grab the yellow drowning thing and with all my might swim to the side of the freezing river. The water level didn’t reach where the ground and I didn't have the strength left to climb out myself. The only thing I could do was at least save the yellow thing. I took a look at the thing in my arm. It was little yellow pony that I recognized as Apple Bloom from the poplar TV show. To high on adrenalin to question my sanity I reached up and put her on the over the ledge. As soon as I did this I heard a voice.
“Apple Bloom... Apple Bloom ... Apple Bl.” I hear a the sound of a pony running closer. “Apple Bloom there you are. I've been look allover for you. You had me worried sick. Oh look at you, your soaking wet.”
“That sounds like Fluttershy.” I thought to my self.
“We need to get you out of the cold.” Said Fluttershy
“Wait.” Said Apple Bloom weakly. “Something in the river saved me. I think its still in there.”
About this time my adrenalin high was wearing off, and it came back to me how cold I was. Also to make things even worse for my case my fingers where losing their grip on the side of the river. Then I saw Flittershy looking for something in the river. She spotted me about the time my fingers decided that they had enough; she lets out a gasp, and I go for a joy ride down the river of death.
Hears the details as best as I can remember them. I try swimming away from the water fall, but to no avail. I go over said waterfall. I fall from what I’m guessing a hundred to two hundred feet; thought I'm terrible at judging distances so don't hold me to that. I plunge into the water, take a death blow from the river bed, crash against a rock in the river bed. Crash against some more a rocks in the river bed for good measure. And finally wash up on the river bank.
I was feeling better now that that was over. I wasn’t so cold now that I was out of the river, but man was I tired, so I decided to take a quick nap.
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Fluttershy Had just saw the creature fall over the waterfall before she had a chance to react. She flew over to the other side of the waterfall with Apple Bloom in hoof to see if they could find the creature.
“I see something over there.” Said Apple Bloom
they landed next to the creature. Fluttershy walked up to get a better look. It seemed to be almost asleep. A look of panic went over Fluttershy's face. She put her hoof on the creature. Her fears where confirmed when she felt no body heat, but she did feel a faint heartbeat.
She quickly started to shake the creature and started yelling (and not her normal “yay” yell, but in her “your going to love me” voice, but with more panic thrown in) LESTEN YOU NEED TO STAY AWAKE. DO NOT GO TO SLEEP. The seemed to cause the creature to open its eyes a little. Fluttershy knew they didn’t have much time to get him to somewhere where she could care for it properly. Then by a shear stroke of luck she saw the cockatrice that she had meet before.
“Um mister cockatrice could you please help us.” She said.
The cockatrice didn't dare do anything that would earn him another stare from Fluttershy. So he went right up to see what he could do.
“Alright hears the plain, cockatrice I need you to turn this creature to stone to keep it from dying. Apple Bloom I'm taking you back to Sweet Apple Acres, I need you to get Big Macintosh so he can help me get it back to the town. Any questions?”
Both shook their heads no.
“Okay then.” said Fluttershy. “Let do this.”
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Alright that’s it for now. Leave a review and tall me what you think.
Big Macintosh followed Fluttershy to where they left the creature.
“Where we taken it?” said Big Macintosh who had been fully informed of the situation.
“To Zecora's hut, she lives close by and will most likely be able to help us.” Fluttershy responded in her normal quiet tone.
“Do ya think we should get Twilight to help?” asked Big Macintosh.
“No” said Fluttershy then added. “while she does spend a lot of time studding she mostly focuses on the study of magic. And don't tell her I said this, but I think some of her books on medicine are a little out of date.
Big Macintosh agreed, remembering the the cutie pox incident.
They arrived at Zecora's hut moments later, got her up to date on everything that happened, put the stone creature on the table, and got ready for the worst.
“He needs to drink the brew in this cup. It should warm the creature up. However It has quite a bite, it will not go down without a fight.” Zecora said giving Fluttershy a cup with something that smelt like putrid sewage in it.
Fluttershy nodded and got prepared to save the creature's life. She nodded to the cockatrice who then unfroze the creature. Fluttershy then let it go home.
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From my point of view I was about to fall asleep at the edge if the river when all of a sudden something started shaking my telling me to stay awake. I tried opening my eyes to see what was going on, but I couldn't make out much before some really ugly chicken thing teleported me (I think that what it did) to what look to be some hut in Africa. I heard someone telling me I need to drink something, and then felt something going down my throat. A few seconds I realized how bad it tasted, and to top it off it felt like it was burning a hole through my neck. Needless to say I did not like this drink.
My gag reflex kicked in and I started coughing it up when the same voice that was giving the drink told me that I had to try and keep from vomiting this insult to good drinks everywhere (oh heck who am I kidding, this drink made even some of the worst drinks I've had desirable. And it wasn't just the taste, as I mentioned earlier IT BURNS! The point being, it was very painful experience). Despite the unadulterated horror that was this drink, I complied and kept drinking it. Although I don't think I did a very good job though all my gagging; oh and I passed out, and for some odd reason there was a lot of panic before I fully blacked out.
The creature had passed out from the medicine she gave it. She cheeked for a pulse, but couldn't find one.
“I feared the brew would be to much. But nothing else would work as such.” said Zecora.
Fluttershy quickly flew out of the hut with a speed the rivaled Rainbow Dash's speed, and in no time at all was back with two dark storm clouds in hand.
“Um Miss. Fluttershy whats with the storm clouds?” asked Big Mackintosh.
Without answering Fluttershy put the clouds to the creature's chest and yelled “CLEAR” then after the sound of thunder filling the room Fluttershy cheeked for a pulse. After she couldn't find one she repeated the process while everypony else just stood in awe. This time she found a pulse. She sighed with relief and turned to the others saying “he's going to be aright.”
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I wasn't going to give into peer pressure but then I thought “oh heck everyone’s doing it” so here I go
PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF INSANITY LEAVE A REVEW .
Does that sound to desperate? … good that’s how I intended to come across.
I felt the world slowly coming back to me. It started to come back to me the events of the past few hours. “I'm still alive? Must have fallen down the river of death the wrong way. Lucky me” I thought to my self. I took a look around, and was met face to face with one of those freaky welcome masks. “WHAT THE!” was all I could get out before crashed into the floor.
“Oh your awake” Fluttershy said walking over to me. “how are you feeling?”
“um...” I said awkwardly as I started to get up. Suddenly a sharp pain shot through a right arm. “OW” I yelped as I fell back down to the floor.
“Oh dear, here let me take a look at your arm” fluttershy said while studying my arm. “Looks like it got dislocated when you where in the river.” She put a hoof on my shoulder which caused my to let out a small shameless squeak of pain that was not in the least bit manly. “Okay now hold still, this may hurt a bit”
“Please be gentle” I said crushing whatever dignity I had left; it was weighing me down anyway.
She smiled and said “don't worry I will.” Then she started to push my arm back into it's socket. I gave out one last undignified yelp of pain. (don't worry I've already destroyed any and all dignity I could have had at this point so I couldn't do any more damage to my self-esteem than I already have.) She took her hoof off me and asked “all better now?”
I gave my arm a Quick test and found everything to be in order. “Well I'm not screaming in pain so I do believe my arm is back to working order”
“That's good to hear” Fluttershy said. “By the way, my name is Fluttershy. And the two behind me are Big Mackintosh and Zecora.” She said as she pointed to the two who where in a kitchen like looking area. “Whats your name?” she asked me with a look of wounder like the one from episode one when she saw Spike for the first time.
“It's Martian Williams, So what are they up to?” I asked.
“Oh, where just cooking some diner. Well I'm going to get back to it, so you just stay here and rest” said Fluttershy.
A few minutes later Fluttershy brought me a plate with a all sorts of things on it. “We didn't know what your species eats so we just made a little of everything.” Said Fluttershy.
On the plate I found hay, flowers, fruits, vegetables, and the one I found odd meat. (Fish I think.) “I thought pony’s where herbivores?” I questioned.
“We are, but the way your teeth are shaped suggested the you species where omnivorous. Um was I wrong?” responded Fluttershy.
“No we are. Why where you looking at my teeth?” I said. I then realized why, and proceeded to face palming “To figure out my dieting habits of course.” I answered my own question.
“So my being omnivorous doesn't bother anyone? I asked part way through the meal.
“Many carnivorous creatures I have observed. So it doesn’t make me unnerved.” said Zecora.
“Oh no, not at all” said Fluttershy “I've taken care of all sorts of creatures. Including bears, and manticores.”
“Since ya saved little Apple Bloom, not at all.” said Big Macintosh. “Speakin of witch, we'd love to have ya over for diner so we could thank ya properly.”
“The fan fictions lied to me” I thought to myself before responding to Big Mackintosh’s question. “Oh no thank you, I don't do well with large gatherings.”
“Don't worry it’d just be the family” Said Big Mackintosh.
“It's going to be a futile effort turning down your hospitality isn’t it.” I said with a happy tone of defeat.
“Eyup” Said Big Mackintosh delivering his catchphrase.
Big Mackintosh had to leave after this, and Zecora seemed to be busy with something, so it was just FlutterShy and a half human half bruise and no dignity.
“So... what's you species like?” Fluttershy asked with a tone of excitement.
“Well we call ourselves Humans. Genetically where closely related to monkeys. I suppose the closest thing we relate to instinct wise is the dragons. We’re often greedy and often think only for ourselves. But in spite of that fact some humans have chosen to live for others and not live only for themselves.” I answered.
“So are you one of those that have chosen to live for others?” asked Fluttershy.
I sighed and gave a truthful response “I'd be lying to you if I said I was. I've tried to be the best I can be, But I always find myself doing something stupid that I always regret in the end.” I said when I remembered that I was withholding the fact that I had known about this world from before I even came here. Only because of some fear that I would scare them off if I told them the truth. Does that truly justify my actions though.
At this time Fluttershy decided to snap my out of that funk. “I think your to hard on yourself Martian, you saved Apple Bloom and nearly lost you own life doing so. That’s something that someone who only thinks for themselves would never do”
I smiled at that and decided to ask. “So how close to death did I come anyway?”
“You where actually dead for a few seconds” Fluttershy replied. “I need to go home and tend to the other animals. I'll come by and see how you doing tomorrow.” she said as she walked out the door.
“Look like you've got some of your dignity back. What do you plan to do about that?” Zecora said.
Did she just break my fourth wall. Oh well that doesn't matter. “I'll get rid of it in the morning.” I replied then went back to bed. And this time I did not die in my sleep.
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NOBODY PRESERVES MY DIGNITY PERIOD. EXCLAMATION MARK!
Also look at that the main character being serious. I think it help us relate to him (Apon further inspection and mediation on the subject I decided I don't like it, even though I have already put some more in future chapters hopefully I will avoid doing emotional scenes in the later chapters. [this note was written around the time Chapter eight was finished.])
Also the original site I uploaded this story to had a review button right where this arrow is pointing but I left it in when I uploaded it to this sight for originally (laziness) sake.
Alright let me set the scene. Where in Zecora's hut. She has something brewing in her cauldron. The fire is making that cracking sound that fire makes; you Know the one. It's early morning winter so the sun hasn't even come out yet. Zecora is at her table grinding something to put in the brew. On a spare bed in the corner lies less ugly looking human now that his bruises have been healed thanks to a certain zebra with medical knowledge that could grow back teeth. There's a knock coming from the door. Zecora walks up to the door, and opens it.
“Why hello little Fluttershy. I see you spirits are high. I bet you want to know how the humans been. Why don't you come on in.” Said Zecora.
“Thank you Zecora.” Fluttershy said who then proceeded to walk over to the humans bed.
“Yes I want to be a millionaire.” I said in my sleep.
“I see he is still asleep. But I don't blame him for slumbering so deep.” Zecora said.
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“D: Shoes don't fit.” I said.
“Is that you finale answer” Said the host.
For me; a that moment; the whole world just stopped. Even though I was sure that that was the right answer. I couldn't help but let the stress get to me. But I managed to gather the strength to say the one word that would decide my fate.
“yes” I said with sweet poring down my neck.
“... Well then Mr. Williams You Just won a” was all that the host said before my glorious, wonderful, and fantastic dream came to meet it's untimely end. And right before I was about to win, with two lifelines to spare no less. Oh well that's just how it goes.
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I woke up to a Fluttershy gently shaking me awake. “Martan wake up” she said
“why would I want to do that?” I asked still half asleep
“Well um. We've made breakfast” Fluttershy said.
“oh boy food” I said, thinking with my stomach while I started getting out of the bed.
As we where eating breakfast Fluttershy asked me “So how are you feeling?'
“I feeling alright considering I was dead last night; still a few sore spots here and there, but fine all things considered.” I responded.
“That's good to hear. I was afraid that since you weren’t from anywhere around here that if you caught some illness while you body was week from frizzing in the river you would have no natural resistance to it.”
I froze right there. I knew where this was going. And even though I Know it's for my own good. I could never seem to get over my (completely rational mind you) fear of it. I instinctively leaned away form Fluttershy. “Yes... that... um... would be... um... bad.” Oh the moment that I'm dreading is coming near.
Fluttershy nodded and said “Well in order to make sure that that doesn't happen I brought some vaccinations. I hope that your alright with a few shots.
Oh woe is me. I'm at war with my self. One side saying. “Be strong Martian you need these vaccinations or your not likely to live very long in this world.” and the other side saying “Flee, Flee for your life.” My problem was that both sides where making completely logical suggestions.
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Outside my internal war. Fluttershy pulled out a needle and the second the human saw it he made a high pinched squeak and froze.
“Um is he alright?” Fluttershy asked.
“Trypanophobia it seems he has. A fear of needles it is also known as.” Zecora said
“Should I still give him the vaccinations?” asked Fluttershy.
“He seems petrified with fear. It would be our best chance my dear.” Responded Zecora.
“Okay” Fluttershy said as they got ready to administer the vaccinations to the petrified human.
I came back to reality about an hour later. “OW WAIT WHAT HAPPEND” I said in a panic
“we gave you the vaccinations.” said Fluttershy
odd how come I never can remember getting any shots, Must be mentally blocking them out since I was six. So either the experience is that horrific, or I'm being that much of a wimp. Oh let's just face it, I'm a wimp.
“so am I good to go.” I asked with a pleading tone that crushed any dignity I may have retained through the whole ordeal.
“Well I've given you all the vaccinations you'll need but I think you should take it easy for the rest of the day.” Said Fluttershy. Who continued on to say. “Don't worry you should be able to make to the Apple family tomorrow for that dinner they planed for you. Well I need to go home so you take care.”
“See you latter Fluttershy.” I said to Fluttershy as she walked out the door. Then I turned to Zecora and asked. “So how bad did I freak out, and do be truthful I'd like to know if I've been getting better?”
“Then I'll give it to you straight. On a scale of one to ten you where an eight.
“Well how about that, I have been getting better. All doctors up till now have given me a ten or an eleven.”
Zecora laughed a bit at this and said. “Well I have certainly seen worse. Though it does seem like quite a curse.”
“yes... well um... yea...” I said. A few moments of award silence later I asked. “So what do you do to pass the time here.
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Well I couldn't think of anything to put as Zecora's response. Well not anything that rhymed any way. I know from the Parasprite episode she balances on that stick with her head, but I don't know what to call that so I'm taking the easy way out and ending the chapter.
Okay what have I done with the review button so. I've asked nicely, got on my knees and begged, temped you with it. I know I'll try leveling with y’all
Alright everybody I need reviews to know how to improve this story, so if you see anything that need's improvement please leave a review. Also reviews simply telling me that you are enjoying this story are always welcome they encourage me to keep writing this story.
(This is a Author's note within the Authors note. Noteception if you will. On the original site I had gotten a few requests to throw in some romance. This next paragraph is my response to said request.)
Also to respond to the requests to put romance in this story. With the direction I plan to take this story it might be difficult to do so. And even more importantly I don't feel confident that I could wright a proper romantic scene. So possibly in another story when my writing skills inprove.
Author's note: In this chapter I'm going to try something new. And before you ask no it does not involve jumping off a five hundred story building and forgetting to fall. On second thought that is a good idea I might just use that.
Back on topic what I will be attempting in this chapter is going against a current theory of the fandom (at least I think it's the current theory), and going with an alternate hypotheses. I will try to give an alternate explanation to what has currently not been explained by the show. In order to avoid spoiling the surprise for you, I will not tell you what I did until after the chapter. But you probably will have already spotted it anyway.
“I do that for two seconds and my head was already killing me. How are you able to do that for so long?” I asked Zecora who was doing a headstand, on a stick, with her eyes closed, to top it all was holding a conversation with me, and she hardly looked like she was even trying.
“It takes years of practice to achieve this goal. It's not easy to headstand on a pole.” Zecora said.
“You make it look easy.” I said, still in awe of this amazing feat before my eye's. Then all of a sudden there's a knock on the door. I looked at Zecora and to my complete, total, and absolute amazement, she was still head-standing on that fantastic rod she earlier refereed to as a pole. “I need to learn how to do that.” I thought to my self.
“Please do come in.” Zecora said. The door opened and Big Mackintosh walked in. “Hello Big Mackintosh how have you been?”
“Just fine Miss. Zecora I just came by to make sure that Martian don't get lost on his way to the farm.” replied Big Mackintosh
“That could happen you know, I have a terrible sense of direction. OW!” I added while falling off a pole.
“Ya ready Martian?” asked Big Mackintosh after chuckling at the human's failed attempt at pole balancing.
“Yea, I need to get away from those poles before I hurt myself.” I replied.
Big Mackintosh lead me out of the Everfree forest, and to Sweet Apple Acres. When we walked in the door I immediately recognized Granny Smith, Applejack, and Apple Bloom. But there where two in the room that I did not recognize from the series.
“Let me Introduce ya to the family. This here's is Applejack.” Said Big Mackintosh
“Well howdy, it's a pleasure to finally meet the one who saved my little sister.” Said Applejack
“And this here’s Granny smith.” Continued Big Mackintosh.
“Eh, what that, did somepony just say my name.” Replied Granny smith.
“Even though you saved her life I don't think you two have been properly introduced. This is my littlest sister Apple Bloom.” Said Big Mackintosh
At this time Apple Bloom walked up to me and said. “Thanks fur what ya did. Saving my life and all. I really appreciate it ya know.”
I really didn't know what to say. No humorous remarks came to mind. So I guess this is the time to take things seriously. Okay then serious mode ON. “You very welcome Apple Bloom.” I said.
“And these here are our parents” Big Mackintosh said. “Ma, Pa this is Martian, he's the one that Saved Apple Bloom from drowning in that river.”
That I did not expect. They were never in the series, and several fan fictions I've read just assumed they where dead. “Hello.” I said.
“Hi it's great to meet ya. Once me and my wife heard about what ya did we immediately requested a leave of absence so we could meet ya.” Said the Apple's Father
“Leave of absence. You work in the military?” I asked
“The royal guard actually. Most of the Apple Family make their living farming, But some of the family find their calling doing something else. Me and my wife found ours in protecting what we love.” The Father replied.
“So you guard the Princesses in Canterlot?” I asked
“Sometimes, but what we royal guards mostly do is defend the peace by fending off any monsters like dragons, hydras, or any thing that threatens the lives of ponies anywhere. That's what a royal guard does. Because of that we aren’t home much, but we know we're keeping our little ones safe.” as he said this the Apple family came together for a large group hug. I look at the scene and I have to say, it was a thing of beauty.
Then the Apple's Mother looked at me and said. “Come on, ya deserve to be part of this hug just as much as anypony in this room.
I look at them and said. “You know what, I could use a hug about now.”
“Oh just get over here” the Father said in a welcoming manner. And so I joined the group hug.
“Alright lets see what's for dinner.” Said the Apple Father.
At this point of the story what I want you the readers to do is let your imaginations do the work for me. Again lets face in, you can fantasize better than I can describe. So heres what you need to do. Put on a song that to you makes you feel happy, hopeful, or what ever you find appropriate for the upcoming scene. And while you listen to it imagine the night progressing through. everyone’s around the table talking and telling stores and everyone’s laughing and having a good time. As It's about sundown we move into the living area. It's lit only by a fire in the fireplace, we all gather around and are telling stores about our lives and the adventures we've had. As the fire dies down we are all tired. Apple Bloom is already asleep between her parents and the song is fading out.
“...and from that day fourth we've had the joke 'never chew colored scented bubble gum flavored to look like a living room.' ” I said finishing my story.
And while everybody was laughing the Apple’s Father managed to get out “you right, that was a lot like the time we where in the royal palace.” he looked at Apple Bloom and said. “Well I think it's time we head off to bed. Martian we've taken the liberality of setting up the guest bedroom for you.”
“Thanks, I'm sorry I didn't intend to stay this late.” I said. He told me it was no trouble at all and then carried Apple Bloom to her room. I looked at Big Mackintosh and asked. “Hay Big Mackintosh could you show me the way back to Zecora's hut tomorrow?” I said.
“What ya going back their for?” Big Mackintosh asked.
“Zecora's been teaching me the basics of the Equestrian society and some potion making among other things.” I said.
“Was the pole standing one of those things?” Big Mackintosh asked.
“That was my idea actually.” I said in a voice that regretted nothing.
Big Mackintosh gave me a long questioning look before responding. “Alright I'll show you the way to Zecora's hut after we see my parents off tomorrow.”
Alright so what I did was I had the Apple's parents still alive where all the other fan fictions I've read had them dead. I purposely didn't name them because I don't know what the fandom has named them. Do you guys think I pulled this off well, or was it a bad Idea.
Leave me a review while I think of ways to get you to leave me a review.
Just to let you all know, there is a slight time skip in between this chapter and the last. And I intend to do another larger time skip after this chapter. I know some people hate time skips, but I find it necessary with what I have planed. Also with school starting to pick up expect updates to slow down.
It's been three months since the evening with the Apple family; not much has changed. The existence of Martian is still only known by Zecora, Fluttershy, and the Apple family. He spent most of his time studying herbal ingredients with Zecora.
“So we put the red flower in the yellow powder and that will keep the whole mix from exploding in our face.” I said
“No you use the orange powder with the red flower. That will prevent the explosion from happening within the hour.” Zecora responded.
I looked at zecora and asked. “Then what is the yellow powder for?”
“It does absolutely nothing with the red one. Add the orange powder and you will be done.” Zecora said.
I could have sworn that the yellow powder was important. Never mind, I have science to do. I mixed the red flower with the powder and added it to the mix I had been making. And to our relieve, the concoction didn't explode. “Oh look at that, it's not exploding. Good thing too, cleaning it up takes forever.”
Zecora nodded in agreement and said. “Cleaning up such a mess is not child’s play. Doing so indeed took us all day.”
“Well its not much but I finally made a decent bottle of shampoo.” I said. Then we heard someone knocking on the door. Zecora invited whoever it was to come in after I had hidden myself to avoid being found out.
“Howdy y'all, where's Martian?” Applejack asked after coming in.
I came out of my hiding place. “I was just hiding my in case you where someone else.”
“Why do ya insist on keeping yourself hidden?” Applejack asked.
I took a deep breath and said the next bit as fast as I could. “Well after I told Fluttershy how my species can be good, evil, and anything in between Zecora decided to see if there was anything that referenced humans in any of her books. To make a long story short, there was. It turns out that humans hold a place as the living incarnation of pure evil in many of your ancient folklore's. To be honest I'm a bit flattered to think that someone would even believe that I could even have the potential to take over the world, but I digress. Now I'm assuming because nobody had treated me as such that folklore isn’t common knowledge. But if even of just one pony recognizes what I am then he/she; and I'm sorry but I'm going too assume the worst; will most likely spread the word about humans, and start a riot about the size of half the inhabitants on the planet; if not more. Leading to me rising my own dark army of pure evil. As apparently I am. The battle will last about from where I'm guessing about ten minuets, give or take. ending in me impaled upon a sharp stick somewhere in the middle of town.
At this remark Applejack burst out laughing. When she eventually regained her composure she said. “Listen sugar cube, we ponies haven’t hated anything since the founding of Equestria. Also between you and me, those ponies are more likely to stage a full scale evacuation of the town than actually face a threat. That aside, I'm sure that once they've meet you that they’ll come around.”
“Well It's not just that. There remains the simple fact that I don't belong in this world.” I said.
At which point Applejack made a serious face and said. “Now what makes you think you don't belong? Is it that ya eat meat that ya think we'd hate ya? We've been over this before. We don't care that your a carnivore.”
“Well that's a small part of it, but the main reason is... well...” I said.
I was trying to find the right words to say when Applejack's face put on a face of sadness and said. “It's not that you actually think that your evil do you.”
I returned her eye contact and said. “Look Applejack, I'm not as good of a guy as you might thing. I've done thing's that I wish I hadn’t...” I was interrupted at this point.
“But you regret them. Listen Martian, you might not think it but there are a lot of ponies with skeletons in their closets. The important thing is that you move on, and that you don't repeat them.” Applejack said with her hoof on my shoulder.
At this time I heard a sneeze come from behind me, and both Applejack and Zecora where in front of me. So I turned to see who it was. I saw Fluttershy standing in the door. “Fluttershy... how long have you been standing there?” I said in an awkward tone.
“From the part where you where telling Applejack about humans. I was coming to pick up some medicine I ordered from Zecora. Your not mad that I listened in are you?” She said in a quiet tone.
“No I’m not mad. But you missed the best part where I made a bottle of shampoo that didn't explode.” I said.
Fluttershy gave a small smile to show that she felt reassured that I wasn't mad. But then she looked at me with a face of concern and said. “What do you intend to do Martian, you aren't thinking of leaving are you?”
“I was just planing on moving deeper into the forest where I won't be discovered and researching a way back home from there. Zecora has even agreed to buy the books I might need in exchange for me gathering and preparing ingredients for her in the area that I will live in” I told Fluttershy.
“Won't you be lonely?” Fluttershy asked.
“I actually enjoy having lots of time to my self. Also I don't think that I could get rid of you all that easily. I'll come by every now and then to visit, and I'll wright to you if you'd like.” I said.
Applejack came up to us and said. “Your darn tooin' you can't get rid of us that easily. You better keep in touch, or I'll be sure to make you regret it.” Applejack said jokingly.
“So when do you plan on moving?” Fluttershy asked.
“In about another week or two. I'm still looking for a good spot to live in.” I said
“Don't worry girls, he is quite the florist. And I have taught him how to live in the forest.” said Zecora.
“Well that's enough of the sad stuff. You all sit down and I'll get dinner for us. Don't worry I'm actually a pretty good cook.” I said.
Applejack and Fluttershy had an easier time accepting the fact that Martian would be moving knowing that they knew he would keep in touch. So they didn’t continue the argument.
Well I hope you liked it. If any of you are wondering why I putting in a major time skip one of the bigger reasons is I want Martian to have two first encounters. The one we've already had and another where the other ponies meet him and immediately think he's evil. Why? Because I think it would be funny. There are other reasons too. But I wont spoil them for you.
It's time for the part everybody hates... the Author's notes.
First I'd like to say that it's really great to be here on your computer. Now down to business, there are some problems that I would like to address. As some of you my have noticed I have tried my hand at a bit of drama in some of the earlier chapters. Well looking back at it I can't help but think that it was a bad Idea to try to mix comedy and drama (at least in the way I did). Unfortunately I had several more planed, and I want to keep to my original plan as much as possible. So what I'm going to try to do is take the drama less seriously.
Also what do you think of the lack of description for the main protagonist's past. I kind of like it, but I want to know what the audience thinks.
Dear diary. It's been seven years since I came to Equestria. I Still can't find a way home. I've torn through countless books, and all I've discovered is how to cook the best deserts in the known universe.
I don't spend all my time looking through those dull books. Lets see what have I been doing. I've tried my hand at painting. Don't worry I burned them. Oh silly me, I bet your wondering how my potion skills are coming along. Well I'm no medical expert like my mentor Zecora, but I can make some really funny potions.
Okay, I have to tell this story. One time I accidentally mixed poison joke with a stink bomb I had been working on. I didn't have the guts to see what the concoction had become, so While I was deciding what to do with it this raccoon came in and went for the first thing he could grab. To his misfortune it was the joke, stink bomb mix. Turns out it makes the drinker do cherry scented farts for days on end. I was laughing for hours at his misery. I know I shouldn't laugh at others misfortune, but it was so funny. And to top it off he never stole from me again.
I'm still undiscovered for the most part. The only people that know of me are Zecora, Fluttershy, the Apple Family, The Fantastic Mr. Fart (the raccoon in the story I just told you, some of the other animals called him that after the incident and the name stuck), the animals in the local forest, and Benedictius. Benedictius a the gargoyle that lives on some nearby castle ruins. We met by accident while I was busy contemplating my place in the universe. Turned out that he loves gambling, so now we usually meet once a week to play chess. I swear he must be cheating. He has beat me at every game we've ever played. One time he made a move that I think severed no other purpose than to form the letter W with his pieces. There just no logic to his moves.
Well that all I can think to wright, so I think I'll end this diary entry right here.
Me and Benedictius where playing chess like we usually do. I was on the verge of pulling my hair out. “You cheater.”
“There's no need to cheat when your opponent is this bad at the game.” said benedictius with his smug smile that he always has when he's beating me.
“I'm not bad, your CHEATING ON ME.” I replied, but the truth is that I really was this bad at the game.
“Well if having actual skill is considered cheating in chess then guilty as charged. Oh by the way checkmate.” Said Benedictius
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.” I yelled
knock knock knock
We both looked at my door. After a few seconds there was a second wave of knocks after which Benedictius asked. “Are you expecting anyone?”
“No, at least I don't think I am. Zecora has already come for her monthly visit.” I said
“Right” replied Benedictius telling me where were an the same page
“There’s Fluttershy, she's the yellow and pink one I think you meet her once.” I said
“Yea I think I remember her” said Benedictius
“But she only comes once or twice a year to do a medical checkup, and it's way to soon since my last checkup for it to be her.”
“Is there anyone else?” asked Benedictius.
“No, well actually there is the Apple Family, but we only see each other when I sneak into ponyville for a visit. They don't make the trek to my house. Oh well, lets see who it is. COME IN.” I said.
The door opened and Applejack walked in. She was startled when she notice the gargoyle in the room, but quickly regained her composer and said. “ Hi you must be Benedictius, Martian told me about you in his letters.”
“Yes that would be me. I was Actually just about to take my leave now that I've beaten Martian in another round of chess.” replied Benedictius. And with that he took his winnings and left.
After saying goodby to him I turned to Applejack and asked. “So what brings you this far into the woods?”
She shut the door and slowly turned to me; which me a little nervous. “Martian we need to talk.”
And that is all it took. I know what it means when a Woman shuts the door and want's to talk. It means your in trouble and she is going to beat you down where nobody can hear you. I was scared. “What did you need to say Apple jack?” I said with a nervous smile that did a poor job of hiding how truly frightened I really was.
“Martian ah know about you knowin' about us since before we met.” she said.
“Oh crap” I thought to myself. “So you found out about that.” I said my nervousness apparent in my voice.
“Martian stop climbin' out that window and sit down.” said Applejack
“Yes Ma'am.” I said
“Martian do you care to explain why ya didn't tell us this.” said Applejack.
“Us? But your the only one here.” I said.
“They're outside, ah told them that I wanted to talk to you first. Now quit dodging the question.” Applejack insisted.
“Two more things before I answer. One how did you find out. Two how much do you know.” I asked.
“Sorry Martian I can't answer that first question. For your other question. I Know that you come from another world. And that in that world we are somethin' like a fairytale. One that you have watched.” said Applejack.
“Okay fair enough. Well the truth Is really simple, I thought that you would be scared, mad, or think that I'm a psychotic lunatic, or even worse all of the above. However now that you know I feel like a gigantic weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Although out of curiosity what would you have done if I told you everything you know when I first meet you?” I accepted/confessed/and asked.
“Martian I've always thought of you as a little crazy, but in a good way. Anyway I'm glad this went as well as It did. I honesty expected we'd have to chase you down.” Applejack said.
“So should we meet the others so I may do a proper apology?” I said.
When we meet up with the others I gave them a proper apology and gave them the same explanation I gave Applejack. I invited them to stay the night and offered to cook them dinner. seeing that from my house was a two days away from ponyville I assumed that they would appreciate a warm place to stay for the night and a fresh cooked meal.
Later that night I was sitting around my fire pit watching the the embers die out when Fluttershy came up to me.
“Hay Martian.” Fluttershy said in her usual soft voice. “I've been meaning to ask, how has your research for finding a way home been going.”
I look at her and said. “Well to be honest not so great. Any transportation I've researched doesn’t have the power to take me home. The beat transportation spells like teleportation would take me a few miles at best. However I don't even know my way home form here. To make it worse any locator spell needs at least some basic knowledge of where what your looking for might be. So so make a long story short I'm coming to my wits end.” as I said this I started looking at the moon.
“Oh... I'm sorry to hear that Martian. But Martian you shouldn't give up. I'm sure that if you keep looking that you'll find your way home.” Fluttershy said.
“Don't worry Fluttershy I'm not going to give up.” I said. About that time an Idea struck me from looking at the moon. “Fluttershy I just got a idea.”
“Oh good, what is it?” asked Fluttershy.
“Well you know how I said that the best teleportation spells only go a few miles.” I said.
“Yes” responded Fluttershy.
Then I went on saying. “Well It just dawned on me that there has been a more powerful teleportation spell done before. However it wasn’t considered a teleportation spell because it was combined with a binding spell. Yes I'm talking about the spell that banished Nightmare Moon to the Moon. Now I bet your wondering how that spell could help me get back home. Well in short it can't, but I bet there is a spell like it that could help me.” Then I stood up and struck a post and said. “We shall banish me from wince I came.”
“um...we?” Fluttershy said.
“I have an idea, but it's getting late, so I'll tell everyone about it in the morning. Well good night Fluttershy I'm going to bed.
So what did you guys thing of the drama scene with Applejack. I tried taking it less seriously and I think I liked it better. But I want your honest option. Does it keep the flow of the story more natural, or does not occasionally taking things seriously make the main character too unbelievable.
Also I've tried capturing Applejack's accent better. Do y'all like it , or should I just use proper grimmer and know you know what she sounds like.
Also I don't plan on keeping Benedictius in the story. I just wanted Martian to have someone to talk to during the time skip.
Leave you honest option in the review section (as long as it isn't to hurtful.)
The next morning the gang where all gathered around the table waiting for me to finish making breakfast. At long last I came in with the breakfast feast. “Alright everybody dig in. We've got toast, french toast, bagels, cereal, pancakes, waffles, muffins, eggs, cinnamon rolls, doughnuts, and leftover pizza from last night. And to drink we have water, and apple juice.” I said.
As everyone was dishing out Zecora Asked. “Martian I hear you had an idea last night, would you care to bring it to the light?”
“Well as a matter of fact I do. So without further delay here's the plan. I don't have anything that references banishment spells in a library and I don't want to start ordering random books like last time. it takes too long. So I came up with the hair brained idea to sneak into the library to find the book I need. Well I can't just walk into town unless I want to become public knowledge, and we all know how my paranoia has led me to believe how that would end. So I figure that the best course of action is to sneak in at night. But then there's another problem, I lack a stealth mode. So I'm bound to wake up Twilight Sparkle. So to take care of her I need Pinky Pie to throw a late night party and invite Twilight and Spike if he isn't out on royal business. Now knowing Pinky Pie that's only a matter of time. So all I really need to do hide out at the Apples place until Pinky throws an all nigher. And if Zecora will keep lookout at the library for me the plan should do off without a hitch. What do you all think?” I monologued.
“And why are y'all tryin ta get yourself banished fur?” Applejack asked.
“Well I figured since I couldn't teleport home with magic I figured getting banished to whence I came would be a close second. Pretty clever eh.” I said.
Applejack looked me straight in the eye and said “no.”
“And that my deer Applejack is why I thought of it and not you.” I replied.
“Um... when will you be coming over to Ponyville? Asked Fluttershy.
“I will be traveling back with Applejack.” I responded.
“Well then we better get going then.” said Applejack.
After that I spent a few days visiting with the Apples. And as I predicted it was only a matter of time before Pinky Pie threw a party. I think the it was a “Have a party for no other reason then to just have a party” party. A logic I couldn't help but agree with. It's a shame I couldn't attend, but I had previous engagement with destiny.
“Martian are you sure you want to go through with this? Twilight has been very busy with some project of hers.” said Applejack
“Oh I'm sure, what's life without a friendly neighborhood idiot. And remember if anything goes wrong we don't know each other.” I said
“Alright I'll keep an eye on Twilight a try to warn you if she leaves the party.”
“And spoil the surprise, well alright if you insist.” I said with a slight tone of disappointment.
“Martian I think we need to have your brain tested.” said Applejack, the element of honesty.
“Curious that you would say that. Every doctor I've visited said some deviation of what you just said. After which any Psychiatrist they recommended said I was beyond help.” I said.
“Just be careful Martian.” Applejack said with a sigh.
I arrived at the public Library. I knew it by its distinguishing characteristic of being a hollowed out tree. The mystical part is that even though the tree had been hallowed out it was still alive the leaves still grew and everything. I really have to hand it to whoever made this building clearly knew what they where doing. When I watch the show it never occurred to me just how large the building was it's about six story high. A sign in the window read “OPEN” I opened the door and called out to make sure that I was alone. When I got no response I proceeded into the library. I then saw a note on a desk nearby. I walked up to it to get a closer look. “At Sugar Cube Conner, I'll be back around 9:00.”
“Good this means I have some time to look around.” I thought to myself.
A/N just to explain something. I started writing this story before Peewee was introduced so Martian has no clue what a baby phoenix is doing at Twilight. Okay on with story.
“Hay Twilight” said Pinkie Pie “Is this a great party or what?”
“It's amazing Pinkie You've really out done yourself this time.” Twilight responded.
“Oh Twilight, I haven't even revealed the main event. It's a.” Pinkie was interrupted by a self-inflation, knee bending. Hip twisting, Pinkie-polka, eye flutter combo.
“Um... what does that combo mean? Asked Twilight.
“I'm not sure, but it either means that a mostly bald monkey is going to get himself some new shoes, or that someone forgot to remember to shut their window.” said Pinkie Pie
“Oh no! If it's one of the windows in the library Peewee might climb out and get lost.” said Twilight. “Pinky I need to go cheek the windows in the library to make sure that there closed I'll be back in a moment.”
*********************** At the library
Okay by taking the residue left by multidimensional travel. One can derive the common point of entry between two common realities. By applying that with a spell that folds free space into a rift between two points and setting a point in the same point relative to each other in both spaces I get a really good way to shoot my self in the foot. Good to know.
I put the dead end book down and look around the library. Funny I thought that I would have at least run into Owloysius by now. He must be out and about as well. However there was a baby phoenix in the library. I don't know what it was doing there but it wasn't bothering anyone so I didn't bother him.
What's the next book. “Banishing for dummies.” Let's see what we've got here. Oh that might be my problem.
*********************** Back at the party
Apple Jack walked up to Pinkie Pie. “Hay Pinky, have you seen where Twilight ran off to.”
“She went back to the library to make sure that all of her windows where firmly shut.” said Pinkie Pie
“how long ago did she leave?” asked Apple jack.
“About fifteen minutes.”responded Pinkie Pie.
He's doomed, thought Apple Jack.
******************** The library
“Well that's a shame, nothing but dead ends. You have any ideas baby phoenix?” I asked Peewee.
“Chirp” replied Peewee.
“Yea me nether.” I said.
A few moments later I heard the front door opening in the other room.
“Peewee you still here.” came a voice eerily similar to Tara Strong's
“Tweet” replied Peewee.
“Good, I was afraid that you might have climbed out an open window.” said the voice. Man who was that voice. Lets see did Tara Strong do any voice acting for the show. Now that I think of it I think she did. But who did she play. Never mind whoever it was they had a great idea. Jump out a window. To bad there all locked. Every single one of them.
As I was cheeking the room for open windows to make an escape I knocked over a few books.
Thud
“Is someone there.” The Tara Strong impersonator asked from the other room.
“Umm... yes, who might I ask is asking?” I replied, well what else should I have done. Whoever that was she was already on to me. Maybe I could pass as just another inconspicuous pony as long as she stayed in that other room.
“Twilight Sparkle. I'm the librarian.” replied Twilight.
That's right Twilight is voiced by Tara Strong. Well that explains one mystery. “The note said you wouldn't be back til nine o'clock.”
“I was just coming to cheek on Peewee. He's a baby phoenix me and Spike are raising.” said Twilight.
There's another mystery solved. Man I am on a role.
“While I'm here do you need any help finding anything?” Asked Twilight.
“No I believe you don't have what I'm looking for.” I said.
“Even if I don't have it I'm sure I could find who dose. Why don't you tell me what... your... looking for.” Said Twilight. As you can probably tell it was about then she walked into the room. “Y-y-your a h-h-human. T-t-t-the living incarnation of pure evil.” she said.
I could tell she was frighted. I was really hoping she would have no Idea what a human was. Man this is going to suck, but I have to make matters worse.
I put on the creepiest voice I had and said “ Arise my dark minions from the nether realm and Destroy this foolish creature, and her little bird too.”
Twilight was overcome with fear. She curled herself up into a ball and prepared for the end. The next thing she heard was a single pare of foot steps running towards her. As they passed her she the human say “psych.” then she heard the foot steps leaving the door. After sitting there for a moment she realized that the human had pulled a fast one on her. She gathered her wits and prepared to find the greatest threat Equestria has ever known.
I honestly can't believe that worked. Now all that's left to do is to skip town and go back into hiding. After I do that... I'll come up with that part later. But that not important the main thing is that I'm not seeing any signs of of pursuit. I figured that Twilight would be hot on my tail by now. I wounder whats keeping her.
********************* back at the library
What just happened? Twilight thought to herself. The greatest evil in the universe just spared my life. Okay think logicality Twilight, he tried to summon his legion of dark minions but nothing happened, so that means that the only reason that he spared me was because he lacked the power to do so. He must have been looking for a way to regain his dark powers, and that's why he was here. He believed he could find a way to regain his powers in one of my books. But now that he knows the answer to his powers doesn’t reside in my library he is likely to pursue other ways of regaining his unspeakable powers. I have to stop him from escaping or there will be no power that will be able to stand in his way.
Twilight ran outside that library. She started look for signs as to which way the human went. As she was looking she spotted Rainbow Dash.
“I can't believe they're making me work the weather patrol through Pinky's party just because I slept through my afternoon shift.” said Rainbow Dash.
“Hey Rainbow Dash, come here.” yelled Twilight.
“Huh, oh hi Twilight what's up?” responded Rainbow Dash
“Listen Dash we don't have much time. We may be facing... no scratch that, we are facing the greatest threat that Equestria has ever known.” said Twilight
“Twi what's going on?” asked Rainbow Dash, sounding a tad nervous.
“I just ran into a creature called a human.”said Twilight. “In legend they are creatures of pure evil. I believe the one I saw had somehow lost his evil powers. If that is the case then this is the only chance we'll have to stop him. Now I don't know which way he went so I want you to make sure he isn't heading into the Everfree forest. I'm going to see if I can find him hiding around town.”
“Got it, I'm off” said Rainbow dash as she left.
“So all I have to do is find this human and stop him.” Rainbow Dash thought to herself. “This would so much easier is I knew what a human looked like. Oh look at that never seen a creature like that before. Oh that must be him. Twilight was right, he's heading right for the forest.”
“Oh man, need to get out more all this running is killing me.” I thought to myself. “Just a few more feet (or meters if you like) and then I'm home free.”
“Hold it right there.” I heard a voice from right behind my. I looked around to find no other than Rainbow Dash.
“Yo what's up?” I asked.
“Are you that human that was just at Twilight's?” She asked.
“She blabbed didn't she, but to answer your question yes, as it just so happens I was at Twilight's library that evening, and I was just on my way home when... you... umm. That's not good.” I paused mid sentence.
“What?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Look behind you.” I said.
“Ha, I know that trick. Nice try but I'm not falling for that.” said Rainbow Dash.
“That's very clever of you to see through my tricks. Now look behind you.” I said
“No” Rainbow stated
SNORT
“There really is something behind me isn't there?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Oh yea.” I said in a nervous tone.
“Manticore?” she asked.
“No.” I replied.
“Cockatrice?”
“No.”
“Diamond dog?”
“No.”
“Hydra?”
“No.”
“Lord Vincent Von Bagel?”
“No nothing that severe.”
“Then what is it?” Rainbow asked.
“Okay your probably not going to believe me but it's Bighoof.”
“Oh please Everypony knows that he's just a myth.” said Rainbow Dash.
“BIGHOOF SMASH” screamed Bighoof.
“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” Me and Dash yelled as we bolted off back in the direction of Ponyville.
“Why is he trying to smash us?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Because you peeved him off that's why.” I responded
“What did I do?” she asked.
“You said he's not real that's what.” I said.
“So what now?”
“I don't know. Try apologizing to him.”
“Okay I'll try.” said Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash turned to face the monster. She looked him directly in the eye and said “Listen I'm only going to say this once so here it goes. I'm sorry for calling you a myth. So we cool.”
Bighoof stood there for a minute before turning around and leaving.
“Wow is that how Fluttershy feels every time she tells of an animal. I could get use to it.” Said Rainbow Dash. She turned around to where I was. “Alright human back to business... he's gone.”
**************************
“Rainbow is he still chasing us?” I asked in a panic. “Rainbow are you still there... If your still behind me that now would be a really good time to speak up... Okay I'm going to risk turning around if your still there please speak up. Okay once, twice, thrice.” I whip around prepared for the worst. And nothing, no one, I'm alone. Now how did that happen. One minute I'm running for my life with Rainbow Dash. The next I'm perfectly safe from all immediate harm. Now where am I. From what I can access from my innate skill of deduction I'm back in Ponyville. Okay Let's start walking, see where I end up.
As fate would have it I randomly found my way to Rarity's boutique. And as fate would also have it I was in need of some new shoes. And to top it all off the sign read open.
As I walked in I heard Rarity and her parents talking to someone.
“So what's wrong with her Doctor?” asked Rarity's mom
“It's to soon for me to make any assumptions, but I don't think it's anything to worry about.” said the Doctor.
At this point I decided to knock on the open door to alert them to my presence in the other room.
“Oh, if you will excuse me in seems I have a costumer.” Said Rarity.
“Are you sure you should be working dear?” asked Rarity's Father.
“Yes I'm sure, it will help me keep my mind off things. Besides I'm not even the one who's sick.” responded Rarity to her father.
“Well if you insist. We'll tell you if anything happens.” Her Father responded.
“Thank you father.” Rarity said then left the room.
“Alright now how my I help... oh my.” Said Rarity to me.
“Rarity is everything alright?” ask Rarity's Mother from the other room.
“Oh yes everything is fine.” Responded Rarity. She then turned back to me and said “I'm sorry about that. It's just that I wasn't expecting somepony so... unique.”
“There's absolutely nothing to be sorry for.” I said. “I understand your uneasiness around an unknown creature such as myself (And quite frankly her reaction was much more welcoming than Twilight's). I would like to move on to the matter of business I came here for though. I'm in bit of a hurry to get in and out of town as quickly as possible.”
“Oh, and why is that?" Asked Rarity.
“As it just so happens ponykind has legends about my species.” I replied. “Now they by most extent are completely wrong. What they state is that my kind are creatures of pure evil. This is not true. However this can be very difficult to explain to someone who is familiar with the legend's because they would believe me of attempting to trick them into letting down their guard by tricking them. So ironically they will not believe the truth even if I tell them it.”
“Oh that sounds dreadful. But I'm not falling for any of your trick's.” She said as she glared at me.
I took a few steps back and had a nervous look on my face. “Please tell me your joking.”
“But of course I'm joking.” she said. After which we shared a few chuckles.
“I have to admit you really had me going there.” I said.
“Yes, and I'm sorry but when I saw the opportunity to cause a little mischief I couldn't help myself.” Said Rarity. “ now what was it that your here for?”
“Oh yes.” I said remembering the reason I came here in the first place. “The reason I came here was that I'm looking for a pair of shoes that will last me a while in the woods. You see I often find that my homemade pairs don't last long and I would like a set that won't break every few days or so.”
“Yes I see how that could be a problem.” said Rarity. “So you want practically over style?” she asked to confirm she understood the order.
“Yes.” I responded.
“And one last thing before we get started. How much are you willing to spend on these shoes?” Rarity asked.
“I have about one hundred and forty bits on me.” I said
“Well it will cost about one hundred and twenty five for a good set, is that alright?” she asked.
“Sounds good to me.” I said.
“Alright then if you would have a seat over there, take off your shoes and put your hoofs or...” Rarity looked at my bare feet as I took off my shoes. “feet in your case on that stool over there we can get started.”
I did as she said and she started taking measurements.
“So out of curiosity do you have any experience making apparel for other species?” I asked.
“I do. Your build in particular is a lot like a certain dragon I know. So you don't need to worry yourself on how the shoes will come out.” said Rarity.
“That's good to hear.” I said. “I was worried that there would be no one that would be able to craft me a pair of shoes that fit well.”
“Well I assure you that I am experienced with all sorts of different creatures and cultures across Equestria.” said Rarity. “And I'm proud to say that I've been able to make attire for some of the most elite in Equestria. So I assure you that you are in quite capable hoofs Mr. um... Oh how rude of me. It seams that I forgotten to acquire you name. Mine's Rarity by the way ”
“Oh yes, how rude of me not to have introduced myself. Martian Williams at your service.” I said.
Okay that doctor business is eating me up I need to know what's going on. “Rarity, If you don't mind me asking I couldn't help but overhear that there is a doctor in the house. While it's not my place to intrude I can help but wonder if everything is alright?”
“Oh you overheard that. Well the doctor says that it's nothing to worry about. But my little sister has fallen ill with some unknown disease.” said Rarity
I'll have to talk to Zecora about that. While a pony doctor is fine and all, their medicine pales in comparison with the Zebra's.
“If you don't mind me asking.” Rarity said “I couldn't help but notice that you have. claws so to speak. But they don't look very threatening so if you don't mind me asking what does your species use them for? Digging perhaps?”
I looked at my fingernails for a minute before responding. “I've never given it much thought. Honestly I really don't know. They help pick things up I guess.”
We continued to talk while she made my shoes for about thirty minutes or so. After which I was ready to hit (flee) the town in my new shoes.
“Thanks again for the shoes. I really appreciate it more than you know.” I said.
“Think nothing of it. It was my pleasure working with something new.” said Rarity as I was leaving.
Wow I have to hand it to her these shoes fit perfectly. And they look a lot more sturdy than my homemade ones. And on top of everything else, they make me look classy. And that's what counts.
Now that I was done with being distracted from my main goal. It was time to try not get distracted again until I fled the town, a task easier said than done for some of us. After which I could get side tracked as much as I wanted.
“Hey human, what's the big idea ditching me like that?” Asked Rainbow Dash from behind me.
“Ditching you? That's not how I remember it.” I replied. “Nevertheless we where being chased by Big Hoof, so it's not unimaginable that we accidentally got separated from each other before we could conclude our conversation. So where were we?”
“The part after you confessed to being a human and I take you in before you have a chance to over throw all of Equestria.” Answered rainbow Dash.
“Well I could see how that would put a bit of a damper on our relationship.” I said.
“Whatever, now are you going to face me head on or are you just going to run again?” Asked Rainbow Dash.
“Umm...” I replied as I looked Rainbow Dash over. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah I'm serious, sure Twilight said you where some sort of ultimate evil.” Said Rainbow dash. “But you don't look so tough. I'm sure I could take you down in ten seconds flat! So we gonna do this or not?”
“While I'm flattered that you think that it would even take that long that's not what I meant.” I said. “What I meant was that in either contest I'm at a bit of a disadvantage. In a head on fight I'm sure that you’d actually have me beat in no seconds flat. And if I where to flee You would be more than able to catch up to me.”
“Oh just forget this, your going down human.” Said Rainbow Dash as she Dashed to me.
My reaction was to run away screaming. As I predicted Rainbow Dash had no trouble catching up to me. What happened was that she flew over me, landed right in front of me. And Right before I wad a chance to turn tail and run the other way she reared back and bucked me right in my head. I heard a very unpleasant cracking sound and hit the ground.
The next thing I know is after I hit the ground the sharp pain I felt when Rainbow dash bucked me was gone. I opened my eyes and found that I was alone in what appeared to be a waiting room of sorts.
The waiting room could be described easily enough, it was 10 X 15 (give or take). Had three chairs with a table in front of them and a potted plant to the side, no magazines to pass the time for whatever I was waiting though, that's a bummer. The room had only a single door on one side. On the other side there was a television with some couches in front of it. And the most apparent thing about the room was that almost everything was white. The chairs, table, carpet, couches, everything but the plant and the television was white. It was then that I noticed that even the clothes that I was wearing had been replaced with clothes that where pure white. However they where surprisingly comfortable so I didn't mind.
I didn't need to wait long. Soon the door opened and I saw a pony skeleton wearing a black robe. I immediately knew what that meant. I had died when Rainbow Dash bucked me. Poor girl probably only meant to knock me out. Hope she's doing alright. I know I would be worried sick if I accidentally killed someone.
“Name please.” He asked
“Martian Williams.” I replied. This is kind of a bummer, you know dying and whatnot.
He looked through the pages on his clipboard and eventually said “Give me a minute I can't seem to find your name here.” After he said this he pulled out a rather thick book and started looking through the pages.
“Martian Williams, correct?” He asked. Not looking up from his book.
“Yes.” I replied.
“I'm sorry but I can't find you here.” Said the Pony Reaper
The Pony Reaper looked up from his book at this point and asked. “Hmm... that's odd, I don't seem to recognize your species. What are you?”
“I'm a human.” I said
“Well that explains it. I don't have any jurisdiction over humans. Let me get your reaper. Sorry about the mix up.” He said
“No Problem.” I replied.
He left, and after a while he came back with the Grim Reaper that looks like a human skeleton.
As they where walking in I overheard the Pony Reaper saying “And so it turns out he's a human and I can't do anything.”
“That is odd, Any human who dies should so straight to my waiting room.” Replied the Grim Reaper. “Is there anything wrong with the sorting system?”
“No It's working fine as always.” Replied the Pony Reaper.
“Well we'll find out what happened later.” said the Grim Reaper. He then walked up to me and said “Martian Williams correct?” He asked.
“Yeah that's me.” I replied.
“Alright let's see what we have... ah here we are Martian Williams. Well congratulations you qualify for heaven.” Said the Grim Reaper
Wait I qualify for the heaven package. Well then hot dog I'm dying. No problem with it what so ever.
Hmm... that's odd.” Said the Grim Reaper.
“What?” I asked.
“You where supposed to die three years ago in a car accident.” The Grim Reaper responded “Might I ask how it is you died?”
“I was Bucked by a pony and I believe my neck snapped.” I replied.
“Well lets take a look to see what's happening.” Said the Pony Reaper
We all sat down on the couches, and the Pony Reaper turned on the television. The TV showed what was going on around my dead body.
**************************** At the scene of the crime
“Celestia's mane, Rainbow Dash what happened?” Asked a wide eyed Twilight
“I don't know, he started running away so I tried bucking him to get him to stop.” Said Rainbow Dash.” As soon as I do he falls over dead. Twilight what am I going to do. I killed somepony?” as Rainbow said this we could tell that this was really bothering her.
“I mean what if he's not some ultimate evil.” Continued Rainbow Dash. “Then that means I just killed an innocent creature. I didn't mean for this to happen. I thought he would be tougher than that.” She was pacing back and forth repeatedly, she also looked like she was on the verge of tears.
Twilight put her hoof on Rainbow's back and said. “I don't know Rainbow, but what I do know is that we can't just leave his body in the streets. Help me get his body back to the library.”
“Okay Twilight.” Rainbow's voice was starting to crack. “But what if.”
“Rainbow.” Twilight interrupted. “I know that your scared. But I promise you that we'll figure this out. I'm here for you but I need you to stay calm and focus. Can you do that?”
“I-I-I think so.” Replied Rainbow dash weakly.
***************************** Back at the waiting room
“Can We turn this off? I've seen enough.” I said. In all honesty I felt pretty awful. Because I died poor Rainbow Dash is worried sick about what's going to happen to her.
“Sure.” Said the Pony Reaper then he turned off the television.
“I didn't recognize those creatures as any from the human's world.” Said the Grim Reaper.
“That because they're residents of my realm.” Said the Pony Reaper.
“If that's the case then we have a major problem.” Said the Grim Reaper.
“What's that?” Asked the Pony Reaper.
“While I may have jurisdiction over humans. He died in your realm. And since he died in a realm other than my own I don't have jurisdiction to reap his soul.” Replied the Grim Reaper
“Well then what do we do?” Asked the Pony Reaper.
“Well we can't do anything. We'll need to ask upper management.” said the Grim Reaper.
“Do I still qualify for the Heaven package?” I asked.
“Oh yes you don't need to worry about that.” Replied the Grim Reaper. “Now just wait here while I get upper management.”
After waiting for a few minutes I asked the Pony Reaper if I could see what heaven was like. He said sure and turned on the TV and let me see a preview. By the time the preview was over I was so excited to get to heaven That I found that I was thankful to Rainbow Dash for accidentally killing me.
A little while later the Grim Reaper returned with a rather large robed skeleton. He looked to be about ten to twelve feet tall. While it was clearly not a humans skeleton it had the human build, stood on two legs, had two arms. But had several features that disqualified him from looking to human. For one his head rather tall. And also he had wings, well what would have been wings if he had skin. Interestingly enough there was no physical way he could fit in the room. So to do so he just ignored the laws of physics. It is kind of hard to describe.
“So let me get this straight nobody had jurisdiction here?” Asked the Grand Reaper.
“Nope.” Both the Grim and Pony Reaper responded.
“Alright let me see his file.” Demanded the Grand Reaper. The Grim reaper handed over his book with it opened to what I would assume is my profile.
“Well this is particular indeed. How did you transfer to a different world?” asked the Grand Reaper.
“A random wormhole came out of nowhere and I fell through it.” I responded. “Is that going to be a problem?”
“Well because that's technically impossible we have no policy’s in place to cover such an event.” Responded the Grand Reaper. “I'm going to to need to bring this up with the big man.”
“You don't mean?” asked the Pony Reaper.
“Of course I mean him.” said the Grand Reaper “Nobody else will be able to do anything about this situation. You all wait here I'll be back with news of what to do.”
We all sat there for a while. We made idle conservation, turns out that they are pretty cool guys. I hope I can get to see more of them in the after life.
After some time had passed the Grand Reaper returned. “Well it seems that there has been a bit of a mix up in higher office. Whats going on is that Martian here has had his destiny rewritten and for it to be fulfilled he needed to be moved to your universe.” He said as he pointed to the Pony Reaper. “However they forgot to send us the revised version of his profile, So that’s the reason that none of us knew what was going on. Speaking of which I'm going to need you two to sign a nondisclosure agreement about everything that's happened here today.” The Grand Reaper Said to the two other Reapers in the room.
“What's going on.” Asked the Grim Reaper.
“I'll tell you once you sign the agreement.” Said the Grand Reaper.
“So who has jurisdiction over him?” Asked the Pony Reaper.
“He is being handed over to the special case division.” Said the Grand reaper.
“We have a special case division?” Responded the Pony Reaper.
The Grand Reaper stood there for a moment before pulling out two clipboards and giving them over to the other reapers saying. “Sign here, here, and here.”
after they did this The Grand Reaper said. “Thank you for signing the nondisclosure agreement. Now don't let a word of anything that's happened here get out to the public.” He looked at the Pony Reaper. “And that includes special division soldier.”
“Sir yes sir.” Said the two Reapers.
“Now before I can tell you the exact details of what's going on we need to take care of him.” Said the Grand Reaper as he looked at me.
“What about me?” I asked genuinely confused.
“Well the problem is that you have a pretty big plan laid out for you.” Said the Grand Reaper. “And with you being here in the afterlife, it's not going to come to fruition.”
“Well don't people die before their time all the time?” I asked. I mean I really wanted to go to heaven.
“Unfortunately that's true.” Responded the Grand Reaper. “But that's not the point, I personally want your destiny to come true.”
“But I really don't mind dying, as a matter of fact I'm actually looking forward to it.” I pleaded.
“Yes, I understand.” Responded the Grand Reaper. “I take every vacation I can at heaven. It really is the greatest.”
“So you'll let me die then?” I asked With a hopeful tone.
“Depends, lets take a look at what's going on in the realm of the living.” Said the Grand Reaper.
We sat back down in front of the television, and the Grand Reaper turned it on.
On the television we saw Twilight trying some spell on my neck.
“I'm sorry Rainbow, But the spell doesn't seem to be working.” Said Twilight. “There's just too much damage.”
“Come on Twilight there has to be something that works.” Begged Rainbow Dash.
“I'll try a few more spells, but don't get your hopes up.” responded Twilight with a sad tone.
“Well it looks like they're trying fix you up Martian.” said the Grand Reaper.
“But I felt my neck snap.” I responded. “I don't think that there is anything they can do to save. Well that's a shame, But that's how the cookie crumbles. I'm off to Heaven.”
The Grand Reaper stopped me and asked. “Oh Martian, don't you believe in miracles?”
“Well sure I suppose, but what does that have to do with this?” I asked.
“Oh nothing in particular.” Said the Grand Reaper. “My goodness what is that doing there?”
“What?” I asked.
“In the TV, it's right there.” Responded the Grand Reaper.
“I don't see anything.” I said
“Try getting closer.” He Replied
I got closer to the television and still couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. “I still don't see it what am I looking for?”
As I got closer to the television the Grand Reaper pulled out his scythe and held it in a golf club position. After I asked whit I was looking for he replied. “A miracle, Grand Reaper style baby!”
At this moment I finally caught on. But it was already to late.
SWAT
I can't believe that I fell for that. Nevertheless I found myself falling through that time-space continuum. The next thing I know I wake up back In Twilight's library.
“Oh thank Celestia, he's alive!” Said a relived Rainbow Dash
“That jerk.” I say weakly. Everything hurt especially my neck. I was better off dead.
Rainbow Dash must have thought that I had directed that at her because she immediately started apologizing for killing me.
Before I passed out from pain I managed to say. “That's not what I'm mad about.”
“Twilight, Is he okay?” asked a frantic Rainbow Dash.
After investigating me she concluded that I had only passed out. She turned to Rainbow Dash and said. “He's fine, he just passed out is all.” She looked at her friend and continued saying. “Rainbow, get some rest. I'll make sure that he makes it through the night.”
“Alright Twilight, Ill be back in the morning to see how he's doing.” Said Rainbow dash. She left to return to her house.
Twilight decided she could use some rest too. So she when upstairs to get some rest.
For that first scene with Twilight I'm sorry for using such strong language but I felt it was necessary given the situation
I would like to thank my sister for taking the time to help me proofread my story.
I woke up in the middle of the night to find that I had been left to suffer alone, and oh man was I. The Grand Reaper my have tricked me back to life, but only just. My entire everything felt like I had hit the ground after being violently assaulted in the cranial region. And just in case anyone wasn't paying attention that's exactly what happened. But enough about me let's talk about my situation. Escape, that's the goal here. First I need to get up and evaluate the lay of the land.
As I tried to get out of the bed I immediately received a message from my neck. A rough translation of that jolt of pain can be found here. “Alright you listen up, If you go and try any funny business Imma gonna be forced to resort to some rather drastic measures. And you won’t like that. So you just lay there all happy and nice 'till I get this whole mess cleaned up. Capiche?”
Whimper I humbly replied.
So the direct approach ain't getting me no where. And I'm confined to this bed, so that means that there is basically nothing I can do to save myself under my own power. Well I guess what they say is true and I quote “We all need somebody to lean on.” But here I am and I have no one to ask for help. Is this the end for Martian Williams? Will I just lay here until Twilight finishes me off in the morning in some brutal manner? Will I keep assuming the worst of a children's show? Probably.
A little while later none other than Owloysius flew in the window.
“You.” I whispered.
“Woo” Owloysius replied
“You.” I repeated.
“Woo” replied Owloysius
“Y... oh right.” I said. Well I feel stupid he's speaking owl. Okay lets see what can I do here. Well for one I can't speak owl so that negative one so far. What can I speak English, Chipmunk, Bluejay, and Oak. I know oak trees have a language I would not have called that, but it turns out they're quite intelligent. Also they're always willing to help out. They usually give me or Zecora a heads up when a monster is in the forest. Yes Zecora speaks Oak too. She taught me actually.
I decided to try Bluejay.
“wing extension, flutter, flap flap, tweet” I said. Oh please be bilingual
He looked at me for a minute before responding “Wing flutter, flap, barrel role, stick the landing.”
okay obviously neither one of us are first in the Bluejay language, but It's all I got, so let's try this. “ flap, flap, wing flutter, glide, wings to the side.”
He gave me a confused look telling me he didn't quite understand what I just said. Okay let me think of another way to reword this. Umm. “ Wing extension, wing fold, small hop, and wing flutter.”
Owloysius took a second to process the information before taking off through the window. Now what I told him either meant that I wanted him to get Fluttershy and a neck brace, or an ice cream sundae it can be translated either way. I think. Again I'm not fluent in Bluejay, so I may have asked him for something else entirely, but I'm pretty that's what I said.
It just dawned on me that Twilight speaks to Owloysius in English all the time and I could have just asked him to get Fluttershy and a neck brace in plane English. Smooth Martian real smooth. Man I feel like an idiot.
After some time I heard the door to my room open. Fluttershy walked in with Owloysius behind her.
“Martian what's going on? Why are you still in Twilight's house?” asked Fluttershy.
“Well it turns out that against all odds I was right and Twilight captured me thinking I was some great evil.” I said.
“But then why do you need a neck brace?” She asked.
“Well Twilight recruited Rainbow Dash to help capture me.” I reply. “While she was detaining me she injured my neck. Right now I'm in no condition to be leaving this bed. Much less that trek back to my house. But I can't just stay here. So I was wondering if you could help me get to Zecora's house.”
“Umm okay, but why Zecora's house?” asked Fluttershy. “My house is a lot closer.”
“Well Zecora's house is further out of the way.” I stated.
“Well in that case can we at least stop at my house so I can take a closer look at your neck?... Well that is... if that's not to much trouble.” Asked Fluttershy.
I gave it a quick thought and said. “Yea that a good idea let's do that.”
“Good, now hold still while I get this neck brace on you.” said Fluttershy
After she got the neck brace on me. I asked “Is Twilight still asleep?”
“Of course, I wouldn't want to bother her while she's sleeping.” She responded.
“Yes that would be awfully inconsiderate of us.” I said with genuine concern for Twilight's health.
“Do you think we should leave her a note?Asked Fluttershy.”... I mean, I don't think it would be very polite if we just without telling her.”
“Well I've never been in a situation like this before, but I'm sure that's no reason to forget good manners, so yea lets leave a note” I agreed.
After I left a note simply stating “
Dear Twilight.
I have escaped.
Best wishes, The living incarnation of all evil☺
” We started planing on how we where going to escape all the way to Fluttershy's house.
“Was it really necessary to sign the note as 'The living incarnation of all evil'?” Asked Fluttershy.
“Well it's the only name she knows me by, or was it 'The living incarnation of pure evil' I can't remember. Whatever I'm sure she'll know it was me.” I replied.
“So how are you feeling with that neck brace?” asked Fluttershy.
“Well let's put it to the test.” I replied.
I started to get out of the bed. It hurt but not like before. However the next problem quickly presented itself. When I put my weight on my right leg it immediately gave out. If Fluttershy hadn't been there to catch me I would have had a face to face encounter with the floor.
“Are you okay Martian?” Asked a concerned Fluttershy.
“I don't think I can use my leg. What now?” I asked.
“Can you use your other leg?” Fluttershy asked.
I gave it a quick test to find my other leg working relatively fine. “Yea that leg is fine.” I said.
“Alright umm...” Said Fluttershy. “ stay here I'll be right back.
Fluttershy left and came back after a minute with a large stick. “Do you think you can lean on this?” Fluttershy asked.
“Let me try.” I said as she handed the stick to me. It was difficult but I managed to get the hang of it.
We left Twilight's library and started for Fluttershy's cottage. After a while we made it to Fluttershy's house.
“Alright Martian please lay down so I can get a good look at your neck.” Said Fluttershy.
“This isn't going to hurt right?” I asked.
“Don't worry Martian I'll be very careful.” Replied Fluttershy. “ Now just lay down and hold still.”
I did as Doctor Fluttershy instructed. She removed my neck brace and started to examine my neck. As she did so she started to start more and more concerned. Eventually she left the room and came back with some potion.
“What's that?” I asked.
“They're special eye drops I bought from Zecora.” Replied Fluttershy. “It gives temporary X-ray vision. I use them to check broken bones.”
“That's cool.” I said. “I should learn how to make that potion. How long do they last anyway?”
“About ten seconds.” She replied. “That should be long enough for me to see how bad you injury is.” Fluttershy then applied her eye drops and looked over my neck. As soon as she did she went silent. Without saying a word she put the neck brace back on me. While she was doing this she looked very worried.
“Fluttershy, what's wrong?” I asked.
“It's bad.” She reponded.
“What's bad?” I asked.
“Your injuries.” She replied.
“Can we still make it to Zecora's?” I asked.
Her eye's went wide and she gave a panicked “NO!” This caught me a bit off guard. She apparently saw that I was scared a bit. “I sorry I didn't mean to say that so loudly. It's just that... well umm... I'm just not sure what to do. We shouldn't have moved you from the library in your condition. Had I known you where in that bad of a condition I would have... oh I don't know, I just don't know.” At this point I think I could see tears welling up in her eyes. “Martian your neck is completely broken. I don't even know how it is that your even... even alive.”
“Trust me I feel like I should be dead.” I joked. Apparently that was a bad idea because that only seemed to scare Fluttershy even more.
“Martian” She said between tears. “Don't even joke like that.”
“Sorry just trying to lighten the mood.” I said. “I hate to make anyone upset. Don't worry Fluttershy I'm fine. Well considering I've just had my neck snapped I'd say I'm doing great.”
Then without warning Fluttershy puled me into a hug. She was crying as she said “Promise me that you will be alright.”
“Yes Fluttershy I promise that I will be fine.” I said as I hugged her back. After I let go she stayed latched on. Um Fluttershy you can let go now.
She Didn't
I gently tried pushing her off.
Nothing, so next I tried gently pushing her off while saying “Fluttershy I'm going to be alright, so you may let go now.”
This only succeeded in causing her to tighten her grip. So I tried applying more force to pry her off. Eventually I was pushing her off of me with my full force and I am ashamed to say that Fluttershy has at this point completely overpowered me. Minus infinity man-points for me. Not that I have any left at this point. Still it's the concept. There was nothing I could do but wait this out.
It wasn't until my stomach said “Feed me.” did Fluttershy let go.
She stood there for a moment before saying “Sorry it's just that... um well... I can't handle death... or the concept of it very well. stay here I'll get you something to eat.”
After she got me something to eat she made me promise to stay put and went to bed. After finishing off my meal I looked at my right leg. Whenever I tried to move it it didn't respond properly. After giving up on it I decided to get some sleep myself it had been a long night.
************************* The next morning at twilight's
The sun shone through the window waking all that dared to sleep through it's glorious light. Twilight groaned at the sun to show it what she thought of it's “glory” then she reluctantly got up. It took her a moment to remember in her half awake state the transactions of last night. She walked down to where she was keeping the human.
On the bed laid not an incarnation of pure evil but a note. Twilight cast a spell on the note to make sure that it wasn't written with black magic and to make sure it wasn't booby-trapped. After determining the note wouldn't kill, harm, injure, or seriously maim her in any way she took the foolish risk of daring to read what that evil incarnation wrote.
“I feel it's making fun of me” Thought twilight.
******************************** Back at Fluttershy's
“I hope Twilight appreciates that note we left her.” I said
“Oh I'm sure she will.” Responded Fluttershy.
You know what I like... Comment's, Reviews, and useful insight, so why not feed my addiction by leaving some in the approved review/comment section.
I laid on Fluttershy's guest bed. Bored out of my wits. “Fluttershy, how long are you going to keep me here?” I asked. After Fluttershy discovered the condition I was in, she decided that I was in no condition to be going anywhere.
Fluttershy was attending to the animals. She responded to my question from the other room. “Until your neck is fully healed.”
“And how long will that take?” I whined.
“A month or two at the least.” Responded Fluttershy
“Isn't there anything I can do to get out of here faster?” I continued to complain
“Martian I know you're anxious to get out of here, but you're in no condition to do anything but stay here and get better.” Fluttershy replied.
“Can we at least ask Zecora to take a look. Zebra medicine much is better than pony's. No offense, but it is. It won't hurt anything to have her take a look.” I said.
“Well alright, if you say so. I'll talk to her, but promise me you'll stay here and get some rest.” Said Fluttershy.
“You don't need to worry about that. I'm to busy being in pain.” I said.
Fluttershy responded with a serious expression and said. “Promise?” Apparently she was in for real mode. Not a mode to be toyed with.
“I, Martian Williams, do here by promise you, Fluttershy, that I shall partake solemnly in getting rest and recovering, and no other task whatsoever. Until I should make a full recovery, or if I am otherwise instructed by you.” I promised in an legally binding manner. Not that it was necessary, but it seemed to calm Fluttershy down. Which is exactly how I want her. Don't want another emotional break down like last night. Quite frankly being overpowered into a hug by none other than Fluttershy had left me feeling rather vulnerable, so I would rather avoid another episode like that until I get use to the fact that I am possibly the weakest creature in all of existence right now. I wonder if that guys theory about ponies being composed of dark mater has any significance in that situation. Maybe that could explain why I'm so weak by comparison. Oh I'm just making excuses now. Blaming dark matter, that's ridiculous.
“I'll talk to Zecora after I finish shopping.” Said Fluttershy. “I should be back later this afternoon.”
“I'll be here.” I responded.
It wasn't for another few a hours before anything happened, so let's skip hours of me laying in bed.
Fluttershy walked into my room. “I talked to zecora and she said she would come by just as soon as she could get prepared.” she said
“Cool, tell me when she gets here.” I said. I didn't need to wait long. Soon Zecora was knocking on Fluttershy's door.
“Oh Zecora, please come in.” Said Fluttershy “Martian is in the guest room. I'll tell him you're here.”
“Thank you Fluttershy. Your hospitality is hard to deny.” Said Zecora
Fluttershy walked into my room and said. “Martian Zecora's here.”
“Fluttershy told me that once you came back from your mission, you where in rather poor condition.” Said Zecora.
“Yeah broken neck, or something along those lines.” I responded.
“If I am to believe what I hear, that means it's quite severe.” Said Zecora.
“Here I'll get my eye drops so you can look yourself.” said Fluttershy
“That's quite alright Fluttershy. I've brought a fresh batch for my eye.” responded Zecora. Zecora opened her bag and pulled out a batch of the X-ray eye drops. Man those things are cool. Zecora applied her eye drops and took a look at my neck. She went wide eyed like Fluttershy did when she first looked at my neck. “Martian With your neck like this you should be dead. It's a miracle your in this bed.”
“So what now?” I asked.
The next several minutes where filled with Zecora and Fluttershy discussing my condition they used their eye drops several more times, and they seemed to take more notes each time. After a while Zecora finally spoke to me. “Drink this potion. Do so in a slow motion.”
“ What's it do?” I asked
“It will put you to sleep. Hurry or it's properties will not keep.” Said Zecora.
“Why are you putting me to sleep?” I asked.
Fluttershy answered “Because After taking a better look at you neck, we decided that it's not going to heal on it's own, so we decided that a surgical procedure would help it heal. Martian please drink the potion it doesn't last long after it's open.”
“Are you sure that your qualified do a surgery on me?” I asked.
“Martian there's no doctor in all of Equestria that has any experience with human's, and I am qualified do preform surgery. I've preformed plenty on the animals I take care of.” Responded Fluttershy.
“I just not sure I'm comfortable with this.” I said
Fluttershy look me directly in the eye and said. “Martian please trust me. I'm only trying to help you.” She looked and sounded like she was going to have another emotional outburst again.
I felt a hoof on my shoulder. I looked over and saw Zecora. She also look me directly in the eye and said. “You can trust me and Fluttershy. We will not let you die.”
I took only one more moment of hesitation to look at the container of knock out potion. After the moment passed I took the leap of faith and drank the potion.
With a sigh of relief Fluttershy said. “Okay Martian you should be asleep in about ten to fifteen minutes. Just lay with out back facing up so we'll be able to preform the sugary.”
“Alright. Oh Zecora before I pass out Rarity's little sister came down with something. When you get the chance you should cheek to see if she is alright. The pony doctor couldn't quite figure out what's wrong with her.”
“I'll add her to my plans, and pay her a visit as soon as I can.” responded Zecora.
Not long after that the potion took effect and put me out like a light. Now I was unconscious for the duration of the procedure, so I couldn't narrate this part of the story. However all things considered I doubt that you would want a detailed recollection of a surgical procedure.
As I woke I called out to see if anyone was here.
Fluttershy came into the room. “How are you feeling?” She asked. I started to give my neck a quick test when Fluttershy stopped me saying “oh” I gave her my full attention. “Don't move it to much. It's still healing.”
“Well it feels much better.” I said.
“Thank goodness.” Fluttershy said. “Zecora is still here, if you want to talk to her.”
“Yea that sounds nice.” I said. “Can I get out of this bed?”
“Umm... Martian there is something we need to tell you.” Fluttershy said.
“What's that?” I asked.
“The procedure went well for the most part. However one part was just to torn apart.” Said Zecora as she walked into the room.
“Umm... I don't follow.” I admitted
“A part of you spine was to damaged to be recovered completely.” Flutter said. “I believe it might have been your leg because of how it was acting up when I brought you to my house.”
I tried to move my leg. It moved but not as much as I wanted it to. “How does a blow to my neck equal permanent leg damage?” I asked.
“A broken neck like that usually means a life lost. We should be grateful that a leg was all it cost.” Said Zecora.
The zebra makes a good point.
******************************** At Twilight's
Rainbow Dash had just arrived at Twilight's. As she walked in she saw Twilight with her nose in some book. “Hey Twilight, How's the human doing.”
“He escaped last night.” Said Twilight “I'm busy trying find any mention of the nature of humans in any of my books. I haven't found much, but what I have found doesn't make mention of any advanced healing powers, so I have no idea how he escaped last night.”
Rainbow Dash was a bit disturbed at this information. “Is there any chance that humans are...” Rainbow Dash looked down and pause for dramatic. She Quickly looked up and said “Immortal!” DUN DUN DUNNN!
“No that's not likely the case.” Twilight said. “That what most humans are after. Along with power, fame, or wealth among other things.”
“Wow, humans are greedy.” Said Rainbow Dash
“That's not even the half of it.” Twilight said. “For starters they start fights just for the fun of it. They thrive on war. They're even worse than Discord. Another thing is that they apparently are meat eaters. I can't imagine what that human would have done to you if it had it's powers.”
“Speaking of it's powers, do any of your books make any mention of humans loosing their powers?” Asked Rainbow dash.
“Actually I did find a few book that mentioned humans without their powers.” Twilight said. “Fortunately he didn't find them.”
“So is there any chance he can regain his powers?” Asked Rainbow Dash.
“Unfortunately yes.” Twilight said. “Most likely he will devourer the souls of thousands of ponies and slowly regain his powers.”
“Most likely? What's that supposed to mean?” Asked Rainbow Dash.
“Well he could absorb an ancient source of power.” Said Twilight.
“Like what?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Like the elements of harmony, or the powers of Princess Celestia, but the Element's are under heavy guard and there's no way he is even getting close enough to Celestia to take her powers, so it's safe to assume that he's not going with that option.” Said Twilight.
“So what's the plan Twilight?” Asked Rainbow Dash.
“Spike should be getting back soon. I'll send a message to Princess Celestia as soon as he get's back.” Responded Twilight's
“Couldn't we send a letter through the regular mailing system?” Asked Rainbow Dash.
“If we did that it would take the letter at least a month to get through security.” Responded Twilight.
“So where going to wait for him to make that first move?” Asked Rainbow Dash.
“I'm Sorry but that's all we can do. I'm going to tell the others. You coming Rainbow?” Asked Twilight
“Yea I'm coming” Said Rainbow Dash.
************************************ Back at Fluttershy's house
Zecora had gone home for the evening.
“I'm going to be walking with a limp for the rest of my life?” I asked to make sure that I understood the situation correctly.
“And you'll probably need a cane or something to support yourself on.” Affirmed Fluttershy.
“Well it could be worse.” I said. However Fluttershy didn't look convinced. “Hey I'm fine. Really Considering I should be dead. Like Zecora said a little leg damage is pretty lucky.” A bad choice of words on my part. Reminding Fluttershy of how close I had come to death seemed to make her emotional state even worse. “Don't worry Fluttershy I'm fine. Just like I promised.”
“But your leg.” Fluttershy said.
Are we still on that. Man I'm really walking in a mine field here. A word of advise, never come to me for emotional comfort. I'm terrible at it. Honestly I never know what to say. I even find being a shoulder to cry on an intrusion of my personal space. And she's looking like she about to make me a shoulder to cry on. “Don't sweat it. Thing like this happen.”
“Why?” Fluttershy said. “It's not fair, why do these thing have to happen?”
Martian you have by my calculation one more mine before you become a living tissue. “Don't worry Fluttershy it's over, everything's alright.”
Oops, looks like that was a mine too. Brace for impact. And so I braced for Fluttershy to latch on. And oh did she ever. “Oh Martian I was so afraid that you were going to die. I was so scared.”
Yep there she goes. Wow she's really balling her eyes out this time. Oh wait, is that snot. Hold on Fluttershy let me get a tissue. I reached for the nearest tissue box. A rather difficult task considering I now only had one good leg and Fluttershy was latched on tighter than ever. However despite this I finally got a tissue box in hand. “Here Fluttershy blow your nose.” However rather than use the tissue that I was offering, she grabbed my shirt and used that instead. Well, I'd prefer you'd use the tissue, yeah sure, why not. Well it looks like we're in this for the long hall. “It's okay, Let it all out.” And she did. For quite some time.
“I still want to wait a few days to make sure your alright.” Fluttershy countered.
“Fine, I'll stay in town a few days, so you can make sure I'm alright.” I surrendered.
“Thank you.” Chimed Fluttershy.
Fluttershy had just gotten through telling me that I was not going back home to my house in the forest. A real bummer for me because there's absolutely nothing to do at Fluttershy's house. I spent the bulk of my morning board out of my wits. It was a little after lunch that Applejack came by for a visit.
Knock knock knock
“Oh hello Applejack. Come in.” Said Fluttershy.
“Thank ya kindly. Well howdy Martian.” said Applejack.
“Sup.” I responded halfheartedly.
“Umm... Applejack may I ask you for a favor?” asked Fluttershy.
“Well sure thing Fluttershy. What can I do ya for?” Asked Applejack.
“Well,” Fluttershy began. “Martian got injured recently, and If you would. Could you keep an eye on him. He has been rather anxious to get out back home, but I think it would be best if he takes it easy for a while before he heads back to his house. I wouldn't need you to keep an eye on him for long. Just an hour or two while I shop for the animals I'm taking care of, so if it's not to much trouble I would be really appreciative if you could do that for me.”
“Come on Fluttershy. I don't need a constant eye on me.” I whined
“Well I don't mind at all.” Said Applejack. “Now you get along and take care of your shoppin' and I'll make sure Martian stays out of trouble.
“Oh Thank you so much Applejack I really appreciate this!” Fluttershy said as she walked out of the door.
“No problem.” Replied Applejack.
Fluttershy suddenly came back though the door. “No really, I cant thank you enough. I really mean it!” she said.
As soon as she did this, Angel got down from whatever hiding place he was in and waited at the door. As soon as Fluttershy left again Angel shut and locked the door. Just a few seconds later we heard Fluttershy attempting to open the door.
“Oh umm... right I'll just... umm...shopping.” Said Fluttershy as she finally left.
“Does she always do that?” I asked. Because it seemed that Angel had this down.
Angel replied with a nod, and hopped off to wherever he goes when Fluttershy isn't home.
Applejack turned to me and said. “So what was it like?”
“A little spicy, but overall I would give it an eight out of ten. Nine if they could find a way to get past that fryer issue” I replied.
“That's not what I meant.” Said Applejack. “I meant what was it like being dead?”
“... Who is telling you this?” I asked in shock.
“Sorry but I still can't tell you.” Applejack replied.
“Alright, so can't as in your sworn to secrecy, or can't as in physically incapable of relying that information?” I asked.
Applejack paused for a second to contemplate before responding. “I'd have to say both. Now come on I'm curious. What was it like?”
“Well it was an experience I can tell you that.” I said. “The hole dying part wasn't fun at all, but once I got past that part it was great. The reapers where cool guys, and the after life looked amazing. Although all I got was the fifteen second preview. I would have just accepted my fate however my fate was something else entirely. As to what my fate is, I have no idea. Whatever it was, it was enough to provoke death to cheat on me. Ironic I know. While he did bring me back to life. The jerk didn't bother to fix my injuries, so I was walking around with a broken neck. Thankfully Fluttershy and Zecora managed to fix most of the damage. I'll walk with a limp from here on out, but otherwise Fluttershy is just being a worry wort.”
“Now how was it you died?” Asked Applejack.
“Well that's a funny story.” I said. “Anyway, There I was at the library when none other than Twilight showed up... wait a minute you where supposed to keep an eye on her and warn me if she left the party.”
“I let here out of my sight for one second and she disappeared.” Replied Applejack.
“Fair enough. Anyway, so my worst fear was realized, and Twilight believed that I was the living incarnation of pure evil.” I said.
“So what did you do?” Asked Applejack.
“Well I didn't want to disappoint that poor girl so I pretended to summon my dark minions. Poor Twilight was so scared.” I rambled “Moving on, after that minions where a no show I made my escape through the nearest open door. After several shenanigans that transpired after my escape Rainbow Dash and I where inner locked in an epic battle of destiny. While I was busy Fleeing in sheer terror she attempted to give me the knockout blow. Unfortunately she way overestimated how powerful I was. She killed me near instantly. When they let me see what was going on around my dead body she was devastated that she had just committed man slaughter.”
“Ah wounder how she doing now.” Said Applejack
***************************************
“At the market Fluttershy was about to get an unexpected visit from a close and dear friend.” Said a deep voiced narrator.
Like that narrator stated while Fluttershy was in the middle of her shopping. It was then that...
“It would be none other than Rainbow Dash.” Continued the narrator. “A pegasus that our dear Fluttershy had known since her younger days in flight camp.”
Okay first your interrupting me. Second the audience doesn't need an introduction. They should already know who Rainbow Dash is, and her relationship with Fluttershy from the show. We don't need to go into back story if it's already been provided. Also I'm supposed to be the one narrating the story. Who hired you? Was it the Grand Reaper? I told him to keep his nose (or lack thereof) out of my business. Anyway Rainbow Dash and Twilight had split up, Twilight was going to warn the Mayor of the situation. While Rianbow Dash was going to keep an eye out for any signs of me.
“Hey Fluttershy over here!” yelled Rainbow Dash.
“Oh hi Rainbow Dash.” Replied Fluttershy. “Umm... Can I help you with anything?”
“No. I mean yes. Just... can we talk.” Asked Rainbow Dash.
“Sure, What's going on?” Replied Fluttershy.
“Well um... could we go somewhere more private?” Replied Rainbow Dash.
“Sure, but... not my house it's... messy.” Fluttershy said with a smile hoping Rainbow dash wouldn't dig any deaper.
She didn't. “Yea that's fine. Let's go to my house instead.”
“Alright just let me finish my shopping first.” Replied Fluttershy.
“Okay, here let me help.” Responded Rainbow dash.
With the two of them working together Fluttershy's was finished in no time at all. Rainbow Dash wasted no time in ushering Fluttershy to her house. Fluttershy wondered what had her friend in such a rush.
“Rainbow what's all this about?” asked Fluttershy.
“Sorry Shy, but I really need to talk to someone.” Replied Rainbow Dash.
“About what?” Asked Fluttershy.
“Well. Okay It all started a few nights ago. Please don't freakout at what I'm about to tell you.” Said Rainbow Dash
“Well I'll try.” Responded Fluttershy nervously.
“Alright.” Continued Rainbow Dash. “Twilight thinks that a living incarnation of pure evil is here in Ponyville. And just a few nights ago I came across it.”
“Umm... what did you do?” asked Fluttershy.
Rainbow Dash froze at the question, mustering the courage to get the words out. It took her a while before she gave any kind of response. “Fluttershy please don't hate me for what I'm about to say.” Fluttershy only sat and listened. “I... I killed him. Twilight somehow managed to save him, but I can't help but feel like I'm some sort of monster for what I did.”
“Rainbow Dash your not...”
Rainbow Dash didn't let Flutershy finish. “I can't believe I let myself go that far, so I was a little mad that he left me to fend for myself against Big Hoof.”
“What?” Asked a confused Fluttershy.
“That's no reason to kill anypony over.” Continued an emotionally breaking down Rainbow Dash. “Sure Twilight said it was the living incarnation or pure evil, But it didn't do anything do deserve that. I mean what if twilight couldn't save it.” Rainbow Dash Suddenly got look of panicked realization “Than I really would me a murder.” Tear's started forming in her eyes.
“Rainbow Dash it's alright. You didn't mean for any of that to happen. Your not a bad pony. You just made a mistake.” Comforted Fluttershy.
Rainbow Dash pulled Fluttershy into a hug and preceded to cry her eyes out.
****************************************
Back at Fluttershy's home base of operations
I suddenly felt a chill run down my spine and a smile crept on my face.
“What's all that about?” asked Applejack.
“I do believe that Fluttershy just got a taste of her own medicine.” I said
“How's that?” She asked.
“I don't know, but I suddenly felt that she's getting payed back for all the emotional comfort I've had to give her.” I replied.
“What emotional comfort?” Asked Applejack.
“Ever since the event's of a few nights ago, Fluttershy has been rather clingy.” I replied “She said it was something about not handling death very well.”
“Yep she'll get like that. I remember this one time when her rabbit got caught in a nasty storm. She wouldn't let the poor bunny out of her sight for weeks.” Replied Applejack.
“Anyway distractions aside let's get back to the task at hand.” I said. “I say it was General Bigbeard on the rooftop with an oversized bagel.”
“Oh sorry Martian, not even close.” Said Applejack as she showed me undeniable evidence that the man, place, and prank where not who dun it. For the record 'Who Dun It' is an Equestrian board game smiler to clue. “Lord Swimming telephone in the bookshelves with an endless paint supply.”
I looked through my notes to find any expedience to disprove her accusation, and found none. “Dang it, you win.”
“Well two out of seven isn't bad.” Said Applejack.
“True, that's better than I usually do.” I replied. “Fluttershy sure is taking her sweet time. I wounder what's keeping her?”
“Don't know.” Said Applejack. “ Well it's probably nothing to worry about.”
Me and Applejack didn't do much of anything for the rest of the afternoon. Fluttershy still hadn't come back yet. Later that evening me and Applejack spotted Zecora walking out of the Everfree forest.
“Yo teach, What's up.” I called.
“I'm going to see Sweetie Bell my dear. I'll make sure that her sickness will be nothing to fear.” Zecora replied. “Martian if you would please come along. This trip should not take to long. I wish for you to learn how to make medicine in the field. The knowledge is a powerful tool to wield. Treating Sweetie Belle may give you a fine chance to help your skills advance.”
I turned to Applejack and pleaded. “Oh please can we go. Please, please please! I need to get out of this house. I'm board to tears here there's nothing to do, and Fluttershy won't let me go home until she's convinced I've made a full recovery.”
“I don't know Martian. You would need Fluttershy's permission before you can do anything.” Said Applejack.
“Well she's coming this way at an alarming rate.” I said.
“Hmm... Well look at that.” Said Applejack as she noticed Fluttershy flying back. “Not often does that pegasus move that fast. Wonder what's going on?”
We didn't have to wait long. In a matter of second's Fluttershy had arrived at her cottage. “Martian we don't have much time. Twilight should be coming to my house any minute you need to hide.”
“Hold on there sugar cube. Now what's this all about?” Asked Applejack.
Fluttershy took a deep breath and said. “I ran into Rainbow Dash at the market. She told me that her and Twilight where chasing an incarnation of pure evil. In other words you. Rainbow Dash said that Twilight was going to inform the mayor about the situation first. Then she was going to my house to make sure that I was safe.”
“How do you know that Twilight is coming here specificity?” I asked.
“Rainbow Dash said that Twilight was worried that you would attack me since I lived so close to the ever free forest.” Replied Fluttershy. “She probably going to try and convince me to stay with her in town until the crisis has blown over.”
“There's a crisis at hand? Wow I've been busy.” I said in awe. “Anyway Zecora had offered me the chance to watch a practical demonstration of medicine making, and I really want to attend. Can I please hide with Zecora?”
“Martian I don't think it's a good idea to go walking through town after Twilight's informed the mayor.” Replied Fluttershy.
“Don't worry I've thought ahead, so you have nothing to dread.” Said Zecora. “I have a potion to change his form. With it we can avoid an oncoming storm.”
“And I'll go with them to make sure nothing goes wrong.” Applejack added.
“So can I please go?” I said with as much hope I could put in my voice.
“Alright, just be careful.” Fkuttershy said.
“Oh thank-you, thank-you, thank-you!” I said as I grabbed a cane Fluttershy had made for me to walk with and started down the road with Applejack and Zecora. When we where a little ways down the road Zecora gave me the potion she told Fluttershy about and told me to drink it.
After I drank it I turned into a zebra. No that's not what I was expecting, but it's better than being attacked on sight. The biggest problem was the lack of hands. “I don't understand how you pony's can live like this. This body is so inconvenient.”
“Martian would you quite complaining. It's not that bad.” Said Applejack.
“How long until that wares off?” I asked Zecora.
“The potion does not leave much time to waste, so we should make haste.” She Replied
“And would you quit walking on two legs. Your a zebra, so act like it.” Added Applejack.
The rest of the trip to Rarity's boutique was rather uneventful. However Applejack and Zecora had to help me walk since using my cane was out of the question until I transformed back.
“Oh, Hello Applejack and Zecora who's your friend?” Asked Rarity.
“Hi, It's me, the human you made shoes for a few nights ago.” I said. “I'm using a transformation potion right now, but it should where off soon.”
“Oh, well I suppose I could see the necessity if such measures.” said Rarity “Might I ask why your back?”
“You may.” I said. “Well after seeing that you sister was sick with an unknown illness I suggested to my mentor in potion making that she should take a look at her. I'm tagging along to see if I can learn anything.”
“Well that explains why you here with Zecora. Are you and Applejack acquainted as well?” Asked Rarity.
“Oh yes. I've known the Apple family for seven years now.” I said.
“It'll be eight years next month.” added Applejack.
“Really, I've been stuck in Equestria for eight years.” I said.
“Yep.” replied Applejack.
“Is there anyone else that knows you?” asked Rarity.
“Well there's also Fluttershy and Benedictus, but I think you only know one of those two. I'm also enemies with Twilight Spackle and Rainbow Dash, but that's more of a one sided relationship. The feelings just aren’t mutual.”
“Well that is a surprise to say the least.” Replied Rarity. “Anyway Zecora if you think you can do anything to help Sweetie Belle then don't let me get in your way.”
“Then I shall get started right away, She'll be fine by the end of the day.” Said Zecora.
Without further delay we all migrated to the room that Sweetie Belle was in. I had transformed back not to long after that. Let me tell you it felt good to be back in my own skin. I watched as Zecora made several observations on Sweetie belle's condition. Every now and again she would quiz me about something she observed, and other times she pointed out something that I hadn't noticed myself. After Zecora had finished making observations she said something that would change my life forever.
“Martian I think you should put your skills to the test. What do you suggest.” Zecora Asked before I could protest.
“Umm... We should. um. Mix this and... Are you sure this is a good idea?” I asked.
“Your skills are better then you believe they are. Since you've started you've come far.” Zecora said. “Making a cure is within your skill. I believe your studying you can now fulfill.”
“If you say so.” I replied nervously. “But stop me if I'm about to do something stupid.”
“I shall stop you before anything dumb gets done. Just believe your skills are nothing to shun.” Replied Zecora.
After she said this I just did what I felt was right. Zecora wasn't stopping me, so either she's waiting for the last minute to tell me everything I'm doing wrong at once, or I'm actually doing something right for a change. Whatever it was I decided that I was going to give this my all. After I finished making a cure I had Zecora inspect it. She only made a few minor changes, and told my what propose they served. After she was done we woke up Sweetie Belle and had her drink the cure. After a suspenseful scene where we all got closer to Sweetie Belle every time she made the slightest action. Followed by a round of relived sighs all around when she weekly opened her eye's. Then the something life changing happened. The sound of magic was suddenly heard in the room. We all quietly looked for the source of the sound.
After a few seconds of searching Applejack said. “Martian what that on your back?”
“I don't recall having anything on my back. Wait a minute is a spider? GET IT OFF. SOMEBODY HELP, BEFORE IT EATS ME”
Applejack stopped me mid-panic. “Calm down it's not a spider. Now let take a look.” Applejack got behind me moved my shirt out of the way to get a better look.
“What do you see?” I asked.
“A cutie mark.” Replied Applejack. “It's a potion with two snakes curling around it. Like that medical symbol.”
“Oh it that all... GET IT OFF. SOMEBODY HELP, BEFORE IT EATS ME” I screamed at the top of my lungs.
“Calm down Martian it's just a cutie mark. It ain't gonna eat ya.” Said Applejack.
“HOW DID THIS HAPPEN. HUMANS DON'T GET CUTIE MARKS.” I said clearly not stopping my panic any time soon. And why should I? This is clearly a sign of the end of the would. That's it I've just ended the world. Where all gonna die. Starting with me.
“Martian calm down it's not the end of the world” Applejack said
Says you, I thought.
“You should be proud to have a cutie mark.” Said Applejack.
“Well I'm not.” I replied.
“And why not?”Applejack asked.
“One because It's not a cutie mark in transdimensional travel. Two pride comes before the fall. And the fall of the world is at hand. we're all going to die.
“Martian if there is anything that a cutie mark is not, it's the end of the world.” Said Applejack.
“What's going on?” Asked Sweetie Belle.
“Oh Sweetie Belle don't worry about it. You just get some rest.” Rarity said ushering us out of the room.
Well I just got a cutie mark and it's not even what I want, Twilight starting an army, and I haven't even had lunch yet. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.
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“Martian it's not the end of the world.” Applejack said.
“Um, yes it is. If you haven't noticed I got a cutie mark.” I retorted.
“What does having a cutie mark have to do with the end of the world?” Asked Applejack.
“It's all written down in the book of divine prophecy chapter thirty-one, article forty two, sub-section two million and a half. 'For he that is not of equestrian nature shall receive unto himself a cutie mark, and form his hands he shall bring fourth the downfall of the greatest kingdom of it's time.' so yeah the end of the world.” I said.
“Martian there's no such thing as the book of divine prophecy.” Said Applejack.
“Why all this fuss about getting a cutie mark?” Asked Rarity.
“Apparently his species don't normally get one, and for some reason he can't just accept the fact that he has one now.” Responded Applejack.
“Why darling having a cutie mark is something to be proud of. Especially since your the only one of your kind to get one.” Said Rarity.
“You don't understand.” I sadly replied “I never wanted to get a tattoo. I've never liked the idea that it's permanent. I figured that it'd be best for me to just never get one, but now the universe has thrown a wrench into that plan. My purity has been destroyed by the forces of the universe.” I sat down in a nearby chair. After I let out a sigh I said. “I give up, I see no point in living if I can't be beautiful.” Ironically I was never beautiful to begin with.
“Oh hush now.” Said Applejack. “Quit your whinin' and get over yourself.”
“Should we tell him that a cutie mark is more permanent than a simple tattoo?” Asked Rarity.
“Oh Celestia no.” Applejack whispered to rarity. “That would just give him more fuel for his already over fueled paranoia that the universe is out to get him.”
“YOU HEAR THAT UNIVERSE? I'M ON TO YOU!” I shouted in the background.
“Case and point.” Applejack deadpanned.
“I see.” Rarity said as her eye twitched.
They let me wallow in my own insane ramblings until I had finally finished.
“Feel better?” Asked Applejack.
I sat down and let out a sigh before responding. “Yeah, I do feel a bit better.”
Rarity took this opportunity to ask me why I had a crudely made cane. “Mr. Williams I've been meaning to ask. Why are you using a cane? I don't recall you needing one when you visited my shop a few nights ago.”
“I suffered an injury shortly after our encounter. Unfortunately it was rather severe, and my leg suffered permanent damage.” I replied.
“Oh. Well I'm sorry to hear that, But you can't go walking around with that ugly thing.” Said Rarity.
“What, my cane? Fluttershy had some beavers carve it up for me.” I said.
“I'm sorry but I can't allow it.” Said Rarity. “Allow me to craft you something a bit more appropriate for everyday travel than this... beaver stick.” she eyed my cane with intense disgust.
What's wrong with the beaver stick? Beaver stick is a perfectly acceptable walking assistant. Also my budget is currently running on low after I spent the bulk of it on new shoes, and they were worth every bit. Nevertheless, can't spend what you don't got.
“Sorry but I'm afraid I can't accept that offer at the time,” I said.
“Oh, why not?” Asked Rarity with a bit of a pout.
“I just can't afford much of anything at this point.” I said, “Maybe after I've saved my income for a few more years I'll be able to buy an 'appropriate cane' as you put it.”
“You don't actually believe I'd expect payment after you saved my sister.” Responded Rarity with a tone of offense.
“Okay now you're just being dramatic. It's not like she was going to die or anything.” I said.
“Actually her case was quite severe. She had a decease that many do fear. Without your help she would stay where she lies. Never again to open her eyes.” Said Zecora.
“Yes I know that, but I wasn't going to tell her. No need to cause more drama than there already is.” I responded.
“Oh Martian please I insist. It's the least I could do after all.” Insisted Rarity. “Please take a seat here and I will return in a moment.” Before I could protest Rarity had placed me into a nearby chair and took my cane. “I need this to make sure that I make the cane the proper length.”
“So Martian, what are you planning to do about this whole situation about you being an uncontrollable evil?” Asked Applejack.
“As soon as I can, I'm going back to my home in the Everfree and I'm going to cower in my favorite corner and pray Rainbow Dash never finds me.” I replied.
“Ah thought you said you weren’t mad at Rainbow Dash.” Said Applejack.
“Oh I'm not mad... I'm absolutely horrified by her.” I replied “She completely destroyed me in no second's flat. I've been having nightmares about sonic rain-nukes ever since.”
“Calm down Martian you know she didn't mean it.” Said Applejack.
“Yeah, I know.” I said.“Also I have a question; can I ask you something about cutie marks?”
“Sure, though I can't promise I'll be able to answer though.” Said Applejack.
“How exactly do they appear?” I asked.
“Magic.” Responded Applejack.
“Like unicorn magic?” I asked.
“No just magic.” Said Applejack.
“Why?” I asked.
“No idea really, just do.” Replied Applejack.
“Alright then next question, and this one might seam a bit out of the blue, but bear with me please.” I said. “Would you happen to know Equestrias policy on a setting off thermonuclear warheads?”
“I'm pretty sure the answers absolutely not.” Replied Applejack. “And do you mind telling why you would need to set off a thermonuclear bomb?”
“Oh some article I read hypothesized that a inter dementional portal could be opened by setting off a nuke in certain conditions.” I said. “I was going to call this plan K. I figured that I might as well ask what Equestria's policy was on nuclear bombs. Ya' know I thought just on the off chance that the policy was 'yeah, set 'em puppies off ' I'd give it a chance, but since the answer is a no go I'll just scrap that idea and skip over to plan L.”
Rarity came back into the room and said. “Alright Martian I believe that I'll have you a proper can by the end of the day.”
“Alright, then I'll come by latter tonight to pick it up.” I said. After a few moments of nothing happening I said. “Um Rarity I can't go anywhere until you give me my cane back.”
“Oh you mean that horrid stick.” Replied Rarity.
“Yes, the horrid stick as you so kindly put it.” yeah that was sarcasm.
“I burned that atrocity so I wouldn't have to look at it.” Replied Rarity, and unfortunately for me I didn't detect any sign of sarcasm.
“Please tell me your joking!” I pleaded.
To which Rarity replied “No I'm serious, I had to get rid of that retched thing. Don't worry Martian you're perfectly welcome to wait here while I complete your cane.”
“Well that's all fine and dandy, but as you know Twilight and Rainbow Dash are making rounds to warn everybody about me. If one of them comes by to warn you before you finish my cane I will be helpless to defend myself from their coming wrath.” I said.
“Don't Worry, I doubt that anypony would think to look for an all powerful monster, Such as yourself.” Rarity teased. “In my fashion boutique. You have nothing to worry about.”
“If you say so.” I said.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Everybody froze, and in that moment I knew. What you might ask? Simple, I knew... that I was going to die.
“Rarity I need seven hundred feet of rainbow colored silk, and no questions asked.” Shouted Pinkie Pie from behind the door.
Alright false alarm nobody’s dying... yet.
“Darling you honestly believe that I have that much fabric laying around?” Rarity asked.
“... The human is in your boutique, and he is receiving help from Zecora isn't he.” Pinkie Pie stated.
“Oh darling whatever gives you that idea?” Asked Rarity.
“The fact that you haven't invited me in yet.” Replied Pinkie Pie from outside.
Rarity put on a confused look and asked. “How does that explain anything?”
“I'm glad you asked.” Replied Pinkie Pie. “Firstly you never fail to invite somepony into your house unless your hiding something, and you're hiding something; However, that alone wasn't enough to determine what it was your hiding, So I investigated further. My first clue was that there are currently more hoof prints leading into your boutique than there are leading out, so that suggest that you are currently not alone in there. You might be asking yourself 'But Pinkie those are all pony hoof prints not a human hoof print.”
And for the record that was exactly what I was asking myself.
“Well I'm getting there. Two sets of hoof prints looked completely normal, But the third set of hoof prints suggested that whoever made the prints clearly had trouble controlling their body. As it so happens ingredients for a certain short term transformation potion have been rather abundant. Most notability being a changelings skin”
Oh lord, please tell me I did not drink that.
“Due to a certain changeling invasion it's considerably easier to find a shedded changeling skin in cave areas near Canterlot. Now, there are only two ponies and a Zebra that possess this knowledge, and of these three individuals only one knows how to properly brew the potion, and that is Zecora. Upon further investigation I deducted that two of the three hoof prints belonged to a zebra. Now I know Everypony there is to know in this town, and I also know that there is only one zebra living within a hundred miles of Ponyvillie, and that's Zecora. While it's possible that the other zebra is a visiting family member it's unlikely because Zecora always visits them at her home land, but they have never come here for a visit, so it's more likely that the human used a transformation potion with the help of Zecora. I found the last piece of evidence when I looked in your window and saw the human sitting next to Applejack and Zecora.”
Well this is an interesting development. “So... what happens now?” I asked.
“I guess we can just let her in.” Said Applejack.
“Nah, I'll just let myself in.” Said Pinkie Pie from right beside me.
“No It would be rude of us to have you let yourself in. Rarity would you please invite Pinkie inside.” I said. After a few seconds of silence I asked “Well are you to invite her in?”
I looked to my left and sure enough Pinkie Pie was there. “Um, Pinkie Pie.”
“yeah?” she asked with utmost enthusiasm.
“Could you step outside so we could properly invite you in?” I asked.
“Oh! Right, sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. Oh course you can't invite me in if I'm already in.” Pinkie Pie said as she stepped outside.
For some strange reason, after I convinced Pinkie Pie that we couldn't invite her in if she was already in the house Rarity and Applejack performed a face-hoof, and Zecora just smiled and rolled her eyes at whatever antic I missed. I honestly don't see what's so bizarre.
Pinkie Pie steeped outside and shut the door behind her. Rarity seemed to be mildly annoyed.
Rarity opened the door and Asked. “Pinkie Dear, would you like to step inside?”
“Don't mind if I do.” Said Pinkie Pie as she entered the boutique. “So Rarity I need to get that silk delivered to a non disclosed location outside of town. When can I expect it to be delivered?”
“Pinkie I just told you that I don't have that much rainbow silk. Why do you even need that much?” asked Rarity.
“Don't worry about not having it. Just get as much as you can and I'll worry about the bill.” Said Pinkie pie.
“Alright I'll see what I can do, but I still want to know why you need that much.” Said Rarity.
“Listen Rarity all I can say is that Angel Bunny and I got in way over our heads, and if I want to get Gummy of my back I need as much rainbow silk as I can get my hoofs on.” Replied Pinkie Pie.
Rarity apparently decided to give in and stop asking questions. “Alright I'll see what I can do.”
“Thanks Rarity you have no idea how much this means to me.” Replied Pinkie Pie.
************************************* Fast forward a few hours.
Twilight and Rainbow Dash had almost completed their rounds. It took Twilight a while to convince Fluttershy to stay at her house. After Twilight had convinced Fluttershy with a very touching speech about not being able to forgive herself if she let anything happen to her. She meet up with Rainbow Dash and proceeded to warn the other elements of harmony. After leaving messages for them at their homes, Twilight and Rainbow Dash Where now making their way to their final stop to warn Rarity of the horrible, wrenched, vile, ugly, terrible, disgusting, and absolute evil creature that walked in their midst... I'm not that bad am I?
“So Twilight did you manage to convince Fluttershy?” asked Rainbow Dash
“Yes, but she said that she would need a few days to make sure her animals are taken care of before she moves in with me, so if you don't mind would you be willing to checkup on her every now and then. Just until she is able to move in with me.” Asked Twilight.
“yeah sure thing.” Rainbow said.
They had finally arrived at the door. After delivering the warning throughout most the town they felt safe that the human had left town for the time being. All our heroines had left to do is tell Rarity to be in the lookout. Upon Knocking on the door Twilight received an unexpected reaction.
An explosion of voices burst fourth from the other side. They where too jumbled up for the two to make out any details other than the occasional “oh good lord they're here.” and the ever classic “this is all your fault.”
“What's going on?” Asked Rainbow Dash.
“I don't know, but I intend to find out.” After Twilight said this she blasted down the door with her magic. Which I think was uncalled for because it was left unlocked. Right after Twilight hit the door a voice shouted “Places everypony.” and we waited for the smoke to clear.
After the smoke cleared, the scene before them caused Twilight Sparkle And Rainbow Dash's blood to run cold. Granted they probably didn't know that it was all fake, but this is what they saw. Rarity is passed out on her “worst thing ever” couch while Applejack lays motionless in the back corner and appeared to had been shot with her own apple. Zecora is nowhere to be seen. The worst was what stood in the middle of the room. pinkie was being held hostage by me. She had the most convincing “please help me” look that I've ever seen. In my free hand was held an apple pie pointed directly act pinkie. The best part is that this was all pinkie Pie's idea. Lets rewind a few minutes.
************************************* A few minutes earlier
“Um we have a problem.” I said.
“And what's that?” asked Applejack.
“Twilight and Rainbow Dash are coming this way! What are we going to do?” I panicked.
“Alright everypony I have a plan.” stated Pinkie Pie.
“Well then spit it out we ain't got much time.” said Applejack.
“Well okie dokie loki then. Rarity, you pass out on that couch you always faint on.” Commanded Pinkie Pie.
“If I must.” Said Rarity then assumed her role with grace.
“Applejack do you have that apple you always carry on you for self defense?” Asked Pinkie Pie.
“You mean this one.” Said Applejack as she pulled out her weaponized apple.
“yeah, I need you to make it look like you've been shot with it.” Said Pinkie Pie
“On it!” Applejack replied.
“Darling, make sure you don't get any apple in the carpet.” Rarity added before returning to her position.
“Zecora, I believe you already know what needs to be done.” Said Pinkie Pie.
“Indeed I do Miss Pinkie Pie. I bid you all a warm goodbye.” Zecora said as she disappeared into a poof of smoke.
Pinkie turned to me and said. “Alright Martian here's what I need you to do. First, take this.”
She handed me an apple pie, but not just any apple pie; an Appleloosaian apple pie. “Good lord Pinkie Pie, they use these things to take down buffalo. What an I using it for?”
“You'll be using it to take me as a hostage.” Pinkie beamed.
“Granted your plan is genius, I'm still not comfortable holding a weapon this destructive.” I said.
At that time there was a knock on the door and you know where it went form there so lets jump back to the present.
********************************
“Um... nobody move.” I said without confidence.
“Let her go you monster!” shouted Twilight.
“Just do what he asks” cried Pinkie Pie, and with real tears. She had also gotten her hair to go flat. She has really giving this her all. “that's your cue” she said under her breath.
Oh right, “You heard her now get in the corner and I won't pie her.” I said in my best villain voice.
“Nice, keep it up.” whispered Pinkie.
Twilight and Rainbow gave a brief moment of hesitation but reluctantly complied. Twilight was obviously scarred. Rainbow on the other hand seamed to be displaying mixed feelings about this confrontation.
“Alright we're out of your way. Please don't hurt her.” Begged Twilight.
How do I continue to get myself in these situations? “If you want to see her safe and sound don't follow me.” I said.
“No! please just let her go! I promise we won't follow you.” Twilight pleaded.
Well since she promised.
I started to loosen my grip on pinkie Pie when she hissed “What do you think your doing?”
“Well they did promise not to follow me so I'm letting you go.” I whispered back.
“Oh no your not, if I play my cards right in this situation I may be able to skip town until I get the rainbow silk I need.” Pinkie retorted.
Apparently Pinkie wasn't kidding because the next thing I notice Is that I'm having an apple pie pointed at my gut where nobody can see.
Point taken. “No dice. I'm taking her with me as insurance to make absolutely sure that you don't follow me.” I said. With that we were on our way out of town.
“Your not going anywhere with her.” Rainbow Dash shouted charging from the direction of Rarity's boutique.
While I was busy reliving recent nightmares Pinkie asked. “What are you waiting for? Fire the pie.”
I snapped back into reality and without thinking I throw the pie at Rainbow Dash.
Needless to say Rainbow Dash had no difficulty dodging my wimpy throw. “HA is that all you g-” BAM.
Before I could process what happened Rainbow Dash's face became the center of an high speed apple pie explosion. The impact was so forceful that she did a full back flip and flew a few feet back before hitting the ground hard.
I stood there for a moment before coming back to reality. “Pinkie! how could you?”
“Don't worry, these are non lethal pies.” Responded Pinkie Pie. “They just look like Appleloosaian pies, but there actually cheep knockoffs that can't hold a candle to the real thing.”
“Oh, well if that's the case then let's get out of here before she wakes up.” I said.
As we where leaving town I couldn't help but notice all the ponies staring at me while they where talking to each other. I started listening to what they where saying about me and I was devastated to hear that they where spreading terrible rumors about me. That blabbermouth Twilight Sparkle must be behind this. Well two can play at this game.
“Hey Pinkie Pie do you mind if I go do something real quick? I promise that it will be real quick then you can go back to being my hostage.” I asked.
“Make it quick if gummy sees I'm skipping town to get the silk my cookies are baked.” Said Pinkie.
“Thanks, I'll be right back.” I said as I walked to a group of near by ponies that weren't gossiping about me. Hopefully they haven't hear those nasty rumors.
“Have you heard that they're rising the prices on dandelions.” said one of the mares.
“I know, and after they raised them just last week. It's outrageous.” Responded one of the other mares.
This is it, now or never “Are they really raising the prices on dandelions? I haven't had a chance to catch upon recent market trends with all the commotion about Twilight Sparkle going around.” I said
The mares seamed shocked to see me, but their curiosity overwhelmed the initial shock of seeing me. “What about Twilight?” one of them asked.
“What you haven't heard?” I responded.
They shook their heads.
“She's a dangerous robot I'm told.” I said.
The mares gasped at this revelation.
“She's got lazers for eye's.” I continued.
“It can't be!” Said one of the mares.
“And a microchip brain.”
“No, say it ain't so.” another one pleaded.
“And her skin is terribly cold.”
“I need to tell somepony.” the last mare said before they all left to spread the rumor.
That was easy. After the deed was done I made my way to regroup with Pinkie Pie.
“Alright Pinkie we’re good to go.” I said. I took Pinkie as my hostage again and we made it out of town. Pinkie agreed to help me get to Fluttershy's house so Rarity would be able to give me my cane once it was finished so I could get back home.
“Martian, before I go, I need to tell you something important.” Said Pinkie Pie.
“What's that?” I asked.
“Well due to your recent behavior, I'm afraid you're fired from being the bad guy.” Pinkie pie said.
“What? I don't know what to say,” I said in a saddened tone.” but... but I understand. Do I still get paid for my work today?”
“What? Oh yeah your payment's in the mail. Listen I am sorry that it had to end this way Martian, but on the bright side I think that Twilight and Dashie still want to keep you on as a villain.” Said Pinkie Pie.
“Yeah don't worry about it. I'll be fine.” I said.
“That's the spirit. Best of luck to you Martian.” Pinkie Pie said then left me at Fluttershy's door.
I knocked on her door hoping that she was home. After a few seconds Fluttershy answered.
“Oh Martian thank goodness your back.” Said Fluttershy. “Martian, where's your cane?”
“Rarity took it so she could make me a new one based on it's measurements then burned it. She should be coming by later today to drop it of. I'll be out of you hair once I get it.” I said.
“Oh no Martian you shouldn't be in such a rush to get back home. I don't think that you should even be considering returning to the Everfree forest. Martian, you really should be considering staying with somepony since your handicapped now.” Said Fluttershy.
“Fluttershy it's only one of my legs that's handicapped. I'm still capable of looking out for myself.” I said.
“No Martian, you don't understand. You've always been to fragile to defend yourself if anything happened, and now that you're being hunted you need to be kept safe.”
I tried to think of a good counter argument but seeing as even Fluttershy is stronger then I am nothing came to mind “Alright so I can't really defend myself from a pony if it comes down to it, so what do you propose Fluttershy?”
“Don't worry I'm more than willing to let you stay here as long as it takes. I'll go get the adoption papers.” Fluttershy said.
“Yeah okay... wait a minute Fluttershy NO! we've been over this! Fluttershy get back here.” I tried to give chase but without my cane I was quickly meet by the floor, however, that sound of me hitting the floor was enough to get Fluttershy back.
“Oh no Martian are you okay? Here, let me help you up.” Fluttershy said as she rushed to my side.
“Yeah I'm fine. Fluttershy, we need to talk.” I said.
“Martian I know what you're going to say, but it will be for the best. You stay here and think about it and I'll be right back.” Said Fluttershy.
Fluttershy made her way out the door. Leaving me with little chance of getting out of this one. I might be able to make it to Zecora's if I hop on one leg. Well the odds aren't stacked in my favor but it's the only option I got.
As I was about to hop out the door when I noticed that one of Fluttershy animals was bolting into that Everfree Forest. Strange that animal looked familiar. Where have I seen that animal before... oh yeah... oh no. he's form the Everfree Forest and if he caught wind of that conservation earlier then he's most likely to inform the rest of the forest of the chance to finally kick me out. This does not bode well for Martian Williams. Not well at all. You see the thing is that the primary reason that I'm still alive, despite the fact that the forest is crawling with thing that could eat me in one bite, is not that I know how to avoid them, although that helps. The real reason is that any predator of the forest wouldn't touch me with a thirty-nine and a half foot pole. Not out of respect but out of shear unadulterated disgust. There's an interesting story behind that, and I’m not proud of it, but it has it's benefits. They have been trying to kick me out of the forest for years, and now they have a way to do so. I need to make a break for it now.
I started hoping as fast as I could into the forest. I actually made it a decent ways before I was blocked by a pair of manticores.
“Hey guys don't mind me, just passing through.” I said hoping they wouldn't stop me.
They did, and they made it clear that I was going back to Fluttershys. They were even willing to pick me up (while wearing latex gloves of course) and drag me all the way back. To make things even worse for me, Fluttershy had made it back and was looking for me.
“Oh Martian there you are!” Fluttershy said. She looked up to the manticores “Thank you for bringing him back. Would you mind bring him inside?”
They nodded and carried me into Fluttershy's house.
“Would you set him in that chair... if you don't mind that is.” Fluttershy asked the manticores.
I was put down in the chair then Fluttershy pulled out the papers and put them on the table.
“Alright Martian all you need to do is sign here and this will all be official.” Fluttershy said.
“Fluttershy I know you mean well, but this is crazy!” I said trying to talk some sense into her.
“Oh Martian your not thinking straight. You must still be dealing with the trauma of nearly dying.” Fluttershy said.
“Funny, I think I could say the same for you.” I said. “Listen Fluttershy I should just go.” as I was getting up the manticores forced me back into the chair. Hopefully I will be able to stall until Rarity comes by. I'm not sure what she will be able to do to help me, but I'm sure it's more than I can do at the current time.
After an hour or so of stalling, someone finally came. Rarity and Applejack came in the door
“Martian dear I've brought your new and improved cane... what's going in here?” Asked Rarity when she had noticed the two manticores.
“Help me.” I pleaded, they had come right at the moment I had run out of excesses not to sign the papers. I made some very convincing arguments but Fluttershy wouldn't listen.
“Hi girls, we are just finishing this last bit of paperwork and then I'll have adopted Martian. He'll be so much safer now that I'm taking care of him.” Said Fluttershy.
Applejack face hooved “Not this again, Fluttershy we've been over this. You can't adopt Martian he can take care of himself. And you two get out of here.”
The manticores left but no doubt that they're still nearby to make sure that I didn't get back into the forest.
“Fluttershy, I need to have a quick word with Rarity.” Said Applejack.
“Sure take you time.” Responded Fluttershy.
Applejack took Rarity outside. “Alright listen I'm going to try to talk some sense into Fluttershy over there. What I need you to do is get Martian to the farm. Tell Big Mac we're in DEFCON 'f' he'll know what you mean.”
“Well I'm not sure what's going on, but you seem to know what your doing, so I'll do it.” Responded Rarity.
Now I'm not going to bore you with the details, so to make a long story short. I made it home with a brand new cane, and Fluttershy is finally thinking straight. Me, though, I'm just glad to be home.
'Bored bored bored bored' I thought to my self. I was waiting for a potion that I had botched up to stop releasing clouds of a painful gas in my house. The fumes had a pepper spray like effect on anything that came in contact with them so I was stuck outside my house with nothing to do.
'Is it sad that the most amazing potions I make are the screw ups... I'm gonna go with yes. I really should write them down sometime though. That makes me wonder what would happen if I messed up making a potion that was already a mess up... maybe I shouldn't try to repeat my mistakes, no matter how cool the results are.' my deep contemplation was interrupted by the sound of someone approaching.
“Martian why is your house filled with smoke? I hope a dragon you did not provoke.” Asked Zecora.
“No, I just messed up a night vision potion.” I responded and shortly after was followed by a crashing sound coming from my house and another towering column of smoke started to rise “Real bad apparently. Oh, that's never going to come out of the rug. Anyway can I help you with something?”
“Indeed, please listen to what I want to impart, and listen with an open heart.” said Zeocra
“Alright I'm all ears” I said.
“I must express my worry on how you lead your life. The goal you chase has led you into a lot of strife. I propose you rethink you goal before you dig yourself into a deep hole.” Zecora said.
“I can't say that I like where this is going, but continue.” I replied.
“Your potential to make medicine is grand. Come with me to my home land, and in my nation pursue a proper education.” Said Zecora.
I know she's right. None of my attempts to find a way home have yielded any results, but I have one last plan that I want to try. “Alright, how about this, I have one last plan to get back home. If that one fails than I give up and I'll go with you to get a proper education in making medicine.” I said. 'Still, I can't believe that my cutie mark is medicine related. I wounder if it has anything to do with that destiny that the Grand Reaper mentioned. Knowing my luck my destiny will probably be helping ponies live longer so they can slack off.' I thought.
It look like that wasn't the answer Zecora was hoping for, she had a disappointed look on her face, but she elected to accept it. She stayed and helped me clear my house after the smoke stopped coming.
Before Zecora left she remembered one last order of business. “I need to give you one last thing before I go.” Zecora pulled out a small bag of bits. “This is Pinkies payment for your earlier show.” She handed me the bag and left.
I inspected the bag of bits. The contents weren't anything to write home about, But you know what they say, “crime doesn't pay” well in this case it would probably be better described as doesn’t pay well, but whatever. It's money so I'll take it.
*************************** Some Time Later
Rainbow Dash was flying over the Everfree forest checking for any signs of strange activity. Twilight had sent her to see if she could find any signs of the human; however, Rainbow’s mind was on other things. 'There's no way that it was the human who nailed me with that pie. I saw him throw that first pie, no one can fake being that bad. There is no way that he was the one that shot me with that second pie. Now that I think about it, there is only one pony that I know that can throw a pie like that. None of this makes any sense.' Rainbow let out a grunt of frustration. 'Calm down Dash, just find the human, then you can ask him what's going on.'
Rainbow Dash spent the next several hours flying deeper into the forest. When she was flying over a particularly deep part of the forest she noticed A run down cabin that stood out from the rest of the forest. 'What nut job would live this deep in the forest? (here's a hint: It's the dumbest character in this story.) I should probably cheek this out.'
I had just finished working on the plan and was just about to enjoy a tuna sandwich. As I had just sat down I noticed something unusual outside my window. I went to get a better look and saw that Rainbow Dash was flying towards my house. Fortunately I had planed ahead for this. I headed directly to my favorite corner of the house, assumed a fetal position, and started crying silently. Perfect plan I know.
Rainbow Dash landed in front of my home, knocked on the door, and shouted “Hello, is anyone home?” There was a muffled sound coming from inside the cabin. “Hello, is everything alright?” Rainbow Dash checked to see if the door was locked, finding that it wasn't she proceed to enter the cabin. “I'm coming in.”
At the sound of Rainbow Dash I began contemplating what was about to happen. 'I guess this is it. I suppose this is a good day to die. Maybe she'll make it quick just like last time. Yeah that'd be nice. I even bet I'll still be able to go to heaven. I haven't done anything overly bad since my last visit to the after life. I suppose I did take Pinkie hostage, but I was forced to do that so I don't think that I'll get point's knocked off for that. Well then again, I sought out the path of revenge and spread a horrible lie about Twilight Sparkle. There's no justifying that. Bad Martian, evil. I don't want it to end like this. I don't want to go straight to...'
Rainbow Dash entered the house to find the human cowering in a corner of one of the rooms. This wasn’t the reaction she was expecting from the human. She was expecting an outlast of anger and hate. What she got was a pathetic cowering wimp.
“Um... are you alright?” Rainbow Dash asked. This only caused the human to give a small whimper and curl up into a smaller ball. “Um... I'll take that as a no.” Rainbow dash waited for me to get over myself for a little while before coming to the conclusion that I wasn't going anywhere for some time. “Alright look I promise than I'm not going to hurt you, so would you please calm down.”
I took me some time to finally build up the courage to turn around and face her. “L-look I-I'm sorry for whatever I did so p-please don't kill me.” I said still sitting in the corner while shielding myself with a small throw pillow.
“Calm down, I'm not going to hurt you. See, look I'm backing away.” Said Rainbow Dash as she moved away from me. “Can we talk now?”
Seeing that she had backed up did give me the confidence boost that I needed. “W-what do y-you want.” I fearfully asked.
“I just want to talk.” Said Rainbow Dash.
“Alright, a-about what?” I asked.
“Would you please put down that pillow first. Besides, it won’t do you any good if I was going to attack you.” Said Rainbow Dash.
I hesitantly put the pillow on the ground next to me.
“Okay, now down to business, why where you in Ponyville?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“I was l-looking for a book on banishing.” I said, fear still apparent in my voice.
“Calm down, I'm not going to hurt you.” Said Rainbow Dash “Look, last time I hurt you was an accident, and you seam to have gotten over that just fine.”
She must not have not have seen that I've been using a cane. That also brought my attention that my cane was a little out reach of my current position. Dang I'm screwed!
“Okay that's not calming down.” Rainbow Dash said to my trembling form. “Dude what's this gonna take? I thought that you where supposed to be some great and powerful evil.”
I chuckled a little at the notion. “T- that's p-pretty far from the t-truth actually”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes “Obviously so what, did you like lose you powers or something?”
“No I actually never had any supernatural powers. Actually since coming to Equestria I've noticed a severe drop in my natural powers.” I said.
“What's that supposed to mean?” Asked Rainbow Dash.
“Well before I came to Equestria I think my strength would land somewhere between below average and average. After I came to Equestria well, let's just say that there was this one time I got in a tug-of -war with a butterfly and lost.” I said. Also that was the honest truth, I really have been involved in a tug-of-war with one of Fluttershy's butterflies and lost, and the thing was also capable of lifting me a couple inches of the ground. Seriously, that's not fair. I hate this universe.
Rainbow Dash was laughing her head off at this revelation. After what I consider an excessive amount of time laughing at my expense she asked “So you mean to tell me that this hole time we where freaking out because one of Twilight's books said a wimp like you was some big shot bad guy?”
“Um, that would about sum it up yea.” I said more calmly now that I convinced Rainbow Dash was convinced I wasn't a threat.
Rainbow Dash resumed laughing at me. I decided now was a good time to get out of the corner while she was too busy laughing at me to notice I was displaying trouble walking. I didn't want to deal with a emotionally devastated pegasus (I got enough of that from Fluttershy). I successfully got up grabbed my cane and left the room without her noticing my condition. I headed to the kitchen to pick up my sandwich. 'now where did I leave my sandwich... right I put it on the table as I was heading to cower the corner.' As I entered the dining room I saw that Rainbow Dash had made herself at home and was eating my sandwich.
“Hey this sandwich is really good, what's in it anyway?” asked Rainbow Dash.
I didn't know what to do. 'I-is that alright? Should she be eating my sandwich? Fish is meat, ponies don't eat meat. Should I tell her.' I simply responded “Um... tuna.”
I stood there for a moment trying to think of what the proper response would be. Before I could come up with anything Rainbow continued her previous statement.
“Why does it taste so good?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Not sure how to reply to that either. “Um... because it is. Honestly, I don’t think that a little fish is going to kill you so if you want to finish off that sandwich go ahead, and if it will make you feel better I wont tell anybody.” Not like I'm going to eat it now that she's bitten into it.
Rainbow Dash quickly ate the sandwich then said “Tell no one.”
“My lips are sealed.” I Responded.
Awkward silence fallowed for a wile we stood there staring at each other, neither of us really sure what to say. While I was trying to think of a way to politely ask Rainbow Dash to get out of my house so I could enjoy lunch without her eating it, her eyes drifted to the cane I was supporting myself with.
“What's up with the cane?” Asked Rainbow Dash.
“I just felt like being fancy.” I lied.
The look in her eye said she didn't buy it. “Come to think of it I haven't seen you on you two feet without it since I bucked you.”
“I revert to my previous statement.” I said.
“Put it down.” Demanded Rainbow Dash.
“I have a better idea that will end in less tears. The plan is I keep the cane and you stop asking questions you probably don't want the answers to.” I said.
“I said put the cane down.” Re-demanded Rainbow Dash.
“Alright fine.” I said as I put my cane off to the side.
“Alright now walk over here.” Said Rainbow Dash.
SIGH “Alright fine, you caught me. My leg has been all sorts of messed up lately.” I said.
“Tell me the truth. Is it because of some sort of brain damage you got because I bucked you?” Asked Rainbow Dash.
“Are you sure you want the answer to that question?” I asked.
“I think I already know.” She said her voice starting to quiver.
“Yes, somehow the kick you gave me to the head had damaged my brain connection to my leg. I will probably need to use a cane for the rest of my life.” I said.
Rainbow Dash looked like she was devastated by this news. “I-I didn't realize that I-” That was all Rainbow Dash got out before I interrupted her.
“Yeah I know you're sorry, and you want to know what! I forgive you. I say we put this whole incident behind us and move on with our lives.” I said, but what I was really trying to say was 'get out of my house, I want to eat lunch.'
“How bad was it?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“How bad was what?” I asked.
“How bad was the damage when I kicked you?” Elaborated Rainbow Dash.
“I'm not really sure of that myself. Ask Fluttershy, she would know more about the damage than I would.” I said without thinking.
“How do you know Fluttershy?” Asked Rainbow dash.
“I shouldn't have said that.” I mumbled to myself. “I've known Fluttershy for about eight years now. We meet a while back in the Everfree forest when I fell down a river. She and Zecora nursed me back to health.”
“Before I go, one last thing.” Rainbow Dash said as she flew over me.
“Eh, your getting a little to close for comfort Dash.” I said.
“I'm just going to test if what you said about the butterfly is true.” Rainbow Dash responded then wrapped her forelegs around me.
This sent me into a bit of a panic. “Rainbow Dash I am not okay with physical contact PUT ME DOWN!” I cried.
“Relax I'm not gonna hurt ya.” Rainbow Dash said as she lifted me up. “Wow you really don't weigh a thing.”
“Too high TOO HIGH!” I scram as we floated inches off the ground.
“Alright relax I'm putting you down.” Rainbow Dash said as she floated us down. The second she let go of me I realized I didn't have my cane and met the ground face first. “Um you okay?” Rainbow asked.
“I'll be fine, just go.” I said.
*********************************************************** At Twilight's library
Twilight was waiting for Spike to return home from his royal business. Fluttershy had just finished unpacking the last of her things that she had brought to Twilight's.
“Um, Twilight, if you don't mind me asking, how long will I be staying here?” Asked Fluttershy.
“Not to long. Once Spike gets home I'm going to send a letter straight the princess.” replied Twilight.
“Twilight, do you think that maybe the human isn't evil... just a thought.” Fluttershy said.
“No, he is definitely evil, all my books say so.” Responded Twilight.
“Is there any chance your books are wrong?” asked Fluttershy.
Twilight suddenly burst into a fit of laughter. After a few minutes she finally composed herself. “That's a good one Fluttershy 'books being wrong' yea right. I'm glad you're feeling good enough to lighten the mood during this crisis.”
“I wasn't joking” Mumbled Fluttershy to quietly for anyone to hear.
“Anyway, I need to cheek to see if there are any more books I can use downstairs. Would you mind staying up here and getting me if Spike comes home while I'm down there?” Asked Twilight.
“Alright, but Twilight please give Mar... I mean the human a chance to at least show he has good in him.” Pleaded Fluttershy.
“Fluttershy I know that you believe that everything has good in them, but a human is an incarnation of pure refined evil. I'm sorry but you can't save him because there was never anything to save.” Said Twilight as she walked down the stairs.
**************************** Thirty minutes to an hour later (That sounds about right)
Rainbow Dash had made it back to ponyville and was heading straight to the library hoping to inform Twilight that the Human was no danger. She burst through the door to find Fluttershy.
“Oh hi Rainbow Dash, are you looking for Twilight?” Greeted Fluttershy.
“Yeah, where is she?” Responded Rainbow Dash.
“She's downstairs, looking for books that will help us prepare for the human.” Fluttershy said, the last part with an obvious lack of enthusiasm.
“Hey Flutters, I found where the Human lives.” Admitted Rainbow Dash.
Fluttershy's eyes went wide as she heard this news, “You didn't hurt him, did you?”
“No, but you seem awfully concerned for this human.” Remarked Rainbow Dash.
“Oh well it's just that I well... I think that it's just ummm... Maybe he's...” Fluttershy stuttered, trying to figure out what to say.
“Fluttershy, I know you've known the human for a while.” Interrupted Rainbow Dash.
“Oh please, Rainbow, he's not brain washing me.” Pleaded Fluttershy.
“Wait, is that why you weren't telling us about him?” Asked Rainbow Dash.
“Yes, please don't be mad.” Fluttershy responded.
“Don't worry about it, I've talked to him, I know he isn't evil.” Rainbow Dash responded.
“You didn't hurt him, did you? He's very delicate.” Asked Fluttershy.
“Yea I kind of learned that the last time I attacked him. Speaking of which, when I asked him how bad the damage was from when I bucked him he said you would know more than he did.” Said Rainbow Dash.
Breaking eye contact, Fluttershy said “Well... I suppose.”
“... So you gonna tell me?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Fluttershy responded with a series of incompressible squeaks, she kept her eyes focused on the ground.
“Fluttershy you'll need to talk louder than that.” Demanded Rainbow Dash.
Fluttershy responded with slightly louder incompressible squeaks.
“Louder.” Demanded Rainbow Dash a second time.
Fluttershy responded with almost compressible squeaks.
“LOUDER!” Shouted Rainbow Dash.
Fluttershy took a really deep breath, gathered up every ounce of courage she could muster, made eye contact with Rainbow Dash and in a voice so quiet that if you weren't paying absolute attention you would have missed what was said, “Idon'tWantToTalkAboutIt!” She immediately broke eye contact huddled up into a ball and hid behind her hair.
Rainbow Dash let out a sigh before asking “Fluttershy please when I...” She faltered, regathering her complexion she continued. “When I bucked him that night, it sounded like I snapped his neck, and when I checked to see if he was breathing... well, he wasn't. Later when I asked Twilight about it she thought that he was beyond the point of recovery. Fluttershy please, I need to know how close I...” She found herself struggling to finish asking the question. “How close I came to... to ending somepony's life.” as she finished her eyes where betraying her fear of the answer.
Fluttershy looked up into the eyes of her friend. Seeing the fear in her eyes, she asked, “Rainbow, are you alright?”
Rainbow Dash looked at Fluttershy, “Fluttershy, I need to know, Please.” Rainbow Dash begged with hardly a whisper.
“Are you sure? You don't quite look like yourself.” Said Fluttershy.
“I haven't quite felt like myself since that night.” Rainbow Dash locked eyes with Fluttershy “Please Fluttershy tell me.” Begged Rainbow Dash.
When Fluttershy saw the tears starting to form in Rainbow Dash's eyes she gave way. “Are you sure?”
“... Yes” Responded Rainbow Dash.
“Alright, you said that Twilight was able to revive him with her magic?” Asked Fluttershy.
“Yeah” Responded Rainbow Dash.
“That was probably the only thing keeping him alive. When I looked his neck was completely broken. I was so scared. I've never seen anything that bad. I'm lucky he didn't die when I helped him move.” Fluttershy's pupils shrunk into pinpricks as the stared into space. “The next day he asked me how long until he would recover. I couldn't tell him that I didn't think he was going to make it I lied to him.” Tears where flowing freely form Fluttershy. She had forgotten that the rest of the world existed.
“Um Fluttershy?” Said Rainbow Dash trying to snap Fluttershy back to reality.
“Zecora helped me the next day. She couldn't believe that he was alive in his condition. She agreed that he couldn't have long. The only thing we could think of that would save his life was a surgery that would only nearly keep him alive, he'd be paralyzed from the neck down, but alive.” Fluttershy's voice began to rise “I told him to trust me! I didn't even tell him how close he was to death or that he wasn't ever going to move again!”
“FLUTTERSHY SNAP OUT OF IT!” Shouted Rainbow Dash.
Fluttershy came back to reality. It took her a minute to realize where she was and what was going on. “Sorry I...”
“No Fluttershy, I'm sorry.” Said Rainbow Dash. “You said that he was going to be paralyze from the neck down for the rest of his life. How come he's still able to move around?”
“Somehow by some miracle the surgery worked better than it should have. Me and Zecora where both amazed.” Said Fluttershy.
“So I'm not a murderer only because I got lucky,” remarked Rainbow Dash. “And I'm also lucky that I only crippled one of his legs, and to top it off I scarred my friend for life.” a tear fell from her eye.
“No! Rainbow Dash, please don't do this to your self.” Begged Fluttershy.
“Fluttershy I saw the look in your eyes. You weren’t alright.” Said Rainbow Dash.
“But Dash I'm fine. I'm just a little uneasy that all, and I'm getting therapy from my animal friends. You don't need to worry yourself over me. I'm going to be fine.” Pleaded Fluttershy.
************************ Back at fort Martian.
I was about to dig into my sandwich when the feeling of guilt came over me “Oh come on!” I shouted. “I can't eat on a guilty conscious.” I have a feeling this is all because Rainbow Dash isn't accepting my forgiveness, and now I feel bad because she feels bad. Does she even release how insensitive shes being by not accenting my forgiveness? No! I don't think she does.
I put the sandwich down and sat there with a scowl while I waited for the feeling to pass.
************************* Rejoining Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.
It took a while for Fluttershy to calm down Dash. Finally, after calming down, Rainbow Dash recomposed herself and headed down stairs to find Twilight.
It didn't take her long to locate Twilight. “Hey Twi, I need to tell you something.” Rainbow Dash Said.
“Twilight Looked up from her book. “What?” She Asked.
“I discovered that the human isn't evil.” Rainbow Dash said.
“That's... not possible. A human is an incarnation of pure evil, They can't be anything but evil. Rainbow Dash who told you the human wasn't evil?” Asked Twilight Sparkle.
“I found where he lives, and I talked to him and I found out that he was an alright guy.” Replied Rainbow Dash.
Twilight's face went into serious mode when she herd this. “And where exactly did her live?” she asked.
“He actually lives pretty deep in the Everfree Forest. If I remember correctly It was northeast of town.” Said Rainbow Dash.
After Rainbow Dash finished relaying the enemy position Twilight reached for an object to knock out Rainbow Dash with. Once she felt the object in hoof she used her magic to hold her in place.
When Rainbow Dash realized she was being held in place she began to panic. “ Hey what's going on? Twilight what are you doing.”
Twilight ignored her. She pulled out the object she had grabbed earlier reveling a college level calculus book. She opened it to one of the later pages and began reading the lesson to Rainbow Dash. “In this lesson you will learn to find the distance between two parallel planes in a three denominational space.”
Rainbow Dash was Starting to feel the effect of extreme boredom. Her eyes where getting heavy and it was getting harder to stay awake with every passing moment. It didn't take long for Rainbow Dash to succumb to the effects of Twilight's lecture and she hit the floor sound asleep.
Twilight looked over her unconscious friend. “I'm so sorry Rainbow Dash. Once we stop the human I'll find someway to undo the brainwashing spell the human must have put on you.” Twilight Sparkle said as she floated Rainbow Dash to her spare bed and tied her down to it. She went up stairs to find Fluttershy talking to Spike.
Fluttershy noticed Twilight. “Oh Twilight I was just about to send Spike down to see you.” She Said.
“Thanks,but before we do anything I have some bad news.” Twilight Said.
“What is it, and where's Dash?”Asked Fluttershy.
“That's what I was about to tell you. Flutershy the human has brainwashed Rainbow Dash.”
An empty silence filled the room. After a while Spike asked “what's a human.”
“It's a being of pure evil, and I need you take a letter for the princess so we can get her help to stop this human before he has a chance to do anything.” Said Twilight Sparkle. While Spike was processing the news, Twilight turned to Fluttershy. “Fluttershy, I need you to take care of Dash, but don't let her go. She's under the influence of the human, so It's too dangerous to let her loose.”
“Twilight, shes our friend, she wouldn't...” Fluttershy said before she was interrupted by Twilight sparkle.
“No Flutterhshy, that's not Rainbow Dash. Shes still in there somewhere but right now the human is using her like a puppet. After we stop the human I'll find a way to save Rainbow Dash. Trust me.” Twilight said.
When Fluttershy saw that Twilight was not going to be dissuaded, she decided that she would talk to Applejack when she got the chance. “I don't like this, but alright Twilight.”
“Thanks Fluttershy, I'll help her as soon as the human is dealt with.” said Twilight completely missing the look of sorrow on fluttershy's face. “Spike are you ready to take a letter?”
“Yeah, just give me a second.” Spike said while he was gathering the equipment for writing a letter. “Okay... Ready!”
************************* Celestia's throne room
Celestia sat in her throne room as usual reading over proposed changes to the way the kingdom was ran. While she was in the middle of a particularly boring document one of her messengers interrupted her.
“Princess I bear terrible news from Ponyville.” Said the messenger.
“Yes, what is it?” Questioned the princess.
“It's about your student Twilight Sparkle. One of my sources from Ponyville has it in good authority that she has been replaced with a robot.” Reported the messenger.
The princess took only a moment to process the information she looked to one of her guards and commanded “Gather an elate squad of royal guards.” Commanded the princess. “I wont stand to have my student replaced by some metal imposter.”
“Right away your highness.” said the guard.
Shortly after the guard left the room a scroll appeared in front of the princess. She picked it up and read the contents. After reading the contents she looked to her other guard. “Gather the entire royal guard save a few of the night guard. I have reason to believe a human is going to attack the elements of harmony.”
The guard was shocked at the order, but quickly shook it off. “Right away your highness.”
************************* Martians house.
I had finally finished my sandwich, and also written an formal apology to Twilight Sparkle. I plan to send it in the mail on my way to execute my next plan. I bet your wondering something like “What harebrained scheme have you come up with to get home this time Martian?” Well since I'm such a nice guy I'll tell you. The plan is simple, since the only one that would be able to banish me to where I came is Princess Celestia. I figured If I try to take over Canterlot and failed I would either be banished or sentenced to death... I'll settle either way.
With that I left my house for what was possibly the last time.
Well my plans couldn't have gone much worse. Yeah I know that saying that usually makes things already worse then they are, but I'm curious to see just how the universe plans to screw up my plans any further than it has. I bet I know what your thinking. While I was on my way to Canterlot and the army was on their way to Ponyville we crossed paths and I was arrested immediately. Well no if you recall that particular outcome was the goal of my quest. You might be asking yourself 'if you failed to fail at taking over the world then what happened?' well let me describe the scene around me and I'm sure that you'll be able to guess.
I am currently sitting on Celestia's throne while Princess Celestia sits in a cage to my left. She is in her depowered form (Normal pony size and a pink unflowing mane). She is wreaked with sorrow from failing to protect her ponies from the invading evil.
A depowered Discord is chained to the floor to my right. Discord is still in a state of shock from having his powers taken from them. The other dark minions are in their rightful positions guarding the castle.
Princess Luna has also lost the bulk of her powers (She's a little smaller that the average pony and had a bright blue mane, aka Princess Woona form.). She is perched on my shoulder. She looks very annoyed by the situation, and by all accounts has every right to be. The delivery pony is late.
As for me, well at this point you wouldn't even recognize me. Instead of the toothpicks I've had for arms up 'till know, there are now what resemble tree trunks. I've also grown to stand about eight feet tall. Speaking of standing, I no longer needed my cane. My hair has also changed to a glowing neon red , has grown to around four feet, and is flowing in a non-existent breeze, on occasion fiery sparks will fly out of it. Similar situation with a newly acquired beard. My eyes are now glowing (the color changes depending on my mood). I also now have wings that obey the same fiery style as my hair. I have horrible fiery scars around the base of each wing. Let me tell you those things hurt like you would not believe when they exploded out of my back. To top it all off I look absolutely miserable.
Yep that's right I took over Equestria... perhaps I should begin from the start.
*************************
After several long days of hiking I finally reached Canterlot capitol of Equestria. I found the lack of guard a bit discouraging, but I figured that I would run into more as I got closer to the castle. Little did I know that I the military was busy sorting out my previous mess.
Back in Ponyville Princess Celectia had just arrived with the bulk of the military. That's right we completely bypassed each other. Celestia knocked on the library and was greeted by her prized student Twilight Sparkle.
“Celestia, I'm so glad your here.” Beamed Twilight.
“As am I, but before we start looking for the human there is one thing I need to cheek.” Responded Celestia. Celestia then used her magic to perform a scan of Twilight Spackle.
“Princess what was that all about?” asked a confused Twilight Sparkle.
“Just making sure that you haven’t been replaced by a robot.” answered Celestia.
“What? Why does everyone suddenly think I'm a robot?” asked an even more confused Twilight Sparkle.
************************ Back at Canterlot
I arrived at the castle with less resistance than I had expected. There were no guards and the locals couldn't be bothered by me. As I walked into the castle grounds I was amazed by the lack of guards. I continued to be amazed all the way until I had reached the building where the elements where stored.
As I approached the huge double doors I finally snapped at the audacious lack of guards. “Hello unauthorized entity in close proximity to the nations greatest weapon!” I shouted after receiving no response shouted “Nobody? Well okay then I'm just going to attempt to open this lock.”
I proceed to analyze the lock. Its was one of those spin dial combination locks... Yea honestly didn't think I'd make it this far. Time to start guessing random combinations. Um... forty-two, forty-two, and forty-two... didn't think so how about seventy-four, fifty-one, and two.
After I had tried that combination the door started making a ton of clanking sounds and began to open. As it opened it continued to make as much noise as possible. I mean seriously could that door open any louder. I might as wall have Thor the god of thunder opening this thing. After the door opened it was revealed that there was another door behind that one.
I stood there staring at the door before saying. “Please tell me someone heard that!” seriously what's their deal here. That thing made enough noise for the entire city to hear (some element of that claim may be exaggerated). After determining that apparently nobody heard that I began to observe the second lock. It looked to be an advanced lock and key system. Thankfully, even if you don't know how to pick one you can still look suspicious trying, so I elected to fiddle around with the lock until someone came by and reported me.
Well it turns out that banging a rock against the lock was apparently a viable solution to the 'I have no clue how to pick a lock or any lock picks for that mater' problem because after about half an hour of whacking that thing the door started opening.
There was another door. This one was the one from the show that supposedly only Celestia could open. Well as it just so happens I have a magic wand that I acquired from a woodland pixie. Well the batteries in this stupid thing are only good for one spell before they go dead, so I figure I try my one spell and after the 100% chance that my attempts fail I call it quits and go home.
I stood there a minute thinking of what magic words to use. After a stroke of genius I shouted for all the world to hear “Bippity boppity boo” and tapped the wand against the door.
After nothing happened I shrugged and started packing up my things. If I hurry to the train station I'll be in bed by eight.
All of a sudden the final door started opening.
Okay maybe in bed by nine. Alright what's the deal here? There is no way that I just made it all this way on dumb luck this has to be some kind of trick... Actually that makes scene. These aren't the real elements they must be decoys. I bet that the entire royal guard are waiting in ambush outside just waiting to catch me with the fake elements in hand. Oh that's just clever, I better pack up the elements and go outside to say hello. Full proof.
************************* In Ponyville
Princess Celestia was overseeing the search of the town when one of her generals approached her. “What news do you bring?” asked Celestia.
“Princess, we found a cabin in the woods where Twilight said to look but it was unoccupied.” responded the general. “We've placed a small group of scouts to stay there and report any suspicious activity. Also we haven't found the robot impersonating your student, but we have manged to apprehend about six changelings impersonating her.”
“Are the changelings related to Chrysalis' hive?” Asked Celestia.
“No there from Queen Wildfire's hive.” Responded the general.
“Oh, in that case just give them a week of community service then send them home.” Said Celestia.
************************* Back at the hall of elements
I burst through the hall's front door and said, “Oh drat, you caught me. I guess now I shall be...” I looked around to notice that there was no battalion of royal guards. “Where the heck is everybody!” The way that the castle seemed to be abandoned was starting to really creep me out.
I resolved to go to the throne room to figure out what was going on. When I had finally arrived at the throne room. I finally saw a pair of guards in front of the door. “Hay is it alright if I have a quick word with the Princess about the security in this place?” I asked. “Because quite frankly I find it rather lacking.”
The two guards exchanged glances obviously confused what to make of what was standing before them. “Um, you may... proceed?” Said the guard after a moment.
Wow. Really? Just like that. If I do somehow end up taking over I'm definitely overhauling the security at this place.
I barged through the throne room door shouting “Princess Celestia I have something I need... to...” I Stopped when I saw that a shocked Princess Luna was siting on the throne instead of Celestia. “Alright then Princess Luna I have something I need to say to you.”
Princess Luna was still in a state of shock. “Wait what? Are you a human.”
“Yeah yeah we'll get to that in a minute just ignore it for now.” I said. “Alright here's the deal, the security here sucks. I managed to to break into the hall of elements and steel these fake elements without so much as a 'halt right there criminal scum' seriously what gives?” I ask.
Luna just sits there dumfounded. “What fake elements?”
I rolled my eye's “These fake elements of harmony.” I said as a spilled the contents of the bag I put the elements in. after I spilled them on the floor they started to float in the air. “Alright that's new.”
Luna snapped out of her daze when she realized what was happening. “NO! I shall not allow you to do this!” she said as she started to charge me.
It was an epic moment as Luna charged me and the elements started glowing and started shooting lightning every were. As we collided there was a blinding flash of light. When the light settled down Luna had shrunken down to her depowered form and the elements had returned to their stone orb form while I had bulked up a little and my hair was now flowing in an nonexistent breeze.
Luna slowly started staggering to her hoofs. Weekly she said “You monster, y-you planed this all along didn't you.”
“What? No... this... no! Not even close. I-I don't even... what? I'm sorry what?!” I said.
While I was trying to understand... whatever that whole episode was all about, Lula attacked me.
“I shall not permit thee to triumph in thy endeavor of which in nature can be presumed with much confidence to be both loathsome and malicious simultaneously!” Luna screamed and then lunged at me and bit into my arm.
It took me a second to realize what was going on “Okay? Could you repeat that... what a minute. GET HER OFF!” I screamed. Give me a break there was a lot going on.
I took a fare bit of shaking to remove the flesh crazed alicorn form my arm. With a forceful shake a she went flying across the room. Without saying anything I immediately inspected my arm. I found that she a taken a decent bite out of it. I turned my attention back to Luna, expecting her to engage in another round of 'eat the human.' Instead I saw her sitting in the corner that I had flung her into. She had a confused look in her face.
“Strange, I taste blood.” said Luna.
“Yeah, might by my blood.” I said. I took another look at my arm. At the sight of all the blood coming out I turn a shade green. “I think I'm gonna be sick.”
I began walking out of the throne when Luna flew in front of me and asked “Where do you think you're going?”
“I think I'm going to get this looked at.” I said as I held out the arm Luna had bitten.
Luna Looked at my arm quizzically. “Why are you even bleeding?”
“YOU TRIED TO EAT ME THAT'S WHY!” I shouted.
“No why are you made of flesh and blood?” asked Luna.
“I don't know. I never thought to ask. Why is this even an issue?” I said
“Because your supposed to be pure evil.” said Luna.
“I don't think that...” My thoughts where interrupted by pain, “which way is the palace infirmary?” I asked
Luna pointed down one on the halls. “That way, just follow me.”
“Thank you, now where was I?” I asked.
“Flesh and blood.” said Luna.
“Right thank you, I don't think that being a metaphoric incarnation of evil has anything to do with if I can bleed or not.” I said.
“No humans aren't a metaphoric representation of evil. They are physically composed if it.” said Luna.
“... Well that would explain a lot, I still don't see how it's a big deal.” I said.
“It's a big deal because if you not pure evil then you're by definition not a human. Oh and we've arrived at the infirmary.” said Luna.
I looked away from Luna to see that we had arrived at the infirmary. It was a decent sized room. The back wall looked contain a vast array of medical supply’s and equipment. Both walls on the right and left where alined with various medical stations set up for various situations. The staff within the infirmary had all paused to stare at us.
I turned to one of the nurses that were on staff and held out my arm “Hey could I get this fixed? It hurts something awful.”
The mare stood there for a second before picking up her jaw and responding “um, right yes. Just sit down and well get you patched up.”
Luna also turned to a nurse and asked “ Could I get something to brush my teeth with? I have an awful taste in my mouth.”
“Oh what? Now I taste bad?” I spitefully asked.
“Oh, get over thy self.” Said Luna, “anyway Like I said if you are not composed of pure evil the by default you can't by human.”
“No, I'm pretty sure I'm human.” I said.
“And I'm pretty sure you're living a lie.” said Luna.
We went on like this for hours. Eventually we let the subject drop after we had concluded that this was getting us nowhere. We decided that it would be best for everyone's interest if we got Luna her powers back before this got out of hand.
We are currently in the royal library trying to find a solution for this whole mess. I had been looking for anything that looked promising when Luna came up to me.
“Hi, did you find anything?” I asked.
“No I have not. Martian I find myself needing your help.” said Luna.
“Um, I am helping. I mean I know I haven't found anything that might help get your powers back into you, but at least I'm trying.” I said.
“No it's not that. The problem is that with out my powers I can't raise the moon.” said Luna.
“Then shouldn't you get Celestia on that?” I asked.
“Yes well... no offense but I don't want my sister knowing how I lost to a... well, you.” said Luna
“Okay, that I understand, but what do you expect me to do?” I asked.
“I expect you to raise the moon in my stead.” replied Luna.
I stood there for a second trying to process what I had just been asked. “Say what now?”
“Don't worry I'll be guiding you through the process. It shouldn't go too bad.” said Luna
“Shouldn't being the key word here. Luna, you don't know me, if there is a way to screw something up I'll find it and find it good.” I argued
“Nonsense, surely not everything you attempt ends in failure.” pursued Luna
“Well I do have a knack for medicine. I even got a cutie mark for it and everything. Which is odd because humans don't normally get cutie marks.” I said
Upon hearing this Luna's eyes shot open and a smirk appeared on her face as she pointed a hoof at me and said, “Ah ha! Solid proof that you are no human.”
I look at her in confusion, “What... oh wait no. That's not what I meant I'm still human, I'm just not evil and for some strange reason I can get a cutie mark. Still a human.”
Luna look me straight in the eye and said, “You're living a lie.”
“... Can we just move on to raising the moon?” I asked.
*************************
Princess Celestia had been through rough day. The Twilight robot turned out to be nothing more than a rumor and they still haven't found the human.
A concerned guard who noticed the princess's demeanor decided to address the issue. “Princess you're exhausted. Why don't you get some rest while we keep searching for the human.”
“No, I'm fine. I cannot rest while I know that my kingdom is at risk.” Insisted Celestia
However, the guard would not take no for an answer. “Please your Majesty, you need to be at your best if this thing is even half as bad as you say it is. Just get some sleep and we will wake you if we find anything.”
Celestia thought on it and finally relented. “Very well, I shall lower the sun then get some rest, but do not hesitate to disturb me should anything turn up.”
Celestia went straight to the building that was being used as a temporary base in Ponyville. When she arrived she began to lower the sun. As she had finished lowering the sun she felt that something was off. She then noticed that the moon was not rising as smoothly as it normally would. It was constantly jerking left and right, it would stop raising then jerk forward to catch up for lost time. Luna normally presented masterful control of the moon. Something was wrong.
*************************
Needless to say I was not having an easy time raising the moon. The stupid thing was constantly fighting me that whole time. There was a lot of shouting and screaming involved
“Luna It started rotating, why is it rotating?” I asked.
At this point Luna was beyond annoyed “Because you turned off the gyroscopic stabilizers.”
“How do I turn them back on?” I asked.
“Activate the systems repair function that should fix it.” said Luna.
I held up my magic wand (which was now running of my power rather than the internal battery) and focused on activating the moon's repair function.
“Alright I think that did it.” I said.
Luna took A look at the moon and saw that it was rating back to it's original position. “Well at least that's fixed. Now please, gently push on the acceleration.”
As gently as I could I eased on on the acceleration. As I did however that moon didn't move. “Luna don't be mad but I think I broke the moon.”
“And why would you think that Martian?” asked Luna
“Because the moon isn't moving” I said.
“That's because you left the parking breaks on you buffoon!” shouted Luna
“Okay sheesh, no need to get huffy. I don't even remember tuning them on.” I said.
Luna looked really annoyed now. “Martian we've been over this. Activating any repair function automatically parks the moon.”
“Oh yea, we did cover that. Sorry” I apologized. It was then I noticed something odd happening. “Luna under what circumstances does the moon turn blood red?”
“Under the circumstances that you royally screwed up...” Luna grunted, then sighed” Please don't tell me the moon is turning red.”
“See I told you I would find a way.” I said
“I will hurt you.” threatened Luna
We went on like this for another fifteen minutes before we came up with the idea of me poring magic into my wand and having Luna manipulate it.
I look at the moon. It was still red but it seamed to be slowly returning to it's natural white. “Are we done?” I asked.
Luna seemed content with the current state of the moon. “Yes, the auto repair should be able fix what's left of the damage. Thankfully this isn't the worst condition that the moon has been in. As you know the moon is a miracle of magical engineering far beyond what we know today, not just a giant rock. Unfortunately my sister wasn't aware of this fact. In the thousand years that I was banished my sister treated the moon like it was just a giant rock and barbarically threw it around the sky. The warning lights where one of the first things she broke. It took me months to restore it to full functionality. Now lets get back to restoring my powers.”
“So your sister had no idea that the moon turning red is just a warning light and not a sign of a coming apocalypse?” I asked.
Luna froze where she stood. After a few seconds she spoke. “Drat. Just, oh drat”
*************************
Princess Celestia had just finished witnessing the chaotic raising of the moon. The sight she just witnessed sent her into a panic.
“No, please no. This can't be happening. The human had control of the moon. My sister! What has he done to you Luna.” Celestia said. Tears where streaming down her cheeks at the thought of permanently losing her sister after just getting her back.
“Princess, we saw the moon. Does that mean that Luna has been defeated by the human?” Asked the lead guard.
Celestia stared at the guard the sorrowful look in her eyes telling the guard all he needed to know. After a moment Celestia responded “I'm afraid that we have played right into the humans trap, and he now controls the moon.”
The guard stood speechless at this information for a minute before managing a speak. “What are your orders your highness?”
“We leave a portion of the guard here to search for any information on the human that might be relevant. The rest of us will return to the castle and battle the human. I pray it will be enough”
*************************
“So let me get this straight.” I said. “You never revealed the truth about the moon to anyone?”
“It never came up in conversation.” replied Luna.
“And because of that, Celestia is now probably on her way back to the castle.” I continued.
“Most likely” agreed Luna.
“And that's why we are now running to the forbidden section of the library in a last ditch effort to keep this whole shindig from getting any worse.” I said.
“Correct.” said Luna.
“Good enough for me” I said.
After a good few minutes of browsing the forbidden section Luna found what we where looking for.
“Martian! I think I found a spell that will return my powers to me and also the elements of harmony!” exclaimed Luna
“Well then what are we waiting for? Lets start setting up the spell.” I said. I took a look at the book that Luna found to see what we would need. “Wow that looks a lot like black magic.”
“Not surprising, The unicorn that created this spell was a reformed dark wizard. While the spell itself doesn’t invoke any dark powers the style of the setup and execution does take a lot of inspiration form the practice of black magic. It's perfectly legal to preform in Equestria but since it is so closely related to black magic it is kept in the forbidden section.” explained Luna.
“Well then let's get this over with. I don't want to be here when Celestia arrives.” I said.
As fast as we could we arrived at the castles magic lab and set up the conditions for the spell to be cast.
Luna stood in the middle of the room. “Alright Martian, everything is in place. Just cast the spell.” Ordered Luna.
I nodded and began to cast the spell. The lights in the room began to dim and the shapes of skeletal houses could be made out in the shadows of the room as they galloped around the room. A faint noise was slowly growing into an depending sound of stampeding houses as the shadows became more apparent. A gale wind then started to blow throughout the room adding the sound of a fierce storm to the sounds of the stampede. So far so good.
I needed to shout to speak over the noise of the spell. “I THINK THE SPELL IS ABOUT READY TO BEGIN THE TRANSFER. TELL ME WHEN YOU'RE READY.”
Luna was looking at the book containing the spell we where using. She was having trouble reading it because she was having to use both hooves to keep the pages from blowing everywhere and the wind kept blowing her hair in her face. “HOLD ON, I WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT EVERYTHING IS READY BEFORE WE BEGIN.”
“ALRIGHT BUT HURRY UP. A SPELL OF THIS MAGNITUDE WON'T GO UNNOTICED FOR LONG.” I shouted.
*************************
Celestia and her guards where quickly approaching the castle when Celestia felt a strong magical surge come from the palace’s magic labs. “Captain!”
“Yes, your highness?” inquired the guard captain.
“I sensed a magical surge coming from the labs. I'm going to investigate. Meet me there as soon as possible.” instructed Celestia. She telephoned straight to the labs without waiting for a response. When the magical flash of light faded the scene struck fear into her heart. Luna had been reduced to a near powerless state and was sitting defenseless in the middle of the room and the human was about to cast some unknown spell on her. Both the human and Luna had yet to notice her.
She had to act quick before the spell was complete. Observing the magical flow within the room she quickly devised a counter spell that should reverse any effects that the spell would have. As soon as she readied the counter spell, she charged.
She pushed Luna out of the spell center and prepared to fire the counter spell.
“Vile fiend! back to where you came from!” yelled Celestia.
Of course I was completely caught off guard. “What?” I asked
Luna got up from the corner of the room, when she realized what it was that her sister was planing to do she shouted.“Sister! you know not what you are doing! Do not cast that spell.”
“I am protecting those I love.” exclaimed Celestia.
Celestia fired the counter spell and suddenly felt an unknown force grab hold of her powers. “No,” she said as a single tear fell down her cheek. Then her power was torn from her and pushed into the human. After the transfer was complete Celestia fell to the floor. Her hair had turn pink and she had shrunk down to a size only slightly larger than the average pony. She seemed dizzy and was having trouble standing.
I stood in awe of the scene before me for a wile. I came back to reality when I received a firm kick to the head from Luna.
“OW! What just happened?” I said.
“My sister just gave you her powers. Your brain broke so I had to do a hard reset” said Luna
I looked at Celestia. “Is she going to be alright?” I asked.
“She'll manage.” answered Luna.
As I stared at Celestia I realized that when I absorbed Luna's power I also physically changed a little, so it stood to reason that I had also changed this time.
“Luna have I changed at all?” I asked.
Luna turned her attention to me. After observing me for a few moments she said. “You're a little bit taller. Your arms are thicker. And your hair is now a fiery red and there are occasional sparks coming from it. Other than that, no.” stated Luna.
“Alright, well that was fun. Now lets try to get your powers back again.” I suggested.
“Agreed.” said Luna.
We turn our focus back to the spells set to find that Celestia was feeling well enough to smash everything she could get her hands on.
“Sister what are you doing!” shouted Luna.
“Fighting until my dying breath!” Said Celestia.
“Commendable.” I commented. I turned to Luna. “All this is replaceable right?”
“Yeah we can easily rebuild the setup. Just make sure that she doesn't get her hoofs on your wand. They're not a common commodity in Equestria.” said Luna
“Why is that?” I asked.
Luna shrugged, “There's just no demand for them. Earth ponies believe in doing things the earth pony way and pegasi just couldn’t be bothered to learn magic. The system worked out well for thousands of years so there's really no need to shove magic down non-unicorn throats.”
SNAP
“Please tell me that wasn't the sound of Celestia breaking your wand.” pleaded Luna.
“HA! What will you do know human? I destroyed your only means of using magic!” said Celestia triumphantly.
“Um... Order a new one. Well maybe not, I mean they are expensive. I really only had that one because it was a gift.” I said.
“Martian I'll pay for a new one from the royal funds.” said Luna.
“Luna, why are you helping him?” Cried Celestia.
“He was going to return my powers to me.” answered Luna.
“No Sister, he is lying to you. A human would never willingly give up power once they get their hoofs on it.” said Celestia.
I was tempted to say something about not having hoofs, but since no one had said anything to me about not saying everypony and other such local lingo, I decided to let it go.
“Sister he is not a human.” said Luna.
“Luna are you mad? Look at him, how is he not a human?” said Celestia.
I interrupted their conversation to explain. “ She's somehow gotten in into her head that if I'm not composed of pure evil then I'm not human.”
“Fool you are composed of pure evil. That is what makes you human.” Celestia said.
Luna looked at me with a face that said “told you so.”
“He is made of flesh and blood like you and me sister.” Said Luna.
“He lies!” shouted Celestia.
“No I really am just flesh and blood.” I said.
“Liar.” accused Celestia.
“Is she always this difficult to talk to?” I asked Luna.
“Lies! Lies! Slander and lies!” shouted Celestia.
“No, she is usually very open minded. I think she is like this because she is having a panic attack.” answered Luna.
We then heard the sound of clanging armor coming from outside the room. A few seconds later the door burst open and several guards proceeded to enter the room.
“Halt right there human. Don't make this harder than it needs to be.” threatened the lead guard.
Well this is an awkward situation. “Um... back off or I'll summon my dark minions.” I said unconvincingly.
Little Luna flew up to my shoulder and asked “Martian do you actually have minions?”
“Well I've never been able to summon any before, but for some reason pretending to try scares the daylights out of ponies.” I said.
“I'd like to see you try.” Said the guard.
Well here goes nothing. “Dark Minions go!” I shouted as I struck a pose.
Now please understand that I had no way of knowing that because of all the power that I had absorbed that saying “dark minions go” would actually work. Oh well, live and learn.
As soon as I finished saying “go” legions of human like dark warriors blinked into reality and engaged the guards in combat. Me and Luna immediately grabbed onto each other and hid in a corner of the room and heroically stayed out of everyone’s way.
The guards where taken completely off guard when the dark figures came into existence. They didn't have any time to brace for battle. In a short matter of time the guards and Celestia where in chains and lined up against the wall.
Me and Luna where curled up in the corner embracing each other with our eye's closed still heroically staying out of everyone’s way. I felt a light tap on my shoulder so we looked up to see what was going on. One of the dark minions I accidentally summoned was standing there. He stood proudly as he gestured to the prisoners against the wall.
“Your High Excellence Martian and Lady Nightmare. We have defeated the enemy. Would you like to consume there souls now or later?” asked the dark minion.
“Um just put them in the dungeon for now” I said.
He smiled and said. “Later it is then.” then he led the prisoners out of the room.
“Luna, do you know these guys?” I asked.
“I think they might have worked for me when I was Nightmare Moon.” said Luna.
“So that's where they came form.” I said. “Anyway lets go order a new wand. Preferably before things get any worse.”
We immediately set off to the throne room. I was surprised to see that there where already dark minions waiting for a us at the throne room. These minions seamed bigger and more menacing than the others I summoned.
“What's with the scarier than normal guards?” I asked.
Luna smiled from my solder and said “nightmare guards, designed the costumes myself. Pretty cool if I do say so myself.”
Luna summoned the royal delivery colt Swift Delivery. He was trembling at the sight of me and the nightmare guards.
I think the guards are scaring him.” I whispered to Luna. Which got a victorious 'yes' from Luna.
“Y-you sent for me your highness.” said Swift Delivery.
“Ah yes, Swift Delivery I need you to order a high quality magic wand. How quickly do you think you can have it here?” Said Luna.
“Oh um w-well, If I was allowed t-to use the royal transportation system I could have it to you this time tomorrow.” said Swift Delivery
“Excellent, let it be done.” said Luna.
Swift Delivery nodded and turned around to retrieve the wand. Before he made it out Luna interrupted him
“Actually one last thing.” said Luna.
“Yes?” asked Swift Delivery.
“Well, given recent events, it might be smart to send a escort to make sure everything goes as planed.” Luna said.
This caught me off guard. Who was she planning on sending? “Who do you suggest?” I Asked.
“Well the only people we can send at the time are the dark minions, and since I've worked with them in the past I know just the minions for the job.” Luna said.
I gave the idea some thought, constantly looking between Swift Delivery and the present dark minions. “Are you sure that Swift will be able to handle them. He seams horrified by them.”
“Oh he'll love them once he gets to know them.” said Luna.
“Well alright if you say so.” I said.
Luna clapped her hoofs and looked around as if expecting something to happen. After nothing happened Luna seamed confused until coming to a realization. “Martian you have my powers. Kindly summon the Nightmarelishious division.”
I snickered. “Nightmarelishious?”
Little Luna put on a pout. “It's a cool name.”
“I'll just call them up.” I said. Lets see if saying dark minions go worked before lets try, “Nightmarelishious assemble!”
Nothing
Well then “Go go Nightmarelishious!” Still nothing, maybe “By the black powers of Hades Nightmarelishious you will come before me.” And still nothing. What did Luna do to summon them. Oh right she clapped her hoofs. I clapped my hands and still revived no result.
“Luna how do I call them?” I asked.
Luna smiled and whispered into my ear.
“Oh no, I am not saying that!” I said
“Oh yes you are. I am not risking the safety of this colt because you think my summoning incantation is silly.” said Luna.
I moaned before saying without enthusiasm “I'm the N to the-”
“No stop! your doing it wrong!” Said Luna.
“What was I doing wrong?” I asked.
“You're not singing, you have to sing it with joy.” replied Luna.
“Isn't it bad enough that I have to say it in the first place?” I asked.
“No, you have to suffer.” Luna said all to happily. I think this is her way at getting back at me for taking her powers.
I conjured up the strength to put on a smile and sang “♪ I'm the N to the Nightmaremoon, In you're nightmares yeah, and ain’t no other pony bring the night like me. I'm Nightmarelishious♫” And pose.
Boom Lightning, Blam minions, and the crowd goes wild.
“Luna ya mind taking over from here? I need to find a corner and die from embarrassment.” I said.
Little Luna hoped down from my shoulder and started her prep talk to the eleven-something-thousand minions in the courtyard below, “Listen up! I need you fifteen to make sure this colt makes it to wherever he need to go and back without a scratch on him. Do you understand?”
“Ma'am yes ma'am.” the fifteen replied.
Luna continued, “I need you thirty to be ready at all times. I don't care if it interrupts tea time. If they call for back up you move. The rest of you be prepared the heavy ordnance in case it is deemed necessary you the success of this mission. Move out.”
It was absolutely adorable watching widdle Woona give that speech. If you didn't imagine the speech given from Woona instead of Luna go back and Imagine that right now.
It shouldn't come to that right?” I asked.
“No, but I hope it does. I'll finally get my money's worth for the minions.” replied Luna
“So what now?” I asked.
“I don't know about you Martian, but I'm going to take advantage of the situation and make a few changes to the castle's interior decorations that my sister would never agree to.” answered Luna. She clapped her hoofs and several dark minions wearing construction uniforms came in.
A more official looking minion came in. Immediately he seamed displeased with something. He he put a finger up to one of the walls and dragged it for a short distance before holding his finger up to his face and frowning.
“Unacceptable.” The minion said. “You there”- He pointed to another minion “I want this place swabbed spotless, then forty lashes and we push you off a cliff.”
“Um... Shouldn't I be the one to give orders like that?” I said.
The minion look at me. “I was merely interpreting your whim Sire.”
“You're more than a little off. By all means clean the place up but no lashes or casting anyone off a cliff.” I said.
“Yeah, minions are expensive. No breaking them useless high-rank 547” said Luna.
547 took a look of shame. “Of course your greatness. Forgive me, I was not thinking.”
“So back to the topic at hand, Luna what changes are you making?” I asked.
“Well after I was told that plunging the world into eternal darkness would freeze the planet. I decided that I would settle for redecorating my half of the palace with an eternal night theme instead. However my sister wouldn't let me because she thought it would offend the public, but now she is in the dungeon and I don't care what the public thinks. The beauty of eternal night shall be seen. Now if you don't mind we have a meeting with the architect about how to magically put a night sky in the ceiling.”
“Who's we?” I asked.
“You and me.” answered Luna.
“Why me?” I asked.
“Because I find your suffering pleasing to observe and I don't want to miss a moment of it.” said Luna with a devilish smile.
“Of course.” I replied.
We arrived at the meeting. Luna had set straight to work explaining her vision for her half of the castle. It was actually pretty neat. The throne room was going to be split down the middle with Luna's half having a false sky. The windows throughout Luna's half would block out all light from the sun giving the illusion of a would bathed in perpetual moon light. She had several other ideas. All the while she managed to keep the theme on the beauty of the night and managed to avoid making the castle look creepy.
While we where in the middle of the meeting none other than Discord barged in. He was wearing a bath cap, a towel and was holding a back scrubber.
“Sorry to interrupt, but I couldn’t help but wondering why there are dark minions redecorating the castle.” inquired Discord.
I raised my hand. “That would be partially my fault. Just ignore them, we'll have them out of the way around tomorrow afternoon.”
Discord gave me a confused look. “I'm sorry, but why is a human in the palace?”
“I accidentally took over the place. Me and Luna are working on fixing that, but for the current time we’re stuck with me in charge.” I explained. “Shouldn't you be in stone?”
“For your information I've been reformed.” Said Discord.
“Oh, congratulations then. Well if that's all then I do have a princess to tend to.” I said pointing to little Luna an my shoulder.
Discord had apparently just noticed Luna had been shrunk down. He burst out into laughter at the sight. “Oh. Oh this is to rich. You actually defeated Luna didn't you. Ow my sides. This is to much.” He said in between laughs.
“Oh like you could have done any better.” Luna remarked.
Discord stopped laughing. “ Oh you wanna bet.”
“I do.” answered Luna.
“Very well, If I can get your powers from the human, I get to drive the moon for the next month.” wagered Discord.
“And if I win you have to kiss my sister on the lips, in public.” Luna said with an evil grin.
Discord looked disgusted “Going for two birds with one stone I see. I'll give you this, Woona, you hit low, that's for certain. Very well, I accept. Meet me in the throne room when you're ready to loose.” Discord said.
“Well.” I said. “I'm ready to get this whole thing over with. Lets get your powers back Luna.” I started heading to the throne room.
“Oh I'm not getting my powers back tonight.” Said Luna.
“You do realize that I don't stand a chance against Discord.” I said.
Luna put on a mischievous smirk “Wanna bet?”
“No.” I replied.
“Oh come on, why not?” Said Luna.
“Because that face says you know something, and I don't trust it.” I said.
“A shame. It would have been hilarious.” said Luna. “moving on to another subject, I don't think I've asked you what you where planing to do with the elements in the first place.”
“Well I suppose there's no harm in telling you know. You see I come from a different world entirely. Now I've tried almost everything to get back home. This was my last ditch effort to return. Basically what I was going to do was get caught trying to steal the elements of harmony and hopefully have either you or Celestia banish me back to my home world.” I said.
“Oh, you could have just asked. Tell you what, after I get my powers back I'll see if I can send you back. How does that sound?” Luna asked.
“That sounds good. Thank you.” I said.
“Sir.” Said useless high-rank 547. “I have been informed that you have been challenged to a duel. Exactly how do you intend to cheat?”
“I don't.” I said.
“Don't worry useless high-rank 547” said Luna. “The Cheating will be both ironic and efficient. I already had it in place before the duel began. You just be ready to celebrate victory.”
“Your cunning never fails to amaze Lady Nightmare.” Said 547.
We arrived at the throne room. Like he said Discord was waiting for us.
“Well I must say I'm surprised.” said Discord. “I thought you would run and hide like a human usually does when faced with a stronger being. Well far be it from me to deny a fool his battle. Oh and just in cast you had any ideas of cheating Luna” Discord snapped his fingers and a wall of magic encased me and Discord and teleported Luna out off of my shoulder She reappeared on the throne.
“Now I hope you're ready to hand the keys to the moon over my dear because I don't imagine that this will last long.” boasted Discord.
Discord snapped his fingers again and this time a series of text appeared above his head reading Unlimited health: on. Unlimited magic: on. Unlimited swag: on. Discord rocks: very yes!
“Hey those are cheat codes! That's cheating!” I accused
“What cheat codes? I don't see any cheat codes. Anyway, you might want to look out for falling rocks.” discord said as he opened a umbrella.
I looked up to see that giant rocks in the shape of discords head where falling in my direction. “Oh I get it Discord rocks. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”
I screamed as I ran in circles. However I wasn’t fast enough to get out of the way and the rock hit me. However before it had the chance to turn me into a pancake The magic holding the rock together split apart and forced itself into me. Then a chain reaction spread throughout the other rocks and they broke down into pure magic and also forced themselves into me. The chain reaction continued until only a dumbstruck Discord remained. Then, to the misfortune of the draconequus, the chain reaction decided that its coffee break was over and picked up where it left off. Discord's power was forced into a pure state and transferred into lucky ol' me. Dang it.
The second the power entered me I fell over in pain. All the power that I had absorbed had finally caught up with me and I was about full to bursting.
“Ha, what now Discord!” said Luna.
Discord was laying on the floor dumfounded. “My powers. What happened?”
“Earlier today my sister cast a counter spell that caused him to absorb her power.” Answered Luna
“What does that have to do with this?” asked Discord.
“The spell is still active. If he comes in contact with a large source of magic the spell reactivates and he absorbs it.” explained Luna.
Luna turned her attention to me and saw that I was still on the floor. “Martian, you alright?”
“Currently experiencing a lot of pain, just bury me if I die.” I managed to grunt out.
“How powerful are you normally?” Asked Luna.
“I'm probably the weakest creature that you'll ever meet, why?” I asked.
“Oh not good.” Said Luna. “You're probably holding way to much magic in you. Try to avoid absorbing any more.”
“I'll try.” I said.
“Sir.” said 547 “What shall we do with him.”
“What, oh just... chain him to the floor or something.” I said
Then suddenly the pain I was experiencing spiked.
Luna noticed that I was suddenly experiencing and sudden surge of pain. With a worried tone she asked “Martian what's happening?”
I couldn't manage to say anything through the pain.
Luna observed me trying to figure out what was wrong with me. A look of realization came over her. “Martian listen to me. You body is trying to find an outlet for the magic it's accumulated. I'm so sorry but this process is going to hurt. Just try to stay conscious. Guards take us to the infirmary.” Luna then used what little magic she did have to dull the pain while the nightmare guards transported us to the infirmary.
When we arrived Luna instructed the staff to wait outside with the nightmare guards while she went to work dulling the pain.
After a short wile a fiery wing forced it's way through the skin. and it hurt.
“Martian calm down it's okay. Just one more to go and it'll be over.” said Luna.
I forced my eye's closed and tried to focus an something other than the pain. A moment later the other wing broke the flesh and tore it's way through. After the wing was out the bulk of the pain subsided.
“Martian are you okay?” asked Luna.
“Yeah, that was awful. So what's the damage?” I asked.
Struggling to use her magic Luna managed use a spell to diagnose me “Your body is trying to cope with all the magic it's absorbed; however, you've nearly reached your limit. If you're magic grows anymore then it could prove fatal.”
“So as long as I don't absorb any more magic I'll be fine?” I asked.
Luna shook her head “No, the magic you've taken is slowly fussing itself with you. Taking our powers just accelerated the process to this point faster than it would have otherwise. You would have probably died from my powers within a week under normal circumstances.”
“Okay, will I make it to tomorrow?” I asked.
Luna frowned and took a while before replying. “I can't say for certain, but the odds aren't in your favor.”
I nodded “Okay then, is there anything we can to change the odds.”
“Well you shouldn't do anything to activate your magic because that will cause it to fuse faster, so no more summoning minions. Um, try to avoid getting excited. Adrenaline could also accelerate the process. I think there's a spell that should slow the process. I'll get a minion to find it.” said Luna.
“Are you sure you will be able to perform the spell without your powers?” I asked.
“I can get the royal spell casters to perform the spell if they haven't already fled the city. Besides I still have a little power left.” assured Luna.
“Alright, sounds like a plan.” I said.
“Yeah, again, I'm sorry. If I had known that you had limits as low as they where I would have never allowed you to face Discord.” said Luna.
“Thanks, nice to know you care.” I said.
After that we left the infirmary. Luna immediately sent two minions to find the spell we needed. As soon the minions found the spell Luna got the royal spell casters to preform the spell.
“Did it work?” I asked.
“Yes you should be able to survive until Swift Delivery returns with that wand. Can I go home now?” Said the Royal spell caster.
“Yeah we'll call you if we need anything.” I said.
After he left I turned to Luna and asked. “Well it's been a long day, so where can I sleep?”
“Oh, um, I'll get a minion to set up a guest room.” said Luna.
After my room had been set up me and Luna went our separate ways.
The next morning arrived after an event-less night. I was busy getting my wing out of a door I had got it caught in. While I was working on that I felt something land on my shoulder. I didn't even need to look to know it was Luna.
Luna gave a quick yawn before speaking. “Morning.”
I finally freed my wing and started moving and started moving towards the throne room “Morning, You know I look forwards to two things when I get rid of this power, one, getting rid of these wings and two, you wont be able to ride on my shoulder anymore.” I remarked.
“Aw, don't you like having the most adorable thing ever on your shoulder?” asked Luna putting on a pout.
“Adorable you my be, but I cant help but think that all I really am is your royal chauffeur. No offense, but I don't like physical contact.” I said.
“You should feel honored.” Said Luna with a mischievous smirk.
“That's a matter of opinion.” I said.
Luna looked at me for a few seconds then said “I just realized that your eyes are changing color depending on your mood.”
“Then let's hope my power doesn't advance any further. I've felt miserable all morning.” I replied.
Shortly after that we arrived at the throne room. When we entered we noticed the new decorations the minions put up.
“Minions why is my sister here?” Luna asked pointing to Celsetia who was in a cage hanging from the ceiling.
“And I wasn't actually expecting you to chain Discord to the floor like a giant throw rug.” I added.
“I merely thought that you would like to display your previous victories for all to see and tremble before.” said useless high-rank 547.
“How come he keeps popping up?” I asked Luna.
“He's constantly kissing up to us in hopes of becoming something other than a useless high-rank.” answered Luna.
“Oh I see, he's not very good at it.” I said.
“No, but his attempts are humorous enough to keep him around.” said Luna.
And that leads us to where we are now. Waiting for a delivery pony who is currently late.
Luna was rapidly tapping her hoof. “Where is he. He's never late.”
“Is there any chance that he just got caught in traffic?” I asked.
“He's using the royal transport system. There's no traffic.” said Luna
Suddenly a wormhole opened in the middle of the throne. Shortly after Swift Delivery and twelve heavily armored minions ran through the portal.
“Somebody shut that portal.” Commanded one of the minions.
“On it boss.” Replied another and quickly went to work.
“What's going on?” Luna asked the Minion who was barking orders.
“There where a few complications with getting the wand. We're all that's left.” Said the Minion.
“You did still get the wand correct?” questioned Luna.
“Y-yes mam. It's right here.” said Swift Delivery nervously holding out the wand.
“Good.” said Luna picking up the wand and levitating over to me. “Lets get this over with. “
“I agree.” I said. I got up, picked up the elements of harmony and my cane, then started heading over to the magical labs.
While I was on my way one of the minions interrupted us. “There is one last thing we need to give you lady Nightmare.
“And that is?” Asked Luna.
The minion handed over a letter to Luna. After reading the letter Luna spoke. “You're quitting?”
“Yes mam, after the battle we had last night we decided that being evil was a waste of our lives. We wish to pursue better employment. Preferably one that doesn't involve us getting shot at.” Said the minion.
Luna growled then said “Fine I don't have time for this. Tear up your contracts and go.”
“Luna are you alright?” I asked.
“My favorite division of minions just quit or got shot, so not really. Lets just get my powers back and get this over with.” said Luna.
“Fine by me.” I said.
Before we could make it out Celestia, who had apparently been to busy crying to notice what was going on, shouted “I don’t know what you plan to do but please don't take my sister from me!”
“Should we just leave?” I asked.
“Yes.” said Luna.
We where on our way to the labs when I turned the corner and accidentally bumped into someone.
It was no other than prince Blueblood. When he looked up to see who had bumped into him he looked furious “How dare you touch me! If I had my way I would have you thrown in prison for the rest of your days you worthless commoner trash.” he said with unbridled rage.
Seriously does he not notice the shear magic power I have right now. Well that's pride for ya.
“Are you going to take that sire?” Asked one of the minion guards that where following us.
“Of course he is.” Said Blueblood. “Worthless scum like him should learn it's place.”
“Calm down. I'm just about to get out of this place anyway.” I said.
The second I started talking his anger only grew “How dare you think that you even have the right to so much as speak in my presence you peace of scum.”
“Woah now.” I said
Blueblood started screaming louder “And you think you can tell me to calm down!”
“Is he always like this?” I whispered to Luna.
“It's been getting pretty bad recently.” Luna said in a bitter tone.
“I take back what I said earlier.” said Blueblood in a low voice before screaming at the top of his lunges. “IF I WHERE IN CHARGE I’D DO THE ENTIRE WORLD A FAVOR AND SLAUGHTER YOU LIKE THE ABOMINATION YOU ARE. YOUR VERY EXISTENCE IS A SIN!”
At this point the minion guards decided that they heard enough. They grabbed Blueblood and forced him to the floor.
Blueblood immediately started shrinking at the top of his lunges. After a good few seconds he shouted. “Unhand me you vile filth! Guards! Kill them! KILL THEM!”
One of the minions smacked him. “Please, do us all a favor and SHUT UP!” said the minion
“Oh snap.” I said.
“Alright what do you want us to do with him?” Asked the other minion holding Blueblood.
The sudden question caught me off guard “What? Oh well um I...”
Luna leaned into my ear and said “Remove his head.”
“Um... remove his head.” I said without thinking.
“YEAH!” shouted Luna and all the minions while thrusting their fists/hoofs into the air.
“Wait a minute what did I just say? No we can't do that.” I tried to object.
“He's correct.” said a small minion.
“What?” Asked Luna with an annoyed tone.
“W-well that thing is your sister has removed the guillotine and all other instruments ment for torture or execution.” Said the mini minion.
“Right I forgot about that. Still you've already sentenced my most hated pony to death. How would you like to carry it out?” Asked Luna.
“Can I take it back?” I asked.
“Technically no.” Said the mini minion. “The law of the country you've taken over states that if one of the two rulers makes a ruling on the fate of a pony, both rulers need to agree in order to recede the order.”
“Well that's simple enough, Luna I vote to revoke sentencing Blueblood to death.” I said.
“And I vote to keep the sentencing in place.” replied Luna.
“Fine how does execution by pie sound?” I asked.
“Sounds fun, we'll do that.” Said Luna.
The mini minion turned to Blueblood “Would you like to die by lemon meringue or pumpkin?”
“You have no right.” Blublood said venomously.
“Actually I think we have cherry to.” Said one of the other minions.
“Oh then we'll go with that.” said the mini minion.
“What, so now I don't get a choice?” said Blueblood.
“Well you can't not choose cherry it's tradition.” said the mini minion as the bigger ones dragged Blueblood off.
“You can't do this to me! Do you know who I am? I'm prince Blueblood. I am a god compared to you. A GOD!” Shrieked Blueblood.
A guard then punched the ever loving daylights out of Blueblood and said. “Dude seriously, you have problems.” They then proceeded to drag the unconscious Blueblood away to his pieful death.
“Well that just happened. Oh well moving on.” I said.
“Yes, let's” Said Luna.
When we finally arrived at the lab we made sure that there was an overkill amount of guards protecting the room.
“Alright I think we have the setup for the spell in place. I'm ready when you are.” I said.
“Great I've doubled checked everything. We're good to go.” said Luna.
“Alright, starting the spell.” I said. I Raised the wand and began the transfer. Like last time the spell made an intimidating presence. “Are you ready? As you probably already know the actual transfer is going to be a turbulent experience.”
“I'm ready.” Shouted Luna over the sound of the spell.
'Alright here goes nothing' I thought. I then began the transfer process. The process was faster than I thought it would be. As warned the process was turbulent for both parties. After the spell was over me and Luna where back to our original forms and the elements where glowing with all the excess power.
“Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick.” I said.
“Martian your wings!” said Luna in a panicked tone.
I looked to see that the wing that I had acquired had not disappeared like the rest of my features. They where rapidly giving off embers and getting hotter.
“Oh this is going to suck.” I said, and you want to know something? I was right, the coming event did suck. It sucked a lot.
My wings burst into a violent inferno and rapidly burned until there was nothing left of the wings.
“Well that's one way to amputate a limb.” I said weakly. I tried to get up, but found that I couldn't. As I suspected I needed my cane again.
“Martian are you okay?” Asked Luna.
“Yeah could you hand me my cane please?” I asked.
“Yeah here.” Said Luna.
“Any damage?” I asked.
“There are two scars where your wings were.” answered Luna.
“Well you have your powers back and I believe that the rest have been stored in the elements in harmony. You should be able to redistribute them yourself. I'm going home.” I said.
“Are you sure that you are well enough to head home in your current state?” Asked Luna.
“No, I'm probably not” I replied.
“At least stay a day here and take a train tomorrow.” said Luna.
“Yeah that sounds like a good idea.” I said.
We left the lab and immediately we where glad we went over kill on the minions. The royal guard had staged a final assault in a last ditch effort to save Luna. I'm glad that the Apples parents weren't part of the Canterlot guard this would be awkward to explain. After, Luna ordered the guards to stand down she desummoned the minions.
“So what will you do now?” Asked Luna.
“Well I promised a friend that if this didn't work out and I didn't get sent home then I'd learn medicine.” I said.
“Well since I have my powers back I could try to send you back.” said Luna.
“Oh right! Well what are we waiting for? I want off this planet.” I said.
“Very well. Stand back and I shall attempt to send you home.” said Luna.
Luna's horn started to glow. A beam of magical energy hit me and... nothing.
Luna observed the results. “Martian there's a slight problem.”
“What'd I do this time?” I asked. Just being honest here, nine times out of ten it's my fault.
“There a powerful force holding you to this world.” said Luna.
“What? that's not fair. what is it?” I asked.
“Love.” said Luna.
I blinked in confusion. “Love but I can't fight love it's the single most powerful force in the universe. Just ask any children's book, love beats all. How is it even binding me here anyways?”
“Well if you have anyone who deeply loves you, that would bind you to this universe. Surely you can think of someone.” said Luna.
“Well now that I think about it it I do have a few friends that care about me” I said. “Lets see there's Zecora, some of the inhabitants of the forest. Also thinking about it you might think of me as a friend. I've also meet Pinkie Pie but she cares about everyone. There's that Apples well the Apples more of consider me family. I can't forget Fluttershy, she loves me like I'm her own son. She has actually tried to adopted me on more than one occasion, and before you asked no I don't want to talk about it. Oh and Silent Breeze, she's the sweetest changeling you'll ever meet. How I meet her is a long story. Without giving to much away all I can say is that that adventure involves a lot of stolen rainbows, a kidnapped princess, and a scene where me and Breeze came seconds from accidentally being married, but again that's a story for a later time.”
Luna looked shocked. “ you know the elements on a personal level?”
“Oh right, I keep forgetting they're the elements. Well I know some of them. Mostly Applejack and Fluttershy. I've meet Rarity and Pinkie Pie. I've also meet Twilight Sparkle, she hates me. And I know Rainbow Dash but I'm not really sure how I would label her. She could range anywhere to a decent friend to the object of my most terrifying nightmares.” I said.
“Well that is... unexpected.” said Luna.
“Yeah I get around. So there no way you can send me home?” I asked.
“Well there is one way. I could use a spell that alters that past and prevents you from ever coming to Equestria in the first place.” Said Luna.
“Well I'm willing.” I said.
“Alright first I must check to see how removing you from Equestia's past will effect us.” said Luna. After she cast a spell that connected with me and showed what Equestria would be Like without me.
“Well, what did you see?” I asked.
Luna look at me and said “Well you're never going home.”
shocked and depressed at her statement I said “What?”
“Well here's some of what I saw” said Luna “Two Fillies are alive today only because of you.”
“I only save one filly.” I said.
Luna continued. “No you saved two. Applebloom from that river almost ten seconds after you arrived here, and Sweetie Belle is only alive because you told Zecora about her sickness. Also your presence had been the cause of joy in many of our ponies lives. One example is Our dear subject Fluttershy. Like you said, to her you are the son she never had. Another is Zecora, you have given her a purpose beyond the life of a simple hermit. You don't know how much she enjoys having you as a student, And Silent Breeze. What you've done for her, well she might as well be on the list of ponies you've saved. Needless to say I'm not sending you back if it means undoing all that.”
I didn't expect that “Wow. I'll be honest I didn't think that I managed to accomplish that much. It's kind of sad to know that the first act I did upon entering Equestria prevented me from ever leaving. I'm not saying I regret it. Given that opportunity I'd do it again, And it's not just that. It's like the universe itself want's me here. I mean for crying out loud I got a cutie mark. It's like the universe is saying 'I accept your presence' it's just, wow. Well I'm tired, and When I get home tomorrow I will be getting ready to move to Zecora's homeland to get a proper education in medicine. Luna, do you mind leading me to the guest room? I'm back to relying on an cane, it makes getting around more difficult.”
“Not at all.” Said Luna.
Luna led me to the guest room. Before I went into the room I felt something in my pocket. When I pulled it out to see what it was I found I was still holding onto the wand.
“Oh yeah, I forgot I even had this thing. Do you want it back? Technically you bought it.” I asked.
Luna looked at the wand and shook her head. “No, you can keep it. Think of it as a gift from a friend.”
“Oh! Thank you.” I said.
“Your very welcome Martian.” replied Luna.
After Luna walked off I entered that room and headed straight for the bed. It wasn't long before I was out like a light.
After another restless night of dreams haunted by Rainbow Dash I decided I need help. Help I would get after I moved to Zecora's home land, and hopefully acquired a job with a large enough paycheck to support a monthly therapy bill.
After deciding I should get therapy from the Rainbow Slash incident (I ment Dash sorry I'm experiencing a bleeding effect from some of the nightmares I've been having), I got out of bed and ready for the day. Only to be trampled by a patrol of guards barging into my room.
“Spread out and look for him,” Commanded one of the guards.
The guard continued looking throughout the room. All the while continuing to trample me.
Now dear readers, if I may interrupt your reading experience for a moment. You shouldn't feel bad for Martian. He deserves it after all. I mean taking over Equestria and stealing everyone's powers for himself. Well that doesn't sound very nice does it, and let's not forget that nasty rumor he spread about Twilight. Worst of all he went to Equestria and he didn't invite any one of us. With this in mind I would like reinstate my earlier claim that Martian deserves the trampling he's getting, and that we shouldn't be pitying him but in fact laughing at his misfortune. With that said I will now let you get back to the story.
I just lied there in pain while they trampled me.
“Common this guy is freaking huge, how are we missing him,” said the guard leader.
“Ow” I muttered from under one of the guards.
The guards looked down to where the sound came from and saw me. “Solder why are you standing on this... individual. Get off of him,” commanded the Capetian.
The guard wasted no time in getting off of me and helping me to my feet.
“My apologizes citizen,” said the Captain, “We where under the impression that a terrible creature called a human was in this room. It stands around eight feet tall and has a firey mane and wings. You haven’t seen it have you?”
“... No, well at least not scene last night. I'll be honest though, I'd like to forget that ever happened,” I said.
“I understand. Tell a guard if you see anything suspicious,” said the captain.
“Now I had a cane that I believe got kicked around when you searched the room. if one of you would be so kind as to get it for me I'll be on my way,” I said.
One of the guards nodded and went to get my cane from where it had ended up and brought it to me.
“Thanks, You guy's take it easy,” I said then headed out the door.
“Stay safe citizen,” Commanded one of the guards as I left.
“Easter said then done,” I mumbled to my self.
I had made it the castle's main doors when I was interrupted by Luna.
“Ah martian, might I have a word with you before you leave?” Asked Luna.
“Um, sure.” I responded.
“Great, I need to prove to my sister that you are not a human,” Stated Luna.
“Are you still on that? Fine, if it gets her of my case. Also I was wanting to ask you what you what happened to Blueblood?” I asked.
Luna sighed before responding “my sister and discord overruled his execution after I returned their powers. Anyway if you will follow me that we can put down this scare of the coming apocalypse.”
I followed Luna to the throne room where Celestia was waiting for us. Celestia did not look pleased to see me. Nor the guards that where on duty for that matter because I was surrounded with spears within seconds
“Sister what is the meaning of this. I thought you said you took care of the human,” Demanded Celestia.
“No sister I told you that the crisis has been handled. I also recall telling you he was no human,” responded Luna.
“I am to a human,” I mumbled to myself.
“Explain,” Celestia demanded.
“He may look like a human, but unlike a true human that is made of pure evil, he is made of flesh and blood like you or me,” stated Luna.
Now in her right mind Celestia raised an eyebrow at the revelation “You are positive that this is not a trick?”
“Yes sister I've no doubt that he is merely a freak of nature,” said Luna.
“Ouch,” I said.
Luna and Celestia turned there attention to see what I was wining about. The scene they found was one of me holding my index finger in my mouth.
When I noticed the attention I gathered I gave the explanation “Turns out that the guards keep their spears in very good condition.”
Luna however paid no mind to what I said as she was currently working something out in her head. With out warning Luna took hold of my hand with her magic. “Look sister, if you do not believe me then at least believe your own eye's,” Luna said as she showed my bleeding finger to Celestia.
I took this opportunity to speak my mind “Is all this really necessary? Look Where I'm from there is an entire spices of human that are made of flesh and blood. I know that that doesn't fit you definition of what makes a human, but that's just how it is. I don't wish to be rude or anything but its just a simple fact that your definition of a human is wrong. Again I hate to come across as being mean but I believe that to had to be said. I'm sorry.”
By the way the princesses where looking at me it was apparent that they where in a conservation of there own and had missed most of what I said.
“Apology accepted,” said Luna. Luna then turned back to her sister. “I think that this also brings up the point that he also doesn't have the mental state of a human. Given that a human would never apologizes.”
Celestia nodded in agreement “Yes sister that is a curiosity. Very well, given this and your explanation of his other actions, I am will to accept that he is not of malicious intent.”
“I suppose that the best I'm getting. Well if that was all you needed I'll be going,” I said.
“Before you go I think it would be wise to inform my student about you,” said Celestia, “She has been in a state of panic since seeing you.”
“Okay, is she here or am I going to meet her at Ponyville?” I asked.
“I'll have her brought here momentary,” answered Celestia.
I sat around for some time waiting for Twilight Sparkle to arrive, while I was waiting Luna started up a conservation with me.
“Martian I remember you telling me that you where going to get an education in medicine after today. What school where you going to attend?” asked Luna.
“I was going to go to the zebra lands and attend a college there,” I responded.
“A wise decision. From what I understand the zebra's medicine practices are among the most advanced in the world,” Said Luna.
It wasn't long until Twilight Sparkle arrived. When she arrived she immediately headed into the throne room where she greeted Celestia, missing the fact that me ans Luna where in the room with her.
“Princess Celestia I'm so glad to see you. Have you heard any news about the human?” Twilight asked.
Celestia nodded, “I have revived most unusual news indeed. It turns out that the creature was not the kind of human that Equestria has known in the past but one from an alternate universe where they evolved from flesh and blood rather then pure evil. It turns out that the events of yesterday where all a mistake and the kingdom has been returned to our rule.”
“Oh, that's terrific! I'm glad that this is all over, and a new species from another world has been discovered. Oh, I have so many questions,” beamed Twilight.
I leaned over to Luna and whispered, “this wont take long will it. I kind of wanted to be home packing for the move by now.”
Luna leaned back to my and whispered in response, “Consider this payback.”
“Jerk,” I replied back.
Luna smacked me in the back of the head with her wing.
“OW! Alright I deserved that,” I said.
I turned my attention back to Twilight and Celestia to fond that Twilight had taken notice of my presence.
Twilight wasted no time in apologizing, “Hi I'm Twilight, and I am so sorry for thinking you where evil and attacking you.”
Well the sooner I get this over with the sooner I can get home. “Apology accepted. Well as good as forgiveness feels I really need to be heading home, So see ya round.” I said and started heading for the door.
Luna stopped me before I even made it out of the throne room. “Martian I'm sure that Twilight has many questions she wants to ask.”
Twilight immediately perked up, “Oh yes yes yes! Oh please can you say for an interview?”
Dang it, if I walk out now I'll look like a jerk.
“Fine but just a short one,” I begrudgingly said.
“Yes! Oh sorry, I'm just a little excited,” Twilight said while rubbing the back of her head with a hoof, “Moving on, First question who raises the sun and moon in your world?”
“It's all automated, the job takes care of itself.” I stated.
“Wow that's amazing, so the sun and moon move them selves?” asked Twilight.
“Actually the sun stays in one spot relativity and the planet orbits it, so to compensate the planet spins. The moon obits the plant,” I said.
“Wait how big is you sun?” Asked Luna.
“The mass of the sun is around a whole freaking lot, so about one point nine eight nine times ten to the power of thirty in kilograms. For the record its about one hundred and fifty million kilometers from out planet” I said.
“Alright that makes more scene.” Luna said and started writing in some notebook she produced.
“That seams really convoluted.” Stated Twilight.
“No no, I think he's on to something.” Luna exclaimed, “Sister if we figure this system out we can retire rich. All we need to do is set it up and continue taking credit for the day/night cycle.”
Celestia rolled her eye's, “No sister, such a system would never work, the magic involved would never work. I'm sure that whatever deity controls their sun and moon doesn't want to deal with the fame so it made something up.”
Luna mumbles something about the math checking out and giving up to easly.
“Alright next question. What controls the weather in your world?” Asked Twilight.
“Again it's all automated, well when I say it like that it sound like we have some control over it. More or less we just let it do it's own thing,” I replied.
Twilight began to look uneasy at this. “You mean that it's like the Everfree Forest?”
“Yes, that's it exactly,” I confirmed.
“The whole planet?” Twilight.
“Yep, the entire planet takes care of it's self plants, weather, animals, etcetera.” I explained.
Twilight's ears pined down as she lowered her head and looked downward, “that sound awful. Your entire race as no way to control the world around you.”
I waved my hand in the air, “no no it's not like that. We take advantage of how our world works. Personally I find it sad that you have to work so much if you want to get something done. For example, here you need an entire squad of pegasus to get it to rain, in my world a storm will construct itself.”
Twilight nodded and a small smile returned to her, “That's a good way to look at it. My next question is what kind of magic does your world have?”
Ah yes, yet another cliche question asked by many HIE stories. Fortunately I don't think my reply is overused, “Alright that's a really complex subject. Magic to us is something that cannot be explained by a scientific approach. By and large the answer is that there is no magic in our world. There are however claims of supernatural events from various groups. A common example is a miracle. Me being a victim of two instances (The portal to Equesria and death cheating on me) I'm inclined to believe such forces exist. So to answer your question, it depends on if you cont a supernatural being's divine intervention as magic. That answer your question?”
Twilight nodded, “Yea that will do for now, what does your spices eat?”
“The human race is omnivorous. We eat mostly fruits, vegetables, and cooked meats. Eating unknown plants or gemstones is an excellent way to make yourself suffer,” I said
“What can you eat and not eat specificity?” Twilight asked.
“For more accurate information please seek an expert on the subject.” I responded.
“What are you an expert on then?” asked Twilight.
“Well I will be an expert in the field of medicine after I get an education after this. Until then I am an expert on skewing thing up,” I explained.
“I can vouch for that.” Interjected Luna.
Twilight gave a disappointed sigh. “Very well.”
Twilight continued to ask question after question. Eventually I snapped and jumped out the window unfortunately Luna caught me before a had a chance to fall and forced me to continue twilight's questions. Finally after hours of questions I was free to go. Twilight was going to stay behind and document what she recorded while I went back to Ponyville. After departing the train I headed straight for my home in the Everfree forest. When I got there I found Zecora camping outside my house With my bags already packed.
Zecora saw me coming and waited until I had appraised before saying anything. “I'm glad that you've come back. Now let's put your life on track. I've packed our bags and booked a flight. We will leave tomorrow night. I've informed the others of the time we will leave by. We will visit them so we can say goodby.”
I nodded, “Alright sounds like a plan. It feels weird, giving up on going back. Thanks for doing this Zecora.”
Zecora led me to the Apple's farm where the Apples and Flutershy waiting for us. We spent the night together and said our goodbys. I promised to keep writing and to occasionally visit. Finally Zecora and I had to head out to catch our flight.
And that's pretty much the end of the story. I lived the rest of my life as a decently successful doctor. After I had gotten settled in Zecora went back to Equestria. I stayed in contact with Zecora, Fluttershy, and the Apples. I would occasionally visit them and sometimes Zecora visited me. I never found out what my grand destiny was that the Grand Reaper mentioned, but if I had to guess it probably some sort of long term investment sort of deal, you know some sort of more life equals more death in the long run or something like that. And of course I would occasionally find time to get myself involved in some crazy adventure. All in all, I lived a good life
This is not the latest chapter The previous chapter should be the latest chapter.
bloppers is always moved to the end of the story.
Another Story Where a Human Enters Equestria: Bloopers, The grammical and other errors that we found rather funny, we decided to record them instead of just get rid of them. Will be updated as we go along.
Chapter 12
I had been left to suffer alone. and oh man was I, the Grand Reaper – The way this sentence is written it implies that Martian is the Grand Reaper Spoiler alert! Joking he's not really but it is a funny coincidence considering the chapter before this one.
“Umm okay, but why Zecora's my house?” asked Fluttershy. Proofreader: Yes,why is Zecora fluttershy's house? Writer: I don't know ask her.
As she did so she started to start Proofreader: so Fluttershy has to start, before she can start... what?
Chapter 13 (not much this time...sorry)
“But you leg.” Fluttershy said. Proofreader: how do you 'Leg'? Writer: I was at the time Proofreader: ….......I don't wanna know... Writer: well you're doing it right now
Oops look like was a mine too. Proofreader: Look like was a mine?! Since when? He seemed like a normal guy to me! Writer: The mine, oh it was quite divine.
Chapter 14
As soon as she did this Angle got down from whatever hiding place he was in and waited at the door. As soon as Fluttershy left again Angle shut and locked the door Proofreader: Fluttershy takes care of triangles too? Writer : This mistake is a lot more ironic if you've seen the movie 'Hot Fuzz'. And I did it twice which is worse.
Said Fluttershy as she finely left. Proofreader: She can have so much grace sometimes, even when you can't see her.
“Anyway Zecora had offered me the chance to watch a piratical demonstration of medicine making, Proofreader:... So Zecora knows how to make medicine like a pirate?...okie-dokie-lokie...
I garbed a cane Fluttershy had made fore my to walk with Writer: I cannot grammar today, I'm too busy not grammaring
No that not what I was expecting Proofreader: Oh no! Martin's turned into a caveman! D: Writer: Amazing what an apostrophe 's' (or lack of) can do.
Chapter 15
To which Rarity replied “No I serious, Proofreader:...I serious, therefore I am. Writer:... very yes.
“Darling you honestly believe that I that much fabric laying around.” Rarity said. Proofreader:...Rarity has terrible grammar in this chapter. Writer: That much that I do.
Well this is an interesting devilment. Proofreader: I have nothing to say to this. Writer: Devilment – reckless mischief; wild spirits. Just thought you should know
All our heroins had left to do is tell Rarity to be in the lookout. Proofreader: hmmm, that doesn't look right... let me google it one google later Heroin Not to be confused with Heroine Writer: Yes, that would be important.
Chapter 16
No overly funny mistakes this time around sorry.
Chapter 17
Meet me there as soon as possible.” instructed Celestia. She telephoned straight to the labs without waiting for a response. Proofreader: yes, she just grabbed her handy cellphone and called herself into the lab. Writer: Actually she crawled through the phone to get to the lab. Pretty creative huh?
We then hers he sound of clanging armor coming from outside the room proofreader: I don't even know how to react to this other than sl