One Last Try
Weary.
That was the word Shining Armor had been looking for ever since he’d left the castle. When he’d been promoted to First Lieutenant the other day, he’d been besides himself. No more staying in the barracks, no more drilling with the enlisted troops. Best of all, he would have some real responsibility!
He’d simply not expected to have quite this much.
He entered his new on-base home, provided to officers who’d come of rank, and allowed himself to relax. A nice meal, a letter from home, maybe a drink or two. As he passed by the kitchen – his kitchen, he kept reminding himself with relish – he noted the mirror in the hallway and paused to examine himself. Oh, did he love the sight of himself in that uniform! The embroidery, the gold trim, the officer’s insignia. He thought he made a rather dashing young officer... and so did a certain princess, he was pleased to recall.
'Young' was right; it was hard to believe that he’d come so far when he was still really just a teenager. There wasn’t a single officer in Canterlot less than three years his elder, and he was proud of that fact. His father thought he would be intimidated, but such wasn’t the case, for Shining wanted the responsibility.
Yet he’d have been lying if he were to say he was prepared for it. Two days straight of nonstop briefing on the things a First Lieutenant of Canterlot Castle needed to know. They weren’t secrets so much as little-known facts, particularly relating to things that needed protection or careful handling. Magical artifacts and the like. He obviously wasn’t expected to keep watch over all of it, but he was expected to know what they were in case something came up.
Which meant Shining would be spending the next two or three months studying. The thought made him wilt and he rapidly lost interest in his reflection. His kid sister Twilight was the bookworm; he was a pony of action.
The thought of his sister reminded him that a letter from home had come in that day. He’d not heard from his parents or sister in weeks now and he was always eager to catch up on family news. This thought in mind, he went to his new room to get the letter from his bed. Gradually unbuttoning his coat, he brought the letter to his kitchen and sliced it open with a knife.
Shining,
You won’t believe what’s happened! Yesterday Twilight went to try out for Celes—
He felt the tingling sensation before he noticed the color. He dropped the letter in surprise, realizing that his entire body was coated in an opal glow. “What the—”
His world flashed so bright he couldn’t see anything… and then he was standing on the roof of the nearby officer’s headquarters.
“—hay?” He fell to his haunches, stomach churning. He was a momentarily dazed, but not confused; he knew a teleportation spell when he felt its unpleasant effects. He jerked to his hooves, struggling to maintain his balance as he scoured the roof for whoever had done this to him.
“Who’s out there? Show yourself!”
He circled in place as he wondered why anypony would want to get him out of his house, but spotted the figure. The hooded pony was sitting beside a chimney, head hung low. Shining took up a defensive stance; if this pony planned to get the drop on him then he’d show that youth didn’t mean weakness! His horn glowed in preparation… yet no attack came.
Seconds ticked by, but the hooded figure didn’t approach. Though hesitant. Shining gradually let his magic die down. “Who are you?”
The pony shifted at his harsh tone. The hood turned away and Shining thought maybe there would be no answer. But then, slowly, the pony reached up and pulled the hood back. It was a young unicorn mare. He saw that brilliant red and yellow mane and recognized her instantly. “Sunny?”
She winced and would not meet his startled gaze.
“W… What?” He shook his head, confusion shifting to annoyance as he approached her. “What’s the big idea? Last I checked, teleporting ponies from their homes out of the blue was not considered proper behavior.”
The sadness in her glance stopped him in his tracks. “Sunny? What’s wrong?”
She hesitated, a clear fear in her trembling lips, but finally she turned to him. Her eyes were pleading, her voice soft.
“Shining… Am I worth anything?”
He blinked, the question different from anything he might have expected. The subject wasn’t new, but the abruptness, and the way she asked the question… “Where did this come from? Of course you are.”
Sunset bowed her head, mane drifting down to hide her face. When she spoke again, her voice was cracking. “T-tell me I’m wanted, Shining. Tell me I‘m not being thrown away…”
Shining had no way of understanding what was wrong, but it was clear that she needed help. He hesitated; in truth, he was probably the last stallion she should be coming to for comfort. Even so, seeing her broken down like this hurt, for he knew how strong she really was. If she was on the verge of tears, this was no time to hold back.
So he stepped forward and held her close. “I don’t know what’s come over you,” he confessed, “but you know you’re a valued pony. Even Celestia—”
“Don’t talk to me about her!”
She shoved him back and turned away. He was startled to see tears in her eyes.
He stood by in quiet confusion as she tried to recover. “Sunny… what in the wide world of Equestria happened?”
Sunset spent several seconds rubbing her face and trying to stop the tears. After some time she was able to recover, but wouldn’t turn to face him. “C-Celestia… I’m no longer her apprentice.”
That made his eyes go wide. “She ended your training? Why?”
“I don’t know!” She shook her head violently and looked up to the castle in the distance. “She told me this crap about not learning my lessons, about going in the wrong direction. And now somepony’s replaced me!”
“Oh…” Shining fell to his haunches, trying to take this in. No wonder she was so upset! Knowing her as he did, about her past, he recognized this for the personal blow that it was. “Sunny, I’m so sorry.”
“How could she do this to me?” Sunset lowered her head once more and her entire body trembled. “I tried so hard, I studied so much. I didn’t let anypony stand in my way! I was a prodigy – she said so herself! I was going to be a princess. Nopony ever said it, but they didn’t have to; I knew she was grooming me for it. And now I’ve been replaced by a filly who’s not even half my age!”
He listened quietly, understanding her frustration. Yet he also recognized the situation; he had anticipated something like this might happen. Celestia probably gave up on her for the same reasons that he’d broken up with her two months ago. What was he supposed to do in this situation? Lie and claim a great injustice had been done?
Sunset turned her head to glare at him from over her shoulder. “Don’t you have anything to say?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. It’s so sudden, and I’m not really sure how to look at it.”
She heaved a long sigh and pouted. “That’s just like you, Shining: always looking for the way to keep everypony happy.”
He drooped. “Well… what do you want me to say?”
She turned to him, her eyes sad but hopeful, and walked forward so she was just in front of him. She gazed up into his eyes as she whispered, “I want you to tell me that I’m not like my mom. Tell me that I’m valued."
He stared back into those pretty cyan eyes that once made his heart flutter but now only filled him with sadness.
“You are valued, Sunny.”
She lowered her gaze and leaned forward, nuzzling his sturdy chest through the half-opened officer’s coat.
“Am I wanted?”
He blushed and considered moving away; this was far more contact than he wanted. But…
“You are.”
A moment’s silence as she remained leaning against him. He gritted his teeth as he felt her legs coming up to embrace him.
“Am I loved?”
He caught her, held her at leg’s length; that was going too far, even under these circumstances. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?” Her hopeful expression dropped to a harsh frown. “Don’t seek some comfort? Don’t ask to be loved? I’ve lost everything, Shining!”
“I can’t give you that kind of comfort.” He stepped back from her with an apologetic frown. “It’s over between us, you know that.”
“But why?”
His face was as firm as it had been two months ago. “I told you why.”
She glared at him for several seconds, but he wouldn’t budge.
“It’s because she’s a princess, isn’t it?”
A fire burned in Shining, but he forced his voice to remain calm. “My breaking up with you had nothing to do with Cadance.”
“Cadance.” Sunset spat the name as if it were poison. “Not Princess Cadance, I notice.”
His scowl was joined by an unpleasant tone. “Listen, I’m sorry about the apprenticeship. I’m sorry things didn’t work out between us. I’m sorry about your mom leaving, how your plans were ruined. I’m sorry about everything. But I am not going to lie to you and pretend to want you back just for your comfort, Sunset.”
Her eyes went wide, her hooves half-rose for him. “It wouldn’t be a lie!”
“Yes it would. Eventually that lie would destroy both our lives. I care about you, Sunny, I really do, and I’m worried for you, but what you’re wanting I can’t offer.”
Sunset's hooves slowly dropped, her expression hardened. Shining sucked in a deep breath and waited; he refused to let the pain in his chest be known. Seconds passed as the former lovers shared glares.
It was Sunset who broke. She lowered her eyes and began to cry fresh tears.
“Please… don’t tell me it’s a lie. I need something to cling to, anything!”
Shining watched her sob and felt his heart break. He wanted to help, but he just didn’t know what to do. It seemed like such a dangerous situation. If he came close, would she try again? But if he held back, she might regress into the situation she’d been in when they’d first met, back when she was struggling to make ends meet and nopony cared for her.
Becoming Celestia’s pupil had been the greatest thing to ever happen to her. It gave her a chance, a real opportunity to rise from her past... and now it was gone.
He had to do something.
Shining took a cautious step forward, wiping away her tears with both hooves. “Sunny, I wanna be there for you. Really, I do.”
She sniffed and didn't meet his gaze. “B-but you won’t take me back.”
“I can’t. I wish you could understand that.” He leaned forward to press foreheads with her and prayed she wouldn’t take the touch in the wrong way. “This isn’t the end for you. We aren’t even out of our teens yet. There are endless possibilities. You should take what you’ve learned and apply it to your future.”
“I don’t have a future without you,” she muttered, misery seeped into every word.
He straightened up and tucked a hoof under chin, making her look him in the eye. “You won’t be without me. I’m here, Sunny! I’ll help. I can’t give you… that… but I’ll help in any other way you need.”
Though the sadness didn't leave her eyes, she managed a smile. He smiled back. For just a moment, he thought maybe he’d reached her… until she leaned forward to give him a peck on the lips.
He jerked back, fear filling him, but she didn’t follow up the kiss. She only kept smiling, eyes wet but clear. “You’re sweet. You always were. But that’s just not enough.”
Shining sat and lowered his head, feeling like a failure. He was supposed to be her friend – he wanted to be – but he just couldn’t figure out what to do.
“I’m sorry, Sunset.”
“Me too,” she whispered.
For a long time they remained that way, neither knowing what to say. Shining wished he could think of something comforting, something that would really matter to her, but after several minutes of struggling with his thoughts all he could manage was a weak “What will you do now?”
He winced; it sounded so cold in his head.
Yet Sunset's smile didn't fade. She pulled her cloak about her body as if chilled and turned her head away. “I’ve been thinking about it. I’m going to go away. There’s nothing for me here anymore.”
Shining raised his head in alarm. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Yes, I do.” Her voice strangely calm. “There’s no love in this world for me. I’m a failure. I wasn’t good enough for my mother, for society, for Celestia. For you. No matter where I go in Equestria, that will always be true.”
“That’s not true at all!” He set his hooves to her shoulders, tried to get her to look him in the eye. “You can’t just give up like that. If you were Celestia’s apprentice then you should realize that there’s love for every pony in Equestria!”
He regretted it as soon as he said it. Her eyes hardened and she shoved him away. Her voice became like ice. “Maybe that’s why she gave me the boot, because I didn’t learn. Or maybe she’s the one who needs to learn!”
He stepped up to her with an pleading expression. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
She peered at him. “How else could you have meant it?”
He withered under her gaze, knowing he was in the wrong. “I’m sorry, okay? I was just trying—”
“—to help.” She jerked her head away from him. “You’re always trying to help.”
The energy didn't last, and her anger faded to that now-familiar sorrow. “I shouldn’t be taking it out on you. It’s not your fault I’m a failure.”
“You’re not—"
“Stop.” She set a gentle hoof to his lips. “I don’t want to hear anymore.”
Shining stared as she lowered her hoof, wishing he could find a way to get through to her. She was taking this whole situation in the wrong direction, but she just wouldn’t let him show her that!
“I came here hoping to find a reason to stay,” she confessed with head bowed. “I’m sorry, Shining. I should have just left.”
“No.” He lowered his head to meet her gaze through their manes. “You trusted in me to help. I’m the one proving worthless.”
She smiled, then turned her head to observe the full moon. “I’ll have to go soon. Don’t wanna miss my ride.”
He blinked and followed her gaze in quiet confusion. “Where are you going?”
She turned her smile back on him. “I told you, Shining: there’s no place in this world for me, so I’ll have to find another.”
He could only stare back in confusion. He had the sad feeling he was missing something very important.
She blushed, averting her eyes. “You were good to me, Shining. I didn’t even know what kindness was until I met you. Tell me, what we had… was it real?”
He considered the question, recalling their two years of romance. The anger of their first encounter; the moment they realized their attraction; the awkwardness of that first date; the anxiety of that first kiss; all the times he sneaked out of the base to see her; how she’d brought him to the Royal Gardens to watch the sun set over Canterlot; the occasional steamy night.
“Yes. Yes, Sunny, it was very real.”
She regained her frail smile and reached up to stroke his cheek. “We might not see one another again for a long time." She came forward and embraced him tightly, and this time he felt no fear. “For just a moment, one last time, let’s pretend it’s real again. Maybe it will keep me warm wherever I’m going.”
That, at least, he could indulge. He held her close, wishing he could do more, knowing there was nothing that would help. This little moment, this one last act of tenderness, was all he could give. If it would bring her comfort in the coming days, then he’d offer it.
They held on for some time, neither saying anything. At last he felt her shift and pull away, and she was smiling. “I have to go; my window will close very soon.”
He watched her walk away, heart heavy with regret.
“Sunset?”
She paused but didn’t look at him.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be the stallion you needed.”
She turned to him. Tears filled her eyes, but her expression was warm. “You’ll make a good husband someday, Shining. No matter what happens, I want you to remember that I don’t blame you for anything, and… that I loved you. Don’t forget that, okay?”
He tried to smile. He managed it, but it probably wasn’t a good display.
“I promise.”
She held his gaze for a few tender seconds. At last her horn flashed, and she was gone.
He sat, alone and miserable. He thought on what had just happened, on what he might have done differently. Yet no matter how he looked at it, things probably would have been the same between them. Should he share this moment with Cadance? Should he bring it up with anypony?
No matter what he might do from here on in, he knew that this failure would haunt him for a long time to come.