For the past year, the ponies of Equestria have been living among humans as equals. This is the story of Dan, a human with a very strange pony room mate. It's pretty much just his day to day musings about the world and his day. Enjoy.
(based on various fics about ponies coming to our world and various Youtube videos on the same subject.) (Pictures from Derpybooru)
Character colors: Dan's entries and note will have no color.
Pinkie's entries and notes will be in purple (because pink's hard to see on a white background.)
Well, since I’m starting this little journal, I guess I should give a bit of background information. My name is Dan, Daniel J. Harrison, and I live in a small town in Illinois. It’s not exactly a city, but it’s also not a village. I can’t really define it well, but that’s not the point of this blog. The point is to tell you guys about my life after the ponies. For those of you who don’t know (those living under a rock in other words), about a year ago a portal from another dimension opened up. It was all over the news, CNN even had twenty-four hour coverage of it. Millions of people where speculating on what it was: physicists said it was a rip in time and space, religions all said it was a sign of the apocalypse, and politicians tried to brush it away as some sort of stunt from a big company. But no one was ready for what it really was.
A little this time, a show called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic premiered on a channel called The HUB. It was a reboot of the older My Little Pony series, but something was different. It actually had a lot of work put behind it, so much that the show appealed to more then just little girls. It also appealed to teen boys and young adult males, these where soon called Bronies. At first I was a little skeptical on how good the show really was, at least until a friend of mine asked me to watch it with him. We wound up riffing on it, but at the same time I felt like I was enjoying the show. Soon, I watched an episode or two alone, and I loved it. After that I knew I was a brony, a closet brony but still a brony. I told my friends, they didn’t treat me any different, and every thing seemed fine... Woah, sorry... Got off subject there, I sometimes ramble about things.
Where was I? Oh yeah, the portal. Well, everyone waited months and months for this thing to spit something out or swallow us up, then one day something finally came out of it. A whole lot of some things. When I saw the long, pointed, white horn and swirling, rainbow-ish mane there was only one thing I could say.
“Fucking ponies...” It was a joke me and my friend (the one who got me to watch MLP) had. When ever some one asked us why we watched the show, all we said was 'Fucking ponies.’ Anyway, a tall white alicorn and a small dark blue alicorn stepped out of the portal first, and everyone basically turned their heads and said what the fuck. Then, Princess Celestia (the white alicorn) spoke.
“Dear humans of this place!” she called out using the 'Royal Canterlot Voice’, “I am Celestia Beambright, princess and ruler of the land of Equestria. I ask to speak to you leaders, in order to solve a terrible matter that has befallen my land.” I held my breath, hopping that the soldier there wouldn’t try to shoot Celestia for the sheer fact that she was a talking horse with wings and a horn, then something great happened. A soldier took a few steps towards the two alicorns and bowed his head in respect. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but it seemed to make Princess Luna (the dark blue alicorn) a little less tense.
Over the next few days, negotiations where being held at the U.N. over what many where calling ‘My Little Contact’. The media made up that name, finding the connection between Celestia and MLP fast. Many stations (like FOX News) said that the U.N. shouldn’t help the Equestrians, playing clips from various episodes that made the ponies look like barbarians or as dangerous (mostly from the episodes where Twilight Sparkle goes crazy, Pinkie Pie goes crazy, and where the main six characters fight off large monsters.). Thankfully, no one listened to them as the princesses proved to be very generous and kind. The whole world was on the edge of their seats, especially Bronies and Pegasisters, as well all wanted to know what was wrong with the world the colorful creatures came from. A lot of us also wondered why they all looked like they did in the show, and not like normal horses... Then again, that mite’ve been a good thing.
Finally, a press conference was called by the princesses in front of the U.N. Every prime time show was interrupted by it, and the whole world watched as Princess Celestia walked up to the podium.
“Humans of the world,” she began, “my sister and I thank you for this warm welcome. We both know that you are all wondering why we have come to you, what terrible problem we have that would force us to cross dimensions to ask you for help. Well, I shall show you...” Celestia’s horn them shined with a bright white light, and my TV screen was filled with an image I was very familiar with... But it was different. I knew I was looking at Ponyville, the town from the show, but it looked abandoned. Windows where cracked, houses had no roofs, and even the castle the princesses lived in (which was far off in the background) looked like it was ready to fall off the side of the mountain it was on. Needless to say, I was very shocked, but it wasn’t the image that scared me the most but what was missing from it. There where no ponies in Ponyville. No Twilight, no Pinkie Pie, no Rarity, no Apple Family, not even a hair of Fluttershy or Rainbow Dash. Even the background ponies, a huge part of the Brony/Pegasister fandom, where gone.
“Our world is dying, dear humans.” Celestia began again, “Some how, Equestria is suffering from powerful earth quakes that are taring the planet apart. The other races of creatures: the dragons, griffons, and other creature have left for new homes already. We are the last to leave our land, and we ask you... No, beg of you to let us take residence here with you. Here, we shall co-exist, as equals.” The sun princess backed away from the microphone, and a U.N. representative took her place.
“We of the United Nations, egarly accept the idea of living side by side with being such as the Equestrians.” the man straightened his tie then resumed, “We ask that all members of our respected countries take the same steps to welcome them.” It took every bit of straight I had not to jump for joy, and that’s when the world began to change. Even for me.
Day 2: Yesterday Feb. 21,2012
Almost a year to the day, I put in an add for a room mate, mostly because I really need help with the rent. My place is a big for me, a duplex that I’ve got half of. It’s nice, not much work to be done on it, but it’s just... Lonely. I placed an add in the paper, put some fliers on public bulletin boards, the usual stuff when you look for a room mate. I stayed off the internet, just a personal thing but I’d rather not take the chance of winding up with a psycho. I didn’t expect a lot to happen with in the next week, what with various human and Equestrian holiday just getting over with; however, I was wrong. Five seconds after I sat down, I heard my doorbell go off. Now, I wasn’t expecting anyone, but I had a feeling I knew who was at the door. Sure enough, I was right.
As I opened the door, I could see the poofy cotton candy hair of Pinkie Diane Pie. I thought I had seen the pink pony following me around from the corner of my eye, but I had no clue that it really was her. After the rest of the ponies came through the portal, Pinkie Pie and the Cakes had opened a new Sugarcube Corner in my town. I visited it every so often, especially on Monday when it was two for one Donut Morning Madness. Pinkie’s smile always cheered me up, and here she was now with the same smile with one of my fliers in between her teeth. I told her it would start as a trial run (three months), and if we couldn’t get along she’d have to move out. Pinkie agreed, which made me a little happy. We talked for a while, I don’t remember what it was about, then she said that she needed to get back to work. I walked her to the door and asked when she wanted to move her stuff in, she said she’d call tomorrow and a smiled. Before she left my front yard, Pinkie yelled back that she couldn’t wait to make me her new bestest best friend. ‘Typical Pinkie’ I though, then headed back inside to call 012my girlfriend. I had to tell her that THE Pinkie Pie was moving in, after all Fluttershy lived with her.
Well, Pinkie moved in yesterday, and the house is still standing. I was a crazy day, but of course I helped. I kind of regret it, not letting her stay, helping her move. I never knew how heavy cook books where until I was carrying about fifteen of them to and from my car, not to mention her pet alligator wouldn’t get off my head. Pinkie told me that it was Gummy’s (the alligator) way of saying he likes me, and that he wanted to make sure he would see all of his new home. To me, the little guy just had a far off stare in his eyes, like he was deep in though... Or high off his mind. Either way, he was heavy for such a small gator. I’m just happy he didn’t try to bite me, or gum me as it where. I decided not to ask my new roomy if Gummy was naturally toothless, or if she had to pull out his teeth. It just seemed like a rude question.
Around noon, Pinkie’s friend Rainbow Dash flew by to help us out a bit. She brought her pet, a turtle named Tank who was floating thanks to a few balloons tied to his shell. With her helping us, the move went a little faster, though I wish one of their unicorns friends could’ve come by too. Rainbow said that Twilight was busy helping Celestia and Luna with diplomatic stuff, and that Rarity had been hired on by a big named designer in France. However, Rarity did send a letter to Rainbow saying that she would send a dress for each of her five friends as soon as she could, no pay necessary. I guess it pays to have a friend who’s supposed to be the most generous pony in Equestria... well, on Earth would be a better term now, I guess. Anyway, we took a break at one and went to get some lunch.
We went to this little pizza shop I knew about, it probably has the best bread sticks in the world, and ordered a large half meat lovers, half veggie pie. I was a little afraid to eat meat in front of my two new friends, but the earth pony and pegasus said it was ok, as long as I never ate horse. I guess they pretty much understood that the animals here are different from the ones in their dimension, but it seemed like Dash was a bit put off by one of the more pepperoni covered slices. We struck up a small conversation, turns out Rainbow Dash had joined an air show. In fact, the closing performance was her racing a jet at full speed. Pinkie, of course, still baked for the Cakes, but she also took up a side job as a party planer. I had to laugh at that, it just seemed like one of the most ironic things in the world to me. Pinkie Pie actually getting payed to throw parties, talk about doing what you love. After lunch we finished up moving Pinkie, she said good bye to the Cake and that she’d see them tomorrow first thing in the morning (which she did). It was kind of sad, mostly because Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake started to cry when Pinkie hugged them. But she had to leave, the little apartments above Sugarcube Corner where just too small for a family of four and their friend. We drove away, and Pinkie sighed but smiled at the same time. She said that she’d have to throw a party next week for them, since the baby Cakes where going to be a year old. I just smiled and drove.
***
Today, I saw something that scared me a little. Pinkie Pie was on the computer, I didn’t mind though I was a little confused on how she typed my password in. It wasn’t that that scared me, it was the fact that she was looking up...well, pony porn. The old stuff from before the Equestrians crossed to Earth, the drawings. She some of them where art, tasteful nudes of what people thought where imaginary, but some of it was just weird.
“Why would me and Spike do anything like that?” she asked me, “That’s just silly! We’re just friends, plus he’s in love with...” She covered her mouth with her hooves quickly, then smiled, “Woops! Almost forgot, loose lips sink friendships.”
“You know, everyone knows he likes Rarity, right?” I asked, not knowing if she had seen any old episodes of the show.
“I know silly, but I still promised not to tell anypony. And that includes humans.” I had to admire how good of a friend she was. Of course, there wasn’t any pony porn with actual ponies. They didn’t mind the fact that we had drawn them doing stuff, but they didn’t think it was right for them to show us themselves. Now, you’re all probably wondering (all three of you under that rock) if there where any pony/human couples. Not really, after all it’s kind of hard to love a cartoon pony that much, no matter what a lot of the stranger Bronies said or wrote. As for fan fictions and clop fics, they’re less fan fiction now and more just... fiction. A few writers from fimfiction.com actually became published authors, some even worked side by side with the ponies there where writing about. It’s a bit late... I think I’m gonna head to bed. Night.
Ooooo, what’s this? Hmmm, oh I know! It’s a blog! Hi everypony on the internet! I’m Pinkie Pie, and I just moved in with this super duper guy named Dan. He’s nice, even though he’s kind of boring. Anyway, I think he left his blog up accidentally... Maybe I should close it down? Probably, well I hope that I get to make even more friends with every human I meet. If any of my old friends from Ponyville are reading this, I just want to saw hi! Hi Twilight! Hi Applejack! Hi Rarity, oh I mean, Bonjour Rarity! Hi Dashie! Hi Fluttershy! Hi Spike! Goodnight everypony!
Day 5:
I noticed that Pinkie wrote a little on my last post. I’m a little ticked off, but she did make an amazing pancake breakfast this morning so I can forgive her. The rest of the day was pretty much the same as it would’ve been without Pinkie: I went to work, ate lunch with the humans and ponies who I work with, worked more, then I went home. That’s where things went a little differently. Once I got inside and turned on the lights, Pinkie and about half of my friend jumped out and yelled surprise. Apparently, Pinkie had called them up and told them she was planing a 'Congratulations on finding a room mate’ party. It probably wasn’t the best idea to have it on a Monday, but I wasn’t going to turn down a Pinkie Pie party. The pink pony even invited my neighbor, who I never spoke to before, over. He was standing the corner talking to a brown colt with an hourglass cutie mark, but they didn’t hold my attention for long because I could see Pinkie pushing a more familiar person toward me. Somehow, Pinkie had found the phone number for my girlfriend, Sheila. Once she and I locked eyes, we couldn’t help but run to each other and kiss. Right next to Pinkie, a pale yellow pegasus with a pink mane was blushing.
“See,” Pinkie said, “I told you they would be happy!”
“Oh... My...” Fluttershy said, though I was barely able to hear it over the music and the sound of people talking. I barely have time to post this actually, Pinkie’s starting a conga line and Sheila’s waving me over to join it. I’ll try and talk to you guys tomorrow.
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Authors note: Thanks for making this a real popular story guys. Also, the reason Pinkie Pie's part is in purple is because the pink coloring was really hard to see on the white backround
Crap! I'm sorry guys, I know I started this blog as a way to get things off my chest. I can't believe how many people are following this thing, and you're all probably wondering what happened to me and why I stopped posting. Well... It's an easy couple of questions to answer:
First, I wasn't posting a lot because my job really picked up, and I had a lot of things going on with Pinkie and my girlfriend. Second, honestly... I kind of forgot about this blog until Pinkie tackled me and started yelling (actually yelling) at me, saying that I broke a Pinkie Promise. When she reminded me about the blog I flipped out and ran to my computer, and man was I surprised at how many people actually started following it (and how many of you didn't ask what happened to me, but I kind of understand that). And finally, as for what happened to me... Well, I did manage to write some things down in a personal journal that I've had since I graduated high school. Maybe I'll type up what it says, and that'll get you guys all caught up.
Once again, I am so very sorry, and you can expect more from me from now on. At least one update every week or so, after all I Pinkie Promised.
Pinkie Pie Time! Hey everypony! I'm sorry I didn't remind Dan earlier, but there was so mcuh to do at Sugarcube Corner, and I had to babysit the Cakes a couple of times, and I have my party planners on the side, and I needed to write tons and tons and tons and tons and tons and TONS of letters to Twilight and Dashie and my friends because I miss them, and I had to talk to Fluttershy about the arrangement's for her wedding...
THE WEDDING!!! I almost forgot the cake! I'll have to cut this short everypony and human... Oh, and Danny said I can post on here two, so I'll see you later Gummy-gators!
These are some entries from the journal I told you guys about. I hope this makes up for a lot of the time I missed. To put a few things to rest, most of February was pretty crazy. I dated the entries (thanks god) and I'll put the usual Day: #in as well.
-Dan J. Harrison
Day 6: Feb. 25
I really do think Pinkie may have lost her mind, or at least made me lose my safety deposit. She painted her room pink, not just some dull shade either it's a bright neon pink! Not to mention all the holes in the walls because Rainbow Dash decided to come over and try and help her hang up some pictures (a side note: ponies that don't have a special talent in using any tool should probably not use tools.)
I'm not sure if it was just me, or if Pinkie noticed it either, but Rainbow seemed to be a bit distant from me. She angrily stared me down the whole time we had lunch, not to mention she kept asking Pinkie if she was sure she wanted to live with a human who eats meat. The pink pony said that she was ok with it, as long as I didn't try to force her to try ham or anything... This, of course, reminded me of Cupcakes and sent a shiver down my spine. Maybe that's why Rainbow's so against her living with me, she doesn't want to end up as a Pinkie Pie special at the bakery.
After Rainbow left, it was just me and Pinkie. This was really the only night it was the two of us (not counting the derp eyed alligator attacking a ball of yarn in the corner of the room) since she had a 'Welcome to the House' party every night that week end. The strangest thing is, she's surprisingly quiet when she gets sleepy. Sure, a few hours before she was frantically asking me to play every board game she had with her... all at once, but now she just seemed like a cute little kid all curled up on the couch snoozing away. I picked her up and put her in bed a little while after that, then I noticed a picture on her all. It was a picture of the Sugarcube Corner in Ponyville, which wasn't anything special to me. It took me a while of wondering to figure out why Pinkie would put such a boring picture in her room, after all this is THE Pinkie Pie we're talking about, but I soon figured it out. t wasn't just a picture of a bakery... It was her home.
I called my mom after figure this out, she was asleep so I left a voice mail asking her if she wanted to get breakfast or something. I hadn't seen my mom in months... I hope she says ok.
Day 9:
Sugarcube Corner got some competition today. I'm actually surprised that these two businesses moved in around here: Pony Joe's Coffee and Doughnut Hut and The Super Cider and Apple Pastry Retail and Restaurant. The second story, which a lot of people are just calling the Cider Store (for obvious reasons), is owned by the Flimm Flam brothers. Thankfully, their store isn't getting a lot of business so they may be closing down soon; however, Pony Joe's is getting enough attention that it mite steal most of Sugarcube's morning crowd.
I told the Cakes and Pinkie that I'd start buying doughnuts twice a week, but... Well, doughnuts go good with coffee right? And Sugarcube Corner doesn't exactly have any coffee... Not to mention Pony Joe's has this amazing Caramel Frappe that go perfect with the chocolate sprinkled doughnuts from Sugarcube, and it's what gets me through my Friday...
Pinkie Pie here! I don't really mind if he gets coffee from Joe's... Between you and me internet, I like to get the icey ones that have bits of white chocolate on top. Joe even adds a bit of chili sauce to give it a big kick and wake me up on Mondays! I hope Mr. and Mrs. Cake don't see this... Hehe...
(Author's note: The notes from the character where put in after the entry was written out. So when you see something like (Pinkie note: Okey Dokey Lokey), just think of it as the character putting it in after they read the entry. Enjoy )
Day 22:
Hey guys, sorry about it taking so long for me to update the blog this time around. Believe me, Pinkie reminded me... And reminded me... And put sticky notes all over my fridge reminding me... And sang a song that reminded me... She even made me a cake that said ‘Remember to update the Blog’ in pink icing (on a side note it was the best cake I’ve ever had and I plan on having it on every birthday I will ever have.) (Pinkie note: FOREVER!).
Finally, something happened that I feel will make a good entry. It’s actually kind of amazing that this happened, but the Cakes and Pony Joe decided to merge their two businesses into one big sweets/coffee store. They’re calling it A Cup of Sugar (Pinkie note: not the best pun in the world, but I like it.), and they’ve decided to share the building that Joe’s Coffee and Donut Shop was in. Personally, it seems like Joe’s coffee has gotten 20% better since he only has to focus on making that and half the donuts now. The Cakes sell all their usual stuff, but lately their pie seems to be the most popular item... Hell, they’ve even had celebrities come in for a drink. The Mayor of Chicago, Jerry Springer, John Mahoney (the dad from Fraiser), Gustave Griffon (the famous Equestrian baker that has his own restaurant in Chicago), and (this is the big one guys) Vinyl Scratch. Yeah, that’s right, DJ Pon-3 came to a cafe in my town! You jelly? (Pinkie note: I asked her to come in, she’s an old friend and she DJ’s most of my parties. Octavia came in with her too, but she was kind of quiet and mostly just drank her tea. We had to kick Vinny out because she tried to spike her coffee... I miss Spike and Twilight. If you guys are reading this come over sometime ok? I’ll have a ‘It’s- been-a-long-time-how’ve-you-been?’ party.)
Day 24:
Hey everypony, Pinkie Pie here. Dan told me it was ok for me to start writing my own entries (I think it was the cake that I gave him when I was trying to remind him to write to you guys every week, but I’m not sure since it took him a long time to answer and even then he didn’t write that much.). Anyway, a looooooooot of stuff happened since yesterday so this entry might be a little longer then you guys are used to. Hmmm, now where to start... Oh oh! I know. Well, I got promoted yesterday, when Mr. and Mrs. Cake and Pony Joe opened the new store. I’m now the Executive Assistant Baker (which basically means I don’t do anything different than I usually do, but the Cakes and Mr. Joe agreed that since I said it would super duper amazing if I could get Pony Joe’s coffee in the same place as the Cake’s cakes that I deserved a little extra money.). After that, Rainbow Dash came by to say hi and talk and help me make some cupcakes (also, me and Dash read that one story that started out the same way, but it ended up I made Dashie into cupcakes, we thought it was funny because it was just so... weird. Why would I ever make Rainbow into a cupcake, she’s already a sweet pranker.) (Dan note: That joke was so bad I had to laugh at it.) and after that she asked if I could take the rest of the day off since I only had like two hours left at work, I asked Mrs. Cake and she said it was ok. So, I went with Dashie, apparently she found out that Apple Jack had started a farm near town and she invited me and Rainbow over to hang out. Apple Bloom was in school and Big mac was working another joke at a warehouse with some other people and ponies. We had a huge party, and I brought over some sweet from the store... But then something really horrible happened. Vinny had came over to the shop the other day as a favor to me, and it turns out that after she had a huge fight with Octy. Octy kicked her out of the apartment and Vinyl had been looking all over for me. Dan drove her over to the farm, but she was already drunk off cider and she started crying and... Well, let’s just say she crashed on the couch and Dan’s place. That’s all I’ll write for now, I gotta get to work planning a party. Twilight said she’d try and visit this weekend, and when I sent an email out Rarity said he was going to fly in right away. Fluttershy said she’d come over too, and so did Dashie and AJ. It’s going to be so amazing!!!!
Hope this made somepony’s day. Love,
Pinkie Pie (Dan note: I did as much grammar editing as I could. Sorry about the long sentences, but hey... That’s Pinkie.)
Day 25:
Hey... Look, I know this is Pinkie and that one human guy who likes Alternative Rock a lot’s blog, but I really need to get this off my chest. My name’s Vinyl Scratch, anypony out there probably knows me better as DJ Pon-3. I do a lot of nightclub work, some of the more rave-like parties that Pinkie makes, made an album a while back it should be on that Youtube thing you human’s use.
I’m delaying... sorry. You guys are probably wondering what Octy Octavia and I fought about that was so bad that she kicked me out... I... It’s my fault. I’ve been... Seeing somepony behind her back. Not in the romantic way but in the... other way. And it didn’t start after everypony moved here from Equestria either, its been for... a while. A long while... No pony’s perfect, I’m sure you guys know that. I mean look at Pinkie, she’s a ball of pure sugar when she’s happy, but when she get depressed (which doesn’t happen often) she doesn’t even come out of her room to plan parties or make sweets or anything. She told me to say this on here because she doesn’t want people or ponies to think I’m just a bad apple... It probably doesn’t help. Octy, if you’re reading this, I want you to know I’m sorry. I cut it off with that stallion and I’m never going to do that to you again. I feel like complete crap for doing that to you, and I’m sorry. I’m gonna be staying at Dan and Pinkie’s for the time being, I’ll be paying rent and helping out when I can.
Day 30: So, I’m typing this a bit late, around midnight almost, so excuse any grammar or spelling that my computer doesn’t catch. Anyway, you guys are probably wondering about Vinyl and Octavia... Well, let’s just say that Octavia saw what Vinyl wrote and got a bit, what’s the word Pinkie used? Oh right, ‘she went loco in the coco’. Long story short, Octavia is brutally ticked off at Vinyl, and the DJ might be staying with us a bit longer. I don’t mind it, but I wish she would pick up after herself. I’ve woken up to dishes with food still on them, socks and hoodies all over my couch, and (worst of all) ponies passed out from parties. I know that last one is partially because of Pinkie Pie, and honestly I can look past having a few hung over horses in my living room... If they didn’t puke all over the carpet. I guess it could be worse, at least we have the duplex still.
Day 32: Remember the end of the last entry where I said we still had the duplex? Yeah... The landlord evicted us. He did this for three reasons: 1) the raves that lasted till two o’clock in the morning, 2) the ‘various messes’ the ponies left on my part of the lawn while partying (apparently ponies aren’t as wholesome as I first thought. Sure, they don’t have sex with humans... But that doesn’t stop a bunch of drunk ponies from getting at each others... Oh the things I’ve seen would scar a lesser man.), and the third reason is simply that my lease was set up so I could have one roommate only. Now, there is a silver lining to this... Literally, the real estate agent’s name is Silver Lining. He’s a pegasus that has assured me that he can get me a nice house to rent, where I could even bring on a few more room mates if I want. I, of course, just wanted a place to sleep that wasn’t my car or my girlfriend’s place. Speaking of that, Sheila’s doing fine. She and Fluttershy are getting along great. She sees Rainbow Dash more than Pinkie and me, but I’m not too sad about that (personally, I think RD doesn’t like me very much. I blame Cupcakes). Sheila actually sent me this picture of Fluttershy using her laptop, and just like when I saw Pinkie use it, she can’t figure out how Flutters uses the keyboard. Seriously, if anybody or anypony knows how that works, please comment. Also, the reason I’m not moved in with Sheila is because... well, we’re kind of going slow...
Fluttershy using Sheila’s laptop (looking at wildlife preserve sites).
*** So, yeah... I kind of blame myself for Pinks and her bud getting kicked out of the house. I told them I didn’t need a place to stay, but you guys know how Pinkie is when it comes to her friends. I do feel real bad about it though, if it weren’t for me those guys wouldn’t have to be staying at Shy and Dan’s girlfriend’s place. They say they don’t wana move in together and wana take it slow... Now, I’m not sure if this is the cider talking, but that seems like a bunch of dragon crap to a certain blue haired unicorn. And I’m not talking about Shining Armor. I’m pullin’ in enough money to help pay for some of this house that my boy Lining’s fixin’ us up with. Damn I’m happy Dan doesn’t know what Lining did before the whole selling houses thing (let’s just say Lining’s very lucky when it comes to blackjack)... I’m sorry guys, I can’t keep acting like everything’s going to be OK. Octy, I know you still read this blog! I told you that I’m sorry, I bucking spilled my guts out for you on the internet! Do you know how many trolls I’ve had to deal with? And you say that I’m just begging and that you know I’ll just do it again? Fine! Be that way you bucking mule! Go and find somepony else who’ll go to your concerts, who’ll stay up late with you when you have nightmares about some random shit you read, buck! find somepony else who’ll stay up waiting for you to come home from touring and actually worry and have a bucking meal waiting for you you selfish littlegfjk,mn *** Sorry everypony, Vinny gets this way when she’s had too much to drink... That, and Octy really hurt her. She’ll be ok once she wakes up tomorrow though.
Day 37: Well, Silver Lining really pulled through for us, here’s a few pics I took of the house and neighborhood.
The house (with a little visitor)
Pinkie vacuuming/ dancing to Moves like Jagar
O.O How did she get in there?!
Fluttershy and Sheila stayed over, Flutters just showered.
Some fillies playing outside
Vinyl with a Pegasister at the local music store
A pic from a trip to the local bar (I don’t really like the bartender much)
Oatmeal! Are you crazy?!
I know this is a bit short guys, but I really want to relax and get used to the house.
Day 40:You know, maybe I’ve been focusing on Octavia too much lately, you guys might think that she’s all I think about... She isn’t. I’ve got a job, as most of you know, being the most crunk DJ pony in all of Equ- Whoops! I mean Earth (You guys still say that right? Crunk? It’s in a lot of the music they ask me to work with in these clubs, that and some really dull pop music). So yeah, let’s talk about music. I like music that you can dance to, you know like dubstep. I know a lot of humans and ponies don’t like the wubs, but I think the wubs are totally necessary for a good rave. Rock’s ok too, I like when they just go into a full on guitar rift... Hmmm, pop’s hit or miss for me. Country sucks, rap’s meh, classical’s... Classical is... Buck, I can’t even talk about music without her popping into my head. You’ld think a unicorn would be able to just magically push the thought of their ex-marefriend out of their head, but no ‘magic doesn't work that way’. Maybe I can get Pinks friend Sparkle to use a memory spell on me or something... I know, I’ll tell you guys about my work. Let’s see, where do I start? Well, first off it’s a pretty sweet gig: I don’t have to get up early, I get free drinks, loads of mares and stallions try to get at me (not interested right now, but maybe in a month or so I’ll be up for a little ride ;) ), and of course I get to play great buckin’ music for ponies and people to dance to. I thought ponies had weird dance moves, but you humans take the cake.(Pinkie note: Mmmmm, cake.)What’s that grinding thing you do on a girl’s flank? Is that just a move, or it that like flirting and dancing at the same time? Anyway, I like to get the crowd pumped, and usually dubstep does that pretty well. If not I’ll pull out some house music. Sometimes, in the middle of a set, I’ll pull out something slow to get the couples closer together; unless I’m in a nightclub, then I just keep going with the wubs mixed with some pop and maybe a nice mash up I find on Youtube. Somewhere after that I put old Betty (my turn table) on autopilot and get a few drinks at the bar. I make it a point that all my drinks are free, and they usually are, but if the gig gives me a discount on booze I let it slide. Best thing to get is an Apple Jack Daniels, it’s like an appletini but much harder... So hard it almost reminds me of the hard cider Big Mac used to make after the normal cider got sold out. Damn that stuff was tasty, first cup always went to Berry Punch though (Dan’s note: Imagine that.) Speaking of the drunk mule, we found out that she’s one of our neighbors last week. She invited me out to her boat yesterday, here’s the pic for your guys.
Berry Punch and her ‘Party Barge’
Day 43:Omygoshomygoshohmygosh!!!!!You guys are never going to guess who came to the club last night... Give up? Octy! Well, I guess I better tell you what happened first ok? Well, me and Dan were getting worried about Vinny, so we offered to go to the club with her and carry her equipment and stuff and hang around with her. She said ok, so that night we all went to ‘The Red Room’ (it’s a nightclub in town that serves really good chocolate martini’s and it’s connected to a restaurant so if you want food you can go next door and get some food). The owner said it was ok to set up early, and that’s when Octy showed up. Apparently Vinny has a web site that some other human she knows set up for her, and she puts all the names of the clubs and parties she’s going to be at on the front page and it helps her out (but it also helps me out what she mentions that she’s going to be at my parties, because more ponies and people show up and that gives me more money and more people I can talk to and make smile), and so Octy found that the site was open on her computer for some reason. It turns out that Octy’s sister Lyra was visiting her, and she reads our blog so Lyra went online and looked up Vinny’s web site and left it open on Octy’s computer. Well, apparently Vinny updated her biography to say that she was never looking for a relationship again, because her heart belonged to another mare (Dan’s note: She’s not kidding, I looked the website up myself and that’s what it said. Who knew Vinyl was a poet?). So, Octy put two and two and two and two together and figured out that Vinny was talking about her, so she came down to the club to see if that was true. Then vinny did something so cuuuute and sad it almost made me cry, she just walked toward Octy and kissed her and held her and said ‘Eeeeyup.’ So yeah, Vinny left with Octy but she said that she’d be staying with us still since Octy said she wanted to start off slower this time around. Oh, and Fluttershy and Sheila were there too, we all had dinner together and it was fun.
Pinkie and Fluttershy having a drink at the restaurant next to ‘The Red Room’
Day 45: I’m buying new locks for the doors today... Here’s what happened: I getting up, minding my own business and not bothering anypony or human. I get out of bed and walk over to the bathroom to use the oval office. I open the door, when I hear a loud scream. I look over at the shower to see Rainbow Dash, Rainbow FRICKING Dash, taking a shower in my bathroom. When I asked her why (after getting us settled down), she said that her show wasn’t working and that Pinkie said she could use ours. I told Dash that she needs to call first, then I let her take her shower and leave. So yeah, changing the locks so that certain pegasi can’t get in. (Pinkie note: Don’t worry Dashie, I’ll get you a spare key.)
Day 48:So much awesome stuff happened today guys! Ok, first off me and Vinny went to the mall today, and guess who we ran into? Ditzy! Well, most of your humans might know her as Derpy Hooves, but her name’s Ditzy Doo. So anyway, we met up with her at the mall and it was great! I had so much fun, there was a bakery with all sorts of pies (not as good as the ones I make, but then again it was a chain store), and this music place Vinyl wanted to look around (she got a few new records for herself and a Bach record for Octy... By the way, who’s Bach and why is is his name spelt wrong? Shouldn’t it be Baack?), but then it got bad when Ditzy went into a china shop to look for new plates and... Well, let’s just say we can’t ever go into that store again.(Vinyl note: It.Was. AWESOME! Plates everywhere! And the cups just crashed to the floor, it was like the last rave I went to.)So, later we got home and Dan said there was somepony in my bedroom waiting for me, and I’m thinking it’s Dashie because she likes my bed since it’s all nice and comfy. I’ve got a nice comforter that I love laying on when I’m napping or watching TV or whatever really... But no. Guess who it was? Go on guess! Oh wait, right you guys won’t see this until it’s posted... Well, it was Twilight! Princess Celestia gave her the week off so that she could come visit me and Rainbow and AJ and Fluttershy. She said that she’s been reading my blog (Dan note: our blog), and she’s missed me too. Oh! I was sooooooooooooo happy! I just wish Rarity were here too... I miss all of us being together, but I am happy to have Twilight here! I can’t wait to see what we do!
Day 49: Well, it seems Twilight had forgotten a little part of her deal with the Princess to come over and visit us. It turns out Celestia gave Twilight permission to visit, but she also had to bring a prisoner along that the Princess thought could benefit from staying with Pinkie and me... Queen Chrysalis. It turns out that during whatever even it was that destroyed Equestria, all the changelings kind of fled their hive. According the Chrysalis, after she was beaten by Shining Armor and Cadence, her army stopped listening to her... Something about a strong leader and victory or whatever, I stopped listening half way though. Then Twilight dropped the big bomb on us, the Queen can’t use her powers on Earth for some reason. Don’t know why, unicorns seem unaffected by anything here, then again Chrysalis isn’t a unicorn. So, it was either let Chrysalis stay here (with the Royal Equestrian Guard and the police on standby, of course), or tell Pinkie that Twilight couldn’t stay... Honestly, Pinkie deserved to see her friend again, so I said yes. (Pinkie note: Thank you thank you THANK YOU!!!) I also decided to let Chrissy (yes, I will call her that) to blog with us, so... There you go. At least it’s not a pony this time.
***
Hello humans and pathetic ponies, it is I, the great Queen Chrysalis!... Ok, let’s drop the royal batter crap. I’m about 5’9” on all four hooves, I have a very slim build, dark black skin, shining emerald eyes, long flowing blue hair, alabaster white fangs, wings, and a few holes in my legs (I know how much you humans men like putting things in holes). I enjoy long walks in the moonlight, candle lit dinners, and a passionate kiss now and then. I’m looking for just about anyone, I’m not picky. I have very low income right now, but I think that all I need is the love of a special someone or somepony to help me through this rough patch. If anyone’s interested leave a comment below... I’d love to have you for dinner. (Dan note: do not leave a reply for her, she’s obviously not looking for a long time ‘relationship’. She mostly just wants food.) I’m obviously not from around here, and the only ponies I know here are fully aware of who I am and what I can do. But you don’t care about that, do you? You want to know what happened to my army, well... They left me to rot in my own hive. Thankfully (and I use that term very loosely), Celestia and her little shut in of a sister found me and ‘saved’ me. Obviously, they didn’t want me getting much to eat, so they locked me away once they got here. So here I am, living with a human who I can’t get to feed me because my magic doesn’t work, a pink ball of sugar who won’t trust me and yet wants my opinion on the drapes she should put in her room, and a DJ that smells like an energy drink and gets home at such a late time that I can’t help but feel sorry for her (I mean, come on, nopony should be up that late and come home to an empty bed, right?). Needless to say, none of them are opening up to me much, but I share a room with the DJ. She’s at least slightly nice to me. That’s all I have for now, time to find the human and get him to turn off this contraption... It’s not that I don’t know how to, I just like making him do things for me.
Day 56: Is this thing working? Oh thank god it is! Hey guys, sorry about the long break between my last post and this one, my newest house guest seemed to think that she could find a snack on the various porn sites around the internet. (Chrissy note: How was I supposed to know it was all staged?! Do I look like the kind of person who would know about the internet?Either way, her computer privileges have been completely revoked aside from posting on the blog. Anyway, you guys probably want to know what's been going on since the last time we updated... Nothing good!
Seriously, it's like the entire world flipped upside down for some of us. First, i got fired from my job (apparently my boss has a problem with the company I keep), but thanks to Pinkie and Vinyl where able to stay afloat till I found a new job. Then something pretty... creepy happened between Vinyl and Chrysalis, I'll let them tell you guys about it and I'll try and focus more on the stuff going on with me. Well, my girlfriend Sheila broke up with me, she had found some other guy and decided that I wasn't good enough for her anymore, or something like that. Oh well, I don't need her any way. (Pinkie note: He cried... A lot. Even my cake couldn't help him, and Chrissy even tried to cheer him up with a song.)(Chrissy note: The song was Pinkie's idea, and it was some horrid thing about having to share or care or get mauled by a bear or something.) So, on top of losing my job I also lost my girlfriend. Fluttershy still lives with her, so I have to see her with that new guy... Grrrr! This has been the worst fucking year I've seen!
The only good part is that now I have one less house guest to worry about, but like I said I'll let Vinyl and Chrysalis tell you about that.
***
Hey everypony, whazup? So, Dan told me that I have to tall you guys about that thing me and the Changeling queen got into last week. It was buckin' legendary. So, here I am sitting at the bar, got Pinks handing out punch, got cheese-legs sitting next to me, when this big ass guy comes out of no where and starts cussing me out.
He starts callin' me a slut and an abomination, I'm assuming he's drunk off his nut so I ignore him in true blue swag style, but then he starts dissing my music. Now, let me get one thing straight, you can rag on me, you can call me whatever you want, but the second, THE SECOND, you diss the wubs you're going down. Anyway, I hit this guy right in the jaw hard, he goes down like a light, but then his buddies start to surround me and cheese-legs. It wasn't just humans either, there where like four pegasi with them, and they where pissed with a capital 'P'.
Well, now I'm surrounded, I can't take on these many guys at once.(Chrissy note: That's what she said!) (Dan note: I'm so sorry about that one.) I'm looking around, trying to reason witht hem, when out of nowhere cheese-legs fircken teleports us out of there. Now I'm in the bar's parking lot with cheese-legs, hugging her and saying thank you when who should show up but Octy. Octavia starts screaming her head off with a 'always a cheater' this and 'you don't respect me' that. So I'm trying to explain everything to her, when cheese-legs just slaps me in the back of the head... Aaaaand there goes my energy buzz. I gotta go get some sleep with my baby, night bitches. Vinyl out!
***
I suppose it's my turn then. Well, I slap the DJ in the back of the head, then I wink to her while saying "That's right slave, hug your mistress, I command you to with my super evil Chnageling mind powers!" Then I gave her one of my best 'look at me, I'm evil!' looks. Needless to say, the grey one punched me in the face... It was unpleasant. However, I did feel this warm fuzzy feeling inside, like I was whole again.
That's when I realized I was feeding off their love! Oh great old gods it was so delicious! Ooooooh, I wish I could have more right now... mmmm... (Dan note: I found drool on the keyboard after this... Ew.)
Night 56: Just wanted to show you guys who was in the living room yesterday morning. It was kinda cute.
SLEEPING CANTERLOT VOICE!
Also, I need to tell you guys that Vinyl is planing on moving out asap. Octy and her have decided to start living together again, and they even started talking about marriage. (Chrissy note: Another wedding... lovely.)
Day 57:MUAHAHAHA! I am assuming control of this blog! If any of you have any questions for me, feel free to leave a comment, for I am your goddess now! Bring me your virgins! In fact, bring me your non-virgins! (Dan note: Just humor her guys, she'll stop after a bit)
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