A teen brony gets the best possible inter-dimensional guests, but things may get far more important than a simple house call.
A teen brony gets the best possible inter-dimensional guests, but he might get more than he wished for. He's told he has a very important destiny, but is he up to the task?
The series (abbreviated as TETOJD) will be divided into quite a few sections and subsections (and possibly sub-subsections), which will be laid out in the chapter title.
I will update this as I finish the chapters. There is no set date for each update, but I'll try to make it more often than every few months.
Note: I updated some description stuff on 4/1/15. (That's January 4th, not April 1st)
The Fantastical Adventures, And So It Begins, Chapter 1
The Fantastical Journeys of Jack Darrius, Chapter I A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction By Ponyswamp
First, I'd like to set a few things straight. For one, I'm a brony, and nobody knows. It’s a little sad and cowardly, but I don't really have anyone to tell. I'll elaborate on that later. Second, I barely see my family. I'm an only child, my mom is dead, and the last time I saw my father was last year went he went on a worldwide peace mission, which I'll elaborate upon with the first issue. The previous time I saw my father was when I was born, fifteen years to the day. Happy birthday to me.
The third is that on September 21st, 2015, a few weeks after my birthday, August 21st, a race of magic-wielding aliens attacked and nearly destroyed earth. Yeah, that's a big one. Maybe I should have led with that. Anyways, they devastated nearly half the population of Earth in a 14 year war. My father enrolled in the military two days into the attack, quickly rose through the ranks, and became the highest ranked officer when he struck the final blow against the aliens. Then he began negotiations, the crappy part of ending a war as a high ranking officer.
Now, most people think, ''wow, he's a hero! His son must be honored to have a father like that!'' Yeah, he's a hero, but that's no what I want. I wanted a father, and I sure as hell didn't get one in the underground facility built to try desperately to keep some of the children of Earth safe during the attack I was raised in most of my life. Even for the brief time I did see him, he didn't do much. No dad advice, no throwing baseballs in the park set to happy music, no nothing. So I harbour no feelings of love towards my father. That and other reasons, but you didn't come here for my life story. You came for adventure, courage, fun, ponies, and maybe a bit of comedy. And so you shall receive! --------------------
A horrible, repetitive noise invaded my sleep, cutting short my previously uneventful rest. I look around, groggily searching for the demonic device I hid last night. Finding it behind my computer screen, I turn off my alarm clock and look at my computer screen again. It showed my compiled 32 hour marathon of all five seasons of My Little Pony, still running. I can't tell why I love that show so much.
Ever since my dad left, I've been setting challenges for myself to keep me sane, and this was the latest, joining others such as going days without swearing or without talking or using the letter E. I'd been trying for weeks now, still with no success. Looking around, I wonder why It's dark out. I glance at my clock and chuckle. I must have accidentally set it to 11:55 pm as opposed to 11:55 am, the proposed end of my marathon. Realizing my mistake, and that I'd only slept for half an hour, I switch off my computer and settle in to sleep for as long as I needed. The thought that I didn't set my alarm crossed my mind, but I dismissed it.
5 minutes after I settled in for sleep, a flash of light, well, flashed behind me, accompanied by a loud bang. Feeling no gunshot wound, I quickly duck under my covers. Peeking out, I couldn't believe what I saw. --------------------
Ugh, I didn't think doing that would be so draining. Looking around, I easily spy my friends, as our elements seem to provide the only light in the area. They seem to be okay, but they are obviously as drained as I am.
''Are you okay?'' I ask, and they grumble in response, rubbing their eyes.
Yeah, this does feel like just waking up. I do a head count, and see that all seven of us are here. Looking around, it appears to be some sort of bedroom, with a desk, dresser, closet and bed, although what I can see on and in these objects is strange.
''Listen up, they've got to be around here some where. Start searching!'' It feels strangely formal, but this is a very important matter.
It doesn't take long for something to turn up. Somepony speaks from behind me, and I spin around to see the bed, with somepony now clearly hiding beneath the covers. They seem very reluctant to reveal themselves, otherwise, they wouldn't hide everything except for their eyes.
''Who... who are you looking for?'' He asks, with a distinctly male voice. He has a strange posture under the bedsheets, but I'll account it to our sudden entrance shocking him upright.
By now my friends have started to gather. ''Well, if you live here, and you're the only one here at the moment, you. We need you to come with us. Equestria is in grave danger!'' I start to leave but stop at the strangely large door.
''Actually, could you tell us where we are? We teleported here via the Elements of Harmony, so we need to figure out how to get back without them, as they need to recharge. Oh, and our names are...''
The strange pony beneath the covers begins to speak quickly. ''Twilight Sparkle, student of Princess Celestia and former resident of Canterlot, Pinkie Pie, assistant to Mrs and Mr Cake of Sugarcube Corner, Rainbow Dash, weather patrol pony, Applejack, owner of Sweet Apple Acres, Fluttershy, local veterinarian and keeper of pets, Rarity, dressmaker and owner of Carousel Boutique, and Spike, baby dragon and assistant to Twilight Sparkle, and all residents of Ponyville. I'm Jack Darrius, and I hate to tell you this but...'' --------------------
I stand up, shedding my blankets and turning on the light. The seven of them let out a collective gasp at my distinctive non-equine form, and of course, me turning on the light by pressing the light switch. I'm not sure about the reaction I'm gonna get, and they're gonna find out anyway, so I figure honesty is the best policy and tell them now, even though it takes every bit of my courage to tell them just how hard it will be to get home.
''You're not in Equestria anymore.''
The Fantastical Adventures, And So It Begins, Chapter 2
The Fantastical Journeys of Jack Darrius Chapter 2
I wasn't sure of what reaction I would get, but I went through with it. Now, I'm running the possibilities through my mind. Disbelief, rage, shock, happiness, viciousness, even confusion all seemed possible. Making a quick look around, I note they are obviously post- Season 3 finale, as Twilight Sparkle was noticeably Alicorn. Now, the only question is whether they're post- Equestria Girls... -------------------- I'd seen creatures like this before, but that was after I went through the mirror in Canterlot. We'd expected to be somewhere else in Equestria, maybe even outside of Equestria, but to another world? And I can't help but notice that this human seemed... off. His mane.. no... no, his hair, was a dark brown, went down just past his ears, and right now... was arranged clearly as bedhead. He wore a shirt and pants covered in brown and dark purple plaid, which I'm sure Rarity would want to change. Standing upright on his bed, at least, I'm assuming it's his bed, he stood about as tall as I was at Canterlot High, so I'm assuming he's a high school student. His skin was a pale peach, as I could see clearly in this light. But while these are all astute observations, they are at the moment, relatively unimportant. The most pressing matter is how he knew us. It's been around a month since that fiasco with Sunset Shimmer, but there's no way that information could have been passed on this quickly. And he recognized us all on sight. How in Equestria could he have... Applejack and Rainbow Dash asked the question we were all thinking in a way only they could. By lassoing him and pinning him to the bed. -------------------- Oh god, this seems so much like a bad clopfic. I'm hogtied in my own bed with two very angry ponies right in my face. Their words blurred together, but I got the gist of it: What the hell, how do you know about us, bla bla bla, threats, yadda yadda... How can I even be sarcastic at a time like this? The Mane Six and Spike ARE IN MY BEDROOM! How can I be calm!? Well, apparently, I can't. I try to struggle only to find out that Applejack is really, REALLY excellent with a lasso. I can't move a muscle! Where did she even get her lasso? Of course my struggling only prompts more yelling, but this time, the rest of them join in, save for Fluttershy, who is nowhere to be found. Rainbow Dash and Applejack are still trying to force me to answer, and the rest just want to talk. I'll admit, this seems out of character, but yelling seems to be the acceptable level of volume, and they're probably just scared. Most people, or, ponies, I guess, will lash out when you back them into a corner. Even Fluttershy. Especially Fluttershy. Everyone shuts up when she yells 'Wait!' like when they confronted the manticore. Honestly, it's a lot scarier in person. If I wasn't tied up, I might be shaking. She approaches me like I was a timid animal, and talks to me like I was one. It was soothing and degrading at the same time. They walk away, talk it over and untie me. Twilight is the first to speak up. ''Now then sorry about the... abrupt assault.'' ''Heh, don't mention it. It just doesn’t happen too often.'' Rainbow Dash and Applejack both mutter an apology, and I decide not to antagonize the ponies who just tied me up. ''So, uh... any of you seven hungry?'' Stomachs growl comically in response. I grinned and led them to the kitchen, down the hall. As soon as we get there, Pinkie Pie freaks out. More than usual. ''Omigosh, this is your kitchen? Wowie, think of all the stuff I could make! It's huge!'' When you've got three ovens and two refrigerators, that's an understatement. Since they're my guests, I serve them. It's easy since I'm a vegetarian too. Shockingly, though, it wasn't FiM. It was a lack of meat halfway through the war. Some kids gave it up, and the rest got theirs. However, Pinkie Pie kept tearing through the kitchen, rooting through every cupboard and reading every label. I got the feeling cooking won't be an issue, but running out of ingredients will. I served up some reheated veggie burgers, prompting some... unexpected results. As soon as they bit into it, they gasped. At first, I thought that they were disgusted, but they quickly dug in. After they finished, they let loose with a mixture of thank you and oh my gosh, that was delicious! Twilight was the first to ask why though. ''Simple. It's mass manufactured to be delicious. I'm not treating you, these are leftovers, I just reheated them.'' They looked a little shocked at that, but accepted it nonetheless. Mostly. ''So, these weren't made by hooves?'' Asked Applejack. ''Then what... who... how didya make 'em?'' I shrugged. ''They put them on a machine, and it does if for them.'' To me it seemed like an everyday part of everyday life. But Applejack couldn't seem to fathom it. ''But the machines... They're made by hooves, right?'' Now this was at least a question you might normally hear. ''Actually, most of them are made by other machines, made by other machines, until somewhere down the line, they're not.'' This, unlike the rest of the argument, actually drew the attention of the other six. They were too busy chowing down on their veggie burgers, holding them as easily as if they had hands. I've got to make a point of asking them about that. Seriously, how... Applejack's voice cut through my thoughts.''But, if it's not made by hooves, then how...'' ''Hands.'' I interrupted. She looked confused. ''Huh?'' I did some jazz hands to show off my fingers. ''Hands. You know, four fingers, one thumb?'' ''Oh right, you're one of those weird monkey things Twi turned into. Sorry. Did we go through the mirror and stay ponies? How'd that happen?'' Twilight, unsurprisingly, already had a theory. ''Actually, I don't think we're in that world. I believe that we are in an alternate alternate world. However, that could cause more harm than good, including reality tearing apart at the seams.'' Lovely. Good to know a visit from the main characters of my favourite T.V show could kill us all. ''But that begs the question...'' She turned to me. ''How do you know who we are, and why isn't the universe exploding?'' They all looked at me for answers. I did my best to explain things without talking down to them. I mean, normally you wouldn’t be asked these kinds of questions. Except maybe for amnesiacs and time travellers. ''First, humans are closer to apes, not monkeys.'' Some chuckles that I ignored. ''Second, I have a very common knowledge of the inner workings of the universe, which is to say none at all, so I don't know how we aren't all dead.'' Ignoring suggestions from both Twilight and Pinkie Pie, I strode over to the door to my room.
''And as for how I know you, well, seeing is believing.'' -------------------- We followed the creature, er, Jack, he was called, into a room I now realize is his bedroom. He sits down at a desk in front of a... computer. Yeah, a computer, that’s what it is. They had some of those in the other alternate universe. As he presses a button and it starts to light up, I start to wonder. What does he want to show us? How did he turned on the light without touching it? What kind of a name is Jack? Seriously, even the creatures in the other alternate universe had normal names. What if...
His anguished shout roused my from my contemplation. I look up to him hitting the computer, mumbling under his breath.
“Damn thing... you crash now?”
As he tried to.. start it or something, I take the time to talk to my friends. “So, what do you think?” I ask.
They look decidedly... confused. “About what, dear?” Rarity chimed.
“About... him.” They relaxed a little at that.
“What do ya mean, Twi? He seems nice enough.”
I admit, I was a little dumbfounded at that. “But, he knows about us. How could he know about us? I just think we should be... cautious, that's all. It's not that I don't trust him, it's just that... I don't know. I get this weird feeling from him.”
Rainbow was about to pipe up, but Jack called us over to him. He turned off the screen just before we got there, then looked at us grimly. I could tell it meant sadness, even on his alien face.
“I'm about to show you something. It's how I know about you. It'll be...” he thought for a moment. He was thinking about every word. Could it really be that bad? “shocking. But you'd find out eventually. Better now from me than on your own later.”
At this point, I'm freaking out. What could it be? Could his computer see into our lives? Or our friends'? Is he talking to somepony at home? Those and a million other theories ran through my head.
But nothing could prepare me for what he showed us. Mainly because it took me a while to understand it. And even longer to comprehend the consequences. --------------------
I chose the theme. Season four's seemed the most appropriate, seeing as in that Twilight at least had wings. But it was just the theme. I noticed their elements and realized that they hadn't lost them yet. Also, Applejack said that Twilight went to another world, meaning the whole Sunset Shimmer incident already happened. That means that they're from some point between Equestria Girls and season four.
I looked at them. Mainly confusion, although Pinkie was bouncing along to the beat. When it finished, I cut to the sonic rainboom scene. Then to the wedding. Then to Sombra. Then Discord. And on and on and on until I hit pretty much every episode prior to season four, seeing as that's technically their future.
Then I looked at them. All their confused looks and frowns. And I told them everything. That their from a T.V show. What a T.V show is. How long it's been running for, although I left out season four and up. God I hope they take this well. --------------------
I didn't quite understand. But then he explained it, slowly and carefully, choosing every word. When he was finished, I was awestruck. The implications were as numerous as they were confusing and theoretical. Which is to say, a lot.
After the seemingly obligatory silence, I spoke. Not a question, but a statement.
“You seem to be taking this rather well.” He cocked his head. “The ponies you idolize show up one night and say you need to go back to their world with them. If any of us were in this situation instead of you, we'd have some pretty extreme reactions.”
He chuckled. It disturbed me. “Isn't it obvious?” The head shaking was simultaneous. He tapped his head. “I'm dreaming.” This disturbed me a lot more than the knows-about-all-our-crazy-adventures part.
“But we have all our memories. Of course we're real.” He chuckled more. “of course you'd say that. You're supposed to. I...” He stopped and looked at Applejack. He had a glint of realization in his eye.
“Buck me.” That was probably the strangest thing I have ever heard. From the look on Applejack's face, I'd say she felt the same. He didn't stop there.
“You buck me, I wake up, it's all over.” This sounded stupid to me. If he's hunch is true, and he wakes up, we all cease to exist. And I definitely enjoy existing. I do it all the time.
But apparently Applejack didn't get the memo.
She bucked him. Hard. Clearly he didn't wake up, as we still existed. But something seemed off. He doubled over, and seemed to be holding something in. Sure, getting bucked would hurt, and by Applejack? Well, certainly you'd be in extreme pain, but this? This was way more. Then it hit me.
“Um, Applejack?” I said softly, without taking my eyes off the nearly crippled Jack. “Do you know how... erm, mating goes?” She looked rather shocked at this. “Er, I suppose so, sugarcube. But, uh, why?” I glanced over at her.
“I think you kicked him in his... parts.”
Just then, we heard a mumble from Jack. “Cover... your... ears...” was all the warning we got. We were just able to comply before he started screaming in agony. I could just make out some profanities, things I assumed were profanities, and some random screaming mixed in. Fortunately, this didn't go on for long. Unfortunately, that was because he collapsed unconscious onto his bed. --------------------
There was a banging on the door. Hard, metallic raps that woke me from my slumber, signalling the dawn of a new day. They hated when I said that. They hated everything about me, and they made it no secret. I wasn't the perfect one, like I'd heard the scientists say. And I loved making them hate me.
After a few minutes of ignoring the knocking, I finally got up when they threatened no meals. I got up, combed my hair as messy as it would go, and set off at a trot down the cold, metallic halls.
The day was a blur. Eat. Anthem. School. Eat. School. Eat. Anthem. Room. Every day, over and over. It was boring. You couldn't really break the schedule, they made sure of that. But it was fun making juvenile pranks on the adults to make their precious schedule more and more torturous for them.
Free time was my me time. I could read up on all the stuff from just before the bunkers. But that's really it. All the other kids hate me. So really, no visits. I walked over to my bathroom and pulled back the shower curtains to reveal my wall. They couldn't really look at me in here, violation of personal space and all that. So they couldn't know that I'd been marking down the days since my dad dropped me here. But today was special. Today was a strange anniversary. Not of years, but of days.
Happy day 1000 in this hellhole. May I get out soon. --------------------
I awoke to a sickening feeling in my gut and in my... pelvic area. I nearly dismissed what little I could remember of my dream as just that, and that the Mane 6 and Spike did not, in fact, show up at midnight, when I saw them.
They had fallen asleep on my floor. On the hardwood. Spike was snoring on Twilight's back. This was impossible. I'm waiting for them to say that it's time I woke up when they stirred at my awakening. I want to say my heart exploded twice, but that was kinda a horrible quote. So I won't. Even though it did.
Twilight was the first to speak. “So, I'm guessing we're not a dream, eh?” she said with a smirk. I weighed it over in my head, then nearly passed out back on my bed. Twilight rushed to me, knocking Spike violently to the floor.
“Oh, no you don't. We've been here all night, waiting for you to wake up. You're not sleeping again until we get some answers!” she said with mock anger. I stared at her for a moment, then burst into laughter. So did she, and by then the others had woken up too.
I had to admit, this was a definite big deal. But I couldn't stop laughing. I had a brief thought that I was crazy, but that went away when everyone else started laughing too. This was too perfect a moment to be fake. We settled down after a bit, but we didn't speak until Pinkie stopped laughing. Which was until Rainbow elbowed her a full minute later. I was looking forward to more of this. If it lasted.
I turned to Twilight. “So, now that the excessive laughing fit is over, do you mind telling me why you showed up in my bedroom...” I glanced at my clock. “Last night?” Twilight seemed almost too eager to answer.
“There was an expedition deep into some ruins discovered beneath Canterlot. There was some sort of ancient temple to the sun, but not Celestia. It was very strange, and I was called over to lead the expedition while the previous leader went home to take care of his wife in labour.”
“While I was there, reading more of the works of Starswirl the Bearded, when the wall I was leaning on collapsed. Luckily, I was fine, but there was a hidden chamber behind the wall. There was an altar, with a diagram of the Elements of Harmony. We called the others there immediately. We tried pressing the Elements up to the altar, and it opened.”
“Inside were two stone tablets, both written in ancient Equestrian. One was a spell, that could only be activated by three alicorns and the Elements of Harmony. The second was a prophecy.”
“He who is both far and near will come to save all of the lands in one fell swoop. A spell enclosed to find the warrior you will not make. And then there were long, vague descriptions of risks this mythical hero would be facing, and then there was...” At this point I had to stop her. Luckily, Rainbow and Applejack helped out with the shutting up.
“Okay, okay, we get it. So, to recap, You found a prophecy, teleported to me because somehow I can save Equestria, and I have to go back and do so?” They all nodded. We were all in agreement that my version was better than Twilight's.
I grinned. “So, when can we get started?” Twilight looked shocked. “Wait, you'll come!? Just like that!?” she exclaimed. Clearly she expected some apprehension on my part. “Let's see,” I said. “My idols show up in my house, clearly making my day, they prove their real, further making my day, and then they ask me to go with them to save quite possibly the greatest place I have ever seen? How could I say no!?”
Twilight, clearly, had prepared an answer. “Well, first you'd be leaving your life behind.”
“Done.” I replied.
“And you'd be risking your life for ponies you've never met.”
“In a heartbeat.”
“And you'd be fighting your way against a potential torrent of challenges, only to end up falling off a virtual waterfall in a final, gruelling, climactic battle of some sort.”
“Sharp rocks at the bottom?”
She giggled (squee!). “Most likely.”
I grinned. “Bring it on.” --------------------
We tried to return to Equestria. But the Elements didn't work. Twilight desperately tried to examine them, which took her three days. In that time, Pinkie had thrown fourteen parties, drained my baking supplies, and listened to all of my music. There was a really creepy and sad party where she started off by playing “How She Sees The World”, from the Bioshock 2 soundtrack, but we switched quickly to some generic dance music I found on the internet.
Speaking of the internet, they found it. After the war it fell into disuse, except for it's original, military purpose. But it's history was still there. And frankly, that was enough. We had to develop a timetable for my computer (I readily gave up my own computer privileges for their convenience). We also put Twilight on it, just in case, but when she didn't collect, it devolved into a free-for-all.
Though you can probably guess what they did, I’ll still tell the less creative of you. Applejack and Rainbow Dash got really into sports, and rooted for the horses whenever the came across an Equestrian event (go figure). Fluttershy watched anything with animals, and she immediately fell in love with YouTube’s abundance of cat videos. She also became engrossed in earthly horses, attempting to crack the code of why they weren't the dominant species.
Rarity, with some effort, became up to date on fashion, and insisted that she get some supplies so that she could fashion me some fashionable clothes. She also wouldn't take no for an answer. Pinkie Pie began to look at everything, on some unstoppable vendetta to see it all. After she asked me the conversion data from Equestrian years to Earth years so that she could tell if she was indeed “18 or Older”, I put a necessary ban on anything pornographic or disturbing. Didn't want to have to explain that to Celestia.
After three days of everything from neon lights to smoke that smelled vaguely of burnt cabbage leaking out from underneath my door, Twilight finally emerged for more than food. She said that the Elements of Harmony would take a good three more weeks to recharge for the trip back to Equestria. Normally, this would be fine, but I had school to go to.
Let me explain. After the big inter-planetary war, society decided that those important enough to be put in Bunkers were still some of the most important people in the world. Since the aliens were bent on conquest rather than destruction, most of Earth's structures were intact. So, I get to go to school. Lucky me.
We worked out that they would stay cooped up in my house while I was at school, Twilight would help me with my homework, and I'd spend pretty much every waking hour with them. We were all fairly happy with this arrangement. Until Twilight sprung a change of plans on me the day before school. --------------------
I woke up early that morning, with the intention of making my lunch and having a shower before they woke up. But when I got to the kitchen, Applejack and Pinkie Pie were already there. Applejack smirked at my mild shock and wordlessly handed me my breakfast, an apple cinnamon bagel. Should have known. As I wolfed it down, they walked around the kitchen making my lunch. Well, Applejack walked. Pinkie bounced silently. As I grabbed my towel and headed to the bathroom, I pondered how she didn't make a sound when she bounced. Shrugging it off as just a Pinkie Pie thing, I undressed and stepped into the shower.
I really did need this. I'd been so busy these past few days keeping up with all seven of them, that I didn't even have time to shower. Luckily, they weren't too accustomed to human smells, so they didn't really notice.
I had just brought my shampoo soaked hands up to my hair when Twilight burst through the door. She didn't know what I was doing, so she was fine, but I nearly fell on my ass. I covered my *NSFW* and demanded she get out. She demanded it couldn't wait. I screamed it could. She looked hurt and disappointed, but she left. I felt bad, but what was I supposed to do? Talk to her with my *NSFW* hanging out? I think not.
About ten minutes later, we had assembled just inside my front door. I cleared mt throat.
“Right, so does everyone remember the rules?” I asked them all collectively. I was met by a fleet of nods.
No going outside, keep the windows shut, adhere to the computer timetable and restricted sites and searches list, and no chatting up the Bronies. That last one could be disastrous. I said my goodbyes and was about to open the door when I felt a tug on my shirt. I turned to see Twilight with an urgent look in her eyes.
She cleared her throat and spoke clearly. “I want to go to school with you.”.
The Fantastical Adventures, And So It Begins, Chapter 3
Recently, there's been a significant increase in me being dumbfounded. My first thought is that there is no possible way she could go with me. Then I remembered the whole seemingly-infinite-uses-of-magic bit, and I decided to let her continue. After all, she is literally the element of magic. And I'm kind of hard pressed to think of magic as anything other than deus ex machina, so yeah.
I shrugged “Okay, fine.” I said calmly, as if bringing a talking horse princess to school is totally normal. She cocks her head in surprise. “So easily?” she asked, only slightly confused. Honestly, I don't think anything can possibly confuse her enough that she can't figure it out before she starts talking. At least, that's from the last few days with her. She's kinda nuts.
I shrugged once more. “As long as you look human, and not the weird purple skinned thing you were before, I can try to sneak you into the education system.” She snorted derisively before motioning me to follow her while she walked back into my living room. You know, the one with a full home theatre system and wall sized TV I never use. Not to be confused with my bedroom, which, up until recently, I practically lived in.
Twilight trotted to the centre of the room and began clearing out space. We all helped, because house fires, while not necessarily a possibility, are best avoided. She cleared her throat and waited for a silence before explaining her plan. A silence that was quickly provided due to the eagerness of the audience. It seems like Twilight didn't tell anyone about her plan up until now.
“Since the end of my experiments on the Elements of Harmony trying to get us home, I took it upon myself to study the the humans extensively. This includes everything from culture to anatomy. Using a variation of a spell created by the great Starswirl the Bearded to transform ponies into Breezies, I will attempt to transform myself into a human!”
Okay, this just got interesting. Experimental magic? Check. Starswirl the Bearded? Check. Season 4 stuff? Check. Hopefully this will turn out well. I'd hate for Twilight to kill herself trying to go to high school. Although the last time she went it turned out well, so let's give it a shot.
Have you ever seen unicorn magic in person? No? It's breathtaking. First, a purple aura enveloped her horn. The aura grew as she exerted herself more and more in pursuit of becoming a human. She slowly raised into the air, to around eye level. She was slowly enveloped by pulsating tendrils of magic until it formed an orb the size of a small bike in my living room. And soon that orb began to open.
First thing we saw was her hair. At first, we saw no difference, until we saw it's rooting in her scalp. Her distinctly human scalp. Her face came next. She had soft features, a small nose, average sized lips, and medium length eyelashes, all upon a distinctly teenage face. Nothing to boast about, but she looked well kept, and rather pretty. The orb began to quicken it's unravelling, and only then did I realize the only flaw in her plan. To paraphrase AJ, they don't normally wear clothes.
Her distinctly... shall we say, natural form, drew no reactions from the others, apart from the awe at her transformation I now noticed on their faces. From me, a mostly innocent teenager, well, let's say it got the blood pumping. She lowered to the ground as she opened her eyes, and began to marvel at her own brilliance. Unfortunately, so was I. She noticed my extreme discomfort, and rushed over to help. Grabbing me, she asked if I was alright, and checked my pulse. The proximity proved to much for my fragile head, and I fainted before the other one could take over. --------------------
The bunkers aren't really that cold. Geothermic heat keeps them warm. But the steel prison just feels that way. Harsh and unforgiving. A horrible melding of mining, science, and home. The carts full of coal and iron passing through here every day from the mines might be how it feels cold, letting in the air from the mines.
I know this is just a distraction from the task at hand. Getting over this new guy. Every time a new employee is assigned here, administration throws them a welcome party, with mandatory attendance. Normally, I take this opportunity to note the weaknesses of the new guy for future pranks, but he's different.
They say he's here on the insistence of my father. They say he's my behavioural councillor, and that he's going to fix me. He looks nice though. Clearly yet another ploy to break me. But I won't be broken. Mark my words, behavioural councillor, I will break you. I will break you until you beg me for psychiatric aid.
The other employees, I make fear me. I also enjoy making them hate me. You have earned a special honour, though.
I will make you worship me like a god. --------------------
I moan and rub my head, having been woken by the sound of... a sewing machine? Standing, I survey the room, and upon noticing it's emptiness, I follow the sound of the machine. As it turns out, it was coming from the sitting room down the hall. The one with completely unused chairs.
Upon my arrival, I see that Rarity is, obviously, the operator of the machine. She's so enthralled in her work that she doesn't notice my entrance, but that doesn't extend to the room's other inhabitants. Rainbow Dash sees me, and motions me over to a small gathering of chairs.
As I walk over, I notice that a bookshelf has been moved away from the wall. Curious, I begin to walk over, but Applejack stops me before I get too far. “Not so fast, sugarcube. We don't want a repeat of last time.” Only then do I realize the purpose of the bookshelf to block Twilight's... openness.
“There. Now do ya mind telling us why you passed out again? Ya seem ta be doing that a lot.” I stare at her, completely dumbfounded. “She was NAKED!” I practically scream, slightly shocking Rarity, but unable to put a fault in her work.
Rarity turned around, and tilted her glasses, which I now noticed she was wearing. “Is that a problem?” she asked, very clearly clueless on the matter. I start to say something, but decide against it. At least Rarity had the idea to make Twilight some clothes. But that begs another question...
“Where did you get the fabric for the clothes?” This evoked furious blushing from all of them. “Well, you see...” Rarity began, but she stopped before finishing her thought. Rainbow almost piped up, but thought better of it. Only Spike found the courage to say what the others could not.
“We kinda had to butcher your clothes.” This caught me off guard. I stared at Rarity. “How much?” I asked, trying to stay calm. She blushed, looked away, and mumbled “All of them.” Okay. I officially couldn't stay calm anymore. “All of it?! All of my clothes?!
“Are you telling me that I only have one set of clothes left?!” She nodded, blushing furiously as she tossed her latest creation over the bookshelf before galloping out of the room. The others went after her, and I sank into the chair feeling like shit.
As I was accosting myself for lashing out, I tried desperately to remember my meditation techniques. I began with some deep breathing when Twilight walked out from behind the bookshelf. She looked rather decent in her only slightly patchwork clothes, but she also looked rather pissed.
“What is wrong with you!?” she screamed, stamping on the ground for emphasis. I felt a boiling sensation in me, which I tried to stave off with more deep breathing. Unfortunately, she didn't take the hint, and continued. “She had no idea how to make clothes for humans, and you didn't have any other fabric she could use! If you had something, any other fabric, then this wouldn't have happened!”
This is too much, even for deep breathing. --------------------
Only then did I see it. The rage boiling up inside him as I screamed at him. The pure, primal fury, completely overreacting to the situation. But I didn't dare say it was an overreaction. I just stopped my yelling and stared at those hate filled eyes with a mix of fear, confusion, and rage of my own.
He stormed out of the room, tearing down the hallway into the bathroom, and the click of the lock was audible in the silence. I slumped down into the nearest chair, suddenly exhausted from that impromptu standoff.
Was that it? The reason he was the chosen one? That he had more rage that anyone back in Equestria? That his pure fury could exhaust it's targets? Of all the foes I faced, none of them had that much... intensity to them. No wonder Rarity broke down. Jack Darrius is terrifying when he's mad.
Suddenly, he burst into the room. I flinched, fearing more anger, but his look was one of distress. “We're late!” he gasped, already sliding on the shoes he wore whenever he went outside. Soothed by his loss of anger, yet terrified at the thought of being late, I took off after him towards his garage.
Only now, as we rush through the halls of his house, do I begin to wonder how we're supposed to get to his school on time. I understand once we reach his garage, though.
From the looks of it, it's a scooter. Granted, it has a motor, and a seat for two, but it's a scooter. Jack tossed me a helmet, perhaps a bit too fast, and quickly snapped one on his own head before we both clambered on to this thing. He opened the garage door, and we sped off.
I glance at the edges of the streets as we speed by. As it was from the windows of his rather large house, there are no signs of civilization past a tree line about half a mile away. If his speedometer is to be believed, it shouldn't take us long to pass it.
We don't speak for the duration of the ride. Mostly because, due to our proximity, I realized that the intensity from his anger had only just begun to subside. Can something with so much rage really be the hero for Equestria? A nation of harmony, saved by a thing of hate? Divine comedy at it's best. --------------------
We arrived at the school in a little under a half an hour, just in time for lunch. As we approached the brown, single story building, I wondered for the first time how I was supposed to get Twilight into the school.
I grew up with every kid in this town, and Twilight is definitely an odd one out. With her purple hair and vaguely patchwork clothing, she'll be singled out and questioned on the spot. Not to mention that the administration has a profile on every kid in town.
We pulled up to the parking spot closest to the entrance, and we wordlessly walked up to the entrance. Once inside, I noticed the general emptiness of the school, until I heard laughter and chatting through the closed door of the cafeteria. Lunch time. Twilight tried to dash to the library, but I grabbed her wrist.
She turned to me, confused, and I gestured towards the office. She understood, thankfully. I didn't feel up to speaking with her right now. We walked in, and were greeted with a very displeased looking Mr. Grotch.
Mr. Grotch is the principal of the school, but he's also it's teacher, and the town mayor. He's got three sets of big shoes to fill, but right now his stressful anger seems more directed at me than at his difficult duty.
“Care to explain?” He said simply, yet demanding detail. He wanted to know everything. I'm not telling him anything though. I came up with a ghost of a plan, mostly improvisation, but it should work. That is, if Twilight didn't pipe up.
“I'm an exchange student.” She blurted out. Mr. Grotch raised an eyebrow. “From?” he asked, calm as ever. Twilight perked up slightly. “Equ...” she started, pausing momentarily. “Ecuador.” Nice save. Mr. Grotch wasn't done. “Name?”, he asked, keeping his questions as short as possible. This time, I chimed in. “She's Katie Twi, but I just call her Twi.” Mr. Grotch didn't look convinced. Time for my trump card. “My father sent her.”
At that, Mr. Grotch grinned widely and genuinely. “Why didn't you say so? Any friend of your father's is a friend of mine! Now, let's just forget about this whole lateness mess, and get on with our day!” He shooed us out the door. “You two get along now, busy year of school ahead of you!”
If only you knew I wasn't staying too long. I grinned at Twilight, and she softened up, smiling back. Her smile somehow put me on cloud nine, and I felt like nothing could get in the way of my excellent mood.
Then Butch showed up. --------------------
A burly kid, probably Jack's age, walked up to us with two kids, who I assumed were his friends. They grinned at Jack, and everyone tensed. Jack was getting mad again. But the burly kid didn't take the hint.
“Finally got a girlfriend, squirt?” he chuckled, and his friends chuckled too. I got the feeling they were his goons, not his friends. Jack smirked. “No just a friend. Not like you'd understand, Mr. Cut-to-Fourth-Base.” the burly kid tensed and clenched his fists, but still smirked. “So you laid no claim on her foreign slopes?” Jack ground his teeth. “Don't you dare, Butch.” Butch grabbed me suddenly, and roughly pulled me over to him. I almost cried out for help. But Jack moved too quickly.
He was unbelievable. He punched Butch in the face, then spun around and got one of the goons in the gut. I noticed Jack was mainly using his left arm, but still used his right, as shown when he grabbed the back of the second goon's head and brought it into his fist.
Butch discarded me and rushed to attack Jack, and Butch tackled him right after Jack punched the first goon in the head. The first goon didn't get up, but Jack curled up into a ball before slamming his feet into Butch's chest, knocking him clear across the hall. The second goon jumped onto Jack's back. I saw Jack's eyes, though. I saw more rage than ever. I knew this wouldn't end well.
Jack flipped the goon onto the floor, propping him up against the wall. The goon looked up with hope and fear, pleading for mercy. He knew what was coming. I wish I did. Maybe I could have stopped Jack. Maybe I wouldn't have thrown up.
Jack stomped on the goon's leg. I could hear the bone snap before I saw his leg bent backwards. I heard the screaming, a primal cry like a dying animal, and I keeled over and threw up. It felt like an eternity later, but the vomit stopped. Jack turned to face me, his anger long melted away. Or all channelled into that last, horrific attack. He extended a hand to me. My heart was pounding, and I didn't know what to think about Jack now, but I took his hand.
And we ran.
The Fantastical Adventures, And So It Begins, Chapter 4
My mind races back to that moment over and over again. He broke that boy's leg. That boy will likely never walk again. This boy, this Jack Darrius, he cannot be our savior. There is no way that Equestria's fate depends on someone who can mutilate someone with such ease and seamless fury.
I can barely stand to get on his scooter as we head back to his home. The trip is a blur, and I think I threw up again once. Or twice. Either way, when we got back, I sprinted to the bathroom and vomited again. By the time I was done, the spell had worn off, leaving me a sickened Alicorn princess in a heap of patchwork clothes.
Rainbow knocked on the door. “You done in there?” she asked, the words tinged with sadness and concern. It doesn't do her voice well. Anyone whose actions cause that tone cannot be heroes.
I exit the bathroom to a cacophony of voices. All my friends are asking what happened, if I'm okay, and why Jack locked himself out of the house and is sitting motionless in the backyard. I look around at them, at Spike, at Fluttershy, and though it pains me, I tell them the whole story.
Their reactions vary from shock to rage to disgust. I didn't blame them. After a session of consoling both me and Fluttershy, we walked to the back of Jack's house to gaze out the window at him. Indeed, he was motionless, sitting cross-legged in the grass, facing away from the house. I began to wonder what he was doing, just as Rainbow dashed out the door and stopped mere inches behind Jack.
“What in the name of Celestia is wrong with you?” Rainbow screamed at his back. “You could have killed that guy! You scarred Twilight for life, and probably Fluttershy, too!” Jack didn't move at all, save for the steady, subtle bobbing signifying his breathing. Rainbow continued to yell with no response, and the rest of us followed her outside.
When Rainbow finally finished her tirade, I took her place, though without as much anger. “Jack...” I began, though for a change I found myself at a loss for words. Feelings cascaded like a raging waterfall, and I had absolutely no idea what to say. I stood there for the longest time, just watching the back of this madman. His shoulders rose and fell, steadily slowing, then rising in speed, then slowing again. His breathing was erratic, and I wasn't sure what the cause was.
I studied his hair, strange as it sounded. It was messy and brown, and down to his neck. It curled at the ends of each hair. I wondered why in Equestria, or why on Earth, I suppose, this caught my attention, and I looked away. My eyes focused on his ears, and the small buds that were deposited in them.
Wait. Small buds? I looked closer, and saw that the buds were connected via a wire, and that the wire continued down into his pocket. At first I couldn't register what in the world it was, but the gears started turning in my head, and soon, as I noticed that the awkward silence we had fallen into was pierced by a quiet tune, I understood.
Jack can't hear us. He's listening to music.
--------------------
Winter wrap up, winter wrap up! Let's finish our holiday cheer! Winter wrap up, Winter wrap up! Cause tomorrow, spring is here! The merry melody was all too often interrupted by thoughts of violence and pain. Calm yourself, Jack. Deep breaths, Jack. You know how to do this, you've done it enough to have mastered the art of self control.
Then why in hell haven't I frigging mastered the damn art? I just frigging fight and fight and fight, and then I just sit in the damn yard and stew over it for a few hours! Why can't I...
No, no, this is why I sit here for hours. I keep falling back into this bull. I can do this, I can. I've done it every time before. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in...
Suddenly, my sanctuary of music is interrupted, as some unidentifiable force gently pulls one of my headphones out. I turned and stood, as slowly as I can, to see a concerned and sad Fluttershy, a severely pissed off Rainbow Dash, and a mad and yet confused Twilight Sparkle. The others were there too, and they were in various stages of rather negative emotions, even Pinkie Pie.
Clearly, they know.
I reached into my pocket and switched off my music. To signal that it was truly off, and that they had my full attention, I took my headphones and stuffed them into my pocket. Twilight stepped forward, and I looked her in the eyes. I tried to make my face as blank as possible. I wasn't sure how well that went, though Twilight started talking nonetheless.
“Jack...” she began, but I put up a hand to stop her. I looked at all of them, at how terrified and angry and sad they were, and I let out a sad sigh. “I'm sorry.” It was the only thing I said at first, and it seemed to go over well. I sighed again, and sat down, motioning for them to do the same.
“Do you know what adrenaline is?” I asked, as softly as possible. Rainbow began to pipe up, but I stopped her. “I mean medically.” Twilight spoke up then. “You mean epinephrine?”
I nodded. “On Earth, there's a disease called Cushing's Syndrome, where the body produces too much corticosteroids.” I looked at the Twilight's six friends, who are all dumbfounded. “Corticosteroids are hormones produced in the adrenal cortex.” There was still the stupefied looks. “Body stuff the brain makes.” That worked.
I continued. “Cushing's Syndrome has a lot of negative effects, like general weakness and loss of muscles.” I sighed again. It's a thing I seem to be doing a lot of. “I was born with it, which is normally thought impossible.
“The doctors performed a radical surgery; they subsidized the corticosteroids so that the excess go through an artificial filter, which has the corticosteroids then do other stuff. Honestly, I'm probably getting most of this stuff wrong. Anyway, the corticosteroids went on to help make more adrenaline, and that was a whole new ballpark.
“With the excess epinephrine, I experienced increased bodily functions; I'm a little stronger, I'm more resistant to pain, and I heal a little faster, too.” My fist clenched instinctively. “But I can't control my rage. It's there, always.
“The doctor's called it Cibola Syndrome. I get mad, a lot. And it takes a lot to calm down. And when I do get mad, it's always overreacting.” I looked at all of them. “I'm sorry for my disease. No sarcasm, no jokes. I really am sorry for it. You came here for a hero to save Equestria, and you got me. I don't belong there, I'm just too violent. So... I don't know, go home after the elements recharge, and try again. You obviously failed this time.”
Twilight and the others looked at each other, their faces all bearing an unidentifiable emotion. After a few moments, they nodded nearly simultaneously. Twilight looked at me, and sighed.
“Well, as cheesy as it sounds, there's no problem friendship can't solve, right?” I didn't quite comprehend it, until Twilight hugged me. Then Fluttershy. Then all the rest in a big old group hug.
I smiled, started crying, and hugged back.
This is way more than I deserve, but I'll take it anyway.
--------------------
The counselor sat down behind his desk in his new office. He looked at me with an almost dumbfounded expression, then motioned for me to sit.
I did, begrudgingly as I could. The idiot looked at me for a while, then cleared his throat.
“Could you tell me your name?” He asked, his voice wavering. I nearly grinned at his insecure stupidity.
“I'm sorry, I thought you'd know that.”
He blinked. “Just to ensure your mental state.”
“You think I'm crazy?”
“Aren't we all?”
I wasn't expecting that. I reexamined the counselor. He didn't dress like any of the staff. He wore a t-shirt and pants, and frankly they were pretty shabby. Like, medieval peasant shabby.
I cleared my throat. “So, where's your notebook?” Normally everyone on staff carried a notebook.
He tapped his temple. “You could say that I've memorized your file.”
“Then why don't you know my name?”
He chuckled this time. “I thought I was supposed to be the one asking the questions.”
“You are.”
He sighed, though with a smile. “Then let's start. They say that you're extremely disobedient and disrespectful, as well as utterly impossible to reason with. Why do you think that is?”
I shrugged, playing along for now. “I need something to entertain me. There's nothing to do around here.”
He nodded. “Yes, fun is essential.”
Well that's surprising. No one else thinks that in this stupid place. He is an odd one.
He continued. “But why do you say there's nothing left to do? This is a big...” he hesitated, then laughed. “...yeah. Surely there's something to do?”
He is weird. “Nope, nothing.”
“In that case...” he stood and walked over to an average, stupid looking sack. “...how about I liven things up a bit with some magic?”
Really? Magic tricks? Not only is it juvenile, but it's obviously fake. Plus, stuff like that pisses off the staff to no end.
“I think-”
He put up a hand as he picked up the bag. “That the staff will kill me if I do something fun? Let 'em try.”
He assumed a cartoon-like fighting pose, then threw the bag to me. It felt really full.
“Hold it by the bottom.” he said, then he sat down in front of me. I did, and he opened the top of the bag. “Notice how the bag is roughly the size of an average backpack.”
It was pretty small. He reached into the top of the bag, paused for dramatic effect, then produced a full sized acoustic guitar from it.
He closed the bag and tossed it away. I was holding the bag and it seemed fine. I looked at him. “How did you-”
Again, the hand went up. “Trade secret.” He strummed off a quick tune, then handed the guitar to me. “Here you go!”
Why-”
That damn hand. “For putting up with how stupid I am.”
He turned towards the door. “And so concludes our pilot episode, please tune in on Wednesday for episode two, where that wacky and stupid counselor shows off his single digit IQ by teaching our hero some guitar!”
I swear, this guy.
He turned to me and grinned. “So, Wednesday?”
That's when I realized this guy was serious. “Wait, you're gonna teach me to play guitar?”
“Of course! You said you've got nothing else to do, so why not?”
“But aren't you supposed to be counseling me or something?”
Still with a grin plastered on his face, he sat again.”Yes. So let's call it my patented music plus fun therapy.”
He turned away. “Patent pending,” he whispered.
I couldn't help it. It was the closest thing to a joke I'd heard in several years, so I laughed. Just a bit, but the counselor pointed at me and reeled back with mock terror.
“It laughs!? If it laughs, it lives!” He stood and cackled like a madman. “I have done it! I have created life!”
I kept laughing, and he kept going on. Eventually, he just started telling jokes. A good half an hour later, he put his hand up again.
“Alright, I don't wanna run out of jokes on day one.”
He shooed me to the door. “I'll see you on Wednesday!”
Honestly, two days was two too long. “Can't I see you tomorrow?”
He shook his head sadly. “Nope, sorry. The stupid guys in charge only put me in a few days a week.”
Then he passed me the guitar. “Don't forget this!”
I took it from him. “They'll try to take this from me.”
He tapped his nose. “Patented musical therapy, remember?”
I grinned, and walked into the hallway with my new guitar. The new guy isn't nearly as bad as I thought.
--------------------
Last night was pretty fun, I guess. Jack got a call from the school that he was supposed to go directly to the office tomorrow, which we all expected, really.
After that, he and we played games all night. Well, after he ran to the store to buy a giant wad of fabric for Rarity. She really wanted to make it up to him for butchering his clothes, and he seemed genuinely honored and humbled to have clothes made for him by Rarity.
We passed out in the living room, all of us, and in the night I heard Jack thrashing. I was the only one that he woke up, so I let him sleep it off. He did, after about a half hour.
In the morning, he got a call from the school. He was calm throughout. Well, he told us all to wait outside while he talked, and he didn't yell or break anything.
When he came out, he said that the guy whose leg he broke would be ok, but that Jack was barred from the school for a while. He shrugged it off, saying he would get to spend more time with us.
We played for the next few days, pretty much nonstop. Jack felt terrible, and every night he slept terribly. After three nights of horrible sleep, Spike crawled into bed with him. After that, Jack slept much better.
However, two days before the Elements of Harmony fully recharged, things took a turn.
--------------------
I woke up, with the best idea I'd ever had jingling in my head. I got up, trying desperately not to wake Spike, who had fallen asleep on my arm. I succeeded, and made my way to the kitchen, and I started making some calls. As well as breakfast.
About an hour later, the ponies woke up, with Spike in tow. I grinned as they stared greedily at the luxurious meal I'd made for them. They uttered a hasty thanks before digging in.
After the veritable feast, I sat them down in front of computer and started explaining my stroke of brilliance.
“Alright, so I was going through my curriculum that I'm missing, and I saw that there's a wilderness survival portion of the physical education course.”
Twilight blinked. “What kind of a weird gym class has a wilderness survival portion?”
I shrugged. “A weird one. Anyways, there's an upcoming test in the woods. The students have to stay out there tomorrow night without tents or anything.”
Right then I paused for dramatic effect. Pinkie did a drum roll on an actual snare drum, and it was only a little weird.
“We're gonna prank the crap out of them.”
The Fantastical Adventures, And So It Begins, Chapter 5
That was one of the worst ideas Jack had ever come up with. I looked at him blankly. “Why?” I asked bluntly. It was a simple question, but Jack looked at me like I was insane.
“What do you mean, why? They're alone, vulnerable, and ripe for a good prank or two. Plus, I could probably think of, like, seventeen worse things to do.”
“Did you actually think of seventeen worse ways to go after them?”
Jack nodded. “Option number eighteen was the perfect compromise between acceptability and severity. Number nineteen was too soft.”
My hoof contacted my face, only a little harder than I intended. I almost said something, but Rainbow piped up first.
“I'm in.”
Pinkie popped out from under the desk which was a location she was definitely not in two seconds ago. “Me too!”
Applejack shrugged. “Well, Ah don't see why not.”
Rarity chimed in too. “Oh, I suppose it could be fun to patronize those ruffians.”
Spike nodded vigorously, agreeing with Rarity.
Fluttershy squeaked.
I looked at them, dumbfounded. “Are you serious!? What did they do to us?”
Rainbow cocked her head. “When we pranked Spike, and he hiccuped all those letters to Celestia, what did he do to us? Nada, zip, zilch! Twi, a prank is all in fun! Nopony's gonna get hurt or anything!” She looked at Jack. “Right?” He nodded, and Rainbow did too. “See?”
I shook my head. “It just seems like revenge.”
Jack closed his eyes, looking glum. “It kinda is. When I was younger, they treated me like crap. But I really never had a chance to get back at them.
“I really just want to show them what for, you know? They're bullies and jerks, the lot of them.”
He's really serious about the whole ordeal. He wants to prank these guys for treating him badly as a kid. I really can't frown on that. And since I've seen him at his worst, he could have decided on a far more severe revenge plan.
I coughed. “Why did you never do it before?”
Jack chuckled. “I'm just one guy. I'd never be able to take them all on at once, lightheartedly or no. Plus, they'd probably kill me for it.”
Fluttershy squeaked again, and Jack rushed over to her. “No no, not literally Fluttershy. They wouldn't, you know, actually kill me.”
He's learning fast. Two weeks in, and he's already compensating for Fluttershy's shyness on instinct.
I sighed. “Fine. But one trick, trap, or travesty gets put in place that might hurt somebody, and I'm out. Deal?”
Jack nodded quickly. “I'd expect you to. And that applies to the rest of you, too. If I'm setting up something that makes you uncomfortable, feel free to leave. Of course, you guys of all people know that though.”
I cocked my head. “Why would we, 'of all people', have to know that?”
He tensed up gulped, then chucked. “W-well, you've written enough friendship letters that by now you're probably experts on that sort of thing, right?”
That seems logical enough. The tensing up bit, that was a little unnerving, though.
I nodded. “Alright. What will we need for the pranks?”
Jack got comfortable again, and handed out some sheets of paper to the seven of us, keeping an eighth sheet for himself. “Grab this stuff from around the house, and meet me by the back door as soon as you can. I'll do the same.”
----------
Dammit, Fluttershy didn't write that friendship letter until season five! I almost let slip their future!
Alright, I said to myself, just forget about it and gather the pranking supplies.
I began to wander the house, gathering the supplies I listed out. But my mind kept blinking back to that one measly sentence. I know too much. I know their future. Granted, I never saw any episodes with me in them, but I assume that certain things will still happen, like that incident with...
No, wait, if I know something is gonna happen, then maybe I can change it! I can stop the bad things from happening, and save everyone a heck ton of hassle!
But if I do that, I'll remove the lesson. They won't learn anything, won't write the letter, won't anything! I can't pacify them simply because I think I know best. I'm pretty sure that's the definition of a dictator, anyway. Or was that playing god?
Alright, here's what I'll do. I, Jack Darrius, do solemnly swear that I will, under no circumstances, screw up the progression of future events in Equestria upon my arrival, save for, like, season finales and other severe events of great peril.
It was then I realized that I was still standing there, very clearly not grabbing all the pranking supplies.
I let out an “eep!” before beginning to dart around the house, trying to desperately trying to gather the supplies before before the others, so I don't look like a total ignoramus.
----------
We've been here waiting for Jack for five minutes, and he's nowhere to be seen. I mean seriously, do we know his house better than he does? He doesn't use many of the rooms, mostly he just sat in front of his computer. Well, that was before we came. Then he came out a whole lot more.
Or so he says.
I still find myself not quite trusting Jack. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but this feels kinda like the Chrysalis thing. I don't think he's secretly a changeling queen, but I definitely think something is up.
I get this... vibe from him. This aura of something I can't explain. I don't know what in Equestria it is, but it's definitely something. For a couple of days I thought it was his anger, but after thinking it over, it just feels... different.
I know that it's the exact opposite of logic, but...
Suddenly, Jack burst around the corner. He stumbled and nearly fell, but regained his composure and walked towards us as if nothing happened.
“Ladies. Spike.” He nodded at us calmly as we all tried our best to not laugh. Rainbow and Pinkie barely held it in.
“Smooth moves!” Spike chuckled, and that, while cheesy, was enough to send Pinkie and Rainbow over the edge into laughing fits. Jack did his best to keep a straight face, though he couldn't hold it in. We were all laughing shortly after.
I may get a weird vibe, but he means well.
----------
Since we couldn't very well fit a six ponies and a baby dragon on my scooter, we had to walk to the woods. Which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, since we had all the time in the world to set up shop. Plus, Pinkie even did a song on the way. Pinkie Pie songs will always make things better. Always.
It took us, say, half an hour of walking to get to the border of the forest. From there, it was another hour hike through the wilderness to get to the site where my classmates would be setting up.
We divided into teams, and split up to get done faster. Fluttershy and Rarity went towards the lake to set up there, while Applejack took Twilight further into the forest for the backup traps. That left me, Rainbow and Spike to tackle the main campsite.
I sent RD up into the treetops to set up the more aerial traps, which left me and Spike alone on the ground, working in relative silence. Eventually, the awkwardness proved too much for the baby dragon, and he cleared his throat.
“So,” he began. “what should we talk about?”
I chuckled. “It took you ten minutes to start talking, and you don't even know what to talk about?”
He blushed, and I sighed. “So, got any guy friends back in Ponyville?”
Spike shrugged. “Not really. I mostly hang out with Twi and her friends.”
He quickly put up his hands defensively. “Not that they're not my friends, too!”
“Spike, don't be so defensive. It was just a question.”
He went back to helping be hoist up the streamer cage. “Sorry,” he mumbled.
“No problem. So, another question; do you have a...” I moved in closer, and whispered directly into his ear. “... fillyfriend?”
Spike comically froze up and fell to the floor.
I jut stared at him for a bit. “Spike?”
He didn't move, save for frantic breaths.
I poked him, and still nothing.
“Whoa,” said Dash, suddenly behind me. “what did you tell him? I've got to use it sometime.”
I chuckled. “It might work better for you. I asked if he had a fillyfriend.”
Dash broke down into hysterics. “That's what sent him into shock? That's priceless! I'm definitely gonna use that later!”
“Yeah, the shock value of a mare asking him that? Tripled, at the very least. Anyway, did you need something?”
Dash got up, wiping tears of sheer joy from her eyes. “Yeah. I was wondering which tree you wanted me to put the glue buckets in. Is it the one with the birdhouses, or the one without?”
I nodded. “Yeah, better go with the one without. Applejack's gonna be covering the birdhouse route with the hidden feather traps.”
Looking, to Spike's still frozen form, I continued. “Although, do you have any ideas on how to get him up? I need his help for the sap blasters.”
Rainbow perked up. “Here's an idea; a rainboom!”
I shook my head. “How many times, Rainbow? How many times do I have to say it?”
She harrumphed. “Way more than you have already. I haven't had a decent flight in almost two weeks! Two! Weeks! For a promising Wonderbolt applicant, that's almost as bad as losing a wing!”
Sighing, I looked at her squarely. “Two more days. Two more days, and we can have all the celebratory rainbooms we want. Deal?”
“'Kay,” she mumbled.
“Alright. So, any ideas for Spike?”
She walked over to Spike, cleared her throat, and did a surprisingly good impression of Twilight.
“Spiiiike, we're gonna be late for the meeting with Princess Celestia!”
He shot up, wiped his eyes, looked around then gave Rainbow a death stare. She grinned, and took off towards the tree without birdhouses.
Spike looked at me. “I hate you all.”
“Thanks, we all love you, too.”
----------
Applejack came back from over the hill. “Ah got the feather traps in place. How're the pie bombs comin'?”
I didn't move, more focused on the several levitation spells I was casting. “Well.”
AJ looked up at my handiwork, and whistled. “Well? Sugarcube, you've done set up thirty pies to drop on their heads. Well doesn't quite fit the ticket.”
“I just...” I adjusted a pie half an inch. “...need these to be perfect. All the traps that drop from the trees are extremely delicate. They're not like the sprinklers by the late or the honey hole, these need to be exactly in the right spots, or else they won't work.”
She chuckled. “Ya know, fer somepony that didn't want to do this in the first place, yer puttin' a whole lotta effort in.”
Sighing, I turned to her. “I've been thinking. Maybe these bullies do deserve it. I don't condone revenge, but sometimes a little... payback is understandable.”
“My my, Twi, that almost sounded mischievous of ya!”
I giggled. “I'm not planning on making it a habit, Applejack.”
“If ya did, ya wouldn't be our Twilight.”
I was about to respond, when I saw Fluttershy come over the hill. “Um, we're all set up at the lake. Jack asked for your help finishing up with the air horn surprise. If, um, that's alright with you...”
I shrugged. “Those are the most complicated trap. The strings alone are intricate enough, but the bowling balls...”
----------
After everyone pitched in to help out with the air horn surprise (patent pending), we gathered about a half hour's walk away to break for... lupper? Sunch? A meal between supper and lunch. It was 3:30, okay?
After our... meal, we returned home. Once there we did normal stuff. Well, normal for six ponies, a baby dragon, and a teenage human boy. Basically, we were killing time until tomorrow night. Once we settled to bed, a few of us, Pinkie, Rainbow, Spike, and myself, found we couldn't sleep, no matter how hard we tried.
And so we had a pillow fight. I have a lot of decorative pillows in my house, so ammo was plentiful. The only complication came when we woke up Twilight and Rarity. They both looked super pissed. We all thought we were gonna get lectured until our ears fell off, but they picked up a bunch of pillows with their magic and started flinging them at us.
Within seconds, the whole house was up in a roar, as pillows and cushions flew in all directions. I even got beaned in the face by Fluttershy. She apologized profusely, and I couldn't possibly bring myself to throw a pillow at her. I just poked her with a pillow and grinned, telling her it was alright.
We finally fell asleep around midnight, without a formal victor. We all knew it was Pinkie, though. I know I have a lot of pillows, but I know for a fact I don't have pillows that say “Gotcha!” on them. I've completely embraced the fact that the laws of reality don't apply to her.
In the morning, we got up, ate, and were out the door by 6:00. We trekked past the campsite we rigged, all the way to a ledge on a nearby small mountain, Thompson Peak, about fifteen minutes from the lake. We set up a camp there, and I started naming stuff for my friends.
The lake near our victim's campsite is the McClure Reservoir. We my house is on the outskirts of an old city called Santa Fe. The forest we're in is the southern part of a forest known as Santa Fe National Park. The city and forest have been renamed, however, after the alien invasion. They're now Santa Han, meaning “holy need”, roughly. Americans renamed it, after all.
Twilight asked for an explanation of what happened in the war, and I saw no reason to hide it from her. It's common enough knowledge.
It began in 2015, on September 21st. First contact was established with the aliens when they crushed the Mexican city of Tlaxcala with a massive base. They called themselves the Gythar, and they proceeded to abduct humans and destroy cities, and generally be arseholes.
They weren't like your stereotypical aliens, either. They were as tall as people, a little more bulky, with wrinkly gray skin. They had hair, but it was sparse, and their heads were dual lobed. Six fingers and a thumb, three toes, and no nails on either. Teeth like sharks, and pitch black eyes. Not gonna win any beauty pageants, there.
The armies of the world kinda helped themselves and the people around them, but a select few became part of special task forces that attacked the Gythar anywhere on their home continent. My father was the leader of the Soundbombers, one of the spec ops teams tackling the Gythar in north and south America.
In early May of 2029, my father led the armies of the world in a last ditch attempt on the Tlaxcala base, and won. He became an international hero, and he started peace talks the world over, trying to unite Earth after the invasion. It's a noble goal, but I've seen him very little in my lifetime.
We spent the day chatting, and we quieted down when my classmates arrived at 8:15 PM. They were a little late, but it didn't matter that much. The fun was about to begin. Pinkie passed out popcorn, and we all asked where in the world she got it from. She just giggled.
----------
We watched as the teenagers entered the campsite. We all waited on that cue, the trigger to start the pranks. I admit, even I was on the edge of my seat. I put time and energy into those pie traps, and I intended to see this through.
I grabbed one of the pairs of binoculars Jack brought. Peering through them, I saw one boy start smacking rocks together, while another twirled sticks. Both of them were trying to achieve fire, but only the boy with the sticks succeeded.
That's when the sap shooters went off. And we laughed like crazy.
The Fantastical Adventures, And So It Begins, Chapter 6
There was screaming. Screaming and yelling in terror and fear. Helpless children ran in all directions, fleeing from the horrible atrocities behind them.
Through my binoculars, I spied one boy, Stephen James, tumble and fall. He looked back on his friend, Hector Shelby, get hoisted in the air in a net. The tension was palpable as the ropes went taught, and the trap was sprung.
The sap coated his legs, and the streamers fell atop the sap. We knew he'd be needing quite a few showers before any of that came out. We laughed like maniacs. It didn't matter how loud we were, they wouldn't hear a thing over their own panic.
High fives were exchanged (or would they be high hooves?), and the eight of us stayed up on the ledge for a few hours, waiting for the students to migrate back to the city before descending down the mountain, taking the long walk back, almost two hours.
The whole time back, we reminisced about the massive prank we executed. Pinkie wrote and performed two songs about the whole event. The best part was when she let me name the second one. I called it “The Sap Song”. That was, frankly, an honor.
We arrived at my home, and we partied like madness. Pinkie called it the “Second Last Day on Earth Party”. We knew there would be another tomorrow. Maybe one once we arrived in Equestria.
On that subject, after the party, we sat down and chatted about Equestria. Namely, where in the world I was gonna settle down.
----------
I looked at Jack. “That's a valid question. Where is he gonna live?” I looked to my friends. I've been giving quite a bit of thought to what Jack needs to do in relevance to the prophecy, but as for his downtime? Or what happens after he fulfills the prophecy?
Rainbow nodded. “Well, he can't stay with me.” We all looked at her. “What? Cloud house, remember?” Oh, yes. Jack would fall to his death almost instantly.
Jack looked around. “W-wait, we're assuming that I can't live on my own?”
Pinkie piped up. “Actually, there's no free houses in Ponyville! The next foal who can move out can't do that for another...” She poked her hoof for a bit. “...three years, two months, four weeks, and six days!”
Jack blinked. “Well, can't argue with that.”
I nodded. “Alright, so Rainbow's out. Rarity's got Sweetie Belle, so she's already got her hooves full. Fluttershy has all her animals, so more responsibility can't possibly help. Unless you're good with animals, though.”
“Nope. Well, I wouldn't know. Never had a pet or anything.”
“Alright, so no Fluttershy. Pinkie lives with the cakes, and I doubt they'd want a sixth member of their household. That leaves me and Applejack.”
AJ put her hoof up. “I'd love ta help, but we don't have the room. No guest bedroom, and the barn's full up.”
I started to talk, but Jack interrupted me. “I just wanna say Twi, if I do stay with you, it'd be temporary. If I can't buy a house, maybe I'll build one.”
“Yes, that does sound good. Until then, you can sleep in the library's basement. You okay with that, Spike?”
He grinned and nodded. “Yeah! It'll be nice to have a someone help out with the chores!”
Jack extended his hand. “Chores for a roof over my head?”
I shook his hand. “Deal.”
----------
Twilight stood up and levitated a pen and a pad of paper to herself. “Let's see, what will we need... definitely a mattress, some blankets, maybe a shelf or two to put stuff on...”
Her ears perked up. “Oh!” She turned to me. “Jack, are you going to be bringing anything with you to Equestria?”
Huh. I never thought of that. “What's the limit on stuff I can bring?”
She rubbed her chin. “About a bag's worth.” Then she jolted straight upright. “Oh, of course! Jack, grab a bag!”
Startled a little, I nodded and walked to my bedroom to grab my backpack. After checking it's contents (empty, as per the norm), I returned and handed it to Twilight.
She grabbed it in her magic and stared intently at it. Suddenly, it was enveloped in purple ribbons, and after a few seconds they dissipated.
The bag was held out, top open. “Stick your arm in.”
Puzzled, I put my arm in a small bit. Twilight coaxed me, and I stuck it in further.
She shook her head. “Further!”
“Twilight, if I go any further, I'll reach the-”
I reached out and felt nothing. I pawed around a bit, and then stood up, plunging my arm into the bag, all the way to my shoulder.
Gosh darn it, it doesn't have a bottom.
“This is... how... what?”
Twilight giggled. “Magic.”
Grabbing the bag from her, I peered inside. The edges were the same, but it didn't a have a bottom. At all.
An idea popped into my mind, and I bolted downstairs to my secret hatch under my closet.
----------
Jack came up a second later holding a guitar. It was an eight string guitar, with the last two being much thicker than the rest. The end was jagged, but the body was smooth, and it had a curve that I assumed was for one's leg. There was a panel at the bottom of the body, with a plethora of switches and dials, and a big red button labeled “OVERDRIVE”.
He grinned at us. “Girls, Spike, meet Liz.”
He held the guitar and strummed out a tune, the sounds making it clear that it was an electric guitar. However, there were no amplifiers in sight.
Jack grinned wider. “Like it? Liz was made in 2021. I got her when I was seven. She's got amps in the body, variable string widths, two bass strings, optional overdrive, and the switchboard, which does all sorts of stuff. Two of the switches don't actually do anything, though. Decorative.”
Rainbow was enthralled. “So awesome!”
Jack walked over to the bag on the floor and slid Liz inside. I cleared my throat.
“Wasn't there a war in 2021?”
He nodded. “A friend gave it to me that year. He said that's when it was made, and I'm inclined to believe him.”
“I can accept that. Alright, let's get packing. Big day tomorrow!”
----------
We spent the next two hours packing, which was mostly spent printing off a couple boxes worth of sheet music, and then we settled down to bed. Despite everything, we all slept well.
In the morning, we all gathered in Jack's living room for the transport to Equestria. I grabbed the small box we kept the Elements of Harmony in, and we were ready to go.
----------
I was giddy. I admit it, I was fangirling a little. Okay, maybe a lot. Okay, I was freaking out.
Destination: Equestria. The real deal! No bull, no joke, real life Equestria! Dream come true, much?
Twilight came into the room with the box, and giggled at my excitement. I guess I did look kinda silly.
She walked to the center of the room. “Okay, everyone knows the plan?”
Rainbow nodded. “Grab elements, open portal, walk through. Pretty simple, Twi.”
Twilight sighed. “Yes, but we need to remember the number eight. Any less, and someone will be trapped here. Any more, and someone else can come through.”
We all nodded, and Twilight opened the box.
Inside, there was a note.
I scrambled forward and grabbed it up as everyone else gasped.
Squirt,
I don't know what these necklaces and the crown are supposed to be, but they seem important, seeing as you hid them so well. Luckily, I got a hold of them, before some bull headed idiot got them. Or, you know, you did.
If you want them back, meet me at the National Audubon Society up Upper Canyon Road. You know, the old burnt place? Meet me there on September 4th, Tuesday. Otherwise... well, you might not like the otherwise.
Butch
That's it. I ran to the garage and grabbed my helmet. Slamming the keys into the ignition, and sped down the street.
Dammit! I swear on my life, I'm going to kill him!
Suddenly, a yell echoed from behind me. I slammed on the brakes and turned around to see Twilight running down the street. Well, human Twilight, raggedy clothes and all.
I drove back to her, pausing at her side, still fuming. She flinched a bit, but regained her composure.
“I'm coming with you.” I started to talk, but she put up a hand. “You're clearly not thinking straight. You'll need somepony there to stop you from...” she paused, clearly disturbed. “...losing control.”
I said nothing, but nodded. She got on the bike, and I sped us down the street. She hugged me for stability on the bike, and my mood improved. She may be a human right now, but a hug from Twilight Sparkle's a hug from Twilight Sparkle.
After a few minutes, we saw the National Audubon Society up ahead. It was burned down at some point during the war, but right now a bonfire was lit, clearly started by Butch and his goons.
We pulled onto the property and spied Butch and his friends, slowly applauding us. “Well done, Squirt! I doubted the note would get to you, most of us here didn't think you could read!”
I parked the bike and stepped off. “Where are they, Butch?”
He smirked and held up a cloth bag. “Meet my terms, and you can have em. Don't,” he extended his arm in the direction of the bonfire, “and we'll see what happens to metal when it gets super heated.”
Twilight grabbed my arm lightly and I sighed. “What do you want?”
He signaled for me to come closer. I nodded to Twilight, and she let me walk to him. Stopping when I was a step or two in front of Butch, I looked him in the eye. He smirked and punched me in the face.
I dropped to the ground, my face slamming into the dirt. I heard laughter, and I got up to a crouch. Butch's fist connected with my forehead, and I fell again. This time, he spoke. “Now kneel.”
As much as I wanted to fight back, I saw Twilight out of the corner of my eye. Closing my eyes and spitting out some blood, I complied.
I took a deep breath, and looked once more into his eyes. He grinned evilly. “Admit what you never could.”
That's what this is about. I looked to Twilight and nodded. “Butch...
“You're better than me.”
----------
I watched this Butch's face contort in rage and confusion. “W-what!?”
Jack grinned and stood. “I said it. You're better than me. That's what it is, isn't it? That's the one thing you've wanted me to say since we were kids. You were always the top gun, the big kahuna. But throughout it all, I never admitted it. Well, here ya go. You win.”
Butch's friends started talking among themselves. I overheard the gist of it, and none of them expected Jack to comply. I smiled and sighed. It's better than a fight.
Jack extended his right arm, opening his hand. “I'll take what's mine, now.”
Butch stood there for a moment. Then he dropped the bag and grabbed Jack's arm, swinging him around towards the bonfire. I screamed almost as much as Jack did when his left arm plunged into the pits of the fire.
Myself and two of Butch's friends began bolting to them, as Butch pulled a flaming stick from the fire and started to scream and stab Jack's arm repeatedly. Jack flailed and yelled, but to no avail.
Butch's friends yanked him off of Jack moments before I pulled Jack from the fire. The two of them looked to me. One nodded. “Go, get him some help.”
I nodded and started crying as the smell of scorched flesh met my nostrils. Another boy helped me hoist Jack onto his bike. He sat on the bike in the driver's spot. “We can fit three, just hold onto him.”
“Thank you...” I managed, still weeping. “Take us to his house, I can help him there.” the boy said nothing, but nodded. The three of us sped towards Jack's home, the boy saying nothing, Jack groaning, and myself just holding onto them both for dear life and crying.
We reached our destination after what seemed like an eternity. The boy helped me bring Jack to the door. “I hate to leave you now, but by now there'll be a war back at the bonfire.”
I nodded. “Yes, of course. Thank you so much.” He nodded back. “No problem. Hey, if you ever need someone, call me up. Name's Colin, but my friends call me Kaz.”
“Yes, of course.” He waved and started sprinting down the road. I opened the door and dragged Jack in.
Rainbow entered the hall. “You're back! How'd it-” she froze as she saw Jack. “Get the girls!!” I yelled, and Rainbow sped off.
Moments later, everyone was in the living room, Jack propped up on a chair, and the rest of us doing whatever we could to help. Fluttershy translated her veterinary skills to treat the burns, Rarity and I mopped up the blood, Applejack put a tourniquet on his arm, and Rainbow and Spike acted as assistants.
I tilted Jack's head towards me. “How do you feel?” He groaned. “Don't worry, I'll be fine.” I scoffed. “You're bleeding out!” He twinged as Fluttershy did something to his arm.
Suddenly, the door opened. We all froze and glanced at the hallway to the front door. “Jack? You there?” came a voice, sounding grown up and it had what they on earth call an English accent.
Jack's head darted around, glancing at all of us. “Hide!” he hissed, and we all complied. We rushed to the basement as quietly as we could. Once everyone had entered the stairwell, I turned to close the door. Thinking quickly, I held the door open a crack, peering through.
The man I saw enter the room was old, with mostly gray hair and a slightly wrinkled face. His clothes were fancy and trim, and he even wore gloves. A smile plastered his face, but it looked out of place, like he was unaccustomed to the gesture.
Peering in a different direction, I saw Jack with his left arm hidden from view behind a chair in a disinterested position. He looked to the man with a face that used anger and disgust to hide his pain. “Hello, Alistair.”
The man's smile faltered. “Now now, Jack. You know what I asked you to do last time I came to town.”
Jack scoffed. “I'm sorry, that was so long ago. I completely forgot what it is you asked me to do, Alistair.”
I shifted back as the man walked past the basement door. “Come now, it's not all that hard. I simply asked you to call me father.”
This is his dad? I leaned forward, trying to get a better view. Jack scowled. “You will never be my father, Alistair.”
Alistair shook his head. “You'll never get far in life like that, Jack.” He shifted towards his son. “Now, I know we haven't talked in a few years, but-”
He jumped back. “Y-your arm!” Jack frowned. “I'm fine,” he spat.
Alistair turned. “Like hell you are! Let me get my first aid kit from the basement.”
Jack shot to his feet, sprinting at his father. He tackled him to the ground just as Alistair opened the door and saw me. I turned and ran down the stairs when Alistair yelled “Gythar shapeshifter!”
I hit the bottom of the stairwell hard, and bolted to my friends. “Open the portal!” I yelled, and we got into position. Within seconds, the power of the elements combined with the urgency of our thoughts opened the portal to Equestria.
A series of loud thumps echoed through the house, and we turned to see Jack slam down the stairs, bleeding heavily. He glanced at us. “G-go!” he started to his feet, but Alistair leaped down the stairs and slammed him back to the ground.
“You're being manipulated by the Gythar, don't you understand, dammit!?” Jack reared up and threw his father off of his back. “They're not Gythar...” he turned and slammed his right fist into Alistair's face. “...they're my friends!”
The man reeled back, and Jack used the opportunity to stumble towards the portal. Alistair roared, and ran at his son.
That's when Applejack planted her hind hooves into his face in a bone shattering buck.
He flew back, slamming into some boxes. He groaned with the last fragments of energy he had, and glanced up at the grinning Jack.
“Hey dad,” Jack chuckled, despite everything. “Buck off!”
We jumped through the portal, and it closed behind us.
----------
Now I can't understand why my friends didn't throw up once they showed up in my room. This portal's so topsy-turvy, that it's a miracle I'm even still conscious.
Okay, it also might be my heavily bleeding arm. Whatever inter-dimensional gateway we're going through right now is gonna be filled with quite a bit of blood next time someone decides to use it.
After what seemed like an extremely painful eternity, we fell out of the portal and landed in a throne room.
THE throne room. As in the Canterlot throne room.
We did it. We're literally in Equestria!
I glanced around, and saw Rainbow Dash drop my backpack on the floor. At least we got that.
A shadow overtook us, and we all looked up. Princess Celestia looked down on us, a little angrier and taller in person. Well, in pony.
“Who is this? What is this?” she looked at Twilight. “Is this, thing, the hero we were looking for?”
Not waiting for a response, she glared daggers at me. “Answer me!”
I giggled. “I'd love to chat, but I need a doctor.”
That's when I passed out.
The Fantastical Adventures, By Royal Decree, Chapter 7
It's been several weeks since I first saw my counselor, and it's been great. He and I have bonded over the sessions we spend together, though he still hasn't told me his name. Well, he has told me, several times in fact.
It's just that he changes it almost every time he does, and his favorite is John Doe.
I grinned as I walked down the hall, an action only recently brought on by him. I turned the corner and heard a little clang behind me. A lot of noises come from the room I just passed, so I thought little of it.
Stopping at the counselor's door, I politely knocked. “You there, sir?”
No response. Another clang.
I opened the door and peered around. He wasn't in there.
I scratched my head and stepped inside. A word almost came from my lips, but it was interrupted by a significantly louder clang, followed by a series of yells.
A quick glance into the hallway saw the counselor running down the hall in my direction with something under his arm. He smiled nervously at me as he passed me.
“Take good care of Liz for me!”
There was no time to respond as he darted into a closet moments after a few guards came around the corner. They bolted at him, and he spared a grin at me before slamming the closet door behind him.
One guard broke off from the group and took up a protective stance in front of me, though I was able to see the rest of them open the closet wide.
To reveal nothing out of the ordinary.
The guard who placed himself in front of me glared slack jawed at the impossibility, before turning to me.
“Did he give you any indication that he was able to do something like that?”
I shrugged. “He could pull a guitar out of a bag that was too small to hold it.”
----------
A groan escaped my lips as I opened my eyes for what seemed like the first time in days. I heard a beeping characteristic of a hospital's heart... measuring... thing. I never really bothered to find out what that was called. Never really seemed all that important.
Memories slowly flowed back to me. The incident with Butch came first, and I grunted. So that explains the heart thingy. I was in the hospital to treat my arm.
Then came the fight with Alistair. Yeah, I suppose that would warrant a few stitches. Another groan came out, and I rubbed my forehead with my right hand. Damn, he didn't need to throw me down the stairs. A strange part of me thought, “at least I didn't have to walk down to the portal.”
Holy crap, the portal.
As the rest of the events poured into my mind, my eyes opened and started darting around to observe my surroundings.
The coloration. The layout. The off white unicorn with a green mane currently staring in some degree of awe at me.
I'm. In. An. Equestrian. Hospital.
I suddenly bolted upright in the bed and shot both arms up in the air, startling the unicorn. “Whoo! Equestria!”
The unicorn fell onto his haunches, and I chuckled. “Uh, sorry.”
He shook his head quickly. “N-not at all necessary! Now I'm just excited to find out why you can heal so quickly!” He picked up a notepad. “We'll have to run a few tests, and then we...”
I cleared my throat, interrupting him. “Cibola Syndrome. An offshoot of Cushing's Syndrome, but the corticosteroids go through a filter in my brain and go on to create excess epinephrine. Plus, you'd need to at least tell me your name before testing me.”
He blinked awkwardly before jotting down some notes and chuckling. “Oh, sorry, where are my manners? I'm Open Shade, the doctor currently in charge of your recovery. Although it would seem that I didn't do as much for your recovery as I thought.”
Giggling a little, I glanced at my left arm. Unfortunately I couldn't see the true damage that was done, since it was currently wrapped in gauze. I flexed my hand without incident, since they took the liberty of individually wrapping each of my fingers. “What's the diagnosis?”
Open Shade grabbed another notepad from a cart and flipped to a page with his magic. “Really bad. First, second, and third degree burns up the whole arm, but luckily it was mostly only second degree. There are multiple puncture wounds in the vicinity of your forearm and upper arm. When you came in, the wounds themselves were contaminated with small splinters of wood. The puncture wounds themselves suffered burning, as well. Luckily, some of the puncture wounds were stitched up by your friend Fluttershy.”
Wow, alright then. I whistled. “Geez. How am I still alive?”
He flipped to another page. “It was a difficult procedure. First, we magically stabilized your arm. We treated for your burns, then set about the stab wounds. Over the course of the past six days, we've been applying various treatments to your arm. Half the doctors in Canterlot worked on your arm. Frankly, it was an opportunity. Heck, it's an even bigger opportunity to find out my treatment was successful.”
Open Shade walked up to me and poked at the bandages. “Feel anything painful?”
I shook my head, puzzled. “Not really, no.”
He grinned. “There's an enchantment on your arm, put there by Princess Twilight, Princess Luna, and yours truly. Unless Princess Celestia herself decides to bust your arm to pieces, it'll be safe.”
I flexed my arm, and grinned at Open. “Sweet!”
He nodded and trotted happily to the door. “I'm under orders to send word to your friends and Princess Celestia the second you woke up. I'm off to do that, and to start on my paper on this!”
I waved him off with my left arm, and he grinned wider and chuckled. Reclining a bit, my mind decided to drift to a nap. I made no attempt to stop it.
----------
Six days? A wound like that and it only took Jack six days to recover? I can hardly believe it.
My friends and I were going over what happened on Earth for the forty-sixth time with Princess Celestia when word arrived that Jack was conscious and functioning properly. My mentor wanted nothing left out, seeing as what happened there was so extremely important.
Princess Celestia decided that only she and myself would meet with Jack at first, though she elected to not give me an explanation. She had her reasons, I'm sure.
I paused at the door to Jack's room, sighed, and walked in. As per the light snoring I heard, Jack had started taking a nap. How can someone who's been unconscious for six days even take a nap?
Princess Celestia stepped to the foot of the bed and cleared her throat strictly. Jack yawned at this, and got up. He glanced at the princess and smiled. “Morning, princess.” He glanced at the windows, which were currently covered by blinds. “It is morning, right?”
The princess frowned and looked at him sternly. “My student has told me the story of the past two weeks. Care to explain some things?”
Jack nodded. “Sure, of course.”
Princess Celestia's expression didn't change. “Why did you feel the need to break that boy's leg?”
Now himself frowning, Jack looked around. After a moment, he grabbed a notepad. “Ah, here we are. These are notes made by doctor Open Shade after I told him the reason. Nice guy.” He cleared his throat, and stared for a moment at the page before scoffing and tossing it away. “Oh, of course. Even in Equestria, doctors can't write legibly.”
I chuckled a little bit, much to my mentor's chagrin. “Actually, part of the reason you can't read it is because it's written in Equestrian. Through the penmanship is quite terrible.”
The princess cleared her throat again, and I stepped back, embarrassed. She gave me a stern look before returning her gaze to Jack. “Well?”
He nodded. “Genetic disability, combined with extreme prejudice over fourteen years of disproportionately cruel treatment.”
Princess Celestia stared at him for a while, then nodded. She turned to me. “Where will he be staying?”
I stepped forward once more. “He'll be in the library with me until he can build his own home.”
My mentor looked at me with an expression that mixed concern and easiness seamlessly. “Are you sure? He has proven to be dangerous in the past.”
The nod came without thought. “I trust him.”
She, in turn, nodded back at me, then turned to Jack. “It's settled. You will stay with Twilight at the library for the time being.”
A smile coated his face. “When can we go?”
The princess was a little taken aback at this. “I suppose whenever you feel ready. As you're not a citizen of Equestria, we have no legal precedent to keep you here.”
Jack nodded, glancing at his left arm. After a moment, his right arm shot out and delivered a swift punch to his wounded arm. Both myself and Celestia recoiled, but Jack only grinned as nothing happened.
“Well, that's settled. I'm good!”
----------
We left the hospital within minutes. Since my existence was debatable here in Equestria, there were no forms to sign or doctors to meet with. I just walked out the door. Of course, that presented it's own problems. For you see, one of the greatest plagues of pre-war Earth apparently carried over to Equestria.
The paparazzi.
Reporters swarmed the exit of the hospital, and though the excitement of meeting some actual ponies from Equestria was nearly overwhelming, Celestia made me deny any comments. We trudged through the crowd to a pegasus drawn chariot, and we were off.
Once in flight, euphoria took over. I started pointing out places below us, and Twilight named them off and explained a little. She first pointed out the Saddle Lake, just below Canterlot, then to the massive forest encroaching across the horizon, which she identified as the Everfree Forest. After she mentioned the Everfree, my mind raced to what was coming next.
And there it was, on the horizon line, just entering our sight: Ponyville.
I'll admit, I squee'd right there.
I could barely contain my excitement, and so I resigned to bobbing up and down excitedly in my seat. Twilight chuckled, but Princess Celestia's gaze was both unreadable, and looking off into the distance.
After what seemed like an agonizing eternity, though Twilight asserted that it was mere moments, we landed. In Ponyville. Well, just off of the fringes, but still.
Dreams really do come true.
----------
Jack literally leaped from the chariot as we were landing. He didn't wait the extra three seconds it took for us to safely land, he just jumped. I understand this must be exciting for him, but I didn't realize...
That's when it hit me. I leaped from the chariot and landed in front of Jack, who was already ready to bolt into town.
I stepped into his way, and he grinned. “Ponyville. As in, Ponyville of Equestria. Twilight, this is by far the best day of my life.”
At that, I chuckled. It was nice to see him so happy, considering the last time he was conscious. Nevertheless, I piped up. “We need to go over some ground rules.”
He cocked his head to the side. “Like... which chores I'll need to do, and which to leave to Spike?”
“No, but-”
“Where I'll need to go to use the bathroom?”
“That is a good question, but I meant-”
“Because I can probably hike on over to-”
This time it was me who was the interrupter, as I stuck my hoof in his mouth. “Jack, you've seen these ponies in your world, but they haven't seen you.”
He began to talk through my hoof, then stopped and sat down. He glanced to Ponyville just a minute's walk away. “A one sided mirror, eh?”
I nodded. “I'm sure you'll get to know them in the future, but this is a hump we'll have to go over sometime before then.”
Jack sat there for a while, staring at Ponyville. Princess Celestia came over to us, and I left Jack there for a minute to talk to her. We moved some distance from him, until he was out of earshot.
I started the conversation. “Princess, do you not trust Jack?”
My mentor blinked. “My faithful student, I'm only concerned for your well-being. He broke someone's leg, something that rational, in control ponies don't do.”
So that's what it boils down to. “Princess, without him, none of us would be back here. What if Butch found us? Or Jack's father?”
“But they didn't, and instead you were found by some...” she paused for half a second. “...body who would just as easily get into a pillow fight as he would cripple some... body.”
I sighed, making my discomfort clear. “Sorry for the sass, princess, but we've been over this literally forty-six times.” She turned to look directly at me, and I returned the gaze. “I trust him. No matter what happened back on Earth.”
Princess Celestia sighed her own sigh, a motherly and dismissive sigh. “Fine. But know that I will be keeping an eye on him. When the time comes for him to fulfill that prophecy, he had better not have killed anypony.”
I nodded, a silent assurance to the fact that Jack wouldn't hurt anypony. I knew this to be true. My mentor stepped gracefully back to her chariot, then turned to me. “So, I take it that the plan to talk things over before letting Jack meet anypony is gone now?”
For a moment, I didn't understand what she meant. The princess glanced behind me for a moment, and I turned to see Jack surrounded by small fillies and colts, doing his best to answer their questions as well as keep himself in control.
My wings flared out, and I propelled myself over to him as fast as I could. That's alright, improvisation is a good plan too.
As I landed, my eye twitched a little. Totally a good plan.
---------
So many fillies and colts surrounded me, badgering me with question after question. And I was totally okay with it.
“My name's Jack,” I said to a pale pink filly. “I'm a human.”
“A human?” I looked to that back, at a pale blue colt. “Like one of Miss Lyra's monsters?”
I chuckled. “No, not quite.”
Suddenly, three very specific fillies shoved their way to the front of the crowd. I barely contained my urge to squee again and hug them.
“Do you have a cutie mark?” Sweetie Belle's curiosity was shared by her friends, who nodded along with her.
After a long breath, I judged myself able to speak without fangirling. “Humans don't get cutie marks, actually.”
A hush fell over the group. “N-no cutie marks?” came Scootaloo's reply. “How do you know what you're good at?”
I shrugged. “Most humans don't. Or they do, but just do it and don't broadcast it to the world.”
I paused, then chuckled. “Except for maybe those few with tattoos, but don't you go getting any ideas there.”
A snigger emanated from the rear of the crowd. Using my size, I easily saw the source: Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.
“Don't waste your time telling them that. They won't take it to heart. In fact, I'm sure those blank flanks will be headed to a tattoo parlor any day now!” Silver Spoon laughed at her companion's wit, and Diamond Tiara at her own. No one else reciprocated it.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders looked ready to retaliate, but I stepped in front of them. Twilight stepped forward into the corner of my eye, and I pointed my index finger at the two bullies.
“You wanna shut your traps?”
Both of them stopped laughing immediately. “W-what!?”
I took a half step forward. “Oh, didn't you hear me? It was something along the lines of you shutting your pie holes and stopping what you were doing.”
Diamond Tiara gulped. “It's all in fun!”
“Oh really?” I turned to the CMC. “Is it all in fun?” They shook their heads in near unison.
“See? Now, be nicer, or take your bigotry somewhere else.”
We all stood there for a moment, then the two harrumphed and turned away.
After a few seconds, I called out to them. They turned, and I extended a different finger to the sky. “One of these days, I'll get around to telling you what this means.”
Now both pissed off and confused, Ponyville's resident bullies left. I turned to the three fillies. “So, back to where we were at before, no, I don't have a cutie mark. If it's any compensation, I'm only fifteen.”
Applebloom's eyes widened. “Yer fifteen? That's only two years older than us! How're you so big?”
I shrugged, and made a familiar, and famous gesture with my hands. “Humans.”