--Argh. Already I'm angry. Once again with Twilight blindly obeying a fricking TABLE... "oh no, let's just send Applejack and Rarity. Why? Because the Table said so." "What's our mission? Where do we start? This neighborhood alone is three times the size of Ponyville!" "Dunno, put your faith in the Almighty, All Knowing god Ikea."

--No zoom function on the table either, apparently. No detailed info, no zoom control, no instruction manual--- this thing is a piece of crap! All looks and no function--- You'd think Jobs designed it.

--You want to go to Manehattan, just GO, Twilight! You're a fricking PRINCESS, I think you're ALLOWED. Jeez, world's most passive royal figure. Even a scullery maid raised to the throne would have more self-assertiveness.

--You know, why does everyone automatically assume the country pony is going to operate at a disadvantage in a city? I mean, fish out of water, yes, but really. There are infamous con artists who swindled billions out of ever-so-clever city people by playing the Country Bumpkin bias, you'd think people would have learned better by now. It's a bias as old as Aesop, I suppose. But I contend that a city mouse in the country is far more out of their depth than a country mouse in the city.

--And cue the Charlie Brown reference and mini-cameo. Heh. You know I was in my thirties before I realized Lucy's psychiatry stand was a parody of a lemonade stand? "Good grief" indeed, Rarity.

--"The map picked us for a reason..." I've seen less blind faith in California flying saucer cults. The PROBLEMS with the table are staring them right in the face, but oh no, let's not address them, we need this ambiguity for artificial story suspense..... Punch the writers in the face for contrived story conflicts. PUNCH! THE! WRITERS! IN! THE! FACE!

--And at last, Coco Pommel.... no wonder she didn't work for Rarity. She lives in Manehattan, not Canterlot.

--"Many moons ago...."   Ugh, How. Me Pony. Keep time in Backlot Indian for no damn reason. Why are they doing this? Are they trying to muddle the distinction between pony months and pony years? What?

--Aaand these charity actors are only available for ONE DAY?  Sometimes, the writer's inexperience with certain things just shouts out.... like the episode with a nationwide swap meet that lasted one afternoon.

--AAAAAnd here we are at the park... and only Applejack to clean it up. And they're at risk of failing because, let's repeat for the kids in the back of the class, they don't have enough ponies there to do all the work. If they'd brought along, gee, I dunno, THE OTHER FOUR MEMBERS OF THE TEAM, they would have managed.  If it's dire enough a situation that a magic table sends up an alarm bell for TWO of the Mane Six, the other four can damn well tag along whether or NOT the table thinks they're needed. Someone needs to tell that stupid map that when you have an urgent situation, you don't send the bare minimum necessary.

-- This is why I've come to hate these Magic Table episodes: the writers WALLOW in contrived difficulties. The Mane Six have MOUNTAINS of resources and contacts, starting with the privileges of a ROYAL CROWN, but they instantly choke down an author-administered Idiot Ball and forget to bring ANY of those resources along when they go on an "adventure."  Call your humongoid family, Applejack. Spend some money and HIRE some help, Rarity. Or have Twilight use some royal influence to send some castle gardeners and workers; it's civic work, that should cover it.

Hey, wild and crazy idea--- next time you blindly gallop off into a complete unknown, bring along SPIKE so you can send emergency messages, you bubbleheaded ninnies!  This time it was charity work, but it could just as easily have been a ring of pony gangsters you had to bust up--- the table doesn't exactly give a danger rating does it, and it already sent you headlong into ONE mission that risked your very lives.

Yay, the moral of the story. Delivered repeatedly. For five minutes. These people would feed a toddler with a shotgun. "Boy howdy, you mean every little bit helps? Gosh darn a heck a roony! Well shoot the cow and slap me silly! Well STOMP ON FROGS AND SHOVE A CROWBAR UP MY NOSE!"


It WOULD have been a good episode--- the premise was charming, the setting was a nice change of pace and it was nice to see Coco again--- but the completely contrived difficulties and the continuing stupidities with the Mystic All-Knowing Coffee Table made watching it like being whacked over the head with a broom repeatedly for 20 minutes.

Seriously. I hate that table. It's bad enough when lazy and incompetent writers use a crutch to maintain suspense but when it's so obvious it's like they're slapping you in the face with it. Remember the Dungeon Master from "Dungeons and Dragons?" That enigmatic little jackass with God-Mode powers and precognitive abilities who started each episode by sending six children off into hideous danger with nothing more than a couple of RIDDLES? That little mongler? Say hello to his cousin, Ikea the Almighty, the Table of Harmony.

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#515 · 10h, 41m ago · · ·

In regards to Lovecraft... you know what the worst part is? He wasn't even that great a horror writer.

Horror is a ridiculously difficult genre to work in. Most folks can't deal with things like that for to long in general, so most authors whove done it tend to pad out their work with other genres. Victor Hugo's Dracula is one such example, and in terms of good Eldrich horror, The Great God Pan is the one. Stephen King is classified as a horror writer, but a lot of his works deal in macabre irony and humor, and in the end, the good guys win. Its not easy, and some do die, but there's hope.

Poe is considered a horror giant, but a lot of it was done in a similar state to Lovecraft, although Poe was never so condescending or that level of prick.

#514 · 2d, 9h ago · · ·

I'm your 2000th follower!

#513 · 1w, 6d ago · · ·

You are impressive because you keep your stories alive until completion.

Your entire catalog of published fimfiction stories are either complete, or have been updated within the past six months.

You have good discipline!

#512 · 2w, 3d ago · · ·

Hi Reality Check,

Did you see the latest episode of mlp?

The epsiode kind of followed your idea of Rarity as a detective a while back.

What are your thoughts on the episode?

#511 · 2w, 6d ago · 4 · ·

I guess I should cancel The Great Goat Hunt, Goatnundrum, and The Rise of Goat.

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