EQD responded, and I'm gonna be honest, it wasn't as great a response as I thought it would be. That's totally understandable, since I am a beginner writer. Anyways, here's a copy of most of what was sent.

Specific Issues:

Dialogue tagging mistakes.

Punctuation mistakes, including missing quotation marks.

Use apostrophes for alternative quotes in your story, lest things get confusing for your reader.

Narrative reads somewhat flat—this happened, then I did this. Could really stand to be spiced up a bit.

Spell out numerals outside of specific designations.

——

Grammar issues aside, we’re going to need another chapter or two to get a feel for where this is going and how severely you intend to play the tone. This is strike one of a possible three for this piece, edit wisely.

Solid advice, and not surprisingly, very similar to what Ravensdagger said.

Normally, I'd be working on this right away, but I've been busy with Honors and AP classes. Sorry, guys. Don't hold your breath for a next chapter. Don't worry, I have all intentions of finishing this story, and I know what I'm going to set up in the next chapter. But, I feel the need to edit my first two chapters.

Which brings me to why I'm updating. I need some reader feedback. First of all, I need an editor. If you're interested, send me some of your work, so that I can make sure you know your stuff.

Secondly, I need a picture for this story. It might be a good idea to wait for the story to expand a little, but I would appreciate anything at this point.

Lastly, I want to know what you, the reader, thinks. What can I do to help you enjoy this more? Leave your opinion in the comments.

Stay Magical,

8-Bit