After one prank too many, Luna declares a royal prank war with Celestia.
Siblings. Many of us have them, and those who don't have heard stories. Of the laughter, of the teasing, of the jokes played, and the battles won and lost. Celestia and Luna are no different. If anything, their friendly sibling rivalries are tempered by their positions and power. So, when Celestia plays one prank too many, Luna declares an ancient rite not seen by anypony in a thousand years.
A royal prank war.
With the newly-reformed Discord and Captain Shining Armor as judges, the two sisters swear to not stop for a full month, or until one sister surrenders.
The question is: will Equestria survive when its very ruling body is trying their best to prank the other into submission?
Awesome cover art used with permission by 1100Soulite
Clink. Clink. Clink. Clink. Clink. Clink. Metallic hoofsteps echoed through the hallway, much to the chagrin of the owner, who was cringing with every step. She extended a hoof, pushing against a door that responded by slowly opening, emitting a shrill shriek the whole while. The pony cringed, afraid her adversary would hear. After a few tense moments of constantly glancing over her shoulder, as soon as she decided no projectiles were headed her way, the pony walked into the dark room.
The pony looked around, taking in her surroundings while at the same time looking for her target. The darkness sapped the color from the once-blue room, though the lack of light showed the pinpricks of light that dotted the ceiling and walls, not unlike decorative stars and moons hung in the rooms of little foals.
The pony grinned mischievously. A bed stood in the center of the far wall, a moving bump in the middle of the thick blankets revealing the presence of her target. Slowly, the mysterious pony stepped into the room, leaving the door open to prevent the obnoxious squeaking. Silently thanking the architects for the carpeted floor, the pony made her way to the bed, and readied her strike.
Minutes later, it was done. Damage like this had ruined dynasties, toppled kingdoms, and decimated gods.
All that was left now, was to wait.
_--_--_--_--_--_
“Good morning, dearest sister, how fares thou this bright day?” Princess Luna asked, groggily stumbling into the small breakfast chamber she shared with her sister, Princess Celestia.
A garbled, choked sound came from the head of the table, causing the blue alicorn to open her eyes fully and glance towards the head of the room. Sitting at the small circular table was what she had come to expect. In front of the windows that allowed one to view the Royal Gardens--and the half-regrown maze--was Princess Celestia, the monolith of white majesty in charge of the sun.
Sitting to her right, one third of the table down, was the draconequus, Discord, the newly-reformed Lord of Chaos. Luna was skeptical at first, but the Elements had agreed, and he had not caused any significant problems, despite the multitude of opportunities to do so. Now he served them as a sort of unofficial third wheel, not really a ruler, or even a citizen, but still a part of the royal group of advisors.
At the moment though, he was advising nothing. Both Discord and her sister were lost in howling gales of laughter, causing both to sway and shake. Their breaths came in shaky gasps, and for a moment, Luna feared they would both pass out from lack of air.
“What, may We ask, is so funny?” Luna asked when the laughter didn’t die down after a few minutes, but instead seemed to resurrect every time the duo looked at her.
Celestia took a few deep, shuddering breaths, trying to calm herself enough to reply. “Well you, uh, your, snicker snicker, you, uh, teehee, your, um, ahahaha...” Eventually deciding she wouldn’t be able to answer verbally, Celestia pointed to a mirror. With a sickening feeling worming its way into her stomach, Luna took several short steps until she was facing the mirror.
The world stood still. Every single ear within fifteen miles swiveled towards the palace. Guards bolted from their station, weapons drawn and magic primed to fight off whatever unspeakable evil had befallen their beloved princesses. Every single thought was lost on the bellow still echoing off of the side of the Canterlot Mountain.
“CELESTIA!!!”
Guards burst into the room. “Princess, is something wrong? Woah!” The guard ducked as a ball of white fur flew over him be before splaying her wings and gliding gently towards the ground. A blue blur rocketed forward, swinging a hoof at Celestia, who ducked and rolled, ending up in a crouch on the floor.
Luna growled, launching herself at her sister once again, this time aiming to dive down on top of her. Celestia gave a little smirk, grabbing Luna by the forehooves and whipping them around until the blue alicorn was lying on her back on the ground with her sister up above. Leaning down, she blew a raspberry on the soft downy coat of blue fur, causing Luna to burst out into reluctant giggles before Celestia jumped up and dashed away once again.
“It is probably best if you stay back,” Discord advised the guards who were still standing shocked by the doorway. The princesses were sisters, yes, but none--outside of a very few--had ever seen them act like they were. It was always about the mask the two put on to the public. To see the ageless alicorns act like, well, little filles, had the newer guards in a fit, and the veterans hardly able to keep their stony expressions.
A white unicorn with the laurels of a decorated officer ducked and weaved his way through the breakfast battlefield, dodging projectiles of egg and cheese and lettuce and all other manner of morning delights with an ease that spoke of practice until he stood shoulder to shoulder with the Lord of Chaos.
“What caused this one?” the unicorn asked.
“Well, it begun when Celestia did something to Luna, of which I had no hand in, I would like to point out, and it escalated as it usually did. I believe the Mare of the Moon threw the first punch, or, should I say piece of toast. Though if I were to judge now, I would say that Dear Celestia is winning.” Discord clapped his hands with glee. “I came to Canterlot expecting my days would be boring and chaos-free. I did not expect chaos to be made for me, and by the princesses, no less.”
They both ducked under a flying plate, which shattered against the wall behind them. “Princesses, please, calm down,” the white unicorn said, throwing up his hooves in exasperation.
Celestia and Luna both stopped, and as one, turned towards the unicorn. “Captain Shining Armor, do you presume to order around royalty?” Celestia asked with an icy tone not matching her station.
“N-No Your Majesty, of course not,” Shining Armor stuttered. “I just don’t think that a... food fight... is the best way for Royalty to spend their time.”
Celestia looked at her sister, who was blinking away a stream of dressing sliding into her eye. “You know, he may have a point,” the white alicorn said with a mischievous glint in her eye.
Her gaze was met by one from her sister. As their eyes met, they both broke out into wicked grins. “Are you thinking what We are thinking, sister?” Luna asked.
“The usual rules?” came the reply.
“We believe so, yes.” Discord and Shining Armor shared a look. One was delighted, while the other was terrified.
Celestia and Luna clasped their hooves together, and recited as one, “A royal war declare We, though with friendship and honor it shall be. As sisters, we swear: nothing that shall do excessive harm to the other, nor damage to the state, reputation, or anything ruled jointly unfair. Exactly one Lunar month from now, the winner shall be declared, and loser shall accept graciously. No mane or tail pulling, no biting, and no crying to mom.”
Discord clapped his hands, throwing back his head in a long laugh. “Excellent. Most excellent. And what sort of war be this?”
“A prank war,” Celestia said, turning with her sister to face the other two occupants of the room--the other guards having fled once the commanding officer got hit straight-on with a tomato. “And you two, will be the impartial judges.”
“Of course, Your Majesty,” Discord said, bowing over an arm. “And what fun we shall have, right Mister Armor,” he added with a nudge at the white unicorn.
Shining Armor’s eye twitched. “Crying... to mom...?”
The princesses looked at each other. “Silence is an affirmative, yes sister?” Luna asked.
“Of course. Shall we begin tomorrow at dawn?”
Luna nodded. “The mane does not count.”
“Awww,” Celestia whined, “but it was great...”
Luna looked back at the mirror, shuddering at the sight of her mane billowing straight up in the air, its usual stars replaced by pink cupcakes. They were whirling and dancing around, occasionally bursting into flame when they ate a star that formed.
“No, sister, the mane does not count,” Luna repeated, turning to face Celestia.
Celestia sighed dramatically. “Fine... tomorrow then. No excuses.” With a shared nod, the two left the food-splattered room, off to attend to royal duties, and mentally prepare the arsenal for the coming conflict.
Shining Armor looked over towards Discord. “Wait.. did we just get roped into a prank war between two goddesses?”
A small brown unicorn was walking the halls of Canterlot Castle, as he did every day before dawn. Down long hallways, up twisting staircases, to a golden door guarded by two ponies in bright golden armor. The unicorn nodded to the guards, moving to go past them, just to jump back in alarm when they crossed their wings in front of the door in a very “you can’t go in there” manner.
The unicorn bowed slightly. “There must be some mistake, sirs. I am Silver Scroll, the keeper of Princess Celestia’s appointments. I need to go make sure she is ready to begin her day.”
“Sorry, sir,” one of the guards replied, “princess’ orders. Nopony is allowed in or out without her explicit approval.”
“B-B-But, surely she must have given me approval, I’m her assistant!” Silver Scroll shouted.
“Sir, you need to calm down,” the other guard said, “or we’ll have to remove you from the premises.”
“Remove me!” The agitated unicorn began pacing up and down the hallway, not looking at the door. “My family has been working for the crown for generations! How dare you deny me access to my job, and then threaten my safety! Why, I have half a mind to march down to Commander Shining Armor’s office--”
“Silver Scroll--” a calm voice said. trying to catch his attention.
“--Tell him exactly what’s going on down here! What are your names and ranks? I will not let this injustice go unpunished! I will personally--”
“Silver Scroll...” the voice tried again.
“--and have you all thrown out of the guard myself!” Silver Scroll took a breath, facing the windows, preparing his next verbal barrage.
“Are you quite finished?” the voice asked again, finally heard over the dying echoes of Silver Scroll’s rant.
Celestia’s assistant turned around quickly, dropping into a low bow. “P-Princess! Beg your pardon, m’lady, but these guards were denying me entry, saying it was under your orders, but I know that you would give me permission to enter. I--” He sighed. “--I probably went a little bit too far, didn’t I?”
The princess moved forward and nudged her assistant, making the smaller pony jerk in surprise and stand up. “It is understandable. I know how you can get when something goes against the schedule.” Scroll blushed and mumbled something, making Celestia laugh. “Come, let us discuss the day’s plans, shall we?” Silver Scroll nodded, and the two entered Celestia’s private chambers.
As the doors clicked shut, one guard turned to the other. “Jeez, if that guy can’t take some friendly teasing from us, how is he going to survive the Sister’s War?”
_--_--_--_--_--_
“So, what is on the schedule for today?” the small Celestia asked on the odd floating window conjured by Discord.
“I do love these things. Makes spying quite easy,” Discord mentioned in an offhand way as the Celestia in the window listened to the small Silver Scroll list off her appointments.
“Wait, you can spy on anypony with this thing?” Shining asked, somewhat worried. After all, being married to the Alicorn of Love lent one to a very... exotic bedroom life.
“Well, yes and no. It can tune into anypony that the spell is cast on, but it can be broken easily. The trick is you have to find it first.” Discord winked.
“Uh, right.” Shining shifted nervously in his seat. “So, what are we looking at here?”
“Well, that is Princess Celestia and her personal assistant. And you call yourself a guard,” Discord snorted in mock displeasure.
Shining Armor leveled a glare. “I know that. I meant why are you here, in my office, and why are we spying on the princess?”
“We are the judges for their little contest, yes?”
“Yeah...”
“Well, Luna informed me she had a few pranks already planned.” Discord grinned. “It’s fantastic! I just love this!”
Shining’s eyes widened. “Already? I figured there would be at least a couple days before those two could go at it.”
“Apparently not. Shhh, this is my favorite part,” Discord said as he stared intently at the gloating window.
On the screen, Celestia’s eyes widened, and her mouth dropped. “Two... two thousand appointments? Are you sure, Scroll?”
Silver Scroll’s head bobbed up and down quickly. “Oh, yes, m’lady. It is a very, very busy day ahead.”
“Cut it down to only absolutely necessary audiences. I have plans today,” Celestia replied. “How many now?”
Silver Scroll looked down at the long parchment held in his magical aura. After a few moments of frenzied scribbling, he said, “About two hundred. Give or take a few.”
Celestia sighed before getting up and walking towards the door. “That is... better, I suppose. Let’s go then, might as well get started.”
The brown unicorn rolled up his list and quickly stuffed it into his saddlebag, following his beloved leader. “Of course, Your Majesty. Right this way...”
In the distance, one could almost hear a laugh, silky and cool as the night.
Discord looked to his white companion. “Lame. I give it a one.”
“One?” Shining asked.
“We are the judges of the competition, right? It wouldn’t be in the spirit of things to simply decide off the top of our heads who wins at the end of the month, so I devised a system. Each prank can earn a score of one to five, and whichever sister has the most points wins.”
“Are you sure you are the Lord of Chaos? That sounds pretty orderly to me,” Shining said with a smirk.
“Reformed Lord of Chaos, thank you very much,” Discord replied with a huff. “So, are we agreed?”
“I suppose,” Shining sighed. “One point for Luna it is.”
_--_--_--_--_--_
Princess Celestia slumped down on her throne. One hundred and fifty two audiences and five hours later, she was exhausted, and had a pretty good idea who to blame. If Luna was already starting her campaign, she was starting weak. Scheduling a lot of audiences during the Day Court? Celestia scoffed. What is this, amateur hour?
“Beg your pardon, m’lady, but the other attendees have apparently left. The audience chamber is empty,” Silver Scroll said, closing the giant door to the throne room behind him.
“Am I finished then?” Celestia asked, mentally assessing her list of required materials for her planned prank.
“Not quite. One petitioner requested a private audience, in a separate chamber.”
The Princess looked at Silver Scroll skeptically. “And this mystery pony is named...?”
“Um,” Silver Scroll looked down at the scroll. “Shimmering Sight, of the House of Sight.”
“Of course he is... Lead the way, Scroll. I’ll be along shortly,” Celestia replied, getting off the throne.
“As you wish, m’lady.”
The Princess trotted over to one of the stone-faced guards next to the doors exiting the throne room. “Follow closely. Stop anypony that looks suspicious.”
The guards saluted simultaneously. “Yes ma’am.” Assured of her security, Celestia left the throne room, shadowed by two of her best guards.
Silver Scroll was waiting just outside the door. “This way, Princess,” he said, leading her deeper into the castle. Princess Celestia followed, followed by her guards, keeping a wary eye out for any of Luna’s tampering. “Right in here,” he said, motioning to a nondescript door in a hallway.
Celestia felt her shoulders slump in relief. “Thank you, Silver Scroll you are dismissed for the day. I shall see you up bright and early tomorrow morning.” The unicorn bowed and excused himself. “And you two,” Celestia said, turning to the guards who were standing at attention. “Go in first and make sure everything is okay.”
“Uh, of course, Your Majesty.” The two guards shared a look at their suddenly paranoid ruler, but said nothing. One entered the door, then the other. The Princess counted up to fifty before the two returned, giving their all clear. Satisfied, Celestia walked into the room.
Almost immediately after entering, Celestia sensed something falling on her head. Without thinking, she quickly grabbed it with her magic, preventing it from hitting her. The Princess looked it over with her magic touch, before shouting down the hallway, “Really, Luna? A bucket of water above the door? I was right, this is amateur hour!”
That was when she heard the twang of a string, and saw something quite large flying towards her face. Celestia instantly know she was trapped. If she used her magic to stop the flying object. the force required to stop its momentum in time would strip the magic holding the bucket above her head, causing it to fall. Likewise, if she simply held the bucket, or tried to move it, for that matter, the object would hit her.
Unfortunately, in the time it took her to figure all that out, weigh all her options, and decide on the best one, it was too late.
Celestia’s face was hit square on by something very warm and soft. She tentatively opened an eye to see nothing but mounds of moist cake and pink frosting. Okay, the bucket was a distraction. Not bad, I suppose.
Then she felt a blast of magic overcome her own, and the bucket fell on her head, soaking her coat, mane, and cake hat with hot water. “Luna!” she shouted, already using her magic to wipe the sopping mass of cake-stuff off of her, but all that answered was a cackling laugh..
_--_--_--_--_--_
“Ah-hahahahaha!” Discord pulled himself off of the floor, righting himself in a chair before the window. “Classic! Brilliant! That delivery, that reaction! I give it a four!”
“Eh, a cake to the face? I used to do the same thing to Twily on her birthday. I’ll give it a two,” Shining replied.
Discord turned to face the white unicorn slowly. “A two...?”
“Yeah. I didn’t really see anything really interesting in that.”
Discord blinked. “I am the Lord of Chaos! I think I know a good prank when I see one. We give it a four.”
“No,” Shining replied, crossing his hooves. “We give it a two.”
“Four.”
“Two.”
“Four.”
“Two.”
“Four,” Discord said, “and I won’t tell anypony about your ‘little secret.’”
Princess Celestia walked into the breakfast nook--one of the few safe-zones--still half asleep. Because of that, she sat down and was almost halfway through her meal before she noticed the giant scoreboard on the wall opposite.
It was a pretty simple affair. On one end was a picture of her own face, staring grimly out into the room. Underneath, a giant glowing zero mocked the Princess. Mirrored on the other side was a portrait of Luna, cocky grin replacing the grim line of her sister’s mouth. Underneath her was a big glowing five. Between the two pictures was the word “Days Left:” above a giant glowing twenty-eight.
“Good morning, Your Majesty,” Discord called as he entered the room, taking a seat to the left of Celestia. “Did you manage to get all of the cake out of your mane?”
“Discord, what is the meaning of this?” Celestia asked, waving a hoof at the scoreboard.
“All in good time. I shall explain when your dear sister gets here. I don’t want to repeat myself.” With that, Discord turned towards the table and tucked into his own breakfast. Knowing that she wouldn’t get anything else out of him, Celestia turned to her own plate and began to eat.
Around ten or so minutes later, Luna sauntered in, cheeky grin spread across her face. “Good morning, sister and Discord.”
“Excellent, we’re all here. Well, except for that lazy prince. Honestly, marry a princess and suddenly you’re above everything...” Discord shook his head. “Anyway, since Dear Old Tia asked, allow me to introduce you to the scoreboard!” With a flourish, he waved one arm towards the wall.
“You see, I was sitting, unable to sleep the night of the beginning of your contest,” Discord said. “I was worried it would not be an even match, and we would have to declare a random winner at the end of the month. ‘This will not do!’ I said to myself. ‘We need some sort of system!’ So, I decided to create a scoring method. Simply report your planned prank and time frame to Shining Armor and myself, and we shall observe and rate it on a score of one to five. This board will let you two know who is in the lead, and how many days there are until the game is up. At the end, whichever sister has the most points wins.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Five? How does Luna already have five. She only played one prank, and it wasn’t even that good!”
Luna’s argumentative cry was drowned out by Discord’s response. “You elected Shining Armor and me judges, you’ll have to respect our choices. And for the record, she played two.”
The blue alicorn stuck her tongue out at Celestia. “Better step up your game, Dear Sister.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” Celestia responded with an mischievous grin. “I will.”
_--_--_--_--_--_
Princess Luna spent the rest of the day in her personal chambers, guards on strict orders to search everypony seeking entry thoroughly. Just two days in and she had an advantage over Celestia, and she didn’t intend on losing it. A few minutes after she finished her lunch, a knock sounded on the door to the chamber; the signal that a pony was seeking admittance, and had passed the search.
The Princess reached out with a burst of magic and pulled the ornate door open. A very colorful pegasus cautiously trotted around, head on a swivel as she tried to look at everything at once. In her fascination, she almost tripped over a hooflocker at the foot of the bed. If Luna hadn’t reached out a hoof to steady her, she would have fallen on her face.
“Oh! My apologies, Your Majesty,” the newcomer said nervously. “I-I’ve just never been in a room so...” Finding no words that fit, the mare fell silent.
“We have tried to capture the essence of the Night in Our room, yes. We are glad you like it,” Luna replied from her place on the bed. “Now, what have you come seeking?”
“We--I, I come with an, uh, an invitation!” Her speech seemed to lend strength to her words, every syllable seemed to make the mare grow in stature and demeanor. “You’ve been given an all-expenses-paid voucher for the Boni-Mare Spa!”
Luna raised a quizzical eyebrow. “The Boni-Mare Spa is a relatively new institution,” the bubbly mare continued, “that caters towards the higher-class ponies of Canterlot. We provide a wide array of treatments that are specially designed to reduce stresses commonly found in ponies in important jobs. We also try to provide an atmosphere perfect for socializing so you can relax and--”
Luna raised a blue hoof, silencing the hyperactive mare practically bouncing in front of her. “What, may We ask, is your name?”
“My name’s Shimmer!” she proudly proclaimed.
“Miss Shimmer, We mean no insult, but going to the spa has never really been one of Our past times. In fact, at the time of Our... departure... spas wouldn’t have been invented for almost another two hundred years.”
The pegasus’ jaw dropped. “So you’ve never been to a spa?”
“No, Celestia took Us to one upon Our return, but We did not find it to Our liking.”
“B-B-But you have a free voucher!” Shimmer said, fishing the slip of paper from her saddlebag. “Miss Lily said to make sure it went to you.”
An eyebrow worked its way up the Princess’ face. “Who ordered this voucher?”
“Ummmm...” The pegasus rooted around in her saddlebag for a moment before popping her muzzle back out. “No name was given, sorry.”
“Well, We must decline, then. Our apologies.”
Shimmer scuffed the floor with a hoof. “A-Alright... Um, if it isn’t too much trouble, can you direct me to Princess Celestia’s quarters? I have orders to give the voucher to her if you don’t want it.”
Though Shimmer didn’t notice, Luna’s ears perked up. “Well, in that case, We suppose We can look at it.”
“Great!” Shimmer bounced forward, precariously holding the voucher on an outstretched wing. Luna grasped it with her magic, and Shimmer moved back towards the door. “Hope to see you there!” she said before walking out the door.
I suppose it wouldn’t hurt if Tia was going to get it... Luna thought before moving towards her closet to get ready.
_--_--_--_--_--_
A dark blue unicorn slowly opened the door to the Boni-Mare Spa. A little bell above the door chimed, alerting the pegasus behind the counter that somepony was there to be serviced. “Hi, and welcome to the Boni-Mare Spa! My name is Lily, how may I help you?”
“I have this voucher for a free treatment,” the newcomer said, levitating a slip of paper from her saddlebag and placing it on the counter.
Lily looked it over before smiling and sweeping it off with a hoof. “Right this way, Miss...”
“Moonshade.”
“Miss Moonshade, please, come with me.” Lily stepped out from behind the counter and headed down a corridor. The blue unicorn followed. She was led to a somewhat small room, dominated by a single, pony-sized bed. “Go ahead and hop on, I’ll be out in a moment,” Lily said, before walking into a side room.
As soon as Moonshade had climbed onto the padded platform and got comfortable, Lily returned with a basket held in her mouth. Setting it down on a small stand near the table, she busied herself preparing her implements. “Now,” she said through a hoof file, “justh ‘old ou’ a hooth, ‘n’ A’ll start.”
She moved her head down, rubbing the edge of the file against Moonshade’s outstretched hoof. At first, the unicorn cringed away, but soon became relaxed as the gentle grate of metal on hoof filled the room. Far too soon, Lily moved on to the other forehoof, then to the back two, before switching to a soft cloth and oil, coating each hoof thoroughly before gently wiping it all down.
“There we go.” Lily stored the soaked rag in the basket over the file and bottle of oil. “All nice and clean. Now, how about you step down from there, and we can move to sauna.” Moonshade nodded, moving to get up, only to be pulled back down to the table. She frowned and pushed again, trying to get some leverage to push herself from the pad, but once again fell back onto her stomach.
“Um, is everything alright?” Lily asked.
Moonshade shook her head and chuckled nervously. “I seem to be a little, uh, stuck.”
“Oh, that’s normal for new spa goers,” Lily replied with a dismissive wave of a hoof. “You’re fine, I promise.”
“No, I don’t think so.” Moonshade pushed up, managing to get her forelegs under her to provide extra leverage, but still to no avail. “Um, could you maybe help me?”
The pegasus raised an eyebrow, but nonetheless held out a hoof, which Moonshade gripped in two of her own. Lily gave a quick tentative tug before digging in her hind hooves and pulling hard. On her first tug, she slipped, the slick oil remaining on Moonshade’s hoof causing it to slip between Lily’s. The pegasus got into a better position, jumping into the air to hover, pulling with all of her strength. At long last, Moonshade came free, knocking into the pegasus, causing both of them to tumble to the floor.
“I’m so sorry!” Lily said, pulling herself out from under the other mare. “There must have been some oil or something on the table!”
“It’s fine,” the other pony replied with a wave of her hoof. “Now, which way to the sauna?” Lily pointed with one hazel hoof, and the two set off down the passageway, side by side, until they came to a branch from the main path with doors set into either side.
“Just pick any door you like and head on inside. All of our saunas are preset to let off steam, but if there isn’t enough, feel free to put some more water on the coals, but not too much! I’ll be back in half an hour or so. Holler if you need something.” Moonshade nodded, and headed into the first room on the right.
The sauna room wasn’t small, but it wasn’t exactly large, either. It was just big enough to fit the three benches set into the floor in a ring around a bed of coals. Next to the door hung a pot of water, with a handle sticking out. The unicorn grabbed the handle, and poured a small bit of water from the ladle onto the coals, resulting in instant steam. Moonshade took a seat on the bench opposite the door and laid back, letting the hot steam wash over her.
For a few moments, everything was fine, until she felt an itch on the skin around her horn. Thinking nothing of it--stranger things had happened around unicorn horns--she reached up with a hoof and mindlessly rubbed the irritated skin. Instead of being abated, however, the itch spread to her hoof..
Moonshade opened one eye, moving her hoof down to rub it against her stomach, causing it to spread again. She itched that with the other hoof, lightly brushing against the inside of her hind leg with the tip, causing the mysterious urge to spread, in turn, to all of her hooves, the itch on her head still unquenched.
Lily returned a half hour later to see the unicorn thrashing on the ground, frantically rubbing her hooves all over her body. “Oh my gosh, are you okay?” Lily shrieked, rushing to the side of the writhing unicorn.
“I-Itchy. So, so itchy! Aargh!” Moonshade replied, showing no signs of stopping. Thinking quickly, Lily rushed over and hooked the half-empty bucket of lukewarm water with a wing before rushing back and dumping it on the ailing unicorn. Much to her relief, wherever the water flowed, the itch flowed away with it.
Moonshade rose to her unsteady hooves, allowing Lily to thoroughly scrub her with a large, fluffy towel. “I’m soooo sorry!” she said, using her wings to dry off the soaked unicorn. “What happened?”
“I have no idea! One minute, I was calm and relaxed, then I had an itch, so I scratched it, but it didn’t go away, it just spread! Next thing I know, I’m itching everywhere!”
“Well, there’s still one more treatment left on your voucher, but this has been such a terrible visit, I wouldn’t blame you for wanting to save it for later,” Lily said, opening the door so the two mares could enter the hallway.
“Might as well get it over with,” Moonshade replied in a gruff voice, noting with a small flicker of glee the slightly hurt expression shadowing Lily’s features. The pegasus led the dark unicorn into a room full of baths of a mud-like substance. Moonshade settled in, closing her eyes to accommodate the cucumber slices, and let her thoughts take her away.
A half hour later, mason ponies were called into the Boni-Mare Spa. Apparently, one of the female guests had gotten stuck in a solidified mud bath. It took them another twenty minutes to free her. As soon as she could escape, the guest bolted out the door, denouncing the new spa to all who would listen.
_--_--_--_--_--_
The next morning, Princess Celestia sauntered into the breakfast chamber, a cocky smirk plastered on her face. “Good morning, Dear Sister,” Luna called from across the room. “May We ask why thou are so happy?”
“As if you don’t know,” came Celestia’s cheeky reply as she sat down to her fruit-filled plate.
“No, We do not.” Before the Princess could voice her confusion, Discord strode into the room.
“Bad call, Celestia,” the reformed Lord of Chaos said. “The prank itself was genius, but... you hit the wrong pony.”
“Wha-- How!” The white alicorn looked from the mock-disapproving draconequus to the half-hidden grin on her sister’s face. At last, her gaze landed on the scoreboard. The clock had ticked down one, as to be expected, but nothing else made sense. Luna’s score had risen to a ten, whilst her own had dropped into negative.
“We gave the voucher to somepony else, the poor mare,” Luna replied. She burst into laughter alongside Discord when Celestia sunk down into her seat, resigned to mull over her breakfast, subdued.
Just you wait, sister, she thought while chewing a slice of kiwi. You’ll get yours...
Celestia all-but dove into the breakfast nook--safe territory--drenched to the skin and seething with rage. Drips of water slide off of her ethereal mane, now plastered to her head and neck, landing on the floor with small plops. Though she tried to avoid it, one traitorous eye glanced over at the scoreboard.
Days left now read a glowing twenty-three. Celestia took a small satisfaction in spying the glowing two under her own name, up from the negative two from a few days ago--raised by a brilliant plot revolving around a shock spell embedded in Luna’s slippers. The poor Princess of the Moon had wandered around for hours, wondering why her hooves were shocked every single time she placed weight on them.
However, her good spirits were dashed by the eighteen under Luna’s own grinning visage. As she watched, it turned into a twenty-one, accompanied by the widening of the smirk on Luna’s face. The white alicorn sighed, walking over to the table to try and drown her problems out with a bowl of honeyed oatmeal, fresh from the kitchens.
About halfway through, her temporary paradise was broken by the form of Discord, in a bright yellow raincoat, entering the room, followed closely behind by a dripping Shining Armor. “Odd weather we’re having, isn’t it, Princess?” Discord chuckled, taking a seat opposite of Celestia. “Are one of your weather ponies drunk? The rain is supposed to be outside, isn’t it?”
The Princess sighed, taking a moment to dry off using an offered towel from Shining. “Yes, it is. However, Luna has decided that she would rather have the rain inside today. Something about, ‘raining on the parade of a certain contest judge.’”
Discord threw back his head and laughed, a long, raking sound that stretched for several seconds. “Oh-ho, Celestia, you’re getting better at this! Maybe one day you’ll be as much fun as your sister!”
Celestia’s reply died in her throat. “We’ll see about that, Discord. We’ll see...” With that, the white alicorn rose, and left the room, picking up her personal stormcloud as she walked through the door..
_--_--_--_--_--_
Meanwhile, in a different part of the castle, major construction was underway. One pony, clothing and ornamentation tossed to the side--only in part because of a still-lingering shock spell--stood in the middle of a pile of various building materials. Pillows, blankets, wooden supports, various weights--books, taken from Celestia’s private collection. A large, aged sign, written in sparkling blue and silver ink, proclaimed the area as the site of Fort Luna.
All that was left now, was to build it.
No, this won’t do, Luna thought to herself as she gazed upon her plans. They called for a simple structure, four wooden supports holding up one blanket. Small, defensible, and sturdy, but not good enough. This would have to be the mother of all pillow forts. After all, it’s purpose was to withstand the assault of an angry demigod.
With a mental flick, the original Fort Luna blueprints burst into flame, curdling up into a small pile of ash. After taking a moment to think, Luna grabbed a yellow construction helmet, specially made with a hole for her horn, and stuck it on her head. Alright, Tia, just try to get through here...
_--_--_--_--_--_
“You called, ma’am?”
“Yes, Captain. I understood you graduated top of your class at both Flight Camp and the Wonderbolt Academy.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“So you could fix this cloud?”
“If I may, ma’am, the one, uh, raining on your head?”
A weary sigh. “Yes.”
“I can try.”
“Do so.” Spitfire nodded, flapping her wings with practices strokes to bring her up into the air. She was watched by no less than a dozen wary Day Guard as she hovered over to her beleaguered princess. The closer she got, the more rain poured down upon the white alicorn and the throne and floor below her, as though doing its best to do the most damage before its time was up.
“Princess, I’m going out on a wing here and saying this is no natural cloud,” Spitfire commented as the cloud in question shot a bolt of lightning at the pegasus.
“No, I would speculate it was conjured by alicorn magic,” Celestia replied, looking up at the thunderhead without raising her head. “A prank by my sister.”
“Of course, ma’am. I’m going to buck the cloud, which should stop the rain.” With the princess’ nod of approval, Spitfire flew towards the raincloud, dodging scattered bolts of lightning, and the odd hailstone missile. As she approached, Spitfire flipped herself onto her back, kicking out with her hind legs in the process.
The entire room held their collective breath. Celestia wondered if calling a pegasus was a better idea than trying to enact her plan herself. Spitfire wondered if her plan was going to work, and whether or not it would be worse, and cause her to lose her job. The guards worried that Spitfire was nothing more than a frontpony for the next stage of Luna’s plans, while Silver Scroll worried that Celestia wouldn’t dry off fast enough to be presentable for her lunch.
To Spitfire and the guard’s relief, the rain stopped; and the cloud remained, causing Celestia to repress a cry of joy. The orange pegasus mouth burst into a wide grin. “Anything else, princess?”
“Actually, I was wondering if you would be willing to help me get revenge, as it were,” Celestia replied. As if on a queue, the guards moved to cover all of the entrances, exits, and windows.
Spitfire forced down a lump in her throat. “O-Of course, princess. What do you need me to do?”
Celestia’s vampiric grin brought another lump to the pegasus’ throat, one that refused to disappear.
_--_--_--_--_--_
After long hours of blanket-flinging, book-stacking, placing supports, and several close calls with members of the Day Guard, construction was finally complete. The inside was sort of the same as the original plans. Four wooden poles supported one blanket making a sort of room. There is where all similarities ended.
There were four of the structures in the middle, around which stretched a wall of interlocked books stacked up to the size of a normal pony’s neck. A sheet wrapped over the top of the book-wall, tucked in under the bottom and wrapped around multiple times. Fort Luna was now complete. With blankets fortified with a magical cover that could repel most objects, and the wooden supports held down with even more magic, Luna was positive that it was safe; perfect for her next prank.
Luna happily ducked into the fort to prepare, not noticing the small cloud, floating just inside the window...
“Ma’am, not to question your judgement, but are you sure this is such a good idea?” a nervous Spitfire asked Princess Celestia as the duo sat half-inside a cloud. Just below them, in plain view, was one of the ornamental windows of the castle, overlooking Fort Luna. The Mare of the Moon had just dove into the pillow fort--something Celestia remembered from their youth. Her shadow was darting around the large main room, but Celestia wasn’t worried about that.
She was worried about their plan: the innocent, white cloud drifting inside of the room. Of course, it was Luna’s own prank repurposed, but with a twist. The fact that Luna was hiding inside of a foal’s pillow fort--albeit, one much more complicated than most foals could manage--would not cause the slightest problem.
Or so she thought.
When the puffy weapon was in position over the shadow Celestia assumed to be her sister’s head, she struck. A quick bolt of magic into the cloud ensured that everything was good to go. The attack cloud was ready and armed.
Just before their tactical poof bomb detonated itself above Fort Luna, a voice shouted through the window, “Drop the cloud or thy bunny gets it!”
Celestia’s triumphant expression melted to one of abject terror.
“Princess, what is she talking about?” Spitfire queried, giving the alicorn a sideways glance.
“Stop the cloud,” was the muttered reply.
The pegasus bit back her questions and, with a salute, rocketed down towards the window, leaving a flaming trail in her wake. But it was too late. Right before the leading edge of the flame grabbed and relocated the cloud, it burst. Spitfire barely managed to dodge to the side before a massive deluge of rain showered down upon the fort.
Just before it hit the blankets, waterlogging the entire construction and bringing it crashing to the ground, a burst of dark blue energy intercepted it, leaving the blankets dry as ever. Celestia furrowed her brow, watching as Spitfire bucked the cloud into little puffs of dust.
“Dearest sister, We thought We told you to disarm the cloud, not shower Fort Luna with it. We now have no choice but to carry out Our threat. Unless, of course, thou are willing to forfeit the contest,” came the booming cry a few moments later.
“When have I ever surrendered, Luna? Give me back the bunny and I won’t bring ‘Fort Luna’ down around your head. It’s rather nice this time, and I would hate to damage it,” Celestia shouted back, preparing to take wing into the hallway.
Just before she could leave, Spitfire returned. “Need anything else, ma’am?” she asked, hovering before the camouflaged snout of one of her rulers.
“Captain Spitfire, I’m sorry to tell you this, but the battle has just begun.”
_--_--_--_--_--_
“Well, this is shaping up to be quite a day, eh, Prince? Hey, are you sure you only have one chair in here?”
“Discord... this is the bathroom. My bathroom. Can it wait!?”
The draconequus crossed his mismatched arms, looking over at the white stallion shifting nervously on the only chair in the room. “Well, excuse me, I thought you would want to see the siege of Fort Luna.”
“And I do,” Shining Armor replied, accompanied by a flat glare. “But it can wait a few minutes.”
“Fine.” Discord stood up, snapping his fingers to dispel the watching window. “I’ll be waiting outside.” Without looking at the annoyed unicorn, he promptly opened the window, and stepped outside of the tower. Discord stuck his nose up into the air before haughtily walking out of sight. Seconds later, Shining heard a window open elsewhere in their tower quarters.
Shining sighed before relaxing back into the chair. Unfortunately, the calm only lasted mere moments before Discord stuck his head through the door. “And hurry it up in there, I have a feeling this one is going to be a doozy.”
Discord pulled his head back just in time to miss Shining’s groan and facehoof.
_--_--_--_--_--_
Thunk “Ma’am, if I may,” thunk, “what does this bunny mean to you,” thunk, “that you are willing,” thunk, “to build a catapult,” thunk, “to break down a pillow fort?” One more hit saw the last support in place. Spitfire stepped back, wiping sweat from her brow with a wing. “Not that I’m questioning you, princess, but surely there is an easier way...?”
Celestia paused, causing the cart she was pulling to bump into her hind legs. “The bunny was a gift, from somepony very important to me. If Luna is really intending to damage it, then yes, this is the best option.”
“And you think that launching water balloons, fruit, rocks, bricks, and cannonballs at the pillow fort is the best option?” While she was talking, Spitfire unharnessed Celestia, pulling the laden cart over to the newly-constructed catapult.
Celestia motioned the pegasus closer, bending down to whisper directly into her ear. “To be honest, this is simply a distraction, while I work on the real plan.”
“Wait,” Spitfire’s pupils dilated, “while you work on the real plan?”
“Yes, just keep shooting until she surrenders, or until I call for you. Start with the light ammunition first.” Celestia smiled, then turned around and walked down the hall, disappearing around a corner.
“Yeah, great idea, let’s just shoot things at one of my bosses. Sure to turn out fine,” Spitfire mumbled to herself as she turned around, sticking a water balloon into the catapult. “Sorry, ma’am! Under orders to fire until you surrender!” After a few seconds of silence, Spitfire bit the launch lever and pulled, sending the water balloon careening into one of the walls of the inner fort, just to be blocked by the same transient burst of blue energy.
It wasn’t until she ran out of balloons and moved on to fruit that a noise was heard from the fort. “Is this even legal by the rules?” Princess Luna called from within the fort. “Discord! We know you are watching! Is this legal?”
“Let me see...” Discord appeared in the air, flying over Fort Luna. “Well, this is neither mane or tail pulling, or calling to your mom,” he looked around the paper. “That’s something I wouldn’t mind seeing. And though it is strange that a mare with more centuries than appendages built a pillow fort, it doesn’t really damage reputation... Nope, it looks good to me. Continue.” Just as quick as he appeared, Discord poofed away, leaving the airway clear for another shot--a massive watermelon this time around.
With the judge’s approval Celestia’s--Spitfire’s--assault continued, with no signs of stopping.
_--_--_--_--_--_
“She does have a point, you know.” By now, Shining was so used to Discord’s normal means of transportation, he barely flinched when the draconequus appeared next to him again. “What sort of point value do we give this? After all, it isn’t exactly Celestia doing anything.”
“Well, I don’t really know... Maybe one point to Luna for stealing the bunny, and another two for hiding it in an impenetrable fort,” came Shining’s reply, some time later. Through the window, apples were flying rampant, all being knocked off of the fort by the same blue energy. “I just don’t think that stealing is a prank.”
“I like it. I say we should give it a three, and another three for hiding it,” came Discord’s counteroffer. Shining opened his mouth to argue, but the Lord of Chaos beat him to it. “Or do I have to share your secret?”
“What secret?” asked a feminine voice from behind the two judges. Shining looked at the floor, while Discord turned his head to identify the newcomer. “Ah, Princess Cadence, how nice of you to join us. Come, pull up a chair and watch the Siege of Fort Luna.”
Cadence never took her eyes off of Discord as she walked around the couch, planting a kiss on Shining’s cheek before taking a seat between the two. “Don’t mind me,” she said as the silence cemented itself. “Continue your talk. I like secrets.”
“We were just discussing how to rate Luna’s latest series of pranks. I think we should give it a collective six, but your humbug husband wants to give it a three.” Discord looked at the pink alicorn with a drawn out pout. “Now how is that fair?”
“Well, what did she do?”
“She took a bunny--” Shining started before Cadence interrupted.
“The one that Twilight gave her?”
Shining nodded. “I think so.”
“Well, that’s hardly fair. I agree with Shining.” Cadence turned to Discord, as if daring him to argue.
“Well, I’ll keep that in mind, but I don’t recall either of the princesses declaring you a judge,” Discord rebuffed, turning to look the small alicorn in the eyes.
“I don’t see how it matters, it sounds like you overrule Shining every time he disagrees with you,” Cadence said, crossing her forehooves.
“You told your wife?” Discord deadpanned, looking around Cadence to her husband.
“Ah, w-well...” Shining looked away from the arguing demigods and scratched the back of his head. “Maybe once or twice...”
“Shining, I am disappointed. I thought--” Discord was interrupted by a loud crash from the window, followed by a low, rumbling sounds from below his very feet. “Well, the rating can wait, can’t it? I don’t want to miss anything...”
_--_--_--_--_--_
The strain of repelling various forms of airborne projectiles was beginning to show on the Lunar Princess. Her wings and eyes drooped, her movements sluggish, and she didn’t even bother shielding the walls anymore. So, when something the size and shape of a cannonball launched itself at the roof of Fort Luna, it is perfectly understandable why the fort’s namesake barely had the strength to repel it.
Thankfully, the artillerypony was getting tired as well. She had gone through almost her entire stock of ammo, and Celesta’s “master plan” still was not ready yet. Left with no other option, Spitfire had lugged a cannonball onto the arm of the catapult, and sent it flying, aimed right in the middle of the roof of Fort Luna.
However, cannonballs are heavy, and it was taking longer and longer for Spitfire to work up the energy to load another shell into the siege machine. The increased minutes of reprieve gave Luna the time she needed to relax between volleys, which was the only reason the fort had not already fallen.
“Captain Spitfire!” Luna called, causing the pegasus to stop reloading.
“Yes, uh, ma’am?” Spitfire reluctantly replied. “Are you ready to surrender yet?”
“Neigh, We have an offer for you.”
The flaming pegasus paused for a moment, more curious than she would like to admit. “What sort of offer?”
“Join us, Captain Spitfire. Inside the walls of Fort Luna, our Sister cannot touch you. You will be safe in here, and will no longer have to load and fire that catapult. We imagine you must be getting rather tired by now.” To her surprise, Spitfire found herself nodding. She had hoped that Celestia’s plan would be ready long before now. Her wings and hooves were sore, and she just knew she would find splinters on her hooves when she went home later that night. On top of that all, she was missing Wonderbolt practice, and she knew Soarin would give her hell when she returned.
On the other hoof, even if she accepted, Fort Luna couldn’t stand forever, not under the full might of the Sun herself. “Sorry, ma’am, I’m under orders to keep firing until you surrender. Nothing personal.” Spitfire turned around and laboriously lifted another cannonball to the arm of the catapult. Before she could fire, however, the floor below her began to rumble.
Thinking that maybe Celestia’s master plan was finally nearing fruition, Spitfire hastily knocked the cannonball off of the catapult, wincing as the large iron ball hit the still-shaking floor.
Just in time, too, for if she had launched the cannonball at that moment, it would have hit the head of the blue alicorn who had just been launched through the roof of Fort Luna, and was now currently sailing out of the window.
_--_--_--_--_--_
Halfway across Canterlot, a blue pegasus by the name of Soarin, second in command of the Wonderbolts, had just left the break room in the Canterlot Coliseum, where the entire team was drilling for a show later that week. His routine had just finished, so he covertly ducked into the room, to snag the last slice of banana-cream pie, generously donated by Princess Celestia herself not even an hour before.
Soarin took a seat in one of the low-lying bleachers, ready to enjoy his snack, when a speck, high up in the sky caught his attention. Morbid curiosity forced him to watch as the speck grew and grew, eventually growing four legs, two wings--which were all flailing around--and a horn.
So fascinated was he, that Soarin barely managed to dive out of the way of the out-of-control princess as she landed muzzle-first in the last slice of pie, effectively ruining all his chances of having a delicious snack before returning to practice. As he watched, Princess Luna slowly rose to shaking hooves, and took off for the castle, leaving the entire team shocked and confused.
It was a frigid morning in the breakfast nook. Not because of the weather--outside the castle it was another beautiful spring morning, and it was looking to be a great day. Inside, however, enough frigid glares were shooting across the breakfast table to lower the temperature.
To be expected, Celestia and Luna both stared at the other with a glare more competitive than hostile. Slowly, the scores had almost leveled. Thirty-seven for Princess Luna, and thirty-three for Celestia. All that was needed was one good prank to put one ahead of the other. Twenty days, two thirds of the month, still remained.
Much more surprisingly, on the other side of the table, Discord routinely glared daggers at Cadence, who, to her credit, pretended not to notice. In the middle of them Shining Armor sat, blinking in confusion as he continually looked back and forth, desperately trying to figure out what was going on.
“So, Sister, are thy books continuing to misbehave themselves?” Luna asked with a large smirk.
“No, not after I put them in your room.” Luna’s smile died, replaced by a look of abject horror. Celestia smiled and levitated an oversized flyswatter to her sister.
Luna coughed and discretely stowed the flyswatter under a wing. “We are sure it is unneeded, but our lesson to the foals today is a prank-free zone.”
“Of course,” Celestia replied, popping a blueberry in her mouth around an innocent smile. “I won’t do anything to you during your presentation.”
Across the table, Shining sighed and relaxed. “Some time off sounds good, actually.”
“I would not count on it,” Discord replied. “I have seen that smile. She’s planning something.”
“No, she can’t. She can’t do anything that might harm Princess Luna’s public opinion, though the pie in the face came somewhat close...”
“You’re right, she can’t,” Cadence said, jumping into the conversation. “Aunt Celestia can’t do anything personally, but... we’ll just have to see...” The three judges turned to look back at the two sisters, still trading friendly taunts in between bites of breakfast. “We’ll see...”
_--_--_--_--_--_
“Now, class, Twilight Sparkle had to do a lot of work to get the princess here to talk to us, so I want you all to be on your best behavior, okay?” Luna heard the teacher, a bubbly mare by the name of Cheerilee, on the other side of the door say.
“Yes, Miss Cheerilee,” the class chorused. Luna cracked the door open and stared out into the sea of small, eager faces. She closed the door quickly, before any of them could look her way, and turned back to the small pile of notes prepared for this lesson. Her eyes frantically scanned the sheets of paper, even though she knew all of it by heart. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea... One student interested in astronomy is one thing, but an entire class of foals who have never seen a telescope before? How are We supposed to get the attention of uninterested children?
The door opening drew the princess from her thoughts. Cheerilee poked her head in, smiling at the dark alicorn. “They are ready for you, Your Majesty,” she said quickly before bowing out again. Luna took a deep breath and stashed the papers before heading out into the classroom.
Dozens of eyes, ranging from bright and engaged to dull and bored stared at the princess as she slowly walked to the front of the class. She paused there to take a deep breath. “H-Hello...”
“Hello, Princess Luna,” most of the class replied. From the back of the room, Cheerilee gave the princess an encouraging smile.
“Now, We have been told by both Twilight Sparkle and your teacher that you are studying astronomy, is that correct?” Luna tried again.
As one, the class nodded.
‘Just start, they’ll listen,’ Cheerilee mouthed from her table at the back of the room.
Luna closed her eyes, picturing her notes and the plans given to her the day before by the teacher. Instantly, her form relaxed, and she picked up a piece of chalk. “Now then, let’s begin with the stars.
“Most ponies believe that time is a linear progression from cause to effect, but in reality, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it’s more like a big... ball, of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey, stuff...”
“Um, Princess Luna?” one little filly asked, waving her hoof in the air, “what does this have to do with stars?”
The alicorn chuckled nervously. “Right. As I was saying, stars. Ponies believe that We create the stars, which is not strictly true. Many stars exist, and have existed, independent of Us and Our meddlings, however they are... incomplete. They have no shape or form.”
Luna could feel the attention slipping. Eyes shifted, hooves tapped irregular beats on the floor. Pleading, the princess looked back towards Cheerilee ‘Keep going,’ the teacher mouthed, ‘they’re listening. You’re doing fine.’
It was a blatant lie. Neither Cheerilee or Luna thought a single foal was still listening. Luna closed her eyes, confusing the three ponies in the room actually watching. This is why We do not teach. Foals have no patience for learning things they are not interested in, so what would Sister do....
Suddenly, Luna’s eyes opened, shining. All of the shutters on the windows blew shut, the noise shocking all of the foals in the room to attention, but it didn’t stop there. Submerged in the dark, the class focused on the only light source nearby; a single speck of light on the tip of Luna’s horn. Before anypony could question what was going on, the light exploded outward, filling the top of the room with small pinpricks of light, stars, that wandered aimlessly across the ceiling.
“As We were saying,” Luna said to her captive audience; still staring at the night sky inside of their classroom, “We do not create the stars, We give them form, and arrange them in the night sky.” Her horn flashed again, and the stars all froze in the sky. “Every night, We freeze the stars where they float, like this. Then We give them purpose,” the stars slowly morphed around, changing size and shape, slowly moving around to form constellations.
A little filly in the second row raised her hoof. “But what ‘bout the moon, Princess?” she squeaked.
“We were just about to say,” Luna replied with a smile. “The moon, she is different. She has been around as long as the stars, but she has always had form, had substance, all she lacks is purpose. Every night, when We set the stars back to their homes, we also set the moon upon her course in the night sky.” Following her words, a small white sphere appeared in one corner of the classroom, and slowly made its way to the opposite corner.
All eyes tracked the orb across the room. “Of course,” Luna said, “We do not give her the same track daily. She may just be rock, but We would not want her bored.”
Once again, the filly raised her hoof. “Rock? I thought the moon was made of cheese.”
“Of course not,” Luna snorted, “that would be ridiculous.”
“But it would hafta be, or else what would Nightmare Moon eat when she was on the moon?” the filly continued, assent echoed by a few others in the class.
The princess sighed. It was going to be a long afternoon.
Four hours later, Luna boarded a pegasus-drawn carriage headed back to Canterlot. She had no proof of shenanigans, no evidence of rule-bending, nothing more than a gut feeling. But it was a strong one, and Luna would have her revenge.
_--_--_--_--_--_
“So, was it a prank, or not?” asked an irritated Cadence, “I’m tired, and would like to have my bed back.”
Discord kicked his limbs out, covering every inch of the bedspread and yawned. “But it was so boring, all that learning and information and teaching, and from Lulu, no less! Color me surprised.”
Cadence rose from the couch, gently easing the sleeping Shining off of her, and walked over to the bed. With a shove, she sent Discord tumbling to the floor. “Now what was that for?” the floored god of chaos asked. “I didn’t do anything to you.”
“I told you, I wanted my bed back.” The pink alicorn hopped back up on the bed, taking plenty of time to make herself comfortable. “So, score?”
“Now now, Cadence, you’re married.” Discord’s chuckle filled the room. “But, if you insist...”
“Touch me and I’ll tie you up with your tail and ship you to a stonemason’s,” Cadence spat. “I was talking about this contest. Was that a prank, and do we score it?”
“That would be breaking the rules, which state that one cannot defame the other in a public venue. What is more public than a school house, while teaching the next generation of little ponies? But did anything actually happen?” Discord looked over towards the couch, to the front-row seats of the prank war. “I... do not recall.”
“So, this day was wasted for nothing?”
“Yes. How disappointing.” Discord flicked the tip of his tail angrily. “What a waste of time.”
Slowly, the door to the breakfast nook swung open. A dripping wet Celestia, looking tired but triumphant, entered the room. As a habit, she glanced at the scoreboard: tied at thirty-seven, with seventeen days left. The war was almost half over, yet it had only just begun.
“Haven’t we already done the personal storm clouds?” Discord asked after glancing at the puddles left in Celestia’s wake. “I don’t think it’s very sportmarely to give points for recycled pranks.”
“Funny, Discord,” Celestia responded, pulling a towel from a nearby serving table. “Have you looked out a window today? It is raining. It was even scheduled.”
The door opened once again, admitting Cadence and Shining to the room. “You went outside, Celestia? Isn’t that a little dangerous with the war?” Discord continued, ignoring the newcomers, with a glance towards the scoreboard.
“No. I have a feeling that Luna will be a bit... slow to join us today.”
The three judges shared a look over Celestia’s smug smile. “Already?” Shining grumbled, “I at least wanted breakfast first...”
_--_--_--_--_--_
Deeper in the castle, ensconced in the suite at the top of the western tower, a blue alicorn slept, still busy policing the dreams of those who were not yet awake. A little ways away down the stairs, Celestia stood with a small gong and an evil smile. Things were going much better than she initially hoped. Not only had Luna slept through breakfast, but Celestia had managed to slip away from her morning duties just long enough to do... this.
Widening her evil smile, Celestia struck the gong. A loud, low bong echoed throughout the tower, covering Celestia’s hoofsteps as she fled back to court.
Upstairs, the noise was enough to finally rouse Luna from her slumber. Cyan, tired eyes revealed themselves from under heavy eyelids and scanned the room slowly. It was dark, it was always dark when she first awoke due to her heavy drapes, but even in the dim light. something seemed... off. She blinked once, slowly, trying her best to resist the urge just to fall back asleep. Coffee. Coffee will help. Maybe some fruit too. And a slice of Tia’s cake. Dreaming of her new breakfast-to-be, Luna smacked her lips and stretched out a hoof.
With a slight squeak, Luna’s hoof bounced off something just outside the borders of her rather large bed. Confused, she extended her hoof once again, more slowly. Again, it hit a barrier which squashed slightly before emitting a sharp pop.
What is this? Luna wondered for a brief second, before a strand of plastic burst out of the bubble to wrap itself around her hoof. In the dim light she could just make out the slight sheen disturbed by the regular bumps of bubbles. Still not quite comprehending, she brought up her other hoof to attempt to free the first. Another pop heralded another plasticized appendage.
A brief burst of magic threw the curtains open, illuminating the room with bright morning light. Bubble wrap covered everything. Sheens of plastic over the walls, across the floor, and stretched across the illusory star-studded ceiling. Even closer were the thin sheets pulled taut across the three open sides of her bed, trapping Luna within.
Luna looked down to her forehooves, and smirked. It was a good attempt, to be sure, but once something was already covered in bubble wrap, it couldn’t exactly be covered twice.
Pop!
Thunk.
Pop!
After several minutes of chain reaction, Luna stared dumbfounded at the large pile of random objects scattered across her bed and part of the floor - among them a frying pan, book, broken flower pot, small lizard, empty leather pouch, and a kitchen sink - all also covered in bubble wrap.
It was supposed to be foolproof, a simple flaw in Tia’s otherwise cunning plan. If it was just possible to navigate with two hooves instead of four, escape would be simple, but with this...
Luna blew a lock of ethereal mane away from her muzzle in frustration, throwing a look of both despondency and disdain between the door to her ensuite and the door out of her chambers entirely. Both were liberally coated in the enhanced packing material and glistening in the morning light, as though mocking her.
This... was going to be nothing short of an ordeal.
_--_--_--_--_--_
Pop, pop, clunk! Pop, pop, clunk! Pop, pop, clunk! A small pegasus hastily dropped her feather duster in her mad dash to escape. Despite the rules of the prank war, rumor still traveled fast in certain circles, and none faster than the mares and stallions who made a living cleaning the palace and making sure the Sister’s lives ran smoothly. As such, a very irate blue alicorn trailing bubble wrap and miscellaneous items stomping a trail through the middle of the Sister’s private wing was a cause for alarm.
Luna paid no mind as the maids and message runners scurried about, doing everything they could to stay out of her way, and the path of destruction currently creeping up the hallway. She spared no thought for the inevitable cleanup. It had taken nearly an hour to finally break free of her own room, and Luna was determined to make sure her sister knew exactly how painful it was.
And maybe in the future they could rule out these types of pranks.
Celestia could hear the noise in the distance, she knew what was coming. It was fine, accepted even. But somepony had to start it, it had all been fun and games, but at a dead tied score at 37 with seventeen days left, it had been time for some good old fashioned escalation.
As the door to her chambers burst open, revealing a very irate alicorn swathed in random objects and bubble wrap, Celestia sighed. “Good afternoon, Sister. We missed you at breakfast.”
Luna said nothing.
“I trust you had a safe trip?”
With a snort, Luna stomped a hoof over the threshold, and began walking into the room.
Pop!
_--_--_--_--_--_
Three figures huddled around one of Discord’s small floating windows in the chambers of Cadence and Shining Armor. All sat, slack jawed, as bubble wrap and items exploded all over Celestia and her chamber as the two rolled around on the floor in a flurry of limbs, wings, and plastic, giggling like fillies.
“Beautiful,” murmured Discord, using his tail to wipe a single tear from his eye.
“This almost ruins the point of this sibling rivalry thing,” added Shining.
“....That looks like fun,” finished Cadence. “What?” she added, seeing the looks the other two gave her.
Discord closed his window with a snap, leaving the sisters to their fun. “Five. Across the board.”
“That would just continue the tie. Aunt Celestia’s prank was great, well planned, and well executed. Aunt Luna just stomped across the castle and wrecked Celestia’s room. There was no art, no subtlety.”
“But if it stays at a tie, imagine what will happen in the next few days?” Discord floated into the air, practically tying himself in knots. “How will Luna react to this? Surely better pranks will follow if we just... apply some pressure.”
Cadence shook her head. “I can’t let you maintain a tie just to force more chaotic pranks from the two sisters. This one came dangerously close to breaking the Rule of Bystanders; what could come in a few days?”
As one, Cadence and Discord turned towards Shining, who visibly paled under their combined stare. “You want me to break the tie.”
Both nodded.
“No matter what I pick, the other one is going to be angry.”
Both nodded.
“So how am I supposed to remain impartial in the face of angering the God of Chaos, and worse, my wife!?”
Both nodded.
“That doesn’t even make sense!”
_--_--_--_--_--_
Canterlot Construction Incident Report
Hours Billed Include Repair Material and Horsepower:
Clean-up: seventeen hours, 16000 bits Lunar Door Reconstruction: two hours, 500 bits Celestial Door Reconstruction: two hours, 500 bits Misc. Tile Repair: eight hours, 6000 bits Plumbing Cleaning and Repair: fifteen hours, 10000 bits Anonymous Donation: -150000 bit
Job Injuries: 3
Notes: Highnesses, we request, in the future, that any magically altered packaging materials not be used in conjunction with indoor plumbing. Or, if I may speak candidly, with anything at all. I’ve never seen such a mess in my career here and I’ve been contracted to clean up after a Pinkie Pie Party. We also humbly apologize for the stains in the Princess of the Sun’s personal chambers, we have never seen anything like it before, and it did not respond to standard cleaning procedure. The labor price on Clean-up has been reduced to compensate for us sending a specialist at a later date to finish the job.
Your Humble Construction Specialist
Hard Hat
P.S. Reconstruction continues on the site of Fort Luna. We apologize for the delays.
The previous morning had been a sobering one. Luna knew it was going to be bad; the prank Celestia played on her was good, but when she walked in and saw her sister up by a full five points she turned on a hoof and stormed out of the nook, ignoring Discord’s customary opening quip. Not even Celestia herself, at the handoff of Day to Night had been able to wring much from her.
Sixteen days. Sixteen days to make sure she came out on top. Her mental list of plans was solid, but the bubble wrap had thrown them all off. It would take days to get things back on track, and she likely didn’t have days. After all, the sun was slow to warm, but once burning...
She needed an emergency prank, a backup plan. Most of all, she needed to stall for time. Luckily, Canterlot Construction was currently repairing all the damage done to her sister’s room, and that gave her the perfect opportunity...
Deep in her room was a contingency plan, something not used since the prank wars of old, when not crying to mom was a serious rule. Masked by the sound of distant construction, Luna pulled the tin canister from underneath her bed, dispelling the numerous charms and curses keeping it hidden. It was an aged classic, a long shot, something that anypony paying attention would see coming a mile away.
Luna’s only hope was that in a duel so high-profile and high-power, it would go unnoticed.
She tucked the canister underneath a wing - making sure it was completely unnoticeable - and ventured from her room. It was like a walk down memory lane, having not pulled a prank this basic in years. The difference being that back then, she would have been questioned for walking around like this, especially late at night. Nowadays, she merely had to acknowledge bowing without letting the can fall from her wing.
A hallway choked with dust and full of ponies in high-visibility vests and hardhats bustled in the hallway outside of Celestia’s rooms, busy cleaning and rebuilding from the Bubble Wrap Incident. All the workers bowed, but it was clear that several only did so out of forced propriety.
It was uncommon, and slightly rude, but, considering the circumstances, acceptable. As she walked past, Luna dipped her ears. “We apologize for your troubles,” she said, directed towards the most hostile knot of ponies. “Our sister has asked Us to oversee the reconstruction of her rooms. We... I promise to keep further damage during my visit to a minimum.”
A few snickers and smiles serving as proof of her victory, Luna strode into the destruction of Celestia’s bedchamber. Most of the bubble wrap and movable miscellaneous items having been cleaned up, but what was left was carefully avoided on the trip into Celestia’s bathroom.
A large gilded tub, with several spouts and bottles of hair product and other niceties takes up the middle of the room. Tia was always fond of her long morning baths... A single bottle of aromatic bath bubbles floated up to Luna’s face, followed shortly after by the silver can under her wing.
_--_--_--_--_--_
Aside from Luna’s little temper tantrum in the breakfast nook, today had been a good day for Celestia. Day Court had been relegated to emergency session only, due to the noise and stress of reconstructing the castle, leaving the Princess of the Sun large tracts of free time that would have otherwise been taken up by the problems of other ponies - some needing intervention, other simply burning hot air.
It was a horrible way to think of her little ponies, but, despite the cliché, some ponies truly only want more power.
A deep sigh. A bath would help, tremendously. Maybe one with her favorite bubbles, nice and warm. It might also help her forget about the residual disaster in her bedchamber, and the upcoming budget meeting to find a way to expense the repair work going on outside.
Celestia entered the bathroom and, with a practiced web of spells, set everything going. Several taps dispensing heated water, the drain sliding shut, a few packets of fizzing crystals, and very last, a bottle of pink, slightly scented bath bubbles. A bit of horn and hoof filing, and she was ready to go.
With a warm sigh, Celestia lowered herself into the slightly steaming, bubbling bath. She chuckled, popping a few of the pink bubbles with a hoof. Well, at least these won’t be costing me a fortune...
_--_--_--_--_--_
Luna arrived first to the breakfast nook, for the first time in a few days. Her gaze barely registered the three judges on their way to the scoreboard. “What?” she said, now quickly turning to the three others, already tucked into breakfast. “No score for that?”
“Score for what?” Discord asked. “Did something happen?”
Cadence and Shining looked at each other. “Sort of...”
“And you didn’t tell me?!”
“We had no reason to.” The couple shared another look. “We didn’t need a mirror, you could go see the effects for yourself.”
Discord glanced over at Luna, who was busy stuffing her face into a plate of muffins. “Well, do you have anything to say for yourself?”
“Day court,” Luna mumbled back around her current mouthful.
After looking back around the room and heaving an indignant sigh, Discord floated from his chair. “I’m not against going to review an unannounced prank. But now I won’t let any of you watch.” With a hmph he vanished.
The three remaining ponies in the room quickly finished their meals, not wanting to miss a minute of what was coming next. Luckily for them, the castle was full of servant corridors which made rapid traversal easy, if not a little time consuming. After sliding through several tight hallways, around a few startled mares and stallions preparing to do their jobs, and making no more than two wrong turns, the three found themselves in the royal preparation room, just behind a door to the throne.
In the room beyond a crowd milled, the soft hum of conversation just audible through the door. It didn’t seem like Celestia was in the room, yet. Of course, there was always the chance she wouldn’t come to this one, there were two Royal Waiting Chambers, traditionally.
“So, have you seen?” Luna asked, almost bouncing in her excitement.
Shining shook his head.
“We only knew something was going on when we heard that Day Court was to be delayed two hours,” clarified Cadence. “Of course, we immediately suspected. You know you are supposed to give us warning, right?”
“It was a very last minute thing. I knew that Sister was going to score well for her last prank, and I needed to capitalize on her momentary distraction. This is, after all, the first Royal Prank war in a millennia, and I will not lose.”
As she finished, Luna’s ears perked up and swiveled towards the door they just entered through. It opened, allowing a tall, light pink mare with a multicolored, flowing ethereal mane to enter. She halted in the door, and for one of the few times Cadence had ever seen, Celestia didn’t know what to do.
The silence was broken by a snicker. Cadence and Shining both turned to find Luna standing by the door to the audience chamber, barely able to contain her laughter behind a hoof.
“You’re lucky I don’t petition the judges to throw this out, for public defamation,” Celestia deadpanned, stepping fully into the room and shutting the door.
“But ‘tis not defamation, dear sister. It’s been a long time since you had a change. After all, cosmetic dying is all the rage amongst the younger ponies today,” Luna retorted.”
“I think it looks nice,” Shining added, pulling attention from all the mares in the room. “What?”
“Yes, yes,” Cadence gently pat Shining with one hoof. “We know you have a thing for pink mares,” she finished, handedly ending any more comments from him.
Celestia coughed quietly. “Yes, well, if you’ll excuse me then...” She walked over to the audience door, next to her sister, and whispered something in her ear.
Luna visibly paled, then pulled the door open. As Celestia walked outside, and the crowd quickly fell to a stunned silence, the judges and Luna could easily hear, “Good morning, my little ponies. I apologize for the delay, the dye took longer than I thought to set...”
The door fell shut, cutting off the rest of her speech. “She’s good,” Shining muttered.
“Yes, but what did she tell you, Luna?” Cadence asked, her eyes never having left the other alicorn for a second.
A loud klaxon split the night, waking the entire castle and then some. An off-duty squadron of Day Guard rushed into the area a few minutes later, only to find the Night Guard stationed outside of Vault Six knocked unconscious, troublingly without signs of a major struggle. Even worse, the vault door was slightly ajar.
“Ponyfeathers,” one of the guards swore. He then motioned to another behind him. “You, go alert the current Watch Captain and wake up both Captains of the Guard. It’s going to be a long night, boys.”
As the first guard galloped off, another stepped forward. “Granite, what is it?”
“The vault has been attacked and cleared out,” Granite, the leader of the group answered. “One of the princesses personal vaults is empty.”
A few minutes after the runner was sent, the klaxon was shut off, only to be replaced by a much more gentle pulsing alarm, the signal for high alert. The castle was locked down, only essential ponies allowed in and nobody allowed out. The whole city of Canterlot had been alerted now, and they all waited anxiously for either the Guard, the Princesses, or the tabloids to tell them what was going on.
Upon hearing the news from her Watch Captain, Luna dismissed the night court and headed down to Vault Six to await her sister. A half-score of Night Guard was already watching the perimeter, while the Watch Captain berated the original squad in charge of guarding the vault.
“--you thinking?” she overheard the captain say. “That is one of Princess Celestia’s personal storage vaults, who knows what’s in there? I don’t think even our Lady Luna will be able to protect you from the Sun’s wrath! The lot of you, out to a T and without fighting back, such a disgrace...”
Luna stopped paying attention, instead choosing to wait for her sister. It wasn’t long. Celestia, still pink Luna noted with a smile, came around the corner, only slightly more hurried than her usual regal pace. She nodded once at Luna, then walked straight to the Night Watch Captain.
“At ease,” she breathed to the guards at attention all around her. “Captain, it is hardly fair to berate these ponies so, don’t you think?”
The Captain looked back, flabbergasted. “No, Highness, they failed to--”
“Any attack capable of breaking the magic wards around Canterlot and breaking into one of mine or Luna’s personal vaults is sure to have been powerful enough to dispatch these guards. They did what they could, send them back to their barracks--” she turned to look directly at the guards, “--with my thanks.”
“Dismissed,” the captain acknowledged with a nod. The guards all saluted to Celestia, and with murmurs of, “Lady Moon,” to Luna they left the chamber.
“Now then,” the Captain began, turning to face both princesses before walking towards the vault door, “as you know, the contents of these vaults are on no official record. Therefore we have no way of knowing what all was taken.”
Once in the vault with trusted confidants, Celestia’s look dropped to a thin line. “I know exactly what was in here, it was one of my personal storage rooms.” She gazed around the large, stone chamber. She knew the exact enchantments on the door, knew the thickness of the walls, and the vault’s overall location compared to the rest of the castle, and knew the entry points by heart. This, after all, was her favorite storage vault in the castle.
“And we will get it back,” she continued, with a sideways glance at Luna. “Dismissed, Captain. I must speak with my sister in private.”
The Captain saluted. “Princess Celestia, Lady Moon.”
With the Captain gone, Luna dropped her worried frown for an overly-innocent smirk. “Yes, Dear Sister? What doth thou wish of I, your humble servant always?”
“Luna, where is my cake?”
_--_--_--_--_--_
The breakfast nook had truly become a frosty place to be in the last three days. The scores had tied once again, both at forty-two, with just shy of a fortnight left in the contest. Gone was the friendly banter, gone was the jovial atmosphere of a good prank war. It had simply become a less-violent front of the current trench warfare.
The judges could hear the princesses approaching before they arrived. The door swung open, revealing both already in heated—and bemused—argument respectively. The both nodded hello to Shining, Cadence, and Discord, grabbed some food, and began eating all without breaking the flow of conversation.
“Just tell me where you hid it. That was a lot of cake, there aren’t too many places where you could have put it,” Celestia was saying. “It’s been three days, you’ve gone too far this time.”
“Not at all,” Discord attempted to chime in, but was shushed by the other two judges.
“Discord is right,” Luna agreed. “Besides, I’m sure the nation-wide task force assigned to ‘locate the dangerous magical artifacts stolen from the castle’ will turn up something very soon.”
“It’s not like I had a choice! When somepony set off the castle-wide alarm summoning guards to the highest security section of the castle I couldn’t just tell them that they didn’t need to worry, I was just going on a diet!”
“It’s actually worse than that,” Shining said, levitating a paper from his place at the table. “Look at this.”
Celestia snatched it before her sister could, eyes growing wider with every word.
Lies in Canterlot! Evidence of Royal Shenanigans Instead of Official Work!
This reporter’s sources within Canterlot’s elite Guard forces have identified a scandal within the highest offices of our government! Evidence and corroborating testimony of anonymous sources point to something juvenile and unimportant within the chambers of our Princesses: a prank war. One such affected stallion, a member of the vaunted Wonderbolts, trick-flying team of the Pegasus Air Corps had this to say: “I was sitting on a break from practice one day, minding my own business, when none other than Princess Luna came flying from the sky, and straight into my last pie!” Dreadful, simply dreadful, especially considering the reason we, the public, have been given for having two courts is that Princess Luna sleeps during the day! How can that be true, if she is sky-pie raiding instead! Another source within Canterlot Construction report a rather large anonymous donation to the company to do massive repair work within the private wing of the Princesses itself! This is either the result of a previously unreported attack on their lives, or possibly the clean-up of magically altered bubble-wrap that demolished an entire hallway and three rooms. Staff in the castle have declined comment. To make matters worse, my sources indicate that the alarm of three days ago from the castle, and subsequently the lockdown, and nationwide magic hunt is a sham! My source reports that the contents of Vault Six, the one robbed in the early hours of the morning, was nothing more than a personal storeroom for Princess Celestia’s cake! Her cake!! A whole nation-wide munch-hunt so our unfailable leader can enjoy some Red Velvet with her lunch (ED Note: not to be confused with the Red Velvet Scandal three years ago.) This reporter vows to get to the bottom of this, one way or another! Hard Hitter, Political Journalist
Celestia threw down the copy of the Canterlot Inquirer, to be picked up by Luna. After they finished reading, both joined Shining and Cadence in staring at Discord.
“What?” he said, flipping a hand to his chest, “why is everyone staring at little old me?”
“An anonymous source within Canterlot who knew what was in the vault and who knew why we donated to Canterlot Construction, down to the enchantment that caused the damage.” Celestia and Luna stood from the table. “Who else could it have been?”
“It is a little excessive,” Shining said. “And it paints the Guard in a bad light, using some of the Royal Guard to protect a room full of cakes, um-” he glanced at Celestia “no offense.”
She merely acknowledged him with a nod. “Discord, this is an obvious breach in the rules laid down in the beginning of this prank war, specifically public defamation. We have no choice to remove you from the proceedings.”
“Agreed,” added Luna. “‘tis true that Celestia and I get bored and do things like this to relieve that boredom, but bringing it to the attention of the press, of the two-bit tabloids no less, is inexcusable.”
“Now now, ladies, let us not get our manes tangled in our tails, shall we?” Discord floated into the air so he could see the entire room. “Even if I had leaked this to the news, not that I would, but if I did, what gain would I have?”
“Entertainment,” started Cadence.
“Watching us rush to attempt a cover-up,” added Celestia.
“Is nopony going to state the obvious? Chaos,” finished Luna.
“Ladies, please. You’re embarrassing me.” Discord began fanning himself. “But it was not me. While region-wide political chaos is always delicious, I find it isn’t as appealing in a place I am actively staying.”
“I suppose that’s fair, but you better be on your best-” she stopped herself. What was the point of a saint judge for a prank war? “Better behavior from here on out.” Celestia returned to the table and took her seat, resolving to have Hard Hitter looked into.
“Stonemason...” Luna singsonged under her breath, faking a cough when Discord looked her way.
“Now, Luna, where is my cake?”
_--_--_--_--_--_
Two days gone. Eleven left. Celestia sat in her private chamber, tinkering with an apparatus for her next prank. She toyed around with a few runes in the matricy, watching how various permutations of the same spell slightly altered the mass and the invisibility of her charm, and it hit her.
Her cake. She knew where the cake was!
Celestia burst from her chambers, ignoring her royal adornments and startling several guards and service ponies. She tore through the castle, purposely passing by the mostly-empty Night Court on her path to the royal vaults.
“A temporary recess, please. We shall return within the hour,” Luna hastily said, practically prancing out of the audience hall herself. “Sister, wait!” she shouted to the receding form, then took off after her.
“Nope,” the other shouted over the hard clack of hooves. “I’m onto you, Luna. I know your trick!”
The two practically flew down two sets of stairs into the underbelly of the castle, past the doubled guards on duty, and stopped outside of Vault Six. Celestia, practically shaking with anticipation, had most of the locks undone when Luna decided to speak.
“So, you figured it out?”
In lieu of answer, Celestia just disengaged the lock and walked into the vault. She shut the door again once Luna entered. “I don’t know why I didn’t do this sooner,” Celestia said, her horn lighting gold. “It seems so simple now.”
“So it was a good one?” Luna asked, watching as her spell disintegrated, making full, fresh cakes reappear in the room.”
Celestia hummed in approval, pulling a fork from her wing. “You may as well resume court, Sister. I might be awhile.”
As Luna left and resealed the door she motioned to one of the Night Guard on duty. “Please alert your captain of these events. The task force may report success, everything is as planned.”
Celestia heaved a deep sigh as she dismissed the final case of the day. With only ten days left things were almost normal as both sisters prepared their final push to victory. She stood and stretched, getting blood flowing back into muscles, before heading back into the waiting chambers.
What she’d told Luna in Vault Six was true; hiding her cake was a good idea. It had certainly slowed things down, due to dealing with the political ramifications of a robbery in the castle, and trying to find her cake. Now time was running short. This prank and the next were both supposed to be finished just in time for her weekend with Twilight. There, by the rules of the war, she would be safe and able to plan the finale that would assure her victory - her first in one thousand years.
She had just checked the contents of her saddlebag and slung it on when Luna entered the waiting chamber. “Are you ready to leave?” she asked spying her sister’s saddlebags.
“The chariot should be waiting, so I’ll be leaving shortly, yes.” The two turned to leave the chamber on their way to the front of castle. “Have you rethought my offer to suspend the prank war for this weekend? After all, there is not much you can do to me down in Ponyville.”
They turned a corner, nodding as one to the guards stationed at the end of the hallway. “Why, are you afraid to lose two whole days while I am ahead?”
“No.” The two walked through to the inner courtyard, where a chariot of Day Guard pegasi stood waiting at attention. Celestia reached over and gave her sister a one-hoofed hug. “I was giving you more time to prepare. Have a nice weekend, Luna.”
As her chariot took to the sky, Celestia watched in amusement as confusion turned to realization to dawning horror. “Celestia!” Luna cried down from the ground as a poor, unwitting guard slowly started sliding towards the Princess of the Moon, despite his hooves scrabbling futilely on the cobbles. “Celestia, you get back here and fix this!”
A smile grew on the alicorn’s face as she heard a metallic ka-thunk as the guard connected with her sister. Oh, what a fun weekend indeed. It probably didn’t really need to be a full weekend trip, she only had a book to drop off, but the peace would be nice.
_--_--_--_--_--_
Luna stared, dumbfounded, at the poor earth pony guard doing his best to maintain stoicism while being dragged by some force towards her. It didn’t help when she had to take an extra step towards him, to avoid the others beginning to slide as well.
Ka-thunk!
“I apologize, Your Highness. I tried to stop,” the guard said, staring straight down. “It must be some sort of powerful spell, ma’am.”
“Yes, so I suspect,” Luna replied, shifting her weight to accommodate the Guard. “We may need to inform your watch commander. I have a suspicion that you will not be leaving my side for quite awhile.”
“S-Should I be fitted for Night Guard armor, highness?” he managed with a half-smile.
“With an answer like that, maybe.”
_--_--_--_--_--_
“You didn’t really have to come all this way just to drop off a book, Princess,” Twilight Sparkle said, sitting across from her mentor at the small library kitchen table.
“Maybe not, but an overnight trip out of Canterlot now and again is good for the soul. Now that Luna is back, I can afford to have small trips like this,” Celestia replied, sipping from a still-steaming cup of tea.
“That’s true.” Twilight took a sip from her own, now considerably cooler, cup. “So, how is life in Canterlot? Anything exciting happening?”
Celestia couldn’t resist a grin. “Well, maybe, but it would be against the rules to tell you.” She tossed a glance over her shoulder, causing Twilight to look past the Princess as well.
“Princess?” Twilight started, but she was softly shushed. After a few more moment, Celestia smiled and motioned with a wing to continue. “Princess, is something going on?”
“Well, things have been changing rapidly since Luna’s return. And, sometimes, it feels as if ponies of this time don’t necessarily remember that before we were the rulers of Equestria, we were sisters, and sisters are what we are, first and foremost.” Celestia paused to take a sip of her tea. “And sometimes... sisters do silly things, things that might seem foalish outside of that sisterhood. And sometimes... sometimes those foalish things destroy an entire hallway and two of the sisters’ bedrooms in Canterlot Castle.”
“Wait, so you mean that newspaper article that Rarity showed me...”
Celestia gave a coy grin over her teacup. “I suppose we have a couple of days to chat. Shall we catch up?”
_--_--_--_--_--_
It had taken four hours to remove Private Softwing from Princess Luna’s side. She’d had to delay Court by almost half an hour, which made the few nobles who came to see her even more testy. Thankfully, none of them had been around to watch her attempt to free her hoof from the waiting room doorknob.
As court ended and Luna retired to her chamber for the evening, her amusement of the situation was beginning to wane. The gold filigree on her bookshelves, the silver inlay on her coat brush, even the pewter inkwell on her writing desk, every single metal object she touched or even walked near shot towards her with painful speed.
She fought with her regalia for an hour before giving up and flopping into bed, resigned to have a very uncomfortable night. She stared at the stars of her ceiling, hoping the enchantment would wear off by morning.
It didn’t.
Come morning, Luna enlisted the aid of the first maid she found in the hall to be her personal metal-helper for the day, though she didn’t say as much. She seemed more than happy to help, which might have been a nice change of attitude in any other circumstances. As it was, Luna felt rather self-conscious having some poor mare interact with all metal objects on their path to the breakfast nook.
“Good morning, Lu...na...?” Cadence trailed off as a random tan mare opened the door to the breakfast nook
“Pardon me, Princess,” the mare said, standing aside to let a bashful Luna into the room. “Shall I wait outside?”
“Y-Yes, thank you,” Luna muttered before walking into the nook, eyeing the door behind her warily.
“Is everything okay?” Cadence, the only other pony in the room asked.
As answer, Luna stuck her hoof over the nearest fork on the table, watching it fly onto her outstretched shoe with a soft chink.
_--_--_--_--_--_
“So you sprayed her with a spray bottle full of water?” Twilight sat on a cushion in her upstairs personal room of the library. Celestia sat in front of her, lounging across two normal-sized cushions.
Twilight had her hair up in curlers, but the etherealness of Celestia’s mane prevented the same for her. “What else was I supposed to do?” the princess asked. “I walked into the throne room to see a rough approximation of Nightmare Moon cackling that, ‘this Night will last forever!’ At three in the morning, on the second run of this, a stern warning and some water seemed like a perfect solution.”
“‘We are not doing this again.’ That’s a stern warning?” The conversation dissolved into giggles lasting several minutes. “Wait, if the newspaper was grounds to almost remove Discord from the judge panel, how does this not break the rules?”
“My Faithful Student, the difference between you and a tabloid is night and day, pardon the pun. The specific rule forbids anything that would ruin our public image. I doubt you will ruin mine or my sister’s public image,” Celestia finished with a small smile.
“O-Of course not!” Twilight shouted. After a pause, her mouth twisted to a mischievous grin. “All night you told me about pranks you played on Princess Luna, but has she gotten you?”
Celestia paused for a fraction of a second. “No.”
_--_--_--_--_--_
Luna was waiting in the courtyard a full half-hour before Celestia was set to arrive. The last two days of her ‘condition’ taught her many things, including exactly how far away she had to be from Guards so they wouldn’t get stuck to her. Rosewater, the first Night Seneschal since Luna’s return, stood nearby, scanning her appointment book with the nerves of a new employee.
Right on schedule, a Royal Guard chariot flew over the castle wall, landing in the middle of the courtyard. Luna didn’t even wait for it to fully stop before storming forward. She didn’t even flinch as the Guard stationed around began sliding forward. “Celestia! Fix this!”
“Fix what?” Celestia didn’t even bother leaving the cabin, instead choosing to wait for her sister to walk close enough that the door clicked open on it’s own. “Thank you.”
But Luna didn’t stop. She extended a single hoof, grinning evilly when it clicked firmly into place on Celestia’s chestpiece. The two stared each other down, neither willing to give in easily.
“Who is your new friend? Attracting more than just metal?” Celestia whispered, gathering energy to dispel her enchantment.
“Hush, fiend,” Luna hissed, letting her now free hoof fall back to the ground. She stepped back and sniffed. “I decided to take a senechal. I may not... strictly... need one, but she aided me during your vacation, and I felt it was a just reward.”
Luna stepped back and pushed the tan mare forward. “Celestia, this is Rosewater.”
“Pleased to meet you, Rosewater.” Celestia stepped forward, extending a hoof to Luna’s new assistant. “Well, Sister, I think a late breakfast is in order, don’t you?”
“It’s almost four in the aftern--” Rosewater hesitantly spoke up.
“Very late breakfast. Shall we?”
Luna looked at her sister for a moment before motioning towards the castle. “Seems reasonable enough to me.”
As the two walked through the castle’s entry, they leaned their heads together. “Are you prepared for the final week?” Celestia asked.
“I won’t even need the full eight days. I think you’ll fold in two.”
_--_--_--_--_--_
“I say five, and I’m not budging,” Discord said. He’d claimed a corner of the room, with a window looping through Luna getting stuck to the first guard, since it had happened. He hadn’t moved an inch.
“Five is way too much. It was good, but Aunt Celestia left halfway through. If Aunt Luna hadn’t been so resourceful, it could have ended poorly; that needs some sort of penalty.” When it became apparent that Discord wasn’t willing to move, Cadence had hung a curtain over his little corner. She’d taken to closing it whenever the draconequus annoyed her, which was often. “Shining, back me up here.”
“Nope. I’m tired of always settling the differences between you two. Maybe I want to score something, just this once.” He barely even looked up from his paperwork. “This week diplomatic trip to Equestria has turned into a huge ordeal. Not that I don’t love being back, but the new Captain of the Guard can’t really take charge while I’m here.”
Both other judges stared at him. “Hun...?” Cadence started, but Shining cut her off.
“No, I don’t want to hear it. Score your prank, move on to the next one.” He paused long enough to finish with the paper before him, then softened. “For what it’s worth, I thought it was pretty funny. Princess Luna was fairly resourceful too, but I don’t think it would have gone too far. I think four, take it or leave it.”
Discord glanced over to the pink alicorn and raised a single eyebrow. She shrugged then nodded. “Four it is,” she said, before pulling Discord’s curtain closed again.
With what privacy they could get, Cadence walked over to her husband. “I’m proud of you,” she whispered. “We might get to make a score without fighting for it yet.”
“I don’t really care about the score. It’s fun, but I just want to go home.”
Cadence took a seat next to Shining and nuzzled into his neck. “Me too. Just eight more days, and we can go home.”
Luna gave Celestia a full day to settle before beginning her endgame. Early in the morning, she approached her bookshelf and pulled a tome from directly in the middle. On a similar shelf in Celestia’s chamber, a similar book sat. It had been Luna’s plan from the start: a two-point teleportation tunnel centered on that book, a book that her sister had been looking forward to for a long time.
A cursory examination of the book revealed the spell was still intact. Levitating the open book behind her, Luna began to search her room for the perfect test item. Nothing too big to spoil the surprise, nothing small enough to be unnoticeable. It was a shame that Rosewater was so adamant about Luna’s chambers being so thoroughly cleaned, some random dress lint or even dust would have been perfect.
Finally, her gaze fell on the gossamer drapery that hung from the canopy of her bed. Using a finely-shaped burst of magic, Luna cut a small piece off from behind the headboard, and placed it on the book. With a flash, it was gone. She carefully stowed the back on the shelf and began getting ready for breakfast.
Despite the rules stating that the prank war was to be kept between the sisters and the judges, it seemed as though several ponies in the castle staff knew. Whether it was from working so close to the Princesses, or possibly even the article published by the Canterlot Inquirer, there was an almost physical air of either excitement or dread as the clock ticked down to zero.
Luna was the first to arrive to the breakfast nook as it was being prepared. Food was still being shuttled in, windows being cleaned and curtains opened. She stayed mostly out of the way, helping out where she could, while patiently waiting for everything to be ready, so the scoreboard would show itself.
Even the board was getting grim. Whereas once the two pictures of the sisters taunted and boasted at their victories, now there was nothing but grim determination. With a score of forty-three to forty-six, in favor of Celestia, this next prank could make or break the whole game.
Luna took her seat and grabbed some food, only waiting a few minutes before the door opened, letting Cadence and Shining into the room. With Celestia and Discord to follow shortly, the first day of the end had begun.
_--_--_--_--_--_
The rest of the morning Luna spent deciding what else she would force into wherever Celestia had her book. The spell worked, judging from her earlier test, so it was possible to send something a little more interesting now. It wasn’t an easy decision, however. Any damage to the book could possibly disrupt the spell, which made anything really fun out of the question. It was a problem, she decided, best solved by post-sleep Luna. In a moment all the light was doused and she snuggled down to rest.
Boom!
Luna burst from her bed, to an explosion of paper and hot air. She glanced over at her bookshelf through the sheets of gently falling paper to see her trick book - the only one left on its shelf - open. Untangling herself from the sheets, she slowly stepped across the room to her shelf, mouth agape in disbelief.
Sitting on the open book was a small, shimmering swatch of blue fabric.
Before she could think further, the doors to her chambers burst open. Two Night Guard and a Day Guard rushed in, weapons drawn. “Princess,” the Day Guard shouted, “are you okay?”
“Yes, fine,” Luna replied, picking up the fabric in her half-asleep daze. She couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about. The spell forced the book open, which then threw everything else on the shelf to the floor. It wasn’t an actual explosion explosion.
The three guards all glanced at each other. Only seven more days... “Are you sure, Princess?”
“I said I am fine. Thank you for your concern, but you are dismissed.” Things were starting to click together now. Celestia must have reversed the spell during court intermission. Not ideal, but at least it could provide some fun.
As the guards obediently filed out of the room, Luna began cleaning. Already, she was plotting her next move. Once the paper was up around the bed, she stuck a hoof underneath, careful not to trigger the wards she had spent so long resetting a few days ago. What she pulled out was a simple tin box, beaten and dented by time and use. Scribbled on the lid, in blue crayon, were the words, Emergency Prank Box. Property of Luna, keep out.
Luna sighed and opened the lid, taking in the haphazard assortment of items from older days, minus a tube of pink dye. She ran a hoof over the container of itching powder, a bag of fake spiders, a half-empty spool of fishing line, and various other prank paraphernalia before pulling out a small velvet bag.
The alicorn untied the drawstrings and walked over towards the book. With an evil grin, she upended the bag over the book, pouring it’s contents - dozens of small, white marbles - into the book, and through the portal.
“Your move, Celestia.”
She turned and was about to continue cleaning when a small pop sounded behind her. Luna hit the floor, scattering even more paper to the wind trying to avoid the horrible retaliation. “I was kidding! Let me clean first!”
A sharp crack echoed through the room, followed by much softer tinkling. Luna uncovered her eyes and slowly turned towards the bookshelf. Now covering the few bits of paper and discarded velvet bag were the shattered remains of a teapot.
Luna scooped the pieces of china up and pulled them closer. Little drops of lukewarm tea dripped down onto her legs and the paper-covered floor. “Who sends something breakable through teleportation? Honestly...”
After doing her best to repair the teapot, with a mental note to return it when she remembered, the alicorn returned to the mess that was now her room. She moved the book to her mostly empty desk, to avoid another explosion, then tossed the tea-stained papers before returning everything else to its proper home.
“Okay now,” Luna said, scanning her room with a pranker’s trained eye. “I don’t know what game we’re playing, but I’m down...”
But was there anything breakable in her room that she was realistically willing to lose?
No, but there were other rooms in the castle...
A missive was sent out with detailed instructions. Just under ten minutes later, right as Luna was prepared to return to sleep, a servant returned with a single desk lamp. She dropped it through the book, donned a sleep mask and earmuffs, and went back to bed.
Whatever came back could be dealt with in the evening.
_--_--_--_--_--_
That first night taught her several lessons. One: never take magically altered teleporting books to Court. Ever. Lesson Two: instruct cleaning staff to not touch anything sitting on/near/on top of magic books. Lesson Three: return teleported tea pots before they get removed by cleaning staff.
Last but not least, Lesson Four: do not, under any circumstances, start a teleportation war with Celestia.
Her sister was a machine. Whenever Luna threw out an item, Celestia always had the perfect counter. It was a lot of fun, especially with the tacit vow of silence in the breakfast nook, but it was brutal nonetheless. The lessons of the first day helped soften the second. And third.
But not once did Celestia begin her unholy rain of endgame pranks. Luna’s normal Guard escort of none became two. She began scanning every hallway, double-checking any intersection. A pony from her entourage had to enter a room before she would.
The rest of the week passed in much the same way, Luna’s paranoia only growing every day. Between the lack of Celestia’s final prank and the constant back-and-forth of her book, the Moon was starting to wane.
It got bad enough that Luna stayed in her empty court on the second to last night before the end of the war. She watched her internal clock, only leaving with her Guard escort when it was reasonably safe to get to the breakfast nook. Two Night Guard led the way, checking every hallway, side door, and intersection. One of them even opened the door to the empty breakfast nook.
Luna walked in and took a seat facing the door. She threw down her prank book; after Celestia had riposted with an entire puzzle, minus a piece, Luna had decided enough was enough. Her final prank was over.
Cadence and Shining were the next to join her. They were certainly dressed up, most of their common clothes were packed for their return trip. “Still nothing?” Shining asked, seeing the look on Luna’s face.
“No. But there are only two more days. Two more, then I’m safe.”
Cadence sat next to Luna, and placed a hoof on her withers. “You know, if it stresses you out this much, why do you do these prank wars?”
“It is simply a holdover from our foalhood, something fun to remind us of less-stressful times.” Luna looked around the room. “Thought to be honest, we never had such stringent judges, or even any sort of ‘winner’. Maybe this one is different just because of the added pressure.”
Before Cadence could respond the door opened again, admitting Celestia. “Good morning Sister, Cadence, Shining Armor.” She sat across from Luna and opened her mouth to speak, but like Cadence before her was interrupted.
Discord floated in through one of the windows. “Excellent, the gang's all here. What an exciting time this is.”
“Quite.” Celestia looked over at her sister. “Isn’t it fun, Luna?”
“Y-Yes, but I would like to request my final score,” Luna said, turning to look at the judges, “for the book.”
Celestia cocked her head. “Book? Did you do something to one of my books.”
“Wait, it wasn’t--”
Pop!
Everybody in the room, as one, turned to look at the book next to Luna on the table. It had opened itself to make way for a single cup of tea, still steaming.
A single teacup sat on Luna’s prank book, it’s very presence demanding the attention of everybody in the room.
Luna slowly turned to look at Celestia. “It... It wasn’t you...?”
“Oh my, oh my,” cackled Discord. “What an entirely unexpected and random turn of events. Now, let me check my ledger.”
A book popped into his hand, followed by reading glasses on his face. He slowly flipped through the book, using tassels on Shining’s chestpiece to do addition. “Now then, by my records, there were eleven rounds of items sent through your book. Based on your own rules set at the beginning of your game, Luna, you hit the wrong pony.”
“Hold on!” Cadence shouted. “Why were Shining or myself never informed of this turn of events?”
“I wanted to see how it would play out, and neither of you could keep your big mouths shut. Don’t interrupt.” Discord coughed, then dramatically refound his place in the book. “You will be docked five points, per missed prank. That’s fifty-five in total.”
He waved a hand, and Luna’s score on the board plummeted to zero, leaving the facsimile a pouty mess.
“I object!” Shining stood from his seat, and pointed a hoof at Discord. “This has gotten ridiculous. Us three are judges, remember? You can’t just go around dishing out all of the points in this stupid system of yours!”
Luna stared at the burgeoning argument, head whipping back and forth between Discord and Shining. Cadence watched as well, biting her own lip. The only pony not involved in some was Celestia. She had the teacup held in a golden glow, examining it intently. After all, it was a very familiar pattern, one she had picked out herself.
Celestia caught Luna’s eye across the table during one of her sister’s frantic turns. “Twilight?” she mouthed, careful not to let the judges see.
Luna’s eyes widened a fraction, and she hesitantly nodded in understanding. She could see it now: she rigged the book, Celestia must have lent it to Twilight during her visit. It all made sense.
“Boys, boys, let’s just calm down.” Cadence spoke, barely raising her voice, and the room fell silent. “Discord, I do agree there should be a penalty--”
“Ha!” Discord blew a raspberry at Shining. “I win!”
“Hun...”
“I’m not finished,” Cadence continued. “There should be a penalty for the first one. I would argue that anything after that constitutes agreement to the game. I say we find the third pony, and add her in, giving her a score, as appropriate.”
The smallest alicorn looked at the Royal Sisters, who nodded. “I see no reason why not,” Celestia said. “Shining?”
“Seems fair to me,” he shrugged. “It’s only, what, ten pranks? Eleven?”
Discord sighed and snapped his fingers. On the scoreboard, the two sister’s faces momentarially shifted in surprise as they were pushed apart. A third picture appeared, just a generic pony head with a big question mark, and a zero for score. Luna’s score then shot back up to thirty-eight, removing the pout, though she remained sad.
“This is all well and good,” he said, stashing his ledger back in an oversized pocket. “But who is the pony? We can get a name, then retire to discuss points while you sleep, and attend to court,” he finished, pointing to each sister in turn.
Celestia’s face cracked into a grin. “Who better to join us in our game? The new pony is none other than Twilight Sparkle.”
“Let us reconvene after the day, before Night Court. I shall instruct the chefs to send dinner here, instead.”
With a round of nods, the room cleared out. In under twelve hours, the war would be over, and right now, nopony knew who would win.
_--_--_--_--_--_
The breakfast ended in silence as each pony, and incarnation of Chaos, split up to being their tasks for the day. Celestia headed straight for court, concerned that the first appointment was now going to be late. Luna headed to her room, then sent back the empty teacup, with a small white flag. The judges climbed to the tower room shared by Cadence and Shining, now cleared out of personal effects.
It was a long day.
Try as she might, Luna just couldn’t sleep. She took to pacing her room, terrified that Celestia’s final prank was waiting to burst forth from the shadows, and demolish any chance that her book prank could put her back in the lead. She considered writing a letter to Twilight to explain what was going on, as it was unlikely that Celestia said anything to her. Plus, she would have to speak to Celestia or leave her room to send the missive, and the risk wasn’t worth it.
As the day wound down, she walked with her entourage to the breakfast nook, to see the final results.
Celestia’s day in court was almost exactly like the last. Nothing stood out, no crisis occured, nothing happened that would demand special attention, and it made the day drag on. She also worried about Luna and Twilight. Even with her sister’s points docked, she still had ten pranks that could be scored, which could easily put her up above Celestia. She had to think of something, fast, something just enough to put her back up over the edge to victory.
When her last appointment ended, she practically bolted from the ready room back to her chambers to begin preparations of her final chance.
Servants learned fast to avoid the judge’s room. The one poor mare who tired to provide refreshment was shouted out of the tower. Their heated debate echoed down the stairs, and carried on until almost the deadline. The three who left the tower were not the same as those who entered. They were beaten, ragged. At some point, both Cadence and Shining took off their ceremonial garb, and went to dinner unclothed.
Their somber line was the last to arrive to dinner, though they were the most important attendees.
_--_--_--_--_--_
Everybody decided unanimously that dinner should come first. They dined over the castle’s best food, with the three ponies on the scoreboard, headed by the confused face of Twilight, stared down at the party. As dinner wrapped up and the food was taken away, tension slowly built. The princesses turned to the pony judges, who turned to look at Discord. He floated from his chair with a nervous chuckle and donned a tie, just so he could loosen it.
“Now, it was a tough debate. Many good points were raised and shot down. At the end of the day, it came down to good old fashioned diplomacy which we used to assign scores based on--”
“Discord,” Cadence growled, “we talked about this.”
He winced, then sighed. “After much deliberation, we decided to award Luna a total of one point for each prank sent through the book after her initial missed hit. It was a good idea, and caused many good laughs, but in essence you just reused the same prank, and therefore we decided to award you the minimum,” he deadpanned.
Luna’s score shot up to forty-eight, slightly higher than her sister’s forty-six. “Congratulations,” Celestia began, but stopped when Discord raised a hand.
“Before giving the final score, I just wanted to point out that I had no pat in this. It is shameless nepotism and I will not--”
Shining cleared his throat loudly, then stood and pushed Discord out of the way. “We decided, due to the unplanned nature of Twilight’s pranks, and the way that they avoided breaking the rules she had no knowledge of over the course of an entire week, that all of Twilight’s pranks would be rated at the highest possible score.”
The numbers under Twilight’s picture quickly shot up to fifty-five, blowing past the two royal sisters. A silence fell over the room, thick enough to be bucked by a pegasus.
“We also based this judgement off of prior rulings, where reversed pranks were always rated highly, for ingenuity,” Cadence added, trying to relieve the tension. When there was still no response, she tried again. “Celestia, Luna...?”
Both royal sisters looked to the scoreboard, where the confused Twilight now sported a shiny golden crown. They then turned to each other. Luna broke first, one corner of her mouth quirked up in a half smile, followed by a small snort of laughter. Celestia then broke into a full teeth-baring grin and she let out a free laugh. “After all that,” the Alicorn of the Sun said, “we both lost to a surprise newcomer.”
“Ridiculous, isn't’ it?” Discord said, crossing his arms. “Personally, I say we demand a recount. There is still one more day.”
“It certainly is ridiculous,” Luna echoed. “But... fitting, I think.”
“Back when we were fillies, our mother would do the scoring for us,” Celestia explained, “in completely random numbers, and once in colors. We learned fast that we wouldn’t get a normal winner, and so victory wasn’t really ever a priority. This has probably been the most competitive, and stressful war we’ve ever had.”
“Huh.” Shining leaned back in his chair. “You know, I don’t think I ever considered that.”
The whole time, Cadence had been studying the faces of the two sisters. As they finally broke down into laughter, she smiled as well. “So, all's well that ends well?”
“So it would seem,” Luna replied, rising from her chair.
“How disappointing,” Discord mutered.
“Now then, I must leave to attend to court. Cadence, Shining, if I don’t see you before your departure, have a safe trip, and we shall see you on your return. Sister, until tomorrow.”
As she turned to walk away, everyone looked at Celestia, who was busy staring at her sister, in an almost foalish glee. The blue alicorn pushed open the door, and stepped into an empty hallway. She looked around for a moment, looking for her escort to dismiss them, then gasped in surprise as a bucket of ice water fell onto her head and back. She turned around, eyes murderous, and locked gazes with her sister.
“Oops,” Celestia said, playfully bonking her head with a hoof. “That’s where I left that.”
The world stood still. Every single ear within fifteen miles swiveled towards the palace. Guards bolted from their station, weapons drawn and magic primed to fight off whatever unspeakable evil had befallen their beloved princesses. Every single thought was lost on the bellow still echoing off of the side of the Canterlot Mountain.
Hard Hitter sat in an alley in the middle of Canterlot, hat drown down over her head, a long coat covering almost her entire body. It was a risk, this meeting, but her last exposé had exploded, and there were even rumors up top about promotion, so she had to bring something good back to the table. When her contact had reached out to her again, she had no choice but to accept.
She nervously checked her watch. Five minutes early. She tried to shake out the nervous jitters to no avail. She glanced around the alley, focusing at the entrance and the rooftops; her contact was a pegasus, after all
The clink of hoofsteps is what alerted her to the entrance of her contact. A male blue pegasus, wearing an ill-fitting coat, large hat, and oversized sunglasses quickly jogged into the alley. “H-Hey,” he said, obviously forcing his voice deeper, “Are you Hard Hitter?”
“Soarin?” the reporter asked, putting enough force through her voice to keep it steady through her nerves. “You contacted me, what do you have?”
He didn’t say anything, instead choosing to search the small alley for anypony else. “We said not to use names?”
“You started it,” Hard Hitter snapped back. “So do you have anything or not?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Soarin raised up his cloak and pulled out a ledger. Just visible on the cover were the words, Royal War of RSR 3299, Log. The rest was illegible. “Here.”
To Soarin’s surprise, however, Hard Hitter had scurried back to the edge of the alleyway. When Royal Guard started pouring into the meeting place, he knew what had happened.
“You set me up!” he shouted.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, I had no choice!” Hard Hitter shouted, cowering from the angry pegasus.
“Under the orders of the Princesses of Equestria, Soarin, you are under arrest. Stand down and come quietly,” one of the Guard said.
The flutter of wings overhead sealed the deal. With a hung head, Soarin walked to the front of the alley. To his surprise, the Guard stood aside to allow Princess Luna herself to walk up to him with a small smile. “Ah,” she said, “this explains a lot. I apologize for the pie, but we need to have a chat about matters of national security...”
_--_--_--_--_--_
“Twilight!” Spike called up the library stairs, “Wake up! You’ve got mail!”
Twilight groaned and rolled over, making sure to avoid a book lying open on the floor, and stumbled her way to the entrance of her room. “Mail? From who?”
“I dunno.” Twilight could hear claws clicking against the stairs as Spike walked up. “It doesn’t have a name on it.”
Spike entered the room and held a rather large manilla envelope up to his caretaker. She took it, giving it a quick once-over. Not thick enough to contain more than one piece of paper, no mailing address, no return address.
“Well,” Spike said, trying to hide his excitement, “aren't cha gonna open it?”
With an amused eye roll, Twilight broke the seal on the envelope. As soon as the flap opened, a horn blew off, and confetti flew out, covering a large portion of her floor. She couldn’t contain a groan. “I love Pinkie, and her parties, but these ealy invitations are getting ridiculous.”
“Twilight, it’s almost noon,” Spike tried to say, but Twilight was already moving on.
From the envelope, she slid out a glossy piece of paper. Gold stitching bordered the paper, eclipsed in one corner by the seal of the Royal Sisters.
Congratulations are in order
to the winner of the 3,753rd Royal Prank War,
Miss Twilight Sparkle,
for impressive use of teleportation magic
Twilight looked down at the paper, then up at Spike, then back to the paper, then back up to Spike, and finally out the window, where Canterlot was just visible perched on it’s mountain.
