When Good Sisters Go to War

by thehalfelf

Robbery‽

Robbery‽

A loud klaxon split the night, waking the entire castle and then some. An off-duty squadron of Day Guard rushed into the area a few minutes later, only to find the Night Guard stationed outside of Vault Six knocked unconscious, troublingly without signs of a major struggle. Even worse, the vault door was slightly ajar.

“Ponyfeathers,” one of the guards swore. He then motioned to another behind him. “You, go alert the current Watch Captain and wake up both Captains of the Guard. It’s going to be a long night, boys.”

As the first guard galloped off, another stepped forward. “Granite, what is it?”

“The vault has been attacked and cleared out,” Granite, the leader of the group answered. “One of the princesses personal vaults is empty.”

A few minutes after the runner was sent, the klaxon was shut off, only to be replaced by a much more gentle pulsing alarm, the signal for high alert. The castle was locked down, only essential ponies allowed in and nobody allowed out. The whole city of Canterlot had been alerted now, and they all waited anxiously for either the Guard, the Princesses, or the tabloids to tell them what was going on.

Upon hearing the news from her Watch Captain, Luna dismissed the night court and headed down to Vault Six to await her sister. A half-score of Night Guard was already watching the perimeter, while the Watch Captain berated the original squad in charge of guarding the vault.

“--you thinking?” she overheard the captain say. “That is one of Princess Celestia’s personal storage vaults, who knows what’s in there? I don’t think even our Lady Luna will be able to protect you from the Sun’s wrath! The lot of you, out to a T and without fighting back, such a disgrace...”

Luna stopped paying attention, instead choosing to wait for her sister. It wasn’t long. Celestia, still pink Luna noted with a smile, came around the corner, only slightly more hurried than her usual regal pace. She nodded once at Luna, then walked straight to the Night Watch Captain.

“At ease,” she breathed to the guards at attention all around her. “Captain, it is hardly fair to berate these ponies so, don’t you think?”

The Captain looked back, flabbergasted. “No, Highness, they failed to--”

“Any attack capable of breaking the magic wards around Canterlot and breaking into one of mine or Luna’s personal vaults is sure to have been powerful enough to dispatch these guards. They did what they could, send them back to their barracks--” she turned to look directly at the guards, “--with my thanks.”

“Dismissed,” the captain acknowledged with a nod. The guards all saluted to Celestia, and with murmurs of, “Lady Moon,” to Luna they left the chamber.

“Now then,” the Captain began, turning to face both princesses before walking towards the vault door, “as you know, the contents of these vaults are on no official record. Therefore we have no way of knowing what all was taken.”

Once in the vault with trusted confidants, Celestia’s look dropped to a thin line. “I know exactly what was in here, it was one of my personal storage rooms.” She gazed around the large, stone chamber. She knew the exact enchantments on the door, knew the thickness of the walls, and the vault’s overall location compared to the rest of the castle, and knew the entry points by heart. This, after all, was her favorite storage vault in the castle.

“And we will get it back,” she continued, with a sideways glance at Luna. “Dismissed, Captain. I must speak with my sister in private.”

The Captain saluted. “Princess Celestia, Lady Moon.”

With the Captain gone, Luna dropped her worried frown for an overly-innocent smirk. “Yes, Dear Sister? What doth thou wish of I, your humble servant always?”

“Luna, where is my cake?”

_--_--_--_--_--_

The breakfast nook had truly become a frosty place to be in the last three days. The scores had tied once again, both at forty-two, with just shy of a fortnight left in the contest. Gone was the friendly banter, gone was the jovial atmosphere of a good prank war. It had simply become a less-violent front of the current trench warfare.

The judges could hear the princesses approaching before they arrived. The door swung open, revealing both already in heated—and bemused—argument respectively. The both nodded hello to Shining, Cadence, and Discord, grabbed some food, and began eating all without breaking the flow of conversation.

“Just tell me where you hid it. That was a lot of cake, there aren’t too many places where you could have put it,” Celestia was saying. “It’s been three days, you’ve gone too far this time.”

“Not at all,” Discord attempted to chime in, but was shushed by the other two judges.

“Discord is right,” Luna agreed. “Besides, I’m sure the nation-wide task force assigned to ‘locate the dangerous magical artifacts stolen from the castle’ will turn up something very soon.”

“It’s not like I had a choice! When somepony set off the castle-wide alarm summoning guards to the highest security section of the castle I couldn’t just tell them that they didn’t need to worry, I was just going on a diet!”

“It’s actually worse than that,” Shining said, levitating a paper from his place at the table. “Look at this.”

Celestia snatched it before her sister could, eyes growing wider with every word.

Lies in Canterlot! Evidence of Royal Shenanigans Instead of Official Work!

This reporter’s sources within Canterlot’s elite Guard forces have identified a scandal within the highest offices of our government! Evidence and corroborating testimony of anonymous sources point to something juvenile and unimportant within the chambers of our Princesses: a prank war. One such affected stallion, a member of the vaunted Wonderbolts, trick-flying team of the Pegasus Air Corps had this to say: “I was sitting on a break from practice one day, minding my own business, when none other than Princess Luna came flying from the sky, and straight into my last pie!”
Dreadful, simply dreadful, especially considering the reason we, the public, have been given for having two courts is that Princess Luna sleeps during the day! How can that be true, if she is sky-pie raiding instead! Another source within Canterlot Construction report a rather large anonymous donation to the company to do massive repair work within the private wing of the Princesses itself! This is either the result of a previously unreported attack on their lives, or possibly the clean-up of magically altered bubble-wrap that demolished an entire hallway and three rooms. Staff in the castle have declined comment.
To make matters worse, my sources indicate that the alarm of three days ago from the castle, and subsequently the lockdown, and nationwide magic hunt is a sham! My source reports that the contents of Vault Six, the one robbed in the early hours of the morning, was nothing more than a personal storeroom for Princess Celestia’s cake! Her cake!! A whole nation-wide munch-hunt so our unfailable leader can enjoy some Red Velvet with her lunch (ED Note: not to be confused with the Red Velvet Scandal three years ago.)
This reporter vows to get to the bottom of this, one way or another!
Hard Hitter, Political Journalist

Celestia threw down the copy of the Canterlot Inquirer, to be picked up by Luna. After they finished reading, both joined Shining and Cadence in staring at Discord.

“What?” he said, flipping a hand to his chest, “why is everyone staring at little old me?”

“An anonymous source within Canterlot who knew what was in the vault and who knew why we donated to Canterlot Construction, down to the enchantment that caused the damage.” Celestia and Luna stood from the table. “Who else could it have been?”

“It is a little excessive,” Shining said. “And it paints the Guard in a bad light, using some of the Royal Guard to protect a room full of cakes, um-” he glanced at Celestia “no offense.”

She merely acknowledged him with a nod. “Discord, this is an obvious breach in the rules laid down in the beginning of this prank war, specifically public defamation. We have no choice to remove you from the proceedings.”

“Agreed,” added Luna. “‘tis true that Celestia and I get bored and do things like this to relieve that boredom, but bringing it to the attention of the press, of the two-bit tabloids no less, is inexcusable.”

“Now now, ladies, let us not get our manes tangled in our tails, shall we?” Discord floated into the air so he could see the entire room. “Even if I had leaked this to the news, not that I would, but if I did, what gain would I have?”

“Entertainment,” started Cadence.

“Watching us rush to attempt a cover-up,” added Celestia.

“Is nopony going to state the obvious? Chaos,” finished Luna.

“Ladies, please. You’re embarrassing me.” Discord began fanning himself. “But it was not me. While region-wide political chaos is always delicious, I find it isn’t as appealing in a place I am actively staying.”

“I suppose that’s fair, but you better be on your best-” she stopped herself. What was the point of a saint judge for a prank war? “Better behavior from here on out.” Celestia returned to the table and took her seat, resolving to have Hard Hitter looked into.

“Stonemason...” Luna singsonged under her breath, faking a cough when Discord looked her way.

“Now, Luna, where is my cake?”

_--_--_--_--_--_

Two days gone. Eleven left. Celestia sat in her private chamber, tinkering with an apparatus for her next prank. She toyed around with a few runes in the matricy, watching how various permutations of the same spell slightly altered the mass and the invisibility of her charm, and it hit her.

Her cake. She knew where the cake was!

Celestia burst from her chambers, ignoring her royal adornments and startling several guards and service ponies. She tore through the castle, purposely passing by the mostly-empty Night Court on her path to the royal vaults.

“A temporary recess, please. We shall return within the hour,” Luna hastily said, practically prancing out of the audience hall herself. “Sister, wait!” she shouted to the receding form, then took off after her.

“Nope,” the other shouted over the hard clack of hooves. “I’m onto you, Luna. I know your trick!”

The two practically flew down two sets of stairs into the underbelly of the castle, past the doubled guards on duty, and stopped outside of Vault Six. Celestia, practically shaking with anticipation, had most of the locks undone when Luna decided to speak.

“So, you figured it out?”

In lieu of answer, Celestia just disengaged the lock and walked into the vault. She shut the door again once Luna entered. “I don’t know why I didn’t do this sooner,” Celestia said, her horn lighting gold. “It seems so simple now.”

“So it was a good one?” Luna asked, watching as her spell disintegrated, making full, fresh cakes reappear in the room.”

Celestia hummed in approval, pulling a fork from her wing. “You may as well resume court, Sister. I might be awhile.”

As Luna left and resealed the door she motioned to one of the Night Guard on duty. “Please alert your captain of these events. The task force may report success, everything is as planned.”

The guard bowed. “As you wish, Lady Moon.”

Author's Note:

For those who don't know, the symbol used in the chapter title is called an interrobang, an exclamation mark contained within a question mark. It denotes a surprised question.

Comments

[Animak]

can celestia get out of that locked vault?

[thehalfelf]

8725331
Y'know, I don't think that anyone actually has mentioned this. And to be honest, it's been long enough that I don't remember how we explained it away. Thank you for reminding us though.

8725341
I don't know, probably.

[Stahlseele]

@thehalfelf
if it was me writing this, shining armor would have been the leak to get rid of discord.

[thehalfelf]

8725579
Maybe....

[quick_study]

8717770

The shitty name generator had consumed enough alcohol for one good name.

[WorldWalker128]

8725341
It'd be awesome if she couldn't, because then it would show that the invisible cake trick was only bait to get her locked away and stuck. "What's more rare and valuable than a 1200 + year-old Alicorn? There's only two of them on the entire planet!"

[Animak]

8757051

[Star Source]

Why the guards call Luna "Lady Moon"? As far as we know she doesn't have surname. Why not just "Princess"?