Madness combat crossover oh my this will end well (ULTRAVIOLENCE WARNING)
On his mission to destroy Tricky, Hank inexplicably gets Warped to Equestria. What tales of gore, whacky antics and zombies will come out of this? Some I assume. ENJOY!
(A.N, this is my first fanfic, Constructive criticism will be appreciated, also if you aren’t the ultraviolence kind then this is the wrong place for you, ponies will get hurt, and possibly killed. Oh and im using the madness combat 7 Hank look) All rights belong to their rightful owners,My little pony Fim to Hasbro and Madness combat to Krinkels AKA Matt Jolly.)
NEW INTRO AND EDITED A BIT Madness combat Warped reality: Part one, the arival. Somewhere in Nevada
Hank had just received his latest mission by the higher powers, find and Kill Tricky the clown.After buying a can of coke from his vending machine (For some reason he pays for). He goes around to the west side of the house and walks into his carport. After retrieving his trusty katana and Deagle with a silenced MP7 and a detachable scope. He gets into his car filled with tracking devices, he turns the key and starts the car, turning out his garage he embarks on his 5KM drive to the last known location of Tricky.
(4.75 Kilometers later)
The grey building slowly came into view, Hank decided to take the sneaky approach and sneak in around the back. taking out his MP7, he slaps in a fresh magazine and attaches the scope, He spots two 1337 Agents and a A.T.P Soldier with a bandolier which holds 2 flashbang grenades and a strange attachment to his optical goggle, taking his aim on the highest flashbang, he slows his breath and squeezes the trigger and quickly closes his 'eyes' as he feels the gun's kick to shield them from the resulting flash, with the A.T.P Soldier bleeding his yellow blood out on the ground due to a bullet through the chest and two disoriented 1337 Agents, Hank switches the firing mode to the 3-round burst and quickly peppers the two agents a volley of bullets. After looking out for any remaining agents Hank sprints over to the building and wait's outside the door, He holsters his MP7 and knocks on the metal door twice.
"Oi! Open it yourself!" someone inside yelled, to which, Hank knocked twice again resulting in an angry grumble from the other side of the door a few seconds before it opened.
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!?" yelled an A.T.P Engineer as he walked out of the building, moments before he was grabbed by the throat, spun around and held in front of Hank as he drew his Deagle and held it infront of the Engineer, making him a living meat shield.
"FMMGHHNN HHWP MHH!" The A.T.P Engineer screamed under Hanks gloved hand as he was pulled into the room, still acting as a shield.
"OH SHIT IT"S HANK!" one of the 1337 in the room yelled as they pulled out their guns and took aim at the general direction of Hank.
"DMMT FMMGHHN SHHHT!!" The A.T.P Engineer yelled as he started to thrash around when the Agent's opened fire at them, multiple bullets missing Hank and hitting the Engineer.
"GET HIM!" an A.T.P Soldier yelled as he ran up to a locker and pulled out an FN FAL.
Seeing this, Hank retreated behind a large stack of boxes and reached into the bullet riddled A.T.P Engineer's satchel as the boxes were slowly being torn to shreds by all of the bullets being fired at them and pulled out an incendiary grenade, pulled the pin and held it for a few seconds before lobbing it out from behind the boxes, hitting something metal, followed by a colossal *BOOM* accompanied with some screams that were cut short, peeking through the holes in the boxes, Hank sees a huge scorch mark and a crater where he assumes some gas containers used to be. Coming out of cover and dropping the yellow blooded shield on the ground, he saw various splats of red and yellow blood with various body parts strewn across the room, Hank pulled out his Mp7 but soon realised that the barrel hand a gaping hole through it.
Must have been that bloody A.T.P Soldier Hank thought as he cast aside the now useless gun, leaving him with just his katana and Deagle.
(PPSSSSSHHHHT)
Hank dropped to the ground in pain as the sound of static filled the air for a brief moment He's here... Hank thought once again as he started to head towards the door at the opposite door of the room.
Entering the next room which held a giant Mag Agent V4, Hank quickly jumped into action, easily dodging the hulking sentient mass of Hard Hitting muscles and bone. Unsheathing his trusty katana he slashes and stabs the Mag agent multiple times while dodging his bookcase fists, spilling his viscous blood, infuriating the beast to a point of pure bloodlust. It cocks his non-existent arm and unleashes a punch that carried about 3 tons worth of force but alas, misses, and succeeds in getting his fist crushed and stuck in the solid wall. Hank sees this opportunity and runs around him, jumps on the back of the fortified agent who is fiercely trying to dislodge its hand from the water damaged wall and swat Hank from his back as he climbs up the Mag with his sword acting like an ice pick. Hardy Hank proceeds to sever the giant’s spinal cord causing the rampaging Mag to suddenly fall limp and die a painful death as his organs slowly fail, unfortunately it falls right in front of the door Hank was heading through.
Trying and failing to find any way past the slowly dying paralysed Mag agent, Hank let out an annoyed *HARRUMPH* Hank tries to move the shipping container of an enemy out of the way were in vain, just as Hank was starting to look for a new way out the building. Suddenly the improbably chaotic clown burst through the wall just left of the now dead Mag with another blast of static that filled the air. Hank felt his blood boil just by looking at that constantly shaking freak of nature, while on the other hand Tricky was excited to be in the presence of his murderous rival. Tricky pulled his good old stop sign out of his magical endless clown pocket, assassin and clown both with their trusty weapons in tow, suddenly shot towards each other swinging sign and sword at a speed that would make the Auditor look twice. Every now and then one or the other would get a hit in, a sign to the face, a sword to the brain, but still they both persisted, exhaustion showing on both of their ‘faces’, the once impossible speed was now coming to a halt.
Hanks body was bruised and battered yet he still kept on fighting, surprised at himself for tiring out the jittery ex DJ zombie clown, what Tricky didn’t know was that Hank had a trick up his invisible sleeve, a GUN!, Hank started to back off shaking slightly starting to look like Tricky, while the aforementioned clown was shaking more violently than ever, obviously weakened from the previous battle. Suddenly Tricky’s head snapped around 180 degrees, Hank saw this opportunity to draw his Desert eagle, he took aim at tricky just as his head turned the right way around. *BLAM* right in the improbability drive.
Tricky fell to the ground, static could be heard all around him, his body was jerking to impossible angles and turns very quickly as he was buzzing around on the floor in a broken kind of vibrating clown way, Hank was not expecting this, normally Tricky would have gotten the upper hand and killed Hank, This was different, Tricky’s body started to glow a neon red as he seems to of gained a gravitational pull, this, After all Hank has been through this was actually scaring the hardened ninja assassin. Hank could not move, he was mortified to his very being which scared Hank even more. Why was this so terrifying to him? He has severed a hulking Mag agent’s spine and drenched himself in blood which he wiped off with his hand and wiped it off his hand on the ground in the blink of an eye, while processing this in his bandaged head he failed to notice that he was slowly being sucked towards the ever growing vortex where the static was growing ever louder, Tricky’s trademark spastic shaking suddenly comes to a stop along with the static moments before he starts to implode into the vortex in a bloody spray of zombie clown blood, blood and mask. Hank body is suddenly attacked by the pain of all the previously living that has killed at once, he blacks out and is sucked into the vortex to which it suddenly stops.
zzzzzZZZZSSHOOOWWMPHHHHhhhh
Somewhere in Equestria
Hanks head was pounding, he couldn’t move, he slowly opened his eyes only to close them right after due to the brightness of the day, he opened them again slowly and was gobsmacked, all he remembered was a dull grey room with a window showing the dull grey landscape and a red to black gradient skyline. All of that was now full of colours unknown to Hank, he painfully pulled himself up and got a look of his surroundings, behind him was a large forest, to the left side was a field of trees with apples on them, ahead was a small village and to the right was a small cottage. Seeing as the apple orchard was closer of the three, he headed there, along the way he was still in shock of all these new colours, Hank saw some weird flying things with colourful wings, he cautiously approached them only to have them fly away.
‘Non-Hostile’ he thought.
Upon reaching the orchard he noticed a strange red building with doors Big enough for a Mag agent to fit through.
Better scout out this red building he thought.
Hank felt his stomach growl, something it had never done before, He decided to grab an apple or two, he sheathed his katana and put away his Deagle then jumped up and grabbed one with both hands, taking a look these looked FAR more appetising than the tiny grey apples back in Nevada. Taking a cautionary bite, tasting that big juicy red apple he shuddered,
‘Fuck me these are fifty times better than any nevadian crapples he thought and ate both of the apples with gusto.
Meanwile
“Applebloom are ya sure ya saw something over near the forest?” Applejack questioned her little sister
“Applejack! Ahm tellin the truth! ah saw a big flash over near the edge of our orchard! C’mon just PLEASE come and look” Applebloom complained
“Ugh fine ill come an’ look, but if yer lying your aint gonna get none of Granny Smith’s special apple tarts tonight” Applejack warned causing Applebloom to flinch slightly.
Elsewhere
Hank had eaten about 3 more apples and started heading to the red building, he was about grab another apple until he heard voices. He promptly ninja jumped up into the nearest tree and saw what he never thought he would see an odd coloured horse with a smaller yellow horse.
“APPLEJACK! DID YA'LL SEE THAT?” the smallest one screamed after seeing Hank for a split second.
'Shit'
“See what Applebloom?" the one apparently called Applejack asked completely oblivious to Hank.
“S-Something jumped up into that tree!” the small one called Applebloom said as she stopped and pointed her hoof visibly frightened, to the tree Next to the one Hank jumped up into.
“Whut? How could something jump up into a tall tree like that?” Applejack asked as they started to walk towards it “CONSARNIT! Some rodent’s been eating mah apples” She said seeing some apple cores underneath Hank’s tree.
Applebloom looked up into the tree and saw something that made her coat go pale, “A-a-applej-jack...”Applebloom stuttered out while pointing up into the tree that Hank was hiding in, she saw a black clad biped with a strange L thing and a sword.
Hank Dropped down and landed with both his sword and gun in a defensive way causing both ponies hearts to skip a beat, Hank back-flipped and swung his sword around in an intimidating manor.
“WHAT THE HAY ARE YOU!?” Applejack yelled, not phasing the hardy assassin in the slightest causing her to back away slowly.
“Applejack what is that thing?...” Applebloom asked, petrified with fear.
Hank slowly started to advance on the two mortified ponies, still holding his sword in the same defensive way, hearing a twig snap Hank spins around pistol whipping a big red horse in the face, staggering but not incapacitating it. Seeing her opportunity Applejack ran up, spun around and bucked Hank in the back, knocking him over only to be slashed by his sword across the side of her bum causing her to scream in pain as some of her bum muscle was sliced.
Getting back up on his feet Hank was about to deal the final blow to the unknown coloured horse but found himself unable to seeing as she was a complete mess, tears streaming down her face, in the horse equivalent of the fetal position, shaking in fear and crying in pure terror. He sheathed his sword and re-holstered his Deagle. He walked up to the horse only to be bucked hard in the side by the red one and then felt some kind of fuzzy feeling that made him feel tired, he looked for the source and found a purple horse with a horn.
The fuck?’ he thought, He staggered up trying to keep conscious, he saw the red one try to buck him again but this time he dodged and delivered an uppercut to the red horses jaw, knocking it out before slowly losing consciousness.
Just a normal day
(A.N, well that was kinda fun :D, it isn’t too easy crossing madness with ponies but DAMN is it satisfying, Peace)
(A.N, sorry everybody who doesn’t fully understand what madness combat is, I will try to change that in this chapter with By the way, A Mag (In most cases) is like you except it's as tall as a storage unit with a metal roller door, so… they’re a rough customer)
Madness combat warped reality: Part two, Introductions
Somewhere In Equestria
Twilight
“Applejack! What is that thing!?” Twilight asked looking down at the strange black being that was now ‘unconscious’.
“Ah don’t know Twi,*grunt in pain* but it sure ain't just some apple thief” Applejack said through clenched teeth, looking behind her seeing that there was a deep cut with blood pouring out of her flank “That there’s some kinda monster from the Everfree Forest, Dangit! Ah don’t think I can stand mahself up” She said as she tried to stand, but collapsed and started to breathe heavily.
Watching in awe at what this creature had done to the apple family, it took her full concentration to knock out that thing, and even then it still had the strength to knock out Big Macintosh.
“Applejack I’m going to teleport you and Big Mac to the ponyville hospital, Applebloom do you want to come as well?” she asked the now pale filly.
“Um.. y-yeah” she stuttered out, taking occasional glances to the now unconscious creature.
With that she teleported them to the hospital, walking in levitating ponies with her the doctors and nurses quickly took them off to urgent care.
“I hope they’ll be all right” Applebloom said, tears starting to form in her eyes.
“I’m sure they’re going to be fine sweetie” a nurse reassured as she started to wheel off the two apple ponies.
“Applebloom…, I’m going to be gone for a while…, don’t ya'll worry none” Applejack said trying to be as calmly as possible “Why don’t yall go and play with Sweetie bell or Scootaloo, im sure they’d love to see ya” Applejack comforted as she was being wheeled through the operation room doors.
Twilight wiped a tear away at the touching moment of big and little sister, “I’ll be back, I’m going to get that monster and send it deep into the Everfree forest” with that, she teleported back to where the creature ‘Should have been’, “WHAT? Where is it?” she asked to nopony in particular as she started to look around, until she heard something fall to the ground behind her.
“Right behind you”
Twilight heart skipped a beat as she heard that Deep, Rough voice. Instinctually she threw up a magical barrier, mere seconds before a loud explosion could be heard followed by a large crack in her magical barrier.
“PLEASE STOP!” she pleaded as she turned around to meet the heavily bandaged face of the creature, whose sword was coming down hard on the barrier, it looked about as big as Princess Luna (minus the horn) with a heavily clothed body, hands seeming to be floating with no arms attached,.
“You’ve fucked with the wrong guy” it said with no indication of moving its lips on its bruised face.
Hank
“PLEASE STOP!” the purple horse pleaded as he was continuously slashing away the glowing force field that was surrounding the horse.
“You’ve fucked with the wrong guy” He said coldly.
“IM SORRY! JUST PLEASE, DON’T KILL ME” it started to cry.
“YOU WERE GOING TO KILL ME!” Hank yelled at the horse, which started to shake its head quickly.
“NO! I was only protecting my friends I swear” it started to sob, Hank’s rampage suddenly stopped.
“Sanford and Deimos… Damnit” He muttered out, The Noobs better handle themselves without me, he thought.
“HEY! LEAVE HER ALONE!” something else yelled from somewhere hank couldn’t see, Hank could hear something flapping, and it was getting closer, suddenly out of the corner of his eye he spotted something barrelling towards him from above, his reflexes kicked in, sidestepping causing the unknown assailant to crash into the ground with a loud grunt of pain, it was another horse, this time light blue with wings and a multicolour hairdo.
“THE FUCK IS UP WITH YOU HORSES!?” he yelled as he aimed his gun at the winged horse and *BANG* Put a hole through the upper thigh of the winged horse, causing it to let out a bloodcurdling scream, obviously not affecting Hank in any way.
“RAINBOW!” the purple one yelled.
“OK!” Hank yelled “I want some fucking answers now! WHERE THE FUCK AM I!?” he yelled, starting to freak out.
“WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER!?” the purple one screamed in anger and terror, running up to her incapacitated friend.
“Five seconds...” Hank warned.
“WHAT DID Y-” she was interrupted.
“Four seconds…” waving his gun a little.
“WAIT Y-“she started to panic.
“Three seconds…” aiming his gun towards her growing inpatient.
“PLEASE!” fear setting into her mind as the gun was now pointed directly to her head.
“Two seconds” he was now growing angry.
“OK STOP ILL ANSWER!!” it cried.
Hank lowered his gun “Goood…. Now where the fuck AM I!?” he asked with anger in his voice.
“You’re in Equestria, Currently at sweet apple acres, right next to the Everfree forest” she quickly replied.
Although you couldn’t see, Hanks ‘face’ showed genuine confusion, “Where the fuck is Equestria on the map?” Hank inquired.
“What? How do you not know where Equestria is? It’s the biggest country on the wide world of Equis!”
“Don’t fuck with me, Where. Is. Nevada?” he pushed his Deagle to her hoof “Tell me or you will never walk on this hoof again” He said coldly with no signs of bluffing.
“N-Neighvada? That’s all the way over near Las Pegasus” she answered, obviously not wanting to lose a hoof.
“Are you fucking serious” Hank said still deadpanned
“As sure as I don’t want to lose my hoof” she replied, quickly regretting her choice of words.
“You say this place is called Sweet Apple Acres, near a town called ‘Ponyville’ and in a country called ‘Equestria’?” he still dead-panning.
“Y-yes…?” unsure of what he was implying.
“Tell me this; have you ever seen anything like me in any books or anything before?” Hank asked .
“N-no, I’ve never seen or heard of anything that remotely resembles anything close to what you look like in any of my books”
Hank was a ticking time bomb ready to blow “so you’re saying, is that I’m in an entirely new bloody world!?” visibly angry.
She was about to reply when suddenly a giant white horse with wings, a horn and a wavy multicolour mane appeared right behind him which looked ‘royally’ pissed.
“DAMNIT! GET BACK IT'S A MAG!” Hank was about to attack the Mag horse but suddenly felt pain in his back, swinging his sword behind him... only to hear the CLINK of metal on heavy metal armour.
‘CRAP!’ he thought as he turned around to see himself being impaled with the armoured horses horn, he tried to pull himself free but found himself encased in a golden aura that felt like the one that made him feel weak.
“BEAST, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY SUBJECTS!?” the Mag horse boomed with amazing volume.
Fighting against the powerful force holding him in place and trying to knock him out with the last of his strength, Hank simply replied, “I am Hank J Wimbeldon I have killed hundreds of people and I have no idea what the fuck is going on” he said before ‘Actually’ going unconscious.
Twilight
“PRINCESS CELESTIA!” Twilight yelled as she ran over to her mentor.
“Twilight Sparkle, I am glad I made it in time” quickly retrieving the wounded Rainbow maned mare and healing her wound.
“Oh princess” Twilight started to cry “that thing was terrible, it was going to kill me if I didn’t answer its question” She was now bawling her eyes out.
“Shhh, everything will be all right” Princess comforted in a motherly tone “you should thank Applebloom for racing over to spike and sending me a letter” she said as she made the letter appear before her, it read.
EMERGENCY, PLEASE HURRY. Sorry for not being formal princess but this is important, Twilight s life is in danger; about ten minutes ago Applebloom saw a bright flash over at the edge of her orchard. She and Applejack went to go check it out, only to be ambushed by a black monster with no arms and a sword. This was happening at about the same time Twilight was heading over to get some apples for Pinkie Pie. When she got there it had already hit Big Mac, cut Applejack with the sword and was about to kill her until Twilight saw it take a buck from Applejack and Big mac and it could still stand up and fight, she used a knock out spell, It wasn't working very well, it still had the strength to dodge one of Big Macintosh’s bucks and knock him out with a punch. Twilight teleported the Apples to the hospital and went back to check on the monster. Applebloom ran over here to tell me this. I hope it’s not too late. Spike
Not your ordinary day
(A.N, I hope this clears up a little of who Hank is to those of you who do not know Madness Combat lore)
(A.N, This chapter may be a bit crap but this is for all of those who don’t know what madness combat is yet) Madness Combat, Warped reality: Part 3
Hank
“Unnngh…” Hank mumbled as he started to stir
“PRINCESS! Get back, its waking up!” Hank heard as he slowly woke, slowly opening his ‘eyes’ He found himself in a primitive holding cell. Reaching for his weapons only to find they have been taken, although that didn’t mean he would be any less threatening, he rose to see two more of those armoured horses.
“Nice flimsy cell you’ve got here” He said as he walked up to one of the bars and tore it out of its slot. “This is the best you’ve got?” Hank chuckled as he proceeded to kick the whole cell door down.
“STOP!” He heard as that bastard of a Mag horse walked into sight. “Why do you keep tormenting my subjects? What have we done to you?” ‘She’ I guess, demanded in a calm but angry tone of voice.
Hank laughed, “What have you done? I have just been warped to this fucked up colourful place. When I first awoke here, I had and still have no idea where the hell I am, looking for somewhere to at-least get a clue to where I was I looked to the closest sign of civilisation and headed in that direction, found some food on the way. Soon after heard voices, taking cover I found out there were some talking fricking horses, jumping down from cover I landed a bit shoddily, backflipping across the ground, after getting up the one with the yellow hair yelled what the hay are you?, whatever that means I assume it means hell, I was about to ask it when I got ambushed by a Mag horse like you” he pointed at her.
“Reacting how I normally do when something sneaks up on me, I attacked, after that the yellow haired turned hostile and kicked me, it didn’t really hurt but still, I retaliated with a non-lethal attack to the thigh only to be kicked by that big blood coloured horse, this one hurt a bit, as I was getting up I saw lil’ ole purple horse using some sleep thing on me. As I was OH SO CONFUSED with this fucked up world. Big red Bruce, kicked again, missing, I knocked him out”
“I…. Errr.....” big whitey tried to come up with something to say.
“Yes I thought so” Hank said smugly “when the little purple horse came back. You’re very lucky for this. Came back to finish me off, I tried to finish off one of my aforementioned assailants, she made some kind of force field which took one Desert Eagle bullet and ten strikes of my sword, she cried for me not to kill her, that she was only protecting her friends, I asked her where I was only to be attacked by yet another one of your subjects, the one called ‘Rainbow’, doing what I did to the others who attacked me, I attacked back” Hank was about to continue but was cut off by one of the guards.
“HOW DARE YOU INSULT THE PRINCESS AND THE ELEMENTS!” he angrily yelled launching towards Hank with his horn forwards, not wanting to be impaled again, Hank swiftly dodged and kicked the guard to the back of the cell wall, knocking him out.
Hank chuckled as he looked to the ‘princess’ smugly “see? Attacked again by your OH SO PEACEFUL subjects, anyway as I was saying, I was beginning to reason with the little purple minx, and that’s when you arrived” he sighed “phew that was a ‘mouthful’, is that all you need?” He concluded.
“Well mister Hank J Wimbelton, that was…. Quite informative…” She awkwardly replied.
“Yep” Hank said, obviously getting bored “just call me Hank” He said as he leant on the familiar feeling grey wall.
“Well Hank. That still doesn’t excuse what you did to the elements; you severely wounded two of them”
“Oh please, that wasn’t severe, severe is stabbing me in the side” He looked at the guard with the slight stain of blood on his horn “I could have killed all of your guards and you with my bare hands before you could even count to ten” He remarked coldly.
“W-well I highly doubt that, these are my best guards…” She stated nervously.
“You’re kidding me, them!?” Hank facepalmed “I have killed MANY far more powerful than those guys, I have killed at least five of my kind that have been genetically enhanced to grow five times the size of me, with a sword alone” Hank was now getting himself in the mood for some bloodshed.
“Now I advise you let me free before you get choked by your guards own windpipes” Hank warned pointing to the unconscious guard in the back of the cell, he ‘smiled’ at the disgusted face of the princess.
“W-we c-can’t let you leave yet Hank” The princess stuttered. “We still need to know what you are” She was visibly uneasy.
“I’m what normal things call a Human; I myself am an assassin, I kill people for a living” This shocked the princess.
“Oh... erm... Well, where are your arms?” She asked getting more nervous by the second.
“My what?” Hank asked genuinely confused.
“You mean you don’t have arms? Your hands just simply float there?” The princess.
“That isn’t normal? hehe, god this place is messed up isn’t it?” Hank snickered as he dodged the now conscious guard as tried to stab him again, grabbing his horn, throwing him up into the air and ‘kneeing’ him in the gut following up with a punch to the back of the head, causing him to fall unconscious again.
“Persistent little fuck isn’t he?” Hank said as he walked up to the princess.
“STOP!” The rest of the guards yelled as he continued to approach her.
“Relax, I won’t kill her” He said as he was now face to face with the princess, leaning towards her ear he whispered “thank you, and all your guards lives I’m being merciful today” He finished before bursting into a sprint, running past the guards and up the stairs.
“STOP HIM” the guards yelled.
Guards started to chase him, Kicking his way through a wooden door he is now in the main hallway of the dungeon, looking to the left he sees a door with the sign “CONFISCATED ITEMS” above it, “Why not give me a map out of here” Hank said to himself as he started running towards the aforementioned door. Guards started to pour out of stairwell behind him, busting his way through his second door today, quickly seeing his signature Katana and Deagle he sheathes and holsters them.
“WE HAVE YOU CORNERED GIVE UP NOW” one of the guards said as they reached the door.
Hank snickered, “Nah” he quipped as he ran towards the guards, jumping onto one of their heads and launching himself over the group of pissed off guards.
“GET HIM!!!!!” The apparent captain of the bunch screamed with fury.
Hank started to laugh as he proceeded to fly the bird to the group, God I haven’t had this much fun in years Hank thought. He ran up the stairs on the opposite side of the hallway, seeing a window next to a door, Hank took the logical choice and went out the door(what are you stupid?) Opening the door I found at-least one hundred guards varying in genetics.
“CHAAAAAAAAAAARGE!” a large golden clad horse yelled as all of the guards started to bum rush Hank.
“BRING IT” Hank yelled back as he started to charge towards the advancing group of guards.
Quite an abnormal day
(A.N, there you go, I hope that clarifies what Hank’s life in Nevada was like)
“CHAAARGE!!!” Yelled the captain of the guard as the sea of ponies flood towards Hank.
“BRING IT” Hank yelled back as he ran directly towards the crowd.
Jumping over a horned pony as he attempts to stab Hank, he punches him in the spine, dropping him to the ground. Four winged ponies try to divebomb him but he jumps back and grabs hold of the first divebomber, dodging the rest of the dive bombers Hank throws the guard he held at them with enough force to cause a concussion or two.
“GET HIM YOU FOALS” The leader of the bunch screams.
Getting bucked in the side by an earth pony, Hank stumbles but returns a heavy punch strait to the attackers face. Hearing that familiar crunching sound as blood started to pour out of the pony’s snout as he quickly covered it with his hooves.
“First blood” Hank laughs as he bitchslaps a rather large guard and follows up with an uppercut, launching him a couple feet in the air.
Five guards with swords in tow rush towards Hank swinging madly and unprofessionally. Hank unsheathes his sword and engages the five swords-ponies in battle, blocking and dodging every swing they take. Swinging hard at their swords, Hank disarms all five guards and proceeds to cuts and slice at the at the guards legs, slashing and tearing at their flesh while possibly leaving small marks their tibia's.
Seeing that they are fighting a losing battle, the captain charges at Hank, “KEEP FIGHTING!” He bellows as the guard around him also charge towards Hank seething with rage.
After extracting seven more guards from the battle with his fists of steel, Hank notices the captain running strait towards him with pure killing intent showing in his eyes, standing his ground; Hank fortifies his stance as the Livid Leader of the four Legged Lame-faces is right upon him. Just as the aforementioned captain prepares to strike, Hank bolts towards him and delivers a swift ‘Knee’ to the captain’s jaw, Hank then proceeds to tear the armour from the leader’s body, stomping the leader’s now exposed chest until he hears a sharp crack.
"Hehe, how's your sternum buddy?" Hank mocked.
“GACK! Y-you M-motherbucker” The winded and writhing guard captain wheezed out as he was picked up and slammed into the ground, creating a small crater with another snap as the miserable guard's left hind leg was snapped in two.
"AAAAAAGHHH!!!!!....." The guard screamed out before blacking out due to pain.
"OH NO!.. your legs broken!" Hank said in mock shock, at surprisingly five O'clock.
Seeing their captain being beaten and slammed into the ground with hardly any effort, the hardened soldiers started to back away from the apparently invincible warrior.
“IS THIS THE BEST YOU HAVE!? I HAVE HAD MORE TROUBLE FIGHTING A CLOWN!” Hank announced, it wasn’t really true, but Tricky was technically a clown. Disappointed at the amount of difficulty these ‘Guards’ had to offer, he started to walk to the castle, any guard that dared to engage him would meet the same results as the captain.
Princess Celestia
Watching In shock as Strong Hoof and her strongest soldiers were defeated as if Hank wasn’t even trying. “How can he be so powerful...?” Celestia thought as she started to pace back and forth.
She heard the door creak open followed by some hoofsteps.
“Sister?” A familiar voice called out. “What troubles you?” It asked.
“Luna. That creature that attacked the elements” She replied.
“Ah yes, what about it?” Luna questioned, tilting her head slightly.
Celestia took a deep breath, “It escaped, It kicked down the dungeon’s cell door without a hint of strain…” Celestia paused with a fearful sigh “He defeated Strong Hoof and the Delta Squad without sustaining any injuries that will affect him longer than a few minutes, And now he’s heading for the castle” She finished.
Luna was gobsmacked, she had never heard of something this dangerous since she was banished but Nightmare Moon and Discord.
“And now I fear he is coming for me” She said as she turned her head to the ground.
“Surely you can defeat him… can’t you?” Luna asked, starting to feel nervous.
“I fear not, he was able to stay conscious after one of my knock out spells, with General Thundermane’s horn in his back… he said he has killed hundreds of his kind, five of which were five times his size” Celestia replied coldly causing both her and Luna to be silent.
A Minute of silence later
“B-but... how will we stop-” She was cut off as the chamber’s doors were swung open, revealing a bloodied Hank without any traces of injuries on him.
Hank
Hank had just fought his way through the castle, succeeding in not killing anybody, just maiming them. Reaching a fancy door, he heard a familiar voice inside accompanied with another unknown voice, ducking into the shadows, hiding from the frenzied guards. Waiting until the coast was clear; he jogged up to the door and swung them open, Celestia was in there accompanied with another shorter bluer version of her.
“Ladies” Hank said as he casually strolled in.
“Please, don't hurt me, my sister or anypony else" she pleaded.
“Oh I wouldn’t hurt you two, youw sow pweshus. Hank said in a cutsey wootsey voice,"But I can't guarantee I wont hurt any'Pony' else" he replied in his normal voice causing the dark blue pony to invert its coat colour with anger.
“HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY SISTER AND THREATEN THE CITIZENS OF EQUESTRIA!” She bellowed in that earsplitting way Celestia did when she first appeared to Hank.
“Settle down!” Hank ordered, “I’m the one in control here, now wha-GHAA!!” Hank cried as static started to fill his vision, falling to the ground in a pained heap.
The sound of static slowly started to spread through the air, the walls turning grey and the sky turning from a sunny day into black to red gradient.
Somewhere in Equestria
White fire was burning the ground around it, smoke slowly rising from a scorch mark nearby. The world around it slowly started to change from luscious green foliage, to grey dirt. A grey shirted being with a train conductor’s hat, curly red hair and a metal mask. Pushing its body up with its sickly green hands, it stood up, looking around for something dear to its heart. Looking around for a moment, it found what it was looking for, a bloody stopsign. Starting to shake uncontrollably it uttered in an insane voice: “YoU Do nOt kIlL thE CloWN. ThE ClOwN kiLLs YOU”
Back into Canterlot
Celestia
“Sister! What is he doing?” Luna asked in panic.
“HNGAAH!!!” Hank screamed out in pure agony as blood starts to pour out from under his bandages and trench coat.
Celestia started to shiver, “Luna this isn’t Hank doing this, It feels like discord” she stated with a growing frown.
Suddenly the words: YOU DO NOT KILL THE CLOWN. THE CLOWN KILLS YOU. Flooded everyponies vision.
Hanks head bolted up “TRICKY IS COMING!!!” He screamed in a guttural cry of pain, as he started to shake on the ground.
“Who is tricky!?” Celestia ordered.
Hank’s shaking increased, “T-THE CLOWN TH-THAT WILL KILL Y-YOU ALL” He screams as he passes out due to pain.
NOT THE BEST OF DAYS
(A.N, UH OH the clown’s a coming, here comes the death >:D MUAHAHAH)
(A.N, ULTRAVIOLENCE AHEAD. Only non-identified background ponies and one annoying pony will be killed)
Madness Combat warped realities: part 5
Somewhere in Equestria, more specifically Ponyville. tRiCKy
The sound of metal on flesh accompanied with screaming for dear life and static filled the air.
“SOMEPONY HELP!!!!” screamed a cyan Earth pony in pure agony as it was slowly beaten to death by the ‘clown’s’ big ole bloody stopsign.
“No HeLP fOr yoU!!!!” Tricky said in half a nanosecond as he impaled the pony with the opposite end of the stopsign at an impossible speed.
“GAAGHK! HEEEEEEeee-*gurgle*” the pony tried to say but failed as Tricky shot his spare hand into the pony’s throat and ripped out his oesophagus letting out a torrent of blood. The mad clown proceeded to eat the ponies wind pipe with his jagged Zombie clown teeth.
Zipping up to a random technicolour pony with the bleeding corpse still impaled on the sign, he tears a hole in the deceased ponies gut and shoves the poor ponies head into the chest cavity of the pony with the sign in him, slowly suffocating the gutfaced pony.
Shaking uncontrollably, Tricky tears the pony off of the sign, almost splitting him in half. Filled with more bloodlust than Satan himself, Tricky slit the gutfaced pony’s jugular vein and began to cover himself in the warm equine blood, Taking extreme gravity defying measures to keep his AMAZING Train controller’s hat clean.
“HaNK!” Tricky screamed as he ‘Boomeranged’ his mask, also showing his bullet ridden face, to decapitate a dark green Pegasus at the base of the throat, “YoU aRE GoiNG TO diE!” The clown declared as the dark green Pegasus body parts fell to the ground with a satisfying splat.
Somewhere in Canterlot gardens
Static started to fill the air as the surrounding area slowly started to turn grey
Discord’s statue started to rumble and shake, starting to turn from grey marble to black obsidian.
*Crack* the stone around his Lion paw crumbles away in a plume of white smoke.
*Crack* *Crumble* Discord’s midsection becomes freed as heat starts to radiate from the base of the statue, scorching the ground.
*KRAKATOA* the base of the statue starts turning into a grey dust and slowly blow away as the now corrupt discord is now free from his rock solid prison. His wings and mane suddenly combust into a black flame, creating black flaming bat wings twice the size they normally are and a blazing black mane.
“Oh yes… TiMe to wreak SoMe chaos” *STATIC* “TrIcKY StYLe” the ‘Trickied’ lord of chaos smirks as he snapped his fingers, making a jet black katana that emanated a low hum of with the inscription: Revenge to the monarchs, appear.
“CelesTia, yOu are goINg to Pay FoR ImpriSoniNg mE fOr one tHouSand yeaRs!” Discord muttered with pure venom in his voice as he too started to shake. Seeing as its Discord, he was shaking like a piece of rope when you dangle it around. “Oh yEs yoU wIll PAy” he seethed as he exploded into a black flame and disappeared.
Somewhere in Canterlot castle.
Celestia
The area was now starting to look like good old Nevada, grey walls and black and red sky.
“Sister, he sounded like he has dealt with this ‘clown’ before” Luna said looking down at Hank who has stopped bleeding.
“Luna he has attacked o-“ she was interrupted as a scroll materialised in front of her, after reading it she didn’t say a word, she teleported to the royal Barracks, leaving behind a confused and worried Luna.
“Guards!” Celestia bellowed.
Royal guards were there in mere seconds. “Yes your majesty!” they replied.
“Bring me the royal sister’s armour NOW” She demanded elating gasps from the guards.
“Y-your majesty, a-are you sure?” one guard asked, receiving an angry look from Celestia.
“Do not question me! This is important!” she said, raising her voice causing the guards to shrink back.
“R-right away…” the largest of the group replied.
Sighing in anxiety, Celesta’s mind was on the fritz. That letter was sent one minute ago, What could be happening there now? She thought.
Ponyville
JESUS
(The madness combat one)
Jesus was walking through the abandoned streets as an occasional blast of static filled the air, looking around for any ‘sign’ of that damnable clown.
All he saw was blood, blood everywhere. Dozens of dead bodies lying on the ground.
“What has he done?!” Jesus said angrily as he looked upon the carnage. “I see there is only one option” he said grimly as he let out a deep sigh.
Throwing his hands towards a body, a red glow started to envelop the body as it floated into the air, red clouds started to flow from the man’s hands as the bodies fur slowly started to fall off in patches as its mane started going black, its skin turning green as the skin around its muzzle tore away as the ponies mouth shot far open, once the transformation was complete the faintest of feint white glow covering the body. The pony was now a zombie.
Adjusting his halo and unsheathing his trademark Binary sword and Smith and Western 500 he was ready to face any foe that dared to cross his path.
“HUUrgnnn” the zombie pony uttered through bloody lips as it wobbled side to side.
“Find Tricky and KILL HIM” he commanded as he started to float off the ground and fly at the speed of a pony pulled train towards where he ‘felt’ Hank was.
After a couple minutes of floating later.
“HALT” yelled a white Pegasus in armour, causing Jesus to stop and turn around. “You are wanted dead for committing multiple murders in ponyville” He stated with a glare that could phase a pony, but not Jesus.
“It wasn’t me, it was the clown.” He stated matter-of-factly, causing the guard to grow angrier.
“HA! Do you honestly think I would believe that?” The guard scoffed.
“Yes” Jesus answered. “Now if you will excuse me I have to be on my way” He said as he started to float again but to be bucked in the back.
“You will not leave this field alive…” The guard growled with an icy stare, causing Jesus to laugh.
“Chinese swaps!” He yelled as he raised his S&W 500 and put a fair sized bullet through the guards head, causing the back to be completely blown out with a spray of grey matter and blood.
Elsewhere in Ponyville
TRICKY TRIXIE
All those stupid ponies are going to pay for humiliating me, I’LL SHOW THEM! Trixie thought as she walked into ponyville with her eyes to the ground. Upon reaching ponyville she looked up from the ground and into the sky with her eyes closed. (Silly girl)
“ATTENTION PONYVILLE, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE HAS RET-AAAAHH!!” Trixie screamed as she looked down and opened her eyes to see seven green ponies with gaping bloodied jaws turning around and starting to run towards her leaving trails of blood from their dripping mouths.
“G-get away from Trixie” She panicked as she fired a stun spell on the incoming swarm. No effects.
“Khuurl… tchreky!” They moaned loudly as they closed the gap between them and their ‘supposed target’.
“NO! S-STAY BACK” She screamed as they started to pounce onto the shunned showmare.
“AAAAAAHHHHHHHH” She screamed out in agony as they started to bite down on her wherever they could, tearing flesh and crushing bone with their jagged teeth and strong jaws.
“PLEASE STOP…” Her cries of pain slowly became cries for terrified mercy as she was slowly being stripped of flesh. Suddenly a sickening crack was heard; her horn had been bitten off and swallowed. Her previously horned wound had a straw coloured juice slowly streaming out of her head. One of the zombies stuck it muzzles into the streaming hole of fluid and found the inside of her head, it shoved its mouth as far as it could into the wound and started to bite on her brain causing her to spasm for a couple of seconds until her whole body fell limp. The zombies kept feeding on the body until it was no more than a puddle of bone and blood with bits of blood stained silvery blue patches of hair.
The zombie that previously ate her horn was going through some trauma as it writhed on the ground, clutching at its forehead. Shortly after a bloodstained green horn burst through the skin, causing blood to weep out from around the base of the horn and down across its face.
A panicking light grey earth pony that was running away with tears streaming down her face was running blindly towards the slowly dispersing group of zombies, upon blinking the salty tears out of her eyes she came face to face with the unicorn zombie.
She screamed in terror and jumped back as she saw the gaping jaw of the zombie just about bite her muzzle off, angered at not getting a snack from this scared pony, it involuntarily lit up its horn with a burgundy glow and fired it at the pony.
“AGH!” She cried as the beam of magic hit her. At first it didn’t look like anything was happening, but a couple of seconds later she tasted blood in her mouth, she tried to spit it out but when she did a chunk of her lip came off. Shrieked as a fair bit of her lip was torn off her lip, she started feeling her jaw tingling just seconds before it shot open far wider than it should have, sending nearly all of the meat of her lips flying across the air.
“SHANUAN HELTCH MEEH” she screamed through a lipless mouth as bits of her scalp fell out along with her mane, her fur slowly started to go grey and fall off as her skin went that same ‘zombie green’.
“Khuurl… Heankh” the pony turned zombie groaned. as it too dropped to the ground moments before a horn sprouts up Quite a bad day
(A,N. OOH AINT I A STINKER WITH ALL THESE CLIFFHANGERS?)
Just to clarify to some of you who don't fully under stand what they look like. I made this for you :D
(Wahey! Getting into some back story in this one, During Episode 1.5 of Project Nexus,(But this isn't how it goes I just made my own take on it >:D)
Madness Combat warped reality: Part 6
Somewhere in Equestria Jesus
Jesus had just covered about one kilometre of ground as he kept floating towards the city on the hill he saw in the distance where he could sense where Hank was.
"Bloody hell hank" Jesus groaned. "Why do you always have to be so far away?" He thought aloud.
"WAIT!" Someone yelled clearly female.
Groaning, Jesus stopped and turned to meet a butter yellow pegasus with a pink mane Galloping towards him.
'Goddamnit...' Jesus thought. "Ugh.. Yes?" Jesus asked.
"Um... well... I was just wondering......" She sloooowly asked.
"Spit it out" Jesus interrupted.
"Oh those, they will die when they kill Tricky" He replied causing the pony to look quite uneasy as tears slowly started to roll down her face.
"Oh... b-but they have, and... they're still there... and they're killing and infecting other ponies..." she started to sob as tears started to fall freely from her large eyes.
"Now that's not possible, I unless they found another source of pow-... Oh SHIT!" Jesus realised as he started to float as fast as he could towards Ponyville. "GOD DAMN IT! How could I forget about the Unicorns?!" Jesus scolded himself.
"Oh.. um bye then... She could be heard in the distance
'I won't let any more innocent lives be lost!... Not again' He thought.
"Oh... well I was wondering if you caused the zombies in Ponyville..." She asked quietly with tears starting to form in her eyes. He hasn't made this big of a mistake since... then
Ten years and one Attosecond ago Somewhere in Nevada Dr. Christoff's POV
A man in a whit lab coat with large glasses and a black goatee-beard combo entered a room with a large machine with the label: MAG Chamber on it. That man was me.
"Damnit Christoff!" Yelled my boss. "FUCKING HOP TO IT!" He yelled at me.
"Sorry Mr. Phobos, I just need to test your blood type to see if you will be able to use the Magnification chamber".I replied to my angry boss.
"Fine, but hurry up" Mr. Phobos replied in an impatient tone as he got his blood drawn.
After getting a sample I walked up to the the Magnification chamber with the blood sample and injected it into the blood reader. "OK.... lets see here... Oh my god!" I said in a shocked voice.
"Goddamn it What's wrong?" Phobos asked in an angry tone.
"Y-your blood is fine it's O-, it will work in the Magnification chamber, but... the DNA profiler says that you have a subclass of Autism, a very rare one as well." I replied with amazement in my voice.
Phobos looked rather cross "AUTISM!? Are you calling me a fucking retard Christoff!?" He screamed.
"No!. No of course not!. This rare subclass doesn't affect mental activity negatively in any way, in fact, it increases your mental capacity, resulting in a much more vivid memory, clearer thought process, Faster reaction time and overall more intelligence. However there has been anger and impatience in the affected with all verified cases" I told him. He seemed to calm down after this.
"OK, so am I all ready to hop into the MAG Chamber yet?" He asked.
"Yes, just get in and I'll start the transformation" I replied as he climbed into the machine and closed the doors.
"OK, when you're ready doc" He asked from inside the chamber.
I walked up to the console and started the chamber up. "OK, you will fall unconscious, but that is to be expected" I called out to the chamber, getting no reply I walked back to the machine, but tripped on a cord and banged my head on the control panel and accidentally changing the Agility waaaay up to 50.
I was knocked out for... God knows how long and Abomination breach alarms were going off.
"Oh shit!" I yelled as I got up and rubbed my head and checked my watch, 7:53 it read. "Damn! I've been out for three hours.
"HEY YOU! I heard someone yell from behind me. "Get down on the ground! NOW!" He ordered. Not one to be intimidated, I Bolted behind the MAG Chamber, narrowly dodging bullets from assault rifles and took the mandatory Abomination protection pistol, which was a trusty XD9 and took a peek at my assailants they were the Nexus facilities Riot guards
'Shit! not them!' I thought. I've had a run in with some of the Riot guards... how should I say... mental stability during one of my first experiment's.
They ran around the corner as I was reminiscing and started to fire at me, They missed, just, but hit the stasis chamber control at the back of the room.
"DIE YOU FUCK!" The larger of the two shouted me. I quickly fired off two shots at him and dodged another volley of bullets flew past me and into the stasis chamber control, one of my shots missed, but the other got him strait through the visor and through his 'eye', out the back of the head and into the shoulder of the other guard, the guard that got shot in the shoulder let out a cry and dropped to the tiled floor as his right clavicle was shattered with a bullet lodged into his patella. I quickly ran up and put a shot through his brain, I picked up his assault rifle which happened to be an FN Scar. I was about to leave the room until I head the distinct sound of abouttoexplodium overheating in the stasis chamber's energy supply.
"Oh SHI-"BOOOOM!
An eardrum bursting explosion shook the building and threw me across the room and into a locker.
"Ugh...." I groaned in pain as I tried to get up but failed, It seems that I had broken my left arm and a couple ribs. The locker I was thrown into which had a sign that said: Open only in emergencies. The door was dented so much that the lock broke, leaving the locker to swing open with the contents of it,a box with a lock on it, fall out just in front of me.
'What the hell, I'm probably going to die in a minute anyway' I thought as I slowly crawled up to it, shot the lock off and opened it,
"What the hell?" I spoke as I pulled out. It was a halo. Moments after I took hold of the halo, white lightning burst out of it and lifted me up into the air, the electric bolts started to hit me, causing me to convulse. Shortly after that 'Shocking' experience, the lightning stopped and the halo floated above my head and stayed there, I tried to take it off, but I got shocked by it whenever I touched it.
"Heh guess I'm like Jesus now" I said as I walked through the door from whence the guards came.
I was horrified. countless doctors and scientists. MY FRIENDS. lay dead on the floor in combined pools of their own blood, leaving a shallow puddle of it.
"No... NO DAMNIT. NO!" I dropped to my 'knees'. " Oh god... WHY DID I HAVE TO TRIP?!" I sobbed as I realised all of my friends had died trying to escape from something...
"RGARH!" I heard heard in front of me. I looked up to see an Abomination lunging at me, This one had it's arm straps broken off, it started tearing chunks of fabric from my coat as I was desperately trying to kick the thing off me, I caught some luck as a Riot guard happened upon the room as I was being attacked.
"OH SHIT!" He yelled as he fired off some rounds from an M4.
"KRAWGH!" It screeched as it's flesh was peppered and stopped it's assault on me and focused it's attention on the Riot guard. I slowly got to my feet and found an iron pipe nearby.
"OH SHIT HELP!" The guard yelled as he realised he wouldn't be able to kill the Abomination before it reaches him.
"KHAAARGH!" It bellowed as it tackled the guard to the ground and started ripping whatever it could off the guard before getting to his flesh.
"AAAAGH FUCK! HELP!!!" The guard screamed in agony as he was slowly torn apart by the Abomination.
"RRRAAAGH" I yelled as I swung the iron pipe as hard as I could at the back of the Abominations head, Smashing the back of it's skull open and revealing what used to be it's brain.
"HNGAAH!" It roared as it attempted to get back up, only to receive a hard swing of the pipe to the spine, hearing a loud crack I stabbed the pipe into the brain of the thing. It finally died...
I started to pant in exhaustion. "God*Pant*damn....*Pant* h-how is *Pant* a shitty little XD9 supposed to kill one of them?" I asked to nobody. "Oh.. god... this is all my fault" I whimpered.
"W-where am I" asked someone who came out of an opened stasis chamber who was heavily bandaged with a metal mask that had cords going to the back of his head. "WHERE THE HELL AM I?! WHAT'S THIS ON MY FACE!?" He screamed in panic,
"S-SIR!, calm down..." I stood up. "Your at the Nexus facility. Try to stay calm" I said as I tried to calm the sleeper agent down.
"WHAT'S THIS ON MY FACE!?" He cried. I didn't tell him what his 'Mask' was though...
"Umm... It-" I started, but was cut off.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS MASK?! I- YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!" He yelled as he started to run towards me.
"SIR STOP OR I WILL OPEN FIRE!" I yelled at him, but to no avail.
"HELP ME!!!" He screamed as his mask started to beep.
"*Sigh* Sorry sir but I'm going to have to open fire..." I said sadly as I raised the FN Scar and fired off four rounds into the chest of the Sleeper agent killing him. Or so I thought. Seconds later, his head started to glow white and his body started to convulse until he finally woke up from... death.
"WHAT THE HELL YOU PRICK!?" He yelled as he threw himself at me. I fired off some more bullets at his chest and he 'Died' again. As expected, he came back to life.
"Oh god STOP IT!" He started to cry as he started to glow, the beeping growing faster.
"Your mask is a bomb" I said before firing off ten bullets into him, he fell to the ground again. this time, He let off a ticking noise moments before exploding in a shower of blood and guts.
"Jesus Christ... Hey.. that fit's pretty well" I smirked.
Present day Outskirts of Ponyville Jesus
Jesus was about to enter the town and kill the zombies until he heard the insane cackling of Tricky behind him.
"The fuck!?" He yelled as he turned around and saw Tricky, drenched in blood and shaking more than ever.
"HaHAhA, MiSS Me JeSUs?" Tricky laughed. as he took off his mask and pulled off out a head of a pony and took a bite out of it's eye.
"Tricky! What the hell are you doing here?" Jesus angrily asked.
"Oh NoThinG MuCh... jUst KiLLiNg aNd EaTinG thEsE PoNIes!" He replied as he opened his gaping jaw right open and shoved the whole pony's head in his mouth, he started to chew the head as it gave off sickening crunches along with spurts of blood.
Jesus quickly aimed his S&W 500 at Tricky and fired off a shot, Only to have Tricky dodge the bullet all Albert Wesker style.
"HehEhEH ThaT WoNT Do yOu AnY GOOd JeSuS" The insane clown mocked.
"That wont, but this might" Jesus said as he put away his sword and gun and held out his hands, creating a red four pointed star that slowly form and start spinning.
"H-GYAH" Jesus yelled as he threw his hands forward and unleashing a red mist with a black glow around it as his eyes glowed a deep crimson, Tricky didn't have time to dodge this and it hit him. The red mist slowly enveloped the clown and turned black with the black glow turning red.
Tricky cried out in pain as he was slowly being torn apart.
"BLOODY CLOWN!" Jesus shouted at the black cloud surrounding the clown.
"DiE JEsuS!" Tricky bellowed from inside the mist. as he threw his mask as hard as he could at Jesus, it spun like a Frisbee and lodged itself in Jesus's 'hip'
"GAAHH!" Jesus cried out as he stopped his hands stopped glowing, causing the mist to dissipate, revealing an insane clown with no skin or hair to speak of, just muscle that was dripping into a pool of blood underneath him.
"DonT FuCk wiTh tHe ChUck!" Tricky gurgled as he ran towards Jesus with his sign and smashed him across the face, sending him sliding across the ground. "YoU AlwAYs THouGhT yOu wERe BeTter ThaN mE dIDn'T yOU?" Tricky asked. Jesus pulled the mask out of his 'hip' and slowly got to his feet as blood freely poured from his wound.
"*Pant* Damn you..." Jesus said weakly. Tricky was still eating pony heads and enjoying watching Jesus die. "I... Hate you Tricky...." Jesus said weakly between gasps. As Tricky, STILL eating pony heads, stomped towards Jesus, his free hand reaching towards his halo.
"i'Ll bE TAkiNg ThAT. ChRiStOfF!' Tricky yelled and laughed at Jesus's reaction to his true name.
"Oh. my. GOD!...PHOBOS!!!!!" Jesus screamed in unbridled bridled fury.
"yOu ThoUGht YOu KiLLed Me Didn'T you Christoff?" Phobos the clown asked, dropping his sign, his insane voice starting to become more clear.
"No! I DID KILL YOU! I BLEW YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!" Jesus screamed.
"Yes you did..." Phobos the clown said in 'Phobos's' voice. "You blew my head off, but still I am a MAG agent, were pretty tough if you haven't realized, You remember my Rare subclass of Autism? Yeah... well yOu know what haPpens aftEr Ten yeArs aFter becOmiNg A faiLed MAG AgeNt?... You stArt to BecoMe INsAnE" Phobos Said as the improbability behind his words resurfaced, he shot towards Jesus and took hold of his halo.
"NO!" Jesus yelled as his halo started to glow bright red.
"HaHahaHA!" Phobos cackled insanely as lightning started to come off Jesus's halo and arc onto Phobos and leave burn marks. "I aM GoInG To DEStRoY ThiS WoRLD!!!" He laughed as his muscles became charred from the lightning.
"NO!!!" Jesus bellowed.
"ScREw YoU JEsUS!. I'M GoiN*BANG*GHCK!... GHUGHhhhnng...." Phobos was cut of as a bullet from Jesus's S&W 500 pierced his skull, ploughing itself through the Improbability drive followed by Jesus's Binary sword slicing Phobos in half.
"Oh Phobos, Your 'Half' the man you you used to be, hehe" Jesus taunted weakly.
"*STATIC* ERROR!... 1NT3GR1T13S: 09.43%. DANGER. BRAIN DAMAGE.*STATIC* OUCH. OUCH!.OUCH!! RETRY!!" Phobos... Emitted. "*STATIC* MIND STRONG!!!!!!" Phobos screeched before starting to glow a blinding white light.
"Now I've got you" Jesus weakly laughed as he took back his halo and ran like hell.
*KABOOO*transition*OOOM!*
Somewhere in Hank's mind Five minutes earlier Hank
After what seemed like never ending torture and after Hank gave into to the pain and fell unconscious, but found himself in a endless void of darkness.
"Ungh...... W-where am I now?...." He asked to the darkness as he groggily got up off of... whatever he was standing on.
"oH... NoWheRE SpeCiAL... JuST youR MiNd..." A sinister demonic voice replied with amusement clear in its voice.
"My mind?.... The hell? who's there?" Hank yelled into the void.
"JuSt tHE LorD oF CHaOs, HehEhe... Or As iM BetTeR knOwN aS, DiSCorD " It said as the space around Hank became disturbed and that of a mirage, moments before a mismatched creature appeared right behind him, Hank acted quickly, Throwing a punch strait at him, only to have his fist phase right through him as the area he punched materialised into a black flame.
"GODDAMNIT! Your just like the Auditor aren't you!?" Hank basically screamed.
"WhY Yes, I HavE GoNe tHroUGh YoUR MeMorIeS AnD i ThinK I Am LikE HiM HehEhehE" Discord laughed as he slithered around Hank.
Hank replied with a flurry of fists at Discord, but only succeeding in turning more of him to black flames. "Damnit! why wont you die!?" Hank yelled as he kept his fists flying.
Discord laughed and wiped a blood tear from his eye. "ThAt wOn'T dO yoU Any GoOd hAnk"
Hank decided that continuing his assault on Discord would just tire him out so he decided to stop, but still stay on guard. "Fine" Hank grumbled. "So why am I here then?" Hank asked
"YoU aRe gOinG tO KilL CeLeSTIa" He growled.
"No. Those horses didn't instantly try to kill me, so no. I wont kill them" Hank disagreed with a harrumph.
"oH hANk... I doN't ThiNK yoUR iN ThE POsItiOn tO givE Me liP bOY" Discord scowled. " Do As i SaY Or YoU WilL RuE thE Day mR. WimBeLtoN" He threatened.
"Or what? HMM?" Hank taunted.
"OR I wiLL KilL YoU!" Discord yelled.
"And?" Hank laughed. "Buddy, I've died 6 times and killed over five hundred people, so that's enough lip out of you Discord" Hank mocked.
"InSoLEnT SWiNE!" Discord shouted. "YoU ShaLl Bow Down to.... me?" Discord said as he realised that his body had stopped shaking and his the flames on his back had burned out. "W-what's happening to mmmm-ungh..... UURGH." Discord started to groan in pain as his body started to get lines of burn slowly moving around on him.
"Jesus Christ!..... Has just sunk your boat buddy" Hank said smugly.
"Y-Y-YOU W-WILL REGRET T-THIS H-HANK!" He screamed as Hank woke up.
*KABOOO*transition*OOOM!* Somewhere on the floor where Hank fell unconscious Hank
"Ah, Hank. You have awoken" Luna said happily as Hank opened his 'eyes'
"Ugh.." Hank moaned. "Gee thanks for not moving me out of a puddle of my own blood" Hank said sarcastically. "Bloody hell!" Hank yelled, annoyed.
"Sorry Mr. Wimbelton" Luna said with a sad look on her face as Hank got up to his feet, his own blood dripping off his back.
"Got any fresh bandages, my ones are all soaked. In my own blood" Hank asked, looking at Luna with the last few words.
"Y-yes. I shall call some servan-" She started but was cut off.
"Nope YOU get them" Hank said sternly "Your the one that causes" Hank gestured to himself. "This" Hank finished, crossing his 'arms'.
"FFFfffine..." Luna said with an annoyed tone.
ONE BANDAGE RENEWAL AND TRENCH COAT WASHING MONTAGE LATER
"Alright, thanks moon horse" Hank chuckled. Luna walked back into the room with the most horrified look you could picture on her face. "Do you know what time it is?"
"H-how can you l-live with so m-many wounds?" Luna asked with no emotion in her voice.
"That's right. TIME TO KILL A CLOWN!" Hank declared. as he started to run towards Ponyville (Cos he just knows where it is. Don't question it.)
Surely this day couldn't get any worse
(A/N Oh my, I hope nobody hates me for that Tricky = Phobos thing >:D
(A,N. I'm back baby! Sorry for the wait, have this chapter. Oh and Happy Halloween)
Madness Combat warped reality: Part 7
Somewhere in Equestria. Lyra & Bon Bon's basement.
Lyra and Bon Bon had taken refuge in their basement in hopes that they'd be safe
"Bon Bon, Do you think those things will find us down here?" Lyra asked with fear apparent in her voice.
"I hope not Lyra" Bon Bon gulped, eyeing the barricaded door nervously, .
"They killed Winter Gleam and Tick-Tock" Lyra whimpered out.
"Please Lyra... Don't remind me... Please..." Bon Bon sniffed, letting a tear drop to the ground. " I don't want to think about it" She said.
"I hope we have enough food to last us down here" Lyra said, looking around the shelves on the wall.
"Me too " Bon Bon replied in a quiet voice, unable to get the thought of her friends being killed by those monsters.
*CRUNCH*
Both of the mares stopped dead as they heard a pained cry.
"What was that!?" Lyra yelled.
*CRACK*
"GHAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!"
"Oh Celestia" Bon Bon muttered as they heard a blood curdling scream.
*BANG* *Thud*
This sudden, deafening noise shocked both of the ponies; Lyra and Bon Bon quickly moved behind the most occupied shelf and started peeking through a gap on the cluttered shelf.
*Squeak*
...
"MMMPHNNG!!!"
*Smash*
*Slam*
"Oh Celestia!" Lyra cried. "They're inside!" She panicked, only to be forcefully shut up with Bon Bon's hoof.
They could both hear the steps growing ever closer towards the basement door.
*Knock Knock*
"Don't move" Bon Bon ordered.
*Knock Knock*
Neither pony dared to move a muscle.
*SMASH*
"Oh no oh no oh no" Bon Bon started to hyperventilate.
Five minutes earlier Jesus
*KABOOOOOOM!*
"AH, GOD DAMNIT!" Jesus yelled as he covered his ears."Christ, that was close" he said as he looked at the massive crater where Phobos/Tricky used to be. Turning around he headed towards the town.
"OH CELESTIA HELP ME!!" He heard someone cry. Quickening his pace he was near where he heard the voice, only to see a corpse of a brown Unicorn pony with it's limbs twisted to impossible angles and chunks of flesh missing, leaving hideous wounds gushing with blood.
"Gugrhh" Jesus heard from behind him, doing a 360, Jesus was met with a large zombie pony with a sickly sharp and jagged horn protruding out of its cranium.
"Shit! they're spreading!" Jesus gasped.
"GUHRGH!" The zombie pony gurgled angrily as it started to charge it's horn a deep burgundy glow, once the glow seemed to grow as bright as it could, the zombie fired off a black flame that had a red glow to it at Jesus.
Doing a quick roll to the side and dodging the fireball that rendered part of the wall behind him to nothingness, Jesus pulled out his Binary Sword and sliced the left hind leg off the zombie and fired his S&W right into it's skull, leaving a gaping hole through it's eye and out the back of its head.
"Damnit! was that a Nexus bolt?!" Jesus was shocked, had he been hit by that, he would surely be dead.
"GhurghhhHHHH!" The zombie that had it's leg previously dismembered groaned.
"What the hell?" Jesus said as he started to back away, firing off 3 more bullets into the head of the zombie, having seemingly no effects other than turning it's head into Swiss cheese.
"GHRAAHGH!" It screeched as it's stump of a leg suddenly started shaking back and forth. Jesus ran up to the beast with his sword and impaled it in the throat and lifted it up into the air, slicing a large gaping slit up until the sword met the skull.
Suddenly the shaking stump made a sickening crack and created a new hoof that (albeit a bit mangled) looked good as new.
"WHAT THE FUCK!?" Jesus yelled, having never seen any of his zombies do this before. Jesus swung his sword upwards and sliced the zombies head clean in two, even through the horn, causing the zombie to fall to the ground with the sound of a sloppy splatter.
Jesus watched the body carefully, daring it to move. "Go on, I fucking dare you..." Jesus dared. After one minute, Jesus got up to leave, only to be slammed into by a Pegasus zombie going full pelt and being thrown into a buildings door with a loud.
*CRUNCH*.
"AAGH!" Jesus cried out as he had his back stabbed with multiple large splinters of wood effectively pinning him on the door. "HNNG!" he groaned in pain as he tried to push himself off the door.
"GRHAGH!" The Pega-zombie gurgle/screamed as it flew up and went to dive bomb Jesus.
"Shit!" Jesus yelled as he braced himself for impact.
*CRACK*
"GHAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!" Jesus cried out in agony as the splinters that were previously only a quarter ways into his back were pushed all the way in as he was tackled through the door and slamming the back of his head on a table.
"GRHGHH!" The zombie growled as it walked through the hole in the door, It's teeth bared and ready to get it's meal.
"NNGH!..." Jesus grunted as he shakily got up and held himself up on the table, despite the pain he pulled out his S&W and emptied the zombies 'brain' cavity with a loud.
*BANG*
The zombie stumbled back for a few seconds before falling to the ground with a.
*Thud*
'Ugh, Goddamn it.' Jesus thought. as he shakily walked over to a cabinet on the wall with a First Aid cross. "Ugh... Finally, some good luck" Jesus said to himself.
*Squeak*
Opening the First Aid cabinet, Jesus fount some bandages, a rag and some Iodine. 'Lucky me' Jesus thought as he took out the rag and put it in his mouth and biting down on it he started to pull out the splinters, one by one. "Mmmng!" Jesus moaned in pain as he slowly slid out the wooden shards in his back, causing blood to pour from the wounds.
Once they were all out, Jesus mentally prepared himself for what was coming next, he took out the bottle of Iodine, unscrewed the lid/dropper combo and poured the Iodine into his wounds.
"MMMPHNNG!!!" Jesus let out a muffled scream of agony and dropped the bottle of Iodine as he felt the acidic stinging of the Iodine cleaning the wounds on his back.
*Smash*
After what felt like hours, the stinging started do disappear. "Oh... GOD. DAMN!" Jesus quietly yelled as he reached out and grabbed the bandages from the cabinet and started to wrap them around his back. "Ugh... That. HURT!" Jesus complained as he slammed shut the cabinet
*Slam*
"Oh Celestia! they're inside!"Jesus heard from beneath him.
"Hmm?" Jesus hmm?'d as he walked over to what looked like doors to a cellar, he knocked twice.
*Knock Knock*
No answer, he knocked twice again.
*Knock Knock*
Still no answer, he pulled the door slightly, it was stuck. "Only one way this is opening" Jesus said to himself as he cocked his right arm back, focused some energy into it and Blew the doors off their hinges with a small burst of energy.
*SMASH*
"Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no... no no no. Oh Celestia no..." He heard in a panicked voice below.
"Its OK!" Jesus yelled into the cellar.
"GO AWAY!" A female voice yelled in a terrified panicked. "DON'T KILL US!" She yelled
"I'm not going to hurt you, I'm not a zombie" Jesus reasoned.
A brief moment of shuffling was heard and a seafoam Unicorn poked it's head out from behind a cluttered shelf, her eyes grew wide and lost all signs of fear.
"OH M-waah" She was cut off as a cream coloured hoof wrapped around her neck and pulled behind the shelves.
"I'm coming down now, OK?" Jesus replied slowly as he began his decent down the stairs.
"Bon Bon! It's a Human! *Squee*" The seafoam Unicorn '*Squee'd*' quietly.
*Smack*
"Ow!" The pony whined.
"GROW UP LYRA!" The one called 'Bon Bon' Hissed at 'Lyra'. "DO YOU KNOW HOW SERIOUS THIS SITUATION IS!?" She yelled.
"I DO!" Jesus yelled. "Lyra come here, NOW" Jesus ordered, resulting in an 'EEP'.
"N-no..." She replied, Jesus growled.
"GET OUT HERE NOW!" Jesus yelled as he fired his gun at the wall next to them.
*BANG*
"YOU'RE NEXT IF YOU DON'T GET OUT HERE!" Jesus screamed.
"Sorry sorry sorry sorry" Lyra apologised as she came galloping out from behind the shelf and stopping in front of Jesus.
"Good" Jesus said in a calm tone. "Now let me hold your horn for a second" Jesus said as he reached out his hand.
Lyra's face went a deep shade of red. "W-what? NO!" Lyra yelled, flustered and offended at such a blunt approach.
Jesus facepalmed. "No, not like that. Grow up" Jesus sighed. "J-just let me give you a spell" He said as he waited for approval. 'I didn't sign up for this shit' Jesus mentally kicked himself.
"O-OK..." Lyra nodded, still uneasy about someone touching her horn.
Jesus reached forwards and grabbed hold of Lyra's horn. "OK, just a second" He said as electricity started to crackle around his halo, starting to form white bolts of lightning with a blue glow that arced down into his hand. "Just a second" Jesus reassured.
Meanwhile Bon Bon was Boiling with jealousy as she saw someone touching Lyra's horn.
The bolts of lightning started to arc off Jesus's hand and onto the tip of Lyra's horn.
"YEOUCH!" Lyra yelled as she felt the lightning course through her body.
"And............ Done!" Jesus exclaimed as the last of the lightning arced into Lyra's horn.
"What did that do?" Lyra asked curiously.
"That spell will cure the infected ponies of their curse, follow me" Jesus motioned Lyra to follow her out of the basement. "Oh and Bon Bon, was it? stay put and if you hear anything come down here without speaking, hide as well as you possibly can" Jesus ordered, receiving a nod in understanding.
Heading up the stairs Lyra started. "So you're a Human right?" she asked.
"Why yes. Yes I am" Jesus answered. "Ok you're going to see a more blood than you would have probably ever seen before this whole ordeal than in all you're previous life, so prepare yourself" Jesus said, preparing the mint green pony for the terrible sight she was about to see.
As their heads started to poke out of the basement, the dead body became visible. "OH CELESTIA!" Lyra's green face went to the extreme's of green as she vomited on the stairs..... Just above Bon Bon. "Oops" Lyra nervously chuckled.
"OK, Lyra use that new spell on this zombie" Jesus commanded.
"B-But it's dead" Lyra stated.
"OH GOD! REALLY!?" Jesus said in a mock shocked voice. "Just use the spell" He deadpanned.
And she did, She charged her horn, but instead of it's normal golden glow, this one was red."H-hey. why's my spell red?" She asked.
"That's MY power you're using. "Jesus stated. "And my power is red, see?" Jesus said as he formed a red cloud and threw it at the Iodine bottle that previously had smashed on the ground, vaporising it.
"Oh, OK" Lyra said as she recharged the spell and fired it at the corpse. The skin colour of the zombie pony changed from a sick green to what it was beforehand, in this case it was Magenta. "Oh my gosh! I did it!" Lyra cheered.
"Well done. Now, time to cure them all!" Jesus laughed at Lyra's shocked face. "C'mon, let's got Greenie" Jesus teased.
Meanwhile in Equestria Hank
"Oh god... this place is further away than I thought" Hank panted, having run almost ten kilometres. "If only there was a way I could get back to where I was before" He asked. And as if on queue Luna teleported right next to Hank. "OH SHIT!" Hank yelled in a startled tone!"
"Mr. Wimbelton! sorry for the fright, but you forgot this before you left the castle after you... displayed... you're wounds..." She said uneasily as she remembered the thought, all those stab and slash marks, all that dried blood, all those holes you could see through... Bleh, she presented Hank his Deagle.
"What?" Hank said as he felt around for his gun. "Oh yeah! thank's Mooney" Hank thanked.
"Mooney?" Luna scowled. I am the princ-" Hank cut her off.
"Hey could you teleport me to the town with that little purple Unicorn?" Hank asked.
"Y-yes... but there are monst-" She was cut off again.
"OK, let's go then" Hank said eagerly.
"FFFfffine..." Luna gave up trying to reason with Hank, at least she would get rid of him in Ponyville.
She charged up her horn and teleported them both towards Ponyville.
SHAWHOOMPF Ponyville 15 seconds earlier Jesus & Lyra
"Lyra! there's one! over there!" Jesus pointed at a zombie Earth pony about 50 metres away. "Cure it!" He yelled as the zombie started to charge towards the two.
"On it Jesus" Lyra said as she focused her energy and fired the curing spell.
*SHAWHOOMPF*
"What the hell?" Jesus gawped as he saw who had just appeared, it was Hank, along with an Alicorn. "HANK! MOVE!"
"PRINCESS LUNA!!" Lyra screamed as she saw the bolt heading strait towards her.
"AAGH!" Luna shrieked out as she was hit with the bolt of magic, she dropped to the ground unconscious.
"Oh SHIT! Mooney!" Hank yelled as he saw one of the only ponies he tolerated be knocked out, but looked up. "JESUS!!!" Hank yelled as he stood up and ran towards him.
Scratch that, It just got worse
(A,N. Sorry if anyone was put off with that whole Lyra's horn thing. Don't hate me for the cliffhanger either =C)
Hank looked down at the unconscious body of 'Mooney' With shock and anger.
"JESUS YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" Hank yelled as he unsheathed his sword, spun around and sliced the head of the zombie pony's head in half and made a mad dash towards the attacker of his 'friend'
"Hank you Idjit!" Jesus yelled as the distance between them was closing and summoning his Binary Sword. "There is a ZOMBIE OUTBREAK! there are more important prioriti-"
"NO!" Hank cut Jesus off. " You think I'm going to listen to you!?" Hank yelled as their swords clashed. "You've killed me three times, Mortally wounded me once and knocked out the closest thing to a friend I have on this goddamn planet, WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU!?" Hank snarled as he pulled out his gun, only for it become enveloped in a golden glow and pulled from his grasp.
"STOP THIS!" Yelled a mint green unicorn that was standing behind Jesus. "Listen to Jesus! he is trying to fix all these things, ponies are dying and being turned into zombi-GHK!" Lyra tried to finish but was grabbed by the throat by Hank.
"AND WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!?" Hank yelled, grabbing his gun and throwing the unicorn hard against the wall of a nearby house with little effort.
"Hank! for fucks sake, CALM. DOWN." Jesus ordered. "You're only making this situation worse!" He said as he headbutted Hank, causing him stumble backwards, creating an opening for Jesus. He tackled Hank to the ground and punched the gun out of his hand. "Stop. Fighting. Now!" Jesus said firmly. "Look around! this world is in a state of madness because of your arrival!" He said, his red eyes glowing redder briefly.
Hank thrashed around, but to no avail, soon he calmed down, along with his bloodlust and looked around, seeing the walls and ground scattered with dried blood and dead bodies with various dismembered limbs, this was no shocker to Hank, but just then hit him. "Holy shit... These bloody horses aren't from Nevada, I bet most of them haven't even seen more than one dead body in one year..." Hank said, realization hitting him like a punch That he threw. "Oh damn..." Hank said, the slightest amount of emotion creeping into his voice.
"Now you understand why you have to help me stop this" Jesus said, Helping Hank up. "Now if I understand correctly, You, Sanford, Deimos, Tric-No wait, I just killed him. You, Sanford, Deimos and The Auditor and I. Are all here. And I have no Idea where those guys are... But that's not the most important thing we have to deal with at this moment." Jesus finished.
"Ow" Lyra groaned as she stood herself up and rubbed the back of her head. "What the hay was that for!?" She yelled.
"Well... I guess we better get going" Hank said quickly as he walked up to the Luna's body and picked her up with some effort. "Omph!... She's a big girl hehehe..." Hank joked as he started following Jesus, carrying Luna with some strain.
"This isn't over" Lyra growled as she increased her walking speed to get next to Hank.
"Well I'm just shitting myself in fear right now" Hank said sarcastically. Looking forwards, he saw a tree shaped.. No that WAS a tree, a tree house. "The hell? That must be so safe in storms" Hank said cynically.
"That's Twilight Sparkles house!" Lyra exclaimed as she rushed towards it. "She can help us!" She said optimistically.
"Ugh!" Hank groaned. "Old Moony is bloody heavy you know!" He complained. upon reaching the door to 'Twilight's House' They heard a scream. Hank put Luna down on the ground carefully and took a peek inside. His 'eyes' widened and he took in a sharp intake of air.
"Goddamn!"
Elsewhere Sanford & Deimos
Two strange creatures were walking through a swamp, reading a device that had a blinking light on a screen which was labeled: Hank - Status: Alive Location: 5 Kilometers southwest They were weaving in between the thick foliage and jumping across murky swamp water. They were having the time of their lives.
*SMACK* "OW!" What the fuck Sanford?!" Deimos cried as he was smacked upside his face by his partner, Sanford, who quickly stomped out his ciggy. "I was smoking that!" He complained.
"You're a Dickhead!" Sanford yelled. "If you smoke a cigarette in a swamp, where there's flammable gasses take a guess what happens!"
"I dunno, It explodes?" Deimos answered dumbly.
"Holy shit! ladies and gentlemen! WE HAVE A GENIUS!" Sanford yelled, his words dripping with sarcasm. "Just shut up and lets hurry to Hank. Maybe he can tell us where the fuck we are!" He added, irritated that he was in this huge swamp.
"Jeez Sanford, settle down It's not that ba-*Ribbit*-AAAHH FUCK!!" Deimos screamed as a frog fell onto his face from a tree above. "HOLY SHIT GET IT OFF!!" He squealed, smacking himself in the face trying to get it off as it crawled around. (Deimos was afraid of frogs).
"You're a wimp. It's a frog..." Sanford said not caring, until Deimos raised his Walther PPK towards his face. He rushed over and punched him in the gut, causing him to buckle forward and hold his gut. Sanford simply reached out with his hand and grabbed the frog and threw it behind him without looking. "If you're quite done, I think it's about high time we make our way to Hank before night time" He said, turning around, only to bump into something big and soft. "Umpf. What the fuuu.....?" Sanford said, looking up into four hungry looking faces of a giant lizard thing. "BWOOH SHIT!" Sanford yelled. jumping backwards and grabbing his trusty hook seconds before a head launched its head into the ground right where he was one second ago.
"What the fuuuUUUUCK!?!?" Deimos yelled as he looked up, holding his gut and seeing the towering monstrosity. "KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IT!" He screamed as he fired wildly at it, producing tiny bloody holes on the thing.
"You don't have to tell me twice!" Sanford yelled as he started swinging his hook around, Gaining momentum, until he threw it forwards and lodging itself in the things throat. He pulled down hard on the rope his hook was tied to, making the hook tear its way down and out of its throat, leaving behind a large open gash with blood rushing out.
"SKREAAAH!" The beasts four heads cried, the one that had its throat slashed open even louder. It suddenly started emerging out of the swamp revealing a large body with short stumpy legs. One head in the back that had a more 'dumb' look on its face than the other ones roared with rage, it shot all of its heads towards the duo, both of them dodging to the side as their the 'dumb' ones head got stuck in the ground, seeing this opportunity Sanford jumped onto the head and sunk his hook into its skull as a handhold as the head swung upwards in pain, while the other hand reached into his utility belt and pulled out a Colt revolver and fired all the rounds into the creatures brain. Slowly, the head that Sanford was on started falling towards the ground (which was pretty high up).
Just before the head hit the ground, Sanford jumped and grabbed a branch of a nearby tree. He hung there and watched as the beast started mourning itself before it started running away deep into the swamp with the other head was dragged across the ground. Not feeling any regret for the thing that just tried to kill them he promptly flipped it off as it ran, before climbing down to the bottom of the tree.
"Well..." Deimos started. "That was... different..." He finished, not knowing quite what to say.
"Um..." Sanford said. "Lets just ignore that and find hank before anything else tries to eat us..." He said, pulling out the tracker and walking in the direction that it indicated Hank was in.
Meanwhile The Crystal Empire Shining Armour
"Ahhhhh" Shining Armour sighed as he gazed upon the beautiful Crystal empire from a balcony on the crystal castle. "Isn't it wonderful, honey?" He asked his wife, Princess Cadence, as he watched the Crystal Ponies enjoying their day.
"Yes, yes it is Shining" She said with a smile as she nuzzled him. "I'm so glad that there is harmony in this empire, now that Sombra is gone" She shuddered, remembering the evil king of the Crystal Ponies.
"Don't even remind me of that monster" He growled. "He almost took back the empire" He winced at the thought of that.
"Well we're just lucky that you thought to throw me to the crystal heart before he could reach it" She smiled.
"Yeah, we ar-wait what's that?" He said as he saw a black figure teleporting across the the Badlands outside of the empire. "It seems we have an unwelcome guest" He said grimly as he went to call his guards. While Cadence walked to the edge of the balcony to get a better look.
Border of the Crystal Empire The Auditor
"Bloody hell it's cold" The Auditor groaned as he teleported closer to the large castle in a plume of black fire. "Friggin Icy wasteland" He said as he teleported closer again, closing in on the border of the city, but suddenly there was a bright flash. "Argh, bloody hell" He groaned as he rubbed his bright red eyes, opening them he found himself surrounded by various different coloured horses. "What the hell? horses?" He asked confusedly as he spun around, looking at all of them seeing that they were armed, he laughed. "Horses with swords and armour, Heh that's cute. Neigh neigh don't hurt me, neigh neigh" He mocked.
"Shut your mouth you monster!" One of them said as they moved in on him, raising their weapons. "You are coming with us!" It ordered.
"Pfft, And how do you plan on doing that? with flimsy pieces of metal that you call swords?? please, don't make me laugh!" He gloated as he raised his right hand and swung it down, creating a burst of black flame, once the flames cleared he had in his hand a large knife. "Try me" He challenged.
"Charge" The one that he suspected to be the leader yelled. At once, all the horses charged towards The Auditor, Rolling his eyes, evaporated into flames and fell into the ground, creating a scorch mark. "Where did he go!?" They yelled.
"Over here!" The Auditor yelled, catching their attention, he threw his knife hard towards the group, the knife found its way into the eye of one of them, he cried out in pain as he felt the knife piercing his brain before collapsing to the ground in a puddle of blood. While the guards were distracted with the death of their comrade The Auditor teleported up to the group and snapped the neck of the closest guard. He then swung the body of the guard around, collapsing the skull of another guard with the weaponised guards hooves. He teleported again up into the air and dropped onto the back of a guard who started to run away with a sickening snap, he grabbed the sword from the guard and spun around to meet the leader of the small group. "Congratulations" The Auditor said. "Your little squad will be the first to be assimilated" He announced as he started to glow red, the dead bodies of the guards floating towards and into him with a puff of flame each guard causing him to grow in size slightly.
"W-WHAT ARE YOU!?" The now cowering leader yelled, backing away as fast as he could, but to no avail. The Auditor was still pulling the guard towards him.
"I am The Auditor, Nice to have made your acquaintance" He said before the guard was enveloped into him, The Auditor looked himself over, he was about twice the size he was before. "Hehehe" He laughed evilly, looking towards the crystal castle. "This will be fun..." He said in a sinister tone as he started walking towards his target.
To all of you that may or may not have this still favorited, I sadly end this story. If anybody would like to take over this story, be my guest. It's just gotten to the point where I just don't want to write this anymore.
It is with a heavy heart that I add this story to Cancelled I am very sorry to those who were looking forward to a finished story.
Anybody who is up to the job can hit me up if you would like to continue this story..
