A slightly different start to Discord's reformation with a more cautious Celestia, a reluctant yet curious mane six, and a willing-and-wanting-to-try Discord that has promised to leave Equestria if he cannot get along with ponykind to a degree.
Celestia brings the Statue of Discord to Ponyville with the wary intention of releasing him, as per a mysterious deal negotiated between Discord and the alicorn sisters. With the ancient war between Harmony and Discord now officially over, with the Chaos God curious over his own defeat, both sides most decide what to do now. Can Discord make a place for himself among ponykind or will he leave Equestria entirely?
It'll at least be interesting with the reluctant supervision and aid of the six who defeated him, Discord actually putting forth some effort, and Celestia personally keeping an eye on everything.
A retelling of Keep Calm and Flutter On with a more long term reformation of Discord.
"With all due respect, Princess Celestia?" Twilight Sparkle started respectfully before her face morphed involuntarily into rage, "HOW COULD YOU BRING DISCORD HERE?!" She yelled before quickly shutting her mouth and bowing in apology, "Your Majesty."
Serene Princess Celestia looked abnormally solemn as she stood before her ponies, the statue of Discord looming near her, "It is quite alright, Twilight Sparkle. I, better than most, know the havoc Discord can play on one's life," She assured, glancing back at the statue with an even expression.
"Havoc is a bit of an understatement, Princess," Rainbow Dash commented, floating with her forelegs crossed and glaring at the petrified god.
"I think her majesty is merely avoiding the C-word as it would only amuse him, Dear," Rarity mused as she approached with Pinkie Pie.
"What C-word? Cake? Concord? Cavities?...Clop?" Pinkie Pie asked curiously.
"Chaos, Pinkie, chaos," Rarity answered with an eye roll.
Celestia smiled slightly at the fashionista's shrewdness, before taking on a neutral expression, "I understand what I am about to ask of you may be too much, my little ponies, but...I have come here for you to free Discord," She explained calmly.
The long silence and wide eyes the ponies replied with was very much expected.
"Um...Princess?" Twilight spoke up after a moment, "May I...cast the spell to detect Changeling cloaking and mind control magic?" She requested awkwardly.
Celestia nodded in acceptance, having realized that this would be a paranoid yet logical assumption for them, with the Canterlot Wedding only a few months ago, "Of course, my student."
Twilight wiped her brow as she ignited her own horn with magic, making the royal guards tense instinctively. Celestia felt the small rush from her student's magic flowing over her, searching for any abnormalities.
The purple unicorn let out a sigh of relief as she found nothing, "She's the real Celestia," Twilight assured over her shoulders, Rainbow visibly un-tensing.
"I'm...afraid that raises more questions than answers, Your Highness," Rarity commented carefully, "Why in Equestria would you wish to free Discord?"
"Before I begin, where are Fluttershy and Applejack?" Celestia asked with a raised eyebrow. She'd rather not have to tell this more than once unless it was necessary.
"Fluttershy is helping AJ with some animal issue on the farm," Rainbow explained before falling into an awkward silence, "I...I'll go tell them to hurry up," She added on before speeding off.
"While they're on their way, may I inquire something, Princess?" Rarity asked diplomatically.
"Of course, Rarity," Celestia allowed with a nod.
"There's not some great and terrible force on the horizon so powerful that we need to ally ourselves with Discord, is there?" Rarity asked while looking very, very concerned.
Celestia smiled comfortingly, "No, Discord's release has nothing to do with any immediate threats. There are many reasons. A major one being that he agreed to our terms already," She answered.
"Huh? Discord's statue can talk?" Pinkie Pie asked curiously, suddenly on Discord's shoulder to the confusion of the guards, her ear next to his mouth, "Hey, I can hear the ocean!"
"Pinkie, get down from there," Twilight scolded lightly, levitating the party pony down, "...Can he, Princess?" she questioned curiously.
"Not his statue, no, but Discord was able to project his spirit to have a meeting," Celestia explained with a thoughtful look, "Part of his own terms involved you six."
"It did?" Twilight gulped lightly at the implications.
"Nothing unsavory, Twilight, I would never barter any of your lives in such a way," Celestia assured strongly, getting a smile from the trio, "While I don't expect Discord to give up many of his traits all together, I do believe that he is willing to be our ally."
"May I ask...why you believe that, Princess?" Twilight asked curiously.
"He had a very good sponsor," Celestia answered vaguely.
Before anypony could question the meaning of that, a multi-color blur came to the group, "We're here!" Rainbow declared, looking over her shoulder, Fluttershy and Applejack still running to them, "Okay, almost here," She self-corrected with an eye roll.
"S-sorry we took so long, Princess. Floodin back at the farm," Applejack apologized as the two finally arrived.
"It's quite alright, Applejack, Fluttershy," Celestia acknowledged with a nod to both of them, Fluttershy currently staring at the statue with wide eyes.
"So...what are we doin, exactly?" Applejack asked with a raised eyebrow.
"She wants us to unstone Discord because he said he'll be good now!" Pinkie Pie explained.
Applejack looked to Celestia in wide eyed confusion, "Not exactly that, but yes," She admitted solemnly.
"...Okay, I got to hear this one," Applejack said with a sigh.
"Believe me, I was hesitant to agree to it as well," Celestia assured, taking a moment to gather her thoughts, "...My sister and I were conversing one night in my room when we heard a most...unwelcome voice."
"Discord," Twilight guessed with a frown.
Celestia nodded, "We were stunned and alarmed, of course. Until we saw that he was a projection, a ghost if you will. A purple one for some reason," Celestia explained, muttering softly at the end.
"Huh...I'm a bit surprised he hasn't done this before to annoy ya, Princess," Applejack commented curiously.
"I had a similar thought. We were about to attempt to banish his presence, when Discord said something that grabbed out attention: I give up," Celestia continued on.
"...Wait, wait. Discord...surrendered?" Rainbow Dash asked in disbelief.
"I would have taken him as much too prideful to ever admit such a thing," Rarity agreed in surprise.
"We were equally stunned. None the less, Discord wanted to end the war he waged on Equestria and Harmony...on some conditions," Celestia narrated.
"Conditions? Is he really in a position to be making demands?" Twilight asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Luna wondered the same thing, but someone like Discord is not someone to consider lightly, Twilight. Turning him down completely would be tantamount to backing him into a corner and I'd rather not see the desperation of a god when he managed to break out again. A prospect I have no doubt would happen again, inevitably. Besides, he gave us two options in terms of overall arrangements," Celestia assured with a small smile.
"Options?" Fluttershy asked lightly with a head tilt.
"The first option was simpler. Unstone him, the war ends and he leaves Equestria entirely only to return if any of what he calls "cosmic business" brought him back here," Celestia explained.
"So...Discord out of our hair and gone forever?" Rainbow Dash summarized with a grin, "Sounds like a good plan to me."
"The OTHER option, however, is more complicated but holds a very tempting boon. It involved Discord willingly helping Ponykind and becoming a part of Equestria," Celestia added on, watching them all freeze and blink.
"Why...would he want that?" Twilight asked suspiciously.
"I'm personally not sure," Celestia confessed, looking admittedly curious, "But he did make an interesting claim: We have his interest."
"Huh? What the hay is THAT supposed to mean?" Applejack asked with a scowl.
"Discord more or less implied that he believed that his defeat a thousand years ago wasn't a win for Harmony or Friendship, but for two Alicorns super charged by six magic objects," Celestia elaborated meaningfully.
"...But since we did it, he's acknowledged the Magic of Friendship?" Twilight guessed with wide, curious eyes.
Celestia nodded, "Essentially yes. It has his interest at the least. Hence, he wishes to mainly deal with you six when not with myself or Luna, as it will give him insight into friendship. In either case, Discord has agreed to end the war regardless of which option is decided upon and consented to something of a...probationary period where we see if he can get along with Ponykind to an extent, to test which deal will work out best for us all."
"Excuse me, Princess, but what makes you so sure that Discord will keep his word?" Rarity asked curiously and cautiously.
"Yeah, the varmint isn't exactly known for being truthful," Applejack joined in.
Celestia chuckled lightly to herself, "It's a bit hard to explain, but we immortals know how to make contacts that are very binding. If Discord breaks the contract, his own magic will banish him from Equestria and not pleasantly," She assured.
"Should we know all the rules of the contract?" Twilight asked in concern, not wanting to really know what would happen if they broke the contract.
"Not to worry, my little ponies. The only part of the contract you six could currently affect is in fact the part about releasing him," Celestia explained, glancing away briefly, "Most other parts of it related more to my sister and myself."
"Oh, what'd you have to give him? The Sun?" Pinkie Pie asked curiously.
Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed at that, "Pinkie Pie, Princess Celestia would never-"
"Ahem."
Twilight went perfectly still as she slowly looked back at her mentor, "...Really?" She asked in disbelief.
"Only several eons from now when it has burnt out," Celestia assured in amusement.
Twilight let out a sigh of relief while Rainbow whistled, "Long con much?" She murmured in some curiosity.
"So...we let Discord free and then what? Just let him go about his business?" Rarity questioned doubtfully.
Celestia shook her head, "Discord intends to take up residence in the old castle in the Everfree in the near future, but for now, we all agree it's best to get ponies use to him and let them see he isn't a threat," She elaborated, "And what better assurance than having an Alicorn around?" she added on wryly.
"Wait, what?" Twilight asked in shock.
"Did you believe I would leave Discord alone with you right away?" Celestia asked with a head tilt.
"No!...Yes, kind of? I assumed you have important business?" Twilight answered sheepishly.
Celestia raised an amused eyebrow, "More important than overseeing our greatest former enemy assimilating into Equestria?"
"...Well, when you put it like that," Applejack admitted in slight amusement.
"In any case, my sister will be in charge for now with Fancy Pants aiding her," Celestia assured, "Is there anything else?"
"Yeah, do we have to be nice to him?" Rainbow asked with her hooves crossed.
Celestia shook her head, "No. There is no need to act on Discord's behalf. Remember, he is attempting to work with us, but no relationship founded on false behavior lasts."
Twilight shared a look with her friends. Fluttershy gave a very timid but visible nod while Rarity gave her consent with a graceful though somber nod of her own. Rainbow Dash sighed and rolled her eyes, her lack of objection being her acceptance. Applejack had a stern look on her face, but nodded all the same. Pinkie Pie just grinned and saluted.
"Okay, Princess. If you think it's worth giving him a chance, we'll try it," Twilight answered before looking confused, "Though...I'm not even sure how to unstone Discord with the Elements."
Celestia nodded in understanding, levitating the Elements out of the chest containing them, "That is a rather simple issue: Using the Elements again on him should be all that's needed to reverse the process," she explained, "And if it gives you any extra assurances, I put a spell on them. One I made that should keep Discord from being able to steal them."
"Here's hopin," Applejack murmured as the Princess magically passed each of the Elements out.
As the six stood around the statue, Celestia nodded to her guards. They reluctantly and grudgingly nodded before taking off back to Canterlot. Celestia had spoken to them beforehand and after Discord's last reign of chaos, they knew they could do little to aid in the event of the Draconequus going tyrant on them again. Still, that didn't mean they liked leaving their Princess on her own.
Mostly on her own, at least.
Celestia squinted her eyes as Twilight and her friends rose off the ground, Harmony's rainbow linking the six gems. She had never seen the Elements in action from an outside perspective before now and it was an admittedly mesmerizing thing to witness.
The rainbow engulfed the petrified god as cracks began to form on the stone until...
"...Did we goof?" Pinkie Pie asked with a head tilt after they came back to ground level, the statue still unchanged.
"Maybe the Elements just don't want to let him out?" Rainbow suggested with a shrug.
"No, the statue started to crack...," Twilight pointed out, rubbing her chin with her hoof, "Princess, is it entirely possible that Discord is...sleeping in there?"
"Oh, like I could sleep in there."
Everypony jumped and turned to see Discord...laying face up on the back of a mildly annoyed Celestia, using her mane like a pillow.
"Discord..." Celestia said warningly.
"Oh fine. But I call dibs on your couch tonight," He relented as he floated off the Alicorn before looking at the six ponies, "...Yo."
"Really? That's all you have to say?" Twilight asked blankly.
"Oh no, I have plenty more to say," He answered with a smirk as he started to give mock applause, "Really nice work with the Changelings and the Crystal Empire. Though, I suppose that was more Cadence's destiny than any of yours."
"You...you know about the Crystal Empire?" Fluttershy asked in confusion as the others glared at him to varying extents.
"My DEER little pegasus," Discord cooed toyingly as deer horns appeared on her head, "I could hardly call myself a god of chaos if I wasn't aware of a city made entirely of out of gems, a magical anti-weather artifact and the pony version of Annatar all returning," He pointed out with a smirk.
"Who?" Celestia asked with a raised eyebrow.
"No one you have to worry about unless you go dimension hoping," Discord answered with a wave of his claw.
"Discord, change Fluttershy back, now," Twilight demanded with a glare.
"Oh come on, you know they look good on her! She looks like...like...," Discord scowled in thought as he stroked his beard, "Ohh, what are the bunny version of Alicorns called again? The name is on the tip of my tongue..." He grinned as he remembered, "That it, wolpertingers!"
"Discord, I mean..." Twilight stopped as what he said registered, "Wait, is that...really a thing?" She asked curiously.
"Twilight!" Rainbow hissed in her ear.
"What, I'm curious!" Twilight defended in a whisper.
"Whispering loudly doesn't really help any," Discord pointed out in amusement, "And yes, that's a thing...or it was a thing at least," He confirmed, glancing to Celestia as he did so.
The Alicorn shrugged in response, "I haven't seen one in eight hundred years."
"Could we please get back to Mister Mismatch here fixing Fluttershy?" Rainbow persisted, pointing to the other pegasus, sitting on her haunches while feeling her new horns.
Discord rolled his eyes with an exasperated sigh, snapping his claws and removing the offending body part, "This is turning out to a lovely start," He murmured.
"Ponies generally don't respond well to having their bodies altered without their permission," Twilight explained evenly.
"Yet the "victim" was the one not complaining," Discord countered with air quotes, "Now, are we going to get this show on the road or are we going to stand around here being hostile and unwelcoming to Equestria's newest potential ally?"
Twilight looked to her mentor, who just tilted her head and gave the unicorn an expecting but encouraging look, "...Okay, look, Discord? Let's make this clear. We don't like you, and you don't like us-"
"Now who ever told you such a dreadful lie?" Discord interrupted with a smirk, "I adore you and your little band of misfit heroes, Twilight."
"Discord, be serious," Twilight requested in annoyance.
"I am," He answered bluntly, actually surprising them with how genuine it seemed, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to see how much you ponies have improved in making ice cream," He stated, floating off to town at a steady pace.
"Ohh, Ice cream!" Pinkie Pie cheered, pronking after him.
"Pinkie Pie!" Twilight, Applejack, and Rainbow scowled.
"I suppose one scoop won't hurt," Rarity mused, trotting passed them.
"Rarity?" Twilight asked in surprise.
"Darling, we're attempting to reintroduce Discord to Ponyville as an enemy-turned-friend. If he keeps his chaos to an acceptable level and doesn't intentionally disrupt anypony's day, then it is likely best to simply let him decide how today flows while we and the Princess accompany him to keep the townsponies calm and keep Discord from stepping too far out of line," She pointed out before continuing on.
"...Well, I guess I can't argue with that," Applejack relented, joining the fashionista.
"...I still don't like the guy," Rainbow murmured to herself before flying on after the slowly leaving group.
Fluttershy quietly walked along with the rest of her friends, occasionally rubbing where the horns had been on her head.
Twilight sighed as she looked up at the Princess, "...Are you sure this is a good idea?" She asked, trying not to sound whiny.
Celestia nodded solemnly, "In general, I'd prefer allies and friends over enemies, Twilight, but an immortal that outstrips any other living creature? One who could easily and utterly defeat us with just one misstep?" Celestia pointed out before shaking her head, "Besides...I welcomed Luna back with open hooves. If Discord desires another chance, I have to admit I'd feel a bit hypocritical to not consider it."
Twilight scowled, not sure if she wanted to argue that or even if she could. Ultimately, mentor and student moved to catch up with the group, both hoping for the best but mentally planning for the worst.
"Yeah, there's no way this could end badly," Spike commented dryly.
In retrospect, this was going pretty well as far as Twilight was concerned, despite Spike's snarky attitude. There were all sitting on a (Chaos-extended) bench, eating ice cream cones. And after the first few minutes, they were more or less relaxed. Celestia was at the far end with her own cone, followed by Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Spike, Twilight and finally Discord...who was sitting at normal height by having his body contort unnaturally under the gap beneath the side arm of the bench, his tail stretched out underneath said bench where it would occasionally tickle somepony's hooves.
They carefully ignored how everypony else was staring at them in varying mixes of shock and fear.
"Little dragon, I will stuff you back in your egg," Discord retorted with equal dryness, eating a cube of dark blue ice-cream.
"Discord!" Twilight hissed with a glare.
"What? That's the third time! I could make a joke out of the first two, but now it's just getting old," Discord pointed out with a scowl and a huff, "And it's not like I've done anything to warrant such skepticism."
"Yeah! Discord's been on super-duper best behavior so far," Pinkie Pie agreed with a grin.
"Discord, I must ask, what flavor is that?" Rarity asked with a head tilt, ignoring the squabbling around her.
"Cheese," He answered with a smirk.
"...But it's blue?" Rarity pointed out with a raised eyebrow.
"Blue cheese," Discord countered proudly, counting down his talons behind his back.
"Blue cheese doesn't look anything like that!" Twilight retorted with a scowl.
"There is just no pleasing you, is there?" Discord asked with an eye roll, "Be happy they were blue."
"Yeah, seriously, Twi?" Rainbow called from down the line, "I don't like the guy and even I got to say this is tame."
"I know, I know," Twilight admitted with a sigh, "It's just...How Do You Even Do That?!" Twilight demanded, glaring inquisitively at the Draconequus.
"Do what?" Discord asked in legitimate confusion, now holding a crowbar for some reason.
"That," She said, pointing to the crowbar, "I can cope with not understanding how your magic works, but I don't get how you can just perform magic, even when you don't snap your claws or anything!"
"Oh, that...," Discord realized thoughtfully, "Celly? You want to answer that one?"
"Celly?" Celestia asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Would you prefer K.K.?" He countered with a smirk.
"I'd rather not find out what that stands for," Celly answered evenly.
"Wait, Princess, you know how he does his hocus pocus?" Applejack asked curiously.
"I spent many years trying to understand Discord's magic," Celestia answered with a shrug, "One aspect I discovered is that his "snapping" is actually just a way to expel large amounts of magic into the atmosphere which he can then freely manipulate, causing it to dissipate at a much slower rate."
"What? But...that's..." Twilight started before looking very thoughtful, "Actually impressive," She admitted as she looked to Discord.
Who had paused in the middle of using the crowbar to pry open a square dirt "hatch" on the ground and was now staring at her owlishly.
"...I didn't even have to spike your ice cream for that," He murmured in interest before making the "hatch" snap open with a final push.
"What are you doing now?" Twilight asked, alarmed yet curious as they all leaned over, trying to get a look in the hole as Discord crawled a third of his length into it.
"My first good deed!" Discord declared, his voice echoing as the sound of many power tools emanated from the unnatural hatch, "This goes here...those there...YEOCH! That stings, hunk of*weeeeeRRRL* And now we're rolling with apple sauce!" He cheered as he pulled back his head, said appendage now covered in what looked like grease and oil...only it was green and red. Still, he looked satisfied, "There we go, that should last about a week."
The group and the onlookers just stared on in confusion.
"...What should last about a week?" Spike asked after a moment of silence.
"Its a tad complicated, but long story short? I put the sun on autopilot," Discord supplied with a grin.
"You did WHAT?!" Everyone yelled with varying emotions.
"What do you mean you put the sun on Autopilot?" Celestia demanded with a warning glare as she marched up to Discord slowly.
"I fixed some things so the day cycle will go about without you having to worry about it," Discord explained with a grin before he held his nose and blew like he was trying to pop his ears. Instead, all his scales and fur popped off to reveal a fresh, clean layer of them.
Twilight was about to complain about it getting in her ice-cream when they turned into sprinkles, deciding it wasn't worth interrupting at that point.
"And it'll go around in twenty-four hour cycles?" Celestia asked, eyeing him suspicious as she stood directly in front of him.
"Eh, give or take four minutes," He answered, waving his lion paw in a so-so fashion.
"No unnatural color changes or solar events?" She asked pointedly.
He shrugged at that, "You might have to keep it from wandering too far south or north, but it'll keep going west no matter what," He assured, wondering if he should just undo it if they were going to get so testy about it.
Celestia stared at him for a moment longer before doing something that would go down in history.
The Alicorn of the Sun gave the Draconequus of Chaos a hug.
And interestingly, Discord looked startled and confused as he stared at his fellow ageless, before looking to the six mares and one drake with a lost look on his face. Spike and Pinkie, being the first to recover, both gave the same advice in different form: Spike mouthing to hug her back while Pinkie actually hugged herself as an example.
The chimeric immortal looked back at the princess before patting her lightly on the withers.
"Thank you, Discord. It means a lot, not having to worry about the sun as much, even if only for a week," She spoke gratefully before finally releasing the embrace.
Discord sat rather awkwardly, before feigning a grin, "You're quite welcome, Princess. Who knows, maybe I'll arrange for you and that sister of yours to have a full month vacation one year."
Celestia smirked lightly at that, a rather knowing look about her, "I doubt we could afford whatever the cost that "generosity" would come with," She retorted before walking back to her seat.
Discord watched her go before looking back at the six mares and one drake next to him. They had been starring in disbelief, now they all looked confused, suspicious or strangely interested, "...What? She didn't put a kick-me sign on me, did she?" He asked, twisting his head around at a near-impossible angle to inspect said backside.
"Na, na, it's not that, it's just..." Applejack trailed off, not sure how to clarify it.
"It's funny that you have a problem with ponies in your personal space," Rainbow finished with a smirk.
Discord rolled his eyes, making them spin rapidly and slowly float away from him, "I do not have personal space issues," He rebuked indignantly as he caught his eyes and slammed them back into his sockets, "I just didn't expect it from her of all ponies. I'd expect it from Sparkles here before her," He added, tapping Twilight on the horn for emphasis.
"Really? How come?" Spike asked, legitimately curious now as Twilight batted Discord's claws away.
"After "Lesson Zero", I can see our little bookworm doing anything," Discord answered with a chuckle.
"Lesson Zero?" Twilight repeated with a raised eyebrow.
"Want It, Need It spell?" Discord supplied teasingly.
Twilight instantly went rigid before burying her face into her hooves.
Pinkie Pie, meanwhile, perked up, "Ohh you give nicknames for things that happened in our lives?" She asked in interest.
"Well, not like I have anything else to do in a statue," Discord answered with an eye roll, "I still remember "Party of One.""
Pinkie Pie instantly lost her eagerness, "Can we...not talk about that one?" She asked somberly.
"...Wait...does he mean that time Pinkie got a little crazy when we were avoiding her to make a surprise birthday party?" Rainbow Dash asked in alarm.
"I believe so, dear, why do you- ohhhhh!" Rarity realized with wide eyes as she looked to Discord in surprise.
"I'm not following. What's the issue- you have got to be bucking with me!? Really?! Even then?" Applejack yelled as she glared at Discord.
Celestia blinked as she suddenly realized what was alarming her ponies, "...Pinkie Pie's birthday was before the Grand Galloping Gala," She mused, eyeing Discord, who just looked amused by their reactions, "You've been keeping an eye on them even before you escaped your statue."
Pinkie Pie let out an over dramatic gasp while Spike nearly choked on his ice cream. Fluttershy was merely wide eyed and Twilight's jaw hung open while she slowly looked up at Discord
"Guilty," Discord answered unapologetically, even proudly.
"C-creep," Spike choked out.
"Maybe next time Celestia puts someone in stone for a thousand years, she'll give them some bucking DSL to pass the time," Discord suggested, getting confused looks from everyone. Not that he felt the need to explain, "Aaaand ice cream is done," He noted, seeing all the frozen dairy treats had been consumed, more or less, "Well, I think we've spooked the locals enough. Shall we move this to the Treebrary?" He suggested as he slithered out from the under the bench to stand at his full height.
"...Ohh, Tartarus take me!" Rainbow bemoaned, wiping a hoof over her face as she flew off the bench.
"What's the matter with you?" Spike asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Treebrary. It's too good not to use and I have to give that to him," Rainbow complained to Discord's amusement.
"We are not calling it that," Twilight protested tonelessly.
"Yes, yes we are," Rainbow refuted, matching the tone.
"I can get behind it," Spike admitted with a shrug.
"Does have a ring to it," Applejack agreed in jest.
As the ponies began their verbal squabble, Discord gave them a flat stare before glancing over at Celestia, sharing a look. He held up his paw, ready to snap while raising a questioning eyebrow at her. Celestia looked between him, his fingers, her subjects and back to him; finally, she shrugged.
With no more consent needed, Discord snapped his fingers, making them all vanish in a flash.
Ponies watched from all over at the now-normal bench. They kept watching until Lyra Heartstring ultimately retook it as her own, "Ahh, thought they'd never leave," She said as she relaxed into her regular biped-like sitting style.
Meanwhile
In retrospect, Celestia really wasn't surprised that the mortals in their group all landed on their backs, bellies, or flanks.
"Was that really necessary?" She asked dryly to him.
"Chaos," Discord answered with a shrug before holding up a purple tail, "I think you dropped this, Miss Prim," Discord commented, tossing it to the fashionista and landing the purple tuft of hair on her head. Rarity awkwardly took her tail with her magic and held it in its proper place; she was rewarded by it sticking.
"Flankhole," Applejack muttered as she pulled herself off the ground.
"Umm, everypony?" Fluttershy spoke up, looking around in concern, "Where's Spike?"
Twilight's eyes went wide as she immediate ducked her head down to look for any signs of her small assistant. She even looked on her own withers in case he was sitting there. Seeing he truly was missing, she turned to glare at Discord. Before he could produce the reptile or make a witty comment, he suddenly found a stack of large books in front of him, all the way to his neck, a stack Twilight teleported herself onto, horn glowing and looking ready to strike down a god, "Where. Is. My. Drakeling?" She demanded with a rarely seen rage.
"Uh-oh, call the fire department! She's going Firelight!" Pinkie whispered loudly to the others.
Discord stared at the unicorn for the long moment before giving a small smirk of approval. Saying nothing at all, he flicked her horn...
Making her fold open at the side like a suitcase or chest. Twilight was understandably alarmed and even a bit scared, as were the rest of the ponies, as Discord reached inside her and pulled out a wheezing Spike, "Finally! I thought that cabbage was going to finish me off!" Spike declared with wide eyes as Twilight's body seamlessly closed.
Shaking off her disturbance, Twilight immediately grasped Spike in her magic and embraced him in a hug, "Spike! Are you okay? He didn't hurt you, did he?" Twilight asked in concern.
"Twilight? Huh, yeah, I'm fine. Just...uh, not going bowling for a while," he commented vaguely.
Twilight didn't know what to make of that. A snap of talons in the air and she was back on the floor with Spike, the tower of books gone and hopefully back in their proper places. The purple mare glared up at the Draconequus again, pointing a hoof at him, "Never, do that, again," She ordered sternly.
"What?" Discord asked, looking confused, "What'd I do?" he asked, looking to the rest.
"You used Twilight as a portal to another dimension," Rainbow answered flatly.
"Yeah, most ponies aren't going to be comfortable with you doing stuff like that to them," Applejack seconded with a nod.
"...Why?"
The fact that Discord actually seemed to be genuine in his confusion threw them all for a loop.
"Wait...you really don't see anything wrong with that?" Spike asked with a head tilt.
"Yeah, you pulled Spike right out of Twilight!" Pinkie Pie pointed out, sounding more amused than upset.
"So? Mares have babies coming out of them all the time!" Discord defended.
Absolute silence rang throughout the room at that...until Celestia started snickering.
"Princess!?" Twilight squeaked in horror.
"I-I'm sorry, but you trotted head first into that one, my little ponies," She apologized, even as she kept giggling.
"Can I laugh too?" Pinkie Pie asked with a head tilt, "Actually, I'm sorry, I can't ho-HAHAHAH!"
Rarity, Twilight, Spike, Rainbow and Applejack stared at the two laughing ponies with slight surprise before hearing a softer set of giggles, "...Really, Flutters? You too?" Rainbow asked in disbelief.
"I-I'm sorry, but I've h-helped animals give birth, hehehe," she explained gently.
"I'm...I'm going to pretend this never happened," Spike grumbled with a sigh. While he didn't know what giving birth looked like, he REALLY didn't want his young brain filling in the blanks while imagining Twilight giving birth to him.
Discord just chuckled, reaching down to ruffle Spike's scaly head, "Well, if Celestia thinks I'm funny, not even you ponies can deny it!" he declared in playful triumph.
Rarity sighed, "I suppose I can see the humor in it, even if it's not to my tastes," She relented.
"I'll bring you back some of my material from Canterlot another time," Discord promised in amusement as he stroked his beard.
"...Hey, Discord, why'd you want to bring us here anyway?" Rainbow asked in begrudging curiosity.
"Hm? Oh, no reason, I just thought you would all relax more with me away from the public for a little bit," He explained with a shrug.
"...Your capacity for the consideration of others seems to vary a lot," Twilight noted dryly.
"What? You lot being uncomfortable about me out in the open is simple enough. Getting worked up over a little magic seems a bit strange coming from the Element Of MagicAnd Unicorn Student Of Celestia," Discord explained, emphasizing the final words.
Twilight's eyebrow twitched as Pinkie leaned over to her, "Does he have a point? Or a curve?" Pinkie whispered inquiringly.
Twilight just sighed in resignation, not even sure how to refute that properly, "Discord, you know that stuff bothers ponies, that's why you do it!" Twilight counter argued.
"Nooooo, I do it because I know it bothers you and THAT doesn't make sense," Discord countered matter-of-factly.
"...Say what now?" Applejack asked with a raised eyebrow.
Rarity cleared her throat at that, "I believe he's saying that to him, it seems odd we take such issue with his lesser displays of magical mischief when ponies are capable of similar things."
"Ten points to Unicorn!" Discord declared, his talon raised in the air as four hour glasses formed behind him. Each with a symbol of the four races and color-coded sand: Red for Earth ponies, blue for pegasi, purple for unicorn, and yellow for Alicorns, "But, yes, you ponies do need to loosen up. I'm not changing the dirt into chocolate sprinkles or putting some homes in the sky like they just got a divorce with gravity."
"Well, how would you like it if somepony messed with your body?" Spike asked with a scowl.
Discord scowled at the drake, clearly unimpressed, as he reached up...and removed his lion arm, the separation seamless and without a wound. They gaped, watching the claws wiggle as he held it out, "So, who wants it?" He asked with a smirk, "Come on, I can go one armed for a day."
"...Discord, put your arm back on," Twilight requested with a suffering sigh as he shrugged before obliging the purple pony.
"...Ohhhh, crud," Rainbow groaned as she wiped a hoof over her face, "I...I think I actually understand what's going on here."
"...Wait, seriously?" Twilight asked in surprise, everypony looking to Rainbow skeptically, even Celestia.
"Yeah, just...give me a moment with him," Rainbow said as she flew over to Discord.
"...We having a moment?" Discord asked with a raised eyebrow with his arms crossed.
"Probably," Rainbow admitted with an eye roll, "Look big guy, I don't like you, obviously, but I do get it: You have something you love, just love to do. Something that is as simple as breathing to you but way more fun, exhilarating and fulfilling. And you can't help enjoying just about everything related to it. But...back before I left Cloudsdale, all my friends were pegasi," She explained.
"I'm aware," Discord answered with a flick of his talon.
"And you're still a huge creep for that! But me and some other kids use to prank some towns by messing with the clouds. Like, a lot. We didn't think we were doing anything wrong since we could clean it up in twenty minutes top- I was a bit of a slow poke back then, obviously. Anyway, it took me a while to realize that we were really, REALLY freaking out the earth ponies and unicorns because they couldn't do much about it and thought worse might be happening, like a tornado or something," Rainbow explained with a sigh, obviously not liking the similarities she saw, "And as much as I hate to admit it, you have the same problem I did in that regard; It's really easy to forget the things you can naturally do are something that some others are completely unable to do anything about. It was even easier for me to forget because I usually didn't think much about others not having wings because I just saw another pony. If I had to guess, I'd bet you forget that just because we can use magic to mess with the world, it's not on your scale. Right?"
"..." Discord paused to look around the hovering mare in front of him and towards the others, "Are you SURE she's not the smart one?" He joked, jabbing a thumb at Rainbow.
"Wait...she's right?" Twilight asked with wide eyes. It made sense; it made a LOT of sense. But...was it really that simple?
"Do we need a party for this?" Pinkie asked curiously.
"Oh no, that's just part of it," Discord answered, patting Rainbow on the head condescendingly as he did so. The rainbow-colored mare scowled at him as she flew back to her friends, "Celestia over there figured that out a thousand years ago, actually," He informed, giving Rainbow a curious look, "You know, you kind of remind me of her back then."
"Wait, say what?" Rainbow exclaimed in surprise, looking back to the Alicorn, who was giving Discord an eye roll.
"The princess? Like Rainbow?" Rarity asked skeptically.
"I...I'm sorry, I can't even imagine it," Twilight admitted with wide eyes.
"I'll admit that I had my younger, headstrong days before settling into being a Princess," Celestia answered with little issue, "Still, yes, I've long since believed Discord has lapses in realizing what mortals find too...uncomfortable, but that couldn't account for all his actions."
"As if I'd have such a simple, straightforward flaw," Discord answered before scowling in mock disappointment, "Well, I suppose that playing chimeric body swap poker is out of the question?"
"...We have a lot of work ahead of us," Twilight said neutrally.
"Well, it's not like some of us don't have problems respecting personal space," Spike mused dryly, "So, anypony got any ideas how to entertain a god of chaos?"
"How about Risk?" Pinkie Pie suggested, producing the board game...from her mane.
"See! Right there! Why doesn't she get any flack for that?" Discord asked with a mock pout, "....And I call Austallion!"
The battle was long and treacherous for the forces of Marentina. Their armies were small and their enemies many, and had dug in strong in these lands. But they held strong and prevailed, whipping out the horde of Bitzil defenders in their homela-
"For the love of all things awesome! Twilight! Stop, WINNING!" Rainbow roared in frustration as she leaned over the board, practically seething at the unfairness of it all.
"Darn, Dash, it's just a game," Applejack reprimanded with a raised eyebrow.
"I thought you were enjoying this, Dear?" Rarity asked with an unamused look, glancing down at the board.
As to be expected, Discord had animated the board so that the pieces would form into troops and do battle dependent on the roll of the dice. The fighting was quite detailed and occasionally humorous.
"I was, until Twilight's three dice somehow curb-stomped my twenty-four stack army and broke my bonus!" Rainbow lamented, scowling as she watched Twilight's troops march over the corpses of her soldiers, giving the unicorn all of South Amareica. "Discord, your magic rigged the game!"
"Hey, hey, don't look at me! You saw what Pinkie did to my massive invasion force!" Discord reminded, glaring down at the area of Equusia like it was a plague upon his house.
"Sorry Discord, but your armies stood no chance against the Schwerer Party Canon!" Pinkie Pie declared diabolically before deflating sadly, "And then Twilight steamrolled us."
"I'm sorry! I don't know any dice tricks, I swear!" Twilight apologized profusely, part amused and part confused by her illogical success.
Rarity rolled her eyes, "Well, I suppose I and Applejack might as well as forfeit," she mused, having only a few armies in Saddle Arabia.
"Yeah, I can see the writing on the wall, and this game was getting a bit old," Applejack agreed with a yawn as she stood to stretch.
"Still, that was...fun," Spike said with a small grin, having played a few rounds as well to fill in for the mostly non-combative Fluttershy, "Can you do stuff like that with other games?"
"Little drakeling, this is the least I can do to enhance gaming. Literally the least," Discord answered with a smirk as he snapped his fingers, dispelling the game's enchantments and returning the pieces to normal, "Might even make my own gaming business one of these days."
"...I can't see you going through the legal paper work," Twilight said after a moment of thought. "In any case, while it was a nice experience, I kind of wish there was more strategy to it than luck and mass piling your troops," she commented idly.
"Oh?" Discord asked with a wicked grin forming on his face, "You mean like chess?"
"...I can tell that you don't mean contemporary chess," Rarity commented as most of them gave him wary looks.
"Oh don't worry, I'm not going to be making up any rules or anything," He assured wickedly, rubbing his paw and talons together as he made a new board appeared. It looked like a standard chess board, except the cubes were all grey and brown, and all the pieces was wedge-shaped pieces of wood with small writing on them.
"What the hay?" Rainbow asked in confusion as they gathered around it.
"I know this," Twilight said with a smirk, expecting a bit more. "Shogi? Neighpanese Chess?"
"Oh, good! I was afraid I'd have to cram the basics into your skull," Discord exclaimed with merriment, applauding her with some honest sincerity. "Now, keep up Twilight Sparkle. Do you know this?" he inquired challenging as the board expanded.
"Chu Shogi, or Middle Chess, the twelve by twelve variation with each player having forty-six pieces of twenty-one different types," Twilight recognized effortlessly.
"Twenty-!? How the buck do you remember that many moves?!" Rainbow asked in disbelief.
"It took me forever to stop getting the bishops and the knights mixed up," Applejack agreed with wide eyes.
"My, you did a good job with this one, Celestia. Well cultured and everything," Discord praised, glancing to the Alicorn sitting quietly off to the side of the room, watching the goings-on with amusement and curiosity.
"She always was one for a challenge, and she caught on quickly," Celestia praised with a fond, nostalgic chuckle, "Then the staff stopped playing with her."
"Well it's not like they'll get any better if they don't try," Twilight muttered to herself with a pout.
"Well, try these horseshoes on for size," Discord challenged as the board expanded even more, making the ponies move away from the sides and stand on Twilight's end of things..
"Oh come on! You can't tell me somepony made a chess game this big!" Rainbow cried out.
"You know Maka Dai Dai Shogi?" Twilight asked with a small grin, her eyes lighting up in glee.
"I remember this...," Spike said with a gulp, "Ultra-Huge Chess. Nineteen by nineteen board with over ninety pieces to both players with fifty different moves to memorize. Ugh, buck! I suppressed my memories of trying to learn this."
"Wow, someponies really loved this game," Pinkie Pie commented in amazement. "I mean, I love games as much as the next pony, but this would be a super-duper long game."
"It was also extremely relaxing for me, the few times I could play it," Twilight said with a fond smile, "But I only know three ponies that can play this game, including my brother and Princess Celestia. So I didn't get to play it often."
"You can add me to that list now. Along with Chrysalis, believe it or not. And you've seen nothing yet, Pinkie," Discord said as the board expanded even more.
Now Twilight looked uncomfortable, "Tai Shogi, Grand Chess, the biggest one at twenty-five by twenty-five squares. The only one I didn't have time to learn, I'm afraid. One-hundred seventy-seven pieces was just a bit too much for me."
"...By the sun, that's a lot of pieces," Rarity whispered with a open, drying mouth.
"Its okay, Sugarcube, most of us would have gone comatose just thinking about this," Applejack commented, looking at the board ominously.
"Hehe...hahaha," Discord chuckled to himself. Unseen by the others, Celestia giggled as well.
"Whats so funny, big guy?" Rainbow asked suspiciously.
"Oh, it's nothing, just that...this is NOT the biggest game of chess, Twilight," Discord informed with an almost twisted grin.
"It's...not?" Twilight asked in confusion, somewhere between dread and wonder in her voice.
Discord smirked as the board now got absurdly long, the girls going wide eyed as even Twilight took a step back from the overwhelming size of the board, now almost as long as all of them standing side by side.
"Oh my...," Fluttershy whimpered as her eyes looked over the horde of squares and pieces, like they might swallow them all up.
"That's...that's no chess game," Rainbow stuttered with wide eyes. "It's more like a bucking war map!"
"A...a game like this could takes weeks or even months to play," Twilight commented numbly.
Across the many hundreds of pieces and tiles, Discord's smirk was almost predatory, "May I introduce, Taikyoku Shogi. The Ultimate Chess-"
"Thirty-six by thirty-six with four-hundred and two pieces of two-hundred and nine variations with a total of two-hundred and fifty-three moves to remember."
All eyes turned to Celestia as she walked up to the board, Twilight silently moving aside as she watched her teacher with a renewed sense of amazement. The solar Alicorn smiled her poker smile as she looked over the large board, the literal army of pieces.
"The biggest, most complicated version of chess known to have existed with no recorded matches of it ever being played," Celestia mused as she held up a piece in her magic. A piece labeled Ryume. "May I have this match, Old One?"
Discord crossed his arms and rose to be staring down at the princess. "It would be my pleasure, Little Sun," he accepted, holding a piece sticking out between his talons: Temma.
As the two immortals stared each other down with competitive yet not unfriendly gazes, the six mares and one drake stared on with wide eyes.
For Applejack and Rarity it was just marveling over how anypony could play such a large and convoluted game. So many pieces and spaces to keep track of, so many moves and rules to remember.
Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie was just trying to tell if Discord and Celestia were having fun or if they were about to vent old grudges. Because while both could be good for the immortal pair, it would be best to...steer clear of the Lord of Chaos and Alicorn of the Sun if their emotions were about to run wild.
But it was a bit different for Twilight, Rainbow, and Spike. Those three all stared on with Spike swallowing nervously. It was like staring at a the back of a great Equine Queen with her divine army, looking over a field as they prepared to do battle with the Chimeric King and his hybrid horde.
It was a rather imposing scene on their imaginations. One Twilight herself couldn't help wondering if that scene had been true, once upon a time.
She decided she probably didn't want to know.
"But another time," Discord said mirthfully, dispelling the atmosphere as the entire game vanished. "After all, we don't want to bore these younglings with two old farts playing some ancient game," he mused playfully.
Celestia laughed as well, "But of course, Discord. I'm sure I can work in an hour or so every day. Besides, this time is meant for you to learn to get along with the everyday ponies of Equestria."
"...Celly, you're the Pony of EVERY day," Discord reminded wryly.
Celestia mock grimaced, "I trotted into that one."
"Yes, you did. Now that the M.O.M. is over...I'm at a bit of a loss on what to suggest," Discord commented. Truthfully that was a lie, but he figured it was a bit better to let these girls propose things that would be more acceptable to mortal standards. That and he was saving movie night for a special occasion.
"M.O.M?" Twilight asked curiously.
"Mortal Overreaction Moment," Celestia answered with a playful smile.
"...Huh?" was the universal response.
"It's what we immortals call it when you with finite lifespans read too much into what we do," Discord explained with a smirk. "Like the whole smiting thing. You have any idea how often that's usually just a misfire? Wrong place, wrong time? It's like hitting someone with a baseball to us."
"Or when they started thinking the eclipse was a sign of me having an incestuous love affair with my sister," Celestia muttered with a scowl.
"I think that was more wishful thinking on the part of malekind," Discord remarked, wiggling his eyebrows before his own annoyance emerged. "That's still not nearly as bad as the time I was accused of eating little fillies for breakfast: I cursed one village back into infancy, ONE!"
"And don't get me started on the kinky stuff," Celestia says, shaking her head in sympathy. "Griffal and his mate mutually enjoyed him tying her up, suddenly mortals think every relationship he had was abusive or rape."
"I swear that those are because some mortals refuse to believe that their respective "pure" goddesses could A, be into something kinky, or B, would willing to be with a god their worshipers didn't like," Discord contemplated dryly. "Not to mention when some ponies think that us playing a game somehow equates to a war," Discord elaborated with a chuckle as the mortals looked either uncomfortable or confused.
"...Huh, I guess all those old ponytales are just slander and, what's that term, Twilight? Propanda?" Applejack asked curiously.
"Propaganda," Twilight answered automatically, never blinking. "So...you two aren't about to settle ancient grudges with some kind of magic shogi game?"
"..." The two immortals stared at her for a moment before looking towards each other. "Her whole family is just a bucking herd of nerds, aren't they?" Discord guessed flatly, a smirk on the edge of his mouth.
"Heeeeey!" Twilight called with a glare that was almost a pout.
"Discord, I can say this honestly: You have NO idea," Celestia answered with a giggle of amusement.
"Prinnnncessss," Twilight whined at the small betrayal.
The childish outburst from the normally serious Twilight proved too much for her friends, who all started to snicker and laugh. Except for one.
"I hate how much me and him have in common," Rainbow grumbled with an eye twitch and crossed front hooves, refusing to laugh no matter how much she wanted to.
"We-well, if ya'll are done with board games, and we already rustled up some ice cream, maybe we should do something outside, like a sport maybe?" Applejack suggested.
"Unless any of you want to go adventuring, I'm in," Discord agreed with a shrug.
"Wait, seriously?" Rainbow asked in surprise.
"I believe it's a bit too early in this endeavor, and late in the day, for adventures," Celestia retorted, amused all the same.
"No offense, but are you even that...physically capable without magic, Discord?" Rarity asked with a raised eyebrow.
Discord gave her a very level stare, making her regret her words instantly. "Okay, that's it, we're playing Dodgeball," Discord declared with a clap of his forelimbs.
The group of nine suddenly found themselves on a field outside of Ponyville, where the floor of a gym inexplicable was. All of them were wearing orange and blue jerseys, even Celestia. Discord even had on blue shorts while Celestia's wavy mane was held back in a headband.
"Must we?" Rarity asked flatly.
"It's going to be two against All, so, yes," Discord answered with a grin before holding up Spike from nowhere, who looked very confused as he was plopped down into a referee chair. "Except you, Spike, you get to be the referee."
"...Wait, so I get to watch you all clobber each other with dodge balls?" Spike asked, suddenly finding a bag of popcorn and a cup of soda in his claws. "Sweeet," he said with a grin.
"This is going to be a bit unfair, even without a Chaos Lord involved," Rainbow commented.
"Yeah, have you seen how many apples Twilight can get off at once?" Pinkie Pie asked with a grin. Everyone stared at Pinkie Pie, while Twilight and Applejack blushed in mortification. "What, what'd I say?" Pinkie inquired in supposed confusion.
"...Shelving that for later discussion," Discord decided with a smirk. "Okay, but yes, I'll level us all a bit: There are magic walls so we don't have to worry about the balls getting thrown out. No teleporting. We winged may still fly, but no higher than my height. Magic can only hold two balls at a time."
"But you said two against all," Spike commented curiously. "Who's your teammate?"
"That's the fun part: The rest of you get to pick between Celestia...and Pinkie Pie," Discord answered with a smirk.
"Oh my," Fluttershy said in worry.
"Now this will be interesting," Celestia mused with a mischievous smile.
"So, Team Ancient or Team Chaos," Rainbow summarized blankly.
"In other words, we're just voting the kind of bucking we'll be receiving," Applejack stated.
"Well, not the kind Twilight has been giving you," Discord teased, spinning a dodgeball on his talons.
Applejack was about to retort but wisely chose to say nothing, Pinkie Pie patting her on the withers. "You kind of trotted into that one, Jacky," Pinkie comforted with a sympathetic smile.