First Good Deed
"Yeah, there's no way this could end badly," Spike commented dryly.
In retrospect, this was going pretty well as far as Twilight was concerned, despite Spike's snarky attitude. There were all sitting on a (Chaos-extended) bench, eating ice cream cones. And after the first few minutes, they were more or less relaxed. Celestia was at the far end with her own cone, followed by Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Spike, Twilight and finally Discord...who was sitting at normal height by having his body contort unnaturally under the gap beneath the side arm of the bench, his tail stretched out underneath said bench where it would occasionally tickle somepony's hooves.
They carefully ignored how everypony else was staring at them in varying mixes of shock and fear.
"Little dragon, I will stuff you back in your egg," Discord retorted with equal dryness, eating a cube of dark blue ice-cream.
"Discord!" Twilight hissed with a glare.
"What? That's the third time! I could make a joke out of the first two, but now it's just getting old," Discord pointed out with a scowl and a huff, "And it's not like I've done anything to warrant such skepticism."
"Yeah! Discord's been on super-duper best behavior so far," Pinkie Pie agreed with a grin.
"Discord, I must ask, what flavor is that?" Rarity asked with a head tilt, ignoring the squabbling around her.
"Cheese," He answered with a smirk.
"...But it's blue?" Rarity pointed out with a raised eyebrow.
"Blue cheese," Discord countered proudly, counting down his talons behind his back.
"Blue cheese doesn't look anything like that!" Twilight retorted with a scowl.
"There is just no pleasing you, is there?" Discord asked with an eye roll, "Be happy they were blue."
"Yeah, seriously, Twi?" Rainbow called from down the line, "I don't like the guy and even I got to say this is tame."
"I know, I know," Twilight admitted with a sigh, "It's just...How Do You Even Do That?!" Twilight demanded, glaring inquisitively at the Draconequus.
"Do what?" Discord asked in legitimate confusion, now holding a crowbar for some reason.
"That," She said, pointing to the crowbar, "I can cope with not understanding how your magic works, but I don't get how you can just perform magic, even when you don't snap your claws or anything!"
"Oh, that...," Discord realized thoughtfully, "Celly? You want to answer that one?"
"Celly?" Celestia asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Would you prefer K.K.?" He countered with a smirk.
"I'd rather not find out what that stands for," Celly answered evenly.
"Wait, Princess, you know how he does his hocus pocus?" Applejack asked curiously.
"I spent many years trying to understand Discord's magic," Celestia answered with a shrug, "One aspect I discovered is that his "snapping" is actually just a way to expel large amounts of magic into the atmosphere which he can then freely manipulate, causing it to dissipate at a much slower rate."
"What? But...that's..." Twilight started before looking very thoughtful, "Actually impressive," She admitted as she looked to Discord.
Who had paused in the middle of using the crowbar to pry open a square dirt "hatch" on the ground and was now staring at her owlishly.
"...I didn't even have to spike your ice cream for that," He murmured in interest before making the "hatch" snap open with a final push.
"What are you doing now?" Twilight asked, alarmed yet curious as they all leaned over, trying to get a look in the hole as Discord crawled a third of his length into it.
"My first good deed!" Discord declared, his voice echoing as the sound of many power tools emanated from the unnatural hatch, "This goes here...those there...YEOCH! That stings, hunk of*weeeeeRRRL* And now we're rolling with apple sauce!" He cheered as he pulled back his head, said appendage now covered in what looked like grease and oil...only it was green and red. Still, he looked satisfied, "There we go, that should last about a week."
The group and the onlookers just stared on in confusion.
"...What should last about a week?" Spike asked after a moment of silence.
"Its a tad complicated, but long story short? I put the sun on autopilot," Discord supplied with a grin.
"You did WHAT?!" Everyone yelled with varying emotions.
"What do you mean you put the sun on Autopilot?" Celestia demanded with a warning glare as she marched up to Discord slowly.
"I fixed some things so the day cycle will go about without you having to worry about it," Discord explained with a grin before he held his nose and blew like he was trying to pop his ears. Instead, all his scales and fur popped off to reveal a fresh, clean layer of them.
Twilight was about to complain about it getting in her ice-cream when they turned into sprinkles, deciding it wasn't worth interrupting at that point.
"And it'll go around in twenty-four hour cycles?" Celestia asked, eyeing him suspicious as she stood directly in front of him.
"Eh, give or take four minutes," He answered, waving his lion paw in a so-so fashion.
"No unnatural color changes or solar events?" She asked pointedly.
He shrugged at that, "You might have to keep it from wandering too far south or north, but it'll keep going west no matter what," He assured, wondering if he should just undo it if they were going to get so testy about it.
Celestia stared at him for a moment longer before doing something that would go down in history.
The Alicorn of the Sun gave the Draconequus of Chaos a hug.
And interestingly, Discord looked startled and confused as he stared at his fellow ageless, before looking to the six mares and one drake with a lost look on his face. Spike and Pinkie, being the first to recover, both gave the same advice in different form: Spike mouthing to hug her back while Pinkie actually hugged herself as an example.
The chimeric immortal looked back at the princess before patting her lightly on the withers.
"Thank you, Discord. It means a lot, not having to worry about the sun as much, even if only for a week," She spoke gratefully before finally releasing the embrace.
Discord sat rather awkwardly, before feigning a grin, "You're quite welcome, Princess. Who knows, maybe I'll arrange for you and that sister of yours to have a full month vacation one year."
Celestia smirked lightly at that, a rather knowing look about her, "I doubt we could afford whatever the cost that "generosity" would come with," She retorted before walking back to her seat.
Discord watched her go before looking back at the six mares and one drake next to him. They had been starring in disbelief, now they all looked confused, suspicious or strangely interested, "...What? She didn't put a kick-me sign on me, did she?" He asked, twisting his head around at a near-impossible angle to inspect said backside.
"Na, na, it's not that, it's just..." Applejack trailed off, not sure how to clarify it.
"It's funny that you have a problem with ponies in your personal space," Rainbow finished with a smirk.
Discord rolled his eyes, making them spin rapidly and slowly float away from him, "I do not have personal space issues," He rebuked indignantly as he caught his eyes and slammed them back into his sockets, "I just didn't expect it from her of all ponies. I'd expect it from Sparkles here before her," He added, tapping Twilight on the horn for emphasis.
"Really? How come?" Spike asked, legitimately curious now as Twilight batted Discord's claws away.
"After "Lesson Zero", I can see our little bookworm doing anything," Discord answered with a chuckle.
"Lesson Zero?" Twilight repeated with a raised eyebrow.
"Want It, Need It spell?" Discord supplied teasingly.
Twilight instantly went rigid before burying her face into her hooves.
Pinkie Pie, meanwhile, perked up, "Ohh you give nicknames for things that happened in our lives?" She asked in interest.
"Well, not like I have anything else to do in a statue," Discord answered with an eye roll, "I still remember "Party of One.""
Pinkie Pie instantly lost her eagerness, "Can we...not talk about that one?" She asked somberly.
"...Wait...does he mean that time Pinkie got a little crazy when we were avoiding her to make a surprise birthday party?" Rainbow Dash asked in alarm.
"I believe so, dear, why do you- ohhhhh!" Rarity realized with wide eyes as she looked to Discord in surprise.
"I'm not following. What's the issue- you have got to be bucking with me!? Really?! Even then?" Applejack yelled as she glared at Discord.
Celestia blinked as she suddenly realized what was alarming her ponies, "...Pinkie Pie's birthday was before the Grand Galloping Gala," She mused, eyeing Discord, who just looked amused by their reactions, "You've been keeping an eye on them even before you escaped your statue."
Pinkie Pie let out an over dramatic gasp while Spike nearly choked on his ice cream. Fluttershy was merely wide eyed and Twilight's jaw hung open while she slowly looked up at Discord
"Guilty," Discord answered unapologetically, even proudly.
"C-creep," Spike choked out.
"Maybe next time Celestia puts someone in stone for a thousand years, she'll give them some bucking DSL to pass the time," Discord suggested, getting confused looks from everyone. Not that he felt the need to explain, "Aaaand ice cream is done," He noted, seeing all the frozen dairy treats had been consumed, more or less, "Well, I think we've spooked the locals enough. Shall we move this to the Treebrary?" He suggested as he slithered out from the under the bench to stand at his full height.
"...Ohh, Tartarus take me!" Rainbow bemoaned, wiping a hoof over her face as she flew off the bench.
"What's the matter with you?" Spike asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Treebrary. It's too good not to use and I have to give that to him," Rainbow complained to Discord's amusement.
"We are not calling it that," Twilight protested tonelessly.
"Yes, yes we are," Rainbow refuted, matching the tone.
"I can get behind it," Spike admitted with a shrug.
"Does have a ring to it," Applejack agreed in jest.
As the ponies began their verbal squabble, Discord gave them a flat stare before glancing over at Celestia, sharing a look. He held up his paw, ready to snap while raising a questioning eyebrow at her. Celestia looked between him, his fingers, her subjects and back to him; finally, she shrugged.
With no more consent needed, Discord snapped his fingers, making them all vanish in a flash.
Ponies watched from all over at the now-normal bench. They kept watching until Lyra Heartstring ultimately retook it as her own, "Ahh, thought they'd never leave," She said as she relaxed into her regular biped-like sitting style.
Meanwhile
In retrospect, Celestia really wasn't surprised that the mortals in their group all landed on their backs, bellies, or flanks.
"Was that really necessary?" She asked dryly to him.
"Chaos," Discord answered with a shrug before holding up a purple tail, "I think you dropped this, Miss Prim," Discord commented, tossing it to the fashionista and landing the purple tuft of hair on her head. Rarity awkwardly took her tail with her magic and held it in its proper place; she was rewarded by it sticking.
"Flankhole," Applejack muttered as she pulled herself off the ground.
"Umm, everypony?" Fluttershy spoke up, looking around in concern, "Where's Spike?"
Twilight's eyes went wide as she immediate ducked her head down to look for any signs of her small assistant. She even looked on her own withers in case he was sitting there. Seeing he truly was missing, she turned to glare at Discord. Before he could produce the reptile or make a witty comment, he suddenly found a stack of large books in front of him, all the way to his neck, a stack Twilight teleported herself onto, horn glowing and looking ready to strike down a god, "Where. Is. My. Drakeling?" She demanded with a rarely seen rage.
"Uh-oh, call the fire department! She's going Firelight!" Pinkie whispered loudly to the others.
Discord stared at the unicorn for the long moment before giving a small smirk of approval. Saying nothing at all, he flicked her horn...
Making her fold open at the side like a suitcase or chest. Twilight was understandably alarmed and even a bit scared, as were the rest of the ponies, as Discord reached inside her and pulled out a wheezing Spike, "Finally! I thought that cabbage was going to finish me off!" Spike declared with wide eyes as Twilight's body seamlessly closed.
Shaking off her disturbance, Twilight immediately grasped Spike in her magic and embraced him in a hug, "Spike! Are you okay? He didn't hurt you, did he?" Twilight asked in concern.
"Twilight? Huh, yeah, I'm fine. Just...uh, not going bowling for a while," he commented vaguely.
Twilight didn't know what to make of that. A snap of talons in the air and she was back on the floor with Spike, the tower of books gone and hopefully back in their proper places. The purple mare glared up at the Draconequus again, pointing a hoof at him, "Never, do that, again," She ordered sternly.
"What?" Discord asked, looking confused, "What'd I do?" he asked, looking to the rest.
"You used Twilight as a portal to another dimension," Rainbow answered flatly.
"Yeah, most ponies aren't going to be comfortable with you doing stuff like that to them," Applejack seconded with a nod.
"...Why?"
The fact that Discord actually seemed to be genuine in his confusion threw them all for a loop.
"Wait...you really don't see anything wrong with that?" Spike asked with a head tilt.
"Yeah, you pulled Spike right out of Twilight!" Pinkie Pie pointed out, sounding more amused than upset.
"So? Mares have babies coming out of them all the time!" Discord defended.
Absolute silence rang throughout the room at that...until Celestia started snickering.
"Princess!?" Twilight squeaked in horror.
"I-I'm sorry, but you trotted head first into that one, my little ponies," She apologized, even as she kept giggling.
"Can I laugh too?" Pinkie Pie asked with a head tilt, "Actually, I'm sorry, I can't ho-HAHAHAH!"
Rarity, Twilight, Spike, Rainbow and Applejack stared at the two laughing ponies with slight surprise before hearing a softer set of giggles, "...Really, Flutters? You too?" Rainbow asked in disbelief.
"I-I'm sorry, but I've h-helped animals give birth, hehehe," she explained gently.
"I'm...I'm going to pretend this never happened," Spike grumbled with a sigh. While he didn't know what giving birth looked like, he REALLY didn't want his young brain filling in the blanks while imagining Twilight giving birth to him.
Discord just chuckled, reaching down to ruffle Spike's scaly head, "Well, if Celestia thinks I'm funny, not even you ponies can deny it!" he declared in playful triumph.
Rarity sighed, "I suppose I can see the humor in it, even if it's not to my tastes," She relented.
"I'll bring you back some of my material from Canterlot another time," Discord promised in amusement as he stroked his beard.
"...Hey, Discord, why'd you want to bring us here anyway?" Rainbow asked in begrudging curiosity.
"Hm? Oh, no reason, I just thought you would all relax more with me away from the public for a little bit," He explained with a shrug.
"...Your capacity for the consideration of others seems to vary a lot," Twilight noted dryly.
"What? You lot being uncomfortable about me out in the open is simple enough. Getting worked up over a little magic seems a bit strange coming from the Element Of Magic And Unicorn Student Of Celestia," Discord explained, emphasizing the final words.
Twilight's eyebrow twitched as Pinkie leaned over to her, "Does he have a point? Or a curve?" Pinkie whispered inquiringly.
Twilight just sighed in resignation, not even sure how to refute that properly, "Discord, you know that stuff bothers ponies, that's why you do it!" Twilight counter argued.
"Nooooo, I do it because I know it bothers you and THAT doesn't make sense," Discord countered matter-of-factly.
"...Say what now?" Applejack asked with a raised eyebrow.
Rarity cleared her throat at that, "I believe he's saying that to him, it seems odd we take such issue with his lesser displays of magical mischief when ponies are capable of similar things."
"Ten points to Unicorn!" Discord declared, his talon raised in the air as four hour glasses formed behind him. Each with a symbol of the four races and color-coded sand: Red for Earth ponies, blue for pegasi, purple for unicorn, and yellow for Alicorns, "But, yes, you ponies do need to loosen up. I'm not changing the dirt into chocolate sprinkles or putting some homes in the sky like they just got a divorce with gravity."
"Well, how would you like it if somepony messed with your body?" Spike asked with a scowl.
Discord scowled at the drake, clearly unimpressed, as he reached up...and removed his lion arm, the separation seamless and without a wound. They gaped, watching the claws wiggle as he held it out, "So, who wants it?" He asked with a smirk, "Come on, I can go one armed for a day."
"...Discord, put your arm back on," Twilight requested with a suffering sigh as he shrugged before obliging the purple pony.
"...Ohhhh, crud," Rainbow groaned as she wiped a hoof over her face, "I...I think I actually understand what's going on here."
"...Wait, seriously?" Twilight asked in surprise, everypony looking to Rainbow skeptically, even Celestia.
"Yeah, just...give me a moment with him," Rainbow said as she flew over to Discord.
"...We having a moment?" Discord asked with a raised eyebrow with his arms crossed.
"Probably," Rainbow admitted with an eye roll, "Look big guy, I don't like you, obviously, but I do get it: You have something you love, just love to do. Something that is as simple as breathing to you but way more fun, exhilarating and fulfilling. And you can't help enjoying just about everything related to it. But...back before I left Cloudsdale, all my friends were pegasi," She explained.
"I'm aware," Discord answered with a flick of his talon.
"And you're still a huge creep for that! But me and some other kids use to prank some towns by messing with the clouds. Like, a lot. We didn't think we were doing anything wrong since we could clean it up in twenty minutes top- I was a bit of a slow poke back then, obviously. Anyway, it took me a while to realize that we were really, REALLY freaking out the earth ponies and unicorns because they couldn't do much about it and thought worse might be happening, like a tornado or something," Rainbow explained with a sigh, obviously not liking the similarities she saw, "And as much as I hate to admit it, you have the same problem I did in that regard; It's really easy to forget the things you can naturally do are something that some others are completely unable to do anything about. It was even easier for me to forget because I usually didn't think much about others not having wings because I just saw another pony. If I had to guess, I'd bet you forget that just because we can use magic to mess with the world, it's not on your scale. Right?"
"..." Discord paused to look around the hovering mare in front of him and towards the others, "Are you SURE she's not the smart one?" He joked, jabbing a thumb at Rainbow.
"Wait...she's right?" Twilight asked with wide eyes. It made sense; it made a LOT of sense. But...was it really that simple?
"Do we need a party for this?" Pinkie asked curiously.
"Oh no, that's just part of it," Discord answered, patting Rainbow on the head condescendingly as he did so. The rainbow-colored mare scowled at him as she flew back to her friends, "Celestia over there figured that out a thousand years ago, actually," He informed, giving Rainbow a curious look, "You know, you kind of remind me of her back then."
"Wait, say what?" Rainbow exclaimed in surprise, looking back to the Alicorn, who was giving Discord an eye roll.
"The princess? Like Rainbow?" Rarity asked skeptically.
"I...I'm sorry, I can't even imagine it," Twilight admitted with wide eyes.
"I'll admit that I had my younger, headstrong days before settling into being a Princess," Celestia answered with little issue, "Still, yes, I've long since believed Discord has lapses in realizing what mortals find too...uncomfortable, but that couldn't account for all his actions."
"As if I'd have such a simple, straightforward flaw," Discord answered before scowling in mock disappointment, "Well, I suppose that playing chimeric body swap poker is out of the question?"
"...We have a lot of work ahead of us," Twilight said neutrally.
"Well, it's not like some of us don't have problems respecting personal space," Spike mused dryly, "So, anypony got any ideas how to entertain a god of chaos?"
"How about Risk?" Pinkie Pie suggested, producing the board game...from her mane.
"See! Right there! Why doesn't she get any flack for that?" Discord asked with a mock pout, "....And I call Austallion!"
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I really like how you're dealing with Rainbow; she dosn't like Discord, but I'm glad that she's giving him a legit chance
This is great I love rainbow interacting with discord, and spike is great to.
I love the interactions and antics, hopefully we'll delve more into Discord and Celestia's history as well as awesome entertainment!
You know, I never really thought about it that way. The ponies are all about expressing their individual talents, but trying to stop Discord from causing chaos is like trying to stop a pony from using the gift of their cutie mark. It's what he was born to do, and asking him to stop is like stripping Rainbow of her wings, or making Pinkie stop throwing parties.
This got me thinking. What if there was more of Discord's influence involved in the formation of Twilight's friendships than it first seems? After all, going to live in Ponyville was a big disruptive change to her usual life, and Chaos is all about change. Even if it is frightening at first, it can sometimes be for the best to uproot things and start anew. That certainly appears to be part of Discord's sphere of influence to me.
Wow, this is great.
Totally want to find out more about Discord's "flaws." Keep up the good work!
This is SOOOO friggin hilarious, I need more! <3
Observant Rainbow! Love it😊
The Draconequus does have a point. When Pinkie does her 'impossible' stuff most ponies don't even bat an eye.
I suggest the card game depicted HERE in the background of the deities' discussion.
There's even a unicorn!
Dash's view on Discord is quite astute, really. The little childbirth joke was great too.
8647601
She does tend not to invert houses doing so, though. Still, she DOES confuse the crap out of people.
Also, there's probably a sanity filter running for her that causes people to ignore it, though (or drops flowerpots on researchers, ahem). In that regard, she's smarter than Discord, if she knows anything about it or made it.
I enjoy this story already. I hope you'll update it one day
I'm still waiting for next time. Why is there no next time? GET ON WITH IT!!!!!
This is a great story please continue it!!!!!
This was a great chapter and fun to. I enjoyed it. Keep it up please.
Well they do share mane colour.