The plot thickens...

Oh damn what could this mean!  This is awesome, dude!

Y'know...it moves a little slow...it's got some odd writing quirks to it...but it is still oddly captivating. I'm not even sure if it is indeed in spite of it...could just as easily be for it.

It's just an intriguing story...

>>26522652

What do you mean by "odd writing quirks"?

♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪

I sure hope this isn't dead, it is quite interesting and I'd like to see where it goes

I sure hope this isn't dead, it is quite interesting and I'd like to see where it goes

Rest assured, it's definitely not dead :)

Um...

I, I don't...

Er...

Just...

Just keep going, please. I'm really confused at the moment. This is good. Confusing, but good.

I encourage you to provide more details on the circumstances that has bestowed you with confusion :)

>>2372223722

Okay, well...

Mostly the whole scene with the random guy in the hallway. I mean, the MC just started spontaneously mouthing off to him, threatening him, then in the blink of an eye the whole scene does a 180 and the guy has the MC against the wall. And then he just leaves. Then MC eats the pineapples and starts having some kinda Pinkie Pie-esque trip out (must be some pretty awesome pineapple).

Like I said, it's not bad. Just kinda... disorienting.

Clearly, pony biochemistry has some wrinkles we were unaware of...

This story is a trip and a half, and I mean that in a good way. It's like Kafka's Metamorphosis as written by Pinkie Pie.

The MC flamed at the guy because she (using feminine pronouns for convenience) suffered a mental breakdown. She had endured many stressful events over the span of a relatively short time, which had put her on the edge. When she not only began to doubt she was in a dream, but also deluded to think she was a mare, she couldn't take it any more. In fear of being horribly humiliated and with her mind unhinged, she defended her pride in a very primitive and unwise way: by becoming furious. Remember, she is a she only outwardly. Inside the head of the mare is a male. It goes against his principles to show weakness in the presence of another human. Compound that with the fear that she was hallucinating the entire being-a-pony deal, and it pretty much broke the overstressed brain. This was all told from the MC's point of view. Some things she doesn't admit, does misintrepret or fail to realize entirely. The MC tries to retain a collected mind in spite of everything that is laid upon her. However, cracks in her composure formed as her faculties began to bend under the stress. When the brain no longer thinks rationally, the crucial details must be related to the narration. The same goes for the later pineapple episode, though that's taken to a more extreme range.

The part where the guy turns the tables on her is rather interesting. You'd think he'd pummel the small equine to a pulp the first chance he got? I bet he wanted to, but he had his reasons not to. Since this story is told from the POV of the MC, many things are left untold and some left for the readers to infer. We don't know what goes inside the guy's head. However, I feel obliged to try to show the matter form his POV.

He came across a pony, curled into a heap on the floor. He had displayed compassion, but was a bit tactless too. Then, as he became the target of the abrupt verbal assault of the pony, it confused him, but also humiliated him. He was being chewed out by a small, seemingly harmless and cute being and didn't man up to stop her. Why? That I won't tell. Eventually, however, he lost his temper. The heart attack was a ploy of his to trick the MC into dropping her guard. Now it was his turn to be mad, but as much as he wanted to, he didn't unleash a physical beating on the restrained unicorn. Instead he glared at her incessantly, waiting for her composure to shatter. When she finally submitted, he felt fair justice had been served.

The pineapples though . . . I'd love to spill the beans on that one, but I'd prefer it to be revealed in a future chapter.

I apologize if these explanations were dissatisfactoryl; it's currently night and I'm not thinking clearly

interesting

This is still the best first-person Human to Pony fic ever in terms of realism. Everything's extremely vivid and I can't wait to read more. The main character is totally believable, both in physical and mental attributes. The only thing I can't believe is how well this is written!

That's so very kind of you, Derpmind

I'm tracking this one, as the second r63 fic that I know of (after "a twist in the tail", which is a different beast than this "scenery porn" story - and that's not an insult). It's quite interesting - slow, meandering, purposeful. there's no Michaelbaysplosions here, but I find I'm not missing  them.

>>6343463434

I'm glad you like it

I intentionally chose the slow approach, and I even joked with few of my friends how the first chapter is five pages dedicated to meticulously detail a guy waking up and journeying to the restroom

The slow pace, I believe, permits the character to contemplate and experience more than if the story leaped by days or weeks with each chapter, and the first person narrative makes the character easier to relate with than a third-person narrative would. It's quite psychological in a way, and unlike most stories where a human turns into a pony, this guy doesn't adapt to it instantly. Once that twist turned up, oh boy, did he not want to adapt then! However, he eventually did, but only because he didn't want to squander his dream due to a dislike for his body. Of course, many might already suspect that he's only blinding himself from the awful truth.

I probably won't turn this fic into a larger-than-life adventure tale with action and heroism, but keep it as a continual diary of sorts of the inexplicably human-turned-pony as he encounters the challenges of being a pony. A slice of life of sorts, but I'll keep the adventure tag for now, as it is an adventure for him to be a pony. Until it becomes mundane, the typical way of life or him. There will be joy, sorrow, fear and bewilderment along the long road he travels. He has character flaws which arise to bring him pain and failure, but he also has his good moments to show that he's not a misery magnet. All in all, I want him to be believable by showing that he isn't endowed with a silver tongue, remarkable strength, a ever-coherent mind or a magnificent power. He doesn't even have a cutie mark and is inexperienced at telekinesis! He is just some (un)lucky brony who has become a pony, and he will contemplate on all the things that are now different for him.

This fic was inspired by TCB stories, I admit, but in those the ponyfied person is always aware of the choice they make, so there's no major shock once they've changed. I also do not deny that this was a self-insert initally, but those usually turn into shameless Gary-Stu's stories where a human goes to Equestria, befriends the mane cast, turns out to be a mythical warrior prophesied to defeat a thousand-year old evil with epic magic and yadda yadda yadda. That minor rant, however, made me think of 'Trough the eye's of another pony'. I apologize deeply if I offend those who enjoy 'Trough the eye's of another pony'. I've read ten chapters of it and found it to be very well written, but I never found myself liking Firewall. His conceited yet casual attitude grated me to no end, and the moments where his flaws shone or he was humiliated were few. Nevertheless, I kept reading the story, hoping I would come to like in him -- or at least tolerate him -- but when I had read ten chapters and was still cringing internally at Firewall's antics, culminating in him discovering he could gallop at high velocity whilst enveloped in shell of fire he himself could generate at will, he became insufferable to me and I closed the tab with a dejected obscenity. I guess this is a part of me that is sometimes present in the main character of my story. He tries valiantly to overcome an obstacle, but when he forfeits his resolve, he's left beside himself with disappointment.

Again, I must present a sincere apology to those who like Firewall and 'Trough the eye's of another pony's'. My opinion is merely my opinion, and you have every right to disregard it and continue to be fond of Firewall and 'Trough the eye's of another pony'. To reiterate: I'm very sorry, I truly am sorry that I couldn't come to love and embrace Firewall. Please don't kill me

To return back to this fan fic: yes, this was a self-insert in the way that I pondered what would it be if I'd wake up as a pony. Naturally, I realized that once I'd walk out my home door I'd be labeled as an alien and my life would turn into a sad grimdark story. It goes without saying that I desired to avert those tags when I decided to push the main character out his home door. I also started to change the character from myself far earlier by... yeah, you can guess it. However, that actually makes this story so much more different, and dare I say it, captivating. It's like 'A Twist In The Tail', but told from the main character's point of view and not set in the TCB universe. Speaking of that story, I'm not sure if I will turn this toward romance so... well... quickly. No offense intended; it was merely an observation. Midnight Glenn was in heat, so she was eager to jump a stallion's bones. Now it's been a while since I read the first chapters of 'A Twist In The Tail' and thus I have lost the exact stages of events Midnight Glenn went trough. I have similar plans for this character though, but those plans will progress at a much slower rate. Since this fic is an almost lethargic-paced first-person narrative, the process will be much more vibrant but also demanding. There won't be a skip of days or weeks in the plot line. Nope, I intend to record every hour the character is awake. It's rather ambitious I know, and I sincerely hope won't to deviate from that course. At any rate, the turn of events will undoubtly test his mind. Or should I say, test her mind?

Whoa, long post. I absolutely love it when I ignite that spark in myself!

>>6361563615

...THAT is a long post.

Yeah, I treat this story as entirely different to 'Twist'. Mine is what I'd call adventure and slice of life. This isn't, this is a methodical and thorough examination of one simple fact - man turns into filly. Mine's character-driven, this is event-driven, they're two different beasts.

Twist started off silly, went a bit romantic, and then when I came back to it, moved somewhat away from that and towards introspection even whilst around them was happening things of great import. I kind of wanted, in my own way, to have their internal battle reflect their external - I hope you continue reading, but it's pretty long. It changes pace once you get past part 3 and the two initial 'minisodes'. I'm currently writing a continuation of this continuation - 'community service' with something similar attacked in a slightly different way.

What happened to Glenn was a mixture of sauce and silly - he takes the potion, but wakes up as a filly. He expected to be a pony, but not a female one. Coming to terms with that, finding there is a way out, asking herself if she wants it, searching for what it means - it's a different slice of life to this story, which is far more intensely psychological (and the first-pony view for a start is different).

Midnight started off as a self-insert, of sorts - it's not me me, but the character is based on me. I basically wrote it to have fun.

Yeah, I treat this story as entirely different to 'Twist'. Mine is what I'd call adventure and slice of life. This isn't, this is a methodical and thorough examination of one simple fact - man turns into filly. Mine's character-driven, this is event-driven, they're two different beasts.

Pretty much so. I strive to create a very introspective, thoughtful story. You could say it's an extreme elaboration of "what if...", where I dig deep into the character and uncover as many thoughts and emotions I can possibly find. Notice how he became paralyzed in fear when he discovered he's become a pony? Any person who'd suddenly find themselves as something so different and without any explanation would react in the same manner. Also note how he placated his nerves by deducing he's in a dream? It's the only sensible explanation to him. The prospect that he had really become a filly is so impossible to him that he eventually theorized he'd gone insane and was merely imagining himself as a filly. Ironically, that belief momentarily drove him insane. In contrast, he had moments when he thought he hds truly become a pony and rather logically feared that he'd end up as a lab animal once he'd step out into the cruel world. Last but not least, he was infuriated when he learned that his body was that of a filly, and later, when he accepted it, he was nearly brought to tears. While he doesn't admit it, to him being a filly, even though it's only in appearance, is an abject humiliation, an affront to his person. He's not a macho guy, but he is a guy who prefers to be a guy. Rather curiously, when he resigned from his deception and accepted that he's a filly, he had to fight his grief. He holds the view that guys cry only about extremely serious things, and so shedding tears over the fact that he had the body of a filly was a different form of serious to him. Of course, his belief of being in a dream dampened that emotion by some margin, but the point is that he refused to submit to what he viewed as an intrinsically feminine weakness. You could say that he admitted to being a filly, but had he cried, he would've been one in mind as well. Later, he actually did cry, though by that time he was so stressed by all the toubles he had faced that the mirror incident broke him. Suddenly talking like a native Equestrian pony and declaring to always have been one can do that, plus seeing an assortment of pony memories can do that.

Anyway, I do my best to keep the character rooted in reality by pondering what a person would do if they were placed in the situation the character himself finds in. Any person who'd suddenly wake up as a filly/colt wouldn't go "Woo, I'm a pony now! Awesome!". Well, maybe some would, but the indifferent reality would inevitably kick them hard.

Twist started off silly, went a bit romantic, and then when I came back to it, moved somewhat away from that and towards introspection even whilst around them was happening things of great import. I kind of wanted, in my own way, to have their internal battle reflect their external - I hope you continue reading, but it's pretty long. It changes pace once you get past part 3 and the two initial 'minisodes'. I'm currently writing a continuation of this continuation - 'community service' with something similar attacked in a slightly different way.

I've read 'A Twist In The Tail' and have it tracked too, and I guess having over 40,000 words makes it long, though, mine's half of that with only four chapters. The fifth will push it up to 30,000 once me and my pre-reader have ironed it out. Regardless, I'll continue to read your fan fic as it updates and I'll take notes on things that I think I need to explore in my own. One thing I've adapted into my fan fic is Midnight Glenn inspecting her body and noting the *ahem* features with a mixture of pleasure and vexation. The main character (who I assure you has a name) will do a similar inspection in a coming chapter, although I do say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, it won't be a direct carbon copy of the scene.

What happened to Glenn was a mixture of sauce and silly - he takes the potion, but wakes up as a filly. He expected to be a pony, but not a female one. Coming to terms with that, finding there is a way out, asking herself if she wants it, searching for what it means - it's a different slice of life to this story, which is far more intensely psychological (and the first-pony view for a start is different).

Iit's still a very thought-provoking tale. Obviously Midnight Glenn was being torn by very profound desires quite soon after arriving in Ponyville. On one hoof (yeah), there's the 'he' who wants to be restored, and on the other is 'she' who wants to stay true to Vertigo. I think that the moment where Midnight Glenn changed to a 'he' was perhaps one of the most serious ones in your story. To be what you are or what you believe to be, and the dilemma of how to discern them, it was -- and is -- very fascinating. I wonder how Edge will fare though, as she seems to be rather cool with her situation. Perhaps it's because she knows she can count 'her' days down, or because the company she's with don't permit her to be introspective and instead keep her on the... edge. I had to use that pun somehow

Midnight started off as a self-insert, of sorts - it's not me me, but the character is based on me. I basically wrote it to have fun.

Since you have the same profile name, it's not a big stretch of imagination to make the connection. He's become Twilight's chew toy, it seems. Poor you, I mean, Midnight Shadow

In a way, you're toying with yourself. I can't remember everything though, but he started as a guy by the name of, uh, I forgot , ponified by his own accord, was hit on by Raindow Dash, kidnapped, became a Cheerilee's bumbling pupil and of course Twilight has a strained tolerate-hate relationship with him. Then he flipped the sexes of (almost) everypony in town, had drunken sex as a mare and inadvertably changed Twilight to a stallion. Oh and had a dream of being pregnant. All in all, a character played for laughs. Who started off as you. How much of you is in that character, may I ask? 5%?

Edit (23rd dec) Standardized the chapter titles and made some few edits. Please, my little readers, tell me if you spot errors or inconsistencies. Just because I have published the chapters doesn't mean they're now free from faults.

Well, finally,a new chapter! I apologize so profusely for the delay, that I am close to coughing up a high-grade electrical safety device. Hah-hah.

....

Anyway, comments are much appreciated.

Gregor Samsa much? Not that it bugs me or anything - insect I like this story very moth. I hope you caterpillar the story until it's end, it is crysalisizing into quite the antventure.

>>137255137255

Ah, the highly venerable Chatoyance has decreed me to be worthy of notice. With bated breath I await what action shall come upon me next, though regrettably I must admit I do have to circulate new oxygen into my meager body regularly lest I become extremely liable to hazardous mortality.

*ahem*

Actually, since the body's involuntary commands will eventually override the voluntary ones, ceasing respiration to the point of death is impossible. Loss of conscience is plausible, but thereafter normal respiration will resume.

Yes, anyhow . . . I haven't read Die Verwandlung, but I know the general premise of that famous piece of literature. I also know it's a bit of a cliche to have the character wake up as a pony, but that's not as cliche as Twilight Sparkle messing a spell and drawing in a teen guy from Earth. *eyeroll*

Hence this story is almost a direct opposite of the typical HiE stories.

At any rate, few fics compare to this one as far as I know. Midnight Shadow has a few with a related R63 theme, and I believe you too have explored the workings of ponyfied person's mind. Those are in a different league, however, due to them being set in the dystopian TCB universe where the character (usually) chooses to turn pony. They accept the physical and mental transformation that comes with it and thus are granted a chance to escape from the debased, wicked and dying Earth. In the case they don't willingly turn pony, they at least acknowledge they are permanently one and adjust to it eventually. There are variations of the ponyfication depending on the author and story, and not all of them are set in the TCB universe of course. In some TCB stories the change in personality is quite drastic and dramatic, while in others it's limited to basic instincts, such as reconfigured dietary habits and sexual desires. The change is derived from consuming a special potion most often containing elements and agents not only capable of morphing the person into pony, but to habilitate them to it as well. In rare instances, usually non-TCB stories set in Equestria, the character is very unfamiliar with and perhaps reject their pony form. Regardless of the extent of the change and what has caused it, its instant however. I don't think I've read many where the character morphs gradually.

In this story, however, the character has definitely not been dropped into Equestria, and the only instant change is the body, although evidently it's molding the mind to fit the frame. So in that regard, it's a gradual process. Or is it? The character had a bizarre breakdown in the bathroom and expresses speech habits pertaining to ponies, remember? What could those imply? What may be obvious could be the very opposite of it. Am I telling too much? Or am I perfectly ambiguous? I don't believe I'm that smart. Hey, what's a red herring? Does it taste good? False leads? Yeah, false leads!

Actually we don't know where we are or aren't yet. You say it's not in Equestria, but you haven't actually precluded it for certain yet.

Well, that's true. Either I had a slip of a tongue, or then nothing has made it explicit Equestria is where the story takes place. So far most signs have indicated it to be Earth. Or some similar world inhabited by bipedal sparse-haired apes. Or maybe I should have said "definitely not into the Equestria we know" instead? That might've been a lie. Or not.

The story will provide the answers when the time comes.

Hmm.  Enjoying it so far.  You're very descriptive with details.  The grammar is a little strange in spots but not glaringly so.  Switching genders as well as form would definitely be alarming.  Although not as alarming as dealing with substituted memories.  I shall have to continue reading.

Very interesting so far.   The slow, rocky slope of mental breakdowns are certainly present and very humorous to watch.  You also pose a philosophical standpoint to it all which I happen to like.  Oh, and the video game references don't hurt.   Ah, Fallout...  Regardless, this is deserving of both a five star rating, and my tracking of it.  Keep up the excellent work!

>>138152138152

There was a Fallout reference?

>>138152138152

Five stars?

Why I am... well, that's . . . that's . . . fantastic!

What a way to start my day! I'm quite flattered! Thank you!

>>139803139803

In chapter three when the main character opens the home door.

>>139831139831

Start?   Whooooa, we must be in some seriously different timezones.  And I was only being honest.  You have a very fascinating writing style.   It gets a bit weird at times, but that flows well with the story and truly displays the mental breakdowns well.  That is the objective behind having an unreliable narrator.  Besides, you read my story, so I return the favor.  

Little known fact: I don't live in the states, hence the timezone disrepancy. Right now it's midnight. Do the math if you wish to estimate my location.

But yeah, the character is under constant stress thanks to his physical shape. By all accounts he shouldn't even be a pony, because in his world view, transmogrification into a fictional creature is utterly impossible. Him being the witness and subject of a such impossibility quite upsets him. Then he discovers he's not a he, which really does not sync well with his ego. Later he first talks like a pony, then inadvertably claims he has always been a pony. Add into the mix his body being that of a female and his stress level figuratively punches a hole in the roof. His number one method to deal with it all is to sweep the issue under the carpet with his "It's a dream!" mantra. We can guess how that will end . . .

I love this story. This has some of my favorite things in a story, first person narration, human to pony transformation, and rule 63. This is my favorite story besides 'Story of the Blanks' but that's more of a game. I hope you continue because I love it when a human has a big reaction to becoming a pony. Also, I have a few questions, is the MC still in a dream? Also, will we see the human guy again?

>>167239167239

I'm very happy to know you sincerely appreciate this story I'm not sure how many stories on FIMfic fit the three criteria you'e presented, though My Little Human: The Strange Case Of Lyle Hartman may be to your taste too.

To answer your questions, well... I don't wish to spoil anything. The sixth chapter may shed some light on those questions however

"So, uh…Since I'm…um, a female for the time being…maybe, uh…Because this…is, uhm…a unique situation, I could…could try to…try to…do something…something, um…something different."

Oh really? And what, pray tell, did you have in mind? You seem to insinuate something…salacious is in store.

It should be noted, your microwave probably doesn't have an LCD display. It is far more likely to be either LED or, more common on much older appliances, VFD.

>>6361563615 As someone who does in fact enjoy reading Through the Eyes of Another Pony despite its flaws, I certainly can't fault you for your opinions. The protagonist is almost everything you described him as, and the author himself admits as much; and much like yours and many other initially self-insert characters, the character developed to the point where it was no longer self-insert and had become better adapted for use in the story.

In the defense of TTEoAP, it's better than anything written by Stephanie Myers, and in my opinion, better than Clive Cussler, who has a tendency to write characters that are dry, devoid of personality, talk way too much and unnaturally, or are equipped with a silver tongue that manages to bridge the uncanny valley and somehow cross both cultural and language barriers when insulting antagonists who speak slightly broken English as a secondary language. At least in TTEoAP his prized cell phone was destroyed relatively early; Cussler tends to insert pristine examples from his prized antique car collection that get used and abused, but end up getting a full restoration at the end of the book.

I do applaud your admirable effort to give it an honest shot, though. Many fans of the series find the early chapters to be funny, but poorly written; it's the latter fact combined with the seemingly disingenuous premise overall that drive most people away without getting very far. and rightfully so since the author much later admitted to having written them while drunk. The feedback and support people were giving him helped him to sober up, and he intends to go back and re-write them once he's finished with this first story arc. It is interesting that you stopped at chapter 10 though, as chapter 11 is the one that even the fans agree was less-than-great compared to the rest of the later chapters. It should also be noted that the name of the story is a clue to the spoilers revealed in the most recent chapters; the protagonist's borderline game-breaking magic abilities (as fast as he can run when transmuted into a ball of flame, he still can't keep up with RD's flying when she's not even putting any real effort into her speed), are not unique in the story universe. He also ends up just flat-out getting his ass handed to him on multiple occasions, because sometimes he just really is an idiot. He also doesn't qualify for the "prophesied hero" trope. All that said, you raised perfectly valid points in your argument, and it does take a bit more willful suspension of disbelief to enjoy it; but depending on your sense of humor, there are many parts that get people laughing out loud, sometimes rolling on the floor, or in my case, nearly suffocating because I couldn't stop long enough to inhale. As someone very familiar with tropes in stories, I find it to be delightfully unpredictable (with the exception of the predictable application of certain prerequisite character tropes), even if I'm one of the few who manage to pick up on certain subtle details to accurately predict certain plot points, because when they do come about, they come about spectacularly in an entirely unexpected fashion, and are sometimes soon overshadowed by more pressing unexpected developments that result. Overall, I find it to be an interesting exercise in intentionally using toxic tropes unironically, and while certainly not of the same calibre as many of the better-known good fanfics, it is a far better story than it has any right to be, in its own right.

But I digress.

I'm quite enjoying First Pony View as the unique psychological adventure that it is, and am very eager to read more. However, regarding the man in the hallway, his seemingly instantaneous switch from being confused and slightly dejected to absolutely infuriated while also having the questionably quickly well-thought-out ploy to feign a heart-attack, does all seem a bit out of place. Since we do only have the "unreliable narrator" and can't see inside his mind, I can't really even imagine what possible set of personal circumstances would have led him to act the way he did. Given his kind and curious demeanor when he first approached the protagonist, It seems like it would have been a more natural reaction to instead just burst out and engage in a fury-fueled shouting match until he says something that unintentionally deals a crushing blow to the protagonist's fragile mental state, causing her to falter and ending the fight; what he said likely wouldn't have been a particularly strong argumentative statement in and of itself, because his logic would be impaired by his emotional state, but it would have a key tidbit in their that would catch the protagonist's attention and cause her to stop and have the statement ring inside her head for a moment, causing further mental breakdown and disabling her from arguing further. Having conquered the verbally abusive protagonist, and still angry enough not to care exactly what he said to do it, he slams his door shut. But now I'm rewriting a part of the story just because I don't agree with how it happened.

There were several other places where I initially thought, "Well that seems to be a bit of a contrived way to go about it..." like figuring out how to move around, because I already knew that the skeletal structure of humans is still closely related to that of quadrupeds, but then I read that the protagonist comes to that conclusion on his own. On a side note, because we humans share common initially quadrupedal ancestors with other land-dwelling mammals, the subconscious programming that allows for quadrupedal locomotion is more than likely still in our own brains, and is likely what babies call upon when they first learn how to crawl on their own. But after a short while it becomes completely natural for him to walk like that, in much the same way that newborn equines, ungulates, etc. are very shaky taking their own first steps on their relatively long and skinny legs at first, but then learn to move around effectively within a relatively short span of time. I mention all of this because we humans still have such "legacy code" that our bodies no longer require to function; in addition to this leading to some people inexplicably having a moment where they experience the sensation of having a phantom tail, some of this code is responsible for getting the hiccups; these involuntary respiratory spasms have been linked to our distant aquatic ancestors, as it's believed to be the result of attempting to breathe through gills, which we of course no longer have. With all of this said, I'll refrain from speculating on how you'll approach future difficulties with adapting to the protagonist's new form, as you seem to end up resolving most of my qualms not too long after they initially arise.

Do I get to be part of the super-duper-long post club now?

Ah! A very long post of impressive and contemplative magnitude that overshadows yet invigorates and pleases my vocabular-challenged and intellect-limited mind!

First and foremost, I admit the strife with the neighbor wasn't well excecuted.

I had planned the main character to initially fear the interaction, then following her fear's dissipation, conjure the a plausible suspicion she's deluded herself to regard herself as a pony due to a form of psychosis. The unbearably humiliating and stressful prospect in turn would've greatly impacted her rationality and caused her to misconstrue the man's demeanor to the point she believed him to be purposefully malicious. She'd verbally lash out on him, and due to reasons not explored to to her and the audience, he'd not dare to respond with equal or greater force, though eventually he'd have enough and she'd receive her comeuppance through which she learns of her form being that of a filly is true.

As is evident, and I say again, that section wasn't very sound in the end. While rewriting it is most likely out of the question, I can think of a ideas for why the neighbor behaved as he did and and construct from those thoughts his motives. It's very true that we can't see into his mind, but it would be a gross injustice and disappointment if this story progressed all the way to its end and never explained the actions of the neighbor. I know his conduct seems contrived, especially the later section where he seemingly loses his temper, then feigns a heart attack and restrains the protagonist so he can glare her into submission, but hopefully I can explain all that and more by the time the protagonist again meets the neighbor.

At any rate, the deceit of a heart attack may indeed look sudden, but as you said, we don't see into his mind and thus can't really know how he came up with that on a such short notice. Also, take into account that after the protagonist had vented her frustration and fury on him, there was a moment of inaction between both. Who's to say he did not use that time to scheme his vengeance? Furthermore once he had the main character pinned to the wall, maybe he realized what he was about to do to her and hence restrained his nonviolent desires from mainfesting? It seemed very likely she was about to be wallopped after all, but as can be ascertained, that didn't come true. If he had pushed aside his anger, perhaps he would've backed down and tried to resolve the crisis through mutual diplomacy instead of (mostly) passive-aggressive demeanor. Just like in the protagonist's situation, there's the factor of maintaining face which can hamper one's logic. Following the surmised indignation of an erratically behaving petite unicorn mare practically shouting him to petrification, I doubt he'd be eager to lose the ground he gained when the tables had turned in his favor, even if it meant parting on neutral to friendly terms. It's obviously very difficult to apologize and settle one's differences when the mind is soaked in contempt, and I'm not solely referring to the neighbor here.

Hopefully that long and apparently well-thought explanation, while not perfectly exhaustive, answers some questions pertaining to the neighbor's conduct. However, I reiterate: I fully intend to solve the conflict that was left hanging between the two characters in due time.

Now, onto other matters...

>>176805176805

That could be very well be true; however, the protagonist ostensibly is unaware of said detail.

>>176654176654

A dude's mind in a female's body. Well... filly's body to be precise. I won't say much, but I dare to divulge it won't become a self-insert, if you know what I mean.

Anyhow, speaking of self-inserts... TTEoAP . . . I feel disinclined to talk about it.

It's been a good while since I read it and details of it are becoming obscure, not to mention that I don't regard the story's character too highly. Therefore, my opinion of it is prone to be less than favorable, but I suppose I should be respectful and entitle a reply on the topic in spite of my admitted shortcomings which I diligently shall try to combat.

I've said I was displeased in Firewall's attitude and skills, and I still do. I tried to tolerate both and see the story past the character, yet I still am disappointed in myself for giving up, as if it was my fault for not liking the character. Well, that's very well true . Nevertheless, I don't feel like blaming the author. He can definitely write well and conceive good storyline, even if he was drunk when he did; that speaks volumes on how much I have to improve to be as good of an author as he is . At any rate, as is the case with most popular fan fics, he must be doing something right to gain a such following, and I duly respect him for that. Although I'm not a fan of the character, I envy the verbal fluency and wit he professes, which in comparison makes me regard FPV's protagonist to be of limited eloquency and intellect respectively. Well, maybe not intellectually lacking, that's just too harsh, but she certainly doesn't have the high-grade cerebral gears Firewall has that allow him to calculate his situations with sufficient comprehension and crack a joke at it too. He's pretty much the basic, easy-going guy with a serious and fairly smart mind coated in a quick sense of good humor. Perhaps FPV's protagonist is smart in a different way though? She's definitely curious and devotes much effort to investigate matters that arouse her interest. That'd lend her to be an explorer in an almost literal meaning, contributing to a surmising of her being a book smart character as opposed to the streetwise Firewall. In essence, she'd be prone to educate herself about whatever subject that fascinates her before tackling it, whereas Firewall apparently utilizes his common sense to understand the situation. The spell he learned to ingest the knowledge of books (or were it limited to maps) irks me though, as it was quite an overpowered skill. I shouldn't let negative opinions prevail over my impartial side, so I better move on. Oh and cell phones can't contain the entire Internet! That's a severe violation of willing suspension of disbelief due to the very fact that cell phone memory storage units can't possibly store circa 500 exabytes of inf- What? You mean it connected to the Internet? From Equestria? Without a signal? Oh... that makes perfect sense! Huh, what now? Okay okay, I'm moving on! *grumbles*

The comparison of the story and characters may be unfair; however, there are a few parallells and interesting contrasts in their execution that I wish to mention. Both characters have become ponies without explanation. Firewall gives it little thought as it's, I quote, “too mentally taxing” (which I think is a lame cop out) to think of the why and how, as he has been so conventiently dropped into Ponyville so he can ignore his predicament in favor of meeting his idols, plus he pulls out a smoke from nowhere to further embolden his bliss. FPV's MC is, on the other hand (hoof?) very bothered by the inexplicable transformation and quite quickly bombards his mind to deduce an explanation for it, and he seemingly finds himself in his own bed, and most definitely didn't retrieve a packet of nicotine sticks stored in herself. I think it goes without much saying that her stress far exceeds Firewall's, which makes her susceptible to make very erroneus decisions and false assessments. While she had a suspicion, it was not only until she vocalized her thoughts when she realized she was a filly. I didn't overtly relate it into the narration, but that suspicion stemmed from the arguable deduction of subconsciously noting she had no prominent genitalia in addition of her coloring being quite unmasculine. Call it a very convincing form of denial, if you will. I remind you, first person narration and unreliable narration is firmly welded together. It just happens to be that – as an attentive audience would expect be the default – not always is an unreliable narrator being such with deliberate intention.

At any rate, I seem to recall that Firewall was somewhat distraught when his mane was turned pink. I do have to wonder how'd he'd handle him becoming a filly though, which is what has happened to FPV's MC. Would he shrug it off as well? Would he be so bold and confident that he'd embrace and... well, I may grossly misintrepret his character if I were to speculate his probable reaction of suddenly being a fire-breathing mare instead of a stallion.

Obviously FPV's protagonist is enduring something more severe than just the shape and stress bestowed on her by her trasmogrification into a petite and soft-colored filly (or mare; take your pick).

How she adapts to her form... yes, she had trouble walking on her four legs initally, not to mention accept her new appearance. It's quite clear the protagonist harbors a great resentment... Scratch that. Harbors a fear of humiliation, and being turned into a filly (i.e a girl) is obviously a serious affront to him. Forgoing the topic of her pride for now, I return back to the issue at hand. The locomotion algorithms enabling her to perform it with efficiency, if I'm to theorize on your expressed point, apparently were preinstalled in her body, albeit looks like it came with some unexpected luggage of adopting habit of inserting pony colloqualisms into her speech and thoughts, and other unnerving details she'd desire not to dwell on. Regardless, she adapts fairly well with her filly body and the displeasing mannerisms because she believes there's an easy exit avaliable through inflicting injury – accidental or deliberate – on herself, though I won't deny the aspect of pre-existing muscle memory helping her to adjust to her body; it's an observant and profound point you made.

Alas, I have now digressed from the original point and am almost rambling about whatever that my mind spews, but my objective to present some thoughts on TTEoAP again has been met. While I can't say I'm willing to resume reading Firewall's story, I will gladly read your comment(s) pertaining to it and my views. It's vital that I understand the viewpoints of others, even if it's a direct contrast of my own and fil to change it. That doesn't mean it's a vain effort to present a differing opinion. Instead, it permits me to be civil about my own and not regard it as the absolute and unquestionable truth beyond any voice of dissent. I'm an aspiring amateur author after all (alliterative appeal! ); I can't dismiss fair and constructive criticism, even when and if it's not related to my work.

Well, hopefully you'll find this prolonged message insightful. If not, then at least thought-provoking. I may not be the most cohesive thinker and English isn't my primary language, so I admit that what I write and have written may be poorly articulated. Still, it's worth trying.

Oh and, yes, you are in the club of excessively lengthy posts. Enjoy your... um... the, er . . . delight it grants you?

I'll be the first to admit that I've always been someone who looks upon fanfiction negatively. Rather, I didn't hate that it exists, I just never had any interest in it and never consumed it. However throughout the past year and a few months, people have linked me various FIM fanfics and demanded I read them. Originally hesitant, I eventually consumed them. Some I thought were kind of cute, or fitting, some not. But I always maintained my overall dislike for them.

Now the time has come that I was linked this one. My prospects weren't very high for the subject matter, but I concede defeat to you, author. This was one of the most interesting fanfics I've read to date, and save for a few instances of disbelief (passive-neighbor-gone-batshit-insane-in-10-seconds-flat,) I quite enjoyed reading it. You have changed my view a bit on fanfiction. Dare I say I look forward to your next installment. :)

>>178571178571

Thank you kindly. It warms my heart that my humble story has given a taste of delightully refreshing water to the brightly colored and detemined flower wishing to eagerly bloom in the infertile patch it's been planted in. That flower is the progenitor of a beatiful and serene meadow which shall replace the drab and brown landscape. So don't ever let that flower wither my friend. It needs you as much as you need it.

That was quite poetic of me, even if I do say so myself.

Do you know when you will upload the next part? I have patiently been waiting and would like to know when.

>>186463186463

That depends on how quickly me and my trusted pre-reader can refine the upcoming chapter.

Oh my, Pinkie broke the 4th wall didn't she?

Well off to a great start. But man this is freaky

Also interesting tidbit about dreams (probably already know this, but I digress) you can't read in them

Quaint.... We shall see how this goes.

Perfect so far. The pictures are a nice added bonus.

Continue.

... Freakin Firefox crashed just as I was about to upload my comment. Piece of crap.

*Sigh* Better get to rewriting it.

Now as I was saying before my browser crash...

This story is certainly among one of the most unique I have come across. Perhaps one of THE best in terms of quality, which baffles me to no end as to why this didn't earn first page. One has to wonder weather romance will be involved for the poor mare in there, meeting some male ponified stallion that was formerly female... That will be uncountable an awkward scene to write, and put our hero through hell as we know it.

Well, you certainly project her in the likeness of Pinke Pie. Hell, one would think that Pinke Pie broke the fifth wall,

infiltrated her head and turned her into what she is now. At the moment, I can see your OC slowly but surely turning Firewall into Cupcakes.

If I had the skills and patience, I would draw it up right now. I suppose I [could/i] write it down... But in comparison, my writing skills would absolutely butcher everything you have formulated.

Another story? *Sigh* There goes another tab into the Firefox. My Fox right now is literally begging for me to end it's life. At the moment, it's family is begging me to stop this suicidal task. The browser has at least 239 tabs opened for the moment since November, yet I ignore their pleas, sacrificing each browser that crashes. To put it mildly, I have committed slaughter on about eight foxes so far, each scream of agony sweeter than the last.

By the way, you vivid imagery brings up this to mind.

Image: http://img.ponibooru.org/_images/14ab9e4f478957018f5cda6f56b5583d/24153%20-%20artist%3Aumeh%20brony%20comic%20ponified%20transformation.jpg

Image: http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/148/d/6/the_art_of_the_dress__by_glockens-d3hercn.jpg

Image: http://th09.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/012/9/e/magic_therapy___mlp_tf_by_lazardo-d4m332n.jpg

>>176654176654 We're agreed. Though by the tone of this story, I doubt we'll dive into clop, if at all.

But if we do, it's gonna be slow pace. You simply cannot dive into clopping, especially if said action will erase all of your own past

identity. Sure, anyone would be curious, but at the cost of losing one's self, anybody would hesitate.

I look forward to the inevitable torture that our little hero will have to go through.

>>201780201780

This story is certainly among one of the most unique I have come across. Perhaps one of THE best in terms of quality, which baffles me to no end as to why this didn't earn first page. One has to wonder weather romance will be involved for the poor mare in there, meeting some male ponified stallion that was formerly female... That will be uncountable an awkward scene to write, and put our hero through hell as we know it.

Aww, the story is so modest it doesn't want to be featured on the first page. /Pinkie voice.

No, seriously, why hasn't FPV ever been up in the FIMfiction banner as a featured story?

At any rate, I dare not to spoil anything related to upcoming chapters. Your guess of a female-turned-stallion making an appearance is pure speculation that I won't confirm nor deny.

Although... it would be interesting to read a fic where a female brony (pegasister) has become a stallion . . . Hah! Who am I kidding? Those types of stories can't exist! They must be even scarcer than HiE fics with a female brony/pegasister protagonist, of which I have seen one!

Because, you know, MLP: FiM has no female fans...

Well, you certainly project her in the likeness of Pinke Pie. Hell, one would think that Pinke Pie broke the fifth wall,

infiltrated her head and turned her into what she is now. At the moment, I can see your OC slowly but surely turning Firewall into Cupcakes.

Oh, seemingly by the MC's ingestion of an innocuous meal bestowed her with inhibitionless bliss at the end of chapter four resulting in amnesia and a headache. It's not indicative of her being a puppet (or becoming an imperfect copy) of Pinkie Pie.

Speaking of which, may I ask what do you mean by "turning Firewall into Cupcakes"? It makes me think of the pink party pony snatching Firewall from Through The Eyes of Another Pony and literally turning him into cupcakes à la the infamous Cupcakes story.

Lastly that second comic's kinda disturbing. Well, more than kinda disturbing. Anyhow, I can see the reasons for why it's been posted here, but don't assure yourself it's an abridged adaptation of FPV.

>>201999201999

While I'm quite tight-lipped about future plot developments, I believe I won't spoil much by divulging that I have no intentions to navigate this story into to Clopfic Cove.

Ok. This gets the full 5 stars from me.

Why? Because it takes an old concept and executes it so well that it becomes unique again. Despite being, or at least having started as a simple self-insert, the quality manages to maintain such an overwhelming level that I can't help but be very intrigued. There's very descriptive language, a lot of thought in a slow, pondering narrative, interesting introspection and a believable character.

The fact that we get the occasional drawing (which are well done and show a cute face) is the icing on the cake. You, sir, have talent that makes me forget the horrid Mary Sues that show up here on a daily basis.

Well done!

>>177740177740 I'm very much obliged by the effort you put into constructing a fair and balanced argument to express your opinion. You claim you have a long way to go to achieve the writing prowess of CardsLafter (the author of TTEoAP), yet I don't really see that here. As you mentioned, the plot hole involving the cell phone is one such example of his being drunk impairing his ability to write something that makes sense. In any case, I do agree with the way you compare and contrast the MC here with Firewall, and I would agree that Firewall seems just a bit too on top of things for his situation; as I mentioned, it takes a bit more willful suspension of disbelief to enjoy that story than is necessary with FPV. Some people would use that to imply that FPV is the better story by default, but I disagree; it's more an indication of the difference in writing style, genre, and author intent between the two stories. Don't sell yourself short. You keep claiming that English is not your native language, and yet both the writing in the story and the writing in your comments/responses indicates a mastery of written English that exceeds the capabilities of many (if not most) native speakers. I can't even fathom the amount of effort you must put in to constructing everything you write here if you feel that you are hindered by not being a native English speaker.

Also, don't blame yourself for not liking Firewall. He's not exactly the most likable protagonist in the world, and he is a bit of a Gary Stu. Also, don't blame yourself for letting your dislike of Firewall stop you from continuing reading the story. Many have given up reading the whole thing earlier on for lesser reasons.

The only two things I would refute are:

1. I feel that the distinction of what type of display the microwave has is a minor enough detail that it would be better to be accurate for the sake of clarity, rather than to keep it inaccurate to preserve the unreliability of the narrator. Or the type of display could be left out entirely for the reader to fill in the blank, just having the glowing green characters on the microwave's display. Most people wouldn't worry too much over what type of technology is used as long as it does what it's supposed to and is easy to read from a distance.

2. If Firewall were turned into a mare I think he would be rather distraught; he's not always as calm, cool, and collected as he seems sometimes. As something of a SPOILER, he does at one point encounter a situation where he distresses over his physical appearance being altered to a more androgynous form, but in that situation, it's the least of his problems./SPOILER

What was the heck was the what the what the what?

But, seriously, this is getting weird.

>>200811200811

I must agree the pictures are quite a unique addition to the story. Usually you only see those things in author notes or some other bizarre place. But instead of taking you out of the story it adds to the fic in setting up the scenes. Although I've got to admit if I woke up a pony somehow I'd be way more concerned about the state of the universe. I mean wouldn't my existence somehow be a violation of oh I don't know... every scientific law imaginable?

Still great read so far. Although Ch. 4 was a little confusing to read, but then again it ended with what I assumed was a pineapple overdose.

>>177200177200

You're rewriting part of this story?

>>177740177740

Well your character definitely comes off as more learned, or at least she has a more diverse and unusual vocabulary.

I enjoyed TtEoAP, but I never thought to take it seriously, despite what may happen in the story.

>>200470200470

Who says you can't read in dreams?

>>201780201780

Those second and third comics are disturbing . . .

>>202321202321

I know a few pegasisters. Two of them are fairly good at LoL/TF2. :P

>>176654176654 We're agreed. Though by the tone of this story, I doubt we'll dive into clop, if at all.

But if we do, it's gonna be slow pace. You simply cannot dive into clopping, especially if said action will erase all of your own past

identity. Sure, anyone would be curious, but at the cost of losing one's self, anybody would hesitate.

I look forward to the inevitable torture that our little hero will have to go through.

>>202321202321>>202321202321

Reply: I would be careful if I were you dude. Just letting you know there ARE pegasisters on this site, and if they catch your message...

Let's just say they'll probably personally find your home address, then proceed to turn you into something worse than Cupcakes.

I would write the pegasister turned male stallion, buuut... Yeah, as I have said before, my writing skills are shoddy at best... Abysmal at worst.

Sure would make a good clop fic though, I would bet my bits on it.

Oi, I am just blowing out your "dislike" of Firewall. For some reason, I can see your OC in the position to murder Firewall with an axe, yelling "CALL ME ALLY BABA, OPEN SESAME!" Managing to give even Pinkamina the creeps. Meh, but then again, you probably have just as weird fantasies like I do, probably more so.

Oh, and the comics were to maintain emphasize. Nothing like a good little old visual imagery to pump the neurons in the brain's imagination!

Image: https://encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ5LiOCE-k2LDxknTBp8GNnAQ_gB-rjPGaAqkmundOjrwmkIe7w

Like good ole Smugleaf here for example.

Ah, a new day and lots of comments to respond to. Nice, very nice.

>>203088203088

Thank you for the positive feedback!

Yes, I admit that the character started as a self-insert, but I quickly realized self-inserts are usually uninteresting because they have a tendency to turn into a Gary-Stu; always right, super-powered, immune to humiliation, and completely and absolutely intolerable for the audience, not to mention a long list of other traits that turn the protagonist into a highly corrosive snowflake only the author is resilient to. So, starting with an extremely drastic change, FPV's protagonist was no longer eligible to be nominated with the unanimously resented title of Gary-Stu, and hopefully not for its counterpart either.

That said, I dare to claim that FPV has changed from a simple short story written in the span of ten hours to an unprecedented piece of work that has no direct equal here on FIMfiction. It's now a philosophical and serious look at the psychological effects of a sudden transformation into a pony. Call it a grimdark-avoidant deconstruction of the "Cool! I'm a pony!"-trope that's usually pertinent to and prevalent in (though not exclusive to) HiE stories.

>>203375203375

It may be fair to say that my opinion of my English being sufficient but nevertheless lacking in some aspects encourages me to do my utmost to achieve excellence, whereas those who are confident and content with their skills may conform to it and thus never try to improve themselves. It's rather ironic, now that I think of it; my perceived inadequacy instigating me to constantly match the level of native speakers of English is actually pushing me above that standard. I must never let that go into my head though, lest I wish to become arrogant and smug. Nevertheless, writing proficient English is a seemingly endless battle I engage in with determination and zeal. I wish to provide a high quality story, and my comments are to adhere to that same directive, even when sometimes it feels like I'm stubbornly trying to achieve the impossible.

At any rate . . .

1. I feel that the distinction of what type of display the microwave has is a minor enough detail that it would be better to be accurate for the sake of clarity, rather than to keep it inaccurate to preserve the unreliability of the narrator. Or the type of display could be left out entirely for the reader to fill in the blank, just having the glowing green characters on the microwave's display. Most people wouldn't worry too much over what type of technology is used as long as it does what it's supposed to and is easy to read from a distance.

I belive you're right; I can safely delete the erroneous acronym without risking the integrity of the story and narration.

>>204817204817

Oh, yes, chapter four can be a bit... perplexing. However, answers will come. Eventually.

>>205056205056

You have paper pony to thank for the unquestionably beautiful art (except chapter two's art; that comparatively poor illustration was created by me), whom has declared to enjoy this story greatly and willingly employed his considerable talents for my and the audience's pleasure, and most likely his own as well. I believe it's more than right that I offer a link to his art gallery in return, though I feel that gesture is simply too little to repay his generosity with.

>>205244205244

Nice to see you here too

Well your character definitely comes off as more learned, or at least she has a more diverse and unusual vocabulary.

And it's nice for you to say that. FPV would be a lot less entertaining fi it was written without your immeasurable help.

Those second and third comics are disturbing . . .

Especially the second cartoon. Brrr...  However, that person is a non-fan, so maybe it's karma pranking him? Rarity looks very adorable in the second to last panel, regardless.

>>205383205383

Reply: I would be careful if I were you dude. Just letting you know there ARE pegasisters on this site, and if they catch your message...

Let's just say they'll probably personally find your home address, then proceed to turn you into something worse than Cupcakes.

My comment was to be taken as a jest; I emphasized that with the emoticon (ponyticon?) of AJ's dull-looking stare. I'm fairly sure there are several female authors and fans here on FIMfiction, and let me make this clear: I have absolutely nothing against pegasisters. Honestly, I believe a pegasister in Equestria could offer a different perspective from the predominantly male protagonist, male author HiE stories, which usually are about either or both the protagonist becoming quickly and inevitably intimate with one of the mane cast and vanquishing some evil threat that just so conveniently can't be defeated ny the mane six. I'm already getting a headache just by cogitating how trite those HiE stories are. Maybe they should be called IIMiE (Insufferably Impeccable Man in Equestria) instead?

Fortunately, there are a few good exceptions that so delightfully break the rule, either by playing it straight with exceptional quality, or apllying a heavy dose of irony to turn it into a satire of said Gary-Stu fics, or by altering one central aspect to radically change how the story pans out. Trip Of A Lifetime is one such story. Instead of the protagonist welcoming, or at least accepting, his new environment, he's abhorring it. He is also a grade A jerk who views friendship and love as forgeries and lies, and shows nothing but contempt for the mane six, thinking he himself is always right and everything and everyone is inferior to him. Naturally, that attitude leads to a lot of humiliation and pain coming his way, which he doesn't learn anything out of due to his hardened and arrogant ego plus his hate for the ponies and Equestria rebuking most attempts to show kindness or regret. Well, until... Nah, I wont spoil anything. Instead, I sincerely endorse TOAL, as it's one of the best HiE stories I've read to date.

Anyway, this was yet another long post brough to you by yours truly. Feel free to brandish your pickaxes, or any other tool of your preference, and pick it apart.

>>205711205711

Hey! I do share your sentiments on the English language, man. It engaged my rant mode and I didn't want to spam the comment section with unrelated text so I ended writing a blog post about that. Check it out if you're interested

Gah...

Damn the internet for not transferring sarcasm correctly.

And yes, I have read the first few chapters of the story.

Indeed, what a basterd. Would you mind providing a few of those links about those good

stories that you were talking about? You got me curious.

>>205841205841

I agree with your blog rant . It was very profound and eloquent, too. My battle with the English language is eternal, and I guess it's with you as well. However, don't let that put a stop to you. If you have a good imagination, you should definitely try to write it down, even if you have doubts in your talents. I mean, I did, and look what it has gotten me into. FPV has developed from a basic, one-chapter introspective of a person's first minutes as a sudden pony, to a profound exploration of how the dramatic change in physique affects the protagonist.

Anyhow, writing is, to put it simply, a continual learning experience. Compare the first chapter of FPV with the latest and you'll discern the noticeable (I hope) improvement in my linguistic and narrative skills. It can be quite enjoyable, yet at times frustrating (sometimes both at the same time) to produce an entertaining fan fic. I guess I can count myself very lucky that FPV captivates the interest of others than my own

>>209736209736

Yes, these I count as good exceptions to the typical HiE formula.

Article 2

A rather dark and sad take on a non-brony human stranded on Equestria.

My Little Human: The Strange Case of Lyle Hartman

A human wakes up as a pre-existing background character in Equestria. It's a first person story, too.

Trip Of a Lifetime

The protagonist is a jerk and dislikes the mane six and Equestria. Hilarity ensues.

Memory Pending

First person narration is always a plus, and the protagonist's previous form arguably being a non-human wizard (not to mention his comically misconstrued inital assessments of Equestria and its inhabitants) sets it apart from the generic HiE fics.

"four-hoof drive configuration." Nice.

I'm enjoying this so far, but I do love my minor and all but insignificant little details that really breath life into fics such as this.

>>220361220361

I occasinally insert some small bits of humor into the story. Well, the protagonist does.

Mmm, this is good, but I feel as though I am merely being told what is happening and what the narrator is thinking, rather than actually feeling that more personal connection that you mentioned wanting to establish through the use of the first pony (puh dum cha) point of view.

Oh, sweet Celestia. Substitued memories would be terrifying. I mean, what else do you have to hold onto to confirm your sense of self?

That being said, It could be said that it feels as though this is a mere retelling of the story, after the events, the narrator saying what they felt, but not how they felt it. Does that make sense? It's like I'm watching their abject terror, but not experiencing any of it myself -- a movie theater over a video game.

Maybe it has something to do with the past tense, or my occasinal inbility to describe a feeling instead of writing a feeling. Now did that make sense? I'm constantly trying to improve though. Any advice is good advice, especially examples of don'ts and dos

His being a filly in physical appearance only, in physical form, and a male in mind . . . would that not make him an FtM transsexual? Eventually, after the shock of being a competely different species, I would expect him to have much more to grapple with as far as the change of body sex goes. While he may be able to come to terms with it conceptually (intellectually), there is the whole underlying body-map and sense of self -- his innate sense of being, mind you (which I'm sure is being thrown through a tumult right now, what with the whole species thing) -- that should still be male, and should cause quite a bit of gender dysphoria.

That is, unless you are going under the premise that his most fundamental sense of self in regards to his gender has been changed as well (as I found rather easy to assume was the case with Midnight's A Twist in the Tail, considering the ponification serum is well known within many interpretations of the Conversion Bureau universe to change the most core aspects of a person's being, including their mind (which would explain why Glen was so able to come to terms with her reality, because she was female, and had started to accept it). . . of course, I've only read the first three chapters of the story, and that was admittedly a long time ago (It was never updated past that in the original TCB compilation post on EqD, which is what I was following for updates at the time.), so Midnight could have easily changed or clarified his interpretation of just how Glen's gender functions.), which would mean that he really has become a filly in gender, and has to grapple with it conceptually (intellectually) due to the fact that her human self was male, and she feels she should still be, as that is who she was.

Either could present a rather interesting case, depending on where you want to take it, but I do hope you provide a realistic interpretation for the whole gender thing, as you are doing with the rest of the story.

>>220460220460

Yes, yes. Examples of do's and don't's.  That might be a while coming. I would need to go back through the story and actually try to analyse what it is that makes me feel the way I do. That can be rather difficult for me, as a non-writer. I don't know. I might try to be helpful, though, someday.

Speaking of which, how do you format the method of response in which it shows the user name of the writer of the post you are responding to, so that upon scrolling over it, the text of the post itself shows up in a little pop-up box? Hmm. Odd. Does it just format itself?

>>205056205056

I must agree the pictures are quite a unique addition to the story. Usually you only see those things in author notes or some other bizarre place. But instead of taking you out of the story it adds to the fic in setting up the scenes. Although I've got to admit if I woke up a pony somehow I'd be way more concerned about the state of the universe. I mean wouldn't my existence somehow be a violation of oh I don't know... every scientific law imaginable?

I must agree with you about the pictures. They really do add some sort of undefinable it to the stories, helping to ground them -- the settings and ideas -- more firmly once again.

>>220786220786

To my understanding Glen chose to remain a female because she had fallen in love, which was not solely on her own accord as she was in heat when her feelings were incited. She struggled to fight her desires of course, and even changed to a stallion later on and ran away to start a new life. However, Glen came to regret that decision and through many plot twists, reunited with the significant somepony to live happily ever after. As a mare.

FPV's protagonist, (who I refer to as RS from hereon), hasn't been exposed to the ponification serum present in the TCB stories. The serum intriniscally changes the person's psyche to accept and adapt to the new form, plus enact other changes in the species-altered person as well. Depending on the author and story, it ranges from small things, such as romantic (and sexual) attraction to ponies, to a dramatic erasure of personality with a barely analogous pony identity and behavior.

Anyhow, RS hasn't been affected with any mind-altering foreign substance as far as we know. The premise of his condition is very basic: he has awoken as a filly. From that point forward, things begin to develop. While it hasn't yet been stated in the story but can be surmised, having the body of a filly means he has the brain of a filly too. Undeniably that and the body's hormones are playing a part in his conduct despite him still regarding himself as a male. However, it's debatable that the ponyisms (anypony, everypony, what the hay etc.) is not a natural trait, but something learned from exposure to Equestrian culture. Moreover we have the small glimpses of pony memories which confuse and scare RS. What those factors imply is a topic of speculation, though I won't confirm or deny anything. At any rate, his biologically female brain certainly affects him in ways he doesn't always catch on to, and when he does, he either combats or denies them. As said, he considers himself a male and hence adheres to what he thinks are male standards. Conversely he resents feminine behavior, albeit in the fourth he temporarily loses his inhibitions and in the fifth chapter he surmises his form is the manifestation of his femininity. By no means does him being a brony imply he is effeminate. We actually don't know too much about RS at this point; however, occasional bits and pieces of his past, social behavior and hobbies are relayed through the narration.

Better that than a preamble detailing his life and interests up to his strange awakening.

Speaking of which, so far RS has presumably experienced only a few hours in his new body, and throughout all that he has mainly believed to be lucid dreaming. Due to the latter, he is fairly accepting of being a filly and obviously hasn't contemplated the possibility life as such. The closest was the (realistic) fear of becoming a living toy for morally depraved scientists.

Nonetheless, his self-image being that of male in a filly's body does portray him as a transsexual, though I suspect this would be the likely for anyone who would suddenly find themself turned into the opposite sex, not accounting true cases of transpeople of course; they would undoubtly feel blessed and rejoice in euphoria.

Anyway, without question he would be absolutely shocked to realize his body truly has been transformed. A taste of that occurred at the start of chapter five. Well . . . it was more like a narrowly averted faculty flummoxing full-blown panic, which I believe is a fairly strong indication of how much he fears to find out he is a real, tangible, breathing, living, ovaries-owning filly instead of the body being a vivid illusion created by his sleeping mind. It can also be argued he's in extreme denial and has labeled his reality as a convincing fantasy, hence sparing himself from the immeasurable horror of knowing with finality his body has inexplicably become that of a filly.

Alas, I can't reveal where I take this story to and what RS will encounter in the process, but I do have the plot mapped out quite far ahead. Just through that small admission is it possible to draw out some theories on what he has to face.

On the proposal of do's and don't's, I reiterate: any advice is good advice.

>>177740177740

Hello!  :3  Your insights intrigue me.  And yes, I agree with you on many points!  Especially the cellphone/internet.  PROOF THAT I WAS DRUNK, I TELL YOU!

Anyway, yes, I will agree that Firewall is too irritating, but that's just part of FP-POV.  No matter what, you're going to find people that hate the POV because it differs too much from theirs.  It isn't your fault for hating Firewall, mate, you just don't see things the way he does.  Just keep in mind, the thing started off on a drunken dare to take all the terrible cliches and stuff them into a single fic.  So uh... I did it! XD

I'm tabbing your fic, I'm going to read it (WAY too late to start reading now) soon and would love to give you an equally honest critique before long. :D  Don't worry, I'm not a jerk, I won't trash you just because you didn't like my fic.  n.n  Anyway, ya'll take care and I hope you can stomach the rewrite of TTEOAP when I finally get it done! :D

>>254100254100

Aww, you're too forrgiving. No, wait! Don't take that as an excuse to hammer me into a flat disk!

I make a poor manhole lid, what with being flesh and bones instead of cast iron

Anyway, one story starts out when drunk, another when insomniac in bed. Your story was an initial cliche-fest, and mine is a non-dark deconstruction of the "Being a pony is super awesome!"-trope. Both characters are self-inserts that nevertheless become or became OC ponies. To FPV'sprotagonist's chagrin, I took that change to a new (or different) level I wonder what more similarities there are other than the FP-POV?

At any rate, your upcoming critique, good or bad, I shall value, because it can educate me to become a better author.

One thing I wish to make clear though: I'm not a fan of Firewall, but I respect you as an author. You know how to write good dialog, have a good grasp on idioms and possess an extensive vocabulary you know how to utilize well. I struggle with all three. Still, I havent seen any fics here with the premise mine has, so I keep on writing until I finish FPV. Abandoning this fic is very unlikely. Impossible, I proclaim.

Keep going!  5 stars and a watchful eye from me.  Cannot wait to see the next several chapters.

>>254679254679

Thanks !

I hope to publish a new chapter before March, but . . . it may take a bit longer .

>>205711205711

I never left. :P

>>254722254722

Does that mean this is getting an update soon? I am so excited.

>>281349281349

Currently I'm optimistic and I estimate it to be a week - two at tops - until the next chapter is published.

i just realized poison joke does something to ponies  (and maybe people) that they wouldn't want. our friend here doesn't want to be a stuck as a filly for the rest of his life so maybe he ran into some poison joke without knowing the day before all of this happened  you can say no but ill always say yes

>>222990222990 you said he has a filly brain too? dude that would kinda funny to have him talking to his filly brain in a sort

>>289463289463

I'm not entirely sure what you mean. The protagonist doesn't have a separate filly brain stored in a jar she talks to, but as she is, well, a filly and thus has the brain of a filly. Or do you mean she'll develop a split personality?

Image: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_eaKbvlcIK10/TQbpX0yx6UI/AAAAAAAAJ6k/_CCDn9Vo-aY/s400/csi%252Bmiami%252Byeah%252B%252528net%252529.jpg

That is all.

But " takatakatakataka screetch clang+some other noise" greatest door opening ever.

>>291197291197

But " takatakatakataka screetch clang+some other noise" greatest door opening ever.

"Kakawshunk-kakawshunk-kakawshunk... ssshh..."

That's the door rolling like a big cog, followed by its hydraulic systems releasing pressure.

I think i can track this story among other stories. Somehow i get inception reference from this, and walking is pretty damn hard. If anyone has played QWOP they should know.

Mutta jatka samaan malliin on ihan kiva tarina.

>>291497291497

I haven't seen Inception, so any reference to it is purely coincidental. Neither do I know what QWOP is.

Oli miten oli, toivottavasti tulee julkaistua uusi kappale parin viikon sisällä.

>>291521291521

googletat vaan QWOP ja opettelet siitä.

>>289929289929read the other comment you m-you know what im sorry i was so tired from reading fanfics that even now i dont understand the heck i was thinking this is probly how i looked when i wrote that comment

if as a filly he is as old as sweetie belle and can use magic then id be suprised

Nope. In the same age range as the mane six.

>>281637281637

Well, that one week marker is about to be passed. Crud.

My dear patient and admirable readers, I must apologize deeply for the persisting and agonizing delay of the sixth chapter. Rest assured, it's being worked on. Hopefully this drawing will be appeasing and appealing. It's the best drawing I've made to date and took only four hours to create.

Image: http://i.imgur.com/TvwqD.jpg

>>305319305319

Your drawing skills are pretty nice

And I'm looking forward to the next installment.

>>322902322902

I have some good news then!

Chapter six is practically complete and presently is in the process of receiving some very impressive art. It may take a few days more, but once the illustrations are done the new chapter goes public

BTW, only the second chapter's drawing and the above image are done by me. The rest of the chapter art plus the cover is by paper pony .

Image: http://i.imgur.com/A7vbG.jpg

A brand new chapter is finally here!

You go, Girl.

I also want to add that the illustrations are wonderful, and the flow of the story just keeps getting better. I was not altogether pleased with the violent interaction with the human earlier, you seem to be at your most interesting when detailing the little feelings and sensations. You have little need of conflict in this story, in my mind, because you already have drama and fascination enough with the basic situation to last almost any length.

The experience here, I think, is the story, and it is indeed compelling.

>>329576329576

Was that aimed at me or the protagonist?

EDIT: your opening line, I mean.

I realize that the drama with the guy was perhaps not quite well constructed and conjured as I hoped it to be, and I also hope that I learned a thing or two from it. However, it must be understood that the stress was overwhelming for the protagonist and she (unjustly) vented it on the guy. It happens daily, you know. Things go sour at work and you might find yourself shouting obscenities at a bus that happens to occupy your lane when you're driving back home.

At any rate, I know my strength seems to be set in describing the protagonist's thoughts and actions instead of interactions with other characters. The protagonist meeting other people is unavoidable, and I wish that I, the author, won't mess up when she does.

But yes, you're correct; the true conflict is with the protagonist herself, especially now that her belief of sojourning in a vivid fantasy has finally been shattered at the end of the latest chapter.

Also, feel free to thank paper pony for the beautiful art. He is simply amazing at what he does.

AAAAAH!

YES, IT'S FINALLY HERE!

This is one of my favorite stories, for sheer level of awesome. Keep it up!

...And he was doing so well at accepting his new gender, too. Hehehe.

Also the pics are getting adorable.

>>329631329631

Is it not incredible? The horribly long wait is over, and we are all happy! I'm glad people like this story, and I sincerely hope to bring a new quality chapter sooner next time. I'm sure we're all riveted on how the MC copes with herself now.

Yes, the protagonist was indeed doing quite well until that little deviation. She was arduously and valiantly combating a panic attack, but then she suffers the mother of all slip-ups which sent her firmly into panic mode. That little word she said was a precision bunker buster into his male ego, not only because she called "himself" a girl, but a strong girl. Strength is in the main character's mind a masculine trait. and that was essentially genderflipped with a single word. Thus, a devastating blow was dealt on the protagonit's malehood and rationality.

Anyhow, the enthralling illustrations are by paper pony, and words truly fall short on expressing my gratitude . It's truly remarkable how much illustrations can enhance a story.

I knew she wasn't in a dream! When the MC said she was going to jump into the river, something bad was going to happen!

>>329934329934

Things could've gone much worse if she hadn't resurfaced, but thankfully I had no inentions whatsoever to conclude this story so suddenly and darkly.

Woo, new chapter.

Mental breakdowns are one of the best parts of the show; it stands to reason that they would be great in fanfics too!

>>330082330082

Took six chapters to break that delusion of herself being in a dream. I bet many of you now wonder what the end of this chapter will portend for the seventh to continue with.

Personally I think illustrations are almost cheating.

But I'm something of a literary purist and it works for the story, so w/e. :P

Seeing this one character going through so much mental stress, panic, and pain is very intriguing. She has somehow kept herself sane long enough for her to realise she's not in a dream. Then, she conquered that panic attack, but brought on another when she called herself "a strong girl." bloody brilliant; bravo, Sir. I'm chomping at the bit for the next chapter.