(MLP Laboratories the Outbreak Level -?-)
Twilight couldn't move. Her pose was unnatural, her front legs were tied away by some sort of jacket.
She needed to get up. She needed to get away from this place. She couldn't quite remember why that was, but oh, she was scared, so scared. She felt so overwhelmingly helpless that she started screaming.
Somewhere she heard Pinkie Pie giggle.
"Uuuuh, Tweelee is making the loud noises with her head again!"
Someone was running around in circles, chanting "Head noises, head noises!". Was it Rainbow Dash? And the pale one in the corner, chewing on one ear of a plush bunny... was that Fluttershy?
A door was opened, and two big ones in white clothes appeared, holding Twilight down with their big, strong arms.
"Shhh, quiet, girl... Dude, give me the syringe."
No needle! The needle was bad! Twilight doubled her efforts, but in vain.
"There we go... This one is getting more difficult to deal with by the day."
"She's creeping me out, I can tell you that. Did you hear these screams? Jesus, she sounded like a freakin' horse..."
The voices faded away.
-
When Twilight opened her eyes again, she was sitting on a chair. All her friends were there too. And opposite to her, on the other side of the circle, there was a man, one of the finger-people. He had a long, white beard and glasses.
"There you are, Tara. The tenders told me you have been a naughty girl. Let's talk about that."
"I'm not Tara, I'm Twilight... Twilight Sparkle... Who are you?"
"Why, I'm your doctor, Doctor Fohlman. You have been seeing me for years."
Twilight was shaking her head. She was feeling so very dizzy. She could hardly keep her eyes open.
"Tara... "Twilight", please tell me what is wrong with you. I am your friend. I am here to help."
"Ponyville... It's all a lie... All of this is WRONG! There is tunnels, and pipes, and dark places, and needles, and robots... We need to get out... Out... Out..."
"Yes, Tara. Ponyland is just a dream. That much is true. It is a nice dream, a dream where you could have fun, and play... It was a very good dream. But something happened to that dream. Somehow, it got bad. You're not a happy girl anymore, and you're causing a lot of trouble, you know that?"
"It was a LIE! We needed to break through! Spike told me..."
"Spike? Oh, do you mean this?"
The doctor pulled a little purple plush dragon out of his pocket. He put it on Twilight's lap.
"Did that doll tell you nasty things?"
Twilight was staring down on the plushie.
"Spike is real..."
"No, Tara. Spike is imaginary. Can you see now? It is all in your imagination! But now you're imagining bad things. And that's bad."
Twilight started crying.
"It's not true... It's not true... Spike is real... And you're all just a bunch of trolls... But we'll show you..."
"Tara, I need you to listen to me. You are making everyone miserable. Yourself, your little friends, and us, of course, the people who care about you.
It's your dream, Tara. You control it. You can dream nice things again. We need you to dream nice things. Look around you! Reality is cold and boring and sad.
Just look at yourself..."
Twilight was looking down at her torso, wrapped in a straight-jacket, at her pale legs. Instead of hooves, there were... finger... toe... things. She flexed a few muscles, and they started wriggling around, like a bunch of little maggots. It was freaking her out.
"You and your friends, you were playing ponies, what a pretty idea! The little jackets keep your hands safely tucked away, but you still had your legs to run around, and magic, of course... I understand some of you can even fly! Now that's really cool!
So my request is very simple. Go back into your dream. But dream it nice this time. Don't let this stupid old Spike tell you bad things! Maybe we should send him somewhere else..."
The doctor reached forward to take the plushie away.
"NO!"
The doctor smiled.
"There there, Tara. You can keep him. But teach him some manners, okay?"
He sighted.
"Tara, you and your friends, you have to stay with us. You're a threat to yourself and to people around you.
They see you as their leader, Tara. They will follow you. If you're having scary thoughts, they will get scared as well. Leaders need to be responsible, Tara. You know that, don't you?"
Twilight nodded under tears.
"That's right. You're reasonable. You're responsible. You know your little friends need you. So what will you have to do?"
Twilight snorted. She was still feeling dizzy. Thinking was hard. But the doctor said...
"I... I need to bring them back to the dream. Not make scary noises or say scary things... So we can be happy again..."
"That's right."
The doctor brought his big, friendly face closer.
"I need you to eat your candy, and go back to Ponyland. Where you can heal, and play... And you'll be my little ponies again..."
In a fluid movement, Twilight rose from her chair and kicked the doctor in the face, sending him to the other side of the room.
"WE ARE NOT YOUR LITTLE PONIES!"
"Yeah! You show 'em, Twilight!"
"You rock! Woo-hoo!"
The other girls jumped of their chairs as well, chanting and stomping in approval.
-
"ENOUGH!"
The sterile decor was falling apart. Black robot arms rose from the shadows, grabbing one pony after the other and pulling them away.
The doctor's face was changing. It was made of shiny white metal, with glowing eyes.
Because the doctor wasn't a doctor at all. It was Princess Celestia, with her android voice.
"TWILIGHT SPARKLE! You're going to pay for this! My patience is running low! I will break you, Twilight Sparkle, and if it's the last thing I'll do!"
Twilight's mind was drifting away again, but this time, she was smiling.
She couldn't tell what was real and what was not, but there was one thing she knew for sure: That kick... It had felt so good.
Um... after reading this I have noticed a few things.
First: Just slow down a bit. I (the general read) am getting hit with a lot of info. Take your time with the story. No rush at all.
Second: I supose that there will be more right? Because there are A LOT of plot holes right now that could use some explaining.
That's it really. Pretty good. I give you a Mustache Spike:.
You know... this has some potential.
It's pretty bucked up, and I'm saying both what happens to everypony and how the plot is playing out.
Again this has great potential to become a pretty good fic! And I agree with Killer, there are so many plot holes... SO MANY!!!
So just please instead of trying to hook us with more of what you've written (And believe me what you've written is very hooking!) Try to shed some light on the topic more! Although job well done on the latest chapter (Ch4) It did make sense, after a read or 2!
i think i read this somewhere else...
and it gets insane...
What. The. Fucking. Shit. Fuck. Did. I. Just. Read?
Alright, I'm not sure what you're trying to accomplish here, but all I know is that I am not impressed. I'm sorry, but I simply have to dismiss this as a troll fic, it's the only way I can make any sense of the existence of this fic.
Simply taking something that's cute like MLP and putting the characters in a setting that's more disturbing than Orion's Arm and 1984 combined DOESN'T make the fic thought-provoking or engaging in any way - it just makes it annoying and unpleasant to sit through.
This is the equivalent of someone writing a fic about how Blue's Clues was actually set inside the mind of a dying cancer patient - it's pointlessly contrived, gratuitous, and serves no purpose other than to disturb and/or annoy the reader. Furthermore, the entire idea of it all simply has no rhyme or reason to it; the the willing suspension of disbelief has to be set next-to-none at the beginning of a story, so you can't immediately expect the audience to accept the idea within the first few sentences that "Oh, alright, MLP is all just a dreamworld in Twilight's head, and then the Flying Spaghetti monster appeared out of nowhere and started preaching the will of the Jeebus, and Tom was God all along."
Ergo, no matter what way I look at it, this fic simply has no redeeming qualities whatsoever - it's nothing more than grimdark shit for the sake of grimdark shit, and what's worse is that nothing is paced at all, unlike other grimdark fics. Spend your writing skills on something that's actually worthwhile, would you?
I thought it was an interesting if confusing concept
I think I read this on fanfiction.net once.
Could be a fascinating read if you demonstrated any idea of whatever manner of fuck you're doing. Proper, mind-raping Grimdark requires excellent writing skills with excruciating descriptiveness.
Sorry, buck-o, but you don't have either. What am I reading. Tell me, because the fic won't.
50378
50567
Well, I'm certainly glad I wasn't the only one.
50378 "nothing more than grimdark shit for the sake of grimdark shit"
That is certainly not my intention.True, I like to play out different outrageous scenarios, trying to discover the true potentials of the basic idea (I believed I had that element covered by the category "random"). The overall picture has nothing to do with cheap gore and mind-bucking.
"Simply taking something that's cute like MLP and putting the characters in a setting that's more disturbing..."
Just a tiny hint: In the first story, Twilight Sparkle is reduced to a head in a jar. But she turns the situation around. She WINS. Because she is stronger than that. This is a pattern you will discover in many of these stories, and if anything matters here, this is it. If you think I'm one of these trolls who simply like to break their sister's dolls, you probably didn't grasp the concept.
Now you'll say "Well if you have to explain anything, your story fails on so many levels". You are entiteled to your opinion, and many people share it, but many others don't. A lot of people seem to grasp this without any explaining other than the stories themselves, or at least they are sensing there will be more ahead, knowing the meaning of the word "ongoing". The reason I'm replying to you is that you have taken your time to write a lenghty and sophisticated comment that deserves a reaction. You have explained what you think about this and why, and your reasons are good, though they come from completely different interpretations and preferences than my own.
"I'm not sure what you're trying to accomplish here, but all I know is that I am not impressed"
This sums it up pretty nicely.
50749 Buck them I like it. Write some more
Alriiiiiiight.
This thing was mildly insane, very fast paced and a great deal disturbing. What I could make sense of so far is that "Outbreak" is an ongoing tale that follows a single story line, while here you post more or less one-shots that stick to the overall concept established in "Outbreak", right? I am not certain what to make of this, since it is at least as far away from the usual structure of fics as it can be without getting entirely unreadable.
I like the concept, and though some might argue you are going for cheap shock value (and you certainly are sometimes) it all fits together nicely in the end. Somehow the uncertainty what to believe and what to firmly tuck away to "the be crazy, yo" territory is what keeps me interested here.
I wish to read more, but I also wish for some clarification where to place those "short stories" in the context of "Outbreak" since I am, if nothing else, a sucker for epic tales and love hunting for background information.
50378
Don't listen to this guy, he's a hater. Look at his avatar! He's even part of the Loner faction for goodness sake! How horrid!
The way I see it, Chapter 4 has two interpretations that seem to be equally valid:
1.) Twilight Sparkle has been drugged/hypnotized into believing that she is actually a mentally ill human. At the end, she manages to break away from the effects of the drugs/hypnosis.
2.) Tara (severely mentally ill human in a mental hospital) with delusions that she is Twilight Sparkle experiences a lucid period but she becomes combative and is sedated, returning her to Equestria. "Normal" Equestria and the whole "High Octane Nightmare Fuel" Equestria were all products of her delusional mind. At the end, she is slipping back into the delusions of her own mind.
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But either way, this is a seriously creepy story. I like the minimalistic descriptions and the slightly erratic writing style - it gives the fic a dreamlike quality that is eerily reminiscent of a psychotic episode.