Shade gets teleported to Equestria as punishment by her aunt, the Goddess of Death. Will she finally rid the anger and wrath that plagues her heart and start a new life? Or will she become even more hellbent on revenge, challenging Death herself?
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Grammar and spelling needs some work, particularly on the more recent chapters. You start changing the tense around, and I found it rather disorienting. Some of the dialogue is kind of odd as well, and the first chapter contains way too much information that the reader really doesn't need.
Other than that, this story perplexes me.
There are a lot of elements to it that I shouldn't like, particularly with the protagonist. You've got ridiculous names like Nightshade Toxin and Deathly Belladonna which sound like they're from straight outta fifth-grade, the protagonist has dead parents, an outlook on life that screams "Help me, help me! I buy all my clothes from Hot Topic and have daddy issues!", and to top it all off the two protagnists are literal gods.
But for some reason, it kind of works?
I don't know how, but you managed to keep me interested for all five chapters, that's not an easy task to accomplish. With that I don't mean interested as in "Wow, I wonder how the author can possibly make it go even more downhill next chapter.", but interested as in "I actually want to know what happens in the next chapter.".
I think it's partly due to the odd kind of duality you have with the two protagonists: the edgelord and the goofball. There's an interesting chemistry with how they interact and how their personalities clash harder than the Titanic and icebergs.
I can't really come to a conclusion about how I feel about this story, but I wouldn't be opposed to seeing it evolve and improve further. There is something of a foundation here, you just need to do something with it.
7780810 The best criticism I have received in a long time. Thank you.
I wanted to try something different with Shade. In my other writings I have her become evil, become an antihero, have her solve galactic problems, but never focus on her problems and her complex relationship with her parents and Death.
I haven't delved into Death or Shade's psychology before and I want to bring out their history.
I will try to address the issues you have pointed out.