hmm...I liked it, but the actual storyline was pretty much bullshit. you'd have to have something more solid than Applejack not accepting a Mare-Mare relationship. give it a more solid storyline and ditch the super anticlimactic and uneventful ending for one that makes sense and is relevant to the storyline and this would be amazing

705259 hahaha, i was jsut trying to give a half-assed reason for them to kill eachother, really. honestly, i kinda teared up a bit writing it, but really all it was was an outlet for my weapons fetish. also, it was written in one night. so credit where credit is due. but you're right, if i wanted a story, this particular one would have been tripe on a crusty roll. the real focus was on the combat and weapons, and unfortunately that makes any interpersonal conflict pale in importance to both myself while writing and the reader. and as for uneventful, yes, it was, but there was no real climax. it ended. the whole thing was pretty high-octane, so i had no way to really get more insane without getting DBZ up in this story. my usual stories kinda ramble a bit, giving a lot of backstory. also, hitting on what you said about the AJ not accepting it thing: yes, it was a ridiculous storyline, but the intended (and slightly vague) idea i was trying to get across at the time was a very hamhanded comment on my views of the political war that's been going on these past few years about the whole idea (yes i know that sounds stupid, but let me explain.) and then offering my opinion on it, basically.terribly stuffy of me to be say, and it makes me sound like a political snob, i know, but that was a small amount of the intent behind it, and the conversation that preceeded the fight was mostly to touch on the fact that said people have the right to have said relationship and to keep it secret if they so wish. that it's nobody elses business. and then the end was just a piece of terrible melodrama that i threw in there to sound artsy and give a half-assed attempt at emotion in the story. which failed. miserably.

705443 crimson night was my first serious attempt at real combat in an MLP fic :P hop on over to my deviantart page if you wanna read some of my naruto fics- they're loaded with it

705859 cool, same with this bit. I just put a lot of effort into into it. It was actually very DBZ as far as the speed my head. Though the swordplay was soul caliber all the way. Kinda wanna do more, but first I need an okay from Hasbrohoof who hasn't spoken to me in a day or two. He's still writing the applejack victory ATM, as far as I know.

705873 it seemed a bit too fast, but too slow. for me an epic fight like this either has to end almost instantly or take a long time and give extreme detail. while it's true two skilled opponents could take a long time to wear each other down, many a battle in ancient asia between two skilled samurai were often ended with the first blow

705893 heh. yeah, I've seen the samurai flicks. but this wasn't that, it was a battle of attrition, but it wasn't masterful warriors, and their swords weren't the instant kill weapons that samurai had. these were still built by mortals, albeit with magic, and as skilled as western smiths were, they simply don't compare. and as you noticed, itwas extremely one-sided, even with the sword fighting aspect. the idea was a battle of attrition, fought to a standstill. a "kill me with honor, or ill make your life hell" situation.so, like a warrior, she died on her feet. (well, on her back being viciously stabbed, but you get the point. so did she )
anyway, i wasn't going to have them simply lop the others head off and be done with it, but i wasn't going to have a vastly over-complicated battle, as, well, choreography is hard. and i thought a few of the descriptive pieces made up for that. i guess not... ah well. the silk bit was my favorite. really, i could only put out so much, and considering where people took most stories in 3000 words, yourself for example, to linger on one fight scene the whole time is a pretty impressive feat. at least for me it was... i tend to do exactly the same as the samurai thing, vastly outclassing the opponent and ripping them to shreds. I'd refer to the fight scene in my Starfire (it's just a project name, though the character's name is starfire because i couldn't find a more fitting one) but it's not ponies, so irrelevant. and in this, i felt the end was the way it should be. neither ne able to stand before a burst of energy, and THEN a samurai smackdown. i thought i go the best of both worlds, though. i guess i didn't. oh well, next time, maybe. still, you favorited it, so i assume it was at least half decent!

"and their swords weren't the instant kill weapons that samurai had. these were still built by mortals" ?! the ef you talking about. Samurai would just use normal Katana, they actually existed- and still do- dude.
yeah i get the 'choreography is hard' part...terrible at fighting scenes myself...I just said it could use more because it could, but I don't know how you'd do it. if it was longer then it would have been fine though.
just because it's not poniesdoesn't mean it's not relevant. I'd actually like you to look over my novel when i start it again, I lost the ten chapters I had written and it's going over massive revisions...of course this comes after lavender and dawn are completed

706135 sorry, by that comment I was simPly elevating Japanese craftsmen. Those swords were the best made in the world, and the way they were made still confounds scientists today, from what I saw of a history program. I basically just wanted to say that, enchanted as they were, they weren't, by my design, sharp enough to simply lop one's head off. What I said, basically, was that japanese steel was and still is the best sword, as far as I know. Simple as that. I was saying that these weren't top notch weapons. Just the enchantments. This would have been similar to fighting with vaguely sharp ornamental weapons taken off of the wall of a mansion. They used to be usable in battle, but no longer. Hope that explains it. And about my story, hell, I'll send what I have to you in a message when I next am at a computer. It's just that I don't plan on finishing it, let alone publishing it.

706185 you really should publish it, if nothing else than to get feedback on what to keep doing right and what you're doing wrong that can be changed.

706208 you know what? That sounds pretty good. I've got it on google share, so if you could message me your gmail, I could give you commenting ability on it, provide some input... It will have to wait for about an hour though, I don't have a computer at the moment... Oh, and just for anyone reading this later... If you have some opinions you think you could offer, message me and I'll add you to the list. Right this moment, though, it is a private project, so requests only.
Back to you, Dark, it's a superhero thing, and. I drop the science a little in some bits until I can find a better way to word it, so in that capacity your input would be especially welcome. I'll definitely add you, just send your gmail.

*Claps hands excitedly* Where do I begin... that was fucking awesome. This is exactly what I'm talking about when I say fantastic fight writing! Every blow, every clash, that sonic rainboom application, the flawlessly seamed in back stories, the rush I got from reading this: PHE-FUCKING-NOMENAL! As a veteran combat writer to a newbie, I'm proud to say:

welcome to the family
images.wikia.com/fma/images/7/7e/Vlcsnap-2012-07-04-02h50m15s84.png
I want a brohoof.

about time you got this up. I loved the beta version, even though the story was nonexistant lol.
on a side note, I wouldn't right now since I haven't started it but your idea suggestions will be needed soon for I am rewriting CD. I'll let you know when I start so your ideas won't be forgotten

966234>>966140
Tears. Of. Motherbucking. Joy. Thank you, Your Antagonist, love your stuff to death, so it's fan-bucking-tastic to see that I made an impression. As for dark, buck yeah, do want.

966140 *gasps* I forgot! Brohoof! */)(\* by the way, this is going to be a continuing thing. Check out my latest blg post for more info.

This is………interesting. Rainbow isn't killed for a change.

980407 pretty much. it's been done so often that i just couldn't do it again, since people always expect the god to be brought low. i actually have made this into a series now, and the next match is going to be Pinkie vs. Rarity. i already have Rarity's stuff down, now i need to intro pinkie... may be about a week before it's polished enough for me to show it off, but it'll get there...

Now that i think about it, this is a very clever idea. I commend your creativity my good writer.
On a side note, i wonder what a Octavia vs Vinyl wuld be like. (hint hint)

1000148 believe it or not, this is a series, and I have 2 weapons for Octavia and 4 for vinyl. After I'm done writing out pinkie vs. rarity, I might just do it if you suggest it in the comments there.

1003931suggestion is made! make it so!

AWESOME! AND YAY!!!! RD WON!!! and in a terrific way might i add. i love this, a lot...

Rainbow Dash exclaimed, her legs spread in defiance, mere inches from the face of her once friend

Sorry, but this causes all kinds of mental images that aren't what I think was intended. Or was it.

Also, The single handed sword, styled after a classic broad sword, had a design as intricate as that of her opponent's.

ouch and again!
"Now!" yelled the Rainbow Pegasus, clasping her sword with both hands,