You seem to have javascript disabled, or your browser is failing to execute it properly. Much of Fimfiction's functionality requires javascript so we suggest you turn it on! If this message goes away after a few seconds, ignore it, javascript support sometimes takes a few seconds to detect.

Featured In42

More Stories10

  • E Worlds Apart

    A lonely young man takes in Shining Armor and Cadance after he finds them on their doorstep, stranded from their own world. After becoming friends, the two ponies help the man open up to a woman he's attracted to.
    32,953 words · 8,265 views  ·  477  ·  30
  • T Sparké

    A human chef looking to open a restaurant in New York gets more than he bargained for when he winds up in Equestria. While there, he reacquaints with somepony from his past...
    77,413 words · 3,239 views  ·  368  ·  24 · sex
  • T Rehabilitation

    After managing to survive the rise and fall of Heisenberg, Jesse Pinkman, his mind and body shattered seemingly beyond repair, winds up in a place where he may finally be able to rest...
    5,849 words · 677 views  ·  112  ·  13 · gore
  • E Yu-Gi-Oh! P†H

    In an alternate reality in which dueling is Earth's greatest pastime, one duelist receives a mysterious card that unlocks his destiny that will lead him to becoming the savior of two worlds...
    275,575 words · 1,093 views  ·  59  ·  21
  • E Yu-Gi-Oh! Equus X Zexal

    A crossover of the anime Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal and my fanfic Yu-Gi-Oh! Equus.
    128,877 words · 2,047 views  ·  52  ·  21
  • E Yu-Gi-Oh! Equus

    An aspiring duelist's life changes forever when the world of Equestria appears near Earth.
    221,490 words · 2,588 views  ·  82  ·  49
  • T A Dramatic Turn of Events

    A famous real-life rock band from Earth winds up in Equestria.
    25,327 words · 1,018 views  ·  22  ·  10
  • T Wilee: Equestrian Courier

    Wilee, having fully recovered from his ordeal with the corrupt cop Bobby Monday, has a whole new adventure await him when he's sent by his boss, Raj, to assist Derpy Hooves as a courier in the town of Ponyville in the magical land of Equestria.
    2,978 words · 248 views  ·  12  ·  8

Blog Posts102

  • 1w, 6d
    Nolanites Have Officially Become Collectively More Retarded than EqG Fans.

    Source:


    From an actual Nolanite:

    Critics are gonna hate interstellar as this movie is beyond their IQ level....most of them never went to high school or failed miserably in physics and now they are ogling their frustration on Chris nolan....Jeremy,do you really think this movie deserves 2 star whereas you shit in your pants whenever you hear a marvel movie and give away 4 star ratings to them?

    I think the sheer criticism of interstellar is the sign of intellectual death of americans and the beginning of an era of shallow,pretentious hipsters like this reviewer.

    My response:

    Jesus, wow. This has to be some of the most retarded fucking garbage I’ve heard all day, and I’ve seen a lot of stiff competition from the lot of you Nolanfags. Let’s review just how toxically stupid this comment is.

    “Critic are gonna hate interstellar as the movie is above their IQ level…”

    How does this make any sense? Everything in this movie was explained out for the audience so that the only way someone couldn’t possibly understand this movie was that they didn’t even watch it.

    “most of them never went to high school or failed miserably in physics and now they are ogling their frustrations out of Chris nolan.”

    This statement was so abysmally dumb that I nearly had a stroke reading it. Critics “hate” Interstellar because the dialogue is nothing but exposition and forced philosophy and the ending is a massive paradox that makes the entire movie cave in on itself.

    The fact that you’re (poorly) rationalizing this hard about why people and critics don’t like this movie makes it appear as though you didn’t even pay attention to the movie and were automatically going to come out of it thinking it was “deep” and “meaningful” because Nolan made it, any reasonable complaints be damned. Also, ogling is a synonym for “staring.” If you want people to take your argument the least bit seriously, start by not using big words that you clearly don’t know the definition to.

    “Jeremy, do you really think this movie deserves 2 star whereas you shit in your pants whenever you hear a marvel movie and give them a 4 star ratings to them?”

    He gave this movie a “no alcohol required” rating. That hardly registers as a “bad movie” for him by any means. So what, it’s not because the movie’s being “hated,” but because other movies are being rated higher and that it’s not being universally acclaimed like you hoped it would that you’re all pissing and moaning?

    And you’re saying that the critics haven’t gone to high school? Because from the sound of your whining, you all sound like you haven’t even made it past pre-school yet.

    “I think the sheer criticism if interstellar is the sign of intellectual death of americans…”

    Or maybe it’s because Nolan-senpei didn’t make as strong a movie as his others. I know that’s a really tough fact for you to take in, but tough, junior, sometimes your favorite directors will not make a good movie.

    “…and the beginning of an era of shallow, pretentious hipsters like this reviewer.”

    Numbfuck, have you even seen any of Jeremy’s other reviews? The bulk of what he reviews are the mainstream wide-release movies. Again, your complete arrogance and contempt towards anyone who doesn’t consider every Nolan movie as “the best movie ever,” proves that you have no intellectual reasoning within your tiny little skull and you cling to Nolan as cinema’s greatest filmmaker because his obvious and expositional movies are all your brain can possibly comprehend.

    Man, I can’t wait to see what dipshitted ad hominem life story you have planned for me after this comment. Don’t post it too soon, I want to make some popcorn first.

    How this guy manages to wipe himself without having a full-on panic attack is beyond me.

    2 comments · 95 views
  • 2w, 3d
    Interstellar Review (Spoiler Free)

    3 comments · 49 views
  • 3w, 2d
    moviemaster's Spooptastic Halloween

    0 comments · 56 views
  • 4w, 6h
    Rainbow Rocks Can Now Officially Fuck Off

    This is where it's at.


    (And don't worry, the movie is subtitled if you want to see it).

    Yes, it's silly, wacky, and corny, but that's Bollywood for you, and it was still really damned entertaining. And this is what plays during the final dance segment. Just listen to this shit!


    Fucking amazing!

    1 comments · 85 views
  • 4w, 4d
    One of the Greatest Stories Ever Written

    My dad found this one back when I was in 6th grade, and it still makes me howl with laughter.

    Recently I was honoured to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me that I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted.

    Here are the scorecards from the event:

    CHILI # 1: MIKE'S MANIC MONSTER CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: A little to heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

    JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

    FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with this stuff. I needed two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. Those Texans are crazy.

    CHILI # 2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

    JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour. Needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

    FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave of two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to walkie-talkie in three extra beers when they saw the look on my face.

    CHILI # 3: FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

    JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili. A bit salty. Good use of red peppers.

    FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced.

    CHILI # 4: BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

    JUDGE ONE: Black Bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

    JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods. Not much of a chili.

    FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.

    CHILI # 5: LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

    JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

    JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

    FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly from a pitcher onto it. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Fuckin' Rednecks! ! !

    CHILI # 6: VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

    JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

    JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic.

    FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

    CHILI # 7: SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

    JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum. Tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge # 3.

    FRANK: You could put a fucking Grenade in my mouth, pull the fucking pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my fucking mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit, to match my fucking shirt. At least the during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the four inch hole in my stomach.

    CHILI # 8: HELEN'S MOUNT SAINT CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending. This is a nice blend chili, safe for all; not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

    JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good balanced chili, neither mild now hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank.

    3 comments · 84 views
  • ...
 402
 11,360
This story has been marked as having adult content. Please click below to confirm you are of legal age to view adult material in your country.

Confirm
#1 · 129w, 6d ago · · ·

dude

what

#2 · 129w, 4d ago · · ·

those portals just make me rethink the universe  

#3 · 129w, 3d ago · · ·

damnit discord

#5 · 125w, 15h ago · · ·

i can take the occasional hardcore pony x human clop scene, but holy fuck man, discord...and even fucking big mac.....:pinkiesick::pinkiesick::pinkiesick::pinkiesick::pinkiesick:

#6 · 124w, 6d ago · · ·

Apart from the clop parts ( I hate clop, but I tolerate it.), the Humour is great.

#7 · 123w, 6d ago · · ·

“It was just a group of horny bronies in some town in a place called Louisiana who casted some kind of black magic spell on a Jumanji board game and some of these My Little Pony figurines.  And voila, you now see the finished product.”

but... but... I don't know any black magic! That prick is trying to frame me!

#8 · 115w, 1d ago · · ·

Excellent clop with Twi.:twilightsmile:

#9 · 104w, 5d ago · · ·

...........hmmmmmmm............I like it though if discords the last boss....and the objective to win is by...having...sex.......:pinkiesick:.....nonononononononononon!....well maybe if he turns into a female discord ....my god i'm a sick person, or gets a female villain to proxy for him

Comment posted by 9Cirno9 deleted at 2:42am on the 22nd of May, 2013
#11 · 78w, 5d ago · · ·

Jesus. It’s wetter than the Mississippi here.

Oh god cant stop laughin :trollestia: :pinkiecrazy:

#12 · 70w, 3d ago · · ·

Apparently I'm the only one in the whole fucking world that wants to have sex with Discord but hey, more for me.

#13 · 54w, 3d ago · · ·

So, this time it's the bronies' fault?

Also

Of all of the horrifying and disturbing things I had ever seen, heard, or felt in my life, nothing will top Discord licking my penis.

This goes straight into my file of WTF clopfic quotes :eeyup:

#14 · 43w, 3d ago · 2 · ·

"Twilight's vagina then enveloped my face."

Vagina portal. Best. Fucking. Thing. Ever. Dude, you are a genius. :rainbowlaugh:

#15 · 20w, 5d ago · · ·

i feel the boss may be molestia

#16 · 19w, 1d ago · · ·

Woooo! Twilight my favorite character.

Hot. (っ´▽`)っ

#17 · 16w, 5d ago · · ·

Who is the mysterious jewel? ZECORA?! After all, it's always rhyming.

#18 · 4w, 1d ago · · ·

Okay, this story is messed up. Like, SERIOUSLY messed up.

#19 · 3w, 1d ago · · ·

Of all of the horrifying and disturbing things I had ever seen, heard, or felt in my life, nothing will top Discord licking my penis.
I'm sorry, WHAT?!?! :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Login or register to comment