Caramel is an utter and complete failure at least in his mind, so he requires a special way to remind himself how to do things betterh
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- Member Since 3rd May, 2012
- offline last seen Oct 30th, 2014
Resilient Spirit
Just your run of the mill author working on characters
Resilient Spirit
Joined 3rd May, 2012 ·
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Self-harm is a subject that is very, very difficult to manage to pull off in writing, even with original pieces. It's very difficult to try and convey the thoughts and feelings that stem from it in a way that your audience is able to relate and sympathize with.
I really do think that this would have went a lot more smoothly if you had lengthened this by about four or so chapters. The end result feels very rushed, and we aren't really able to see how Caramel's feelings develop to such an extreme. Try analyzing his thoughts some more. Use imagery and descriptive phrasing, and above all try to your relationships more developed.
This has potential, but the pace needs to be slowed considerably in order for it to work properly.
I agree with GingerNutGin, the story feels slightly rushed. Also, watch for the difference between 'then' and 'than'.
Apart from that good job, I imagine it must take courage to write about personal experiences of such nature.
596425 I wrote in a way I experienced it I did rush it for the disorienting factor and took the story to a point where it sparked. I understand your criticisms and appreciate them. Even in this sort of rough form would you like to see a sequel of this?
596518
I understand that, and I applaud you for making the attempt to bring in such a personal experience. It must have taken a lot of nerve, and I respect you for it. As for a sequel... I would be interested, yes. I can imagine that seeing all of the aftermath would offer for some quality character development.
596540 thank you
Read in DeviantArt. So sad, but awesome story
Agree with GingerNutGin, feels a tad rushed. Still incredibly moving, at least for me, since I've spent most of my life feeling the same way (hence my fic). A topic like this is a little hard to understand for someone who hasn't experienced it, so for next time I'd say focus on going slower and being a bit more thorough, say with more detailed flashbacks and things of that nature. Still great effort, excellent work on keeping the ponies in character.
/ 5
As a person who suffered from depression to a point that suicide sounded like a good option, i found myself looking back to all the things that contributed to my sadness: family issues, friends turning their backs on me when i needed help and being called stupid by both classmates and teachers, this happened over years and i truly felt like my life was worth less then the dirt i would be buried in, but that's the pain i had to deal with as a child and as an adult the pain lessens but never goes away. The author is sharing a personal story of his own pain and yes he could have made the story longer but i don't think making it longer would drive the point he's making here any stronger or weaker, to me the story was good and the point of the story was clear.
604900 thank you, this was partially what you said a medium to comprehend and understand what I did to myself and remove what happened. But also it's because of the romantic inside me.
Absolutely love this story. I know what it's like to feel completely useless, though I've never actually started harming myself. I would love to see a sequel to this.
I'm trying to figure out how to write one
I found this on DA a while back and the beginning seems to have some words missing. I also had a similar experience with thoughts that Caramel had in this story. Keep up the good work.
723836 Thank you
that was touching and sad, I don't know if i know anybody who's going through this...
773068 That's a lovely thing to hear actually glad to know your friends are happy
Well done.
874314 thank you so very much
882684 damn carmel has more balls than me.....
965066 how so? And also glad you liked the story
969850 would have just killed my self and be done with it.
970251 I believe you're stronger than that
970259 well thanks but one of the things i detest highly is getting help from anyone at anytime. i wont tell them whats wrong if i can help it or what goes on in my daily life, im a recluse if i so be named
970266 I see well good luck
OH GOD.
That fic.....very personal.....I LOVE IT! 
970276 stone is as i've become. stuck between demon and stone.